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The Death of Democracy In 1887 Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the University of Edinburgh, had this to say about the fall of the Athenian Republic some 2,000 years prior: “A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government. A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover that they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse over loose fiscal policy, (which is) always followed by a dictatorship.”

Continued on page 4

The Military Press February 15, 2014 Publisher Richard T. Matz Customer Service Manager Carol Williams Advertising Manager Valerie Swaine Account Representatives: Michelle Hull Victoria Wills

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• Marriage Fitness, page 6 • Military News, pags 10-12 • Chemical Warfare, page 13 • Housing News, page 15 • California Connection, page 17 • Sports, page 20 • Just For Laughs, page 22 • Crossword Puzzle, page 26

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February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 3

DEMOCRACY... a Utopian theory

By Alexander Fraser Tytler “A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largesse from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits the public treasury with the result that a democracy always collapses over lousy fiscal policy, always followed by a dictatorship. The average of the worlds great civilizations before they decline has been 200 years.

“These nations have progressed in this sequence: From bondage to spiritual faith; from faith to great courage; from courage to liberty; from liberty to abundance; from abundance to selfishness; from selfishness to Complacency; from complacency to apathy; from apathy to dependency; from dependency back again to bondage.”

I am one of the out-voted taxpayers. I don’t pay my taxes, I go to jail.

No questions asked. It doesn’t matter how much I disapprove of the use of tax dollars. It doesn’t matter that the elite political class votes itself elaborate benefits at my expense. it doesn’t matter that the entrenched corporate and agricultural and manufacturing and union class interests vote themselves special privileges unavailable to the rest of us. And it certainly does not

often cannot rule. And even if they did, the very concept of innovation, change and dynamism stands in opposition to the existence of a “majority.” No doubt that collective action is necessary in some areas of our lives – but also no doubt that we have extended its reach beyond anything reasonable people could tolerate. Were it not for our magnificent wealth today, the Revolution would have started long ago.

In fact, one of the proper roles of government, in my view, is to promote in a society a flexibility and an insensitivity to technological and societal changes. Yes, there might be some losers in the short term when institutions evolve, but in the long run, “we” all win from it. How the government can do this is quite another story – I think Plato would have had more confidence than I do on that one.

of Law in St. Paul, Minnesota, points out some interesting facts concerning the last Presidential election: Number of States won by Obama: “The average age of the world’s 19, Romney: 29; Square miles of greatest civilizations from the beginning of history, has been about land won by Obama: 580,000, Rom200 years. During those 200 years, ney: 2,427,000; Population of counthese nations always progressed ties won by Obama: 127 million, Romney: 143 million; Murder rate through the following sequence: From bondage to spiritual faith; per 100,000 residents in counties From spiritual faith to great cour- won by Obama: 13.2, Romney: 2.1 Professor Olson adds: “In agage; From courage to liberty; From gregate, the map of the territory; liberty to abundance; From abundance to complacency; From com- Romney won was mostly the land placency to apathy; From apathy owned by the taxpaying citizens of to dependence; From dependence the country.

Obama territory mostly enback into bondage.

The Obituary follows: Born 1776, compassed those citizens living in Died 2012, It doesn’t hurt to read low income tenements and living this several times. Professor Joseph off various forms of government Olson of Hamline University School DEATH, cont’d. on Page 30

DEATH OF DEMOCRACY Cont’d. from Page 3

seem to matter that we are running at the state and federal levels a degree of spending that is completely unsustainable. This cannot happen in a marketplace. I may wish to charge each of my students $1,000 per class. But I am limited by competition and choice to not be able to support such desires.

This should, of course, give myth to the notion that democracy and majority rule are means in and of themselves to be desired. They are not. Majorities

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Just ignore our Constitution, Mr. President

By Armstrong Williams One of our greatest achievements in the founding of our beloved America was the execution of our framers constructing two very essential aspects of the U.S. Constitution, that being both the concepts of federalism and the division of powers. Both of which are carried out in devel-

opment in efforts to limit and divide the power of the government’s wouldbe overreaching arms. Federalism was specifically an engine to do this by the design of two sovereign powers, i.e. national and state governments. Whilst, the division of powers allotted for the branches to retain totally separate functions, yet remained compelled to share their powers with the others. Our founding fathers crafted the Constitution with divided powers as such for good reason. With the powers of government limited through the division between our Executive, Legislative, and Judicial branches, the actions of government would ideally grow more coherent in terms of resonating in consensus with society. The framers were indisputably worried about the possibilities of giving creed to a dictatorship and the lack in restriction of the government in terms of the freedom to the American public.

Last week President Barack Obama, former professor of Constitution law, effectively announced that as president of the United States he was ignoring the spirit of the constitution. In lieu of his incapability to get agreement with Congress

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How to find true happiness Dear Mort, About a year ago, I met a woman in the office who knocked my socks off (literally). I was raised a good Catholic and I wasn’t looking for any extramarital activity. This whole thing really took me by surprise and it was out of character for me to cheat on my wife.

In the middle of having this affair, I began to question myself and wonder what I was doing with my life.

That’s when I found you.

I signed up for your emails, read Marriage Fitness, did the boot camp, and now I’m in the plugged-in program. It ‘worked,’ sort of, because I ended my affair, sought for-

MOTORCYCLES

6 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

PART ONE

giveness from my wife, and restored ter improving my marriage so much, I my marriage. Things with my wife now don’t think I could ever have with my are better than ever, but nothing like wife what I had with Margie. they were with the other woman and It’s ironic, but now after saving my I don’t think they marriage and imever could be. And proving my relathat’s my problem. tionship with my Marriage That’s my queswife, more than tion. ever I’m wonderWith Maring if I should be with Mort Fertel gie (the woman I with Margie. I just met in the office) don’t think the rethings were amazlationship with ing.

Everything my wife will ever was amazing. We had great sex. We had compare. Now what? hilarious fun together. We liked to do Thanks for your input. the same things. We had deep talks Rick S. Houston, TX about life. We were completely comRick is asking a GREAT question. fortable with each other. I’ve never exBasically, what he’s saying is, ‘Hey, perienced anything like it before with I could be happier with Margie. Why anyone else and now, especially af- shouldn’t I be as happy as possible?’

Rick’s question is even more compelling because he didn’t run from his marriage. He owned his mistake, sought forgiveness from his wife, and put a lot of time and energy into his marriage. And it worked! His wife took him back and his marriage is better than ever.

The problem, from Rick’s perspective, is that his marriage is still a compromise compared to what he could have with Margie.

I understand Rick’s dilemma.

Before I get into the heart of Rick’s question, I want to make 2 parenthetical points.

First, it’s worth noting that Rick wouldn’t be in this quandary if he had ‘saved himself’ (week 6 in boot camp and Chapter 7 in Marriage Fitness). In other words, if he was cognizant about protecting himself from intimacy in other relationships, he wouldn’t be facing this crisis in his life. The question of Margie would have never come to bear.

I just want to take this opportunity to remind you of how important it is to protect yourself from inappropriate closeness with other people. And Rick’s story is another example of why ‘saving yourself’ is such an important relationship habit.

Once you let yourself get involved with someone else, you never know where it will lead and how it might complicate your life.

There was a couple in a recent boot camp who were trying to recover from the fact that she had an affair. In the middle of the boot camp they discovered that she was pregnant and that it could only be the child of this other man. Their religious beliefs were such that an abortion was not an option. Talk about complicated!

Second, it’s clear that Rick THINKS he would be happier with Margie than with his wife. But how does he know for sure? His question assumes that it’s a given. But in my experience, it’s not.

An affair is an easy relationship in many regards. There’s lots of romance, mystery, and naughtiness. And there are no chores, kids, or bills to pay. Some woman make a great mistress (if there is such a thing), but a horrible wife.

You never know what someone is going to be like once you live with them HAPPINESS, cont’d. on Page 29

Fitness

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Sgt. Joe Leal talks with 84-year-old homeless veteran and former Vietnam POW Benny George Perea at his camp during an outing with Vet Hunters, an organization that finds and helps homeless U.S. war veterans.

(David Walter Banks / for NBC News)

Over 30 Years experience

Will it work?

VA invests another $600M in bid to end vet homelessness

By Bill Briggs, NBC News contributor partner with the VA. Veterans and their families on the “Don’t get me wrong, this is great. brink of homelessness can access more But out of that $300 million (in 2014), than a half billion in new federal dol- how much of that do you really think lars, the U.S. Department of Veter- will make it to the vets?” asked Joe ans Affairs announced Tuesday, as the Leal, who runs the Vet Hunters, a group agency nears its own deadline to pull of veterans who use their military skills all veterans off the streets. to find homeless ex-service members, The VA will make available $300 then urge them to seek shelter, linking million during the 2014 fiscal year – them to jobs, mental-health and suband another $300 million in 2015 – to stance-abuse professionals. Leal says nonprofit groups that serve low-income every dollar donated to his all-volunveteran families teer team goes to that are currentveterans in need. ly housed but are “People ask Meanwhile, Leal has also met, on the verge of me all the time: he said, dozens of Iraq and losing their shel‘Joe, do you think Afghanistan veterans so ters, VA officials we’re going to said. end homelessphysically or emotionally “Those who damaged by war they can’t work, ness in 2015?’ I have served our know we are tryyet they have been nation should ing. We want waiting months for the VA to never find themto move on and formally classify their serviceselves on the tackle the next streets, liv- related disabilities and, ultimately, problem. But do ing without you know what compensate them – a list of hope,” VA Secrethat means when thousands better known as tary Eric Shinthe VA says they the VA backlog. seki said in a want to end it by prepared re2015? You’re asklease. “These grants play a critical role ing (anti-homelessness groups) to work in addressing veteran homelessness by themselves out of a job, out of exisassisting our vital partners at the local tence.” level in their efforts.

Through his on-the-ground out“We are making good progress to- reach in Los Angeles, Leal said he’s enwards our goal to end veterans’ home- countered dozens of veterans who were lessness, but we still have work to do,” housed temporarily through SSVF but Shinseki said. landed back on the streets because The VA initiative receiving that they could find only low-paying jobs $600 million injection is called Sup- ($8 to $9 an hour) and ultimately could portive Services for Veteran Families not afford their rent.

(SSVF), and it gives qualified veterans Meanwhile, Leal has also met, he in immediate financial jeopardy a se- said, dozens of Iraq and Afghanistan cure roof above their heads plus access veterans so physically or emotionally to VA health care. SSFV is one of sev- damaged by war they can’t work, yet eral big-money VA investments to help they have been waiting months for the bring in veterans who otherwise live VA to formally classify their service-reunder bridges, in cars or parks. lated disabilities and, ultimately, comA federal census released Nov. 21 pensate them – a list of thousands betshowed 57,849 veterans were homeless ter known as the VA backlog. last year – a tally the Obama adminis“I hope this doesn’t come off as tration has pledged to drive to zero by negative. But people need to tell the the end of 2015. Since 2010, that feder- truth, tell what the real obstacles are al push has cut the count by 24 percent. so that (Americans) don’t think there’s Advocates for homeless veterans one cookie-cutter solution to all this,” welcomed the additional millions but Leal said. “I want people to hear these questioned what share will wind up things so maybe somebody higher up paying for overhead at nonprofits that can say: ‘You know, he’s right.’”

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February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 7

Tips to landing a job after military The key to finding desirable work is in preparing before you leave the military

By Dr. Daniel Hladky According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the veteran unemployment rate for 2013 was the lowest it has been in years, registering 5.5 percent. This is due mostly to a positive national response to the request that employers “hire a vet.”

Although this figure is encouraging, many of the jobs secured by veterans have been low-paying or entry-level positions. The focus now is to ensure that veterans find meaningful and viable

employment as they exit the military.

For the most part, former military job-seekers typically fall into two categories. The first is comprised of individuals who entered the military right after high school and are exiting the service after their initial military commitment has ended. They may find themselves entering the civilian job market for the first time ever as working adults.

The second category of exiting military job seekers includes individuals

retiring from the military, usually after 20, or more, years of service. This category of individuals finds themselves looking for meaningful work in the civilian market for the first time in many years; some for the first time ever.

Both categories of job seekers have little or no knowledge of the civilian work world and their intimate knowledge of how things work in the military is of limited use. Is it any wonder then that

VACATION

there is so much confusion and frustration on their part when seeking employment after exiting the military?

What makes matters worse for transitioning military members is the fact that many employers and human re-

source professionals are not knowledgeable about military training, experience, or the capabilities of transitioning military members. So, what can transitioning military personnel do to increase their chances of finding meaningful employment?

As a former Army career counselor and retired sergeant major with the U.S. Army for over 23 years, and now as a full- time faculty member with American Military University (AMU), I understand how daunting and almost overwhelming the transition to a civilian career in any meaningful field can be. In my experience, one of the best things a military member can do to find desirable work after leaving the military is to prepare academically

INSURANCE

8 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com

and professionally before exiting the service.

Currently, I have several students on active- duty with different military services. What they all have in common is a desire to incorporate their military experience from various disciplines and training into a viable profession in a civilian career of their choice after leaving the military.

In addition to pursuing further education, there are other things you can do to help secure a civilian career of your choice: Define the field of work that interests you. Be honest with yourself and assess your strengths and weaknesses. Understand your experience level, formal education, and basic knowledge of your chosen field so you know what you need to do to be prepared for your desired job.

Talk to one or more professionals in the field to learn what they look for in a new hire. One way to accomplish this is by contacting them through LinkedIn. Research the essential experience and formal education needed to enter the field and compare those requirements against your current qualifications.

Study and learn the terms and acronyms that are significant to, and associated with, the profession so when you interview for a position you “speak the language.”

Join a professional organization associated with your career choice.

Find out where current professionals gather in person or online and participate. These organizations will keep

you current and abreast of topics and strategies affecting your chosen field.

Work on a degree in the field if you are able, but look for other formal education options such as certificates and professional certifications.

While still on active-duty, visit the installation education center for assistance with benefits explanation and degree planning. Stop by the transition assistance center for help writing a professional resume and to find out about the education benefits available to you while you are both on active duty and after you leave the military.

Remember, the skills you learned in the military are extremely valuable in the civilian sector as well. The values and ideals that made you successful in the military will make you a successful manager and leader in any organization, because you have that real-life experience.

Learning and education are lifelong endeavors. It is estimated that technology becomes obsolete within an organization every 18 months; so do employees if they do not invest sufficient time and energy in re-educating and re-inventing themselves continuously to remain current and essential to their organization’s overall success.

Prior military members have the training, experience, and knowledge to go the distance with any organization.

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February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 9

Petty Officer promotion standards get overhaul

By Erik Slavin, Stars and Stripes The Navy is making several changes to its advancement system for petty officers, including a formula that would add greater weight to performance evaluations and less to advancement tests.

The changes are part of a long-term, phased approach that could change the promotion quotas for the Navy’s many job ratings, Chief of Naval Personnel Vice Adm. Bill Moran wrote in a post on the Navy Times’ Facebook page.

“The majority of you seem to like greater weight added to performance — make the evals count more, make it less about who can pass the test or who

hangs around long enough,” Moran said. “In general, I agree with you.”

Currently, for sailors vying for E-4 and E-5 pay grades, the next-level exam equals 37 percent, and evaluations equal 42 percent of the total promotion score. For sailors aiming for E-6, the test equals 33 percent and the evaluations equal 47.5 percent of their promotion score.

The new formula, which could be introduced as early as the autumn test cycle, would minimize the importance of testing and increase the weight of evaluations even more, though exact figures have not yet been determined, according to Navy Times.

Sailors’ personnel records online U.S. Navy selection board season runs January through October. Taking the time to prepare in advance can relieve a lot of stress when a Sailor’s record goes before a board. Sailors can review their Official Military Personnel File (OMPF) online by selecting the “OMPF - My Record” link under the BUPERS Online (BOL) Application Menu Log available online. It is still possible to update your OMPF prior to the board commencing if you

discover something is missing. The Navy Personnel Command can scan images into OMPFs. Also, Sailors who have any missing, new, or additional information, like recently obtained qualifications, degrees and awards to be considered that are not in their OMPF may submit them to the board via a letter to the board. For more information, visit the Naval Personnel Command’s Boards tab and webpage at http://goo. gl/TQafzi

ENTERTAINMENT

Taliban takes U.S. military dog prisoner The Taliban claims to have taken a military working dog as a prisoner in a video where Taliban members show off the dog and rifles supposedly obtained after a firefight with U.S. forces in December.

A NATO spokesman has confirmed U.S. forces have been missing a working dog since December, which adds credibility to the Taliban’s claim. However, NATO officials would not confirm if the dog in the video was one affiliated with a coalition unit.

“We can confirm that a military working dog went missing following an ISAF mission in December, 2013. It is ISAF policy to defer identification to the appropriate national authorities,” NATO’s International Security Assistance Force-Afghanistan said in a statement sent to Military.com.

The dog in the video appears to be a Belgian Malinois wearing a black vest held by a group of alleged members of the Taliban. During the video, one of the Tabliban members refers to the dog as colonel, which is a rank they found on the dog’s vest.

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VA accused of changing rules to reach goals

By Bryant Jordan Military.com Longtime allies of the Department of Veterans Affairs directed some tough-love at the agency recently, accusing its leadership of playing games with Congress and creating policies to make the claims backlog look healthier than it is.

Panelists drawn from several veterans service organizations criticized the VA for defining claims in order to make the backlog appear small and shrinking, and for proposing to process some claims faster than others as it pushes its electronic system.

“What you see here is a coldblooded assessment by VA officials that if they cannot achieve their goals under the current standards, they will change the rules to achieve their goals,” said Gerald Manar, deputy director of National Veterans Service, Veterans of Foreign Wars.

Diana Rubens, VA deputy under secretary for field operations, later opened her testimony by noting that the VA has reduced its claims backlog by 35 percent.

However, Manar had already testified that the VA excludes veterans dependents and claims appeals from its backlog claims.

“Today there are over 1.7 million compensation, pension and education claims and appeals. Instead of fully fixing the problem, VA leaders have redefined them,” he said.

“Since VA couldn’t reduce the entire 1.7 million by 2015, they decided to define the workload as only disability claims requiring rating action.”

The 700,000 disability claims currently pending represent just 41 percent of outstanding claims, he said.

Focusing on disability claims that require a rating decision resulted in the VA not processing 60 percent of its overall claims. As a result the inventory of claims filed by dependents of veterans has grown from about 40,000 to more than 630,000 in the past three years, he said.

The inventory of appeals has grown over the past year from 252,000 to more than 268,000.

New tech can seal a gunshot wound in 15 seconds

By Rose Pastore, Popular Science WILSONVILLE, Ore. — RevMedx recently asked the FDA to approve a pocket-size invention: a modified syringe that injects specially coated sponges into wounds. Called XStat, the device could boost survival and spare injured soldiers from additional pain by plugging wounds faster and more efficiently than gauze.

The team’s early efforts were inspired

by Fix-a-Flat foam for repairing tires.

“That’s what we pictured as the perfect solution: something you could spray in, it would expand, and bleeding stops,”

says Steinbaugh.

“But we found that blood pressure is so high, blood would wash the foam right out.”

So the team tried a new idea: sponges. They bought some ordinary sponges from a hardware store and cut them into 1-centimeter circles, a size and shape they chose on a whim but later would discover were ideal for filling

wounds.

Then, they injected the bits of sponge into an animal injury. “The bleeding stopped,” says Steinbaugh. “Our eyes lit up. We knew we were onto something.” After seeing early prototypes, the U.S. Army gave the team $5 million to develop a finished product.

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February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 11

TRICARE update on automatic payments An electronic fund transfer (EFT) is an easy, low-maintenance option for managing TRICARE Reserve Select (TRS) payments.

While TRS beneficiaries are required to setup an EFT to pay their premiums, it is not foolproof and missed payments can result in a loss of health care coverage.

One major reason for missed pay-

PIZZA! PIZZA! Military develops MRE pizza

By Military1 Staff Military researchers are developing a ready-to-eat pizza for troops.

The pizza can last up to three years at 80 degrees.

Researchers say it’s the most frequently requested military MRE, but difficult to make to military specifications.

“When you combine all of these ingredients, they all have different characteristics,” said Michele Richardson, a senior food technologist at the U.S. Army Natick Soldier Research Development and Engineer-

ing Center.

“Sauce has more water than dough, so if you put a sauce on a dough and it has too much moisture, the moisture is going to migrate to the dough, making it very soggy.

So one of the things we have to do is manipulate the water activity by adding specific ingredients to the dough, the sauce, get a special cheese, and we have to make sure these water activities complement each other,” Richardson said.

The Army will begin field-testing the pizza in August

TRANSPORTATION

ments is an expired credit card. Check the expiration date on the credit card used for TRS EFTs, and update the regional contractor with any new or pending account information. Failure to pay any overdue premium amounts will result in suspension of coverage.

Learn more about TRS premiums and EFT options at www.tricare.mil/ Welcome/Enroll/TRS/Premiums.

DoD has no plans to close commissaries According to Army Gen. Martin E. Dempsey, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, there are no plans to close military commissaries. The chairman first addressed this issue during his Facebook town hall meeting last month (a transcript of the recent town hall meeting with General Dempsey is available on DoD Live). Although the

DoD officials are not planning to close commissaries, they did ask the Defense Commissary Agency for a range of options, including how the system would operate with reduced or no taxpayer subsidies.

Military exchanges work on this system and that the same potential exists with commissaries.

Navy seeking Sailors’ art The Naval History and Heritage Command (NHHC) art curators are eager to add talented Sailors’ illustrations, paintings and, yes, comics to the Navy’s art collection.

They will consider any type of art done by a Sailor including an illustration on a piece of notebook paper. If someone you know is regularly doodling, sketching or painting, let them

know they could be a part of history.

Tell them to submit their artwork to the Navy’s art collection by sending an email with their contact information and a photo of their work to gale. muro@navy.mil. Who knows? Maybe you will see their work in a gallery near you. For more information about the Navy Art Collection, visit http:// goo.gl/37fXMz

VA launches new online college comparison tool

By George Altman, AF Times The Veterans Affairs Department has unveiled a new way for student veterans to quickly get important information about schools they’re considering attending.

The online GI Bill Comparison Tool, found at url shortcut http://goo.gl/ XSI58S, can be searched by school and details whether a school participates in the Yellow Ribbon program and has agreed to the White House’s Principles of Excellence for military education, as

well as how many GI Bill beneficiaries the school enrolls. The site includes academic success and cost data for institutions, such as graduation rates, loan default rates and average borrowing costs, although the data is not limited to student veterans.

However, it provides some specific information for vets on how much of a housing allowance they can expect to get from the Post-9/11 GI Bill, based on their length of service and military status, as well as the location of the school.

ENTERTAINMENT

12 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com

Can you love someone to death?

You haven't seen Crazy until you've that kid smokes so much dope he can't spent a few days as a substance abuse hold a job. interventionist. That might sound naIt's crazy for a husband to find a parive - even arrogant - to service men and tially-filled bottle of vodka floating in women. I know. In the toilet tank and fact reading over then not bring up my own words as the subject later I write them gives for fear he's going Chemical me pause to questo embarrass his tion if that is what wife. How crazy I really mean to it is to watch your with Keith Angelin say. But it is. It rebuddy get behind MBA, CADC-II, CNDAI ally is. the wheel of his The senseless car after a night death of Phillip Seymour Hoffman of drinking. How crazy to remain silent struck me deeply. Addiction never when someone you love is committing takes place in a vacuum. People know. suicide by substance. That is not love.

Not everyone. But somebody always I'll say it again. That is not love. knows. Typically those surrounding As a substance abuse counselor I the addict - family, friends, coworkers walk into tough situations. One thing - perceive something is off. A bottle of I can always count on is that the peoeye drops on the dresser, an explana- ple who surround the addict and care tion that doesn't ring true, something about the addict are usually just as stuffed way down into the garbage, the sick as the addict. Notice I use the word refusal to make eye contact, frequent "sick", not mean or stupid or thoughttrips to the bathroom or garage or car, less. Another word is "traumatized." or the smell of mouthwash late in the Alcoholics Anonymous describes the afternoon. alcoholic/addict as a "tornado, roaring If what I say is true, then why don't its way through the lives of others." people who care for these addicts do That's a great visual because a tornado something as soon as they begin to sus- whips everything around it into chaos. pect? The answer is that they do. HowThere always comes a point at which ever, oftentimes they act in ways that addicts cannot continue abusing suballow the situation to get much worse. stances without the assistance of those It's called "Enabling." It's crazy for close to them. While offered out of love, parents to pay their kid's bills because this kind of help is misguided because

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it pushes the addict closer and closer to death or jail. Take it from somebody who knows. The chemically dependent person will always pervert the "help" of an enabler to further their own habit; and take pride in being so damn clever. Enabling by family members is a primary reason the chemically dependent person doesn’t get sober! It's heartbreaking.

So what do you do? What is and is not help? Assuming the alcoholic’s responsibilities is not helping them hit "bottom" and face the reality of their

disease. Either is lying, making excuses for them or looking the other way. Nor is providing them with a place to sleep, a shower, allowance, a phone, auto insurance, food, transportation or a few bucks for raking the yard. It's all a misguided attempt to control something which is uncontrollable. Enabling behavior is selfish, selfish, selfish because it is the enabler, not the addict, who benefits. Better to call a professional for guidance, or visit a local meeting of Al-Anon or CoDA. LOVE, cont’d. on Page 29

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jasonrhessmd.com February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 13

Could pee be the new clean energy of the future?

“Learning and innovation go hand in hand. The arrogance of success is to think that what you did yesterday will be sufficient for tomorrow.”

— WILLIAM POLLARD From The Alternative Daily Sometimes, just the threat of a crisis, big or small, forces us to step away from our comfort zone and think and act “outside of the box” – so to speak.

What happens when you run out of

furniture polish? You may remember that olive oil actually works to dust furniture – without dangerous chemicals at that. Or how about when your children ask to go camping and it is pouring rain? Can you create an awesome

A urine-powered generator. campground right in your living room?

Sure you can!

Innovation, some say, is in the heart of every man – it is just a matter of feel-

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ing uninhibited enough to release all that creativity. Innovation comes from a need, a need to express, act or find a solution.

While mainstream media continues its attempts to scare us about our current energy crisis and depleting resources, some brave forward-thinkers are actually stepping out and stepping forth with what they think is the answer to the so-called energy crisis we are facing.

Is it possible that we are not facing a lack of resources at all, but rather a lack of many other things, including creativity, innovation, boldness and uninhibited ambition?

The thirst for energy

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Could the “dilemma” that our earth’s oil tank is running low be just the spark we need to shift our thoughts forward and go “where no man has gone before?” This is exactly what happened to a group of 14-year-olds one year ago in Lagos, Nigeria, where over 80 million people have absolutely no access to electricity. Even those who do have access cannot count on the supply – as it may black out at any time.

It is not uncommon for new ideas to be birthed in third world countries where people are hungry to solve everyday problems using only what they have. They don’t have the money, technology or other resources that we have here in America, and any alternative energy sources that do exist are capital intensive, making it impossible for most to use. This, however, can actually work to their advantage as they engage their creative spirits and hunger for change to bring about something new and useful.

While there are many alternative energy sources available, such as solar and wind, these require equipment and money to install the equipment. What if there was a source of energy that actually resides within us and is the world’s largest waste product?

That is exactly what these innovative young scientists discovered. The group developed a generator that provides six hours of power operating solely on one liter of human urine. That’s right – a pee-powered generator that actually works by purifying hydrogen.

The teachers at the school where the group of girls created the generator are confident that this model could be applied on a larger scale to help meet the PEE, cont’d. on Page 19

www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com

New Vista housing great for military As the Southland housing market continues its rebound and interest rates remain low, San Diego families are celebrating the model grand opening at Laurel Pointe in Vista. Pulte Homes has unveiled four professionally furnished and landscaped model homes, plus its available home sites for sale at this private, gated community.

One of the nation’s leading home builders is also offering limited Grand Opening specials for purchasers of a Laurel Pointe home through March 15, 2014.

Priced from the low $600,000s, five one- and two-story home designs range from an estimated 2,784 to 3,574 sq. ft. of family living area with three to five bedrooms and up to four full baths. Select plans also offer enhanced livability with an Owner’s Suite downstairs.

Distinctive architectural styles define each single-family home and include Spanish Colonial, Early California and Monterey.

As spring quickly nears, fast-acting home shoppers who enjoy the outdoors in one of the west’s most enviable climates will be drawn to Laurel Pointe’s sought-after location. Just seven miles from the Pacific Ocean, Laurel Pointe epitomizes Southern California living, and is located above the 16-acre Vista Sports Park featuring three natural grass baseball fields, two synthetic football/soccer fields, a concession stand and a children’s playground. A dedicated walking path leads to the Vista Sports Park, while residents can also enjoy short walks to the Melrose Sprinter Station and the Guajome Regional Park.

Explains Linda Mamet, Pulte Homes’ Vice President of Sales for Southern California and Southern Nevada, “The demand for newly constructed homes and the many benefits they offer will attract selective shoppers to our Laurel Pointe community next Saturday. Increasing numbers of buyers are also choosing home personalization and greater energy efficiency for their families, as growing numbers of buyers gain confidence in investing in a superior quality home for their families to enjoy for years to come.”

Sustained low interest rates on pricing starting from the low $600,000s are making the opportunity to live in a Pulte Homes neighborhood a reality for many San Diego families. Each Life Tested® home with a 10-year limited warranty has not only been built for life, but for how families actually live in their homes. Inspirational designs, central locations, quality materials, superior workmanship and Pulte Homes’ built-in quality define Laurel Pointe.

Communities built by Pulte Homes are designed to deliver the best quality of life for home owners. By combining innovative Life Tested® designs, an unwavering commitment to quality and attention to detail, Pulte Homes is the nation’s premier home brand for upwardly mobile home buyers. As the most awarded homebuilder in customer satisfaction, Pulte Homes has consistently ranked among top home builders in third-party customer satisfaction studies. For more information about Pulte Homes, visit www.pulte.com.

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MODEL GRAND OPENING! what is life tested™? it means YOUR hOme isn’t JUst BUilt fOR life; it’s BUilt fOR hOw YOU liVe it At Pulte all our homes are Life Tested™ because we take ideas from our own homeowners and use them when designing new homes. So our homes are constantly being updated with the innovations that come from the people who know how a home should function: the people living in them. And that means our homes aren’t just built for life, they’re built for how you live it.

Laurel Pointe, Vista

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• Gated community just 7 miles from the ocean • Five, one- and two-story plans including main level Owner’s Suites • Dedicated walking path to the 16-acre Vista Sports Park with athletic fields and children’s playground • Walking distance to hiking trail, Guajome Regional Park and Melrose Sprinter Station

COME TEST LIFE TESTED™ AT LAurEL pOInTE In vISTA Prices listed are base prices, do not include lot premiums or upgrades and are subject to change without notice. Square footage listed is approximate. This material shall not constitute a valid offer in any state where prior registration is required or if void by law. Photographs and illustrations are for illustrative purposes only, and are not intended to be actual representations of a specific home being offered and depicts a model containing features or designs that may not be available on all homes or that may be available for an additional cost. Please see a sales associate for details. Pulte Home Corporation is a licensed California real estate broker (lic. #00876003) ©2014 Pulte Home Corporation. All rights reserved. 2/6/2014

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com

February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 15

Great homes with wide open views MENIFEE, CA — Mahogany Creek, D.R. Horton’s newest Southern California community in Menifee, offers welldesigned homes featuring inspired exteriors, spacious interiors, and gorgeous open spaces. Mahogany Creek,

by D.R. Horton, America’s #1 Builder per Builder Magazine, features 108 single-family homes with unique single and multiple two-story plans ranging from 2,798 to 3,866 square feet and up to six bedrooms and four and one-half bathrooms.

The community is located at 28889 Park Trail Way, Menifee, CA 92584, with prices starting in the mid $300s.

Menifee is located in Southwest Riverside County, and provides easy access to Los Angeles, Orange and San Diego counties. Its central location makes for easy city commutes and day trips to coastal attractions.

HOUSING

Looking for a

NEW HOME? You’re headed in the right direction.

Whether you’re a young couple just starting out, a growing family, or empty nesters, there’s a D.R. Horton home

that’s just right for you — and right in the area. With a variety of floor plans and communities to choose from, and D.R. Horton’s Stress-Free pricing, homebuying has never been easier. We promise you’ll feel right at home with your decision.

Moreno Valley Fwy.

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©D.R. Horton 2014. All square footage is approximate. Photos are representational only. Prices subject to change without notice or obligation. See a D.R. Horton sales agent for complete details. D.R. Horton Los Angeles Holding Company, Inc. – CA DRE License #01258550.

16 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

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34169 Mazarine Drive Temecula, CA 92592 951. 303. 8095 Single-family homes 2,798 – 3,866 sq. ft.

3 to 6 bedrooms, 3 to 4.5 baths 3 and 3-car tandem garages From the low $500,000s

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15

37329 Paseo Violeta Murrieta, CA 92563 951. 739. 5456 Detached condominiums 1,363 – 1,831 sq. ft.

2 to 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths 2-car garages From the mid $200,000s

79

74

Clinton Keith Rd.

Paseos

Moreno Beach Dr.

28889 Park Trail Way Menifee, CA 92584 951. 679. 0319 Single-family homes 2,798 – 3,866 sq. ft.

3 to 6 bedrooms, up to 4.5 baths 3-car garages From the mid $300,000s

Nason St.

26407 Jean Baptiste Way Moreno Valley, CA 92555 951. 532. 3524 Single-family homes 2,472 – 3,614 sq. ft.

3 to 6 bedrooms, 2.5 to 4.5 baths 3 and 3-car tandem garages From the mid $300,000s

10

Alessandro Blvd.

Lindenberger Rd.

Mahogany Creek

Menifee Rd.

Wildflower

Morrison St.

Perris Blvd.

215

Bay Ave.

60

Each home includes a beautifully detailed kitchen and Great Room layout, plenty of space for family activities and ideal for entertaining. The exteriors showcase the best of Craftsman, Spanish and Tuscan architecture.

Master suites feature a spacious layout and include walk-in closets, a separate tub and shower, and dual sinks with e – stone countertops.

Mahogany Creek also offers one of D.R. Horton’s exclusive HomeShare℠ homes, which features 3,529 sq. ft. in two stories with a separate living suite with a private entry for extended-stay guests or additional family members.

This home comes complete with 4 – 5 spacious bedrooms, loft & 3 baths, and an additional bedroom option. The separate HomeShare suite is a convenient feature for residences with large families, elderly relatives or recent graduates. The 705 sq. ft. suite comes complete with a bedroom, full bath, kitchenette and living room.

In addition, Mahogany Creek offers a 2,798 sq. ft. single story residence.

This spacious home includes 3 – 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, a 3-car garage, and an open Great Room – ideal for entertaining a growing family.

Mahogany Creek is located in the heart of Menifee and offers a unique blend of natural beauty and modern convenience. Mahogany Creek offers great recreation all year round with a variety of nearby parks and local shopping and dining options. The community is in close proximity to the recently completed Countryside Marketplace, which boasts an excellent collection of retail shops, restaurants and specialty stores. Mahogany Creek is located within both the Menifee Union Elementary School District and Perris Union High School Districts. The City of Menifee is also home to Mount San Jacinto Community College.

Interested buyers can stop by the grand opening event on November 2, or call 951-679-0319. Buyers can “LIKE” D.R. Horton on Facebook to stay up-todate on the latest D.R. Horton Southern California news and happenings at Facebook.com/DRHorton.SoCal.

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www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com

CALIFORNIA CONNECTION

Around town...

San Diego style

By Howard Hian www.Travels-with-Hian.com SAN DIEGO — The theater season is in full swing and two of my favorite venues have wonderful lineups. The Civic Center has the largest seating capacity in town (almost 3,000). Although the building has been around for decades, upgrades of lighting and sound systems, seats, heating/air-conditioning and restroom renovations have kept it up to date. The San Diego Opera, wwwsdopera.com, presents performances of Pagliacci and the Elixir of Love in February. Broadway hits and Tony Award winners, The Book of Mormon and Once are on the 2014 schedule along with the classic musical Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Log on to www.BroadwaySD.com for information.

La Jolla Playhouse

The La Jolla Playhouse was founded in 1947 by movie stars Gregory Peck, Dorothy McGuire and Mel Ferrer. It was born again in 1983 with the opening of the Mandell Weiss Theater on the campus of the University of California, San Diego. Over the years, it has

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grown to include multiple theaters. The La Jolla Playhouse has won over 300 local and national awards, including Tonys and a Pulitzer Prize for Drama.

Its 2014 schedule can be found at www.

LaJollaPlayhouse.org.

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February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 17

THE NEW TEEN GATEWAY DRUG

Pass the glycerol ester of wood rosin, brah! According to a new study, teens who love energy drinks are also the ones who smoke, drink and do drugs.

So what are we missing? The good stuff, apparently High school students who frequently consume energy drinks are

significantly more likely to abuse alcohol, cigarettes and other illegal drugs than their tamer peers, according to the latest edition of Journal of Addiction Medicine. Teenage Crunk-chuggers also display more “risk-oriented” and ”sensation-seeking” behavior than the rest of their classmates—so pretty much the cool kids and the burnouts.

They’re the ones who try Salvia for the rest of us and snort Smarties so we don’t have to. And the ones with good dealers and older brothers who can buy 40s. So it’s no surprise that these

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Energy drinks with secret ingredients pimply thrill-seekers could be onto something when it comes to energy drinks. Besides the heart-throttling levels of caffeine and sugar, just look at the virtual medicine chest of exotic, unregulated, plant-based ingredients that pervade today’s popular energy brands. These herbal potions offer a variety of semi-medicinal, completely

not-approved-by-the-FDA benefits like stress reduction and increased blood flow to the groin, plus a high to rival whatever’s in the average adolescent bong. In the interest of good health and maybe child safety (?), we present the weirdest shit they’re putting in energy drinks these days. (Parents: Note the popularity of the “mango-peach” flavor profile, which, not unlike smiley faces on acid tabs, your kids seem powerless to resist.)

Crunk

Secret ingredient: Horny goat weed, ashwagandha What is that? The Howard Stern of plant extracts, horny goat weed, per its name, is an herb frequently used to treat erectile disfunction. You can buy it in powder form from websites like eBay or Alibaba, or imbibe it in your favorite “tea for men,” ViriliTea. Couple the HGW with ashwaghanda, aka “Indian ginseng,” a root known for its cure-all medicinal properties and strong “horse-like“ aroma, and you’ve got a powerful loin stimulator.

Tweaker

Secret ingredient: Yohimbe What is that? This aphrodisiac extracted from the bark of an evergreen tree in Western Africa is known to “increase blood flow or nerve impulses to the penis or vagina” and arouse sexual excitement, according to WebMD. Future Tweakers beware, however: According to the National Institutes of Health, Yohimbe also comes with a number of risky-sounding side effects commonly associated with actual meth tweakers, including but not limited to “high blood pressure, increased heart rate, headache, anxiety, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, tremors and sleeplessness.”

Nos

Secret ingredient: Glycerol ester of wood rosin What is that? Pieces of tree ground up with sugar. Seriously. Ester of wood rosin is a substance distilled from pine trees that’s mixed with glycerol, a fat-based chemical usually used as a “moistening agent” or “lubricant.”

The combination allows fruit oils (ones that flavor sugary drinks like Nos) to effectively mix with water, so that your

18 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com

energy drinks aren’t all oily on the top.

It’s all about oil suspension.

Street King

Secret ingredient: Acesulfame Potassium (Ace-K) What is that? Only one of the most dangerous artificial sweeteners in the entire world! Or as FitDay.com puts it: ”Of all artificial sweeteners, acesulfame-K has undergone the least scientific scrutiny.”

The Center for Science in the Public Interest keeps Ace-K, which is 200 times sweeter than sugar, in its “avoid” category, citing safety tests “conducted in the 1970s…of mediocre quality.”

Which is probably why it’s commonly known as the “sweet devil.”

PEE

Cont’d. from Page 14

This is a news story, however, we came across this photo entitled, “Urine powered car,” and had to share. energy needs of millions of disadvantaged people in their country.

Phone-charging urinals?

Nigeria is not the only place where pee power is being studied. Scientists at a British university have come up with a way to charge mobile phones with… you’ve got it – urine! Yes, the same pee power that runs the generator project in Nigeria can also power up your cell phone!

Scientists from the Bristol Robotics Laboratory in England have been working on a microbial fuel cell, known as MFC. Although the idea actually dates back almost 100 years, this team is pio-

XS

Secret ingredient: Schisandra, Astragalus What is that? Schisandra, also known as Wu Wei Zi, Magnolia vine, Gomishi and Kita-Gomishi, is a viney plant with red berries that grows in Northeast China.

According to Chris Kilham, “medicine hunter” on the Dr. Oz show, schisandra berry is a “healing treasure” that improves liver processing and cardiovascular function and stops premature aging. Dr. Oz has lots to say about astragalus, too, which he calls a lifechanging “sweet warming herb.” Lifechanging as it may be, even the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine admits, ”the evidence for using astragalus for any health condition is limited.”

neering a commercially viable model.

MFCs utilize bacteria to break down organic material and create power.

Since the bacteria needs a particular type of “food” to produce energy, researchers claim that urine has what it takes to light the spark!

Team leader Dr. Ioannis Ieropoulos states, “urine is chemically very active, rich in nitrogen and has compounds such as urea, chloride, potassium and bilirubin, which make it very good for the microbial fuel cells.” The team has now successfully charged a Samsung handset using the fuel cell enough to enable SMS messaging, web browsing and even making a short phone call.

So, who might use a pee-powered cell phone? It may be just the answer for environmentalists and those living in rural areas where power sources are hard to find. The team continues to work towards creating a fuel cell that will fully charge a phone, with some funding from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. They hope to also explore the opportunities for peepowered lights, razors and other small appliances!

In this video, we get a behind-thescenes look at the Bristol Robotics Laboratory pee power project:

FRS

Secret ingredient: Quercetin.

What is that? An antioxidant-cumvasodialator. Quercetin, a so-called flavanoid that gives plants their colors, is known to literally swell your blood vessels so that they can better soak up the caffeine you put in your body. So blood doping. FRS touts the antioxidant as a “super fuel,” but the University of Maryland Health Center researchers “aren’t sure” about that. Nevertheless, Quercetin is “generally considered safe.” Generally.

Rockstar

Secret ingredient: Milk Thistle What is that? A flowering herb, kind of like a daisy or ragweed. The antioxidant inside of it, silymarin, may treat some liver diseases, diminish hangovers and treat diabetes. It’s also an

for it to be used on a commercial level.

She says that we could even create a urine-powered car that could travel on 90 miles per gallon of urine, and a refrigerator that could produce one kilowatt of energy for about 5,000 dollars.

Where there’s a will…

Where there is a will, a need, a desire and a motivation to create, there is a way. With our non-renewable fuel sources diminishing at a rapid rate and

(unproven) anti-inflammatory. Unfortunately The New York Times deems milk thistle’s benefits “mixed at best.”

RedLine

Secret ingredient: Vinpocetine What is that? A semi-synthetic nutritional supplement. The chemical comes from a dainty periwinkle plant called the Vinca minor—something RedLine doesn’t exactly shout about on its website, which features scarily muscular men with chest tattoos modeling their strength (and boosted energy!). Various health websites maintain that vinpocetine is utterly unreliable as a dietary supplement: “It is not known exactly how vinpocetine works,” says WebMD, “but it might increase blood flow to the brain and offer some protection for brain cells (neurons) against injury.”

Scientific tests are for squares, anyway. alternative sources still being quite costly, the prospect of turning a readily available and reliable waste product into something useable has got us on the edge of our seats to see just what the first commercial pee-powered product may be.

Meanwhile, the people of Nigeria anxiously await the creation of a peepowered generator for home use – so that they can enjoy what the rest of us so often take for granted!

COMMUNITY

Making Military life easier.

Urine-powered cars, refrigerators and more

Professor Geraldine Botte of Ohio University is also studying the pee technology, and feels that it is possible

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‘NFL not ready for gay player’ ENTERTAINMENT

By Dan Graziano, ESPN.com any different. But that could be diffiMichael Sam's announcement that cult for some people, just the way our he is gay has been the story of the week locker rooms work.” in the NFL, and players in the league Pressed on the likelihood that he’s know the story is just beginning. already played on teams with gay playFor that reason and for others, New ers, Thomas said, “I’m pretty sure I York Giants cornerback Terrell Thom- have.” as said, Sam could find acceptance in “But there’s a difference between NFL locker rooms difficult to come by. knowing and not knowing that changes "The attention on him is going to a lot of things,” he said. “You’re talkbring attention to the team — unwant- ing about playing in the NFL, the grind, ed attention, questions that the play- the brotherhood, the joking that goes ers, the coaches, the whole organiza- along with it. The locker room may not tion is going to be ready for that, have to answer because it’s the — and that's kind of thing that a lot for one changes everyI think society is player to carry thing. by himself," “It may make ready for it and Thomas told guys feel like America's ESPN.com in they have to a phone interchange the way ready for it, view Tuesday they carry them“You just selves and some but I don't look at what of the things they think the happened this say. You’re talking year with the about a league NFL is. As Miami Dolwhere things have a player, all phins’ situbeen done a ceration.

That tain way for a long you want to became sometime, and now thing we were you’re going to know is if he can play. being asked expect people to That's on the field. But about every change, and peoday in our lockple may not know in the locker room, it's er room, and it how to do that the different. wasn’t even right way.” our team. And Sam came out they’re the to his University — Giants CB Terrell Thomas, kinds of quesof Missouri teamon an openly gay player tions where mates prior to you have to the 2013 season, in the NFL think carefully and the team emabout how you braced him and phrase things.” went 12-2.

Sam, an All-America pass-rusher at “That’s the hardest question. If a Missouri, announced he is gay during bunch of 18-year-olds can accept him, an interview Sunday with ESPN’s “Out- why can’t a bunch of grown men?” side The Lines.” Assuming he is draft- Thomas said. “I just think it’s differed, Sam would become the first openly ent when you put him in an NFL locker gay player in NFL history. room with a bunch of grown men the Thomas said he was personally un- way we are around each other, and with sure about the situation because of people who don’t already know him. his “views as a Christian,” and he was “Their locker room accepted him, concerned that players in NFL locker but at the same time, their locker rooms might start to act differently room knew him before he came out. If with Sam around. he would have said it after his second “I think society is ready for it and year in the league, things might be difAmerica’s ready for it, but I don’t think ferent. But to come in as a rookie who the NFL is,” Thomas said. “As a player, nobody knows and have this be the all you want to know is if he can play. big story, that could make it tough for That’s on the field. But in the locker some people to handle. It’s going to put room, it’s different. There’s a lot of talk people on edge. Not necessarily make and joking around, and some guys walk everybody uncomfortable, but maybe around completely naked all the time, guys just might not know how to act.” and they might not want to do that anyThomas played a full season for the more. When you add that situation to the mix, I think it’s going to make some Giants in 2013 after missing the previous two seasons with torn ACLs in his people uncomfortable.

“Things are changing, and certain right knee. He is eligible for unrestrictchange is inevitable. We have to look at ed free agency when the new league him like a brother and can’t treat him year opens March 11.

“

”

20 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

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February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 21

time in jail.

The first one pulls out a harmonica and says “I can play all my favorite songs on this.”

The second takes out a deck of cards. “I can play poker with myself with these.”

The third gets out a box of tampons.

“Well, it says on here that with these I can go swimming, horseback riding, cycling...”

Just for Laughs Partially paralyzed

A big heavy set housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, “Come here quick, Charlie!

I’m paralyzed! I can’t get up!”

He comes in, takes a look, and says, “Stand up, silly. You’re kneeling on your breasts.”

New name

After everything I keep hearing daily concerning the Arabs, Palestinians, Afghans, etc., I have decided to search my roots. So, from now on, please call me by my new Muslim name. Seldom Ben Laid.

Oldest tampon joke in the book

Three newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how they will pass their

What, what, whaaaattt?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, “Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!”

Oh no he didn’t...

Human Resources Manager: “What is your greatest weakness?”

Interviewee: “Honesty.”

Human Resources Manager: “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.”

Interviewee: “I don’t really give a damn what you think.”

Life lessons

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day.

Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

But teach him how to surf the ‘Net for porn, and he’ll never bother you again.

Innocence lost

As the two little girls walked hand in hand to kindergarten, one confided: “I found a contraceptive on the patio yesterday.”

Asked her friend: “What’s a patio?”

Old, old practice

follow us on twitter @MPNewspaper

It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete’s abilities.

In fact, men have known and practiced this for centuries. After sex, they

STORAGE

glance at their watches and say, “Oops, gotta run!”

Where’s the cork?

Men are like a fine wine.

They start out as grapes and it’s up to women to stomp the hell out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

All in the name

Okay, if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags”.

And the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs.”

What does that make the Tennessee Titans?

Doctor, please

The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint.

“Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive.”

“Come on now Mr Peters,” the doctor said, “your sex drives all in your head.”

“Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little.”

Dental humor

The dentist pulls out a Novocaine needle to give a man a shot so he can pull his tooth. “No way! No needles. I hate needles,” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects, “I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!”

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

“No objection,” the patient says. “I’m fine with pills.”

The dentist then returns and says, “Here’s a Viagra tablet.”

The patient says, “Wow! I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!”

“It doesn’t‚“ says the dentist, “but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth!

Code of Conduct

The Secret Service issued new rules of conduct for agents: They can no longer get drunk, pro-

cure hookers or go to strip bars. The rules say that from now on, if agents feel compelled to engage in such behavior, they can run for Congress like everyone else.

Define it

What’s the definition of a transvestite?

A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary

Cannibal manners

These two cannibals are sitting down to eat this great big fat guy that they had just killed, and they are discussing who gets to eat what. So they decide that one will start at his head, and the other at his toes. So they are eating away and one cannibal says to the other, “Hey man this guy is delicious, isn’t this great?”

And the other cannibal says, “yeah, this is excellent, I am having a ball!”

And the first cannibal yells back “Slow down! You’re eating too fast.”

You might be a Redneck if...

• You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

• You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

• You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

• You participate in the “who can spit tobacco the farthest contest.”

• You roll your hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.

LAUGHS, cont’d. on Page 26

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22 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

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February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 23

George W. Bush 43rd President of the United States Served from Jan. 20, 2001 to Jan. 20, 2009

“You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on.”

— George W. Bush

2004 Mustang GT

Dick Cheney 46th Vice President of the United States Served from Jan. 20, 2001 to Jan. 20, 2009

World events

• Queen Elizabeth II christens the RMS Queen Mary 2 cruise liner • Suicide bombers detonate car bombs in Basra, killing at least 74 • U.S. transfers sovereignty and control back to the Iraqi people • 60th anniversary of D-day • World AIDs report tells of 5 million new cases and 3 million people dead • Japan is hit with multiple Desmond Tutu

earthquakes and typhoons • Following ethnic cleansing by governmentbacked militia in Darfur, Sudan, one million people flee their homes • West African countries suffer the worst locusts plagues in 40 years • Hurricane Ivan strikes Grenada, destroy 90% of homes • Hurricane Jeanne kills over 3,000 in Haiti • EU accepts 10 new states • Four U.S. contractors am-

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bushed and murdered with photos released to new agencies worldwide • Strongest earthquake in 40 years originates from the Indian Ocean close to Indonesia, measuring 9.3 on the Richter Scale. It creates tsunami waves that sweep across much of the coastlines of Sri Lanka, India, Bangladesh, the Maldives, Thailand, Malaysia and Indonesia. At least 290,000 people are confirmed to have died.

U.S. news

• U.S. admits there was no imminent threat from weapons of mass destruction before the 2003 invasion of Iraq

24 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

• CBS uncovers systematic torture of Iraqi prisoners at the Abu Ghraib prison • Statue of Liberty is reopened the public • Colin Powell resigns and Condoleezza Rice is nominated as his replacement for Secretary of States • President George Bush beats John Kerry to gain a second term in office • Facebook is launched • Oil peaks at just over $50 a barrel, then retreats back • Ex-soldier John Muhammad is found guilty of one of a series of sniper shootings that terrorized Washington, D.C. • Martha Stewart is convicted of a felony and sentenced to five months in prison • First same sex marriage performed in Massachusetts

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4 0 20

remember when...

AVERAGE COST OF LIVING

Sports

• Lance Armstrong wins 6th consecutive Tour de France cycling title • Summer Olympics held in Athens, Greece • New England Patriots 32 over Carolina Panthers 29 in Superbowl XXXVIII • NBA Finals Detroit Pistons 4 games to 1 over the LA Lakers

Technology

• Space Ship One is the first privately-funded spaceplane to achieve space flight • Google IPO raises $1.67 billion • Official opening of Taipei 101, tallest skyscraper in the world at 1,676 feet • National WWII Memorial opens in Washington, D.C. • Remains of a previously unknown species of human is discovered in Indonesia, named Homo floresiensis

Popular culture

• Janet Jackson’s breast exposed in Super Bowl Nipplegate • Ken Jennings wins over $2.5 million on Jeopardy • High controversial film Fahren-

GONE IN 2004: Above right: Marlon Brando. Above left: Janet Leigh, Rodney Dangerfield, Rick James, Robert Keeshan (aka Captain Kangaroo)

heit 9/11 opens

Popular music

• Usher, “Yeah” “Burn” • Alicia Keys, “If I Ain’t Got You” • Maroon 5, “This Love” • OutKast, “The Way You Move” • Hoobastank, “The Reason” • Mario Winans, “I Don’t Wanna Know” • OutKast, “Hey Ya!” • J-Kwon, “Tipsy” • Nickelback, “Someday” • Evanesence, “My Immortal”

Popular TV shows

• Lost • House M.D. • Veronica Mars • Battlestar Gallactica • Entourage • Desperate Housewives • The L Word • Boston Legal • Deadwood

• Income per year .... $51,000 • Minimum wage ........... $6.90 • New house ......... $145,000 • New car ................. $21,000 • Gallon of gas ............... $1.88 • Dozen eggs .................... 99¢ • Gallon of milk .............. $3.75 • Loaf of bread ............... $1.20 • First-class stamp ........... 37¢ • Movie ticket ................. $7.00

Popular films

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February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 25

gin in the gas tank!

• Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.

• You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that isn’t!

• Your gene pool doesn’t have a “deep end”.

• Your `huntin dawg’ cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

• You’d rather catch bass than get some (if you can’t guess...)

• You have a Hefty bag for a car/truck convertible top.

• You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.

• You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.

• You’ve been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

• You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

• You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

• There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

• The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places’.

• It’s easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

• You’ve ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister’s honor.

• Your idea of talking during sex is “Ain’t no cars coming, baby!”

• Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job, primer red and primer gray.

• The tobacco chewers in your fam-

Just for Laughs LAUGHS

Cont’d. from Page 22

PUZZLE PAGE

• You consider a three-piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

• There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

• You think the mountain men in Deliverance were just misunderstood.

• You’ve ever made change in the offering plate.

• If the fifth grade is referred to as “your senior year.”

• You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...

• You own at least 20 baseball hats.

• You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.

• You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

• When you run out of gas, you put

ACROSS 1. Religious belief 6. Wings 10. Not legs 14. Hello or goodbye 15. Focusing glass 16. Get-out-of-jail money 17. Provide food for 18. Tight 19. Anger 20. In a crosswise direction 22. Small island 23. Trumpet 24. Not the youngest 26. Competent 30. Frozen water 31. Cup 32. Weightlifters pump this 33. Piecrust ingredient 35. Clobbered 39. Simpleton 41. Troop formation 43. Besmirch 44. Carve in stone 46. Require 47. Wander aimlessly 70. Visual organs 49. Historic period 71. Pays attention to 50. Throw 51. Ancient ascetic DOWN 54. Lease 1. Proven information 56. Flower stalk 2. Winglike 57. A type of infantry 3. Greek letter 63. Alike 4. Not now 64. Is endebted to 5. Abrasive 65. Slant 6. Quarrel 66. Biblical garden 7. Student 67. Rational 8. Rectum 68. A sloping mass of 9. High regard loose rocks 10. A shortened version 69. Dispatched 11. Lift

26 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

12. Grinds 13. Mixture of rain and snow 21. “There you have it!”

25. Verdant 26. Helps 27. The top edge of a vessel 28. Solitary 29. Betrothal 34. Diminishes 36. Margarine 37. Foot digits 38. Terminates 40. Fiber source

ily aren’t just men.

• Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so you can get grandma a new plug of tobacco.

• Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle.

• Ya can’t get married to your sweetheart cause there is a law against it.

• You celebrate Groundhog Day (cause ya believe in it!!)

• You’ve been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

• You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!

• When a sign that says “Say No To Crack!” reminds you to pull up your jeans.

• Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of taking the wheels off his doublewide.

• Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

• You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.

• Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

• “Buck Naked Line Dancing” isn’t a videotape, it’s “Ladies Night” at the local bar.

• Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they’ve got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

• You dated your daddy’s current wife in high school.

• The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

• You have spent more on your pick-

42. Cantillate 45. Terrestrial 48. Force out 51. S S S S 52. Ancient Greek unit of length 53. Seminal fluid 55. Garbage 58. On the road 59. A single time 60. Monster 61. Implored 62. Views

up truck than on your education.

• You’ve ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose!

• You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

• Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

• Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

• You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.

• You’ve ever yelled “Rock the house Bubba!” during a piano recital.

• You were taught to put your underwear on yellow in front, brown behind.

CRS syndrome

So this old man goes to the doctor and the doctor says, “You’re test results came back and I’m afraid I have some bad news. You have Cancer and you have Alzheimer’s”. The old man says, “That ain’t so bad, at least I don’t have Cancer!”

SUDOKU The rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the numbers 1 through 9.

This week’s solutions:

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ble that he’ll be wrong with Margie too. tainly is part of the recipe for happiAs I said, both those points are par- ness. enthetical. Let’s now assume for discusBut happiness includes other things The hard truth is that when the sion purposes that Rick is correct and as well. nightmare is finally over; when the that he could be ‘happier’ with Margie.

(Part II continues next issue.) chemically dependent person finally What should he do? receives proper treatment and recovI’m not going to tell Rick what to do. ers, they may end up hating the enWhat I am going to do, however, is give abler for nursing their disease along Rick something VERY significant to when they could have faced their botconsider that I think he’s missing. And tom sooner. I know I did. of course, I think there’s a lot you can Keith Angelin, MBA, CADC-II, learn from what I’m about to share.

HAPPINESS CNDAI, is a Master’s level, board-certiWhat is happiness?

Cont’d. from Page 6 fied alcohol & drug counselor, and naRick says that he would be ‘happier’ tionally certified intervention specialist. and commit to life together. Rick’s with Margie. What does he mean?

Prior to counseling he enjoyed a successIt appears that he means that he’d question assumes that Margie is a sure ful career as a marketing professional in thing. But, in fact, the ‘trade’ he’s con- be more fulfilled in his life; better sex, the health and fitness industry where he more fun, spend more time together sidering is a high risk move. worked with professional athletes and I bet Rick thought that his wife was in shared interests, deeper and more celebrities including Sylvester Stallone, a sure thing when he fell in love with meaningful discussions, etc.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Clint Eastwood And all this is meaningful. It cerher. He was wrong then and it’s possiFor advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 29 Cont’d. from Page 13

and the Dallas Cowboys. He can relate to the worst in addicts because he was considered hopeless myself. His 14-year battle with drugs and alcohol included multiple overdoses. His recovery compelled him to re-evaluate his life and share the miracle with others. Recently he authored the AT HOME RECOVERY WORKBOOK. Learn more at www.InterventionRx.com.

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ies that these ideas are in fact extraordinary. President Obama has decided he is no longer willing to work with the Republican Party in Congress to pass legislation.

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he is willing to use executive power to implement laws that Congress will not officially endorse. An extraordinary leader does not merely conceive extraordinary ideas but is additionally able to convince his political adversar-

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forth move with actively implementing laws without convincing a majority of the Congress that it is the right thing to do. This is in clear violation of our Constitution.

I’m sure that President Obama has good intentions and the best interest of the American public at heart through implementing by executive order certain changes in American law. Unfortunately the only issue remains is the fact of the matter that this quite plainly is called a dictatorship. While authoritarian dictatorships ignore the will of the people, dictators will passionately hold that they know what is ultimately best for their constituents. We as Americans can expect to see our freedom drastically eroded if Congress and the Supreme Court do not impede this president at once.

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Cont’d. from Page 4 welfare...”

Olson believes the United States is now somewhere between the “complacency and apathy” phase of Professor Tyler’s definition of democracy, with some forty percent of the nation’s population already having reached the “governmental dependency” phase.

If Congress grants amnesty and citizenship to twenty million criminal invaders called illegals - and they vote then we can say goodbye to the USA in fewer than five years.

If you are in favor of this, then by all means, bypass this message. If you are not, then pass this along to help everyone realize just how much is at stake, knowing that apathy is the greatest danger to our freedom.

www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com

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Broker Cooperation Welcome. ©2013 KB Home (KBH). A 1.4kW solar power system is included as a standard component of a new KB home at Rancho Santalina Haciendas. Energy bill savings are based on estimated monthly costs for electricity and gas for a home as designed (not as built) with the corresponding solar power system compared to estimated monthly costs for electricity and gas without the system. KBH makes no guarantee of energy production by any solar power system installed with a home or of energy costs or savings, if any, experienced by any homeowner.

Energy costs and savings, if any, will vary by floor plan, home size, occupancy, daily activities, appliance usage, thermostat settings, climate conditions and orientation of the home and the solar power system size and operating conditions, among other factors. KBH reserves the right to modify, discontinue or replace any solar options at any time without prior notice. Other restrictions and limitations may apply. Solar power systems are supplied by SunPower Corporation®. KBH and SunPower Corporation are independent companies. SunPower and the SunPower logo are trademarks or registered trademarks of SunPower Corporation. See Built to Order™ options and upgrades offered at KB Home Studio. All options/upgrades require additional charges and ordering at predetermined stages of construction, and are subject to change/ discontinuation anytime by KB Home. KB Home is not a custom homebuilder. Plans, pricing, financing, terms, availability and specifications subject to change/prior sale without notice and may vary by neighborhood, lot location and home series. Buyer responsible for all taxes, insurance and other fees. Sq. footage is approximate. HOA applies. Photo may depict upgraded landscaping/options and may not represent lowest-priced homes. Photo does not depict racial preference. Military images and/ or information do not reflect nor imply endorsement by Dept. of Defense or Service Branch. See sales representative for details. KB Home Sales–Southern California Inc. (CA Real Estate License 00242327). SOCAL-112819

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com

February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 31

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32 February 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

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