Military Press Zone 2, Oct. 1, 2014 by Military Press Newspaper

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Serving Those Who Serve Us

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Volume 38 • #19 • October 1, 2014

October 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 1

2 October 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

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Reservists and tankers keep them flying

Story and photos by Doug Aguillard When most people read about military units, the limelight is typically thrown upon the warrior types. In the United States Air Force, the stories normally fall on the fighter pilots and bomber crews, or the adventure types such as test pilots and astronauts. I have recently turned my attention to the support units — the people behind the warriors, whom if they did not do their job, the warrior types could not do theirs. This article centers on tanker crews. The unofficial motto of these tanker crews is classic — “Nobody kicks ass, without Tanker gas.” So true, as their job is to refuel other U.S. military and allied planes during long range missions around the world, all while staying airborne. I called upon the Public Affairs Superintendent at March Air Reserve Base, Mrs. Linda Welz. She holds the same position when she is in the uniform of a U.S. Air Force Master Sergeant when she is performing her duties as reservist. Again, a position that does not get a lot of up front respect. If it weren’t for our citizen-soldiers, the United States military would be hard pressed to maintain its military readiness around the world. It is a rough estimate that 75% of all U.S. Air Force Reserve pilots are also the same pilots who are flying your commercial airlines. Many of the reservists are police officers, firefighters, medical doctors, and any other occupation you may think of. They put on their uniforms every month and when called upon to serve our country. March Air Reserve Base in Southern California’s Riverside County was first established in February of 1918, making it one of the oldest airfields operated by the military. The base was first established as the Alessandro Flying Training Field before its named was changed to Marine Air Force Base. Due to major budget cuts, the base was transformed into a Reserve base in March of 1993. The base is home to the Air Force Reserve Command’s 4th Air Force

Headquarters and the host of the 452nd Air Mobility Wing (452 AMW), the largest air mobility wing of the 4th Air Force. I met with Colonel Russell A. Muncy, Commanding Officer of the 452nd Air Mobility Wing. (The wing is the Air Force Reserve’s largest and only unitequipped air mobility wing, with nine C-17As, 14 KC-135Rs and some 4,000 reservists.) He gave a quick briefing of the unit’s mission and history. Many famous members of the U.S. Air Force have served at this base including Jimmy Dolittle, Hap Arnold and Curtis LeMay. The very first USO/Bob Hope show took place here in May of 1941. Soon after, I was flying with pilot Captain Josh Welch of Titusville, Florida; Cc-pilot 1st Lt. Jon Flanagan, of Everett, Washington; and boom operator Staff Sergeant Matt Nelson, from Chisago City, Minnesota. We were aboard Boeing KC-135R named “Wild Thang.” I was allowed to sit in the jump seat on the flight deck. As we took off, I could see the Boeing C-17 Globemaster III that would be accompanying us on this training mission. Our mission would first take us south where the obser-

day with little wind. We turned west and headed for the coast. After passing over coastal, I could suddenly see San Clemente Island to the south. San Clemente Island is the southern most in California’s Channel Islands, and is owned by the United States Navy. We soon passed over Catalina Island and were joined by the C-17, trailing behind us. We stayed at approx 28,000 ft. and started to lower the boom (the device which passes fuel to the other plane by connecting a pipe into the other planes gas tank). As we came back over the coastline, we continued north following the coastline up California’s famous Hwy 1, and on our way towards San Francisco, CA. The C-17, while not receiving any fuel on this mission, but would come in below the KC-135 and connect repeatedly with the boom as if it were receiving gasoline in real

life. This training continued for almost 45 minutes before the training period ended and we headed south back towards March ARB. I asked Staff Sergeant Nelson about his training. After his initial boot camp training, he was sent to the Boom Operators School for training, an 8- to 12-month stint. He then went to SERE school at Fairchild AFB in Washington. SERE is the Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape. He had all of this training before being assigned to his unit. After several hours in flight we landed back at March ARB safely and as always thankful for these men and women who volunteer to serve and protect our country. I want to thank Colonel Muncy, Master Sergeant Weiz, the crew of the Wild Thang, Captain Wilke, 1st Lt. Flannigan, and Staff Sergeant Nelson and of course the United States Air Force Reserve for making this opportunity a wonderful experience.

vatory on Mt. Palomar could be seen. It was a clear and sunny

Publisher: Richard T. Matz Customer Service Manager: Carol Williams Advertising Manager: Valerie Swaine Account Representative: Michelle Hull Public Relations: Lisa Matz Production / Web: Sandra Powers, Joe Yang Distribution: Dennis Wink Contributing Writers: Doug Aguillard, Mort Fertel, Art Garcia, Howard Hian, Keith Angelin, Jeri Jacquin (The Movie Maven), Heather E. Siegel

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October 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 3

‘Retreat is Not an Option’

Obesity among active duty forces up 61 percent in less than 10 years

WASHINGTON, DC (September 17, 2014) — Armed with a new report documenting the staggering impact of obesity on America’s military, more than 450 retired admirals and generals today urged Congress to not backtrack on or delay updated nutrition standards for foods and beverages served and sold in schools. The healthier meals standards—put in place following the enactment of the bipartisan Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act of 2010—have been implemented successfully by more than 90 percent of school districts nationwide, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. The report, “RETREAT IS NOT AN OPTION,” was released today by Mission: Readiness, a nonpartisan national security organization calling for smart investments in America’s children. It includes new and previously unreported state-by-state data from the Department of Defense showing the number of young adults who are likely to be ineligible to join the military. More than 70 percent are ineligible in many states. The report also notes obesity has become the leading medical reason why more than 70 percent of young adults nationwide cannot qualify for military service, and spotlights its negative impact on active duty personnel as well. Key statistics include: Obesity rates among active duty personnel rose 61 percent between 2002 and 2011. Twelve percent of active duty service members are obese. The military spends more than $1.5 billion annually treating obesity-related health conditions and replacing those discharged because they are unfit. More than 1 in 4 young adults ages 17 to 24 are too heavy to serve in the military. One study of more than 2,000 men in a U.S. Army light-infantry brigade in Afghanistan found 14 percent were obese. The overweight and slower runners in the brigade were 1.5 times more likely to be injured than their

healthier and fitter counterparts. Mission: Readiness has been a leading voice in the effort to improve school nutrition. In 2010, its members released “Too Fat to Fight,” the landmark report that revealed the number of young Americans too heavy to join the military and called for passage of what became the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act. A 2010 follow-up report, “Still Too Fat to Fight,” was released with General Richard Myers, United States Air Force (Ret.), a former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. In June 2014, General Richard Hawley, United States Air Force (Ret.) testified before the Senate Agriculture Committee on the connection between child nutrition programs and our national security. With “RETREAT IS NOT AN OPTION,” the organization continues its fight to protect the updated school nutrition standards for students, many of whom consume as much as 50 percent of their daily calories at school. The report also describes significant measures the military is taking to address the rising rates of obesity within its own ranks. “We need to protect kids’ health from day one, and we have to do this now!” said Rear Admiral Casey W. Coane, U.S. Navy (Retired). “The military is doing everything in our power to address obesity among our service members—from nutrition programs that go back to square one to teach people how to eat healthily, to specially-fitted shoes for every Navy recruit in basic training and specially built running tracks to reduce injuries.” “Taxpayers foot the bill for both school nutrition and the military, so it makes no sense to subsidize meals filled with salt, sugar and fat while children are growing up and then pay so much more to treat the resulting health problems for those who serve our nation,” Admiral Coane added. “How can we expect young people to serve and protect their country—in whatever profession

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they choose—if we don’t first serve and protect them at school?” “RETREAT IS NOT AN OPTION” comes on the heels of recent polling and research showing significant national support for healthier meals: A poll released last week by the Pew Charitable Trusts, Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, and American Heart Association found that 72 percent of parents nationwide favor updated nutrition standards for school meals and school snacks, while 91 percent favor requiring schools to serve fruits or vegetables with every meal. The first national studies examining students’ reactions to the healthier meals, released in July by Bridging the Gap, found widespread student acceptance across all grade levels, according to school administrators. A Harvard University study found that plate waste (food thrown away) decreased when the updated nutrition standards were implemented in a large school district. The study also found that, post-implementation, children’s fruit selection increased by 23 percent and vegetable consumption rose by 16 percent. Recent efforts to weaken or delay implementation of the standards fostered a blunt response from the retired military leaders. “Look, plenty of students don’t like algebra. Does that mean we stop teaching math? Of course not,” said Major General D. Allen Youngman, U.S. Army (Retired). “Change can be hard, but if we want kids to grow up fit and healthy, it’s just plain common sense to serve

nutritious meals in schools.” “Congress showed bipartisan leadership when it voted overwhelmingly to improve school nutrition in 2010,” said Major General Don C. Morrow, U.S. Army (Retired). “Nearly four years later, we know that this great success story is transforming our nation’s schools. That’s why we have a simple message for Congress: when we are this close to victory, retreat is not an option.”

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Hiring event for military truckers POETIC JUSTICE? ISIS BOMBED BY A WOMAN

UAE’s 1st female fighter pilot carried out strikes By Adam Schreck Military.com DUBAI, United Arab Emirates — The first female air force pilot in the United Arab Emirates led airstrikes against Islamic State militants in Syria earlier this week, the federation’s ambassador to Washington said on Thursday as he pledged his country will do “whatever is necessary” to defeat the militant group. Social media has been buzzing with rumors that F-16 pilot Maj. Mariam al-Mansouri played a part in attacks against the jihadist group, with many users taking delight in the rebuke it implied toward the militants’ ultraconservative ideology. Ambassador Yousef al-Otaiba’s comments were the first public confirmation of her role. “She is a fully qualified, highly trained, combat-ready pilot, and she led the mission,” al-Otaiba said during an appearance on American cable channel MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.” The Emirati embassy quickly posted word of the diplomat’s confirmation on its official Twitter feed. “Sorry #ISIS, I know this too much and so harsh but it’s real,” taunted

Twitter user @kafrev, which purports to represent an opposition-held town in Syria, using an alternate name for the Islamic State group. “A woman bombed you!” The Emirates, a seven-state federation that includes the capital of Abu Dhabi and the Mideast commercial hub of Dubai, is one of five Arab countries that have joined the U.S.-led coalition carrying out the airstrikes in Syria. It is a major buyer of American-made weapons, with an arsenal that includes F-16 fighter planes and Apache attack helicopters. Emirati leaders have taken steps to raise the status of women in the oil-rich country, which has modernized rapidly since its formation in 1971 and is now home to a cosmopolitan blend of foreign businesspeople, expatriate professionals and low-paid migrant workers who together far outnumber the local population. While traditional values remain strong and men dominate government posts, Emirati women have served as government ministers, police officers and executives in state-linked companies.

HEALTH

By Mark Baird HirePatriots.com On October 17, HirePatriots is holding a Hiring event at the QLN Conference Center on Avenida Del Oro, in Oceanside, CA for U.S. veterans that want to be truck drivers. We have several major trucking companies that will be attending for the purpose of filling their truck driver positions and more. Some of these companies provide free training for veterans that are not currently licensed as commercial drivers. Being a truck driver today is one of the most secure jobs in the country. There are currently over 300,000 available positions. Once you are trained, licensed and on the road, you are valued transportation commodity. The average wage for a trucker starting out is $45K. Most truck companies will also train and hire a trucker’s wife too. They can drive the same rig across country. Of course, their combined starting salary would be around $90,000 a year.

HirePatriots.com is hosting this event. They are creating a better way to get veterans hired that will replace ineffective job fairs. The purpose of HirePatriots’ “US Veteran “Work Ready” Hiring Events is to have US veterans walk out of their Hiring events with a job. I have several trucking companies that are desperate for drivers. So we are inviting all the transitioning military and veterans who want to be truckers to this event. The attending companies promise to hire qualified attendees that day! It is important for interested, job seeking US veterans to register to attend this event early. Please send an email to hirepatriots@gmail.com and give us your contact info. We will get you registered. The venue for this event can only hold 70 job seekers. Send us an email today and reserve your seat. If you really want to be a truck driver, you will begin the hiring process that day. These companies want veterans to drive their trucks!

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October 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 5

Gerald Ford 38th President of the United States Served from Aug. 9, 1974 to Jan. 20, 1977 (Ascended when Nixon resigned)

The political lesson of Watergate is this: Never again must America allow an arrogant, elite guard of political adolescents to by-pass the regular party organization and dictate the terms of a national election. — Gerald Ford 1975 Dodge Dart Custom

Nelson Rockefeller 41st Vice President of the United States Served from Dec. 19, 1974 to Jan. 20, 1977 (Office of Vice President filled under provisions of the 25th Amendment)

World events

U.S. news

• Spanish Dictator • NYC avoids bankFranco dies ruptcy when President • OPEC agrees to raise Ford signed a $2.3 bilcrude oil prices by 10% lion loan • British Conservative • U.S. pulls out of Technology Party chooses its first Cambodia • Construction of the woman leader, Margaret • Unemployment rate Trans-Alaska pipeline Thatcher reaches 9.2% and recession system begins • Oil goes over $13 per is recognized by the Presi• Bill Gates barrel dent and Paul Al• Vietnam War ends as • First ever len develop a Thatcher Communist forces take strike by U.S. BASIC program Saigon and South Vietnam doctors causes for the Altair surrenders unconditionhospitals to re8800 ally duce services • The name • Cod War breaks out between Brit• Jimmy Hoffa, ex“Micro-soft” ain and Iceland when Iceland extends Teamsters boss, disap(for microcomits fishing rights to 200 miles pears never to be seen puter software) and Micro• Suez Canal reopens for first time again soft becomes a registered since the Six-Day War • Patti Hearst becomes trademark • Beginning of 15 years of civil war most wanted and is arrest• NASA launches the between Maronite Christians and Mued for armed robbery Hoffa Viking 1 planetary probe lim militias in Lebanon towards Mars • Indira Gandhi, Indian Prime • U.S. Apollo and Soviet Minister, is found Soyuz 9 spacecraft link up in space guilty of and cosmonauts and astronauts shake electoral hands corrup• BIC launches first disposable tion razor

• Betamax and VHS tapes introduced

Inventions

• Personal computer • Digital camera • Laser printer

Toys

• Pong • Mister Potato Head • Malibu Barbie • Scrabble

Popular culture

• Bruce Springsteen releases Born To Run, widely regarded as one of the greatest albums of all time

1975 Cadillac Convertible 6 October 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

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remember when...

5 7 19 AVERAGE COST OF LIVING

• Muhammad Ali beat Joe Fraser in the “Thriller in Manilla” match

Movies

• Jaws • The Towering Inferno • Benji • Young Frankenstein • The Godfather Part II • Funny Lady • Murder on the Orient Express • The Return of the Pink Panther • Tommy • One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

Music

• “Love Will Keep Us Together,” Captain & Tennille • “Rhinestone Cowboy,” Glen Campbell • “Phila-

BORN THIS YEAR: Charlize Theron, actress. Above left: Daniel Tosh, comedian; Allan Iverson, basketball star; Johnny Galecki, TV actor; Wil.i.am, singer.

delphia Freedom,” Elton John • “Before The Next Teardrop Falls,” Freddy Fender • “My Eyes Adored You,” Frankie Valli • “Shining Star,” Earth, Wine & Fire • “Fame,” David Bowie • “Laughter In The Rain,” Neil Sedaka

TV shows

Born this year

• Jack Johnson, singer • David Beckham, soccer star • Angelina Jolie, actress • Tiger Woods, golfer • Kate Winslet, actress • Bradley Cooper, actor • Russell Brand, actor • Drew Barrymore, actress

• Income per year ..... $11,800 • Minimum wage ............ $2.10 • New house ............. $42,600 • Monthly rent .................. $200 • New car ..................... $4,500 • Gallon of gas ................... 57¢ • Dozen eggs ..................... 77¢ • Gallon of milk ............... $1.57 • Loaf of bread ................... 38¢ • First-class stamp ............ 10¢ • Movie ticket .................. $2.10

• Saturday Night Live • Wonder Woman

Saturday Night Live

• One Day At A Time • Good Morning, America • Baretta

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CHARITY

Please designate us in the 2014 California State Employees Charitable Campaign, CFC or your local United Way.

Providing support for urgently-needed programs & services, such as educational scholarships for U.S. service members, and financial assistance for military families—both nationally and in your community.

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Where does Jeter rank among the 10 greatest Yankees?

By Kevin Kernan Now that Derek Jeter has announced he is retiring at the end of the 2014 season, a panel of 10 Post baseball experts assembled their lists of the 10 Greatest Yankees. This is not just the end of Jeter’s career, for a generation of fans, this is the end a chapter of Yankee greatness. This generation now understands how it once felt to a previous generation when Mickey Mantle limped away from the the game or when Joe DiMaggio walked away from all those cheers. COMMUNITY

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So where does Jeter belong in the list of 10 Greatest Yankees? Babe Ruth undoubtedly is at the top of the list, with Lou Gehrig, DiMaggio and Mantle not far behind. To me, Jeter belongs one notch below Ruth because of where he stands on the all-time lists and the way he played in pinstripes. The final Post tally has him finishing sixth. Where No. 2 truly belongs is open to debate, and will be to your children’s children. Here are the New York Post’s 10 Greatest Yankees of All-Time, based on a poll of the paper’s baseball writers and editors, nine of whom vote for the Hall of Fame: 1. Babe Ruth – The Bambino’s 714 homers stood as a record from 1935-74. Still regarded by most as baseball’s alltime greatest player. 2. Lou Gehrig – The Iron Horse’s 2,130 consecutive games streak was broken by Cal Ripken Jr. and his Yankees hit record eclipsed by Jeter. 3. Joe DiMaggio – Joltin’ Joe had a record 56-game hitting streak in 1941 … and in 1954 married Marilyn Monroe! 4. Mickey Mantle – The Mick won the Triple Crown in 1956 and had 536 homers in an injury-wracked career. 5. Yogi Berra – The most quotable Yankee won 10 rings as a player, bagged three AL MVPs and made the All-Star team 18 times. 6. Derek Jeter – The Captain since 2003, Jeter is the all-time Yankees hit leader with 3,316 and counting, with five rings on his fingers including 2000 World Series MVP. Also was AL Rookie of the Year in 1996 and a 13-time AllStar. 7. Mariano Rivera – Mo is baseball’s all-time saves leader with 653. 8. Whitey Ford – The Chairman of the Board is the Yanks’ all-time wins leader with 236. 9. Bill Dickey – Career Yankee catcher won eight rings as a player. 10. Don Mattingly – Donnie Baseball hit .307 with 1,099 RBIs in an injuryshortened career, won one MVP but is a rare Yankee star with no World Series titles.

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Great military comebacks

CALIFORNIA / NEVADA ROUNDUP

Places everyone! Fall theater season is here By Howard Hian www.travels-with-Hian.com As the calendar moves into the fall months, theater arts deserve attention.

San Diego

Dana Perino of Fox News describing an interview she recently had with a Navy SEAL. After discussing all the countries that he had been sent to, she asked if they had to learn several languages? "Oh, no ma'am. We don't go there to talk."

Pick your battles

Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai: Iranian Air Defense Site: 'Unknown aircraft, you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.' Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.' Air Defense Site: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace, we will launch interceptor aircraft!' Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 Fighter. Send ’em up, I'll wait!' Air Defense Site: (... total silence)

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on The Strip, not the city. This is the Tony Award winning musical story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons that has a cult-like following. Take a look at www.parislasvegas.com for details. The Venetian Las Vegas is featuring GEORGIA ON MY MIND: Celebrating the Music of Ray Charles. The show has a bevy of Emmy and Grammy winners including Clint Holmes, TAKE, Kirk Whalum and six time nominee Nnenna Freelon. Backing up this all-star lineup is the Las Vegas Mass Choir and the Las Vegas All-Star Big Band. Go to The Venetian’s website, www.venetian.com, and click on the Entertainment tab. (Thanks to the various websites for information and photos.)

JEWELRY

“Parted,

Navy SEAL protocol

Aside from the fabulous extravaganzas the Strip is known for, there are many opportunities to see Broadway musicals. Here are a few. Harrah’s presents the Tony Award winning Million Dollar Quartet, a “rock ‘n roll” tour de force. In December of 1954, four of Sun Records’ biggest stars jammed in the Memphis studio. The recreation of the historic evening that Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis, Johnny Cash and Carl Perkins got together is a rollicking celebration of great music. This is a personal favorite. Go to www. harrahslasvegas.com for information. It’s funny to think about the Jersey Boys in Paris but it’s the hotel

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SERVING THOSE WHO SERVE

In an interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America. His answer was classic Schwarzkopf. The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."

Las Vegas

Now we know why he was a general

Broadway San Diego is the “big stage” musical spot in the city. It has presented The Phantom Of The Opera, Miss Saigon, The Producers, Les Miserables, The Lion King and Wicked. A few of their upcoming shows include Kinky Boots, Jersey Boys, Blue Man Group and Motown the Musical. For the complete Civic Center calendar, visit www.broadwaysd.com. The venerable Old Globe was built in 1935 to present Shakespeare’s plays during the California Pacific International Exposition. Today it produces 15 main stage shows ranging from its Shakespeare roots to Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas. It is nationally acknowledged as a top-ranked regional theater. For the schedule, logon to www.oldglobe.org. The award-winning La Jolla Playhouse, founded in 1947 by Gregory Peck, Dorothy McGuire and Mel Ferrer, has three main stages. Located on the campus of the University of California San Diego, the two institutions share facilities, technical staff and training in theater arts. The Playhouse also provides residencies for UCSD graduate students in acting, directing, design and stage management. Go to www. lajollaplayhouse.org for the lineup of plays Cygnet Theater is located in the “birthplace of California,” historic Old Town San Diego State Park. Its cozy size makes it a perfect setting for offBroadway type shows. The 2014/2015 season will include seven plays and the schedule always includes low price previews. Visit www.cygnettheater.com for information. The San Diego REP’s downtown Lyceum Theater features three intimate stages. Founded in 1976, it has received over 200 awards for artistic excellence. They produce over 300 performances and events a year (some are free). The REP’s relationship with the San Diego School for Creative and Performing Arts allows students to rehearse and perform with professionals. More can be found at www.sdrep.org. Note: parking is validated at Horton Plaza.

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October 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 9

Bush & Bill

Q: Why was there so much confusion with the Secret Service after George W. Bush took over the White House? A: President Bill Clinton’s code name was “Mr. Bush.”

Gone fishin’

Just for Laughs

Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns. Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah’s wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred say, “Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!”

Children and cars

Definition of diplomacy

Q: What is the definition of diplomacy? A: The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

Chilling with Ekimos

Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice? A. Polaroids.

Jags and Bucs

If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

Children in the backseat can cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat can cause children.

Bad boomerang

Christmas bonus

The cork

PUZZLE PAGE

Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month’s Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here? Secretary: My lawyer.

ACROSS 1. Brandish 6. Remain 10. Data 14. Wrath 15. Defeat decisively 16. Principal 17. British biscuit 18. Skin irritation 19. Tablet 20. Fanatical 22. Ground forces 23. Excavated 24. Pass-the-baton race 26. Rug 30. Broom 32. Electronic letters 33. Expressible 37. Make melodious sounds 38. Play the bagpipes 39. Nib 40. Artificial moon 42. A person who is owned by someone 43. Any compound of oxygen 44. Required 45. Frenzied 47. Petroleum 48. Netting 49. Tympani 56. Countertenor 57. French for “State” 58. Stop 59. Rind 60. Certain 61. Basic belief 62. Arid 63. Layer 64. Steeple

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A: A stick.

A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a piece of cork up his butt. “Why do you have a cork up your butt ?’’ “Well, it’s a long story. But one day I

DOWN 1. Stinging insect 2. Ancient Peruvian 3. Prima donna problems 4. Focusing glass 5. A four-sided spinning top 6. Fetch 7. Greek letter 8. An enclosed conduit 9. Gossamer 10. Intangible 11. Nigerian monetary unit

10 October 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

12. Diaphanous 13. Unique 21. Not in 25. Startled cry 26. To tax or access 27. Dogfish 28. Deliver a tirade 29. Cubbyhole 30. Malice 31. Used to be 33. Slip 34. Tiny sphere 35. Wash 36. Barely managed 38. Most cunning

was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me one wish. I said, ‘No s**t!’’’

Cricket

Q: If you had one cricket ball in one hand and another cricket ball in your other hand, what would you have? A: A really big cricket.

Dog balls

Q: What do you call an old dog that has balls of steel and is dragging them across cement? A: Sparky.

Fair exchange

Two couples go on vacation together. After a week, they are thoroughly bored. The men decide that maybe life will take on new meaning if they change partners. They all agree that it’s an experiment worth trying. The morning after the switch, one of the husbands says, “I’m glad we tried this. It was exhilarating. Come on, let’s go in the other room and see how the girls got on.’’

At the golf course

A pastor, a doctor and a jewish rabbi wait for a particularly slow group of golfers. The rabbi fumes, “What’s with these guys? We’ve been waiting for 15 minutes!” The pastor says, “Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let’s have a word

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with him.” “Say, George, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?” the doctor asks. The groundskeeper tells them that the other golfers are a group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving the clubhouse from a fire and that they come and play for free whenever they want. The group is silent for a moment. The pastor says, “That’s so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight.” The doctor says, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.” The rabbi says, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”

Mr. Macho

A typical macho man married typical good-looking woman and, after the wedding, laid down the following rules: “I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want — and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?” His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there’ll be sex here at 7 o’clock every night — whether you’re here or not.”

SUDOKU The rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the numbers 1 through 9.

This week’s solutions:

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October 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 11

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