Military Press, Zone 2, Dec. 1, 2013

Military Serving Active and Retired Military, DoD Workers and Civilians for Over 35 Years

free

Volume 37 • #23 • December 1, 2013

visit militarypress.com

DEC. 7th, 1941 DAY OF INFAMY

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com

December 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 1

December 7th, 1941

“A Date Which Will Live in Infamy” FDR Asks for a Declaration of War. The Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, on December 7, 1941, stunned virtually everyone in the United States military. Japan’s carrier-launched bombers found Pearl Harbor totally unprepared. President Franklin Roosevelt quickly addressed Congress to ask for a declaration of war as illustrated in this audio excerpt. Although he never mentioned Europe or the fact that Germany had not yet declared war on the United States, the Pearl Harbor attack allowed him to begin the larger intervention in the European war he had long wanted.

HOUSING

HEALTH

PET SUPPLIES

2 December 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS

www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com

The 7 December 1941 Japanese raid on Pearl Harbor was one of the great defining moments in history.

A single carefully-planned and wellexecuted stroke removed the United States Navy’s battleship force as a possible threat to the Japanese Empire’s southward expansion. America, unprepared and now considerably weakened, was abruptly brought into the Second World War as a full combatant.

Eighteen months earlier, President Franklin D. Roosevelt had transferred the United States Fleet to Pearl Harbor as a presumed deterrent to Japanese agression. The Japanese military, deeply engaged in the seemingly endless war it had started against China in mid-1937, badly needed oil and other raw materials. Commercial access to these was gradually curtailed as the conquests continued. In July 1941 the Western powers effectively halted trade with Japan. From then on, as the desperate Japanese schemed to seize the oil and mineral-rich East Indies and Southeast Asia, a Pacific war was virtually inevitable.

By late November 1941, with peace negotiations clearly approaching an

end, informed U.S. officials (and they were well-informed, they believed, through an ability to read Japan’s diplomatic codes) fully expected a Japanese attack into the Indies, Malaya and probably the Philippines. Completely unanticipated was the prospect that Japan would attack east, as well.

The U.S. Fleet’s Pearl Harbor base was reachable by an aircraft carrier force, and the Japanese Navy secretly sent one across the Pacific with greater aerial striking power than had ever been seen on the World’s oceans.

Its planes hit just before 8AM on 7 December.

Within a short time five of eight battleships at Pearl

Pearl Harbor

Harbor were sunk or sinking, with the rest damaged. Several other ships and most Hawaii-based combat planes were also knocked out and over 2400 Americans were dead. Soon after, Japanese planes eliminated much of the American air force in the Philippines, and a Japanese Army was ashore in Malaya.

These great Japanese successes, achieved

ly May, Japan’s far-reaching offensives proceeded untroubled by fruitful opposition. American and Allied morale suffered accordingly. Under normal political circumstances, an accomodation might have been considered.

However, the memory of the “sneak attack” on Pearl Harbor fueled a determination to fight on. Once the Battle of Midway in early June 1942 had elimi-

without prior diplomatic formalities, shocked and enraged the previously divided American people into a level of purposeful unity hardly seen before or since. For the next five months, until the Battle of the Coral Sea in ear-

nated much of Japan’s striking power, that same memory stoked a relentless war to reverse her conquests and remove her, and her German and Italian allies, as future threats to World peace.

JEWELRY

The Military Press December 1, 2013 Publisher Richard T. Matz

Production / Web Sandra Powers • Joe Yang

Customer Service Manager Carol Williams

Distribution Robert Wood

Advertising Manager Valerie Swaine

Contributing Writers Doug Aguillard Crystal Arriaga Mort Fretel • Art Garcia Howard Hian • Keith Angelin Jeri Jacquin, The Movie Maven Jessamyn Patterson

Account Representatives: Michelle Hull Victoria Wills Public Relations Lisa Matz

Contact Us: 9715 Carroll Centre Road, Suite #104 San Diego, CA 92126 • Tel 858.537.2280 www.militarypress.com editorsdesk@militarypress.com The Military Press Newsmagazine is published semi-monthly on the 1st and the 15th by Military Press Newspaper, a commercial, free-enterprise newspaper. It does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Department of the Navy and is no way associated with the Department of the Navy. The editorial objective of the Military Press is to promote support for a strong military presence. The opinions and views of the writers whose materials appear herein are those of the writers and not the publisher. Appearance of advertising does not constitute endorsement by the Military Press Newspaper. Consumers should make informed decisions when purchasing products and services, and when considering business opportunities, and research before investing. Subscription by mail is $50 per year to CONUS or FPO addresses.

All advertisers in this newspaper are

100%

MILITARY-FRIENDLY! Visit or call them for great deals!

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com

December 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 3

Japanese

PRISONER OF WAR Camps

Although statistics never tell the whole story, this one goes a long way in describing what life was like for POWs in the Philippines: two out of every three soldiers alive at the time of the surrender did not live to see the end of the war. Although it’s impossible to find exact figures, roughly half of the 24,000 Americans and nearly threequarters of the 64,000 Filipino troops died during the Japanese occupation.

Most of them died while POWs in one of the many wretched prison camps spread throughout the Philippines and in labor camps in Japan.

What was life like at the camp?

Richard Gordon: The camp [Camp O’Donnell, on Luzon] had two water lines for, in our case, 9300 men. Water became a very scarce commodity. And getting on a water line was quite a feat.

They would shut it off after a certain length of time. So, many men went without water. Water was brought in from a creek nearby for cooking purposes. But the water itself in the camp, you were desperate for. You couldn’t get it. You had some people would crash the line and fill up cans for their friends and ...for the patients in the hospital. And so those who just followed the order and lined up for the water, sometimes just didn’t get any water, period. For days. Water was a scarce commodity in O’Donnell.

Why didn’t the Japanese treat you better?

Gordon: Why didn’t they treat us better? I wish I could answer for the 4 December 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS

Japanese. I think they were totally unprepared for what they had to handle.... Their outlook of a prisoner of war was that they held you in nothing but contempt. If you surrendered, you were dishonorable. So if you were dishonorable, why should we worry about you or take care of you? You don’t deserve anything better than what we’re giving you. And so the Japanese philosophy, we were never prisoners of war initially. We were captives.

A big, fine distinction they drew there.

You were a captive of the Japanese army. They could do with you what they want. They didn’t have to abide by any rules because there were no rules.

There is a common misconception regarding the experiences of two different groups of American POWs. As described above, those captured with the bulk of the Luzon Force on Bataan — already in terrible condition after the long siege — were then subjected to the aptly named Death March, which ended at Camp O’Donnell. In early June, most of them were then transferred to the camp at Cabanatuan, where they were joined by the men from Corregidor, which had surrendered on May 7. Although hardly in great shape themselves, the men from Corregidor had enjoyed better rations and avoided the Death March, putting them in a better position to withstand the rigors of the camps. The relative survival rates of the two groups bear this out.

Richard Gordon: I was left behind at O’Donnell when they moved them, the main body of prisoners from there, on the 6th of June 1942, to another camp called Cabanatuan. And I was left behind on the burial detail. To bury those sick, those expected to die — they knew wouldn’t live. And in about a month’s time, our job was finished up.

And then on the 5th of July of 1942, I was taken to Cabanatuan as well. And that’s when we would run into Corregidor prisoners for the very first time.

This belief that’s been sworn by some historians that Corregidor made the [Death] March [is] of course totally inaccurate. That’s where I first met with Corregidor people. And they were in pretty good shape. They were not diseased when they were captured, they hadn’t suffered the March, they hadn’t

www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com

SALEENS’ 3% MILITARY DISCOUNT TO ALL ACTIVE DUTY MILITARY suffered the starvation that Bataan had. So they were pretty good, healthwise, good condition in that regard.

And that’s where we met them, as I say.

Were the prison guards generally pretty good or were they awful?

Gordon: There are many, many stories could be told about the guards in both those camps, of being brutal and mistreating. If a prisoner escaped…

I can recall the second camp, Cabanatuan, uh, I thought it was a Filipino.

It was an American Indian. They beheaded the individual. They put his head on a pole and they walked up and down the main road in the camp so we could all see what happened to an escaped prisoner. If you escaped in Cabanatuan, they took out nine men from your squad and shot all nine of them.

And they did that. So as a result, we had people agreeing not to escape because it would mean the lives of other people. We had squads made up of ten people and I’ve got — well, I remember people signing certificates they would not escape. And if they did, they’d be subject to court martial after the war.

Because the Japanese would shoot the other nine. So your responsibility as a soldier to escape was cut off in a hurry unless you wanted to take the lives of somebody else with you.

What was life like in the prisoner of war camp?

Alfred X. Burgos: Well, like I said, it was awful because when we were placed there together first with the Americans, there was no food provided for any of us there. All the food seemed to come from civilians, who had smuggled it in, but after a while they got very tough with civilians who were trying to smuggle food to the prisoners of war, and many of them found themselves killed by trying to provide food. Then, after a while, the Japanese allowed the prisoners of war to go to the town to get food, which they confiscated from the civilians for the camp. And in my case, for example, when I got into the camp itself, I was fortunate enough to have

known some friends before who were cooks, and they were assigned in the kitchens of the concentration camp.

Well, I happened to be lucky to have been placed in one of the kitchens, and in fact, I was the one in charge of the guava detail, which were given the task of going to the town in Capas Tarlac to look for food for the prisoners of war....

If you’re caught trying to escape, then you’re a dead man. Like, for example, one of the places where people would try to escape is, they had burial detail every day, where dead prisoners were picked up by a burial detail and taken to a place in the concentration camp for the burial. And many of them, while they went there, at a certain time they had to stop because they had to come back the next day, there were no burials at night. But many of them tried to go that way and see if they could skip out among those who are burying so that at night they could escape. But, unfortunately, many of them didn’t make it.

Gustavo Ingles: Well, our ration [was] given on the cover of the meat can, so if you put rice there and then you use a piece of wood to keep it flat, that was our ration....

So, you can find worms together with the boiled rice. At first we were throwing that away until one of the American prisoners found out that we were throwing it away. He said, “Give it to us because we need it.” At first we didn’t mind, and he told us that, “We can’t understand it, why you’re throwing it away, that is protein.” So, I told him, “Now that we know, we won’t give it to you any more....” It was no more about the chemistry, about what to eat, which we didn’t understand by that time. What we understand is only what entered the mouth, that’s it’s purely rice. Sometimes they put salt so that it would taste different.

2014 SALEEN MUSTANG WHITE LABEL CONVERTIBLE 440 HORESPOWER NATURALLY ASPIRATED V-8 ENGINE

Net Cost

$39,777

One at this price Vin# 241265

Heller Price ................... $43,767 Ford Military Rebate...... $500 Factory Rebate ............. $2,000 Saleen Military Rebate .. $1,490

2014 SALEEN YELLOW MUSTANG LABEL COUPE

625 HORESPOWER SUPERCHARGED ‘V-8 ENGINE Purchase for

$599

a month for 84 months 75,00 total down payment 84 months @2.99 apr On approved above average credit One at this price Vin# 210294

2014 SALEEN MUSTANG BLACK LABEL COUPE 625 HORESPOWER SUPERCHARGED ‘V-8 ENGINE Purchase for

$799

a month for 84 months 10,000 total down 2.99 APR On approved above average credit One at this price Vin# 239496

Advertisers in this newspaper are

MILITARY FRIENDLY!

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com

760-745-3361 1717 AUTO PARKWAY, ESCONDIDO WWW.HELLERFORD.COM

December 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 5

Bill Clinton (Born Aug. 19, 1946 in Hope, Ark.) 42nd President of the United States

“Being President is like being the groundskeeper in a cemetery: there are a lot of people under you, but none of them are listening.”

1994 Dodge Viper

— Bill Clinton

Al Gore (Born March 31, 1948 in Washington, D.C.) 45th Vice President of the United States

World events

• Intermittent Civil War in Rwanda between majority Hutus and minority Tutsis after assassination of President estimates of 1/2 million people killed in civil wars • Nelson Mandella becomes president of South Africa • Channel Tunnel opened between England and France • 48 members of the Order of the Solar Tradition Cult commit suicide to escape the hypocrisies and oppression of this world • PLO leader Yasser Arafat returns to Palestine after 27 years in exile • Ferry Estonia sinks in the Baltic

Sea off coast of Finland killing over 900 • The Achille Lauro is destroyed in a fire off the coast of Somalia • The journal Nature reports the finding in Ethiopia of the first complete Australopithecus afarensis skull • Jordan and Israel sign a peace treaty • The IRA announces a complete cessation of military operations • Outbreak of the Ebola virus in Zaire

• NAFTA begins • Violent wildfires destroy 286,000 acres in Montana

Sports

U.S. news

• Tonya Harding wins the national Figure Skating title but is stripped of her title following an attack on her rival Nancy Kerrigan • First genetically engineered tomatoes available • Magnitude 6.7 Northridge earthquake hits San Fernando Valley • OJ Simpson flees police in his white Ford Bronco • MLB players begin 232-day strike • Orange County, Calif. files for bankruptcy protection • The Whitewater scandal investigation begins

• Superbowl XXVIII, Dallas 30, Buffalo 13 • NBA Finals, Houston Rockets 4, New York Knicks 3

Technology

• World’s first satellite digital television service launched • Netscape Navigator released, quickly becomes market leader for browsing the web • Java programming language released • Scientists estimate the oldest Europeans at 500,000 years old • The Channel Tunnel, which took 15,000 workers over seven years to complete, and is 31 miles long joining France and England, opens

Popular culture

• Lisa Marie Presley marries Michael Jackson • Kurt Cobain commits suicide

1994 Ferrari F355

6 December 1, 2013 1, THE PRESS Page 6 December 2013MILITARY THE MILITARY PRESS

www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com

remember when...

4 9 19 AVERAGE COST OF LIVING • Income per year $30,343 • Minimum wage $5.15 • New house $134,150 • New car $24,750 • Gallon of gas $1.26 • Lb. of bacon $2.97 • Loaf of bread $1.72 • Dozen eggs 89¢ • Lb of ground coffee $3.44 • First-class stamp 33¢

BORN IN 1994: Above right: Dakota Fanning.

Above left: Harry Styles, Taissa Farmiga, Moises Arias, Saoirse Ronan

Popular films

• The Shawshank Redemption • Forrest Gump • The Lion King • True Lies • The Santa Clause • The Flintstones • Dumb & Dumber • Clear and Present Danger • Speed • The Mask • Pulp Fiction • Four Weddings and a Funderal • Miracle on 34th Street

Popular music

• The Sign, Ace of Base • I Swear, All-4-One • I’ll Make Love to You, Boyz II Men • The Power of the Dream, Celine Dion • Hero, Mariah Carey • Stay (I Missed You), Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories • Breathe Again, Toni Braxton • All for Love, Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart and Sting • All That She Wants, Ace of Base

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com

George Foreman (45) KOs Michael Moorer to win boxing HW championship

Popular TV shows

• Seinfeld • E.R. • Home Improvement • Grace Under Fire • NYPD Blue • Murder, She Wrote • Friends • Roseanne • Mad About You • Madman of the People

1994 Ford Mustang

December 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS December 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS Page77

IS IT ABOUT THE

BURGER?!

OR IS IT ABOUT THE

GIRLS?!

In the world of advertising, the saying goes “ SEX SELLS “ and if that’s a fact than Carl’s Junior has won a Clio award for the sexiest commercial this year. Clio awards are handed out for the best commercials presented during any

given year. Carl’s Junior’s use of the most beautiful top sexy models and movie stars has left an indelible mark ( at least in the minds of most men) as one of the best, juiciest, glamorous hamburger commercials of all time!

8 December 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS

The true mark of a great commercial is product identity and one can’t stop thinking of how juicy Carl Junior’s burgers look in their TV commercials. If founder, Carl Karcher JR. were still alive do you think he would’ve

approved of this commercial?

Regardless of what the answer might have been there is absolutely no doubt in anyone’s mind that he would not have eaten one of those Delicious, Juicy , Looking Burgers !

www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com

Hire a vet for your one-day job

By Mark Baird, HirePatriots.com They said that so many Marines, Sailors We have 700,000 unemployed 9/11 and vets get jobs off our site everyday veterans today. Next year we are push- and then spend the money they earn in ing out 1.3 million active duty U.S. mili- the local towns and cities that HirePatary personnel. We could see 2,000,000 triots keeps businesses in business and unemployed 9/11 U.S. veterans in 2014! their employees employed.

There are just as many non-9/11 veterThe people who post most of our One ans that are Day jobs are unemployed. homeowners, There are If all of the people who pasted stickers on senior citizens, twice as many chambers of their car bumpers that said “We Support U.S. veterans commerce and Our Troops!” would post a One Day job who are unsmall businesson HirePatriots.com for free just once a deremployed es. The one day month, we can give every willing and able jobs are typiand cannot U.S. veteran a job everyday! pay all of cally manual their bills or household each month. They are sinking deeper labor: Paint a room, fix a fence, yard into poverty and debt each day! work, ranch work, cleaning and moving.

The U.S. government tax credits for Our local chamber likes to hire several companies that hire U.S. veterans is veterans to set up and take down their expiring at end of this year. U.S. cor- business expos and sundowners that porations have been hiring all of the they host. veterans that they can. They are to be But what really makes HirePatriots lauded! But the fact is, there are not so popular are the veterans that take nearly enough U.S. jobs to employ our these jobs. They are all U.S. military veterans. Many highly qualified veteran trained. They have learned how to work job seekers will not find jobs no matter hard for long stretches. And they have how hard they try. also learned military courtesy. Almost There is a simple solution: U.S. citi- always they work harder and are much zens. If all of the people who pasted more polite than civilians. Imagine if evstickers on their car bumpers that said ery region in the U.S. had its own Hire“We Support Our Troops!” would post Patriots.com website and that veterans a One Day job on HirePatriots.com for all over America were able to sustain free just once a month, we can give ev- themselves through it while they recuery willing and able U.S. veteran a job perated, sought work, went to school, everyday! started a business, or were able to augIn San Diego, HirePatriots is visited ment the income they already make and 10,000 times a week! We find employ- pay all of their bills. It can happen. It ment for so many local veterans that the just takes you. Contact me today if you county businesses gave us their Vision- want to make a difference. Mark Baird, ary Award for stimulating the economy. mark@hirepatriots.com, 760-730-3734.

Making and saving memories

Do you remember the song ‘MemoBottom line lisa is this: it’s human ries’ from the movie ‘The Way We Were’ nature to remember what’s important with Robert Redford and Barbra Strei- to you. So the SMALLER the thing you sand? remember about your marriage, the Memories and love really do go BIGGER impact you’ll have on your hand-in-hand. Because when you RE- spouse.

MEMBER things about your relationThis week’s assignment is as follows: ship, it says to your spouse, ‘You’re im- Start saving mementos of your life toportant to me.’ gether. Create a ‘Memories Box.’ And Do you remember buying your don’t just save from the big events; inalarm clock? Probably not. Because it clude the little ones too. Here are just wasn’t an important event in your life. some of the things you might save: Do you remember your wedding * M ovie stubs day? Of course you do. * Restaurant receipts So you see, NORMALLY the little • Labels from wine bottles things we forget and the important • Maps from road trips things we remember.

• Plane tickets Now what if I remembered what col• Programs from shows, concerts, or or shirt you were wearing when we met graduations 5 years ago. That’s a little thing, but if I • Special photos remembered it you’d feel like a million Keep filling that ‘Memories Box’ bucks. and then every once in while give a colHow do you feel when someone you lage, a scrapbook, or a decorative memmet only once many months ago re- ory box to your spouse. And if you want members your name? ‘Wow!’ Right? to shed some tears together, put on the How would you feel if your spouse song ‘Memories’ before you present forgot your birthday? ‘Oh no! You got to your gift. be kidding me.’

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com

December 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 9

The recruit points the broom, “Bangety Bang Bang!”

The German falls dead.

More Germans appear.

The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes “Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!”

He mows down the enemy by the dozens.

Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him.

“Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit.

The German keeps coming.

“Bangety Bang Bang!” repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate.

“Bangety Bang Bang!

Stabity Stab Stab!”

It’s no use.

The German keeps coming.

He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says, “Tankety Tank Tank.”

Just for Laughs Make believe

PUZZLE PAGE

There was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn’t have a rifle.

“That’s no problem, son,” said the sergeant.

“Here, take this broom.

Just point it at the Germans, and go ‘Bangety Bang Bang’.”

“But what about a bayonet, Sarge?” asked the young (and gullible) recruit.

The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end.

“Here, use this... just go, ‘Stabity Stab Stab’.”

The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom.

Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him.

ACROSS 1. Brown ermine 6. 365 days 10. Foot digits 14. A fabric resembling velvet 15. Backside 16. Beige 17. Independent 19. Bobbin 20. Under the influence of narcotics 21. Explosive 22. Torture device 23. Lukewarm 25. Harangues 26. Not legs 30. Vinegary 32. Dais 35. Rejoinder 39. Pale 40. Shooting star 41. A canvas shoe 43. A cowboy movie 44. Benni 46. Initial wager 47. Persian potentates 50. Ballots 53. Grasped 54. Be unwell 55. Spunk 60. Countertenor 61. Maternity 63. Took flight 64. Margarine 65. Unit of capacitance 66. Ripped 67. Monarch 68. Shorthand

You Americans…

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.

The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier

DOWN 1. Resorts 2. Tight 3. Savvy about 4. Nameless 5. Basic belief 6. Sweet potato 7. Arousing 8. Apart 9. A musical pause 10. Hard unglazed brownish-red earthenware 11. Sea 12. Construct

10 December 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS

13. Broods 18. Lyric poem 24. Latin for “Peace” 25. Anagram of “Spire” 26. Vipers 27. A soft sheepskin leather 28. Man 29. The end of an Apollo flight 31. An indefinite period 33. Bicycles 34. Poems 36. Observed

asked, “Please, ma’am, may I sit in that seat?”

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, “You Americans.

You are such a rude class of people.

Can’t you see my little Fifi is using that seat?”

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, “Please, lady.

May I sit there?

I’m very tired.”

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, “You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!”

The soldier didn’t say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, “You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.

You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand.

You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.

And now, sir, you’ve thrown the wrong b---ch out the window.”

Glad to be drunk

A completely inebriated man was

37. Legal wrong 38. Sea eagle 42. A pasta dish 43. Damp 45. Unfrozen 47. A long rod or pole 48. Greetings 49. Change 51. An uncle 52. Feudal workers 54. Out of control 56. Not this 57. Ripped 58. Give temporarily 59. Cocoyam 62. Pig

stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.”

Our wasted friend asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”

“Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled.”

0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Visit us online at MilitaryPress.com

SUDOKU The rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the numbers 1 through 9.

This week’s solutions:

www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • advertising@militarypress.com

December 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 11

THE SMOOTHNESS TO BLEND IN. THE BACKBONE TO STAND OUT. Sailor Jerry’s blend of Caribbean rums lays down a

smooth-as-hell base for any drink. Meanwhile, its bold spiced character stands out, so even fancyass cocktails taste better.

sailorjerry.com RESPECT HIS LEGACY. DRINK SAILOR JERRY RESPONSIBLY. ©2013 Sailor Jerry Rum, 46% Alc./Vol. William Grant & Sons, Inc. New York, NY.

12 December 1, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS

www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com