The Military Press Newspaper July 1, 2021

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Volume 46 • Number 7 • July 1, 2021

This Ain’t No Joke!

Inside This Issue See pages 6 & 7

1964 Plymouth Barracuda

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1964 Ford Mustang

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2 The Military Press Newspaper July 1, 2021 www.militarypress.com 2 March 1, 2021 www.militarypress.com • news@militarypress.com

By Richard Matz Publisher The first amendment was designed to protect several basic freedoms in the United States including the freedom of religion, freedom of speech, freedom of the press, the right to assemble, and the right to petition the government was part of the Bill of Rights that was added to the Constitution on December 15, 1791.

We have lost or are losing these rights because of a very loose and dangerous interpretation by our liberal politicians who want to smother freedom of speech to enhance their own objectives. All of us now are in fear of speaking our minds for fear of condemnation by our peers or losing our jobs and worst of all the thought we might be considered white supremacist / terrorist and be imprison by our government. Doesn’t this sound like Russia or China and definitely not the America we’ve grown up in ! Never before has Americans been so divided even in our own families. We’ve spend

than our today’s ? For example think of the television programs we used to watch like the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson , like the roast with Dean Martin and the comedic genius of Richard Pryor . Today’s political correctness would never stand for this type of entertainment and would labels Carson, Martin and Richard Pryor as racist. I think we all know what Richard would say to these people like he did to Bill Cosby and i’ll quote him “ go @x%# yourselves “ Your Opinions

millions of dollars educating our children and the liberal teachers and professors have brainwashed our youth to believe if you’re white you’re racist . I take offense to that kind of rhetoric that only divides and separates us from one another and makes the color of skin the priority rather than the character of the

individual that’s the most important factor in judging anyones worth.

The Good Old Days “ A Thing Of The Past “

In closing I would like to ask you , our readers please send me your opinions on today’s climate pertaining to my article whether you agree or disagree … please email me at rmatz@militarypress.com.

Thank You

Looking back over our shoulders wasn’t our yesterdays much better

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The TheMilitary MilitaryPress PressNewspaper NewspaperJune July 1, 2021

3

Fernando Tatis Worth $24.3 MIL per Yr ?

When The San Diego Padres and shortstop Fernando Tatis Jr. reportedly agreed to a 14-year, $340-millon contract extension — a move that prompts a big question that will be asked until 2034: Is it worth it?

The short-term answer is almost always

2034. Tatis Jr. should pile up statistics,

winning percentage in baseball at .461.

largest in MLB history. Los Angeles

yes. The long-term answer depends

All-Star selections and stay in the hunt

The only team worse is the Marlins

signed Mookie Betts to the largest

on how the franchise builds around

for the NL MVP award — he finished

(.440). The rival Los Angeles Dodgers, of

extension with a 12-year, $365-million

the superstar player for the next

fourth in the voting in 2020 — on an

course, are first at .571.

deal before winning the World Series

decade to compete for World Series

annual basis.

in 2020. Clayton Kershaw and Derek

championships.

For the Tatis contract to be truly worth

Jeter are the only other players in that top

for

it, however, the Padres will have to win

10 who won a World Series after signing

San Diego locked up one of the game’s

championships? This is truly the first

a World Series. That won’t be easy with

the extension.

most exciting players — Tatis is hitting

time San Diego fans can say, “Yes.”

the Dodgers and Giants in their way.

.301 with 39 homers and 98 RBIs through

That is a big change in philosophy. Since

149 major league games — through

2010, the Padres have the second-lowest

Will

4

the

Padres

compete

At minimum, San Diego declared that it Tatis’

extention

is

the

third-

The Military Press Newspaper July 1, 2021

is serious about building on an exciting www.militarypress.com

2020 season in which the franchise won its first playoff series since 1997, highlighted by Tatis’ bat flip in Game 2 of the NL Wild Card series against St. Louis. The Padres were eliminated by the Dodgers in the NLDS, however, and Los Angeles added 2020 NL Cy Young

Dodgers vs. Padres: $10 million players in 2021 DODGERS ADJ SALARY (in millions)

PADRES

ADJ SALARY (in millions)

winner Trevor Bauer this offseason with a three-year, $102 million deal.

With the deal, the Padres — who already

Trevor Bauer $31.3 Manny Machado $32 Clayton Kershaw $31 Wil Myers $23

traded for Yu Darvish and Blake Snell

Mookie Betts $22.5 Eric Hosmer $21

this offseason — have shown they are

Kenley Jansen $20 Yu Darvish $19

at least willing to compete with their

A.J. Pollock $18 Blake Snell $11.1

rivals. Here’s a look at the players on both rosters who will make more than

Cody Bellinger $16.1 Fernando Tatis $24.3

$10 million in adjusted salary in 2021,

David Price $16 Corey Seager $13.75

according to Spotrac.com.

The Padres still have one of the league’s top farm systems, too, so the message of the long-term deal with Tatis from San

Diego owner Peter Seidler and general

The math on that history is even more

history at .617 — albeit in a 60-game

manager A.J. Preller is that the franchise

staggering. The Padres have just 15

season. That broke a string of nine

is finally ready to be an every-year

seasons with a winning record. Last

consecutive losing seasons and sent

contender.

year’s team had the highest single-

the team to the playoffs for the first time

season winning percentage in franchise

since 2006.

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The Military Press Newspaper July 1, 2021

5

1964 LINCOLN CONTINENTAL

US Lyndon B. Johnson What happened in 1964 Major News Stories include The Civil Rights Act of 1964 is signed into law, The Beatles hold the top five positions in the Billboard Top 40 singles in America, Race Riots in Major US Cities, First pirate radio station, Radio Caroline, is established, 24th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States is Ratified, Elizabeth Taylor marries Richard Burton for the first time, U.S. Surgeon General reports that smoking may lead to lung cancer, Mods and Rockers fight at British Seaside Resorts.

actor to win the “best actor” Oscar

Popular Culture 1938 Sidney Poitier becomes the first black

“Hello Dolly,” “Funny Girl,” and “Fiddler on the Roof” premier on Broadway in New York.

The Rolling Stones release debut album, “The Rolling Stones”

The Beatles hold the top five positions in the Billboard Top 40 singles in America Bob Dylan releases “The Times They Are a-Changin” many consider a 1960s classic as it captured the changes hapening in society

The Beatles make their first appearances on the Ed Sullivan Show.

BBC2 starts broadcasting in the UK. Pablo Picasso painted his fourth Head of a Bearded Man

The Beatles have 13 singles Billboard’s Hot 100 at the same time

The Sun Newspaper is first published in the United Kingdom

The first pirate radio station, Radio Caroline, is established

Hasbro launch G.I. Joe an action figure for boys to join the Barbie Doll For Girls.

1964 FORD MUSTANG

1964 CHEVY IMPALA 6

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1964 VW BEETLE

1964 PLYMOUTH BARRACUDA

COST OF LIVING IN 1964

Popular Films The Carpetbaggers It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World The Unsinkable Molly Brown My Fair Lady Mary Poppins

level programming language is introduced.

IBM announces the System/360.

The worlds first high speed rail network opens in Japan

Popular Musicians

First Ford Mustang is manufactured

The Beatles Roy Orbison Ella Fitzgerald Simon and Garfunkel

Sony introduces the first VCR Home Video Recorder History of Video Recorders

Technology BASIC (Beginners’ All-purpose Symbolic Instruction Code), an easy to learn high

The first driver less train runs on London Underground

Average Cost of new house $13,050.00 Average Income per year $6,000.00 Gas per Gallon 30 cents Average Cost of a new car $3,500.00 Loaf of bread 21 cents United States Postage Stamp 5 cents Average Monthly Rent $115.00 Ticket to the movies $1.25 Mixed Nuts 19 Cents per pound Pork Loin Roast 15 cents per pound Channel Cat Fish 28 cents per pound

China explodes its first Nuclear bomb .

1964 PONTIAC GTO

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1964 CORVETTE

The Military Press Newspaper July 1, 2021

7

1. Japan’s legal system has a 99 percent conviction rate.

2. Fishing remains the United States’ second most dangerous profession, after logging.

3. McSorley’s Old Ale House, established in 1854 in the East Village, served beer to Abraham Lincoln and John Lennon.

out into the Nile Delta.

abuse in their lifetime

10. Twice a day, the low tide of the River Thames drops the water level in some areas by as much as 20 feet.

16. At one concert in Vienna in 1808, his last public appearance as a pianist, Beethoven unveiled the Fifth Symphony, the “Pastoral” Sixth, the Fourth Piano Concerto and “Choral Fantasy.”

11. In the 1960s, concertgoers at the rock promoter Bill Graham’s Fillmore theaters in New York and San Francisco were greeted with barrels offering free apples.

4. The Lehigh Valley in Eastern Pennsylvania is within an eighthour drive of one-third of American consumers.

18. In the 24 years since they appeared together in “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying,” Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick got engaged, married and had three children, but did not act together.

5. Dog the Bounty Hunter met Beth Chapman, his late wife, in 1986 when he posted her bond after she shoplifted a lemon.

12. For decades after the birth of modern photography in 1839, one of the most common uses of the technology was a professionally shot photograph of a dead family member.

19. The summit of Mount Everest is about the size of two Ping-Pong tables.

13. The Scott Paper Company was the first company to introduce toilet paper with cardboard rolls, back in 1890.

21. When the ants of the species Myrmecina graminicola encounter danger while on a slope, they tuck into a ball and roll away, the only ants known to move in this way.

20. Samsung was founded in 1938 as a shop selling vegetables and dried fish.

at the O.K. Corral, in Tombstone, Ariz., he rambled around Los Angeles as an unpaid consultant for silent cowboy movies.

27. Before the Industrial Revolution, the principal sources of noise were thunder, church bells and cannon fire.

28. Off the coast of the Bronx, Hart Island, now home to a cemetery for the homeless and for unidentified bodies, was once the site of city jails, a Civil War prison camp and an insane asylum for women.

6. The ginkgo is the oldest surviving tree species, having remained on the planet for some 200 million years

22. Rats must gnaw, and constantly, because their sharp, hard incisors grow continuously throughout their lives — around four or five inches a year.

7. Around 1,000 to 4,000 orchid plants are used to make a single kilogram of salep, a beloved drink in Turkey that is like a cross between hot chocolate and rice pudding.

23. In Finland, a tradition of getting drunk at home in your underwear is so commonplace that there’s a word for it, “kalsarikännit.” The rough translation is “pantsdrunk.”

30. George Washington survived smallpox, malaria (six times), diphtheria, tuberculosis (twice) and pneumonia.

24. In Britain, the BBC is nicknamed “Auntie” for its staid and reliable reputation.

31. If they were a country, cows would rank as the world’s sixth-largest emitter of methane gas, ahead of Brazil, Japan and Germany.

8. In Thailand, the military has staged 18 coups since the end of the absolute monarchy in 1932.

9. About 95 percent of Egypt’s population lives on about 4 percent of the land, a green belt roughly half the size of Ireland that follows the Nile as it snakes through the desert, then fans 8

17. One study, published in Nature Climate Change in March, found that more than half of the world’s sandy beaches could disappear by the end of this century.

14. Fearing they would face a shortage of wood for coffins after the first aerial attack on London in World War II, officials in the British Home Office believed they would have to bury thousands of people in cardboard or even papier-mâché.

15. According to a 2008 study by the United States Institute of Peace, nearly 90 percent of women in Afghanistan will experience some form of domestic

25. Some 42 percent of American adults — nearly 80 million people — live with obesity.

26. Years after Wyatt Earp’s famous turn

The Military Press Newspaper July 1, 2021

29. Rats must gnaw, and constantly, because their sharp, hard incisors grow continuously throughout their lives — around four or five inches a year.

32. Disney’s eight movie studios controlled 40 percent of the domestic box office in 2018.

33. In May, Elon Musk and his girlfriend, www.militarypress.com

Claire Boucher, the musician known as Grimes, had a child and named him X Æ A-12.

a polling booth reduced voting by 2 to 5 percent.

2) Russia

41. “Gone With the Wind” is still the 34. Richard Scherrer, the engineer highest-grossing film of all time, listed first on the patent for Lockheed’s Russian adjusted for inflation. soldiers stand near a convoy F-117 stealth aircraft, had moonlighted of rocket launchers in military pain the 1950s to design some of the rides rade rehearsal on Red Square, Mosat Disneyland, including Dumbo the cow, in 2008. (iStock) Flying Elephant.

Russia, whose military has become involved in Syria and Ukraine in re35. Fungi can be trained to eat cigarette cent years, has the most tanks of any butts, used diapers, oil spills and even country in the world: 12,950, more radiation. than double what the U.S. has, acChina, the most powerful country in cording to Global Firepower’s statis36. In March, as the coronavirus Asia and a growing adversary to the tics. pandemic intensified, Americans U.S., ranks third on this list. bought two million guns, the busiest month for sales since January 2013.

The communist superpower has an37. estimated personnel of There mayactive be trillions of species 2,183,000 world. of virus –inthe thelargest world.inOfthe them, a few hundred thousand kinds are known, and has fewer thanbuilding 7,000 have names.

China been out its Navy in recent years while engaging in 38. Brooks Brothers, Henry territorial disputes acrosswhich the South Sands Brooks in Manhattan China Sea. Today,founded they have 74 subin 1818,52 is frigates the oldest apparel brand in marines, and 36 destroycontinuous operation in the United ers, Global Firepower says.

States.

42. Over the past five years in Minneapolis, the police have used force against Black people at seven times the rate it has been used against white people.

43. Only a certain peanut bred for the proper size and the look of its shell makes the cut for the ballpark trade. It’s called the Virginia, grown in that state On land, China has 33,000 armored Its estimated 1,013,628 active person39. Black women, on average, earn nel, buton also in the Texas land, areCarolinas, in charge of and, com-to vehicles and 3,500 tanks. Their Air 64 cents for every dollar a white man manding a lesser degree, New Mexico.

27,038 armored vehicles, Force has amassed 1,232 fighter airearns, according to research from the 6,083 units of self-propelled artillery craft and 281 attack helicopters.

Economic Policy Institute.

44. Ghulam Sarwar Khan, the Pakistani and 3,860 rocket projectors. aviation minister, told Parliament in China estimated to spend $237bybil40. Ais study on voting behavior the June that of around 860 pilots working the Pakistani skies, Russia’s air force has lion on its armed in 2020. economist Enricoforces Cantoni found that a In for air carriers, 260 873 had fighter aircraft and 531 attack heliquarter-mile increase in distance from fraudulent licenses.

45. The word “homosexuality” was coined by the Austro-Hungarian writer Karl-Maria Kertbeny in 1869.

53. The fist bump was reputedly popularized by Fred Carter, a highenergy N.B.A. player of the 1970s.

46. “Brave New World,” Aldous Huxley’s 1932 science fiction novel, is set in a future with chemical birth control, mood stabilizers, genetic engineering, videoconferencing and television.

54. Before taking what would become a famous photograph of Florence Owens Thompson known as “Migrant Mother” in 1936, Dorothea Lange drove 20 miles past the camp where Ms. Thompson was staying before deciding to turn around.

47. We breathe roughly 25,000 times a day.

48. The self-storage industry got its start in the 1960s, when swelling consumerism led Americans to buy more stuff than they had room for.

49. At 17, Lucille Ball left her upstate New York high school for Broadway, only to be told: “You just don’t have it.

Why don’t you go home?”

55. The beaches of Svalbard, a Norwegian archipelago, are covered with “blubberstones” — gravel mingled with rendered fat, vestiges of the mass copters.

In water, 62 sub50.

Bayes’s theoremthey is ahave device for killings of seals and whales. marines and 48 mine ships.

America has more air units than any rationally updating yourwarfare prior beliefs other country on who Earth, 2,085 and uncertainties based on observed 56.

Martha Stewart, haswith a line of Russia is estimated to spend $48 bil- CBD evidence. products, pâte de fruit, fighters, 967 including attack helicopters, 945 was introduced to 742 the palliative lion on its military this year. transports and special effects mission 51. After getting swallowed by a frog, of cannabis by Snoop Dogg, a friend, at aircraft. the beetle Regimbartia attenuata can Comedy Central’s 2015 “Roast of Justin scuttle down the amphibian’s gut and Bieber.”

The U.S. also leads the world with force it to poop, emerging soiled but The U.S., Global Firepower says, is the 39,253 armored vehicles, 91 Navy dealive.

In theand United States,carriers. prison Itlife “undisputed” top military power in 57. stroyers, 20 aircraft has sentences have quadrupled since the the world. (iStock) an estimated 1,400,000 active per52. Penicillin, which was discovered 1980s.

In what shouldn’t be a surprise, the sonnel. in 1928, would have vanquished the U.S. “retains its top spot as the undispneumonia that killed many people 58. In Belgium, the wealthy Dutchputed military power in the world,” Washington has allocated $750 bilduring the 1918 influenza pandemic. speaking region in the north and lion poorer to the French-speaking U.S. military budget Global Firepower says. the regionin

1) United States

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The Military Press Newspaper July 1,March 2021 1, 2021 9 9

Good Neighbors Sam was a college professor for 25 years and finally got sick of the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Minnesota as far from humanity as possible. He saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month.

Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, he was finishing dinner when someone knocked on his door. He opened it and there was a 300 lb., six-foot-three-inch tall bearded man in a fur hat and overalls standing there.

Again, as he started to leave Lars stopped. “More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fightin’ too.”

Sam said, “Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”

Once again Lars turned from the door. “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.”

“Now that’s not a problem!” said Sam, “I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there ... by the way, what should I wear?”

“Name’s Lars... Your neighbor from four miles away... Having a party Saturday... thought you’d like to come.”

Lars stopped in the door again and said, “Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us.”

“Great,” said Sam, “after six months out here I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”

NO BULL ...

As Lars was leaving he stopped, “Gotta warn you there’s gonna be some drinkin’.”

“Not a problem... after 25 years of teaching college kids, I can drink with the best of ‘em.”

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 50 times last year.”

The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times

in a year, you could learn from him.”

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 65 times last year.”

The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also.”

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: “This bull mated 365 times last year.”

The wife’s mouth drops open and says, “WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one.”

The man turns to his wife and says, “Go up and ask if it was 365 times with the same cow.”.

PRAIRE OYSTERS One day, an American was touring Spain. After his day’s sightseeing, he stopped at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter

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being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, “What is that you just served?”

The waiter replied, “ Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!”

The American, though momentarily daunted, when he learned the origin of the dish said, “What the hell, I’m on vacation!

Bring me an order!”

The waiter replied, “I am so sorry, senor.

There is only one serving a day since there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to serve you this delicacy!”

The next morning, the American returned, placed his order and was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, He called to the waiter and said, “These are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve out to the barn and yesterday!” directly to the

stall with the nail.

The waiter promptly replied, “Si senor!

theright bull wins!”

“This Sometimes is the cow here,” she tells him.

REMOVAL SERVICE

“What’s the nail for?” the guy asks.

She replies, “I guess it’s to hang up This guy wakes up one morning to find a your pants.” gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

ALLIGATOR BOOTS

“Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy

Sam and Bessie are senior citizens, asks. and, Sam always wanted an expensive “Boy,” is the boots. man’s response. pair of alligator Seeing some on sale one day, he buys a pair and wears “Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there”, says themthe home, asking Bessie, “So, do service guy. An hour later theyou service notice about me?” guyanything shows updifferent with a stick, a Chihuahua, a

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Volume 42

• Number 18

• Sept. 15,

SALUTING 100 YEARS OF WOME N IN THE

REMEMBER WHEN

2018

CORPS

LOOKING BACK AT BOXING GREATS

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shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then

“What’s different? It’s the same shirt gives the man some instructions: “Now, I’m you going woretoyesterday and climb this tree andthe poke same the gorilla with the stick until he falls.

When he does, pants. What’s different?”

the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s

shotgun?”

Again, he says, “Bessie, do you notice anything different about me?”

The service guy replies, “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla,Sam? shoot the “What’s different, It’s Chihuahua.” hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down tomorrow.”

GOT ANY GOOD Angrily, Sam yells, “DO YOU KNOW JOKES? WHY ITS HANGING DOWN? SEND US SOME:

Cause it’s lookin’ at my NEW BOOTS!”

rmatz@militarypress.com Bessie replies, “Shoulda bought a hat!”

ANSWERS

Frustrated, Sam goes willinto the his testicles off.

The gorilla then cross hands toundresses protect himself allowout you to bathroom, and and comes put the handcuffs him.” only his completely naked, on wearing new The boots. man asks, “What do I do with the

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Benign...........What you be after you be eight.

Bacteria............…....Back door to cafeteria.

Barium..What doctors do when patients die.

Cat scan....................Searching for kitty.

Cauterize............Made eye contact with her.

Colic..................…..A sheep dog.

Dilate.................…..To live long.

Enema.....................Not a friend.

Fester...........…..Quicker than someone else.

G.I. Series....World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail...........What you hang your coat on.

Impotent............Distinguished, well known.

Morbid....................A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates................…Cheaper than day rates.

Node..................…..I knew it.

Rectum....................Darn near killed him.

S e c ret i o n . . . . . . . . . . . . . . … . H i d i n g something.

Seizure...............…..Roman emperor.

Tablet..................….A small table.

Terminal Illness........Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor...................…More than one.

Urine...................…..Opposite of you’re out.

Varicose................….Near by / close by.

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