The Military Press Newspaper June 1, 2021

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Volume 46 • Number 6 • June 1, 2021

Homeless Vets

California Leads The Nation

Inside This Issue See pages 6 & 7 www.militarypress.com

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F

FIGHTING MILITARY ROBOTS MilitaryPress Writer Rick Thomas

Homeless Vets

Today, the nature of warfare has changed drastically, and technology plays a key role in shaping warfare tactics. The threats faced by militaries are uncertain, with populated places often being the battlefields, and enemies tactically innovative, highly networked, and intelligent. This overpowers the superiority an army may have in terms of conventional California has 12.3 percentTechnological of the United warfare capabilities. advancements, haveofgiven States populationhowever, but 28 percent it countries the capability to counter homeless veterans – 10,836 people as of enemy 2018. Thatattacks number isin morean than efficient triple and effective manner. One such the number of homeless veterans in advancement has been in the field of Florida, robotics. which, at 2,543 people, has the military

California Leads The Nation

second highest number in the country.

Nowadays, robotsfederal in thereport military are an A newly released found alternative to human soldiers. the number of homeless veterans inThese the robots are being designed to handle United States increased from 2019 to a broader range of combat tasks, from 2020, stoking concern among advocates picking off snipers to carrying out target that the effects of the coronavirus acquisition with greater efficiency as compared to human soldiers. pandemic will add to an alreadyThey can be deployed in situations and areas regressive trend. which are dangerous and can kill or maim troops. Army robots can provide On a single night in January 2020, a backup during heavy artillery fire and 37,252 veterans were experiencing reduce the number of casualties. They homelessness an increaselarge of 167 can also map a—potentially hostile area by accurately detecting variety veterans, or 0.4%, from January a2019, ofaccording threats. to the Annual Homelessness

nonprofit that helps local providers of homelessness aid, criticized HUD’s lag in sharing the report, which was released six months later than is typical, and called the delay “significant and unexplained.”

Overall in the United States, 580,466 people were homeless, an increase of 12,751 people, or 2.2%, from 2019.

Because the data was collected in January 2020, the report does not account for the economic effects of the pandemic.

veterans were California, Florida, Texas and Washington. Women, as well as transgender and gender-nonconforming veterans, were more likely than men to be unsheltered.

The report showed a disproportionate number of homeless veterans in 2020 were Black. Black veterans accounted for onethird of homeless veterans, despite comprising only 12% of the overall veteran population.

“The findings of the 2020 … report are very troubling, even before you consider what [the coronavirus] has done to make the homelessness crisis worse,” HUD Secretary Marcia Fudge said.

Department of Veteran homelessness increased in 19 Veterans Affairs states and Washington, D.C., between Secretary Denis 2019 and 2020, with the biggest McDonough said increases in California, Nevada and even the slight Delaware. California accounted for 31% increase in veteran An analysis by MarketsandMarkets Defense Advanced Research Projects percent of all homeless veterans in the homelessness indicates that the military robots Agency (DARPA) is financing a robotic country. between submarine system that could be used industry is expected to reach USD 30.83 2019 and intelligently for several applications billion by 2022, The number of unsheltered veterans ranging from detecting underwater 2020 increased by 6%, or 859inveterans, in that Types of Military Robots mines, engaging anti-submarine have been several operations, and time.

The states withprotecting the biggest ships in There Continues on page 5 major strides in the development of military robotics harbors. of unsheltered populations

weapon systems having the capability to counter any attack. Such military robots are assembled with several codes and algorithms.

Companies are configuring and testing advanced robots that can navigate a vehicle around a series of pylons, traverse different terrains, climb ladders, remove debris, operate in a disaster situation, and close a series of valves.

Small robots are increasingly being used in military applications, from ISR to underwater mine clearance and inspection. Bluefin Robotics, a subsidiary of General Dynamics Corporation (US), has developed a miniature AUV named SandShark which has a diameter of 5 inches and length ranging from 23 inches to 60 inches depending on the payload. The company has delivered 10 SandSharks to Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) under the Adaptive Sensor System program.

DARPA, along with some institutions, will use SandSharks for experimental purposes.

Intelligence, Surveillance and Reconnaissance (ISR) Intelligence, Surveillance and Reconnaissance (ISR) is one of the major applications where military Assessment Report released Thursday satellites are used. UAVs, UGVs, USVs, Military robots come in different by the Department of Housing and on ROVs, AUVs, and others are extensively shapes and sizes depending Urbanrequirement, Development. This used in the ISR application. Small UAVs the andmarks theythe may are used in the military sector mainly be remotely controlled or fully first increase in veteran homelessness to provide battlefield intelligence. autonomous.

Robots consist of since 2017. However, since 2009, veteran Currently, armed forces worldwide different types of payloads depending homelessness is down about 50%. no longer rely on human scouts and on the application. Depending on the instead use small robots, which can application requirements, sensors, “Any increaseweapons, in veteran homelessness remain almost invisible to the enemy. detectors, programmed is unacceptable,” the National Coalition These robots help monitor enemy forces software, and other payloads can be or specific areas and send videos and equipped onVeterans robots used of Homeless wroteininthe a military. images to the ground station with the statement issued Thursday. The group, a Militaries are focusing increasingly on due to the technological advancements assistance of GPS. UAVs are used for ISR the development of various new robot All these benefits are driving the in automation and sensors systems. operations to record potential target technologies that can be helpful for militaries worldwide to employ robots Today, robots are equipped with information that is difficult to detect. armies in case of war. For example, the for a new range of military applications. advanced technologies of automated

sist only.

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WHITE PRIVILEGE

BY RICHARD MATZ / PUBLISHER wealthy of the backs of all oppressed blacks. Her allegiance to Communism and Communistic China is a known fact and her involvement in all the present and past riots has the blessings of the Chinese Progressive Association an arm of The Peoples Republic of China .

Great Strides

Great strides have been made by all blacks and the black communities over the last decades. That’s still not enough strides to make up for what blacks have suffered over the past years. But nonetheless the progress has continued to grow at a rapid pace and hopefully will continue to do so. The great news that Black unemployment was at its lowest levels before Covid hit gave hope to the progression of employment for all blacks and especially the younger black men and women.

I refused to be blamed for anything because of the color of my skin. The only privilege I have ever been given is the privilege to work and work hard like anyone else to fulfill all my ambitions ,In my 45 years publishing the military press I have never been prejudiced or biased against any sex , religion , nationality or color of a persons skin. I have had Brown , Black and White salesman and saleswomen ,secretaries artist , graphic artist , receptionist and distribution drivers all based only on one requirement and that requirement was their ability to be profitable for the paper.

Today is a different world ,a totally different world especially in the last few years , more so than it has been for the last 80 years of my life. I consider myself young for my age, I don’t look or act like a person with 4

eighty plus years on this earth. I have children in there fifties also children in their early twenties and both sets of children kept me on the go and up-to-date with all the happenings of this 21st-century . I believe that the quality of the sexes has nothing to do with men being men and women being women . The idea of letting children decide what sex they should be is totally ridiculous . Even a blind man can tell the difference between a baby boy and baby girl and God is the one that decided what sex they would be , not by some Meanie Mouth Liberal that’s trying to change our sex ,our country , our constitution and our population .

I’m totally against Black Lives Matter Org. not black lives just the organization . Black Lives Matter is run by an avid communist , Alicia Garza who’s made herself

Race Agitator + 4 1/2 Million Dollar Home

The likes of Maxine Waters , George Soros , or anyone or group that encourages unrest between races and attacks against our police is tantamount to treason and disrespect to all Americans . Its bad enough what Coronavirus has done to our country but to verbally support rioting and violent protest is playing knowingly into China and Russia’s hands . And by the way … How does a Congresswoman who’s salary is $174,000 per year own a house worth $4 1/2 million dollars ???

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investments in this space,” McDonough said Thursday on CNN.

HOMELESS VETS Continued from page 3

was “extremely concerning,” considering the data was collected before the pandemic disrupted everyday life.

“We don’t really have the best indication yet of just how severe the pandemic has been on overall homelessness, so that’s why we are really cranking up

McDonough said the American Rescue Plan, which was signed into law earlier this month, included money to house homeless veterans and prevent homelessness. It provides more resources for about 37,000 veterans now receiving housing support through the VA, includes forgiveness for veterans with VA medical debts, and establishes a rapid retraining program for veterans who lost their jobs because of the pandemic.

Veterans who are homeless or at imminent risk of becoming homeless can call or visit their local VA Medical Center or Community Resource and Referral Center where VA staff are ready to help.

Veterans and their families may also call 1-877-4AID-VET (1-877-424-3838) to access VA services.

Explore www.va.gov/homeless to learn about VA programs for Veterans who are homeless and share that information with others.

The National Coalition for Homeless Veterans said their group was optimistic, despite the report.

DESTROYING COMBAT EFFECTIVENESS

By Capt. Joseph R John

The Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin hired a Radical DOD Extremist Czar, Bishop Garrison, to search for and oust Extremists from the US Armed Forces.

Bishop Garrison’s, official title is The Senior Advisor to The Secretary of Defense on Human Capital and Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion.

Garrison will oversee the implementation of immediate actions required to combat Patriot Extremism, as well as the development of the mid-term and long-term recommendations for the continued engagement to combat Patriot Extremism.

Garrison has been tasked with reviewing, updating, and redefining, what “Extremism” is, but that does not include members of ANTIFA and the Marxist Black Live Matter Domestic Terrorists groups who are Extremists. They have put over 8,000 Police Officers in hospitals, torched thousands of police cruisers, destroyed and torched over $2 billion in infrastructure in over 200 Sanctuary Cities, while being responsible for the

death of over 300 Americans, over the last 17 months. Bishop Garrison has repeatedly stated that anyone in the US Armed Forces who supported President Donald J. Trump is a racist and must be purged from the US military. Garrison does not see Army Green, instead he only sees “race”, unlike every recruit trained in the US Army over the last 80 years who have been taught that there is only one color in the US Army, Army Green.

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Garrison is only searching for MAGA Red and is determined to get all of those supporters of President Trump out of the US military. That is flagrant violation of the Civil Rights of every member of the US Armed Forces, but Secretary Austin has given Garrison free range to hunt out and eliminate career opportunities for any Patriot supporter of President Trump.

The Military Press Newspaper June 1, 2021

5

1938 BUICK CENTURY

US President Franklin D. Roosevelt 1938 following a number of years of success with the US economy a recession hit which caused unemployment to rise back to 19%.

In Europe Germany was continuing it’s strategy of persecuting the Jews and occupation in Czechoslovakia, the British prime minister Neville Chamberlain went to Germany fearing another world war and after agreeing to allow Hitler could occupy Czechoslovakia declared “Peace in our time” .

On September 21st a giant hurricane slammed into the east coast with little or no warning from the Weather Service , the hurricane caused 40 ft waves to hit Long Island and sixty three thousand people were left homeless and some 700 dead.

The law changed in the US that meant the minimum hourly wage was 40 cents per hour for a 44 hour working week.

Most of the world cheered when Germany’s Max Schmeling was defeated by a knock out in the first round by the great Joe Louis for the heavyweight championship.

On October 30th Orson Wells dramatization of “War of The Worlds” radio programme caused panic when it was broadcast more like a news breaking story than a play.

1938 FORD DELUXE

1938 AUSTIN

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1938 MERCEDES

1938 DUESENBERG AERO

COST OF LIVING IN 1938

Popular Culture 1938

Popular Films

Action Comics issues the first Superman comic.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Boys Town, starring Spencer Tracy and Mickey Rooney Jezebel, starring Bette Davis

Orson Welles’s radio adaptation of The War of the Worlds is broadcast, causing mass panic in the eastern United States.

Adolf Hitler is Time magazine’s “Man of the Year” (as most influential during the course of the year, not as ‘best’ man of the year) Kate Smith sings a rendition of Irvin Berlin’s ‘God Bless America’ for the first time on radion during an Armistice Day broadcast.

Technology Oil is discovered in Saudi Arabia.

Ball Point Pens are introduced.

Teflon Introduced.

Average Cost of new house $3,900 Average wages per year $1,730 Cost of a gallon of Gas 10 cents Average Cost for house rent $27.00 per month A loaf of Bread 9 cents A LB of Hamburger Meat 13 cents Average Price for new car $763 Blanket $5.00 Liptons Noodle Soup 10 Cents Kellogs Corn Flakes 3 Pkgs 25 cents

Du Pont announced a name for its new synthetic yarn: “nylon”. .

1938 FORD TRUCK

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1938 OLDSMOBILE

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7

With an estimated active military personnel of 247,160, this Asian country only has a fraction of the headcount that volatile neighbor North Korea has, but makes up for it with its updated weaponry.

The 5 Most Powerful Armies in the World

has 152 special mission airThe U.S., Global Firepower says, is the Japan craft – more than any country in the “undisputed” top military power in the world other than the U.S., according to Global Firepower’s statistics A world. parrot ruined a presidential an outer skin (exocarp), a fleshy old when he attended a play at Ford’s Shaking ketchup – and a formidable Navy fleet that funeral middle (mesocarp), and—here’s the Theater on that fateful evening of times thinner key—internally contained seeds Fox News | Bythe Greg Norman Andrew Jackson, seventh president (endocarp). So because their seeds of the United States, was very fond of are on the outside all those berries evolving,aren’t actually berries. However, hisBattlefields pet parrot are and constantly apparently spent leading countries around the world towatermelon, bananas, grapes, and a lot of time talking to the bird—as pump hundreds of billions of dollarseggplants are all technically berries! became evident when the president each intowas theirpresent armedinforces died.

Theyear parrot the in home where Jacksonthe diedmost and advanced as the Drug lord Pablo Escobar spent $2500 a race to develop funeral commenced began cursing in a month on rubber bands to hold all training, technology and weaponry. such colorful language that it had to his cash beAs removed from the Firepower, house. So in a of 2020, Global a webway, really did get the lastsays siteJackson that tracks military strength, word. the following five armies are the most

5) Japan

makes it 1,000

people actively serving in its armed contains 40 destroyers.

April 14, 1865. He was seated in the forces. balcony directly across from the There’s a good scientific reason for It also hassays 3,130he armored president and heard vehicles, the shaking your ketchup before Global Firepower saysyou thepour develop1,004 tanks and 119 attack helicopshot, saw Lincoln slumped over, and it on your fries: The more you shake ing nation is amongst the world’s ters. watched John Wilkes Booth jump on to leaders in the number of tanks the stage before fleeing. On February (4,292), towed artillery (4,060) and Japan is estimated to spend 9, 1956, two months before his death, $49 fighter aircraft (538).

Seymour recounted the story on the billion on its military in 2020.

CBS TV show I’ve Got a Secret. History India is estimated to spend $61 bilis more recent than you think! lion on its military this year.

4) India

FallingIndia coconuts more people has ankill estimated 1,444,000 than sharks people actively serving in its armed

3) China

powerful, based on a rank given to forces. (iStock) China, which has the largest active A chicken survived for 18 months Sharks have a bad reputation for them after looking at how they comIndia, which has been engaged in without a head being merciless killers but when it duty army in the world, is becompare in categories “ranging from milia prolonged territorial conflict with comes to sheer numbers they could Japan’s armed forces have to contend ing a growing adversary to the U.S. tary might and financials to logistical nearby Pakistan over the Kashmir learn something from the humble with a volatile neighbor in North Ko(iStock) capability and geography”: region, has an estimated 1,444,000 coconut. Falling coconuts kill 150 rea. (iStock) people worldwide each year while it, the thinner the consistency gets. sharks only kill about ten.

Why? Spherical tomato particles form into thinner ellipses when Froot Loops are all the same flavor shaken, making your ketchup 1,000 times runnier.

TAKE YOUR FUTURE FORWARD It can be hard to imagine how much

Online Degrees &wealth Certifi cates in is generated

by Business the illegal

drug trade but the fact that Pablo Build your better tomorrow at University of Maryland Global Campus Escobar had to spend over two grand (UMGC),

an accredited state university on founded than 70 years ago to provide rubbermore bands every month just to keepand histheir money together helpskills in opportunities to servicemembers families.

Gainmight real-world In 1945 a Colorado farmer went put it in perspective. courses developed without employer input and taught by experienced faculty. to kill a chicken forfrom dinner but when Choose business administration, accounting, finance, HR management he chopped offmore. the UMGC animal’s head, A witness to Abraham Lincoln’s and offers it just wouldn’t die. It’s not unusual assassination was interviewed on 100% online courses for chickens to survive a few minutes TV Sure those sweetened O’s are all  Virtual headless but as the advising time went on, he different colors but that doesn’t mean & support realized he had narrowly missed the they are different flavors. Kellogg’s, Lifetime career services, resources and tools jugular vein so while the poor creature the company who makes them, has  No-cost digital materials in place of textbooks had no head, it could still survive. The admitted that each Froot Loop is in nearly every course farmer named him “Magic Mike” and “froot flavored” which they describe instead of eating him,we’re fed him with as “a blend of fruit flavors.

At UMGC, made foran you and here for you. eyedropperFor until he information died 18 months more on how we can help, later.

Money isn’t really made of paper visit us online or e-mail us at baseadvisor@umgc.edu.

A strawberry isn’t actually a berry— but a watermelon is Raspberries,Classes strawberries, and start March 17. blackberries aren’t true berries. The scientific definition of “berry” is a plant that has three distinct layers: Samuel J. Seymour was just five years

Turns out “paper money” is a bit of a misnomer! According to the Bureau of Printing and Engraving, money is actually 75 percent cotton and 25 percent linen, which “gives [it] its distinct look and feel.

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8

The chance of a coin landing heads-up is not 50-50

C A U

T a 2

C i t C m e

O v F c

C l

When you flip a coin, physics, not probability, determines how it will land. Mathematicians found that a coin is slightly more likely to land on the face that was up when you flipped it. The way a coin lands is not “random”; it’s easy, with a little practice, to manipulate your coin flip so that it lands the way you want it.

The shortest sentence in English is “Go.” Yes, “Go,” all of two letters is a grammatically correct English sentence. It’s only a sentence, though, if it’s a command, because then “you” is the understood subject.

It’s commanding the listener to go.

If you’d rather a sentence with a separate word as the subject, “I am” is the shortest sentence, with three letters. © 2021 University of Maryland Global Campus

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SPORTS TRIVIA 2) Russia

Russian soldiers stand near a convoy of rocket launchers in military parade rehearsal on Red Square, MosQuestion: cow, 2008.the (iStock) Whoin was first Major League Russia, has 100 become player whose to pitchmilitary a ball over mph? involved in Syria and Ukraine in recent years, has the most tanks of any Answer: Nolan Ryan. country in the world: 12,950, more than double what the U.S. has, acQuestion: China, the most powerful country in cording to Global Firepower’s statisWhat is the name of the fictitious Asia and a growing adversary to the tics.

Minor League Baseball team on The U.S., ranks third on this list.

Simpsons?

The average life span of an MLB baseball is five to seven pitches. has The communist superpower Answer: an estimated active personnel of The Springfield Isotopes.

The Dallas Cowboys hired the NFL’s 2,183,000 – the largest in the world. first professional cheerleading The home team must provide the squad in 1972.

China has been building out its Navy referee with 36 footballs for each in recent years while engaging in National Football League game. territorial disputes across the South China Sea. Today, they have 74 submarines, 52 frigates and 36 destroyers, Global Firepower says.

On land, China has 33,000 armored vehicles and 3,500 tanks. Their Air Force has amassed 1,232 fighter aircraft and 281 attack helicopters.

Question: What material was first used to cover baseballs ?

China is estimated to spend $237 billion on its armed forces in 2020.

Answer: Cowhide.

Its estimated 1,013,628 active personnel, on land, are in charge of commanding 27,038 armored vehicles, 6,083 units of self-propelled artillery and 3,860 rocket projectors.

Question: What team gets the advantage of In the skies, Russia’s air force has 873 the first bat? fighter aircraft and 531 attack heli-

Answer:

The visiting team.

Question: What female pitcher once struck out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig?

Answer: Jackie Mitchell.

Question: Who was the first baseball player to appear on a Wheaties box?

Answer: Lou Gehrig.

Answer: Second base.

Question: What are the Minnesota Twins named after?

Answer: The Twin Cities.

Because they both lost so many players to WWII military service, the Pittsburgh Steelers and Philadelphia Eagles combined to become the Steagles during the 1943 season.

copters. In water, they have 62 subQuestion: During which inning “Take Me Out marines and 48 mineiswarfare ships. to the Ballgame” traditionally sung?

Basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain never fouled out ofair a game.

America has more units than any Ladies and gentlemen, Big2,085 Dipother country on Earth,“The with per.”

Russia is estimated to spend $48 bil- fighters, 967 attack helicopters, 945 Answer: lion on its military this year. transports and 742 special mission The 7th inning. aircraft.

1) United States

Question: What retired basketball player tried The for U.S., the Global Firepower says, is the out Chicago White Sox in 1994? “undisputed” top military power in the world. (iStock) Answer: In what shouldn’t be a surprise, the Michael Jordan.

U.S. “retains its top spot as the undisputed military power in the world,” Question: Global Firepower says.

What is the most stolen base?

The U.S. also leads the world with 39,253 armored vehicles, 91 Navy destroyers, and 20 aircraft carriers. It has an estimated 1,400,000 active personnel.

Washington has allocated $750 bilThe silhouette on the NBA Logo is lion to the U.S. military budget in Hall of Fame Laker Jerry West.

mpus

com

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The Military Press Newspaper June 1,March 2021 1, 2021 9 9

An Irishman, A Mexican and A Redeneck

cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Arky said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest man, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me.”

An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building.”

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”

The redneck opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I’m jumping too.”

Next day, the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican open his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps, too. The redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife is weeping. She says, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!”

The Mexican’s wife also weeps and says, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

Everyone turned and stared at the redneck’s wife.

“Hey, don’t look at me,” she said. “He made his own lunches.”

Arkansas Vasectomy

After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.

The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a

So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas. This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both doctors couldn’t be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5...”, at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

Golf or Sex? A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon.

Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, not awakening

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CLASSIFIEDS

until around 8 PM. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied.

He slipped into his shoes and flew home.

“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.

“Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary and we’ve been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock!”

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf again !”

Nerds On Campus out to the was barnwalking and directly to one the day A nerd on campus stall with nail. another nerd, rode up on when the his friend, an incredible shiny new bicycle.

“This is the cow right here,” she tells him. The first nerd was stunned and asked, “Where did you get such a nice bike?”

“What’s the nail for?” the guy asks.

second nerd replied, She The replies, “I guess it’s to“Well, hangyesterday up I was walking along minding my own your pants.” business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,

ALLIGATOR BOOTS “Take what you want!’”

Sam and Bessie are senior citizens, and, The Samsecond always wanted an expensive nerd nodded approvingly, “Good choice, the clothes probably pair of alligator boots. Seeing some on wouldn’t have fit.” sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, “So, do you notice anything different about me?”

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Available March 1st. Beautiful 2 bedroom/ 2 bath privacy style bedrooms. Completely upgraded , immaculate. WoodHOPSflooring , granite FOR kitchen countertops, HEROES stainless steel HOT OFF THE TEE appliances. Oversized bedrooms, 4 large closets Oversized balcony, great views. Spacious Bathrooms, tile floors, large vanities, ceiling fans, central air/heat /laundry room / 2 parking spaces, guest parking . Amenities include picnic MIRAMpool/spa, AR AIR SHbbq, OW! and area, rec room, basketball courts, 19 tennis courts. 37 The owner pays for waPACK ter, trash, and sewer.ING A PUNCH www.militarypress.c

om

Volume 42

• Number 18

• Sept. 15,

SALUTING 100 YEARS OF WOME N IN THE

REMEMBER WHEN

2018

CORPS

LOOKING BACK AT BOXING GREATS

Contact.

Tara Amin YOUR619-971-3132 MAILBOX!

Just $50 for a full year • Call (858) 537-2280

Publisher: Richard T. Matz Advertising: (858)537-2280 x303 Editor: Lisa Matz Design: Trevor Watson Distribution: Dennis Wink Contributing Writers: Doug Aguillard, Keith Angelin, Elise Cooper, Art Garcia, Howard Hian, Jeri Jacquin (The Movie Maven), Carlos Kremer, Heather E. Siegel Contact Us: Tel 858.537.2280 333 S. Juniper St., Suite 103 Escondido, CA 92025 www.militarypress.com • news@militarypress.com facebook.com/mpnewspaper twitter.com/mpnewspaper

DISTRIBUTION

Distributed on the 1st and 15th of each month. Available aboard all San Diego County military bases, onboard in-port ships, at participating Albertsons, Ralphs, CVS Pharmacies and 7-11s.

The Military Press is published semi-monthly on the 1st and the 15th by Military Press Publishing LLC, a commercial, freeenterprise newspaper. It does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Department of the Navy and is no way associated with the Department of the Navy. The editorial objective of the Military Press is to promote support for a strong military presence. The opinions and views of the writers whose materials appear herein are those of the writers and not the publisher. Appearance of advertising does not constitute endorsement by the Military Press. Consumers should make informed decisions when purchasing products and services, and when considering business opportunities, and research before investing. Subscription by mail is $50 per year to CONUS or FPO addresses.

Redneck Dictionary

“What’s different? It’s the same shirt you Benign...........What wore yesterdayyou and theyou same be after be eight.

Bacteria............…....Back door to cafeteria. pants. What’s different?”

Barium..What doctors do when patients die.

Frustrated, Sam goes into the Cat scan....................Searching for kitty.

Cauterize............Made eye contact bathroom, undresses and comeswith outher.

Colic..................…..A sheep dog. completely naked, wearing only his Dilate.................…..To live long. new Enema.....................Not boots. a friend.

Fester...........…..Quicker than someone Again, he says, “Bessie, do you noticeelse.

G.I. Series....World Series of military anything different about me?” baseball.

Hangnail...........What you It’s hanghanging your coat on.

“What’s different, Sam? Impotent............Distinguished, well known. down today, it was hanging down Morbid....................A higher offer than I bid. yesterday and will be hanging Nitrates................…Cheaper than down day rates.

Node..................…..I knew it. tomorrow.”

Rectum....................Darn near killed him.

Angrily, Sam yells, “DO YOU KNOW Secretion..............….Hiding something.

WHYSeizure...............…..Roman ITS HANGING DOWN?emperor.

Tablet..................….A small table.

Cause it’s lookin’ at my NEW BOOTS!” Terminal Illness........Getting sick at the airport.

Bessie replies, “Shoulda bought a hat!”

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For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • ads@militarypress.com

The Military Press Newspaper June 1,March 2021 1, 2021 11 11

Tumor...................…More than one.

Urine...................…..Opposite of you’re out.

Varicose................….Near by / close by.

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August 15, 2019 www.militarypress.com • news@militarypress.com www.militarypress.com • news@militarypress.com 1, 2021 Press Newspaper June 1, 2021 February 15, 2020 1212 February The Military www.militarypress.com •www.militarypress.com news@militarypress.com