The Military Press Newspaper June 1, 2021

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Volume 47 • Number 6 • June 1, 2022

f 1965 o ss la C l o o h c hS www.militarypress.com Wilson Hig

1965 Buick Rivera

1965 Ford Thunderbird

1965 Ford Mustang

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Recent data by U.S. Customs and Border Protection shows a massive increase in seizures of fentanyl at the border. CBP has seized more than 600 pounds of deadly fentanyl every month for the last 12 months — a record. In the last six months alone, it has seized 5,400 pounds of fentanyl, enough to kill 1.2 billion people or the entire population of the United States more than three times over.

This six-month total is more than all of last year, and CBP believes the vast

majority of drugs are getting in without being stopped.

The reason for this is clear — the Biden administration’s radical policy changes have encouraged the drug cartels to smuggle more unlawful migrants and lethal, illicit substances across our southern border. The Biden administration systematically dismantled the existing border security framework put in place by the Trump administration, including revoking

UMG C . ED U 6 19 - 550-1537

the COVID-19 emergency declaration for the border, stopping construction of the border fence, suspending the Remain in Mexico policy, canceling Asylum Cooperative Agreements and severely reducing immigration enforcement within the United States. Last month, Immigration and Customs Enforcement had the fewest deportations in its nearly two decades of existence.

Without deterrence policies,

traffickers see a green light to send more drugs and people to the southern border. They use vulnerable individuals, particularly families and unaccompanied children who require significant processing time, as a way to distract Border Patrol agents to allow them to then move large quantities of fentanyl into the United States. This all leads to increased supply of deadly fentanyl, which means more drugs in our communities at lower prices.

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The appearance of U.S. Department of Defense (DoD) visual information does not imply or constitute DoD endorsement.

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By Richard Matz Publisher/writer

both our youth and adults ! “The amount of fentanyl on the tip of a pencil is enough to kill someone,”

San Francisco Tenderloin

The most immediate way to curb this fentanyl flow is to stop the surge at the border and give our overworked law enforcement officers the resources to crack down on drug smugglers. To that end, here are four steps the Biden administration should take to address this crisis.

First, it must provide the resources our Border Patrol needs to hire more agents, acquire more technology and aid its mission by finalizing the construction of the already funded border wall.

The leading cause of death The leading cause of death for Americans between 18 and 45 isn’t COVID-19 or car accidents — it’s fentanyl overdoses. With a majority of the chemicals in fentanyl produced in China, the Drug Enforcement Administration is now calling on the Chinese government to crack down on the supply chain networks producing the illegal drug. Last year more

Second, the Biden administration must allow migrants to apply for asylum closer to home in the first safe country they enter.

In San Francisco’s Tenderloin, men stand on the sidewalks calling out “cheeva” or “solids,” slang terms for heroin or rock cocaine laced with fentanyl . In Halladie Plaza, with tourists lined up nearby for the cable car, and BART and Muni commuters constantly rushing by, young men openly sold marijuana. Within a block of the Federal Building that houses the FBI on Golden Gate Avenue, homeless men and women fired up crack-cocaine pipes and injected cocktails of heroin, speed and cocaine. In San Francisco, dealing fentanyl, methamphetamine, cocaine and heroin has become an open-air business, largely supplied and run by organized gangs that have turned the Tenderloin into a superstore for drugs. In San Francisco, police data shows, people arrested for dealing repeatedly are held an average of just 5½ days in jail each time before being released. They often return to the same Tenderloin corner to keep selling.

Governor Greg Abbott, the Texas Department of Public Safety (DPS), and the Texas National Guard are continuing to work together to secure the border, stop the smuggling of drugs, weapons, and people into Texas, and prevent, detect, and interdict transnational criminal behavior between ports of entry in response to the federal government’s unwillingness to address the border

Third, it must implement asylum adjudication at the border and stop releasing tens of thousands of unlawful migrants into the United States.

Fourth, it must implement an agile response plan to respond to unlawful immigration surges. Our bipartisan legislation, the Border Response & Resilience Act, would require this and would allow the Department of Homeland Security to access contingency funding to respond to border surges.

This would reduce the flow of unlawful migrants and give our law enforcement agents at the border greater capability to apprehend drug traffickers.

Criminal manufacturers and drug cartels in China and Mexico are not slowing down in their efforts to bring fentanyl and other deadly synthetic opioids into the United States. We cannot slow down in our efforts to stop them either.

We are calling on the Biden administration to stop this surge of deadly synthetic opioids and start saving American lives.

than 11,000 pounds of fentanyl made its way into the U.S. and more than half of it came right through the border of Mexico and San Diego. That was more than double the amount of fentanyl seized at the border compared to 2020, investigators said. We know with 100% assurance that the criminal drug cartels in Mexico will stop at nothing to get fentanyl into the United States,” The cartels can and do use thousands of illegals that sneak into our open borders . Just one illegal can bring 2 or 3 pounds into the states worth hundreds of thousands dollar that will kill our

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crisis.

Since the launch of Operation Lone Star, multiagency efforts have led to more than 236,000 migrant apprehensions, along with almost 14,000 criminal arrests — and more than 11,300 felony charges. Over 3,800 weapons and almost $30 million in currency have been seized. In the fight against fentanyl, DPS has seized over 300 million lethal doses throughout the state.

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Publishers memoirs

GOD WAS MY CO-PILOT

By Richard Matz Publisher/writer

Back in 1984 we had 13 offices from San

was driving a Ford station wagon and

sooner did I say that and a much larger

the car and placed me in the driver side

Diego to Fort Worth Texas. I had sales

we removed the backseats and loaded

horse ran directly into my car. I was

wheel well of the car. The roof of the car

managers salespeople and distribution

up 7000 newspapers . We traversed the

doing about 60 mph and the horse was

was completely torn off and half a dead

drivers to deliver my papers to the bases

mountain and as we leveled off I noticed

running probably about 25 miles per

horse was splattered inside the car. My

and outside racks surrounding all the

my son had fallen asleep. He did not

hour when she hit my car. The next thing

son would have been decapitated if

bases . My driver up in Victorville called

have his seatbelt fastened but I did not

I knew I was on the hood of my car with

he had his seatbelt on but he just flew

me and said she was too sick to deliver

want to wake him. It was about 7:30 PM

my seatbelt and the car seat still tied to

underneath the dash and bumped his

the newspapers. I grabbed my son who

and quite dark and cold outside.

my waist. My son was screaming are you

head.

was 15 at 5 pm in the afternoon and we

All of a sudden a small horse ran across

dead are you dead. I was covered from

The car was resting in the center divider

left San Diego and drove to the printer in Ontario California, picked up the papers and headed up route 15 on the way to George Air Force Base in Victorville. I 4

the freeway in front of my car. I yelled

head to toe in both my own blood and

and I remember I was numb , cold and

out to my sleeping son “ hey a horses ran

also the horses hair, flesh and blood.

just ran in front of us across the freeway

As I was coming too my son opened up

off his shirt and wrapped it around my

“, My son said in a sleepy voice Huh . No

the seatbelt took me off the hood of

head just as a Highway Patrol officer

my forehead was bleeding . My son took

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pulled up alongside our roofless

because he left the corral gate

car. He asked me what happened

unlock and the horses ran up

and I told him I ran into a horse

the off ramp and ran straight to

. He asked me “ how much have

the lights of my car. I hired what

you been drinking” and I told him

I thought was a good attorney at

I didn’t drink. Then he asked me if

1/3 of the settlement but much to

I smoke dope or what drugs was I

my dismay every offer from $5000

taking . I told him I didn’t smoke

$10,000 to $35000 he told me to

nor had I ever used drugs . He said

except I told he was nuts and I

“ I’m going to ask you once more

wanted to go to trial which we did

have you been drinking or what

Naturally I won the lawsuit but

drugs are you on”.

only received $40,000 because

I was beginning to become more

the judge called me into his

alert and more pissed off at the police officer. I said why the F@#k are you interrogating me, I’m here bleeding to death and you should be calling an ambulance and not trying to convict me of driving under the influence. Just then a truck driver in a semi-pulled along side us and told the police officer that half of a horse was

chambers and told me that if the accident happened in Los Angeles I would have received $200,000 but 95 % of the people living in Victorville made about $10,000 or less

and would probably

would have awarded me much less ! Over these last 36 years I’ve had 3 operations and to this day I still suffer from neck pain and

lying in the center divider and a

headaches.

small filly was running around

But on the other hand I have to be

the freeway. Finally the officer

thankful that nothing happened

got on his phone and called for an

to my son and everything that

ambulance. At the time Victorville

happened during the accident

had a very small hospital and

had to go 100% without incident

when they examined me they

or I’d never be telling this story

stitched up my head and said they

today. The 7000 newspapers in

could do nothing for the bruises

the back seat provided enough

around my waist.

weight to rip the front seat out

My son and I spent the night at the

of the floor and on to the dash,

hospital and then rode the bus from Victorville back to San Diego.

From there I went to Scripps hospital and had an MRI taken that showed I had squashed my disks and needed to be operated on. I sued the owner of the horses

the steering wheel had to bend up against the steering column and the column had to move up against the driver side door or I would’ve been impaled.I totally believe that god was in our car and I thank him to this day !

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1965 FORD THUNDERBIRD

< US President Lyndon Johnson

List of 1965 significant News Events in History Race Riots Break Out In Watts, California leaving large parts of the city burnt and looted and 34 dead.

Northeast blackout including Parts of Canada and U.S. North East St. Louis, Missouri, the 630-foottall parabolic steel Gateway Arch is completed ( The St Louis Arch ).

The Voting Rights Act, guaranteeing African Americans the right to vote becomes law The Gemini Space Program continues into 1965 and lay the groundwork for

an eventual manned mission to the moon.

The Palm Sunday Tornado Outbreak on April 13th : An estimated fifty-one tornadoes (forty-seven confirmed) hit in six Midwestern states The popular daytime soap opera “Days of Our Lives” debuted on NBC Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. leads civil rights march in Alabama from Selma to Montgomery.

Malcolm X shot in New York Lyndon B. Johnson announces his program to create Medicare and to expand his war on poverty

Popular Culture The Mary Quant designed Mini Skirt appears in London and will be the fashion statement of the Sixties One of most popular films “Sound of Music” released The Beatles Release The Movie and Album Help!

The Beatles Play Live Concert Shea Stadium The Grateful Dead with Lead guitarist Jerry Garcia play their first concert, in San Francisco

1965 BUICK RIVIERA

1965 PONTIAC CATALINA 2+2 6

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1965 LINCOLN CONTINENTAL

f 1965

- Class o l o o h c S h ig H ollins - Wilson

Cynthia C

Yearly Inflation Rate USA 1.59% Year End Close Dow Jones 969 Average Cost of new house $13,600 Average Income per year $6,450 Average Cost of a new car $2,650 Average Monthly Rent $118 Cost of a gallon of Gas 31 cents Loaf of bread 21 cents Veal Cutlets 68 cents per pound Frozen Chicken Pies 29 cents

1965 FORD F-100 Popular Films Mary Poppins The Sound of Music Goldfinger My Fair Lady What’s New Pussycat?

Cat Ballou Books Released Dune

Hotel Popular Musicians The Beatles The Rolling Stones Freddie and the Dreamers The Animals The Kinks The Searchers The Seekers

1965 CHEVROLET IMPALA

The Man with the Golden Gun

1965 CADILLAC ELDORADO 1965 CORVETTE

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Everywhere Veterans Can Get Free & Cheap Food All Year Long Many restaurants say thank you all year round to veterans and other military personnel.

Smokey Bones

The deal: Take advantage of a 10% discount every day of the year when you show your valid military ID. When: Ongoing

Bonefish Grill

The deal: The Heroes Discount gets service members, veterans, and first responders 10% off their check every day of the year.

When: Ongoing Sales for Veterans

Sleep Number

The deal: Sleep Number has a lot of deals going for people who deserve a little more appreciation. Members of the military, first responders, health care professionals, and educators can take 20% off select mattresses, bases, and bedding.

When: Through June 6

Mattress Firm

Outback Steakhouse

The deal: Military service members, firefighters, and first responders get 10% off their entire check every day of the year.

That’s no different on Veterans Day. When: Ongoing

Old Country Buffet

The deal: Take 15% off if you’re active-duty personnel, reserve, or retired and wearing a uniform or carrying a valid ID. When: Ongoing

Panda Express

The deal: Military veterans can take 10% off their tab every day of the year. For the remainder of 2020, that discount has been extended to first responders as well.

When: Ongoing

Grimaldi’s

The deal: The pizza shop offers active-duty personnel and veterans 15% 8

off their meals year-round.

When: Ongoing

Fire Dept. Coffee

The deal: There’s a 15% discount for life for active military, veterans, first responders, and emergency dispatchers.

When: Ongoing

BJ’s Wholesale

The deal: Veterans who join BJ’s get 25% off standard membership fees. There are also other discounts specifically for veterans and active-duty personnel, like a coupon for $10 off your first trip after becoming a member.

When: Ongoing

Costco

The deal: Members of the Armed Forces, veterans, and their families get a $30 Costco Shop Card when they join Costco as a new member.

When: Ongoing

Fred Meyer

The deal: Current members of the military, veterans, and military families get an extra 10% off your purchase on advertised days.

When: Ongoing

Bob Evans

The deal: With your military ID, you can get a 10% discount on your check yearround.

When: Ongoing

Omaha Steaks

The deal: Take 10% off your order if you’re an active-duty member, retirees, veteran, military spouse, or a dependent.

When: Ongoing

Dutch Bros. Coffee

The deal: The discount is up to each location, but there are discounts to be had.

When: Ongoing

The deal: Military members past and present can take an extra 10-20% off purchases during the store’s Memorial Day sales.

When: Through May 31 Other Deals Available Right Now

Del Taco

The deal: The chain is offering a free Cheddar Chicken Roller when you spend at least $3 at a Del Taco while Mercury is in retrograde.

When: Through June 2

Moe’s Southwest Grill

The deal: The burrito chain’s new “Kids Eat Free” program offers a free meal to kids 12 and under every Sunday. No purchase is required.

When: Ongoing

Boston Market

The deal: The rotisserie chain is offering free kid meals. No purchase is required at all. Kids 12 and under can just grab a free one.

When: For just a little while

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Vets Seeing More Flexibility and Better Care with Hospital in Home Initiative in terms of visitation and pet care. In addition, the Hospital in Home initiative allows providers to move towards the goals of reduced re-admissions, reduction in cost of care by between 19 and 38 percent in several studies, increased patient satisfaction and less inpatient bed utilization.

According to Dr. Sohan Japa, the program’s Medical Director, the initiative in San Diego has been around since March 2021 and has yet to make significant reductions in bed utilization. But other VA health care systems where it’s been in place for a while are seeing noticeable improvements.

Criteria for Hospital in Home includes:

The Hospital in Home initiative at San Diego is the only VA program of its type in Southern California. This initiative is also being offered in 13 other VAs across the country.

Fannie Hatcher loved the convenience of the VA San Diego Healthcare System’s Hospital in Home Initiative.

Rather than taking her Veteran husband to appointments at the San Diego VA Medical Center in La Jolla, she saves time and effort by having the health care team visit their home.“With my husband’s condition, being in an unfamiliar surrounding made his situation worse,” Fannie said. “By being at home with his family while getting care, rather than staying by himself in a hospital, helped improve his outcome.” With Hospital in Home, the aim is for a provider and nurse to give

acute care in a familiar surrounding with patients who otherwise would need to be admitted to the hospital.

The four major categories of Vets that qualify for the Hospital in Home initiative include those who seek emergency care, those inpatients seeking early discharge and have a clear diagnosis, Vets already receiving home care, and Vets currently hospitalized outside the VA system.

The benefits for patients include fewer issues with delirium, better recovery, more flexibility, less risk of exposure to nosocomial infection and better flexibility

▪ Must live within a 30 to 40-mile range of the San Diego VA Medical Center campus and must have a critical diagnosis of heart failure, COPD, cellulitis, urinary tract infection, pneumonia, or dehydration, as these can be treated at home.

▪ In addition, patients must be amenable to care, have a telephone and can provide a home that is safe for staff and patients must give consent and be able to follow directions.

Offered in 13 VAs across the country, the Hospital in Home initiative at San Diego is the only VA program of its type in Southern California and only one of three locations west of San Antonio, Texas.

For more information on Hospital in Home, please contact Dr. Sohan Japa at (858)

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sports news

10 GREATEST OF ALL TIME

his first season in the league, Magic started Game 6 of the NBA Finals at center and dropped 42 points. This was just the start for Magic, who at his size, completely changed the way the basketball world looked at guards. With five championships, three MVPs, ninetime All-NBA first team selections, and inclusion on the NBA’s 75th anniversary team, He and Larry Bird literally saved the league in the 80s and while they couldn’t have been more different stylistically there’s no argument whose influence on the game of basketball was greater.

3. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar The NBA’s all time leading scorer and inventor of the most lethal shot in Association history, Kareem AbdulJabbar skyhook-ed his way to 38,387 career points. He earned just about every individual honor a superstar can earn, most especially six MVPs (one more than Russell and Jordan). Splitting his time between the Bucks and Lakers, Abdul-Jabbar won three MVPs with each franchise and five of his six rings in Los Angeles. A 19-time All-Star who 15 times finished in the top 5 of the MVP voting, All you really need to know is that Abdul-Jabbar is the greatest center and it’s not even a debate.

10. Tim Duncan Duncan will shine brighter than all the other great players who have ever played for the Spurs—and just about every other power forward in NBA history. In 251 playoff games, he averaged 19.9 PPG and 11.0 RPG. Spurs coach Gregg Popovich put it best when the franchise retired Duncan’s jersey. I would say something to him and he would stare. I wasn’t sure if he was paying attention…finally I realize he understood everything I was saying.

Probably agreed with half of it, but was so respectful he wouldn’t say anything until later.” After hashing things out, Pop often let Duncan have his way. Can’t argue with the results.

9. Bill Russell He’s the greatest winner in all of American sports, Russell is also both the smartest and best defensive player to ever pick up a basketball. Blocks and steals weren’t tallied back then, but there are researchers that claim Russell averaged anywhere between 8-12 blocks per game. Not only did Russell win 11 NBA titles, the last two were as player-coach and he’s undefeated in Game 7s, going 10-0 when it’s win or go home time. Wilt Chamberlain is ranked higher on this list because his numbers are just too ridiculous, but he couldn’t beat Bill even with Jerry West and Elgin Baylor’s help.

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8. Wilt Chamberlain Who else is going to average 50.4 PPG for a season like Wilt did in the 1961-62 season? Anybody else going to averaged 22.9 RPG during their career like Wilt did? Who will ever score 100 points in a game like Wilt did? And no soul will ever approach his 23,924 career rebounds.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, finished 9,000 boards behind Chamberlain despite playing five more seasons than the legendary lothario. Because of Chamberlain’s domination, the league widened the lane, outlawed players rebounding missed free throws before the ball touched the rim, changed the definition of offensive goaltending, and forbade inbounds passes over the basket because it was an automatic alley-oop to Wilt every single time.

7. Larry Bird A three-time champion who won three consecutive MVPs in the mid-80s, and obviously made the NBA’s 75th anniversary team, Bird knocked down daggers like it was nothing and loved ripping out the hearts of his rivals while talking some of the most underrated trash. Bird’s back he infamously injured while paving his mother’s driveway . But it didn’t stop him from averaging 24.3 PPG and 10.0 RPG for his 13 seasons.

He always made the key play that either sealed the deal or keyed a gamedefining run. Bird was the greatest small forward the game had ever known

at that point. And the Hick from French Lick is forever a Legend.

6. Shaquille O’NealI The. Most. Dominant. Ever. Dominant seems like the only adjective to describe Shaq’s career. Shaq is one of the most skilled bigs ever to touch a basketball and we’ve all seen the video of him cooking MJ in a one-on-one before the All-Star Game. We may never see a 7’1”, 365-pound big that was as explosive, athletic, and quick as Shaq. He was truly a one of a kind and easily one of the most entertaining players—on and offthe-court—that the NBA has ever seen.

5. Kobe Bryant Magic and Shaq crowned Kobe as the greatest Laker ever after he retired.

Shouldn’t that tell you something? We see the multitude of accomplishments like NBA MVP, 5-time champion, twotime Finals MVP, 18-time All-Star, nine All-Defensive First Team selections, the now fourth leading scorer . To me, it’s absolutely silly to tear down a guy who still managed to win just as many or more titles than Bird, LeBron, Wilt, Magic, and Shaq. One of the top 5 GOATS . RIP Mamba.

4. Magic Johnson When you talk about best PGs in NBA history, it would be impossible to not have Magic Johnson as No. 1. Just think about how incredible it is that in

2. LeBron JamesI The Michael Jordan vs. LeBron James debate will never cease, but the fact that LeBron has already made it to this level is pretty damn amazing. MJ incredible performance in 2016 when he led the Cleveland Cavaliers back from a 3-1 deficit against the 73-win Golden State Warriors is one of the single greatest achievement in NBA history and will be hard to top. From dropping 41 in backto-back games to the block in Game 7, LeBron leveled up in 2016. A. Let’s not forget LeBron is only 1,326 points away from passing Kareem to become the No. 1 scorer in NBA history.

1. Michael JordanI Of course Michael Jordan is No. 1.

This man won three in a row, left to play baseball, then came back to win three in a row again, and then he came back one more time and was one of the oldest players to average 20 PPG and to score 40-plus in a game. The GOAT, no question. Jordan never took a game off, he was a maniac for better or worse. No guard has ever dominated the league like he did, which helps his case when you see him on the top of everyone’s list. There will never be another Michael Jordan. The winning, the endorsements, the shoes, the legacy.

He did it all and made sure you knew about it along the way. All with a smile on his face and a cigar about to be lit.

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New York Cab Driver A New York cab driver picked up a Japanese man from a hotel. Along the way, they saw a Honda motorcycle overtake the taxicab and the Japanese guy said, “Motorcycle very fast, made in Japan.” Then a Toyota car overtook the taxicab and the Japanese guy said, “Car very fast, made in Japan.” When they reached the destination the fare was $90 dollars . The Japanese man thought the ride was would only cost $40 dollars .

He asked the driver why the ride was so expensive. The driver said, “Meter very fast, made in America”

Grocery Store A woman is at a grocery store. She goes to the clerk to purchase her groceries.

The clerk looks at her items and sees a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. He says to the woman, “You must be single.” The woman was surprised & replies, “Yes, how did you know?” The clerk answers, “Because you’re ugly.”

goes to Bill Gate. I want your daughter to marry my son. Bill Gates: No. Dad: My son is the CEO of the world’s greatest bank. Bill Gates: Okay then! Dad goes to the CEO of the world’s greatest bank.

Make my son the CEO. CEO: No. Dad: My son is the son-in-law of Bill Gates. CEO: Okay then! Smart Dad !

Camping A uneducated father with his educated son went for a camping trip, they set up a tent went to sleep at 9pm and slept for 5 hours The father wakes up and asks his son “what can you see in the sky?”

The son said “ I can see many stars The father asks “what does it resemble?”

The son answers “ there are many planets “ The father beats on his sons head and says “no dummy someone has stolen our tent”

Message In A Bottle

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over the policeman says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?” The man gets really indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed.

Have you been eating doughnuts?

A lonesome looking man is walking along a beach and finds a bottle. When he rubs the bottle, a genie appears and says, “I can grant you one wish.” “Well,” says the man, “I have never been too fond of flying, so could you make a highway from California to Hawaii?” The genie says, “Do you know how much of my power that would take?” The man says, “Okay, I have never made love to a girl , so could you make that happen?”

The genie says, “You want that highway two lane or four lane?”

Smart Dad

Cat & Mouse

Dad: Son, I want you to marry a girl of my choice. Son: No. Dad: The girl is Bill Gate’s daughter.Son: Okay then! Dad

A woman answered the doorbell with a man standing on her porch. The man said, “I’m terribly sorry. I just ran over

Speeding

your cat and I would like to replace it for you.” The woman replied, “Well that’s alright with me, but how are you at catching mice?”

Bank Robber

A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, “Give me all the money or you’re geography!” The puzzled teller replies, “Did you mean to say ‘or you’re history?’” The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!

A pork chop.

Q: If you were forced to go through one of the following doors, which door do you go through with 100 % certainty you’d stay alive: a door with a man with a gun behind it, a door with a tiger who hasn’t eaten in 7 years behind it, or a door with an electrical chair behind it?

A: The one with the tiger behind it, because if it hasn’t eaten in 7 years it’s dead

Woman Upset

Q:What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. “You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit.” The mortician says, “We’ll take care of it, ma’am,” and yells to the back, “Ed, switch the heads on two and four!”

A: Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck.

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?

A: It does not matter, it’s not going to come

Trick or Treat A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house’s doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. “Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?” she asked. The boy replied, “Under my buckin’ hat.”

Publisher/Editor: Richard T. Matz

Quickies

Doug Aguillard, Art Garcia

Q: How do you get 500 old cows in a barn?

A: Put up a Bingo sign Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?

A: Swimming trunks.

Teacher: “Name a bird with wings but can’t fly.”

Student: “A dead bird Q: What do you call a pig that does karate? A:

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Assisatant Editor: Lisa Matz Design: Trevor Watson Distribution: Dennis Wink Contribiuting Writers:

Contact Us: Tel 858-537-2280 333 S. Juniper St., Suite 103 Escondido, CA 92025 Distribution: Distributed on the 1st of each month. Available aboard all San Diego County Military Bases, Onboard in-port ships, at participating Albertsons, Ralphs, CVS Pharmacies and 7-11s.

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