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FIGHTING MILITARY ROBOTS MilitaryPress Writer Rick Thomas
weapon systems having the capability to counter any attack. Such military robots are assembled with several codes and algorithms.
BEHIND THE BADGE WHY IT’S TOUGH BEING A COP
Today, the nature of warfare has changed drastically, and technology plays a key role in shaping warfare tactics. The threats faced by militaries are uncertain, with populated places often being the battlefields, and enemies tactically innovative, highly networked, and intelligent. This overpowers the superiority an army may have in terms of conventional warfare capabilities. Technological By Richard Matz advancements, however, have given countries the capability to counter enemy attacks andincallsan efficient Amid protests for reform, how and effective manner. One such police view their jobs, key issues and advancement has been in the field of recent fatal encounters between blacks military robotics.
Companies are configuring and testing advanced robots that can navigate a vehicle around a series of pylons, traverse different terrains, climb ladders, remove debris, operate in a disaster situation, and close a series of valves.
Small robots are increasingly Conflicting experiences and being used inmark military applications, emotions police culture from
ISR to underwater mine clearance and inspection. Bluefin Robotics, Othera subsidiary survey findings underscore of General Dynamics the Corporation duality of police work the (US), has and developed a emotional toll thatAUV policenamed work canSandShark take miniature which About has a eight-in-ten diameter of 5 inches on officers. (79%) say and length ranging from 23 inches they have been thanked by someone for to 60 inches depending on the payload. The their service in the month prior to the company has delivered 10 SandSharks survey on duty.Advanced But also during to while Defense Research that Projects time two-thirds say (DARPA) they have been Agency under the Adaptive System program. verbally abused Sensor by a member of their DARPA,and along with some institutions, community, a third have fought or will use SandSharks for experimental physically struggled with a suspect. A purposes.
and police
Nowadays, robots in the military are an alternative to human soldiers. These Police work has always been hard. robots are being designed to handle Today police say it is even harder. In a broader range of combat tasks, from a new Pew Research Center national picking off snipers to carrying out target survey conducted by theefficiency National Police acquisition with greater as Research Platform, majorities of police compared to human soldiers. They can be deployed and areas officers say in thatsituations recent high-profile fatal which are dangerous and can kill or encounters between black citizens and maim troops. Army robots can provide police officers have made their jobs a backup during heavy artillery fire and riskier, reduce the aggravated number of tensions casualties.between They andablacks, and left many officers can police also map potentially large hostile to fully detecting carry out some of their areareluctant by accurately a variety of threats. duties. Military robots come in different The wide-ranging survey, one of the shapes and sizes depending on ever conducted a nationally the largest requirement, and with they may sample of police, draws be representative remotely controlled or fully autonomous. Robots consist ofof on the attitudes and experiences different payloads depending nearlytypes 8,000ofpolicemen and women on the application. Depending on the from departments with at least 100 application requirements, sensors, officers.1 weapons, It comes at aprogrammed crisis point in detectors, America’s relationship with software, and other payloads the can men be and women who enforce its laws, equipped on robots used in the military.
between police and blacks in their communities. About as many (72%) say officers in their department are now less willing to stop and question suspicious persons.Advanced Overall, more than eight-in-ten Defense Research Projects (86%) say police work is harder today as Agency (DARPA) is financing a robotic submarine system that could be used a result of these high-profile incidents.
intelligently for several applications ranging fromtime detecting At the same that black underwater Americans mines, engaging in anti-submarine are dying in encounters with police, the operations, and protecting ships in number of fatal attacks on officers has precipitated by a series of deaths of harbors. Militaries are focusing increasingly on black Americans during encounters grown in recent years. About nine-in-ten the development of various new robot Allofficers these benefits driving the (93%) say theirare colleagues worry with the police that have energized a technologies that can be helpful for militaries worldwide to employ robots more about their personal safety – a vigorous national over police armies in case of war. debate For example, the for a new range of military applications.
conduct and methods.
Within America’s police and sheriff’s departments, the survey finds that the ramifications of these deadly encounters have been less visible than the public protests, but no less profound. Three-quarters say the incidents have increased tensions
level of concern recorded even before a total of eight officers died in separate ambush-style attacks in Dallas and Baton Rouge last July.
The survey also finds that officers remain deeply skeptical of the protests that have followed deadly encounters between police and black citizens. Two-thirds of officers (68%) say the
majority of officers (58%) say their work nearly always or often makes them feel and Intelligence, Surveillance proud. But nearly the same Reconnaissance (ISR)share (51%) Intelligence, Surveillance say the job often frustrates them. More and Reconnaissance (ISR) is one than half (56%) say their job has madeof the major applications where military them more callous.
demonstrations are motivated to a great satellites are used. UAVs, UGVs, USVs, extent by anti-police bias from the Media ROVs, AUVs, and others are extensively ,Antifa ,Black Lives Matter and groups Mostused policeinofficers feel respected by the UAVs the ISR application. Small supported by the George Soros’s of this are used in the military sector public and, in turn, believe officers havemainly world Only 10% by in a separate question provide battlefield intelligence. An .analysis MarketsandMarkets littletoreason to distrust most people. say protesters are similarly motivated indicates that the military robots Currently, armed forces worldwide Rather than viewing the neighborhoods industry is expected 30.83 no longer rely on human scouts and by a genuine desire to to reach hold USD police where they use work small as hostile territory, instead robots, which can billion by 2022, accountable for their actions. Some twoseven-in-ten officers invisible say that to some remain almost theorenemy. thirds characterize the fatal encounters most of the residents the areas they forces These robots helpof monitor enemy Types of Military Robots that prompted the demonstrations or specific areas andAtsend videos and There have been several major stridespatrol share their values. the same as incidents and not signs of images to themajority ground of station with the in isolated the development of military robotics time, a narrow officers broader problems betweenadvancements police and assistance of GPS. UAVs are used for ISR due to the technological (56%) believe an aggressive rather than in black automation and . sensors systems. operations to record potential target the community A look inside courteous approach is more effective in Today, robots are equipped the nation’s police departments revealswith information that is difficult to detect. advanced technologies of automatedcertain neighborhoods, and 44% agree that most officers are satisfied with that some people can only be brought their department as a place to work to reason the hard, physical way. and remain strongly committed to making their agency successful. Still, Long-standing tensions between police about half (53%) question whether their and blacks underlie many of the survey department’s disciplinary procedures results. While substantial majorities are fair, and seven-in-ten (72%) say that of officers say police have a good poorly performing officers are not held relationship with whites, Hispanics and accountable. Asians in their communities, 56% say
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Younger generation is being raised to hate America Recent riots, violence and corruption remind us that America is far from perfect. Patriotism, however, does not claim a country is without flaws. In fact, many people who identify as patriotic do not always feel proud of their government, their fellow citizens or even themselves. Patriotism treats one’s country like a family member — you love it simply because it is yours, and that love motivates you to mend any imperfections. Today, that motivating force is rapidly receding. But there’s nothing new here. The medieval philosopher St. Thomas Aquinas once observed, “Love follows knowledge.” Love of country is no different; I believe our lack of patriotism stems from a lack of knowledge.
By Richard Matz
founding in favor of more “inclusive” events.
It’s time to stand up for our history ! You can’t love what you don’t know. When young Americans say they aren’t proud of their country, it proves our education system has failed them.
And that’s why university officials lash out at President Donald Trump’s still vague calls for “patriotic education” in our schools.
I gathered with the entire student body of Wyoming Catholic College on Sept. 17, 2019, for a mandatory celebration of Constitution Day. We began with the Pledge of Allegiance, witnessed a lively panel discussion between professors on the history and modern relevance of America’s founding principles, and concluded by singing patriotic songs. If you are a student at a typical American university, that description probably sounds foreign to anything you have experienced. Anti-Americanism has spread across college campuses like a wildfire, igniting rage and resentment against anything perceived as oppressive — even the American flag. As a result, most universities would likely shy away from a celebration of our nation’s 4
Ashamed of America? In a Gallup poll this past June, only 63% of U.S. adults say they are either “extremely proud” or “very proud” to be American, the lowest level of patriotism ever recorded since Gallup first asked the question in 2001. Among members of the younger generation, the youngest surveyed, patriots are in the minority. Only 4 out of 10 respondents ages 18-34 claim to be extremely or very proud of being American. Standardized testing:University of California ordered to drop SAT, ACT scores in admissions. That’s a good start. Unfortunately, many people do not believe that America is worth loving. This position is certainly understandable.
A 2016 report from the American Council of Trustees and Alumni found that more than two-thirds of top U.S. colleges do not require history majors to take a single course on United States history. Instead, several colleges require history majors to “complete coursework on areas outside the United States.” This trend is disturbing, to say the least. This standard for history education is a cafeteria-style menagerie of classes that emphasize a global timeline over the events that have shaped America. Without knowledge of our country’s particular history, we lose a sense of our shared identity and its characteristic values, including perseverance, integrity and freedom. The problem extends well beyond a simple lack of information. A 2019 Title VI complaint filed against UCLA alleges a professor cited “killing people, colonialism and white supremacy” as American values. On the contrary, they are stark departures from the goals of freedom and equality lauded in our founding documents. Some professors, however, are actively attempting to supplant the historical reality of those documents and the context in which they were written. In August, Adam Kotsko, a history professor at North Central College, tweeted that “the design and effect of the Constitution,
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in all its iterations, has been racist.” He later added, “Same for capitalism, by the way!”
Continued from page 3
These assertions strike at the very root of the American story and threaten to undermine an appreciation of its true values and goals. Education begins early Now, even before college, children’s minds will be indoctrinated with this alternative version of history. The 1619 Project, for example, includes a new grade school curriculum that “aims to reframe the country’s history” by placing slavery and its consequences “at the very center of our national narrative” and make 1619, rather than 1776, our nation’s founding. In this paradigm, our Constitution was carefully crafted to protect the institution of slavery, which was also (in this retelling) a major motivation for the Revolutionary War. To be sure, slavery is an important part of our nation’s history and must be honestly addressed and taught, but this is a misrepresentation of the facts and detracts from that objective, as many prominent historians have argued. A 2014 revision of the College Board’s Advanced Placement U.S. History framework was no better, as it omitted any mention of key American figures such as Benjamin Franklin and James Madison from history. And the 19 sample examination questions disproportionately emphasize class struggles and discrimination, reinforcing a negative view of U.S. history as the framework’s dominant theme. Thankfully, after much well-deserved criticism, the College Board revised the framework in 2015. Promoters of these curricula may argue that we need to understand the flaws in American history and its leading figures. This is true, but the American story and its flaws, like any individual person’s, should be presented in light of its inherent goodness. The United States isn’t perfect, but its imperfections are only a small part of an overall narrative that has championed individual freedom and increased prosperity for all its citizens. Some colleges offer a holistic perspective of American history and honor our characteristic values. If you are a proud American, consider supporting or sending your children to these colleges and aspire to continually fulfill the mission of our Constitution’s preamble: to “secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity.” The stakes are higher than ever, and we hold the nation’s fate in our hands.
the same about police relations with blacks. This perception varies dramatically by the race or ethnicity of the officer. Six-in-ten white and Hispanic officers characterize police relations with blacks as excellent or good, a view shared by only 32% of their black colleagues. The racial divide looms equally large on other survey questions, particularly those that touch on race. When considered together, the frequency and sheer size of the differences between the views of black and white officers mark one of the singular findings of this survey. For example, only about a quarter of all white officers (27%) but seven-in-ten of their black colleagues (69%) say the protests that followed fatal encounters between police and black citizens have been motivated at least to some extent by a genuine desire to hold police accountable. And when the topic turns more broadly to the state of race relations, virtually all white officers (92%) but only 29% of their black colleagues say that the country has made the changes needed to assure equal rights for blacks. Not only do the views of white officers differ from those of their black colleagues, but they stand far apart from those of whites overall: 57% of all white adults say no more changes are needed, as measured in the Center’s survey of the general public. Officers worry about their safety (130 officers dead so far this year ) Encounters between blacks and police have dominated the headlines in recent years. But the story took on another twist with the ambush-style attack that killed five police officers last summer in Dallas. Because these attacks occurred while the survey was in the field, it was possible to see if safety concerns of officers were affected by the incidents by comparing views before and after the assault. Overall, the vast majority of officers say they have serious concerns about their physical safety at least sometimes when they are on the job. Some 42% say they nearly always or often have serious concerns about their safety, and another 42% say they sometimes have these concerns. The share of police saying they often or always have serious concerns about their own safety remained fairly consistent in interviews conducted pre-Dallas to post-Dallas. While physical confrontations are not a day-to-day occurrence for most police officers, they are not altogether infrequent. A third of all officers say that in the past month, they have physically struggled or fought with a suspect who was resisting arrest. In conclusion put yourself in an officers position “ You pull someone over and they become angry, belligerent ,confrontational, fail to provide identification and resist arrest “ What would you Do ?
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1963 BUICK RIVIERA
US President John Kennedy 1963 The biggest news from 1963 was the assassination of the US President Kennedy on November 22nd which thrust Lyndon Johnson into the role of president and the murder two days later of Lee Harvey Oswald by nightclub owner Jack Ruby. This was a difficult time to become president with the mounting troubles in Vietnam where the Viet Cong Guerrillas had now killed 80 American Advisers and the continued campaign for civil rights by the black community caused violent reactions from whites including Mississippi, Virginia and Alabama where the black civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr was arrested.
Films included “The Birds” and “The Great Escape” and popular TV programmes “The Virginian” and “Lassie”. Ladies fashion clothes and hairstyles included fur boots and towering hair do’s for evening wear. In music the beginning of Beatlemania after they release “I Want To Hold Your Hand/I Saw Her Standing There” and “Meet the Beatles”.
1963 corvette
1963 SHELBY MUSTANG
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1963 cADILLAC DEVILLE
1963 FORD F100
COST OF LIVING IN 1963 Popular Culture 1963 This was the year an Insurance firm State Mutual Life Insurance invented the Smiley Face found on anything and everything around the world including T Shirts , it’s popularity was at it’s peak in the 1960’s The Beatles release their first album Please Please Me. Bob Dylan walks off the Ed Sullivan show Beatles Release I Want To Hold Your Hand/I Saw Her Standing There and Meet the Beatles which is the beginning of Beatlemania.
Popular Films Cleopatra The Longest Day Lawrence of Arabia Mutiny on the Bounty To Kill a Mockingbird Popular Musicians The Beatles Roy Orbison Buddy Holly The Drifters Jim Reeves
1963 STUDEBAKER AVANTI
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Average Cost of new house $12,650.00 Average Income per year $5,807.00 Gas per Gallon 29 cents Average Cost of a new car $3,233.00 Loaf of bread 22 cents Bedroom Air Conditioner $149.95 Popular Science Magazine 35 cents Hershey Bar 5 cents Gallon of Milk $1.04 Ground Coffee 85 cents per pound Bacon 69 cents per pound
1963 cORVETTE
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With an estimated active military personnel of 247,160, this Asian country only has a fraction of the headcount that volatile neighbor North Korea has, but makes up for it with its updated weaponry.
The 5 Most Powerful Armies in the World
The U.S., Global Firepower says, is the “undisputed” top military power in the world. Fox News | By Greg Norman
Japan has 152 special mission aircraft – more than any country in the world other than the U.S., according to Global Firepower’s statistics – and a formidable Navy fleet that contains 40 destroyers.
Did You Know?
It also has 3,130 armored vehicles, 1,004 tanks and 119 attack helicopters.
Battlefields are constantly evolving, leading countries around the world to pump hundreds of billions of dollars each yearimmigrant into their armed “Every who forces in a race to develop the most comes here should be advanced training, technology and weaponry.
Japan is estimated to spend $49 billion on its military in 2020.
required within five years to learn English As of 2020, Global Firepower, a weborsiteleave country. that the tracks military strength, says
4) India
Global Firepower says the developing nation is amongst the world’s leaders in the number of tanks (4,292), towed artillery (4,060) and fighter aircraft (538).
India is estimated to spend $61 bilonhotter its military this year. Reaper islion even !
All the ants on Earth weigh about as India has an estimated 1,444,000 much as allpeople the humans. actively serving in its armed
the following five armies are the most powerful, a rank given to forces. (iStock) “In the based first on place, More people speak Mandarin Chinese them after looking how they comIndia, which has been engaged in we should insist atthat than any other language. pare in categories “ranging from milia prolonged territorial conflict with if the immigrant who Japan’s armed forces have to contend tary might and financials to logistical nearby Pakistan over the Kashmir Nearly comes here in good faith with a volatile neighbor in North Ko- two people die each second. capability and geography”: region, anon estimated 1,444,000 While four babies arehas born Earth every rea. (iStock) becomes an American and second, it’s estimated that around two assimilates himself to us, he shall people pass away at the same time. That be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is means that 105 people die each minute, an outrage to discriminate against any such man because 6,316 people die each hour, 151,600 people die each day, and 55.3 million people die of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated each year. upon the person’s becoming in every facet an American,
5) Japan
people actively serving in its armed forces.
3) China
China, which has the largest active duty army in the world, is becoming a growing adversary to the U.S. (iStock)
TAKE YOUR FUTURE FORWARD
and nothing but an American...There can be no divided Online Degrees & Certificates in Business allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something isn’tatan American at all.Global We Campus (UMGC), Build yourelse betteralso, tomorrow University of Maryland an accredited state university founded more thanWe 70 years have room for but one flag, the American flag... haveago to provide to servicemembers theirisfamilies. Gain real-world skills in room foropportunities but one language here, andandthat the English courses with employer by experienced faculty. language... and developed we have room for butinput one and soletaught loyalty and Choose from business administration, accounting, finance, HR management that is a loyalty to the American people.” and more. UMGC offers
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“To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is Classes start morally treasonable to the March American17. public.”
North Korea and Cuba are the only places you can’t buy Coca-Cola. The 2nd. hottest chili pepper in the world is so hot it could kill you ! The “weaponsgrade” Dragon’s Breath chili pepper is so hot it’s downright deadly. If you ate one, it could potentially cause a type of anaphylactic shock, burning your airways and closing them up. But the Carolina
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― Theodore Roosevelt 8
C A U
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The most expensive coin in the world was sold for more than $7 million. The 1933 Double Eagle was a $20 U.S. coin made of gold that never went into circulation. A few of the coins were made, but most were destroyed—save for nine that were presumed stolen by U.S. mint workers. After years circulating the globe and falling into the hands of a few notable owners—including the king of Egypt—one of the coins was auctioned off at Sotheby’s in 2002 for a stunning $7,590,020. That made it the most expensive coin ever sold at auction. The coldest temperature ever recorded was -144 degrees Fahrenheit.The temperature was recorded in Antarctica during a span of research between 2004 and 2016. Just a few breaths of air at that temperature would induce hemorrhaging in your lungs and kill you. There’s only one country in the world that doesn’t use the metric system. The USA
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Chargers2) Russia Report: Bolts go defense in latest mocks before draft By Art Garcia, MilitaryPress Reporter Thanks to a few major trades the past couple of weeks, the Chargers now have some flexibility to select the proverbial “best athlete available” rather than addressing a need at offensive tackle. With China, the most powerful country in speculation there could be as many as Asia and a growing adversary four quarterbacks taken at the toptoofthe the U.S., onathis draft,ranks therethird will be fewlist. impact players who will fall to the Chargers at No. 13 if The communist superpower has that scenario holds true. Having already upgraded the offensive through free an estimated active line personnel of agency, the Chargers could very well opt 2,183,000 – the largest in the world. to address other areas of needs with their first pick and select an offensive tackle latChina has been building out its Navy er in the draft. With Casey Hayward gone in recent years while engaging in and Melvin Ingram not likely to return, territorial across thebecome South cornerbackdisputes and an edge rusher China Sea. Today, they have 74 a priority for a defense that mustsubface marines, 52 Patrick frigatesMahomes and 36 destroyquarterback and the Kansas CityFirepower Chiefs twicesays. a year. Although ers, Global 2020 Offensive Rookie of the Year Justin Herbert lead33,000 the high-powered On land,returns Chinatohas armored Chargers offense, the defense must Air imvehicles and 3,500 tanks. Their prove for the team to have any chance of Force has amassed 1,232 fighter aircompeting for the division title. Since the craft and 281 attack helicopters. trades were announced, a few pundits have altered their mock drafts and now China is estimated to spend bilhave the Chargers selecting a $237 defensive lion onin itsthe armed forces in player first round. The2020. hot name some believe could be on the ticket the
Russian soldiers stand near a convoy of rocket launchers in military parade rehearsal on Red Square, Moscow, in 2008. (iStock) Russia, whose military has become involved in Syria and Ukraine in recent years, has the most tanks of any country in the world: 12,950, more than double what the U.S. has, according to Global Firepower’s statistics.
Chargers hand to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell the first night of the draft Thursday, April 29, is South Carolina Its estimated 1,013,628Jaycee active Horn. personGamecock cornerback The nel, on land, are in charge of comson of four-time Pro Bowl wide receiver manding armored vehicles, Joe Horn, 27,038 Jaycee is ranked the second 6,083 units self-propelled or third bestofcorner prospect inartillery the draft depending on the projectors. evaluator. Entering the and 3,860 rocket draft as a junior, the 6-1, 205-pound, Horn the NFL after three seasons the In“enters the skies, Russia’s air force hasin873 SEC where he demonstrated consistent fighter aircraft and 531 attack heligrowth,” said Joe Marino (The Draft Net-
copters. In water, they have 62 submarines and 48 mine warfare ships. America has more air units than any other country on Earth, with 2,085 Russia is estimated to spend $48 bil- fighters, 967 attack helicopters, 945 lion on its military this year. transports and 742 special mission work). “After primarily playing in the slot aircraft. Horn doesn’t play to his weight class as in 2018, Horn played out wide in 2019 and a tackler and there are too many missed 2020 where he projects best in the NFL,” tackles on film. “Additionally, Horn can be also leads worldroutes, with Morino said. “Horn has a long and stocky The guiltyU.S. of guessing whenthe mirroring vehicles, deThe U.S., Firepower says, iswith the 39,253 frame thatGlobal is built for competing leadingarmored to false steps, which91isNavy problem“undisputed” powerand in stroyers, aircraft carriers. It has X-receivers in thetop NFL.military His size, length atic givenand how20 segmented his transitions the world.show (iStock) 1,400,000 active perphysicality up in coverage where he an can estimated be in the first place. If used correctisInhighly in press ultra comly and with development, Horn can be a whatdisruptive shouldn’t be aand surprise, the sonnel. petitive at theits catch According to quality starter, especially if his ball skills U.S. “retains toppoint.” spot as the undisMarino’s evaluation, “The concerns with continue to progress as they did$750 in 2020.” has allocated bilputed military power in the world,” Washington Horn show up primarily as a tackler and lion to the U.S. military budget in Global Firepower says. playing off-man coverage. Unfortunately,
1) United States
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com
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Adam and Eve A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. “Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit. “They must be British.” “Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. “They’re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.” “No clothes, no shelter,” the Russian points out, “they have only an apple to eat, and they’re being told this is paradise? They are Russian.”
Faithfull Wife
The woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “My dearest, you have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You
know what?”
the one you want.”
“What dear?” she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man’s opinion.
“I think you’re bad luck.”
“Well” said the man, “ She’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed.”
Farmer’s Daughters An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the Godgiven responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the East coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, “They’re all lookin’ to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select
The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. “Well,” the man replied, “She’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed.” The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, “She’s perfect, just perfect! She’s the one I want to marry!” So they were wed right away. Nine Months later the baby was born. When the man visited
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nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents. “Well,” explained the farmer, “She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her.”
Immediate Seating A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”
out to and directly to the Thethe manbarn just groaned. stall with the nail. The usher marched briskly back up the
“This aisle, is the cow right here,” she tells and in a moment he returned with the him. manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the man, but with no success.
“What’s the nail for?” the guy asks.
She replies, “I guess it’s to hang up Finally, they summoned the police. your pants.” The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s your name?”
ALLIGATOR BOOTS “Sam,” the man moaned.
Sam and Bessie are senior citizens, and, “Where Sam always wanted ya from, Sam?” an expensive pair of alligator boots. Seeing some on With day, painhe in buys his voice Sam sale one a pair andreplied wears“the balcony.” them home, asking Bessie, “So, do you notice anything different about me?”
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Volume 42
• Number 18
• Sept. 15,
SALUTING 100 YEARS OF WOME N IN THE
REMEMBER WHEN
2018
CORPS
LOOKING BACK AT BOXING GREATS
Contact. Tara Amin YOUR619-971-3132 MAILBOX!
Just $50 for a full year • Call (858) 537-2280
Publisher: Richard T. Matz Advertising: (858)537-2280 x303 Editor: Lisa Matz Design: Trevor Watson Distribution: Dennis Wink Contributing Writers: Doug Aguillard, Keith Angelin, Elise Cooper, Art Garcia, Howard Hian, Jeri Jacquin (The Movie Maven), Carlos Kremer, Heather E. Siegel Contact Us: Tel 858.537.2280 333 S. Juniper St., Suite 103 Escondido, CA 92025 www.militarypress.com • news@militarypress.com facebook.com/mpnewspaper twitter.com/mpnewspaper
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Woman’s Thoughts
“What’s different? It’sme the shirt Skinny people piss off!same Especially when things like, “You you they woresayyesterday and know the sometimes same I just forgetdifferent?” to eat.” Now I’ve forgotten my pants. What’s address, my mother’s maiden name, and
my keys. But I’ve never forgotten Frustrated, Sam goes into to eat. the You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget bathroom, to eat. undresses and comes out A friend of mine confused valium completely naked, wearingheronly hiswith her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but new boots. she doesn’t give a damn.
They telling us to do get in touch with our Again, hekeep says, “Bessie, you notice bodies. Mine isn’t all that communicative anything different me?” but I heard from about it the other day after I said, “Body, how’d you like to go to the six o’clock
“What’s hanging classdifferent, in vigorous Sam? toning?”It’s Clear as a bell my down today, it was hanging body said, “listen bitch... do it anddown die.” The trouble with some women is that yesterday and will be hanging downthey get all excited about nothing (and then they tomorrow.” marry him.) I read this article that said the typical
Angrily, Sam of yells, “DO symptoms stress are YOU eatingKNOW too much, too much, drinking too much, WHYsmoking ITS HANGING DOWN?
driving too fast, and impulse buying. Are
Cause it’skidding? lookin’ at my NEW BOOTS!” they That is my idea of a perfect day.
Bessie replies, “Shoulda bought a hat!” www.militarypress.com For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • ads@militarypress.com
The Military Press Newspaper May 1,March 2021 1, 2021 11 11
is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff. “If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?”
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August 15, 2019 www.militarypress.com • news@militarypress.com www.militarypress.com • news@militarypress.com 1, 2021 Press Newspaper May 1, 2021 February 15, 2020 1212 February The Military www.militarypress.com •www.militarypress.com news@militarypress.com