Misc 02.13.20

The Miscellany News miscellanynews.org

Vassar College’s student newspaper of record since 1866 Volume 153 | Issue 3

February 13, 2020

NY court structure up for debate

Posse admissions decline

Tiana Headley

Olivia Watson News Editor

News Editor

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victim of domestic violence in Upstate New York fights for sole custody of her kids, a divorce from her abusive husband and his conviction. After becoming the sole breadwinner for her children and taking on a full-time job alongside her domestic duties, she has to appear in three courts: Family Court, State Supreme Court and Criminal Court.

Hers is one among thousands of experiences where the complex court system disadvantages the state’s most vulnerable people, the impetus for calls for state-wide judicial reform. Though it may seem like the separation of the state’s judicial system between 11 courts may provide specialization and ease of process, proponents of a more consolidated judiciary See Courts on page 4

Inside this issue

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A rally gathered outside the Dutchess County Courthouse to support Nicole Addimando, found guilty of second degree murder. Her sentence was not reduced despite evidence of domestic abuse. Courtesy of Angus Bernet.

Addimando sentenced nineteen to life Aena Khan

News Editor

[CW: This article discusses imprisonment, domestic violence, sexual violence, murder and emotional abuse.] n Feb. 11, Dutchess County Judge Edward T. McLoughlin sentenced Nicole Addimando to 19 years to life in prison for criminal possession of a weap-

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“Sex Education” season 2 broadens its scope, examining sex as violence.

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OPINIONS

Letter to the Editor: Former fire comissioner considers impact of Arthur May project on local taxpayers.

14 SPORTS

The politicization of sports: Will KC Chiefs yeet White House invitation?

when he found Addimando’s car paused before a green light on Taft Avenue. After he blew his air horn, she exited the car, her two children asleep in the backseat, and approached him about a fight she had with her partner (Poughkeepsie Journal, “Nicole Addimando defense aims to preclude statements to police,” 11.13.2018).

See Addimando on page 3

Essayist James Wood explores pathos of prose Meghan Hayfield

ARTS

on and the murder of Christopher Grover, her live-in partner with whom she had two children.

The decision came after a 12-person jury unanimously rejected her assertion of self-defense on April 12, 2019.

At approximately 2:16 a.m., on Sept. 28, 2017, Poughkeepsie police officer Richard Sisilli was en route to an unrelated incident

t was terrifying,” said Posse veteran Francisco Andrade ’22 [Disclaimer: Andrade is the Humor Editor for the Miscellany News] of leaving the military after six years.

After considering several post-military plans, Andrade received a full scholarship to Vassar via Posse, a highly selective program that pays for any college tuition that the GI bill does not cover. This allows the chosen veterans to attend the four Posse veteran partner colleges and universities on a full ride.

The selection process is rigorous. Lasting nearly one year, the application entails several rounds of interviews and evaluations in group settings. According to Director of the Posse Veterans Program Marcus See Posse on page 4

n Tuesday, Feb. 4, celebrated literary critic and novelist James Wood spoke to a sparse crowd, all equipped with notebooks, in Sanders Auditorium.

Wood is a staff writer at The New Yorker and previously worked as a book critic for The Guardian.

Wood read from his latest book, “How Fiction Works,” a compilation of pieces from his last 20

years in the literary field. Much of the book consists of reviews, but three are personal essays about the art of drumming, the act of cleaning out a family member’s unwanted library, and of the act of becoming our parents.

The piece Wood read was one of the personal essays, entitled “Becoming Them,” about the narrowing of life, and the ways in which we mourn the loss of

our parents by adopting their idiosyncrasies for ourselves. Wood said the essay was partially inspired by Lydia Davis’s short story “How Shall I Mourn Them?,” a comprehensive list of the physical and personal characteristics of the people she loves. While Wood is known most for his critical work, this essay explored how personal experiences can furnish reviews and essays with individual insight—a step past

basic academic pieces or formal criticism.

“Becoming Them” details sleepy Sunday afternoons in northern England, where, after church, there was “nowhere to go and nothing to do.” Wood recalls his father sitting in an armchair listening to Beethoven, while his brother passed the solitude listening to Robert Plant.

Or of falling asleep passively, See James Wood on page 5

Local nonprofit prepares shelter dogs for service Gabby Ho

Guest Reporter

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ervice dogs often cost anywhere between $10,000 and $60,000 to train and register. For many, service dogs are a medical necessity, but these costs can prohibit access. However, in Dutchess County and the surrounding area, Animal Farm Foundation’s Service Dog Program works against these financial barriers, training dogs and giving them to people with disabilities for free.

According to its website, Animal Farm Foundation is a nonprofit dedicated to bringing dogs and people together to end discrimination for all individuals (Animal Farm Foundation, “Service Dogs”). They have numerous programs and grants to help people, alongside their service dogs, overcome issues pertaining to classism, breed bans, racism, ableism and other forms of prej-

udice. All of this work is accomplished through fundraising, generous benefactors and donations.

After going through an application process, handlers are brought to their location and are matched with a furry companion. If the person and the dog click, they tailor each dog’s training to the specific needs of their handlers, including psychological health, mobility and hearing.

Psychiatric dogs can be trained to block—a technique in which the dog stands in front of or behind their handler to provide support and maintain a perimeter between the handler and other humans—and detect incoming anxiety and panic attacks before they happen. This enables their handlers to remove themselves from a stressful situation and get necessary help, as well as perform other techniques to help maintain their handler’s mental

health. Hearing dogs assist their handlers by indicating when and where they hear important sounds like fire alarms, oven timers and doorbells. Mobility dogs help their handlers with tasks like retrieving objects, providing bracing and counter-balance, guiding wheelchairs and opening fridge doors.

In an effort to reduce bias and show that, “all dogs are individuals” and should not be judged by their breed, Animal Farm only trains shelter dogs that have been labelled as “pit bulls.” It’s important to note that “pit bull” is not even an actual breed, but instead an umbrella term with ambiguous qualities (stocky, shorthaired, muscular, etc.), which results in skewed statistics (Animal Legal & Historical Center, “Dias v. City and County of Denver,” 05.27.2009).

The American Veterinarian See Dogs on page 9

Association has also conducted numerous studies showing that breed is an unreliable way to predict behavior (American

Above is Mallard, a service dog in training waiting to be matched with a handler.

Courtesy of Acadia Generelli.

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February 13, 2020

THE MISCELLANY NEWS EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MANAGING EDITOR SENIOR EDITORS

Jessica Moss

Frankie Knuckles Duncan Aronson Lucy Leonard Isabel Braham CONTRIBUTING EDITORS Leah Cates Sasha Gopalakrishnan Mack Liederman Tiana Headley Aena Khan Olivia Watson Gillian Redstone ASSISTANT FEATURES EDITORS Janet Song Jonas Trostle OPINIONS EDITOR Abram Gregory ASSISTANT OPINIONS EDITOR Taylor Stewart ARTS EDITOR Francisco Andrade HUMOR EDITOR Jonah Frere-Holmes SPORTS EDITORS Dean Kopitsky Jackie Molloy ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR Natalie Bober SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR Yvette Hu PHOTO EDITOR Grace Rousell ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR Mohtad Allawalla ASSISTANT DESIGN EDITORS Rose Parker Lilly Tipton Ciara Murray-Jordan GRAPHICS EDITOR Jacqueline Gill ASSISTANT COPY EDITORS Phoebe Jacoby Caitlin Patterson VIDEO PRODUCTION MANAGER Alexis Cerritos Alex Barnard AUDIO EDITORS Kyle Chung Robert Pinataro BUSINESS MANAGER NEWS EDITORS

Teddy Chmyz ’21 ponders from abroad in Toulouse, France: “Yesterday my brother asked me if I was happy to be abroad, and after some consideration I eloquently answered ‘Umm yeah idk worth it I guess.’ And I think that about sums it up. It hasn’t been easy, trying to settle into a new country whose language I don’t speak and a new school that...Let’s just say, makes me appreciate Vassar more than ever. But it has also been good. I’ve done all the classic abroad things—taken some interesting classes, met people from all over and learned how to function as a human being in the real world. It’s definitely been worth it (I guess).”

REPORTERS

COLUMNISTS

PHOTOGRAPHER GRAPHIC DESIGNER COPY STAFF

CROSSWORD

Delila Ames Carissa Clough Olivia Diallo Rayan El Amine Meghan Hayfield Sara Lawler Madison Caress Lindsay Craig Rohan Dutta Ivanna Guerra Xin Rui Ong Alice Woo Sherry Liao Juliette Pope Nina Ajemian Jason Han Amanda Herring Emma Kahn Tiffany Trumble Frank

CORRECTION POLICY The Miscellany News will only accept corrections for any misquotes, misrepresentations or factual errors for an article within the semester it is printed.

The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pages. Staff editorials are the only articles that reflect the opinion of a two-thirds majority of the Editorial Board.

Courtesy of Julian Aguilar.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

February 13, 2020

NEWS

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Judge denies use of DVSJA in Poughkeepsie murder trial Continued from Addimando on page 1 Addimando confessed to shooting Grover in self-defense to the police officer, citing years’ worth of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. She explained how Child Protection Services (CPS) had come to their apartment 24 hours earlier, after an anonymous call reported bruises on Addimando.

She later testified that, as they lay on their sofa after the visit from CPS, Grover threatened to kill her if she left him. When he fell asleep, Addimando arose from the couch and unsuccessfully attempted to leave with the children. Grover produced a gun from between the couch cushions and pointed it at her. Addimando kneed him and grabbed the gun. The police later found Grover dead with a bullet lodged in his left temple (The Poughkeepsie Journal, “Addimando tells jury about shooting: ‘I just lunged and pulled the trigger,’” 03.28.2019).

Addimando, a graduate of Franklin Delano Roosevelt High School in Hyde Park, first met Grover in 2008 when they worked together as coaches at Mr. Todd’s Gymnastics (The New Yorker, “When Can a Woman Who Kills Her Abuser Claim Self-Defense?”

12.20.2019). After developing a close friendship, their relationship grew into a romantic one. Addimando even shared her history of childhood sexual abuse. The two stayed together after Addimando left Mr. Todd’s to obtain a teaching certificate and work as a student teacher in New Paltz. In 2011, she found employment at Vassar College.

Director of Wimpfheimer Julie Riess ’82 recalled first meeting Addimando after she came to work at the nursery school: “I met her [around 2011] because she was a primary caregiver for her nephew Noah, who was going to start Wimpfheimer as a two year old … I had met her a little bit and I really

wanted her to apply for a job here. I heard amazing things and when Noah started she had the time to take on a teaching position.”

Riess continued, “We loved and adored her … We work with tons of college students. In doing that, you develop a sense of who is a good fit, who has got a lot of promise and who is a good match for kids and for being in a young children’s environment.

Nikki was all those things.”

Riess first took notice of bruises and cuts on Addimando’s person in Oct. 2011. They had the card swipe access installed to provide Addimando an escape from the abuse: “We started trying to give her a safe place to go to.

Because we had the card swipes, she could get here 24/7. I left her the little room next to my office and a sleeping bag for her, as well as a first aid kit. I don’t know if she ever used the overnight piece or not, but we did patch her up. Everything from bruises and cuts to cracked ribs ... Things got a little better, and then they got worse again.”

After becoming pregnant in 2012, Addimando left Wimpfheimer and gave birth to a son, Ben, in December. Various sources confirmed that the abuse worsened when Ben was several weeks old, when Grover first forced himself on her. Riess stayed in touch with Addimando and described one incident that occurred during Addimando’s second pregnancy: “He took her head and he slammed it into the edge of the kitchen counter … Then he took a spoon and heated it and burned her all over her body.”

Another source who spoke on the condition of anonymity concurred with Riess’ assessment: “For two and a half years, I never saw her without a bruise. I saw her covering black eyes with sunglasses. I saw her with scarves covering red marks around her neck. I saw her twice with dislocated

shoulders … She discussed with me the brutal rape that he did to her night after night after night, how she had to remain silent to not wake up her children.”

In cases of self-defense, the burden of proof falls upon the prosecution to disprove the defendant’s justification beyond reasonable doubt. Riess described suppression of evidence as the prosecution’s major strategy.

Likewise, Putnam County Assistant District Attorney and chief prosecutor Chana Krauss rejected Addimando’s claims that Grover abused her. She instead cited an employee of Addimando’s mother who sexually assaulted her and a police officer with whom Addimando became involved after attempting to report Grover as possible abusers (The New Yorker). These individuals provided grounds for the court to question whether Grover could be proved, beyond a reasonable doubt, to be Addimando’s abuser.

Krauss asserted that Addimando was a manipulator who had emotionally abused Grover and killed him in his sleep. She used texts from Addimando to Grover, such as “I have an asshole man child for a partner.

That’s my disorder.” Furthermore, Krauss called to the stand Stuart Kirschner, a forensic psychologist who testified that videos depicting Grover and Adimando in rape scenes, which Grover posted to PornHub, were consensual (The New Yorker).

The day of the sentencing, friends and family gathered at a rally outside the Dutchess County Courthouse and hosted a vigil for 30-year-old Addimando, whom they call Nikki, in the common room of Christ Episcopal Church. Former Davison House Fellow Elizabeth Clifton helped organize both events, recalling through a cracked voice at the vigil: “She is able to think about other people’s needs and lives, and she re-

members to ask details about them.”

Addimando’s defense team saw a glimmer of hope in May 2019, after Governor Cuomo signed into law the Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act (DVSJA, NYS S. 1077). Specifically, the DVSJA amended existing laws to provide alternate sentences for victims of domestic violence (DV). It defines DV Alternative Sentence eligibility with respect to crimes committed due to coercion by an abuser; against the defendant’s abuser; or at the behest (at the request or order) of the defendant’s abuser (Pro Se Practice, “Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act: Resentencing Options,” 09.04.2019). However, Judge McLoughlin denied applying the DVSJA, stating to the prosecution and defense teams that Grover could not be verified as Addimando’s abuser. He also asserted that Addimando had various opportunities to leave the home she shared with Grover.

Though Grover’s family could not be contacted for a comment, several relatives and close friends shared their thoughts on social media. Multiple individuals expressed relief and appreciation for what they see as justice having been served on Grover’s behalf.

The People vs. Nicole Addimando dragged on for nearly two and a half years, during which her family paid thousands of dollars in legal fees. Clifton and Michelle Horton, Addimando’s sister, established the Addimando Defense Committee: “Our goal is to support her, to help raise money for her defense, and support her in telling her truth.”

The Defense Committee plans to continue advocating for Addimando and assist in finding attorneys to appeal the decision. The DVSJA will not only be central to the appeal, but The People vs. Nicole Addimando will establish its application in New York State case law.

Speaker grapples with African, African-American identities Olivia Diallo

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Reporter

o be of Afro-diasporic descent is to have an identity that is inherently foreign. To diasporic populations, Africa represents the impossible: the known and the unknown, the celebrated and the shameful. In a lecture in Taylor 203 on Feb. 5th, Professor of History and International affairs at George Washington University Nemata Blyden presented an in-depth analysis of what being African-American means. Blyden posed the question central to her research: “What is it about their experience in the United States that has consistently drawn African-Americans to [Africa] in a variety of ways?”

The hall was filled with students and faculty attending the lecture, titled “African-Americans & Africa: Speaking Across The Centuries.” Poised in a red suit in a West African block print and curled locs, Blyden displayed a series of photographs on the projection screen. Most of them were portraits of the Black activists that she would later mention in her talk, putting faces to the names, words and actions she engaged with throughout the lecture. In the confident cadence of a seasoned lecturer, Blyden unveiled a history unknown to many: Black immigration to Africa in order to escape the United States, a country that remains inhospitable to Black bodies.

A love story led Blyden to study this phenomenon. Her father, a Harvard graduate student from Sierra Leone, met her African-American mother, a recent graduate hired as a Black teacher to desegregate a white school, in Atlantic City, New Jersey. The two married and migrated to Sierra Leone, where

Blyden was born. This more personal history is what generated Blyden’s interest in African-Americans’ relationship to Africa; her grandmother had been horrified at the idea of her daughter being whisked away to a land that existed in the American imagination as jungle void of civilization.

Through the story of her family, Blyden illustrated the relationship between diasporic people of African descent, specifically African-Americans, and the continent itself that was the catalyst for emigration movements in the 19th and 20th centuries. Some emigration attempts to Africa and the Caribbean were successful as immigrants integrated into the receiving community. In other cases, tensions between locals and émigré arose as the receiving countries considered African-Americans to be foreigners. As a diasporic community, African-Americans could return to Africa, but were still dispossessed of a native land.

Blyden described the African-American community in America as “a population which has, arguably, not been fully accepted into this society, and one who is made to feel like they don’t fully belong.” It was this sense of disillusionment coupled with the threat of violence, said Blyden, that gave rise to movements to return to the African continent.

Blyden explained that those first brought to the Americas in bondage had personal ties to specific nations and traditions within Africa.

Yet, Africa existed as an abstract concept for the generations that followed. African-Americans’ notions of Africa are complex; they are deeply personal yet conceived in the context of the imperialist culture in which they are situated. “Ideas of Africa as primitive influenced how some engaged with their ancestral

homeland,” explained Blyden.

Still, some African-Americans embraced their heritage. Blyden featured 19th-century activist and abolitionist Henry Highland Garnett, who was born enslaved in Maryland before eventually settling as a free man and minister in Troy, New York, as a supporter of African-American emigration to Africa.

Blyden quoted Garnett, “No man shall deprive me of my love for Africa, the land of my ancestors.”

The work of 19th-century abolitionists informed more recent conversations about African-American identity in relation to Africa. Blyden pointed specifically to the civil rights movement in America, during which African-Americans were aware of African nations’ fight for and achievement of independence. The successes of African nations in ousting colonial regimes inspired civil rights activists in the United States, and Africa moved from a place of rejection to that of reverence in the public imagination.

The issue of how much Africa to incorporate into African-Americans’ personal identity remained. The term “African-American” itself is a complex identity for many reasons: Members of the group ascribed this name to themselves. The act encapsulated a level of autonomy long-denied for African diasporic communities. Adopted in the 1980s, the name also explicitly suggests a connection to Africa; Blyden recounted Rev. Jesse Jackson’s appeal to the Afro-descended community to embrace the term because of its allusion to Africa rather than “Black,” which Jackson said connoted poverty and oppression but is largely preferred today. Many in the public eye, including entertainer Whoopi Goldberg, reject-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

ed the term, arguing that “African-American” could be construed as divisive.

This conversation about African identity, and how much of it to adopt, continues today in the era of the DNA test. It’s now possible for Afro-descended people to pinpoint where their family might have originated, allowing African-Americans to identify with a community rather than an imagined monolithic continent.

Blyden described the relationship between African-Americans and Africa as ebbing and flowing across time. A modern turning point, said Blyden, came in the form of the 2018 film “Black Panther,’’ which Blyden credits with renewing African-American interest and pride in Africa. When asked whether African and African-American audiences reacted differently to her research, Blyden said that she has noticed that African-American audiences tend to ask her how to go about creating dialogue with African people. Though diasporic dialogue is not the topic of her research, Blyden noted that she sees this questioning as an attempt to challenge the idea that relationships between African and African-American communities are inherently strained.

Blyden did not linger on the narratives of slavery and subjugation that are often sites of dialouge during Black History Month. Instead, she shared stories of agency in forming identity and subverting oppression. Quoting playwright August Wilson, Blyden concluded, “‘If you are willing to accept it, it is your duty to affirm and urge that defense, that respect, and that determination.’ I would argue that if August Wilson was here today, he would add, ‘and, I think, you can do that on American soil.’”

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February 13, 2020

With more Posse partners, fewer veterans choose Vassar Continued from Posse on page 1 Felder, Posse searches for veteran scholars with superior leadership skills and high academic potential. Dean of Admissions Sonya Smith explained that Vassar admits students from a Posse-selected pool of veterans.

In recent years Vassar has struggled to bring in a full Posse class. For the group of veterans arriving next fall, Posse brought less than the anticipated 20 applicants for Vassar to choose from, resulting in an entering class of six Posse students instead of the expected 10. Registrar Colleen Mallet says a dearth of admitted students has occurred once or twice before in previous years.

According to Mallet, the reduction of Posse applications to Vassar has to do with the addition of new partner universities— the University of Chicago and University of Virginia joined Vassar and Wesleyan University as partners in the Posse Veterans Program—while the overall supply of Posse applicants has not increased to meet the demand.

“Perhaps these schools are more appealing geographically, or maybe because they’re larger schools,” Mallet considered.

“I think [resolving this issue] is a matter of Posse having to find a greater pool for all schools to choose from.”

Convincing veterans of the value of a liberal arts education has also proven chal-

lenging. Many Posse veterans in their older 20s and early to mid-30s have responsibilities outside of educational life, such as families and children to attend to, and therefore seek more direct post-graduation career paths.

“During their time in the military, they’ve been trained for specific jobs, so there’s always that goal of ‘Here’s the job you’re trained for.’ I think it’s a little bit harder to see with a liberal arts education. They’re at the end of these four years [asking], ‘What am I qualified to do?’” explained Mallet.

Andrade echoed this point, but also described how a liberal arts education ended up complementing his military experience and allowed him to explore new interests. “The military has a very one-track mind for the most part. You have a mission, and though the plan may change and you may have to find new ways to complete it, the objective remains the same,” he explained. “But reality is not like that, and a liberal arts education allows students to try classes and experience things they may never have tried outside of it.”

Mallet admitted that part of the issue is overcoming the challenge of communicating the value of a liberal arts degree, as many of the majors at Vassar do not have a clear pre-professional track. “Especially with this [veteran] population that enters college a little older, in their late 20s, 30s,

they’re ready to hit the ground running.

At that point in their life do they want to start an entry-level job? … They want to catch up with their peers, so it makes it harder to see exactly how this liberal arts education can help them get to that end goal of that job.”

Felder shared that Posse is working on expanding its recruitment efforts in order to reach more applicants each year. This includes establishing an advisory coun-

cil to increase outreach and recruitment strategy and working with admissions offices.

Vassar hopes to bring in a full class of 10 Posse veterans in the near future, emphasizing the values the Posse veterans bring to the College. According to Mallet, “There’s so much leadership and team skills that they’re bringing with them.

Coupling that with a liberal arts degree really opens some doors for them.”

A group of currently enrolled Vassar Posse students pose.

Tiffany Trumble/The Miscellany News.

NY judges, attorneys consider sweeping judiciary reforms Continued from Courts on page 1 claim that the number courts causes confusion, chaos and exhaustion for those trying to navigate the system.

One supporter of consolidation is New Paltz-based attorney and former legislative chair of the New York State Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers Andy Kossover.

“Our current court structure hasn’t been modified in over half a century. New Yorkers deserve a modern court system that should be easier to access and understand and which speeds rather than impedes the resolution of cases,” said Kossover. Appearing in different courts for different parts of the same case is time-consuming, resulting in some cases dragging on for years.

In addition, different judges often only see parts of a person’s overall situation, and thus must obtain records from courts with different jurisdiction, further lengthening a case.

“With issues of custody, divorce and support, you get into issues that should be consolidated, and often they’re not,” said upstate New York-based attorney Michael Sussman. “I think those issues ought to be heard in the same preceding with the same judge who’s familiar with all the dynamics.” The New York State Court System is one of the largest in the country and the world, with over 1,350 judges and some 15,000 non-judicial employees. New York’s courts process an average of more than three million new cases each year. Its 11 courts dwarf states like California and New Jersey, which have three and five courts, respectively (Simplifynycourts.org). The current system of courts is as follows: Outside New York City District Courts: Located only in Nassau County and the five western towns of Suffolk County. Arraign defendants accused of felonies but only handles misdemeanors, lesser offenses and civil suits involving

claims up to $15,000.

City Courts: Defendants in upstate cities accused of felonies appear here first.

However, City Courts only handle misdemeanors, lesser offenses and civil suits involving claims up to $15,000.

Town and Village Justice Courts: Handle misdemeanors and lesser offenses. All criminal cases (misdemeanors, felonies, etc.) begin here. If a charge rises to a felony, it is moved to a county court.

County courts: Located in each county outside New York City, they have exclusive authority to try felony cases, while also having authority to try misdemeanors and other minor offenses.

Courts in and outside New York City The State Supreme Court: Hears cases outside lower courts’ authority, such as civil matters involving more money; divorce, separation and annulment proceedings; and criminal prosecutions of felonies.

The Family Court: Hears cases involving children and families, adoption, guardianship, foster care approval and review, juvenile delinquency, child support, custody and visitation, and child abuse and neglect.

The Surrogate’s Court: Handles cases relating to individuals who have passed away: validity of wills and administration of estates. They also handle adoptions.

The Court of Claims: Has exclusive authority over lawsuits seeking money damages against the State and state-related entities/organizations.

Appellate Courts Appellate Terms of the Supreme Court in the First, Second, Third and Fourth Departments: Hear appeals of decisions in cases starting in the New York City Civil and Criminal Courts; District, City or Town and Village Courts; County Courts; and City Courts and Town and Village Courts.

The Court of Appeals: New York’s highest court. Hears civil and criminal appeals from intermediate appellate courts and sometimes trial courts.

(The New York State Unified Court System, “The New York State Courts: An Introductory Guide,” 09.2010).

State legislators and governors have tried to restructure the system over the past 50 years with little success. Governor Andrew Cuomo (D-NY) acknowledged this in his 2020 State of the State Address, adding that he plans to work with the Court of Appeals, New York State Chief Justice Janet DiFiore and other state judges to modernize the judiciary (YouTube, “Governor Cuomo Delivers 2020 State of the State Address,” 01.08.2020).

Top state jurists continue to demand change even today. Back in September 2019, DiFiore proposed a major transformation of the current system. The proposal consolidates the state’s 11 courts into three. The present County Court, Family Court, Court of Claims and Surrogate’s Court judges would all become State Supreme Court judges. Upstate City Court judges would turn into a new network of Municipal Court judges. Town and Village Courts would remain as is (Nycourts.gov, “Chief Judge Proposes Constitutional Reforms to Simplify Outdated Court Structure, Aiming to Enhance Access, Optimize Resources,” 09.25.2019).

Changing the court system according to DiFiore’s proposal requires amendments to the state constitution. For this to happen, the state Assembly and Senate have to approve the proposal in the 2020 and 2021 sessions. Voters must then vote in favor of the amendments during the November 2021 general election. The proposal is only in its draft stage and is currently being discussed in public hearings hosted by the state legislature (Nycourts.gov).

So far, Supreme Court judges, whose ju-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

risdiction would merge with that of other courts, have been some of the most vocal opponents to the proposed consolidation.

The Association of Justices of the Supreme Court of New York State was not consulted about DiFiore’s proposals. At the New York Legislature’s second public hearing on the proposal in November 2019, some rejected the notion that their careers should be placed in the Office of Court Administration’s (OCA) hands.

“Granting OCA authority to shift judges from one position or jurisdiction to another endangers the freedom that judges must have to make unpopular decisions when the facts and existing law compel it,” said Justice Deborah Karalunas, president of the Association of Justices of the Supreme Court of New York State (Brooklyn Eagle, “Biggest opponents to court-merger plan continues to be Supreme Court justices,” 11.23.2019).

In often-cited cases involving domestic violence, child custody and divorce, where two or three courts are involved, Justice Karalunas expressed that the inconveniences are not a result of the number of courts, but of the OCA’s inefficiencies.

“Unlike the commercial division where I sit, OCA has not developed uniform rules, protocols and procedures to make for faster, smarter, cheaper Family Court litigation,” said Justice Karalunas (Brooklyn Eagle).

New York State’s Chief Administrative Judge Justice Lawrence Marks noted that though he recognizes the criticisms of the judges, he would appreciate it if they offered ideas.

“We wanted to put something out to focus discussion on a particular proposal, but we said from the start nothing is carved in stone,” he expressed. “Undoubtedly, there will be changes. I’d be shocked if this thing sailed through. We see this as the beginning of the process.”

February 13, 2020

ARTS

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Wood ponders profits of personal in ‘How Fiction Works’ Continued from James Wood on page 1 simply because there is nothing else to do.

These kinds of days crystallize in our memory. They pass fleetingly, yet reverberate throughout life.

Wood spoke about the constriction of death as his parents’ days grow numbered and their capabilities dwindle. Mourning is a universal act, but also one that is deeply personal. “I can’t choose how to mourn, only haplessly, accidentally, by surviving them. I shall mourn them just by living,” he recited. We absorb the habits of those we love as a way of remembering, even if we do it unconsciously. For Woods, he found his father in his own theatrical sneeze, incessant snoring and a shared pitch of voice. In becoming his father, the writer was able to grieve him before his death. In Davis’ essay, she notes that “C,” a shortening of her loved one’s name, “leaves the butter out all day to soften,” and “makes pancakes in the morning when traveling.” In inhabiting their habits, Wood said, we mourn.

Assistant Professor of English Katie Gemmill asked at the lecture how personal experience can be woven into critical essays.

“One thing we have to remind ourselves is there is this academic thing called criticism, it has its own particular pleasures

and joys, which aren’t negligible, but it’s good to remind ourselves that that formal stuff comes along pretty late in the history of criticism—basically is a 20th century invention,” Wood replied.

“We absorb the habits of those we love as a way of remembering, even if we do it unconsciously.”

Despite Wood’s assurances, to many contemporary academics, personalizing the critical is a totally novel idea. To Sophia Florida ’22, this approach seemed to be a form of writing lacking in academic and scientific writing, though it could broaden the scope of the way stories are communicated.

“He was describing storytelling within critical essays and critical writing, and I

think that that is something we need to do more of in all kinds of writing—use our own personal lens and the vicarious taste he was talking about,” Florida said.

Wood acknowledged that fewer and fewer students major in the humanities, and emphasized that critical writing is “a literary pursuit that can be practiced for its own pleasure.” Admitting that it’s a grave time for the review—and that the state of journalism is being constantly threatened—Wood said we should “try to stress the richness and amplitude of criticism as a discipline.”

Visiting Associate Professor of English David Means, who is a notable author, suggested that reviews are not dying, but changing form.“Obviously you have Goodreads or Amazon where people are now doing [reviews] themselves, which can be worrisome when you’re a writer, because you’re like, ‘I would like a person who has a stance to approach the work,’” Means said.

The notion that journalism, specifically supposedly superfluous writing like reviews that occupy glossy magazines are threatened by the digital age isn’t new. But sites like Goodreads promote engagement with books in conjunction with social media. But Wood’s essay allowed for his own stories to take place within a larger literary history.

Describing a recent return to his parent’s house in Scotland, Wood said he realized something was missing. Though his father sat in his armchair, there was no Beethoven, as the CD player had broken months before and buying a new one seemed indulgent. Suddenly, the passage of time threatened Wood’s deeply held memory of classical music on Sunday afternoons. Accepting that these memories live separate from present reality is its own form of grief. By placing this story within Davis’ notion, and the universal tradition, of grief, his form of review provoked deeper thinking about how formal criticism is not that much different than typing a review on Goodreads and sharing it on Facebook.

Listening to Wood reflect on sleepy Sunday afternoons, the essence of personal essays revealed itself as shaping individual experiences into communal ones. We each claim moments as our own, yet some of the most deeply personal experiences are derivative. As stories continue to shape the media content we consume, it is clear that personal stories can become a unifying force. By familiarizing abstract notions of death and identity into the simple memory of Sunday afternoons, Wood was able to construct a road map of how to mourn by merely living.

Jeans, trauma, catharsis: ‘Sex Education’ outgrows feel-good Hindley Wang

Guest Columnist

[CW: This article discusses sexual assault.] ex Education” unpacks the raw, unglamorous world of teenage sexuality in its second season, which aired just this past month. This most recent run returns with much more vitality, color and, of course, education, topping its Rotten Tomatoes debut rating of 91 percent with a new 97 percent rating. If season one is all about the fraught search for self and sexuality at the formative age of 16, its successor tackles bigger questions regarding the myriad social perceptions of sex and, in doing so, lives up to the title yet again.

Unlike the show’s first take on teenage sex in all its dramatique absurdity and awkwardness behind the closed doors of Otis and Maeve’s sex clinic, season two applies a delicate hand as it tackles more nuanced issues. An assembly of complex female characters takes center stage, each with their own set of peculiarities—from the sex therapist to the depressed housewife, from the popular girl in highs chool to the quiz heads. From explorations of pleasure to those of care, intimacy, independence, confrontation and recovery from trauma and assault, “Sex Education” attempts to capture modern women in their diverse totality.

The show addresses the issue of public sexual assault in public through the bubbly character Aimee. In a scene that preserves the comedy’s technicolor aesthetic without disregarding the gravity of sexual assault, Aimee climbs on a bus with a birthday cake she baked for her friend Maeve. She smiles at strangers, but before she realizes it, the “handsome” young man standing behind her masturbates and ejaculates on her favorite pair of jeans.The camera focuses on the cake until the music in Aimee’s ears slowly distorts to dissonance: “He’s wanking on me!” she cries out.

“Stop! Stop the bus, please. I need to get off, excuse me,”Aimee requests to get off the bus, but only apologetically. The crowd is visibly disturbed by her outcry and the disruption she causes to their morning

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commute. She becomes an inconvenience.

As she disembarks, the music stops in her ear. The cake is smushed and her jeans are stained. The pink frosted bunny cake that Aimee clutches helplessly in the public space feeds into her false sense of security.

“What happened to the cake?” Maeve asks Aimee when she arrives. “It didn’t look so bad before…but then I was on a bus and a guy wanked on my leg and I got a little shocked and smushed the cake … Do you think it’ll stain? I love these jeans.”

Maeve takes Aimee to the police station to report her assault. Aimee feels guilty during the process, especially after she hands in her jeans as evidence. She apologizes repeatedly to the officers for the fuss and inconvenience she brings. At the end of the report, she leaves the office without her jeans, in a pair of sweatpants offered by the police officers. Despite its effortless humor and the trivial emphasis Aimee places on her jeans, this encounter goes right to the heart of the all-too-frequent sexual assault suffered by women in public spaces. Slowly, the reporting process triggers serious reflections and complex emotions for Aimee— these can’t always be articulated clearly, but they are relatable to those who have experienced similar traumatic events. These traumas can evoke a profound insecurity that permeates and destabilizes the entire belief system upon which you construct your being. They evoke a deep concern for your safety, for yourself—a fear so deep that you can’t really wear those jeans anymore even if they are your best pair of jeans, or precisely because they are your best pair, that they flatter your body so well that they get you into that uncomfortable situation in the first place. The insecurity is internalized as you realize that you have no control or choice, not even over your own body, and only you are to blame. Nowhere is safe. No one is to be trusted. It is a constant state of fear at work to constrain and imprison.

It’s only after Aimee reports the crime that the status of “victim” assigned to her begins to feel like one, stripped of autonomy or power. It is a difficult road to recov-

ery and empowerment from such an experience. The lean silhouette of her assaulter covered under a turquoise and purple jacket, his disturbing, well-disguised smile, haunts her everywhere she goes. This newfound awareness of unwanted attention follows, leaving her feeling powerless and alone. The bus incident plot line concludes with a scene in which all the female leads gather on an abandoned site of unwanted goods. Aimee’s friends encourage her to smash things to feel better. “I don’t feel bad, I just feel angry. I’m angry that a horrible man ruined my best pair of jeans, that no one did anything, and now I can’t get on the fuckin’ bus!” Aimee rails. Her guilt and fear finally yield anger when she wrecks the window of an abandoned car as her friends cheer her on and join her smashing. The explosion of physical power and destruction is synchronized with an exhilarating anthem singing for the characters’ release from frustration and of empowerment. “Sex Education” reveals the incommunicable nature of Aimee’s trauma, and concludes with catharsis, an explosion of long-suppressed exasperation.

When all the leading female-bodied students in the show must come up with a presentation on “what binds us togeth-

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er as women” as a detention assignment, they come to the conclusion that “other than non-consensual penises, [there’s] not much.” This seemingly light-hearted sarcasm in turn highlights the episode’s focus on actual uneasiness for women in communicating their shared trauma. After Aimee smashes the car, the girls show up at the bus station to support her the next day. After walking the rocky road to school, Aimee returns to the bus, reassuming her proper place—one with respect and safety—in the public space.

“Sex Education” deepens its purpose beyond the “feel good” genre and comedic value, capturing sex not only as its sensations and absurdity, but its dimensions of violence outside its prescibed privacy into the public space. In returning to more sentimental themes following Aimee’s arc, we are brought through Aimee’s narrative of reclaiming herself, making a full circle since her debut appearance in the first five minutes of the show in the first season. This season hits home with its clearly articulated importance of sex education, not only for the teens but also for the adults; not only for the amateurs, but for the experts–that there is still much more to learn about sex for everyone, beyond the manual basics.

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February 13, 2020

Pattern Addict frontman: confessions of an indie improviser Olivia Diallo Reporter

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here exists somewhere in the college mythos the concepts of the college band, not necessarily the most musically adept, but a blast at Friday night house parties. In a sea of post-post-Strokes garage revivalists, Pattern Addict is notably music-forward and lyrically complex; their single released this fall, “One Eye Open,” wrestles with discomfort, jealousy and male rage as a resented part of the self.

Liam Manion ’22, lead singer, guitarist and songwriter of the Burlington-based band Pattern Addict, is my friend. I sit on the edge of his bed as he sits at his desk and we talk music, like we might any other day.

OD: How did you write “One Eye Open?” I don’t know because I don’t write songs. Do you, like, listen to another song for inspiration?

LM: It took fucking forever to write that, because the intro four chords I had been playing for about a year and couldn’t fucking figure out what to do with them … And I remember, over the summer, showing it to the guys and just yelling, and just fucking channeling all this anger I had. And that’s how I write most of my stuff; I don’t focus on anything except the chord progression and how I’m feeling and I just yell, I just sing over it and then later I’ll rake an audio recording of it, go back and transcribe the words.

OD: It’s like freestyling.

LM: That’s how I write music. It’s all improv originally. And that is a talent I do have, I can make up melodies and words on the spot pretty well. It’s definitely one of my strengths as a musician. That’s how that song came together in particular because one night we just got together and we

just did it as a band. I like to think about it like genetics, like evolution. You have this rough, rough thing that you’re working with. Then one time you play it, and someone does something differently by accident and it’s like mutation. You like it, and you play it, and one by one those little mutations start adding up and you get the best possible outcome.

OD: So for you, obviously, the writing and instrumentation is a big part. How do you feel about bedroom pop, this movement of artists not using instruments or their own lyrics?

LM: There’s a lot of good music that doesn’t have instruments. Like Kanye’s sampling is part of his style and it’s phenomenal, everything he does with it. But to be honest, any idiot can take a synthesizer, hit an oscillator button and make something that you like.

Because someone did it and it was revolutionary 10 years ago, 30 years ago before that.

If you gave me 15 minutes with my keyboard I could make something half as good as [bedroom pop]. And I’m sorry, but I do genuinely believe that. There’s a lot of bedroom pop where 100 percent of your listening audience is 18 to 24. It’s a fad. It’ll go away.

OD: I remember we were talking about “not getting” Billie Eilish. And at the Grammy’s her thing was, “I made this in my bedroom.”

So did you, but in a very different way.

LM: Yeah, so I was super interested in that so I Googled “Finneas and Billie’s bedroom.”

And like, there’s a bed in it. But it’s a studio.

There’s probably $100,000 worth of equipment in there. [Laughs] We paid someone to use their recording equipment and the equipment we were using wasn’t as good as what I saw in Billie Eilish’s bedroom. Billie Eilish is great, she’s got a good voice and the

stuff she’s doing is cool. But her voice sounds just like Lorde, it’s not original, and Finneas could cop a producing job at Atlantic Records.

OD: Or writing. He writes for her, right?

LM: Yeah, but the writing is not what’s carrying her! And it’s annoying because it’s good music but it’s just a drum machine behind a synth oscillator.

OD: It’s so reduced and so simplified that it’s hard to find fault with it. It’s interesting, right, how generationally we are kind of primed for that very minimal sound, you don’t have to pay attention to it. Speaking of age groups, is that something you think about when you write?

LM: I mean, not really, but you’re right because it reflects our short attention span. I was reading an interview with XXXTentacion before he died, and he said he was purposefully recording songs that were super short so that the streams would go up and increase your revenue. It is cool to see a range of people like your music, like two of my high school teachers were at our last show in Burlington and they liked it and they’re in their 50s.

OD: I was thinking about it, thinking that the last time there was a movement of super-short songs might be punk songs. Really short, really emotional, really political and really fast. And really anti-capitalist. And this is, like, the opposite of that.

LM: It is wild because it’s not anti-establishment, it’s like the most pro-establishment thing in the world.

OD: Are there any songs that made you think, “Holy shit, I wanna do this. I wanna make music and write?” Or people?

LM: People… I went to Ireland, and everyone there, all my relatives, played guitar

and sang and I wanted to fit in with them.

I thought it was the coolest thing in the world, and that’s why I originally learned guitar and started singing. The reason I’m self-conscious about it is that music, especially growing up in a conservative background, isn’t what a guy’s supposed to do.

Everyone tries to shut you down. People will tell you, “You can’t sing, you can’t write, you can’t play guitar,” but you keep doing it because you believe that you can more than they believe that you can’t.

OD: I remember we were talking about how the Arctic Monkeys are, like, “it” for you.

LM: Yeah, I would say that “From the Ritz to the Rubble” is my favorite song ever written.

And the reason is because [Arctic Monkeys frontman] Alex Turner is probably the best contemporary rock songwriter. It’s the honesty. Matt Schultz of Cage the Elephant had this quote, it’s like, “Be honest and people will think you’re being poetic.” And I feel that so hard. When people get hit the most is when you’re being truthful with yourself and your surroundings, and that’s art in general. It’s a mirror.

OD: There’s something about that unfiltered rage and apathy, even though it’s not righteous. It’s taking your experience and being uncomfortably honest about it.

LM: Yeah, that whole album is just his experiences being an adolescent in England.

That album “Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not” is so good and so honest. They were 100 percent in touch with what they were supposed to be as a band.

At that point, they were doing exactly what they were supposed to do. And that’s when you get good, that’s when it’s good.

Pattern Addict’s latest single, “Underwater,” is available to stream on all platforms.

‘You’: Netflix criminal stirs up sympathy, moral mysteries Leila Raines

Guest Columnist

[CW: This article mentions stalking and violence.] am no stranger to teen drama shows.

Every afternoon, shrugging off my backpack and curling up in bed after another dreary day of high school, I would turn on an episode of “Pretty Little Liars” or “The Vampire Diaries” to help get me through my homework (or maybe even avoid it for a time). So, when I first saw the trailer for Netflix’s “You” back in 2018, I was excited when I immediately recognized the familiar faces of Penn Badgley from “Gossip Girl” and Shay Mitchell from “Pretty Little Liars” staring back at me from the glow of my screen. When the first season finally landed on Netflix on Sept. 9, 2018, the series had me in its clutches right from the first episode, especially with its demonstration of the dangers of social media. Every episode left me springing to the next, and after I finished the first season (in two

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days of binging), I started scouring the internet for details on the next.

Originally premiering on Lifetime before switching over to Netflix, “You” stars Badgley as Joe Goldberg, a bookstore manager in New York City. The first season focuses on Joe’s obsession with college student and writer Guinevere Beck, played by Elizabeth Lail. What starts as a meet-cute in Joe’s bookstore—the two engage in some light banter while Joe helps Beck find a book—spirals into Joe picking apart her Instagram and Twitter accounts, stalking her every move and even breaking into her apartment, all within the first episode. As the story progresses, breaking-and-entering morphs into murder. Joe does what he thinks he has to do to guarantee a relationship with Beck, killing off her friends when they stood in his way. He even resorts to locking her in a glass box and killing her when she attempts to escape. In spite of his transformation into a serial killer, Joe managed to draw in millions of viewers, including myself. Somehow, I found that I never once wanted Joe to get caught; I related to him, followed him. I didn’t distance myself from him until his behavior escalated into the final murder. Beck’s death jolted me; it was the moment when, as a viewer, I was confronted with the immoral and deluded man he was. I didn’t want him to get away with killing Beck.

Upon the release of the second season on Dec. 26, fans were swept back into the cruel cycle of rooting for a character with murderous impulses. The season opened with the hope that Joe had finally dropped his old habits and was starting a new life for himself in Los Angeles. Of course, Joe crushed this hope by the end of the episode, when it

was revealed that not only had he started fixating on another girl, Love Quinn (played by Victoria Pedretti), but he had stolen someone else’s identity—Will Bettelheim—and locked the real Will in a glass box identical to the one from the first season.

Despite Joe disappointing me by returning to his chilling ways, my enjoyment of “You” didn’t falter with the second season. After finishing it, I even recommended the show to my mother. But as a college professor who teaches criminal justice and ethics, she had a different experience. Right after finishing the first episode, she told me that while the premise was interesting and the actors were great, she couldn’t bring herself to continue the show. She simply couldn’t relate to Joe at all, and found herself rooting against him.

Talking with my mother prompted many questions about Joe: Why didn’t I—and numerous other fans of the show—abandon him the minute he started invading Beck’s privacy and inserting himself into her life?

Why did we continue to stand by him and watch the show when he began murdering people? Does my mother, who immerses herself in ethics every day, embody the only righteousness in this world?

Badgley himself has openly discussed the questions that the show, and his convoluted character in particular, evoke. “I think what [Joe’s] meant to be is an embodiment and portrait of the parts of us that can’t escape rooting for Joe,” Badgley commented.

“In a more just society, we would all see Joe as problematic and not be interested in the show, but that’s not the society we live in” (The New York Times, “What Penn Badgley Wants Us to Learn From ‘You,’’’ 01.24.2019).

Although Badgley has admitted in vari-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

ous interviews that playing a character as warped as Joe was difficult for him, he excels at bringing the nightmare of Joe Goldberg to life. Even taking away the horror movie music and creepy voice-overs, Badgley can easily flip the switch from being a good-hearted bookstore manager to a deranged, murderous stalker. Actual shivers would creep down my spine every time that vein in Badgley’s forehead would pop out, a telltale sign that Joe’s rage or desperation has spiked. While the plot fleshes out Joe’s moral capacities and complicates his position as both protagonist and antagonist, Badgley’s exceptional performance only enhances that conflict, as he manipulates his body to change personas Maybe fans don’t sway in their loyalty to Joe because his perspective dominates the show. We not only get to see Joe’s good deeds—like helping his neighbor’s young son Paco stand up to an abusive stepfather— along with the evil ones, but we also get to hear the thought process and rationale behind Joe’s actions; these factors trap viewers right in Joe’s grasp. If “You” had focused entirely on Beck’s perspective, it’s likely that we wouldn’t care as much about Joe as a character; he would fulfill his role as an antagonist as soon as the audience we see him as a murderous, obsessive stalker.

Joe Goldberg and the second season of “You” once again made me question my judgement of character over the break. How would I know that I’m not talking to a criminal, or that I’m not deluding myself into morally questionable behavior at any given moment? My renewed self-doubt aside, I know one thing for sure: I won’t be able to watch “Gossip Girl” the same way ever again.

ARTS

February 13, 2020

Tianyi (Frida) Jiang Class of 2021 She/Her/Hers "In my paintings, I am hoping to explore ways to convey emotion through the usage of contrasting colors and in what ways can a painting break from the traditional idea of depicting figures. The thread-made artwork refers to the Chinese folk tale of the "red line of destiny." The artwork addresses the complexity of life and its uncontrollable randomness. The final work is a sculpture of clay-made advertisement pens. It was distributed to the general audience, challenging the relationship between functionality and the effectiveness of distribution."

Page 7

What’s your go-to place to relax on campus?

“The cemetery.”

— Grace Roebuck ’20

“The philosophy lounge.”

— Keira DiGaetano ’23

“The library’s 24hour section.”

— Yuchen Wang ’23

“Kenyon roof.”

— Julia Busby ’22

“My room.”

— Anya Scott-Wallace ’21

“My bed.”

— Trina Chou ’23

Francisco Andrade, Humor Editor Sherry Liao, Photographer

Banner design by Juliette Pope/The Miscellany News.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Banner design by Frankie Knuckles/The Miscellany News.

FEATURES

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February 13, 2020

Graffiti: Mark of the Human Condition Humans have an innate need to declare “I was here,” even if that here-edness is anonymous. And what better way to do so than with graffiti? Ancient Greeks and Crusaders in Medieval Jerusalem carved the innermost workings of their minds onto stone walls, and Vassar students today have carried the torch of this centuries-old trend by etching their mid-lecture thoughts and daydreams onto desks. From evocative song lyrics, to the classic squiggle or geometric design, to positive affirmations, to rather explicit imagery, students use desk graffiti to silently communicate with fellow students as well as those who will soon exist where they once were. To examine this cultural phenomenon, the Features Editorial Team has gathered our favorite on-campus graffiti—some presented without comment, and some alongside the responses they provoke in us. If you see one of yours in our collection, let us know!

“Ah, numbers. The letters of math.”

— John Edmund Mulaney [via Lucy Leonard, Senior Editor]

Dionysus blessed us Vassar Brewers with his presence and sends a message signifying his Second Coming. It’s been years since Nov. 4, 2008 and we’re still waiting.

— Janet Song, Assitant Features Editor

OK Saitama.

— Janet

The wise words of the Rolling Stones are now seared into a desk, and therefore the minds of Vassar students. As one one commenter noted, “Yurp.”

— Gillian Redstone, Assistant Features Editor

These three affirmations, equally as likely to apply to a given human being, definitely lend a positive air to Blodgett 105.

— Frankie Knuckles, Managing Editor

A class can bring out the worst of your edgy tendencies.

This “GOD IS DEAF” scream into the night is...class-ic.

The only problem with screaming into the night is that someone might be trying to go to sleep and will let you know that they don’t have time for your bullshit by writing right underneath you. Or drawing boob petals.

— Duncan Aronson, Senior Editor

We don’t know how long Colonel Carp’s haunting visage has stood here, officious.

But I have far more questions, one of which is: How does he fill his pants?

— J­essica Moss, Editor-in-Chief

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

I spent a full semester conducting a close reading analysis of this stroke of genius, and its infinite mysteries and wonders still strike me, perhaps even more so than the classics of Russian literature I was meant to be studying at the time.

— Frankie

FEATURES

February 13, 2020

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Animal Farm topples breed bourgeoisie, eases access to service dogs Continued from Dogs on page 1 Veterinarian Medical Association, “Dog Bite Risk and Prevention: The Role of Breed,” 05.14.2014”). Many researchers have observed that the stereotype of pit bulls as violent may result in pit bulls being more likely to be adopted by people with violent tendencies, who will then train their dogs to be violent or treat them poorly, in addition to making it very likely for dogs to be euthanized or never adopted (Public Library of Science, “What’s in a Name? Effect of Breed Perceptions & Labeling on Attractiveness, Adoptions & Length of Stay for Pit-Bull-Type Dogs,” 03.23.2016; Journal of Forensic Sciences, “Vicious dogs: the antisocial behaviors and psychological characteristics of owners,” 03.09.2009). To counter these stereotypes, the Animal Farm Foundation actively seeks out and trains these pit bulls.

Special Programs Manager for the Service Dogs and Detection Dogs Erich Steffensen is one of several phenomenal trainers at Animal Farm.

I had the pleasure of speaking with him about the selection and training processes. He and the other trainers go to shelters across the country to see if their dogs have what it takes to become service dogs. The presented pup must be able to get along with people and other animals, but not to the point where they’d leave their handler to play–in short, they should be “nonreactive.” Different programs, of course, seek different dog traits. For example, if the dog demonstrates a high “toy drive” or “hunt drive,” then they’d likely be accepted into the Detection Dogs Program, a program that trains dogs to assist the police locate drugs and firearms—and accompany officers to visit kids in their free time.

Training service dogs takes about a year. Seeing if a dog and handler match, teaching dogs to help their handlers in the specific ways they need and translating that training to the outside world is a long, complicated process. Not all of the dogs make it through training, but don’t worry! Animal Farm Foundation makes sure that each dog will be adopted, regardless of whether they’re cut out to be a service dog. If you’re looking to adopt a dog, check out Animal Farm Foundation’s list of

Pepe and Carolyn’s cat, Boo, chilling out like the best buds they are.

Courtesy of Carolyn. lovable pups. They don’t even charge adoption fees. While the pups await adoption, their temporary home is a pup paradise that “looks exactly like heaven” with expansive foliage, open fields and very, very sweet dogs, according to one of their handlers, Carolyn.

Carolyn, a businesswoman, was never really a dog person. It wasn’t that she didn’t like them—she just preferred cats. But one day, following her doctor’s recommendation to get a service dog to assist her with her medical condition, she found Animal Farm and met Pepe, now one of her dearest friends. Pepe is a sassy, slobbery boy, who assists Carolyn day-to-day by alerting her to take her medicine, regulate her sleep patterns and other important tasks. Thanks to Pepe, Erich and Animal Farm, Carolyn is able to go outside and run her business and she gets to do it all with the cutest companion. “They gave me my life back,” remarked Carolyn. “Erich and Animal Farm have done more for me than basically anyone has ever done for me in my life. They gave me hope. I never saw myself getting to where I am now. I can’t

thank them enough.”

And yes, he is best friends with Carolyn’s cat too.

Handler Matt, a retired director of security of a medical college, echoed Carolyn’s deep appreciation for Animal Farm. He told me that Animal Farm Foundation has been an amazing support system and that he’s eternally grateful to Erich and everyone else who works there for changing his life for the better. In working with them, he’s not only found a service dog but life-long human friends.

Matt said of Animal Farm Foundation’s employees, “They don’t leave you, they’re with you forever.

Anytime you need them, you call them.”

I replied, “I know I’ve said that so many times already, but that’s amazing. I cannot think of a single other word to describe it.”

The phone crackled with his laugh as he responded, “Yeah! Because that’s the best word to describe it!”

Matt had been searching for two years for a furry mobility assistant before a friend of a friend of a friend told him about Animal Farm. Af-

Matt and his best bud Inspector Gadget. Go Go Gadget! Courtesy of Matt.

Pepe is so sassy that when two dogs in their apartment building kept barking at him, he went to the giant tree outside their building, locked eyes with them and “marked” the tree as his. Carolyn still hurts her sides laughing about it to this day. Courtesy of Erich Steffesen. ter having a life-changing call with Bernice, they had him come up to their location and introduced him to two dogs. That’s when he fell in love with his new best buddy, Inspector Gadget.

Gadget is one of the sweetest and smartest dogs you’ll ever meet. Matt recalled one memorable occasion when Gadget had been lying down on the couch, basically asleep, when Matt dropped his pen onto the carpet floor. Despite the pen barely making a sound, Gadget immediately bounded from the couch, put the pen back into Matt’s hand and then resumed his rest. Gadget takes his mission of retrieving items incredibly seriously.

At the time of our conversation last Friday, Gadget and Matt haven’t finished the final steps of training, and the two do not yet live together permanently. However, they just finished one of their “sleepovers”—a series of nights where the dog stays over at the handler’s house to see how the dog behaves—and Gadget is expected to go home for good in a week or two. I still tear up thinking about it.

Despite how cuddly these dogs may appear, and the fuzzy feelings they bring passersby, service dogs perform incredibly important tasks for their handlers. Both interviewees noted the importance of respecting handlers and service dogs, especially by not disturbing them when they’re working. There is a concerning trend of people disrupting by asking what a handler’s disability is, especially if they have an “invisible” disability. Please respect

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

the handler’s privacy and do not ask invasive questions. Not all disabilities are visible, and their visibility has no effect on their seriousness or their validity.

While most people—myself included—can understand the overwhelming desire to shower every dog in an immediate radius with love, you can show that love by not interrupting them or their handlers.

Animal Farm brings together two individuals who have been disadvantaged by restrictive societal structures. Living in an ableist society is difficult, especially when access to the tools you need to be healthy and functioning are limited. In addition to that, our society often shoves people into simplified boxes, reducing who they are and what they’ve experienced to a single label. People will assume anything about you based on your gender, the color of your skin, your ability and so many other simplistic traits that do not define who you are. The same goes for dogs; people assume they’ll be violent, obedient, smart or dumb just based on their breed. We know by now that generalizing either species based on simplistic traits isn’t even accurate, but it still affects the day-to-day lives of these individuals.

Animal Farm brings together individual to increase access to the outside world once more. This enables them to demonstrate that they are more capable than others believe them to be. Both Carolyn and Matt noted that while their dogs are the ones being trained, they have learned so much from their furry friends.

HUMOR

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February 13, 2020

Breaking News

From the desk of Francisco Andrade, Humor Editor

“What is a ‘Heavenly Body’? Does mine count?”

— Matthew Vassar Friends break up, third friend now has to deece twice as much Blair Webber

Seasonal Dater

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alentine’s Day is fast approaching, and we all know what that means here at Vassar College: It’s time to break up with your romantic partner. Whether you’ve been a package deal for a few years or just a few months, whether you’ve identified problems you need to work out on your own or your partner tells you it’s over because he’s quitting swim team and you won’t see each other as much so why bother, it seems like couples everywhere are set on ending things.

Juniors Ashton Neimans and Carson Simmons are among those moving on from a partnership this winter.

Neimans told the Misc, “We’d been together since last winter and it was great, but about a month or so ago something just started feeling off. I had a lot of work for classes, and, I don’t know, Carson just spends so much time with their experimental silent music ensemble—I think we both knew it was time to end it.”

Simmons offered their side of the story, saying, “Well, Ashton’s graduating in a year and I’m graduating in a year and that just really makes me think: What’s the point in staying together another year? Might as well just call it now.” They added, “The hardest part is telling our friends. It’s taken such a big toll on their lives and well-beings. It almost makes me think we should’ve stayed

together just for them, but we need to be true to ourselves.”

“We only just told Andie yesterday,” Neimans confessed.

“Yeah, it was really hard to break it to her,” added Simmons.

The Misc tracked down Andie Hindman ’21, the close friend Simmons and Neimans were unable to bring themselves to tell about their break up.

“It was a really weird conversation, like they thought I didn’t know or something?

But my best friend Ty texted me the day it happened, so I don’t know why they thought I wouldn’t have heard something,” Hindman said. “Breakups are hard,” they reflected, “especially at a small school, but I didn’t even think about it until they started texting me asking if I wanted to get meals separately.”

Hindman told the Misc that Neimans and Simmons each text her three times a day asking if she’d like to join one of them at the Deece for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

“I don’t see why we can’t still use the group chat we had before,” Hindman said. “Neither one of them has left it.”

When pressed for a comment, Neimans told the Misc, “Well, I didn’t want to be the first one to leave the group chat because I didn’t want Carson to feel like I was upset with them, so I just text everyone separately now. Especially Andie, since I know how hard our breakup has been for her. I mean, Carson and I were her best friends. But we’re all doing our best and trying to be gracious here. So I text Andie and ask if she wants to have a meal, but it’s not a big deal if she’s already got plans with Carson or something.”

“I wish they’d just leave me alone while

Mmm...this sauce smooth...

Janet Song

Traumatized Applesauce Eater

D

Pictured above is my brain trying to grasp the logistics of most Vassar relationships.

Courtesy of pxfuel.

they figure their shit out,” Hindman shared.

“Maybe that’s harsh, but I really did try to spend time with both of them separately since that’s what they want. The last time I told Ashton I already had plans with Carson, he set fire to a dummy of my head outside my window. And the one time I told Carson I’d made plans with Ashton, they keyed the door to the TA next to mine. How can they make such a fuss about who I spend time with but they don’t even know where I live? Anyway,” Hindman continued, “Now I just eat six meals a day and it’s fine.”

Other members of their friend group reported similar aggressive responses from the former couple. Hindman’s best friend, Junior Ty Ingle, described an event in which Neimans flipped over a Deece table in response to Ingle greeting Simmons with a friendly wave. A senior who wished to remain anonymous for fear of retribution said, “It’s getting a little out of hand. This is a small school, but it’s not so small you can’t move on without ruining everyone else’s lives.”

Hindman holds out hope that the two will move on soon. An acquaintance shared with her that she’d found Neimans on Tinder, and although his bio read “just here looking to piss someone off lol hmu for Valentine’s Day,” she sees this as a good sign. In the meantime, Hindman has just turned off her phone, saying, “If they can’t be civil I’m just not going to answer their texts.”

ear Applesauce Connaisseurs,

My name is Janet Song, and I am a reporter for the Miscellany News. A friend of mine is a fan of your applesauce, and after tasting it myself at Express, I can tell it is no typical store-bought applesauce. Unlike most sauces, it is almost mucus-like in texture, still tasting of apple but without its pulpy bits.

I have survived a painful childhood with

a fair share of disappointing applesauces.

First, Miss Ginny’s warm version from after-school care, chunks of apple wedges plopped in a hot, heterogeneous mixture of slithery skins. Next, the applesauce from an old woman’s apple picking farm, a cup of apple slice with unevenly scattered syrup and water. Then Mott’s. Plastic cup, yellow mush–tastes just like smashed apples because their flesh grates against the tongue.

I want to credit my fellow VASAM mem-

Look at how damn smooth that is. Like what the fuck.

Janet Song/The Miscellany News.

ber Nicole Kormendi ’20 for introducing me to Vassar’s applesauce. I remember the day as vividly as my apple-picking days back on the East End. By the sunlight coming through the Rose parlor windows, Kormendi ate a spoonful and cried, “This applesauce is so good!” before chatting about it with another member. Watching her continue to wolf it down, I realized I had to taste this for myself. Food at Vassar?

Tasting good? The chicken is always dry at the Grill. All my first-year friends aggressively salt their fries with Cajun powder because of their blandness. I cook at Your Kitchen at least three times a week because all the vegetable sides are watery.

I picked up a cup from Express. First thing that caught my attention was its peculiar color. The shades of applesauce constitute a spectrum: The lightest are a buttercup yellow, while the darkest are the hue of maple sugar. Applesauce never goes beyond that. Except this one. This applesauce is the rare rich shade of chocolate caramel. What I noticed next was its smoothness. I have never seen a smoother sauce–it’s almost uniform, save for the occasional is-that-a-hair-or-apple-fiber in some of my scoops (perhaps cinnamon?).

What phase of matter is your applesauce in? It is too smooth to be solid, and yet it is so viscous that you can’t chug it down like a My Market White Claw.

Anyway, despite its appearance, this is not a love letter to your applesauce. This

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

is a demand. My previous attempts to contact you have been met with silence. I can’t help but compare our relationship to Plankton and Mr. Krabs; you are thriving with your applesauce in the Krusty Krab, and I am in my Chum Bucket, desperately trying to purloin your secret formula. All I know is that it contains apple and cinnamon. But what is the secret to making it Bon Appetit style? Here I am, relying not on my supercomputer wife but on my Mac for clues. Look at my search history: Where does Vassar get apples? Vassar Cinnamon? Vassar applesauce? Vassar nearby apple farms? What is the secret? Should I do evil? Should I sabotage the Deece kitchen? Should I cryogenically freeze your leader and brainwash the student body?

What must I take to find the secret formula?

Sure, my friend who cooks says it’s simply cutting up apples small, boiling them with water and cinnamon, and pureeing them for smoother results. I cannot accept that answer. It is simplistic, ignoring the integrity of what makes Vassar’s applesauce unique. Alas, since your chefs haven’t revealed their secrets, I must take my own samples. Spot me getting looks as I scoop that sweet sauce into coffee cups, not-so-subtly carrying them with me as I go to Your Kitchen to cook spinach for the sixtieth time.

Best, Janet

HUMOR

February 13, 2020

(W)HOR(E)OSCOPES Madi Donat

Astral Projector

ARIES

Mar 21 | Apr 19

Both Mars and the moon are giving you lots of confidence this week, so use it wisely.

Maybe ask someone out or look for a job.

Try shoplifting! (WE DO NOT CONDONE THIEVERY.)

TAURUS

Apr 20 | May 20

Existing under capitalism is terrible, but you won’t take down the system by spending more money. Go on an adventure this week— one that isn’t to Target, maybe?

GEMINI

May 21 | Jun 20

Beware of falling hard and fast as Venus enters Aries…by which I mean, yes, beware of a newfound crush, but look out in case anybody wants to push you off of a high ledge.

CANCER

Jun 21 | Jul 22

Keep an eye out for career opportunities.

New experiences are scary, but you won’t know if you don’t try! Start small, like being assertive in your email etiquette. Terrifying!

LEO

Jul 23 | Aug 22

Enjoy your capacity for social connection this week. Charm will help in any situation. Will this be the time you finally get closure with that special someone? No, but it’s nice to be optimistic.

VIRGO

Aug 23 | Sep 22

Now is a great time to recharge and start again. Check things off your to-do list, and if you run out, here are some ideas: Make tea.

Sleep, a lot. Talk to no one. Go crazy a bit.

Spicy!

LIBRA

Sep 23 | Oct 22

What if I wrote like “Cosmopolitan” horoscopes? “Babe, your week is going to be wild with lots of…you know ;) We are activists even though our CEO is worth $11B ;)” SCORPIO

Oct 23 | Nov 21

I did a tarot card generator for you and got the 10 of Wands, which corresponds to work and responsibility. Take responsibility for yourself, just like Tyra said. Tyra is never wrong.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov 22 | Dec 21

How to write funny when you aren’t Francisco Andrade Not a Comedian

F

or close to a year now, I’ve written a Humor article for The Misc almost every week. If you know me at all, this is probably a surprise to you because I am horribly unfunny. You can see this in the comedy I watch and read, which I’ve been told isn’t nearly as comical as I thought—like “Family Guy,” “The Divine Comedy” (Comedy is in the name!) and the Trump Administration. So how is it possible I put out an article passable enough to make it through all my editors on a weekly basis? Easy. I do it last minute so they have no choice but to accept it as it is because they have no replacement.

Okay, that’s not true (most weeks). One of the things I actually do is surround myself with funny people and then plagiarize everything they say. Seriously, if you are my friend and you have ever made me even slightly chuckle, you are probably being recorded for comedy purposes…and sexual ones.

“But Franiel, what if I want to write for humor but I don’t have any friends!”

Well firstly, come hang out with me, I’d love to be friends. Secondly, do nothing.

Just give up. Oh sorry, I was just remembering what my parents said to me before I left home. But this brings up a solid point: tragedy inspires comedy. We’ve all been through hard times (and, as Vassar students, we make sure everyone knows about them), and therapy is expensive, so why not transform our nihilistic Gen Z depression into something cost-effective, but that isn’t oversaturated memes about beans and shadow people?

Comedy is said to come from tragedy because good humor is unexpected, and turning a story around with one dark phrase can do wonders for drawing out a good hearty chortle. If you embrace dark humor, however, I’d recommend going the self-deprecating route, as you don’t

want to come across as rude. Or maybe you do. Roast your friends and drag your family. Create your own tragedy and therefore your own humor.

You may be thinking, “But Frannie, I don’t want to be mean to anyone or myself. I have no faults and I’m a nice little red velvet cupcake.” Well okay, that’s fair.

Instead, you may want to try looking for comedy in every-day scenarios, like me trying to study, or me trying to walk without tripping, or me trying to go through life in general. But yes, being observant is an important skill for any reporter and writer to have, including one in the hu-

Womp Womp World

by Frank

CAPRICORN Dec 22 | Jan 19 You might be feeling behind the times, so take time to Urban Dictionary all of those terms you hear people using. By the end of this week, you’ll be a pro. And that’s on a period, or whatever.

Jan 20 | Feb 18

Let people know how you’re feeling this week, but be sure to keep your distance as well. Physically, that is—we’re in the heart of flu season!!! Cover your mouth when you sneeze.

PISCES

mor section. Pay attention to the world around you, observe your surroundings, watch your roommate sleep. Don’t blink, just steadily gaze at their unconscious form, slowly synching your breathing with theirs. Normal stuff.

I hope this has been helpful to all you aspiring humor writers out there. If all else fails, just surround yourself with a team of editors who are far funnier than you are, send them stories and hope to sweet baby Jesus they can salvage some comedy from the BS you wrote. Sure, the writing might be tragically bad, but isn’t that the best comedy there is?

Here is a sample Gen Z meme. A possible caption could be: “Me at 3am getting a nice cold glass of beans.” Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

Energy and spirits are high this week! Host a dance party and rock out. Show off your indie music that is definitely not just Brockhampton and Rex Orange County.

AQUARIUS

Page 11

Feb 19 | Mar 20

You’re feeling the V-Day vibes, so get yourself some cheap chocolate and go ham! Relationships end, but chocolate is forever. Though I guess not when you eat it. Chocolate is for until you eat it.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

OPINIONS

Page 12

Quite Frankly Frankie Knuckles

Managing Editor Quality Advice-Giver

Dear Frankie, Since I’ve started attending Vassar, I feel like I have made good strides towards becoming a somebody. I’m happy with my progress. Yet recently, after having pulled myself in this maturer direction, I feel a countervailing push away from being a young spring chicken who still has, and enjoys, a life. When did I become so hunched over, serious and irritable? How can I grow up and stay young?

Sincerely, Tragic Geriatric Dear Geriatric,

Q

uite frankly, I’m not sure I’ve experienced being a young person—my hip pops every time I take a step with too long a stride and on top of that, my favorite hobby is knitting and I deece at 5:00 p.m. almost every day. That said, I understand the appeal of youth and of holding onto the person you’ve been up until now.

I suppose to more thoroughly answer your question, I would need the particulars of what you see as the hallmarks of youth versus the downsides of aging, but I gather from your phrasing that “being a somebody” entails a measure of emotional maturity and responsibility heretofore unexperienced. These qualities hardly make you geriatric or restrict the amount of fun you can have. I understand that having fun usually doesn’t mean putting “fun” on your calendar, but I promise that non-spontaneous fun can be just as youthful—and making time for your fun will help you limit the irritability portion of your experienced geriatricity.

Certain habits of your younger self might not be able to stick around as you grow older and wiser, but you can always hold onto the spirit behind them. Maybe you can’t climb on the roof of a building and imbibe illicit substances anymore, but you can still go for a hike. That’s almost the same, right? And your commitments might not be as floutable, but you can learn to embrace the exhilaration of meeting a deadline, of a plan coming together, of finally nailing a recipe. And maybe sometimes, you actually can still climb to the rooftops—my brother is almost definitely adultier than you, and he still does.

So, how can you grow up and stay young? By recognizing the healthy balance between “I do what I want, when I want” and “I only ever do work and anyone in the way of my productivity must be made to suffer.”

Best wishes, Frankie P.S. Probably take everything I just said with a grain of salt. My idea of fun, spontaneous, youthful behavior is watching a full season of “The West Wing” in a single sitting while eating a bunch of gluten free pretzels. What do I know?

Have a question you’d like Frankie to answer? Scan the QR code to submit!

February 13, 2020

Iowa cheated all of us, but Bernie especially Nina Salvatore

Guest Columnist

T

hose of us who consider Bernie Sanders to be the best candidate in the 2020 race won in Iowa. We were victorious, having won the popular vote by a margin of over 2,500. But, to put it plainly, the establishment robbed us of our victory. History has not been kind to the popular vote: instead, we play by the rules of the Democratic National Convention (DNC), traditional media companies and state delegates. We play by all sorts of convoluted electoral games.

When it comes to state delegates, Mayor Pete Buttigieg is barely the frontrunner, and he and Bernie are practically tied in state delegate equivalents.

Remarkably, somehow, Pete has been celebrated as victor. The media began trumpeting a Buttigieg win when only 62 percent of the caucuses were reporting (FiveThirtyEight, “What Did — And Didn’t — Go Down In The Iowa Caucuses,” 02.05.2020). That was a little over a week ago, and more results have trickled in, but 95 precincts are still being recanvassed. The Iowa Democratic Party (IDP) humiliated American democracy. By effectively preventing Bernie Sanders from giving a victory speech in primetime, using untested and possibly biased technology and presuming to be an accurate representation of the United States to begin with, the IDP ultimately made the outcome of the Iowa caucuses vague and confusing to the American people.

To understand how the IDP screwed up the entire thing, we need to know how a caucus works. Unlike a traditional primary that is comprised of private, individual votes, at caucuses people visit their precinct and physically move into particular parts of the room based on whom they want to vote for. Caucuses take place out in the open, and then state delegates are awarded to each candidate according to who, by the end of the night, reaches certain thresholds of support. Another distinctive aspect of the caucus-style vote is realigning, which means that if the candidate you originally set out to caucus for is lacking support, you have the opportunity to realign with another candidate. Hence, the “first” and “final” reported votes are different. As if this was not complicated enough, the results from this year’s caucuses were released over the course of several days (The New York Times, “How the Iowa Caucus Works,” 01.31.2020).

It is not the delay itself, but instead the gradual release of these results, that has irrevocably muddied the waters. This is premature of me to say, but good riddance to the Iowa caucus. As I write this article, the Associated Press still has yet to call a real winner; who knows what information will surface. The Iowa Democratic Party fumbled its one job.

Caucuses are a convoluted, absurd and pseudo-democratic system. This year, approximately 176,000 Iowans turned out to caucus, only a tiny fraction of the 3,156,000 people who live in Iowa (AP News, “‘A Disappointment’: Iowa caucus turnout below expectations,” 02.07.2020). Only people who have access to affordable childcare, do not work evenings (or otherwise can get off work), have transportation and are familiar and comfortable enough with the language of politics to believe that they can make informed choices can constructively participate. Additionally, the right to be pri-

vate about whom and what you support is central to democracy, a right that was disregarded during the Iowa caucus. This is without even mentioning that several delegates were decided by flipping a coin.

Historically, Iowa Caucuses went like this: People gather at the caucuses, and then they appoint delegates (state-level delegates), then those delegates vote for the national delegates, who in turn vote for the nominee. In total, there are about 6,000 precincts and they (successfully) either phoned or emailed in these results (and this process has worked, every time, every Iowa caucus, except for the one on Monday).

Instead of this relatively simple system, the IDP decided that they needed some form of phone app. This app was created by “Shadow,” a private, for-profit company, to fulfill the simple process of reporting results, like how many raw votes and how many state level delegates each candidate received. This app was practically untested, and new to almost everyone collecting votes in the caucus.

This app-based confusion was all combined with the (justified) complication of the new satellite caucuses, which enable remote voting for Iowans who cannot be in Iowa at the time of their precinct’s caucuses.

Shadow is owned by another company, called Acronym, that is comprised of Democratic mega-donors and whose members consistently derided supporters of Bernie (The Intercept, “New Details Show How Deeply Iowa Caucus App Developer Was Embedded in Democratic Establishment,” 02.04.2020). After it became clear that the results would not be released anytime that sweet Monday night, each of the candidates gave a speech that essentially took the form of “Well, thank you to all of my supporters, let’s treat this as a jumping off point for the rest of my campaign!” One candidate in particular, Buttigieg, gave a resoundingly victorious speech. So far, still without any declared winner, Pete has won 564 state level delegates to Bernie’s 562, and the media wants you to know. The Iowa caucuses were pretty undemocratic to begin with and then they were further obscured by this app, leading to a preemptive and unfair victory speech from Pete.

“The official Democratic Party is letting the institutions that give them legitimacy break down.”

But setting aside the undemocratic nature of the caucuses and the poor execution of them this year, there’s something even more critical at work here, especially when we examine the media’s mania around Pete’s supposed victory: The Iowa caucuses are not telling. For one thing, Pete will lose in states that are not primarily white, as he does not

The opinions expressed above do not represent those of The Miscellany News as a whole.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Courtesy of Jackson Lanier via Wikimedia Commons

have a diverse coalition of voters. Pete only has the support of about one percent of Black, Latinx and Asian voters combined. Bernie polls at about 26 percent with the same crowd (Monmouth University, “Monmouth University Poll,” 01.22.2020). If that wasn’t indicative enough, Pete cannot even give an honest, coherent reason to why, when it comes to support from Black voters, he is lacking.

Even if you want to ignore Pete’s obvious lack of minority support and instead focus on upcoming primaries, Pete struggles to have boots on the ground while Bernie has a full battalion of supporters who have been canvassing and phone banking away since New Years Day, including a few carloads of Vassar students almost every week.

In the midst of all this Iowa hullabaloo, one benefit of the caucus process stands out to me. Caucuses are public.

Which means people and campaigns are comparing notes. Caucuses are harder to cheat, an important point considering the Democratic Party’s previous anti-Bernie bias (ABC News, “The 4 Most Damaging Emails From the DNC WikiLeaks Dump,” 07.25.2016). Every campaign has a precinct captain who takes down the numbers at each caucus. Which means that each campaign is also doing the Iowa Democratic Party’s job and checking their numbers against each other. So, if you care about the numbers, do not fret.

They will come out.

I do not have any delusion that this article will have an electoral impact. I’m writing this article because of particular frustrations with the 2020 Iowa caucus, in the idea that a process like this can even be considered democratic and the spacedout, muddied release of the results. It simply does not make sense. However, these things will continue to happen in this absurd system of the DNC. Especially when a grassroots movement is posing a substantial threat to establishment candidates. Of course this is happening.

As far as I am concerned, the official Democratic Party is letting the institutions that give them legitimacy break down. It is backing middle of the ground candidates, instead of actually progressive candidates with passionate, grassroots movements behind them. Iowa was a mess, which should encourage you to double down on what you believe in. If you are a Pete Buttigieg, Joe Biden or Elizabeth Warren supporter, you really have to think about what you are doing from this point on. I encourage you to really read Bernie Sanders’ issues page and rally behind the most progressive and electable candidate we have right now.

OPINIONS

February 13, 2020

Page 13

Letter to the Editor I read with interest your article titled “Developments to change local landscape” regarding the Arthur S. May school redevelopment. One critical component that did not come out about this project is the 25-year Payment In Lieu Of Taxes (PILOT) that the project is seeking. Basically, this is a tax break for the developer at the expense of the other taxpayers.

The PILOT proposal includes the Arlington Fire District (AFD), the Library District, the Arlington School District, the Town of Poughkeepsie and Dutchess County.

The Arlington Fire District should receive the full amount of taxes from the proposed redevelopment of the former Arthur S. May School and so should the Library District, but that is not the current proposal. The current proposal appears to maximize the developer’s profits at the expense of taxpayers.

There is a false premise being promulgated by some people, including some Town Board members, that this project with the PILOT will help the Arlington Fire District because the school didn’t pay any taxes. No one should fall for that. It sounds good, but it simply is not true. This project will drive fire and EMS calls with

its 110-room hotel, 187 apartment units and commercial space. AFD responds to all fire and EMS calls. The public school really did not generate many emergency calls. As a former Fire Commissioner in AFD, I am well aware of the level of calls to that building as a school.

AFD Chief Steenbergh has done extensive analysis that concludes there would be a $2.1 million loss in fire tax revenue over 25 years that will force the community to subsidize the project financially until the year 2039. It is ironic that your article quoted the purchase price of the property also as $2.1 million so, one could say, the AFD taxpayers would be refunding the purchase price to the developer.

Chief Steenbergh presented the extensive details of his analysis to the Town Board at their Dec. 4, 2019 meeting. Council members Jeff Renihan, Jessica Lopez and Bill Carlos were absent for this important information.

Council member Ann Shershin, who has been pushing this project and was quoted in your article, should be recusing herself from discussion and votes on this project, as she appears to have a conflict of interest: She is also on the board of the Arlington Business Improvement District

(BID) which she disclosed at the Planning Board meeting on Nov. 21, 2019. The Arlington BID has a mission to encourage growth in their little area, but Shershin needs to be concerned about all of the taxpayers in the town. So far, she has been publicly vocal about support for the project and has not voiced any concern about the PILOT. It is interesting that no one quoted in your article mentions the PILOT: the underbelly of the project for taxpayers.

Residents in the Arlington Fire District will get hurt the worst because of the relatively small pool to spread any fire taxes not paid by this project. AFD is an expensive service with about 70 career firefighters and an $18.4 million budget for 2020.

What will it look like over 25 years? Residents who are also in the Arlington School District will get hit every way possible.

Since Library taxes get spread in the town and city of Poughkeepsie, any shift in taxes will also hit city residents for this project in the town.

As a point aside, Vassar College drives about 10 percent of the approximately 6,000 calls a year to the Arlington Fire District.

The Fire District and Library District

do not get a vote on their participation in PILOTs. The Town Board has the vote and will determine if the residents shoulder the taxes that are not paid by the project. The PILOT proposal is also slated to go to the Dutchess County Industrial Development Agency (IDA).

At a minimum, the Arlington Fire District and Library District should be excluded from this PILOT proposal. They have no other way to make up for the proposed tax reduction other than passing it on to the residents. The Town and County can at least make money on additional taxes and fees that supposedly would be generated by this project.

The simple answer is: Developers should pay their full taxes. PILOTs were intended for tax-exempt entities to compensate the community for services they use and not to give for-profit entities tax breaks, putting additional tax burden on the rest of the community.

Jim Beretta Poughkeepsie Taxpayer in the Arlington Fire District and Town Of Poughkeepsie Former Commissioner, Arlington Fire District

Good coffee is not about your choices, it’s about your process D. Lockwood Smith Guest Columnist

I

n my imagination, college students go on dates. Cafes (or “coffee shop,” if you prefer to invoke New York speech) serve as popular venues for these fanciful rendezvous.

At Vassar, we have three caffeine establishments that serve as date spots (no, The Retreat doesn’t count): Crafted Kup, the most obvious; Starbucks, for the (slightly) less pretentious; and Dunkin’ Donuts, if you’re from a working class family. Each location offers both Italian-style espresso drinks and the more American “drip coffee,” which most of us would just call “coffee.” Full disclosure: Were I to go on a coffee date, I would probably order a flat white, made with soy milk if available. My oh-solucky companion would subconsciously make a judgement about me based on my coffee order. And I would make a judgement about them based on their own.

Unfortunately, judgements about how we take our coffee are woven tightly into social discourse. Starbucks’ many coffee and non-coffee options (lest we forget the infamous Pink Drink—how is it that colors have become flavors?) and the Starbucks brand itself are cultural signifiers tied not only to class, but also gender, race, sexuality and social status. A quick Google search will conjure up articles comparing a person’s drink of choice and their level of “basicness,” as well as guides for the aforementioned basic people. (Spoon University, Tell Us Your Starbucks Order and We’ll Tell You How Basic You Are.” 2019) (Odyssey Online, “The Basic White Girl’s Guide to Summer at Starbucks,” 05.21.2016). Young women have been patronized for the better part of a decade for ordering sweet, artificially-flavored beverages at Seattle’s most famous coffee chain. When men order socalled “girly drinks,” they too expose themselves to all-too-common misogynistic criticisms, which often manifest as absurd, homophobic suggestions that a guy might be gay because he likes to drink lattes.

When you order, say, a pumpkin spice latte, you are given two unbecoming associations: First, you are womanly, girly, fem-

inine; second, you are “basic,” unsophisticated or common. In the eyes of society writ large, you have neither the masculine-associated fortitude nor the upper-class caliber of sophistication necessary to appreciate and comprehend the value of bolder, bitter, undiluted coffee.

Of course these judgements are ridiculous. People should drink what they want! While I firmly believe in trying new things, and that some of the best tasting things take time to fully appreciate (I myself am a lover of beer, dry wine, dark chocolate and rhubarb pie) there’s no reason to torture yourself or waste time. If, after trying a double-shot espresso or a macchiato (the Italian way, not the Starbucks way), you find you like Iced Passion Tango Tea Lemonade infinitely more, then that’s what you should order. Life is short. Don’t pretend to like things just to impress people. And don’t think that you can compress an entire person’s history and personality into an eight ounce bottle.

Subtly underneath the inherent misogyny of judging people for not liking certain coffees is a hard truth: Most coffee in the United States, espresso in particular, is bad!

Yes, I’m looking at you, Crafted Kup. I’m sorry. People are ordering drinks with lots of milk and lots of sugar because American Espresso often tastes burnt, too bitter and too acidic. The texture is off, too. Ever or-

der an espresso and find that it’s really oily and syrupy? That’s not right. But let me give you a little history of coffee and let you know how we got here.

Believe it or not, we’re now firmly in the so-called “Fourth Wave” of coffee. If you’re unfamiliar with the framework, I will try to briefly outline. “First Wave” is your grandparents’ coffee. Think Folgers or Maxwell House. These inexpensive, accessible coffees were the status quo for most of the 20th Century. During the “Second Wave,” ushered in by the likes of Starbucks, coffee went from almost exclusively made at home to something bought and consumed in specialty shops. Coffee’s “Third Wave” was the slow wave of independent, sustainably sourced, locally roasted coffee shops. The “Fourth Wave” is the return to home-brewed coffee, an escape from the cafe, with all of the improvements and accoutrements that coffee shop culture has developed. In other words, it’s high quality, sustainable, local coffee you can make at home (Full Cup Flavor, “4 Waves of Coffee,” 10.26.2017).

The advancements of coffee’s Fourth Wave are great. You can find great beans either locally or online, grind them at home and purchase your very own pour overs and aeropresses (things my parents have never even heard of). But such advancements and preoccupations (debates about

Courtesy of Julian Aguilar.

The opinions expressed above do not represent those of The Miscellany News as a whole.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

brewing method, temperature, light vs. dark roast, etc.) regarding home brewing have, at least among coffee connoisseurs, drawn attention away from the espresso we buy and drink in cafes. It seems Starbucks is becoming something akin to the McDonald’s of coffee (or at the very least, In-N-Out): It’s not as good as what you can make at home, but gets the job done.

A skilled home brewer (not me!) with a pour over can beat your average barista nine times out of 10. Even though we generally consider espresso to be of a higher quality than coffee made at home, our bar for espresso is actually considerably lower, especially since Americans don’t even have a reasonable framework of what espresso is supposed to taste like.

There is hope for espresso fans in the United States but, alas, that hope is tempered by some bad news as well. For the hope, I point readers to a recent YouTube video by World Champion barista, coffee author and well-coiffed silver fox James Hoffman titled “Did Science Just Reinvent Espresso?” (Youtube, James Hoffmann, “Did Science Just Reinvent Espresso?”

01.31.2020). Hoffman cites an academic paper which, in short, uses mathematics to model the fluid dynamics of espresso making to optimize the espresso making process for “ideal” extraction and flavor (Cell Press, “Systematically Improving Espresso: Insights from Mathematical Modeling and Experiment,” 01.22.2020). In his video, Hoffman himself describes recreating the paper’s methodology to ultimately find the so-called “tasty point,” for a given pressure setting. What I’m trying to tell you is that math can save America from bad espresso.

Or, more accurately, math can make good espresso techniques easier to reproduce. .”

So buckle up, coffee comrades: The revolution may be coming. We can’t really hope for large chains like Starbucks to change their brewing methods, but maybe, just maybe, independent cafes like our beloved Crafted Kup will give the math a chance. I hope they do. Let us, together, hope the age of bad espresso is over, and the era of great espresso is about to begin.

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February 13, 2020

Chiefs, Super Bowl in hand, weigh White House visit Doug Cobb

Guest Columnist

T

he Kansas City Chiefs won the Super Bowl. Now it’s time for them to partake in all the usual celebrations: a victory parade in Kansas City and a $200,000 bonus for each player rounds out their year of hard work. But, there is one other tradition the Chiefs’ players and coaches will have to decide on, one that has become controversial in the past few years: taking a visit to the White House.

Champions from a range of leagues, including the NBA, NHL, MLB, NFL, WNBA, NCAA Football and Basketball, are customarily invited to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. For quite a while, no team thought twice about this tradition, whether the president be a Democrat or a Republican. But ever since Donald Trump took the oath, the normal has become the controversial—and political (who would have thought?). Now, if a championship team gets invited to the White House (“if,” because nowadays some of them don’t get invited) the team tends to be split on the decision, with some players choosing to go and others refusing. To go or not to go: either act is a political statement.

Oftentimes the winning team will accept the invitation, but a big star refuses to join their teammates. Star goalie Braden Holtby was absent from the Washington Capitals’ 2018 visit, saying he “wished to stay true to his values,” as was MLB MVP Mookie Betts when the Red Sox attended in the same year. The Red Sox’s manager at the time, Alex Cora, also declined to attend, saying he “[did] not feel comfortable celebrating in the White House.” There have also been instances where whole teams have outright refused to go, such as the 2017 Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles and the 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Champion UNC Tar Heels. Other teams have accepted the

invitation without much criticism of the President; Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban even required his team to go, saying, “Hey, we’re doing this regardless of your political thoughts” (Business Insider, “Championship teams visiting the White House has become a mess,” 06.26.2019).

A team that is a great example of the divide between teammates is the 2019 World Series Champion Washington Nationals.

This team plays in the nation’s capital; and when Trump attended Game 5 of the World Series in DC, he was met by a chorus of boos and “lock him up” chants from the crowd (The Guardian, “Washington Nationals players support and thank Trump during White House Visit,” 11.04.2019). The Nationals’ star relief pitcher and vocal team leader Sean Doolittle stated, “As much as I want to be there with my teammates, I just can’t do it,” and said Trump’s “divisive rhetoric and enabling of conspiracy theories and widening the divide of this country. My wife and I stand for inclusion and acceptance” (Washington Post, “Sean Doolittle on Declining White House Invite,” 11.02.2019). But, some of Doolittle’s teammates, like beloved longtime National Ryan Zimmerman, felt differently. Zimmerman stood in front of the White House and said, “This is an incredible honor...we’d also like to thank you for keeping everyone here safe in our country, and continuing to make America the greatest country in the world to live in” (The Guardian, “Washington Nationals players support and thank Trump during White House Visit,” 11.04.2019).

Trump will also use a team’s visit as a political statement. There have been quite a few instances where he didn’t invite teams because of the criticism of him by some players. For instance, star captain Megan Rapinoe of the 2019 World Cup Champion US Women’s National Soccer Team

said, “I’m not going to the fucking White House.” Trump then proceded to fire back on twitter, and broke precedent by withholding a White House invitation to the team. (Bleacher Report, “I’m not going to the f***ing White House,” 06.26.2019). When the Golden State Warriors won the NBA Championship, Trump did not extend them an honor. During their next road trip to DC for a game, they visited with former President Barack Obama instead (Business Insider, “Championship teams visiting the White House has become a mess,” 06.26.2019).

And now it is the Kansas City Chiefs’ turn to divide themselves and their fans based on who decides to go and who doesn’t, reminding us of how intertwined culture, specifically sports culture, is with broader political life. Star athletes in America have recognized the attention they garner and

thus have begun to use their platforms to express their opinions. Whether this reflects the increased political polarization of our era or a broader transformation in celebrity culture, these players are heard all over the country, serving as influencers in their spheres. Many players avoid speaking out for fear of being reprimanded or disliked, but many others have made powerful political statements. Who could forget Tommie Smith and John Carlos protesting at the Olympics? Or Ali speaking out against Vietnam? Or Jackie Robinson breaking the color barrier in baseball? When athletes realize the power of their voice they must choose whether or not to use it, and what to use it for. There is no longer the choice of a “just stick to sports” mentality. Star athletes in this country have harnessed their influence, and any move they make will be political.

Courtesy of Jack Kurzenknabe via Flickr. Edited by Frankie Knuckles/The Miscellany News

Kevin Ros

Welcome to Brewer of the Week!

You might be asking yourself, in the words of David Byrne, “How do I work this?” Well, it’s simple.

Every week, Vassar teams compete on a variety of playing surfaces, with varying results. The individuals experience both exhilarating success and heartrending failure.

Here at Brewer of the Week, we look on the bright side, and showcase a Vassar athlete who led their team to remarkable success, or in some cases nearly dragged them up from the precipice of defeat.

Vassar Athletics offers its own rendition of Brewer of the Week, spotlighting the athlete they believe showed out in a Brewer uniform.

Here at the Misc, however, we believe in a diversity of opinion, and may present a different Brewer of the Week from that of the College.

Or perhaps, we’ll have Brewer(s) of the week. But without further ado, our first Brewer of the Week...

Men’s Volleyball Senior outside hitter Kevin Ros of men’s volleyball is the inaugural Brewer of the Week. Ros was named Sports Impact/AVCA National Player of the Week for the second consecutive week on Monday, Feb. 10, sharing the award with his teammate, first-year outside hitter Andrew Kim. In the Brewers’ historic five-set win over then top-ranked New Paltz on Feb. 5, Ros led Vassar in both kills and blocks, with 15 and four, respectively.

On Feb. 7, the Brewers dispatched Sage, three sets to none. Ros again paced the Brewers in kills, with 11. On the season, Ros leads the Brewers, who are now ranked second nationally, in kills, with 122. The next-highest kill total is held by Kim, who has 88.

He looks to add to his impressive total on Wednesday, Feb. 12, against topranked Springfield College.

Above, Kevin Ros goes in for the kill. Courtesy of Carlisle Stockton.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

February 13, 2020

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Squash offers undaunting learning curve, competitive fun Jackie Molloy, Alessandra Fable

Assistant Sports Editor, Columnist

S

quash can be something of a mystery for those who don’t know what it is.

Indoor, fast-paced and with a variety of thundering pongs, all within a dorm-sized arena, it is enough to both intrigue and intimidate a nearby bystander. If you haven’t gotten it yet, we are talking about the sport, although perhaps the food might inspire similar feelings for some.

It turns out the sport’s obscurity dates back to its origin. Although humans have been hitting circular objects against walls for centuries, it was actually prisoners, concealed within the walls of the Fleet Prison in London, that would use rackets to hit balls against their cell walls as a way of exercise, naming the game “rackets.” From here, the modern deviation of the sport known as “squash” was then founded in the elite boarding school known as the Harrow School after participants found that puncturing a racket ball allowed for a game with a higher variety of shots and impacts.

Squash is now a worldwide sport, praised for its endurance, hand-eye coordination, individuality and its challenge. Luckily, for Vassar students, there is a team that is both

accessible for students with experience and those without any exposure. Senior captain Sydney Nemphos has been playing since she was 10, after looking for a winter sport between soccer and lacrosse, while sophomores Jonah Miles and Max Swan both joined the team after taking squash classes. “I got into playing squash by taking the squash class last spring. (Head) Coach David Ames was incredibly supportive and asked me if I had any interest in joining the team next year. I was thrilled to have this opportunity and after training over the summer at home, joined the team this fall,” recalled Swan.

Whether it’s beginners transitioning into senior players or more experienced team members further developing their craft, all interviewed displayed a keen admiration for the sport and their journey within the sport. “As someone who’s also on a team sport, I really like the individuality of playing squash (as you are the only one from your team on the court), while still being on a team and having that connection with everyone else. I also love how fast-paced the game is and I always come off court feeling like I got a solid workout in, which is nice,” Nemphos described, who

Pictured above is the men’s squash squad. Courtesy of Stockton Photo Inc.

L

ast year, Brewers’ baseball stumbled to a 14-24 record, their worst since 2012 (Vassar College Athletics, “Baseball Cumulative Statistics,” 02.09.2020). Their ERA of 6.68 was also the highest in eight years.

Was this just bad luck, or are the Brewers in need of a serious pick-me-up with less than two weeks remaining until the start of the 2020 season?

An oft-used indicator of luck in baseball is a team’s run differential: the difference between the amount of runs they scored and the amount of runs allowed. Run differential is often more indicative of a team’s overall skill than their win-loss record ].

You can get lucky and win a lot of close games, get blown out in your losses, and emerge with a better record than run differential. The Brewers’ run differential last year was -65, their worst since 2012. No bad luck there.

To pinpoint the source of the Brewers’ poor play, I used a statistical technique called linear regression. This type of analysis examines a linear relationship between one or more explanatory (independent)

variables and a response (dependent) variable.

I used multiple linear regression, or a linear regression with more than one explanatory variable, with the Brewers’ winning percentage since 2012 (when Vassar Athletics started sharing data) as the dependent variable. Of the explanatory variables I tried using (batting average, slugging percentage, on-base percentage, fielding percentage and other indicators), ERA proved most significant (p < 0.10). ERA’s coefficient in the model was -0.08055, indicating that for each 1.00 increase in team ERA, the Brewers’ winning percentage went down by about 8.1 percent. Unsurprisingly, a higher team ERA leads to a lower team winning percentage.

Just how important is ERA, though?

Since it proved to be the only significant predictor in the multiple linear regression model, I ran a simple linear regression modelling winning percentage based on ERA alone, and it produced an R-squared value of 0.42. This value means that 42-percent of the variance in the Brewer’s

The women’s squash team poses for a group portrait. Courtesy of Vassar Athletics also plays for Vassar’s women’s lacrosse team. Miles further elaborated on how the sport provides a necessary alternative to classes, “My favorite aspect of squash is how great it can be for stress relief. After a day of classes going to practice and smacking a ball against a wall for two hours is a great catharsis.”

Similar to fencing, swimming, cross country and track, there is a strong connection between the men’s and women’s programs, where they train, compete and travel together. Nemphos explained, “Very few teams on Vassar’s campus have the connection we do with our men’s team. Very few teams in the league as a whole have an interconnected team like we do as well.

We get to practice with them, and hang out with them every day, that we are honestly just one giant team. We are all so supportive of each other, and really enjoy traveling and practicing with each other.”

It’s challenging being at a Division III school but facing more established Division I teams. Nemphos explains, “we have been playing a lot of teams that are better/ higher ranked than us, which is challenging as we aren’t winning as many matches as we have in the past, both as individuals and as a team. However, I, as well as the

winning percentage is due to the variance in their ERA. That is a very high number.

In a project I worked on last year, I attempted to predict ERA from skill-based pitching statistics. There are a lot of things a pitcher has no control over: depending on who’s fielding behind you, a double can become an out, and the ballpark you’re pitching in can determine whether a 300-ft fly is a home run or a lazy pop-up. I defined skillbased statistics as those which did not vary significantly from a pitcher’s performance one year to their performance the next.

This lack of variance seemed to me a good indicator of a statistic not reliant on luck.

The statistic that proved most significant in this analysis was the difference between a pitcher’s strikeout rate and their walk rate. I gathered the data to approximate this statistic, using strikeouts per nine innings minus walks per nine innings. While this statistic seemed insignificant in the smaller dataset, my larger analysis last year showed it was undoubtedly significant, as did other analyses done by sports writers more professional than myself (The Hardball Times, “Should we be using ERA estimators during the season?”, 02.09.2020).

With this in mind, let’s take one more look at the strikeout and walk rates for Brewers’ pitchers. The Brewers last year

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

rest of the team, have improved immensely from playing these opponents who are better than us, and our matches get closer and closer every weekend.” The senior sees this obstacle as an opportunity to better her own play as well as the level of her teammates.

The women’s team is currently 6-14 as they are near the close of their season. This last weekend, they competed in the Liberty League Tournament. On Saturday they overpowered Bard College (9-0) and fell to William Smith College (0-9). Their tournament came to an end on Sunday with a loss to St. Lawrence University (9-0). Similarly, the men competed in the Liberty League Championship losing all four games to Bard College (0-9), Hobart College (0-9), St. Lawrence University (1-8), and University of Rochester (0-9). Currently, the men are sitting at a 5-18 overall record. Both teams will finish out their regular seasons at home this weekend. The women’s and men’s squash teams will conclude play the following weekend during the CSA Team Nationals at respectively at Yale University and Princeton University.

If you’d like to check out their next game, the squad plays at Kenyon, and you might even catch President Bradley there.

struck out more batters per nine innings than any other season in the dataset. However, they also walked their most batters per nine innings. As a result of the high strikeout rate, their strikeout minus walk rate last year was not their worst, and since this statistic is the most significant predictor of ERA, it means their sky-high ERA last year should not have been their highest. However, if the Brewers want to focus on something that will assuredly lower it, it is cutting the walks while maintaining their gains in strikeouts.

Stat of the Week: 42 percent ...the variation in the Brewers’ winning percentage due to variation in their ERA.

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Why we play

I

’m often asked why I run. To many, it’s an unfathomable decision. Do you enjoy punishing your body? Is it fun to run yourself into the ground each day, go home, take a shower, go to bed and repeat the process the next day? Is there some connection missing in your brain? When formulating a response, sometimes I’ll just say “because running feels good” or “then I get to eat more,” but when I think about it, I have to go back to when I started this simple addictive sport.

Athletics have always been a substantial part of my life. I played a number of sports growing up. While I was never the tallest or strongest, I soon emerged as one of the fastest and relished my ability to outrun opponents, whether I was sprinting up the field to receive a pass, darting my way between defenders or scrambling to recover on a counterattack. When we’d do the PACER test in PE, I was almost always the last one dashing back and forth across the squeaky gym floor, with the rest of my classmates looking on, either in awe, spite or boredom.

I was (and still am) a pretty shy kid, and it was the first time I can remember enjoying having that many pairs of eyes focused on only me.

I didn’t start cross country (XC) until my sophomore year of high school. I had known the XC coach since sixth grade, who told me I had the potential to become a great runner if I trained. After a disheartening (some might say traumatic) first-year soccer experience, I decided to throw myself at something new.

I ran almost every day, quickly working my way up to fifty miles a week, and grinded in the workouts. I didn’t have the raw sprint speed of many of my peers, but I had something else that I learned to value much more:

1. residential hall 5. fire injury 9. to dispense or allot justice 13. milk’s favorite cookie 14. burn balm 15. understood or implied 16. gut reactions 18. misspelled wind onomatopoeia 19. tennis ---, basketball --- , fish --20. beginning action in golf 21. whimsical spins 23. ew, aka what love is 25. of spirituality, church, and god(s) 28. a band of boys who are on the same page 29. what the deece is not from 11pm-7am 30. “--- whiz!”

31. boredom or despair 34. Picasso, Braque, Gris 37. visually displeasing 39. to apologize or recant 41. tubes that carry water 42. above and beyond, acronym

Answer to last week’s puzzle

Miles Takiguchi, Cross Country

endurance. As I trained, I soon climbed to a spot on the varsity squad and began to pass runners I hadn’t even thought I could keep pace with. As I worked, I was amazed at how my times dropped at almost every meet.

I almost couldn’t believe that in just a few months, my 5K time had gone from 20 minutes to 17:10. I was our school’s top runner.

Honestly, a large part of why I run is because I’m good at it and it earns me recognition. In races, when I’m alone up front with swarms of people watching and cheering from the sidelines, I’m brought back to that feeling running the Pacer test all those years ago in gym class. In high school, after winning a few races, I became fairly wellknown, even among non-runners. People would spot me jogging home from practice or going on long runs throughout the neigh-

borhood. Many knew me as “that wild kid that’s always running,” and I loved and embraced that identity.

Off the cross country course, I thoroughly enjoy meeting my caloric needs as a long distance runner and, in large part influenced by my high school coach, have studied sports nutrition. For health reasons, I decided to become a pescatarian and aim to eat a primarily whole food, plant-based diet to fuel optimal performance. There are few things in life I love more than treating myself to a colossal (yet healthy) meal after a physically taxing run. My high volume training is, by necessity, mirrored by my diet and I relish every step and every bite.

The process of applying myself consistently and seeing results is addictive. One of my least favorite things to hear from my

First-year Miles Takiguchi shares his formula for athletic success: eat, run, repeat.

Courtesy of Vassar Athletics

coach is that today is a rest day. I want to be constantly working, pushing myself to get better, and I used to feel that if I wasn’t running, I was wasting time. It’s taken a frustrating mid-season hamstring strain to show me that rest and recovery are necessary to staying healthy and being able to perform at your best. I still try to ride the line and do as much as I can while keeping away from injury, which is something I’m sure I will continue to struggle with.

Running gave me this feeling that wasn’t quite like anything else I’d experienced: pain. Essentially, everyone in a long distance race is trying to suffer in the smartest, most efficient way possible. The winner isn’t necessarily the fittest, but the runner that’s willing to suffer the most, to push their body closest to its absolute limit. I’m excited to continue to discover, test and push my own physical limits — I want to become that guy.

When I began looking at colleges, I knew I wanted to go to a school where I could continue to run competitively and push myself, and prioritize academics (and enjoy an allyou-can-eat dining hall). I knew I had found what I was looking for in Vassar. College running has presented a new set of challenges, but also a new group of friends in an unfamiliar place and more opportunities to push myself further and stand out.

Running has come to be such a huge part of who I am and if I (for some crazy reason) stopped, I’m not sure who or where I’d be.

Whenever my family goes on vacation, after we unpack someone asks, “Where can Miles go for a run?” Considering what running has given me, I hope I always have an answer to that question.

The Miscellany Crossword

“valentines” ACROSS

February 13, 2020

43. to be full of or swarming with 45. moonfish/ sunfish 49. come in heart-shaped boxes 52. lawn decor 53. admirer 54. rage, fury, hatred 56. massages, cucumber slices, and saunas 57. ridiculous, stupid 58. 10^(-9) 61. specks, particles 62. these die on psychedelics 63. sour 64. ran away 65. finished 66. beers

DOWN 1. actions 2. stubborn or bad-tempered 3. to relax upon 4. ‘word’ in French 5. the worst part of someone’s existence 6. causes sores 7. to go bad 8. brand of cookie dough 9. indigenous people of New Zealand 10. environmental reasoning 11. snot rags 12. ---ics, ---anol 15. small branch 17. several Pennywises 22. reaction to sharp pain or embarrassment 24. specific part of a film 26. a word or phrase accompanying a name 27. fake stage environment 32. nickname for grandmother 33. leaf with sharp fibers 35. the indigenous people that Utah was

by Frank

named for 36. what did the buffalo say to his son when he sent him to college 37. accurate and contemporary 38. to focus on one thing 39. residential office that became a quad, abbr 40. substance in gasoline 44. to have done work for 46. code having to do mail 47. unit measuring electric current

48. shapes of love 50. the shape of ice cream vessels, past tense 51. materials containing metals or minerals 52. a jewelry stone 55. flower of love 57. International Monetary Fund, acronym 59. a long, long time --60. moment of reaching destination