The Miscellany News Commencement Issue 2020

The Miscellany News

Vassar College’s student newspaper of record since 1866

May 24, 2020

miscellanynews.org

Volume 153 | Issue 12

Congratulations, Class of 2020!

Vassar’s senior class completes college career despite unprecedented circumstances

Commencement and its varied, storied ceremonies digitize Frankie Knuckles, Lucy Leonard, Jessica Moss

Managing Editor, Senior Editor, Editor-in-Chief

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s online classes come to a close, students and administrators across the world move onto the next unprecedented challenge: online graduation. Commencement addresses, for example, can be moved to a virtual format with relative ease, as shown by former president Barack Obama’s televised commencement address to all 2020 graduates ceremony on May 16. Harder to adapt, though, are the graduation traditions involving personalized interaction.

Despite the challenge before them, organizers of this year’s affinity ceremonies have risen to the task.

The Office of Alumnae/i Affairs (OAAD) recently sent out an email detailing the graduation ceremonies to be held over Zoom on Friday, May 22 and Saturday, May 23. What follows describes some of

these traditions’ origins, meanings and ways of adapting to virtual Commencement.

Baccalaureate This ceremony with historical roots dating back to 1432 at Oxford University was revived at Vassar in 1991 by the Council of ALANA Seniors. A Christian ceremony in origin, Vassar’s service today celebrates multiple faiths and is open to all graduates and their families.

According to the Vassar Council of ALANA seniors and baccalaureate book of 1990-2018, Vassar’s ceremony originated with an emphasis on the African American church experience. Today, it continues to center spirituality and experiences of students of color (Council of ALANA Seniors 2018-2019, The Twenty-Eighth Annual BaccaSee Traditions on page 4

Julián Aguilar/The Miscellany News.

College launches gradual rebranding Olivia Watson News Editor

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he Vassar administration recently unveiled updated rebranding guidelines for the College. The new branding revolves around one concept: “Where Edges Meet.” Along with this central theme, the College has provided guidelines for changes to color, tone words for marketing material and specific regulations for graphics.

Though the project is not yet heavily publicized, the planning

for this undertaking began nearly one year ago, in the fall of 2019.

According to Vice President for Communications Amanita Duga-Carroll, the project aims for cohesive marketing that better conveys the authentic Vassar experience.

“Vassar has a long history and vibrant culture and we want to communicate the story of who we are and what we believe in an honest and compelling way,” she explained. “We initiated the process to help provide all of the

communicators across the College with the tools to convey our unique identity.” The result is a guide for Vassar’s communication team with instructions on how to relate the Vassar experience in a consistent way.

According to the rebranding guide, the phrase “Where Edges Meet” is the guiding principle of the new branding, and is supplemented by smaller phrases: “impassioned discourse,” “collective individualism,” “naturally cultiSee Rebranding on page 4

Inside this issue

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2019-2020 in review

Our editorial team has compiled all our most viewed stories of this academic year. Flip through the highlights reel or discover stories for the first time.

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Coaching, even under quarantine Dean Kopitsky Sports Editor

Courtesy of @vassar_strong via Instagram.

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he biggest fish that Head Strength and Conditioning Coach Alice Read has caught since quarantine began were several 20inch brown trout back in April.

A long-time passion of hers since catching bull-trout back in Montana, fly-fishing in the Catskills waters offers Read a cooling reprieve from the uncertainty of COVID-19. “It’s kind of therapeutic…I’m getting some sunlight. I’m getting out in nature. It’s so quiet, you can kind of forget about the crazy world we’re in right now,” she said to me on an early Friday morning Zoom call. During a typical spring, Coach Read, or simply Alice to most Vassar athletes, would be found wrapping up the 9:20 a.m. lift, but like the rest of us, she’s adjusting to a much less structured schedule.

During the academic year,

Read is responsible for training the roughly 20 percent of students that are athletes. She works with them to grind back to health from the pit of injury, to improve their bodies’ strength and build their capacity to perform and prevent injury. She even plays the bad guy when it’s time for conditioning and wind sprints (not for me, of course; my sport is your sport’s conditioning). It’s safe to say Alice is a deeply respected luminary of campus. There are few obligations that Vassar students would dream of waking up early for, but her 7 a.m. and 8:15 a.m. lifts are packed with dewy-eyed athletes who line up outside the Kenyon Varsity weight room. They dare not arrive late. Some unfortunate first-years and the occasional upperclassman know the shame of getting sent See Athletics on page 6

New in Arts

Though the ‘Parks and Recreation’ special and album ‘MDLO’ have very little in common, both came at the right time, according to two reviewers.

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RECIPE COLLECTION

To delight and inspire your culinary sensibilities, we have collected official recipes for some of the Deece’s greatest hits. Read and indulge!

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May 24, 2020

THE MISCELLANY NEWS EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MANAGING EDITOR SENIOR EDITORS CONTRIBUTING EDITORS

Here are the stories you cared about most this

Jessica Moss

Frankie Knuckles Duncan Aronson Lucy Leonard Isabel Braham Leah Cates Sasha Gopalakrishnan Mack Liederman

Tiana Headley Aena Khan Olivia Watson Gillian Redstone ASSISTANT FEATURES EDITORS Janet Song Jonas Trostle OPINIONS EDITOR Abram Gregory ASSISTANT OPINIONS EDITOR Taylor Stewart ARTS EDITOR Francisco Andrade HUMOR EDITOR Izzy Migani ASSISTANT HUMOR EDITOR Jonah Frere-Holmes SPORTS EDITORS Dean Kopitsky Jackie Molloy ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR Natalie Bober SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR Mohtad Allwalla ASSISTANT DESIGN EDITORS Rose Parker Yvette Hu PHOTO EDITOR Grace Rousell ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR Julián Aguilar GRAPHICS EDITORS Ciara Murray-Jordan Jacqueline Gill ASSISTANT COPY EDITORS Phoebe Jacoby Caitlin Patterson Alexis Cerritos VIDEO PRODUCTION MANAGER Alex Barnard AUDIO EDITORS Kyle Chung Julian Lindenmaier ASSISTANT AUDIO EDITOR Robert Pinataro BUSINESS MANAGER NEWS EDITORS

LIVE EVENTS CHAIRPERSON REPORTERS

COLUMNISTS

PHOTOGRAPHER GRAPHIC DESIGNER PODCAST HOST COPY STAFF

CROSSWORD

Ben Scharf Delila Ames Carissa Clough Olivia Diallo Rayan El Amine Meghan Hayfield Sara Lawler Leila Raines Sawyer Bush Madison Caress Doug Cobb Lindsay Craig Madi Donat Rohan Dutta Alex Eisert Xin Rui Ong Alice Woo Sherry Liao Juliette Pope Sana Zaidi Nina Ajemian Taylor Gee Jason Han Jake Johnson Emma Kahn Tiffany Trumble Frank

About the Issue This special issue commemorates the occasion of the Class of 2020’s graduation. We hope that it serves as a physical token of your time at Vassar.

Please enjoy this gift, from us to you.

CORRECTION POLICY The Miscellany News will only accept corrections for any misquotes, misrepresentations or factual errors for an article within the semester it is printed.

The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pieces. Spread design by Frankie Knuckles/The Miscellany News.

Mack Liederman/The Miscellany News.

Confederate band to play at Chance Courtesy of the Office of the President.

The Chance Theater has long been host to some of Vassar’s most raucous parties, but the College’s relationship with the venue came into question when Chance owner Frank Pallett welcomed country band Confederate Railroad—whose logo features a steam engine flying the Confederate flag—to perform on Sept. 20. On Sept. 22, the VSA unanimously voted to no longer consider The Chance Theater as a possible venue for future events.

The I&I will be carbon neutral. Here’s what that means.

Following a petition by student organization Vassar SEED, the College administration announced plans to make the new Inn and Institute (I&I) a carbon neutral development on Aug. 3.

At Poughkeepsie’s Early Learning Center.

Alexis Cerritos/The Miscellany News.

A tale of two districts: history of Poughkeepsie schools

Juliette Pope/The Miscellany News.

Hanging in the air between the Spackenkill and Poughkeepsie school districts is a bitter battle for their separation fought and won 48 years ago and a missed opportunity to share educational excellence and resources—a chance to become a unified school district.

Advocates of Spackenkill’s independence got what they wanted—a superior high school and school district. They abandoned the Poughkeepsie City School District and took their tax base and resources with them.

Vassar goes digital amid COVID-19 pandemic After days of anxiety and uncertainty in the greater Vassar community, President Elizabeth Bradley and members of Vassar’s senior administrative team released a preliminary strategy on March 12 for dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic. On March 19, Bradley announced to the student body via email that the College would not resume in-person instruction for any part of Spring 2020.

Photos by Janet Song/The Miscellany News.

Edited by Frankie Knuckles/The Miscellany News.

Finals got you down? Meet the dogs of Vassar We caught up with several faculty members to get to know their canine companions. Josselyn House Fellows the Schreiber-O’Sullivans (top left) told us all about their pup, Pepper. Assistant Professor of Psychological Science Lori Newman (bottom left) introduced us to Oscar. Research Librarian Gretchen Lieb (right) showed off Alberta, her fluffy friend.

Grace Rousell/The Miscellany News.

Heated campus strikes on climate Vassar joined the global climate strike on Friday, Sept. 20. Activities included blocking Main Drive, rallying from the Chapel Lawn to the College Center, hearing from Poughkeepsie City Council Member Sarah Salem and enjoying a live music performance from the Mid-Hudson activist band Tin Horton Uprising.

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May 24, 2020

year, based on your clicks

As we reflect on the end of an academic year, The Miscellany News has gathered some of the most notable news stories from this year based on web and social media traffic—from campus construction developments to criminal justice advocacy, student protests to COVID-19 coverage. Here are some of our highest-traffic articles of 2019-2020.

Rohan Dutta/The Miscellany News.

Photos by Grace Rousell/The Miscellany News, Editing by Juliette Pope/The Miscellany News.

Conflict flares over protest, speaker as statements surface

Four roommates sQUAD up in former Cushing parlor Cushing 151A is a parlor on the east side of the dormitory. Or rather, it used to be one.

In its heyday, it was a communal space used and beloved by all of Cushing’s residents and visitors. However, when more admitted students enrolled in the Class of 2023 than expected, it ended up significantly larger than previous classes. As such, the College was forced to find more creative sources of accommodation, one of which was converting several universally loved parlors into freshman quads: two in Main, and one in Cushing.

On Nov. 14, Vassar student group Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP) chanted during a speech delivered

by Zionist activist Hen Mazzig. Students from SJP chanted, distributed fliers and played music in front of the auditorium in Rockefeller Hall in protest of the event, hosted by Vassar Organizing Israel Conversations Effectively (VOICE). In total, students chanted for approximately six minutes. Mazzig paused as the chanting started to comment on the protesters, stating that the chant “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free!” was tantamount to claiming that “[his] family should be killed,” in reference to Hamas’ past use of the phrase and its subsequent association with anti-Zionism and anti-Semitism. He continued to speak for the duration of the remaining lecture, reflecting on his status as a descendent of Tunisian and Iraqi Jewish refugees, as well as his experience being a queer man in the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF).

As College works to comply with NAGPRA, community interrogates institutional, academic history On Feb. 12, Vassar President Elizabeth Bradley released an emailed statement to the faculty and student body detailing the discovery of Native American human remains and cultural artifacts in a campus building. She stated that the storage of the remains, which had been acquired in the 1980s and 1990s, was in violation of the Native American Graves Protection and Repatriation Act (NAGPRA).

NAGPRA was enacted by the 101st US Congress in 1990, and dictates that human remains shall be expeditiously repatriated to the direct lineal descendants of the individual or tribe who controlled them.

Bradley named to New York Forward Advisory Board Governor Andrew Cuomo named Vassar College President Elizabeth Bradley to an advisory board that will shape policy surrounding the reopening of the New York State economy on April 29.

The New York Forward Reopening Advisory Board is a working group with 116 members— Bradley is both a global health expert and one of 12 advisory board members who leads an institution of higher education.

According to a press release sent to The Miscellany News, Cuomo has signaled that plans to reopen the state economy must be based on “factual data points” rather than emotions. The board aims to create a template for reopening that can be applied in every region of New York State.

Bradley commented, “I am honored to be selected as a member of the advisory group and look forward to contributing in any way I can.”

Charge dismissal delayed for Julissa and Jamelia

A rally in support of Nicole Addimando outside of the Dutchess county Courthouse.

Courtesy of Angus Bernet.

Judge denies use of DVSJA in Poughkeepsie murder trial [TW: This section discusses imprisonment, domestic violence, sexual violence, murder and emotional abuse.]

On Feb. 11, Dutchess County Judge Edward T. McLoughlin sentenced Nicole Addimando to 19 years to life in prison for criminal possession of a weapon and the murder of Christopher Grover, her live-in partner with whom she had two children. The decision came after a 12-person jury unanimously rejected her assertion of self-defense on April 12, 2019.

The Defense Committee plans to continue advocating for Addimando and assist in finding attorneys to appeal the decision. The Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act (DVSJA) signed into law by Gov. Andrew Cuomo will be central to the appeal. The People vs. Nicole Addimando would establish its application in New York State case law.

Grace Rousell/The Miscellany News.

[TW: This section contains descriptions of police brutality.]

On March 11, 2019, then-15-year-old Jamelia Barnett and 12-year-old Julissa Dawkins were outside of their school when a fight broke out among several students. Dawkins, who has asthma, went to the aid of one girl in need of an inhaler when Poughkeepsie police officers arrived to break up the then-defunct quarrel.

An officer later identified as Kevin VanWagner proceeded to arrest Dawkins without reading aloud her charge or Miranda rights. When Dawkins resisted, VanWagner charged her with resisting arrest and threw her to the ground—a deposition filed by the family described how VanWagner pinned Dawkins with his body.

In a 17-second video clip that circulated on social media around the time of the incident, Barnett is shown running to her sister’s aid, only to be slammed to the ground by another officer and lose consciousness.

Their mother Melissa Johnson questioned the Poughkeepsie Police Department’s decision to forcefully arrest her daughters, one of whom had not been charged. She has filed a Civil Rights lawsuit on behalf of her daughters in the Southern District of New York. The Vassar Black Students Union (BSU) organized several events in support of the family, including the talk pictured above.

Dawkins, Barnett and Johnson appeared in Dutchess County family court on Nov. 13 as part of the criminal case against the girls. The judge delayed the motion to drop the charges against them.

Grace Rousell/The Miscellany News.

Meet the 24-year-old progressive running for mayor Joash Ward became the youngest mayoral candidate in Poughkeepsie history this fall.

Republican Mayor Robert G. Rolison sought and ultimately won re-election. He has held the office since 2015 after previously serving 13 years as Poughkeepsie’s representative in the Dutchess County Legislature. The 61-year-old Republican has been relatively popular in an urban area home to four Democrats for every five residents.

According to the Dutchess County Board of Elections website, Rolison received 2,835 votes and Ward received 2,523.

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FEATURES

May 24, 2020

Affinity graduation traditions celebrate identifying seniors Continued from Traditions on page 1 laureate Service, 05.26.2018). According to Senior Associate Dean of the College Ed Pittman, who has worked to organize the ceremony for around 30 years, the service typically features African drumming and dancers performing a rite of passage, an address by a prominent speaker, a welcome by the president, student speeches and performances, and a senior tribute by a professor, with the purpose of celebrating faith and academic achievement.

This year’s address will be delivered by Vanderbilt University Associate Professor of Ethics and Society Stacey Floyd-Thomas ‘91—an organizer of the inaugural ceremony in 1991, which featured guest speaker Reverend Jesse Jackson. “During this unprecedented time it is important to continue these traditions, though through online and virtual platforms,” Pittman described.

Kente Cloth Ceremony Managed by the African American Alumnae/i of Vassar College, this commencement tradition is now in its 31st year.

The tradition originated in 1990, the year Vassar witnessed trailblazing activism from the College’s Black student community. “A coalition of student groups—led by what is now known as the Black Students Union— took over Main Building and demanded more openness and accessibility from the administration, and that more of the college’s resources be committed to the development of the intercultural diversity of the student population,” said Dennis Slade ’91, who is one organizer of this year’s event. “The ALANA Center, Bayit House, and Blegen House were results (direct and indirect) of that bold protest.” That year, a Black Student Union (BSU) member informally bestowed kentes—fabric composed of interwoven cloth strips, which had been purchased by an alumnus—upon Black graduates as they rose to receive their diplomas. The tradition became institutionalized the following year, with a BSU-supported committee.

Current graduating seniors participating in the ceremony received their kentes by mail. As these seniors don them in a virtual ceremony, they join the African American Alumnae/i community. The ceremony will take the form of a Zoom webinar, and will feature performances by the student organization UJIMA and statements from any graduate who wishes to speak. According to Pittman, the ceremony “honors the history and legacy of Black alumni.”

Red Stole Ceremony The Asian, Asian American, and Pacific Islander Alumnae/i of Vassar College organize the Red Stole Ceremony, formerly the Lei Ceremony, which was first held in 2001.

The Kariamu Drummers and Dancers of Danbury, CT perform at last year’s Baccalaurate service.

Courtesy of Samuel Stuart/Vassar College.

Identifying alums present seniors with a red “We want to include every student of Latinx satin stole (formerly a ti leaf lei), which they background, regardless of whether or not wear when they walk during graduation, they are in the org.” and the opportunity to say a few words of reLast year, the opening and closing reflection. This year, stoles have been mailed marks of the Sarape Ceremony were read to seniors wishing to participate. “This cer- in both English and Spanish. “We hope to emony aims to recognize the unique expe- show Spanish-speaking family members, riences of the Asian American and Pacific mentors and friends that they have a space Islander graduates,” Delia Cheung Hom at Vassar,” said Robles. Graduates choose a ’00, an organizer of the inaugural ceremony person, often a professor, mentor, friend back in 2000 as well as this year’s event, said or family member, to bestow them with a of the tradition’s purpose. “While this com- sarape, and receive a small gift from LSU. munity is very diverse, we felt that it was Prior to the event, graduates submit a short important to hold space for members of this biography with their major and org affilicommunity to reflect on shared struggles ations, and a statement detailing why they and celebrate collective triumphs.” chose their bestower, to be read during the The event is usually held the day before ceremony. “We always hope to include the Commencement, a less accessible time for large community that supports students non-student attendees compared to the new throughout their undergraduate journeys,” Zoom format. “One opportunity presented said Lopez-Huerta, as “families, friends and this year is that the ceremony will be more mentors...also deserve special recognition accessible to current students, family mem- during this momentous celebration.” bers and other alums of the college,” Cheung In the webinar-style event planned for Hom shared. the Sarape Ceremony, students will receive Sarape Ceremony the sarape from someone living with them, The Latinx Student Union (LSU) will and CIS will caption the ceremony instead host its second Sarape Ceremony, which of providing a translator. “Many aspects of recognizes the successes and experiences of the original ceremony cannot be recreated Latinx community members, with alum- in an online platform,” admitted Robles. nae/i and faculty; sarapes have been mailed However, she and Lopez-Huerta were to identifying seniors. quick to relay the encouragement they reLSU members Mari Robles ’21 and Eu- ceived during the planning process and their guene Lopez-Huerta ’20 expanded upon the excitement about additions to the ceremony. origins and procedures of the Sarape Cer- “There is so much support for this ceremony emony, the newest addition to affinity org and a drive among many of us to give the setraditions. “The Latinx ceremony started niors a ceremony they deserve,” Robles said. last year as a student-run initiative,” shared Lopez-Huerta added: “Zoom ceremonies are Robles. After observing the Kente Cloth all the rage right now!” Latinx alumnae/i and Red Stole ceremonies, LSU paid for last have been invited to the Zoom event, as well year’s sarapes with their own budget, but as professors that students requested. A now the tradition has been institutionalized. notable Latinx alum is scheduled to speak.

“It was only recently that students began co- Students and faculty, Lopez-Huerta among ordinating this ceremony with the Office of them, will host the event, opening with a Alumnae/i Affairs and Development,” said photo slideshow.

Lopez-Huerta. The College now covers all Lavender Graduation Reception costs associated with the ceremony. Robles The LGBTQ+ Lavender Reception is emphasized the importance of widespread sponsored by the LGBTQ+ center, which inclusion and acknowledgment, saying, has arranged for lavender cords to be sent to

interested graduating seniors “who identify as queer, questioning, and allies to the queer community,” per the Vassar Commencement web page. This year’s Lavender Reception will be MC’d by Eddy Quantum ’19 via Zoom. Organizers of the event described via their Instagram, “Although the virtual reception cannot take the place of our on-campus event, we hope that this space will provide you with an opportunity to reflect on your years at Vassar while celebrating all your accomplishments and achievements, both academic and personal.”

Continuing Legacies All organizers stressed the importance of keeping traditions alive during these trying times. “The original idea of a Latinx graduation ceremony would not have happened without this class of graduating seniors and it is imperative that we keep this new tradition going,” said Robles. Lopez-Huerta concurred, and spoke to the value of the ceremony to him personally: “It means a lot because I still hope to celebrate my accomplishments with my friends, professors, and family...

Although we must all acknowledge the impacts of COVID-19 as more than mere inconveniences, it is also important to adapt with the resources and networks we still have.”

For her part, Cheung Hom highlighted the importance of social connection under quarantine. “I hope that traditions like these that connect alums and graduating seniors will allow for some special connections to be made in an especially challenging time,” she wrote.

Slade discussed the strength these ceremonies lend to the institution as a whole, saying, “The Vassar experience is much richer when you factor in its traditions.” He added, “Continuing this ceremony during this most challenging of times proves once again our resiliency as a black community, an alumni community, and a Vassar community.”

Preserving these affinity traditions, albeit a digitized version, reflects the work that various identity communities have contributed to the campus community.

Simultaneously, these ceremonies honor the ongoing work of students, faculty and alumnae/i to create a more inclusive Vassar experience and post-graduate support network, while reflecting the plurality of experiences with academic life—of its challenges and joys. Speaking broadly about all digitized affinity traditions, Pittman expressed, “Adding to other legacies, the rich collection of affinity ceremonies simply honors those contributions and marks a time in Vassar’s history. I’m glad the ceremonies were not lost in the tragedies of COVID-19.”

Vassar phases in new branding concept: ‘Where Edges Meet’ Continued from Rebranding on page 1 vated” and “fearlessly consequential.” The tone words (words that inspire the voice of the brand) associated with the new branding are “savvy,” “gutsy,” “creative,” “spirited” and “ambitious.” As Duga-Caroll explained, these adjectives are meant to serve as inspiration for Vassar content: “They are not ‘tag lines’ or required language. These descriptors are tools to be used as inspiration, and we have stressed this in our workshops across the college,” explained Duga-Carroll.

Brand guidelines dictate that different tone words should inspire content for different audiences, such as using gutsy and creative for students and savvy and ambitious for alumnae/i.

Duga-Carroll explained that this re-

branding was informed by conversations and discussion with several members of Vassar’s community. Members of the Vassar Student Association (VSA) have also provided feedback. “The deep dive included extended research and interview sessions with members of the Vassar community, including faculty, students, alumnae/i, administrators, staff, parents and others,” described Duga-Carroll.

Though the branding will be gradually released to the public, and thus only a small circle of people are aware of it, the rebranding has already met some criticism; some have questioned the need to rebrand, as well as the aesthetic choices of the new brand. A student who spoke on the condition of anonymity said that they dislike the new re-

branding both because of its aesthetics and because of the decision-making process, which they feel was not undertaken with the sufficient input of students, faculty, alumnae/i or community members.

“There seems to be no connection or regard for the Vassar community, our history, and what we want to be. I wish they asked for feedback on this from the larger student and alumnae/i population as they would’ve seen how distasteful this was,” they said.

In addition to graphic and tone changes, the rebranding includes an update to the school’s colors; while they remain burgundy and gray, the burgundy has been altered, and branding materials now also feature a bright red.

Vassar changing its colors will naturally

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

affect athletic uniforms. While the current uniforms will remain in use until they need to be replaced, the color scheme will gradually shift to align with the new vision. The new uniforms will feature the same shade of burgundy across athletic teams. Vassar consulted the athletic department when deciding on color changes, as some shades of burgundy are more challenging than others to reproduce on uniforms.

Duga-Carroll reiterated that though the administration is transforming Vassar’s branding, the purpose remains to effectively convey Vassar’s history and traditions.

While this new branding seeks to capture the Vassar experience in a fresh way, it does so by focusing on interpretations of what Vassar is and has been for many years.

ARTS

May 24, 2020

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‘A Parks and Recreation Special’ brings nostalgia, catharsis Janet Song

Assistant Features Editor

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s Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) once said,“Crying is only okay in two places: funerals and the Grand Canyon.” But I would like to add a third place—my bedroom, with my computer screen playing “A Parks and Recreation Special.” It has been five years since the Emmy Award-winning show had its acclaimed finale, but the cast and crew got back together to put out a special on April 30 to support a Feeding America fundraiser during the pandemic.

For someone who binged “Parks and Recreation” episodes during 14-hour plane rides to China, this special also allowed me to revisit my favorite characters in Pawnee, only screens apart once more.

“A Parks and Recreation Special” begins with the ever-vacuous Bobby Newport (Paul Rudd) vacationing in Switzerland and fiddling with a clip-on mic, all while proudly donning a Knope 2012 zipper hoodie in tribute to the Sweetums heir’s loss against Knope in the election. Bobby Newport, who’s never had a real job in his life, breaks the fourth wall to explain how the special came to be through the cast and writers, who reunited to create the special as a way to raise money for Feeding America’s COVID-19 Response Fund, or as Newport puts it, “for people hurt by the coronas.” He admits he hasn’t seen the news recently, and in a very Bobby Newport way, asks, “What are they talking about?” in regards to the pandemic.

Once the iconic theme song hits, so does the wave of nostalgia. We are introduced to our beloved characters, all practicing social distancing as Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler) tries to keep in touch through her daily phone tree. As Leslie and her friends lead the phone tree, little glimpses of their lives reveal references to earlier episodes—Ben Wyatt (Adam Scott) has found his Claymation doll and is planning to make a film based

on “Cones of Dunshire”—both of which are projects of his former social isolation in the show, reflective of the ultimate quarantine mood. Meanwhile, Ron Swanson’s ex-wife Tammy 2 (Megan Mullally, also Offerman’s real-life spouse, thus justifying her real-life presence in the same scene) has managed to sneak into Ron’s hideaway cabin; Ron has subdued his obsessively sexual ex and tied her up so as to send her to the authorities.

Outside the parks department, glimpses of recurring characters appear in talk shows and advertisements to reveal how they are dealing with the pandemic. Ben and Leslie interact with Perd Hapley (Jay Jackson) on “Ya Heard? With Perd,” where the duo stresses the importance of staying connected, while Dennis Feinstein (Jason Mantzoukas), ever the snake oil charlatan, promotes a seemingly dangerous cologne that supposedly stops the virus. And Joan Callamezzo mirrors the terrifying tediousness of staying home, leaning into the brink of craziness with only dolls to keep her company.

The script, visuals and editing are cleverly pieced together in a way that makes the characters feel connected, despite their evident distance, in a subtle yet inventive manner. For the most part, the narrative’s flow maintains itself: Nothing feels choppy as we breeze through the phone tree, as characters catch each other up on their social distancing lives. However, I feel that there are a few slip-ups; for example, even though we know Aubrey Plaza and Chris Pratt can’t act as April and Andy together, I feel like the two are distanced from their characters. Instead of seeing their cat-and-dog-like personalities interact, we’re left with Andy stuck with the goofy gimmick of freeing himself from the garden shed in which he’s trapped, and April being reduced to relying on exaggerated costumes instead of the dry and sarcastic personality that we love her for. Additionally, Retta’s Donna Meagle barely had enough lines for me to be excited about her appear-

ance. Even though the special doesn’t have the same charm as the “Parks and Recreation” we love, I still admire the writers and cast for pulling it together, as well as managing to raise 2.8 million USD for Feeding America’s COVID-19 Response Fund.

While the humor has some bumps, the real joy of the special comes at the end.

Ron gathers all the members of the parks department to sing “5,000 Candles in the Wind”—everyone’s favorite tribute to everyone’s favorite miniature horse—as a way to cheer up Leslie, who has been missing her friends during the pandemic. As I listened to the cast sing, my eyes were drawn to Offerman, who looked like he was about to cry.

And I felt my eyes begin to tear up. Although this wasn’t a typical “Parks and Recreation” episode, watching our beloved Pawnee residents sing left me with the sentiment of unison and loved ones being nearby.

Ron’s message to Leslie highlights the real message that I think this episode wanted to bring. “Don’t spend all your time looking after other people,” he tells her near the special’s conclusion. “Look after yourself once

in a while.” This statement’s power is twofold. First, it is reminiscent of the charming friendship and profound respect these opposites have for each other—I in particular cannot help but to recall how the finale ended with the cheerful Leslie holding the deadpan Ron’s hand on the swings and later helping him find his place as a park superintendent as they stood overlooking the lake of Pawnee National Park. Second: It reminds us—fans or not—to remember to take care of ourselves.

We find ourselves, like these characters, struggling to adjust to a changing world.

And while most of us have pushed through to practice social distancing for the well-being of others, there are times where we forget to check in our own well-being—there may even be times that our moods fester within our confinement as we lose what our personalities once were outside our windows. And so, this special to me is a way to take a break for myself: a way to watch something new from a series I love, and let myself laugh and cry a little—because we all need that.

Reviewer rests head with Car Seat Headrest

Making a Door Less Open Car Seat Headrest Matador Records Dean Kopitsky Sports Editor

C

oronavirus came for our spring (fall?

Shit.) semester and like manna from a shoegazing god, alternative music rained from the heavens to fill our shelter-in-place malaise. Fiona Apple delivered unyoked wit and optical allusion instrumentals on FTBC, check. The perpetually prodigalling prodigal son’s return with “Eternal Atake,” check (I’ve never actually listened to Lil Uzi—I just speak for the trees). Lunar Vacation, the band that I lost my indie show virginity to on a school night in Atlanta 2016, released their debut album, check.

My first album review in over a year,

check. Siri, show me results for synonyms of synth, check. Affirm. Notarize.

Car Seat Headrest, a less-than-by-thebook rock group best known for their intersectional study of killer whales and drunk drivers, released their ninth record, “Making a Door Less Open,” (MDLO) this May. Over the 2010s, the group displayed a penchant for versatility with quirky, compelling narrative lyrics, stripped down covers of songs like Frank Ocean’s “Ivy” and Bruce Springsteen’s “Goin’ Down,” and, honestly, good vibes. On “Making A Door Less Open,” that versatility really breaks through, and tonally adventurous vibes expound.

Listening to the single, “Can’t Cool Me Down,” I caught myself dancing on day 49 in my quarantine fit (boxers and a shirt that is clean because I last wore it before I got a driver’s license). “Oooooh water on my (questionable) breath (can’t cool me down).” It just makes you pump your appendages awkwardly.

And yes I know that I’m overusing parentheses but indie bands long ago jumped the shark on quirky grammar. Oddly capitalized letters, parentheses and s p a c e d out titles are cool now and I feel like I’m missing out. The implicit critique of aesthetics. I think I learned about it in a Zoom call.

Will Toledo, the group’s lead singer and songwriter, is a compelling writer of rock-opera-esque ballads of disgruntled youth. The awkward, open-to-experimenting-with-drugs teenagers he writes

into your heart are more apocryphal than benign. On “MDLO,” off-the-dome, unrestrained songwriting is back, but a bit more bearish. His shoestring congruency reaches peak Dylan on “Deadlines (Hostile)” where Toledo yells and reminds us this is no time for social courtesies. “Deadlines’’ espouses the same disdain I have for deadlines (not Misc deadlines tho). It’s my favorite song on the record. Its verses groove with an inthe-pocket feel and then explode with an impassioned and melodic rock chorus. The cap of the chorus, “That was really a mistake last night,” is vintage Toledo, saying everything he needs to with an unassuming refrain.

I’m not really sure what character Toledo is playing on “(Hollywood).” It sounds like he wrote down some media studies critiques while really high and rather than whisper them softly over an acoustic fingerpicking rhythm he screams into a microphone blistering with distortion maybe derived from an IED. The song “Hymn (Remix)” only exists to foil the next song, “Martin,” which starts with a smooth acoustic riff before leading into a boring riff. I don’t know who is the good guy in this internal debate on the merits of electronic rock versus “I like this because it sounds familiar” analog rock that was resuscitated via the Strokes,then smothered with a pillow by none other than the Strokes.

I like the first few seconds of “What’s

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With You Lately.” Toledo’s droning voice is a perfect harmony to the bassy acoustic guitar. It’s a short bluesy piece that sounds nothing like anything else Car Seat Headrest has done before. The song “Deadlines (thoughtful)” shows (not tells) that this album was masterfully produced. The synth saturated bassline oscillates on gigantic wavelengths like a masochistic bungee jumper.

You can skip the last three songs on the album. Despite sounding like they were supposed to be some experimental, effusive statement, they don’t. This is especially true for the last track “Famous” where Toledo repeats “please let someone care about this” over and over again. At 7 and a half minutes long, “There Must be More Than Blood” probably wasn’t worth the time it took to produce. Damn, that’s kinda harsh.

Let me redeem myself with a tender concluding sentiment.

But considering everything else, this album should be a success, if only on Vassar’s campus (if only we return in the fall). The songwriting is quirky, the hooks are catchy, the instrumentation is a little out-there and new-wave. What’s not to like? If I’m pulling away the veneer for a second it is really just a cool, fun album with plenty of song to boogie to. VCSS, I hope that you’re reading this review.

Review of this review: I thought you hated Pitchfork? Response: only when it’s convenient.

SPORTS

Page 6

May 24, 2020

Varsity coach turns to Instagram to keep training regimens going

One Insta-based workout from Coach Read. Courtesy of @vassar_strong via Instagram.

Continued from Athletics on page 1 alyzing a little bit more deeply each sport.”

Athletes’ needs cover a broad sprectrum: home at 8:16.

But without the structure and discipline squashers need to harvest their agility, basof early morning, in person-lifts, Read had ketball players to work on their bounce, to figure out a way to keep students engaged baseball players bulk up to acquire raw slugand motivated to maintain the fitness they’d ging power. Even cross-country runners sweated all year for. She recounted dealing have to get in a couple kettlebell swings per with the initial fall-out of canceled seasons: week.

Spring sports were just beginning to “I kind of panicked a little bit ‘cause I’m very compete when the pandemic hit, but Read much so a doer. I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, didn’t let the loss of competition season how do I help 500 athletes when they’re all daunt her: “I said right off the bat I don’t scattered across the country?’” Five hundred want to just jump ship immediately and young adults is far more than any Vassar go to offseason training. We need to spend professor has to account for, but she still some time in that power window and develwanted everyone to have a plan to continop some kind of peak experience.” For the ue training. “The varsity weight room is a teams that were in their offseason, she told place that a lot of people like to come and herself, “I need to be preparing them for an it’s their place to get away from academics, August 18 start…so their training needs to from stress, so I wanted to continue to probe peaking sooner.”

This long-term planvide options like that for people at home,” ning was nothing new for Read.

“I look at she said. programming from a year-round perspecIt’s not as if she drums up the same training plan for everyone, either. Coach Read tive,” she shared.

This year is Coach Read’s second full trains 15 different teams, or classes if you year at Vassar. I asked her to reflect on some will, with drastically different syllabi. “I of the year’s highlights before it was cut kind of went into hyperdrive...After a week short.

“One of my coaching philosophies is I of putting some body weight programs towant the upperclassmen to be an extension gether and whatnot, I settled into really an-

The Mini Mini Crossword

by Jess

of me and the returners be mini coaches… this year I actually watched that happen. To see so many upperclassmen helping their first-years learn how to hang clean or something more complicated than that was so fun to watch. ” In just two years, Coach Read established positive team culture across 15 sports, whether that means helping an athlete tweak their squat technique or reminding bench pressers about the importance of spotting. There is an air of accountability and optimism, along with body odor vapors, in the Kenyon basement.

That teamwork is hard to find in our makeshift at-home gyms, towels on a hardwood floor or dumbbells in the yard with only the company of a neighbor’s inquiring glance like looking away quickly] to look forward to. Those early morning lifts are a great fodder of banter. Several exercises, although supposedly athletically beneficial, look downright silly, like the appropriately named hip stretch “fire hydrants’’ or the dreaded “inch worm,” and leave athletes dumbfounded. However, nothing really wakes you up like the weight room’s notorious Pandora playlists (Coach Read may actually be the last known Pandora subscriber in existence). Every lift starts with a brief discussion of the day’s playlist, although it is inevitably either 2000’s pop or new hip-hop.

Try attempting to squat six reps of your max weight to “Party in the U.S.A.”; that’s what you get in the varsity weight room. Outside of the weight room, Read adds a little more variety to her workouts. “One of my go to’s is the throwback workout playlist. It’s quite good. Not censored though. 80’s cardio is also a gem of a playlist on Pandora.” I have long lobbied for acoustic sunrise with little success, but it seems like I’m not the only one with clandestine lifting taste: “I know it’s controversial, but I am a country fan and have been listening to quite a bit of that,” admitted Read. It’s definitely not controversial, Coach Read. Ultimately, she finds herself going back to the basics: “I’ve actually been rocking quite a few weight room play-

lists because I need to feel like we’re back there together.”

Coach Read has tried to bring the good vibes to digital format. The Vassar Strong Instagram has become a virtual weight room where Coach Read demonstrates some of the more befuddling or challenging exercises. The comment sections abound with feedback from student-athletes. Read also posts some of their shelter-in-place gyms. This was unfamiliar territory for Read: “When we first started, I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, this is gonna be such a long haul; posting every day I’m going to run out of creativity.’ Michelle Walsh ,the athletic director, keeps saying she’s going to turn me into a social media influencer…I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”

Until the day Coach Read becomes a social media influencer, she’ll stick to what she knows best: crushing workouts and motivating student athletes. “I’m a strength coach because I love interacting and working with you guys on a daily basis, so not having that has been one of my biggest challenges,” she said. She’ll stick with social media for that: “It’s always nice to hear back and I always encourage student athletes if you just want to drop a line and say ‘hey coach.”

Read believes that community is more important than ever as we’re stuck in this long grind. “I feel like quarantine is kind of like a marathon...you’ve got to find that steady pace and stick at it and keep that going,so it’s kind of slow and painful,” she said. I asked her if coronavirus were an exercise, what would it be? “100 percent a burpee,” she replied. Oof. For a while long we’ll be running this marathon, and, like always, we’ll do our best to avoid burpees. In these crazy times, it’s good to know that the idiosyncratic Vassar athletic community has something to rally around, and Coach Read is thankful for it too: “Knowing that you guys are there is a way we can...feel the sense of community, working out together.”

“Congration, you done it!”

ACROSS 1. Most students struggle with this, but it could knock you a letter grade!

9. Engage an interlocutor 10. Essentially a phone, but far larger 11. The department always bugging you about your password, abbr 12. The one that loves graduation 14. Latin prefix meaning eight 15. Not Heathrow Airport, the other one, abbr 16. A reef may be composed of these 20. Mixed with germinated cereal grain 22. A sentimental term for homo sapiens 24. A type of fermented and processed locust bean 25. Not according to plan 28. An emotion you might experience during finals 29. As well 30. Bringing enterprise programs together, abbr 31. To form, and also proof your cheese is bad 32. Teach 33. “The” in French, feminine

4. Latin for “and” 5. The sheet of paper you’re waiting for 6. Citation style commonly used in sciences 7. Big-toothed whale in the beluga family 8. Third, fourth and fifth letters in the Latin alphabet 13. Everyone makes it, but you don’t want to step in it 17. Go, quickly—but in the past!

18. Lieutenant, abbr 19. Desk or office 21. When you accepted your acceptance letter 22.We all seek to be this post-graduation 23. A sonic experience 26. The chief of this international organization stepped down recently 27. Green Jedi 31. You?

DOWN 1. Honors 2. Your thesis might be “dumb___” 3. ____ Tuesday

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Scan the code above for the answers!

SENIOR RETROSPECTIVES

May 24, 2020

Page 7

Our love letter to Vassar quidditch Maya Sterling and Shannon Russo

D

id it happen at the beginning of our first practice, all gathered in a circle on Joss Beach, proudly declaring our Hogwarts houses? Or did it happen at team dinners that went late into the night, as we sat in an old Deece sideroom complaining about the food? Or did it happen as we played a scrimmage in a torrential downpour, slipping through the mud but laughing nonetheless?

Neither of us know exactly when it happened, but we both fell in love with the quidditch team. This group of kind and compassionate people showed us how to get to Central Receiving, advised on roommate snafus and made us feel welcome in a new place. We would be remiss if we did not thank Rainah Umlauf ’17, a captain who showed us particular love and guidance throughout our first year and whom we consistently tried to follow the example of when we were leaders. Because of teammates like Rainah, the quidditch team became our family and our home away from home.

In our sophomore year, we captained alongside Nick Wright ’20 and Andy Rutherford ’19. We were excited to implement our own vision for the team: a sports team dedicated to improving our skill and being competitive against other schools. We were lucky enough to recruit eager and committed first-years, many of whom are still a part of this wonderful family as rising seniors, now leaders in their own right.

Our growing team went to tournaments, then fundraised to go to more tournaments.

We hosted the annual Yule Ball and organized more substance-free events to accommodate the shifting desires of our teammates. We designed and ordered new team jerseys, hosted a quidditch-themed birthday party for a professor’s eight-year-old and ran an international quidditch tournament. Us four captains were busy Thursday nights, meeting to talk through the challenges the team was facing and plan future practices.

But the work didn’t feel like work at all.

Instead, we were figuring out how to hone

our playing skills and build a community.

We were growing as individuals, becoming better leaders and better friends along the way. We learned how to trust our fellow captains, how to delegate, how to advocate for our own needs, and how to adjust course when concerns were raised. We finished our captainship proud of the work we had done and what our team had accomplished.

During our junior and senior years, we felt a responsibility as older members of the team to remain committed and honor the trust younger teammates continued to place in us. We are deeply moved by this trust but recognize that in many ways, it was them, not us, who made this team so inclusive and welcoming of all identities and bodies. By the rules, anybody can play this sport, but it was our teammates who created a culture that affirmed each of us in our own right.

However, our team has struggled to balance this inclusivity with being competitive.

How can we make every person feel valuable when some bodies, the bigger or stronger ones, are more advantageous in competition? How can we make practice a fun space where people of all athletic abilities can participate, yet also a challenging space that makes us better players?

We recognize that as leaders and members of the team, we have been unable to answer these questions. As a result, quidditch has lost people who once called the team their family, who felt their voices had not been heard. While we tried to be perfect, we as a team struggled to always effectively listen and respond to the many views of our teammates.

While we cannot change the outcomes, we have learned that it is never easy to be a leader or a part of any community. We won’t always get it right. Now as graduates, we leave this team with a heavy heart, knowing there were times when we made mistakes.

However, we are determined to learn from these mistakes and be better people because of them.

We hope to leave some imparting wisdom for our teammates. Find a vision that you believe in. It is the passion behind this

The Vassar Quidditch Team in a celebratory “quddle puddle” at a tournament at Chester Hill College in fall 2017, while Maya and Shannon were captains. Courtesy of Vassar Quidditch. vision that will keep our team inspired sense of grief neither of us can shake. and committed. Remember though, you However, just as we do not remember do not have all the answers. Work in col- exactly when our time with quidditch laboration with your community and came to an end, we cannot remember welcome perspectives that challenge you. when we fell in love with the team. PerHowever, at the end of the day, it is your haps the most meaningful things in our responsibility to embrace a compromise lives happen when we aren’t paying atand modify your vision to reflect every- tention. Who knew on that day nearly one’s needs. You have been entrusted with four years ago when the two of us walked the honor and privilege of making deci- onto Joss Beach for the first time and tried sions for the team. Make those decisions to put brooms between our legs without with confidence, even though you will laughing that we were embarking on a not always be right. life-changing journey? Where we would We are leaving this team at a strange become better people and leaders, where time. Our senior year was cut short we would create wonderful memories during spring break, meaning that we and make important mistakes, where we don’t remember attending our last prac- would meet lifelong friends? Perhaps the tice, eating at our last team dinner, or most valuable lesson of all is to be a little hugging our teammates for the last time. more mindful—for every moment could We went through those last practices, be a last, every encounter a first, every exdinners, and interactions as if they were perience, with the benefit of hindsight, a inconsequential. This comes with a deep blessing.

Porcelain cracks in an exhibition: a dingy seat for Muses Yasemin Smallens

R

ecently, while talking to my father on the phone, I told him that I had already graduated, that I was done with this place. I made this announcement sitting on the back porch of my off-campus house, letting the sun wash across my face, sipping coffee out of a stolen Deece mug. There was silence on the other end of the line. My father had nothing to say.

The following day I answered the door to find a bottle of champagne sitting on the porch and a receipt from Poughkeepsie Wine & Liquor, a graduation present.

I, like many others, have not seen my family in months. When the pandemic erupted over spring break, I fled my home in New York City to stay in my dusty house on Lagrange Avenue. My house has been passed down through generations of Vassar students, gaining a reputation as a hot-spot for off-campus parties.

It is needless to say that the house is gross, very gross. This fall, my housemate filled the bathtub with ramen noodles and boiling water for his sketch comedy group (one of the few activities I won’t miss about college). The tub is now not only littered with goopy flaccid noodles,

but also worms that hide in its porcelain crevices to eat said noodles. The kitchen has its own share of traumatic events to show for as well: the stinky splattered remains of food explosions that line the microwave, the pestering grease stains which cover the fake marble floors, and the lingering scent of a Joe’s Crab Shack which has persisted in the months following my failed attempt at cooking lobster.

There are endearing parts of the house’s college-ness too. There are the random decorations which adorn the space—hot dog water written in glossy sticker letters plastered to the living room wall, miniature print-outs of motivational cat posters (a la the “hang in there” variety) taped to the bathroom mirror, and origami swans I found floating from the ceiling of my bedroom the first day I moved in. There are the vibrant wall colors—the living room bright pink, the kitchen dark blue, and my bedroom, my favorite, a calm autumn yellow. The walls have been painted over and over again by students, each coat imperfectly done, giving away the colors which laid before it. These days I’ve found myself lying on my bed staring at the white ceiling moldings, counting the freckles of autumn yellow, key lime green, and pale purple paint, imagining

all the generations of Vassar students who came before me.

As classes have gone remote, being so close to Vassar has left me feeling farther from my peers than ever before. On the days I leave the house, I bike around campus searching for a pair of familiar eyes peeking above a face mask. Oftentimes, I do stumble upon someone I know—a kid from my political science seminar, a professor whose class I always wanted to take but never got the chance to, a small aging chihuahua whose owner has carried him around campus for years. When I lock eyes with these acquaintances I don’t find the solace I had hoped for. Instead, I’m left with one question ringing in my ears: What are you still doing here? I imagine they are asking the same of me.

Before the world came crashing down, my girlfriend’s professor asked her class what makes a space a museum? When she repeated this question to me in late February I thought it was dumb. But writing this retrospective in my living room, looking up at the bright pink walls and glossy hot dog water stickers, I can’t help but feel as though my dusty old house is a museum of its own.

This revelation has been paralyzing in its own right. There is something com-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

forting about the fact that another pair of Vassar students will inherit this house: the tupperwares with SMALLENS written on them in large sharpie will hold leftovers of future dinner parties, the pink fairy lights we hung across the basement will illuminate the dance floor for weekends to come, and the scent of a seafood catastrophe will haunt a new group of Vassar students. However, the overwhelming feeling I’m left with is envy.

When I left campus for spring break, I did not know I had danced at my last college party, eaten my final Deece brunch, or sat in my concluding political theory seminar. If I had known, I would have stopped being stingy and put down the deposit for a keg, invited too many people over for dinner to the chagrin of my housemates, gone to office hours to tell my professor that those poems he gave us changed me. But these are choices I can no longer make.

I graduated college the day everyone else left it. Today I am another relic—a stain, a chipped mug, an unexplained crack in the wall—a piece in a museum few will ever see. The story of this house, however, is now mine to tell. And so, to my beautiful, disgusting, home, I raise one final glass of champagne.

SENIOR RETROSPECTIVES

Page 8

Time spent, homes built

The certain celebration of spring

Jenny Luo

I

Alice Woo

N

eedless to say, this is not how I pictured my last quarter at Vassar.

The first time I visited campus, I sat beneath the saucer magnolia tree near Ely Hall and wrote in my journal, “This is where I want to be.” I sat there and envisioned what the next years of my life would be like. I thought that before I knew it, I’d be holding my diploma onstage in my graduation gown and cap.

My first winter at Vassar, I wrote in my journal, “It’s hard to love winter. You have to really actively try to love during winter.” And I did. I loved the crunch of the frozen grass and the way the snow sticks to the branches of the trees. I stepped off the path as often as possible to sink my Freeand-For-Sale Doc Martens deep into the snow. Everyone from home had warned me about the dreaded east coast winter. I had been bracing myself for the cold since I’d left California, and I tried my hardest to take pleasure in the cold wind that chapped my cheeks as I shuffled determinedly across the quad in February and March.

I was utterly unprepared for spring at Vassar. Suddenly, I understood why poets write about spring. Suddenly I understood what spring really means: rebirth, renewal, rejoicing. The mass exodus from the library to the quad the first time the temperature surpasses 55 degrees. The return of color, yellow daffodils and blue sky and green grass. The birdsong. The blooming of the magnolia trees. There is nothing like spring at Vassar.

I didn’t know my last spring at Vassar

Jonas Trostle/The Miscellany News. would be my last spring at Vassar. When the pandemic is over, I do not have anything to go back to. There is no return for me. There is no period of sunshine and friends and bliss; there is no final opportunity to choose to be a child before beginning real adulthood. This week, I turned in my last paper. I closed both my laptop and the most meaningful chapter of my life with equal nonchalance.

When people learn that I took an accelerated course of study to graduate a year early, they assume I have a plan for postgrad life. They assume I didn’t want to be at college any longer that I had to. They assume my degree was my only goal. None of that was ever true, and now more than ever, I feel completely directionless. With college stripped away to nothing but academics, I see more clearly than ever that it was all the things that won’t appear on my transcript that fulfilled me the most, those parts of my life I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to. Do I regret graduating early? It’s hard not to now. But there was no way to know that my time at Vassar would end like this, without the resurrection of spring.

Vassar, for all your faults, I love you.

The next time I’m on campus I know I will be overwhelmed with the stress of packing up all my belongings and the nostalgia of all the memories and the grief over all the moments I lost. But I hope I can find a moment in my allotted 12 hours of move-out time to sit under a magnolia tree and feel at home again.

[Editor’s Note: The headline of this piece references the Mary Oliver poem, “Spring.”]

May 24, 2020

’m a crybaby. My housemates Kci and Simone can attest to this and they’ll tell you it’s because of my Cancer moon. If there were a blacklight that could detect tears, you would probably see more marks from my tears than from the rabbit urine.

Hopefully. If not, I preemptively apologize to the future tenants of my previous rooms.

My rabbit, Mel, and I have lived in many places around campus. If we haven’t lived there, then we have definitely visited, if only to wreak a little havoc. Mel’s been my roommate for a majority of my time at Vassar.

We’ve become such good roommates that sometimes I forget that he lives beneath me and scream bloody murder when he touches my leg. On nights when it was just me or a housemate in our SoCo, Mel’s midnight snacking (on the closet door) became a warning for us to lock our doors and check our windows. When his daily quota for physical affection has not been met, he becomes the biggest pest and chews through whatever wires are available.

My life at Vassar coexists with this rabbit’s life. When I lived in Strong, he toured the house with Sarah and had an improv scene in our house team video. While doing work outside with Abi on the picnic bench, I lost him for an hour before finding him exactly where he always was. Mel tried to claim every space as his, leaving poop pellets behind to preserve his presence.

Despite Mel’s willful intentions of staying at Vassar, I’m excited to lean into the years beyond college. I look forward to when my memory becomes a name in the yearbook and the first years I met this last summer are able to look back and see how much they’ve grown. Although I still remain jobless and uncertain, I continue to scour the internet for pet friendly housing and urge my friends to buy the houses I find on Zillow. I’m planning our next trip to the city, envisioning our reunions and imagining how our lives will be in the future.

As a new summer approaches, my body remembers the heat of the last two I spent on campus. Summers were beautiful—the campus wide and empty of all but the sounds of nature. The days are slow and indistinguishable, much like they have been for these past few weeks. No academia, no thoughts, just

long and hazy restful days.

I treasure the moments where I’ve been able to slow down and take life step by step.

As each year passed, it became easier and easier to be swallowed by responsibilities. Every year offered new opportunities to be a part of a different team, to start a different project.

But now, the assignments from past semesters are foggy; rereading old essays is akin to crossing paths with a stranger. I remember very little about the work I’ve done, but I can walk you through the times spent with the people I’ve grown to love, introduce you to the homes we’ve built.

Throughout these four years, my family has expanded. It no longer feels so lonely to be half the world away from my relatives; I have more loved ones from Vassar than I could have ever hoped for. I wish I could share with you the many nights we spent crammed into a room, telling stories and laying on top of one another until our eyes could barely open. I wish you were there for the meals we made in our grungy kitchens, especially the lavish desserts and cheese platters that I’ve documented poorly. I want to drag you into the most ridiculous scenarios we’ve been in, where the only evidence of it having happened is our hysterical cackling passing through Main’s paper thin walls.

I’ve learned so many ways to connect, to love, to forgive, to heal during my time here.

If anyone had told me that my diploma was the second most important thing I’d leave Vassar with my first year, I wouldn’t have believed them.

Honestly though, I was a clown my first year. My biggest pair of clown shoes was my 10 year plan. It took these last few years to grow out of them. Change is slow. Very slow.

I’m so incredibly grateful for everyone who’s been a part of my time at Vassar. You have all brought me joy and taught me courage and confidence, became my mentors and offered me countless wisdom and support.

Thank you for traveling down this path with me. I love you, see you soon~

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Dear Class of 2020, After years of study, performances, athletic competitions, lab research, student org meetings­—and commitment to all of your other varied passions—you have completed your college career in spite of the roadblocks to your final semester. In celebration of your accomplishments, the Misc dedicates this advertisement to you!

Best wishes to you and yours, Jessica Moss, Editor-in-Chief, on behalf of The Miscellany News

Photo courtesy of Karl Rabe via Vassar College Flickr.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

May 24, 2020

SENIOR RETROSPECTIVES

Page 9

Spuds, buds and rock ‘n’ roll Ariana Bowe, Lucy Horgan, Meg Matthews

W

hen all is said and done, and our time at Vassar is long behind us, we will always have the shared memory of being in Spud Cannon. That, and the music we recorded during our four years as Vassar students. At least for us, the band extends far beyond the boundaries of Vassar’s campus—touring pushed us out of our comfort zones and took us from New York to Texas to California (and back again). Sitting in our unofficial tour van, we felt the band genuinely touching our lives, giving us a sense of confidence and belonging. We never thought we’d play to an audience beyond our family and friends, let alone tour the United States. But in truth, some of our greatest adventures happened at Vassar, where we were free to act out some of our wildest ideas in a community that supported us.

We wrote our first song, “Midnight,” in Skinner 412 during our first ever band practice in October of 2016, our freshman year.

After writing a few more originals, our first live shows were in December; we played to an empty room at My Place Pizza in Poughkeepsie, followed by a Late Night gig at the Loeb. Back then, we were called The Black Jeans, but as time went on, we would adopt several names—Paper Dots, Second Hand— before settling on Spud Cannon, a name Lucy came up with. Our first show as Spud Cannon was in February at Battle of the Bands. The month after our first-place win, we crudely set up shop in Skinner and recorded a few demos.

During the summer before sophomore year, the Skinner demos evolved into our first full album, “Next Time Read The Fine Print,” recorded over seven summer days in Jackson Lewis ’19’s basement. Back at school, our guerilla marketing campaign began—with our album release show set for Oct. 21, we taped paper cut-out potatoes all

over campus. We hit Main, the Bridge, and other high-traffic areas; Meg even scaled the wall of the Bridge to place a couple potatoes where no one could reach them. When the potatoes were inevitably taken down, we put up more and came up with more drastic plans to promote the show. We taped flyers to every visible surface we could, put stickers in bathroom stalls and used chalk spray paint to stencil the quad with “SPUD CANNON 10/21.” This spread the word effectively (our album release show at Ferry was packed!), but at a cost: We got in trouble with Safety and Security, who assumed SPUD CANNON 10/21 was referencing a potato gun event, and Student Conduct met with us to ask that we scrub the quad of the stencils. As it turns out, “chalk” spray paint doesn’t come off as easily as advertised.

During our junior and senior years, we released our second album, “Squeeze,” and

The members of Spud Cannon pose for a glamour shot. Courtesy of Spud Cannon. were thrilled when Ben Scharf ’22 joined 6 a.m.

Spud Cannon as our drummer. But at the Our squash-court production was still same time, we started to face the realities of in the works when the COVID-19 pandemgraduating and navigating “real life,” both ic hit New York. Self-isolation scattered the in and outside of college. Skinner manage- band between Poughkeepsie, New York City ment effectively kicked us out of our prac- and Massachusetts, and we postponed our tice space; Ari went abroad in the spring of album release date indefinitely. Overall, the 2019, only to fly back for a disastrous Spring future is unclear—we’re not sure what will Break tour and miss two weeks of classes; happen or when it finally will; all we know and Jackson graduated at the end of our is that we miss playing music together and junior year. That, paired with internal dra- look forward to releasing our third record. ma, made it abundantly clear that keeping We’ve grown so much during the past four up with our band would not always be easy. years and experienced so many once-in-aBut when you really love something, you lifetime moments together. The future of find a way to make things work. Our love Spud Cannon may be uncertain, but we are for making music and for one another gave forever grateful for whatever it may bring. us the motivation to keep going: In the sum- Until then, thank you for being a part of our mer before our senior year, we snuck into adventure, tolerating our shenanigans and the Kenyon Squash Courts and recorded our letting us share our music—because at the third album in just a few nights, working end of the day, all we can really do is keep nonstop between the hours of 10 p.m. and listening.

Longtime editor reminisces about the org that always takes over: the Misc Leah Cates

T

he Miscellany News derailed my college career, and it’s about to derail my Senior Retrospective. I could (should?) write about a topic of academic import, like how I—the only graduating Women’s Studies major— respond when professors say, “Why am I doing all the talking? Let’s have the resident Women’s Studies major explain Butler’s Theory of Gender Performativity.” (I nod confidently and use the words “social construction,” “reify,” and “corporeal” in a long sentence, then change the topic to how capitalist heteropatriarchy will end the world.)

Or, I could whine about my social life, since I got stuck living with my first-year roommate all four years. (I won’t name names— she’s had my back every moment of the last four years and therefore boasts a bounty of blackmail material—but I will say that she is equally jaded and wants to know why my wardrobe consists exclusively of workout attire.) Alternatively, I could proffer an ode to the AFC (@IvannaGuerra, my athletic aesthetic is not without purpose), or refereeing competitive Bingo matches at Vassar-Warner Nursing Home alongside kindhearted students and senior citizens, or Vassar’s stellar Creative Writing program, or Brody. No leash. No real directional sense. What a dog.

Instead of waxing poetic about any of that, however, I’m going to allow the Misc to snatch the spotlight one last time. I’ll let you in on a little secret: Vassar’s student newspaper of record since 1866 is actually a cult. I

should know; I’ve been a copy editor, humor writer, Co-Humor Editor, Senior Editor and Contributing Editor (today, I’m one of Jess & Frankie’s many minions), and in the second semester of my junior year, Editor-in-Chief (EiC). Every Tuesday from 7 p.m. until 4 a.m. (not a typo, cult members don’t make typos), I’d sit on the snagged and stained mesh of the wobbly EiC chair, vexed by cumbersome design software, endless aesthetic and grammatical minutiae (what’s so bad about ox coms?), and the perpetual fear that the next article I edited would require a comprehensive 2 a.m. rewrite. After sleeping for a few hours, I’d rush back to the office to triple-check the burdensome beast (and restart a crashing InDesign at least twice), prior to sending the paper to print. Wednesday evening brought a two-hour-long Ed Board meeting, featuring the beleaguered semi-smiles of similarly sleep-deprived editors, with whom I would convene again for Sunday’s paper critique and Monday’s pre-production night. Occasionally, I’d take a break to do schoolwork (what a luxury!), only to be interrupted within minutes of finding my stride by a phone call from the senior editors or design editor (thank you for your dedicated leadership and for tolerating my tendency for fastidiousness), or an urgent email from a writer, editor, interviewee, administrator….Oh, and my semesterly salary was a whopping $0.

If this sounds miserable, it’s only because serving as EiC of The Misc is a miserable (miscerable?) experience. But my misery

was not in vain—The Miscellany News endowed me with the confidence, maturity and level-headedness to thrive in the adult world. During my EiC tenure, I learned to remain calm, organized and flexible under pressure; manage public relations; problem solve independently; design an engaging and aesthetically pleasing spread; learn from and bond with those whose work style and vision diverges from my own; work efficiently (40+-hour per week unpaid job + full-time student=move fast or...or...I never risked finding out); find laughter, joy and solidarity in the midst of serious stress; remain humble (I considered myself a splendid leader before I experienced my first week as EiC); own up to my mistakes, no matter how embarrassing or terrible they might be; exercise resilience and open-mindedness in the face of conflict with friends, peers and mentors; and even choreograph a staff-wide dance to “It’s the Hard-Knock Life,” complete with the mattress we keep in the Misc office and the bucket used to catch the chronic EiC office ceiling drip that taunted me throughout my tenure. (Ok, technically that’s still in the works, but I expect to have it prepared in time for a Commencement 2023 performance. Rising sophomores, get excited.)

Best of all, I learned to love collaborative work. Prior to my Miscian (adj., add it to the style guide) stints, I was a misanthrope (miscanthrope?) when it came to group projects.

I preferred to grind ‘em out by my persnickety, perfectionist self, because I had not yet had the honor of working with a group of

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

humans as driven, devoted, conscientious, strong, resourceful, gritty, witty and wonderful as The Miscellany News Editorial Board. And they’re a microcosm (miscrocosm? When does this get old?) of Vassar writ large—this college boasts some of the most curious, caring, kind, generous, engaged and empathic students, staff, faculty and administrators on earth, whether in the thick of finals week or the midst of a global pandemic.

Back to The Misc. Of course. Dear Miscers, I could write a personal shout-out to each of you, because I have a connection, common interest, or shared (mis)adventure (miscadventure? Yep, it’s gotten old) with virtually every Ed Board member.

But in the interest of copyfitting this article (you’re welcome), just know that you are all hyper-focused, badass, bright and bold humans. Thank you for making my Miscellany News—and Vassar—career exciting, challenging, surprising, edifying, memorable and altogether incredible. I cannot imagine my college experience without you all. And you haven’t seen the last of me. If I could keep the Misc (relatively) afloat for a semester, I can figure out how to Zoom-bomb. As for when y’all meet again in person...I know where you work.

PS: Current EiC & Managing Editor, I appreciate your appreciation of all the Billies.

Beautiful. Hellloooo. Also, Francisco Andrade ’22 will not serve as Humor Editor in Fall 2020 because the Misc fired him. We do, however, enjoy his dog.

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The GoCo's greatest hits We recently asked on our social media what Deece foods students are feeling most nostalgic for while we're away.

Gordon Commons Sous Chef Patricia Spreer provided us with a few of the most-requested recipes.

Fudge Brownies

Vegan Chili

Ingredients 1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted 1 tablespoon Canola oil 1 1/8 cup white granulated sugar 2 large eggs 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract 1/2 cup all purpose flour 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 1. Preheat oven to 350°F. 2. Lightly grease an 8-inch square baking pan with cooking oil spray; set aside.

3. Combine hot melted butter, oil and sugar together in a medium-sized bowl. Whisk well for about a minute. Add the eggs and vanilla; beat until lighter in colour (another minute).

4. Sift in flour, cocoa powder and salt. Gently fold the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients until JUST combined (do NOT over beat as doing so well affect the texture of your brownies).

5. Pour batter into prepared pan, smoothing the top out evenly. (OPTIONAL: Top with crushed oreos) 6. Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until the center of the brownies in the pan no longer jiggles and is just set to the touch (the brownies will keep baking in the hot pan out of the oven).

Ingredients 8 Tablespoons butter 8 cups mini marshmallows 8 cups Rice Krispies cereal or your favorite cereal

Ingredients 3 cloves Garlic 1 Small Yellow Onion, diced 2 Green Bell Peppers, diced 3 ribs Celery, diced 3 small carrots, diced ¼ cup Chili Powder* 1 tbsp Cumin 1 tsp Dried Oregano ½ tsp Cayenne Pepper (Optional) 2 15 oz cans Red Kidney Beans, drained 2 15 oz cans Pinto Beans, drained 2 28 oz cans Crushed Tomatoes 1 cup vegetable stock Salt and Black Pepper, to taste 1. First add the Onion, Celery, and Green Pepper to a large nonstick pot over Medium-High heat with ⅓ cup of Water. Cook until all the water evaporates, stirring occasionally. Once the pot is “dry” and the vegetables start to turn golden brown, deglaze the pot with an additional ¼ cup of Water. This process should take around 10 minutes total.

2. Add the Garlic, Spices, and Carrots to the pot, then sauté for a few minutes, adding a small splash of water if things start to stick.

3. FInally, add the drained Beans, Crushed Tomatoes, and 1 cup of vegetable stock to the Pot. Bring everything to a boil over high heat, then reduce the heat to a simmer, cover, and cook for 10 minutes. Remove the lid from the pot and cook uncovered for 5-7 additional minutes, until the Carrots are tender and the Chili reaches your desired thickness. Stir this mixture occasionally, to make sure nothing sticks to the bottom of the pot.

4. Serve warm, and top as desired. Leftovers can be stored in the fridge for up to 7 days, or in the freezer for up to one month.

Cereal Bars 1. Put parchment paper in a 13x9 inch pan, set aside. In a large saucepan, melt the butter over low heat.

2. Add the marshmallows, stir into the butter until melted.

3. As soon as marshmallows melt, remove from heat and add the cereal, stir until combined. Transfer the mixture into the prepared pan, squish the mixture into the pan, be sure not to compact it too much. Let cool. Once cooled, cut into squares.

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Want to keep up with Vassar’s latest after graduation?

Visit us at miscellanynews.org and follow us @themiscnews on all social media

Design by Frankie Knuckles/The Miscellany News

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Dear Ella — one of the special seven of ’98 — and always a wonderful one.

Love, G&G MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

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May 24, 2020

THE MISCELLANY GRADUATES CONTRIBUTING EDITORS

AUDIO EDITOR BUSINESS MANAGER COLUMNISTS

PODCAST HOST

Isabel Braham Leah Cates Sasha Gopalakrishnan Mack Liederman Kyle Chung Robert Pinataro Lindsay Craig Ivanna Guerra Alice Woo Sana Zaidi

CONGRATULATIONS The Miscellany News thanks you for your hard work and dedication to our organization. We have enjoyed spending our late night hours together. We wish you all the best as you move from our newsroom out into the wide world.

We know you all are exceptional people who will go far, no matter what future goals you decide to pursue. We will miss you.

Parents attempt to understand daughter’s thesis by immersion Christine Cates and David Cates Loving Parents

Leah,

Y

ou have accomplished a tremendous amount in the past four years, having previously been silent all these years, then allowing your inner intersectional feminist to find its voice as far more than just a girl, but rather a whip smart enlightened adult who listens incessantly to the mesmerizing music of 90’s Girls! Girls! Girls! and who

shows either uncanny resilience in the face of so many challenges from freshman year through the current pandemic, which started in China and ultimately did shatter the rest of senior year, with which you coped without even a tear in your hand, or a soul on ice (not necessarily a compliment, but nonetheless true), or both, and who followed a strange loop from Omaha to Poughkeepsie and back, culminating this winter with a father working as a dutiful hospital employee dancing with COVID-19

by day and a happy phantom haunting the upstairs by night, and your mother trying to keep herself and you safe from the phantom, with only shades of the glory of your campus life, as you try not to step into the projects that are unfinished throughout the house, while you and mother duck and run (see how we solved that problem) every time father comes near, with your having to call me to have a conversation even though I’m just outside your door, but then unable to do so because your phone died, and with the three of us unable to agree on a picture

show to watch, but somehow maintaining the family sanity, sweet love and cohesion (and yes, there’s no Oxford comma) without singing a divorce song, but still with your parents gunshy about the use of language in your presence, frequently imploring you to “explain it to me” and reminding you that while we never said it was going to be easy, we hope you agree that the precious things you’ve learned have been worth it.

Love, Mom and Dad

Above, a diptych entitled “The Duality of a Former Humor & Satire Editor/Former Senior Editor/Former Editor-in-Chief/Graduating Contribuitng Editor.” Leah (left) chips away at mountains of work in the Miscellany newsroom. Leah (right) finally comes face-to-face (or hand-to-head) with her greatest love: a goat.

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