Misc 9.19.2019

The Miscellany News

Since 1866 | miscellanynews.org

Vassar College Poughkeepsie, NY

Volume CLII | Issue 3

September 19, 2019

Courtesy of Brian Pough Following a summer of heated negoitations, 21 Vassar Security guards celebrate their new three-year union contract. The contract raises starting wages by $2/hour and ensures better vacation benefits for all.

‘Muslim Cool’ explores Blackness, Islam Taylor Stewart

Asstistant Arts editor

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r. Su’ad Abdul Khabeer sat poised, legs crossed, at the front of the lecture hall. Even before she introduced herself, the audience thrummed, more lively than the hushed and severe crowds I usually confront at these things.

As Associate Professor of American Studies at the University of Michigan, with a book and years of field research under her belt, Dr. Abdul Khabeer is an accomplished scholar. She studies intersections of Blackness and Muslimness in perceptions of race in America. Her book “Muslim Cool: See MUSLIM COOL on page 6

Vassar guards secure new contract Olivia Watson

Asstistant News Editor

t’s only fair that a College with an endowment over $1 billion and an annual tuition over $50,000 give its guards a

(HVSSOU) regarding the new Union contract for Vassar security guards.

On April 30, 2019, Vassar security guards began negotiations See GUARDS on page 3

Yijia Hu/ The Miscellany News

“I

raise.” Vassar security guard of 20 years and Chief Steward of the Union Michael Phillips offered this statement in a recent press release from Hudson Valley Safety and Security Officers Union

Coming climate strike heats up campus Alysa Chen

Guest Reporter

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oung people have had enough of dire climate predictions and presidential candidates saying they have a “com-

prehensive” plan for dealing with climate change. Young people have had enough of bipartisanship and pessimism when it comes to climate policy. Young people have had enough of environmental rac-

ism going ignored and communities of color being ravaged by disasters without adequate government relief. Today’s climate In “Muslim Cool: Race, Religion, and Hip-Hop in the United States,” crisis has spurred a generation of scholar-artist Dr. Su’ad Abdul Khabeer revamped the traditional See CLIMATE on page 5 lecture format, combining ethnography, spoken word, dance and video.

Local Greek festival feeds Tennis serves pre-season opener appetites for the new, old Alessandra Fable and Jackie Molloy Guest Reporters

Elias Contrubis Guest Reporter

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Inside this issue

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WVKR rides the airwave between Vassar and Features Poughkeepsie

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very athlete has their own set of superstitions: putting on your right shoe before your left, always wearing the same headband or sitting on the same side of the bench every game. For one team on Vassar’s campus, these superstitions are blue socks, lucky balls and high fives. As the Vassar women’s tennis team begins their 2019-20 season, the

Courtesy of Amie Canfield

t was a rainy Saturday, with a certain gravitas in the air. A hoodie-and-sweatpants kind of day, with a cup of mint green tea lifted from the Deece and a personal screening of “The Great British Bake Off.” On a scale from one to don’t-have-afall-festival, I would say it was closer to the don’t-have-a-fall-festival side. Fortunately, the patrons and volunteers of the Fall Greek Festival didn’t get the message.

On the afternoon of Sept. 4, I ascended the stairs to the Terrace Apartments and was happily surprised to see the white plastic sign with blue lettering advertising this year’s Fall Greek Festival. I immediately photographed the sign and sent it to the president of the Greek-Mediterranean Society with the text, “We should organize transportation to this.” A second later, two of my friends messaged me an image of the festival sign, saying, “Hey! Are we going to this?”

Not gonna lie, I felt pure happiness, and that’s coming from a guy with an unsharpened set of emotions. I was thrilled that my friends

wanted to take part in Greek culture and even more so that they reached out first. “Yes, of course—let’s all go!”

With a generous $15.60 allocation from VSA finance, the Greek-Mediterranean Society was able to easily secure the funding needed to retain a Safety and Security van. Great. I scratched that off the list, moving to the next step: advertising. With a little less than a week to go until the event, spreading the word was no small task, especially given the frequency with which Vassar students read their emails. In collaboration with the festival, we created signs to hang around campus. But we were really just banking on the fact that a historically respectable group of undergraduates momentarily abandoned their fastidious weekend homework grind for a gyro and maybe a baklava.

With a final mass email from our VSA President, we began the gratifying task of taxiing folks to the festival grounds. The first shuttle at noon had slender attendance—actually no one showed up. An hour later, a handful of festival-goers maSee FESTIVAL on page 11

squad looks to use these rituals to build on their successful second place finish in last year’s Liberty League Finals as the team only lost one senior and added the No. 22 recruiting class in Division III across women’s tennis (Tennis Recruiting Network, 2019 Top NCAA D-III Women’s Classes, 06.21.2019).

Their talent and experience was certainly on display this past weekend at the season-opening

Junior captain Sarra Yetka is one of many returners from the women’s tennis team that reached last year’s Liberty League Finals. From blue socks to playlists, supersitions and hard work combined to kick off the season.

Vassar’s green activists: It’s still not OPINIONS enough

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Vassar Scramble, where Vassar hosted New Paltz, Connecticut College and New York University on the Josselyn Tennis Courts for a non-scoring tournament.

On Saturday, the Scramble was forced inside Walker Field House due to the on-again off-again rain, but the change of scenery didn’t bother the players. Vassar’s doubles teams dominated the first day of the tournament, finishing with a record of 9 wins and 3 losses through three rounds of play.

Junior Frances Cornwall and senior captain Tara Edwards posted two commanding 8-2 wins over their counterparts from the Connecticut College doubles team.

Meanwhile, sophomore Melina Stavropoulos and first-year Tatum Blalock went 3-0 in their group play. The team continued their matches on Sunday, moving into the singles round where continued their success, posting an overall 12-3 record on the day.

While this team exudes confidence and composure in this mentally and physically challenging sport, they are not immune to the superstitions associated with the individuality and weirdness of tennis. Superstitions, and the See TENNIS on page 19

Serious film critic lauds Tommy Wiseau’s greatest HUMOR masterpiece

The Miscellany News

Page 2

September 19, 2019

Editor-in-Chief Mack Liederman

Senior Editors

Frankie Knuckles Jessica Moss

Contributing Editors Isabel Braham Leah Cates Sasha Gopalakrishnan

Features Opinions Arts Sports Design Copy Social Media Photo Managing Emerita

Duncan Aronson Jonas Trostle Abby Tarwater Teddy Chmyz Lilly Tipton Lucy Leonard Natalie Bober Yijia Hu Robert Pinataro Laurel Hennen Vigil

Assistant News Aena Khan Olivia Watson Assistant Arts Dean Kopitsky Taylor Stewart

Rose Parker ’21 escapes the hustle and bustle of urban life while abroad: “As I’d never spent more than a day or two in a city before going abroad, the constant noise that comes with living in Budapest has been a bit overwhelming for me. Luckily, last weekend I was able to escape to the countryside with some new friends where we hiked, pet various farm animals (and dogs!) and recovered from our first week studying in a foreign city.” Check for updates on Rose’s journey at farandaway.miscellanynews.org.

The Miscellany News 19

September

Thursday

Translating Your International Experience into a Career Opportunity 12:00 p.m. | RH 307 | Career Development Office

Africana Studies 50th Anniversary Exhibition Keynote: Radical Resistance, Radical Joy: A Reflection on the Legacy of Black Life at Vassar 5:30 p.m. | Library Class of ‘51 Reading Room | Library

McKinsey & Co. Info Session

Weekender_ 20

September

Friday

Families Weekend 8:30 a.m. | Outdoor Space Library Lawn | Campus Activities

Applying to Grad School 12:00 p.m. | RH 203 | Career Development Office

Hidden Lives of Students: faculty, staff, administrator workshop 12:00 p.m. | Jade Parlor | Counseling Service

Annual Haitian Art Show

6:00 p.m. | RH 200 | Career Development Office

12:00 p.m. | CC MPR 223 | International Services and Special Projects

Women’s Center Monthly Community Dinner

Families Weekend Check in

6:30 p.m. | Womens Center | Vassar College Women’s Center

1:00 p.m. | College Center North Atrium | Campus Activities

Volleyball (W) vs. Montclair 5:00 p.m. | KH Gymnasium | Athletics

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September

Saturday

Students of Sobriety Group 9:30 a.m. | RH 211 | AA Poughkeepsie

Volleyball (W) vs. Nazareth College

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September

Sunday

Vassar Rowing at the 1st annual Poughkeepsie Regatta 8:00 a.m. | Hudson River | Athletics

10:00 a.m. | KH Gymnasium | Athletics

Hudson Valley Ramble Walking Tour of the Ecological Preserve

Soccer (W) vs Mount Saint Mary

1:00 p.m. | Environmental Cooperative Barn MPR | The Environmental Cooperative

11:00 a.m. | Prentis Field | Athletics

Rugby (M) vs. Bard College

Field Hockey vs Ramapo College 1:00 p.m. | Prentis Field | Athletics

Soccer (M) vs Bard College 2:00 p.m. | Prentis Field | Athletics

Barefoot Monkey’s Fire Show

Reporters Delila Ames Ariana Gravinese Jonah Frere-Holmes Tiana Headley Columnist Alex Barnard Abram Gregory Copy Adelaide Backhus Anna Blake Samantha Cavagnolo Madeline Seibel Dean Amanda Herring Phoebe Jacoby Caitlin Patterson Mina Turunc Crossword Frank

Correction (Sept. 16): Last week’s issue included an erroneous crossword grid. A corrected grid is available for download on all social media platforms of The Miscellany News. The correctly sized answers for last week’s puzzle are printed within this issue.

1:00 p.m. | Vassar Farm | Athletics

Michael Pisani Memorial 3:00 p.m. | SH Martel Hall | Music Department

Paper Critique 9:00 p.m. | Rose Parlor | The Miscellany News

7:30 p.m. | Residential Quad | Campus Activities

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

CORRECTION POLICY The Miscellany News will only accept corrections for any misquotes, misrepresentations or factual errors for an article within the semester it is printed.

The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pages. The weekly staff editorial is the only article which reflects the opinion of the Editorial Board.

NEWS

September 19, 2019

Page 3

Humans of Poughkeepsie: Tree Arrington Tiana Headley Reporter

Humans of Poughkeepsie is an ongoing project seeking to highlight Poughkeepsie residents and community members.

Each featured member will share a collection of stories­—connected or not—that reveal the multifaceted nature of the self.

This week, Tree Arrington shares his story. Arrington is the founder and CEO of R.E.A.L. Skills Network, which is a Poughkeepsie-based nonprofit that, according to its mission, “serves area youth along their paths to leadership.”

Tiana Headley/The Miscellany News

One time my mother was very sick. She had the same lung ailment that Nat King Cole had.

She was minutes from death, and they said, “We need to try this.” She had nothing else to lose. She survived, and Nat King Cole didn’t. That surprised me. That’s when I learned money has nothing to do with health. As a reality, you think things don’t happen to rich people. They happen to common people every day. That was an awakening for me then. I was very scared. I was afraid. If I had lost her—she was all I had at that time. She meant a lot to me. I was young. She survived a long time afterward—had my sister a year after. They said my sister was gonna kill her. They were trying to have my mother have an abortion. That’s when abortions were illegal, except for if they were prescribed by a doctor. They said childbirth and the pregnancy were gonna tax her because of how strenuous the operation she had gone through was. And that’s when I learned about Sputnik, which was the first Russian capsule to circle the Earth. I didn’t know that then. I couldn’t read or write until I was 29.

I didn’t know that when my mom said, “You in there trying to get Sputnik,” and I got older and really thought about what she meant, it was that my little sister was orbiting inside her. My mother had a fascinating wit that, after I became read, I realized how much stuff she said verbally. It would bring clarity to you if you were a little confused.

It could wake you up. She had great sound bites, something I think I acquired from her. I say stuff sometimes that shakes people.

I graduated—a couple times. I graduated with my GED in prison. I graduated with my Associate’s degree in prison. I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree at Marist. I graduated with my Master’s in Psychology and Social Work from Fordham. I got School Supervisory Certificates, which allow you to be a principal or superintendent. I also have a Master’s in Education Administration. I just love getting degrees. I guess it fed my ego from not being able to read until I was 29. So, now I just read everything. I like discourse. I miss that. I’d like to do that again. Maybe I’ll get enough guts to go lay this down, sit in a classroom again. But not just anything, good stuff: psychology, sociology, Afrocentric history— any type of actual story, not just His-story. His-story is a little twisted sometimes. I like true story, actual story, how young kids say in the hood, “Facts.”

School didn’t understand my learning disability They still don’t understand half the disabilities they’re dealing with, so they damn sure didn’t know what they were doing with me. But there’s a lot of hatred in there too. I’ve had teachers say the most discriminating things in the world to me and to people who look like me. If you said you wanted to be a lawyer, that was preposterous. Right away, they wanted you to say something else. There are millions of doctors and lawyers in the country. Why couldn’t everyone be one if they wanted to? People would say these random comments. Remember with Obama? They used to say, “He’s so articulate.” What the fuck is he supposed to be? Black people are articulate. We’re the first to speak, the first on the earth. We created civilization, agriculture, arithmetic and medicine.

This was a slave-trading town. You can’t go five minutes from here without them looking at you funny if you Black. That’s five minutes in any direction. If you cross the bridge, you’re in Highland. They’re wondering where you’re going. If you go five minutes to the right, you’re in Hyde Park. They’re looking upside your head.

If you go five minutes to the left, you’re in Wappingers. If you go behind you five feet, you’re in LaGrange.

How did all these Black people get into this little dot in the middle of all that? Slavery. This was a big slave town. The end of the Underground Railroad was here as well. It was Smith Street—Smith Metropolitan AME Zion Church. If you made it there, you were free. You could get further upstate or to Canada. This was like a big pitstop.

To read the stories of other Humans of Poughkeepsie, visit The Miscellany News’ instagram page, @ @ themiscnews

New security guard union contract promises raised wages GUARDS continued

from page 1 that ran through the summer, fighting for better working conditions and compensation. Through rounds of talks that at times turned tense, the negotiations between Hudson Valley Safety and Security Union and Vassar resulted in a three-year union contract for security guards that increases their pay and provides higher quality benefits.

The HVSSOU press release reveals that the new contract outlines increased wages and vacation days. Specifically, the threeyear deal would raise starting wages by $2.00/hour, a 50 cent per hour longevity incentive for guards with at least 15 years of service and a cumulative wage increase of 8.25 percent over the life of the deal.

Further, part-time guards will receive paid vacation benefits, and those with four or more years of service will receive 15 days of paid vacation time and the opportunity to earn a $350 bonus for not missing any days of work.

“In a single contract, we’ve taken this job from below average pay to a living wage. We were able to do this because, although we had spirited debates, we remained united,” said Union Steward and Vassar security guard of three years Eamon Ferrell, per the release. Ferrell continued, “We had strong member participation—at our last bargaining session, the union bargaining committee had 10 people

at the table. That grassroots activism and that Union unity will be essential to build on what we’ve accomplished when this contract expires on July 1, 2021.”

Vassar Associate Vice President of Human Resources Ruth Spencer explained via email correspondence that both sides suggested changes they felt should be made, and contract conditions were added through a collaborative give and take.

The foremost concerns for the security guards were increasing compensation and establishing consistent expectations in the workplace.

Vassar Director of Safety and Security Arlene Sabo described how the contract establishes clear expectations for the guards, and elaborated on the salient aspects of this deal, saying via email,“I would say among the important aspects of this contract are increases to the pay scale, including longevity pay. And that training pay guidelines have been set.”

Sabo continued, “I believe it helps everyone [to] know and operate under a consistent set of guidelines that a contract provides and having those guidelines up in the air leaves people feeling insecure about their workplace.”

Vassar’s security guards are hopeful about these new working conditions, as their contracts are now closer to being on par with those of security guards at other colleges in the Hudson Valley area.

“The contract is not perfect and we didn’t get everything we wanted. However, I think this is a vast improvement [upon] the last contract we had. We are still behind Bard and Marist with wages and benefits, but we’re catching up,” said HVSSOU President Dan Elliott.

Elliot further explained that the new contract may increase recruitment for Safety and Security. He elaborated,“By raising the starting pay, hopefully, this will entice better qualified candidates and give them an incentive to stay. This may help to prevent the high turnover rate that we have had this year.”

Sabo also agreed that while improvements have been made, the negotiations also left opportunities for future changes to create better working conditions for security guards. “Of course, we are always looking to improve, and I am looking forward to continuing to work in partnership with our union to do so in the coming years,” said Sabo.

Security guards, though pleased with the outcome, faced difficulty reaching this agreement as tensions flared over particular topics.

For instance, the Union and the College clashed over insurance providers and associated costs. Elliot explained in a recent press release, “the biggest issue is the health care. We had challenges with the College in that area. We offered the Col-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

lege some solutions that would save the College and the Union Members money.

However, the College didn’t want to do the paperwork or take on another carrier.

Hopefully, the Union will fight harder on [health care] in the next contract.”

Farrell reiterated that the discussions became heated at certain points: “At times, the negotiations were very contentious, especially when it came to fiduciary matters. It got to the point where the College had to bring in a mediator for the last three sessions to get the contract resolved.”

Although the negotiations process was trying and intense, the 21 Vassar security guard Union members stand proud of their accomplishments. On a daily basis, Vassar security guards manage the safety of around 2,500 students, all while handling the high-stress situations that occur on college campuses, such as heavily-attended events and late-night weekend shifts. The new union contract aims to better compensate the guards for their dedication in protecting the campus.

“We bargained hard at the table for our members. We didn’t get everything we wanted, no one ever gets 100 percent in a negotiation. But I am proud of the gains we’ve made. Our bargaining committee represented everyone fairly and there’s not a single security guard who is not doing better under this contract,” concluded Elliott.

NEWS

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September 19, 2019

Vassar College, Columbia partner for BA/MPH Degree Vassar College and Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health announced a collaboration allowing Vassar students to pursue a five-year, joint BA/MPH Degree.

Students would apply in the fall of their junior year; successful applicants would spend the fall semester of their senior year and a fifth year at Columbia’s Mailman School. To celebrate, Vassar hosted a public health symposium featuring faculty and students from both institutions. Additionally, local public health organizations participated in the event.

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All photos courtesy of courtesy of Sherry Liao

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In Our Headlines…

National Security Advisor John Bolton, known for his hawkish foreign policy views, abruptly resigned on Tuesday. The announcement came, as many do during the current administration, from a tweet by President Donald Trump. According to Trump, he and others in the administration “strongly disagreed with many” of Bolton’s opinions, and as a result, had asked for Bolton to tender his resignation. However, this was contradicted by Bolton himself, who claimed in a tweet of his own that he had offered his own resignation prior to Trump’s announcement. Bolton is the third of Trump’s National Security Advisors--the other two being Michael Flynn and H.R. McMaster­­—to resign or be fired. In addition, the president’s other senior foreign policy advisors have undergone similarly unprecedented turnover. Trump has replaced a Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, a Secretary of Defense, James Mattis, and an ambassador to the United Nations, Nikki Haley, among others. The loss of so many senior advisors—Bolton being the latest—who were seen as checks on Trump’s erratic and vitriolic nature worries many that the president will begin to act even more unpredictably with no one to reign him in (CNN, “Trump fires John Bolton,” 09.10.2019).

The third Democratic debate was held on Thursday night at Texas Southern University in Houston, TX. This debate was

the first of the 2020 election cycle not to be split into two nights, as the Democratic National Committee had increased the threshold for candidates to qualify, which resulted in only ten making the cut. As a result, it was the first time all of the campaign’s major players shared a debate stage.

The tension once again centered around the differences between the moderates and progressives within the party on issues such as healthcare and immigration.

Progressives such as Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders extolled the virtues of their proposed single-payer healthcare system, while moderates like Amy Klobuchar and Joe Biden criticized the plan as costly and ineffective. Biden, the former vice president, was the target of significant criticism, in particular from the former housing secretary Julián Castro, over his former support for the Iraq War and the Obama administration’s record of deporting millions of illegal immigrants. Several candidates, including Pete Buttigieg and Cory Booker, refrained from criticizing opponents and attempted to play the role of unifiers within the party. As the field of Democratic candidates narrows further, candidates will be even more eager to stand out from the still-crowded field (The New York Times, “Attacks on Biden in Debate Highlight Divide Over the Obama Legacy,” 09.13.2019).

Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh was hit with calls to resign on Sunday after a New York Times piece uncovered new information about an accusation of sexual assault against him. Kavanaugh had previously been accused by two women of sexual assault during his nomination and one of his accusers, Christine Blasey Ford, testified at his confirmation hearing. His ultimately successful confirmation, by a vote of 50-48 in the Senate, had been one of the most controversial in

recent memory. The debate was reignited on Sunday after the Times claimed its reporters corroborated a claim by his second accuser, Deborah Ramirez, that Kavanaugh exposed himself to her during a party at Yale University. Since the release of the story, several Democratic presidential candidates, including Kamala Harris and Elizabeth Warren, have called for the justice’s impeachment on the grounds that he lied about the incident during his confirmation. However, due the the twothirds majority in both houses of Congress required for a judge’s impeachment, it is extremely unlikely that this would occur (Washington Post, “Democratic candidates demand Kavanaugh impeachment after new allegation in Times piece,” 09.15.19).

Around the World…

The United Kingdom’s newly-minted prime minister, Boris Johnson, suffered another setback on Monday when his motion to call snap elections before Britain’s scheduled October 31 departure from the European Union was defeated in Parliament. Johnson, who took office in July after his predecessor Theresa May resigned over her handling of Brexit negotiations, hoped that by calling and winning a snap election he could gain legitimacy for his hard-line stance on Brexit, which has come under scrutiny from the opposition Labour Party and many within his own Conservative Party. His brief tenure has been characterized primarily by a series of defeats: As of publication, his government has yet to win a single vote in Parliament.

Last week, many Conservative lawmakers broke with the government to vote for a bill that would block Britain from exiting the EU without a deal. In response, Johnson expelled many top members of his party. In yet another embarrassment for the prime minister, Conservative M.P. Phillip

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Lee crossed the floor of the parliamentary chamber during a debate to sit with the opposition Liberal Democrats, leaving the Tories without a working majority in the House of Commons. With Johnson’s latest failure in his bid to call new elections, the bombastic prime minister and his opponents are headed on a collision course ahead of Britain’s October 31 deadline (The New York Times, “For Boris Johnson, Another Bad Day and Another Big Defeat in Parliament,” 09.10.2019).

Israel prepares to go to the polls for the second time in four months on Sept. 17. New elections were called after Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of the Likud party ultimately failed to form a governing coalition after elections in April. Negotiations failed after Avigdor Lieberman, the conservative but secular leader of the Yisrael Beiteinu party, refused to join Likud’s coalition arguing it gave too many concessions to religious leaders. With Israel’s ultra-Orthodox community continuing to grow and assert its power, the clash between the religious and secular elements of Israeli society have been a central issue of the upcoming election. The election will not, unfortunately, be a very joyous occasion for Palestinians living in the West Bank.

Though Netanyahu’s campaign has been more outwardly racist and hostile to both Palestinians and Israeli Arabs, both he and his rival, the centrist Benny Gantz, leader of the Blue and White Party, support the annexation of parts of the West Bank. Such a move would leave up to 2.5 million Palestinians trapped in exclaves surrounded by Israel. Thus, the upcoming election, though crucial for Israel’s secular population hoping to undo the influence of religion in society, would likely not turn out well either way for Palestinians (The Guardian, “Benjamin Netanyahu in close election fight for power in Israel,” 09.13.2019).

September 19, 2019

NEWS

Page 5

Environmental justice groups organize on-campus strike continued from page 1 young leaders to dive headfirst into activism instead of waiting for people in power to curb carbon emissions, invest in renewable energy and address environmental racism.

One such young leader is Nobel Peace Prize nominee Greta Thunberg. By standing outside the Swedish Parliament last summer with a sign with bold, black letters reading “STRIKE FOR CLIMATE,” 15-yearold Thunberg became a rallying point for a growing culture of youth activism focused on climate action. This is just one facet of a global movement to strike school every Friday, dubbed Fridays For Future. According to a press release by Fridays For Future, over 1.6 million strikers from all seven continents participated in her first global climate strike on March 15, 2019. Global marches now take place nearly every two months, and activists tune in to Greta and other climate organizers’ social media posts to keep updated on the movement. Other features of the movement include Earth Rising, a nonprofit founded by 14-year-old New York City striker Alexandria Villasenor, and Zero Hour, a youth climate activism platform created by 17-year-old Seattle striker Jamie Margolin.

Influenced by the work of these young leaders, Vassar students sought to match this energy though promoting environmental awareness on campus. With the next Fridays for Future global climate strike occurring this Friday, Sept. 20, Vassar Students for Equitable Environmental Decisions (SEED), Vassar Greens and the Sunrise Movement will be spearheading a day of events. The coalition planned activities from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., including blocking Main Drive, rallying from the Chapel Lawn to the College Center, hearing from Poughkeepsie City CounCLIMATE

cil Member Sarah Salem and enjoying a live music performance from the Mid-Hudson activist band Tin Horton Uprising, which features some Vassar professors. The organizations encourage the entire Vassar community—teachers, faculty and students alike—to skip class and join them for the strike. “To those that doubt the power of collective action and expression, I say: the Montgomery bus boycott of the 1950s, the 1961 Freedom Riders and the National Women’s Party picketing the White House in the 1910s all had a positive impact on the political movements they were fighting for. While they did not completely solve the issue, they spearheaded a step in the right direction for change,” Kathleen Nevius ’23, a new SEED member, said.

Member of SEED and coordinator for Vassar’s Sunrise Movement Melissa Hoffmann ’21 stated that Vassar’s climate strike strives to spread the conversation, alert local politicians and pressure Vassar to further prioritize carbon reduction and sustainability. Leaders of Vassar’s strike decided that creating noise on campus and actively engaging with students who have not previously called themselves activists would be more impactful than traveling with a smaller group of dedicated activists to the city. The active community on campus would grow, and thus, gain strength in numbers for the collective climate movement as a whole. “If we can mobilize 3.5 percent of the population, or 11.3 million people, by getting them to be actively involved in peacefully disrupting civil society, we can win a Green New Deal and other policy changes necessary to transform our economy and society,” Hoffmann said. “Past peaceful social movements that have had this amount of people or more have

never failed.”

Fellow SEED member Joe Wiswell ’20 echoed Hoffmann’s sense of emergency. “We can either let a few oil executives tear our world apart or we can get together and make a world that’s better for everyone,” he said.

“There’s an opportunity right now to make a more just world and an economy that works for everyone, not just the wealthy few.”

“We can either let a few oil executives tear our world apart or we can get together and make a world that’s better for everyone.”

Today, the College is presented with the opportunity to support the strike and demonstrate that the climate crisis extends far beyond Main Gate. As an academically rigorous institution, Vassar has a workload and class pace that does not make skipping school an easy choice. However, according to Carlos Espina ’21, president of Vassar’s Student Association (VSA), President Bradley has officially voiced her support for the Global Climate Strike, and Safety and Security will be present to ensure the execution of a peaceful protest. Other, larger-population municipalities have formally supported the climate strike movement. New York City recently granted amnesty for all those participating in the Sept. 20 Global Climate Strike, a major accomplishment for the climate activism community and exemplar for other cities and institutions (Common Dreams, ‘“Holy Smokes, This Thing Could

Get HUGE’: NYC Public Schools to Let Students #ClimateStrike,” 09.12.2019).

Support has been called for not only from Vassar’s administration, but from faculty and staff on all levels. SEED’s open letter to Vassar professors states, “As you know, Vassar, as an institution of higher learning, has the ability to influence change and bring more people together over this issue… We ask for you to cancel your classes and to respect the decisions of students that choose to strike.”

Some Vassar administrators stand in support of the mission. New Director of Sustainability Micah Kenfield is in favor of the student climate strike and hopes to implement sustainability plans at Vassar. “Speaking broadly, I’ve been impressed by how well everyone I’ve met at Vassar already recognizes that climate change is something that impacts all of us.” Kenfield continued, “I think we’re all working toward the same shared goal.”

The strike’s main goal, to increase the visibility of the urgency of the climate crisis, has personal implications for some students.

Hoffmann shared a personal story, saying “I’m striking because I fear for my sister’s future…[She] likes to joke that if she hears me say ‘We are in a climate emergency’ one more time, she will leave the room,” she said.

“But soon, the climate emergency will not let her escape to another room. It will challenge her and it will devastate her…I cannot protect her from what is happening. I can, however, strike. And I will strike and strike again until my government tells me it cares about her future.” Hoffmann, like others her age, shares a common call of urgency.

This Friday, Sept. 20, at 10 a.m., Vassar’s climate strike begins and ends on the Chapel Lawn.

City of Poughkeepsie launches new Children’s Cabinet Aena Khan

Assistant News Editor

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ccording to the New York State Department of Education, there are a total of 4,131 children enrolled in Poughkeepsie public schools. When Poughkeepsie Mayor Robert Rolison attended a summit from the Harvard Education Redesign Lab—alongside Eric Rosser, Superintendent of the Poughkeepsie school district; Robert Watson Jr., an alum of Poughkeepsie High Schools; and Wesley Dixon, Special Assistant to President Bradley—he walked in with each and every child in mind. During a phone interview, Rolison stated, “I ask myself, how does this help the children of Poughkeepsie? If you approach things from this frame of mind, if you come from that place, not everything may fit … but asking yourself that question all the time can help make progress happen.” This line of thought captures the impetus for the Poughkeepsie Children’s Cabinet, the culmination of efforts by the mayor’s office to create inter-organizational programs for Poughkeepsie youth and their families for educational enrichment outside the classroom.

At the top floor of the Mill House Brewery, across the street from City Hall, Poughkeepsie natives and and community leaders joined Watson Jr. to commemorate a series of initiatives meant to revitalize the city, including the Children’s Cabinet.

During this time, Jason Watson, Kylynn Grier, Marlon Agustin-Mendez and John Doyle, also alumni of Poughkeepsie High School, emphasized the importance of civic dedication to the city and reinvesting in the community from which they came.

Watson noted that their meeting location was owned by a former classmate from Poughkeepsie High School. A graduate of Harvard College and the Director of Student Programs at the Harvard Kennedy School Institute of Politics, Watson’s pride was palpable through his tone in introducing his classmates and their accomplishments. Grier, for example, served as an organizer of the New York City Women’s March; Agustin-Mendez recently graduated from Columbia University’s School of Social Work and, as an undocumental individual, returned to Poughkeepsie with the goal of working with struggling communities.

Municipalities across the United States have created Children’s Cabinet initiatives: Denver, Minneapolis, New York City and Louisville, Kentucky served as examples during the summit at Harvard. These cabinets seek to integrate extracurricular experiences into classroom education through programs sponsored by community organizations and leaders.

Children only spend 20 percent of their time in school. The Education Redesign Lab specifies that this initiative will task mayors around the country to identify values in their respective communities, illustrate challenges they face, define the structure of what their respective Children’s Cabinet would look like and what it would accomplish, and then assemble a team of community leaders to implement it (Harvard Graduate School of Education, “CHILDREN’S CABINET TOOLKIT: A Roadmap for Getting Started in Your Community,” 09.2019). Watson reiterated this in his explanation of the Children’s Cabinet,

noting that “Generally, they are city-based cabinets that bring leaders together to accomplish an agenda, from cradle to career, for children and young people.”

Both Mayor Rolison and Watson Jr. emphasized the fact that the Children’s Cabinet seeks to unite educational organizations in Poughkeepsie—such as Vassar, Marist and Dutchess Community Colleges, as well as nonprofits that operate within the school district—to assist the school district in creating programs tailored to the needs of students and their families. Mayor Rolison applauded the efforts put forth

by Vassar students thus far, stating that “Vassar College students are involved with internships throughout the city of Poughkeepsie. I applaud all that Vassar does, particularly from people like John Bradley and Lisa Kaul. I think it’s important to stay aware of opportunities in the city and how to help out.”

Watson summarized the important roles that individual players, such as the returning alums, organizations across the city and the mayor’s office all held in the development of the Children’s Cabinet: “I’ve worked a lot with both local and international organizations on educational equity, civic engagement and anti-poverty work.”

He continued, “It starts from a basic premise. There are a lot of opportunities … as well as economic resources in our community…that exist and aren’t being as leveraged as well as they could to transform the realities of children.” Although the Cabinet is in its formative stages and will be redefined as support for it hopefully grows, this much is clear as of right now: the project is a way to bring public offices that have

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never formally collaborated—such as the mayor, superintendent, and nontraditional actors—together to accomplish progress.

Among the community leaders present both at the Mill Brewery and the summit at Harvard was Co-Founder of Lead for America Benya Kraus. In impassioned conversation, she stressed the importance of returning to one’s home community to reinvest in the public sector at the local level. A native of Waseca, Minnesota, Kraus emphasized her own experiences in giving back to the communities in her home state, and her newfound desire to create a local initiative called Lead for Poughkeepsie, which supports the Children’s Cabinet as a precedent for future development and collaboration. Funding from the City of Poughkeepsie and Dutchess County has been made available for the Cabinet, along with private donations.

Executive Director of the Vassar Urban Education Initiative John Bradley reiterated the formative value of experiences outside the classroom: “The Children’s Cabinet is essentially a way for the community to work together to establish goals and work together … There are some programs in Poughkeepsie that have their own individual objectives, so the question is: How do you have them work together?” Bradley also clarified that though the Cabinet would augment educational services, it would by no means replace the role of school.

As Mayor Rolison stated, “It is not just schools alone that shape the development of a child. We should all share the responsibility to help children reach their fullest potential by helping them as they develop dreams and goals.”

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September 19, 2019

No more Mr. Sad Boi: Bon Iver embraces experimentalism Dean Kopitsky

Assistant Arts Editor

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ho hurt you, Justin Vernon? His band Bon Iver’s music has caused people to fall into morose blank stares for over a decade now. His first two albums were intense singer-songwriter ballads. His last: a jarring departure into the realm of distorted effects and sound mixing. Bon Iver’s most recent work, “i, i,” walks the line in between, reincorporating human voice while retaining the advances of “22, A Million.” “i, i” makes it apparent that Justin Vernon isn’t going back to the way it used to be.

In many ways, Vernon embodies the hipster ethos of this decade. He has a beard.

He wears trucker hats and hoodies in most public appearances. He likes to maintain an eccentric look: For the release of “22, A Million,” Vernon held his own press conference—one of the few public appearances he made to promote the album.

That quirkiness helped sustain the steam of Bon Iver’s origin myth. The legendary tale goes that a girl broke Justin Vernon’s heart. He retreated from the world to a cabin in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, where he spent the winter whittling away at heartbreak. It turned out to be quite a “good winter” (“bon iver” translated from French) when he emerged with “For Emma, Forever Ago,” an album that destined Vernon to be the next great tender dude with an acoustic guitar.

In 2011, Vernon’s band Bon Iver released a second album, “Bon Iver, Bon Iver,” and be-

gan the new decade as the undisputed folk champion.

Scroll through the many covers and lessons on YouTube of “Skinny Love” and in the mix you’ll find my favorite rendition of the song. The performance is so physical and human. Vernon plays unaccompanied. He squeezes his eyes tightly shut as he strains his neck to reach high notes. His head thrashes in time with the thumping rhythm.

Vernon plays a resonator guitar, a metal six-string that is actually not hollow, but echoes sound off cones inside its body.

Without amps to resonate, the steel guitar was a revelation to some blues musicians.

While they weren’t the clearest sounding guitars, their jangliness is considered signature and adored, which I see as a subtle foreshadowing to Bon Iver’s deliberate muddling on their most recent albums.

Many years later, that crooning singer-songwriter from the YouTube video is a vanguard for autotuned, dreamscape music.

On his 2016 release, “22, A Million,” hardly a single word is easily discernible.

Once again, “i, i” does not start on the clearest note. Heavily muddled voices greet the listener on the opening track “Yi,” but quickly wash away into the second track “iMi,” where, like a flash to the past, Vernon’s naked voice enters alongside ye olde acoustic guitar.

The way those two pieces fit together encapsulates the balance between the new

and old Bon Iver. They recorded much of the album on cassette tapes, and then used overdubs to make the sound muffled and dissociated. On the one hand, this sound is opaque and leaves the listener feeling like it’s some artistic mumbo jumbo that they just aren’t cool enough to understand.

On the other hand, the effort is an interesting leap for an artist looking to push the traditional sound of stories. In his own words, “[T]he best stories are always those that allow you to suspend disbelief as much as possible, and I felt that it was important to make it sound new…the longer I have done that, the more interested I became in other sounds too” (“Inside Track: Bon Iver ‘22, A Million,’” Sound on Sound).

Needless to say, Bon Iver’s music isn’t usually described as catchy—but a single for the album, “U (Man Like),” is just that.

A duet of Vernon’s voice and layered female voices weave in and out as they sing words of protest to the upbeat melody. “How much caring is there of some American love/ When there’s lovers sleeping in our streets?”

It isn’t quite clear who makes up Bon Iver, but the band’s sound has managed to smoothen Vernon’s artistic veerings. On his early albums, the rhythm section perfectly fit the melancholy tone of his voice and lyrics (he even calls the horns players “Sad Sax of Shit”). When Vernon disguised both his band and his voice with a patina of autotune and overdub, that presence was lost. After adjusting our ears to Bon Iver’s new sound,

those elements pull back into focus.

Despite the apparent bright spots of “22, A Million,” “i, i” is a more consistent album. Rather than chugging along, song after song, it billows over in about 40 minutes of smooth tonal transitions. But its clearer tone remains slippery, and the highly reliced effects leaves “i, i” as unreproducible as “22, A Million.” At times, “i, i” feels a lot like staring into a bucket of water and oil— all color and chrome, flashing and changing color haphazardly by the glint of the sun. It’s mesmerizing but unnatural.

As I listened, I keep thinking about the earthly musical roots of Bon Iver: the weightless snowflakes of an Eau Claire, WI, winter that once inspired one of this century’s greatest records. In the final months of this decade, I’m tempted to say that Bon Iver is its most successful songwriter. But that statement is compromised by Justin Vernon himself, a writer who seems convinced a story is told better through its vessel than through the written word. This Bon Iver will write you a story, crinkle the paper up, burn its corners, doodle, make it into a paper airplane and throw it at you.

The record leaves you staring off, morose as ever. But this album’s not another soppy story—it’s a treasure map, and Vernon won’t tell you where to begin.

This article appears online in The Miscellany News’ new subsidiary magazine, “The Brewer’s Table,” at vclive.miscellanynews. org

Khabeer lectures at the nexus of faith, art, academia SERENADING continued from page 1 Race, Religion, and Hip-Hop in the United States” is such an examination of race, religion and pop culture. She also presents her anthropological research through performance. On Thursday, Sept. 12, Dr. Khabeer ascended to the podium with song, assuming traditional lecture posture. Then she moved to center stage and asked us, “Can you hear our collective genius, and desperation?”

Alongside writing “Muslim Cool,” she produced “Sampled: Beats of Muslim Life,” a solo show that combines her ethnography research with poetry, theater and movement. Celebrating the 50th anniversary of the Africana Studies program at Vassar, Khabeer came to Taylor Hall to perform parts of “Sampled,” explaining her aesthetic choices and anthropological arguments in between—a refreshing take on the research presentation.

In “Sampled,” she sampled a series of “theatrical vignettes,” portraits confronting the complexities of being Black and/

or Muslim in the United States. From her identity portion as a Black Latina Muslim, Khabeer put on a performance both personal and panoramic. The characters in her vignettes were as diverse as her choices in media (spoken word, video, dance).

She confronted issues faced by African Americans, Muslims of all ethnic backgrounds, as well as working-class Americans—she affirmed that millions occupy more than one of these identities. These issues range from inequalities within the American Muslim community to its role in national racial dynamics.

Khabeer talked about Esperanza, a Latina multimedia artist and teacher, and her camouflage scarf. Esperanza wore a camo scarf partly because, out of financial necessity, her brother had to join the United States military. She recoiled when a more privileged Muslim girl complimented the scarf, ignorant of its significance to Esperanza. “[N]o matter how much Islam [they had] in common,” this scarf was riddled with meaning unknown to the admirer

Yijia Hu/ The Miscellany News Dr. Su’ad Abdul Khabeer, who identifies as Latina, Muslim and Black, discussed intersections between Blackness and American Islam, her journey through academia, the risks of anthropological performance and musical selections ranging from Migos to A$AP.

and revealed some much-overlooked inequalities in the Muslim community. This anecdote examined the privileges of being suburban and educated, as well as the idea that South Asian or Arab Muslims have more “cultural authenticity.” Still, the camo-loving girl also had to navigate a unique racialized and gendered identity.

Perched on a storyteller’s chair center stage, Khabeer narrated a video about a Muslim woman who wants to start wearing a hijab. It was reminiscent of a game show (as host she asked the audience, “What kind of hijabi will she be?”). Despite the protagonist’s suburban middle-class background, she chooses the “hoodjabi” type (a portmanteau of “hood” and “hijabi”) because she thinks it’s cool. Khabeer said sardonically, “At the end of the day, aren’t we all being screwed over anyway?” This vignette touched on Orientalism, class and the “static, monolithic perceptions of Muslim women” in the States.

In “Sampled,” Khabeer drew on hip-hop a product of Afro-diasporic culture and an art and attitude as multifaceted as her subject matter. Like Islam, hip-hop culture “transcends borders” of state, body and Black American identity. She describes “Muslim Cool,” then, as an aesthetic and epistemology at the crossroads of Blackness and American Islam, which are inextricably linked. Although anthropologists usually study performance rather than study through performance, she explained that “embodied knowledge” communicates breadth and complexity better than a paper or book.

Presenting research like this is risky. In the vignette “Fatima,” she knelt in prayer while a video of her dancing played overhead—there is no single way to be pious.

Years ago she performed “Fatima” at a convention in the Netherlands, where an audience member perceived the spiritual as sensual. An American woman asked, “Is

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she allowed to move like that?”

Khabeer cherishes her unique position as scholar-artist, citing how Muslim audience members have told her they’re not used to seeing such complex representations of themselves in media. She’s also a cultural authority. When asked “What are some regional differences in hip-hop’s incorporation of Islam?,” she cited knowledge of self, the ethical and spiritual core of hip-hop culture in the Migos track “T-Shirt.” Other viewers have celebrated her inersectional approach, or her introducing them to Islamic and hip-hop culture. Professor of Religion Marc Epstein lauded, “This blew my mind. This is like a rich dessert.”

In 1969, 35 African American students occupied Main building, demanding that the school create the Black Studies Program. It is now known as the Africana Studies Program, a mainstay of the Vassar curriculum.

Khabeer’s “Muslim Cool” performance was part of a series of events marking the 50th anniversary of the program’s creation.

To further celebrate this transformation of Vassar academics, Abrianna Harris ’21 will consider her experience as an Africana Studies student at Vassar in “Radical Resistance, Radical Joy: A Reflection on the Legacy of Black Life at Vassar,” which will take place at 5:30 p.m. in the Class of 1951 Reading Room on Thursday, Sept. 19.

Khabeer’s performance resonates with “Radical Resistance, Radical Joy.” Not only did she show that Blackness is an integral part of American Islam, but she also chronicled the personal journey of a scholar. Her work is unique in argument and form, exploring overlooked cultural conundrums and the boundaries of academia and art. In this way, she is a shining sample of Black intellectual and artistic life. As Vassar’s Africana Studies Program grows, the school also envisions the future of academics and art in the United States.

September 19, 2019

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Enchanting, enigmatic, enduring: RIP Daniel Johnston Abby Tarwater Arts Editor

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unlistenable artist whom my favorite bands liked to cover. I assumed they re-recorded his songs because Johnston’s versions were somehow incomplete—that Johnston’s lyrics and ideas were impressive, but that superior

how mystifying, evoking an eerily nostalgic feeling that only Johnston can communicate.

In 2017, Johnston mused to the New York Times, “Hopefully I could have a big hit someday, a real hit.” He came close—in 1994,

Courtesy of Lorie Shaull via Flickr

s far as mythic stories of the tortured singer-songwriter go, few are more fascinating than that of folk legend Daniel Johnston, who died of a heart attack on Wednesday at age 58. He was born on Jan. 22, 1961 in Sacramento, CA and grew up in a fundamentalist Christian home in the panhandle of West Virginia. There, he discovered his fascination with comic books, the devil and The Beatles—when he was 19, he decided he wanted to be John Lennon. “I was disappointed when I found out I couldn’t sing,” he joked in a 1989 interview (“Daniel Johnston Was a Hero for the Wounded,” Vulture, 09.12.2019).

Of course, this didn’t stop Johnston. He began writing songs in college to impress a fellow student named Laurie, who happened to be engaged. Nonetheless, Johnston wrote dozens of love songs in her honor, and she remained his muse throughout his career. He started compiling tapes with bleak titles such as “Songs of Pain” and “Don’t Be Scared.”

These early recordings were strikingly lo-fi and achingly honest, balancing sunny, childlike pop songs with unfiltered musings on love and longing so agonizing that they’re often uncomfortable to listen to.

Johnston then moved to San Marcos, where he delivered pizzas, recorded his now-famous tape “Hi, How Are You” and had a nervous breakdown. After his mother suggested institutionalizing him, he fled town with a carnival, quitting once it landed in Austin, TX. There, he got a job at McDonald’s, passing out his tapes to anyone he met at work. “Hi, how are you?” he’d ask. “I’m Daniel Johnston, and I’m gonna be famous” (“He Was Daniel Johnston, And He Was Gonna Be Famous,” Texas Monthly, 02.01.2005).

Johnston never quite achieved the Beatlemania-esque fame he aspired to, but he was undoubtedly his own kind of icon. His influence is palpable throughout alternative music, from the abrasive folk punk of AJJ to the unpolished beauty of Neutral Milk Hotel to the brazen despair of Elliott Smith. He also has his fair share of A-list admirers: Lana Del Rey, Death Cab for Cutie, Bright Eyes and Pearl Jam are a few of legions of acclaimed artists who have covered Johnston’s songs.

But when reflecting on Johnston’s work and legacy, we far too often discuss his impact on other, more famous musicians, rather than recognizing him as a brilliant artist in his own right. Yes, the fact that Kurt Cobain was frequently photographed in a “Hi, How Are You” t-shirt throughout the last months of his life is a gripping anecdote, and one worth noting. But Johnston’s music is good not solely because it inspired that of others, but because of Johnston’s venerable songwriting, his unforgettable melodies, his craft.

Johnston battled severe schizophrenia and bipolar disorder throughout his life. Like many neuroatypical musicians, his art is often labelled as “raw,” a characterization that conveys the unpolished sincerity of his work yet erases the skill it took to produce it. His music is disparagingly branded as “quirky” and “naive.” And sure, his music is far from perfect—his quavering vocals are often jarringly off-key, and his instrumentation is disjointed and distinctly homemade. But these imperfections do not diminish Johnston’s songwriting, nor do they point at him being an incompetant musician. If anything, the songs’ flaws highlight their earnestness, and Johnston’s singular ability to portray the feeling of being haunted through music.

I used to have a similarly distorted perception of Johnston, dismissing him as a nearly

Above is late musician and illustrator Daniel Johnston’s mural in Austin, TX, featuring the bug-eyed cartoon bullfrog cover art of his 1983 album “Hi, How Are You.” musicians had to “clean up” his songs into something more easily accessible.

I still enjoy many other artists’ attempts to cover Johnston’s work, but I now realize how much is lost in that process. Wilco and Beck’s clean-cut renditions of “True Love Will Find You In The End” are partly responsible for the track being Johnston’s best-known song.

They’re both wonderful covers, but once I adjusted to the stark differences between their polished versions and the original, I was struck by how much more heartfelt the song is with Johnston’s nasally voice and awkward instrumentation. There’s one line in the song that makes me play it on repeat. On the idea of true love, he asks, “How can it recognize you/If you don’t step out into the light?” It’s a lyric that’s so sweet and simple yet some-

he signed to Atlantic Records and released his only major label album, “Fun,” only to lose the deal two years later due to his erratic behavior. The idea of the “tortured artist” has long been glamorized in our culture, but in Johnston’s case, his mental illness seemed to be the only thing holding him back from mainstream success.

On a beloved early song of Johnston’s, he sings, “Listen up and I’ll tell a story/About an artist growing old/Some would try for fame and glory/Others aren’t so bold.” Johnston was that bold, and though he never quite escaped the “outsider music” label or attained that one breakthrough hit, his music will continue to touch each person who discovers his wonderfully weird world of cartoon characters, devil towns and pure, true love.

After lengthy hiatus, Tool returns with lackluster LP Alex Barnard Columnist Record

Artist Label

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fter 13 long years, the great white whale of progressive rock and heavy metal has finally returned. Tool, long considered one of the greatest art rock bands to grace the airwaves of alternative radio in the mid-1990s to early-2000s, have just released their fifth album, “Fear Inoculum.” Yet, a gap in output this long raises the question: Was the wait worth it?

Tool is perhaps the most enigmatic and

elusive band in modern rock. Currently comprised of Maynard James Keenan on lead vocals, Adam Jones on guitar, Danny Carey on drums and Justin Chancellor on bass, the group formed with the help of mutual friend Tom Morello, guitarist for legendary rap-rock outfit Rage Against the Machine, who introduced Carey to Jones. After Tool released their first EP, “Opiate” in 1992, the band began to generate buzz by completing successful tours with established and up-and-coming bands such as Rollins Band, White Zombie and Corrosion of Conformity.

Following the success of “Opiate,” Tool went on to release four classic records in the alternative metal genre: “Undertow,” “Aenima,” “Lateralus” and “10,000 Days.” But after that, a lengthy hiatus began, during which

Courtesy of Alex via Flickr After a 13-year hiatus, progressive rock outfit Tool released their fifth studio album, “Fear Inoculum,” on Aug. 30. Despite the hoopla around the iconic band’s return, their the album proved disappointing, especially given its lengthy build-up.

Tool faced numerous setbacks such as lawsuits, band members sustaining injuries and the oft-cited creative disagreements. Each of the band members worked on personal projects in the meantime: Maynard James Keenan released several new albums for both his solo project Puscifer and the alternative metal supergroup, A Perfect Circle; Adam Jones collaborated with The Melvins and punk legend Jello Biafra of The Dead Kennedys; Danny Carey worked with Adrian Belew of prog-giants King Crimson; and Justin Chancellor played bass on the Death Grips track, “Disappointed.”

But while Tool members kept busy, it is important to note how long of a hiatus 13 years is. To put it into perspective, in just eight years’ time, The Beatles produced their entire studio discography, a whopping 13 studio albums. And because none of Tool’s music was available for streaming until earlier this year, it seemed that the group was slowly being forgotten as time passed.

And yet, Tool has been able to maintain their momentum and popularity from their early years, which is nearly unheard of. Within weeks of its release, “Fear Inoculum” took over the number one spot on the Billboard Top 200, usurping the throne from Taylor Swift’s “Lover.” So, it is safe to say that the excitement from Tool fans alone is what is keeping this band alive.

If only I could share in the excitement. I have never been much of a Tool fan—I’ve always found their style pretentious and overly complicated. While I believe that the members of Tool are some of the best musicians in today’s modern rock scene, the long-winded, rhythmically confusing and mystical aspects

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of the band’s songwriting have never truly resonated with me. The only album that I even partially enjoy from Tool’s discography is “Undertow,” because I connect more with the raw and aggressive energy that the band exhibited at the early stages of their career.

However, I still decided to go into this album with an open mind.

“Fear Inoculum” opens with its title track, which was also released as a promotional single. At 10 minutes and 20 seconds, this song is one of the shortest on the record. With its polyrhythmic beat, ambient guitar sounds and Keenan’s slow, dramatic singing, “Fear Inoculum” drags on and on without really going anywhere. And, unfortunately, so do the rest of the songs on this project. The lyrics are so abstract and odd that I am unable to quote any of them, and the instrumentals are fairly bland compared to some of the heavy hitters in the band’s discography, like “Prison Sex,” or “Forty-Six and 2.” The only track I felt mostly positive about was “7empest,” which featured some of Adam Jones’ heaviest riffing in a long time.

If Tool dedicated their incredible musical chops to something more energetic and exciting, similar to Iron Maiden or Megadeth, I might enjoy their music more. However, their musical proficiency—Adam Jones’ experimental yet polished guitar chops, Danny Carey’s incredibly tight drumming and Maynard James Keenan’s ever-resilient vocal prowess—is really the only aspect of their songs that I can appreciate. I respect Tool as a band and admire them for their devoted and loyal fan base, but for me, 13 years was too long to wait for an album of such lackluster quality.

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September 19, 2019

Pi’erre Bourne, Ric Wilson take center stage at Fall Concert

All photos courtesy of Grace Rousell

‘Six: The Musical’ reclaims history via feminist pop Carissa Clough

Guest Columnist

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ivorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.

So goes the mnemonic of the fates of Henry VIII’s six wives. This children’s rhyme has served its purpose in packaging history into memory, but it has also minimized the legacies of six important women to single words. These six words each hold a story of betrayal, of injustice, of tragedy. By reducing these women to single words, their complex, unique experiences are erased. This reductive rhyme serves as the springboard for the opening lines of “Six the Musical.”

“Six” tells the stories of the women—all six of them—who were married to Henry VIII. It is a modern presentation of the complexities and perspectives often left out when discussing the monarch’s 38-year reign. With music and lyrics by Toby Marlow and Lucy Moss, the show was originally presented by Cambridge University at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival before being professionally produced in the West End of London. The show’s songs travel the spectrum of modern-day pop; each wife’s style can be connected with a famous, modern pop-diva. The show’s structure is less like traditional musical theater and more like a concert. There is not a momentous plot nor elaborate set design, but rather a tracklist with extravagant costumes and songs that could easily be found in today’s Top 40.

The story is not only modernized by its 2019 pop soundtrack, but also through its interrogation of 16th century gender roles. The ladies of the show are witty, sarcastic and upfront about their sexualities. The idea for this form of character presentation comes from

its continued absence in the industry. “Musical theatre often has lame parts for women. We wanted to write loads of meaty, funny parts for women,” said co-creator Lucy Moss (“Six musical leaps from Edinburgh Fringe to Broadway,” BBC, 01.08.2019). From Catherine of Aragon’s defiance to Catherine Howard’s blatant sexual confidence, each of these women represent ideals that have been conventionally deemed vile in women.

The show opens with a powerful number titled “Ex-Wives,” which establishes each of the six women’s voices and their respective complexities. The queens do not appear to get along with one another, as the the show begins as a competition to see which wife had the “hardest time” with Henry VIII. The musical then zooms in and presents the six as individuals: in solo format, each woman gets to make her case and share her story.

Catherine of Aragon, the first of Henry VIII’s wives, begins this sequence. Her solo, “No Way,” is a Latin-funk pop song with clear inspiration from the queen herself, Beyoncé.

“No Way” is energized by impressive vocals, intense drum lines and passionate lyrics. The Latin-funk brass passages tie in Catherine of Aragon’s Spanish roots, while also emphasizing a liveliness which directly reflects her persistence and ferocity. The lyrics allow Catherine’s story to shine through these layered musical elements. She sings about refusing to be pushed aside and forgotten: “I won’t back down, won’t shh/And no I’ll never leave,” she exclaims. Beginning the solos with this message establishes the purpose of the entire show: to give voice to the silenced.

Following Queen Catherine is Anne Boelyn. “Six” gives Anne a sassy track, com-

plete with background claps reminiscent of Meghan Trainor. Juxtaposed with Anne Boelyn’s violent fate of her eventual beheading, “Don’t Lose Ur Head” is an upbeat track full of tongue-in-cheek quips. The song focuses on the witty side of Anne Boelyn while also highlighting her unapologetic, determined nature. It’s unexpected—with such a tragic storyline, the listener expects an emotional ballad, but instead receives a fun, flirty bop.

The anticipated ballad arrives in Jane Seymour’s solo, “Heart of Stone.” As opposed to Anne Boelyn, Jane Seymour had a relatively pleasant marriage with Henry VIII and is often called “the only one [Henry VIII] ever loved” by the other queens throughout the show; because of this, the melancholy solo from Jane surprises the audience. True to the historical Jane Seymour, the lyrics in “Heart of Stone” are not sassy or witty, but rather heartfelt and sincere. “Six” fills her solo with impressive belting and high notes which suggest that, although she was not as fierce as some of Henry’s other wives, Seymour still had a profound, driving strength. At the end of the song, all of the women join in on the chorus. With all six voices united, it becomes clear that “Heart of Stone” is not just Jane Seymour’s story, but a message that resonates with each wife. It also marks the first sign of solidarity between the six in the show.

In a complete change of pace both sonically and lyrically, “Get Down,” Anne of Cleves’s solo, paints a picture of unconventionality that stands out amongst the other wives. With a more prominent hip-hop style, “Get Down” brings vintage Rihanna and Nicki Minaj to mind. Lyrically, Anne of Cleves sings of hunting, religion and education—not so much of

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Henry or her marriage to him. History paints Anne as a queen that Henry divorced due to her ugliness. This solo, however, does not define her by her looks, but instead by her individuality and non-conforming femininity.

After divorcing Anne of Cleves, Henry VIII fell for her complete opposite: Catherine Howard. Henry VIII’s love for Catherine did not come from politics or duty, but rather desire. Catherine Howard’s solo, “All You Wanna Do,” indicates this. With influences from Britney Spears and Ariana Grande, two female artists known for risqué moves and sexual liberation, Howard’s solo is sultry and upbeat with remarkable vocals that complete the image of a woman that is confident and empowered by her sexuality.

Catherine Parr’s solo, “I Don’t Need Your Love,” wraps up the wives’ solos in an Alicia Keys-style song of survival and power. The song sounds to the ear like a love song, but the lyrics reveal the exact opposite: It’s about not wanting love, but having no choice. As Catherine repeats the phrase “no choice” throughout the song, it suggests another, much darker message that is deeply embedded in the history of women. At the end of the song, the wives once again unite their voices and join in on a story of female resilience that they each know and relate to. The song completes the arc of the show.

At the beginning of the show, each wife competed for the title of worst experience with Henry VIII, but as the show closes, the women realize that who they are has nothing to do with the man they married and everything to do with their self-selected destinies.

“Six the Musical” is scheduled to land on Broadway in the U.S. in March 2020.

September 19, 2019

ARTS

Campus Canvas A weekly space highlighting the creative pursuits of student-artists

Page 9 submit to misc@vassar.edu

Ariana Bowe Media Studies Class of 2020 She/Her/Hers “king of kings” Collage, paper and ink, featuring an excerpt of the poem “Ozymandias” by Horace Smith.

Excuse me, What’s the most random song or music you jam out to?

“Katy Perry’s Firework.”

— Tiffany Trumble ’23

“Catch me Demi Lovato.”

—Precious Davis ’20

“Wii sports resort music.”

— Nona Chen ’21

“Kevin Gates.”

— Jesse Szteinbaum ’20

“Barbie girl.”

— Annika Sethrehofstad ’22

“Thneedville from The Lorax.”

— Miriam Cubstead ‘22

Francisco Andrade, Humor & Satire Sheldon Zhou, Photography

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

FEATURES

Page 10

Quite Frankly Frankie Knuckles

Senior Editor Quality Advice-Giver

Hey Frankie, How do I ask a guy to hang out without it seeming like I’m asking him out?

Sincerely, Askance Asker Dear Asker,

Best Wishes, Frankie P.S., Remember: If you want a guy to treat you as a human being, one existing beyond the possibility of your sexual prowess, you should treat him that way, too!

Ji Won Kim Guest Contributor

T

he lines of sentences and words blurred on the screen, refusing to settle in my head. The application in front of me was one of 120. I had to conceptualize all of the applicants based on results from a digital survey, and then, like some sommelier of people, predict which upperclassmen applicants would pair well with which incoming first-years. The task made my summer more hectic than ever.

This was all done as the Administrative Liaison of Vassar’s Asian Students’ Alliance (ASA). My Co-Administrative Liaison Jason Jin ’22 and I spent many days exchanging multiple Skype calls across 3,000 miles, carefully perusing bios for ASA’s “Big Sib Lil Sib” mentorship program. As someone who identifies as Korean first and foremost, I could not help but get excited every time I read applications from anyone indicating anything relating to Korean culture as their passions and hobbies, Contemporary Korean culture soaks in the shiny spotlight of the international stage, an unexpected phenomenon especially at but it also holds a deep, rich history. Members of Sori celebrate and spread samulnori, a small liberal arts college with a relatively traditional Korean percussion music performed with leather drums and hand-held gongs. small Korean population.

But more and more non-Koreans are from music and dance performances to One of the most popular facets of Kogetting exposed to and enthusiastic about North Korean refugee advocacy, share rean culture is in its entertainment indusKorean culture. So much so, in fact, that a common spirit for Korean culture. Al- try, including K-pop and K-dramas. Some there is a name for this trend: The Ko- though the orgs are mainly comprised of students have cultivated personal ties and rean Wave, also known as the K-wave or students who identify as ethnically Ko- valuable connections through shared interhallyu (한류). This new term encapsulates rean, there has been an increase in the ests in Korean culture. Stephanie Gull ’22, the increasing global popularity of diverse number of non-Koreans joining these who hails from Florida and is a new PresiSouth Korean cultural exports, ranging orgs. “I am mesmerized by K-pop, as it is dent of KoDC, said, “A major aspect of my from K-pop to K-cosmetics. a complete package of addictive melodies personal interest in Korean language and Korean culture did not sweep the Amer- and powerful choreographies performed music are the communities built around ican public on a large scale until 2012, the by idols with a great sense of friendship those areas. I’ve established a significant year the music video of the famous Ko- amongst their members,” explained Srash- number of friendships through bonding rean singer PSY’s “Gangnam Style” went ta Maharjan ’23, a first-year international during the long, arduous rehearsals.” viral. Although various K-pop idol groups student from Nepal.

The effect of the Korean Wave appears had attempted to expand to the United These orgs encourage all students to not only in student extracurricular life, but States before, the popularity of “Gangnam get involved regardless of their heritage. also in academics on campus. Prior to the Style” was unprecedented: It became the Adalia Wu ’21, a Chinese American stu- 2018-2019 school year, Korean language first video to hit over two billion views on dent selected as this year’s KSA President, instruction was only available through YouTube. And naturally following, people shared her love for Korean culture: “In my the Self-Instructional Language Program, from all around the world made tons of freshman and sophomore years, KSA host- which provides an opportunity to Vassar parodies. The song even played in several ed events that were always a blast! I made students to study languages that are not American TV shows. sure to attend if I was feeling particularly offered through academic departments or Seven years have passed since that stressed…I wanted to continue to create traditional classrooms. Now, Vassar has breakthrough, and in that time South Ko- that same environment for our underclass- opened official Korean language courses rean culture has only become more visible men.” taught by a full-time Korean language inworldwide. Vassar’s campus is no excepWu chose the Korean music scene as her structor for the first time. tion. favorite aspect of South Korean culture.

“The first semester Korean language Take the Korean Students’ Association While it entertains her, it also helps her courses were offered, I had 12 students in (KSA), SORI, the Korean Dance Crew learn about a culture that differs from her total. This year, there are 33 students in to(KoDC) and Liberty in North Korea home culture. Wu explained, “Listening to tal, many of them from non-Korean back(LiNK). These student-led organizations, Korean singers is simultaneously fascinat- grounds,” Korean Professor Claire Kang representing a varied basket of interests ing and educational.” explained.

Kang attributed a rapidly growing interest in Korean culture and language to the immense power of human capital in South Korea. “As a country that significantly lacks natural resources, the Korean government hugely invested in human capital, producing highly skilled and talented professionals. Along with the government, these talented individuals came together and combined their efforts to build its cultural influence,” Kang added. This sentiment is a widespread one, and a source of pride for many Koreans.

As an international student living far from my home country, I have always been searching for places where I can feel at home—and quite desperately so—since my first year at Vassar.

I would go down to Koreatown in New York City every other weekend to get Korean food, go to karaoke to sing my heart out, and watch K-dramas on the train back to Poughkeepsie. However, with the growing presence of Korean cultures and Food is a tasty, critical component of Korean culture. The Korean Student Association representation on campus over the past (KSA) hosted a “Street Food Night” in the Villard Room last Wednesday, serving two years, going down to Koreatown feels yummy staples such as ddukbokki (spicy rice cakes), mandu (dumplings) and rice balls. more like a luxury than a necessity now.

Courtesy of Ji Won Kim

uite frankly, people want friends!

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Friendships can be just as—if not more—fulfilling as romantic relationships. Most people, when asked to hang, will be down to do so in a non-romantic, non-date type of way.

To make it clear to the person you’re asking that your intentions are friendly rather than romantic, you can take a few different ideas into account. Firstly, consider your question’s setting. If it’s a passing moment, your question will have lower stakes. For example, if you bump into the guy on your way to class, say, “I’m headed to class, but maybe we could Deece after?” Proceed according to his reaction.

Asking in person also reads as lower stakes than a text conversation, where the other party will be free to analyze your words and attribute an unintended tone. That same question phrased above, but as an out-of-the-blue text, could definitely be interpreted as a spicy invitation (although I doubt I’d personally read it as such). An in-person run-in gives it the right aloof inflection.

In addition to how you ask, consider what you ask. Certain proposed hangout venues are hotter and heavier than others. For instance, proposing an off-campus, evening-hours jaunt is likely to be interpreted as a romantic gesture; weekend brunch at the Deece reads as a casual, relaxed, hangout sesh. Unless it’s a Sunday.

If you want to be extra sure your suggestion isn’t akin to asking someone to come upstairs to look at your etchings, ask the person to join you in a group setting where things are less likely to get steamy (although, you do you). For instance, you might let him know about a house event you’re planning on attending or a piece of org programming. Inviting him to an event that takes place in daylight will automatically limit any potential undertones you’d rather avoid.

Another, related concern: What should you do if you go somewhere and he thinks it’s a date? This depends on whether that’s an agreeable situation to you. One way to swerve the tone of a get-together away from ~romance~ is to keep the conversation on decidedly unsexy topics and away from your personal life. If you’re feeling uncomfortable because he assumes the wrong purpose for the hangout, you can always reach out to another friend to come join you or to give you an excuse to skedaddle on out of the situation.

K-Wave splashes down, sweeps students

Courtesy of Ji Won Kim

Q

September 19, 2019

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

September 19, 2019

FEATURES

Page 11

Fundraiser keeps student local radio WVKR spinning Dean Kopitsky Assistant Arts Editor

W

Azuelos was optimistic that their repaired relationships wouldn’t damage future fundraising efforts. WVKR has already raised as much as last year, and Zapien and Azuelos expect to add another $1,000 to the piggy bank very soon. With the funds in place, WVKR secures another year on the airways.

The nature of any organization in college is helplessly cyclical. New students come in, learn the ropes, create their legacy and depart soon thereafter. The name may not change, but every four years you have a new entity. In a sense, WVKR has been reborn 10 times over the 40 years it’s been on the air (not including Frank Carbin). “I think it’s funny,” mused Zapien, “because it’s a legit radio station that’s been on many years and it relies on these Vassar students to have it together

every year.” Some things have changed, like the fact that the station now webcasts via the internet to an audience around the world.

The time and love that the staff put into running WVKR shouldn’t go unnoticed. And it doesn’t, in Poughkeepsie at least. But when I asked Eleanor Carter ’22, an executive board member with her own show, whether many Vassar students listen, I got a resounding “No.” For a student body that prides itself on quirkiness and artsiness, and often bemoans the futile relationship that its institution has with the local community, it is genuinely surprising how under-appreciated an artistic and connected org like WVKR is.

There is a spirited, historic recourse on campus. It’s not hard to find. Just tune in.

Dean Kopitsky/The Miscellany News

hen I would drive to the University of Georgia in high school, I would tune my radio to 90.5. When the static gave way to endless funk jams and old school hip hop, I knew I was nearly in Athens. The same progression probably plays out for all-night truckers, Poughkeepsiens and Vassar students (albeit some) who tune in to WVKR, Vassar’s independent radio station, an important creative nucleus for any music community centered around a college.

Alex Azuelos ’20 and Laura Zapien ’20 channel their imaginative energies, hard work and love to broadcast on 3,000-watt airwaves. WVKR’s time slots are busy with niche shows. So to secure a slot, you really have to bring a fresh idea. “When they interview, usually the shows have to be kind of bizarre for them to stand out … The more niche, the weirder, the more we like it,” explained Zapien. WVKR embodies that idiosyncratic Vassar spirit.

Zapien’s show, called “El Puente,” fits the criterion of not fitting in. For an hour on Thursday evenings, you won’t hear any English over the airwaves. She plays Spanish rock and pop, while emceeing the show in Spanish, too. “Being able to come in, speak in Spanish and play our music means so much to me,” said Zapien.

If you think niche shows require niche audiences, think again. Zapien gushed about a local truck driver named Bob Green, who donated to every show on air for a week: “Bob has called my show, which is all Latin.

He says, ‘I don’t understand any of the words,

but it all sounds great! He loves the station.”

Azuelos affirmed, “We love Bob too.”

Besides Bob Green, Frank Carbin also supports Zapien and Azuelos. What started as a volunteering gig 30 years ago has blossomed into a long-time show, which Corbin says features “tunes for geezers,” and a job as WVKR’s archivist. On his devotion to Vassar’s independent radio station, Carbin commented, “There are 168 hours of air you have to fill in a week. At other stations you have to look for DJs that have to pedal and promote things. WVKR doesn’t have to do that. Matter of fact they shouldn’t.”

That being said, WVKR still needs money to maintain air time. “It’s stressful. If we don’t raise enough money, we won’t be able to pay [local DJs and licensing fees]. Then we won’t be able to stay on-air, and then we’re technically breaking the law. Because we have a license with the FCC to where we have to broadcast on our airwaves,” Azuelos lamented.

Conversely, raising money means drawing on large time commitments by executive board members, volunteers and DJs. Azuelos broke down the numbers: “The volunteers have to stay throughout the whole show. Our exec staff have done 17 hours or more each to cover 24/7 fundraisers...From 9 a.m. to 11 p.m.”

Money matters rely heavily on the station’s communal ties and outreach. WVKR was in a pinch last year when poor communication and weather hampered WVKR’s ability to stay on-air, run pledge drives and pay local DJs. However, the community has proven resilient. WVKR still raised over $24,000, and

Laura Zapien ’20 (right) hosts “El Puente,” emceeing in Spanish and selecting Spanish muisc from WKVR’s collection. She explained, “Any time I spend at WKVR, I enjoy.”

Greek residents cook up take-home tastes of culture

GREEK FESTIVAL continued

the electricity of their dining operation took me aback. In retrospect I feel silly, because diners occupy a significant role in the story of Greek immigration to America.

An adjoining tent covered the outdoor kitchen, where chaos mixed with music and shouting. Centermost were 12 vertical broilers, where gyro meat spun on full display. Left of the register were six deep fryers, each cooking Greek fries, thickly cut potato wedges garnished with oregano, olive oil, lemon juice and feta cheese. In the back were three six-foot grills filled with hot coals, engaged in the searing of lamb chops.

Finally, to the right of the register was the bar fully stocked with ouzo, Mythos, orange soda and lemonade all imported from Greece. At that moment my raison d’être was to enjoy a gyro.

The majority of Vassar students that I spoke with had nothing but good words to share about the festival. But, for some

Ccourtesy of Kimisis Greek Orthodox Church

from page 1 terialized, so I rolled the sliding door shut and drove the 1.3 miles to the festival, a walkable distance indeed. Parking in the very first spot, in a quintessentially Vassarian style I said, “The shuttle leaves in an hour, but my schedule is pretty flexible so just let me know.” We then broke into a brisk walk through the lightly misting rain and headed in the direction of the large, white fair tent.

It’s fair to assume that for most, a Greek festival is about the food. Dutifully, we took our place in line for the register, toeto-heel with Poughkeepsie’s biggest fans of Greek cuisine. In years past, I had been to the Kimisis Greek Orthodox Church and the Hellenic Community Center where the festival was held. The inside of the Church is as beautiful as I remembered, with a ceiling painted gold and adorned with gilded icons, but otherwise the Church and its community exude a humble reverence, a slower pace suited for reflection and prayer. This is why

A treasure trove of Greek pastries are enticingly displayed in aluminum trays. From left to right: galaktoboureko (custard pie), melopita (honey pie), braided bread, kourabiethes (shortbread cookies), koulourakia (butter cookies) and boxes of Baklava.

Courtesy of Kimisis Greek Orthodox Church

Greek-Americans accustomed to big-city Greek festivals, Poughkeepsie’s version may have seemed a bit underwhelming. Absent were the high-flying Greek dancers, which have become a staple of the festivals of New York City. And here, “live music” didn’t actually mean live music— instead a husky Greek guy with stacks of CDs and a sweet sound system.

But the Fall Greek Festival did not draw crowds for its glitz and glamor. The festival is entirely funded by donations and operated by volunteers. The smaller community of Poughkeepsie Greeks, 127 families strong, simply does not have resources on a Big Apple scale. Instead, festival-goers were embraced by neighborliness. For example, an elderly Greek woman, noticing my friend’s baffled expression, was elated to acquaint him with every dessert being offered. And when you mention studying at Vassar: “Oh, we love Vassar! We wish you luck. God Participants in the Fall Greek Fest, many of whom are members of Poughkeepsie’s 127 bless!” It felt like I was back with my Yiayia Greek families, help prepare authentic Greek cuisine for Poughkeepsie’s residents. The and Papou. festival is entirely funded by donations and operated by volunteers, pictured above.

Before departing Saturday afternoon, I

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

purchased a box of assorted pastries in a doggy bag for my housemates, brimming with baklava and melomakarono (which I nicknamed Greek Brownies when I was four). I wanted to share a part of me that they rarely experience, even though it’s a meaningful part of my identity. The baklava didn’t last until the next morning; apparently it was fantastic. I told them that I’ve had better—in fact, my Yiayia is an expert baklava baker—but regardless it warmed me to know that they enjoyed it. The Greek Brownies were not as well received. By no means was I upset, but surprised because the dessert remains my all-time favorite. Uncoincidentally, my Yiayia is also an expert at making Greek Brownies. If my friends are lucky, I’ll bring some from home and see if I can sway their thinking.

As I write this, Monday looms ahead and homework is calling me back from my Greek escape. For a few hours this weekend I was in a different kind of home, where not everyone knows me but where everyone knows how to pronounce my name in Greek.

FEATURES

Page 12

Pick a Deece dessert and we’ll give you a major!

A quiz for the vacillating Vassarian

1

2

3

September 19, 2019

Word

If you could have any pet at Vassar what would it be?

on the street

4 “Phoenix the cat.”

— Alden Pierson Smela ’22

“Cat.” — Tahsin Oshin ’20

5

6

7

1. Cider donut? Art history. You might be niche, but you’re scrumptious anyway. Majoring in art history isn’t just sweet and sensational, but as fulfilling as a yummy breakfast donut.

2. Crumb cake? Econ. @deece_reviewed describes this as a “meh mushy mess”—just like you, future Econ major. In this department, you’ll be so stressed out that you can’t “Cat.” even present yourself. Also, y’all are sloppy on weekends. Hold it together, Econ majors.

— Evelyn 3. Nilda? Earth science. I hate to be rude, but you’re just bland if you eat these. Major in Zhang ’23 our blandest department.

4. Vanilla Pudding Tarte? International Studies. Look, this dessert is just as indecisive as you are! It’s clearly having an identity crisis, trying to exist in too many spheres. You know you like political science, you want to look as erudite as the philosophy students, and so you go ahead and smash them together. Hopefully your thesis won’t be as incongruous as this piece of pie/tart/pudding. (By the way you’re just a poli sci major, and you just want pudding).

5. Poundcake? Biology. This is a dry, yet sensible choice in dessert and major. Sure, it’s (CuefillCanned Laughter: not the sweetest, and it’s a lot to tackle, but it’ll surely your tummy and life. Late Night Talk Show Hosts) 6. Chocolate Chip Cookie? Poli Sci. Ubiquitously loved across campus, this popular, “Wombat.” reliable, yet under-supplied dessert captures the soul of political science courses. You 4. at the point of death ACROSS —being Sabrina won’t be disappointed, if you can get one. fruit’20 skin 1. location of saunas, eye cucumbers, 5.

Perry 7. Strawberry Jam Cake? STS. This dessert indicates a strong affinity with many 6. the border, outer limit of an object massages different, rich areas of study. As a multidisciplinary major, 7. primary school parents association 4. plural STS of to will be satisfy your urge to enjoy more than one flavor at the same time.

8. bright kind of light 7. small purple fruit All photos courtesy of deece_reviewed via Instagram 9. an employee or someone of lower 11. white iridescent gemstone rank 12. amongst Quiz by Jess and Frankie 10. self-referential 13. a pillar of a belief system 11. informal abbreviation of 'obituary' 15. surfing brand 12. plentiful 17. opposite of 'subtract from' 14. a hill or rocky peak 18. fury or hatred 16. pimples, zits 19. carpool karaoke driver 32. 20. a fan fiction smile 50. artificial hair organ 'neither''s partner 21. listening ACROSS longest book of the bible 52. Greek dish offor thecoming Klepht’s l. Mickey’s silly dog friend an entertainingly eccentric person; 22. thanks to my ___ talk 36.25.

38.amarket of sandwiches and meats 54. cleft 6. a cowboy’s shoe character 23. lip a squirrel's treasure 39. a job or goal 58. word used to emphasize smallness 10. Wes Anderson’s canine land form 26. ginger late night host 24. displeasing fragrance 40. milk’s favorite cookie or insignificance 14. to quarrel 27. Jimmy, less popular 27. Barbie's beau 43. bird word of social media 59. a glorifying lyrical stanza 15. Kuzco’s civilization pieces of curves 28. good kind of land for growing crops 46.28. to be in debt 60. dark brown or black 16. step necessary to upload a physical 29. prose or poeticannoyed varietiesor of Norse 30. against prefix 47. to make someone 62. Mother known for good deeds copy mythology formal 66. by33. any otheraddress name when writing letters irritated 17. untrue everlasting, without European end 68. a 36. nonsense word used forlines; mockery a small southern viper networks of parallel gratings 49.30.

18. two cheeks 51. a species of small, Southeast Asian 70. slow-moving shell inhabitant 19. more than ‘more’ 38. to appear as or give an impression with an upturned snout apes 71. to39. expel mouth 20. (of a person or body part), plump 31. to require thefrom "big the apple" 53. a wall painting 72. a commonly fried veggie or ‘lady 22. to leak into 40. relating to India, prefix 32. to form a series of flat steps finger’ 24. to utilize 1 2 3 4 5 41.

80s hairstyle trend, plural 73. to etch into stone 25. compensated for labor 43. sleeveless piece in a tuxedo 74. active Sicilian stratovolcano 27. farming vehicle 11 12 45. exclamation of surprise, anger, or 75. utterances of horses 29. to grant authority or increase pride 76. unglazed ceramic cooking or affirmation 33. site of the cucumber eyes 15 16 storage 34. the Old direction 46.jars bleak, dull DOWN 35. to walk with a hurt leg 48. female bird that produces eggs 18 19 1. Irish slang for ‘house’ 37. antonym of ‘subtract from’ 50. green, mossy aquatic plant, 2. of the mouth 41. Vassar medical superheroes singular 22 23 3. to stare intensely 42. someone who believes in a 51. to organise by type 4. an agitated person supreme being or a creator 27 53. "you're not my ___!"

5. a cowboy’s exclamation 44. hearing hole 56. bag or pouch 6. baby neckwear 45. the rotating assembly of a turbine 30 31 32 33 34 35 7. a duty or responsibility 58. Jimmy, more popular 48. to sketch 8. a group of eight 49. ‘or ----’, vague threat 60. Much ___ About Nothing 38 39 9. informal potatoesor stand up 61. to emerge Answer to last week’s puzzle 10. abbreviation for ‘interstellar medium’ 64. downfall, state of ruin 41 42 43 11. nickname of To Kill A Mockingbird 66. cloth or sheet narrator 67. spirits mixed with water 46 47 12. a yeehaw rope 68. robes worn by Christian clergy 13. to come in 50 51 69. totraffic have sign existed for an extensive 21. yellow 23. informal term for father or amount of time 56 57 58 59 grandfather 70. Call of Duty: Black ___ 26. made be without 71. atotype of grainwater 61 62 63 64 28. abbreviation for Canadian dollar 29. large jug with wide mouth for DOWN 66 67 carrying water talldidn’t rod peaks of this, buildings 30. if 1. you receive you’re out 69 70 to have lost color/ skin pigmentation of the2.loop 31. signal used to of quietly 3. antonym none gain attention

“Yee-haw”

“Peregrine falcon.”

— Echo Hertzberg ’21

“Pigmy owl and a opossum.”

— Chelsea (Frank) Shelton ’22 34. a little green monster 35. a pirate's 'yes' 37. a kind of turf 42. to droop loosely Francisco Andrade, Humor & Satire 44. a large mass of people or animals Sheldon Zhou, Photography 47. British equivalent to USAF 49. active stratovolcano on East coast of Sicily 51. to noisily and messily drink 52. a miscellaneous mixture or concoction 53. repeated every 24 hours 54. Spanish what youfor take to Old Town Rd 54. 'mudbrick' 55. puts to welcome an unrelated child into a 55. on something, particularly family clothing 56. substance that protects plants from 56. a North Indian tree that yields hard, insects durable timber 57. Jack Black was this type of king 57. a long accompanied 61. informal form of ‘not’song for a solo voice 63. British royalty between marquess 59. ship Jason sailed to retrieve the andthe viscount 64. the Fleece Destroyer in Hindu trinity Golden 65. a type 62. to look of beers 67. finis estimated arrival time 63.

69. text laugh, plural 65. road material

The Miscellany Crossword

by Frank

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

6

7

8

9

10

13

14

17 20 24

21 25

26

28

29 36

37 40

44 48

45 49

52

53

54

55

60 65 68 71

2019

September 19, 2019

OPINIONS

Page 13

Earth is on fire. You are nothing but complicit at best Abram Gregory Columnist

P

lainly, the earth is burning. Though reified in the burning of the Amazon rainforest, the conflagration is not a crisis that cropped up out of nowhere. There are currently comparable forest fires raging in parts of Southeast Asia, California and southern Africa. And there is no shortage of efforts by national governments and grassroots organizations to combat humanity’s negative impact on this burning planet.

The problem, however, is that too many people in positions of power don’t care.

Even after the Amazonian arson drew international ire, 4,000 more intentional fires sparked up in the next two days (The Independent, 09.02.2019, “Amazon fires: Almost 4,000 new blazes started across Brazil in 48 hours after ban on burning forest land”). We don’t all sympathize with the despotic machinations of Brazilian President Bolsonaro, nor do some of us share the sheer ineptitude and unflinching disregard for human life embodied by President Trump. We as (even temporary) residents of the United States and of Vassar College, however, suffer from a seemingly incurable illness which we have contracted and continually spread amongst ourselves with sadistic penetrative smiles.

This, of course, is the malady of being in the world’s top one percent economically, and the chief symptom is dissociation from the needs of the less-fortunate. After all, the scenic Hudson Valley’s trees aren’t on fire. Rest assured, if they were, our Board of Trustees would rush to build an Inn and Institute on top of the ashes.

It is all too easy to fall into a routine of individualized environmental destruction on a day-to-day basis. Vassar is no exception.

The green-hearted among us shudder at the Deece management’s willingness to supply copious quantities of single-use cups for cof-

fee and cold beverages, even at the height of the lunch rush. This prioritizes ease of running the facilities over environmental impact.

Bon Appétit is not the only offender— each time that I take a cup of coffee off to my morning class, rather than use a mug of my own, I am complicit in humankind’s torturing of the earth, even if it is just in small increments. Every time you ask for a beef taco at Global, you are complicit in it too. Our overindulgent meat-eating culture tends to forget that beef singlehandedly contributes 44 percent of all food-related emissions (U.N. Food and Agriculture Administration, “Tackling Climate Change through Livestock,” 2013 study). This is not to mention the ethical implications of supporting capitalism-fueled global genocide of animals in captivity. Whenever we fail to voice discontent with the environmental policies of campus dining, we as students and faculty signal our tolerance of ecological injustice. That is, we fling ourselves at the mercy of the law of supply and demand. By thoughtlessly engaging in practices like the use of disposable goods and meat consumption, we maintain a demand for the production of single-use items and the wholesale slaughter of animals. Plastics are produced from crude oil, and livestock is brutalized so that you can enjoy a chicken sandwich between your classes. Vegetarians are no better; whereas meat-eaters are complicit in the mass slaughter of animals, you merely subject them to brutal serfdom. Your cup of milk is no more righteous than my hamburger; moreover, both leave a carbon footprint.

In active participation in destructive practices, we revel in our negligence. But why? Why are we so willing to continue to contribute to global climate change while pretending that everything is just business as usual?

It’s tempting to pat ourselves on the

backs—we throw quaint Green Fests, plan protests on campus and share pithy posts on Facebook. But these efforts pale in the face of concern that energy improvement goals will not be met on time. According to Vassar’s Students for Equitable Environmental Decisions (SEED), it is of a frightening uncertainty whether New York state will meet its goal of achieving a 50 percent renewable energy grid by 2030. This would substantially hamper the College’s efforts to transition from central heating to biofuels, which are not carbon neutral, and would only buy the College a temporary period of cheaper energy. Although the proposed replacement for fossil-fuel-based heating would be cogeneration, the use of steam to produce energy would still “commit[t] us to fossil fuel infrastructure for at least the next ten years.”

Vassar cannot afford to put off sustainability for another ten years. Furthermore, the strides taken by students towards progress have already met resistance from the Administration, as SEED describes the Board of Trustees as “firmly against divestment” from fossil fuel sources (Boilerplate Magazine, “Can Vassar Go Carbon Neutral by 2030?,” 04.13.2019).

On campus, the future is unclear. In the world, prospects are even more daunting.

Humanity may soon face the reality that it is simply too late. That is, if not too late to prevent ecological destruction altogether, then too late to reverse some permanent damage. Small acts such as die-ins, as well as individual recycling, simply may not be enough. Slavoj Zizek, political philosopher and author of the book “Living in the End Times,” recently wrote about the Amazon fires for The Independentt. As Zizek put it, “We are like a soccer fan who supports his team in front of a TV screen at home, shouting and jumping from his seat, in a superstitious belief that this will somehow influence

the outcome” (The Independent, 09.04.2019, “The Amazon is burning, and your tiny human efforts against the climate crisis have never seemed so meagre”). Zizek continues to identify the consequential problem as ideological individualization; that is, focusing on one’s self rather than “raising much more pertinent global questions about our entire industrial civilization.” Zizek is an adamant quasi-Marxist, and has been a longtime proponent of communism as a means of confronting existential threats to humankind. He might be onto something here.

While it may not take a neo-Leninist global uprising to combat climate change, I can’t help but wonder if a solution is closer to that scenario than the billionaires, baby boomers and the bourgeois students among us would care to admit. After all, the 2017 Carbon Majors Report found that just a small number of corporations are responsible for 71 percent of emissions (The Guardian, 08.10.2017, “Just 100 companies responsible for 71 percent of global emissions, study says”). As difficult as it is to throw off the yoke of capitalism, especially for people in underprivileged communities, we need to recognize our collective responsibility for lining the pockets of the owners of those companies. The same folks who proudly wave picket signs at die-ins are purchasing computers from environmentally irresponsible tech companies, using diesel-fueled vans to travel to each other’s protests, and are thereby indulging the corporations pillaging the planet of its natural resources.

I’m glad you got your free potted plant at your posh college gathering—I really am.

Just be sure to hug it close with your Macbook, Amazon-ordered textbooks, and Starbucks coffee cup. Soon, it will be all you have as you gasp for air. Soon, our die-ins will not be a mere act of playing pretend, as the carbon dioxide strangles us.

Life in camo: One window into Taiwanese military life Brian Lee

Guest Columnist

T

o your disappointment, my experience neither includes being verbally assaulted by Sergeant Hartman nor getting firehosed while doing flutter kicks on the pavement. While there are various systems of training across the numerous armed force divisions in Taiwan, these are not amongst them. But here is how mine went.

Like most countries, ours is a product of war, and my conscription reflects the standing tension between us and China. One could see our mandatory service in the Taiwanese military as a rite of passage leading to adulthood—our version of Seijin no Hi. Every able man has had his days dressed in camouflage serving the nation, but duties have changed over time and terms have been condensed to adapt to modern needs.

For Taiwanese young adults today, only four months of service is required, including basic training. Some people can split up their service months, as long as they guarantee completion within two years. This rather short and flexible enlistment comes amidst a transitional phase toward building an all-volunteer career force.

My father always gloats about his two-year stint as a lieutenant, and his father would scoff at him for having never fought in a war; the military life is a household conversation, and it is one that nurtures a strong protective instinct and emotion sheltering among Taiwanese males. But we also speak of it in the

same manner we speak about high school, as another unreasonably rigid but occasionally enlightening institution we attend during our teenage lives before “real life” begins.

“You may argue our training produces more of a neighborly rescue team than a menacing military force.”

As a private in the infantry, I focused on rifle maintenance and operation: target shooting, ruck marching, bayonet drills, jumping jacks, sandbag stacking, window screen installing, recycling and a load of squeegeeing.

You may argue our training model produces more of a neighborly rescue team than a menacing military force. Although baffled by the regimen myself, I’m convinced it is, in fact, a revolutionary tactic that rivals us against the most formidable malice. In the words of Sun Tzu, “The supreme art is to subdue the enemy without fighting.” (Sun Tzu, “Art of War,” 1910) A person of lower rank is obligated to comply with all orders given by one of a higher rank—and it irks everybody. I’m the bottommost scrap, and that I had no choice but to commit to all my duties deceived me into believing I was a man of unequivocal talent in being productive. Yet most tasks assigned

to us were pointless and arbitrary, like raking foliage in the rain. Cruising through assignments devoid of meaning rankled me even more. My time was, apparently, expendable.

At night we were granted leisure time. With this escape, my fellow soldiers and I would chew over the inefficiencies of bureaucracy in the military as I read “Shoe Dog” by Phil Knight, founder of Nike. That’s the company whose catchphrase is “Just do it.” The irony of it all.

In addition, because one’s superior is not responsible to answer questions, not only is there general helplessness and confusion, but from there also stems the unspoken rule: Do not ask questions. However, it is far from a cruel, stifling misery, rather a bizarre incertitude instead. An officer once chastised our company for wearing our gas masks when he realized he didn’t have his with him in the tear gas chamber. He’d not asked the lieutenant to have one ready for him. I assume to release frustration, he decided to lash it out at us, but somehow he ended that admonition on the principles of arranging grocery items in plastic bags. None of us would go on and ask about anything.

Upon discharge, my fellow privates described our brief military life as a paid summer camp desperate for participants. Bewildering experiences are usually a hard sell. I thought, at least for a few weeks, that no one would enjoy the excitement of using chopsticks of equal lengths or showering without a time limit as much as I did. I was delighted

to discover that the military had taught us to appreciate the little happinesses we often take for granted, until I realized that no, normal life is simply much more interesting.

After returning to civilian life, I curiously searched up the military to reminisce about the days when I chanted my steps, marched in right angles. To my surprise, I found there’s no shortage of varied experiences and perspectives on our armed forces, and Taiwanese are no stranger to expressing them.

Any average Joe was willing to offer his criticisms and suggestions on online platforms.

The more I dug into the online dialogue, the more I noticed that the Taiwanese people are open to sharing anything societal, making even the most difficult topics accessible for conversations. There exists a rich outlook (seemingly antagonistic but perhaps endearing deep down) on our conscription and political practice, and the very participation of these exchanges reflects our care and collective effort for a more ideal tomorrow.

It wasn’t long before my fellow soldiers and I linked up with our officers from back in the days on a group chat. What followed was the fuss, the tea and the truths. We are one and the same, only set apart by rules and duties. With our shared background, the conversation flowed. It felt natural, cathartic to finally share what it was like to participate in this institution in our various ranks. With my hair gone and a few extra pounds gained, I came away with an unexpected splash of patriotism.

The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pages. The staff editorial is the only article which reflects the opinion of the Editorial Board.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

OPINIONS

Page 14

September 19, 2019

Campus Climate Even though there is still over a year until the next national election, the political machine is in full swing.

We wanted to know if Vassar students felt that their views would be represented in the 2020 election. To find out, we asked around!

“I do have strong political opinions, but I don’t think they correlate with what politicians promise. The things I look at are really hard to advocate for.”

–Prat Parhi ’21

“There are so many views, and so many candidates. Probably some will align, but probably not in any one candidate. I guess I’m not hopeful for anybody.”

–Laila Barcenas-Meade ’22

“No! I’m from Georgia, and we have really bad gerrymandering. Even if I switch my voter registration (from Georgia to New York) I don’t really feel like I represent Poughkeepsie. I never see enough news about environmental racism, or hear enough from native voices about caring for the land. There are not enough radical candidates and in context my opinions are considered radical to the point that I don’t even share my complete thoughts with my Democratic family just to avoid drama.”

–Echo Hertzberger ’21

“It is impossible for views to be fully represented, but so far this election has been better than the past.”

–Amanda Montgomery ’22

“I don’t think there’s enough urgency regarding creating climate action policies that have a chance of succeeding. My ideas are more radical than the ones represented on stage.

There definitely needs to be more questioning of the financial sector, but politicians are rich, so...”

–Katia Galambos ’21

“From the Democratic debate I saw, I think some of my views will be represented.”

–Leila Mishalani ’22

You are Facebook’s piggy bank, and that’s dangerous Jonas Trostle

Opinions Editor

L

et’s imagine you have a friend who wants to use your credit card. Your friend tells you that they have strict rules and regulations about how they will use your card, and that you can trust them with this great responsibility. So you agree, with the understanding that if your friend follows all the rules, everything will be fine.

Three weeks later your friend tells you they lost your card—in fact they didn’t just lose it, it’s been lost for a good while now. At this point you might not be friends with this person anymore, let alone trust them with sensitive data. Why do we treat Facebook any differently?

Facebook is like your friend; it’s really great for meeting new people, but sure shouldn’t be trusted with anything valuable.

It has lost the personal information of over 87 million people, a quarter of the entire U.S. population (The Guardian, “Facebook to contact 87 million users affected by data breach,” 04.08.2018). No matter what kinds of safeguards it has before it gives your information to advertisers, whether that’s providing only aggregated, anonymized data or metadata, the problem is that it retains a giant pile of user data that it can’t keep safe from bad actors.

What data has Facebook historically collected? Well, to start, your entire call and text history (Ars Technica, “Facebook scraped call, text message data for years from Android phones,” 03.24.2018). Your age, location, political alignment, what websites you visit, facial recognition data and more (New York Times, “What You Don’t Know About How Facebook Uses Your Data,” 04.11.2018).

For heaven’s sake, it has over 95 data points with which it can target advertisements, including but not limited to: gender, home value, being away from home, what internet browser or email service you use, number of credit lines and drinking habits (Washington Post, “98 personal data points that Facebook uses to target ads to you,” 08.19.2016). All of this is collected in a big pile somewhere online, just waiting for some bad actor to steal all of it.

Add to the pile: any other information you post to Facebook, but also to its subsidiary company Instagram. That’s right, Instagram is tracking whose photos you’re clicking on, what areas you generally view and when you’re doing all of this (Forbes, “The Amazing Ways Instagram Uses Big Data And Artificial Intelligence,” 03.16.2018). Facebook even collects data on its other subsidiary company, the end-to-end encrypted messaging service WhatsApp. Wherever you access the internet, GPS and Bluetooth are all suctioned up into this dangerous pile of modern radioactive waste called “personal data.”

Why should you care whether Facebook has all these data? You, of course, have nothing to hide, right? For one thing, I assume you don’t want your credit card and bank info completely open for anybody to use; “after all, we are not Communists” (“The Godfather,” 1972). If you have no money or credit of which to speak, someone with access to your email and passwords can still ruin your reputation or effectively destroy any career prospects you may have had.

The implications of all of these data really takes a turn for the worse when you consider that during any given year, 14 out of every 1,000 people in the United States are victims

of criminal stalking (Bureau of Justice Statistics, “Stalking,” 2019). The treasure-trove of personal data that Facebook collects is the stalker equivalent of the discovery of heavier-than-air flight. Where you are, who you’re with, what events you may attend, all bundled together, all available to someone who might not have your best interest at heart.

This isn’t just a potential threat. Abusers have used personal data—like access to financial and location data—to keep tabs on their victims for years now. With the exceptions of maybe Google and Amazon, nobody has more personal data than Facebook (Journal of Cyber Policy, “Preventing IoT-Based Domestic Violence, Abuse and Stalking,” 07.27.2018 ).

“Facebook doesn’t have a gold mine, or a vault of treasures: It has a ticking time bomb.”

People with marginalized identities are also extremely at risk. Just consider a gay teenager who would be disowned if their parents found out about the teenager’s sexuality. Imagine a young Black man whose family is the victim of hateful death threats or worse because his face was digitally recognized at a Black Lives Matter rally. Or a trans person attacked because their internet searches revealed that they were looking into gender-affirming surgery. Facebook doesn’t have a gold mine, or a vault of treasures: It has a ticking time bomb.

Facebook doesn’t have to collect all these data, either. It chooses to. In effect, there

are two types of ads: behavioral, which use large amounts of personal data to try to predict things that people want, and contextual, which offer advertisements relevant to what you are currently viewing. The only reason Facebook collects these data is because it has a fiscal interest in doing so. It makes money.

In fact, this process makes money off of the backs of people like you, who either don’t care or don’t know what to do to stop this. If you still don’t care at this point, then I can’t help you. But for those who just aren’t tech-savvy enough to stymie this tracking, lend me your ear.

First, I recommend you practice regular security hygiene: Use a password manager, enable two factor authentication on your accounts (preferably physical 2FA) and make sure whatever software you use is up to date.

Once you’re secure, install anti-tracking extensions on whatever browser you use. Privacy Badger and HTTPS Everywhere from the Electronic Freedom Foundation are a wonderful start, and I also recommend Facebook Container and DuckDuckGo Privacy Essentials.

Of course, even if you take all of these prophylactic measures, Facebook will still have any data it has already collected—nothing can change that. The best time to leave Facebook’s ecosystem was before you ever joined.

That being said, the second best time to leave Facebook behind is right now. Delete your account and give up on Facebook. It’s not good for you. We all could have gone the rest of our lives without realizing how racist our dad’s coworkers are, or how good our old crush looks in a sundress. Let Facebook die. It deserves nothing more.

The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pages. The staff editorial is the only article which reflects the opinion of the Editorial Board.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

September 19, 2019

OPINIONS

Page 15

A conversation on sexual assault, violence and PTSD Mackenzie Nielsen Guest Columnist

[CW: Sexual Assault, Domestic/Interpersonal Violence, Rape, Depression and PTSD.]

I

am writing this article as an initial step towards healing—which is not linear and never will be—healing for myself, for this campus and maybe even for the world outside of Vassar’s small and exclusive bubble. This editorial was also inspired by an anonymous Boilerplate article from April 12, 2018, which focuses on a Vassar student’s experience of sexual assault on campus. I find this quote from it particularly motivating: “I am not here to make judgements on an individual’s character. I am here to share an experience in order to heal and to call attention to the larger social structures that allow for so little care and attention in handling sexual assault situations. Let’s make space, take a moment, to delve into the complexities, the hard questions, the emotions wrapped up in sexual assault and harassment ‘allegations.’ I encourage conversation in the continual process of understanding and dissecting this situation and situations like it. This piece should be seen as part of an ongoing conversation about how we view, approach, and speak on many issues: sexual assault, sexual harassment, the subjectivity of experience, the importance of narratives, callout culture, and social silencing. I acknowledge that I’m biting off quite a bit. I would love to see these topics fleshed out. I encourage you to write, to add harmonies. We need a fuller sound” (Boilerplate Magazine, “The Gray Area,” 04.12.2018). So that is what I am attempting to do: Emit a fuller sound.

In my own life, a fuller sound was necessary in regard to interpersonal violence that I witnessed between my parents. Essentially, my father is an abusive alcoholic. However, those are separate descriptors that are often coupled together; he wasn’t abusive because he’s a drunk—he was abusive because of the way he was raised and the power and control he feels he is entitled to as a man (a white man, specifically). Also, I want to take a second to debunk a myth surrounding domestic/interpersonal violence:

Physical abuse is not the only form of abuse that exists. There’s a laundry list of types of abuse that includes emotional, verbal, financial, psychological and sexual to name just a few. Within an unhealthy relationship that includes abuse, the perpetrator—who can be of any gender or identity—will do anything they can to create and maintain power and control over their victim.

Additionally, abusive relationships are not only heterosexual ones. Abuse can thrive in any type of relationship, including platonic and familial connections. A lot of times, or maybe most of the time, the victim/survivor is silenced in these situations.

Moreover, isolation from friends and family, lack of autonomy and inaccessible resources can all be signs of an abusive relationship. In my experience, as the oldest of seven children born into an abusive household, I was silenced by my father (an authority figure with power) when I attempted to stop his horrific actions.

Recently, a class reading by Michelle Cliff on speechlessness and powerlessness resonated with me deeply. As Cliff states, “It is important to realize the alliance of speechlessness and powerlessness; that the former maintains the latter; that the powerful are dedicated to the investiture of speechlessness on the powerless” (Michelle Cliff, “Notes on Speechlessness,” 1977). In my case, and in the case of numerous sexual assault survivors, societal systems mute the outcries of narratives brought forth, which buries survivors deeper into speechlessnes and therefore powerlessness. As Cliff states, “Speechlessness begins with the inability to speak; this soon develops into the inability to act” (Michelle Cliff, “Notes on Speechlessness,” 1977). If power shifted into the hands of survivors and those with survivor-centered ideals, actions would commence, resulting in change. And that change could demolish the social hierarchies that are in place, which ultimately allow abuse to occur.

Since abuse, and other similar issues, is so prevalent in the world today, it unfortunately makes sense that they are also a part of life on college campuses. On Vassar’s

campus, I am passionate about the Sexual Assault and Violence Prevention office (SAVP). I first became involved with this office at the end of my sophomore year when I applied for an intern position. The work SAVP does is vital to this campus, and too few people know enough about what we do. I was particularly drawn to working in this arena due to my personal experiences from my childhood, but these issues are exceedingly pertinent to all college-aged individuals. At Vassar specifically, “About 20% of cis-women, about 7% of cis-men and about 30% of gender noncomforming students identified being the victim of rape or attempted rape while in college. LGBTQ+ identified students experience sexual assault at disproptionately higher rates. These numbers are consistent with national findings” (SAVP, “Being a bystander,” 2018).

I have experiences on this campus which support the statistics. I was assaulted on three different occasions during my sophomore year alone. The first time it happened was at the 2017 Welcome Back Concert. I don’t care to delve into the details, but essentially someone I didn’t know and actually never saw clearly decided it was their right to put their hands on my body without my consent. This traumatic experience eventually caused an onset of flashbacks consistent with PTSD and a depressive episode that still affect my mental health today.

Furthermore, the assault made me feel like I had no control, no autonomy—basically that my body wasn’t my own, that someone else had the power to make the decision about how, when and where I would be touched.

In the moments of the assault, I froze because I felt the exact same way that I did when I witnessed gruesome abuse inflicted on my mother by the hands of my father. I was completely powerless in both instances. In my childhood, my dad strived to socialize me and my siblings to believe that only one gender gets to wield power. He made me feel like my only role in life was to please men: to look sexy for men, to be skinny so men will like my body, to let men do what they desired to me and my body.

This sexualization and grooming of young girls to become the perfect wife for their husbands is a common example of archaic gender norms—heteronormative roles that are deeply engrained and entangled in our daily social lives. These roles also contribute to the power gap that exists between men and women in basically all social arenas, the workforce being a principal example.

This separation of power, along with a plethora of other issues are what the SAVP Office focuses on. SAVP has numerous resources for Vassar students, including the opportunity to report any assault, abuse, harassment or stalking scenarios. I personally never reported any of the times I was assaulted because that process is daunting and not something I thought would bring about my healing. This article, simultaneously a formal telling of my own experiences in my own words, is meant to be a jumping-off point for the sharing of knowledge and information—for continued conversations to bring about healing. I don’t have any concrete solutions on how to alter the campus culture or society to eradicate sexual assault, violence and abuse. But I do think people need to feel comfortable enough to come out of the dark, out of the silence—to share narratives, to learn, to grow and to change behavior. One goal of the SAVP Office this year is to increase campus engagement, so this article is also an attempt to encourage everyone at Vassar to become more informed on these issues— because they most likely have affected you or at least one person close to you in your life, and probably on this campus.

Resources: If you have experienced sexual assault, rape, relationship abuse and/or stalking, it is not your fault and you are not alone. We are here to help.

SAVP Office (M-F during work hours): (845) 437-7863, savp@vassar.edu In case of an emergency, call 911 or Vassar Safety & Security at (845) 437-7333 SART (Sexual Assault Response Team) Advocate (24/7): call (845) 437-7333 and ask for SART

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The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pages. The staff editorial is the only article which reflects the opinion of the Editorial Board.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

HUMOR & SATIRE

Page 16

September 19, 2019

Breaking News

From the desk of Francisco Andrade, Assistant Humor & Satire Editor

Campus commits to fresher odor: Dormatories provide lavender-scented marijuana to all students.

Vassar Bitch Chronicles Emily Lesorogol ’22

FALSE ADVERTISING

Join the Vassar Christmas Club!

Calendars and mentions of the month not allowed.

Writer wracks brain (and body) looking for article idea

By Francisco Andrade (Netflix Cultist)

D

ear reader, I won’t sugarcoat it: This week’s article was a trial to write. I hate to say it, but I’ve had horrible writer’s block. For those of you who may not know, “writer’s block” is when you nicely ask your brain to come up with creative ideas and funny stories, and it instead decides to make you re-watch “Friends,” or simply run the mental highlight reel of embarrassing moments from when you were eight. Although writer’s block is not usually a big deal, it did put me in a precarious situation, as I do write for this illustrious paper. How would anyone in this school function if not for my weekly incoherent ramblings and wacky ideas that I try to convince myself are comedy and not in fact...a...cry...for...help…

In an effort to combat this vacuum of ideas, I decided that it would probably be best to get my body moving, and hopefully I’d curdle up some ideas in my churning bloodstream. What better way to do this

than to go for a quick run around Vassar? It shouldn’t be so difficult, considering that I am in pretty good shape…granted I haven’t exercised in two years, eat horribly and barely drink water. (Okay, looking back now, running isn’t really anyone’s wisest decision.)

I started jogging and made it about halfway to Kenyon before I was run off the road by an old man in a mobility scooter. Though I may have been slower than a herd of turtles attempting to stampede through a spread of Deece SunButter, I gained something from that run. The ideas were now flowing out of every orifice of my body. Wait, that wasn’t ideas. It was sweat. I was sweating an alarming amount, actually. I should be fine though.

I woke up in Baldwin a few hours later, well-rested and full of ideas! Oh no wait, that was the IV drip. At least now that my fluids were replenished I could buckle down and focus solely on writing, and

nothing, absolutely NOTHING, would distract me from my task. *Phone buzzes* Okay whoever that is will just have to wait!

“Season 8 of ‘American Horror Story’ now available”...shit. Netflix sensed my weakness and attacked. I needed to be strong enough to ignore this enticing invitation from the God of Procrastination and hope that it would be lenient with me after my years of devoted worship. My problem ended up solving itself when I dropped my phone and it shattered into 347 pieces. Well that’s iPhones for you. The phone was a small price to pay in order to escape from the clutches of streaming television.

I wandered off into the outside world and escaped the dreadful monotony that can be college life. By escape, I mean I went to the quad and lay under a tree in the desperate hope that someone or something would do ANYTHING remotely funny so I could exploit their pain for cheap laughs in a newspaper. After a few seconds

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

of nothing substantial happening, I began to panic that my short career as Assistant Humor Editor would be over, and that my colleagues at the paper would blackball me from every other newspaper in town.

Either that or force me to type stories for seven hours straight until my fingers bled in a “Whiplash”-like fashion, as the chief editor bellowed “No Oxford commas!” every time my trembling hands keyed one in.

Perhaps I was being slightly dramatic about the response I would get from the newspaper staff, but it means a lot to me that I manage to write something worthy of this illustrious Humor section. I have a long tradition to uphold and much to prove as a writer; I can’t just write any random thing about how my day was and add exaggerated, ridiculous responses and try to pass that off as a story. That would be horribly unprofessional and lazy...Well, I guess things worked out for the best this time.

September 19, 2019

HUMOR & SATIRE

Page 17

‘The Room’: Brilliant cult classic started at least six cults Madison Wiseau-Caress Tommy’s bae

L

surely don’t go into the computer business because turns out…it’s just too competitive.

Last is the breathtaking mise en scene. The set decoration, consisting mostly of framed pictures of spoons, evokes my freshman dorm room, prior to my lessons in decoration (which is a skill I have definitely learned, don’t worry about it). This sparse and eclectic, dare I say “modernist,” set decoration contributes to the purpose of the simple plot: to draw the audience’s attention to the extraordinary characters, as opposed to extraneous features like “sets” or “plots.”

This is also conveyed through the occasional moments where the camera goes unfocused. What some might call sloppy camera work, I call film innovation! Instead of paying attention to an image which is at times not crystal clear (or if we’re being honest, never clear because 2003), Wiseau urges you to focus on the dialogue and relationships between characters.

If you were reading this just to see how many stars I give this movie out of 10 or whatever, you might be disappointed. Okay fine, because I am a fan of giving things a rating, I’ll do it. But I’m not happy about it. This movie gets a 6 out of 6 from me, representing the number of abs Tommy Wiseau has. That man is absolutely shredded for some reason, and quite frankly…I’m into it. This movie is not on Netflix, Hulu or Amazon Prime, so if this review has given you the urge to watch it, just find it somewhere random online like you probably did for “Game of Thrones” because I know y’all don’t have HBO subscriptions. If you do though, can I snag your login?

HOROSCOPES

Courtesy of Wikipedia

et’s begin this review with a disclaimer! I might have a bit of bias when it comes to “The Room” (2003). I have seen this movie in its entirety no less than eight times, and I entirely believe it’s the best movie ever made. And, given that mine is not the most popular opinion about this film, I do intend to make my review as unbiased and fair as possible. Now that my little disclaimer is out of the way, on to the impartial review!

Tommy Wiseau is the most brilliant man of the 21st century, dare I say…ever? He is the brains, beauty and heart of “The Room.” He directed, wrote, produced, starred in, probably provided craft services for and almost definitely built the advertising billboards with his bare hands for this film. He is basically Orson Welles if Orson Welles had actually managed to make a good movie.

As previously mentioned, Tommy Wiseau is also the face of the movie. Oh, the beauty!

I advise anyone who doesn’t know what this man looks like to Google him—you surely will not be disappointed. One thing I would not advise Googling though is “tommy wiseau the room sex scene.” No one needs that much raw sexual energy in their lives.

This film would not be the cinematic influence it is without Wiseau. He truly brings a specific flare to “The Room” which could only be brought by a man who has never disclosed his age or where he’s from. What a mystery!

Aside from the enigmatic prowess Tommy Wiseau radiates, the story he crafts is note-

worthy. Johnny (played by Wiseau) is a banker (not clarified any more than that), and his fiancée is cheating on him with, you guessed it…his best friend! At first glance, this plot might seem simple or cliché, but this simplicity is precisely what brings the cinematic masterpiece to life.

The simplicity allows the film to navigate through multiple side plots that some may say are not fully fleshed out, but I say are really just there to leave the audience guessing.

These side plots include Johnny getting a possible promotion, a bout with breast cancer, someone losing their “underwears” and a guy getting a gun to his head because he owes another guy drug money. This movie has a little something for everyone!

The acting is also extraordinary. The cast is composed of big names you’ve already heard of, like Greg “Best Friend Mark” Sestero, Philip “You’re Not My Feckin Mother” Haldiman, Juliette “My Full Name Is Really Just Two First Names” Danielle, and, of course, Tommy Wiseau. The cast does a fantastic job of really bringing these characters to life, and **SPOILER ALERT** death.

Wiseau must have known the range of his cast when he wrote the script. The film includes, but is not limited to, prolific quotes like, “You’re right, the computer business is too competitive!” alongside “YOU’RE TEARING ME APART LISAAAAAA” and “Anyway, how’s your sex life?” And who could forget my personal favorite, “Leave your stupid comments in your pocket.” This movie will have you questioning people about their sex life and will make it so you

Pictured is Orson Welles rolling over in his grave, because he knows he will never make a movie as monumental as “The Room.”

Ivanna Guerra

amateur astrologist

ARIES

March 21 | April 19

TAURUS

April 20 | May 20

GEMINI

May 21 | June 20

CANCER

June 21 | July 22

LEO

July 23 | August 22

VIRGO

August 23 | September 22

Aries, big things are happening this week. I do not know what or when, but they are happening. Be prepared (you are not going to win the lottery though).

You are so trustworthy that everyone is willing to share everything with you. I know you don’t want to hear about how the guy at BurgerFi went to the hospital because he accidently broke his finger doing a handstand, but hey, when life gives you lemons...

I hate to break it to you, Gemini, but time-turners do not exist. You cannot possibly go to your gavotte lesson and your job as a lizard-walker if you have already signed up to sing lead in the Pig-Latin opera. Remember, you can always say NO!

Cancer, I have good news and bad news. You will probably lose your ID for the third time this semester, but you will find something else you lost. Perhaps the Snickers bar you lost last Halloweekend. It’s probably still good.

You have enough money to buy those cute clear-vinyl pants that have caused a controversy on the internet. Just remember to wear nice undies. But if you haven’t done laundry, just remember to at least wear underwear.

Someone will try to get the last brownie at the Gordon Commons (DEECE) this week and that is simply unacceptable, Virgo. Challenge them to a duel and take your victory brownie.

LIBRA

September 23 | October 22

SCORPIO

October 23 | November 21

SAGITTARIUS

November 22 | December 21

Libra, you catch more bears with honey, as they say, so be kind to people, and I promise it will be rewarding. Or you will be attacked by bears, but at least you still have that honey.

Scorpio, I don’t know about you, but adulting makes me nervous to the point that I feel butterflies in my stomach. Instead of hiring an exterminator for the butterflies, drink probiotics.

I stayed with a friend this weekend and was nervous to let him treat me as a guest. Once I let myself be loved and cared for by this friend, I got fed the most amazing pancakes.

Let yourself get pampered by your loved ones.

Simply waiting for the end of the world will

CAPRICORN not do you any good, Capricorn. You gotta

December 22 | prepare by building a shelter. Remember that January 19 you must replace your canned tomatoes every eight years.

AQUARIUS

January 20 | February 18

PISCES

February 19 | March 20

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

You have the right to vent, but not at the Retreat. Not everyone relates to your struggle that SARC didn’t approve your competition to see who can shatter the Main windows by singing a C-note very loudly.

Be willing to lend a hand to those who need it this week, Pisces. If your roommate asks you for tape, but you don’t happen to have Scotch Tape, then Welsh, English or Irish will do.

SPORTS

Page 18

September 19, 2019

American exceptionalism dead: US loses FIBA World Cup Jonah Frere-Holmes Reporter

A

merican exceptionalism is an idea that frustrates a lot of people. Displayed most flagrantly on shirts that read “America: Don’t Like It? I’ll Help You Pack,” the idea that we live in a superior and exemplary country is ridiculous and offensive to people who understand that systemic racism, violence and ignorance shaped our country.

A liberal arts college like Vassar is chock-full of students who understand how absurd and dangerous it is to claim that America is better than every, or even any, other country at a time when the primary categories in which we lead the world are mass shootings and incarcerated citizens per capita.

I am one of those students. I disdain people who bristle at criticism of America as inherently unpatriotic, and I seriously question those who think we are an example to anybody.

Except for when Team USA takes the court. The education of my liberal upbringing, my scorn for people who treat the American flag like a holy artifact, my discomfort at mass displays of patriotism, it all flies out the window when five Americans play a game of basketball against five players from another country.

Since I was six years old, Team USA has assembled collections of talent that you’d be hard-pressed to match on “NBA 2K”.

More or less, the men of the red, white and blue have wiped the rest of the world off the court. In the 2012 Olympics, Team USA scored an international record 156 points against Nigeria, a feat that is unlikely to be topped anytime, ever.They won 58 straight games in international competitions. Kobe Bryant threw lobs to LeBron James. Chris Paul whipped passes right to the shooting pocket of Carmelo Anthony, who was transformed by the shorter international 3-point line into a flamethrowing demigod seemingly hellbent on punishing unsuspecting Italian, Japanese and Nigerian defenders for everything that went wrong in

his NBA career.

Kevin Durant glided past the Sergio Llulls of the world, a seven-footer moving with a liquidity that sort of convinced everyone for a second that hey, maybe these guys should get paid tens of millions of dollars a year to put a sphere through a hoop.

Despite some close calls throughout the years against experienced teams with far greater chemistry like Spain and Serbia, the sheer talent of the Americans was too much for everyone else to handle.

The United States was exceptional—and I loved it. It was innocent patriotism. I felt a lot more comfortable rooting for Andre Iguodala and Kevin Love as representatives of the United States than, say, any candidate for the office of president in 2016 (except Bernie). It was so fun to watch.

And then it wasn’t. For this year’s FIBA World Cup, the normal Avengers squad of First Team NBAers was replaced by one third team guy, what felt like the entire US roster from the 2018 Rising Stars Challenge and Derrick White. As early as the group stage, Team USA barely survived a game they really shouldn’t have, eking out an overtime win against a Turkey team led by fringe NBA players Ersan lyasova and Furkan Korkmaz.

The Americans lost back-to-back games in the knockout round, first to France in the quarterfinals, and then to Serbia in the consolation bracket (a result that Serbia was destined for after their head coach declared “If we play the Americans, may God help them” prior to the tournament). They finished seventh after dispatching Poland, 87-74. Watching the taller, more cohesive Serbians nail three after three and race out to a 32-7 lead in the first quarter, I felt thoroughly crushed.

Enormous white men with the same Aryan haircut were destroying the U.S., one down screen at a time. The narrative I had clung to for over a decade was flipped on its head. All this came after Rudy Gobert and Evan Fournier, two undeniably high-caliber NBA players (let respect be put on the name of Gobert, the two-time

reigning NBA Defensive Player of the Year), willed France to a 10-point victory that was closer than the score indicated.

When the game was still close in the second half, I looked helplessly for the trademark 12-0 third quarter run that Team USA so often went on in years past. Teams like Spain would hang around, and then LeBron and Dwyane Wade would get like nine steals in a row and turn defense into offense in an effortless cascade that was so fun to watch that you forgot it was turning the tide of a very competitive game.

This year, when I looked for that trademark run, I came up empty. There was Kemba Walker, creating oodles of space with his dazzling changes of direction only to be denied by a much slower, taller man at the rim. Donovan Mitchell wielded his athleticism like a blunt force weapon, hurling himself into pull-ups and drives to the rim that petered out when three seven-foot Serbians decided that that was what they wanted to happen. Instead of Melo, it was Serbia’s Bojan Bogdanovic who was ripping nets from deep. Instead of Dwight Howard or Tyson Chandler throwing down thunderous dunks, it was Boban Marjanovic and Gobert elegantly placing the ball in the hoop after unwinding their endless frames.

As the United States lost and then lost again, the hardest part to come to grips with was how utterly unsurprising the results were. Yes, Walker, Mitchell and Khris Middleton are really good NBA players.

But on three occasions, the United States didn’t have the best player on the floor.

Greece had the reigning NBA MVP, France had Gobert and Serbia had Nikola Jokic, who is made of an enormous mound of putty but passes better than most NBA point guards and will be a perennial AllStar for a decade to come.

Other teams were simply better. Part of that can be blamed on the United States’ best players opting out of the World Cup to work out back home, or give their body more time to recover from the grueling NBA season. James Harden would have

helped. Obviously, LeBron would have, too.

Ditto Stephen Curry. Hello, Paul George.

Kawhi Leonard? Nowhere to be found.

The flip side of Team USA’s diluted talent pool for this year’s World Cup, though, is worth paying attention to. The world is simply getting better at basketball. The Gasol brothers and Manu Ginobli are no longer the only international players worth knowing.

Patty Mills established himself as an Australian hero, dropping 30 on the Americans en route to a pre-tournament victory.

Bogdanovic and Jokic teamed up with their fellow enormous compatriots to outplay the Americans. Gobert eliminated layups from the US shot repertoire, and even my beloved Poland got within single digits of the US in the second half. Things that aren’t supposed to happen to Team USA happened with alarming regularity, which leads me to a sobering conclusion.

The United States no longer occupies a head-and-shoulders superiority over the rest of the world in international basketball competitions. Yes, the return of MVP-level guys to the red, white and blue will probably be enough to get a gold medal in the 2020 Olympics in Tokyo. The footsteps are audible, though.

In addition to Giannis’s MVP and Gobert’s second consecutive DPOY award, Pascal Siakam, a Cameroonian, took home Most Improved Player. The NBA had more international All-Stars this season than ever before, which speaks to a trend that is sure to continue as basketball grows as an international sport. NBA fans will keep welcoming foreign stars to their teams, and fans of Team USA will scratch their heads at the team’s FIBA World Cup result.

I, like many, am left to ponder the loss of the one thing I knew America was exceptional at, even if only for a moment.

Somewhere, some anthropology major is probably cackling at this Restorative and Long-Awaited Buffeting to the American Sporting Ego (“A Contextualization of Defeat Within Discourses of Exceptionalism”). I just want Team USA back.

NYC teams should pitch their money, not their history Jaan Choudhri

Guest Columnist

I

t’s happened. The Bills are officially New York’s best football team. And the Bills aren’t even good.

As participants in one of the biggest markets in sports, New Yorkers have long bragged about the success of their teams.

The gloating particularly focuses on how their teams are viewed in the same respect as those of cities like Los Angeles and Boston, with high media coverage and constant dynasties. Boston is probably the most storied sports town in history, hosting the powerhouse Celtics, Red Sox, Patriots and Bruins. Los Angeles hosts the Dodgers, Lakers, Clippers and Rams, all successful franchises with recent playoff success.

These cities consistently put out good teams and are viewed as highly touted athletic destinations. Why can’t New York put together the same result?

For the last couple of years, New Yokers have seen a quick decline in the quality of their sports teams. The Giants have become a trainwreck after sending away Odell Beckham Jr., perhaps their one true star, thus fully committing to the rebuilding process. The Jets are consistently terrible. The Rangers and Islanders have quickly seen themselves watching the

NHL playoffs at home. And my poor, poor Knicks. They’ve had one “successful” year out of the last 20. They had a chance to fix things last offseason, with rumors of Kyrie Irving and Kevin Durant eyeing a team up in the Big Apple. But that, like everything else New York sports teams have tried recently, fell apart too.

Historically, most New York sports teams that have been successful did so either through clever trades or growing homegrown talent. Take the Yankees. The team has found ways to build their roster organically. Every generation in baseball history has a Yankee that has ascended to legend status after being acquired in a trade.

Names like Jeter, DiMaggio and Ruth bring memories of cheers and championships.

In recent history however, other New York teams have been less than successful at following in this mold The last Knicks team that reached the NBA finals got there as the world’s largest underdog, following a 27-23 record in a lockout shortened season.

The last time the Giants made the playoffs, Obama hadn’t even started his second term in office. This season, they’re eyeing a disappointing 0-3 start. This comes after the Giants drafted former Duke quarterback Daniel Jones, which came with a plethora of criticism. What New York sports need is

a rebranding.

New York has long stayed true to its cliche as the city that never sleeps. A home for athletes who, if they bought into the ethos, and performed, would have eternal love. That love still exists, but star talent seems to be drawn to cities with greener pastures.

Boston is seen as the city of championships. Greatness has been there as far as we can remember. Los Angeles is warm all year and by the ocean. It seems New York just can’t compete. Yet, should New York find themselves successful, the amount of money that could be made from the world’s largest fanbase would be unprecedented.

And it’s not just franchise owners: Players moving into the massive New York market would surely benefit from increased exposure and advertisements.

This past season, the New York Knicks finished the season with a league-worst record of 17-65. And yet, the Knicks were valued at a whopping $4 billion, coming in as the fifth most valuable sports team in the world and the most valuable NBA franchise (Forbes, “The World’s 50 Most Valuable Sports Teams 2019,” 06.22.2019). Read that again: The Knicks had one of their worst seasons of all time, and were still valued higher than the Warriors and Patriots,

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

coming off their respective championships.

The Yankees, meanwhile were valued at $4.6 billion, making them the second most lucrative sports franchise in the world.

If the power of the New York market has their current, tanking team ranked top in the league, imagine the money the Knicks could make with a championship.

Free agents could make an unprecedented amount of money from branding alone.

Frankly put, to succeed in today’s environment, New York sports teams need to shift their focus from legacy and historic pasts to money. A player-empowerment movement has swept across teams in multiple leagues, as contracts and comfortability have become the main priorities for stars.

LeBron James’ move to the Los Angeles Lakers was not because of their past success, nor the appeal of playing with Lonzo Ball, but to help build his brand. Shortly after his relocation to Los Angeles, LeBron announced an HBO talk show, production credits on TV shows and a star role in the planned “Space Jam” sequel. Think about it: Could LeBron do any of this while living in Akron, Ohio? No. New York needs to market its marketability. That’s their key to success: Let the world know that if you come, the money will be waiting with open arms.

September 19, 2019

SPORTS

Page 19

Despite protests, ultimate frisbee continues to be a sport Teddy Chmyz Sports Editor

W

hile I was not yet a member of the Vassar Khalj ultimate frisbee team when that infamous Sunday email hit our mailboxes, I have since learned of the terrible slight by our institution’s very own president.

For those of you who haven’t heard of the egregious error, here is a brief summary: President Bradley included a photo in her weekly email of the ultimate team’s cheering section at a varsity basketball game, with the caption “Who said athletes and non-athletes don’t hang out together at Vassar?”

While Bradley quickly apologized, the damage had already been done. However, this is not just a problem at the upper levels of Vassar administration, as I have heard the same old quip from many an aspiring comedian: “Is frisbee even a sport?” As I now am the Sports Editor of The Miscellany News and no one can stop me, I have decided to take this chance to set the record straight once and for all.

To begin with, I would like to present the definition I found on Google for sport: “An activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others for entertainment” (Oxford Dictionary, “Sport”). Anyone who has ever watched an ultimate game, perhaps at Vassar’s own tournament (October 5 and 6, be there), would be hard-pressed to argue that it does not contain all of the criteria required to fit this definition. Ultimate frisbee is an activity (again from Google: “a thing that a person or group does or has done”) involving physical exertion and skill (or at least physical exertion in my case),

in which a team competes against another (for a sport that often involves cross-team rock-paper-scissors tournaments during timeouts, ultimate can be surprisingly competitive), for entertainment (I made my girlfriend come to a game once, she called it “more fun than I expected” and “definitely better than golf”).

Looking at this incontestable Google definition, and the fact that ultimate frisbee obviously fits all of its criteria, I consider my job here to be done. It only took a paragraph, but that makes sense—this was really something only someone not paying attention or being intentionally obtuse would question in the first place. However now that I have already completed what I originally set out to do, I shall expand to a slightly more ambitious goal. Not content with convincing you, dear reader, that ultimate frisbee is indeed a sport, I intend to argue something further, something all of you haters weren’t expecting: Ultimate is not just one of many sports, but the best sport there is.

One important thing ultimate has going for it is that it is accessible. Just like the world’s current most popular sport, soccer, where all anyone needs to start playing is a ball and some space, ultimate can be played with just a disc and a field. While cleats are certainly helpful, they are far from required, and there are no expensive pads, sticks, rackets, bats, clubs or helmets that might otherwise create a barrier of entry for the sport.

Ultimate also has one other massive advantage over most other popular team sports: relatively straightforward rules.

Hockey and soccer both have their own version of offsides, neither of which make much sense at first glance. Any NFL fan

knows about the multiple revisions and re-revisions the league’s definition of a catch has gone through, and I can’t turn on a basketball game around my dad without hearing complaints about “refs just deciding different things on the exact same play every time.” Ultimate suffers from no such over-complication. I managed to play a whole year of a DIII sport with no problem by basically following two simple rules: “Don’t run with the disc” and “Don’t touch people.”

There are, of course, more detailed rules to ultimate, but most of them are rarely relevant, and they are still for the most part common sense, understandable to a casual viewer or player, even if the minutiae go unknown. This focus on easily comprehensible rules stems from the very founding of the sport, where an emphasis was placed on “Spirit of the Game,” in which players hold themselves accountable and focus on sportsmanship and fair play (I know it sounds cheesy). Ultimate is often played in informal or low-level competitive settings with no referees (or observers, the referee-lite equivalent used for some competitive ultimate matches). Thus, players must discuss among themselves on rule-related disputes making self-explanatory rules must be necessary, so that new players can participate in these deliberations.

There’s many other aspects of ultimate that make it the best all-around sport on the planet. Nearly continuous play during points avoids the infinite breaks and marathon games that disrupt baseball or football.

The variety of strategies on both offense and defense keep each game from blending into the next—while DIII open ultimate tends to consist of hucking the disk super far and let-

ting your tallest and fastest player go chase it, I’ve heard rumors of something called an “in-cut.” The sport’s popularity is rapidly growing, leading to an expanding community of dedicated players (if you don’t believe me, ask anyone who grew up near Amherst, MA). But at the end of the day, there’s one reason that ultimate frisbee is the superlative sport: It’s just so damn fun.

There’s something so satisfying about watching a perfectly thrown disc sail down the field, floating and dipping on the wind.

Even better is finally nailing the perfect toss yourself, a process that takes a surprisingly short time given how hard it seems at first. Less than a year ago, I had never thrown a forehand to anywhere besides the grass right in front of me. Now I can flick downfield with the best of them. For those who prefer a more traditional athletically impressive feat, watching an ultimate pro dive for a toe-tapping touchdown in the end zone or sky above multiple opponents to come down with a point is as impressive as anything in the NBA dunk contest. And unlike the dunk contest, you and I have a chance of replicating some of these feats, without a trampoline.

I don’t expect you to agree with me yet, or perhaps ever. Everyone has their preferences, and I won’t argue with your right to have them (some people even like golf). But I encourage you to give ultimate a chance.

Watch some highlights on YouTube the next time you have a homework assignment you don’t want to do. You can even show up on Noyes Circle any Monday, Wednesday or Friday afternoon and toss a disc around. At the very least, maybe next time President Bradley will call us athletes, and you’ll call ultimate what it really is: a sport.

Superstitious squad shows superiority at Scramble SERENADING continued

are particular to each person, as Kizilbash explained: “I think it’s all really individual…we don’t have any big team things.”

Head Coach Kathy Campbell doesn’t have any specific superstitions, but she does have some routines of her own: “I like to be ready early, I like to be organized...I want to bring that calmness to the team. So, when they come to the court for competition or practice, I am settled and really ready to go. I want to be an example in that way.”

With devotion to their superstitious practices, these athletes are psychically prepared for their matches. Success on the court then boils down to the preparation and work they do in advance. Every practice and workout counts. Pre-game rituals can give the athletes peace of mind, but they won’t be the determining factor that gives that final edge at the end of a grueling match.

Leaving superstitions aside, though this first competition was non-scoring, meaning it doesn’t count toward league standings, the strong team performance across the board sets the tone for another promising year. In conversations with the players, all stressed the importance of building momentum off last year’s impressive finish. Ultimately, the team hopes to ride this wave all the way to this year’s Liberty League Championship.

However, Campbell doesn’t want to let last year’s hype overshadow the work that is necessary to achieve this goal and lead to an overconfident attitude within the squad. She tries to achieve “a balance so the team can use all the positive takeaways from [the] experience that we can.”

According to Campbell, last year’s season

has the ability to “fuel the returning players to act as guides for this years team … so we use the positives as the foundation and building block for this year’s team.” Campbell continued to comment on the enthusiastic energy that comes from the return-

ing players to the first-years. As the team strives toward the goals they’ve laid out—a Liberty League Championship, qualifying for NCAA Nationals—maybe, you’ll even see a first-year student wearing some blue socks as well.

Courtesy Amie Canfield

from page 1 magic they mysteriously possess, are an inextricable part of every athlete’s life, but they are even more deeply rooted in tennis.

Serena Williams is known to have to tie her shoes the exact same way before each match. Roger Federer has an apparent obsession with the number eight, carrying eight rackets, eight bottles of water and requesting eight towel-rubs after a set. Rafael Nadal is extremely meticulous with his water bottles, placing one in front of his chair, one to the left, with labels facing the court. The most famous superstition of all—the playoff beard—is said to have originated from tennis, when Swedish phenom Bjorn Borg would specifically grow a beard in time for the first round of Wimbledon. Borg ended up winning Wimbledon five straight years from 1976 to 1980.

When asked about their own personal superstitions, the women’s tennis team had a few to add to the list. First-year Jade Wilkinson and senior Tara Edwards both said that they have certain socks they have to wear before tournaments and matches.

Wilkinson wears a specific brand, while Edwards wears a specific color–blue–for good luck. Edwards also added that it is common to use professionals’ rituals, such as not stepping on the lines of the court.

Sophomore Cara Kizilbash mentioned her penchant for always sitting on the same side of the bench after winning a match.

Stavropoulos touched on specifically using the same ball after scoring an ace. Senior Ashley Fair discussed the team’s pre-game playlist, which they listen to before each home tournament. But most of the rituals

Senior captain Tara Edwards prepares to strike the ball in a match last year. Like many of her teammates, Edwards has a superstitious recipe for tennis sucess: wear blue socks on matchday, and don’t step on the lines.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

SPORTS

Page 20

September 19, 2019

Vassar athletes climb back from dark Abyss of injury Rayan El Amine Guest Reporter

A

Courtesy of Vassar Ahletics

baseline dribble, a jump stop, a buckle—a pop. What follows this jaw-dropping sound is usually an odd kind of silence. Nobody can quite remember their screaming, or the players that surround them; it’s quite literally a blur.

Sometimes, it’s not so fast. Months of grinding, bone-to-bone compression that, when described, sounds more like torture than a work of passion. What follows is six hours on the surgeon’s table, where simple cartilage injuries are set aside for meniscal repair, and the wear-and-tear continues.

Such is the case for injuries at all levels, but the recovery process is magnified in a community like Vassar’s. A competitive educational climate—coupled with a group of athletes determined to do battle in the Liberty League—can often mean little sleep, long hours oscillating between the gym and library, and a kind of dark, lonely state of mind that manifests in much the same way stress fractures tend to—a grinding, dull pain that seems to slowly break you down over time. Yet within this budding competitive environment, according to Director of Sports Medicine Suzi Higgins, high contact sports still face anywhere from 1-4 serious, season-ending, injuries per team, per year.

These kinds of injuries act like a break in the cycle: Surgery puts a pause on schoolwork, and the indescribable pain strikes a dent in even the very thought of playing.

Instead, athletes must descend into the dreary, dark environment that is the road to recovery.

Waking up, climbing out of the Abyss, is what makes these athletes special.

Suzi is the shining light that guides that guides athletes out of this dark place.

Throughout my conversations with athletes on their return, one thing was consistently stressed: The Sports Medicine Department,

For women’s basketball senior Jackie Cenan (pictured above), and many other competitors, coming back from a debilitating ACL injury is no easy task. Surgery pauses school-work, and consistent pain strikes a dent in the very thought of playing. with its collective cast of characters, does an incredible job motivating these injured athletes, keeping their spirits high and aiding in their return. She described dealing with a serious injury as similar to “dealing with a death or loss,” that many athletes occupy the same phases of “Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance” that come with any major trauma.

For that reason, Vassar women’s basketball guard Jackie Cenan stands as a mark of inspiration, for climbing out of the Abyss, not once, but twice. After tearing her ACL for the second time in the spring of 2019, she had every right to quit basketball. But she didn’t. The rehab, which she described as frustrating, painful and even more difficult than the one following her first operation, gave her every reason to stop playing—to occupy herself with her Vassar education

and pursue whatever passion she desired.

Her reason for not quitting?

“I had to do it for my teammates.”

I had to do it for my teammates. Finding consistency in athletes’ rehab processes is nearly impossible. Every athlete is physically and emotionally distinct, and not all injuries hurt us the same. However, the singular recurring theme that every trainer, athlete and coach mentioned to me was love. Whether that be Cenan working on her same baseline jump shot every morning, or learning to be a voice within her own locker room, even when she couldn’t take the court. It’s the love of sport, but also the love of the community that the sport constructs, that pushes these athletes above the walls of the Abyss.

This community extends beyond simply the court and locker room. Suzi, with her in-

Volleyball

Vassar College vs. Western Conn, Morrisville

credible patience, and a kind of caring that sits with you long after you first meet her, takes this kind of selflessness and makes it central to the athlete’s rehab process. As Suzi explained: “Students spend a lot of time in the training room when they have a serious injury and we tend to be their extended family and teammates. It’s probably the part of my job I enjoy the most.”

Building that family, creating a support system fostered on ideals of “specific small celebratory victories,” as Suzi put it allows these athletes to climb from the lonely Abyss of street clothes and sidelines to Liberty League championships and NCAA titles, one small step at a time.

Jackie’s journey from her Abyss was riddled with difficulties, with moments where the simple things—taking a shower—felt impossible. “It was hard. I wasn’t sleeping.

I felt defeated, almost depressed,” she said.

The key, however, was suspending judgement in the recovery process, as Jackie put it: “This second time around, I kind of learned to accept what was coming, to not be so critical when I struggle with milestones, or if today feels worse than yesterday.”

Eventually, singular rotations on the stationary bike turned into baseline sprints, which turned into jumpshots, which will continue to turn into playoff berths, and, hopefully, championships.

Small victories begin to add up. Buoyed by a familial support system, whether that be blood or otherwise, Vassar athletes can climb back. Cenan, for better or for worse, is an extreme example in this kind of comeback. A leader off the court, and swiss-army knife on it, Cenan is a clear example of what it means to fall back into the Abyss and not give up, a role model for all athletes who have had their passion snatched from them.

What’s next for her?

“I just want to play in the tournament.”

A light at the end of the Abyss.

Men’s Soccer

Vassar College 0, Rochester 1

September 14, 2019

September 14, 2019

Vassar fell in two same-day matches against Morrisville State and Western Connecticut State, losing 3-1 and 3-2, respectively. Although the team struggled on the day with securing the necesssary points and kills to take home wins, there were some positive takeaways. For one, the Brewers had impressively error-free play across both matches, with only 30 errors total on the day. Vassar will look to stay locked and loaded this Friday at home against Montclair State.

The Brewers fought the Rochester Yellowjackets to a 90-minute scoreless draw before allowing a crushing gameending goal just 45 seoonds into the sudden-death overtime period. Prior to the short-lived overtime, both defenses fought off every offensive attack, with Vassar and Rochester notching nine and seven shots, respectively. This was the Brewers’ third overtime game this season, and first overtime loss. The team previously defeated Western Connecticut and tied Manhattanville College in OT.

Field Hockey

Women’s Soccer

Vassar College 2, Smith 0

Vassar College 2, SUNY Oneonta 3

September 14, 2019

September 14, 2019

The nationally sixth-ranked Brewers continued their undefeated start to the season with a shutout of Liberty League opponent Smith. Vassar’s stalwart defense throughout the contest helped them to a relatively smooth victory, as they allowed only five shots on goal.

Offensively, juniors Grace Amell and Dara Studnitzer notched Vassar’s two goals, but the attack was also balanced, with 11 different Brewers contributing to the team’s 18 shots on the day, and no individual taking more than three.

Written by Teddy Chmyz, Sports Editor; Photos courtesy of Carlisle Stockton

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Goals by junior Skylar Herrera-Ross and sophomore Emma Tanner were not enough to push the Brewers past the Red Dragons, who shot out to an early two goal lead, then stayed in front for the rest of the contest. Vassar kept it tight, with only one less shot and the same amount of shots on goal as their opponents.

The close game is representative of the Brewers’ early season, as all but one of their five opening contests have been a tie or decided by a one goal margin, with two matches reaching double overtime.