The Miscellany News
Since 1866 | miscellanynews.org
Volume CXLIX | Issue 17
March 30, 2017
Courtesy of publicdomainpictures and Sarah Mirk
I loved ‘The Boss Baby’ Chris Allen
Professor of Film
The Boss Baby
Tom McGrath Dreamworks
An IUD and a vacation all at once Evelyn Frick
Best Editor Ever
“T
he Boss Baby” is not just “the movie we need right now.” It’s the movie that we always needed, and always will need. It’s a timeless classic; it’s the Citizen Kane of movies about infant CEOs. The Boss Baby is the whimsical story of Boss Baby, a baby who is also a boss–or, depending on how you choose to look at it, a boss who is also a baby. The film is one and a half hours of non-stop, masterfully crafted potty humor. What more could you ask for from cinema? The cast is star-studded featuring everyone from Alec Baldwin to Jimmy Kimmel. The actress who portrays Boss Baby’s mother gives the best voice acting performance by a Vassar alum since Justin Long in “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel.” It is Lisa Kudrow’s finest work. See BABY BOSS on page 9 months
A
s the snow melts away into spring once more, the birds and bees have come out to play. (I wonder if we’ll have to come up with a new adage once bees go extinct once and for all...) And you know what that means ladies; love and societal expectations that women have to take care of their own birth control are in the air! But that doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy spring break while doing it–here are four fun places to have a destination IUD insertion! 1. A Beach in Cancun
Just because your gynecologist is performing a complex procedure doesn’t mean that you can’t still be one of the girls gone wild! You can wake up at 9 a.m., be at the beach by 10, drink for a few hours, flash your boobs to some randos and then when your bikini bottom falls off in the ocean, it’s nature telling you it’s go time! Further,
Courtesy of Pixabay and US State Dept.
Barack Obama has tapped maple trees for sap, has tapped kegs in college and grad school, and has never ever ever ever tapped a phone.
President Trump to Obama: ‘I’d tapp that’ O
n March 4 President Donald Trump accused President Obama of wire tapping the phones in Trump Tower. These claims have since been refuted by President Obama and Director of the FBI James Comey. However, it has become clear that although Obama didn’t wiretap the phones in Trump Tower, he has, in fact, “tapped” in a number of ways. On March 7 Director Comey stated that Obama has tapped kegs, in college, law school, and at those White House events that always seemed so classy. According to Comey, Obama has recently taken an interest in tapping maple trees for sap to make syrup. According to Michelle, Barack is an incredible
Inside this issue
π
NEWS
$3,000 meal plan earns students only $200 stipend
tap dancer: “Perhaps that’s what Trump meant to say? His talent has been hidden for years.” As Comey said, “President Trump has simply confused the sort of tapping Obama has been up to.” Trump tweeted, “How low has President Obama gone to tapp my phones during the sacred election process. This is Nixon/Watergate. Bad (or sick) guy!” A quick google search for “tapp” yields few results, but also something very telling: Trump could not possibly be talking about wiretapping. He may be talking about The Tapp (a permanently closed Gastro Pub in Tarrytown), Tapp TV, or the Teenage Pregnancy and Parenting Program at NewYork-Presbyterian (although honestly this acronym should really be TPPP). See TAPPPP on page 44th president
$
2. The Washington Monument
Honestly it seems only fitting to have a metal object implanted inside your lady business at the top of building shaped like George Washington’s penis. (Shout-out to Martha Washington, I hope your vag is resting in peace.) Besides, once your gynecologist is finished you can tour other DC hotspots like The Capitol Building and The Supreme Court. That way you can experience the grandeur of American history and visit all the men who are actively trying to take away your reproductive rights; two birds, right? 3. Your Grandmother’s Living Room
That old coot is always complaining about how you never call her, so why not do one better and whip out your beaver on her couch. One of the few
downsides to this location is that before the procedure, you’ll have to remember to take all the family pictures off of the walls. You wouldn’t want to accidentally make eye contact with Great Uncle Glenn while you’re essentially being fingered by a medical health-care professional. 4. An Alley Behind the Times Square McDonald’s
If you’re looking to score some points with your younger sister’s cool friends, this location will bring a new meaning to the word “grunge.” While the operation table might be a dumpster filled with stale McNuggets and one of those creepy Times Square Elmos might be lurking around trying to catch a peek, privacy and cleanliness are overrated. Anyway, when President Trump decides to outlaw women seeing doctors besides plastic surgeons, you’ll feel comfortable with black market healthcare. See SEXAY on page 28 day cycle
CIS warns of monthlong network outages Leah Cates
Paper and Pencil Advocate
B
eginning April 1, Vassar Computing and Information Services (CIS) will perform a system upgrade on VassarOne: Single Sign-On. As a result, members of the Vassar community will be unable to access VassarOne services, including Moodle and Google for Education, until Apr. 21. During this time frame, contractors will also install new fiber optic cables connecting critical university systems, resulting in a complete network outage. The Main Library will supply typewriters, paper and pencils, in addition to pulling dictionaries, thesauruses and encyclopedias from storage. (Hopefully they will not be too dusty and moth-eaten to use.) Reference librarians will hold workshops on the Dewey Decimal System. In the meantime, VSA President Calvin Lamothe has stated that in the coming weeks there will be vans to transport students to the Barnes and Noble on Highway 9 on trips to use their free Wifi network. The CIS has asked faculty members to mimeograph all reading assignments, essay prompts and examinations. In place of group emails, faculty members are encouraged to hand deliver letters to students’ dorm rooms. Or, if the professors live in Manhattan, use carrier pigeons. CIS Senior Network Administrator
What readers are loving on Amazon OPINIONS this week
Bjarne Stroustrup said, “We hope that this will actually help to foster a sense of community, wherein professors will not only learn their students’ addresses, but will also better relate to them by gaining a real sense of their personal lives.” Furthermore, since during this time they will have nothing else to do, the CIS Help Desk will be transforming itself from helping people with computer issues, to helping CIS people not be so terrible to transgender people and people who do not identify on the gender binary. In this way, it will literally become a CIS Help Desk. CIS Senior Network Administrator, Bjarne Stroustrup, a certified cis person, states the reason for this drastic change of services, “While most people at Vassar College pretend to be progressive or are progressive light, the way that cis people other those that don’t adhere to the classic gender binary is appalling. Since Vassar has resources for literally everything under the sun, we decided we might as well become a real CIS Help Desk to honor whomever came up with this ridiculous name.” If you have questions, or need to report an issue with your nonexistent wifi, you may submit a handwritten letter to the CIS Service Desk (124 Raymond Avenue, Box 13, Poughkeepsie, New York 12604-0013). See BINARY on page 010101
#1
Vassar tries to be Hogwarts Maya Sterling Flick and Swish
T
his past week, Interim President Jon Chenette announced that Vassar will be participating in a “One Book, One Vassar” initiative between now and the end of the semester. This decision is inspired by “One Book, One New York,” an effort to have New Yorkers from all five boroughs read the same book. With the promise that this program will be rewarding for NYC, Vassar has embarked on its own version. “We feel that it would be beneficial if all students were on the same page, literally,” chuckled President Chenette. “Did you get that? I made a pun!” After getting past a round of giggles, Misc reporters were unable to uncover the truth about the book that has been selected. “We feel that there is only one book, albeit seven books, that truly define Vassar students and their passions,” notes President Chenette. The Office of the President has officially made the announcement: Vassar students will be reading the full Harry Potter series. While it is already assumed that all Vassar students have the full series in paperback, hard back and audiobook, extra copies will be added to the library and will be available for check out. Some students, however, have expressed concern. “It seems preposterous that we must read the series again, every Vassar student has already showed the necessary level of obsession with the books,” comments junior Dean Thomas. As Headmaster Chenette explains, “As muggles we must do our part to understand the wizarding world, and only by re-reading the series for the 476th time can we ever accomplish that.” Headmaster Chenette will be holding office hours this week to discuss the matter further with any students who have concerns. The password to get into his office is “Nosebleed Nougat.” See POTTERMORE on page 9 3/4
Courtesy of Vassar College and Jose Galisto
Anika Lanser
Tapper-in-Chief
having your vagina stretched and your cervix torn open is pretty painful so it might not be a bad idea to be catastrophically sloshed. Just be wary of all the sand, that shit gets everywhere.
Vassar College Poughkeepsie, NY
Interim President Jon Chenette poses for his official photo donning Harry Potter garb to show support for the new reading intiative and display his superfan status.
Vassar to be Division I in bocce ball and SPORTS cheese rolling
The Miscellany News
April Fools’!
Page 2
March 30, 2017
Editor-in-Chief Anika Lanser
Front page courtesy of Humor & Satire writers and The Miscellany News Editorial Board
Senior Editors Emma Jones Elena Schultz
Front page photo editing by Evelyn Frick, Humor & Satire editor
Contributing Editor Yifan Wang
The Miscellany News 30
March
Thursday
Late Night at the Loeb
5:00pm | The Loeb Atrium | The Loeb
Hope Jahren speaks on “Lab Girl”
5:30pm | Taylor 203 | Biology Dept.
World Affairs Council, Prof. Andrew Oros
7:00pm | Rocky 300 | History Dept.
Doctor Faustus
8:00pm | Shiva | Merely Players
Weekender_ 31
March
1
Friday
April
Storytime at the Museum
1:30pm | The Loeb Atrium | The Loeb
Saturday
4:00pm | Prentiss Weinberg Field | Athletics
Elisabeth Romano, Bassoon, and Guests
Asprey Lecture in Mathematics: Hugh Woodin
Tennis (W) vs. St. Lawrence University
Jerusha Lamptey Lecture “Islamophobia: Headlines, Hate, and Hope”
10:00am | Joss Tennis Courts | Athletics
A Celebration of Art: The Annual John Iyoya Children’s Art Show
8:00pm | Skinner Recital Hall | Music Dept.
12:00pm | Palmer Gallery | Campus Activities
Doctor Faustus
8:00pm | Shiva | Merely Players
April
Rugby (M) vs. Montclair State University
Sports Design
Sunday
The Cup That Shall Not Be Named 8:00am | Joss Beach | Quidditch
Lacrosse (W) vs. Union College
2
News Features Opinions Humor and Satire Arts
Online
5:00pm | Rocky 300 | Math Dept.
Copy
6:00pm | Villard Room | RSL Office
Vassar Chadwick Chess Club 7:00pm | Rocky 101 | Campus Activities
Paper Critique
9:00pm | Rose Parlor | The Miscellany News
12:00pm | Rugby Field at the Farm | Athletics
Assistant Copy Assistant Social Media Assistant Features Assistant Photographer Web Master & Technical Advisor
Laurel Hennen Vigil Emily Sayer Nick Barone Evelyn Frick Noah Purdy Patrick Tanella Olivia O’Loughlin Talya Phelps Charlotte VarcoeWolfson Sarah Dolan Kelsey Quinn Laila Volpe
Claire Baker Hannah Nice Matt Stein Michael Chung George Witteman
Reporters Sasha Gopalakrishnan Meg Howell Kaitlin Prado Andrea Yang Columnists Jimmy Christon Jesser Horowitz Steven Park Design Scarlett Neuberger Maya Sterling Yoav Yaron Copy Adele Birkenes James Bonanno Gabriela Calderon Leah Cates Jillian Frechette Tanya Kotru Gode Sumiko Neary Jessica Roden
Tennis (M) vs. New York University
1:00pm | Joss Tennis Courts | Athletics
Baseball vs. SUNY Plattsburgh
1:00pm | Prentiss Baseball Field | Athletics
Ball for Life: Relay for Life Basketball Tournament
1:00pm | AFC Court 1 | Relay For Life
Senior Recital: Gileann Tan, soprano 1:30pm | Skinner Recital Hall | Music Dept.
Lacrosse (W) vs. William Smith College
2:00pm | Prentiss Weinberg Field | Athletics
Lacrosse (M) vs. Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute 2:00pm | Prentiss Gordon Field | Athletics
2:00pm | Rugby Field at the Farm | Athletics
Vassar College Women’s Chorus Courtesy of Rainah Umlauf
8:00pm | Skinner Recital Hall | Music Dept.
Doctor Faustus
8:00pm | Shiva | Merely Players
HEL Sketch Comedy Show 8:00pm | Sanders 212 | Happily Ever Laughter
MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
Courtesy of David Lapetina via Wikimedia Commons
Rugby (W) vs. University of Connecticut
CORRECTION POLICY The Miscellany News will only accept corrections for any misquotes, misrepresentations or factual errors for an article within the semester it is printed. The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pages. The weekly staff editorial is the only article which reflects the opinion of the Editorial Board.
NEWS
March 30, 2017
Page 3
Commencement Speaker Deborah Bial discusses Posse Laurel Hennen Vigil News Editor
O
n Mar. 6, Vassar College announced that Deborah Bial, President and Founder of the Posse Foundation, would be this year’s Commencement Speaker. Bial, who attended Brandeis University for undergraduate and Harvard University for graduate school, founded Posse in 1989. The nonprofit organization sends students who may traditionally be overlooked by college admissions offices to elite schools in groups, or posses. The Miscellany News recently spoke with Bial about Posse’s origins, the organization’s partnership with Vassar, and how she hopes Posse will continue to grow in the future. This year’s Commencement, at which the first class of Posse students to attend Vassar will graduate, will be on Sunday, May 28 at 10 a.m. in the Outdoor Amphitheater. The Miscellany News: How did Vassar approach you to be this year’s commencement speaker?
Deborah Bial: Well, Bill Plapinger is the chair of the Vassar Board [of Trustees] and he’s also on the Posse board, so he talked a little about it with me, and then the College invited me to be the speaker and I was thrilled. Misc: You’re the president and founder of the Posse Foundation. Can you tell me a little about how and why you started this organization and what Posse does?
DB: In the 1980s, when the word “posse” was a little bit more hip and cool than it is today— you know, it meant “my group of friends”—there was a student who dropped out of college and he said, “I never would have dropped out if I had my posse with me.” And we thought, what a great idea! Why not send a posse, or a team of students together to college, so they could back each other up? And we decided to take that idea to Vanderbilt University, and Vanderbilt liked the idea, too, and they took a chance on a program with no track record—none. But Vanderbilt was looking for diversity and they were looking for students who could really succeed on their campus. We sent the first Posse to Vanderbilt and they were incredibly successful. Let me give you some numbers: Since 1989, we’ve sent 7,500 students to college, they’ve won more than $1 billion in scholarships, they graduate at rates of over 90 percent, and they’re becoming leaders in the workforce.
We have 57 partner colleges and universities now and we operate out of 10 cities, [including] San Francisco, New York, Los Angeles, New Orleans, Atlanta ... The national headquarters is here in New York and one of our programs, in addition to the high school program, is the Veterans Program. Misc: Vassar was the first college to enroll students from the Posse Veterans Program. How did that program and that partnership with Vassar come about?
DB: One day, Cappy Bond Hill, who was the president before Jon Chenette, called me up, and she said, “You know, Debbie, I think Posse is a great program and I was wondering, would you ever consider applying the Posse concept to post9/11 U.S. veterans?” It was one of those moments when I just got chills, because I thought, oh my God, what a great idea. We were having a board meeting at Posse the next week and I told the board the idea and I said I thought we should do it and I didn’t even have the words out of my mouth before they said, “Let’s do it.” I called Cappy back and I said, “Okay, we’re in, we’re doing it.” Vassar became the first college to become a Posse Veterans partner. That’s an important thing, because Vassar has been a champion for this over the years that we’ve been building the program. Because of Vassar, we designed a program that really works and we now have Dartmouth and Wesleyan as Posse Veterans partners, as well. And the program’s going to continue to grow to include 10 to 12 Veterans colleges and universities for us. So that was how I got connected to Vassar originally and it’s been a pleasure to work with Cappy and now with your interim president, Jon Chenette. Misc: Is there anything in your personal or educational background that caused you to see a need for a program like Posse?
DB: I was 23 when Posse started, and I felt like I was just in the right place at the right time. It seemed like such a good idea, and so doable, that I invested time and energy and my heart in it. Today, I am motivated by additional things; the social justice aspect of Posse motivates me today, and the sense that it’s our duty, as a nation, to make sure that opportunity is available to people from all backgrounds motivates me. We don’t have an equal playing field for students and especially when you look at the way we break down diversity in this country, when you think about class and race. We just haven’t been able to pro-
vide opportunities in an equal way to all our kids.
ed 28 years ago?
Misc: On the subject of that unequal playing field, are there any particular challenges that veterans and other Posse students face when they come to an elite college like Vassar?
DB: We started just in New York City, had one partner school, Vanderbilt University, and only one Posse. Over the years, we grew. The first 10 years, we stayed recruiting students in New York City, but we grew the number of partner colleges we had. And then in 1999, we replicated our first Posse city in Boston, and then we grew really, really fast. And now since 1999, we’ve grown to include 10 cities, 57 partner colleges and 740 new students this year.
DB: I’ll speak about veterans for a second: Vassar always made the point that our most selective colleges and universities should be welcoming veterans to their campuses. Before Posse, I believe Vassar had one vet on its campus. Now there are four Posses on the campus—between thirty and forty [individual] Posse scholars who are veterans on campus. That’s incredible! And if you think about the question you just asked, the average age of a post-9/11 vet is 27 or 28 years old; why would you want to go to an elite college campus, maybe in Poughkeepsie, New York, by yourself, when you’re going to be with a bunch of 18 and 19 year olds? You’ve lived a life already, and you’re an adult and your experience is just so different, but if you have other vets on the campus that you can talk to and interact with and know that they have your back, it feels different. You feel more willing to go. I think it’s an easier thing, to become part of the fabric of the community, when there is a community of your peers on campus. Misc: Posse students are in a unique position at the colleges they attend. What does this allow them to bring to those campus communities?
DB: This year, we had 17,000 students nominated for only 740 slots. So the students who are winning Posse scholarships are truly impressive people and they’re being selected because of their leadership potential and their academic potential—and, by the way, they have eight months of leadership training before they come, so it’s cross-cultural training, leadership development, team building, all that stuff. These young people are very comfortable talking about the social and political issues that we wrestle with as a nation. They’ve had a lot of practice talking about race, gender, religion, class, politics, how all these things intersect with one another, how they influence us in the classroom, how they influence us when we make decisions about who is going to be part of this fraternity or sorority or how are we going to talk about this particular piece of literature in class. So I think they bring that kind of perspective of a diverse America into the classroom and onto campus. Misc: How has Posse grown since it was found-
Misc: Where do you see Posse going in the future?
DB: The ultimate goal of Posse is to build a new kind of leadership network for the United States, one that reflects the tremendous diversity of the American population. When I say leadership network, I mean, we want to see our alums, who have gone to amazing colleges like Vassar and Brandeis and Bryn Mawr and Northwestern and Cornell and Dartmouth, become senators, CEOs, deans of universities, entrepreneurs. We want to see them running newspapers. We want to see them be in the rooms where the decisions are made, and that’s the ultimate goal. Misc: Is there anything else you’d like our readers to know?
DB: [Posse is] a strength-based program. I think sometimes reporters miss that, they think it’s a program for poor kids—if you’ve met the vets, you know that they’re really dynamic and engaged and talented people. You can see them becoming leaders. So, that’s important, that it’s a strength-based program. Also, I don’t know if everybody knows, but Vassar provides the scholarships for [the Posse students attending their college] and Vassar has been a leader in getting institutions of higher education, especially the elite institutions, to think about how they can recruit veterans. That’s a very unique and important role that Vassar has filled and we’re really, really proud that we’ve been able to partner with Vassar to do that, to be part of that conversation, to help encourage other institutions to join us in this. You know, the veterans that we meet today, the post-9/11 vets, they’ve been deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan, they’ve often done two tours of duty, sometimes three, four, even five tours of duty, and the country owes them. What better way to show our appreciation than to help facilitate a way for them to be part of these institutions of higher education, to get these great degrees?
refugeesolidarity@vassar.edu General Body Meeting Wednesday, April 5th, 7-8pm, Rocky 212 MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
NEWS
Page 4
March 30, 2017
Hate speech continues to impact Vassar, United States Dylan Smith
Guest Reporter
[Trigger warning: racism, anti-semitism, hate speech, homophobia, xenophobia, death threats.]
I
Michael Chung/The Miscellany News
n November, a tide of hate-speech swept the country in the weeks immediately following the election of Donald Trump. College campuses seemed to be particularly affected by these incidents of what was usually race-based hatred. Since then, President Trump’s own staff picks, which include the appointment of Steve Bannon to the positions of Assistant to the President and White House Chief Strategist, have brought into question the legitimacy of racist ideology within the U.S. government. Trump’s ties to Bannon have sparked questions of the President’s own racism, as Bannon was previously the Executive Chair of Breitbart, a far-right media outlet known for publishing xenophobic, anti-feminist and white nationalist content. Bannon told a reporter in August, speaking of Breitbart, that, “We’re the platform of the alt-right” (Mother Jones, “How Donald Trump’s New Campaign Chief Created an Online Haven for White Nationalists,” 8.22.2016). In an article by the Anti-Defamation League (which comes with the tags “Anti-Semitism in the U.S.” and “Extremism, Terror, and Bigotry”), it is explained that “though not every person who identifies with the Alt Right is a white supremacist, most are and ‘white identity’ is central to people in this milieu” (The Anti-Defamation League, “Alt Right: A Primer about the New White Supremacy”). The Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) describes the group as the “The Alternative Right, commonly known as the AltRight, [which] is a set of far-right ideologies, groups and individuals whose core belief is that ‘white identity’ is under attack by multicultural forces using ‘political correctness’ and ‘social justice’ to undermine white people and ‘their’ civilization” (The Southern Poverty Law Center, “Alternative Right”). Alt-Righters’ descriptions of themselves aren’t very far off. “The Alt-Right can be viewed as a reboot of the White Nationalist movement. This is a simplification, but one which is basically accurate,” reports The Daily Stormer. The word “extremism” doesn’t do The Stormer justice. It tags itself as “The World’s Most Goal-Oriented Republican Website,” and its name beckons the
weekly publication Der Stürmer of Nazi Germany. Per Stormer, “The core concept of the movement, upon which all else is based, is that Whites are undergoing an extermination, via mass immigration into White countries which was enabled by a corrosive liberal ideology of White self-hatred, and that the Jews are at the center of this agenda” (The Daily Stormer, “A Normie’s Guide to the Alt-Right,” 8.31.2016). Breitbart’s take is a bit less extreme, but it’s not hard to read between the lines. “There are many things that separate the alternative right from old-school racist skinheads (to whom they are often idiotically compared), but one thing stands out above all else: intelligence,” the website proclaimed. It continued, “The really interesting members of the alt-right though, and the most numerous, are the natural conservatives. They are perhaps psychologically inclined to be unsettled by threats to western culture from mass immigration and maybe by non-straight relationships” (Breitbart, “An Establishment Conservative’s Guide To The Alt-Right,” 3.29.2016). In a Daily Wire article, Ben Shapiro, a former Breitbart editor, summarized Bannon’s leadership of the site. “[Website founder] Andrew Breitbart despised racism. Truly despised it ... With Bannon embracing Trump, all that changed. Now Breitbart has become the alt-right go-to website, with [former senior-editor] Yiannopoulos pushing white ethno-nationalism as a legitimate response to political correctness, and the comment section turning into a cesspool for white supremacist mememakers” (The Daily Wire, “I Know Trump’s New Campaign Chairman, Steve Bannon. Here’s What You Need To Know,” 11.13.2016). It would seem as though white supremacists across the nation, as well as at Vassar, have taken this to heart. Recent incidents of disgusting hate-speech have plagued the Vassar community, prompting outrage on campus as well as the condemnation of administrators in light of the messages. The content of the messages speaks to the ideology of the alt-right. The first occurred on Feb. 20. “Kill all the Blacks,” the message read, written on a wall in the library bathroom. It was followed by a Feb. 24 message: “Negro is the disease of our society,” was written on another library wall. It was followed by the words, “White Pride” and three swastikas.
After the recent hate speech incidents, residents of Noyes House painted positive messages on the dorm’s windows, including “You Belong” and “Black Lives Matter.” The next message was written on a petition at the kiosk. On Feb. 28, the note was found. It said “Gay Love/Gay Hate,” and then, “Fuck Fags.” There were personal threats as well. On Feb. 21, a student found a note, which was slid under their door. “Leave my country or I’ll kill you,” it read. The student also reported receiving an ominous call from a private number, a voice telling them, “I’ve been watching you.” The recent hate speech is reminiscent of the incident of Nov. 22, when the words “Heil Trump,” paired with a swastika, were found in a restroom in Sanders Classroom. Data suggests that hateful messages like these may be part of a national trend. As the Southern Poverty Law Center reported in February, new hate groups have emerged in the wake of Trump’s presidency. According to the SPLC, the number of hate groups in the United States rose from 892 to 917 in 2016 (The Southern Poverty Law Center, “The Year in Hate and Extremism,” 2.15.2017). Among these groups is Identity Evropa, which has been active since May 2016. Evropa focuses on posting flyers in public places, usually college campuses, with thinly-veiled white supremacist messages. Evropa’s flyers portray white marble statues such as Michelangelo’s David with statements like “Let’s Become Great Again,” “Our Des-
tiny is Ours” and “Protect Your Heritage.” On its Twitter account, Evropa posts photos of the posted flyers, frequently using the hashtag “#FashTheCity,” an unambiguous reference to fascism. Identity Evropa’s activities were the focus of an installment of the New York Times’s recently instated editorial column “This Week in Hate,” which catalogues hate crimes and harassment across the United States. The column has most recently covered islamophobic, anti-semetic and white supremacist hatred, including the shooting of two Indian immigrants in Kansas last month and threats against a Kentucky mosque. These incidents are only the most recent examples of the mounting hatred against minority groups since November’s election. As the Vassar community comes to terms with its demons, the United States must address its own. One area in which Vassar has the advantage is the response of the administration. Unlike the Trump administration, both Vassar Interim President Jon Chenette and Dean of Students Adriana diBartolo have both condemned the hateful messages and taken steps to heal the community. While some students question the effectiveness and extent of such efforts, many consider them, if nothing more, a step in the right direction among the rising tide of hate speech nationwide.
lations (Time, “A Bumble Bee Species is Now Officially Endangered in the U.S.,” 3.22.2017). Pollination has already declined globally and the loss of more bee species could spell out a disaster in the near future.
the standards of the Copper Age (The Huffington Post, “Solving the 5,000-Year-Murder of Otzi the Iceman,” 2.11.16). Early theories have speculated that Ötzi was a lost shepherd, a shaman, or a victim of ritual sacrifice. The presence of a valuable copper ax among his belongings, however, as well as the fact that his hands had been spared the lifelong wear and tear of manual labor, suggests that Ötzi was no common field hand during his life. Inspector Horn hypothesizes that Ötzi was passing through the area after having visited a village in the neighboring valley, a supposition supported by recent research—the contents of the Iceman’s stomach, as well as the pollen of hornbeam blossoms found in his lungs and digestive tract, indicate that he had travelled from another mountainous region nearby and subsequently through an area of lower elevation within the previous 48 hours. (National Geographic, “Last Hours of the Iceman,” 9.07.). It was during this respite in the village that the Iceman likely sustained a deep injury to his hand, which cut through to the bone and could have been debilitating. “It was a very active defense wound, and interesting in the context that no other injuries are found on the body, no major bruises or stab wounds, so probably he was the winner of that fight, even possibly he killed the person who tried to attack him.” (The New York Times, “Who Killed the Iceman? Clues Emerge in a Very Cold Case,” 3.28.17). The Iceman was fatally shot with an arrow to his left ribcage a mere half hour after digesting his last meal, a fact that Inspector Horn maintains reveals a lack of urgency on the part of Ötzi. This lack of urgency, Horn reasons, rules out his assailant from the day previous as the perpetrator of the eventual homicide.
News Briefs Bumble bee species declared endangered
The rusty patched bumble bee, more technically known as Bombus affinis, has become the first species of bumble bee to be declared endangered and listed as such. On Mar. 21, legislation passed allowing for the species to gain federal protection under the Endangered Species Act (ESA) of 1973 (National Geographic, “First U.S. Bumblebee Officially Listed as Endangered,” 3.22.2017). Prior, several species of Hawaiian bees received protection under the same act last September (The Washington Post, “Bees Were Just Added to the U.S. Endangered Species List for the First Time,” 10.3.2016). The Obama administration had intended to officially list the rusty patched bumble bee as endangered on Feb. 10, but as the new presidency settled into office, one of Trump’s issued executive orders put a hold on the federal regulation. In their executive summary, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service found that the rusty patched bumble bee had significantly declined in both abundance and distribution. Before 1999, the species had been observed at 926 populations, but as of now, numbers have dropped to a mere 103 populations—meaning there has been an 88 percent decline (USA Today, “Environmental Group Sues Trump Over Delay of Listing Bee as Endangered”, 2.15.2017). The range of the species has also fallen drastically as well. Originally, the rusty patched bumble bee had occupied areas stretching across the East, upper Midwest and southern Quebec and Ontario—which included 15 ecoregions, 31 states and provinces and 394 U.S. counties and 38 county-equivalents in Canada (Federal Register, “Endangered and Threatened Wildlife and Plants; Endangered Species Status for Rusty Patched Bumble Bee,” 1.11.2017). Since 2000, the species has occupied only six ecoregions, 14 states and provinces and about 55 counties
in total. The loss of distribution indicates that the species is slowly losing habitable environments. The reasons for the decline of the species range from habitat loss induced by climate change to the use of insecticides on crops. Widespread use of insecticides ends up harming bees more than the intended pests. Fungicides and herbicides have more of an indirect influence as they affect these animals by reducing available floral resources. They end up being absorbed by plants, and the toxins find their way to the pollen and nectar (Scientific American, “U.S. Lists a Bumble Bee Species as Endangered for First Time”, 1.11.2017). Moreover, climate change has caused irregular flooding, droughts, increased temperature and precipitations. This leads to the degradation of the habitats in which the rusty patch bumble bee lives and further destruction of potential food sources (NPR, “U.S. Puts Bumblebee on the Endangered Species List for 1st Time,” 2.11.2017). The rusty patched bumble bee’s listing as an endangered species means the federal government must take drastic measures in order to prevent the collapse of the species. This means formulating a plan of actions that can include a vast array of tools such as imposed restrictions on insecticides, the preservation of habitats and publicity campaigns to raise public awareness (The Verge, “After Some Bumbling, a Bee Buzzes onto the Endangered Species List,” 2.21.2017). Ultimately, the rusty patched bumble bee’s addition to the endangered species list has been a victory for environmental advocacy groups such as the Natural Resources Defense Council. Still, concerns have been raised about whether the Trump administration will end up weakening the ESA and gutting the budgets of agencies like the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service in favor of more economically friendly regu-
-Steven Huynh, Guest Reporter Cold Case of “Ötzi” the Iceman Reopened by Munich Detective
When Angelika Fleckinger called Detective Inspector Alexander Horn about a cold case in need of another look, Horn was less than optimistic. He specializes, after all, in homicide cases gone cold for the Munich Police Department in southern Germany. Fleckinger was calling, luck would have it, for help investigating the circumstances surrounding the death of “Ötzi,” a Neolithic Man preserved until the 1990s—organs, skin, and all—in the now-melting glaciers of the Alps. The site of Ötzi’s discovery on Schnalstal/Val Senales Valley glacier is located in the same modern-day province of Italy as the South Tyrol Museum of Archaeology, the institution which has housed the Iceman’s remains since 1998. The Museum is also Fleckinger’s place of employment. The Neolithic man has captured public interest since his discovery by two hikers in the Ötzal Alps, in a popular tourist area on Italy’s border with Austria. His remains, dated around 5,000 years old, are among the oldest of their kind, and by far the best preserved. His personal effects, which were also found intact, include hunting and cooking gear, such as a small dagger and sheath of arrows, as well as clothing made from the fur of ten distinct animal species. Standing at 5 feet 5 inches tall and weighing 110 pounds, the “Iceman” was likely around 45 years old—yet still in his physical prime, even as he was approaching old age by
MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
-Ashley LaMere, Guest Reporter
NEWS
March 30, 2017
Page 5
Updates from the VSA Vassar Student Association Elections
start to receive your Facebook event invites and see posters going up around campus advertising various candidacies! Candidates will campaign for your votes until next Tuesday, Apr. 4. At noon on Tuesday, you’ll receive a link to vote via email, and voting is open through Thursday, Apr. 6 at noon. Seniors can vote for all-campus positions! That evening, Apr. 6, the results will be announced live in the Old Bookstore, and they’ll also be tweeted by the Misc! –Calvin Lamothe, VSA President Project Period
Project Period (aka “P.”) is a VSA initiative dedicated to providing free menstrual products to the Vassar community. The project was conceptualized in Fall of 2015 and has been in the works ever since. The project, at this time, offers menstrual pads and tampons of varying absorbencies. Our products, packed away in clear boxes, are located in each residential bathroom and in a few academic/general bathrooms (ex. Main College Center, Library, Bridge Building, etc.). We’ve got them stationed at the most popular spots on campus so students will not go without, no matter where they find themselves in the case of an emergency. This project will go live early to mid-April so keep an eye out for those nifty boxes! In the very near future, we are looking to expand the project to include anonymous ordering and delivery, similar to C.H.O.I.C.E. As always, the VSA appreciates your feedback. Send us a comment about your experience with Project Period to Natalie Kopke, VSA Chair of Health and Wellness, at vsawellness[at]vassar. edu.
Talya Phelps/The Miscellany News
VSA Elections are underway! If you’re reading this, there may still be time to file for an open position—filing is open until Thursday (3/30) at 2:30 p.m. If you’re interested in running, you can check out the open positions in the Spring Elections Guide, sent out by Calvin in two recent all-campus emails. Don’t be afraid to run for a position that already has candidates—contested races promote healthy democracy! You can run for various positions on the VSA Senate: on the Executive Board, as a Class Senator or College Planning Senator, or as a Committee Chair. Each positions have varying levels of responsibility and commitment, so there is something for everyone, and all Senate members come together once a week to meet as the full VSA. You could also file for a position on your residential area’s House Team (including the apartment areas)! House Teams are comprised of elected House Officers and appointed Student Fellows, Community Fellows and HSAs. House Teams create and foster community in their respective houses and throw regular study breaks and all-campus events. Finally, run to represent the student body on various Joint Committees (a committee made up of administrators, faculty and students), on the Judicial Board, or on the Board of Elections and Appointments! If you’re a rising senior, you can also file for a position on Senior Class Council, which throws various senior class events throughout the year, culminating with Senior Week just before graduation. This evening, Thursday, Mar. 30, all candidates will attend the mandatory Candidate’s Information Meeting, which covers the rest of the elections process, including campaign regulations. As soon as the meeting is over, you’ll
–Natalie Kopke, Chair of Health and Wellness
Environmental Co-op hosts talk on emerald ash borer Hanna Stasiuk Guest Reporter
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Courtesy of Hanna Stasiuk
n Thursday, Mar. 9, the Environmental Cooperative welcomed New York State Department of Environmental Conservation Lands and Forests Educator Erin Brady and Dr. Gary Lovett from the Cary Institute of Ecosystem Studies to the Vassar Farm for a workshop on invasive insects titled, “Saving Our Trees From Forest Pests.” Their talks focused on the emerald ash borer, an Asian beetle identified in 2002 as the source of widespread ash decline and mortality across the United States and Canada. The Environmental Cooperative Program Manager Jennifer Rubbo said in an email that another project inspired the workshop. She commented, “[The Environmental Cooperative is] currently working on completing a Natural Resources Inventory (NRI) in the City of Poughkeepsie. This project will compile data and information about natural resources and create a series of maps identifying where these natural resources are located ... Part of the NRI will be to map and assess ash trees on city streets. Ash trees are currently dying due to the invasive beetle, the emerald ash borer, as well as other forest pests and pathogens.” She continued, “We are working with the City of Poughkeepsie Shade Tree Commission to identify where these trees are, then go out and assess them to see if they have the emerald ash borer. We will also be helping them develop a management plan for these trees, that will give recommendations for replacement ... I felt a workshop like this would help us learn about what we are dealing with as well as provide a service for community members that will also be dealing with ash tree dieback in coming years.” Brady began the workshop by describing the emerald ash borer. Only 7.5 to 11.5 mm long, these bronze, golden or reddish-green insects fit on top of a penny. They arrived in the U.S. at some point during the 1990s and are currently located in 27 states. Females lay about 30 to 60 eggs in their lifetimes and deposit them in crevices or flaps on the trunks or branches of ash trees. When the eggs hatch, the larvae emerge and feed between bark and sapwood, disrupting the flow of water and nutrients until the tree dies.
Brady noted that Vassar is situated in a quarantined area that, while not fully infested now, will be fully infested in the next few years. She explained that when emerald ash borers collect in one area their food sources rapidly diminish, forcing them to feed on neighboring trees. “If you have them in one tree, then you have definitely have them in the one next to it,” she said. “Probably within five miles all the trees are infested.” You can tell that your trees are invested by tiny larval galleries and exit holes in branches, bark splits that look like patches of dry skin, areas stripped of bark from woodpecker foraging and root and trunk sprouts on green ash. Emerald ash borers target unhealthy trees, so dying branches may also indicate infestation. When your trees are infested, Brady believes that insecticide is the best treatment. Brady concluded her talk by explaining how individuals can prevent the spread of emerald ash borer. “You can participate in a local EAB task force because it is really important that people stay proactive and management needs to be supported,” she said. “You can report infestations ... If you are outside a known restricted zone ... [You can] manage the ash on your properties. Remember that it’s cheaper to remove living things than dead trees. I don’t want to encourage people to go out and cut down beautiful, healthy trees, but keep an eye on them. The second you start to see an ash tree fail and you don’t want to treat it, you should probably have it removed rather soon.” She also encouraged people to spread the word about emerald ash borers and to use local firewood. After Brady spoke, Dr. Gary Lovett took the stage to speak more broadly about forest pests. He began by acknowledging the rapid changes occurring in our local area. “For me, as a forest ecologist, this is a frightening situation,” he said. “If you asked me what the forests are going to look like in the Hudson Valley in 30 years I could not tell you. Things are just changing so fast.” Lovett went on to describe the negative impact of forest pests. He said that invasive insects alone cause over $4 billion of damage per year. Local governments and homeowners bear the majority of these costs, left with the responsibility of tree removal. Ecologically, Lovett noted that pests lead
At the March 9 talk, “Saving Our Trees From Forest Pests,” attendees gather around and listen to Educator Erin Brady speak about the tree damage caused by the emerald ash borer. to species loss and interfere with the carbon and nutrient cycles. In the United States, they have destroyed large amounts of hemlock. To prevent these negative effects, Lovett suggested that individuals abide by his five treeSMART trade policy actions. Spelling out the acronym SMART, they encourage individuals to 1.) “Switch to non-solid-wood-packaging.” 2.) “Minimize new pest outbreaks by expanding early detection and rapid response programs.” 3.) “Augment new pest prevention programs with key trade partners.” 4.) “Restrict or eliminate imports of live woody plants.” 5.) “Tighten enforcement of penalties for non-compliant shipments.” The fourth action surprised Rubbo, who had not realized that several plants sold in the U.S. are not locally grown. “I was surprised to hear that many landscaping plants are actually grown in other countries and then imported here,” she said. “Often these are hosts to invasive insects, pathogens, other plants (in the form of seeds). Knowing where
MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
your plants are coming from and only buying locally grown plants helps to decrease the market for these imported plants and is a good way to prevent future invasives from coming into the country.” On the theme of prevention, the workshop concluded with questions and a hike through the Vassar Farm. Brady, Lovett and Rubbo helped attendees identify ash trees, described what the trees would look with emerald ash borer and explained how to report infestations. Rubbo hopes that Vassar students will help prevent pests in the future. “I think that the most important thing to understand that is that for many of these pests it’s already too late to eradicate them,” she said. “However, we can prevent future infestations and damage. This is what tree-SMART trade is all about and includes federal policies that can make effective changes. Letting our representatives know about the issue and that it is important is probably the most important thing we can do to prevent the spread of future invasive species.”
FEATURES
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March 30, 2017
Palmer Gallery exhibits young students’ art projects Andrea Yang Reporter
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Andrea Yang/The Miscellany News
uring the first week coming back from Spring Break, the Palmer Gallery at College Center is hosting an art exhibition of over 200 artworks by local students, celebrating the 32nd annual John Iyoya Children’s Art Show. For the first time in several years, the 2017’s show doesn’t coincide with the break, enabling the Vassar community to share the joy of seeing the children’s art. According to the official record, this year’s show includes artwork by students from Overlook Primary School, Noxon Road Elementary School, G.W. Krieger Elementary School, Warring Magnet Academy of Science and Technology, Morse Young Child Magnet School, Hagan Elementary School, Nassau Elementary School, Lagrange Middle School, Todd Middle School and Wimpfheimer Nursery School at Vassar College. The Iyoya Art Show is an important tradition that honors the memory of John Iyoya ’83, a student in Elementary Education, whose love of art, passion for teaching and care for children inspired the art show. Administrative Assistant of the Education Department Dayle Rebelein introduced, “The Education Department is the sponsor of the show and we work with Campus Activities to host art teachers in displaying their students’ artwork in the Palmer gallery each year.” The opening reception was held on the afternoon of Mar. 26. The Palmer Gallery brimmed with color, filling with more art pieces than ever. The children worked with diverse genres such as collages, paper quilling, watercolor, graphite and papier-mâché, expressing heart-warming themes and powerful messages. Family and friends of the young artists joined to participate in the celebration of art and creativity. Proud parents took pictures of children smiling in front of their creation. The teachers on duty took the opportunity to discuss the outstanding artistic accomplishments of the children with their parents. In rekindling Iyoya’s creative spirit, his classmates contributed funds to establish a prize given to a senior student in Elementary Education who, like Iyoya, is adept in applying aesthetics
to classroom teaching. Rebelein revealed, “This year’s winner of the Iyoya scholarship is Chealin Won ’17. Chealin is an International Studies major who has completed all the requirements to earn her elementary education teaching certification upon graduation.” Won discussed the importance of fostering creativity in children, saying, “As an educator who understands education as a tool for liberation, all forms of creative art is so incredibly valuable. Personally I think freedom and creativity are intricately intertwined—as you can’t have one without the other.” Won then spoke of her experience in working with children and employing ways to integrate art into teaching, “Even though school day can be super limiting, with short periods and not enough planning time, I really tried my best to incorporate creative art in various aspects of my teaching pedagogy. I would have students create symbols for learning new vocabulary and create comic illustrations as a form of communicating the main idea to me. I would even encourage them to act out various scenes from the class reading as a form of assessment. “So yes, it can be challenging and difficult to ‘find time’ to incorporate creative art into the classroom but with a little imagination, it brings so much life and vibrant color into the classroom every day. It also pushes me to think of my students as complex 3-dimensional individuals as art can be a form of expression for so many individuals.” The local teachers devoted time and passion in collecting the children’s art and displaying them, striving to provide their students a perfect exhibit. Art teacher from the Poughkeepsie School District Pat Solomon recounted the preparing process behind the scenes. “I pick several students from each class at Morse who excel in showing initiative, creativity and citizenship. Each piece is framed and labeled. Invitations are printed at Vassar and forwarded to Morse. I then write to the families what will be showing by their children. They are distributed, by me personally congratulating students. That is by far the best part of the show—seeing their pride and delight in being selected.” The Iyoya Art Show is beneficial for the local students to showcase their work and is essential
The exhibit features many different forms of art, including paintings and collages. Teachers encouraged their students to use their imagination and express it through creative endeavours. for the community. The teachers are glad to have this opportunity to celebrate their students’ accomplishments. Art teacher at Todd Middle School Michele Gorey stated, “Every year it has been an honor to exhibit my students’ work at the Iyoya show and it is very challenging to select artwork because I never want to leave any student out whose work should be exhibited, but there is only so much room!” She noted, “This show gives students the opportunity to understand what it means to be part of a bigger community and helps support the arts in our culture. Some of our students have gone on to further education in the arts and art careers after leaving Spackenkill, so that shows like these are invaluable in supporting the career paths
they may choose. They also feel a sense of pride in being selected for a show in which there are limited numbers. Our students are very fortunate to be in a district which supports the art program by supplying materials like paint and clay, which allows for great learning and creativity.” Solomon excitedly remarked, “I look forward to the show every year. It is an incredible opportunity for the students, some may not have an opportunity like this again. It is always a priority to celebrate the accomplishments of my students!” Rebelein proudly concluded, “It’s one of the small events that happen on this campus that has been impacting local school kids for generations! Parents come to the show to see their kid’s work who remember being in the show themselves as kids.”
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“Building Food: Food, Space, and Architecture”
Andrea Yang/The Miscellany News
Vassar’s first food symposium featuring celebrity sushi chef Bun Lai April 7-8, 2017 at Alumnae House
Events are open to the public. Just a few spaces remain! Registration required. To register, contact Thomas Parker at BuildingFood@Vassar.edu
On March 26th, the Palmer Gallery held an opening reception for the Iyoya Art Show. Family and friends of the students attended to celebrate their artistic achievements.
MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
Courtesy of Andrew Sullivan
Courtesy of Michele Gory
This painting is by Alexandria Joseph, a 6th Grader in Michele Gory’s class at Todd Middle School. Other schools in the Vassar community featured students’ work in this exhibit.
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The Miscellany Crossword
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Easy cooking for the person who can’t cook that well Matt Stein
Assistant Features Editor
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MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
Couresty of Wikimedia Commons
s someone who has grown accustomed to the Deece and Retreat life, cooking is not my strongest forte. Let me give you a brief history of my minimal culinary experience. In high school, I took a class called Creative Cuisine, where we essentially followed recipes and got to eat when class was over. It was the end of the day, so I was always relieved to scarf down a goat cheese quiche or some chocolate chip banana muffins. Still, the only thing I got out of the class was a folder of recipes buried somewhere in my room. This fall, I was in London without a meal plan or a game plan for not starving to death. One can only have so many pre-made meals, so I got bold. I made myself a meal: Grilled Cheese. It’s also important to note that I’m a vegetarian, which is why I didn’t just fry up a steak or live off chicken in a bucket. In Britain, they occasionally refer to this delicacy as a cheese toastie. The history of grilled cheese dates back to the 1920s, though the pairing of bread and cheese extends to quesadillas and Welsh rarebit. The recipe for grilled cheese is pretty simple, but there’s enough room to give your meal a bit of personality. The first step is to buy the ingredients and supplies. You’ll need bread, cheese slices, butter, a pan and access to fire. As a grilled cheese gourmand, I believe that non-stick frying pans produce the best results. Set the stove towards high. It’s usually marked as “high” or with an ascending bar. Consult your stove’s manual if any confusion occurs. With the pan on the fire, preferably via a stove, drop the butter onto the pan and let it simmer. It is ideal to spread it with a spatula, but if one isn’t readily available, you can simply tilt the pan to let the butter slide around.
After the butter’s melted, put one slice of bread onto the pan. Make sure to use the spatula so the bread doesn’t stick to the saucer. It is essential to make grilled cheese with a guiding image of what you’d like the end result to be. Some qualities to decide include how golden you’d like the bread or how melted the cheese should be. When the first slice of bread is halfway to the shade you’d like it to be, take a few slices of cheese and put them on top of the bread. I’ll leave it to you on how many slices you put. For me, one always feels too flimsy and I never go past three or the cheese won’t melt properly. Wait a little and put the second piece of bread over the cheese. Try to match that slice with the base bread for a more uniform grilling. Once the base piece is at the right shade, flip the sandwich over. Be careful when you’re using the spatula that the pieces stay aligned. You might want to flip the bread in a fast motion to create a smooth momentum for the 180 degrees. With the bread flipped over, press the spatula against the bread. Whether or not it actually does, I’d like to imagine this helps make the cheese gooier. Let the bread sit until it has achieved the color of your desire. Serve on a plate and prepare for a wonderful meal. The process for making a grilled cheese should take approximately six minutes. Now you’re probably thinking that grilled cheese is as plain as white bread, but you’re wrong. There’s all different kinds of breads and cheeses you can use. My personal preference is Swiss and Pepper Jack on Rye bread. It has its own sense of flair that deviates from the norm. You can also add toppings, like bacon for someone with a carnivorous attitude, or lettuce. On rainy days, it’s nice to pair a grilled cheese with some warm tomato soup. Then again, you can always order a pizza.
Ingredients 2 slices of bread 1-4 cheese slices 1 bit of butter
OPINIONS
Page 8
March 30, 2017
The Miscellany News Staff Editorial
Student-run support proves crucial in political climate
M
ental health at Vassar College is a frequent point of discussion on campus, from stress reduction strategies on the boards in the College Center to students organizing to fight for better campus mental health services. The pressures of college life can cause stress at any time, but in the wake of the 2016 election it is especially crucial for Vassar to do all it can to take care of the mental health of its students. The College should provide students with safe spaces to discuss their fears and concerns about the campus and larger political climate. American health care is under attack from the Trump administration, and now more than ever Vassar must ensure that all students have access to health care, including comprehensive mental health care. Vassar administrators have demonstrated their commitment to mental health care in the past few years by adding several new counselors to the counseling service, but they have also shown disregard for student-run support services and the important work that they do. Last spring, during study week, administrators met with the leadership of The Listening Center (TLC) and CARES as well as their staff supervisors to inform them that both of the peer listening organizations would be taken off call indefinitely. According to the articles that each group published in Boilerplate Magazine, the administration came to this decision because of the potential for liability for the College as well as the licensure of staff supervisors. The peer listeners on both hotlines are students who have completed comprehensive trainings with members of the Vassar staff, but because they are not licensed professionals, the College runs a legal risk should any harm come to a caller. However, the administrators that met with students offered little help to come up with
ideas for alternate programming or ways that the organizations could fulfill their roles as peer listeners without a phone. Rather, student leaders were encouraged to transition their organizations into peer education groups that provided students with ways to take care of their mental health on their own or with professional resources (Boilerplate Magazine, “CARES Off Call,” 06.01.2016). While peer education is a valuable and necessary service, this role is already filled by House Team members and the peer educators trained by the Office of Health Education. In addition, both organizations’ mission statements were centered around providing private peer listening services, which goes beyond education. Instead of working with students and staff to make these hotlines safer and more effective, Vassar chose to cut them altogether. We at The Miscellany News believe that student-run support services have been mishandled and mistreated by the Vassar administration. By prohibiting CARES and TLC from being on call, Vassar has taken away what has proven to be a valued resource for students. In the past year, TLC received 125 calls in total, eight of which were considered high-risk calls relating to suicide or selfharm (Boilerplate Magazine, “TLC Off Call,” 06.01.2016). This data is consistent with the amount of calls that they have received in years past, demonstrating that students use TLC frequently and rely on the resource. Although many calls involve referring students to resources that could be helpful in the long term, student hotlines provide a needed service on campus: peer support for immediate, pressing issues. Whether a caller simply needs to talk through a stressful day or is using a peer hotline as a stepping stone to professional help, TLC and CARES listeners pro-
vided a safe, private resources that students could turn to if they needed help. Without TLC and CARES, students are left with Protocall, a counselor-on-call system that theoretically serves as a similar resource. The Vassar Counseling Service website describes Protocall as “a 24/7 mental health hotline available to Vassar students during the academic year. This service is staffed by mental health professionals who have been trained to work with Vassar students.” Although this sounds good in theory, this service cannot replace the value of a peer listener who is intimately familiar with Vassar life and culture. We at The Miscellany News feel that mental health care is not something the College should be outsourcing. Now that they have been taken off call, TLC and CARES are trying to establish their new roles on campus and have received little administrative support in their efforts. CARES has provided educational programming, self-care events and survivor affinity spaces since going off call. TLC now holds open hours twice a week for students to come and speak with a listener. TLC in particular received pushback from administrators about offering any sort of in-person listening services. They tried to establish open hours last semester as well but did not get approval until late last month. Although students in TLC and CARES are hard at work trying to create programming related to mental health and self-care, they unfortunately cannot provide the services that they were created for. While we understand the need for Vassar to protect its employees and do not expect TLC and CARES supervisors to risk losing their license for these organizations, peer listening services are available at other schools and Vassar has no shortage of examples to follow when it comes to effective peer coun-
seling organizations. In the article published by CARES in Boilerplate, they write that schools such as Williams College, Northwestern University and Columbia University provide peer listeners with 40-50 hours of training before going on call, as well as ongoing trainings during their time as a listener. This is similar to the training that members of Vassar EMS complete, which is why they were exempt from the cut to student-run support organizations (Boilerplate Magazine, “CARES Off Call,” 06.01.2016). It is certainly feasible for the administration to work with SAVP, the Counseling Service, TLC and CARES to develop training protocols. However, administrators decided that they would rather cut these services than improve them. We at The Miscellany News urge the administration to reconsider this decision and work more closely with TLC and CARES to find a compromise that allows the College to address liability concerns but maintains the important peer-to-peer resources that Vassar students depend on. On a broader level, TLC and CARES also played an important role in educating students about campus resources that might be relevant to their calls. Many of these resources can be extremely helpful, but students don’t have many other ways to find out which campus offices and staff members would best serve their needs. We suggest that administrators and house team members make more of a concerted effort to inform students of all of the resources that Vassar provides and how to use them effectively, especially now that there are fewer organizations that do this work. —The Staff Editorial expresses the opinion of at least 2/3 of The Miscellany News Editorial Board.
Moderation in French election may check rising populism Drew Solender Columnist
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hile we at Vassar and across the country are still reeling from the outcomes of a populist right-wing backlash against the “political elite” and the status quo, tunnel vision is blinding us to an even harsher reality. While we lick our wounds, we ignore the fact that we may be but a foreshock in a much larger political earthquake that is gradually afflicting nations across the globe. In the timeline of this recent populist wave, Britain actually came first. Brexit was something of the inaugural event, followed by the resignation of the center-right David Cameron. Cracks had been forming before this both in Britain as early as 2013 with the increasing strength of the far-right UKIP, and in the US as early as 2010 with the rise of the tea party and then with the increasing popularity of Breitbart, Milo Yiannopoulos and the alt right. However, Brexit was the first prominent example that a substantial amount of the population shared, or was at least amenable to, some of the nationalist and anti-globalist sentiment of far-right populists. Then, with the rise of Theresa May, a soft eurosceptic whose positions often hover near the rightmost fringes of the Conservative party, the surge was cemented in Britain. In mainland Europe, many nations have fared similarly. In Germany, Alternative for Germany is polling in a strong third place in the mid teens, a marked increase from their 4.7 percent in the last election. Even with third place, they might very well gain a substantial amount of seats in the Bundestag (Reuters, “Germany’s Social Democrats overtake Merkel’s conservatives in poll,” 2.23.2017). However, there is reason to believe they may do even better, as they won 25 percent of the vote in German state elections in March 2016. Part of their rise has been attributed to attacks connected to Muslim immigrants. In Hungary, the far-right Jobbik party controls 24 seats in Parliament and has done increasingly better in each successive election. In Austria, a candidate from the anti-immigrant Freedom Party won 49.7 percent of the vote in the Presidential election, losing ever so narrowly to the Green Party candidate. Even in Sweden, hailed as a bastion of social democracy and progressiveness, the Swe-
den Democrats, a party with “roots in the white supremacist movement,” has 49 seats in Parliament, making them the third largest party (“Europe’s Rising Far Right,” New York Times, 12.4.2016). Then finally we come to the most surprising case of all: France. France is arguably a socialist country at heart, with strong social welfare programs and robust labor laws. Yet, with the tanked popularity of the largest left-wing party, Parti Socialiste, and the shaky campaign and less than ideal nominee from Les Republicains, the largest rightwing party (for now), the door has been opened for a new party: Front National. Front National is a party defined by its opposition to immigration, its hardline stance on leaving the European Union, it’s repeated scapegoating of the French Muslim community and its protectionist trade stances. If that’s not enough to make you hate them, their founder and onetime Presidential runner-up, Jean-Marie Le Pen, has been charged and convicted not only for anti-Islamic rhetoric, but for anti-Semitic remarks. He has sometimes been accused of having “Nazi sympathies,” and he once got in hot water for referring to the Holocaust as a “detail” of history (“Jean-Marie Le Pen fined again,” The Guardian, 04.06.2016). Marine Le Pen, Jean-Marie’s daughter and successor, has had a very easy time getting ahead in this election. Unlike Donald Trump, she didn’t need to take to Twitter or fling brash insults to take her center-right opponent down: he did it all by himself. For a while, Francois Fillon from Les Republicains was leading in the polls. However, following allegations that “Fillon’s Welsh-born wife, Penelope, and two of his five children were paid €900,000 of public money for work they did not do,” Fillon fell from his frontrunner status (“François Fillon sinks in polls after ‘Penelopegate’ scandal,” The Gaurdian, 02.04.2017). In fact, Fillon is so unpopular in France right now that recently “Fillon’s aides used an umbrella to shield him from eggs thrown by protesters” (France’s Macron ahead in polls, Fillon faces angry protesters, Reuters, 3.25.2017). This massive fall paved the way for Le Pen to take the lead. When 39-year-old former economic minister Emmanuel Macron announced his independent bid for the French presidency on Nov. 16, 2016 (a
week after Donald Trump’s surprise victory in the Presidential election), he promised “a ‘democratic revolution,’ vowing to move the country away from what he called an obsolete and clan-based political system” (An Outsider’s Bid for the French Presidency, The Atlantic, 11.16.2016). Instead of coming in from the fringes, Macron is running from the center, and it’s working. Macron, a long time political independent, served in the cabinet of Socialist President Francois Hollande before resigning to start his own centrist party, “En Marche!” which translates to “On the Move.” Macron “has billed himself as a radical centrist...at a time when the political center seems in full retreat” (The Washington Post, “The dapper Frenchman running for president as the best bet against the far right,” 02.18.2017). Macron has taken positions all over the political spectrum from attacking the 35 hour work week, a central tenet of the Socialist platform, to denouncing French colonialism, a denunciation which was attacked by those on the right. He is also in favor of welfare, but as a former investment banker and based on his actions during tenure as the economy minister he is considered very pro-business. This is in sharp contrast with Le Pen who paints Macron “as defender of globalization while she’s the one offering protection to the people” (“Macron and Le Pen Spar, Anticipating French Election Runoff,” Bloomberg, 03.27.2017). Now, thanks to the decline in popularity of the Parti Socialiste, its left-wing candidate Benoît Hamon is floundering, and “has slid 4.5 points since the beginning of February” (“France’sMacron seen defeating Le Pen, Hamon losing support,” Reuters, 3.17.2017). In fact, as of Mar. 19, Hamon is trailing far-left Jean Luc Mélenchon, a trotskyite who has promised to “redistribute wealth through taxation,” and “leave NATO” (“Meet the radical outsider for the French presidency,” Independent, 03.19.2017). Because of this deficit in the center-left, Macron has found himself as Le Pen’s main challenger. So, with Macron and Le Pen neck and neck at the top, Fillon in a nosedive and Hamon currently staving off statistical irrelevance, it’s a showdown between the center and the fringe. As of today, Macron and Le Pen are climatically tied at 25.3 percent. Each French elections thankfully work in a runoff
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system. Under this system, unless a candidate wins a majority (50+ percent) on the first ballot, the top two vote getters (usually consisting of about six to eight major candidates) go on to a second round of voting. At this pivotal stage Macron is projected, according to recent polling data, to defeat Le Pen with 62 percent of the vote to Le Pen’s 38 percent: a landslide (“France’s Macron seen defeating Le Pen, Hamon losing support,” Reuters, 3.17.2017). Now, while it is easy to mistrust polling data after the disappointing and surprising result of the 2016 U.S. election, I will remind you of two things; firstly, national polls were very close and the actual result fell comfortably within the margin of error (Real Clear Politics projected Hillary to win the popular vote by a 3.2% margin, and she won it by a 2.1% margin). It was, in fact, state polls which were slightly more off. Secondly, no state polls were off by more than about 6 or 7 percent. If the French polls were off by this much, Macron would still win handily. It would take a cataclysmic scandal to topple Macron’s lead, and even then he could still pull off a slight win over the polarizing Le Pen. So, now you must be asking why this is relevant to you. Trust me, it is. If Emmanuel Macron defeats Marine Le Pen, as he likely will, it will serve as an example of how to defeat this surge of right wing populism gripping nations across the world including our own. What he is doing is using some of the same tactics of the far right (not including xenophobia or the scapegoating of an entire race of religion), but he is using them against the far right. Macron, like Trump, Sanders and even Le Pen, has decried the status quo and said he will not govern with a “business as usual” attitude. He has, like our populist friends, promised to revitalize government and work for the people to come up with real solutions. This is what Hillary Clinton and many Democrats (and Republicans) failed to do this election cycle: modernize and adapt to the new electorate. Finally, Macron has shown us that there is still a place for moderate politics and politicians. Today, a moderate politician, not a far-right or far-left one, would be a political rarity and a significant change. So, if we really want to make America great, perhaps instead of moving to the radical left, it’s time to move to the radical center.
March 30, 2017
OPINIONS
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German court decision protects antisemitic, violent act Jesser Horowitz Columnist
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n the summer of 2014, Israel engaged in a controversial military action in the Gaza Strip, aiming to prevent Hamas from continuing to launch rockets at nearby towns. Protests against the Israeli government were held across Europe. Antisemitic incidents increased. The number of Jews leaving Europe for Israel was the highest in over a decade (Jewish Virtual Library, “Total Immigration, by Continent per Year”). In the midst of it all was Wuppertal, a city of Germany.
“In 2014, that same synagogue was burned down by three Palestinian-born German residents in a protest against the conflict in Gaza.” In 1938, the synagogue in Wuppertal was burned down by Nazis. In 2014, that same synagogue was burned down by three Palestinian-born German residents in a protest against the conflict in Gaza. Its perpetrators argued that this act was not antisemitic, but rather a legitimate form of protest against the Israeli government. The courts agreed, even though, as Vox so elegantly noted, “the synagogue was obviously not in Israel and those who worship there are Jews, not Israelis” (Vox, “German court rules that firebombing a synagogue is not anti-Semitic,” 1.13.2017). None of the men involved received prison time and were instead given suspended sentences. For even the staunchest anti-Israel activist, the problematic nature of this decision should be obvious. Firstly, it legitimizes any act of vio-
lence against Jewish people as long as it is in the name of opposition to Israel. This would not be acceptable if the target was any other place of worship. If those activists had firebombed a mosque in protest of Iranian policy, or a Buddhist temple in protest of the slaying of Muslims in Myanmar, or an Anglican church in protest of the British government, there would be no disagreement that those are hate crimes. Secondly, it sends a message to the Jewish people that they ought not to expect legal protection for crimes committed against them. How can any Jew feel safe if the courts decide that an act of violence against them is a legitimate form of political expression? How can any Jew feel safe when the perpetrators of violence against them are allowed to get off with a slap on the wrist? How can any Jew feel safe when society has come to the decision that Jewish people don’t need legal protection? It opens the door to any number of violent anti-semitic attacks. Even if the attack had taken place in Israel and was committed by members of Hamas, it would be an immoral and illegal act. According to the Hague Convention for the Protection of Cultural Property in the Event of Armed Conflict, it is illegal to target places of worship for attack during a time of war. Even if 99.9 percent of the synagogue’s members were in the IDF, it would be illegal for a foreign enemy to attack it as long as its existence did not give the other side a tactical advantage. That means unless the IDF was launching rockets from a synagogue, it would be off limits. There was considerable outrage after ISIL destroyed places of worship in Iraq and Syria. Why is it suddenly more acceptable when the target of that attack is a synagogue? Yet was this decision truly shocking, or merely a part in a larger pattern of anti-semitic attacks? In Wuppertal, three men scapegoated the Jewish people for perceived injustices against
Palestine. They were not the first. Throughout history, anti-semites scapegoat the Jewish people and tie that hatred to a particular person or issue. As long as anti-semitism is veiled in populist sentiment, it can be considered acceptable. Consider the Rothschilds, a wealthy Jewish family that made their fortune in banking, and proceeded to invest in a wide array of other interests. While they have about as much influence as one could expect from any wealthy family (comparable to the Kennedys or Bushes except on a more international scale), many anti-semites believe they control the world, and they have been the subject of vile and ridiculous conspiracy theories. One meme, shared by former Oberlin Professor Joy Karega, claims that “[the Rothschilds] own nearly every central bank in the world...finance both sides of every war since Napoleon... own your news, the media, your oil, and your government.”
“How many liberals ignored the antisemitism of Occupy Wall Street because they liked the movement’s anti-elitist message?” Another claims “Adolf Hitler was a Rothschild” (Skeptoid, “Busting Some Rothschilds Family Facebook Members, 4.6.2014). None of these claims are true. They go beyond alternative facts, their adherents exist in an entire alternative reality. Yet many, many people believe this nonsense, and those same people use that irrational hatred
against the Rothschilds as an excuse to attack the Jewish people. Yet this brand of hatred can be tolerated because it feeds on a populist distrust of banker–a distrust with deep roots in medieval antisemitism that pervaded European social and political thought. How many liberals ignored the antisemitism of Occupy Wall Street because they liked the movement’s anti-elitist message? How many conservatives ignored the antisemitism of the tea party because they liked that movement’s anti-elitist message? Is it really so difficult to imagine that anti-Zionists excuse their own movement’s antisemitism because they agree with its message? But when do the excuses go to far? When you’re going on about Rothschilds conspiracy theories? When you encourage your friends to punch a Zionist? When you punch a Zionist? When you punch a Jew because you think they might be a Zionist? When you protest a synagogue? When you protest a synagogue with such intensity that you trap its members inside the building? When you firebomb a synagogue? When you decide that it’s okay to firebomb a synagogue because its political speech? When the line keeps being moved, it no longer is a line. This court decision is unfortunate, but it is not a surprise. It represents yet another means by which anti-semites seek to legitimize attacks against the Jewish people. More unfortunately, these efforts appear to be effective not only in convincing the public, but in shaping legal precedent. Antisemitism must be expunged from both ends of the ideological divide. The German court’s decision inscribed such malleable antisemitism into the law. There must be increased vigilance to ensure that the public and legal institutions value Jewish lives and commit to combating anti-semitism in all its forms.
Conclusive sleep study proves elusive to researchers Steven Park Columnist
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t goes without saying that we are all very well-aware of the importance of sleep. Just like with nutrition and exercise, managing sleep is vital in sustaining both your physical and mental well-being as well as in allowing you to function at peak capacity for the day ahead. While the numbers change depending on the source, the National Institute of Health recommends that teenagers should get around nine to 10 hours of sleep every day while adults should get around seven to nine hours of sleep (NIH, “How Much Sleep Is Enough?,” 02.22.2012). However, various nationwide surveys show that getting that much sleep is only a dream for many people: A 2013 Gallup poll found that 40 percent of Americans usually get six or less hours of sleep, while 14 percent of Americans answered that they get five or less hours of sleep on average (Gallup, “In U.S., 40% Get Less Than Recommended Amount of Sleep,” 12.19.2013). These numbers are even worse for college students. A survey by the University of Alabama found that 60 percent of college students fail to get a healthy amount of sleep throughout the school year (The Huffington Post, “The College Sleep Stigma,” 12.22.2015).
“Twenty-four hours in a day is not a lot of time for a busy college student, and every hour spent in bed seems like an hour wasted. “ Personally, I count myself among the sleep-deprived 60 percent, but I consider it a necessary evil. With so much work to do and so many extracurricular activities to juggle, how else am I going to get everything done? 24 hours in a day is not a lot of time for a busy college student, and every hour spent in bed
seems like an hour wasted. It’s not ideal, but I’m sure that a considerable number of my peers are in the same stressful dilemma. But this begs the question: What exactly are the consequences of getting less than the recommended amount of sleep on a daily basis? Keep in mind that I’m not referring to complete sleep deprivation–it’s obvious that pulling consecutive all-nighters will ruin your health in one way or another. Instead, the focus is placed upon sleep restriction, which refers to getting some sleep but not the recommended amount every day. In other words, is it possible to stay relatively healthy even with, say, five hours of sleep every day instead of seven? Does the body ever fully adjust or are there long-lasting effects that will haunt you several years down the road? If I’m going to sleep late every evening, I would like to know the scope of the damage. In general, not getting enough sleep forces your entire body to perform at a less-than-optimal rate. Insufficient sleep can put your body at greater risk of illness due to a less effective immune system and increase mental health issues such as depression and anxiety (University of Georgia, “Sleep Rocks!...Get More of It!”). However, your brain is hit the hardest, since lack of sleep puts you in a state of drowsiness that greatly impairs your hippocampus and hinders your ability to concentrate and learn new things (Independent, “How a Lack of Sleep Affects Your Brain, From Your Personality to How You Learn,” 10.17.2016). Not only do both your short-term and long-term memory suffer, but you’re also more prone to making risky decisions. Harvard Medical School found that insufficient sleep may also be linked to obesity since lack of sleep increases the production of an appetite stimulant called ghrelin, and decreases the production of a hormone called leptin, which tells your brain that you are full (Healthline, “The Effects of Sleep Deprivation on the Body,” 08.19.2014). But all these studies use the term “sleep deprivation” instead of “sleep restriction.” Is there any reliable information about the ef-
fects of not getting enough sleep? The findings are...conflicting to say the least. Most of the research studies I found lean toward the conclusion that getting five to six hours of sleep is still detrimental to your health. In one study, the participants cut their sleeping time to six hours a night and were tested the next day. While many participants claimed that they felt no noticeably ill effects, the researchers found that these six-hour sleepers performed as badly on various cognitive tests as those who went two full nights without any sleep (TIME, “How to Train Yourself to Need Less Sleep,” 01.20.2017).
“Ultimately, the only reliable conclusion we can make is that sleep remains a mystery to scientists even today.” Other sources treated the issue with grave seriousness. One study led by Dr. Jang-Young Kim of Yonsei University in South Korea determined that people who get less than six hours of sleep a night may inadvertently increase their risk of diabetes, heart disease and stroke (Huffington Post, “The Scary Truth About Getting Fewer Than 6 Hours of Sleep Each Night,” 11.13.2015). While that may sound alarming, Dr. Kim states that the results of his study should be taken with a grain of salt since it didn’t take the quality of sleep into account and relied heavily on the participants to accurately recall and report their sleep habits, medical conditions and lifestyle behaviors. On the other hand, a few sources went the other direction: They concluded that while the initial effects of insufficient sleep may cause problems, it doesn’t take long before the body adjusts. For instance, Dr. Jim Horne, a sleep neuroscientist at Loughborough University in England, argues that the number of hours of sleep that each person needs varies from person
MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
to person and that almost everyone can cut the amount of sleep they need down to six hours a night as long as they do it gradually (TIME). “I’m not advocating people to get less sleep, but I’m advocating that people should not worry so much about not getting enough sleep. Especially if you’re not sleepy in the day and you’re having a fulfilling wakefulness, then you are getting enough sleep irrespective of how much you’re getting,” he said. However, even Horne says many people will start to struggle once they go below six hours. Most interestingly, a very rare handful of people are genetically predisposed to sleeping for less than five hours. In 2009, professor of neurology Ying-Hui Fu at the University of California, San Francisco, came across a mother and her daughter who felt fine even when they went to bed at midnight and woke up at 4 a.m. Upon further inspection, Fu found that the mother and daughter were indeed perfectly healthy and well-rested. A quick genetic test led Fu to pinpoint the cause of this odd phenomenon to a mutation in a gene called Dec2, which was found in the mother and daughter, but not in the normally-sleeping members of their family (Scientific American, “Rare Genetic Mutation Lets Some People Function With Less Sleep,” 08.13.2009). Studies with mice confirmed that the Dec2 gene influenced the body’s circadian rhythm. Unfortunately, Fu speculates that fewer than 1 percent of short-sleepers actually possess this mutation, so it’s extremely unlikely than any of us have it as well. Ultimately, the only reliable conclusion we can make is that sleep remains a mystery to scientists even today. We might have elaborate plans on how to maximize the efficiency of our diet and exercise, but the goal of mastering sleep is as elusive as ever. But chances are that getting less than six hours of sleep every day isn’t doing you any favors in the long run. For busy college students like myself, we just have to hope that staying up late to finish an important history paper or, say, a Miscellany News article doesn’t cause any lasting health issues.
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Woof on the street How do you spend time with your human? “I quite like to watch old Humphrey Bogart films, pretending I can comprehend moving images” — Humphrey Bogart
“I don’t; the humans spend time with me” — Kitty
“I mostly just stare at her with suspicion from afar” — Athena
March 30, 2017
U.S. Senate should reject Neil Gorsuch Conor Eliot
Guest Columnist
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n Mar. 21 and 22, Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch testified in front of Senate for his confirmation hearing. If confirmed, he will acquire a life-long position on the Supreme Court, granting him through his rulings a major voice and political weight in determining the direction of the nation without the potential to be voted out of office. Along with the other Justices, his decisions could have major repercussions in all areas of American life, particularly in the realms of the economy, education, campaign finance, foreign policy, reproductive and civil rights and health care. It is therefore imperative that nominees are screened carefully and placed under close scrutiny before entrusting them with their new position. The Supreme Court is an integral part of our government’s system of checks and balances, and its primary goal should be to interpret the Constitution, and to protect the rights laid out in the document from abuses of executive or legislative power. Its rulings have, overall, attempted to protect political equality. It should be the duty of potential Justices to prove that they are devoted to the notion that all people be counted and treated equally, regardless of their economic success. Gorsuch has thus far shown no personal commitment to these principles, and is not a good choice for the preservation and expansion of such principles. Gorsuch is the chosen nominee of President Donald Trump. While virtually any action taken by Trump stirs up controversy, Gorsuch’s nomination is an especially contentious issue due to the history of the seat that he could be filling. His induction would fill the opening left by Justice Antonin Scalia after his death in 2016, a seat which only remains open due to months of obstruction on the part of the Republican-controlled Senate that refused to so much as hold a hearing for Merrick Garland. This, for many, is enough reason to oppose Gorsuch’s confirmation. Some consider the seat to have been “stolen,” damaging the legitimacy of any judge that their party nominates. What is most concerning about Gorsuch, how-
ever, is his record of siding with corporations over employees, and his connections to the Chamber of Commerce and powerful campaign donors. His confirmation may have negative effects on political equality in the United States. The appointments of the current administration alone makes his suspect in that regard; Trump’s cabinet is largely composed of millionaires, including Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, whose family has a long history of donating vast amounts of money to Republican campaigns. Wealthy donors such as these utilize their wealth in order to amplify their political voices, giving them a certain amount of sway over the results of national and local elections. Corporations and individuals such as DeVos contributed a majority of the of the seven billion dollars invested in the 2016 campaign, and seem to have been rewarded for their contributions with high-ranking government positions and the ear of the President. Given the involvement of these powers with Trump’s election and with Gorsuch’s consequent confirmation, it is unlikely that he would defy their agenda. When asked about his positions on specific court cases and political debates, he was extremely evasive, so we have very little information on how he will vote on issues such as voting rights or abortion. His past voting record, however, is not encouraging, at least when it comes to opposing corporations. In one case, for example, a trucker stranded on the side of the road in unsafe, subzero temperatures unhitched from his cargo and drove to safety after waiting for three hours, and was fired by his company. The court ruled in favor of the trucker, but Gorsuch dissented, taking an extremely narrow view of the law protecting the worker. He stated that because the operator still drove the company-owned truck, the company was justified in firing him, despite the danger to his life. This interpretation shows a tendency of Gorsuch toward protecting workers only to the bare minimum of what is required by law, suggesting a dark future for regulations targeting big businesses. It is, perhaps, too much to expect Supreme Court Justices to be entirely apolitical. In the last
few decades, the Court has often split along party lines based on the nominating presidents of the various judges. However, it should still be noted that Gorsuch has, in the past, voted in support of causes widely considered conservative, such as allowing corporations to refuse to provide birth control to employees, as federal law required, on the grounds of religious belief. Some of these movements may even detract from democracy in the United States, which Gorsuch would be expected to protect as a Justice. Although he has not directly commented on the Citizen’s United case, which allowed corporations to pour immense amounts of money into political campaigns, he has argued that giving campaign donations is a fundamental right and deserves constitutional protection. If the Senate confirms him, he will do nothing to slow the corrosive influence of money in politics. He also has been nominated by a president who supports a trend in the suppression of voting rights with unsubstantiated claims of voter fraud. Gorsuch, who would likely fall in line with other conservative Justices, could be the deciding vote in debates over discriminatory voter ID laws. Such restrictions on voting can only serve to diminish the value of our democracy and weaken the voice of the working person. Gorsuch has now publicly rebuked Trump’s statements undermining the power of the judiciary branch, and assured his examiners during his hearing that he was not committed to positions on any particular rulings. This open denouncement, coming only many weeks after the original statements, and only after similar remarks he made in private were leaked. The President’s disdain for rulings challenging his executive authority remains, and it is unclear to what extent Gorsuch will be able to stand firm if confronted with controversial executive orders along the lines of the travel ban. America needs a Supreme Court that defends equality, is willing to promote a durable democracy, defends the rights of common people and can operate against the executive branch if necessary. Gorsuch does not appear to stand for these ideals, and should not chosen to join the Supreme Court.
Left must avoid political sensationalism Sylvan Calko Perlmutter Columnist
I “We go on walks and see which businesses will let me in! We shame the ones who don’t” — Chica
“I bork and do everyone a bamboozle!” — Jasper
“Sleeping and eating all the food I can find” — Riley
Evelyn Frick, Humor & Satire Editor
had a wonderful spring break. I ate my mother’s cooking, slept in, and, best of all, found out that I could keep my beautiful Obamacare benefits. Paul Ryan’s good looks had so entranced us since his days as Romney’s VP pick, that we could not imagine him capable of failure. After one look into those dreamy blue eyes, who could not envision themselves living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape brought about by Ryan’s overzealous teenage reading of Atlas Shrugged? But, despite all that, Paul Ryan and the Trump administration faced a humiliating defeat on Friday when, lacking the votes to repeal and replace Obamacare, Ryan pulled the proposed replacement bill. For the time being, I will continue to indulge in getting deathly ill on the dime of the nanny state. Liberals, progressives and dissenting conservatives have been quick to congratulate the many activists and concerned citizens who put pressure on Republicans in town hall meetings all around the country. Truly, this is a victory for the grassroots movement that has arisen in the wake of the election to oppose the most contemptible policies of the new administration and the Republican controlled legislative branch. However, this success is also in large part due to the lingering impact of an earlier grassroots movement–the Tea Party. And this carries pressing lessons for the coming years of left-wing activist and government efforts. The Tea Party movement set off a major power shift in the Republican party from its center-right to its far-right component. More established Republican figures were willing to accommodate this trend and welcome the new members of the legislature backed by the Tea Party, because it helped revitalize their base in the wake of a disastrous 2008 election. Since they were out of power, this radicalization helped mobilize support for an eight year-long policy of obstructionism. In addition, it brought out the voters who would give Republicans Congress in 2010 and
every branch of government in 2016. However, since they became the party of government once more, the Republicans have been crippled by the continuing influence of the Tea Party. The House Freedom Caucus, made up of many Tea Partiers and the most conservative long time Republican members of Congress, was the key body in destroying Republican unity over the American Health Care Act. Evidently, the grassroots organizing and brash tactics that work for getting into government can impair governance when they succeed in getting their faction into power. This should be a dire warning for those who propose a left-wing version of Tea Party style mobilizations and radicalization to seize power in a similar manner. I agree that grassroots organizing and a new economic populist bent is the best way forward, but we must take extreme care to avoid replicating the ultimately counterproductive elements of the Tea Party movement and the Republican Party that courted it. For example, uncompromising conservative opposition to the Affordable Care Act was in large part shaped by the feedback loop between Tea Partiers, a sensationalist Right Wing media led by Fox News and a Republican Party establishment willing to capitalize off of the mass outrage. After a sizable chunk of Conservative America came to believe that Obamacare would set up death panels to kill their grandparents, how could leading Republicans believe that their radicalized base and rank-and-file members of congress would rally behind anything less than the complete dismemberment of the Affordable Care Act. When compromise was needed most, the past eight years of grassroots fearmongering and radical obstructionism on the part of the Republican Party paid it back in kind. This drift towards unrestrained sensationalism and the wholesale adoption of Tea Party tactics has already begun on the left. Jacobin, a socialist magazine popular with the growing young grassroots base of left wing politics, recently published a piece calling for a “Breitbart
MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
for the Left” because “objectivity, decency... are like tried and true antibiotics that suddenly no longer work.” And The Intercept released a podcast entitled “Could Trump Start WWIII?” Casually implying that Trump might set off a nuclear holocaust is no better than stating that Obamacare will kill grandma. Are the ideological bedrocks of each claim different? Absolutely. Are the political impacts different? I’m not so sure. How can we stop this drift into an ultimately self-defeating political hysteria? Of course we should not stop grassroots mobilizations. But I would implore anybody on the left wing to do a few things: block the Leftist clickbait on your Facebook feed. You probably will not read those articles so all you will have in your head is a misleading caption. If you have the wherewithal, start reading one conservative news source. Something like the Wall Street Journal or The Federalist that, although not ideologically aligned with Trump, will give details of his policies that left-wing sources might conveniently exclude. Make an effort to grasp the internal logic of the conservative movement instead of dismissing half the country as “deplorable.” There will be a day when the Democrats make their return to power. Trump will have left behind a set of policies and laws to confront. More importantly, his ultra-conservative Supreme Court will be there to check any radical efforts to undo Trumps legacy. It will take time to undo the damage, and it will take patience. There will be deals that have to be cut, and the dirty work of governance will have to replace the righteous purity of activism out of power. The grassroots coalition that will, hopefully, revitalize the Democratic party must not bring a left equivalent of the House Freedom Caucus into being. To avoid this fate, we need to recognize that we are naturally no smarter than the conservatives, and no more immune to the temptations of extremism. When extremism goes uninterrogated, leftists fall into the same ideological traps as their opponents. Tempering these natural inclinations is essential to paving a realistic and just path forward.
March 30, 2017
TRAVEL
Page 11
Santa Fe, NM
through the lens of Saskia Globig
Courtesy of Saskia Globig Courtesy of Saskia Globig
Courtesy of Saskia Globig
My friends and I drove from Colorado Springs to Taos, NM to Santa Fe. Pictured on the upper left is from the Harrell House of Natural Oddities, a bug and amphibian museum. Above is Our Lady of Guadeloupe, and it stands outside the first chapel ever dedicated to her in the U.S. And the sand dunes, bottom left are the sand dunes—of course!—the Great Sand Dunes National Park and Preserve.
San Francisco, CA
through the lens of Sarah Sandler
Courtesy of Sarah Sandler
Clearwater Beach, FL
through the lens of Kirk Testa
Courtesy of Kirk Testa
Courtesy of Sarah Sandler
My favorite part of the trip was going for a gorgeous drive north to Sonoma. The first destination was lunch at The Fremont Diner, pictured above. On my first morning in San Francisco I went for a run along the bay. On the right is a photo of the view from a break at the top of a hill.
The photo above of a Florida sunset was taken at Clearwater Beach during the Habitat for Humanity Spring Break Trip. Despite the masses of tourists, the sunset was sublime.
MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
HUMOR & SATIRE
Page 12
March 30, 2017
Breaking News From the desk of Evelyn Frick, Humor & Satire Editor After ACHA defeat, Republicans sad they can’t promise coverage to the poor, sick and then yell ‘April Fools’!’ Lovesick: how to break up Dear Ask Banner returns with your lovely pediatrician with Spring Break advice Patrick Tanella
No Longer a Child
A
h, spring break. The time of year where frat bros from Delta Apple Cinnamon traverse across the world drinking, while those with some sense visit their physicians to ensure a clean bill of health. While my friends go to their gynecologists and gastroenterologists, I stick with my pediatrician. She has been treating me since the age of 3, so why change things up now? As I arrive to my pediatrician’s office for a routine check-up, I proceed to sign in. The receptionist smiles and asks me, “Which child are you signing in for sir?” I quickly shake my head and declare that I am the patient. “Oh,” she responds, “well then have a seat.” I sit down on a bright pink chair with a cartoon smiley face plastered on it and quietly scroll through Twitter while I wait to be called in. As I glance around, I quickly notice that I am the only patient over the age of 10 in the room. The blaring television above me is playing an obnoxious Disney show I have never heard of. Where’s “Lizzie McGuire?” How do children cope without “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody?” The patient door opens and my old high school biology teacher steps out with her child. “Patrick!”, she exclaims. “It’s so nice to see you... at the pediatrician’s office,” she says in a slight murmur. “Yeah, I’m just here checking in on things,” I say. She nods, confused as to why a former student goes to the same doctor as her six-year-old. “It was nice seeing you though,” she says as she walks out of the office, shaking her head. A child runs out of one of the patient rooms screaming about not wanting to get a shot. Another seems to think the magazines settled nicely on the table are meant to be thrown and ripped apart. The toddler next to me peers over to look at my phone and then proceeds to sneeze onto it! I jump back in horror and rush to get a tissue while the mom sits idly by, rapidly speaking into her Blackberry. After attempting to recover from the children surrounding me, I hear the nursing assistant call my name. I proceed to sit in the patient room,
awash in Disney princess designs and bright-turquoise colors. The height chart next to me does not go past five feet, and while I am a small-sized adult, I still felt uncomfortable in the child-sized patient chair. My pediatrician, the wonderful Dr. Thomas, rushes in minutes later. She apologizes for the wait and asks me how college is going. Before answering, I ask, “Dr. Thomas. I’ve known you a long time, and I have to ask, am I too old to be seeing a pediatrician?” After a long pause and a sigh, she replies “Well Patrick, you’re allowed to go until you’re 23, but as you can probably see, not a lot of adults see pediatricians. It might be best to find an adult practitioner. I’ll miss seeing you though.” My eyes begin to water. Did I do something wrong? Is she tired of my constant questions about why my ear hurts after I sneeze? I don’t want to leave her and have to go to a doctor that won’t give me SpongeBob Band-Aids. Dr. Thomas notices my distress. She continues, “I know this may be shocking and I promise it’s not you; it’s me. You need to find another doctor that will tell you if you have chlamydia or if you need a colonoscopy.” Did she really just say that? She did. I nod. I mean, I knew this would happen eventually. We had been growing apart ever since the flu epidemic of 2012. I just didn’t think it would be today. I thought we’d still have more time together. Dr. Thomas says, “You’re the last one in the family, Patrick. Megan left the practice months ago to get that nasty mole removed, and your mother barely answers my Christmas cards anymore. It’s time to move on.” I knew it would be okay, but adult doctors are just not the same. They have AARP magazines and decrepit senior citizens that call you kiddo. They barely ask you how things are going or crack jokes about your failing love life. I proceed to get up, and she asks if I would like a sticker. “I don’t think any sticker could cheer me up today,” I reply. As the receptionist asks me if I would like to schedule a follow-up appointment, I choke back a sob and run out of the office, never to visit again.
Talya Phelps “Ask Banner”
Dear Banner, Tanning by the pool in Miami seemed like a good idea until I drifted off for three hours and woke up looking like The Pioneer Woman had wandered by, drunk off cooking sherry, mistaken me for an unfinished crème brûlée and mauled my helpless body with a culinary torch. I’ve already slathered my extremities in enough aloe vera gel to lubricate a thousand oil wrestlers and spent the past three days submerged in bathwater cold enough to wake me from the deepest levels of Inception, but the slightest touch still sets me screaming. How am I to return to normal life at Vassar when I’m more boiled crustacean than I am college student? With blistering urgency, Fried in Florida Dear Fried, Good news: you’re in a position of power that, if properly exploited, could be used to force your friends to wait on you hand and foot for the remainder of the semester. First, go to Baldwin and get on Health Advisory to lend legitimacy to your situation. (You’ll probably have to go through the gauntlet of pregnancy testing before they accept that your pinkened condition isn’t simply a flush caused by excess promiscuity.) Next, hop into bed, message your group chat—being sure to punctuate your message with crying and lobster emojis—and await the hand-delivered Deece cookies and human chariots to transport you around campus. If nothing else, this strategy will at least show you who your real friends are. Heatedly, Banner Dear Banner, I wanted to be productive over break, but I slipped and fell into the bottomless void of the Interwebz, and now I only communicate in the language of teh late 2000s m3m3$. I had to have my parents edit this letter so it was halfway intelligible. Now that I’m an uber haxx0r with mad sk-
1llz, how can to return to the mundanity of Vassar without totally pwning all my n00b friends? $1gn3d, Lolcatz for teh win
Dear Lolcatz, There is no help for you; there is nothing I or anyone else can do to change your current condition. Please drop out and spend your days watching amateur Internet pr0n. w00t, Banner Dear Banner, I may not have come to Vassar to earn my “Mrs. Degree,” but by the time junior year rolled around and my soulmate still hadn’t fallen into my lovesick clutches, I was growing frustrated. So I took matters into my own hands and bought a ticket for a Polynesian couples’ cruise over break, then scouted out handsome men and tried to ruin their relationships. The trouble started when the girlfriend of an especially witty and muscular specimen caught me chatting up her man after drinks on the poop deck and threw a glass of wine in my face. Unfortunately, we hadn’t reached the lawless haven that is international waters, so now I’m in marine prison facing two years for assault with a broken beer bottle. What should I tell my professors and my parents, and more importantly, am I destined never to find love? Eagerly awaiting your response, Pacific Prisoner Dear Prisoner, The heart of the issue is clearly your desperation for a significant other. You’re a strong, independent woman capable of causing permanent damage to another woman’s face, so own your autonomy, maybe try a Master Cleanse or sign up for Pilates, start doing the New York Times crossword and everything else will fall into place. If not, just tell the folks at home that you enrolled in a Semester at Sea. Smooches, Banner
Top Ten Sexiest Boys’ Names Elizabeth Snyderman, Boy Connoisseur
10. Danny
Danny is a slow burn. If life were a high school movie, Danny’s been your best friend since Kindergarten, but you don’t fall for him until the end of the movie when you realize Chad Michael Murray is an ass. However, Danny will be bald by the time he’s 40, so don’t get too attached. 9. Tyler
Tyler likes to play basketball with his shirt off, and you do NOT mind. Tyler is so hot that he could do porn. Like, gay porn. He has an ass that won’t quit, but his ability to hold an intelligent conversation never showed up to work. He isn’t able to use a kitchen appliance more complicated than a toaster, but he sure is pretty. 8. Christopher
It takes a strong man to pull off all 11 letters of Christopher, and you’ll get to see that strength once you get him out of that J. Crew sweater. Christopher is smart, well dressed and will definitely impress your mother. Christopher knows what conditioner is, and it shows. Christopher knows all the best study spots, but unfortunately, he’s far more likely to be studying Kant’s “Critique of Pure Reason” than studying you.
7. Julian
Julian is tall, dark and very handsome. He’s brooding and sensitive, like Allen Ginsburg. He’s probably a Cancer, maybe a Scorpio. He’s in a band, which would be sexier if he didn’t talk about it so much. He’ll write a song about your love, but it won’t be nearly as good as the song he writes when you finally get fed up with his sad boi act and dump his ass. 6. Jamie
Jamie is the sweetest boy you’ll ever meet. He played cello in high school and he still has cellist arms. Jamie is an Environmental Studies major but he’s not a vegan or anything; he just really cares about the rainforest. Jamie never does anything stupid while drunk but unfortunately he’ll be all too happy to judge you for dropping your EpiPen in the toilet. 5. Harry
Harry’s place on this list was a no-brainer, considering the amount of Harry Heartthrobs out there. Harry Styles? Prince Harry? Harry Truman?? Check, check and check. Harry is dashing and full of surprises. He is possibly British, probably uncircumcised. Every day with Harry is an adventure, every night an odyssey. Whether you’re at the beach or a secret
military base, you always know you have a loyal co-pilot in Harry. That is, until he meets someone with a belly-button ring. 4. Jeremy
Jeremy is a true All-American boy. He wears an olive green, half-zip sweater and his smile could solve all conflicts in the Middle East. Jeremy was chubby in high school so now he’s super kind. He’s even nice to girls he doesn’t want to sleep with. He’s too modest to tell you about his lake house right now, but let’s just say you should keep your Memorial Day plans open. 3. Malcolm
Malcolm is the smartest man you know, which means he’s almost as smart as the fourth smartest woman you know. But Malcolm doesn’t waste his talents in the library. Malcolm is out building robots and teaching the trombone to underprivileged kids. With Malcolm, you can look forward to late night philosophical discussions as well as the occasional lecture on the difference between the Eastern and Western Meadowlark. If nerdy boys are your thing (and in 2017, they’re everyone’s thing) you can’t go wrong with Malcolm. 2. Ari
Ari is the full package: smart, handsome, fun-
MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
ny, charming and not in a ska band. Ari is the kind of boy who could make a youth minister convert. Ari is the kind of boy who would make you a mixtape and not include any songs from a video game soundtrack. Ari has a great voice but he’s not in an a capella group. Ari wants to hear all your thoughts on Carly Rae Jepsen, because he has equally as many. If this list were the top ten boys to marry, Ari would be number one. But this list is about pure sex appeal, so that brings us to: 1. CJ
Really, any initial name could top the list, let’s say number one is CJ. Personality-wise, CJ is not great. He doesn’t respect you or your interests. He legitimately thinks barbecue is spelled with a q. His favorite show is “Storage Wars.” He once told you he voted for Gary Johnson and you’re not sure if he’s joking. But none of that matters because CJ is SO HOT. CJ has perfect hair, sparkling eyes and a diamond earring. CJ is always smirking, partially because he’s an asshole, but partially because he KNOWS it turns you on. CJ’s cheating on you with two other people but he’s treating them even worse than he treats you so it’s ok, right? You’re never going to dump him, no matter what your friend says.
HUMOR & SATIRE
March 30, 2017
Page 13
Dating advice for those terrified of human interaction Steven Park Nerdy Cupid
Scenario 2: The hallway
W
ith the freezing winter now behind us and the green and lush spring season just around the corner, there is no question that love is in the air at Vassar. Everywhere you look, you see couples holding hands tenderly, and all your friends are pushing for you to crawl out of your cave/lair/room and have fun with a significant other instead of burying yourself in school assignments like a pre-med student during exam week. But with absolutely no knowledge on dating or anything resembling normal social interaction with other people your age, how can a workaholic like you possibly rid yourself of that dreaded “single” status? Never fear, for I have graciously compiled the perfect list of relationship advice for people who prefer homework over romantic dates and studying in advance over forming intimate emotional bonds. With each scenario listed below, just carefully follow my guide, and even someone like you will find yourself in that “happily ever after” that everyone else seems so obsessed about. Scenario 1: The classroom
It’s the first day of class and you’re looking around the classroom to find a place to sit, when lo and behold—you spot your crush sitting in the back row with an empty seat next to him! Now, your decision here is crucial. Once you pick a seat on the first day of class, you’re chained to it for the rest of your semester, sort of like your student loans. (Seriously, people get really defensive over one seat that in the grand scheme of things actually means very little to them. So this is serious business.) Stop and take a deep breath and relax. Then, slowly and calmly sit in the front row of the class, because your grade in this course is much more important than he’ll ever be.
All your classes for the day have finally ended, so you have the entire rest of the day all to yourself. But what’s this? Your crush spots you in the hallway and is walking towards you! Maybe it’s just a coincidence. Maybe he has somewhere to be? Wait, he’s stopping where you’re standing and is actually starting a conversation with you! Is this actually happening or is this a dream? (Is this the real life, is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality...) Don’t panic! The last thing you want to happen here is for an awkward silence to occur. What you have to do is cut him off, tell him that you’re really busy, and head straight for the library. Whew, that was a close call. This could have gotten really awkward, but you maneuvered around the issue like a champ. Now, you can get a head start on that history project due next month.
March 21 | April 19
TAURUS
April 20 | May 20
GEMINI
May 21 | June 20
CANCER
June 21 | July 22
LEO
July 23 | August 22
VIRGO
August 23 | September 22
Scenario 4: In the Retreat
Imagine that you’re eating at the Retreat, enjoying that turkey and cheddar on ciabatta sandwich blissfully by yourself, when suddenly, your crush walks up to you and asks if the chair next to you is free! Could it be that he wants to sit at this table, too? This is a big opportunity—surely, you want to present your nicest and sweetest side to the person you like. But how should you respond? Never fear, the solution is surprisingly simple. Just say yes and offer him the free chair. (One of them is obviously being occupied by your backpack.) Then, leave the Retreat so that he can enjoy the table all to himself just like you did. As you walk away to study for an extra ten minutes before class, he will surely be smitten by your politeness and consideration!
Scenario 3: On Facebook
Say you’re on your phone, just casually scrolling through Facebook, when suddenly you get a notification. Oh my God, it’s a friend request from your crush! This is huge, like really huge. In this era of technology, contact over social media is the obligatory first step towards winning the heart of another person. So if you got a friend request from him, then that must mean you have his attention! But the tricky part is the follow-up. The most dangerous risk in online messaging is that there are no take-backs. Whatever you do will be recorded in the Internet forever, so you have to make your decision carefully. Moreover, you can see if he read your message and didn’t respond, which is also risky. Should you accept it immediately or should you wait a day and then respond? The answer is neither—the best course of action to take is to realize that Facebook is draining your precious study time and to delete your account and any
HOROSCOPES ARIES
other social media you may have (Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Online banking, etc.) to prevent it from ever tempting you again.
To be honest, the best prank is to prank yourself. Tell yourself you’ll do some work but don’t set your alarm. Sleep in, go for a run, or eat something sweet instead. The work will get done eventually and you’re doing so well. You deserve it, champ.
Tell your friends that you are sitting in the new upstairs seating of the Deece, when in reality, you are on the first floor. After they’ve walked upstairs, text them your real location. Boy will you fool them!
The best thing for you to do is prank your professor by turning in that paper early! It doesn’t even have to be that early, maybe just a few days. (It’ll actually be a good prank for them so they can grade it early too…) That way they’ll see how conscientious you are AND be super surprised!
Tell your friends you ordered a pizza from Baccio’s when you really didn’t. They’ll be waiting and thinking about that pizza. Maybe 30 minutes in, break the news. This might get a little sad though… so maybe not. Although you could brighten up the joke by ordering a pizza from Domino’s instead and having it arrive around the same time. Pretend to be taking selfies, like any Leo is great at, but in reality you’re taking unflattering photos of your friends. Try to really get them at their worst-yawning, multiple double chins, etc. Make sure to delete them after though, don’t be mean!
If you’re a student fellow, put some smiley-face stickers at the top of your condom bag. That way, the next person who comes to grab a condom or lube will get a happy surprise. (Don’t take the condoms out of the bag though… even on April Fools’ Day safe sex is important!)
Scenario 5: In the Library
An important test is coming up and you decided to meet with your crush at the library to study together. While risky, there are benefits to this idea—studying with another person can ensure that you don’t miss anything, and you can quiz each other later. So, you’re alone with him in the library, and the atmosphere of the library is serene enough to calm your nerves. But just then, your crush starts asking you interesting questions about your personal life while offering to tell you more about himself! It’s...it’s as if he cares more about you than the test tomorrow! Oh no, you’re already starting to get distracted from your work! This is really bad. If this line of questioning goes any further, you might spend the rest of the night engrossed in intimate conversation. In this situation, having control over the flow of conversation is of utmost importance. That’s why you have to stop the flow
of conversation entirely and tell him that his question has nothing to do with the test and is thus rendered invalid. If this sort of irrelevant conversation persists, you have two options. The first is to continue to sit there in utter silence, not responding to anything he says, until he gets the hint. Or, you could always just relocate to a different part of the library to ensure maximum study time. Scenario 6: The “Moment”
So you’re talking with your crush like two perfectly platonic friends and everything is going so well that you feel like a normal human being for once. But then he drops the bomb. Out of nowhere and with a cute blush on his face, your crush asks you out. Oh my god. This is it. This is the moment you thought would never happen. Stay calm! This is the moment that everyone says is the most magical moment in your life, and you absolutely cannot screw this up! How you respond may change everything. It’s a little frightening, but don’t worry, because I am here to guide you in the right direction. All you have to do is say this: “I’m sorry, but I have no interest in dating anyone and I most likely never will, because human intimacy and commitment terrifies me more than taking linear algebra with Prof. McCleary.” Afterwards, exchange cordial handshakes (and possibly hand him the pocket tissues you always have handy) and get started on that essay for next week. If you follow all the above advice, I guarantee that you’ll be satisfied with the outcome. If the target of your romantic endeavors is charmed by your independence and frankly unhealthy obsession with finding work to do, then you have succeeded. If not, then technically, you have still succeeded because who needs a relationship to drain your precious time and energy when a five-credit course semester at Vassar can already do that in spades?
April Fools’ Day is just around the corner-- here are the pranks that each sign can best pull off. —Evelyn Frick
LIBRA
September 23 | October 22
SCORPIO
October 23 | November 21
SAGITTARIUS
November 22 | December 21
CAPRICORN
December 22 | January 19
AQUARIUS
January 20 | February 18
PISCES
February 19 | March 20
MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
To be honest, dear sweet Libra, it seems as though you won’t be able to pull off any pranks this year. Definitely watch out for others pranking you though. It may come when you least expect it...
Prank everyone on campus by cleaning up Sunset Lake! This may be a longer term project and you may need to recruit some fellow pranksters to get in on the joke, but it’ll be a doozy. This way no one can make jokes about how dirty it is! What a prank!
Go into CIS saying your computer doesn’t work, when in reality it does. Really you could make up any excuse for its disfunction. When the person turns it on, pretend that they fixed it and be so happy. Perhaps even bring flowers! It’ll be a prank that’ll make their day.
Go for a long-term prank-- tell everyone you’re going abroad ALL YEAR. You can make up a really elaborate travel plan for yourself. Maybe tell people you’re going to Australia, then Guyana, then Mongolia, then Outerspace! Then, when you are at Vassar in the fall and spring, everyone will be SO confused. You should prank your entire dorm by cleaning out the communal fridge. That thing is disgusting and you’d be doing everyone a great service. Although if someone’s food is in there and is still good, do not throw it out. That is not a good prank. People will get mad. Passive aggressive facebook post mad.
The best prank for you would be calling your parents and telling them that Lisa Kudrow or Meryl Streep are on campus. Get them really, really excited about it. You know how much your parents love Kramer v. Kramer. Then send them a cheeky picture of you, saying “April Fools’!
ARTS
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March 30, 2017
Hellish production revives classic Elizabethan tragedy Matt Stein
Assistant Features Editor
H
Courtesy of Katie Scibelli/Merely Players
ell used to be scary. People used to be afraid of the devil and anything satanic. But with the world’s current situation, we’ve begun to fear the real world and deemed the Underworld a cartoonishly playful realm instead. Now it’s time to rediscover this demonic terror. Prepare for Merely Players’ production of Christopher Marlowe’s “Doctor Faustus” to turn the Shiva into a portal to hell this Thursday, Mar. 30, and Friday, Mar 31, at 9:30 p.m. and Saturday, Apr. 1, at 10:30 p.m. Patrick Higgins ’18 is directing and Katie Scibelli ’19 is stage managing, and the performance will run for approximately 80 minutes. “Doctor Faustus,” originally written by Marlowe in the 16th century, follows the eponymous character, a scholar who strives to gain unlimited knowledge by signing a deal with Lucifer. Given the demon Mephistopheles as a servant, Faustus explores the limitations of man and the power of temptation in his journey. Higgins began formulating his directorial debut with “Doctor Faustus” after he saw the Royal Shakespeare Company’s production of the play in London last summer. “I read a review for the show that was talking about it in relation to Theatre of Cruelty, which has I’ve always found interesting and it ties in with ritual. Theatre of Cruelty draws from an almost pseudo-magical kind of tradition, a belief that Artaud had. So I thought this would be a very fascinating lens to see it from,” he stated. The domineering aesthetic of this production, the Theatre of Cruelty, was theorized by French avant-garde theorist Antonin Artaud in the 1930s and aims to free the repressed human being, causing discomfort and emotional confrontation for the audience. Much like Brecht’s Epic Theatre, this style aims to break down the barrier between the stage and the audience. To apply this aesthetic to “Faustus,” Higgins guided both designers and actors to discover for themselves within the Theater of Cruelty. Providing the actors and designers with sources of
inspiration, Higgins and Scibelli have organized the show to build a world for the production to live in. Scibelli talked about how the show pushed for its aesthetic goals in rehearsal: “There’s been a lot of cross-over between different elements of the production, bridging that gap between the production team and the actors. As stage manager I help bridge that gap and get Patrick whatever he needs to create this wonderful cross-over atmosphere. That isn’t possible if we’d just called the five actors who have lines in a scene and never discussed it with anybody else. It’s been a very cross-departmental thing and I think he’s been doing really well to utilize that.” Like the plays of Shakespeare, Marlowe’s works have seen numerous interpretations in production. Many lines from “Faustus” might seem familiar, but this production brings a unique approach to the piece. There are also two different texts of “Doctor Faustus,” which are referred to as the A text and the B text. This production will mainly follow the A text, which many scholars consider the legitimate version, while incorporating some of the scenes with scholars from the B text. Since Merely Players is a teaching organization, this production gives the ensemble opportunities to play more than one role. Higgins, moreover, chose to include the ensemble more in the show to help create the production’s world. As he explained, “There are no small roles in this show. While most of it is Faustus talking to Mephistopheles, we’ve set it up that almost everyone is double- or triple-cast that isn’t Faustus or Mephistopheles. Every single actor there that is on the stage is doing a lot. The show is so fast with so many small scenes of ‘What’s going on?’ and the 24-year timespan is condensed to a few acts. Even with actors that are not per se experienced at Vassar, we’ve given them a lot to do.” Christopher Marlowe was a contemporary of Shakespeare’s in the Elizabethan era. Also from the era is the blank verse in which “Faustus” was written. While this might seem challenging in a standard production, Merely’s production of
Merely Player’s production of Christopher Marlowe’s “Doctor Faustus” will take place in the Shiva this Thursday, March 30 and Friday, March 31 at 9:30 p.m. and Saturday April 1, at 10:30 p.m. “Faustus” incorporates elements of design and even influences the actors’ portrayals with a tint of modernity. The show also makes a few grotesque choices, such as the abundance of blood, which feeds into the exhilarating environment that remains at the play’s core. Nicholas Franzen ’20 is set to portray the devilish half of this play’s main duo, Mephistopheles. Franzen spoke of how the production’s aesthetic influenced his character development: “Patrick has been really helpful in giving material to look at, visual and audio. I’ve taken a lot of vocal cues from Tom Waits and a lot of his music, which I wasn’t aware of before Faustus. But its been really interesting to see all of that stuff. I also went through really grainy photos and drew from that aesthetic, putting myself in that mindset. Viscerally, it will just be a fantastic experience.” Besides a senior seminar on Artaud, there is
very little Theater of Cruelty represented in the Vassar curriculum. For a community that strives to pushing boundaries and create art with an impact, both those involved with theatre and in the general Vassar community can both experience this aesthetic and be able to use the style in the future. Higgins aims for the audience to react psychologically and viscerally to “Faustus,” saying, “One reason to see it is simply that we’ve put a lot of aesthetic work into it and that’s something I feel will be very different as a Vassar production. It’s very dark and it’s a very unique way. It’s very shocking. We actually were joking that maybe this is the show that will make Hell scary again...I don’t think this is a show where we’re trying to provoke a moral epiphany or that, but I think maybe it’s a moment to look at the psychology of these things being prevalent today.”
‘Constellations’ presents out-of-this-world love story Lucy Ellman Reporter
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’ll admit, I’m a romantic. Beneath this hardened exterior, there is a soft, gooey, alternate persona that loves romantic comedies and long walks in the rain. And so “Constellations,” a play performed by Philaletheis in the Mug from Mar. 3 through 5, was right up my alley. A story depicting two star-crossed lovers traversing time and space to be together and suffering through many bumps and missed connections along the way, “Constellations” was certainly not one for me to miss. As the two performers took their final bows, I and others were left to wipe away a tear, for together we had experienced something more than your typical romantic comedy drama (or rom-com-dram for
short). Written by Nick Hale and first performed on Broadway in the 2015 season starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Ruth Wilson, the two-person play was discovered by Isabel Furman ’19 when searching for a project for the semester along with co-star and collaborator Jack Schrader ’17. Furman recalled: “Jack and I knew we wanted to do a show together where both of us were acting. Really, the process of finding ‘Constellations’ was just about researching two-person plays—but the second I found it, I knew we had to do it.” Schrader too remembers how he instantly knew “Constellations” was perfect for the duo and stated, “After deciding that we wanted to do a show together, Isabel came to me with the play, and I fell in love with the contrast between the
Courtesy of Mikey Mann/Portland Center Stage
Taking their cues from the 2015 Broadway production, Isabel Furman ’19 and Jack Schrader ’17 adapted the intergalactic love story in “Constellations” for a production in the Mug.
simplicity of its narrative and the complexity of its structure.” It was clearly the perfect choice; as Schrader put, “It had to be ‘Constellations.’” Perhaps the most unique and intriguing element of the play is its story structure. “Constellations” explores the evolution of a (mostly) romantic relationship between characters Roland and Marianne across different parallel universes, as their actions and choices bring about distinct consequences and carry them down a variety of paths. Multiple scenarios exist simultaneously within a single scene, and a simple chord sound effect is used to cue both actor and audience of a change in time and/or place. Schrader was fascinated by the possibilities of this structure and elaborated, “It’s really just a basic love story, but by pursuing all potential avenues that the relationship(s) could take, the play explores all of the what-ifs that can exist between two people by creating multiple universes.” Furman agreed and was particularly interested in the possibilities for character exploration: “Each scene, and each rendition and reiteration of a scene, brought us deeper and deeper into who these characters were as people. And to me, that made it a really incredible opportunity for in-depth character study.” With the addition of two designers, Lukas Sarnow ’17 and Joe Metcalf ’17, “Constellations” only required a four-person production team. As Furman explained, “The play’s intimacy didn’t necessitate a huge production team. It could be as simple as two people exploring a relationship in a space. And that’s kind of what it was.” Additionally, Furman described how the smaller scale facilitated a kind of in-the-moment communication: “Every decision was in reaction to and within the framework of the characters and the characters’ relationship. And if anything came across, it needed to be that—that the world that we were constructing was always for and about them and their life together.” This attention to intimacy and character certainly came across to audience member Clare Reynders ’19 who recalled, “The minimalist staging in the Mug really showcased each little
MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
change in the story and immersed me in the show.” Reynders was adamant in her enjoyment of the piece: “It was definitely a tear-jerker, but I loved every minute!” Readers may know that in a few weeks time there will be an entirely different production of “Constellations” going up in the Shiva Theater. The team of this past production is excited to see the interpretation by their fellow students. As Schrader explained, “They are focusing more on technical aspects of the show, have a larger team and seem to have a grander vision for the story...I’m very excited to see what they do with it!” To distinguish their production, Schrader described, the team wished to focus less on scale in order “to tell our story through its small moments.” Schrader elaborated: “We wanted to tell stories with body language, movement, facial reactions and other small gestures. In doing that, we stripped away a lot of other aspects of classic theatre, opting for a simple and malleable set, basic costumes and relatively simple lighting and sound. We wanted to highlight these characters and their relationships, and focused on how each could embody the changes in universes throughout the rehearsal process.” In the final moments of the play, Roland and Marianne silently string up a swath of fairy lights from the ceiling, smiling joyfully and working together as a pre-recorded rendition of a tragic scene—happening in a different time and place—plays over the Mug sound system. The simplicity of the moment, along with the knowledge of the winding and tumultuous journey that came before, made for a heartbreaking conclusion to a wonderfully strange play. Furman hopes that, by the end, audiences felt this connection, and she recalled, “I hope the audience felt how close everything was, and in that, how inextricably connected, too.” It is truly an emotional and dazzling ride, as Schrader remembered: “To be able to experience such joy one second and then such sorrow the next was such an exciting experience for me. So if I could bring the audience along for even just a little of that journey, I’d be very happy.”
March 30, 2017
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FX captures emotions behind O.J. trial in popular doc Patrick Tanella Arts Editor
American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson
FX
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Courtesy of Eric Powell via Vimeo
hile I have always heard about the sensational trial of the century that centered on the once-great football player O.J. Simpson, I did not know any particular details about why he wasn’t convicted or why it was so astounding to the entire country. FX’s docu-drama “American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson” highlights the emotions of the people that surrounded the trial on both the plaintiff’s and defendant’s sides and the events that lead up to his acquittal. In addition, the sensationalization of every aspect of the trial by the media illustrates how appealing to mass media can shift the results of a case, regardless of the enormous amount of evidence against a defendant. In case you are not aware of the details, O.J. Simpson was put on trial for the murder of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her boyfriend Ron Goldman. Yet, the actual murders took a back seat to the media coverage surrounding the famous former football player and the argument that the police were just setting up another black man for murder. The mass hysteria surrounding the case created what is deemed the trial “of the century,” with one of the first usages of DNA evidence to induce a conviction and a mounting fear that conviction would lead to riots, like those due to the police brutality towards Rodney King years before. While O.J. was eventually acquitted, the details that lead up to this judicial decision are astounding. Rather than centering on the actual murder like a typical episode of “Law and Order,” “American Crime Story” focuses on the central characters and their ongoing responses to the investigation. Instead of overriding the series with details on both sides of the aisle, the show takes you on a journey through the people’s lives and their stories. You see
Perhaps the highest profile murder trial in history, the O.J. Simpson story is recounted in a 10-episode dramatization that explores the emotions surrounding those on both sides of the aisle. the first appearance of the Kardashians in the limelight, and they get more airtime in the show than the murder victims’ families. Yet, the character I found most interesting was not O.J. or any of the Kardashians, but rather Marcia Clark, the lead attorney for the city of Los Angeles. Played by Sarah Paulson, Marcia faces the disdain of the media, her ex-husband and other workers in the district attorney’s office for taking on the case. However, she never gives up and fights for justice despite all of the barriers against her, and that’s something I really admire. When she asks the judge to break for the rest of the day so that she can pick up her kids and not call another babysitter, your heart breaks for her. You can feel how much she cares about the case, but also how much she wants to be a good mother and individual. Paulson won a well-deserved Emmy award for
her role and brought the real Marcia Clark to the awards show to honor her for all that she did. It really amazes me how the actors were able to truly understand what each person was feeling during the events following the murder. In an interview, the actors said that they did not ask each person how they were feeling during the trial, yet the actor and character seem to blend together and you feel as though you’re watching the events unfold in real-time. The series feels like a reality show where the cameras never turn off. You can visibly see the confusion and sadness on Robert Kardashian’s face as he, a lawyer close to the Simpson family, comes to understand that his best friend killed his wife. As each aspect of the case unfolds, you learn more and more about these individuals and truly care about their success and happiness. When one person finds a new tape that
can possibly prove his innocence, you find yourself getting excited for the character, even though you may not agree with that side or you already know the results of the trial. While I couldn’t stand O.J., there were still times where I thought maybe he really didn’t do it, and he seemed like a genuine person. Then he would have an outburst, and I would immediately switch back to presuming his guilt. While it is quite obvious to most people that O.J. was guilty, the series makes the case especially interesting by highlighting how minute details are blown out of proportion, such as Marcia Clark getting a haircut or O.J. trying on a pair of gloves. By gaining the appeal of the media, lead attorney for the defendant Johnnie Cochran believed that he could win the trial. It astounds me that the jury was able to overlook the dramatic amount of DNA evidence, which argued that it was virtually impossible for anyone else to have committed the crime. The case had so many layers that at times it was difficult to figure out what the trial was even predominantly about. Domestic abuse, racism and murder were at the forefront of this trial that aired on every major television network in the country. Under all of these layers of evidence against O.J., I can still understand why the jury did not convict him. It was a tumultuous time in history, and the conviction of another black man, a man that exudes fame and glory, by a corrupt police system would have rocked the nation. The 10-episode series truly takes you along for a ride through the judicial system and all it entails. If you ever truly wanted to learn about how a murder case is presented by both sides and have already seen “Legally Blonde” 10 times like me, this is the perfect show to binge-watch. Innocent until proven guilty is highlighted by the arduous task of the district attorney’s office in utilizing the insurmountable evidence to change the public’s, and especially the jury’s, view of this legend. While we may never understand the full account of what really happened, “American Crime Story” does an excellent job of understanding the feelings surrounding the murder, the subsequent trial and the sentiments of a divided nation.
‘Logan’ delights in its continuation of Wolverine saga Kaitlin Prado Columnist
Logan
James Mangold 20th Century Fox
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to see the trope of larger-than-life villains (for the most part) take a backseat to the humanizing elements of this classic hero’s story. I think this film took a big risk by depicting the Wolverine unlike any other X-Men film has: In this film we see him at his emotional and physical lowest point. This film did its best to show the darkest and grittiest parts of the intersecting storylines presented in “Logan.” One of the most jarring things to see was their interpretation of an aged Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart). His devastating mental deterioration weighs heavily on Logan throughout the film—and while the full scope of it is not fully explored, it still packs a punch. Part of my proof of said punch is that I cried three separate times during this movie, and one of these embarrassing moments was all for Professor X. It feels like I have been watching the X-Men ever since I was tall enough to get into PG-13 movies, and so without even considering the
grounded story promised by the trailer and general promotion of “Logan,” I knew going into the theatre that my personal connection to the comics and the movies that I have loved for so long was going to influence my reaction to this movie. Basically, I thought I had prepared myself for the crying. What I had not prepared myself for was openly sobbing in a movie theatre. I knew that Xavier’s future was bleak at best. I also knew Logan was going to die and still, the combination of sad and swelling music blasting in the background as Dafne Keene cried on the big screen over the body of her dead dad was enough to have me snotting in public! If you haven’t already seen it, I would highly recommend going to watch “Logan.” And for people who aren’t typically interested in superhero movies, let me just say that this movie has a 92 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes people! Give it a chance.
Courtesy of Maximilian Bühn via Wikimedia Commons
ack in the good ol’ days of being a tween (when I had the time to hang out in book stores and spend hours on the weekend reading comics and superhero encyclopedias for fun), my love for the X-Men was born, and so it stands to reason that this girl recently parted with $12 in order to see “Logan.” And I’m warning you now: I loved this movie. It has come to my attention upon gushing about my love for this movie to many that some people did not enjoy it. More specifically, a lot of people seem to be naturally against the idea of giving actors within superhero films as much credit for their craft as I personally think they deserve. One major point that the critics in my life bring up is that there are often a lot of technological bells and whistles for these actors to hide behind, and that the wide array of special effects and gore often featured in superhero films are usually what attract audiences—not the stellar acting. In the case of “Logan” especially, I will have to respectfully disagree. Although this R-rated adaptation featured a good amount of blood and dismemberment, these elements of the movie did not take away from the impactful performances of newcomer Dafne Keene or prominent X-Men movie alums Patrick Stewart and Hugh Jackman. I loved this film for more than the acting, though. Over the many years of film production, entities such as Marvel Studios and 20th Century Fox have so freely blended and warped the multitudes of timelines within these superhero universes. Because of this fluidity and freedom I have been rather impatiently waiting for them to exercise that creative power to bring in the strong and dynamic female characters (that ex-
ist in abundance within the actual comics) as leads in their films. I am so excited for the opportunities that have been opened up by the choice to introduce X-23—also known as Laura Kinney—to the X-Men film universe. In a number of ways, “Logan’s” depiction of Laura veered off of the path set by the comics, but in my not-so-professional opinion, they kept some of the most important aspects of her origin the same while leaving others ambiguous enough to more accurately depict in future films. One of my favorite elements of this film was that they chose to introduce X-23 in her youth, which unlike many superheroes is truly a large part of her storyline as opposed to just being more of an afterthought of an origin story. I was beyond impressed with how 12-year-old actress Dafne Keene portrayed X-23. Laura is an extremely traumatized and borderline feral young girl who acts more or less mute for a good portion of the first half of the movie, and even still I was nearly floored. For one, Keene’s facial expressions were priceless—although I am sure she’s on track to rake in the big bucks for this and future performances. While I see how some future casting directors may see Keene’s age as a limiting factor to a potential X-23 franchise, I would hope that her talent and the wonderful opportunity to showcase the life of a troubled young superhero will be enough to keep her in the running to play Laura Kinney in the future. “Logan” is Hugh Jackman’s final role as the Wolverine of the X-Men series, and interestingly enough, it was reported even prior to the film’s release that he actually took a substantial pay cut in order to ensure that “Logan” would be R-rated. It would appear that Jackman prioritized the significance of incorporating blood and a countless amount of “fucks” in the film over money—was it really for the sake of maintaining the integrity of Logan’s character though? I’d like to think so. For the most part, “Logan” smartly spent more creative energy on adding a new emotional depth to this otherwise well-known character. It was refreshing
Depicted here are Kaitlin’s two crushes: Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart. They have been mainstays in the X-Men franchise and their story continues in its newest film, “Logan.”
MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
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March 30, 2017
‘Hot Thoughts’ diverges from usual Spoon album sound Izzy Braham Columnist
Hot Thoughts
Spoon Matador Records
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start off the song with the relatable lines, “Can I sit next you? Can you sit next to me?” and are backed up with a powerful pop indie sound that disintegrates as the song continues. “Tear It Down” has a similar sound to that of their 2005 album “Gimme Fiction,” and has a lot of anti-Trump sentiment with its chorus: “Let them build a wall...It’s just bricks and ill intentions. They don’t stand a chance. I’ll tear it down.” Analyzing the record as a whole, the songs primarily concern themes about love, having a crush and heartbreak. For a 20-year-old band comprised of middle-aged men, I was surprised
to see how seemingly youthful the lyrics and concepts were. However, I think this adds to the appeal of Spoon. Despite a changing sound and a different approach in delivery, the band never falls short of having thoughtful lyrics imbued with intense emotions and a certain social consciousness that is both relatable and admirable. In the end, I think I can get behind it. “Hot Thoughts” presents an innovative, groovy Spoon which is especially respectable as the band is getting into its 23rd year. I would recommend it if you are in need of some relatable, happy tracks or wanting to have a small dance party.
Courtesy of Kris Krug via Wikimedia Commons
hen it comes to indie bands, I believe we are all allotted a few “I-found-themfirsts,” and I would like to publicly claim the ever-changing, wondrous band Spoon as one of my prideful discoveries. Named after a song by the 1960s German rock band Can, Spoon is a small-time-turned-big-deal indie band from Austin, TX. Formed in 1994 by lead singer Britt Daniel and guitarist Jim Eno, the band has been described as showcasing an assortment of sounds from rock, to punk, to pop. While their sound may be hard to describe, one thing is for certain: Spoon is one of the greatest indie bands to have ever existed. I may be biased, as the band does hold a lot of sentimental value for me—I grew up listening to Spoon. My mother would turn it on and we would do the dishes while dancing in the kitchen to their songs. Having listened to them for so long, I can confidently say that I know my Spoon like no other. I’ve watched as they’ve grown—acquiring new members and letting go of old ones—and have supported them by seeing them live twice. So like a proud mother, I am here to tell you that they are great. In all seriousness though, I can attest that the band’s overall sound does vary a lot. While Britt Daniel’s voice is incredibly distinct, the collection as a whole is sometimes dreamy, sometimes cutesy, and many times intense and even saturated with pain. But whatever Spoon offers, it is always the best of the best—thoughtful, inspiring and super cool. On Mar. 17, I woke up excited but not yet knowing the personal struggle I was in for, as
Spoon had just released their ninth album, “Hot Thoughts.” The album has a lot of fast-paced dance music, containing more pop and electronic elements than past Spoon albums. When I first heard the album, I was aghast at how different the sound was compared to my favorite album of theirs, “Transference,” and to be honest, I was shocked at how upbeat and snappy the new record was. I knew that they would come up with something different, but it just seemed too different to be Spoon. They say that there are seven stages of grieving. Well, I went through all of them, and I think I have finally come around to acceptance. After all, I should have known better—Spoon’s sound is ever-changing, and I’m not going to be headover-heels in love with everything they make. But alas, like when you get a nose piercing and your parents still love you, my love for Spoon remained untarnished. Upon further inspection, however I soon realized I was majorly overreacting. Listening to the album on repeat for days, I can acknowledge that some songs have grown on me, and while not all of them are as cerebral as I am used to, they are quite catchy. Even though the album is a little too pop for my liking, I can still see merit in the depth of the lyrics and the interweaving of new sounds. The album begins with “Hot Thoughts,” an upbeat song that builds in intensity throughout the track. In my opinion, the best part of this song is this instrumental background riff that resembles someone tapping spoons (how fitting!) to glasses. After “Hot Thoughts,” the album becomes a little darker with “WhisperI’lllistentohearit,” which is arguably the best song on the record. It starts off slow and then picks up with a gripping beat and Daniel shouting the lyric “Someday you won’t be so alone” with a rocklike desperation. Almost all of the rest of the songs on the album have fast-paced pop components. Other highlights include, “Can I Sit Next To You?,” which is undeniably catchy. The lyrics boldly
Indie band Spoon is back with its ninth album “Hot Thoughts,” which surprised listeners with its upbeat tracks and youthful spirit, a change from their usual dreamy and intense musical style.
Bonjour, mes amis!
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MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
ARTS
March 30, 2017
Page 17
Kaur shines best in more personal verse Jimmy Christon Columnist
Milk and Honey
Rupi Kaur Andrews McMeel
[Content warning: This article makes references to abusive relationships.]
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Campus Canvas
Courtesy of TEDxKC via Flickr
fter reading (and rereading) “Milk and Honey” over spring break, I can’t seem to understand the hype behind this book. I think that Rupi Kaur has some talent as a poet, but I think that this talent is buried under pages and pages of filler. I also think that Kaur lacks any sort of self-awareness as an author/artist. Her poetry rarely pushes its subject matter to gain any sort of knowledge from experiences, opting instead for superficial reflections on occurrences that are anything but. I think it’s important to make clear that this book was not written for me: I’m a straight male and I’ve never been in an abusive relationship, and so I don’t want to define how people should see this book. I do, though, want to share my opinion on the book because I think that it is being put on a pedestal even though its problems outweigh its merits. Simply put, I didn’t see “Milk and Honey” as poetry, I saw it as an attempt at scripture. The poems in this book are generally prescriptive in tone, telling you explicitly what to do and how to feel in response to certain situations and feelings. This is not hyperbole: A healthy majority of these poems are written in the second person with Kaur blatantly stating, “loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself” (found on page 153 of the book; the only words on the page). Another poem has a pseudo-title of “to do list (after the breakup)” and is a 16 point list telling you how to live after a breakup. My problem
with this poem is that it doesn’t leave room for another reader’s interpretation, since it is framed as the all-inclusive post-breakup list with no acknowledgment that it may not apply to other individual experiences. This isn’t to say that all of “Milk and Honey” is irrelevant because of this fault. I just think there’s a gap between what this poetry is trying to accomplish and what it actually succeeds in doing. Kaur wants to write about her experiences, and she wants to help others who are going through what she experienced, but Kaur tries to universalize experiences that are ultimately her own. In writing about individuality Kaur forgets her own, and her poetry comes off as bland and generic because of it as a result. Although this book was difficult to grasp from an outside
“Milk and Honey,” the collection of poetry by Rupi Kaur, best known through her writing’s widespread prevalence on Instagram discusses her experiences as a woman of color and a survivor of sexual abuse.
perspective, I cannot, of course, speak on behalf of readers who more closely identify with her writing since Kaur’s bold words derive from her personal experiences as a woman of color and a survivor of abuse. When Kaur moves away from this prescriptive writing, though, she really shines as a poet. The first-person poems and the ones that focus on Kaur’s own personal perspective are among the most interesting and emotionally resonant in the book. The longest poem in the book on pages 76-77 is one such moment where Kaur gets personal. She goes into depth about the confusing, flagrant nature of a relationship on its downward spiral. Kaur convincingly constructs a vignette of a dying relationship that oozes a sense of fatal passion. It was weird, personal and left me confused and conflicted. This is a great poem. But this is a standout example for a reason: it stands out. The vast majority of the poems in this book are short and rarely offer any sort of meaningful insight into a situation or effectively describe a particular scene compared to the poem I mentioned previously. I used the term “meaningful insight” because a lot of this book is Kaur offering insight, but not much of it hits the mark. For instance, on page 57, Kaur writes, “the very thought of you/has my legs spread apart/like an easel with a canvas/begging for art.” Sure there’s a tension in the power dynamic (Who defines the art in this poem? The man who paints, or the woman who possesses the canvas?), but the poem doesn’t have enough words to do anything other than raise this question. Then there are the broader issues I had with the book, namely its lack of narrative progression. “Milk and Honey” is divided into four sections, but this structure feels unnecessary since most of the poems stand on their own. They also don’t connect to one another since there is no overarching story or character for the reader to follow. Instead, Kaur relies solely on her personal experience to deliver heartfelt and resounding verse.
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Excuse me,
Are you a good doggo?
“Pretty bad doggo” — Cookie
“No; I like to spend my free time stealing my big sister’s food and chewing up important paperwork” — Scout
“Definitely. I practically trained my humans” — Tylo
“I’m actually a 45 year old wine mom stuck in a dog’s body” — Sadie
“I think the more pertinent question is, ‘Are you a good human?’ ” — Reesie
“Chaotic good” — Stevie
I take photos with both my iPhone and film camera. I hope to capture the essence of every day life of the people and objects around me. Things I photograph do not have to have great importance, but the way their simplicity informs the viewers the atmosphere of the moment draws me to take the shots. - Sophia Yoo ’19 MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
Evelyn Frick, Humor & Satire Editor
SPORTS
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March 30, 2017
With talented rookies, lacrosse has high hopes for season Gabrielle Deitch Guest Reporter
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Courtesy of Carlisle Stockton
ast year, the Vassar College women’s lacrosse team finished with an overall record of 6-9 and a 2-7 finish in the Liberty League. The Brewers are forging ahead in their 2017 season with the hopes of improving upon last year’s results and earning a spot in the Liberty League playoffs. The team graduated three impactful seniors after the 2016 season: Isabelle Goldstein, Paige Abramowitz and Kim Mulvehill. Goldstein earned All-Liberty League honors all four years on the team and finished her lacrosse career at Vassar with 233 career points, ranking second in career points in program history. She was also Vassar’s record holder for career assists. Nevertheless, Head Coach Judy Finerghty has replaced the gap left by those three seniors with six new freshmen. “While their experience and work ethic are missed, the team has already filled those spots on the field with quality players,” explained Coach Finerghty. “The freshmen class has been nothing less than an absolute joy to get to know not only as players but as people,” added senior captain Brittany Botticelli. “They really set the tone of our season by working as hard as they do and making immediate impacts on both the attacking and defensive end.” Senior attacker Julia Trudell joins Botticelli as team captain, both of whom are serving as captains for the second consecutive season. The senior class is rounded out by defender Sydney Spadinger, attacker Phoebe Hankins and defender Darby Stahl. Botticelli credited Trudell, Hankins, Spadinger and Stahl all as players who had a big impact in 2016 and who she expects to be big contributors again this season. Trudell was influential in the attack last year, scoring 29 goals and making 14 assists, and Botticelli expects both her and Hankins to be strong mentors for the team’s young attack. Meanwhile, Spadinger and Stahl were, and continue to be, leaders on defense. “On the defensive end, Darby Stahl and Sydney Spadinger have really stepped up even more from
last year,” said Botticelli. “They are strong defenders that we can always rely on to not only get the job done, but also help the younger girls get the hang of things.” In addition to her fellow seniors, Botticelli pointed to junior Storm Sideleau as a big contributor for the Brewers this season. Last season, Sideleau scored a total of 37 goals, tying for the team lead and finished with 41 points overall. Joining the field this season alongside these veterans are six freshmen, consisting of two midfielders, two defenders and two attackers. The team’s youngest class has already made a noticeable impact. Midfielder Tessa Waters is currently leading the team in points with 15 goals and 4 assists. Due to her strong performances, Waters was awarded Liberty League Rookie of the Week for the week of Mar. 19. The Brewers opened their 2017 season against Drew University on Mar. 3, losing 13-15. Despite the loss, the game showcased contributions from many different members of the team. Sideleau notched four goals, while freshman attacker Kelly Pushie scored three. Botticelli and sophomore midfielder Fiona MacLeod also added to the scoreboard, Botticelli with two goals and MacLeod with one goal and one assist. The remaining goals came from Hankins, Trudell and junior midfielder Olivia O’Loughlin. Since the initial defeat, the team has lost two other games and won three. The women lost to Stevenson University on Mar. 12 and to Fairleigh Dickinson University - Florham Campus on Mar. 24. Their victories came against University of New England on Mar. 14, Fitchburg State University on Mar. 16 and Connecticut College on Mar. 22. Waters received her Rookie of the Week accolade following the Connecticut College game, in which she scored the game-winning goal from a free-position shot with only 21 seconds left on the clock. The games against Stevenson, University of New England and Fitchburg were all played in Florida as part of a spring break training trip. The
Freshman midfielder Tessa Waters takes the draw in battle against Connecticut College on Wednesday, March 22. She scored a free position in the final 12 seconds. trip was not only good practice for the team, but also a helpful opportunity to pinpoint areas of play that needs improvement going forward. “The spring training trip is always a critical point in the team’s development,” stated Coach Finerghty. “The Stevenson game in particular revealed some areas of play that needed work, specifically our transition game. Other short term goals are to continue refining our defensive chemistry so that each person understands and performs their 1 v 1 positioning and helps slide rotations and to further develop the speed and effectiveness of our offensive motions.” However, the training trip also highlighted some of the team’s strengths, one being its many talented and versatile players. “Another aspect of play that became apparent [in Florida] was that we have many players that can contribute with depth at attack, midfield and defense,” Finerghty noted. In addition to having specific standout performers on the field, the team smiles upon overall team feats. “Our team shooting percentage, goalie save percentages and transition defense have improved
in the past two weeks,” commented Coach Finerghty. As the team approaches conference play, the goal is to secure a higher standing in the Liberty League than they did last year, and to secure a spot in the playoffs. With these long term goals in mind, the Brewers are focusing on improvements that are important for winning big games down the line as well as acknowledging their progress along the way. Recent wins have also served as confidence boosters for the Brewers. The win against Connecticut College, in particular, was encouraging because it was the program’s first ever win against a New England Small College Athletic Conference (NESCAC) team. “This proved that we can compete at a high level,” said Coach Finerghty in reference to the victory. The team’s nonconference stretch comes to an end as the Brewers head into their Liberty League double-header this weekend. The squad will first take on Union on Friday, Mar. 31, followed by a match against William Smith on Saturday, April 1.
New head coach pushes Vassar baseball to new heights Fiona MacLeod Guest Reporter
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ith the largest roster in Brewer program history, this season’s Vassar College baseball team will strive to make Liberty League playoffs for the first time since 2014. Despite losing multiple influential forces, the players believe that their team of 29 has the depth needed to defeat many of their upcoming rivals. The resignation of Head Coach Jon Martin is perhaps the most significant loss the squad will experience from last year. After leading the Brewers for 11 straight seasons, Coach Martin will begin his role as the new Head Coach at Bates College in Lewiston, ME. Martin finished his career at Vassar with the most total victories of any baseball coach, accumulating 127 wins during his tenure. Under his lead, the Brewers made their first two Liberty League tournament appearances in 2013 and 2014, in addition to specific individuals accomplishing significant feats. Coach Martin has worked alongside over 30 All-Liberty League selections, including 2014 Liberty League Pitcher of the Year Adam Erkis, who is now partaking in his final senior sea-
son for the Brewers. In Martin’s place, the team now welcomes new Head Coach Matthew Righter, who leaves behind the SUNY New Paltz in order to start his journey with the Brewers. Throughout just three seasons as head coach for the Hawks, Righter impacted the program tremendously, increasing the winning percentage by 200 percent and assisting the team to 20 wins in their last season. In addition to losing Martin, the team graduated seven influential senior players: Dakota Sagnelli, Brooks English, Connor Cucalon, Nick Johnson, Johnny Mrlik, Cory Wuenschell and Jonathan Hong. This group helped lead Vassar through a monumental season last spring, racking up 18 wins to tie for the second-most overall wins in program history. “The graduating class was immensely important to us on and off the field,” recalled junior pitcher John Madsen, who threw six shutout innings in his season last year, allowing only one multi-base hit throughout those innings. “They held the team together and were an incredible source of leadership and guidance.”
Courtesy of Carlisle Stockton
Senior captain Mike Koscielniak slides to first base during the a game in the 2016 season. The team will travel to Farmingdale, NY, to take on Plattsburgh State this weekend.
Although Coach Righter is currently heading the Brewers for the first time, he recognizes the important differences between this year’s roster compared to others. “Our depth separates us from teams in the past,” Head Coach Righter explained. “We have many players that can contribute to the success of our team, which allows me to be creative with our lineup and substitutions. Coach Martin did a nice job recruiting, which sets us up to be a strong offensive team for the next few years.” A shining aspect of the team is its ten newcomers. This class encompasses a wide range of positions, including five pitchers, two catchers, two infielders and one outfielder. While sad to see his seniors graduate, current senior outfielder and pitcher Mike Koscielniak recognizes the potential of his incoming freshman class. “Losing last year’s seniors is disappointing, like it is every year. But we’re excited about our underclassmen stepping up to fill some of those big roles. We’re a young team this year, bringing in a large freshman class with a lot of talent.” It seems that freshman infielder Daniel Bonfiglio has already found his nook in the Brewer’s dynamic, starting in four games. So far, the newcomer has posted seven runs, as well as seven hits, in 21 at-bats. In just his third collegiate game, Bonfiglio posted three hits, registering two runs and reaching base four times. Bonfiglio has outstandingly found this success in spite of facing more talented opposition at the collegiate level. “It has definitely been a challenge adjusting to the increased speed and athleticism of my opponents, as well the increased quality and quantity of speed pitches I have to face,” Bonfiglio compared. “But the upperclassmen have done a good job adapting our team, and I am extremely excited to see what we can do this year to help the team overall.” Returning players will look to fulfill leadership roles, enveloping the freshman in their style of play and sustaining a cohesive team. Koscielniak, along with junior infielder Bobby Kinne and senior pitcher Trent Berg, captain the squad this year. “Our captains this year are great leaders, as well as motivators,” relayed sophomore pitcher Jesse Mulham. “Our team focuses on getting the small jobs done, and our captains really help us enforce this mindset.”
MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
Over spring break, the Brewers flew to Fort Meyers, FL in order to face intense competition before the initiation of Liberty League games. In two weeks, the team played nine games. The players pulled out three victories against Keene State, Cairn University and New York University. Despite falling narrowly to Fredonia, Westfield State University, Plymouth State University and Johns Hopkins University, the team believes this trip was crucial in discovering their combined abilities. “Our team feels like we had a very successful Florida trip,” Koscielniak stated. “We had the opportunity to play some strong competition, while trying out new players at different positions. We learned a lot about who we were as a team, and came away with some huge team wins throughout the trip.” Regardless of the losses, he believes that these games proved the team’s ability as a whole. Moving into Liberty League games, Koscielniak’s teammates support this sentiment. “We were able to hang with some really solid competition in Florida,” Madsen agreed. “We now know that we can compete with, and ultimately beat, any team in the Liberty League when we play up to our potential.” Currently, seven Brewers are batting over .300. Sophomore players Matt Schwartz and Taylor Smach lead this statistic, averaging .438 and .429 respectively. Additionally, the team has posted 44 runs and 78 hits throughout their matches, a bit under their opposition’s 76 runs and 95 hits. Once entering conference play, the team will look to capitalize on “situational baseball,” focusing on their defensive plays and base-running strategies. “I truly think that team has a lot of potential to do damage this year,” Mulham stated with confidence. “We looked very good this preseason, and I would like to see our team making the playoffs at the end of this season.” Coach Righter also sees the potential in this group in just his first year at Vassar. “I believe we have been performing well and will continue to do so because of our senior leadership, talented underclassmen and a relentless work ethic.” With their heads held high, the Brewers will look to defeat the University of Rochester at home in their Liberty League opener on Tuesday, Apr. 4 at 2:30 p.m.
March 30, 2017
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NFL gifts Las Vegas a new Arsenal fans up in arms attraction: Oakland Raiders over need to replace Wenger Robert Pinataro Guest Columnist
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ver the past two years, there has been a lot of change to the NFL scene on the west coast. Before the 2016-2017 season, the St. Louis Rams moved to Los Angeles, CA. After the season, the San Diego Chargers filed for relocation and will also be in Los Angeles for the coming season. The most recent development in this relocation commotion is the Oakland Raider’s move to Las Vegas, NV. This presents tremendous opportunities for the city of Las Vegas, for the NFL and the Raiders organization. For the city of Las Vegas, the Raider’s presence will significantly increase the city’s ability to draw in tourists. Vegas recently acquired its first professional sports team: the Las Vegas Golden Knights, a professional hockey team playing in the NHL’s Western Conference. The fact that the two professional sports teams coming to the area are in the NHL and NFL is particularly important because those are the most competitive and most watched leagues in their respective sports. A Double-A baseball team, for example, would not have the same impact. It will be interesting to see where fans of the Las Vegas Raiders will originate, and whether locals or tourists will make up the bulk of ticket sales. Vegas residents likely have chosen a west coast football team their whole lives, and they may not be eager to switch teams. Las Vegas is a major tourist destination, however, and one where tourists typically enter with the expectation that they will spend a lot of money during their stay. If the Raiders organization can create a unique, Vegas-themed atmosphere in their stadium, while having success on the field, it is quite possible that the team will become a major tourist attraction, rather than just an attraction for the team’s fans. The success of this football program is critically important to its value to the city. It will be hard to get tourists to buy tickets to watch a team that is
constantly losing, which is a common occurrence for the Raiders. Therefore, a significant improvement of the Raiders team is required. While they managed to get into the playoffs with a wildcard in 2016, this one exception is the team’s first playoff appearance since 2002. To turn things around, the Raiders will need to trade in order to gain star power and use their next draft effectively in order to take the first steps toward building a winning team. The Raiders are getting a fresh start in Vegas, and it is up to them what they will do with it to advance their program. Another way that the Raiders will aim to make the team part of Las Vegas culture is by pushing the envelope on legal sports betting. Currently, the NFL does not allow legal gambling on its games. With a team in Nevada, there is now a stronger case than ever to legalize it. At this moment, the NFL has said that it will not change its position on the matter, but there is always the chance that this could change if the NFL sees it as an opportunity to boost revenue by creating more buzz around the industry. The truth is that only about five percent of sports betting takes place in Nevada, and that most gambling on sporting events is done illegally. The possible introduction of legal gambling on football games would make Las Vegas more exciting, but would likely have little impact on the NFL due to the small percentage of all sports gambling done there. So only time will tell how the Oakland Raiders’ move will affect Las Vegas, its fans, betting within the NFL and beyond. However, it appears that the team’s relocation to Las Vegas was a brilliant one for several reasons. It gives the city of Las Vegas a potential major attraction that would bring in more tourists. The Raiders would also now be in a more exciting city and have the opportunity to start over, to some extent. Although it originally seemed like just another NFL relocation, this change has the potential to make both Las Vegas and the NFL more exciting.
Desmond Curran Guest Columnist
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or those who are fans of the Premier League, you are likely aware of one particular trope that often finds its way into banter among fans. That is, of course, the inevitability of Arsenal crashing out of the Champions League in the round of 16 elimination stage, followed by a heroic late-season effort in the domestic league to finish in the top four, only to qualify for the Champions League again. For Arsenal fans, it seems that this seemingly preordained pattern has no end in sight. Arsenal’s almost surgical deconstruction at the hands (feet?) of Bayern Munich over two legs in the most recent round of 16 (two repeat 5-1 losses, resulting in a 10-2 aggregate score, the largest in the history of any English club in European competition), brought many fans to a point where they could no longer tolerate such horrendous results. Having simmered with anger for years after witnessing the same humiliating results, without winning almost any competitions to at least makeup for these disappointments, the Arsenal faithful have boiled over with anger. Arsene Wenger, the manager of Arsenal, has been the target of fan’s wrath. At one of Arsenal’s domestic league games, a small airplane was flown over the stadium, displaying a banner in tow with the message “No Contract #WengerOut.” This banner is in reference to Wenger’s upcoming contract expiration, and the encouragement of fans to search for a new club manager. For some footy enthusiasts, Arsenal has fallen short of what it could achieve under Wenger’s guidance. And they are certainly correct. This Arsenal squad is incredibly talented, possessing players of top quality, and it certainly has all the capability to advance further in the Champions League, as well as to win a Premier League title. And yet, it does not. Is this Wenger’s fault? The furor directed at Wenger, while largely
overzealous, is no doubt justified. But I would argue that Wenger is being targeted unfairly by the Arsenal crowds, and that the current situation is a reflection of a complete lack of continuity of expectations between the fans and the executive board. As a fan, you want your club to reach the highest of highs and dream of that glory and the pride of achievement. But Arsenal fans suffer under an overpowering craving for silverware, and a grave dissatisfaction occurs when that glory slips beyond reach. But for the executive board at Arsenal, they are content with Wenger’s performances every year. The stability that Wenger provides–he has never not qualified for the Champions League–is on its own a remarkable feat. His second accomplishment is his significant revenue generation. In the eyes of the executive board members, a Premier League title, or advancing past the round of 16 in the Champions League, is only an afterthought. Additional glory that the fans desire is only seen as a cherry on top of what Wenger delivers. In this lies the explanation for why Wenger has continued his term at Arsenal. There is no sign that this year will be any different for Arsenal, despite record embarrassments and the current threat of not finishing in the top four. Wenger has not yet displayed any concern that his contract will not be renewed at the end of the season. He has yet to fail to deliver the complete package he has so frequently and regularly delivered. And even if he fails to do so, he still may be offered a new contract anyways. But if Wenger were to be let go, who would replace him? Currently, there is a lack of worldclass managers who are free agents. It would also require a vast sum of capital to coax in a manager who is currently working for another club. Wenger, for all his flaws, provides a solution to this problem for Arsenal. But his performances are inexcusable, and the executive board needs to stay poised to jump at an opportunity to replace him.
Athletes smile upon lessons learned at RISE program Lindsay Wolk
Guest Reporter
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Courtesy of Carlisle Stockton
n Feb. 26 the Vassar RISE program hosted its first leadership academy workshop for freshmen and sophomores, following RISE’s inaugural event in October. The RISE Program’s main focus is to enhance Vassar student-athlete’s leadership skills in both athletics and post-graduate life. RISE stands for responsibility, integrity, sportsmanship and excellence. Explaining her reasoning behind participating in the workshop, sophomore track and field runner Sophie Sharp stated, “My coach suggested that all sophomores and freshmen should sign up. I’m interested in eventually being part of the leadership of my team and I thought this would be a good opportunity to learn some new techniques to be a better leader. Also after looking up the DISC assessment I thought it would be interesting to have the opportunity to see my results.” 90 student-athletes participated in two sections of the tier one training held in the Villard Room. Prior to the event, all accepted student-athletes were required to complete a DiSC assessment. The DiSC assessment involved a online quiz which featured 40 sets of four words. The students chose the adjective that best described them on the field and the adjective that was least like them. The student were then later presented with their results at the workshop. When the DiSC assessment packets were distributed, student-athletes were given a few minutes to read and reflect on their personalized results. The assessment helps participants understand their individual behavioral styles and preferences, develop a common language when addressing these topics and learn to better relate to others. The DiSC assessment categorizes people in four different ways, each corresponding to the letters D, I, S, C. Each student athlete was provided with a customized packet built off of their responses to the original assessment. These packets included a general overview of the group that a student-athlete was placed in as well as each individuals strengths and weaknesses, and the situations and ways in which they work best. Athletes were also told how to work with people in other
Recently, student-athletes in RISE joined together to discuss DiSC assesment, their personal strengths and how they can work to empower teammates on and off the field. groups based on their own category. People who have both outgoing and task-oriented traits often exhibit dominant and direct behavior. They tend to focus on results, problem-solving and the bottom-line. This “Dominant” (“D”) group thinks creatively and easily makes decisions. People who fell into the “I” category have both outgoing and people-oriented traits, leading to their “Inspirer” label. They usually focus on interacting with people, having fun and/or creating excitement. Inspirers work best in groups and they tend to work to avoid conflict. Meanwhile, “S” stands for steady and stable. Members of this group are often generous and very good listeners, with their strengths including patience and dependability. The “C” people are accurate and detail-oriented. Those in this “Conscientious” group tend to be good problem solvers and set high standards for themselves and others. “I was placed in the C group,” commented Sharp, “I recognized a lot of my own behaviors and thoughts in the write-up. It’s always good to see yourself from an outside
perspective even if you don’t identify with every aspect of the description.” Freshman women’s basketball player Isa Peczuh was also labeled as “Conscientious” while freshman women’s soccer player Nika Schnitzer identified as an “Inspirer”. Both Schnitzer and Peczuh agreed with Sharp stating that many aspects of their packets were in line with their strengths and weaknesses. Along with being placed into one of four general categories, the packet provided each student with their own specialized pattern. The pattern recognized not only which category the athlete ranked highest in, but also where they fell in other categories. Based off of these individualized patterns, the packet provided even more insight into how each individual works with others, as well as their strengths and weaknesses. Student-athletes were divided by category into four different groups, where they were given the opportunity to collaborate with members of the same DiSC classification. In small groups, athletes worked together to highlight three weaknesses, three strengths and three things that are typically
MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
misunderstood about them on or off of the field. Enjoying this activity the most, Schnitzer shared, “I think the best part of this event was being able to learn about my personality type and see which group I fit in with. It was interesting working with people that had a very similar personality type as me. I found that my group worked really well together and were able to agree quickly about what to write on the poster.” While the student-athletes differed in their identifying categories, one subset of athletes also differed in another way: previous experience with the DiSC assessment. Peczuh explained that she had opportunity to participate in the DiSC assessment twice, once with the whole women’s basketball team in October, and again with Vassar RISE. Sharp recognizes the importance of completing the followup DiSC assessment with one’s personal team. Sharp stated, “It would be cool to have sessions with individual teams. I know the basketball teams did sessions with their whole teams and I think that makes the information more effective. I think these events would work best if everyone was on the same page and could use what we learned.” Many athletes seconded Sharp’s sentiments and hope for such workshops to occur among their individual teams. Overall, the RISE event had incredibly positive feedback. Sophomore men’s lacrosse player Nat Lyman emphasized, “Learning to relate to people in different capacities can be incredibly useful whether on the field, in the classroom or in a place of work. I thought it would be a great opportunity to learn more about both myself as an athlete and a potential leader. I believe even the preliminary stages of the RISE event helped me better understand how to be the best leader I can be.” Schnitzer added, “I think the RISE events are very beneficial. They allow everyone to find their own way to be a leader, and show students their strengths and weaknesses in regards to this. These events will create a better and stronger team dynamic which will lead to great results in our respective sports seasons.” Athletes and coaches alike look forward to more RISE events and the long-lasting benefits it brings to Vassar student-athletes.
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March 30, 2017
Spring break packing list: sunscreen and numerous wins Olivia O’Loughlin Sports Editor
Women’s Tennis
Men’s Tennis
The Brewers split their spring break trip to sunny California with a 3-3 record. In the first day of competition, Mar. 13, the men’s tennis team took on two nationally-ranked teams, No. 31 Trinity College and No. 10 Case Western Reserve University. Against the Trinity Bantams, it was a riveting battle which was ultimately decided by the victor of the No. 6 singles. As he has done before, senior Alexander Luckmann clinched the win with scores of 6-4, 7-2 to hand the upset to Trinity. After such a tough battle, Vassar was unable to maintain the momentum and was defeated 0-9 by Case Western on Monday, Mar. 13. VC faced another loss two days later as the team fell 3-6 to Whittier College. Nevertheless, the Brewers later rebounded to earn two straight wins against the College of Wooster (7-2) and Chapman University (5-4). Lastly, the Brewers wrapped up their trip on Saturday, Mar. 18 after falling to the CalTech Beavers in a close 4-5 battle. After demonstrating their prowess in The Golden State, senior Nick Litsky and sophomore Nick Zuczek were named the Liberty League Doubles Team of the Week. Litsky also earned Singles Performer of the Week. The squad will return to play on Saturday, Apr. 1 against New York University at home. Women’s Rugby
After dominating competition in the United States, the Vassar women’s rugby team flew overseas to Barcelona, Spain for some international opponents. The squad took home two wins and one loss to advance its record to 14-3. The Brewers first topped Unio Esportiva Santboiana (29-12), Spain’s oldest and most famous rugby club. With tries from seniors Nathalie Freeman, Mariah Ghant and Lauren Workman and juniors Michelle Urrutia and Abigail Alexander, the team earned 25 points. Vassar’s remaining points came from conversions by senior Mary Margaret McElduff and sophomore Makena Emery. VC then faced Instituto Nacional de Educacion Fisica in the hardest challenge of the season. The Brewers were unfortunately held scoreless by the Barcelona team, which homes three members of the Spanish’s women’s national team: Maria Lasada, Angela de Pan and Maria Casado, in addition to Alicia Stone who is a member of the German national sevens team. The final score was 0-41 in
Men’s Rugby
The men’s rugby team hopped on the plane with the women’s team to also enjoy a Spanish outing. Vassar unfortunately fell to both of its opponents: Universidad Politécnica de Catalunya (15-48) and Manresa (25-45). The Brewers first competed on Friday, Mar. 17 against Universidad Politécnica de Catalunya. Although VC could not claim the win, the team had highlighting moments. Sophomore Robert Eder scored two tries in the team’s Barcelona opener as sophomore Dale Lord also contributed a try. Vassar was able to gain more momentum the next time out and decreased its margin to 20. Against Manresa, Lord reached the scoreboards yet again with another try, joined by tries from junior George Sheppard, senior Seamus Taylor and sophomores Stephen Kpundeh and Louis Brown. After a game postponement, the Brewers will return to action against Poughkeepsie rival Marist College on Saturday, Apr. 1 at 10 a.m. Men’s Lacrosse
VC continued its impressive season opening as the team split its spring break run 2-2. Landing down in The Sunshine State, the Brewers faced some difficulty against NESCAC opponent Wesleyan University and ultimately fell 4-11. Nevertheless, the squad put up a valiant effort. Against the Wesleyan Cardinals, the Brewers were led by sophomore Pat Gibbons who tabbed a goal and an assist. Right behind Gibbons, freshman Mike Mullen and seniors Brandon DeStasio and Chris Billups each added a goal as senior Liam Moriarty contributed an assist. Next up, VC dominated Salve Regina University 12-3 on Friday, Mar. 17 in Tampa, FL. Moriarty, who has been racking up Liberty League Honor Roll titles this season, headed the efforts against Salve Regina as he posted one goal and an impressive five assists. Billups returned for more as he contributed two goals and an assist, as fellow senior Sam Houston-Read, sophomore James Thomas and Mullen each tallied two goals apiece. The freshmen class shined as Matt Lowery also added two assists in addition to winning eight out of 11 faceoffs, while fellow classmates Jonah Tuckman and Austin Mello each reached the back of the net with a goal. Knocking down yet another NESCAC opponent, the Burgundy and Gray then claimed a 10-8 win over Colby College. For the second game in a row, Moriarty earned the most points with two goals and two assists. Mullen, Thomas and Houston-Read followed close behind with three points each. Sophomore Drew Adams, DeStasio and Billups also each tallied a goal on the day. The Brewers unfortunately wrapped up spring break on a sour note as they fell to Liberty League foe Skidmore College 5-11 to start their conference record at 0-1. Despite the disappointing ending, VC was able to capitalize throughout the game and reach the back of the net. Against the Thorough-
Courtesy of Carlisle Stockton
As they traveled to California, the Brewers improved their record to 9-2, collecting four wins and one loss in The Golden State. The team’s spring break trip started with the season’s hardest match-up against the No. 4 Bowdoin Polar Bears. Senior captain Connie Yoo captured the sole win on the day as the Brewers fell to the Polar Bears 1-8. The squad then turned things around to defeat No. 38 Hardin-Simmons University (7-2), Whittier College (9-0), Chapman University (8-1) and Principia College (5-0). After defeating the nationally-ranked Hardin-Simmons Cowgirls, the Brewers claimed a spot in the Intercollegiate Tennis Association Top 40 at the No. 40 spot. Due to strong performances, sophomore Morgane Flournoy and junior Kate Christensen were named Liberty League Doubles Team of the Week, while senior captain Shayna Becker tabbed Liberty League Honor Roll. Next up, VC will face Liberty League foe St. Lawrence University at home on Saturday, Apr. 1.
favor of the Instituto Nacional de Educación Física. The women returned to their typical domination as they defeated Manresa 58-15. Vassar earned the victory with the help of sophomore Rachel Elson and Freeman who both scored three tries, and Workman, McElduff and sophomores Miranda Scarlata and Kate Sworden who also added one try apiece. McElduff also contributed three conversions on the day as Emery also contributed a conversion. After the team’s impressive international excursion, the women will return to the Vassar Farm to take on the University of Connecticut on Apr. 1.
Philip Brown ’18 races to the finish line in a meet against Monmouth University in West Long Branch, NJ, setting a new school record in the 10000m with a time of 31:25.09. breds, Houston-Read scored two goals and tallied one assist as DeStasio, Gibbons and Billups each contributed one goal. Sophomore Chris Koester also earned an assist. The men return to conference play on Saturday, Apr. 1 against RPI at home. Women’s Golf
In sunny Chino Hills, CA, Vassar started its spring season against Whittier College on Mar. 15. While the women fought hard, they were eventually bested by a mere two strokes 348-346. Freshman Qiwen Tan was the best VC performer of the day as she finished just seven over par with a score of 81. With this score, Tan nabbed second place. Next up for the Brewers was senior Emily Prince who finished in fifth with a score of 88, closely followed by junior Annie Hsu with 89. After flying home, the women will have some time off before hosting the Vassar College Invitational on Apr. 8 and 9. Men’s Volleyball
The Vassar men’s volleyball team has continued its monumental season with a weekend sweep of No. 11 Marymount University, No. 15 Juniata College and Arcadia University. On Friday, Mar. 24, the Brewers defeated Marymount in five sets with scores of 26-24, 25-22, 2426, 22-25, 15-9. To earn this win, junior Mat Knigge posted a career-high 20 kills and nine blocks. The rest of the squad added nine more blocks for a total of 18, surpassing Marymount by a whopping 12. Senior Christian Lizana helped the efforts with seven kills and one ace as freshman Yoni Auerbach added seven kills and four blocks. Freshman Kevin Ros and senior Trey Cimorelli each contributed with a team-high nine digs. The next day, the Brewers topped both Juniata and Arcadia in three sets with respective scores of 29-27, 25-22, 25-16 and 25-14, 25-19, 25-18. Against Juniata, Auerbach led the troops with his contribution of a career-high 15 kills and a hitting percentage of 0.75. Meanwhile, Lizana added 10 kills and four digs as Knigge posted 11 kills. Then against Arcadia, Knigge maintained his momentum to lead the team with 11 kills as he hit 0.529. Junior Brian Manley, who was facing his brother, contributed seven kills. Junior Zechariah Lee tallied 59 assists on the day. The men will look to improve their already im-
pressive record of 21-6 as they play New Paltz away on Wednesday, Mar. 29. Women’s Track
The Brewers had a strong showing at the 22nd Annual Monmouth Season Opener on Mar. 25. In the first and longest event of the day, VC shined in the 10000-meters with the help of sophomore Megan Horn and senior Jemma Howlett. Horn finished in third with a time of 41:07.70 while Howlett followed close behind at 43:52.92 for the fifth spot. Another strong finish came from senior Lucy Balcezak who completed the 1500-meters in 4:50.60 for ninth place. Next came two 13th place finishes for Vassar at the hands of sophomore Elise Matera in the 3000-meters and junior Savannah Wiman in the 800m. Then, sophomore Acadia DiNardo clinched 15th place in her first collegiate showing of the 5000m with a time of 18:40.45. Vassar then smashed records in field events. Sophomore Sophie Sharp finished in 11th in the long jump, while freshmen Jackie Cenan and Sabrina Stacks both surpassed the previous shotput school record. Cennan now holds Vassar’s record after registering a 11.21 meter toss. Next up, Vassar will compete in the Ramapo Roadrunner Classic on Friday, Mar. 31 and Saturday, Apr. 1 in Mahwah, NJ. Men’s Track
After spring break in Tuscon, AZ, the Vassar men’s track and field team competed in the 22nd Annual Monmouth Season Opener. Junior Philip Brown was a standout for the Burgundy and Gray as he took home first place in the 10000-meter, beating a Vassar school record and qualifying for the ECAC Championships with his impressive time of 31:25.09. Fellow junior Jesse Schatz finished shortly after Brown with a personal-best time of 32:41.73 to capture sixth place. Then in the 1500m, junior Jared Freedman ran a strong 4:00.48 to earn seventh place in the event. Freshman Adin Becker demonstrated his prowess in the 3K as he ran a fast 8:45.43, taking third place and a Vassar school record along the way. After an impressive showing at the Monmouth Season Opener, VC will next take the track in Mahwah, NJ at the Ramapo Roadrunner Classic on Friday, Mar. 31 and Saturday, Apr. 1.
Weekend Scoreboard WOMEN’S RUGBY VASSAR
29
VS
MEN’S TENNIS
UE SANTBOIANA
VASSAR
12
5
VS
CHAPMAN
4
WOMEN’S GOLF VASSAR
VS
348
MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE
WHITTIER
346
MEN’S VOLLEYBALL VASSAR
3
VS
MARYMOUNT
2