Misc3 31 16

The Palak Reporter

Volume CXLVIII | Issue 16

March 31, 2016

Since 1866 | miscellanynews.com

Vassar College Poughkeepsie, NY

‘Harrison,’ Guest speaker hopes to lift waning bro culture the next O ‘Hamilton’ Zander Bashaw Bro-Whisperer

Evelyn Frick

Broadway Dump-Star

tep aside, “Hamilton;” there’s a new musical chronicling the presidency of another American patriot! No, not any Founding Fathers. Not ringing any bells? Don’t worry, the American education system didn’t completely fail you. Most people don’t remember him, as he died immediately upon entering office. This March, the musical nobody wanted, “Harrison” opened in an alley off Times Square! Starring Nick Cage!

Truthfully, I was planning on reviewing “Hamilton,” but I misheard the guy I scalped tickets from and ended up behind the Lego Store. As I write, I am sitting next to a dumpster, watching this god-forsaken musical. For, despite William Henry Harrison’s comically short presidency, the show is soo long.

For 19 days I have watched Nick Cage try to beatbox and rap about a president he clearly knows nothing about. I’m currently watching the section of the musical chronicling Harrison’s illness, and Cage has been laying in a bed, silent, for a while now. The next time he falls asleep onstage, I plan to make my escape. As for “Harrison the Musical,” I give it zero stars, but I hear the film version has already been nominated for an Oscar.

See MUSICAL on page 14

Ashley Pecorelli/The Miscellany News

S

n Thursday, April 7 at 9 p.m., the Bro Students Alliance will host speaker Benjamin Press in the Aula.

There will be a reception afterwards where people can ask questions, get high fives and enjoy refreshments such as chocolate milk and grilled chicken breasts.

“We could def get some gains from having Mr. Press speak,” said Bro Students Alliance Patriarch Brett Gainez in an interview with The Miscellany News. What bros deserve to gain in society is unclear, but Press will object to the sun setting on bro culture.

Press explained the challenges that face the modern-day bro. “Bros around the country are struggling to find spaces to toss crumpled napkins at cronies’ cups. That’s not all, protein prices are at an all time high.”

See GAINS on page 19

Benjamin Press addresses a large crowd at Vanderbilt, his alma mater, where he majored in economics and was a multi-sport intramural athlete. His public speaking career stemmed from a passion for giving lifting advice to strangers.

Patrons protest mug closing before ‘love hour’ Talya Phelps

Mug Vigilante

T

o many Vassar students, the Mug is a great equalizer: all boundaries of class, race and dignity fade away when you are crammed into a lightless cavern like drunken sardines, bopping violently to some Bard band with a name like “Duck Zodiac.” So it is no wonder that rumors of the Mug closing before midnight have sent enthusiasts into a

frenzy. “It may sound like a torturous hellscape if you haven’t been inside it,” said freshman Frieda Flagon, one of the leaders of the current Mug vigil, “but once you give it a try, you’ll realize it’s actually a torturous hellscape with great odds of hooking up!”

The vigil began with Mug defenders sitting outside its entrance, quietly chanting Nicki Minaj raps and holding liquor-filled mugs with votive candles floating in them. When security

deemed the mix of ethanol and flame a fire hazard, protesters became creative, chaining themselves to the Mug door hippie-style or tearfully accosting Main residents in the elevator, asking if they knew how lucky they were to live in the same building as “the best club north of Mamaroneck.” One Main junior lamented “I just want them to leave me alone, I should have stayed in Raymond!”

Remaining realistic about prospects

UpC guy behind Vassar Missed Lily Horner

Aspiring Admin

T

he Vassar Missed admin has finally revealed himself. Patrick “The UpC/Kiosk Guy” has posted a statement on the page and disclosed his role as the mind behind the most popular Vassar-related Facebook group since Good Party Themes became Very Mediocre Party Themes.

Patrick/UpC Guy has confessed to starting the page in order to garner

compliments for the people working tireless nights at UpC, but his efforts were all for naught. Patrick bemoaned, “No one even gave a shout out to Precious. Precious! She’s the Kiosk’s gem” His other inspiration came from the never-ending line at UpC. “If people line up for $15 smoothies, they must be equally desperate for love,” he wrote.

In his statement that was longer than a Mark Zuckerberg treatise, Patrick outlined how he used gossip from

other students to get his page off the ground, “People trusted me, so I used that trust to make people feel better about themselves. I’d say I’m going straight to that Kiosk in the sky.”

Though Patrick seems to be happy at the success his page received, he is wary of how many posts he had to choose not to publish. Apparently, there were many posts criticizing The Misc, specifically the Humor Editor.

See SMOOTH on page 14

Sam Pianello/The Miscellany News

Patrick has been an anonymous hero to the countless students who know him as The UpC Guy and now the Missed admin.

Both UpC and the online profile represent ways for people to connect with their passions, whether sugary or romantic.

Inside this issue

10

Singing mice, birds to dress Sanders for POLITICS Wisconsin rally

10

Baldwin to placate campus climate with SCIENCE new Chill Pill

for saving the Mug, vigil participants have begun searching for potential new club locations and titles, including the library basement (Dewey Decimal After Dark). At press time, protesters had swarmed the Old Bookstore, cranked the UpC music up to deafening levels, and begun raging on top of those lurid orange foam things, ignoring criticism such as “it’s Tuesday night!” or “do that in the CIS office and not on my essay!”

See ‘ARTS’ on page 14

Students screw up Vassar Wifi hotspot Steven Park Floppy Disk

A

fter growing complaints about Student Secure’s inability to perform at the most inopportune times, investigative reporters at The Miscellany News infiltrated the Computing & Information Services (CIS) department only to discover that the wifi’s embarrassing dysfunction is caused by students securing themselves to each other on top of Server machines during fullblown orgies.

Prompted by the twenty-fifth CIS email this month, the reporters witnessed squeamish members of the CIS gagging as they tried to convince six Vassar upperclassmen to climb down from the Server machines and “stop uploading their data into other people’s hard drives.” Upon seeing the horrified yet slightly impressed reporters, head of the CIS Michael Cato quickly tried to block their view from what he called “a most indecent exposure.” Unfortunately, the event reached an even more absurd climax when two couples found themselves tangled in wire cords and suspended in the air, crying out in fear (probably).

Once the horny students were shooed out and the obviously traumatized Michael Cato was given a few minutes to breathe in a paper

10

bag, the reporters were finally able to grasp what was going on.

“Every damn time...we turn on the lights, we see...students ‘getting busy’ on top of our Server machines...making a whole bunch of ungodly sounds,” stated Michael Cato in-between gasps into his paper bag.

It appears that, due to the freezing weather outside, the frequent patrons of Vassar’s famous sex tree have turned to the CIS maintenance office as a viable and equally romantic substitute. Once word got out about the new “Hotspot” on campus, the CIS office became the go-to place to “study biology” for members of the Vassar Orgy Finder Facebook page. As much as college promotes experimentation and fun times, the CIS is forced to shut down the Server afterwards to wipe up the mess.

Michael Cato groaned as he explained, “We knew we had to talk to the Dean of Students about this... but none of us were exactly eager to describe the...ugh...orgies to him in detail. Please don’t make me go into detail.” Following his haggard explanation, Cato excused himself again to return to his paper bag. At press time, Cato was absent, but CIS workers told us he would return soon after buying another bottle of Windex.

See THRUST on page 4

First-time voter half-heartedly tries to POLITICAL get an absentee ballot SCIENCE

The Palak Reporter

S D N A R B E R

Page 2

March 31, 2016

The Miscellany News

Editors-in-Chief Palak Patel Noble Ingram

The Palak Reporter

Senior Editors

N oble

Rest of the paper

Anika Lanser Rhys Johnson

News

News Humor & Satire Arts Sports Photography Design Online Copy

Anika Arts RHYS

31

March

Thursday

Late Night at the Lehman Loeb

5:00pm| Frances Lehman Loeb Art Center Atrium | Art

Conversation Dinner 5:00pm| CC 223 |

Conversation Dinners bring students, faculty, staff, and administrators together for open discussion.

Volleyball (M) vs. NYU

7:00pm| Kenyon gym | VC Athletics

The Poundcake Family Band 8:00pm| Shiva

ViCE Jazz Presents: The Rooks 9:00pm| Mug

1

April

Friday

FWA Cabaret

8:00 pm| UpC | FWA

The Poundcake Family Band 8:00pm| Shiva

ASU Mug Night

10:00pm| Mug| ASU APRIL FOOLS’ DAY

2

April

Saturday

Volleyball (M) Tri-Match w/ Wells and Mt. St. Vincent 11:00am| Kenyon gym| VC Athletics

Rugby (W) vs. Fordham

11:00am| Rugby Field |VC Athletics

Baseball (M) vs. Skidmore 12:00pm| Prentiss Field |VC Athletics

3

April

Sunday

Tennis (M) vs. Skidmore

1:00pm| Joss Tennis Courts/Walker Bays |VC Athletics

VSA Council

7:00pm | Main MPR | VSA

Paper Critique

9:00pm | Rose Parlor | The Misc

Come tell us all about our typos!

Rugby (M) vs. Ithaca

12:30pm| Rugby Field |VC Athletics

Tennis (W) vs. Skidmore

1:00pm| Joss Tennis Courts |VC Athletics

The Poundcake Family Band 8:00pm| Shiva

Vassar College Choir, Women’s Chorus, and Madrigal Singers 8:00pm| Skinner Recital Hall

Axies Host the Williams Euphoria 9:00pm| Rocky 200

April Fools’!

Front page by Zander Bashaw, Sarah Dolan, Evelyn Frick, Lily Horner, Steven Park, Sam Pianello and Talya Phelps.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Jeremy Middleman Zander Bashaw Connor McIlwain Zach Rippe Sam Pianello Sarah Dolan Kelsey Quinn Jackson Ingram

Crossword Editors Alycia Beattie York Chen Collin KnoppSchwyn Assistant News Eilis Donohue Assistant Features Julia Cunningham Alan Hagins Assistant Opinions Nick Barone Emma Jones Assistant Sports Winnie Yeates Assistant Design Talya Phelps Charlotte VarcoeWolfson Assistant Copy Claire Baker Assistant Social Media Hannah Nice Web Master Andy Carrera Reporters Amreen Bhasin Sieu Nguyen Sabrina Oh Matt Stein Columnists Jimmy Christon Jillian Elkin Evelyn Frick Steven Park Penina Remler Sarah Sandler Josh Sherman Patrick Tanella Jesse Horrowitz Photographers Alec Ferretti Ashley Pecorelli Design Christa Haryanto Klara Kaufman Scarlett Neuberger Samana Shrestha Copy Gabriela Calderon Sophie Deixel Steven Park Talya Phelps Noah Purdy Elena Schultz Sophie Slater Laila Volpe Rebecca Weir Laura Wigginton

CORRECTION POLICY The Miscellany News will only corrections for any misquotes, resentations or factual errors for ticle within the semester it is

accept misrepan arprinted.

March 31, 2016

NOBLE NEWS

Page 3

Lecture, panel clarify legal definition of free speech Eilis Donohue and Jeremy Middleman Assistant News Editor and News Editor

V

courtesy of Yale Law School

assar has recently been a center of verbal attacks by students and non-students. Campus events–including discussions about the BDS Resolution–have stressed the importance to distinguish between free though offensive and punishable and hateful expression.

Senior Research Scholar in Law at Yale Law School and former President of Brandeis University Frederick Lawrence presented on “Free Speech vs. Hate Speech: The Changing Contours of Free Expression” at New York’s Jewish Theological Seminary annual Bernard G. Segal Memorial Lecture on March 28. The live-streamed lecture was sponsored by the Dialogue and Engagement Across Differences Fund. A panel discussion facilitated by Professors of Psychology Abigail Baird and Dara Greenwood and Director of Equal Opportunity and Title IX Officer Rachel Pereira followed the lecture.

The lecture sought to answer the question, “Can we protect publicly-addressed free speech while guarding and speaking out against hateful expression?” Lawrence’s speech was grounded in the idea that the U.S. protects hate speech. Using legal definitions Lawrence suggested that the division between free speech and hate crimes is often determined as the difference between speech and conduct. Yet, he suggested that there is a better way of distinguishing them. He asserted, “The division between that which we should protect and that which we may prohibit, in my view should be drawn based on the intent of the actor, much as we generally do in criminal law.”

Upon understanding the distinctions between free speech and hate speech, students may feel better equipped to discuss these issues when they arise. Greenwood said, “Understanding how to think about and constructively counteract potentially polarizing, bigoted or uninformed commentary thus seems particularly critical at this point in time. I think many Vassar students and faculty want to be able to engage in respectful and nuanced dialogue around certain emotionally

Senior Research Scholar in Law at Yale Law School Frederick Lawrence spoke on Monday March 28 about the differences between protected free speech and punishable hate crimes. charged issues (e.g. the BDS movement).”

Pereira facilitated a discussion afterwards.

She remarked on Lawrence’s speech briefly and then fielded questions from the audience. The resounding opinion stood in agreement with Lawrence’s suggestion that the proper way to combat hateful speech is to have more speech.

Pereira explained, “We are a place that is ripe to have more speech. Where else can you have discussions about things like this, [other] than on a college campus? I think universities and college campuses are places where we can model that, combatting offensive speech with more speech.”

She went on to reiterate the crux of Lawrence’s argument, that the line between hateful and criminal speech, and between talk and action, is sometimes difficult to distinguish, and when offensive incidents go unpunished it can feel unjust. While

hateful words cannot always be prohibited by law, they should not be tolerated in personal experiences. Baird advised, “Words can hurt you. A lot.

But they might be scaring you more than they actually hurt you. And if you’re scared you need to talk. And if you’re scared, you need to learn.”

While Lawrence took a legal approach to addressing the concept of protecting free speech, some audience members wanted to discuss those ideas in terms of their practical application at Vassar. Several students took issue with the idea of speaking out more to end hateful speech. They said that they are often not given the opportunity to speak at all and are institutionally oppressed in the very spaces where they are supposedly encouraged to make themselves heard. In response, the panel asked for specifics about how Vassar as an individual institution can lessen the discrimi-

nation that students feel from society at large.

The panelists and administrators demonstrated a desire to hear from students about these issues, and encouraged intersectional discussion on all sides. President Catharine Bond Hill wrote in an emailed statement, “Listening to others is important if we are to benefit from the free exchange of ideas. The benefits of freedom of expression might be lost if separate parties with conflicting points of view do not feel comfortable sharing those viewpoints with each other. One response to difficult discussions is choosing not to participate. This is truly a lost educational opportunity because sometimes uncomfortable conversations can be important.”

Vassar College Libertarian Union President Pietro Garaci ’18 agreed, “It’s important to recognize the importance of free speech, especially at a small liberal arts campus...We don’t want to be divided, we want to grow as a community. And part of that is respecting what somebody has to say, whether you agree with it or not.”

The discussion then turned to the concept of safety versus comfort, and how best to make students feel safe on campus. Dean of the College Christopher Roellke speculated, “The notion of ‘safe space’ is an interesting notion in and of itself. I think education inherently is probably unsafe, because we’re going to have controversial discussions, we’re going to have difficult topics, trying to tackle world problems—these require difficult conversations which can be discomforting.” However, he encouraged students to openly converse about these spaces and feelings. Pereira agreed, “I think we need to start asking ourselves as a campus, are we saying that safe equals comfortable?”

The objective of these events is not to reach any conclusion, but to have earnest, meaningful discussion. “Each of us has an obligation to speak in response to hate speech,” Lawrence concluded.

“The only chill that this creates...is one that brings us closer to a society in which the dignity of all is not only protected by the state, but is cherished by each other.”

Hanhardt elucidates gentrification of queer communities Jorge Gruber

Guest Reporter

I

queer people have this entitlement to claim the space. When they’re in a space with other queer white people they aren’t thinking, ‘Where are the queer POC? Where are the trans POC?’” Gune continued, “[Activism] needs to be more based on community-building and centralizing queer POC and building that sort of community for us–and also allowing white people to come in–but with us being the center and bringing them as well as our ability to have affinity spaces to address our needs as a community...in any activist movement, queer POC and trans POC need to be centered and their needs must be addressed.”

A member of TransMission stressed the importance and urgency of the struggle to end gentrification-induced violence. They also noted the importance of listening to and integrating the ideas of queer scholars like Hanhardt.

“I think [moving towards the future] starts with acknowledging this particular moment as

excruciatingly violent for queer/trans indigenous/people of color, particularly women,” they stated through an emailed statement. “If I have to make one demand from people, it would be this: listen to trans women (of color). Listen to trans women speak, cry, shout, scream–even if you don’t understand, or it unsettles you–because it’s the voices and expressions of trans women of color, the ones most marginalized even amongst the groups of marginalized people, that are the revolutionary ones.” They advocated seeking alternative methods to existing systems of policy making, in order to truly be helpful to marginalized queer and trans people who experience violence. The people who have the most at stake are often drowned out in traditional methods of decision making and implementation. In order to hear those voices, it is necessary to embrace those individuals and encourage solidarity instead of perpetuating internal divisions.

courtesy of University of Maryland

n a March 10 lecture titled “Broken Windows at Blue’s: A Queer History of Gentrification and Quality of Life Policing,” Associate Professor of LGBT Studies at the University of Maryland Christina Hanhardt analyzed gentrification of queer neighborhoods from the perspective of the marginalized groups within these communities. She hoped to explore how efforts of LGBT activists have marginalized other groups in efforts to empower and foster the growth of gay neighborhoods.

The lecture, sponsored by the American Studies Department, was a review and discussion of Hanhardt’s book, “Safe Space: Gay Neighborhood History and the Politics of Violence.” Hanhardt’s book sheds light on the ways in which queer gentrification reinforced hierarchies and oppressive power dynamics despite strides reflected in the development of thriving gay urban neighborhoods. In the process of trying to protect against street violence particularly in gay neighborhoods, lesbian and gay activists targeted subgroups within the community.

The process of gentrification, by which many vibrant gay neighborhoods in urban centers formed at the end of the 20th century, followed a narrative that Hanhardt described as typical.

As upper-class white gay people moved into the economically-depressed areas, revitalization efforts often came at the expense of disadvantaged communities of low-income queer people of color. White queer elites encouraged gentrification for the sake of improving the quality of life and stimulating commercial growth, but ideologically the concept went hand-in-hand with upholding racialized and class-based conceptions of the ideal American city and citizen.

“Hanhardt’s work and the themes she explored in her lecture are so relevant to American Studies because American Studies scholars are constantly attempting to dismantle popularly held convictions, especially those tied up with the project of nation-building,” remarked American Studies major Grace Gregory ’17 in an emailed statement. “[Gentrification] obviously outlines who is the ideal, accepted, or

normal American citizen–the citizen chosen to represent America in these new, tourist-attracting, gentrified cities–the white, middle class, straight citizen. Of course, we see these criteria shift with the emergence of homonationalism, specifically in San Francisco as Hanhardt mentioned, as white gay males become included in this identity group of the ideal American.”

Hanhardt traced the beginning of queer gentrification to the 1970s. After observing the success of urban renewal, white queer elites sought to replicate the end-products in cities with large queer communities like San Francisco and New York City. In response to the high crime rates in impoverished areas, elites organized the training of vigilante groups trained to patrol the streets. People of color and of various sexual orientations and gender preferences were perceived as threats to law and order.

Consequently, wholesale surveillance of and violence against them became legitimized. Cemented within justifications for urban renewal and anti-crime campaigns was a narrative of white gay victims combatting the onslaught of violence perpetrated by prejudiced, non-white criminals.

Hanhardt expounded on another similar theme: the mainstream LGBT movement’s abandonment of coalition-building with other marginalized groups. Hanhardt noted that in the pursuit of respectability, the movement attempted to distance itself from stigmatized groups historically associated with queerness.

This group, Hanhardt explained, typically included drug users, prostitutes and the mentally ill, all of whom were most commonly young, poor people of color.

Following the lecture, many students noted how the process and products of queer gentrification provided valuable insights for how organizations should engage in activism on and off-campus. “A lot of people had complaints with Queer Coalition of Vassar College (QCVC)...being overly white and cis and not representative of the coalition and the community,” President of QCVC Rishi Gune ’17 said.

“As the new president, I’ve tried to bring in more queer POC [people of color], but white

Author and Professor of LGBT Studies Christina Hanhardt spoke about her book, focused on marginalization within LGBT communities after gentrification of gay urban neighborhoods.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

NOBLE NEWS

Page 4

March 31, 2016

Upcoming divestment referendum ignites climate debate Clark Xu

Guest Reporter

I

courtesy of VC Divest

n the face of bureaucratic impediments from subcommittees of the Board of Trustees, student activists from Divest VC turned to student government as they pursued institutional reforms aimed at environmentally responsible investment. The VSA Council will present the Fossil Fuels Divestment Campaign Resolution to the student body for referendum on April 5 at the top of the spring elections ballot.

The proposed resolution recommends the Board of Trustees to pledge to limit, and eventually withhold, all investment from companies that engage in the extraction of fossil fuels without regard for the environmental impacts of their economic activities. If passed by a simple majority of students, the referendum will uphold the VSA Council’s unanimous vote for the resolution and put pressure on the Board of Trustees to reconsider its refusal to debate this issue during its full proceedings.

The potential impact of the resolution differs from resolutions proposed in the org’s prior five years of activism. Brendan Wirth ’19 explained, “By having the referendum be voted on by students, it shows that our campaign is not just a small group. Even though we are small in number compared to the general populace at Vassar, this is an initiative that most people support”.

Despite the disparity in commitment between campaign members and the general student body, student activism has built a collective stance on fossil fuels divestment. McClellan urged students to speak out and vote.

She explained, “Getting that very high statistic of students supporting the referendum will be a powerful thing to show to the Trustees and the administration, to show that this is how our campus feels and that you really need to listen to us”.

VSA President Ramy Abbady ’16 corroborated, “When VSA reps attended the Seven Sisters Conference at Barnard in November, there was a presentation from the Seven Sisters Divestment Coalition that was very thorough and persuasive. This issue is so much bigger than just Vassar and I really admire the students in the divestment group.” When envisioned as a moral statement against the extraction and consumption of fossil fuels, the resolution implicitly condemns all investment in fossil fuel companies.

McClellan and Wirth agree that these types of moral statements keep Vassar in the vanguard of social advocacy.

President Catharine Hill suggests that it would be more constructive and effective to approach fossil fuels divestment as a political issue that lies beyond the scope of educational institutions. She wrote in an emailed statement, “I agree that getting good policies will involve changing politicians’ minds. But, I’m not that optimistic that divestment by educational institutions would do this. In fact, I worry a bit that it would just be ignored, or even worse criticized.”

Instead, Hill proposed an alternative channel for institutional reform. Hill explained, “I would rather see everyone in our community who cares about these issues getting involved in local, state and national elections, making it clear to those running what their views are on these issues.” The political process of the United States, which could stretch over 18 months for presidential candidates, allows ample time for debate and the inclusion of fossil fuels divestment in political debates.

Substituting the political process for immediate action at Vassar poses its own risks. Professor of Philosophy Jeffrey Seidman noted, “Climate change is regarded as a ‘political’ issue in America only because one of the two major parties has made denying climate science an ideological requirement. But there is no room for reasonable, well-informed disagreement that climate change is real, that it is anthropogenic, that the consequences of failing to limit it to two degrees will likely be catastrophic for humanity and the planet, and that doing so will require keeping around 80% of existing fossil fuel reserves in the ground.”

Wirth and McClellan both expressed the hope that student opinion will support VC Divest’s argument against the Administration and Trustees, who have not shown the resolution kindness. The Campus Investor Responsibility Committee and Trustee Investor Responsibility Committee refused to move the resolution from the subcommittees to the full Board of Trustees and President Hill wrote an open letter against it.

Wirth commented, “It kind of infuriates me because Vassar brands itself as a residential college that cares about all students, inclusiveness and providing a welcome space for everyone–

VC Divest’s Fossil Fuels Divestment Campaign Resolution is going to referendum on April 5. Divest VC held their most recent protest at the Feb. 27 meeting of the Board of Trustees. except when you want to change what the administration is doing, in which case they don’t want to hear it.” When asked for the root cause of the administration’s reaction to this issue, Wirth posited, “It really comes from a space of privilege; these administrators know that they have power over students and it comes from this power dynamic that they just take advantage of.”

McClellan corroborated, “Though we have had meetings with them, though we haven’t been totally ignored, we just keep arguing the same points with them over and over. We know we are not going to convince them just by talking about it, because they refuse to listen. They refuse to listen to student opinions about both our future at Vassar and our future on this planet.”

On the contrary, Professor Seidman believed that the Board of Trustees engages in conversation with students about divestment from a reasonable position. Seidman pointed out that Vassar College’s investment decisions would be unstable, or at least very weak, if the Board of Trustees responded to every conceivable injustice with a divestment resolution. The burden of proof consequently remains with the VC Divest

members to demonstrate that fossil fuels divestment targets companies that commit flagrant and unusual injustices.

Wirth offers an argument that positions divestment against South African apartheid as a precedent for fossil fuels divestment. He reported, “Divestment has really opened my eyes to how climate change is not an isolated issue. People who are already marginalized and oppressed are going to feel the effects first. This is a culmination of basically all forms of oppression.

They are all linked, with climate change as the epicenter of all this. That’s not to say that other factors are at play for other forms of oppression, but climate change is going to be what dominates the 21st century and the centuries beyond it if we don’t act now.”

Although there is disagreement about its benefits, the Divestment Resolution is only a proposed method of dealing with climate change.

Seidman reiterated the phenomenon’s significance, warning, “Catastrophic climate change would not be just another event in human history–it would be the upending of the stage on which that history is played.”

VSA initiative to make free tampons available on campus Ethan Baratz

Guest Reporter

E

arlier this month, the Vassar Student Association (VSA) set into motion an initiative aimed at increasing student access to menstrual hygiene products on campus. The plan, which was initiated by members of the VSA’s Student Life Committee, involves a partnership between the VSA and the student org ProHealth to provide students on campus with free access to tampons.

Free condoms have long been offered at Vassar, but other personal health products like tampons are not as readily available. “Unlike

condoms, tampons are a necessity for everyone who menstruates,” said Class of 2018 President Rebecca Pober, who is spearheading the initiative. “But Vassar doesn’t provide free access to tampons like it does for condoms, which doesn’t make sense. So when someone brought up in a committee meeting that we should bring free tampons to campus, everyone immediately jumped on the idea.”

Currently, few colleges and universities offer free feminine hygiene products on their campuses, and even fewer offer the products at more than one location. A number of free tampon initiatives at colleges across the country, including

Ashley Pecorelli/The Miscellany News

The VSA hopes to pass an initiative to make tampons and pads free and available for all students. Currently they are only available in a vending machine in the College Center.

the University of Arizona, Columbia University and Barnard College, have not yet been successful, lacking traction in administration or student government. “Vassar would be one of the first of its kind to have an initiative like this if and when the initiative finally comes to fruition,” said VP for Student Life Chris Brown ’16. “We want to make sure there are resources available at any time of the day for anyone to use, as these products are essential to the health and well being of many students here. We don’t have it, and we should have it.”

Feminine hygiene products are both expensive and necessary, creating a conundrum that Vassar has the ability to rectify, but so far has not done. Brown explained, “So far, The VSA, and specifically Joshua Sherman [’16] from the SoCos, installed a vending machine in the College Center with tampons as a purchasing option. While this is an important step, it is not one that make tampons readily accessible for all students–including those of lower socioeconomic status, and those that are far away from Main Building, especially late in the evenings.”

Students and organizations have voiced overwhelming enthusiasm for the initiative and its long-awaited implementation. “In comparison to other issues regarding student physical and mental health, I feel as though there has been a relative absence of dialogue regarding menstruation at Vassar,” said Emily Bender ’17, a student who has advocated for free tampons on campus for several years. “And on a day-to-day basis, that’s okay, but not if it means that students experience an access barrier to needed hygiene products.”

Brown echoed these sentiments, and reiterated that the access barrier disproportionately affects those of different socioeconomic classes. “On Student Life Committee, we try and do what we can to make this school and this space more accessible and fair, especially for students

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

who are structurally disadvantaged compared to others at this institution. That means trying to provide these students with what we believe to be basic necessities so as to help relieve a lot of the burden they already carry by being of lower socioeconomic class at a private institution where the wealthy are already at such a huge advantage.” While not all students may want or need to use the tampons provided by the Committee, providing an accessible product directly on campus, free of charge, can only be beneficial to the community as a whole.

Despite widespread support for the cause, however, the initiative is still in its infancy, and has already experienced some complications in its execution. “We’ve run into some difficulties finding a company that can provide good quality tampons to the college at subsidized prices,” Pober remarked. “We’re still in the process of finding a long-term solution for the plan. But right now, we’re ordering some tampons and pads in bulk for the rest of the semester, and seeing how we can distribute it.”

The VSA is currently planning on making the tampons and pads available during a trial period that will take place later in the semester. “The trial period is our way of testing how the distribution will run, and of locking down a one-time provider for the rest of the semester so we can buy some products and see what the response on campus is,” Brown said. “Ideally, in the future, we will partner with a long-term provider where we can buy in bulk on a yearly basis to make this initiative part of our structure.”

Despite these initial obstacles, Pober and Brown remained optimistic about the cause and voiced their enthusiasm for the future. “This initiative is important and needed,” Brown said.

“There are still a lot of things to do, and it’s frustrating how long things can take sometimes, but all we can do is keep going.”

March 31, 2016

RHYS OPINIONS

Page 5

The Miscellany News Staff Editorial

Vassar fails to address intercession students’ daily needs

E

ach academic break, a number of students remain on campus. Some students stay for work-study jobs on campus or because they do not have the financial means to travel home. A portion of athletes are also required to stay on campus over breaks if their sports are in season.

We at The Miscellany News believe that the College does a disservice to these groups of students by severely limiting their food options on campus and failing to provide adequate support in terms of amenities like heat, clean water and access to food off campus.

Students who live on campus over break have to pay for access to residential houses. The cost is $150 for winter break and $75 for spring break. Although during winter break students must reside in Noyes, during spring break students have recently been allowed to remain in their own rooms.

This access, however, does not come with the same privileges as it would during regular school terms.

During both winter break and spring break, the Deece is completely closed. The Kiosk, UPC and Express Lunch are also closed, while the Retreat stays open only on weekdays from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. During this time, the grill is also closed, meaning students’ only on-campus food option is premade Retreat food, the salad bar and a small variety of unsubstantive and unhealthy snacks.

These reduced hours and options leave students without reliable, cost-efficient food options at night and on the weekends.

During these times, students are forced to cook their own meals in house kitchens, look off-campus or spend exorbitant amounts of money or dining bucks at the Retreat for all their meals.

The school does not help students navi-

gate these options or their time on campus during break.

Despite sending out many emails concerning the logistics of staying on campus over break and the possible repercussions for trying to stay without paying, there were no emails sent out concerning the limited food options during the break. This left students with relatively no time to prepare for the break and utilize resources that are only available while school is in session, like the shuttle off campus or Express lunch.

Additionally, the break hours for the Retreat were not posted until the Friday before break began, which only served to disillusion students about the availability of food on campus and leave them completely unprepared for the weekend during which all dining options on campus were closed.

Both of these options cost students outof-pocket money not covered by the housing fee or even subsidized by the college.

Students could use their dining bucks at the Retreat, but it is then difficult for students to conserve dining bucks for the rest of the semester.

There is no way to use meal swipes during academic breaks which are the aspect of the meal plan that often is more unused by the end of the semester.

Without a car or access to transportation, students are limited to the food options in Arlington. My Market is the only grocery store within walking distance and is significantly more expensive than bigger chains and has a more limited selection.

Even if students did have better access to groceries, it would still be difficult for them to cook their own meals as house kitchens aren’t stocked with cooking utensils. Students must either purchase their own pots,

pans, etc. or borrow someone else’s.

Given that many students who stay on campus over breaks do so for economic reasons, this lack of support is particularly unacceptable. It is absurd to ask students to pay to stay on campus during a two-week break, especially if the College is not going to support them with the proper amenities.

The heating in the dorms was shut off, numerous dorms became infested with mice, and water in Cushing was brown for several days before the College got around to addressing the concern.

These policies disproportionately affect low-income and international students who often have limited options in terms of going home or traveling for academic breaks. These concerns need to be addressed, especially since they restrict basic access to food and place students in financially straining situations.

Although keeping the Deece open during long breaks would be costly for the school given the relatively small number of students who remain on campus, there are many other ways the school can help students access healthy foods for all three meals. We at The Miscellany News believe there needs to be more assistance for students during this time.

At the very least, the school should operate shuttles to and from grocery stores.

Additionally, there should be a meal swipe equivalency at the Retreat so that students are not forced to use out-of-pocket money, rather than the money they have already paid for meals. The school could also put together bagged lunches in exchange for meal swipes, as it has done over previous winter breaks, in order to make food more accessible after the Retreat closes.

Vassar offers shuttles to and from the

Poughkeepsie Train Station during breaks.

It also offers airport shuttles for a cost. The school reimburses students for transportation to and from Field Work. There is no excuse for the school not to operate daily shuttles to and from Stop and Shop (which is closer to campus than the train station) or another low-cost healthy food store.

It seems backwards that the school expects students who cannot afford to travel home to pay for their own transportation to and from the grocery store, while offering students who can afford to travel free shuttles. Certainly, the college can accommodate both groups of students.

While many administrators and professors do not reside on campus and can go home at the end of the workday, most students do not have the luxury of being able to leave campus. Thus, it is even more important for the College to provide adequate support for students who stay on campus.

Even though it may be an academic break, many students are living at school because it is their home. When access to food is greatly restricted on campus, it is not as if students can go to their home kitchens for meals.

When there are mice running rampant through buildings on campus, it is not as if students can escape the infestation by leaving campus for the night.

We at The Miscellany News think that the administration needs to think about the lack of options students have in general on campus and the ways that limiting options on campus essentially limits the options students have in their homes.

—The Staff Editorial represents at least 2/3 opinions of the Editorial Board of the Miscellany News.

VSA should be depoliticized in wake of BDS vote Jesser Horrowitz Columnist

I

f a waiter fails to serve their customers promptly, they are fired. If a doctor fails to care for their patients, they are fired. If a lawyer fails to adequately defend their clients, they are fired. Likewise, if an elected representative fails to defend and fight for their constituents, they too should be fired.

Prior to spring break, the VSA Council passed a resolution endorsing the BDS movement, while failing to pass the amendment. Essentially, the VSA endorses an academic boycott of Israel, but isn’t going to force student organizations stop buying Ben and Jerry’s or Sabra Hummus.

Less than 48 hours before the vote was to take place, the VSA Executive Board put out a statement claiming that “were the VSA constitution amendment, by Council vote or referendum, to include a boycott, the administration and Board would still consider the option of no longer allowing the VSA control over the Student Activities fee.” The situation is very clear. The administration is interfering with student governance in order to prevent a boycott and are presenting a very clear choice: if the amendment passes the VSA gets defunded, if the amendment doesn’t pass the VSA won’t be defunded.

But this is contrasted with the statement released by President Hill and Dean Chris Roellke.

According to their statement in The Miscellany News, “The VSA Executive Board asked us what the options might be, were such a proposal to pass ... We responded that the options would include vetoing the proposal...or taking away the VSA’s authority over spending the activities fee...as to prevent it from implementing the boycott.” They went on to say, “Since no proposal has passed, the college has not had to make its final decision about how to respond ... Were such a proposal to pass, we would work with the VSA on the appropriate response. Our goal would be to insure that student organizations continued to be funded, but in accord with college policies.”

The statement from the VSA Executive Board suggested that defunding would be a definite option were the amendment to pass. The administration’s statement suggests a much different

story. Firstly, it was presented as one of numerous options. Secondly, it would most likely have been used if they feared that the VSA would enforce the boycott regardless of a veto from President Hill.

Thirdly, the administration made no decisions regarding their plan, and would have worked on a potential solution with the VSA council. All of this was left out of the VSA’s statement.

While some may pooh-pooh this is an excuse to oppose a movement many alumnae/i don’t like, the legal consequences of approving the BDS amendment could be devastating. In order to receive federal fundings, Vassar College must abide by certain rules. One rule forbids the college from engaging in discrimination on the basis of nation of origin, which BDS might potentially violate.

Were the College found to be in violation of this provision, the institution could lose all federal funding, including Pell Grants. Many students unable to pay for college without financial aid would have difficulty continuing to attend Vassar. Posse students would likely disappear. The character of Vassar would change drastically for the worse.

Yet, none of this was referenced in the statement the VSA Executive Board made. As a result, an already toxic environment became even worse.

Due to this, the meeting in which the resolution was debated devolved into complete chaos. BDS supporters took every opportunity to imply that opposing their brand of activism is racist; while every time antisemitism was mentioned it was met with laughter and mockery. Multiple at-large members were in tears while reading statements on how the debate has affected them, and were met with BDS supporters pointing and laughing.

While it was not loud enough to interrupt their statements, it was noticed and commented on by members of the audience.

It is the responsibility of the VSA President to prevent this type of behavior at meetings. However, he either didn’t notice what was going on or he did and couldn’t be bothered to intervene. Either way, he failed to do the job that he is paid to do.

It’s unfair to blame this all on one person. The complete abdication of the VSA Council’s moral and ethical responsibility towards the student body neither starts nor ends at the meeting. It begins with the council’s decision to become a

political organization.

The VSA Council has no right having a political bias. They are representatives of a student body with diverse political beliefs, using money that they are given by Vassar College. As one individual declared during last week’s meeting, “Vassar College is not a liberal institution. It is an educational institution.” It is the belief of the VSA council that one cannot ever truly be apolitical.

That is not true. One can stand against racism and sexism and antisemitism on campus without favoring certain political beliefs over others. Essentialism leads to the death of diversity of opinion, and is not conducive to solving the issues facing America or this campus.

In defense, the VSA Executive Board usually asserts that they have to vote on whatever is proposed. But what the VSA didn’t have to do was waste months of everyone’s time for BDS training and discussion after discussion on this pointless affair. They could have just voted on the issue and then been done with it for the year. But they made the decision to spend more time and resources on this issue than any other one.

And I understand that this is an issue that caused significant stress to the representatives, but as we focused on the Israeli-Palestinian situation we failed to properly realize the issues it presents regarding life on campus. Can’t we focus less on the overseas impact and more on the impact back home? If they were going to have training, that’s where the focus should have been.

Then, there’s the issue of the confidential vote, which has been very controversial to say the least.

I understand why the VSA council felt it necessary to adopt the secret ballot. I imagine that many people on this campus would be uncomfortable with the possible consequences of voting a certain way. There is nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with the financial or personal repercussions of a vote; however, if you’re so concerned of the consequences of your decision that you couldn’t possibly vote publicly, you shouldn’t serve elected office. Since a secret ballot gives these representatives an ability to lie as to how they voted, the VSA deprives the student body their right to a representative that “openly and proudly” serves their interests.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Both sides of the debate have put their own personal and professional reputations on the line for what they believe in. It is insult to everyone involved for the VSA Council to vote in secret when so many have risked everything to speak in public.

And finally, there is the decision itself. You might be of the belief that a boycott is the best course of action in order to prevent human rights violations in Israel. You have a right to your belief.

I don’t think that anyone who personally boycotts Israel is necessarily antisemitic. I do think that there is a great deal of antisemitism embedded in the BDS movement and in Students for Justice in Palestine, but if you don’t feel comfortable buying Sabra Hummus or Ben & Jerry’s, more power to you. If you want to promote this and advocate that this is the best way to combat human rights violations in Israel, that is also your right. If you come to the viewpoint that not only is your course of action the best one, but that it should be recognized as the best one by a government body and forced onto people who disagree with you, then you have crossed a very serious line.

One student at the VSA meeting pointed out that their money is used by the VSA Council towards things they didn’t want to fund since college money is used to purchase products they believe support human rights violations by the Israeli government. This argument could be used as justification to defund practically every student organization on campus. I could use this argument to defund J-Street. I could use this argument to defund SJP. I could use this argument to defund JVP. I could use this argument to defund the VCLU. I could use this argument to defund VJU. I could use this argument to defund any student organization I didn’t like. The line has to be drawn somewhere, and considering how deeply the VSA council has failed to handle politicization I do not trust them to draw it. We tried acting political and it failed, it’s time to serve students again.

I formally call for the immediate repeal of the BDS resolution and the depoliticization of the VSA. It is time for us to move past the nonsense and focus on what matters: ending sexual assault, improving accessibility on campus and improving Vassar College to the best of our ability.

RHYS OPINIONS

Page 6

March 31, 2016

“Bernie or Bust” rhetoric proves toxic to election discourse Nick Barone

Assistant Opinions Editor

A

fter gaining significant momentum from his victories in the American West, Senator Bernie Sanders continues to gallantly fight Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nomination. However, as I’ve written before, Clinton’s nomination appears more and more inevitable after she swept nearly the entire South and generated support from over 450 superdelegates.

Though Sanders has successfully imbued the overall Democratic primary with a renewed progressive energy, his failure to generate support from minority communities and older citizens may indeed halt his opportunities for long-term success, despite recent momentum.

My pessimism about his campaign stems more from my lack of faith in the current Democratic hierarchy than in Sanders himself. The Democratic establishment has already asked Sanders to begin toning down his campaign, with Maryland Senator Barbara Mikulski urging, “It will be almost impossible for Sen. Sanders to catch up.

And he should do the math and draw his own conclusions” (Politico, “Democrats to Sanders: Time to wind it down,” 03.21.2016). While it is important to note that these sentiments were expressed before Sanders’s landslide victories in Hawaii, Alaska and Washington, there has been no indication that the establishment is going to change its tune about Sanders anytime soon.

Without the support of those controlling the Party’s agenda and financial resources, I don’t think Sanders will be nominated this July. I think it’s too late in the game for Sanders to redefine political pragmatism. I think it’s too late in the game for Sanders to achieve a mandate and reverse the endorsements of over 400 superdelegates.

Hopefully I’m wrong. However, despite my belief that Sanders is the best candidate running right now, a dangerous trend propagated recently within the stalwart wing of the supporter base of Sanders that must be properly critiqued and deconstructed.

While some would-be Democratic voters are bracing for a Clinton nomination, more diehard Sanders supporters have turned to an alternate plan should he have to concede. In response to the purported inevitability of Clinton’s nomination, Internet supporters of Sanders have launched a “Bernie or Bust” campaign. The basis of the movement asserts that if Sanders does not get nominated, people will either not vote or turn their support for Green Party candidate Dr. Jill Stein. Supporters of the campaign have cited “her stance on military intervention in the Middle East, fracking, the minimum wage, Wall Street regulation and campaign finance reform” (Yahoo! Politics, “Some Sanders supporters say it’s ‘Bernie or Bust’ and they will never vote for Hillary Clinton,” 03.26.2016). Within the last few weeks, I have found myself struggling with my position in this very camp.

Grappling with the complex political history of Hillary Clinton is a tough task for anyone who considers themselves to be a progressive, especially those disillusioned with the current political system and Democratic establishment.

Whereas Clinton represents the status quo, Stein has promised the United States a “Green New Deal,” shown unwavering support for movements like Black Lives Matter and thoroughly rejected the neoconservative foreign policy that has dominated American relations over the past decade and a half. Stein is a long-distance runner in the fight for environmental and social justice, egalitarianism, civil rights and sustainable infrastructure.

While my beliefs resonate strongly with those of Stein’s, particularly her commitment to green social justice and economic equality, a vote for a third party this election cycle amounts to potential complicity in the election of Donald Trump or Ted Cruz. That is something I can’t have on my conscience. That is something no supporter of equality or justice should have on their conscience. If enough left-leaning individuals vote third-party in lieu of voting Democrat, that could lead to significant denting in Clinton’s supporter

base, paving the way for a Republican president.

The Left needs to, for better or for worse, unite behind whomever earns the Democratic nomination.

“... a vote for a third party this election cycle amounts to potential complicity in the election of Donald Trump or Ted Cruz.”

I am not against voting for third-party candidates, generally speaking. Third parties are an essential and healthy part of our democracy. I reject the popular notion that a vote for a third-party candidate is a “wasted vote.” However, there’s simply too much at stake this year to risk it.

Refusing to vote at all if Sanders isn’t nominated is equally as toxic. An article that ran in Quartz described the privileged position of Sanders supporters who say they will sit out the election or vote for Stein this November instead of voting for Hillary Clinton. The piece frames the very dangerous and violent reality many groups of people will face should Donald Trump become President of the United States.

The article goes on to detail that, “Trump excuses his followers who attack a homeless Hispanic man on the street...refused to distance himself from the Ku Klux Klan, supports banning Muslims from entering the US, advocates killing the families of terrorists, and is openly sexist. How privileged do you need to be to imagine that it’s a good idea to risk the actual lives of vulnerable Americans because you ‘hate’ Clinton so much that you vow to stay home if Sanders doesn’t get the nomination?” (Quartz, “Privilege is what allows Sanders supporters to say they’ll ‘never’ vote for Clinton,” 03.22.2016).

Furthermore, Ted Cruz’s comments about patrolling Muslim neighborhoods in the wake of the Brussels attacks and consistently virulent anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric underscores the unfortunate and dismal reality that his presidency would only be marginally better.

Melissa Hillman’s piece serves as an effective exercise in speaking truth to power. For communities of color, queer folk and women, a Trump– or Cruz, for that matter–presidency is a real threat. The “Bernie or Bust” movement ignores the dangers that abandoning Clinton could spell for the most at-risk members of our society.

Moreover, the campaign underestimates how Trump’s lack of political qualifications could disastrously undermine the office of the presidency and the ability of the government to properly serve the people it is supposed to represent. Donald Trump is a pathological liar whose toxic beliefs often change within minutes of him dictating them. The absurd and utterly terrifying concept of a Trump presidency could very well become a reality in eight months if liberals and left-leaning moderates don’t back the Democratic nominee.

Hillary Clinton is a flawed candidate. Hillary Clinton is maybe not as liberal or consistent in her views as some would like. Hillary Clinton voted for the War in Iraq. Hillary Clinton has Wall Street ties. Hillary Clinton is relatively moderate on many positions that are near and dear to progressives’ hearts.

Hillary Clinton did not offer to pay the legal fees of a supporter who punched a black protester. Hillary Clinton did not speak at the same event as an evangelical pastor who called for the punishment of death for homosexuals. Hillary Clinton did not vow to bring back waterboarding.

Hillary Clinton does not spew racist, sexist vitriol on a regular basis just to make headlines.

The perils are too grandiose and pervasive to ignore. I will vote for Hillary Clinton should she earn the Democratic nomination out of fear for the potentially irreversible damage a Trump or Cruz presidency could inflict on our nation. I encourage all who feel similarly to do the same.

Kesha lawsuit underscores sexism in music industry Emma Jones

Assitant Opinions Editor

O

n October 14, 2014, Kesha filed a lawsuit against music producer Lukasz Sebastian Gottwald, widely known as Dr. Luke, accusing him of “sexual harassment, gender violence, civil harassment, unfair business, and intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress.”

Almost a year and a half later, Dr. Luke has become a household name and Kesha has received an outpouring of support from fans and media sources alike. However, not only is the singer still legally tied to her alleged abuser, but the music industry as a whole continues to perpetuate a culture of sexism and exploitation.

While the widespread public outrage surrounding Kesha’s lawsuit shows a growing awareness of the inherent sexism of the society we live in, the case should serve as a means to begin to address the flaws of the industry, not simply as yet another celebrity scandal to fuel tabloids and social media debates.

Kesha, in fact, has attempted to turn the attention of the media to the blatant sexism of larger corporations within the music business. In June 2015, Kesha amended the complaint to reveal that Dr. Luke’s abuse was visible to Sony Music Entertainment executives, who, far from taking any action against Dr. Luke, actively concealed his misconduct.

The amendment goes on to accuse Sony of forcing an abusive relationship between Kesha and Dr. Luke. Around the same time, a judge in the California court system put the case on hold. Although Kesha originally filed the case in California, her contract with Sony dictated that the legal battle would play out in the New York courts.

In September 2015, Kesha pushed for an injunction on the grounds that, if she could not release new music in the near future, her career would be essentially over. Sony spoke out for the first time shortly after the injunction, denying all of the singer’s accusations.

Around this time, public interest surround-

ing the case grew, sparking the spread of the hashtag #FreedomForKesha and the creation of a petition demanding the singer’s release from her record contract.

While the support of feminist icons in the music industry is, of course, a positive trend, the dialogue surrounding these women often reveals a lack of awareness of the plight of women in music both past and present. The portrayal of talented, outspoken female singers as groundbreaking and unprecedented can be as detrimental as it is beneficial.

While it has only recently become more acceptable for women in the industry to outwardly assert their power in a male-dominated profession, women have always been a crucial part of the music business. Even positive media depictions of these women tend to ignore the presence of female musicians throughout history, discrediting their role in the formation of today’s music world.

Moreover, Kesha is hardly the only female pop artist to fall victim to sexual, physical, verbal and emotional abuse. Although Kesha should continue to be lauded for speaking out against her abuser and supported throughout the ensuing extensive legal battle, the music world–and the society in which it exists– needs to focus on creating an environment in which victims feel safe to publicly fight back against their abusers.

Despite the growing media attention surrounding Kesha and Dr. Luke, the courts continue to delay their final ruling on the case.

On Feb. 19, New York State Supreme Court Justice Shirley Kornreich rejected a preliminary injunction that would have allowed the singer to record outside of her six-album contract with Dr. Luke. The Court did not, however, determine whether or not the case was to be dismissed entirely. A month later, Kesha appealed the Court decision which keeps her tied to Sony and Dr. Luke.

According to Scott A. Edelman, an attorney who represents Sony, the company does not legally have the power to terminate Kesha’s contract. Therefore, Sony has denied all responsibility for Kesha’s predicament.

Rumors have surfaced lately in the media claiming that Sony intends to drop Dr. Luke.

Sony, however, refuses to comment on the reports. Whether or not these speculations are true, Sony clearly has no plans to protect Kesha from her abuser.

Despite the stringent regulation of women in music at the hands of powerful corporations, the musicians themselves, and not the larger powers in the industry, are frequently blamed for the blatant misogyny that embodies itself in everything from lyrics to album covers. Our culture tends to hold female pop artists responsible for moving the music industry in a less misogynistic direction.

Major record labels, however, frequently restrict the creative license of artists. It is safe to assume that Kesha is not the woman in the industry whose producer “prevent[s] her from having any real control over her music” (New York Times, “Kesha vs. Dr. Luke: Inside Pop Music’s Contentious Legal Battle,” 02.23.2016). Dr. Luke both “threaten[ed] her career and her family” and repeatedly refused to negotiate fair terms on contracts, negatively affecting “her health, sanity, and career.”

The manipulation of female artists goes beyond mental and emotional exploitation: according to Kesha, Dr. Luke once told her, following a disagreement over her lyrics, that he could use recording equipment to manipulate her voice to say anything he wanted.

It is clearly time for the music industry to reexamine the structure that is currently in place; while stringent legal restrictions prevent artists who feel threatened in their present position–such as Kesha–from terminating their contract, the legislation that protects the autonomy of artists is evidently insufficient.

Although a growing number of female pop artists are attempting to break the mold, it would undoubtedly “be easier to claim autonomy in the music world if women were allowed to touch the machines without someone breathing down their necks, asking,

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

‘Can I help you?’” (Bust Magazine, “Grimes Slams Sexism in the Music Industry in New Interview”). The ambiguity of this kind of paternalistic conduct toward women–often dubbed “benevolent sexism”–makes it particularly difficult to separate the protection and support of female artists from disenfranchisement.

Much of the prejudice which female musicians encounter, in fact, has nothing to do with music itself. The media continually emphasizes these women’s physical appearance, reducing their careers to a matter of secondary importance. The intense scrutiny of female bodies and the hypersexualization of pop artists fuels a hostile environment in which abuse and exploitation are not only overlooked, but are accepted into mainstream culture.

Although this is undoubtedly not the first incident of abuse between a producer and an artist, Mark Geragos, Kesha’s lawyer, believes that the lawsuit may be a “first-ofits-kind case” (New York Times, “Kesha vs.

Dr. Luke: Inside Pop Music’s Contentious Legal Battle,” 02.23.2016). Evidently, the music business needs to reexamine its system of music production, this time focusing on the protection of individual artists as well as record labels and producers.

“Evidently, the music business needs to reexamine its system of music production...”

The sexism of the music industry, of course, does not exist in a vacuum. Media trends reflect the underlying values of our culture as a whole, both reflecting and fueling larger issues. By reconstructing pop culture, however, we can begin to use music and art as methods of revising the modern social structure rather than reinforcing it.

March 31, 2016

RHYS OPINIONS

Scientists note perks of bioluminescence Steven Park Columnist

I

magine a world where the streets glow with a dreamlike shade of blue, as if you’re walking in the presence of ethereal spirits wandering the city. While that image sounds too mythical to be real, one start-up company is working to create this otherworldly environment for the future.

Glowee, a French company planning on harnessing the power of bioluminescent bacteria, has officially debuted after successfully crowdfunding in May 2015. Their goal: to replace the electric street lamps of France with blue microbial lamps.

Bioluminescence is an organism’s ability to generate light in darkness. This is different from fluorescence, which involves absorbing light from an external source and immediately re-emitting a modified version of that light. While fluorescence is a physical process, bioluminescence is a chemical one that occurs due to an enzyme, luciferase.

In the biochemical reaction, luciferase catalyzes the light-emitting pigment luciferin with oxygen in order to create light (Live Science, “What Causes Bioluminescence?,” 06.16.2010). For humans, bioluminescence has the potential to become a valuable source of renewable energy.

Consider the latest global push towards reducing CO2 emissions and fighting climate change. At the 2015 UN Climate Change Conference, world leaders came to an agreement that everyone must do everything they can to cut down our energy consumption. While politicians can promise to limit emissions, real progress cannot occur without a viable green energy solution. Rather than an immediate transition to green energy, what if we tackled the problem one chunk at a time? This is where inspirations from nature and the creativity of science mesh together. For instance, bioluminescence doesn’t require any electricity to produce light. Given this fact, researchers are investigating engineered bioluminescence as a possible alternative to regular street lighting.

Replacing electric lamps with bioluminescent ones may seem almost trivial in the face of cutting global energy consumption, but reducing the

number of public street lamps is a very necessary first step. In truth, lighting up the streets every night is an incredibly expensive task. According to the U.S. Energy Information Administration, the U.S. spent a total of $11 billion on outdoor lighting in 2012, 30 percent of which went to waste on areas that didn’t use or need that light (Florida Atlantic University, “Light Pollution Hurts Our Economy and Our Resources,” 01.30.2013).

Furthermore, a recent research study determined that there are currently about 300 million total streetlights around the world, and that number will grow to 340 million by 2025 (Northeast Group, LLC, “Global LED and Smart Street Lighting: Market Forecast (2014-2025),” 02.2014). With such severe drawbacks that come with electrical lighting, the use of bioluminescent light is a way to alleviate some if not most of that cost.

Today, the race to find the best form of engineered bioluminescence continues to bring us various creative inventions and solutions. At Syracuse University, a small team of scientists led by Rabeka Alam discovered a way to chemically attach genetically-altered luciferase enzymes from fireflies directly onto the surface of nanorods to make them glow (Inhabitat, “Scientists to Use Firefly Bioluminescence to Create Energy-Free Lighting,” 06.19.2012). In a process they called Bioluminescence Resonance Energy Transfer (BRET), the nanorod produces a bright light whenever the luciferase enzyme interacts with the fuel source and can produce different colors depending on the size of the rod. According to one scientist on the team, “It’s conceivable that someday firefly-coated nanorods could be inserted into LED-type lights that you don’t have to plug in.” On the other side of the world, Dutch designer Daan Roosegaarde has been working together with the tech company Bioglow to create bioluminescent trees to light up the streets (IFL Science, “Bioluminescent trees could light up our streets,” 03.31.2014). Incorporating important research from the University of Cambridge, Roosegaarde and his team spliced DNA containing the light-emitting properties from bioluminescent

organisms into the chloroplasts of plants. As a result, those plants can produce both luciferase and luciferin that allows them to glow at night.

For Glowee, the plan is to harness bioluminescence by using Aliivibrio fischeri, a species of bioluminescent bacteria found in certain marine animals like the Hawaiian bobtail squid (New Scientist, “Glow-in-the-dark bacterial lights could illuminate shop windows,” 02.26.2016). They first produce a gel containing the bioluminescent bacteria along with various nutrients that keep the bacteria alive. Then, the gel is used to fill small, transparent containers, allowing the light to glow through. This method not only makes the light source wireless but also customizable depending on its purpose and design. These bioluminescent lamps would certainly appeal to shop owners in France, especially since the French government recently passed a law that forces all businesses to turn off their lights at 1 a.m. to fight light pollution.

Unfortunately, despite countless efforts towards perfecting engineered bioluminescence, it may still be a long while before our streets are lit by genetically-altered plants or bacteria. The two main obstacles in this endeavor are the relatively dim nature of the lights as well as their short lifespan. Even with Glowee’s bio-lights, the company’s current prototype can only produce light up to three days. Some argue that the cost and production of these bioluminescent products greatly overshadow their benefits, saying that such eco-friendly alternatives can never catch up to electrical lighting. While there may be limitations, all these projects by businesses and institutions signify the public’s growing desire for real change. A lot of these projects were funded

by Kickstarter and other funding platforms. The public recognizes the potential behind engineered bioluminescence. With continuous effort and scientific innovation, a town or a neighborhood powered by living organisms instead of electricity can be a reality. By following the ghostly blue light ahead, we would take a tremendous first step towards a world where humans and nature can truly coexist.

TIRC stifles activism on climate change Vassar College Fossil Fuel Divestment Campaign

T

his is the first of a two-part article on the Fossil Fuel Divestment Campaign’s repeated attempts to engage the Administration and Board of Trustees on fossil fuel divestment. Our experience has made clear to us that Vassar’s trustees do not hear students’ voices, nor reflect our interests and concerns. The Board’s recent threat to defund the Vassar Student Association shows that it does not respect us as adults who can speak and make decisions as a student body. The illusion of the VSA as an autonomous body reflecting students’ concerns was shattered once we approached the invisible limits set by the trustees, beyond which we cannot be trusted with managing our own affairs and necessitates their intervention. In order to further highlight the disjunction between students and trustees, DivestVC publicizes the history of our campaign’s interaction with the administration. Before spring break, members of the Fossil Fuel Divestment Campaign met with the Trustee Investor Responsibility Committee (TIRC) to impress on them the importance and necessity of divesting the endowment of direct investments in the top 200 coal, oil and gas companies. Well acquainted with their intransigence on this subject, we specifically approached them with the following three demands in the hopes of constructively furthering the discussion: Set up a series of individual follow-up calls between divestment campaigners and each TIRC member.

Allow divestment campaigners to present to the full board at the meeting in May. Cease any attempts to formulate a policy banning divestment indiscriminately in all cases, including cases of genocide.

It was our hope that by opening lines of communication with each of the five trustees who sit on the TIRC, we would be able to hear and respond to their concerns over fossil fuel divestment as individuals. Along the same lines, we did not expect a meeting with the full Board of Trustees would result in an official vote, but we believed that it would allow trustees not on the TIRC to hear arguments from students directly, instead of debating our proposal and concerns in

our absence.

Our third demand was the result of being made aware that a policy to categorically ban divestment as a response to corporate ethical violations was being discussed amongst some trustees. We believe that such a course of action is highly irresponsible and indeed morally questionable. It concerns not only our campaign but the ethical standards of our college’s operation. The TIRC rejected all three demands, issuing a statement saying, “We do not believe these demands are consistent with the governance of the college or in its best interest.” It goes on to suggest the campaign bring our concerns to the Campus Investor Responsibility Committee (CIRC), a joint committee which reports to the TIRC. By refusing to stop considering a categorical ban on divesting from unethical businesses, the trustees imply they are willing to ignore any atrocities or violations committed by corporations we invest our endowment in as long as said investments make us the most money. By refusing, they align the “best interest” of the college with leaving the door open to funding our education using profits made not only from the destruction of our environment, but from racial, sexual and class oppression, mass incarceration, child labor, apartheid, imperialism, war and genocide.

Moreover, apparently the TIRC believes that it is not in the best interests of the college for students to be able to individually communicate with their trustees. Using the Board’s rules of governance as a shield, they seek to lead us into a warren of red tape in order to delay the campaign’s efforts. In informal conversations and calls we have been able to obtain from trustees not on the TIRC, they have also raised this shield to avoid commenting—perhaps dissenting opinions—on the TIRC’s refusal to divest. The party line is, “I defer to the ‘expertise’ of the trustees on the committee” and “I cannot give my views because the Board must speak as a whole.”

In fact, we approached the CIRC with our proposal when we began campaigning in 2012, and have been engaged with them for the past four years. The group is nominally composed equally of students, faculty, alumni and administrators. But student representatives in past years

have told us that in reality the administrators, specifically Stephen Dahnert, the Associate Vice President for Financial Services and Treasurer, dominate the conversation using their position of power in the school. Dahnert is opposed to divestment and dissenting members, especially students, are in disadvantaged positions to argue against his claims of expertise in financial management. More fundamentally, however, student representatives from the past four years have all reported that the committee rarely meets, often without a single meeting in the fall semester. In recent years, the CIRC has only convened when the fossil fuel divestment campaign has pushed for it to make a decision on our proposals—students reported that the proposal would be the only item on the agenda.

The CIRC was formed in 1978 during campus debates on Vassar’s investments in apartheid South Africa. A statement written by a member of the committee published in The Miscellany News in 1981 explained that the CIRC was mandated to “find a way to reconcile its commitment to ethical principles with its need for a sound investment portfolio.” In addition, the committee was responsible for “educating the Vassar community on the issue of corporate social responsibility. Finally, the committee was charged with the duty of maintaining itself as a forum for the consideration of other issues of ethical investment” (Miscellany News Letter to the Editor: “Investor Responsibility—Campus Committee Explains the Rules” from Volume LXX, No. 18, 13 Feb. 1981).

We charge that this committee no longer properly carries out its responsibilities. Instead of actively researching and advising the trustees on our investments in unethical or socially irresponsible corporations, the CIRC has left it to conscientious student campaigns to bring forward concerns.

Rather than educating the Vassar community as they are supposed to, we had to educate the committee on fossil fuel divestment. We should not be doing this work for them. Exasperated with the ineffectual CIRC, the campaign sought to bring our concerns directly to the TIRC. The current trustees’ continued intransigence and unreceptiveness will be addressed in the next part of this article.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Page 7

Word on the street Humor section, how was your first kiss?

“Wait, why are you asking me this?”

-Anika WroteOnce Lanser

“Not all that glitters is gold; she had braces.”

-Al Bandsaw

“He got a bunch of Twin Peaks tattoos after.”

-Tricky Talya

“It’s Not Like the Movies.”

-Steven Carell

“Like the band KISS–gross.”

-Gene Simmons

“It was funny because I like tongue in cheek humor.”

-Christopher Robin

Zander Bashaw Humor & Satire Editor Sam Pianello, Photo Editor

HUMOR & SATIRE

Page 8

March 31, 2016

Breaking News From the desk of Zander Bashaw, Humor & Satire Editor Administration announces that In-The-Pink newsletters will now be delivered directly to email trash bins Student blogs Tinder activity House of Cards’ protagonist from download to deletion enters the presidential race Kayla Lightner Suitcase Avoider

A

h, spring break! 14 straight days to do whatever my antisocial heart desires. I can wake up at 2 p.m. and take a nap at 3 p.m.

I can finally devote some much needed attention to my Sims family (they’re going through a rough time right now). I can watch 10 uninterrupted episodes of “House of Cards” and eat a whole wheel of brie cheese without judgement. The possibilities are endless!

Aww, but look at my friends. Their Instagrams make it look like they’re having way more fun. They’re posting pictures of themselves at the beach or snowboarding or going to an underground sloth race. Damnit, I should do something like that. You know what? This time will be different. No more hiding in my room under a pile of takeout boxes and wine bottles. No more walking around with no pants. This spring break, I’m going to be bold.

I’m going to be adventurous. I’m going to let my freak flag fly—I’m going to download Tinder!

Okay, let’s see. First, I gotta pick some photos for my profile. I’m definitely channeling some inner-Beyoncé realness with this one.

And I need at least one photo with other people in it to at least imply that I have friends. I forgot I had this one of me eating ribs in my footie pajamas… I’ll just put that one at the end.

Now a bio. Something that says I’m cute and relatable, but also bow down before my comedic genius.

Oh, I know! The great thing about being 5’1” is that you can order chicken nuggets from the children’s menu without raising suspicion. Perfect! Now, age preference. 18 is a little young for me, I don’t think I’m quite ready for the cougar lifestyle. And 26 is little too mature. You’re like a real adult—you have to do shit like pay taxes and take multivitamins. 1922 feels about right. Okay, maximum distance.

Well since it’s my first time, let’s just cast a wide net. 50 miles seems good. Besides, the further away they are, the less likely I am to see them in person.

Well everything is set up now. I guess there’s nothing left but to swipe. Jesus, this is terrifying. This was a horrible idea. Besides my Sims family needs me. No—I can do this! Be

bold, remember? First profile is Terrence, 19: If you hate cantaloupe, you and I will get along just fine! Oh my god, I hate cantaloupe! Damn garbage fruit, swipe right. Next is Jordan, 21: I may seem like a terrible person on the outside, but on the inside I’m also a terrible person. So that’s a swipe left. Willie, 21: Tinder is just another way for the NSA to spy on us. A little weird, but not bad looking, swipe right. Brian, 20: Trump is just trying to make America great aga— Hell no, swipe left.

This is actually kind of fun! Who knew anonymously judging strangers could be so entertaining? Right. Right. Left. Left. Left—shit, he was actually kind of cute. Right. Right—Oh, I got a match! Here it is, proof that 1 of the 8 billion people on this earth finds me attractive!

I am one of the chosen!

Left. Left. Right. Left. Right. I’ve had to pee for the past 2 hours, but I can’t stop. So many to swipe, so little time. It’s kind of hypnotic really. Right. Right. Right. I got a super like!

Hell yeah you should super like me, I’m flawless! Kneel before me peasants! Left. Left. Oh, my first message! It’s from some guy named Adam. Who the hell is that? I don’t even remember seeing his profile. “Hey, do you like roller coasters? Cuz’ you can ride mine anytime.” Disgusting and worse, uncreative.

Right. Right. Left. Right. Okay here’s another one from some kid named Tyler, I think he was a musician or something. “Hey, if you could listen to my song on Sound Cloud and donate some money to the GoFundMe for my new album that would be great.” I have neither the money nor the interest for that, unmatch.

Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

Oh, Terrence messaged me. He was the one who hates cantaloupe. “Hey cutie, how are you?” Finally someone, normal! Just play it cool—flirty, but not desperate. “Hey handsome, I’m great, what about you?” And here I was worried that this was a complete and utter waste of time.

Oh, he responded! I’m fantastic! “You seem pretty flexible. Have you ever tried to fit in a suitcase?” So he’s definitely a serial killer…but at least he’s a polite one. You know what, this is getting a tad shady. Maybe I’m not cut out for this whole Tinder thing. I’ll just go back to House of Cards and not wearing pants.

Amanda Su

Falcon Underwood

O

n April 1, Frank Underwood declared his decision to run in the 2016 presidential race.

In an exclusive interview with The Miscellany News, Underwood explained his sudden decision to run for president, and tried to get the Vassar youth to stand behind him in the coming elections. This will undoubtedly be a challenge for the Underwood campaign due to his late and completely out of the blue entrance into the race.

Many of Vassar’s students have shared their strong support for popular Democratic candidate, Bernie Sanders. In fact, Sanders has invoked such vigorous support from Vassar students that they have formed a ritualistic group. This group gathers on Joss Beach where they light a small circle of fire around a portrait of Bernie. The group of students will chant “FEEL THE BERN! FEEL THE BERN!” to the beat of Vermont’s State anthem. Occasionally, when the fire dies down they will throw pages of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged to reignite the flames. When the Misc. interviewed the leader of this unofficial Vassar club, they said, “Many think of us as a cult, but we are far from that. We’re just like any other political club on campus.” The student remains unidentified for he refused to take off his Bernie Sanders mask during the interview.

We warned Underwood of these extreme cases of political support on campus, however, Underwood, renowned for his stoicism and unreadable demeanor, remained unfazed by this show of vigorous support for Sanders. When asked why he suddenly decided to run, Underwood responded with qualms about the growing support for Republican nominees, “With Trump’s supporters slowly gaining size, how can Hillary or Bernie even hope to overcome the Republicans?” He continued, “The Republican candidate, will fight tooth and nail for the seat in the oval office. When it comes down to it, the Democratic candidate will have to be willing and able to fight fire with fire—to get down and dirty with these Republican bullies. I will do whatever it takes to win.” Underwood pursed his lips and squinted his eyes slightly—a common sight according to many of Underwood’s colleagues. This look of intense determination proved his hunger to win.

When asked what opinions Underwood held for Sanders and Hillary respectively, he respond-

ed with the grace of a politician. “Bernie Sanders is a fine man, but he cannot hold the weight of the world on his shoulders. He is fragile—a small bird that will flail in the aggressive winds of our nation.” We asked Underwood whether he was referring to the recent trend #BirdieSanders, and he said, “I most certainly am. That bird is the physical embodiment of Sanders! It is small, it is peaceable and it can do no harm. We need a falcon to hold the world on its wings.”

Later that day, Underwood’s publicity team started the hashtag #FalconUnderwood. It was retweeted seven times, all by Underwood himself.

Regarding Hillary, Underwood said, “Hillary is a powerful woman. My wife, Claire, is very good friends with her and I have the utmost respect for her. However, she is an enigma and we cannot have an enigma leading the greatest democratic nation in the world!” Underwood concluded, “At the end of the day, you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.” The Misc team still has no clue what this phrase means. We have been unsuccessfully working to determine the meaning of this incredibly vague phrase.

Political Science majors at Vassar analyzed Underwood’s chances. They speculated that Underwood’s “America Works” program (better known as AmWorks) could galvanize and perhaps convert some Sanders supporter. Underwood stands a fair chance against Hillary Clinton; his hospitable personality rank highly among the painfully uncharismatic Clinton. When asked to describe the three Democratic candidates, one Vassar student described Sanders as “that uncle who shouts at everybody during Thanksgiving for no apparent reason,” Clinton as “that mom who tries to be cool by attempting to use more hip vocabulary in her everyday vernacular” and Frank Underwood as “that family friend who is really tight with parents but hates the kids with a burning and hellish passion.” Poli Sci professors and students agreed with this analogy.

As of today, the Democratic nomination remains up in the air. In a few months, will we be hearing students and supporters yelling “F U! Underwood 2016!” in support of Frank Underwood’s campaign? Or will F U Underwood take on a completely different meaning? One thing’s for certain, Underwood’s current campaign is as stable as a house of cards.

Acclaimed Netflix critic hits rock bottom in latest reviews Sophie Blumenstock, Rotten Tomato Over the break, I had much more free time than usual, compounded with an almost overpowering need to hide from my family. I ended up logging a lot of quality time with my good friend, Netflix. We laughed, we cried, and we ended up learning about each other. Netflix is now painfully aware of my penchant for period dramas, and I discovered the worst of the worst in the depths of Netflix’s content.

“Rubber”

This stunning piece of cinematography features a lonely and sadistic tire on a solo joy-ride through the desert. The tire also possesses psychic powers and can make things explode with his tire-brain. We don’t know why any of this is happening, or even the point of of it. There is a lot of gore and death and, much more traumatizing, a lot of gratuitous breaking of the fourth wall. Overall, it’s an amateurish stab at creating a mock-metaphor for the pointlessness of the human condition or something.

“Sharknado”

“Catwoman”

My high school discovered this cult classic when it first came out in 2013, but I never got around to it until now. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it’s about a tornado with sharks in it that terrorizes a city. And that’s kind of it.

My favorite part of the film was when the token hot blonde ripped through the belly of a great white with her chainsaw.

“Scooby-Doo” (live-action)

My younger brothers and I were bored and decided to give this live-action remake a try.

We all loved “Scooby-Doo” cartoons when we were younger, so what could go wrong? A lot.

Terrible actors, hokey animations, massive plot holes. We ended up muting it and making our own dialogue, which ended up being much more entertaining. As the ’70s-esque Mystery Gang bumbled through the limp dialogue full of 2000’s catch-phrases, the only mystery needing solving was why this movie was ever created.

Another classic bad movie, “Catwoman” features a young woman working at what I believe is a makeup company. The protagonist discovers her employer’s secret: the makeup will improve one’s appearance in the short-term, but has chemicals that break the skin down in the long-term. The protagonist is flushed out of a chemical waste shoot and washes up on a small island covered in cats. She then develops her powers and takes her place among the ranks of established super heroes as “Catwoman,” with slightly enhanced flexibility and sensory ability.

Acting, plotline and effects are all terrible.

“Reign”

A guilty pleasure for my high school friends, “Reign” is a drama telling the story of Mary, Queen of Scots. Despite having at least two seasons, the show is one of the most carelessly inaccurate television shows ever created. The characters slip in and out of Scottish accents,

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

are boldly made up with anachronistic mascara and eyeshadow, and sport hairstyles worthy of a 2012 Pinterest board. Political matters are pushed to the back burner in favor of Mary’s infinitely more interesting dilemma of whether she was in love with her fiancé or his dashing, bad-boy older half-brother. Storylines involving prophecies and the savage pagan religion keep things light and fluffy.

“Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny”

Sequel to the 2000 martial arts film, “CTHDSoD,” was completely panned by critics and audience members. Receiving a 16 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes, some of the more choice reviews included language such as “a dispiritingly leaden affair,” or my personal favorite, “interminable sequences of people banging their swords together and occasionally being ejaculated into the air like digital snowflakes.”

Netflix’s efforts were obviously not up to snuff.

March 31, 2016

HUMOR & SATIRE

Page 9

Vassar Womp Womps recount their experiences abroad Chris Allen

Overshadowed

S

“Something Different...And Yet...The Same...”

They’re like that distant relative, that second aunt twice removed, who loves you but sometimes says terrible things at the Thanksgiving dinner table, you know? I give humans credit for embracing us, but sometimes they pinch our collective cheek a little too hard. They gave us a traditional holiday and a great Bill Murray movie of the same name, but then they acted like those things completely define us. We’re not all scared of our shadow! Just look at our burrow’s punk and hardcore music collective, VC Punx-atawney. They host concerts in the shadows! And don’t even get me started on that godawful tongue-twister.” Chuck was referring to the say-

Samana Shrestha/The Miscellany News

ince late fall, a sense of incompleteness has hung over the Vassar campus. Something has been missing. It’s as if a hole has been burrowed into the student body, a hole just about the size of a small, furry bowling ball. But after a few cold months of longing, happy times lie ahead.

The temperature is beginning to rise, students are sprawling out across the quad like communal desert lizards, and the snow which was never actually there in the first place is melting into continued nonexistence. These changes are merely signals of the most important feature of early springtime: the species known as Marmota monax once again waddles across the grounds of Vassar like the lovable, oversized squirrels they are. The womp womps are returning from their semesters abroad.

These rotund rodents come home to their burrows with many amazing stories of their JYA experiences. Punxsutawney Phil’s less famous cousin, Poughkeepsie Pam, had much to chatter about upon her homecoming, commenting, “The Costa Rica program was fantastic. Although our species typically can’t be found anywhere south of the meadows and woodlands of the United States, the tropics are a great place for a groundhog to be. Being the only womp womp in a diverse ecosystem of so many excitingly unfamiliar animals was a great learning experience. Also, I really loved the lack of shadows in Costa Rica.

Have you seen those things? They always send six more weeks of chill down my spine.”

Pam’s friend, Chuck, is known for being the iconic model whose dashing good looks made him the posterboy for Vassar’s womp womp community. You may know him as the profile picture for the Vassar Missed Facebook page. Chuck, a Groundhog-Human Relations major, ventured

out to New York City for his semester abroad.

“Yeah, I know, it’s technically not ‘abroad’ by human standards if it’s in the same country,” confessed Chuck. “But when you consider the city’s physical differences with our burrow community, it’s basically another planet. Our underground tunnels are for living in, theirs are reserved for a fast food sandwich company called ‘the subway.’”

Cultural misunderstandings aside, Chuck is an effective communicator who works tirelessly to bridge the great species gap. Asked about his relationship with his fellow mammals who happen to be taller and less furry, Chuck stated, “I love working with humans. Sometimes I don’t.

ing, “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” He made sure to point out that the word “woodchuck,” one of the many synonyms for womp womp, actually derives from the Algonquian word “wuchak,” and therefore has nothing to do with either wood or the act of chucking. Chuck, whose name is taken from “woodchuck,” takes the etymology of that particular word very seriously, and asks that we do not dishonor it with that silly inquiry about the species’s potential lumber-throwing ability.

While the human race at large needs to work toward achieving complete comprehension of its “wood-chucking” friends, the humans of Vassar College share a special bond with their womp womp neighbors. The campus exhibits a sense of human-animal cooperation and love, the likes of which have not been seen since the Air Bud films. It’s only a matter of time before the womp womps are invited to participate in Vassar’s athletic programs, like that golden retriever was in the ’90s. Womp womps love golf courses, because they are known to be an “edge” species.

Aside from them being super edgy and cool, this means that they like to hang out in areas where natural forests meet the vast, unnatural clearings caused by human activity. For this reason alone, womp womps would be a great addition to the golf team, that and their tendency to be the one in the hole, which is not far from a hole in one.

Clearly, womp womps are more than just a mascot. They are a chubby little piece of us and our identity as a college. Now that they have had the chance to get out and explore the world for a couple months, their happy return will put Vassar in high spirits. So gather up some acorns, practice your whistling (because they do that) and come on down to the burrow for best time of your approximately six- to eight-year life.

The Miscellany Crossword

by York Chen, Collin Knopp−-Schwyn, and Alycia Beattie

This week’s crossword isn’t-- it’s a word find!

We’ve intentionally hidden several words in this puzzle.

Happy holidays!

Answers to last week’s puzzle

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

RHYS TRAVEL

Page 10

March 31, 2016

Mount Rainier I

courtesy of Alan Hagins

n Seattle, it rains. It rains 155 days out of the year. Luckily for us, however, the stormy city plays host to some great water features. On our way to Mt. Rainier, our group of VC spring breakers drove across Lake Washington on top of a floating bridge. That’s a bridge which rises with water-level and only makes me slightly nervous. The drive was stomach-turning for sure, but it wasn’t till we arrived and strapped into our snowshoes at the white-walled base of the mountain that my nerves really kicked in. The climb up was tiring at first, but the exercise invigorated us.

Our steel-clawed feet dug into a deep fresh snow that covered the range, and an evergreen-studded landscape unfolded in front of us.

In the summer, deer and other wildlife eat the pine shoots, but on our hike, we used the ones they had left for a resting spot. Then the fog rolled in, and we couldn’t see more than 50 feet in front of us. The world was white and we travelled on. We turned around shortly. We galloped backwards down the mountain in the fog, taking impossibly large steps. Laughter seemed to jump out of our mouths. I’ve never seen so much snow. Apparently, neither has any American city south of the Canada border. With an average of 643 inches of snowfall per year, Mt. Rainier would probably say that Seattle gets the dregs.

—Alan Hagins ’16

courtesy of Alan Hagins

courtesy of Alan Hagins

Puerto Rico A

fter an exciting but exhausting tour of Cuba with the Vassar College Choirs, I spent the remaining week of spring break at my friend’s house in Isabela, Puerto Rico. She was generous enough to host four guests–myself and three other friends–during break, and our trip was the perfect way to rest and relax before we all got bombarded with work upon our return to Vassar.

My flight to Puerto Rico landed at around 2:30 in the morning, and rather than giving in to the urge to sleep all day after a late night, I decided to make the most of my vacation and spend the day at the beach.

This was the first of many long days lying in the sand and swimming in the ocean, and it was a great way to kick off my trip. When I ran into the ocean, I expected the water temperature to be like the California beaches that I am accustomed to–freezing cold. But I was in for a pleasant surprise when I dipped my toes in and found a soupy warmth.

My friend who was hosting us drove us all over the area, taking us to her favorite beach spots, each one with its own different character. Jobos was small but lively, with plenty of shady spots to enjoy a book.

The next, Crash Boat, was a little more crowded with beachgoers and vendors selling street food. Borinquen offered huge waves perfect for body-surfing when I got a little more adventurous. There was even a beach just a block away from her house that had a beautiful shoreline with plenty of tide pools to explore.

We also got the chance to visit historic Old San Juan, a neighborhood of the capital city with well-preserved cobblestone streets, old buildings and Spanish forts from the 16th century. It was especially fun to run around the many tunnels and staircases hidden in the forts and look through the windows to see surreal ocean views. I loved having the opportunity to see Puerto Rico, and it was even better to see it with some of my closest friends.

—Sarah Dolan ’18

courtesy of Sarah Dolan

courtesy of Sarah Dolan

courtesy of Sarah Dolan

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

March 31, 2016

RHYS TRAVEL

Page 11

London to Paris to Berlin I

courtesy of Alejandro McGhee

n the time leading up to my spring break trip to Western Europe, I became increasingly aware of how reticent I was to be alone with my own thoughts. At Vassar, we are immersed in a highly dynamic and technological busy-culture. Most people have their phones synced to a slew of apps like Facebook and Gmail, which are always sending us more notifications and stimulation than we could possibly account for. It seems like the deluge of information never stops. When you go from 100 to 0, you almost miss the connectivity for a time. You almost forget that there are other ways of connecting. The prospect of being 3000 miles away from all that noise in a space where I would not be sufficiently expected to stay “on the grid” made me as anxious as anyone raised in the busy culture might be.

In London, I enjoyed the familiar warmth of relatives eager to know what I’d be doing after Vassar. Each time I was asked about my life plan after graduation, I cobbled together a new possible future plan to see how it sounded to me. Later in Paris, I was reminded of the importance of body language and brave pronunciations of foods, places and things.

Doing thumbs up and muttering “merci beaucoup” were the extent to which I could communicate my feelings with people I met in the city. I thought about how fleeting my presence would be. I thought about how I would fail to capture what it means to visit mythical places like Paris to relatives and friends back home. Paris wasn’t all about the smell of sweet roses, the Eiffel Tower or couples kissing at every corner. How could I tell them that and not seem ungrateful for the experience? I resolved to accept the fragments of the trip through pictures, moments and missteps.

My awareness of this inability to sufficiently narrate these spaces allowed me to accept the unknowns of Berlin. In Berlin, I met other people my age still trying to figure life out. One new friend joked, “In Europe, when you’re in your 20’s everyone treats you like a baby.” I laughed and responded, “In the U.S., I feel like at 21 you’re expected to be an adult but perpetually infantilized.” I noticed that she did not allow the undecided to over-determine the way she narrated her life. Our discussion moved me but I could not find the proper words to speak about it at the moment.

The trip left me asking how we may come to see the opportunities that uncertainties present. On the flight back I could feel a tension rising in me as my responsibilities came racing back. I thought about the anxiety that propelled many of my friends and acquaintances in the States to have everything figured out. I realized that travelling alone during the trip offered small lessons in handling the unknown. I had to accept that I could not plan for everything and that being misunderstood was par for the course. I think my new friend understood something that I struggled to see, that in the most stoic and cliché way possible, life goes on. Life persists in spite of precarity no matter where you go. ­ —Alejandro McGhee ’16

courtesy of Alejandro McGhee

courtesy of Alejandro McGhee courtesy of Alejandro McGhee

courtesy of Alejandro McGhee

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

RHYS FEATURES

Page 12

March 31, 2016

Students given opportunity to work with real world data Matthew Stein Reporter

U

courtesy of Vassar College

nless you are the new messiah, all your life you’ll be searching for answers. It’s a bit like swimming in the sea with no direction towards the shore. This metaphor can also apply to DataFest, a data analysis competition to be held at Vassar in April where students will determine unexpected conclusions from a data set they’ll be seeing for the first time. They all come from a wide range of backgrounds but are all in the pursuit of the unknown. What’s true in life, is apparently sometimes also true in statistics.

From Friday, April 8 to Sunday, April 10, calculator keyboards will be crunching around the clock in Kenyon Hall for DataFest 2016. The event is organized by Associate Professor of Mathematics and Statistics Ming-Wen An and Assistant Professor of Mathematics and Statistics Monika Hu. Around 50 students will be divided into approximately 10 teams, competing to discover insights into a large unfamiliar dataset. At the end of the weekend, judges will determine prizes for the winning groups based on team presentations on their findings from this data. The prizes include data-related books and American Statistical Association (ASA) student memberships. DataFest is made possible by the generous support of the President’s Office and other offices and departments across campus as well as external sponsors, including Google and DataCamp.

Now in its second year at Vassar, DataFest started at UCLA in 2011. This year, there are 20 DataFest events being held at colleges and universities across the country.

“We wanted to bring this exciting data analysis event to Vassar students, so last fall we started brainstorming how to make it happen. We had both heard about DataFest from our colleagues at other schools and one of us (Monika Hu) was actually involved in organizing DataFest 2015 at Duke, so we had basic ideas about how DataFest works,” An and Hu said in

For the second time ever, from Friday, April 8 to Sunday, April 10, DataFest 2016 will be going on in Kenyon. Around 50 students will compete to discover insights into a large unfamiliar dataset. an emailed joint statement. “DataFest gives our students the opportunity to practice their data analytic skills outside the classroom and use real-world data from industry.”

In the two weeks prior to DataFest, there will be three workshops covering R and MATLAB, two high-level computer programs that can be used for data analysis. On Friday, the first evening of DataFest, the dataset will be revealed to the students for the first time and over the next 48 hours the teams will work together to analyze the data. Past sources have included eHarmony and the Los Angeles Police Department.

Samantha Levy ‘16 is leading a workshop called “Graphics in R.” She explained the goal for the series: “Since the competition includes short presentations by each group, as well as a prize in ‘best visualization,’ it is important that

at least one member of each group, although preferably more, is comfortable creating polished graphics. I’ll be showing students how to use R’s built-in ‘base graphics’ to perform exploratory data analysis, which is typically the process of creating a visualization that allows one to quickly see some of the important aspects of a large dataset before beginning formal analysis or modeling.”

All spots for DataFest have been filled, but anyone can feel free to show up, especially for the final presentations on Sunday at 1 p.m.

More information on the full schedule is on the DataFest Vassar website. The initial number of participants was originally much smaller but expanded due to the additional interest from students and funding received.

“In the past, we’ve hosted statistics-related

events on campus, but these have typically involved inviting a guest statistician to give a lecture series or lead a workshop. DataFest is different in a number of ways, but most notably, in that student participation and real-world data are the primary focus,” Hu said about the unique opportunity DataFest provides. “Overall, participating in DataFest involves scientific reasoning, critical thinking, teamwork, communication and more. Such an experience is definitely worth highlighting to students’ future graduate schools and/or employers.”

Commenting on the unique experience DataFest provides, Levy replied, “I cannot think of any similar events that I have been involved in, however I believe that DataFest is different from other events in its interdisciplinary nature. DataFest is interdisciplinary both within departments at the school as well as with outside organization. It also allows for an opportunity for those from the community that are familiar with data analysis or data science to act as judges and consultants to teams of students.”

With the growth of technology and the expansion of information, Data Science is becoming more important than ever. Taking unknown data with no previous knowledge is essentially exploring life with no known path until the end.

For everyone involved, it will be a learning experience and a great opportunity for students and faculty who appreciate data to collaborate on what they love. “In general, I hope that everyone who participates in DataFest, myself included, will walk away with a better understanding and appreciation for data. More specifically, I hope that it will help people better appreciate the power, importance and reach of data. Having a basic understanding of data science, as it relates to data compiling, data visualization and data interpretation is becoming a vital skill in nearly every field. By participating in DataFest, we will be able to work on one of the many questions that Data Science is currently looking to address.”

Vassar aspires to sponsor a family of Syrian refugees Emily Chancey Guest Reporter

T

he worldwide refugee crisis has turned into the largest displacement of persecuted and threatened people since World War II, and Vassar has stepped up to play its own part in the initiative to alleviate it. As part of a larger movement, Vassar students and professors have formed VC Refugee Solidarity in order to educate students on this humanitarian crisis.

At the helm of the VC Refugee Solidarity initiative is a board of students working on various projects that may offer refugees current and future support. Reflecting on the effort, board member Anish Kanoria ’18 wrote in an emailed statement, “As we have mentioned before, we are not out to solve the crisis or end the various wars that have created it. Our goal is to help in the best way we can.” One such project is creating an app that will help refugees locate family members while on the

move. They are also building a student-led website of information on refugee crises internationally.

Most recently, board members Ashley LaMere ’18 and Lily Berman ’19 have focused their activist efforts on community outreach. They have been working with the refugee resettlement agency Integrated Refugee & Immigrant Services (IRIS) based out of New Haven, Conn. to co-sponsor a refugee family at Vassar as soon as this coming fall of 2016.

The board is working with IRIS Director Chris George to understand the process and the responsibilities —largely financial— of the Vassar community in supporting this refugee family after they have been cleared by the United States.

As a co-sponsor, Vassar will be responsible for supporting the basic needs and rent of the refugee family for the first six months of their resettlement in Poughkeepsie, N.Y. Vassar will

courtesy of VC Refugee Solidarity

VC Refugee Solidarity initiative hopes to educate students about the humanitarian crises as as help the campus step up to play its own part in the initiative to help alleviate it.

need to raise and contribute approximately $6,000 to co-sponsor the family. Through the co-sponsorship with IRIS, the refugee family will have the tools and support network to acclimate and succeed in their new environment in America. Following these first few months of support, the refugees are expected to be fairly independent and self-sufficient.

In response to Vassar’s decision to bring a refugee family to the surrounding community, Claire DiLeo ’19 said, “I believe it is my responsibility to share the opportunity I have been afforded to live in a space in which I feel safe and believe I can actualize my ambitions.

I would love for Vassar to sponsor and host a family and offer them the opportunity to continue to live their lives in a stable environment until they feel they can return to their home country.”

To act as global citizens through refugee co-sponsorship, VC Refugee Solidarity will begin its fundraising efforts with an a cappella concert in the coming weeks. LaMere explained, “I think it brings the community together by using the resources we already have.

We have so many talented, artistic people on campus so bringing together a cappella groups to fundraise to bring the refugee family to campus utilizes both our talent and community-organizing spirit to help someone else and to make tangible an international crisis that people don’t necessarily relate to.”

LaMere went on, “They think that the refugee crisis is just an international issue. But by bringing a refugee family here through our fundraising efforts, giving them food and a place to live because of our community, I think that will help bring people into the issue more tangibly and actively.” Having a refugee family co-sponsored by Vassar and the surrounding community will benefit not only the refugee family but also the Vassar community.

Kanoria said, “For one, it humanizes the rhetoric. It becomes difficult for us to say that we can’t do anything about the problem being this far away from it when we have a refugee family in our own community.” Too often, people label the crisis an international issue

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

apart from America. Kanoria continued, “Further, we want to emphasize that we are not far away from the ‘problem.’ There is a migrant crisis unfolding on the Southern border of the United States. In our own community, we have various undocumented migrants and such and need our support.”

VC Refugee Solidarity motivates Vassar students to be involved in the crisis inside, near and outside of U.S. borders. DiLeo said, “I believe hosting a family would demonstrate Vassar’s commitment to considering issues in the global sphere, beyond the scope of what attending students experience.” Assistance for the refugee family may extend beyond financial support, as Vassar students may help the refugee family to adapt to American culture through educational support.

LaMere said, “Refugees and refugee children especially have educational needs, and they will need a lot of support to fulfill those.

It would be ideal for members of the Vassar community like education majors to help with tutoring or spending time with the children.”

Such student-driven support would help to integrate this family into American life.

The VC Refugee Solidarity board has created their plan of action to fundraise and then co-sponsor a refugee family in the surrounding community. Following the demanding refugee vetting process, IRIS will receive a refugee family from Syria, as their refugee efforts have centered upon Syria, after which Vassar will then step up to provide support for this family through co-sponsorship.

Kanoria said, “It is a mutually beneficial, symbiotic relationship. The refugee family will, first and foremost, have a home in a community that is willing and able to support them. I think this also sends a larger message about the width and depth of engagement institutions of higher education can have in this crisis.” Vassar’s decisive initiative to support a refugee family through this method of co-sponsorship with IRIS should introduce increased activism in higher learning and set a precedent for academic institutions to actively engage this global refugee issue directly.

March 31, 2016

RHYS FEATURES

Page 13

Creative outlets for student bands abound on campus Maria Bell

Guest Reporter

W

hether in the Mug or the Shiva to the TH’s and BurgerFi, bands at Vassar have plenty of opportunities to showcase their talent. Many students, however, don’t know the group dynamics and challenges that go on behind the scenes, or they aren’t aware of the process of writing and developing the music and lyrics that become the songs they dance to.

Bands are not formed out of thin air. They often go through an evolution: changing members, even sounds and names, until they find a combination that sticks. Even then, they may keep evolving in the future. Stitched in Blue is one of these bands that has had a few different lives. Two of its members, Marty Ascher ’16 and Jordan Burns ’16, were in a different

band their sophomore year than the other two members, Jason Sill ’16 and John Mason ’16. Sill remembers loving Ascher’s and Burns’s music.

He said, “Junior year, John was abroad in the fall, so Marty and Jordan invited me to drum with them in a band we ended up calling Backpack Babies.”

That spring, Marty and Jordan left, so this year they formed Stitched in Blue. They began by playing covers at their shows, but Burns, the band’s bassist and a singer/songwriter, explained: “Writing and playing our own music was a goal from the beginning, and we quickly began penning and playing more of our own material.”

The band Lizard Pile has gone through a similar metamorphosis. Sam Gilbert ’18, a drummer, remembers finding Jack Fischer ’18

courtesy of Facebook

John Mason ’16, Jason Sill ’16, Jordan Burns ’16 and Marty Ascher ’16 compose Stiched in Blue, a popular student band. The group has recently expanded into new concert venues around campus.

on Facebook his freshman year. When he realized Fischer played music by his profile picture, Gilbert sent him a message. Gilbert said, “I was trying to find a band. And we ended up working really well together. After that first band broke up we formed Lizard Pile.”

After two name changes and the addition of Oriana Catton ’17 on lead vocals after winter break, the group stumbled upon their final name: Lizard Pile. Benedict Luongo ’19, a guitarist, remembered: “We were walking out of the Shiva theater training, Sam showed us a video of this lizard and we were talking about having a pet lizard and somehow lizard pile got thrown out there and we were like that would be a good band name and so it stuck.”

Often an integral part of a being in a student band isn’t just playing music but writing it. As Stitched in Blue’s rhythm guitarist and one of the singer/songwriters, Sill elaborated on their process of songwriting: “In terms of writing, usually someone brings an idea to the group, and we try different things out with it and see where it goes.”

Burns also commented on the songwriting process: “Someone will bring in a cool riff on guitar or something and we’ll workshop it and jam on it until it becomes something with some structure.” Most of Burns’ songs are about relationships and breakups. He described one song in particular: “I wrote ‘A Woman I Can Love’ my junior year when I was feeling sort of fed up with the hook up culture and was wanting a little stability and just some respect/decency from the people around me. It wasn’t directed at any one person, just sort of a channeling of the amazement at how fearful we are at holding someone’s hand and admitting we like them for more than just sex.”

Luongo said that when he’s working on a song, he writes the music first and then finds the words to fit with the sound. Luongo reflected: “It’s maybe the hardest part, writing the lyrics. With the lyrics you’re trying to give some credulity to the song, you know like if the lyrics

are just silly or just thrown in there just to have something to say then no one is going to take it seriously. At the same time, there’s this sort of self-awareness or self-consciousness about what you’re sharing.”

While performing is the highlight, finding places to perform is not always easy. Sill recognized this struggle: “I think there are so many amazing things going on here any given night, it’s hard to have student music shows consistently. And when there are student music events, there aren’t a whole lot of bands getting to play. We’ve been really lucky getting our foot in the door to play around campus, but I think if you’re new to student music at Vassar it can be really difficult to be able to showcase your talents.”

New bands and seasoned ones alike suffer from forms of stage fright. Luongo said, “Honestly, I’m praying to God that my strings don’t break. And then I’m also thinking ‘what’s Jack up to, what’s he going to do?’ I think of ways I can just make noise. Honestly, I get nervous after, I get nervous walking off the stage. I just sorta think, wow, that show is over and whether we did well or not there’s a thought of, ‘Okay, what’s the reaction going to be to this show?’”

Burns echoed the feelings of many band members when he pointed out that performing is the most exciting part, however. When his band played at a soccer TH, he said, “They ended up requesting three encores and we just kept playing. It was awesome. We’d never played for a crowd with that kind of energy before. They got us really pumped up, and honestly I felt like a rock star.” Sill and Ascher agreed that the TH has been their favorite performance so far.

Sill described the performance: “It felt like all of the stereotypes that I dreamed of when I was watching my favorite bands as a kid, which sounds silly, but playing in a super crowded, hot, sweaty, way-too-loud room where everyone is shouting and shoulder to shoulder bobbing along to the music–it really was a dream come true.”

Argentinian alfajores: dulce de leche filled cookies Penina Remler Columnist

A

courtesy of Confessions of a Chocoholic blog

s I sat in my room unpacking after a weeklong trip to Panama, I couldn’t help but pity myself and the snowy view from my window. However, I was pleasantly surprised when I found a bag of dulce de leche candies I forgot I had packed in my bag.

With only four small candies left, I left two for my family and savored each and every last bite of my own. It was almost as if the last crumb was meant to serve as a wake-up call that spring was only just beginning and I had to snap back into school mode before thinking about summer fun.

I finally snapped back to reality and checked my email for the first time in a week, only to find out that I had received my acceptance letter to study abroad in Argentina. Ironically, as I shared the news with my parents, I watched my mom take the last bite of dulce de leche as she warned me to get ready for a semester of the alfajores.

I had no idea whether alfajores were some type of food, some sort of place, a specific style or specialty of the country. After asking what they were, it turns out alfajores are not only the cousin to my favorite candy, but also one of Argentina’s national desserts. It was clearly meant to be.

While nothing serves justice like the first bite, alfajores are best described as dulce de leche-filled cookies—occasionally coated in dark or white chocolate. Just the thought of two of my favorite desserts had my mouth watering, which had me thinking—there was no way I could wait until next semester to satisfy my craving. Plus, when I heard some people take it one step further by topping these cookies off with coconut shavings and/or sprinkles, I couldn’t believe a dessert combining all of my favorite flavors even existed without my knowledge.

The secret to mastering alfajores is baking a perfect butter cookie to cover thick and complementary dulce de leche spread. While pleasing to the taste buds all by themselves, these treats also go great and are famously accompa-

nied with black coffee.

This recipe begins with crafting the dulce de leche, which can be prepared up to a week before (as long as it is stored securely in the refrigerator). Start by boiling a pot of water and adding in condensed milk cans on their sides.

After carefully adding in the cans, allow the to pot simmer for three hours and 15 minutes all while refilling it with hot water (in order to keep the cans below water).

Note: Be sure to maintain the boil to avoid a can combustion. Finally, carefully transport the cans from the pot to a rack (with tongs) to cool before opening.

Separately, set out a small bowl to combine brandy, lemon zest and one teaspoon of vanilla. In addition to this combination, use a larger bowl to whisk flour, cornstarch, baking power, baking soda and salt together all while using an electric mixer to separately beat sugar and butter together for approximately three minutes.

While whipping this into a light mixture, add in egg yolks and add the brandy mixture until all the components are clearly combined. Finally add the flour mixture in on low speed to produce your dough.

After creating a batch of cookie dough, divide it in half and roll each piece into a log with a 1 1/2 inch width. Wrap the two logs in plastic and chill them for about two hours or until firm.

Meanwhile, heat your oven to 350 degrees and prepare baking sheets with parchment paper. After unwrapping your dough from the plastic, slice the logs into 1/8 inch thick rounds and place them onto your pan to bake until the edges are golden—this usually takes around seven minutes. Following this step, remove the pans from the oven and onto a rack.

As the cookies cool down, combine your dulce de leche mix and top it off with vanilla and a pinch of salt. Spoon the thick texture together and transport it into a plastic bag which you can convert into a pastry bag by cutting the corner off.

Lastly, flip half of the cookie batch upside down to smother with dulce de leche and top off with the other cookies to complete this irresistible sandwich.

Ingredients - 2 cans of sweetened condensed milk (13.4 ounce) - 1 tablespoon of brandy - 1 tablespoon of grated lemon zest - 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract - 1 cup of all-purpose flour - 1 cup + 1 tablespoon of cornstarch - 1 teaspoon of baking powder - 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda - 1/2 teaspoon of salt - 1/2 cup of granulated sugar - 10 tablespoons of butter - 2 large egg yolks - 1 cup of dried coconut or sprinkles (optional)

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

ANIKA ARTS

Page 14

March 31, 2016

Choir returns from Cuba, prepares for campus concert Elena Schulz Reporter

W

with this concert.” Lonchar added, “The choirs have brought back a sense of creative interpretation that is based more on raw emotion, and hopefully that will show in our concert.”

This raw emotion is rooted in a lively tradition of musical rhythm and energy. Minter explained in an emailed statement, “All of the [Cuban] choirs perform memorized, so they learn the music in their bones. In our western European music tradition, choirs perform almost exclusively from music scores.” However, he noted the underlying socioeconomic reasons for this difference. He explained, “It must also be said that we all have the means to acquire our own scores, which a Cuban choir may be lucky to own one single score! But memorizing the music has real benefits to how in depth you feel the music.”

The “Back from Cuba” concert will feature songs that reflect the deeply moving aspects of both Cuban and American musical culture, giving prominence to Cuban pieces honed in master classes. Each group will perform about 20 minutes of individual repertoire, reuniting eventually to sing as one large choir. “This concert is really cool, because there are a few pieces that all of the choirs are doing [together] and it’s just a lot of sound,” remarked Lonchar.

Howlett added, “I think all of the music is really beautiful and worth presenting.”

Although political tensions are only beginning to dissolve between the United States and Cuba, music seems to be a language that translates everywhere. Zabala reflected, “Music is so universal ... No matter what language you speak, everyone is going to appreciate the beauty of it.”

courtesy of Vassar College Media Relations

hile President Obama recently made the news for being the first sitting president to visit Cuba in nearly a century, the Vassar choirs beat him to it by making their first historic visit to Cuba a week earlier than him.

They participated in a less political exchange of music and goodwill.

Upon their return from Cuba, the Vassar College Choir, Women’s Chorus and Madrigal Singers, under the direction of Professor Christine Howlett and Professor Drew Minter, will perform a joint concert featuring a vibrant, Cuban-inspired repertoire. The “Back from Cuba” concert, a jubilant celebration of Cuba’s rich musical culture, will be held on Saturday, April 2, at 8 p.m. in Skinner Hall, and will be free and open to the public.

While the concert might sound like just another performance, the journey to put it all together required a leap of faith. Previous choir trips to Turkey, Spain, Germany, England and France had usually consisted of a few students visiting for the second time, but Howlett was pleasantly surprised to find that Cuba would be a new adventure for everyone, including herself.

In other words, the entire group would be experiencing something new and exciting together. She explained, “In my mind, it’s kind of historic, because it’s the first time we’ve ever done a trip like this where our experiences are all going to be really fresh.”

This trip was also historic in that all three choirs were able to travel together and build a sense of camaraderie they hadn’t been able to develop in past years. “One thing that was nice about having all three choirs tour together is that the women’s choir and mixed choir don’t get a chance to intermingle much,” remarked Minter.

Part of this sense of camaraderie is pure luck.

Minter continued,“There seems to be a really good esprit de corps this year—it just happens

to be one of those really nice years where it just seems like everybody’s getting along, so it’s lucky that that’s happening during a tour year.”

Howlett added, “There’s an amazing bonding that happens between the students. You meet your best friends on these trips, and you get to know the other members of the other choirs.”

While travel is still restricted between the United States and Cuba, groups are able to obtain visas on the basis of participating in an educational exchange, according to the U.S. Department of the Treasury. However, free time is not encouraged, and visiting groups are expected to have full itineraries—which the choirs had no trouble putting together. Part of this itinerary included learning about the Cuban Revolution. “One of the most memorable moments was visiting the Museo de la Revolución,” April Lonchar ’19 reminisced. “It was fascinating to learn about Cuban history from a Cuban perspective.”

“Certainly the most memorable for me and many of the students was the visit to the arts conservatories, all five of which sit on the same campus,” reflected Minter. “As far as non-musical memories go, our visit to a Cuban cigar factory was fascinating, as that is one of the oldest industries in Cuba still going strong, so to hear and see how it all works was very interesting.”

Naturally, students immersed themselves in Cuban musical culture. Minter continued, “We had many meals out, and they were almost all accompanied by the presence of a band, sometimes featuring a lead trumpet or sax player, sometimes featuring singers. It was remarkable to enjoy Cuban takes on jazz standards as well as their music at every turn.”

After experiencing Cuban music firsthand through live performances in Havana and in master classes with renowned Cuban maestros, the Vassar choirs have developed an especially close relationship with the programming of their upcoming “Back from Cuba” concert. “It’s special, I think, because of that,” Karla Zabala ’19 explained. “We have a special relationship

The Vassar College Orchestra just returned from a group trip to Cuba where they were immersed in Cuban culture. They will translate this experience into a performance called “Back From Cuba.”

“Poundcake Family Band” parodies country music genre Matt Stein Reporter

T

here’s more to country music than beer, trucks and dogs, despite the stereotypes that surround it. Country music stems from a great tradition in the South, branching into folk music that lies within a rich heritage that remains universal still. In the full picture of the world of music, it is a unique one that often gets overlooked for the small standards.

Dynasties exist within this genre, with the Carters and the Williams, and the family business carrying on to the next generation. Presented by Unbound, Vassar’s experimental theatre organization, “Poundcake Family Band” will display this world in a raucous, silly performance.

The show will be going up Thursday, March 31, Friday, April 1, and Saturday, April 2 at 8 p.m. in the Susan Stein Shiva Theater. “The Poundcake Family Band” is a comedy that follows the

members of the eponymous country group after they decide to break up. The show is filled with countless sketches and a live soundtrack that serves as on ode to Southern music. The show was co-written and co-directed by Elizabeth Snyderman ’17 and Caitlan Moore ’16, who also appear in the show. After Saturday’s show, there will be a talkback where the audience can ask questions and give comments to the cast and crew.

Through a series of vignettes, Ma and Pa, played by Maddy Meigs ’18 and Chris Brown ’16 respectively, their children and the other members find themselves starting out new lives with the lingering question of whether or not they’ll reform the band. The show takes on a similar form to a sketch comedy, but with a more cohesive and narrative flow to it. Whereas sketch comedy often includes disjointed skits and musings, “Poundcake Family Band” features this level of comedy alongside a con-

courtesy of Elizabeth Snyderman

Unbound’s “Poundcake Family Band” combines the best of sketch comedy and theatrical narrative.

The show parodies country music while simultaneously dishing out lessons on family and tradition.

ventional theatrical narrative. Both Snyderman and Moore are in Indecent Exposure, so they can bring this skillset to Unbound.

Taking place in an ambiguous, universal time and location, “The Poundcake Family Band” works as a simulacrum of the world of country and Southern music, taking both the good and the bad sides of it.

“Poundcake Family Band” didn’t start with such a grand design, but instead sprouted simply from a walk in the city. Snyderman remarked, “We came up with the idea for this show this past summer walking around the streets of NYC. We were waiting for the subway and we started singing some sort of folk song and we were like, ‘What if we were a family band that did wacky folk songs?’ and it just kind of grew from there. We spent a lot of time over the summer developing the idea, and then we kind of put the writing on hold in the fall. Over winter break, I wrote the bulk of the sketches, and then Caitlan helped me edit them.”

A notable element of “The Poundcake Family Band” is the music. The show’s several strange original songs, featuring musical accompaniment, display the cast’s diverse musical talents.

Because the cast is broken up into different scenes, it wasn’t until recently that some were able to see the full picture of the show, a detail that makes the show all the more interesting.

“The rehearsal process hasn’t been too intense, and since the show is comprised of a series of skits, no one person has a lot more to do than another, which makes it different from other shows I’ve participated in,” explained “Poundcake Family Band” ensemble member Sophie Koreto ’18. “The musical aspect as been incorporated gradually. Usually Elizabeth will have actors listen to the song a bunch of times before singing it. The cast is a fun mix of people who have musical experience and those who don’t.”

All of the actors in the ensemble will be playing multiple roles, putting the actors’ ranges on display. Since the show’s style involves numerous sketches, each actor also has the ability to get their turn in the spotlight.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Country music and the South also influenced the general direction of the production’s designs. Costume Designer Ben Costa ’19 commented, “Most of the costumes come straight from the Poundcakes themselves; they’re such distinct characters that the bulk of the costuming is pretty intuitive. Since there are so many different sets in a sketch show, the rest of the costumes act almost like set pieces, helping to set the tone and context for a scene.”

“In some ways, this show is a tribute to the South and to country music. By making the time and place unspecific, we are able to make the reach of the show a little broader; it’s about country-pop stars of the ’70s and ’80s, the Appalachian folk tradition, Zydeco and Luke Bryan all in one. [Additionally], it allows us to critique the often racist history of folk and country music, while also celebrating the enormous contributions people of color (particularly Black people) have made to Southern music,” said Snyderman.

The Southern music this show’s world embraces still exists today, as each generation of the genre carries what the past had with it, checkered details included. And while it’s easy to dismiss it as a genre where every song sounds the same, each artist has their own style, from the classic Johnny Cash narrative flows to contemporary love songs of Taylor Swift to the timeless Dolly Parton’s beautiful vocals. “The Poundcake Family Band” exhibits the breadth of this musical world, presenting a crash course into a beloved genre.

As bizarre as the show might seem, Brown aims for the audience to embrace “Poundcake Family Band” for all its silliness and fun: “I hope everyone gets a good laugh! It’s definitely a strange show, but no doubt very funny, mostly due to Caitlan and Elizabeth.”

He continued, “I hope the audience walks in not knowing what they’re getting into, and they walk out feeling a little confused, very happy, and just a tiny bit emotional. I hope they see under all the cockiness, there’s a small message of what it means to be a family. And I hope they look into some Johnny Cash and other classic country music after the show.”

March 31, 2016

ANIKA ARTS

Page 15

Broad range of student art on display in Palmer Gallery Noah Purdy

Guest Reporter

D

Sam Pianello/The Miscellany News

rawing, as an art form, has had a rocky past. Most major works throughout history are either paintings or sculptures, all the way from prehistoric cave paintings and giant Buddha statues to the “Mona Lisa” and Michelangelo’s “David.” Drawing has traditionally served as—and been disregarded as—a mere preparatory tool for artists, allowing them to envision and revise their creations before executing them in their final form.

However, as one can see at the Drawing I: Visual Language exhibition now open in the Palmer Gallery, drawing is a rich art form in and of itself. The show is the first in the annual exhibition series showcasing Vassar studio art students’ work. Each of the major studio art courses—drawing, painting, sculpture, video, etc.—will host a week-long exhibit in the Gallery, running from March 28 until the end of the semester.

As the introductory class for all studio art courses at Vassar, Drawing I is the appropriate debut for this series of exhibitions. Visitors will have the chance not only to get a sense of a Vassar students’ journey up through the art departments, but also to experience artists’ explorations of different genre and media.

As Associate Professor of Art, Laura Newman, who directed the exhibit, explained, “All the more than 100 students taking Drawing I will have at least one drawing in the show.”

Such breadth is crucial in gaining a broad understanding of art. Inevitably, the exhibit will reflect the diversity of students on this campus as they bring their myriad life experiences, personalities and aesthetic sensibilities to their artwork.

In addition to personal flair, the exhibitions reveal many parts of the artistic process. “Generally students choose their work, often in consultation with their professor,” Newman continued. “In my classes, I ask students to choose their favorite drawings.” Thus, visitors are

seeing the cream of the crop, the pieces culled from nearly a year’s worth of work that were most satisfying to complete or that left the biggest impression on their creators.

These drawings are the culmination of the nearly yearlong Drawing I class, an exploration of various aspects of the medium as well as an introduction to the academic pursuit of art as a whole. As Drawing I student Isa Pengsagun ’19 wrote, “In the first semester we generally focused on landscapes and architecture. Now we are doing figure drawings. The media we have used include charcoal for the most part, but also graphite, ink wash and pen. Everything we’ve done has been in black and white.”

Lack of pigment certainly allows for a more focused investigation of light and composition, and these basic skills are meant to be carried on to upper-level courses. For example, Lucy Rosenthal ’19, a student in Color–a class on color theories and phenomena–described her experience: “Initially, we learned through a trial-and-error process of putting colors together to see if they changed each other or interacted with one another, but now we are gaining the skills to be able to more deliberately and confidently create these color illusions.” This type of experimentation mimics the same processes taught in Drawing I. Pengsagun and Rosenthal touched on another point of comparison between the manipulation of drawing and color: that of mutability. It has transformed how they approach their art.

According to Pengsagun, “I’ve learnt that drawing...is a much more forgiving process than I initially thought. You can ‘build up’ a drawing and revise it a lot—and sometimes the revision and erasing is exactly what gives it character.”

This same process of experimentation and revision never really stops in art, especially in higher-level studio art. Rosenthal expressed, “What I’ve liked most about the course is learning to think of colors not as rigid definitions that stand on their own, but as relative concepts that vary and can be transformed.”

Student artwork will be on display in the Palmer Gallery until the end of the semester. Each week, a different course in the Studio Art Department will have the opportunity to display pieces from class.

Drawings as shown in the exhibit essentially demonstrate how these young artists are learning to pare down the visual complexities of the world they see into more easily readable yet evocative interpretations. However, though drawing can be used as preparatory work for larger and more diverse compositions, it can definitely stand on its own. “I think that we see paintings way too often in art museums and forget about drawings,” stated Pengsagun.

The relative simplicity of drawing often allows for more powerful, expressive pieces—it truly is, as the course title suggests, a visual language.

At the exhibit, one can find gauzy, watercolor-tone faceless nudes, as well as striking studies of a variety of body types. There are also many captivating portraits, including sharpedged faces emerging from skeletal bodies and

photorealistic likenesses that play with texture, line and light. The monochromatic compositions tend toward the depressive or somber, but some more whimsical pieces—a captivating stippled interior; a mock still life of strung-up Coke bottles; two oversized, aged grotesques atop slim, Degas ballet bodies—shake up the mood of the show.

“I like the challenge of having to think of drawing in a new way,” Pengsagun summed up, “to appreciate it as a finished product rather than using it solely as an outline for a painting or something bigger. I feel that the course has freed me and let me be more experimental with drawing.”

For students of art or of any discipline, the Drawing I showcase reveals how art so strikingly reflects both our common humanity and our individual panache.

Chie Fueki to deliver lecture on her artwork, process Sabrina Oh Reporter

A

courtesy of Chie Fueki

vibrant orange-colored volcano regurgitates flowers and jagged geometric fragments.

The immediate blunder of smoke blossoms into a wholesome mosaic of flowers, overlapping each other and melding together. This ethereality, however, is juxtaposed with the jarring, shattered lime green shards. But they nevertheless seem to dance around the bouquet of delicately-painted flowers.

This is Japanese-American painter Chie Fueki’s depiction of Mount Fuji. She will deliver the Art Department Claflin lecture entitled, “Here There and Everywhere.” The event will take place on Monday, March 28 at 5 p.m. in Taylor Hall, Room 203.

In a 2015 lecture at FIT, she explained, “This is a difficult image for me to see because I made this as an anticipation that Japanese people have as a whole towards earthquakes and the possibility of any live mountain erupting... that sort of awareness of life and death is something I have always been interested in.”

In another piece, a coral-bordered prism entraps a suave rainbow-colored banner. The banner varies from segment to segment. One segment is an archetypal stretch of appropriately-ordered rainbow colors. Some segments are floral, but each flower is colored in a rainbow color. Some segments mimic the sky and clouds—sky blue and white, respectively. In contrast, the backdrop of the prism is composed of dark blue and gray flowers, creating an overall ominous background.

However, the floor of the prism appears to be wooden. There are distinctly two puddles, reflecting the banners and the backdrop.

This piece by Fueki is entitled “Rain” and combines Fueki’s influences within this prism– she refers to it as a carrier of ideas and influences.

“I didn’t want to make anything political,” she said in interview with the Ringling College of Art and Design. “I wanted something literal that would still question the state of the world we are in today.”

These paradoxical concepts and surreal landscapes at once captivate the idle sights of viewers. Flowers and fragments. Bouquets and shards. Vibrant and dark. Curves and lines.

These are, indeed, Fueki’s weapons of power and virtuosity. They help her engage in a conversation with her art. She explained, “I believe that painting is about recognizing the history of painting itself. By giving that recognition, we continue participating. It’s almost like a conversation and I want to be in this conversation with some of the master works.”

Fueki was born in Yokohama, Japan and raised in Sao Paulo, Brazil. Her works have been notably on exhibit at the Boone Gallery in New York City and the Shoshana Wayne Gallery in Santa Monica, Calif.

Though relatively unfamiliar with Fueki and her work, prospective Art History major Megan Horn ’19 is intrigued. She explained, “I had never heard of Chie Fueki before but I browsed through some of her work and really liked it.”

According to Loeb Multimedia Assistant Delphine Douglas ’18, “It’s always really interesting to hear from artists who have been the subject of so many solo exhibits. I’m putting together an exhibition, ‘Post Modfest,’ and it’s made me interested in learning about the perspective of both the artist and the curator.

These lectures shed some light on this perspective.”

She continued, “It’s always beneficial to hear firsthand about an artist’s influences and processes, especially when they have such a unique background.”

Fueki combines Eastern and Western decorative and folk elements. Her subjects extend from athletic imagery to more traditional subject matter, including portraits of friends and memento mori. Her work manifests in intricate patterns and details, on mulberry paper and wood panel.

Fueki’s art has been described as an intoxicating and sensual delight. Her work is known for its decorative nature and its roots in the visceral and the humorous. Fueki’s influences include Early Renaissance art, Japanese ukiyo art, Piero della Francesca and Philip Guston among

Chie Fueki is set to deliver the Claflin lecture, entitled “Here, There and Everywhere.” Fueki’s works explore the world around her. They have been displayed in several prominent galleries nationwide. many other muses. She draws in a variety of spaces into a single painting. Jarring and mosaic, Fueki’s paintings transmutes the cosmic and the eternal into day-to-day life.

Fueki’s works elicited a sense of familiarity in Horn. She explained, “Some of her work definitely draws on a similar aesthetic of a Japanese woodblock print but the way figures, forms and space interlock and meld together creates a really cool geometry.

Fueki’s vehicle of artistry is driven by not only her paintbrush but also her years of study.

In 1995, Fueki first attended the Yale Norfolk School of Art, where she studied sculpture.

Then, in 1996, she received her BFA in painting from the Ringling School of Art and Design and, subsequently in 1998, her MFA in painting from Yale University.

Bellwether, Bill Maynes Gallery in New York City and the Orlando Museum in Florida have hosted Fueki’s solo exhibitions. Her paintings

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

have made appearances in group exhibitions at MoMA PS1, the Frederick Freiser Gallery and the Susan Inglett Gallery in New York. Fueki has delivered lectures regarding her art at other institutions, including the Massachusetts College of Art and Design, the Tyler School of Art, the University of California, Davis, the University of the Arts and the University of Arkansas.

Fueki currently lives in West Chester, Pa. and Brooklyn, N.Y. Her move to isolated West Chester became a driving force behind her art.

“By being totally isolated by myself, I found that I could concentrate greatly on my work.

And then when I come to New York, I am out more ... It’s been a really great balance.”

The syncretism of delicacy and geometry of Fueki’s artwork left a lasting and fascinating impression on Horn. She concluded, “Definitely an artist I want to know more about or study further.”

ANIKA ARTS

Page 16

March 31, 2016

Cage the Elephant disappoints with fourth studio album Zander Bashaw Humor Editor

Tell Me I’m Pretty Cage the Elephant Easy Eye Sound

C

age the Elephant released their fourth album “Tell Me I’m Pretty” on Dec. 18, 2015, and naturally I have only just recently gotten around to listening it. It is the first album that the Kentucky-based group has put out since their 2013 work “Melophobia.” Like it’s predecessor, it puts forth 10 tracks and has confusing if not vaguely disquieting cover art.

In an article in Rolling Stone, reviewer Jon Dolan praised the band’s latest work, comparing it to “watching old footage of Sandy Koufax or Bill Russell in crisp hi-def with modern camera angles.” Dolan sees the album as bringing something new to ’60s retro rock half a century later, and that Cage the Elephant provides a look back at this kind of sound with a “sense of dread that’s perfect for our own dislocated, paranoid times.” While I agree with Dolan that a sense of dread is present in this work, perhaps this inherent paranoia is not a result of the modern world, but a fear that “Tell Me I’m

Pretty” is a step back for Cage the Elephant.

Just speaking in terms of sound, the tracks from “Tell Me I’m Pretty” are different from the grungy, back-of-the-garage punk style of “Melophobia.” Though the music is still guitar-based, the tracks are much less noisy, at times only consisting of singer Matt Shultz’s voice and muted percussion. This difference between the two works can best be shown by looking at the openers from each album.

“Spiderhead,” the opening track from “Melophobia,” is unapologetically grungy, evidenced by the hook bellowing, “Spiders in my head, spiders in my mind,” or the fullness of the staticky guitars.

“Tell Me I’m Pretty”’s opener “Cry Baby” could not be more different, with a calm organized timbre to the guitars and baseline. Interestingly enough, the lyrical themes of “Cry Baby” could easily fit under “Spiderhead”’s sound. Shultz sings “Kick, scream, fight / hold on with all your might / you’re going to die,” but the serene mood of the music comes off at odds with this message. Though one might think this adds nuance, the juxtaposition seems a bit forced and unconvincing.

“Cry Baby” does have an interesting sound to it, even if it doesn’t line up with the lyrics, including a wonderful rhythm change at the end combined with a lovely guitar line. When I first

heard this part, it reminded me of the way The Black Keys play bridges. I later found out that the album was produced by Black Keys’s Dan Auerbach. I realized that what I was liking from “Cry Baby” wasn’t Cage the Elephant.

Luckily, “Cry Baby” isn’t the strongest song on the album–”Mess Around” and “Cold Cold Cold” are better. But as I have listened to them more, I’ve come to realize it is because they build on and hearken back to “Melophobia,” which of course was the album I adored. Both of these tracks return to the energetic thumpers providing what Rolling Stone Called “a dirty crunch.” But I realize that what I liked was not new, so what was new on this album?

The poster child for the new Cage the Elephant sound, (that isn’t “Melophobia” part 2 or The Black Keys’ lamer little brother) can be found in the clear hit of the album “Trouble.”

“Trouble” represents a shift to a melodic setup, where the guitars don’t take over the sound, but weave into Shultz’s lyrics to form an almost folky song. Don’t be fooled by the catchiness of “Trouble,” because the melody and lyrics are definitely a negative development for the band.

Shultz sings about a lover pulling him through a sea of troubles. If that sounds cliched, that’s because it definitely is. A closer look at the other more stomachable lyrics shows a line that at best could be described

as self-referential, and at worst masturbatory. Quoting the band’s first hit, Shultz almost whispers, “You know what they say, yeah, the wicked get no rest.” It seems lyrical chestnuts from the wider world about trouble were not overused enough, so they had to return to their old first hit, and act like it’s a real saying, even though they made it up.

After “Trouble,” the remaining four songs on “Tell Me I’m Pretty” are almost not worth a mention at all, rendering the already unbalanced album extremely top-heavy to boot.

“Punchin’ Bag” has a groovy beat, but is clearly cut and pasted from a Black Keys song. “How Are You True,” the slow song with supposedly meaningful lyrics, manages to repeat it’s title and quote Coldplay in the span of two lines: “Hey, how are you true? / The light will guide you home, yes it will.”

If “Melophobia” musically and lyrically invokes the fragmentation and paranoia of our modern world, “Tell Me I’m Pretty” seeks to find a way to calmly move beyond this apocalypse. The way that the music seeks to do this is through melody and calming sound, the lyrics do so by discussing a lover. The problem with the album is that what’s good is derivative, and what’s new isn’t good. Don’t give in to the imperative album title, and tell it the way it is: this work isn’t pretty.

‘The Family Tree’ series The 1975 proves its worth displays instrumental skill in spite of rocky opening Saachi Jain

Guest Columnist

The Family Tree Radical Face Bear Machine Records

I

n his series of albums called “The Family Tree,” Radical Face—the pseudonym used

by Ben Cooper—proves that he is not only a songwriter and musician, but a poignant storyteller as well. The series consists of three interconnected albums: “The Roots,” “The Branches,” and the last and latest album, “The Leaves,” which was released on March 25. “The Family Tree” tells the story of The Northcotes, a 19th century family with supernatural and mystical abilities, using certain melodies and instruments as musical embodiments of specific family members. “The Branches” is a 40-minute album of 10 songs, and though it is not my favorite album in the series, it is every bit as evocative and moving as I had expected a Radical Face album to be.

I discovered Radical Face by hearing a number of his songs on TV; from there, I listened to many of his other albums, and was immediately intrigued by the concept of “The Family Tree.”

The series’s primary strengths lie with Cooper’s lyrics and melodies. The lyrics are poetic and enchanting, painting a vivid picture of a tale resembling a dark fairytale, and the instrumentation–specifically the guitar, piano and violin–layer over each other to create dreamlike melodies.

“The Leaves” starts off with “Secrets (Cellar Door),” a bewitching song about the speaker discovering that he’s not the only one who has magical powers. Taking place in the forest, the imagery is vivid and beautiful. The last stanza is especially touching: “Slipping on the pavement where we ran from the ghosts that you saw behind the cellar door / That’s the way that you showed me that I wasn’t quite alone / That you’d also touched the dead before.” The melody, shaped primarily by the repeating guitar riff, is uplifting and echoes the lyrics in its hopeful tone.

“Rivers in the Dust” takes a darker and more melancholy tone than the previous song. But it is no less poignant, describing two characters driving through a grimy path: “The highways are lined with graves / Like the fingernails of giants / Like blood pulled through a vein.” The complicated dynamic between the song’s two characters is hinted at in a subtle and imaginative way.

“Everything Costs” is somewhat similar to “Secrets (Cellar Door)” in its instrumentals, and the lyrics speak of resilience and defiance. “Midnight” has an ethereal and ghostly quality to it,

with haunting vocals and a melancholy melody.

This is fitting, as the lyrics seem to be about a vampire drinking blood from a diseased person.

“The Ship in Port” is about those that are wandering and running, lost and drifting. The melody seems happy and hopeful, especially due to the buoyant and rhythmic violin, but the lyrics reveal an underlying darkness: “And as we danced among the ashes of our arms / We laughed it off / And then we burned our tiny world to find the ocean / Just beyond those paper walls.”

“Photograph” is mostly an instrumental piece, with a few vocal echoes in between. It has a dreamlike and timeless atmosphere, and the repeating sounds of birds chirping and insects in the background are evocative of a fairytale in a pathless wood. It reminds me a lot of Sigur Ros’s instrumental tracks. However, this song isn’t the most distinctive or memorable on the album.

“Third Family Portrait” is a touching song about the family’s journey as they experience tiring struggles, yet it ends on a happy note. The vocals have a rough and raw quality that adds to the track’s effect, and the violin is especially strong and uplifts the song in contrast with the other more melancholy instrumentals.

“The Road to Nowhere” exhibits some of the most powerful instrumentals on the album, from fast-paced violin, to rhythmic drums, to repeating piano notes. The lyrics are also some of the most interesting and moving in the album: “Often there’s a voice in my sleeping mind / The words inside my skull at night / But once I wake, I cannot read them / My bloody hands remain a question mark.”

“Old Gemini” has beautiful instrumentals, particularly the violin. Its instrumentals echo the album’s fairytale motif, and the content follows suit, describing a boy finding a buried diary from long ago in his garden, surrounded by fireflies.

The final song, “Bad Blood,” is probably my least favorite in the album, along with “Photograph.”

“Bad Blood” is slow, repetitive, and nothing in the melody felt particularly original or distinctive.

However, the lyrics are as elegant as ever: “The moon was gone; from side the world was dark as nightmares / You took all my fears and, / You wrapped them in wonders / But there’s no magic inside the moon / It’s just a rock you can’t reach.”

“The Leaves” feels like a novel within an album, with beautiful language, complex characters and equally captivating instrumentals. Though it is strong as a stand-alone, it didn’t quite touch me the way Radical Face’s previous albums have.

Though I love most of the songs, none of them quite reach the level of my all-time favorites from the artist. Despite this, it is definitely worth a listen, and ideal for fans of other indie folk artists like Bon Iver and Sufjan Stevens, with lyrics reminiscent of the poetry of Bright Eyes.

Patrick Tanella Columnist

I like it when you sleep...

The 1975 Dirty Hit

W

hen I first heard the bubblegum pop notes of The 1975’s sophomore album’s leading single, “Love Me,” I cringed. I was shocked at how one of my favorite mellow, indie pop bands had sold out to the mainstream music industry and would begin to produce the same, boring records as everyone else.

After listening to the album as a whole, I am happy I was mistaken. While I still do not love the lead single, The 1975 has created a beautiful, divergent sophomore album titled “I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it.” It is the longest album title I have seen, but the music speaks for itself.

The band consists of singer Matt Healy, guitarist Adam Hann, bassist Ross MacDonald and drummer George Daniel. The 1975 was formed in 2002 and gained momentum with the release of four EPs, but they did not become popular until the release of their self-titled debut album in 2013. Personally, it is one of my favorite albums, and I fell in love with the visual aesthetics that accompanied it, which is seen in their black and white music videos. Their debut is described as alternative and synth rock while also being favorable to any indie music lovers. As each song flows together, one is left laying in an ’80s haze and the desire to drive all night.

After two years of touring, the band dropped “Love Me,” the leading single for their new album.

It sounds like a typical Top 40 track and appeals to more mainstream audiences. I refused to listen to it and worried about the rest of the album.

However, their next single, “Ugh,” was much better. While it still could be categorized as pop, I felt that I could once again see the band I had fallen in love with. Finally, after hearing their third single, “The Sound,” I was confident that this album had the potential to be just as great as the first.

Along with other artists such as Marina and the Diamonds, The 1975 creates a visual world to coincide with their albums. While their debut relied heavily on black and white imagery, “I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it” is filled with bright pink and white visuals. The first album felt like a heartbreak album, but this record sounds more like an in your face, pop retrospective. Whether it be through the questioning of the pop industry in “Love Me,” or the gaudy glorification of drugs in “Ugh,” each song is distinctive and tells a different story.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

The new direction on the sophomore album invokes a bright, love-filled world, which may not necessarily be a bad thing. Instead of crying about your relationship troubles with their debut album, “I like it when...” is 75 minutes of post-modern, unabashed pop that can make even the most morose person fall in love. Also, the lyrics are just as good and haunting as their debut.

One of my favorite aspects of the album is its opener, titled “The 1975.” While the debut album also has an opener with the same name, this intro is darker while also serving as a remembrance to their past. As I listened at 12:25 a.m. the night the album dropped, I got goosebumps.

Following “Ugh,” which details Healy’s drug addiction, “The Sound” is one of the faster tracks on the record. It is perfect for blasting in your car and not caring about anything. It has one of my favorite lyrics on the album, “It’s not about reciprocation, it’s just all about me. A sycophantic, prophetic, Socratic junkie wannabe.” Healy, like Socrates, is not afraid to question others, whether it be the narcissism of fame or the music industry as a whole.

The final track before the album’s release was “A Change of Heart.” It is the slowest single on the album and one of my favorites. The lyrics describe the fragility and changing emotions of a relationship.

Arguably the best track on the album is “Someone Else.” Crammed into the middle of the album, the track is about knowing that a past lover has moved on and found somebody else. The song has some of the best lyrics on the album, and every time I listen I cannot help but feel the deep emotions that Healy brings out. Healy admits, “I don’t want your body but I hate to think about you with somebody else. Our love has gone cold; you’re intertwining your soul with somebody else.” While Healy knows he cannot save the relationship, he doesn’t want her to move on.

The rest of the album is filled with long instrumentals and pauses that make The 1975 the unique band they are. The almost seven-minute “I like it when…” has several different sections that are completely different yet come together to form a memorable song. Ballads such as “She Lays Down” and “The Ballad of Me and My Brain” bring the listener back to the first album as you try to choke the tears back. Other highlights include “Loving Someone” and “She’s American,” which help divide the album between the upbeat and playful compared to the more somber, brooding tracks the band is known for.

The 1975’s sophomore album, “I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it” has quickly become one of my favorite albums. Each song is so different, yet they all come together and brilliantly flow under this love-infested, bubblegum aesthetic.

ANIKA ARTS

March 31, 2016

Page 17

Concert series celebrates music, venue Connor McIlwain Arts Editor

T

Campus Canvas

Navega, however, cautioned, “Chamber music is different from say choir because with choir, anyone that is interested can approach the director and start singing relatively quickly.

For you to get to the point where you can perform chamber music, you must be at the point where you have invested a lot in your instrument. Several years of practice. It’s not something that you just pick up.”

He continued, “For you to do chamber music in college, you must have had at least five or six years of experience. These students are really advanced players.”

This commitment is still incredibly rewarding to musicians. According to Denton, “The best part is the challenge of communicating closely with the other musicians and connecting your individual lines to create a seamless whole.”

Soler hopes to continue working with his group outside of Vassar. “I’ve been able to make good friends with the other students in my group and we hope to keep performing together in school sponsored concerts and professional gigs as we’ve been doing so far,” he said.

According to Schultz, Navega has fostered this bond between musicians. She explained, “Eduardo also works very hard to create community within the ensembles, rather than focusing solely on the music, which I think we all really appreciate.”

courtesy of Eduardo Navega

he Kiosk isn’t the only campus staple moving to the Bridge Building. As the college pushes for interaction between the arts and sciences, the annual chamber music concert series, “Music on the Bridge,” will now take place in the new science building.

The series, previously called “Notes on Art,” was located in the Loeb.

Director of Orchestral Activities Eduardo Navega explained, “Up until last year, we used to do this series of lunchtime concerts in the Loeb in the spring. This year, we went, ‘hmmm there’s a nice bridge building next door,’ and we decided to move it there.”

The series of performances will take place at 12 p.m. every Wednesday in April.

One of the performing students in the Chamber Music Program, Ivan Soler ’18, is excited to celebrate the new building with music. “I think that using the Bridge Building as a venue for a concert is simply another good opportunity to advertise the newly-built space to Vassar faculty and students and even to the general public.”

Another performer, Elena Schultz ’19 [Full Disclosure: Elena is a staff writer for the Miscellany News] recognized how holding the concert in the building helps make the space multidisciplinary. She explained, “As a liberal arts school, this campus is already all about mixing disciplines, so having the opportunity to listen to chamber music in a laboratory sciences building is very indicative of Vassar’s multidisciplinary approach to things.”

But, performing in any new space poses challenges for musicians. According to another performer, Jaylin Remensperger ’17, “Every space has different acoustics, so your instrument will sound different in each one. When practicing in one hall, and performing in another, this difference can come as quite a shock ... Spaces not designed for concerts will sometimes be echoey, or they swallow the sound too.”

According to Navega, the size of the audience also affects the acoustics of the space. He explained, “If it’s just an empty space with six to 10 people, it’s dramatically different from if you have 20 or more people because the human body absorbs the sound and then it’s not so reverberant.”

In the Bridge Building, however, the crowd poses a unique difficulty. Navega continued, “I do understand that this is kind of a passage but in the chamber music program, we train our students to perform in front of quiet, attentive audiences. We don’t play background music ...

But...I don’t expect this audience to be absolutely silent.”

Musician Antigone Delton ’18 noted the silver lining, “Our conception of the audience especially in classical music is a very static, formal one but I think this event gives us the chance to turn that convention on its head and bring our music to a totally different setting, one that Beethoven never would have imagined!”

Navega hopes that the half-hour concert will be just enough time for students to grab a bite to eat while enjoying some music. “They can sit and listen or they can grab a sandwich and sit and watch. I was even thinking about naming the series something like ‘Brown Bag Recital’ or something like that, encouraging people to come and eat there.”

Schultz thinks the timing of the show is perfect for introducing students to chamber music.

“I look forward to this concert series bringing light to Vassar’s chamber music program,” she said. “I think chamber music tends to go under the radar, so I hope that there can be more events like this in the future to showcase a really interesting aspect of our music program.”

Chamber Music students will deliver a series of concerts in the Bridge Building throughout the month of April. The series is a celebration of the new building and the hard work of these artists.

A weekly space highlighting the creative pursuits of student-artists

Excuse me, What’s the weirdest smell you’ve smelled today?

“The fish from the deece, and it had something on top of it.”

-Samana Shrestha ’18

“The Main elevator.”

-Dean Spyropolous ’19

“I don’t know if I can smell anymore with this nose ring.”

-Sundus Hassan ’19

submit to misc@vassar.edu

“That dank Josh musk.”

-Zoe Wennerholm ’19 and Sophie Blumenstock ’19

“Deece coffee. It’s not right.”

-Kaden Gray ’18

“Somebody’s ear.”

-Gray Thurstone ’18

I have always been fascinated by happy old couples. There is something reassuring about seeing two people who have been through so much together. They embody such a sense of longevity and give hope that relationships can exist beyond fleeting moments. I have found that the faces of older people hold so much wisdom, making them endlessly interesting and beautiful.

-Madison Clague ’18

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Zander Bashaw, Humor & Satire Editor Sam Pianello, Photo Editor

RHYS SPORTS

Page 18

March 31, 2016

Age but a number, Coach Wong to compete internationally Annie Hsu Reporter

H

courtesy of Coach Alex Wong

ow many head coaches do you know that are currently successful athletes in their own right? Vassar Men’s Tennis Team Head Coach Alex Wong has been picked to represent the United States this May in the Italia Cup of the World Team Championships. The tournament will take place this May in Umag, Croatia.

This is a very competitive spot and an honor as Coach Wong is one of only four Americans picked to play in the 35 or “Young Seniors” age group. Coach Wong had a very good year in 2015, ranking first in the United States in the singles 30’s division.

Wong was named head coach of the men’s tennis team in the spring of 2013. In his brief time at Vassar, he has helped the Brewers upset nationally-ranked teams. In addition he has helped maintain the team’s top 20 regional ranking. Coach Wong himself played for Wesleyan University, an ultra-competitive New England Small College Athletic Conference (NESCAC) school at the one singles position.

During his time as a collegiate player, he was ranked in the top 15 in the East Region, climbing as high as eighth regionally and No. 32 nationally in 2002.

As a coach, Wong is a strong supporter of sportsmanship and fair play. His players speak highly of him as both a coach and a player. Junior men’s tennis player Nick Litsky said, “Alex is not a typical loud and rowdy coach. For the most part he’s pretty quiet, but he knows exactly what to say at the right times. He’s a really good motivator and has helped me reach a point that I would have never gotten to.”

As one of Alex’s players, Litsky has had the opportunity to play with Alex personally, “He’s a very smart player and exploits weaknesses very well, he doesn’t let you feel comfortable when you’re playing him.” Senior captain Evan Udine reiterated these feelings, “Alex is the type of player that no one wants to play. He’s annoying because he does whatever it takes

to win and break down his opponent. He can defend, rally with anyone and attack when he needs to. He is an extremely smart player and has worked very hard to get to where he is, so it is awesome for him to get this kind of opportunity.”

Alex has been a lifelong impressive player ranking consistently in the top before and through college. Wong said, “When I was younger, I was a decent player as I was consistently ranked in the top 10 or 15 in New England.

In college, I felt I developed into a better player, as I had to as the No. 1 player on the team.”

He evaluates the team from many different aspects helping to improve his own game as well as the team’s game. “I am fortunate that during the season that I have the opportunity to work with the players individually. I think that being able to hit with the players during the season gives me an opportunity to understand what opponents experience when they play members of the team. I feel that it allows for me to get into the mind of opponents and gives us an opportunity to work on strategies that will best benefit our players,” explained Wong. He himself has fond memories of his college coach and his own experience, “I think about my coach in college, and he still competes nationally and we have continued to connect at various national tournaments.” Wong will also surely become the same mentor to his own players at Vassar.

Wong will be bringing not only experience to the competition, but also a mindset of continuous improvement. He has a good grasp of the mental aspect of the game, and often times in sports, mental excellence is just as important as physical excellence. “I think that understanding the game more and more has made me become a better player. I have coached so many different types of players and I have always been the type of person to dissect other people’s games.

I also have embraced my strengths and weaknesses and have worked hard to improve my weaknesses,” he said.

Wong and his team will meet their fair share

Men’s tennis coach Alex Wong has long been one of the top tennis players in his field of competition.He will be competing in the Italia Cup of the World Team Championships this May for the United States. of tough opponents in this tournament. The U.S. will be one of 21 countries participating in the Italia Cup. According to the International Tennis Federation (ITF) website, the structure of the tournament sees nations compete against each other in their age category on a round robin basis, followed by a knock out stage to decide the winners and final positions.

Nations can nominate teams of up to four players, and each tie consists of a best-of-three rubbers format with two singles and a doubles.

The ITF Young Seniors World Team Championships is the highest ranked event on the ITF Seniors Circuit for male and female players in the age categories of 35-45. The ITF Young Seniors World Championships took place for the first time in 2015. Until this date, they had been catered for within the Seniors Championships.

The U.S. has yet to win the cup since the start of the program, but it is likely Wong will prove a pivotal addition to the team’s success this year.

Wong has seen college athletics from all perspectives and as one of Vassar’s many experienced coaches, he has some advice for student athletes: enjoy the experience while it lasts.

He said, “I think that current student-athletes should appreciate and enjoy the opportunity to compete for their school. I look back and wish that I had appreciated that opportunity more.

For tennis players specifically though, tennis truly is a life sport and you should take the time in college as a beginning to other tennis opportunities for after college. I am one of the extreme people who has made tennis my life, but tennis has so many different opportunities for players of all ages and ability levels.”

Arizona heat won’t defeat rough, ready Brewer runners Jamie Anderson Guest Reporter

I

t’s the time of year when many of Vassar’s athletic teams find themselves in the thick of springtime competition. However, this isn’t the case for the men’s and women’s track teams. For the Vassar track and field teams, spring break provided an opportunity to finally kick off their seasons after a grueling campaign of preparation.

For Brewer track, offseason workouts began as soon as the previous academic year ended; moreover, many of the Brewer runners and jumpers are dual-sport athletes, splitting their semesters between cross country in the fall and track in the spring. “It is a testament to the rigor of the sport and the commitment of our students how long the preparation phases are for track. It takes a lot of consistent, diligent, patient and focused work to be at your best,” explained Head Coach of Cross Country and Interim Coordinator of Cross Country and Track, James McCowan.

Vassar College Track and Field entered the final stage of their preseason as many members of both squads traveled to Tucson, Ariz. to participate in a training camp in preparation for the Willie Williams Classic at the University of Arizona, their season-opening meet. “It was an excellent week of training and team bonding, and culminated with some outstanding performances,” McCowan said of the time the teams spent in Arizona. The coaching staff and teams returned to Vassar with much to show for themselves, as many Brewers posted outstanding times and personal records.

On the men’s side junior Gabe Fishman and freshman Ry Blume both notched personal records in the 800M, while one of the standout performers for the women was sophomore Lucy Balcezak, who started her season off with a time of 2:19.40 in the 800M, good for an ECAC qualifying spot. Sophomore Jared Feedman also picked up a personal best time in the 1500M of 4:06.11.

courtesy of Vassar Athletics

Head track Coach Justin Harris provides some pre-race words of wisdom. The program kicked it’s spring season into full gear in Arizona over break and looks to remain competitive throughout the spring.

Sophomore Michael Walsh excelled overall as well, notching personal bests in a total of three events: the Long Jump and the Triple Jump, as well as the 200M. The second week of spring break was also dedicated to preparing for competition, as the Brewers traveled to Monmouth University to participate in their second meet of the young season this past Saturday after a week of practicing on campus. Vassar track and field had a second successful weekend at the Northeast opener, with several runners achieving new personal bests and one jumper securing a new record for Vassar. Freshman Annelise Depman started her collegiate career off in fine fashion, breaking the Vassar school record for the triple jump over the weekend’s official season-opening meet. Juniors Samara Roman-Holba and Alex Gittens also notched new personal records at the Monmouth meet: Roman-Holba in the 400M and Gittens in the 1500M. Several other runners also achieved if not career best times, at least college-best times as sophomore Michael Scarlett and sophomore Philip Brown ran in the 1500M, while senior Colin Hepburn finished 11th overall in the 10K with a time of 33:39.68 and freshman Christiana Prater-Lee opened up her collegiate career in the 5K. The Brewers plan to use their achievements in Tucson as springboards for the remainder of the season. “[W]e want to compete well at Leagues ... We want to be qualifying lots of students for the ECAC championships and compete well there, and ultimately we are looking to see student-athletes advance to and compete well at the NCAA Championships,” said McCowan, laying out some of the ultimate performance goals for both the men’s and women’s side. Expectations are high for the Brewers, as successful seasons have been the standard for VC Track for the past five years. Within the past two years, Vassar has qualified at least one individual for the NCAA National Meet and even more notably, two Brewer runners have earned NCAA All-American recognition. “We have a great tradition of track NCAA qualifications,” said McCowan.

Beyond the black-and-white success or failure on the track, much of what the track coaching staff seeks to encourage is a cohesive team

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

atmosphere. “[I]t is the process that remains our focus: seeing each and every member of the team take responsibility for doing their part to contribute to our collective growth and success, committing to and following through on developing as people and as student-athletes. It takes risk, it means always learning and growing, and it is what allows each student to be their most successful self,” assessed McCowan. Fostering a strong team dynamic is always crucial for any team’s success but especially so in a sport as grueling as track. “Our teams thrive off being an inclusive group, whether it is seen by how our women and men train side by side or the number of dual-sport athletes we have had throughout the years,” Vassar track and field head coach Justin Harris pointed out. Maintaining a strong identity is one of the less quantifiable and more intangible goals that both teams will be striving to achieve this year.

Both the men’s and women’s sides welcome a substantial number of new faces. The 2015-2016 season will be the first year of collegiate competition for 21 freshmen across both teams: a group of nine middle-distance runners and sprinters join the men’s track contingent, while a further twelve freshmen, whose specializations span nearly the entire range of events, join the women’s squad. At the other end of the spectrum, this season will also be the last in the careers of 11 Brewer student-athletes. On the men’s side, Colin Hepburn, Kyle Dannenberg, Dylan Manning, Taylor Vann, Jonah Williams, Peter Winkeller and Morrie Lam will all graduate after the conclusion of this season. The women’s track team will graduate four seniors: Mollie Schear, Ava Farrell, Sarah King and Sarah Muskin.

While the players and coaches strive to improve their results, performances and preparation, they look to represent the college in the best possible manner. “The past several years, nearly every student-athlete has achieved personal bests across all the events we compete in, and that shows us that our mission is being fulfilled. Working with our student-athletes to be successful during their time at Vassar, and more importantly after Vassar, is what our coaching staff finds the most satisfying,” expressed Harris.

March 31, 2016

RHYS SPORTS

Sharapova reveal setback for Big Tennis Winnie Yeates

Assistant Sports Editor

I

n the game of tennis, sportsmanship–gracious winning or losing–is a prized trait in addition to superior athletic abilities. Tennis players and fans do not crave brutality. So what a sad day it was when Maria Sharapova admitted that she had tested positive for a banned substance in her blood during the Australian Open. Doping of athletes for enhanced performance is nothing new and has certainly made headlines often over the past decade–but not in tennis!

This sad news about a top player who has been doping also comes amidst recent allegations in the professional tennis world of “match fixing.” The importance of the development of any sign of sleaze in tennis cannot be over-emphasized. Tennis has become a big business. The sport over the past decade has exploded in popularity. Big dollars have entered the arena of the tennis world. The top players garner not only considerable prize money but also cash on commercial endorsements that often exceed their annual earning of tournament purse money.

Fans flock to tournaments paying handsomely for tickets, sports merchandise and many travel the world to watch the stars. Stores, hotels, restaurants, major cities all want these tournaments and benefit economically from the world of tennis. Sharapova was not only endorsed handsomely by Nike and HEAD, but also

by Porsche, TAG Heuer, Avon cosmetics and Evian bottled water to name a few. Her annual endorsements totaled well over $25 million annually for the past 10 years.

Many a fan enjoyed watching the Russian beauty demonstrate her skills on the court. Maria not only sold tickets, but TV air time and a wide array of commercial products. She has been described as a marketing dream, and she seemed to have it all. Not only is Maria conventionally attractive, but at the age of 28, she has also won five Grand Slams. She always appears gracious on and off the court. So yes, she had it

all: athletic ability beyond the capability of most, beauty, and a gracious style. For all of these qualities she has been rewarded handsomely for it all with great wealth and a fan base that adored her.

So why would anyone in this elevated position take such a risk and continue to take Meldonium, a substance on the World Anti-Doping Agency’s (WADA) watch list for about two years while under study for performance enhancement and at the beginning of 2016 a banned substance? According to Sharapova’s public admission of using the drug, she said that her Russian family doctor (Maria has lived in the United States for many, many years) had urged her to take the drug (manufactured in Latvia) due to abnormal electrocardiogram readings and some diabetic indicators. Meldonium is banned in Western European countries and in the United States. It is not banned in Eastern European countries. WADA banned the substance after study because it has been shown to aid athletes by improving their performance and ability to recover faster from strenuous exercise. The Latvian company that manufactures Meldonium says the normal course of treatment is only four to six weeks. Maria has admitted taking the substance for over 10 years. In addition, she admitted to receiving emails from WADA stating the substance was under study and that in December of 2015, she did receive the warning that its use would be banned beginning in 2016.

However, she says she did not review the email thoroughly and missed the upcoming status change for 2016.

Many other tennis professionals have criticized her for using the performance-enhancing drug. Many have scoffed at the idea that her extensive training team and coaching staff missed the emailed information as well. Certainly this topic of banned substances is discussed often in all professional sports circles. It is also hard to believe that anyone with a serious heart condition or any medical condition could continue to play professional tennis year after year for 10 years, travel the world and train all year long,

all the while conducting a full-time endorsement business of some of the most prestigious brands in the world. Maria certainly was able to maintain a strenuous schedule both on and off the court.

So all of this may add up to the fact that Maria Sharapova took the performance-enhancing drug to improve and to cash in on her potential earnings both on and off the court. However, it is also possible that she took the drug at the urging of her professional support team. After all, without a champion to coach and coddle, their jobs would be in jeopardy. Sadly, the fact that Maria felt she needed to enhance her performance at all might also speak to a weakness of self-doubting in a prized athlete and also the pressures at the top of the game.

What will really be interesting to see is how the WTA will investigate her case. Maria has a lawyer defending her so that she is not banned from the court for a long period of time. Reportedly, she could be suspended up to the full four years. This would mean that she would be unable to play professional tennis again until she turns 32 years of age. Her tennis career and lucrative endorsements would effectively come to an end. There is also the question of her major titles and whether they should be stripped from her under these circumstances. But also, the WTA would lose a highly popular female tennis star. The WTA and all of its affiliates make money off of the Sharapova name and brand too.

In addition, Maria is still set to play for Russia in the upcoming summer Olympics. There will likely be a huge push from many directions to hold her penalty to a short time frame–maybe even only a few months.

It will be interesting to see if tennis will survive the world of the big business of sports enterprises with tennis becoming much like football and the NFL. Maybe all professional sports have succumbed to the pressures from all around to achieve economic success. Maybe professional sports has become just another entertainment venue.

MLS on rise with starpower, willing execs Desmond Curran Guest Columnist

W

ith the arrival of Spring comes a multitude of exciting beginnings in the world of sports. The start of baseball is right around the corner, the NHL playoffs begin to take shape and there’s the inevitable realization of March Madness fans around the country that they have always hated Duke.

Off to the side, Major League Soccer, the US’s professional soccer league, begins its season relatively quietly. There is no billion-dollar wager for a perfect prediction of the season nor is there constant ESPN coverage of individual players signing new contracts. This is a major problem for the MLS.

“There is no billiondollar wager for a perfect prediction...”

Since its inception, the MLS has always seemed to be in the shadow of other American sports industries: the National Football League, National Hockey League and Major League Baseball are all globally recognized brands that represent prestige and excellence in their respective sport.

The MLS, however, is not even considered close to the top leagues of soccer in Europe or Central/South America. It has recently earned the description of being a “retirement league” for aging stars from European leagues. While this description is certainly harsh, there is a very strong truth behind it.

In 2006, the MLS was by no means a growing and popular league. To change this, the executives of the league resolved to create the role of the Designated Player (DP). This rule is also referred to as the “Beckham Rule” due to its creation leading to the signing of superstar David Beckham by the LA Galaxy. What this rule did was that it allowed separate MLS

clubs to sign players whose wages would be above the team’s salary cap set by the MLS. Essentially, it allowed clubs to engage in high stake bidding wars to attract top–and expensive–talent from the rest of the world.

Since its creation, the Designated Player role has had ever-increasing success for the MLS, bringing in talent like Robbie Keane, Landon Donovan, Steven Gerrard, Sebastian Giovinco, Andrea Pirlo, David Villa and many more.

With all the talent that has migrated to the MLS, the quality of soccer has risen, and so has the popularity of the league with fans across the United States. The creation of the DP has undoubtedly been a boon for the MLS brand. However, at the same time, it has also seemed to damage the image of the league abroad.

Almost all of the Designated Players that have been signed are in the twilight of their careers and are past their prime. While playing perfectly into European snobbery and confirmation bias about the inferiority of American soccer, the fact that these players come to the MLS after their glory days speaks loudly about the quality of soccer here in the USA. This represents the main problem that the MLS now faces. It has improved its image drastically and increased its fan base tremendously. Now, however, the MLS must seek out a means to improve the quality of soccer among each individual team.

Achieving this goal will require a much different approach than just buying players from overseas. There must also be an improvement in the development of home­ grown players back in the United States. Significant progress has been made in this area so far, with the creation of the U.S. Youth Academy system with MLS-sponsored academy teams.

In the next few years, the products of these academy teams will hopefully begin to filter their way onto MLS teams from their respective college careers. These players, having received intense training and attention throughout their youth careers, will ideally be higher quality players that raise the level of the MLS.

As of now, it appears that the model that the MLS is following is on track to significantly raise both the quality of play as well as the popularity of the league.

As more American talent proliferates throughout, and potentially moves abroad, there will simply be more awareness of the sport of soccer in the general populace. The MLS and its executive commissioner Don Garber have shown that they have the impetus and resources to provide whatever is needed to ensure the constant growth of the league. In the next 20, maybe even 10, years it is very conceivable to see the MLS reaching the same marketing size as other sports franchises in the United States, like the NHL, MLB or NBA. The average attendance at a regular MLS match is already higher than that of a hockey or basketball game­so it is easy to conceive that the market power behind those leagues will soon shift to the MLS as sports companies themselves shift to meet the increasing demand.

“...it is very conceivable to see the MLB reaching the same marketing size as other sports franchises in the United States.”

In the long term, say 20 or more years, the quality of play in the MLS will drastically improve. The league will continue to bring in foreign stars, but eventually the quality of homegrown players will hopefully reach the point where these stars can’t half­ heartedly step into a starting spot on most of these MLS clubs. It will be competitive. With its smart business model, the MLS has set itself on a path to success in both its market share of American sports and on the international soccer stage.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Page 19

Leak adds new level to Madness Robin Drummond Guest Columnist

E

very year when March rolls around you can feel a change in the air. New life is breathed into the earth as the grass turns green, the trees bud and the flowers bloom. However, for sporting fans, March is a surefire indicator of madness. The NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament never fails to provide some of the most dramatic moments of the year in sports. The athletes competing leave everything they have on the court. They bleed the colors of their school and will do anything to prove it. Breaking down in tears after a loss is a common sight, as is jumping up and down in jubilation after a win.

The fans are often just as emotionally invested as the players. Students, faculty and alumni flock like migrating birds from all over the country to the cities their teams play in. They hold their breath as the final seconds tick off the clock in every game. Regardless if they were cheering for a team that was given less than a one percent chance to make it past their first round, they look as if they’ve just been told they have a week to live when the final whistle blows and their team has lost.

If your team didn’t make it to the tournament, filling out a bracket is the next best way to ensure your blood pressure is alarmingly high throughout the month. People spend hours pouring over results, statistics and everything else related to basketball in order to have a chance at picking as many games correctly as possible. Each year a number of websites and betting services hold bracket challenges that millions of people fill out.

But before any of this happens, the bracket has to be made and released. The bracket is completely unknown up until CBS unveils it each year.

When they first began broadcasting the bracket release in 1981, it was a half-hour process. In 2001, the selection show expanded to an hour to build the excitement and suspense. This year, CBS decided to make the show a two-hour endeavor that would have everyone sitting on the edge of their seats. Viewers were not pleased, to say the very least. Nobody cared about watching the CBS panel of analysts attempt to predict each matchup; fans of teams on the verge of making it to the tournament just wanted to see if they got in, and everyone else wanted to start filling out their brackets.

Fortunately for all those who were awaiting the results, less than an hour into the show a Twitter account posted something that simply read “Spoiler alert: full bracket” with a picture of a complete bracket. As the analysts were still fiddling with their iPads trying to circle various schools, America already knew what was going to happen. Both the account and the bracket were taken down within a few hours, but by then it was too late. Basketball fans rejoiced. Tweets along the lines of “Basketball leak guy is the hero America needed,” and “Finally someone put me out of my misery #thankyoubracketleak” were filling the Internet.

Not everyone was as pleased as the viewers were. The NCAA released a statement that read: “We go to great lengths to prevent the tournament field from being revealed early and the NCAA took its usual measures to prevent this from happening. Unfortunately, and regrettably, the bracket was revealed prior to our broadcast partners having the opportunity to finish unveiling it. We take this matter seriously and we are looking into it.”

CBS had no comment on the leaked bracket, and with good reason: they were embarrassed.

Despite the attempt to swindle viewers into watching two hours of nonsense, the bracket release show had its lowest viewership numbers in over 20 years. Advertisers who paid through the nose to book slots for the final hour of the show are furious as virtually nobody bothered to tune in to a show that was simply broadcasting old news.

If you ask me, the leaked bracket is poetic justice at its finest. CBS’s decision to drag the selection show out for two hours was ridiculous and selfish to say the least. In the end, basketball fans and players got what they wanted, which is what college sports should really be about, and the body that governs them and the network that tried to exploit them were humiliated.

RHYS SPORTS

Page 20

March 31, 2016

Notable performances give athletes place in the sun Olivia O’Loughlin Guest Reporter

A

courtesy of Morgan Fitzgerald

fter a tough week of midterms, several Vassar teams packed their bags and flew off to sunny locations around the country. Seven different teams traveled to warm, tropical destinations including California, Arizona and Florida. The coaches shared that these trips are groundbreaking as they allow the teams to continue developing physically and technically, as well as growing as a team through team bonding and having some time to relax off of campus.

The women’s lacrosse team flew off to Bradenton, Fla. where they practiced hard, relaxed beachside and faced some tough competition over their five-day trip. The team went 2-0 in their season when they defeated New Hampshire’s Keene State with a score of 15-10. The Brewers worked as a cohesive unit to defeat the Owls, with nine different players reaching the back of the net. Two days later, the Bowdoin Polar Bears, who are currently ranked No. 17 in the nation, trumped the Brewers in a tough contest.

The women put up a good fight, holding Bowdoin at a three-goal lead for a good portion of the contest, but the Polar Bears eventually took the game.

Coach Judy Finerghty noted, “In our match versus Bowdoin, I think our players realized that they can raise their performance level. It also showed our team that we need to keep playing hard and that we can capitalize on momentum at times during games to stay competitive. The game certainly highlighted our strengths but also underscored the things that we need to work on.”

Overall, Coach Finerghty enthusiastically reported that the team enjoyed their trip, and joked, “[the team’s favorite part of the trip involved] eating good food, going to the beach and playing games”.

The men’s baseball team had the longest trip, spending two weeks in the Sunshine State while competing in a total of 13 games with six double-headers. While the trip was filled with grueling double-headers and a rough extra-inning

loss, the defining moment came from sophomore Erik Strickland. After falling to the University of Wisconsin-Stout in their first game, the boys had a lot to prove going into the second half of their double-header. The team emerged with an impressive 13-3 win. Sophomore Chris Lee had his first collegiate hit and RBI and sophomore John Madsen pitched a scoreless inning. However the strongest performance came from Strickland who smashed his first career grand slam. He triumphed, “It was an awesome feeling, I was ecstatic when I saw the ball go over the fence. It’s a great way to start the year, I can’t wait to see what is in store for us for the rest of the season.”

Moving from the diamond to the courts, the men’s and women’s tennis teams traveled to California to compete in matches against nationally-ranked teams. Both teams finished 1-4 in California, yet the experience alone was worth the trip. The men’s team lost several tough matches, yet the boys played well and achieved success in singles and doubles match-ups. Overall, Coach Alex Wong believed the trip was success, “We saw each match as a challenge and an opportunity to grow as a team. It was great to get a lot of match play for all players on the team, as I think the experience will help everybody as we get to the home stretch of our schedule”.

The women’s highlights included their victory over Chapman University in addition to noteworthy performances in both singles and doubles matches from a majority of the team. Senior captain Kelsey Van Noy excelled with two third place finishes in singles matches against Washington College (Md.) and Chapman, while also capturing two No. 2 spots in doubles with fellow senior captain Lauren Stauffer.

Keeping with the theme of the Golden State, women’s golf packed up their clubs and traveled to City of Industry, California. The women trained hard, playing 18 holes for five days and competing against Whittier College. Unfortunately, the Brewers fell to the Poets 340-326.

Coach Andy Jennings shared, “Both Anna, our Associate Head Coach and myself were really

The women’s tennis team traveled to sunny California for some spring break competition. In total, seven Vassar teams headed to warmer weather to compete against fresh competition during the break. pleased with the way the team played, we had some great performances, which were topped off

by Kristin winning the event with a 79.” With this phenomenal finish, Diep was awarded individual medalist honors. He added, “[the trip helped prepare the team in all aspects] physically, technically, emotionally, socially and psychologically.”

While they traded the beaches and greenery of California for the dry desert, the men’s and women’s track teams had a memorable time at the Willie Williams Invitational in Tuscon, Ariz.

Both teams held their own against Division I opponents and reached impressive achievements, both personally and within the Invitational itself.

Junior Gabe Fishman was a standout performer for the men, finishing fourth in the 800-meter, while sophomore Michael Walsh also thrived as he earned 17th place in the long jump and fin-

ished 12th in the triple jump. Sophomore Kyle Estrada also ran hard and was awarded 13th place when he finished the 400-meter run in 23:22.

The women’s team also braved the heat and managed to place at the Invitational. Like Blume, another freshman to shine through the competition was Christina Prater-Lee who finished the 1500-meter in just 2:28.62 to earn eighth place.

To finish at the No. 21 spot, sophomore Savannah Wiman completed the 1500-meter run in 5:19.18 while freshman Megan Horan ended the 5000-meter in a quick 20:34.26.

The two weeks of spring break training allowed all seven Vassar teams to bond, improve and develop chemistry. Surely many memories were made both in and out of competition. Notable performances from faces new and old gave all Brewers a place to shine in the sun.

Spring seasons in full swing as Brewers get busy in heat Hanna McGuire Guest Reporter

Baseball

Women’s Tennis

The Vassar women’s tennis team joined the men in the Golden State for competition during the first week of spring break. Vassar first took on Cal Lutheran University on March 13, falling 3-6. The next day, the women competed against Washington College (MD.) falling 3-6. The Brewers seized their first match in California over Chapman University 3-6. After a day of rest, the squad was bested by No. 6 Amherst 9-0. The final

spring break match for the women was a close loss to No. 25 Whitman College 4-5. After spring break play, the women are now 6-6- overall.

Women’s Golf

The Vassar women’s golf team also traveled to California for spring break competition. The squad played its sole 18-hole game against Whittier College on the Eisenhower Course at Industry Hills Golf Club on March 17. Sophomore Kristin Diep earned individual medalist honors with a six-over score of 79, her career best. California native junior Emily Prince also finished strong with 86, while freshman Evon Shay ended right behind with an 87. Senior captains Aimee Dubois and Angela Mentel chalked up backto-back scores with an 87 and 88 respectively as sophomore Annie Hsu earned a 95. Despite playing well, the Brewers fell to the Poets 340329. After returning to New York, the team will host the Vassar College Invitational April 9-10 at

courtesy of Vassar Athletics

The Vassar Men’s baseball squad spent the entirety of spring break in Florida to begin its season. The team played 13 games, ending the stint with a 5-8 record. Vassar opened their season in a non-conference doubleheader against Fitchburg State University. The Falcons bested the Brewers in the first game 5-3, but Vassar turned it around to take the second 2-0. The following day, the men took on Plattsburgh State for another non-conference doubleheader. Vassar combined for 32 hits, coming out on top 13-3 in the first, but falling 9-6 in the nightcap. Despite winning the first contest, Vassar fell 6-9 to Plattsburgh.

On March 16, the team moved to Winter Haven to face off against Keene State College in the RussMatt Central Florida Invitational. Unfortunately, the Brewers were bested 2-12. Bouncing back after the tough loss against Keene, the Brewers faced University of Wisconsin-Stout and fell 7-3 in the first game. Vassar shook off the first loss and came out swinging in the second, triumphing over Wisconsin-Stout 13-3.

In a hard-fought battle the next day, the squad dropped both games to Millikin University in non-conference competition. Both teams were held scoreless throughout seven innings. Unfortunately, Big Blue broke through with five runs in the top of the eighth to seal the win at 0-5. The second contest ended with Millikin victorious over Vassar 6-5.

In its first Liberty League contest of the season, Vassar split the doubleheader against St. Lawrence University. Despite scoring early, the Saints fell behind Vassar after the men plated five runs in the bottom of the fourth. The Brewers fell 11-2 in the second challenge. In its final spring break game, Vassar battled St. Lawrence in a second doubleheader the subsequent day. The teams split, with the Brewers capturing the first 9-6 while the Saints earned the second victory 5-4.

The men had two matches on March 13. The Brewers fell to the Whittier College 3-6, and No. 8 Amherst proved even tougher competition for Vassar, besting the Brewers 9-0. The men turned things around winning 7-2 over No. 37 Chapman University on March 16. The following day, the squad lost to Trinity College 6-3. To round out spring break play, the Brewers fell to Tufts University 2-7. After spring break play, the men are now 5-9 overall and remain 1-1 in league play.

Men’s Tennis

The Vassar men’s tennis team flew to Southern California for the first leg of spring break and played five matches, finishing with a 1-4 record.

Senior catcher Cory Wuenschell prepares for an intense at-bat. The Brewers had a busy spring break as they played 13 games. A memorable highlight was sophomore Eric Strickland’s first career grand slam.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Casperkill Golf Club.

Men’s Lacrosse

While other teams traveled this spring break, the Vassar men’s lacrosse team stayed home for competition. On March 15 the squad fought hard at home against Wesleyan University, but was ultimately defeated 13-8. The Cardinals maintained a lead throughout the game as Vassar attempted to catch up. Freshman James Thomas shined in his first game for the Brewers, scoring a hat trick.

Junior Steven Mages contributed largely as well with a team-high pick up of six ground balls. Senior Noah Parson and junior Sam Houston-Read each put away two goals for Vassar.

On the road in Newburgh, Vassar handed Mount Saint Mary College its first loss this season on March 23, winning 13-6. The two teams battled evenly at the start, but the Brewers gained control in the second to maintain the lead. Parson and Thomas each posted five points in the win, while six other Brewers scored as well. Junior goalkeeper Brandon Crecco played with unmatched defense, blocking 16 shots.

Vassar used this momentum to capture its first Liberty League contest of the season 12-10 against Skidmore College on March 26. The Thoroughbreds challenged the Brewers, even edging a lead multiple points during the game. But the Brewers continually matched Skidmore, fighting hard until the finish. Both Parson and Thomas scored hat tricks for Vassar, while Crecco defended expertly again with 11 saves. Houston-Read also played a large role with two goals and two assists as junior Brandon DeStasio netted one and gave three assists.

Women’s Swimming

Junior Julia Cunningham repeated as an All-American on Friday, March 18. Cunningham won honors for her performance in the 200-yard butterfly at the NCAA Division III Swimming and Diving Championships hosted at Greensboro Aquatic Center. Cunningham became the second Vassar swimmer in school history to earn All-American honors twice. She broke her own school record during both of her swims and posted a 2:01.92 in the finals to take fifth place overall.