The Miscellany News, Volume CXLVII, Issue 18 (April 3, 2014)

The Miscellany News

Volume CXLVII | Issue 18

April 3, 2014

Since 1866 | miscellanynews.com

Vassar College Poughkeepsie, NY

Noble Ingram neWs editor

Administration has not yet accepted workers’ union status Anna Iovine

AssistAnt neWs editor

T

he Vassar Security Department is organizing to form a union.

The Student/Labor Dialogue (SLD) has been showing support through the hashtag “#DemocracyforVCSecurity,” as well as a photo campaign. Additionally, they have made a community petition featured on their Facebook page, which members of the Vassar community can sign to support solidarity.

According to a student member of the SLD, the support letter and petition has two goals: to show the Administration that the community wants a safe environment for the union drive to happen, and that if the majority of security workers want a union, the College should respect that.

“Security officers are running a unionization drive—that’s something that’s coming from workers in security. That may have popped up if the SLD never existed,” said the anonymous member of the SLD. They continued, “I think if the SLD has played any role in starting this, it’s making a particular environment in which people See UNION on page 4

n Thursday, March 27, the President’s Office announced the speaker for this year’s Commencement ceremony. Vassar alumna and physicist Dr. Sau Lan Wu ’63 will speak at the 150th Commencement ceremony on May 25, 2014. Wu serves as the Enrico Fermi Distinguished Professor of Physics at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. Her work with the ATLAS team of physicists lead to the announcement of the Higgs boson, also known as the “God particle,” a new subatomic particle, back in July of 2012.

Professor of Mathematics John Feroe explained, “She’s the leader of an international research team engaged in understanding matter and energy at its most fundamental form, work that has contributed to

the establishment of the existence of the Higgs boson, the subatomic particle that accounts for the presence of mass.”

As the Wisconsin Institute for Discovery’s website reads, “Inside the heart of the atom, physicist Sau Lan Wu is mapping the very structure of our universe. In 2012, Wu, the leader of the UW-Madison contingent at the ATLAS experiment at the Large Hadron Collider in Europe, played a major role in identifying the wake of the Higgs boson-an elusive subatomic particle believed to give all matter its mass.”

The site continues, “It was yet another landmark in a career that includes being the leader in the discovery of the gluon—which ‘glues’ together pieces of an atom’s nucleus—and contributing to finding a See COMMENCEMENT on page 4

courtesy of the University of Wisconsin, Madison

Security Physicist Wu to give commencement speech officers seek O unionization

Dr. Wu ’63 will speak at the 150th Commencement ceremony. She was among the physicists who proved the existence of a new subatomic particle in July 2012.

Res Life implements new housing process Bethany Terry stAFF desiGn

W

ith new technology, there are always kinks to be worked out. This was no exception for Vassar’s new online housing system, Residence by Symplicity.

Used for winter and spring break housing applications previously, this year’s housing and apartment draw was the first time many students interacted with the software.

Providing both benefits and

frustrations, Vassar students had mixed feelings on this new software.

Using a program created by Symplicity software isn’t something new for Vassar. Currently, the Career and Development Office (CDO) utilizes Career Services Manager (CSM), to host VCLink, an internship database for Vassar students and alumnae/i.

Residence was chosen by ResLife after much consideration.

Residence by Symplicity offers

new online features. Students now have the option to design their own online profile, as well as search for housemates based on their answers.

Another feature available is the ability to apply for break or commencement housing or to live off campus.

Information available on Residence allows one to check their current and future living arrangements, as well as view their meal plan.

The software lets students access a variety of information in a central location.

Director of Residential Life Luis Inoa explained the decision to use the software.

He wrote in an emailed statement, “We were working with CIS for a number of years on finding the right software. Symplicity offered the kind of flexibility we were looking for, in addition to being web based and affordable.”

See SYMPLICITYon page 6

‘Truth About Truth’ VC track team off to fast start examines absurdity T Sam Hammer Guest reporter

Jake Solomon Guest reporter

“T

he Truth About Truth (Everything is Breakfast Food),” as a title, reveals very little about the play’s content. And creator Ethan Cohen ’16 would not have it any other way. As

“The Truth About Truth” actress Erin Leahy ’16 stated in an emailed statement, “The title is a witty summary of the play, which aims to reveal all the brilliant and strange truths in the world and in Ethan Cohen’s head.”

See TRUTH on page 15

Inside this issue

2

The Misc says farewell after 100 BREAKING years as weekly

6

VC community cares for stray cats on FEATURES campus

courtesy of Vassar College Athletics

Jacob Gorski/The Miscellany News

‘The Truth About Truth (Everything is Breakfast Food)’ first performance will be on Thursday, April 3 at 7 p.m. in Sanders Classroom’s Spitzer Auditorium.

his past Saturday, the men’s and women’s track teams competed at Monmouth University, despite terrible weather conditions. Notable performances included senior Abe Gatling running a 51.90 second 400-meter and placing third, freshman Alfredo Mazzuca posting a time of 4:12:47 in the 1500-meter and sophomore Taylor Vann clearing 1.80 meters to tie the Vassar record for the high jump. On the women’s side, senior Aubree Piepmeier won the 1500-meter event by posting a time of 4:42:81. Junior captain Heather Ingraham came in second for the 800-meter event.

Head Coach James McCowan provided a summary of the events so far: “The season was off to a good start out in Arizona for our spring training trip. We had 10 personal bests and several school records run out there, including Heather Ingraham’s school record 400m run which is the top time in D III as of now. The Arizona meet is a great opportunity for our sprinters to run fast in early warm weather, and a good chance for our distance runners to get in some hard training and blow off the rust,” he wrote in an emailed statement. “From there, we have races every week through the end of the semester, with last chance See TRACK on page 18

�Both the men’s and women’s track teams recently traveled to Arizona over spring break for training, and competed against Monmouth State University.

12

Administration must reconsider athlete OPINIONS GPA boost

Page 2

The Miscellany News

April 3, 2014

Editor-in-Chief Chris Gonzalez

Senior Editors

Meaghan Hughes Marie Solis

Contributing Editors Ruth Bolster Jessica Tarantine

A message from the Editor-in-Chief: Due to the increased presence of The New York Times on the campus, readership of The Miscellany News has been declining to frightening levels. While we wish to continue covering news on our campus, the VSA views our paper as “superfluous.” They have demanded we do what the newspaper did in Nov. 1970 and suspend publication, including our online presence (our domain name will soon be up for auction). You hold in your hands the very final edition of The Miscellany News. It was a pleasure and a privilege reporting for you.

Come say goodbye at our final paper critique this Sunday at 9 p.m. in the Rose Parlor!

Photography Design Online Social Media Copy

Noble Ingram Eloy Bleifuss Prados Joshua Sherman Samantha Kohl Lily Doyle Christopher Brown Tina Caso Spencer Davis Palak Patel Gwendolyn Frenzel Maddy Vogel Ashley Pecorelli

Crossword Editor Assistant News Assistant Opinions Assistant Sports Assistant Photo

Jack Mullan Anna Iovine Natasha Bertrand Luka Laden Jacob Heydorn Gorski Jiajing Sun Assistant Design Elizabeth Dean Assistant Online Victoria Bachurska Reporters Julia Cunningham Emma Daniels Isabella DeLeo Emily Hoffman Maggie Jeffers Shannon Liao Jonathan Safir Columnists Delaney Fischer Zach Rippe Max Rook Lily Sloss Eli J. Vargas I Photography Alec Feretti Samantha Pianello Design Bethany Terry Rachel Dorn Online Daniel Foley Copy Sophie Kosmacher Christian Lewis Macall McQueen Marya Pasciuto Camilla Pfeiffer Emma Roellke Rebecca Weir

Spencer Davis/The Miscellany News

Photo of the Week Adam Buchsbaum ’14, pictured above, walks away from the Misc’s 100th Anniversary party into a sea of fog. Little did he know his goodbyes to the evening’s guest would be his final farewell to one of oldest collegiate weeklies.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

News Features Opinions Arts Humor & Satire Sports

CORRECTION POLICY The Miscellany News will only corrections for any misquotes, resentations or factual errors for ticle within the semester it is

accept misrepan arprinted.

LETTERS POLICY The Miscellany News is Vassar College’s weekly open forum for discussion of campus, local and national issues, and welcomes letters and opinions submissions from all readers.

Letters to the Editor should not exceed 350 words, and they usually respond to a particular item or debate from the previous week’s issue. Opinions articles are longer pieces, up to 800 words, and take the form of a longer column. No letter or opinions article may be printed anonymously. If you are interested in contributing, e-mail misc@vassar.edu.

April 3, 2014

NEWS

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Palestinian-Israeli television creater shares insights, stories Justine Woods Guest reporter

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Kashua emphasizes that culture and ethnicity are only one part of the many divides between Jewish Israelis and Arab Israelis. He laments that while he and his family are technically citizens, their ethnicity frequently impedes them from receiving the benefits that being a citizen should grant them. According to Kashua, the Arab villages have little structure, are overpopulated, and are frequently neglected by municipalities.

Kashua stated that he believes that Palestinian citizens of Israel should be thankful for the benefits they have (such as health care) compared to Arabs in many Middle Eastern countries, but that Israel needs to start making changes to prevent severe clashes between citizens. For this

reason, he isn’t opposed to the recent boycotting of Israel. Because he is desperate for peace, he believes any form of pressure on the government is good.

“We are paying the tax of the war all the time,” said Kashua. “This is the only citizenship that I have…I criticize Israel because I want to make it a better country.”

Kashua paints a picture of Arab life in Israel that isn’t always talked about in discussions of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Israel is very much a mixed society, and Arabs make up about 20% of Israel. Being able to understand what life is like for families and for neighborhoods is extremely important in coming to understand the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

courtesy of Brandeis University

n Monday, March 31, Vassar hosted award-winning author and journalist Sayed Kashua. Kashua, a Palestinian citizen of Israel, was the guest lecturer for the Frederick C. Wood lecture series, a presentation by the Department of Religion and Program in Jewish Studies. The series is held in honor of senior lecturer in Religion Tova Weitzman.

Kashua is the author of several novels, including “Second Person Singular” and “Dancing Arabs”, and writes columns in Hebrew for Hagretz newspaper and a local Jerusalem weekly, Halr.

Born in the Arab village of Tira and currently living in a Jewish area of Jerusalem, Kashua’s work focuses on capturing the life of Arabs living in Israel in a way that both educates and entertains his audiences.

Audience members were given the opportunity to watch the first episode of season two of the television sitcom created by Kashua, “Arab Labor.” The award-winning show uses comedy and satire to portray the life of Arab families in Israel. Taking place in Jerusalem, the story follows the work and family life of an Arab-Israeli man, Amjad.

“Arab Labor” broke ground as the first show in Israel to have Palestinian characters speaking in Arabic (with Hebrew subtitles) on primetime television. In addition to its wit and humor, the show brings to light the everyday difficulties faced by Palestinian citizens of Israel: for example, having a car checked by police every day on the way to work. The name of the show, “Arab Labor,” or Avoda Aravit in Hebrew, is a commonly-used slang term to describe work that was done badly.

In the episode shown at the lecture, Amjad wants to move his family to an all-Jewish neighborhood when he finds out that they have better water pressure than his all Arab village. The dramatic and amusing obsession with the showers

in an all-Jewish apartment building provides an entertaining backdrop for talking about discrimination against Arabs and Arab villages in Israel and the importance of identity and culture.

“As a history major currently studying the Palestine-Israel conflict, viewing it through a comedic lens was definitely new for me,” said student Brielle Brook ’16.

Brooke continued, “‘Arab Labor’ provided an accessible platform to see how regular people cope with the issues prevailing in the region. It’s not often that we get to see how these issues are affecting life on a smaller scale, like familial dynamics. I really appreciated that.”

The show has the same effect on the viewers in Israel. Arab newspapers greatly attacked the show and Kashua when it was first announced, but once it aired, the views about it quickly changed. Kashua is pleased that Arab people now have a firmer stage in Israeli television. In fact, despite cultural divides and stigmas, fans of the show are rooting for the touch-and-go relationship of Jewish-Israeli Meir and Arab-Israeli Amal to succeed.

In many ways, Sayed’s life parallels the life of main character Amjad. Brought up in the Arab village Tira, Kashua originally moved with his wife and children to Beit Safafa (also an Arab village) before moving to a Jewish neighborhood in Jerusalem. The move was a difficult decision for Sayed, who questioned how his three children might come to understand their identity as Palestinians.

His two older children attended bilingual schools, where both Arabic and Hebrew were spoken. However, his youngest son began school after the move and attends a Jewish school where only Hebrew is spoken. Kashua jokes that he worries what his son will do “when he finds out he’s an Arab,” but the importance and difficulty of maintaining identity remains a constant theme in “Arab Labor” and in the lives of many Palestinians living in Israel.

Author and journalist Sayed Kashua has written several novels on the subject of Arab life in Israel. He now has a new sitcom, “Arab Labor,” that explores the comedic aspects of Palestinian-Israeli tensions.

Class of 2018 Regular Decision admissions results released Shelia Hu

Guest reporter

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number of applications, 1,300 came from the international student pool. Students of color and those holding citizenship from outside of the United States make up for 43.2 and 15.1 percent, respectively.

Borus explained that Vassar has no specific target or quotas to fulfill within the applicant pool each year. “We just admit the best kids that apply and we get more than our fair share,” he said.

The admitted pool of applicants for this year includes the 280 students admitted through early decision. Around 40 percent of the applications were accepted for ED I and II, a percentage that is higher than it has been in previous years. The choice to apply early decision demonstrates that Vassar is the first choice for the applicant, but because early decision is binding, the majority of the class still comes from regular decision, as fewer people are willing to make the commitment to one school.

The average admissions officer has around

Katie de Heras/The Miscellany News

n March 26, Vassar released Regular Decision applicant results for the incoming Class of 2018. Aiming for a class size of 660 students, the school is now waiting for students who have been offered admission to join the Vassar community this fall.

Dean of Admission and Financial Aid David Borus explained the application review process for Vassar and how much work is put into carefully selecting the new class of students.

Dean Borus commented on the nature of the review process, which tends to evaluate students’ credentials on a large scale. “Vassar uses a holistic review process, simply meaning we look at lots of different factors of the application and taking into consideration all the components of a student. The most important is academic credentials, which includes looking at the difficulty of courses taken, that they’ve taken four or five years of those academic courses, the grade trends, and the breadth of the program they’ve completed in high school.”

Borus continued, “As Vassar is not a test-optional school like some schools are, we take into account standardized testing but we also don’t have a minimum cut-off grade. We regularly deny students with perfect test scores because we are looking at the balance of the whole application.”

Beyond tests and GPA, many other elements of a student’s application are examined

by Borus and his colleagues. “As for non-academic factors, recommendations from teachers and counselors are very important, as well as demonstration for leadership skills and participation with extracurricular activities.

We also need to see several different types of writing samples from the student through the Common App.” The Common Application, which has over 517 member colleges and serves over a million students annually, is used to apply for undergraduate schools. This year, the website for the Common App had many technical problems that added on to the stress of high school seniors who were applying to college. The nonprofit organization that runs the Common

App created a new format online in August 2013 and it introduced various issues when applying, including “frozen screens, trouble uploading letters of recommendation, formatting of essays appearing wrong, and inability to go back and check work” (NBC News, “College admissions process plagued by Common App technical glitches,” 10.31.13). In response to the glitches, many schools extended early-action deadlines to allow students some more time to try and send in their applications.

This year, Vassar received 7,784 applications; “An overwhelming majority were at least in the academic ball park,” commented Borus. Because they are only looking to fill a limited number of spots, they offered admission to 1,774 students (799 male and 972 female), which resulted in a 22.8 percent acceptance rate (vassar.edu).

The top state from where the most students were accepted is New York, with 370 students.

There are also 181 international students admitted from 47 different countries. Of the total

Vassar released their final round of admissions decisions on March 26, offering letters of acceptance to 1,774 students in total. They must send the College their deposit by May 1 to secure their place in the Class of 2018.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

800 to 900 applications to read, and that boils down to many hours of intensive work, especially after January. As someone who has done this for 40 years, Borus says the time it takes to complete the reading process for an application can vary anywhere between about 10 minutes to half an hour. Due to each school having somewhat of a different grading system, it also takes time to establish a level of uniformity when looking at a large pool of applications.

A recently admitted student from a high school in New York City, Reina Miyake, talked about her application process and why she wants to come to Vassar. “Vassar was one of my top choices, and I am planning to enroll in the near future,” she said. “The main reasons I want to go to Vassar are because it is a small liberal arts school in a quiet, but not isolated area that I can easily travel to from New York City, its diversity in the student body, the close relationships between students and professors, and its strength in the arts and humanities. I am particularly interested in the Art Department, and I’ve heard a lot of good things about Art History, so I look forward to that.”

Miyake appreciated the writing supplements of the Vassar application, which she feels allowed her to properly represent herself to the admissions team. “I think that the application supplements were pretty extensive.

I was able to talk about what I liked about Vassar and expand on what I particularly enjoyed doing outside of school. One of the supplements asked for my reasons for wanting to attend Vassar, which is pretty standard of college supplements. The second supplement asked about an extracurricular activity or volunteer work or job that I enjoyed/felt was significant, and I feel that supplement allowed me to share more about myself.”

Now that the work of the admissions counselors has culminated in the acceptance of the Class of 2018, these applicants must inform Vassar of their decision to attend by May 1.

In the meantime, there will be several events for admitted students, such as Focus Weekend and Admitted Students’ Day, to visit and learn more about Vassar.

Page 4

News Briefs College mourns student’s passing

NEWS

April 3, 2014

SLD promotes security union formation UNION continued from page 1

—Meaghan Hughes, Senior Editor Japan ordered to end cruel whaling practices On March 31, 2014, the International Court of Justice (the judicial system of the United Nations) ordered Japan to halt its whaling program, which the nation had previously claimed to be for scientific research (ABC News, “Japan Whaling Future in Doubt After Court Ruling,” 3.31.14). The decision comes after Australia launched a suit against Japan last summer, based on their surveillance of Japanese whaling ships in Antarctic waters near Australia. The decision is being hailed by wildlife activists, while the Japanese say it threatens a traditional part of their way of life (whaling with older methods has been practiced since about the 12th century).

The International Whaling Commission (IWC) banned commercial whaling in 1982, allowing only for subsistence whaling for indigenous people and whaling for scientific research (International Business Times, “UN Court Bans Japanese Whaling In Antarctic,” 3.31.14). Norway and Iceland have continued commercial whaling in defiance of the ban by rejecting the Commission entirely. However, Japan has continued whaling under claims of scientific research. While its whaling is carried out by its Institute of Cetacean Research, the scientific processes and merit have been questioned by the international community, especially Australia where Japanese whaling is known to occur.

Since in 2008, Australia has been monitoring Japanese whaling projects to build a case for suit in the International Court of Justice. They have discovered that the annual whaling expeditions have little real scientific process occurring, and that only two peer-reviewed papers have been produced by the Institute since 2005. The whale meat is also sold to a few restaurants which still offer the delicacy.

Japan’s fishing business is a major cornerstone of its economy, and their fishing projects include other endangered fish. In addition, entire villages which have traditionally whaled may lose their way of life (Time Magazine, “Japanese Whaling Ban Won’t End the Whale Wars,” 3.31.14).

However, whaling has become a controversial topic in the court of public opinion, with environmental activists advocating for sanctuary for the endangered species. A recent popular reality television show, Whale Wars, depicts Western environmental activists fighting on the ocean to protect whales from whaling ships.

In the meantime, the Japanese authorities have agreed to abide by the order and stop whaling in Antarctic waters, although smaller, allegedly scientific whaling programs will continue in the Pacific.

The recent order may be used as grounds for nearby nations to sue to stop those expeditions, as well.

However, it is possible that all whaling may continue for the Japanese if they can revamp their whaling program to more rigorous scientific standards, or if they withdraw altogether from the IWC and choose not to abide by their rules at all.

—Elizabeth Dean, Assistant Design Editor

are empowered to make their workplaces better—but it’s not clear to me that that’s come from us. It’s really come from security. We’re playing a role in supporting them now that it’s happening.”

Security became aligned with the SLD by word of mouth, said an anonymous security officer.

“I believe that many of the security officers were attending programs that the SLD already had in place. Word had gotten around that it was kicking off well and they had a lot of concerns about workers…supporting different workers and unions, workers from various departments.”

The individual continued, “I went to the meeting and met students supporting workers. I liked what I had heard, and had some concerns about difficulty in my department—I felt like I needed someone to hear me out.”

The security officer mentioned that they had made attempts to remedy departmental issues before pursuing unionization. “I have tried everything in my power to solve differences, to no avail. So, I wanted to take it further and the SLD are people I’ve really heard can bring something to fruition, to assist me, and that’s what I wanted,” they said.

Many other groups on campus are putting forth a united front, including entire house teams. Raymond House President Ramy Abbady ’16, said, “Two members of my House Team are very involved in the Student/Labor Dialogues. During our last House Team Meeting, they brought up the petition, and asked if we would be willing to sign it as a House Team.”

Abbady went on, “After a discussion, we all agreed, and I signed it on behalf of Raymond House.” Abbady stated that this act of solidarity was in-line with their guiding principles as a house.

He said, “Earlier in the semester, we had talked about doing more to support workers in the House and on campus, and I think this was a great step towards doing that.”

A photo was taken with Raymond House Team as a way of participating of the SLD’s photo campaign.

“I’ve done what I could to help out with SLD’s most recent campaign to back up the security staff ’s efforts to unionize. I’ve tabled at the [All-Campus Dining Center] and the Retreat, asking people to sign the community support letter that asks the administration to respect the democratic majority of security workers and to refrain from engaging in any union-busting activities,” noted Raymond House Team Freshman Representative Raymond Magsaysay ’17 in an emailed statement.

Magsaysay continued, “But I think the

Alec Feretti/The Miscellany News

On April 1, 2014, Vassar College lost a member of its community, Dashiell Robertson. Robertson was a resident of Josselyn House and a member of the Class of 2017. An email was sent to the entire Vassar community on Tuesday evening informing them of Robertson’s passing. Members of all house teams on campus met and were provided with the resources to support their fellow residents during this time. Counseling services were made available to all students that evening in the Rose Parlor, and representatives of offices such as the LGBTQ Center, Counseling Service and Residential Life offered their assistance to any students seeking support. A memorial vigil was held Tuesday night on the Josselyn House lawn and was organized by the Office of Religious and Spiritual Life. Sam Speers, the Director of the office, sent an email to all leaders of religiously affiliated organizations. “In light of recent events today—as we mark the sad news of Dashiell Robertson’s death and give thanks for her life—we have decided to change our plans for RSL Day tomorrow. We will not do the planned tabling tomorrow, but we will hold our dinner in the Villard Room at 6 p.m. Please invite your group members to join us for the dinner—and spread the word among others who want to be together as a community.”

For any students seeking support, the number for Vassar’s Counseling Services is 845.437.5700 and students may talk to On Call Counselors by calling 845.437.7333 at any time.

The Student Labor Dialogue’s support of workers’ rights led security officers to join forces with them in pursuit of unionization. Petitions and shows of solidarity abound among students at-large. most important thing I’ve done to support security workers is listen to them...I’ve sat down with some members of security and listened to them express a common experience: that they have had enough, enough disrespect and enough maltreatment.”

Many other departments at Vassar currently have unions and while security had once been a part of the union, they left due to the Administration promising better benefits.

According to the security officer, those benefits were never seen.

“Since I’ve been here...[there has been] a lot of the miscommunication, disrespect, harassment, bullying, not being able to go to your advisors and get things resolved— these are issues that hurt us and are bringing our department out,” admitted the officer.

A major factor contributing to why many security officers’ voices are thwarted, maintained Magsaysay, has to do with unbalanced power dynamics. “Standing up to your employer is a difficult and scary thing to do, because the employer holds so much more institutional power than the workers,” said Magsaysay on the issue.

He continued, “That’s one of the reasons I think it’s incredibly important to come out and show support and solidarity with people who are organizing for respect and democracy in their workplace. It’s our obligation as members of the community to stand with them and make sure we hold the administration and the supervisors here accountable in the process.”

After a meeting held on Monday, March 31, the Administration said they would not immediately respect the department’s wishes for a union. Instead, they will make officers wait one to two months and then vote.

In terms of how administration will react to the union drive as it progresses, the student from the SLD said, “As far as a particular environment they will create for the union drive, they did say that they probably...won’t run an anti-union campaign. That has a lot of wiggle room...I’m not super hopeful that means they’re going to be neutral, which is what we want.”

For Magsaysay, this initiative has been long overdue.

“It’s time for the administration to respect security workers here at Vassar and do the right thing by respecting their democratic majority, and by remaining neutral in the organizing process,” Magsaysay commented.

Despite the Administration’s delay on recognizing the department’s unionization, security will continue their efforts.

“We’re not going to stop. We’re going to continue on,” said the officer.

“If we have to mobilize to get ourselves heard, we’re going to do that...we will be meeting, making sure each of us is solid, that we touch base with our community... whatever we have to do,” they continued.

“We have a lot of political people on the outside that will join us.”

“Get involved,” the guard encouraged, “We need every person that is concerned... to join us.”

’63 alumna reflects senior input, interests COMMENCEMENT continued from page 1

particle called J/psi that confirmed the existence of another subatomic piece, the charm quark.”

Wu joins a growing list of Vassar alumnae/i who have spoken at commencement ceremonies in the past. Others include actress Meryl Streep ’71, actress Lisa Kudrow ’85, and entrepreneur and businesswoman Geraldine Laybourne ’69. Wu graduated from the College before it became a co-educational institution, and many hope that she will be able to return to the campus offering a fresh perspective and a successful career of experience.

Wu’s perspective will also be different from that of her predecessor, New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand. Gillibrand was the commencement speaker for the class of 2013.

During her speech, she spoke about her journey to public service and the role of women in the United States government.

President of the Class of 2014 Connor Martini, who will also make a commencement speech, spoke to his excitement about hearing Wu at Commencement. “From what I’ve heard from people who have heard her speak before, she has an amazing and inspiring life story, which I am excited to hear. She is also a scientist, which has not been represented at

Commencement in recent years,” he said.

Feroe echoed this sentiment, emphasizing Wu’s achievements in science as one of the reasons she was chosen. He noted that there has been a continual effort to provide a diverse array of speakers over the years.

“We do think about having a range of backgrounds over the years and I think that a glance through the list of speakers indicates that, but it is often only after the fact that we recognize unique attributes in speakers. In this case, we have had speakers with scientific backgrounds previously, but limited, I think, to the health fields,” he said.

Martini stated that having a Vassar alumna can make commencement speeches more personal. “I think that it was an excellent choice and the commencement speaker should be a Vassar alum. As I said before, it gives the class and the school an extra touch of inspiration and ownership. Her being an alum puts us closer to her than if she were just any old celebrity or academic,” he said.

Martini was also pleased with the result, given the research he had done with the Class of 2014. He explained, “I think it is important to note that the results of the survey I sent out earlier in the year made it overwhelmingly clear that Vassar seniors wanted a woman of

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

color to speak at graduation, so the fact that the President’s office listened to that request is pretty great.”

He continued, “It allows for a bit more ownership of the speech. I think a good speaker tells a compelling story and challenges the students to aspire to similar greatness. Ms. Wu is a leader in her field and is conducting brilliant and controversial research. I’d always wanted a commencement speaker that made Vassar students mindful of the ways they can be similarly compelling, brilliant and controversial.”

In a written statement, President Catharine Bond Hill also expressed excitement about Wu speaking at Commencement. She wrote, “Commencement celebrates the achievements of our graduates and the future promise of those achievements. Given Dr. Wu’s inspiring life story on both sides of her graduation from Vassar, I’m thrilled and grateful that she has agreed to be our speaker.”

Feroe echoed this statement, saying, “With some people, the simple story of their lives is inspiring in and of itself. I find Dr. Wu’s life to be such, and expect that the way in which Vassar has played a pivotal role in her impressive life story will resonate particularly with the class and their families and friends.”

April 3, 2014

FEATURES

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Oral History Project records queer voices of VC’s past Abby Nathanson Guest reporter

V

Katie de Heras/The Miscellany News

assar has a long history of fostering queer students and queer activism. The LGBTQ Oral History Project seeks to document that legacy and make it accessible for current students to learn from and engage with different generations of queer and ally community members.

On Friday, March 28, the LGBTQ Oral History Project offered two three-hour training sessions to students looking to join the project or to simply deepen their research skills.

Coordinated by Director for the Campus Life LGBTQ Center and Women’s Center Judy Jarvis ’07 and intern Priya Nair ’15, the workshop featured Director of the Sound and Story Project of the Hudson Valley Eileen McAdam.

According to Jarvis, she and the two student researchers interviewed 10 alumnae/i over the summer, thanks to funding provided by the Social Justice and Inclusion Fund.

A partnership of the Campus Life LGBTQ Center, Women’s Studies and the Vassar College Archives, the project developed in the aftermath of the College’s sesquicentennial celebrations in 2011.

Queer students, allies and socially conscious professors on campus noticed that all the programming and retrospectives made scant mention of Vassar’s extensive queer history.

This omission gave rise to “Queering the Archives,” a women’s studies course with Assistant Professor of English Hiram Perez. The class aimed to teach students to think critically about archives and the act of “queering.”

Additionally, several campus organizations co-sponsored the 2011 conference called “Smashing History: 150 Years of LGBTQIA at Vassar,” which featured a panel on queerness in the college’s archives.

Eventually, the LGBTQ Oral History Project received a grant from the Social Justice and Inclusion Fund to complete a pilot project in the summer of 2013, directed by Jarvis and assisted

by Naimah Petigny ’14 and Logan Keane ’15.

They conducted 10 interviews in two weeks, each that lasted between 90 minutes and four

hours long.

The goal is to “capture the experiences, stories, and reflections of LGBTQ and ally alumni as well as current LGBTQ staff members,” in partnership between the Campus Life LGBTQ Center, Women’s Studies Program and the Vassar College Archives .

Thus far, the LGBTQ Oral History Project has interviewed 14 LGBTQ alums, a small percentage of those who have volunteered to be part of the project. Those interviews will be available in the archives at the end of the Spring 2014 semester.

“The birth of Sound and Story happened right here on the Vassar campus,” remembers McAdam, whose first experience listening to an environment through a microphone occurred during an early morning trip to the Vassar farm with her “then-friend, now-husband.”

She said, “I felt like I was hearing for the first time… I was hooked on the experience of recording.”

Now, Sound and Story works to “[build] community memory and sense of place by recording and sharing our stories and regional sounds,” according to its mission statement. The project has an app for the iPhone, and is currently working on an initiative called “A Year of Sounds and Stories: 365 Everyday Tales from Unexpected Places.”

“We really feel that it’s those stories that connect us to each other…and connect us to the places where we live and hopefully make us better stewards,” commented McAdam.

Ten Vassar students attended the Friday sessions, most hoping to one day join the Oral History Project but also to use oral history techniques in their own work on and off campus.

“I just recently started writing online for a magazine for queer women,” explains Maddie Taterka ’14, “…this seemed like a great opportunity to build a skill that would be really applicable to that.”

First year student Matt Ford ‘17 also hoped that the training would enhance his journalism.

“I have several years of journalism experience… in conjunction with my identity as an LGBTQ

The LGBTQ Oral History Project was conceived as a response to the lack of queer representation during the 2011 sesquicentennial celebrations. Its goal is to capture the spectrum of LGBTQ experience. person, [This project] just really intrigued me.

I love talking to people and interviewing them.”

The LGBTQ Oral History Project at Vassar has also demonstrated that oral history is a particularly meaningful and effective strategy for engaging queer histories. Ferrari commented that, “I like [oral history] as a form of archiving and documentation. People’s stories are important and they deserve to be listened to actively and with intention as we centralize their experiences.”

Naimah Petigny ’14, intern for the Women’s Center, is passionate about oral history. “I find that having someone be the author of their own narrative is empowering. Often times, queer people, queer people of color are only talked about and rarely does the archive highlight those narratives in their own voices, rather than how researchers talk about them.”

Petigny continued, “[Oral history] changes

the perspective. You hear people talking about their own narrative of struggle, of survival. As the interviewer, you may ask a few questions, but you are oriented towards listening actively.”

The LGBTQ Oral History Project is excited about its success but is in need of more funding to continue interviewing, transcribing and archiving.

Jarvis wrote in an emailed statement, “We need additional grant or gift funding in order to create a significant archive.”

She also reported that Vassar’s Development Office is very supportive and is searching for alumnae/i designated gifts to expand the project and continue engaging Vassar’s LGBTQ legacy.

Jarvis continued, “The next big step for the project is to find a source of funding so that we can do an extensive amount of interviewing, transcribing and archiving during a month or two months of the summer.”

Local foundation fundraises for Arlington schools’ needs Eloy Bleifuss Prados FeAtures editor

O

courtesy of the Arlington School District

ver the past spring break, in the Vassar Alumnae/i House, the Arlington Education Foundation (AEF) hosted its fifth annual Spring Benefit.

Held in one of campus’ most iconic buildings, and organized by a non-profit focused on raising money for public schools, the event represented the ties stretching between Vassar College and its next-door neighbor, the community of Arlington.

Vassar Associate Professor of Cognitive Sciences Janet Andrews enrolled her children in the Arlington public school system from first to twelfth grade. She also currently serves as a member of the AEF’s Board of Trustees.

“Many Vassar faculty, administration and staff are Arlington district residents,” she said.

“Many of our children have gone to or currently go to or will go to Arlington schools.”

Through a mix of individual donations and sponsorships with local businesses, the AEF raises funds that directly support projects in Arlington Central School District public schools .

Executive Director of the Arlington Education Foundation, Mary Beth Kaminsky explained how public school districts’ budgets rarely match all the projects or improvements that the school would like to complete. Public schools across the country then depend on non-profits like the AEF to cover the difference.

Said Kaminsky, “For many years now, education foundations have been filling that void at various levels.”

Three years ago, members of the AEF sat down with the Arlington School District superintendent and asked where the district needed the funds. His reply: technology.

The AEF has raised $33,000 this year, bringing them within a year of successfully completing their goal of raising a total $100,000.

All this money is for the 21st Century Classroom initiative, which is installing interactive

The Arlington Education Foundation has raised more than $36,000 this year as part of their goal to meet scholastic needs that state aid cannot fund. They are using the money to install new classroom technology. projection systems in dozens of district classrooms.

Previously, the AEF concentrated mainly on so-called mini-grants, projects proposed by teachers or staff members and typically requiring no more than $1,000.

Some successful proposals listed on the Foundation’s website that secured grants include an aquarium lab at Arlington High School and a weather station at Lagrange Middle School. The AEF also awards college scholarships to seniors at Arlington High School who are pursuing advanced education.

The size of these scholarships range from $500 to $2,000.

Three years ago, the AEF decided to temporarily suspend the small grant program and work more closely with the school district.

Members of the Foundation discovered that

while the small grants did a good job addressing the needs of individual classrooms, there were still large-scale district-wide projects going underfunded with which the schools wanted to pursue.

“You have various projects which are absolutely all good,” said Kaminsky, “but again, we were looking at what would have an even greater impact and what would all students ultimately get a piece of ?”

Kaminsky continued that the implementation of projection systems, which are similar in design to Smart Boards, is exactly the type of project the Foundation had been looking for. According to Kaminsky, each annual donation of $33,000 can buy roughly 14 interactive projection screens.

Kaminsky described raising all that money in three years as the Foundation’s most ambi-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

tious in its 15-year history.

“It was a definite challenge for us,” said Kaminsky. “We hadn’t done anything like that before, and [the schools] were very dependent on us. They had built their plans around the foundation supporting a piece of their work.”

Andrews considered the AEF’s work as necessary to combat the financial shortfall public schools routinely face.

She said, “Why do public school districts need a foundation? And the answer is that taxes and state aid don’t support enough funding for public schools, and so the Foundation is a way for people who are willing to provide additional financial support to do so.”

The funds raised by the state don’t often go all the way to cover the full costs of new technology and classroom improvements.

Said Andrews, “There isn’t really enough funding unless a wealthy school district is willing to pay even more taxes. But instead, the push has been in the other direction.

There have been rules put in place to limit the amount of taxes that can be raised.”

Kaminsky shared that this year’s Spring Benefit raised $36,000. Contributing $5,000 to that sum was the main attraction of the evening, the silent auction. Items available for bid ranged from a three-course meal at the Culinary Institute of America to season passes to the Powerhouse Theater, courtesy of Vassar College.

Sponsorships from various local businesses provided the rest of the money. The insurance firm Rose and Kiernan and the law offices of Shaw, Perelson, May & Lambert both donated $7,500.

The event’s proceeds thrilled Kaminsky.

Further, she expressed how she was also glad that of all locations, the benefit took place at the Alumnae House.

She said, “This year, we changed it up and moved it to the Vassar alumnae/i house, which we feel is really the heart of Arlington school district, right by Vassar, kind of where Arlington all started.”

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April 3, 2014

Online residential draw eliminates race to room selection

courtesy of Vassar College

The Office of Residential Life has implemented a new online draw system called Symplicity. Though it had a few technological kinks, it ultimately streamlines the selection process, especially for students abroad.

SYMPLICITY continued from page 1

One benefit to online apartment draw is the convenience of the system. For students abroad, this feature has allowed them to participate with relative ease. This has been a concern in the past for those studying away from Vassar, who have felt like they were out of the loop.

Mariah Carlson-Kirigin ‘15 said, “I really liked that it was online, because that makes it easier to participate from Ireland.”

Another positive pointed out by current juniors has been the avoidance of the issues associated with the old housing draw. By not conducting the draw in person, the process was

much calmer for some.

“I also liked that there was only one person every 15 minutes, so it didn’t feel like as much of a race as room draw can seem,” Carlson-Kirigin added.

Louis Cheng ’15 agreed. “I think doing it online is good in some ways, as I didn’t need to deal with the psychological pressure to rush the selection because of seeing people physically lining up after me,” he said.

For ResLife, Residence has made their jobs easier and they believe that Symplicity will make it easier for students as well.

However, the office did encounter a few

challenges in its transition to the new software.

He wrote, “This has been tough at times but thankfully, I have a great group of professional team members.”

Inoa continued, “On our end, the inputting of room assignments has been made easier. On the students’ end, they have the ability to select a room wherever they are: abroad, at work, in their room or at the gym. As long as they can log in, they will be able to select.”

While the new system provided clarity for some, it posed problems for others. Issues from incorrect draw numbers to inconvenient timing arose for many students. Since apartment draw this year ran from 1:45-8:45 p.m., one student said he had to choose between class and housing selection.

“I think ResLife is abusing the convenience factor of the online system, and they made nonsensical decisions as a result of this,” expressed Cheng, who decided to miss class in order to participate, as none of his other group members were available at that time, either.

Cheng continued, “I have actually emailed ResLife about this issue, and they responded by saying that I could find a proxy to carry out the selection process. But of course, I didn’t do it as it is quite an important task and I would much prefer it be done by me or my group mates.”

Other issues, not connected to Residence itself, arose this year; incorrect draw numbers were one of them.

“My group of 5 seniors (none of whom had been on probation) was given a time slot on the last day of room draw, which would have given us a very small selection of THs to choose between. From talking to other groups, we learned that there seemed to be at least one other group that included a junior with a better time slot than we did,” stated Katie Marie Hollis ’15 in an emailed statement. Her problem was solved the

morning of housing draw.

ResLife worked to deal with student concerns and complaints throughout the process, inviting students to meet with them personally, call or email. On the days of housing draw, a hotline was set up to answer any questions.

During apartment draw, Assistant Director of Residential Life/Student Conduct & Housing Kelly Grab and Assistant Director of Residential Life/ First Year Programs Diane Eshelman fielded students’ queries.

Grab wrote in an emailed statement, “I will say that I do not believe [Eshelman] and I have received any complaints thus far; clarifying questions, yes, but not complaints. We have both put in a lot of time responding to those questions as soon as humanly possible and are using them to help inform our process for next year.”

According to Inoa, negative reaction to apartment draw has focused on issues other than the software.

“In all honesty, when we do get complaints, they are not about the software but about the house/seniority based system,” wrote Inoa.

“There are limitations with doing draw the way that we do it, but it maintains the house system and any changes to that would draw far more complaints.”

Apartment draw has now finished, and seniors have now chosen where they will live next year. There has not been an announcement as to whether Residence will be used for dormitory room draw.

Said Hollis, “I suppose I would say that overall I like the new system. It made it pretty easy to keep track of which apartments were still available and my group’s issue, at least, was worked out positively. I do wonder, however, if there were any other groups in a similar situation who did not get sorted out.”

Feline friends on campus shack up thanks to VC caretakers Erik Halberg

Guest reporter

V

Jessica Tarantine/The Miscellany News

assar is known across the nation for its beautiful campus; what it is not so wellknown for are the multitude of stray cats that populate it. Most commonly found on the south side of campus, there are usually several feral cats wandering around Vassar when the weather is warmer.

Residents of the South Commons, Terrace Apartments as well as staff who work at Shipping and Receiving or the Wimpfheimer Nursery School routinely see the little felines lurking in and around the buildings in which they live and work.

The cat community has been steadily growing the last couple of years, which has caused concern for their well-being and safety while living at Vassar.

This concern for the cats has resulted in a very dedicated network of Vassar staff and students who go out of their way to help the cats.

Buildings and Grounds’ Director of Operations Jeff Horst was one of the first to begin an organized effort to take care of the feral cats— all the way back in the early ’90s.

He recalled how, when he first came to work at Vassar in 1990, stray cats would often come and sit on the patio outside of the Retreat, no doubt looking for handouts or free belly rubs.

There were so many strays that the College’s administration, including Frances Fergusson, the president at the time, became involved.

Horst wrote in an emailed statement, “Fergusson tasked me with doing something about this burgeoning population.”

Members of the community like Horst, as well as now-retired Vassar Security officer, Sgt. Jim Lawless and others came together to find a humane solution.

Horst continued, writing, “...with the help of a volunteer group including Jim Lawless we began the feral cat program funded by a beautification endowment.”

The feral cat program’s goal was to take the care of the cats while they were around and, ideally, see them adopted by a local family.

Horst and his colleagues, many of whom voluntarily offered up their time and money to help the cats, did this by putting out food for the cats on a regular basis, as well as catching them and taking them down to the local Compassion

Part of Vassar’s rich history includes that of its perennial feline visitors. Given the amount of stray cats wandering about campus, volunteers have taken it upon themselves to provide them with shelter and care.

Veterinarian to get them spayed and administered shots and vaccines for their future health.

Horst said that as part of his work, he promised the Vassar Animal Rights Coalition that none of the cats would be put down at the vets unless they were deathly ill with feline leukemia and beyond medical aid.

Due in part to a lack of funding and interest, as well as a decline in the population of wild cats, the project tapered off back in 2006.

However, the last few years have seen a resurgence in the number of stray cats on campus and a network for new strays that found their way to Vassar, spearheaded by Administrative Assistant Andrea Palmer of Buildings and Grounds.

Mary Griffith ’75 is also active in helping to take care of the cats. She said she had a theory why so many new cats began appearing around campus in the last few years.

Griffith wrote in an email, “During the recession, folks who lost jobs and homes could not afford their pets, and abandoned them on campus. Animals shelters were maxed beyond capacity, and folks took advantage of a beauti-

ful campus with young people, as the next best solution.”

Griffith is one of the volunteers who staff the so-called Cat Shacks that are scattered around campus.

The Cat Shacks were founded by Sgt. Jim Lawless, a retired Vassar Security officer and Vietnam veteran. There, food and shelter are put out and maintained so the cats have a safe space to return to, such as in the event of harsh winter weather or heavy storms.

“We try to maintain an ‘intentional obscurity’ regarding location, and don’t want a spotlight focused precisely where it exists,” wrote Griffith.

She explained that volunteers are composed of retired Vassar employees, current employees, community members, alumnae/i and even some current students who balance the responsibility of caring for them.

Griffith wrote, “There are roughly seven volunteers, each responsible for a particular day. If someone cannot care for the cats on their day, they contact another volunteer for coverage.”

While he is not one of these volunteers, Sgt.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Lawless continues to return to campus once every week to do maintenance on the Cat Shacks and care for the feline residents.

The ultimate goal of the Cat Shacks and the volunteers who work them is to help the stray cats get adopted into new homes. For that reason, these caretakers go to great lengths to catch the cats and take them to a veterinary office to get necessary medical attention, so that the cats can be healthy when they find permanent homes.

The adoptions have been very successful in the past. Several years ago, a stray cat spent such a great deal of time wandering around the All Campus Dining Center (ACDC) that he came to be affectionately known around campus as “Deece Cat.” He was eventually taken in by Diane Dalton, Director of the ACDC, who has had him ever since. Last June, Dalton also adopted two very young kittens who were strays on campus.

Kathy Tritschler is a worker at Wimpfheimer Nursery School, which is frequented by several of the strays whom they try to feed and tame.

One in a particular, a black cat whom they call “Momma,” has come to consider the south side of campus her home.

Although she hasn’t been around since spring break and the most recent snowstorms, a cause of some concern, she has made a habit of returning to the nursery quite frequently, and bringing her litter of nine kittens in tow with her.

Tritschler reports that she and other volunteers were able to feed and tame the cats to the point where they could take them to the vet and get them checked out and spayed. After returning from the vets’, they were able to find homes for all nine of the kittens.

While the numbers of stray cats may not immediately be apparent to many students, some consider them as much residents of Vassar as the students and faculty.

The volunteers, such as Sgt. Lawless and Griffith, who have poured time and effort into caring for the cats, stressed how important it is to them to continue to keep the cats safe and healthy. Horst believed that he and his fellows have helped approximately over 100 different cats over the past two decades, and with a growing population they only hope to help more.

April 3, 2014

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Aikido club focuses on technique before coming to blows Julia Cunningham stAFF reporter

A

Angelo Roman/The Miscellany News

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

mix of philosophy, exercise and martial art, Aikido instructs students self-defense without excessive retaliatory violence.

Min Chen ‘16 is part of the Vassar’s Aikido club. Taught by their sensei, Jun Zhao, the student organization meets three times a week in the Athletic Fitness Center.

Peter Dau ’14 is in his second year as Aikido Club vice president, and has been a part of the club since freshman year.

As he wrote in an emailed statement, “Aikido is a Japanese martial art that is purely self-defensive. Aikido means literally ‘way of blending energy’ in Japanese.”

Rather than throwing all of your energy into returning an attack on your assailant, the objective of Aikido is to redirect the energy your attacker uses in order to conserve your own.

Dau said, “there are no punches or kicks, and although that might sound boring, it is actually incredible to see in action, and is considered one of the most effective martial arts for self-defense.”

Aikido club meets every week on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. in the AFC Fitness MPR and is commitment free.

The martial art of Aikido is all about technique. Chen told how a typical practice will begin by taking as many safety precautions as necessary, including laying down mats and warming up.

“And then after doing that, we’ll do basic drills such as footwork and falls because you need to be able to know basics,” Chen said. “I mean, when it comes down to it, there’s really these basic things and how you apply these basic moves.”

Because practices are open to all, Zhao tries to cater to whomever shows up.

Chen said, “So if we have a lot of beginners, we’ll tailor towards that. If we have people who have been there, and know the basics, he’ll show new technique[s] that we haven’t seen before.”

Aikido is not just a way to learn how to defend yourself, it also is a useful way to stay in shape. Kaitryn Doyle ’17 said that when she

Three days a week, sansei Jun Zhao teaches Aikido, a Japanese martial art. Though many students join the club with the expectation of immediately learning combat, Zhao focuses on technique and safety first. found the crew team to be too stressful but still wanted to do something athletic during the year, she turned to Aikido.

“I decided to join when I saw the information about it from the In-The-Pink newsletter and saw that it was free and fit my schedule,” Doyle wrote in an emailed statement.

She continued, adding, “For the most part, as a novice, I knew that I wouldn’t learn how to completely learn how to defend myself in one semester, but I was hoping that I would be able to exercise a little and learn the basics.”

Chen also learned about Aikido through the In-The-Pink emails. She said, “I always wanted to do some sort of martial art, but there was never really time.”

Chen went on to add, “I mean, by the time there was time I was like, fifteen, and it just seemed weird to go to those classes where everyone’s like, 8, 9, at the oldest. So that never happened.”

Dau, like Chen, also found the chance to try

something he’d always wanted to try during Freshman Orientation week.

“I chose Aikido for my Vassar Activity for New Students (V.A.N.S.) activity and was hooked immediately. I went around afterwards asking people to choke me so I could throw them,” wrote Dau. The Aikido Club also likes to take their skills out of the AFC Fitness MPR and into the real world. “Each year, we host a large, regional festival in the fall, and we had a great turnout this year. It’s a great way to teach and learn from the Tomiki Aikido community,” Dau wrote.

He continued, adding, “We also like to bring in experts from other styles, this semester we hosted a Krav Maga seminar that was really popular.”

Chen said, “...this Saturday actually we’re going up to Saratoga Springs. We’re driving up to Saratoga for the Saratoga mixed martial arts festival. So its like a one-day event and you see all these different styles of martial arts: Filipino

martial arts, Krav Maga, pressure points.”

She added, “Well, you’re not seeing it. You’re participating in it.”

While many people enjoy what the club has to offer, the core Aikido club’s core membership is actually quite small.

Chen said, “Some people come, and a lot of people get frustrated in the beginning because there are certain things that we need to teach in the beginning, such as footwork and falling.

Because if you don’t fall properly you can hurt yourself.”

“And a lot of them come and they show up thinking, ‘Oh, I’m going to learn how to—if someone chokes me I’ll throw them down to the ground.’ They come in with this mindset, and that prevents them being as open to taking the martial art as it is.”

Dau described how, as much as he loves the club now, it took a while to grow on him.

He wrote: “As for expectations, I really didn’t know anything about Aikido or Vassar’s Aikido club before I joined, and I was initially kind of disappointed that there weren’t any strikes or kicks, but have come to learn that a purely self-defensive martial art can be extremely effective, and [I] love practicing Aikido.”

Doyle shared how she also has come to appreciate Aikido though she only began doing it this semester.

She said, “I personally really enjoy the Aikido classes. They are really laid-back but also go over very practical situations, and the people in it are really nice.”

“So if you’re interested in a fun, safe way to learn to defend yourself, make new friends, learn a new skill and become more confident, come by a practice anytime!” Dau wrote.

He enjoyed the club so much he said, “I hope to continue doing Aikido after I graduate, but since our style is kind of unconventional, I’m afraid it might be hard to find another dojo.”

He added, “Sometimes I’m not in the mood to go to practice, or have a lot of work, but I’ve never come away from an Aikido practice wishing I hadn’t gone. I attribute this to Aikido being a great stress reliever—let me tell you, there’s nothing like throwing someone to the ground to get yourself to relax!”

Hungry students will go bananas for this homemade bread Aja Saalfeld Columnist

M

courtesy of Simply Recipes

y relationship with bananas is a long and complicated one. I spent my childhood steadfastly convinced that I hated them. Who likes bananas anyway? Or, worse, banana-flavored foods?

Well, apparently I do. I would even go so far as to say that I love bananas now that I have matured and gained the worldly knowledge of how to best enjoy these potassium-rich fruits.

For me, bananas need to still be green to be edible. I don’t much like sweet fruits, so spotted bananas are a no-go.

Unfortunately, the bananas I bought to survive the long fortnight without campus dining that is spring break went what some people call “ripe” and what I like to call “gooey, disgusting, fermented starch” significantly earlier than I expected.

There was nothing to do. They had to go. I couldn’t leave them stinking up my suite like that, but I hate wasting food, and I was left conflicted. So, I decided to make the best of the smelly situation by making banana bread. I left those bananas until they were nigh on black and the entire suite stank of fermentation. I was only able to survive the sugary reek for that long because I had the promise of significantly less gross banana bread at the end of it.

A central conflict in my relationship with bananas and banana-flavored foods is that I love green bananas, but hate desserts made with underripe bananas, which means if I want to get banana bread/muffins/cupcakes/pudding/ whatever, I have to put up with the horror that is overripe bananas. I must say, in this case, the decision to live in banana stench for days was certainly worth it for the resulting delicious banana bread.

Since it has been ages since I last made a quick bread, as opposed to the yeast breads I normally make, I was a bit concerned about how this one would come out, especially since

some last-second substitutions ended up being necessary.

Here’s a tip that should be self evident: Don’t assume you have baking soda in your pantry just because you always have baking soda in the pantry. Fortunately, baking powder in triple the amount can make an acceptable substitute.

Although it is practically sacrilegious to eat banana bread directly out of the oven, that is exactly what my friends and I did. Traditionally, quick breads are said to taste best after a day’s wait, but this banana bread was too tempting not to eat as soon as it was almost cool enough to eat. I do not regret burning my mouth on hot, crumbly banana bread in the least.

In the end, only one meager slice made it to the next day, and some random person in the elevator definitely eyed it hungrily on the way up from the kitchen. Bread this delicious practically needs bodyguards if the people intended to enjoy them want to actually get a taste.

One change I would make the next time I bake this bread, and there will surely be a next time, is to add a streusel topping and toss in some walnuts. Since I was running on a limited pantry at the end of break, I was out of the necessary ingredients to make this bread almost perfect. Plain banana bread has its charm, but breaking up the flavor with nuts and brown sugar can make all the difference when it comes to enjoyable breakfast bread experiences.

Deliciousness of this particular bread aside, some nice thing about quick breads in general is that they are easy to convert to muffins or smaller loaves, and they store much better than yeast breads. When properly wrapped and frozen, whole loaves can last months in the freezer, and muffins up to a month. There is something undeniably special about warm, soft fruit-based breads straight from the oven.

Lately I have been on a hardcore yeast bread kick, but I can see this banana bread serving as a reminder not to forget about quick breads too—forgive me—quickly.

Ingredients:

The Recipe

3 or 4 ripe bananas, smashed 1/3 cup melted butter 1 cup sugar (can easily reduce to 3/4 cup) 1 egg, beaten 1 teaspoon vanill 1 teaspoon baking soda Pinch of salt 1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour Method:

No need for a mixer for this recipe. Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C).

With a wooden spoon, mix butter into the mashed bananas in a large mixing bowl. Mix in the sugar, egg and vanilla. Sprinkle the baking soda and salt over the mixture and mix in. Add the flour last; mix. Pour mixture into a buttered 4x8 inch loaf pan. Bake for 1 hour. Cool on a rack. Remove from pan and slice to serve.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

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April 3, 2014

Professors weigh in on options for post-grad pursuits Shannon Liao reporter

T

hough Vassar may always hold a special place in a student’s heart, what comes next offers new experiences in equal parts terrifying and exciting.

Meanwhile, seniors expected to graduate this May and those who are thinking about obtaining a post-secondary degree are faced with another dilemma: do I go directly to school or take some time off first?

Professors from various disciplines sympathized with seniors, giving anecdotes from their own educations and careers, while offering advice for the always uncertain future.

Many of them touted the merits of taking a year off, and some even wished they had put off graduate school longer.

Professor of Biology and Chair of the Biology Department John Long advised, writing in an email, “If you think you might want to take time off from school or hurtling headlong into a career, then do it now. You won’t be able take time off from your life later on when you have obligations like a car loan, home mortgage, and a family.”

After he had completed his Bachelors Degree, Long decided to head straight into graduate school, after doing a trio of prestigious internships. “I was ready to keep doing what I loved: research on marine vertebrates.”

On the other hand, Associate Professor of German Studies Jeffrey Schneider took four years off before graduate school. He admits in an emailed statement that, while he took the time to get job experience, he was also feeling burnt-out from working on his thesis and advanced coursework senior year.

“I was also tired of feeling like I always had something to do: i.e., having to study all day and night on Sunday, late into the night, etc.”

Assistant Professor of English Hua Hsu took a year off before returning to school. He shared with Schneider a similar sense of exhaustion after his undergrad years.

Hsu wrote in an email, “I had a somewhat tumultuous senior year of college so I wasn’t ready to apply to PhD programs.”

Taking a year off or more opens up opportunities to pursue hobbies that college may not have allowed time for or find work to help figure out one’s career trajectory.

Schneider outlined some of the pluses he saw in deferring graduate school.

“In addition to saving money, one of the big benefits is having work experience to compare with academic work,” he said.

Time in the private sector for Schneider also gave him a better perspective on what he was looking for in a career.

Wrote Schneider, “While I enjoyed my four years at two different companies, I eventually realized that it wasn’t as intellectually challenging as I wanted.”

Knowing for certain that he enjoys the teaching profession and having other experience helps him stay assured and interested.

“I think it is easy for faculty members who went directly from undergrad to graduate school to a faculty position to feel like teaching at the university is all they know how to do,” said Schneider, “And when you feel like you don’t have other options, even something you enjoy doing can feel like a trap.”

He added, “And during difficult times (and every faculty member has them), I have always been able to remind myself that I chose this profession and that I can also leave to do something else if I no longer enjoy it.”

Associate Professor of Geography Joe Nevins began work on his advanced degree without any initial aspirations to be a professor.

“I did not have a good idea as to what I wanted to do after graduating college. Graduate school was one option of many that I was considering. Indeed, when I went to grad school, I was only committed to getting an MA. I had no intention of getting a PhD,” Nevins wrote in an email.

The time off can also be down-time to pur-

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sue passions neglected during the college grind.

Visiting Instructor of Religion Max Leeming took three years off after college. She told how she explored her interests in photography, singing, biking and roller-blading.

She added in an emailed statement, “I definitely wanted to get experience in the real world in a place away from home and in a city in which I had always wanted to live—San Francisco.”

Hsu spoke of his time off, saying “I taught a test prep course in Berkeley, I did a radio show with one of my college friends and I spent most of my free time buying records.

That was the year I started freelancing as a journalist.”

Still, if seniors do decide to go on to grad school, there remains the problem of finances.

Several professors mentioned that some graduate programs are fully funded.

Long said in an emailed statement, “A PhD in the natural sciences is like getting a job: you get a living stipend, your tuition waived, and free medical benefits. No loans!”

Schneider wrote, “Pursuing a PhD in most academic disciplines usually comes with free tuition and a full stipend or teaching assistantships.”

Hsu spoke of his own experience: “I got rejected from most of the graduate programs I applied to and, luckily, the ones I got into were fully funded.”

However, for Leeming, her financial problems were not so easily resolved.

She said, “Unfortunately, financial factors didn’t influence me enough in any decision I made. I really had no concept of living on my own, and certainly no idea how much the debt I would accrue in graduate school would prove a burden.”

That wasn’t all, though. Leeming shared that she was uncertain about which direction she wanted her life to take or for what exactly she wanted to use her degree.

“Even after having a three-year interim between college and graduate school, I didn’t have a clear goal for my graduate studies. This elongated my already expensive graduate career.”

If she could give Vassar seniors some advice about post-secondary education, she would urge them not to go in debt if at all possible.

She said, “I would tell those wanting to go to graduate school that they should absolutely know what they are going to study and go somewhere that provides funding.”

In his own experience, Assistant Professor of Political Science Samson Opondo questioned whether it mattered how many years were spent between undergrad and graduate school.

“My ongoing learning has been far too layered to be defined by degree matriculation dates. As a student, I always operated outside and between universities while simultaneously working on a number of non-university projects,” wrote Opondo in an emailed statement.

Opondo took a year off before graduate school and received his education in Kenya.

Furthermore, he questioned the division drawn between academia and the so-called real world.

Wrote Opondo, “Isn’t academic life one among many sites of reality? Maybe even a producer of realities. I find it difficult to make sharp distinctions between the ‘academic world’ and the ‘real world.’”

An academic life need not be an insular life, according to Opondo.

He wrote “My education always engaged spaces beyond the university and was deeply influenced by encounters from other spaces.”

As to what he would say to the average Vassar senior, Nevins offered his own take.

He said, “Take your time. Gain life experience outside of post-secondary education institutions before deciding whether or not graduate school is a good option to pursue.”

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Faces of the Internship Grant Fund “The IGF allowed me to take what I studied at Vassar--Film and English-- and apply those skills and knowledge in the real world. The fund helped me to figure out what career paths I'm most passionate about and the direction that I should go in once I graduate from Vassar.”

-Charlacia Dent ‘14, Film and English double major

Give to the 2014 Student Gift today and help your fellow students fund an experience that they will benefit from for the rest of their lives!

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

OPINIONS

April 3, 2014

Page 9

Rise in ADHD Senior Week accessibility must be priority rate spark W disputes THE MISCELLANY NEWS STAFF EDITORIAL

ith the commencement speaker announced last Thursday and 50 Nights this coming Saturday, these past two weeks have been important for members of the senior class. Naturally, with Commencement just over a month away, other senior events have been the topic of discussion. A major component of celebrating seniors’ impending graduation is Senior Week, the week of activities organized by the Senior Class Council. We at The Miscellany News believe that the steps taken to make Senior Week and Commencement more financially accessible to all students must continue and expand in future years.

Traditionally, Senior Week events have been primarily off-campus and have varied greatly in cost for the students. In past years, one of the most expensive events is the formal, with the ticket typically around $40 per person. The reasons for the higher cost include a more expensive venue as well as transportation. These two factors make up the majority of the costs of Senior Week events. While events like formal have become tradition and are often expected by members of the senior class, the relatively expensive nature of these events calls the culture of Senior Week into question.

For seniors, after four years of activities mainly held on campus, the week before graduation is filled with events throughout the Hudson Valley that are intended to bring the class together. Busing students to these events creates higher costs for transportation, which drives up the ticket price for students. One way to make a more accessible Senior Week would be to focus on planning more events on campus. Furthermore, the purpose of Senior Week is to facilitate bonding within the senior class as seniors spend their final days at Vassar together. Although having events at off-campus venues is tradition, on-campus events would be less expensive and would allow a greater number of seniors to attend more events. Therefore, hosting more events on campus would permit more members of the senior class to spend their final week together, regardless of their financial status, thus furthering the goal of Senior Week. We at The Miscellany News

acknowledge that recent fundraising efforts have made some progress toward a more accessible Senior Week. Ongoing merchandise sales are expected to raise almost $1000 dollars, and the Senior Class Council has applied for additional funding from the VSA and Dean of the College. There is also an initiative supported by the Office of the President, so that $2500 will be given to the senior class if 75 percent of seniors participate in an exit survey. It should also be noted that the events held by the Senior Class Council throughout the academic year do not greatly impact its budget, as the ticket cost for activities such as Halloween pays for themselves. This ultimately means that the Senior Class Council will have a larger budget for Senior Week, so that the cost of the events can be further subsidized for seniors. We appreciate the steps taken so far to reduce the cost of Senior Week tickets.

Although fundraising by the Senior Class Council is able to help lower the costs of Senior Week events, the current fundraising methods are nevertheless insufficient for the high costs of Senior Week. One of the main problems with on-campus fundraising, like selling merchandise, is that the money to pay for those items comes from students, many of whom are intended to benefit from the fundraising. Funds from the VSA are also from students, because VSA funding comes from the annual Student Activities Fee that all students pay. Naturally, these fundraisers incorporate few, if any funds from outside the campus community, which restricts the amount that can be made from such ventures. Other fundraising techniques that target parents, alumnae/i, or members of Poughkeepsie or other localities would be able to have a broader reach, and would likely also be more successful in gaining funds. The Senior Class Council could do this by expanding merchandise sales to non-students, or the Senior Class Council could also look for event sponsors.

Current on-campus fundraising techniques are also not a large source of revenue when the funds are broken down by the number of students. When the amount made from any given

fundraiser is divided by the number of attendees of an event, the resulting subsidy is small compared to the price of events. If 400 people purchased tickets for the formal, and all merchandise revenue was used to subsidize formal tickets, assuming $1000 revenue, this would only allow for a $2.50 subsidy per ticket. This is money saved for seniors, but is a small savings compared to the ticket price.

Beyond Senior Week, Commencement itself can pose a problem to many students and their families. Hotels often raise their prices during the weekend of Graduation, and rooms sell out quickly. Though Vassar offers some subsidized housing options on campus for families, there is a limit to five beds per student, with each bed costing $50. In addition to housing, families must pay for transportation costs. For families who live far away, the price of travel is extremely high and can potentially make attending Commencement infeasible. There has been a proposal by members of the VSA to subsidize the cost of transportation for low-income families, and we at The Miscellany News hope the College takes up this proposal.

The purpose of Senior Week is to host events for members of the senior class as a way to celebrate the end of their four years at Vassar. Although traditionally these activities have remained relatively constant from year to year, we would like to see continual effort put into making the events cost-friendly for the seniors. We at The Miscellany News feel that the current proposals and efforts undertaken by members of the Senior Class Council are a step toward making Senior Week more financially accessible. There are some measures put in place to reduce to cost of attending Commencement to families of seniors, and these must continue if the College hopes to be more welcoming to students of varying socioeconomic levels. Vassar examines all costs to students and their families during their four years here, and Commencement and Senior Week should not be exceptions.

—The Staff Editorial represents the opinions of at least 2/3 of the Editorial Board.

Sports prompt intense emotions for players Lily Doyle

Humor & sAtire editor

I

did not grow up watching sports. My mom watched the Superbowl every year, and my dad never displayed much of an interest. We would go to the occasional Mariners game, which, if you know anything about baseball, you know was kind of a disappointing spectacle after 2002. Seattle sports, in general, have long been somewhat of a disappointing spectacle. Seattle fans are used to heartbreak. Our basketball team moved to a different city, our baseball team has come so close and yet has no AL Pennants nor World Series titles, our football team earned their first Superbowl win as of this year—and despite being up by over 30 points, anyone who has been a long-term Seattle fan was still closing their eyes and crossing their fingers until the last minute.

I became a sports fan starting in high school, through the influence of friends and various boyfriends. I always played sports, and so it was natural to watch and be interested in the sports that you played.

Even more so, as a social person, it was natural to develop an interest in sports results, because everyone was always talking about them—especially boys I wanted to impress. Of course, after the age of 14, it became much less hormone-driven and much more passion driven. Once you start to care about a team, they work their way into your heart. Every time the Seahawks lost, I was crushed. I start every Opening Day with an ill-advised amount of hope for the Mariners, because that is a day for hoping, it is a day where nothing has been proven yet and things could still change.

Even with my ever-increasing love for watching sports, this was the first year that I have ever made a bracket. I thought about it last year, but wasn’t going to be near a whole

lot of basketball over spring break, since I was abroad in Italy. I probably should have never started, because I am unbelievably competitive and every time one of my teams lost (and believe me, the teams that I have chosen have lost dramatically and frequently), I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and told me I could never pet a puppy ever again. Even worse, I looked at those teams that I had wanted so badly to win, I saw the players stretched out over their team’s benches in sadness, their heads cradled in their hands, and I knew there wasn’t anything I could do, or could have done to help them avoid that terrible feeling of defeat.

That feeling of losing when you had so much hope is so familiar to me, having been active in athletics since a young age, playing three sports all through high school and participating at the collegiate level for three years. It’s crushing. However, seeing those men, those huge, muscular men, essentially the gladiators of our time, demonstrate so much emotion at a loss, brings up something interesting for me, for when else do you see that much open emotion from such a stereotypically masculine arena?

I am obviously not a man, and all men are obviously not fans of watching sports—I do not mean to stereotype men. I am not writing to say that they must behave in one specific way; I am writing to say that as a woman and as an avid sports fan, I rarely see more visible and intense masculine emotion than I do in sports. As a woman who loves sports, I scream and throw things and lose faith and regain faith and cry when my team wins or loses. Men who love sports have much the same reaction as they watch or play the game. As a woman who loves sports, I scream and cry and throw things and lose faith and regain faith all the time:

in myself, in my schoolwork, in my relationships. Men, however, I do not see this with.

Once again, I want to be clear that I do not mean that this is true of all men, just as it is not true that all women are emotional; it just so happens that I have strong emotions, and I see this reflected in my love of sports.

Men, I know, also have strong emotions that I see reflected in their love of sports. So, therefore, I wonder, do they also cry when they lose faith in their schoolwork? It seems to me that it is much less socially acceptable for a man to be crying in public—because, say, he worked incredibly hard on a paper and received a failing grade—than it is for a woman. However, a man cries over a crushing loss, and it is deeply understandable. Perhaps this is an obvious observation, rather than an opinion, that men are allowed to be publicly emotional about sports, but not about more “personal” things. But what is more personal than sports? For me, hardly anything.

This issue is far more complicated then anything I can sum up in 800 words—I doubt that tomorrow I will be hugged by a crying soccer player telling me that I have made them feel more in touch with their emotions; that is not my goal. My goal is consideration. The connection between sports, masculinity and demonstrative emotion is a strange and powerful one, and the subject is worth ruminating upon. Especially at Vassar, where athletes are often seen in a negative light, it is important to recognize the intense emotions and incredible depth of knowledge that it takes to be a sports fan; it is equally as important to remember that many of these qualities of sports fans translate to emotional depth and important facets of humanity.

—Lily Doyle ’14 is a political science major..

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Delaney Fischer Columnist

N

ow more than ever, kids are being diagnosed with ADHD. CNN reports that as of Nov. 22, 2013, 11 percent of children between the ages of four and 17 in the United States have been diagnosed with ADHD, totaling 6.4 million children. This is a 42 percent increase in diagnoses since 2003. When I first heard about this rise, I wondered why and how is this rise occurring, as well as what it meant in terms of drugs distribution and treatment.

When searching for doctors’ feelings on this issue, a comment that stood out was by Dr. Allen Frances, the former chairman of Psychiatry at Duke University. Frances’ explanation is similar to my own initial thoughts on this topic. He said that, “the numbers shouldn’t be taken at face value; the history of psychiatry is a history of fads, and we are now suffering from a fad of ADHD.” A cause of this could be pressure from pharmaceutical companies that sell ADHD medication.

Dr. Frances was not coy about his answer, but many other health professionals have stood behind him. Susanna Visser, the leader of an ADHD study for the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), has been vocal in agreeing with Dr. Frances and notes that more than half of all ADHD diagnoses occurred by age six (CNN, “ADHD diagnoses rises to 11%,” 11.22.2013). The pressure to diagnose the disease so early in a child’s life may be evident of such outside influences.

Last semester, I wrote an article about the use of study drugs. In that article, I quoted a male student from The New York Times who openly talked about manipulating a health professional and added himself falsely to the list of children who have ADD or ADHD. He said, “I take Adderall.

Maybe I have ADD. Maybe I don’t. I don’t really know. I knew how to say the right things to the psychologist to get the diagnosis, and the pills that make my life much easier” (“In their own words: study drugs,” 6.9.2012). In a lot of cases, it’s been also documented that children will successfully manipulate doctors into diagnoses for drugs for themselves or to sell. According to one Vassar student I spoke with, they have seen other students sell pills from three to seven dollars each.

But Dr. Joesph Mercola, a New York Times Best-Selling Author, had a different conclusion to this issue. In an essay published on his website, he notes, “I think you’ll find it interesting that this trend also coincides with increased prevalence of the pervasive weed killer, glyphosate, in the American food supply. Glyphosate-contaminated food has recently been implicated in the dramatic rise of both ADHD and autism, the latter of which is clearly more extreme in terms of behavioral difficulties” (Mercola.com, “What Causes the Rise of ADHD in Children, 12.05.13). Dr. Mercola also points out that many experts believe that this increase in diagnoses may also be associated with a greater awareness of mental health issues in general.

In terms of medication and treatment options, there has been a 28 percent increase in children taking drugs to manage the disorder since 2007, and more than 3.5 million children ages four to 17 are prescribed ADHD medication (CNN, “ADHD diagnoses rises to 11%,” 11.22.2013). Drugs used to treat ADHD include stimulants, such as Adderall, Vyvanse and Concerta, and non-stimulants, such as Strattera and Intuniv. These drugs have side effects that include sleep problems, headaches and a suppressed appetite. Pressure from pharmaceutical companies has been known to play a role in the type in drugs that are prescribed. There are also alternative treatment options, such as behavioral therapies, and lifestyle changes, such as the person’s diet.

It’s clear that experts and doctors alike have differing opinions on the rise of ADHD, as well as possible treatment options. What matters, though, is the fact that there is a continuing rise in diagnoses, and that research continues to figure out why.

With all these differing opinions, there certainly is no one answer to all of these concerns, and it may be confusing to understand all perspectives, but understanding more about health issues like these is something everyone should pursue.

—Delaney Fischer ’15 is a neuroscience major.

OPINIONS

Page 10

April 3, 2014

Student loan debt remains imminent hurdle for seniors Natasha Bertrand

AssistAnt opinions editor

A

s we seniors celebrate the beginning of the end of our Vassar careers at The Chance Theater this Saturday night, most of us will probably not be thinking about how we will repay our student loans after graduation. If the loan counseling emails that have bombarded our inboxes are any indication, however, the government certainly wants us to start thinking about it. Student loan defaults have soared to the highest level in nearly 20 years as a flailing economy has prevented graduates from finding work that would allow them to pay back their student debt—a debt that, on average, was $29,400 per person for the graduating class of 2012 (CNN Money, “Average student loan debt: $29,400,” 12.04.13).

Students in the United States now collectively owe more than $1 trillion in student loan debt. Between 2004 and 2012, both the number of student borrowers and the amount borrowed shot up by more than 70 percent. College debt has become a crisis in this country, as neither taxpayers nor consumers can continue to afford it. There is no sign of the crisis letting up, either: College tuition costs continue to increase at two to three times the rate of inflation (depending on the institution), rising faster

than family incomes, grants and scholarships (CNBC, “$1 trillion student loan debt widens US wealth gap,” 03.27.14).

More students than ever are unable to pay back their student loans, resulting in many loans defaulted and many credit scores ruined.

A bad credit score can jeopardize one’s ability to take out loans in the future, buy a car, rent an apartment or house and even get a cell phone contract. It is then clear why it is imperative for students to find a way to start repaying their debt as soon as possible after graduation. In response to this, many organizations and initiatives have sprung up that aim to help students find solutions when their low-pay (or unpaid) internships or minimum wage jobs are barely enough to pay the rent, let alone to pay off their student debt.

Loan forgiveness programs are currently some of the most popular solutions, but more often than not, graduates are forced to simply take jobs they don’t want or that they are extremely overqualified for just to meet financial obligations. Graduates who may have otherwise wanted to wait to find a job in a field they are truly qualified in and passionate about are often forced to put their dreams on hold indefinitely. Their time is consumed instead working the first job they can find that can help them

pay off their loans. For the typical idealistic Vassar student looking to follow their dreams and change the world straight out of college, a rude awakening might be in store once the harassment from debt collectors begins.

It is a vicious cycle that has all but trapped students with college debt graduating into a depressed economy. But what if there were a way out of this trap? What if talented, albeit financially constrained, graduates with big plans had someone who believed enough in their goals to invest in their success?

Enter Pave, an organization based in New York City dedicated to funding, mentoring and investing for millennials. The concept behind the organization is ingenious, really: why invest in a business venture or project that has the potential to completely and utterly fail—with no chance of being revived or repaid—when you can invest in virtually limitless human talent and potential instead? Essentially, Pave is a platform where experienced, successful individuals with an eye for such talent can invest in the futures of rising young professionals.

Whether you are a filmmaker, entrepreneur, actor, musician or business owner, Pave allows individuals to pay off their debt and borrow from their future selves with the help of investors all over the world.

The way it works is simple: the organization is divided between Backers (investors) and Talent. Raising the money from backers and using this initial investment to launch their careers, Pave candidates then pay back a small percentage of their future income over five to 10 years—a percentage which is proportional to the amount they actually earn. The more you earn, the more you pay, but Pave ensures that the percentage paid to backers never exceeds 10 percent. This is designed to protect the talent and their assets if they one day hit it big.

Perhaps the most valuable part of becoming involved with Pave, however, is not the money at all. Rather, it is the guidance, connections and encouragement from the investors who genuinely want to see the young professionals succeed. It is in the backers’ interest to see the talent do well: they are advocates of the talent, endorsing them every step of the way. In an increasingly corporate, profit-driven world, it is refreshing to encounter an organization that is willing to bet on the individual in the present for future success. After all, confidence is important, and we must always be our own biggest allies. But it never hurts to have one more.

—Natasha Bertrand ’14 is a political science and philosophy double major.

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THE MISCELLANY NEWS STAFF COLUMN

GPA boost given to athletes unacceptable, disgusting The Miscellany News sinCe 1866

W

e at The Miscellany News would like to express our discontent with the Administration’s policy of adding 0.25 to the GPA of every student-athlete at the end of their season.

While we recognize that it is part of President Hill’s well-known master plan to turn Vassar into a campus of solely straight cis-male sciences-taking athletes, we view the GPA addition as a step too far. While we acknowledge that although a grueling athletic schedule can make it difficult to balance both work and school, we disagree with the Administration’s official view that athletes are here under divine right, much like King Louis XIV of France.

In an emailed statement, President Hill defended the Administration’s decision to boost the GPA of athletes. “Our athletes are in such fantastic shape that they simply do not have enough blood left to flow to their brain. It’s science! You see, it is a very complicated process, explained to me in depth by Roman Czula, in which the athlete’s fatigued muscles require the use of all fluid and blood in their body in order to recover. The blood that is left over is enough to keep the heart pumping and basic motor function going. They can even form coherent sentences, such as ‘I would like two hamburgers, please.’ It’s really not fair to ask much more of them than that.” We cannot verify the accuracy of this scientific statement, because most of us here at The Miscellany News are humanities majors.

We must admit that the GPA boost is not entirely unexpected. It is clearly a part of the “bring-athletes-who-like-science-to-VC-andtherefore-ruin-everything” plan that President Hill began to implement years ago. In fact, the campus these days is essentially crawling with straight male athletes. “I can’t go on any more dates!!” an unidentified female screamed in an

exasperated manner from the quad. She went on to proclaim that she, as a straight woman, was simply overwhelmed by the amount of straight men who wished to pursue her, and that she just wanted a break from all of the men clamoring for commitment.

The GPA boost, while understandable when one views the scientific facts, seems unfair to those of us who frequently go to the gym, or sometimes lift up our computer screens in order to watch “House of Cards” on Netflix. We call for more transparency, as the hegemony that is Vassar is problematic. This decision is a heteronormative paradigm that only reinforces the intensity of the patriarchy. The GPA is, we would like to clarify, a social construct that should be seen as gender neutral and not as the result of a binary. Foucault.

Roman Czula and Don Marsala weighed in on the GPA boost in a co-written email. “OUR ATHLETES CUPS RUNNETH OVER! We feel that our athletes are the most likely on this campus to abscond to the farm and run around it in a deer costume, making deer noises, leading to their untimely death. Therefore, to STAY HEALTHY HAPPY AND IN THE PINK, WE REALLY WANT AND SUPPORT AND LOVE THIS GPA BOOST.” The Miscellany does not entirely see the connection between running on the farm dressed as a deer and a GPA boost, but we respect the enthusiasm of the statement.

The purpose of the GPA boost, although highly scientifically backed, simply does not embody the spirit of equality that we expect from Vassar College. We hope that in the future, before making rash decisions such as building “a new science building” or trying to give the athletes some credit, the Administration thinks before they act.

—This Staff Column would represent the opinion of at least 2/3 of the Editorial Board if it weren’t an April Fools’ prank.

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MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

April 3, 2014

OPINIONS

MH370 tragedy spurs poor news coverage Lily Elbaum Columnist

O

n March 8, Malaysian Airlines flight 370 left Kuala Lumpur for Beijing, carrying 239 people. Less than an hour into the flight, all contact was lost and the plane seemed to disappear from the airspace. Since then, speculation has run wild across the news networks about how and why the plane disappeared.

Talk shows in particular, even on more serious news channels such as CNN, let the demand for constant new information create a vacuum where facts took a backseat to imaginary scenarios and unnecessary time spent on picking apart what little was known until it was unclear if anyone actually knew anything at all.

Jon Stewart, during “The Daily Show” broadcast of March 24, pointed out how ridiculously not only CNN, but Fox and MSNBC as well, have been acting. All three networks are guilty of indulging the rampant speculation that has followed the disappearance of MH370. CNN doubled its ratings in the weeks that followed, though the coverage that spawned the jump was heavily criticized

by Fox—who was then criticized by CNN as, basically, being jealous of their ratings.

MSNBC criticized both Fox and CNN for giving into speculation involving black holes, terrorist plots and the supernatural, among other theories. Nonetheless, some MSNBC hosts were also guilty of offering wild theories. Fear-mongering and creative theorizing, however silly and reproachable, sadly do get good ratings, which has led to their widespread use particularly during the past few weeks.

This sort of news reporting is simply irresponsible. News outlets and the media should be held accountable for what they report and broadcast and should aim to report the facts and no more. Perhaps it was a better time for honest journalism when news was not broadcast 24 hours a day, because now there is a pressure to fill all the time with interesting content, even if there isn’t any. Nowadays on

news channels, it seems that there are more shows about a particular host’s opinions than there are about the straightforward news and facts of the day.

Of course, different news channels will have different takes on the news, because any privately-owned company or corporation will necessarily reflect the bias of its founders or proprietors. However, news is, by definition, merely a report of recent events. Yet the media insist on putting a spin or twist on almost every item of news, as if news isn’t interesting by itself, but needs to be made relevant by implying an opinion. Or, news that is interesting on its own is so over-covered that it becomes uninteresting and warped by its proliferation.

Either way, the average reader loses because they do not receive the honest, frank, unbiased facts. The story of flight MH370 is not an exception; it is merely a highly-publicized example. It is sad that a truly tragic and horrific story has turned into a media spectacle. Very little respect for the families of the victims is to be found, or for the victims themselves.

Is there any way to reverse the trend of the exploitation of news? Probably not. The trend of ever-ready news is now too deeply ingrained in our culture, and the need for instant gratification is only growing stronger as we progress further into the digital age.

And in the age of constantly updated content and short attention spans, it’s hard to hold a reader’s attention for long enough to fully explain a news story.

So instead, online news outlets have resorted to short, bare-minimum stories that lay out the bare bones of a situation without providing context or explanation. In the world of television news, bold capitals about BREAKING NEWS and news tickers (those bars at the bottom of the screen that have constantly running new information) have become the norm, bombarding viewers with a constant stream of information, whether

they want it or not.

That’s not to say that instant news is a bad thing; it is certainly important to find out about events across the world within minutes of them occurring. This instantaneous transmission of information has brought us closer as a world and has fostered understanding and greater cultural awareness, creating a more global community. It has also allowed for a more well-informed public that has access to global news from multiple outlets.

Sadly, people often limit themselves based on the bias of their outlet of choice. Hopefully we are moving towards an audience that demands unbiased, factual news reported honestly and quickly.

As for the Malaysian Airlines flight? Debris has possibly been spotted in the Indian Ocean, as reported by multiple news sources, and will be analyzed to see if it came from the plane. Malaysian Airlines on March 24 officially declared that the flight had been lost in the Southern Indian Ocean, but there is currently a multinational search for debris and any sign of wreckage, with the hope of recovering the black box and the fuselage.

The media, of course, was more focused on the fact that some families of the victims were contacted via text message than on the actual announcement.

In truth, only those families who could not be contacted through any other means were contacted via text. This is only another example of the media trying to extract every bit of attention-worthy news out of such a serious event.

For now, I can only hope that the plane will be found and the reason for its disappearance discovered. I offer my sincere condolences to the families and hope that they do not have to suffer more at the expense of attention-hogging networks who just want the next big story and a ratings boost.

Guest Columnist

T

he Miscellany News recently published a letter by an alumnae/i group called “Fairness to Israel” that argued that recent events at our college indicate that Vassar is “no longer the open, innovative institution that transformed our lives” (“Faculty letter squelches campus voices,” 03.27.14). I would argue that Fairness to Israel (FTI), while touching on some real problems, is off the mark. While Vassar may not be the same institution as it was in the past, it is still an “open, innovative” institution stimulating “independent and critical thinking.”

One of the central issues raised by FTI’s letter is that 39 faculty members (including the author of the present letter) signed a public letter dissenting from President Hill and Dean Chenette’s statement condemning the American Studies Association (ASA) boycott resolution. True, the letter supported boycotts as a legitimate form of non-violent activism. According to FTI, this means Vassar’s faculty are “ranting activists, not scholars,” and that they “intimidate” students (who fear being “graded harshly”) into a “deafening silence.”

In reality, however, there are many indications, including several listed by the letter itself, of lively debate at Vassar. They include campus activism such as Israel Apartheid Week, the formation of a “pro-Israel” student group on campus, the Students for Justice in Palestine-organized (SJP) action urging fellow students to not go to Israel, and the well-enrolled, intellectually engaged International Studies & Jewish Studies travel course to Israel and the occupied territories that went forward nonetheless. FTI may certainly disagree with the positions being voiced, but it cannot deny the existence of real debate.

Furthermore, FTI misreads the faculty letter of dissent. It did not accuse the administration of stifling free speech, as FTI suggests. Rather, it expressed concern that

it could “have a chilling effect” on debate, as most certainly has come to pass on other campuses. This fear is not without grounds.

Northeastern University recently called in police to question SJP activists after a leafleting campaign (of all the participants, apparently, only students of color were targeted), and subsequently suspended the SJP chapter. Barnard College just halted their longstanding practice of allowing student groups to advertise events with banners hung from the main building, solely in response to the local SJP’s (previously authorized) placement of a banner.

Vassar’s administration, admirably, has not followed this trend. While their statement condemning the ASA boycott resolution is too selective, the administration has manifestly allowed an environment in which faculty and students can publicly disagree with them (and with each other). None of this gives credence to FTI’s claim that Vassar has an “anti-intellectual atmosphere.”

“Students do need courage to express unpopular opinions on divisive issues...”

The March 3 event that FTI uses to condemn the mood at Vassar, putatively fueled by the letter of dissent, was a moment when frustration, fear and passion did come together in a way that many agreed was unhelpful or intimidating. Students do need courage to express unpopular opinions on divisive issues, and an event billed as an “open discussion” should encourage openness, by which I mean the airing of different views.

But associating the letter of dissent with the March 3 event is unfair. So is assuming that one interchange is indicative of the

Word on the street April Fools’ Edition

How do you feel about Cappy’s upcoming retirement?

“Sounds exciting, happy for her.”

—Asprey Liu ’17

“I’ll miss her scarves.”

—Jess Fardon ’14

—Lily Elbaum ’16 is an international studies major.

Campus discourse continues to be strong Joshua Schreier

Page 11

wider climate at Vassar. None of the event’s organizers (and only one or two of its participants) had anything to do with the letter of dissent. Indeed, they chose not to sign it.

To suggest that the letter was “deliberately timed” to “silence pro-Israel voices” at the event is silly. It is the rightful place of informed people—including college faculty— to speak out on issues of social justice, and it is wrong to associate this with “bullying” or anti-intellectualism.

Yet linking the letter with the March 3 event has helped several blogs (particularly on the right) emphasize the racial element of this issue on campus. This, in turn, has led to the reductive and inaccurate vision of Jews pitted against people of color and their left-wing sympathizers. Of course the issue does have a racial dimension; this is not surprising given that the Israel/Palestine issue concerns ethnic/religious discrimination and human and civil rights, and Vassar hosts students from a variety of backgrounds. But it is not true that Jews and people of color are reliably on opposing sides—regarding the travel course, Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions (BDS), or Israel/Palestine in general.

Vassar College has never been more diverse. Not coincidentally, it is hosting a lively, multi-sided, engaged, and often angry debate about Israel and Palestine, among other issues. These debates involve (and wrestle with) terms such as “racism,” “colonialism,” “anti-Semitism,” and “apartheid.” Frequently, this debate is informed, nuanced and useful.

Occasionally, it is nasty. This obvious reality makes it clear that Fairness to Israel need not worry that opposing voices are “being silenced” at Vassar. I invite them to join me in celebrating what all this makes quite clear: opposing voices are not being silenced.

—Joshua Schreier is an associate professor of history at Vassar College. He is Director of the Jewish Studies multidisciplinary program.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

“Cappy is retiring!?”

—Susie Martinez ’15

“As long as there is alcohol involved...it’s fine.”

—Mia Fermindoza ’14

“A change could be good. ” —Liz McDermott ’14

“I had no idea!

She’s friendly. She brought a lot of good things to Vassar.”

—Giana De Filippis ’16

Lily Doyle, Humor & Satire Editor Spencer Davis, Photo Editor

OPINIONS

Page 12

April 3, 2014

Women are forced to reckon with sexual assault realities Shivani Dave

Guest Columnist TRIGGER WARNING: This article discusses sexual assault.

I

knew what rape was before I knew what sex was. It wasn’t violent stranger rape that my mother told me about. That I knew by watching the news, by being afraid to walk down the street; it became instinct. It was the friendthat-you-invite-over-after-dinner, guy-thatlives-down-the-hall-from-your-dorm-room, date-that-doesn’t-take-no-for-an-answer-whileyour-roommate-is-sleeping-in-the next-room kind of rape that my mother told me about when I was eight. She would come home after work with stories, and my sister and I would listen to them on the couch in our living room. I remember staring out of dark windows as she warned me of the terrible ways I could be violated, only seeing my reflection and wondering about the things I couldn’t see.

“We trust you; we just don’t trust them,” my parents would say whenever I asked if I could go out. My mother made the rules and my father enforced them. There couldn’t be an equal number of boys and girls, because that would be a group date. If there were more boys than girls, they might take advantage of us; but if there were more girls than boys, who would protect us? I feared men and I needed men.

Growing up, I rarely hung out with boys whose mothers my mother didn’t know. I checked in often, calling every time I reached or left somewhere, providing phone numbers for friends nearby who would find me if she couldn’t. I continue to text, email and call her regularly. If more than a couple of hours goes by and she can’t reach me, I get an angry phone call from my sister to call her because “she’s freaking out” or a text from a friend that she’s looking for me.

My mother and I made it work and we continue to make it work. I know she wants to protect me from the sexual harassment—“eve-teasing” they call it—that she experienced every day on the streets of India. She wants to protect me from the “What did you do wrong?” response to being raped and from the painful, all-too-normal experience of being violated. She wasn’t trying to victim-blame; she was trying to teach me how to survive. My mother wanted to keep me safe. It never felt like she was insinuating that it would be my fault if I were raped. She wanted me to take precautions so that we would never have to have that conversation.

Thank you, Mom. Thank you for never shielding me from the unfortunate reality of our sick, dangerous world. But I wonder about the women who don’t fear men as much as I do, maybe because they haven’t been thinking about this all for as long as I have. I envy them. They who can walk down the street alone after dark; who don’t mind using public transportation in the middle of the night; who don’t carry a pocket knife and pepper spray wherever they go. Those who haven’t been brought up in a culture where victim-blaming and survival share a fine line because most of us know it’s never a woman’s fault, but we’ve been taught that you don’t go out alone at night or hang out with men that are not your brother or husband. I gawk at the white women who travel alone in the rural parts of India, away from the urban streets where I would be unfazed by their tank tops and shorts. They chat loudly, and walk proudly; I cower on the side, covered head to toe with a scarf to hide my face, wondering if those women have any idea what the men are actually screaming at them, wondering how their parents let them fly across the world alone, wondering if they will be safe.

I remember the long walk home one evening, frustrated from the catcalls and uncomfortable

“...that is the question”

subway rides. I gave one man on a motorcycle the finger as he blew kisses and asked if I wanted some obscene thing that has no direct English translation (and shouldn’t). I remember almost running home, praying for a male companion, as he followed on his motorcycle. But this isn’t the way most rape occurs; assault from a friend or acquaintance is much more common. So, I wonder if they are being naive or if I’m being paranoid? Are they putting themselves at risk or am I restricting myself over an irrational fear?

I wonder if I’ve distanced the problem so that I don’t have to face what is right next to me. When I sit in a room with my female friends, I wonder who in our group is that 1 in 4 statistic of women who will survive rape or attempted rape in their lifetime. Is it me? Have we all been violated, and we just don’t know it? Have I spent so much time immersing myself in conversations about interpersonal violence and sexual assault that I can’t help but see it everywhere?

When I look back, I question how consensual some of my experiences really were and wonder if things would have gone differently if I were older, stronger or sober. I think about relationships I’ve been in and wonder how comfortable I was with saying no and how much I felt like I needed a man to protect me that I would compromise to keep him by my said. I wonder about when being asked for consent isn’t enough because society tells you that your voice isn’t valuable enough to be heard, when saying no leads to a fight or hurts someone you love, or when we are so socialized to please others that we are unable to recognize what we actually want so that when you ask me, I don’t even know the answer.

We’ve talked about masculinity. We’re working on deconstructing it and we’ve learned that at the base, masculinity breeds men who strive for power. To grow up in this society and aim to be a

“proper” man, you will end up hurting women. So I wonder, as a woman, am I destined to be a victim? If I exist in this society and behave as a “proper” woman should, will I be hurt by men? Have I been hurt by men just by being a woman?

To claim that all women are victims is like claiming that all heterosexual sex is rape (yes, Adrienne Rich) and you have to wonder how productive that is. We have to live in this world and interact with men. We have to hold on to some sort of agency. I don’t know if my fear is irrational, but I also don’t know if that matters as long as it keeps me safe. Sometimes I want to unlearn the rape statistics and the ways our justice system can and will re-victimize you when you try to report rape. I want to un-hear the stories from the hotline calls at the domestic violence shelter. I want to stop seeing violence everywhere I go. I would never suggest anyone to think about rape as much as I do, but I would encourage everyone to think more about positive interactions, consent and conversation.

We can all participate in conversations about sexuality, consent, what makes us happy and how we can love each other enough to stop hurting each other. I know that I am trying. For every man that I convince to stop using the B-word, I feel stronger. For every woman that discloses her pain to me, I feel determined. For every reminder of the love and support I have from my friends and family, the violence feels a little easier to fight.

—This article is part of a weekly column through CARES for April, which is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. If you are seeking support on campus, feel free to call CARES, our peer listening service available 24/7 by calling the Campus Response Center at (845) 437-7333 and asking for the CARES listener on call, or by calling the SAVP Coordinator at (845) 537-7863.

The Miscellany Crossword

by Jack Mullan, Crossword Editor

ACROSS 1 Shih ___ (dog) 4 *With 8-across, Steppenwolf hit 8 See 4-across 12 An end to sex?

13 Potpourri 14 Long way off 15 Bldg. overseer 16 1990’s group Salt-N-___ 17 Marvin of Motown 18 “... ___ quit!”

19 Muscat’s land 21 *With 25-across, not yet determined 25 See 21-across 28 Witty repartee 29 French city where van Gogh painted 31 Valentine’s Day flower 32 “The Lord of the Rings” creature 33 *With 35-across, grateful to have escaped

death 35 See 33-across 38 ___ and tonic 39 Online College Education Network: Abbr.

40 “What’s ___?”: Bugs Bunny line 43 Beat 46 With 48-across, hard to believe 48 See 46-across 49 Karel Capek play 50 WWE branch 52 Director of “Munich” and “Lincoln” 58 John, at the Vatican 59 According to 60 Artemis’ Roman counterpart 61 Sound system co.

62 Symbols like @ 63 *With 64-across, Sinatra tune 64 See 63-across DOWN 1 Surgeon’s target

Answers to last week’s puzzle

2 Capital on the Sava River 3 Last, to Luigi 4 Jazz style 5 Soccer cheer 6 Comeback 7 Linguist Chomsky 8 Ring cycle composer 9 “... ___ woodchuck could chuck wood” 10 Set down 11 Rapping “Dr.” 20 Scholarly org. currently at the center of BDS debate 22 American Nat’l Riding Commission: Abbr.

23 Reassuring comment after a fall 24 Meddlesome 26 29,035 ft., for Mt. Everest 27 Hawaii’s state bird 30 Like Ave. or Blvd.

33 Slimming procedure, briefly 34 Ctrl-Z function, in Microsoft Word 35 German exclamation 36 East London district, shortened 37 Preface: Abbr.

38 Beer belly 39 California’s Fort __ 41 Shrek, for one 42 Hopeful ask 44 Ravenous 45 Country that celebrates

Los Voladores de Papantla 47 Planet’s path 51 Protein source for

vegetarians 52 Place to relax 53 Stroke 54 Bureau of the Dept. of

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

the Treasury 55 Calif. affordable housing nonprofit 56 Genetic material

57 “Crikey!”

April 3, 2014

HUMOR & SATIRE

Page 13

Breaking News

From the desk of Lily Doyle, Humor & Satire Editor

Work Study to be paid in amounts of 30 racks of cheap beer for all those 21+, those under 21 will be paid in socks

The Misc Guide to: How to Poor Richard’s Almanac become a shadow person provides wisdom for 2014 Lily Sloss Columnist

I

f you’ve been a social butterfly for three years or seven glorious months, you might find yourself wondering what it’s like to be anti-social. The following are some suggestions to “phase out” your social life.* You don’t want to startle your friends by suddenly declining their Facebook events and abstaining from drinking a full frisbee of beer.

It’s all about the slow decline, my friends.

1. When you’re invited to parties, go! This might seem strange, didn’t I just say you should start refraining from attending? No, my dears. Instead, you must go, but make yourself a vaguely unattractive attendee.

Show up to the party at the exact time listed on the Facebook event. “Well, it said 9:30.”

Continually ask your hosts if they have anywhere “safe” you can put your coat.

2. On this note, start dressing slightly odd.

I recommend any clothing that is weather inappropriate. Is it freezing outside? Wear a crop top and nothing else. Continually shiver and ask if they can turn the heat up. On the flip-side, if it isn’t raining, wear a raincoat and refuse to take it off. When people make not-so-subtle jokes like, “Hey, are you staying, or what?” give them a dirty look and say you “still haven’t found anywhere safe to put your coat.”

3. If there is a theme of any kind, go above and beyond. Space party? You’ve got glitter silver body paint, an alien mask and a toscale astronaut suit. Jersey party? Misinterpret it and show up in full Jersey Shore garb.

Continually make references to “the Situation” and keep asking when Snooki is going to show up.** 4. Dominate the iPod. Regardless of what people say, everyone hates when someone at parties self-proclaims they are “in charge” of the tunes. They will especially dislike you if you alternate between two songs: “How to Save a Life” by the Fray and “White Houses” by Vanessa Carlton. Unless you are at my house, in which case I will ask why we were never friends before, and did you go to my middle school?*^ 5. Bring anything messy. Open a bottle of champagne in the middle of the living room and spray it all over people’s coats. Bring handfuls of feathers stolen from the chickens

at the Co-op in your TH circle, and toss them in the air as you shout Nelly’s infamous line: “Shake yo tail-feathers!” Any kind of glitter, Robitussin, broken glow sticks or big bottle of arsenic being thrown around is a similarly effective way to get yourself kicked out of a party.

6. If any party you attend has a dance party, split up couples dancing closely. Tell them to “leave space for the Lord.”*^* 7. Start exclusively showing up to freshmen parties and ask “but where’s the good alcohol?”

8. Loudly advertise how you “feel bad” for people who need alcohol to have fun. You used to be into that, but at this point in your life, you’re just kind of over it.

If you hate attention, the above advice may not work for you. Here are suggestions for you shy kids. I don’t understand you but I sympathize with you wanting to “get out of the game.”

9. Deactivate your Facebook account. You will no longer have any idea when or where anything is. WARNING: this may backfire. If you don’t have a Facebook, your “mystery” level shoots sky high and people may automatically start thinking you are cool. You may receive in-person invites. Yes, I said it.

For people sans Facebook, there is sometimes face-to-face communication.

10. Start hosting LinkedIn workshops.

11. Attend parties, but hide in the bathroom.

12. Write a senior thesis. You’ll be so anxious that you will never leave your house.

You might not get any work done, but at least your social life will suffer.

13. Start working the graveyard shifts (112 a.m.) for student patrol. Any time people invite you over, you will proclaim how much you hate the job—but at least it pays the bills, amirite?

*I do not recommend any of these suggestions. **Where the hell is she? I have been waiting for four years to meet the only famous person from Poughkeepsie. *^JOKES. I was home-schooled, so that would be impossible. *^*Stolen directly from teachers at my sister’s Catholic high school dances.

Joshua Multer Guest Columnist

S

pring is here, which means it’s time to check your handy old Poor Richard’s Almanac for wisdom, weather forecasts, gardening tips and cooking recipes. Today, as I was leafing through the pages of my bathroom copy, I was shocked to discover that the author of the famed chronicle is still, incredibly, Benjamin Franklin. Upon further research, Wikipedia.com told me that Franklin was not only a brilliant inventor, founding father and lecherous fiend with a taste for French women, but also a self-proclaimed mystic seer and possibly a staunch believer in our alien overlords.

Followingly, after a three week-long bender upon the purchase of “Thomas Brandtington’s Basalm Elixir (now with more kokaine extract!),” he published Poor Richard’s Almanacs for the future 3000 years. Even more shockingly, the Almanac is about as incredibly both wide of the mark and scarily accurate as it is specific to Vassar.

and callous of you,” you whine; well nobody HAS to KNOW). And you certainly DIDN’T see Madison’s skull, it is most definitely not missing from his grave, should anyone check. Oh, and leave some cocaine for the next guy, you selfish bastard.

I would have left herb of the marijuana plant as well, but that must be cheap and legal right? It’s 2014.

March 33 (GOT YOU AGAIN I can’t believe you fell for it twice. April 2nd), 2014

Nothing interesting happens. It’s a Wednesday.

April 3, 2014

All of the things that Jean-Luc said in last week’s Bedside Astrologer came true. Worship accordingly. Also, send him lewd Snapchats (we’re old pals, he’ll know I told you to, it’s ok, trust me).

Ploughs deep while sluggards sleep and the farmer’s market shall have corn for you to sell and keep this Thursday in the College Center.

March 31, 2014

Early to bed, early to rise, will allow you to creep on the crew team’s tight thighs.

Invest all of your money in Johnson & Johnson stocks at 4:35 p.m.!

If you were a servant would you not be ashamed that a good master should catch you idle? Then if you are your own master you are probably reading about the Panopticon for the third time and think about it, have you actually ever SEEN Cappy? #whoswatchingme #paranoidorjustaware

April 4, 2014

It’s going to be 400 degrees and hailing today, for 2014 is the true year of the apocalypse, I have seen it, and so it is foretold. Sacrifice three pheasants, one blue-footed booby and your remaining morals to G’rrahk ThluarrnNøk, may he reign forever.

March 32, 2014 (April Fools’ gotcha see it’s April 1st you should’ve seen your face).

People who didn’t like that last joke are smarmy critics and probably fans of John Adams, so nobody likes you anyway. YOU try inventing bifocals. OH WAIT you can’t ‘cause I ALREADY DID, BOOM, roasted. I’m out.

I’m not out. Quick, bury a hole three feet deep, 32 inches northwest from my statue in front of Sander’s Science building at dusk. Did any Brandington’s survive? If so, it’s yours conditionally: You must promise to check and record the radioactivity on the “item” and return it (“That’s quite unsafe

Sell it all as soon as possible! OK, so I made a mistake, I’m only human. Sue me. Oh, right, you took advice from a(n admittedly gorgeous and so possibly irresistible) man over 200 years dead.

Pride breakfasted with Plenty dined with Poverty supped with Infamy and they’re your sex life of which you’re reminded every time you enter the Deece.

Be civil to all, serviceable to many, familiar with few, friend to one, enemy to John Adams. Yeah, that’s right, we still aren’t “cool,” John, stop asking, that’s so Travolta 2005.

Do not fear in the night when you get a fright from the light of an electronic wireless lantern phone apparatus in your face. Cappy’s here, with good cheer, checking your ear, it’s that time of year, my dear, so no more tears, no but she’s almost done, hold still and stop hyperventilating. #stillwatching #benevolentoverlord Dally not with other folk’s women or money. All other genders though, friggen go for it, man. NoJudgement

Things that are like onions: Ogres, attempting to find a job/internship, Meryl Streep

by Lily Doyle, Humor & Satire Editor

I

magine the last time you went shopping.

For me, this was before the advent of the Internet, because once I realized I didn’t have to go into stores any more (and risk the unflattering changing room light making me realize my uncanny resemblance to Ashley Tisdale), I immediately became an online shopping addict. Anyway, pretend you are shopping, unconcerned about your resemblance to a relatively unsuccessful Disney star, and you are looking for the best…onion.

You’re going to go for the onion that is really yellow and round and seems like it has easily peel-able layers and that most likely won’t make you cry big blubber-y tears, right? This is assuming you are buying a Spanish onion, because those are the yellow ones, and if you bought a really yellow red onion, then I would be concerned for your health. But, focusing, you are picking out the perfect, tasty onion that suits your exact onion needs.

This is how I feel applying for jobs. Like I am an onion. An onion that is kind of off-yellow and smells a little weird and kind of squishes in when you squeeze it. All of my peers here at Vassar are really bright big yellow Spanish onions and I am gray and squishy. “Aw, Lily, don’t get yourself down like that! You are super qualified and very yellow! Be confident!” Okay, thanks, random supportive reader, I appreciate that. I’d like to address your buoyant comments.

I really am confident. In fact, according to the Senior Survey I just took, I am “Extremely Confident” about my ability to “look for a suitable job” and to “network.” This has nothing to do with my qualifications. It has to do with my unfounded confidence in my ability to find a job despite being a gray and squishy onion.

What is my experience, you ask? Am I, as you insist, you majestic beacon of support, “super qualified”? Well, I have worked at a summer camp on the Waterfront for the last two sum-

mers. I have never had an internship in a related field. Before that, I painted houses for a cranky old man named Glenn who taught me how to carry a really big ladder all on my own. Crankily. So right now, my skills section of my resume reads “threw kids into a really cold ocean, can carry a big ladder.” Squish-ily qualified, to say the least.

Okay, you say, you unicorn of positivity, that’s fine! You still are a ~*Vassar Grad*~! I know, I know, this must be worth something. It is, after all, a top school, according to some arbitrary lists that I found online. Meryl Streep went here, dammit! Justin Long! Lisa Kudrow! Other “famous” academic people who I haven’t ever seen in a movie! I MUST BE OF THE SAME CALIBER! Ah, you glorious manta ray of hope, no. They, you see, were yellow, round onions. They had talent in the form of acting. They could make people cry in a non-offensive onion way that

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

makes you wear goggles like you are running but are also afraid of having flies fly into your eyes. I, dear friend, only make people cry in the flying flies way. But! All is not lost! Do not think that I am just sitting here complaining about how I can’t be hired, because I only do that on Twitter, where the scum of the earth who lie in wait for something that they can be racist about reside. No, this unbelievably extended onion metaphor is in fact a message of positivity!

For you see, dear beautiful puppy of optimism, eventually, all onions at the supermarket get picked. Someone NEEDS a slightly off-yellow onion for their Parmesan lobster couscous recipe! And that is why I am not Ashley Tisdale. No, I am a off-yellow squishy onion, and I WILL find my weirdo who likes that totally bizarre and disgusting flavor combination and therefore needs me. Have faith, seniors. Have faith. Stop doing Moodle posts, they are a waste of time and you have a job to find.

ARTS

Page 14

April 3, 2014

‘Triple threat’ too modest a term to describe Breeze’s skills Samantha Kohl Arts editor

with additional reporting by

Essie Asan

Guest reporter

E

Sam Pianello/The Miscellany News

mily Breeze ’14 seemingly does it all. Breeze can sing and is an alto in the Vassar College Choir. Breeze can act—and has acted—in anything from dramas to comedies. During this current semester alone, Breeze has served as playwright, director and stage manager. She even completed her senior thesis before October break—five weeks into the school year—becoming one of the first seniors to complete thesis work.

Breeze committed herself solely to acting, not venturing into directing, writing and singing as she does now, throughout her childhood. But upon getting to Vassar, Breeze had a change of heart—or so she thought.

“Once I got here I decided that I wasn’t going to do it, or try to do less of it,” said Breeze. “I wasn’t sure if I liked drama because I did it forever or because I actually enjoyed it. I tried taking classes in other departments; that failed miserably, so I declared a drama major. And then I really tried everything.”

Upon declaring her concentration, Breeze tested the waters of almost all aspects of theater.

“One of my goals as a drama major is to do everything, so I stage managed, I took costume classes, I took a set design class, I tried writing. I tried to do everything that I could,” said Breeze.

Although Breeze seems to be a Jack of all trades in Vassar’s drama world, Breeze still managed to find her niche. “I figured out that I like directing because it’s sort of the combination of the best parts of acting—where you get to analyze the play and also do everything else,” said Breeze.

“So you get to organize everything like a stage manager but you don’t have to deal with the technical parts. You get to work with designers, but you don’t have to deal with the stress of designing things, so I really love it.”

This semester, Breeze directed Jack Eubanks ‘17’s show titled “Beyond the Wall,” which he wrote himself. The play tackled the formidable

topic of war and its effects. Although “Beyond the Wall’s” content was heavy, Breeze directed the show with unmatched precision and dedication, according to Eubanks. “Working with Emily on BTW was an exhilarating experience. She is just an amazing director and a consummate professional. She goes far beyond directing, though,” he said. “She delves deep into the world of the play and discovers and incorporates all these subtle details that many would miss to make a truly magical performance. Emily is a true dramaturge as well, researching every aspect of the script, ensuring its accuracy.”

Breeze’s range encompasses everything from the dramatic—“Beyond the Wall” tackled topics such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and death—to the absurd and comedic.

In regard to the humor end of her spectrum of talents, Breeze is the president of No Offense, Vassar’s oldest sketch comedy group. As such, the organization’s members do not only rely on Breeze’s stage presence but also her organizational capabilities. “She is one of our two fearless leaders and she is largely in charge of editing us and scheduling. This may sound mundane, but trust me, it’s not—it’s hard work to wrangle a bunch of comedy nut-jobs and make sure they’re producing their best work,” said Albert Muzquiz ’17.

As president, Breeze must also see No Offense on a larger scale. “She’s a great president of No Offense because she’s always considering the big picture,” said Sarah Zimmerman ’16. “A lot of us will only think about what will get the biggest laugh, but she’s always thinking beyond that. In her mind, our shows aren’t just about the jokes— they’re about the entire experience. That’s why Emily’s a great leader, and why we’re going to miss her a lot next year.”

For all the time spent organizing and creating comedy, Breeze’s involvement with No Offense was not always at her forefront. “I auditioned on a whim for all the comedy groups. It’s funny because when I was auditioning I thought, ‘Oh god, I’ll do anything except for No Offense,’ and No Offense was the only one I got into, but it ended being the best thing,” Breeze said.

While her scenes, which include pulling out

Emily Breeze ’14 is the reigning president of No Offense, Vassar College Choir’s librarian and an actress, director, writer and designer. Breeze’s range encompasses a diversity of skills in many genres. bloody tampons and babies from her mouth in No Offense’s rendition of the Vagina Monologues, get huge laughs onstage, Breeze never knew that comedy would become a major commitment. “I really just auditioned because it was something to audition for. I never really thought of myself as a funny person before,” Breeze said.

“I knew that I liked to joke around and I was bad at being serious and having real conversations.

It’s [gotten] me in trouble a few times, sometimes instead of being a normal human and having an appropriate reaction I will laugh…I didn’t think that would translate into anything useful, not that comedy is very useful, but it’s enjoyable.”

Although not a self-proclaimed comedian, Breeze’s ability to produce laughs has not gone unnoticed.

“Emily likes old-school comedy, which is great, but she is definitely willing to take risks,” said Muzquiz. “She was one of the people who helped

get the themed show up and running and it was a great success. We had never attempted something like that before, but with her and Frank Hoffman’s guidance we were able to produce what I think was our best show yet.”

Adding to her skills, which make the term “triple threat” inadequate, Breeze has also been the choir librarian since her second year at Vassar and has traveled to Oxford, London, Paris and Tokyo with the choir. “Some of the best opportunities I’ve gotten is through choir,” Breeze said. “I’ve been on 2 international tours. I got to perform on the same stage with Meryl Streep for the 150th anniversary of Vassar College. It was for a show called Vassar Voices, and the big performance was in the Lincoln Center. The stuff I got to do because of the choir is insane.”

With such a full schedule, some might ask, “How does she do it?” Breeze’s answer to the conundrum? “I don’t sleep.”

ABUNdANCE valorizes quotidian movement as art form Isabella DeLeo reporter

of the art form: Thus, ABUNdANCE was born.

“Dance is an incredibly important creative and communicative tool in my life, through which I have come to better know myself and find my voice. ABUNdANCE is an opportunity for me to develop a process for sharing this unique form of expression with others as well as to grow as a choreographer and director,” wrote Kosmacher.

Kelsey Greenway ’16, a fellow member of VRDT, noted Kosmacher’s self-evident love for dance.

“I remember this one time she started crying after a dance performance because she was so heartbroken that people do not get to have the same proprioceptive experience of the body that dancers have,” wrote Greenway.

“People do not realize that their bodies have the potential to extend beyond their fleshly

courtesy of Isabella Kosmacher

Bella Kosmacher ’14 believes that our everyday motions—motions that most people think of as merely pedestrian—are a source of art. Kosmacher looked to these moments for inspiration when conceptualizing her dance theatre piece, ABUNdANCE. “I wanted to create a piece that would help people notice these little dances are happening all around them,” wrote Kosmacher in an emailed statement. Kosmacher seeks to revise the notion that dancers are only those who study the craft and perform on stage.

With her project, Kosmacher intends to make dance accessible to all, liberating dance from any preconceived notions people may carry. “It was originally conceived as a project to involve and incorporate people who do not have previous experience with dance into her [Kosmacher’s] dance world,” said Emma King ’15, who is one of the dancers involved in ABUNdANCE. During the first day of dance class, Kosmacher remembers listening to her peers introduce themselves. Kosmacher then began to realize that she recoiled when some self-identified as non-dancers. “I see dance occurring in the fluid, rhythmic unison when people fall in step with one or when someone jumps to catch a frisbee or kneels down to pick something up off the ground,” wrote Kosmacher.

From the beginning, Kosmacher wanted to ensure that the dancers’ movements were as organic as possible. During the audition and choreographic processes, Kosmacher encouraged the dancers to move to the rhythm inside of themselves rather than conforming to a rigidly structured choreographic routine. As such, the creative process has been somewhat difficult, in the sense that Kosmacher and her dancers are constantly creating and changing ABUNdANCE’s content.

“When we did the workshop it was a different idea than it is now. At that point, she work-shopped a little bit of movement that the

people who had gone to the workshop helped to create,” said King. “Her plan then was then to film a sequence and have different people around campus do it. She was going to collect videos and then have that be the final project.”

Kosmacher attributed its fluidity to the original nature of her endeavor. “Unlike much traditional theatre, which is based upon a script or some other material that has already been created, ABUNdANCE is entirely original. One of the biggest challenges is creating a ton of material in a short time, while simultaneously making sure to streamline and simplify,” wrote Kosmacher.

In essence, Kosmacher wants ABUNdANCE to be the swan song of her dance career at Vassar. After dancing for Vassar’s Repertory Dance Theatre (VRDT) for all four years, Kosmacher wanted to express her philosophy

Bella Kosmacher’s project, ABUNdANCE, seeks to bring dance outside of the studio and into the everyday. The piece includes lives of those who may not necessarily consider themselves to be dancers.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

limits. I think she is trying to reconcile this through ABUNdANCE by bridging the gap between habitual behaviors and dance, showing people that they are dancing even during the most routine and unexceptional moments of life.”

As a multimedia project, ABUNdANCE incorporates film—footage of people completing everyday tasks like running, cooking and playing card games—as a way of supplementing the dance performances. Kosmacher has filmed loved ones to include in the performance as well; she will include footage of her grandmother playing the game Mahjong, for example, as a way of illustrating the different dimensions of dance and how it touches upon every aspect of life.

To some who self-identify as “non-dancers,” ABUNdANCE’s commitment to involving the audience in the performance and incorporating everyday scenes enforces the project’s message on a more personal level.

“ABUNdANCE will be thought-provoking, and truly fresh for Vassar. For me, a theatermaker who has never thought of herself as a ‘dancer,’ this has been an exciting and horizon-broadening experience. I think a lot of people on this campus who don’t think of themselves as dancers, but who perhaps make other kinds of art, will be challenged and inspired by what Bella has created,” wrote Amanda Feinman ’14, the show’s technical coordinator.

Dance is an act of love for Kosmacher, emphasized Greenway. “When Bella dances, she has a fullness about her, as if she is filled to the brim with movement, overflowing even. She projects so much energy through her chest giving the feeling that her limbs are just extensions of her heart,” she wrote.

Kosmacher’s labor of love culminates on April 11 at 8 p.m. in the Aula.

She stated, “I hope everyone will leave the performance a little bit more literate, comfortable with, and excited by dance both as an observer and a participant.”

ARTS

April 3, 2014

Page 15

Improv group traverses spectrum of comedic material Samantha Kohl Arts editor

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courtesy of Committed

ust as improvisation happens organically, Committed, one of two improvisational comedy groups at Vassar, originated at random. During the summer of 2012, Hannah Jay ’15 and Harris Gordon ’15 ran into each other at the Upright Citizens Brigade—an improv group with members including the likes of Aziz Ansari, Amy Poehler and John Mulaney—in New York City. There, Jay and Gordon discussed the state of comedy at Vassar and came to the conclusion that the improv scene needed some diversity and decided to create Committed as an alternative to Vassar Improv.

“When school started up during the fall semester of ’12, the two of us just pretended we were already an organization, snuck into a room, and held auditions the same day all the other comedy groups were doing so as well,” said Gordon. “We were fortunate to get some really talented people on board the Committed train and we’ve been having fun ever since.”

Currently, Committed is a just a pre-org, but the improvisational group’s status does not inhibit them from performing. “Before we were a pre-org, we couldn’t reserve a space, so we would sneak into Blodgett auditorium and have shows there,” said Riley Bradshaw ’16, who joined Committed in the fall semester. “More recently, we have been having shows in Rocky...In Rocky, everyone feels more up-close and it’s more cozy.”

Committed meets twice a week. Because all performances are improvised, the group emphasizes getting to know the other members and developing trust during their practices. “Improv is really about trust...We have to trust ourselves and our scene partners in order to create anything meaningful,” stated founding member Hannah Jay ’15 in an emailed statement. “Once that trust is secure, anything can happen and it is all okay.”

Due to the nature of improvised comedy, there is little structure or guidance in determining content. Although practices do not determine

hands on,” Gordon continued.

Currently, the group’s sets usually consist of four or five games of short form and then a game of long-form improv. Short-form games consist of just one scene with a certain set of rules attached to it. For instance, two comedians will play three different characters and constantly switch between roles. In long-form games, on the other hand, there are limitations. Instead, players are constantly tagged in and out of the scene: a longer story develops and a larger world unfolds onstage. Initially, however, Committed’s set looked a lot different than it does today: the group originally chose to perform only long-form games.

As a reflection of their fluid nature, the group chooses content based on the current wants of its members. “Committed is an egalitarian group, so each member has an equal say in how the group operates. We started out as a strictly long-form group, but as our newer members showed interest in short form, we’ve began incorporating both forms into our practice,” stated Jay. The group will rarely even have a theme to their shows. “We will know what the set list will Committed will be having their second comedy show of the semester on Friday, April 8 at 8 p.m. in be, so we will know what the specific games will Rocky 300. Commited is currently undergoing the process of applying to become an organization. be, but otherwise we have nothing planned. We just take suggestions from the audience and go from there,” said Burns. “We never really have a troupe, but the group does not always tackle the what will be preformed onstage, they are helptheme because improv tends to just be really ranjocular. Due to the unrehearsed and impromptu ful in figuring out what works. “Sometimes we dom and we will never know what a scene will be nature of improvisation, subject matter ranges will be doing things [in practices] where, halfabout.” The group is devoted to ensuring that no from the bizarre to the raw and emotional. “We’ve way through, we will realize that nothing makes two Committed performances are ever the same. had shows and practices where the scene content sense,” Bradshaw said. “...A lot of this is getting “We definitely try and mix it up a lot and do lots was serious and really emotionally taxing. I reused to the people we are with and learning what of different games. We try not to repeat the same member a scene from this year (not sure if it was does or doesn’t work.” Once onstage, however, thing twice. And we are not afraid to get weird,” in practice or a show) where two characters were the performance is up in the air. “The thing about Burns said. “We get really weird sometimes. And in the waiting room of a hospital talking about the improv is that you never know what’s going to that’s what makes us different—that we aren’t emotional toll of watching their loved ones suffer happen in a show,” said Committed member Jorafraid to get weird.” and how it affected them,” said Gordon. dan Burns ’16. “We never know what characters Committed’s next show will be on Friday, April “On the flip side, we’ve done some really abwe are going to be or what subject matter we are 8 at 8 p.m. in Rocky 300, and, as expected, the surd scenes, such as talking dinosaurs going going to tackle or do, so sometimes you just go in performers themselves are not even sure what to through the Civil Rights Movement, and getting and have a great show and a great scene, whereas expect. “The best part about improv is the feeling pregnant and delivering a baby through your other times you finish and go, ‘What did we just of letting go of control,” stated Jay. “That’s where nose. We try and embrace all aspects of improv do? What are we even doing?’” the magic happens.” and play with as many forms as we can get our Committed is first and foremost a comedy

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‘Truth’ cast members revel in show’s hyperbolic character TRUTH continued from page 1

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The team responsible for putting “The Truth About Truth” together is made up of nine cast members, plus a production team and student writer.

The show is a drama, but it is made up of humorous and absurdist scenarios that separate it from other shows of its genre. The Facebook page for “The Truth About Truth (Everything is Breakfast Food)” gives the team’s introduction to the show, “Welcome to a world of comedic situations, love triangles, Klezmer dancing, kings, superheroes and incredibly down-toearth and thought-provoking lines. Follow the sometimes absurd, sometimes farcical, sometimes surreal but always truthful journey of a few friends dealing with unusually usual circumstances.”

Beyond the event’s description, very little is known about “The Truth About Truth.” Even the cast of the show is perplexed and intrigued by how different the show is from other dramas. Leahy, who plays Kimberly in the show, explained, “The show is different from others in so many ways I can’t really begin to answer it. It doesn’t quite take place in this universe: The characters are really more vessels for the exploration of truth and friendship than real people. It’s an over-the-top show where things seem to happen for no reason, but Ethan has a brilliant and subtle explanation for every single aspect of the show.”

The title of the show, “The Truth about Truth (Everything is Breakfast Food),” plays into the absurdity and content of Cohen’s creation. Leahy said, “I imagine it’s called ‘The Truth About Truth’ because the God-like character, Martin (Alex Treitel) throughout the play is explaining and exploring the nature of truth. There is a lot of word-play and rhetoric in the play, so of course we’re not just looking for the truth, but the truth about truth.”

Cohen stayed mum in his commentary about having created and directed the show, but those

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

who are working on it were not afraid to comment. “Remarkably, Ethan wrote the first draft of the play in one week. What a guy,” said actor Evan Chyriwski ’17. He added, “Ethan has also been a great resource for clarification on our characters, as well as allowing us to develop them ourselves as much as possible.”

The commitment to having a good group dynamic among the show’s team served to strengthen the show in ways that hadn’t been expected. During rehearsals, the cast was encouraged to heckle the other characters on the play while on stage, which required a group that got along well. These interactions added many new elements to the show that made it even more personal. Leahy commented on what she called unorthodox rehearsals, saying, “We also had a running joke about communist Russia and gulags that became a common thread throughout the show. This sort of, ‘What did you say? That’s funny. Do that every time,’ process has been one of my favorite parts of working on the show.”

The cast did not only enjoy the different approach to rehearsals that the show had, but they also enjoyed the show’s unique and even strange nature in general. Leahy wrote, “The best thing about it is how the play is lighthearted but [interspersed] with incredibly deep philosophical ideas and truths about the world and friendship. It’s a different kind of play, and I love that.”

So what exactly is the truth about truth?

“Even if I were to ask Ethan the answer, and he were to tell me, his answer would mean nothing compared to artistic evidence,” said Lindsay Lucido ’16, the show’s stage manager. “As for the title, as Ethan says, ‘You have to see it and decide for yourself.’”

If you’re interested in seeing “The Truth About Truth (Everything is Breakfast Food),” its debut is quickly approaching. The show will be performed April 3, 4 and 5 in Sanders Auditorium at 8 p.m.

ARTS

Page 16

April 3, 2014

Even walls ‘Americans’ masterful yet underrated series can talk on ‘Bang! Bang!’

Max Rook Columnist

The Americans Joe Weisburg FX Productions

Albert Muzquiz Guest Colunist

Comedy Bang! Bang!

Scott Aukermann Earwolf Media

T

he second season of “Comedy Bang! Bang!,” the incredibly funny and exasperatingly bizarre talk show hosted by Scott Aukerman and Reggie Watts, is as funny as it is anti-funny.

“Comedy Bang! Bang!” began in 2009 as a humble podcast titled “Comedy Death Ray Radio.” And while the medium and title have changed, the format of the show remains the same. In each episode, there are two guests; the first is an actual celebrity (Aziz Ansari, Jon Hamm, etc.) and the second is an actor who portrays a guest far too famous to be involved with the project. A frequent guest on the show is Sir Anthony Lloyd Webber (Paul F. Tompkins) and many similarly zany characters played by Aukerman’s friends from “Upright Citizens Brigade” and “Mr. Show.” These real celebrities and fake celebrities are interviewed in a classic talk show format, but CBB veers from this formula with the use of Reggie Watts, the one man band.

Watts uses a synthesizer and his music-making savvy to improvise songs for all the transitions.

With Watts sensually mewling into his microphone and Aukerman sedately lounging in his cardigan on their wood-paneled set, the weirdness is immediately tangible. The taxidermy animal heads mounted on the walls sometimes chime in and interact with the cast, and even mundane objects like couches and ladders are liable to become characters integral to the episode. At this point, it becomes unclear where the written show begins and the improvisation starts. As an alum of the University of California, Berkley, Aukerman seems at ease when the show begins to go off the rails and many of his companions are as well. He is especially gentle with the celebrity guests but raises the stakes when a fellow improviser is in the scene.

It can be painful when you see Aukerman attempting to initiate an interesting improv conversation, only to be stymied by a clueless interviewee. In this case, Anna Kendrick dragged down the episode with her unwillingness to keep up with the hosts. At times like these, one hopes that the lesser-known comedians will be given a chance to shine, but even when the lead actor of that episode is lagging behind, they don’t give nearly enough exposure to the real and true unsung heroes of the show.

The celebrity guest can really make or break each episode. Even if the fake guest is an appealing and dynamic character, the show is set up so that the celebrity has much more screen time, and if they are struggling, the energy and quality drops dramatically.

Luckily, this season is full of many powerful celebrity guests and hilarious characters that help avert this kind of crisis. David Cross’s appearance (“Arrested Development,” “Mr. Show,”) though deadpan and uncooperative, was complemented by a brief Bob Odernkirk cameo (“Breaking Bad,” “Mr. Show”) and finally by Will Forte (“Nebraska,” “30 Rock”) who played a senator who can’t keep secrets. This kind of an ensemble cameo network keeps the raucous and absurd show afloat.

These surprise cameos made by exciting guests sound well and good, but the anti-humor and overall weirdness is where the show hits a potential road bump. The strange, extraterrestrial tones of Reggie Watts can be as jarring as they are entrancing, and the astonishingly selfaware tone of the show can also seem off-putting. The show is very much a comedy about comedy and television production, and if this sounds altogether foreign to you, you may not be prepared for the mania of CBB. Scott and Reggie’s portrayal of hosts struggling to create an entertaining show so closely mirrors reality that it is difficult to tell if they are playing characters at all, but one thing is certain: “Comedy Bang! Bang!” is indeed funny.

W

ith “Breaking Bad” coming to an end last year and “Mad Men” starting its final season in a few weeks, there will very soon no longer be a safe, consensus pick for “the best show on TV.” That isn’t to say either of those shows were perfect, or that we should be in a rush to crown a new king; rather, the lack of consensus reflects how splintered the prestigious TV market has become. Judging by promos for FX’s “The Americans,” the network intends for their show to be another cult hit.

There certainly isn’t a shortage of shows clamoring to be named the next big critical hit, either. Showtime’s “Homeland” seemed like the obvious successor after coasting on the success of its excellent first season to a Best Drama Series Emmy in 2012 but has been unable to sustain its momentum. AMC, home of the two modern classics mentioned above, has struggled to launch another show to a similar critical reaction, but has managed to turn zombie show “The Walking Dead” into one of TV’s massive hits.

HBO has found some success with genre fiction in “Game of Thrones,” and just this year it launched “True Detective” by pulling in big-name movie stars. Netflix took the same approach with “House of Cards” and, more promisingly, has introduced some real diversity to the field with “Orange is the New Black.”

I could go on, but I think the point is clear: We’re living in an era with an overwhelming abundance of quality television. The downside to this abundance of good TV is that shows without a flashy hook can easily go overlooked.

FX’s “The Americans,” which airs on Wednesdays at 10 p.m., is a perfect example—a solid,

quietly confident show which recently kicked off its second season with little fanfare. Created by Joe Weisburg, an ex-CIA agent, the show is set in the late-Cold War era America of the 1980s, and “The Americans” is centered on a pair of Soviet spies embedded in deep cover on American soil as a perfect suburban family, complete with two entirely unaware kids. It’s a premise that sounds a little absurd, admittedly, but the show takes itself seriously enough that it works, and once you buy into that premise, the possibilities for psychological drama are bountiful.

The key to the show’s success is that it gives equal weight to both its espionage storylines and its domestic plots. Stars Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys are equally adept at both, playing Elizabeth and Philip Jennings as both a compelling and engaging couple and as hyper-competent spies.

The Jennings family is the center of the show, and the excellent performances by Russell and Rhys are certainly one of the main attractions here, but Weisburg and his writers also structure the show around stories running parallel to its main thread. The best of these is the budding romance between FBI agent Stan Beeman, played by Noah Emmerich, and his Soviet mole Nina Sergeevna, played by Annet Mahendru. Partway through the first season, Nina, turned triple agent, uses her connection to Stan to serve her Soviet bosses.

Just as with the central romance between Elizabeth and Philip, the show doesn’t allow this plot line to be entirely black-and-white.

Both characters clearly care about each other, but they’re both using each other as well. The focus on Nina also allows for a few scenes set in the Soviet embassy each episode, in which the dialogue is entirely in Russian with English subtitles, which is still a rarity on modern TV. On a smaller scale, episodes frequently require Elizabeth or Philip to wear disguises. This is, after all, a spy show, but the show is always careful to balance exciting espionage moments with deeper commentary on what these masks

and false personas truly mean to its characters.

The show’s masterstroke, the aspect that truly makes it one of the best shows on TV, is how it advances the anti-hero trend television has been obsessed with ever since “The Sopranos” debuted 17 years ago. Whereas “Breaking Bad” gradually revealed the true extent of its protagonist’s monstrosity over the course of its run, “The Americans” refuses to offer any consistent moral position for its viewers. On a personal level, we want Elizabeth and Philip to be happy together, and when they’re out risking their lives and their cover on some mission we want them to succeed. But then the show reminds us what that success means on an institutional level, that our apparent heroes are actively working against the interests of the United States. This political and moral complexity extends to every part of the plot, from Stan and Nina’s tragic romance to the glimpses we get into the inner workings of both the FBI and the Soviet Embassy. There are no villains on this show, just men and women playing out enormous socio-political conflicts on a human scale.

While the first season featured all of these different elements, they didn’t quite fit together cohesively until the final few episodes. The constant give and take between Philip and Elizabeth got to be a little tedious, as each character seemingly rejected and then embraced their partner over and over again, but the season ended with their marriage stronger than ever.

Thankfully, the second season has carried that momentum forward and has built on it, featuring the strongest run of episodes yet.

The fifth episode, “The Deal,” was particularly notable, as it separated its two protagonists for almost its entire running time and didn’t suffer in the slightest for doing so. “The Americans” may not have big, recognizable names in its credits, or awards buzz, or an especially flashy premise, but it doesn’t need those. Its sheer quality allows it to compete with anything else on TV right now.

Bateman’s directorial debut misses mark Lily Sloss Columnist

Bad Words Jason Bateman Darko Entertainment

I

have found that cursing when something really, really, really hurts or when something just sucks hugely is highly beneficial. You immediately feel slightly better for whatever reason.

“Bad Words,” on the other hand, left a poor taste in my mouth, like a cup of milk about to turn. The story was underdeveloped and the characters were mediocre. As a star vehicle for Jason Bateman, it was subpar. In short, “Bad Words” lacked the emotional resonance that shouting “f**king d**k” often has.

Guy Trilby, an ill-tempered, filthy-mouthed middle-aged man, competes in a nationally publicized children’s spelling bee, The Golden Quill. Since he never finished eighth grade, Guy can technically still participate. With $50,000 and years of spelling bee training on the line, the parents of the little winners are pissed. They harass the coordinator, Dr. Bernice Deagan (Allison Janney), who dismisses their concerns while secretly plotting against Guy. At Guy’s side is a news reporter, Jenny Widgeon, from “The Click and Scroll,” played unsatisfyingly by Kathryn Hahn. Jenny cannot discern why Guy has entered the competition, and thus, neither can the audience.

The film has an annoying habit of drifting in and out of Guy’s voiceover. His failing as a protagonist is his inability to convey motivations, interests or emotions, so we are forced to enter his interior monologues. These rants are always expositional, making the viewer wish the screenwriter had the foresight to make Guy more chatty. Instead, since Guy hides his feelings, the audience is left in the dark—or at least somewhere else.

The primary attempt to make Guy empa-

thetic comes in the form of a precocious, adorable child named Chaitanya (Rohan Chand).

Chaitanya’s father has (oddly) allowed his 11-year-old son to room by himself while competing in The Golden Quill. Since Dr. Deagan has arranged for Guy to sleep in a janitorial closet, Chaitanya’s half-open room allows Guy the things he needs: a bathroom and a minibar.

The two competitors form a close and immediate friendship, so the audience can get some glimpse into Guy’s head.

What do we learn? His father left him when he was young. His mother was a waitress.

His teachers in school were mean to him. We essentially never learn another thing about Guy’s character, and by the end of the film, we still know very little.

The plot is thin, at best. The majority of the film is a series of quips, not unlike Seth McFarlane’s “Ted,” and feels unlike a movie.

Rather, we watch Jason Bateman make profane jokes at every opportunity, making jokes about periods, fat kids, “Slumdog Millionaire” and sex. My fellow audience members had a strange relationship to the middle school style jokes on screen.

“The film has an annoying habit of drifting in and out of Guy’s voiceover.”

At one moment, they would seem startled, whispering, “I can’t believe he just said that.”

The next, these same women and men would be snorting into their palms. If you go to see this film, expect a lot of nervous laughter.

The funniest scene in the whole film is when Guy and Chaitanya go out on the town together. The pair go to a bar, steal a lobster, play pranks, eat chili dogs and do donuts in a car. As the boys laugh giddily, audience members cannot help but enjoy the experi-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

ence with them. The scene then veers into dangerous territory when Guy hires Marzipan, an African American prostitute, to show her nipples to Chaitanya. The uncomfortably eroticized image of an eleven-year-old boy witnessing a grown woman’s naked breasts is awful. Unnecessary? Certainly. Explicit objectification? Yup. The rest of the film remained, as I mentioned earlier, underdeveloped. The audience realizes late in the game why Guy is on a mission to infiltrate a children’s spelling bee, and the rationale is weak and unrealistic. Guy’s relationship with the reporter, Jenny, is initially rancid. Jenny hates Guy, and he is even less interested in her. The two have sex a few times, but they never exhibit anything more than mild sexual attraction after the interactions. However, at the end of the film, the two are suddenly acting like a couple. There is no arc, or character motivation. Simply, Guy is a better person because he fulfilled his quest, and thus he is suddenly deemed as a good boyfriend.

The female characters are not fleshed out, either. Jenny seems like a sex addict, and for no apparent reason, always looks extremely sloppy. Either her hair is falling all over the place or her clothes are mussed. Plus, Jenny is an awful reporter. She does not realize who Guy’s father is, which is a key element to her story, until it is all too late. She represents nothing in the narrative, besides the vehicle by which Guy can demonstrate his sexual capabilities.

Dr. Deagan, who is supposed to be the antagonist, is fired from her position about halfway through the film. Her role is useless. She is unable, in any way, shape or form, to stop Guy from winning the spelling bee. Further, all of the parents turn on her, even though she is not to blame. She loses, repeatedly, for no reason, and poses no real threat.

“Bad Words” could have been worse. But if that’s the only thing to say for Jason Bateman’s directorial debut, maybe it is a sign he should quit while he’s ahead. If this counts as being ahead.

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April 3, 2014

Page 17

The art of healing: VHP helps fund change Samantha Kohl Arts editor

H

Campus Canvas

What was the last movie that made you cry?

courtesy of Vassar College

aiti faces a few daunting statistics: a 98 percent rate of deforestation, a 70 percent rate of illiteracy and a 50 percent rate of unemployment. The Vassar Haiti Project (VHP) seeks to combat these numbers by “creating change through art,” as the VHP’s motto states.

Since its founding in 2001, the VHP has raised over one million dollars in funds through hosting sales and auctions at Vassar and in other venues in the larger Hudson River region, raising funds solely through these auctions and sales.

“We buy original Haitian art and handcrafts to support Haitian artisans, and also re-invest the profits in sustainable development initiatives in the village of Chermaitre, Haiti,” said Tamsin Chen ’15, the club’s President of Haiti Operations.

Currently, the Palmer Gallery is flooded with colorful paintings and numerous handcrafts on display for VHP’s annual exhibit.

Students who went on the VHP’s trip to Haiti over spring break this year purchased much of the artwork featured in the show. The trip lasted a total of ten days, four of which were spent in the tiny mountain village of Chermaitre. “[The trip] started off with art buying and visiting Paul Farmer’s famous hospital in Mirebalais,” said VHP member Phil Chen ’16.

The group then went to Chermaitre, where they have several initiatives in place.

Chermaitre is currently unreachable by road, yet those volunteering with the Vassar Haiti Project (VHP) hugely affect Chermaitre and its residences. “All of the money we raise from the art show goes to our initiatives in Chermaitre,” said Sam Bosch ’16, the Director of VHP’s Education Initiative.

The club encompasses several initiatives, all of which are funded through the sales of Haitian art. The education initiative partners with a school in Chermaitre, which the club helped launch. The health initiative develops a clinic and hires doctors to work at the clinic. The water initiative works on getting clean water to the people of Chermaitre. The reforestation initiative funds programs preventing deforestation in Haiti. And the women’s initiative is in the stages of developing a women’s cooperative in Chermaitre.

The pieces of artwork hanging on the walls and displayed on tables in the Palmer show an array of Haitian artists, styles and scenes of

Excuse me,

The pieces currently on display in the Palmer Gallery will be for sale and auctioned off. All of the proceeds from the sale will go towards funding the Vassar Haiti Project’s current initiatives. everyday life—the very scenes that the show’s proceeds will benefit. “These VHP trips allow student volunteers to see the tangible impact of our work in Chermaitre. Everything comes full circle—the paintings we sell here translate into bricks for the kindergarten building, or a meal of rice and beans for the school children,” Fung said. “Being able to connect with the people of Chermaitre is extremely important. We often think that we are there to support them, but in so many more ways, we are learning from their strength.”

Though the pieces encompass a variety of media and techniques, a bright color palette ties the diverse pieces together. “Haitian art is about joy and energy and appreciation for life. When I went to Haiti, I noticed that there were bursts of color everywhere—everything was painted, from tap-taps to building facades,” said Cindy Fung ’14, President of Fundraising and Development. “To me, the brushstrokes of Haitian artists translate the unbridled energy and rhythm into paintings.

The canvas is just an extension of this joy of life.”

The artists featured in the show did not receive any professional training, which accounts for the diversity of artistic styles

A weekly space highlighting the creative pursuits of student-artists

within the work. “While many of them are influenced by prominent artists who had come before them, they have also developed distinctive styles of their own. Nicolas Dreux, for example, is known for using a razor blade to add texture or scrape away paint. Wilner Cherizol’s works are instantly recognizable for their thick layers of paint,” said Fung.

“Even within the same popular genre of jungle painting, Albott Bonhomme’s detailed rendering of foliage contrasts with Pierre Maxo’s flat colors and broad brushstrokes.”

Having met the artists and chosen the pieces of work featured in the show, VHP members are closely linked with the paintings hanging on the walls of the Palmer. Dip Patel ’14, President of Internal Operations, said, “We work closely with a number of Haitian artists and over the years have built relationships with street art markets and galleries alike.”

The Vassar Haiti Project’s art sale and auction will take place April 4 through 6 in the College Center Multi-Purpose Room. On Friday, April 4, the sale will run from noon to 8 p.m. On Saturday, April 5, the sale will run from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m., which will include a live auction running from 3 to 5 p.m. On Sunday, the sale will run form 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.

“‘Brokeback Mountain’” —Grace Gregory ’17

“‘Night of the Hunter’” —Emma Rose ’17

“I don’t cry in movies, but I don’t want to seem...heartless :(” —Joe Metcalf ’17

submit to misc@vassar.edu

This is a photograph of a work in progress of a drawing of different textures and materials, depicting my work in its usual setting in Didier’s Intro to Drawing. We were working on how to translate texture onto paper using mixed charcoals. A full year of drawing improves everyone’s work and has definitely let me grow as an artist through valuable critiques in class and challenging but interesting homework assignments. First semester, we got comfortable drawing through observation, finding shapes and tonal shifts. Second semester, we are using what we learned in first semester and translating it into the human form. Currently, we are focusing on portraits, hands and feet and the human body to prepare for our large-scale final. Every setup is different, from the placement of the objects to the lighting, so it is important to show where the objects are highlighted in the setup, and in my drawing.

“‘Diewand’” —Joseph Bettman ’17

“‘Saving Ryan’s Privates’” —Tim Veit ’16

“‘Big Fish’” —Ben Greenspan ’17

—Emily Hallewell ’17

Spencer Davis, Photo Editor Samantha Kohl, Assistant Arts Editor MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

SPORTS

Page 18

April 3, 2014

Women’s tennis improves record after spring training Amreen Bhasin reporter

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courtesy of Vassar College Athletics

he women’s tennis team improved its record to 6-3 for the spring this weekend.

The Brewer women started off their spring season in February. Since then, they have played in Poughkeepsie, in California for their spring break training trip and at various other Liberty League schools. The team had a winning record during their California trip going 3-2. More recently, the team’s overall ranking has jumped from #27 in the nation to #25. A critical part of this jump was the high level of competition the Brewers faced over break. During break, the Brewer women played three ranked teams, including then #7 Bowdoin College. They fell to Bowdoin and #10 Pomona College but defeated #23 Chapman University.

Despite the loss to Bowdoin, the team had a successful match, showing improvement from last year. Freshman Hanna Maguire was incredibly impressed with her team’s play against Bowdoin in particular. “Although we didn’t come away with an overall victory, our doubles performance was amazing. Last year, we didn’t win any doubles points against them, but this year, we won two. Kelsey Van Noy and Lauren Stauffer were the last match to finish. It was a really close match, and they both fought so hard. Their victory gave us momentum for the singles matches that followed and for the matches later that week.”

After the Bowdoin match, the Brewers have been 4-1 falling only to #10 Pomona. The successful spring break trip allowed the Brewer women their surge in the national rankings.

The high level of play during the trip was also helpful for the Brewers in the individual rankings. Currently, the No. 1 doubles team of junior Samantha Schapiro and freshman Shayna Becker is ranked #13 in the Northeast region.

Not only do the Brewers overall sit at #25, but they are ranked #10 in the 110-team Northeast region, reflecting the successful year the team has been having.

Senior captain Lindsay Kantor recently competed in a shutout match vs. rival Rochester Institute of Technology. The team will next play on Saturday, April 5 against Rennselaer Polytechnic Institute.

Skidmore College defeated the Brewers in Liberty League play earlier in the season before their trip; however, they clinched their first Liberty League victory against the St. Lawrence University Saints. Sophomore standout Kelsey Van Noy managed her second match-clinching win this season. She had a 6-4, 6-4 victory against Hallie Young in a five and-a-half-hour match. Van Noy partnered with senior Captain Lindsay Kantor at the No. 3 doubles spot for the Brewers’ second match point. Kantor was perfect on the day with a win at the No. 4 singles spot as well. The No. 2 doubles team of sophomore Winnie Yeates and freshman Emily Hallewell also earned a point for the Brewers.

Schapiro also won her match at the No. 1 spot in singles play.

Maguire felt that her team worked hard for

the win against St. Lawrence and it paid off in the end. “We went to St. Lawrence last weekend and they were a challenge for us. We went ahead in doubles 2-1—each match was close and very competitive. All of the singles matches were difficult, but the two that really stood out were Samantha Schapiro’s and Kelsey Van Noy’s. Sam lost the first set to Elkie, but then pulled out the win. And Kelsey clenched the match for us against Hallie, which was one of the best moments for us.”

The Brewers continued their weekend with a 9-0 shutout of League rivals RIT. Kantor and Van Noy at the No. 3 doubles spot managed a perfect 8-0. Kantor at the No. 4 singles spot also picked up a 6-0, 6-0 win. Becker earned the Brewers’ shutout match win at the No. 5 singles spot. Van Noy had a perfect 6-0 second set

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Men’s and women’s teams break records in Arizona TRACK continued from page 1

ECAC’s and NCAA’s carrying on through graduation. It is a relatively long season compared to other spring sports, but the team has been working hard all winter (and for that matter all summer and fall!) so we are ready to get after it now.”

He continued, “The season breaks up into roughly four meets of early season racing before Liberty Leagues on April 19th. In these first few weeks, we will pan each of the team members through a range of a events at, over and under their primary event focus to help prepare them for Leagues where we will look to put our best foot forward as a team and set each individual up for success. Though we are a relatively young and small track team, we have been able to score well in the league and will look to walk away with several individual titles and a good team showing.”

Despite being a large group, the teams get along well. Senior Abe Gatling wrote, “The team dynamic is more cohesive than in years past. In previous seasons, there was a very clear divide between the sprinters and distance teams, but this year we’re more of a singular unit rather than two separate squads running on the same track.”

Junior Ariel Bridges credited the cohesiveness this season to the friendly attitudes of the new underclassmen members. “It’s weird being an upperclassman now, but the underclassmen have done a great job of forming bonds between the speed and distance side, which has been hard in years past because our team is so big,” she wrote.

“I know me personally, and on the men’s side as well, we often mix groups for the 4x4 so it’s cool to get to know some of your other teammates that you don’t get to practice with every day!”

Many of the bonds formed between teammates this season have been a result of the team’s trip to Arizona over March break. This year, the team took full advantage of the nice weather and was successful in their events over the break. Junior Brian Deer explained, “Many athletes competed at our first track meet of the

season over spring break at the University of Arizona Willie Williams Classic. I didn’t get the chance to compete due to injuries, and not every athlete on our team was able to join us for our spring break training trip, but those that did compete were, on the whole, very successful. I think I heard that there were at least two school records broken (Taylor Vann for long jump and 110m high hurdles), and many athletes set new PR’s in the events they competed in. Heather Ingraham, I’m pretty sure, has the number one fastest time in the country for the D III women’s open 400m, which was awesome to watch. I know a few competitors were disappointed with their performances, but it was the first meet of the season and they all are looking ahead to the other opportunities that they will have this season to compete.”

Their strong performances over break have the team energized and excited for this season.

Runners hope to break personal records and make it to the post-season. “Over the rest of the season, I hope to see everyone reach their goals,” wrote sophomore Jonah William. “We are expecting to see lots of personal records, school records, and qualifications for championship meets.”

Gatling also wrote, “Each year our goal is to send athletes to the post season. We want more individuals winning liberty league championships, sending relays and individuals to ECAC’s, and sending some athletes to nationals. This year, we’ve set our goals pretty high, but that’s because we’re confident that we can achieve them.”

Like all Vassar teams, the track squads look to their fellow students for support. Bridges explained, “The track team is filled with hard workers, and it’s hard to support us because we travel every weekend, but there is one meet at home that everyone should come to a little later in the semester!”

That meet is the Matthew Vassar Twilight Meet, which will be held on Friday, May 2, at 5 p.m. on the Weinberg Track.

victory while only giving up three games in her first set. Between the No. 1 and No. 2 doubles, the Brewers allowed a combined three points against them. In all but the No. 1 singles match, Vassar gave up just 11 points in five positions.

According to Maguire, the Brewers have a lofty goal this season. “Our team goals for this season are to beat Skidmore and become Liberty League Champions.”

Part of the Brewers’ success so far has been their incredible depth. The team is small, but strong, and Maguire feels that it has fostered a winning, competitive atmosphere. “This year’s team is all about depth. Although we obviously have a starting lineup, all of our players are fairly equal to each other. Each challenge match is competitive and we all support each other.”

The Brewers will next host RPI on April 5th at 10:00 AM on the Josselyn Tennis Courts for their second to last Liberty League match of the season before they compete in the Liberty League Championships in May. Maguire believes much of the team’s success has been their close connection. This connection has allowed them success and will continue to foster their growth in their quest for a Liberty League Championship. “We definitely get along as a team. With only nine girls, we’ve all become really close and work together to support each other. Although I’ve been injured for most of the season, I still feel like I am as much involved in the team as those who are playing. All the girls have been incredibly supportive in helping get my game back to where is was before my injury.”

Even with the team’s strength this year, Schapiro was a standout in the No. 1 Singles and Doubles position this weekend especially. She won her singles matches at the No. 1 position and went 1-1 with Becker at the No. 1 doubles position, falling 6-8 in a close match.

The junior was instrumental in the weekend’s success. The Liberty League honored her this week with an Honor Roll after her 3-1 performance.

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MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

April 3, 2014

SPORTS

Page 19

Napier demonstrates true love of game Only best of MLB merit M contracts Luka Ladan

Assistant Sports Editor

arch Madness is, unfortunately, nearing an end and college basketball will officially be in the books come early Monday morning. We’ll have to wade through the boredom of summer baseball until Duke and Kentucky and Kansas are back at it, sporting upand-coming superstars and athletic freaks of nature alike.

As such, we must now live in the moment and enjoy all of the competitive hoops coming up over the next few days, since it won’t be long until primetime games in North Texas are replaced by offseason workouts removed from the public eye. I myself will be enamored by the offensive execution in crunch time, the defensive schemes in the paint and the adjustments made by Billy Donovan and the rest— as many other basketball fans are, when the games get tight and the going gets rough under the bright lights.

I’m most enamored by the University of Connecticut’s Shabazz Napier, a gritty point guard from Boston’s inner city and quite possibly the brightest star still competing in the tournament. He is now a senior, tasked with bringing steady leadership to a relatively inexperienced band and coming up with big shot after big shot in the closing minutes of close contests. It may be a cliché at this point, but Napier really does do it all for his team—in terms of scoring in pick-and-roll situations, grabbing rebounds from the weak side, and pressuring opposing guards in the backcourt. Napier’s numbers reflect the versatility of his game, as March Madness’ premier Jack of all trades.

I love watching him compete, especially against stronger and faster players with more impressive physical attributes. Napier plays the game with conviction and never seems rattled by his opposition or the stage, a true testament to the point guard’s mental toughness as a marquee student-athlete in a cutthroat sport. This

mental toughness precisely allows Napier to play the role of senior leader to a group of less accomplished players in need of support and a guiding hand. He leads with his play, first and foremost, but that doesn’t stop Napier from pointing and yelling and even consoling when necessary. He presses the right buttons, and seems to fully grasp the collective pulse of his team: Not a single circumstance on the floor seems surprising or overwhelming for him. It’s really fun to watch, when a senior leader just gets it and plays with that steely resolve.

Moreover, it’s far less common nowadays, with so many student athletes leaving school early to explore the professional game and forgo a college education in the process. Shabazz Napier seems like a rarity now, a very talented player at a basketball school with “senior” written right by his name. The excitement surrounding college basketball is so often generated by the big-name freshmen with glitzy high school careers to their names. Players like these perceive college as a minor stepping stone, standing in the way of a professional paycheck coming only a few months down the road.

The meaning of student athlete and college basketball in general has lost some of its luster, and this can in part be attributed to mere association. I personally don’t associate a fivestar recruit with the school of choice, beyond sheer bookkeeping. Freshman year is just a formality for so many of the collegiate basketball players garnering massive national attention.

It makes Shabazz Napier’s personal story that much more special, as an upperclassman and the senior leader of a team on a hot streak. I have come to identify him with his school, with the hue of that gray jersey and the parquet of Gampel Pavilion. Napier is a true Husky, playing for the University of Connecticut first and foremost, and he’s played for multiple coaches, with all sorts of teammates, and in all kinds of situations over the years. Over the years.

That’s what separates Napier from John Calipari’s yearly freshman crop. Because he’s spent so much time playing at the collegiate level— and spilled so many heartfelt tears along the way—that time is so much more meaningful to him. Four years is a pretty large chunk of time, and to spend it all wearing the same jersey is truly something. Shabazz Napier is a consummate student-athlete with a real stake in the collegiate game—and he’ll leave a pretty darn impressive legacy in Storrs once his time is finally up.

For that, I’m enamored by the depth and complexity of that touching story, as it takes some time—many years of trials and tribulation—to develop such a narrative. The same goes for Doug McDermott and Russ Smith, two other high-profile senior leaders with a permanent place in college basketball lore. They won’t be remembered as nomads looking for the first exit out, but as student athletes who’ve screamed and bled and cried for the collegiate game and their respective college team.

Let’s appreciate Shabazz Napier as a senior point guard leading his basketball team deep into March. The University of Connecticut means something to him. The competitiveness of college basketball means something to him.

The juggling of academics and sports, it all means something to him because he’s invested so much time and effort. That’s why his narrative, developed over the past four years, means something to me.

As a college basketball fan, Shabazz Napier means something to me because he represents something greater than himself—he’s the living embodiment of a touching personal story.

I’ll be rooting for him, this weekend and over the coming years, as he officially completes his collegiate journey and takes the next step, wherever it may lead. If you truly love college basketball, there’s no reason not to root for Shabazz Napier. He is what the sport, at that level, is all about.

Clippers unexpectedly shine over Lakers Eli J. Vargas I Columnist

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os Angeles’ major sporting franchises have been in a state of flux: As of late, the status quo has decidedly changed in LA. The Clippers are now the better basketball team with title aspirations, while the Lakers seem to have yet to start the process of rebuilding. There are actually serious discussions concerning whether or not the Dodgers or the Clippers have a better shot at winning it all this year, which only a couple of years ago would have seemed laughable. The Angels, who have always seemed to be the most attractive baseball franchise to play for in southern California, have found themselves stuck in mediocrity with nothing to do to alleviate this problem.

The Dodgers are serious contenders to win the World Series this year, while the Angels haven’t made the playoffs in four years. So here is the state of the teams in LA. The Los Angeles Clippers now find themselves with a 51-22 record and some serious momentum, heading into tough Western Conference playoffs. Everything turned around for the Clippers, and at the same time, may have doomed the Lakers when the Clippers were able to land MVP-caliber point guard Chris Paul in a trade that, only a few days beforehand, was vetoed for the Lakers by then-NBA commissioner David Stern. Since then, both teams have headed in opposite directions, with the Clippers now being one of the most attractive destinations for proven free-agents with title aspirations. Although the Clippers share the Staples Center with the rival Lakers, the Lakers are no longer the talk of the building, but instead it is the Clippers who seem to be going nowhere but up. The Clippers are now only two and a half games behind the Thunder for the second seed in the Western Conference playoffs, which to me and many people in LA is simply unbelievable. The Clippers were the laughingstock of LA, a distraction of you wanted to watch a professional basketball game in LA that was cheaper than the Lakers, but now they are contending with teams that have players like Kevin Durant. I applaud them, because they deserve it. They have al-

ways been the underdogs in the background in the LA sports mind, but now, as a result of a good organization and good drafting, they are now the premier basketball team in LA. As a Lakers fan, I can honestly say that it is no use going to watch Lakers games. It’s a waste of time and money that could be spent watching a team that deserves to be cheered for like the Clippers. Ever since the Lakers owner who was responsible for the “Showtime Lakers” of the ’80s, Jerry Buss, died, the Lakers just don’t seem to have that familiar organizational savvy and knowledge. All of their moves seem to be lackluster and ill-informed, and it is apparent on court. Unlike the Clippers, the Lakers are fighting to be third worst in the Western Conference with a record of 24-48.

Instead of title, or even playoff aspirations, the Lakers have NBA draft lottery aspirations.

“As a Lakers fan, I can honestly say that it is no use going to watch Lakers games.”

It is sad and goes against the grain of Lakerdom, but that is to what this organization has succumbed, and they have no choice but to do so. This year’s lottery is historically deep and talented, and one of the only ways that the Lakers can have a successful rebuilding process is to draft a talented future star in this year’s draft. Otherwise, the Lakers do not seem likely to be able to lure any top of the line free agents like Kevin Love, Rajon Rondo or Lebron James. A few years ago, the situation that the Lakers have found themselves in would have seemed absurd. The Lakers never have trouble luring big name free agents to play for them, but alas, it is reality, and what makes it even worse is that the Clippers are the ones luring the free agents to LA to play for them.

The polarity of the success of Los Angeles’ two baseball teams has never reached the

point that the Lakers and Clippers have, but there has been recently polarity between the Angels and Dodgers, and just like the Lakers and Clippers, the roles have been reversed.

The Angels have been the most recent winner of the World Series in LA, and always had the bigger payroll in the past decade. The Dodgers always had a smaller payroll due to selfish ownership, that eventually affected the team’s success. But now, the Dodgers have the MLB’s largest payroll and legitimate title aspirations, whereas the Angels have signed big name free agents to large contracts that have become catastrophic failures and have missed the playoffs four years in a row. For the Angels, it seems that these massive contracts— like the one given to Albert Pujols for 10 years and $240 million—have not only been terrible disappointments, but have stripped the Angels farm system of much-needed prospects as a result. So with bad contracts being a tenant of the team for the foreseeable future, and no in-house options to alleviate this problem, the Angels are stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Despite all of this, the Angels still seem to be able to score large amounts of runs with a high caliber offense, but at the same time, they have no pitching depth to stop other teams from scoring just as much.

On the other hand, the Dodgers have been handing out contracts that are just as big to top tier free agents, but they’ve worked out for the team thus far. Not only that: They have one of the better farm systems in the Majors, which seems to be improving year by year.

The Dodgers score a similar amount of runs as the Angels usually do, but they have one of the best pitching staffs in all of the major leagues to ensure that they win games even when their offense is not working at times.

Things have changed in LA, and it is making more exciting times in the world of sports.

The NBA season is just becoming interesting as the playoffs draw nearer every day, but this time around, the familiar purple and yellow Lakers jerseys will not be present. But if you are not much for NBA basketball, the MLB season is just starting, and for LA teams, it means a fresh start.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Zach Rippe Columnist

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he 2014 Major League Baseball season is finally underway. While offseason trades and signings are bound to shake up the standings this year, it seems the size of the contracts has overshadowed the potential impact of the players this season. The Yankees are always looking to spend. This offseason proved no different, as they chose to reload rather than rebuild by signing Carlos Beltran, Jacoby Ellsbury, Hiroki Kuroda, Masahiro Tanaka and Brian McCann. Ellsbury is a great player; however, many question whether he was worth $153 million. While his 2011 season was phenomenal, he has failed to match that year’s power, relying more on his speed. At least, he has proven himself in the MLB. Masahiro Tanaka, while compiling an absolutely ridiculous 24-0 record with a 1.27 era, was by far the most heralded pitcher this offseason. The Yankees moved in and signed him for $155 million. No one is ever really surprised at how much the Yankees spend these days. Perhaps that is the tell-tale sign that something odd is happening. Before, absurd contracts were reserved for the best of the best in baseball, yet these days, everyone with a good season feels entitled to a gaudy $100+ million dollar contract. Thus, when the superstars get their new contracts, they need to be bigger and better.

Move over, A-Rod: Miguel Cabrera has just signed the largest contract in MLB history.

Cabrera signed with the Tigers for $292 million over 10 years, besting Rodriguez’s $275 million deal several years back. If there were anyone in the MLB deserving of a contract of this size, it would be Miguel Cabrera. He has competed for the triple crown the past two seasons, winning it in 2012, and is a presence. The hitter most comparable to Cabrera would be Albert Pujols. However, when Pujols signed a gigantic deal of his own with the Angels a few seasons ago, his numbers began to dip. The question now is whether he can regain his form at age 34. The larger these mega deals get, the longer they become. Was it wise for the Angels to give a player over 30 a 10 year deal? Contracts have become a statement made by both teams and players. In an era of publicity, it seems as if teams who want to sign or keep their superstar must make these deals not as a kind gesture, but out of necessity. What the Yankees and Alex Rodriguez did with their contracts may have seemed excessive, but the fact that it was the Yankees who gave him this contract proved a good enough explanation. Yet Rodriguez’s contract has seemed to start a trend that is slowly catching on throughout the rest of the league. Of the top 20 highest contracts in MLB history, only six were given before 2010. Five of these six contracts were given to Yankees (including A-Rod, twice). The sixth was for Manny Ramirez. Five of the 20 contracts were given out at some point during this offseason (Cabrera, Cano, Votto, Kershaw and Tanaka).

The reliance on spending in big markets has led to what almost amounts to a class system within the MLB. Teams like the Yankees, Red Sox and Dodgers make up the upper financial class as they have the name, history, market and money to purchase virtually whomever they want and thus have potential to be competitive almost every year. Middle of the road teams are able to spend money every once and a while to perhaps retain or sign a superstar, yet must also rely on some homegrown talent and cheaper role players.

Then there are the small market teams. While it is entirely possible to create a homegrown contender, the prospect of maintaining such a group without rewarding emerging stars is extremely daunting. To put it bluntly, large market teams have an unfair advantage when it comes to signing and marketing players.

Miguel Cabrera is the best player in baseball right now and was definitely deserving of a large contract. The simple fact of the matter is: contracts have gotten so ridiculous that anything “deserving” is just way too much.

SPORTS

Page 20

April 3, 2014

Annual spring trip brings rugby to Trinidad and Tobago Jonathan Safir reporter

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freshman Nathalie Freeman had three. Even though two of the team’s players were injured, they managed to pull off the win. In its final game on March 20, the team won with an impressive score of 41-0. Kwateng had four tries.

Brown also noted that the team thoroughly enjoyed its time off the field as well. “Off the rugby field the team visited Tobago, went snorkeling, enjoyed the local culinary dishes, and spent a good amount of time at the beaches,” he wrote.

Looking forward to the spring, optimism reigns supreme with the rugby program. “This spring, we’ll be seeing a lot of skill development from our younger players. Last semester, we had limited ‘B’ games (when rookies typically get their first taste of rugby), but this semester, they should all get lots of field time,” wrote Thompson. “I’m eager to see them play, as they’re the future of the program! We’ll also be playing more sevens rugby this season,

courtesy of Vassar College Athletics

ver spring break, both the men’s and women’s rugby teams traveled to Trinidad and Tobago. The trip spanned from March 11-19, and the Brewers competed against teams from the region. Coming off of an 8-3-1 fall season, the men’s team went 2-1 while abroad over break.

The women’s team, who came off of a mighty 11-3 fall season, went undefeated with a record of 3-0 over the course of the trip.

Head Coach Tony Brown and the team were extremely thankful for the opportunity to travel. “It was wonderful to be able to get outside, with temperatures in the 80’s, and practice,” he wrote in an emailed statement. Senior Rachel Thompson also wrote, “the trip was a lot of fun!

It was great to escape the chill of Poughkeepsie and soak up some sun.”

As for the competitive and team aspect of the trip, Thompson was incredibly pleased. “The rugby was also competitive, and a nice opening for the spring season. One of the unique parts of going on tour is making friends with the local teams we play,” she wrote.

“Without fail, they brought us to their clubhouses after the games, fed us delicious food, chatted with us, and made us feel completely welcome.” Thompson was also thankful that the Brewers were able to bond while traveling.

“Tour is also a great opportunity for the teams to bond. Our men’s and women’s teams are very supportive of each other, and this just gives us another chance to spend time together.”

Head Coach Brown was also pleased with the competition that the teams faced. “The games we played were against U.19 select sides and the men found them to be good competition, as most of the Trinidad players had more rugby experience and good skills,” he explained. “The Vassar women were much more experienced in the strategy of the game and also had the edge physically being more mature so they won all three of their games. But the important thing was for Vassar to raise the bar in terms of expectations for women’s rugby and that they did by playing well and fairly.”

On March 19, the men’s team was short players due to injury and teamed up with Trinidad players in order to compete. There was, there-

fore, no final score for this game, as the teams had combined. However, in its other matches, the men’s team lost 15-36 against the Trinidad North U.19 Select XV team, and won its match against the Trinidad South U.19 Select XV team. In this match, which took place on March 15, the team relied on sophomore lock Louis Khourey who had two tries. One of these tries led the team to the 36-28 win.

On March 11, during the first match of the trip, the women’s team started off strong with a solid win against the Trinidad North Junior Presidents XV team. Senior standout Margaret Kwateng had three tries, while Thompson had one. Sophomores Molly Osborn and Isabella Luksh both had extremely significant roles in the win.

Four days later, the women’s team competed against the Trinidad South Junior Select XV team. The final score was a magnificent 54-15.

Kwateng had two tried for the Brewers, while

Over spring break, both the men’s and women’s rugby teams traveled to Trinidad and Tobago for ten days. The men’s record was 2-1, while the women’s team went undefeated while abroad over break.

which will mix things up a bit and keep us on our toes.” She continued, “Fall season is dedicated to getting to Nationals. And, there are a fair few of us graduating this year, so it’s time for everyone to step up their game in preparation for next season.”

Coach Brown summed up the season and roster. “This spring, we just have one month of games and we will do some development for next fall. This will mean that seniors who started will move position so we can get the underclassmen experience,” he explained. “For example, [senior] Margaret Kwateng will see some time in the backs with [sophomores] Anne Fritzson and Zoe Kurtz playing scrumhalf. [Senior] Karl Foley the men’s scrumhalf will move aside to let [junior] Jake Sheehy get a run there.”

The spring will also feature a couple games that are styled slightly differently, and that gameplay will be included in the 2016 Summer Olympics. Coach Brown is excited about this opportunity, and wrote, “In addition, we have two 7-a-side Tournaments for each team so we’ll have an opportunity to play this version of the game that will be included in the next summer Olympic Games.”

Recently, the American Collegiate Rugby Association (ACRA) named four of the women’s rugby players as having academic honors.

Juniors Margaret Slattery and Kathleen Gould were named to the first team and seniors Natalie Ward and Claire Oxford were named to the second team.

First team players must have a GPA of 3.7 or higher, while second team players must have a 3.5 or above, and both must teams require that the honoree achieve this for at least five semesters.

The spring break trip should serve both the men’s and women’s teams well as they prepare for their five game fall season back at Vassar.

The spring season will continue to be a period of growth and training for the team’s upcoming fall season.

The men’s rugby team will next compete on Saturday, April 5 vs. Union College at 2:30 p.m.

The women’s game will take place at 11 a.m. against Princeton University. Both games will take place at home on the Vassar Farm.

Men’s volleyball goes 3-2 in highly competitive tri-match Tina Caso

sports editor Men’s Lacrosse

Women’s Lacrosse

On March 28, the women’s lacrosse team earned its first Liberty League win of the season against Skidmore College. Senior co-captain Phoebe Tzannes scored three goals, one of which tied the game with ten minutes remaining in the second half. Freshman attack Julia Trudell scored the game-winning goal less than one minute later, putting the Brewers ahead. As the Thoroughbreds struggled to tie up the game into overtime, junior co-captain Jacqueline Palma, sophomore Isabelle Goldstein and freshman Brittany Botticelli managed to shut down the efforts. The final score was 7-6, and the Brewers had a total of 15 shots on goal compared to Skidmore’s nine. On March 29, the women were unable to pull off another win, falling short to national contender Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute. This was the team’s second Liberty League match of the season, putting them 1-1 in the league. The final score was 10-8, with goals

Football

On March 29, the Vassar football team competed against the UCLA Bruins in a tight match.

The longtime rivals met on Vassar turf for the last game of the season, in which the winner would continue on in the postseason. The Brewers had a promising start, earning a touchdown within the first five minutes of play. But soon afterwards, the UCLA defense kept Vassar from scoring while the Bruins made three touchdowns and two field goals before the first half of play was over. The halftime show was hosted by students who created a cheerleading routine to the entirety of Beyoncé’s latest album.

Thankfully for the Brewers, UCLA’s quarterback and tight end tore their ACL at the start of the second half, leaving their team able to earn only three more touchdowns and one field goal. Vassar answered back with two field goals of their own, and despite the ultimate loss, the team has had a historic season—earning more wins than any other year.

Men’s Tennis

The men’s tennis team traveled to Canton, NY on March 29 for a match vs. Liberty League opponent St. Lawrence University. Despite an early lead, the final score was 8-1 with St. Lawrence on top. The two doubles team of No.2 junior Christian Lyon and freshman Nick Litsky, and No. 3 sophomores Christian Phelps and Sha Huang gave the Brewers the 3-0 lead. Litsky also succeeded in No. 2 singles with a 6-1, 6-0 win over St. Lawrence junior John Megas. Phelps,

courtesy of Vassar College Athletics

For the first time in program history, the men’s lacrosse team defeated opponent Skidmore College, making the match its first Liberty League win of the season. The match took place on March 29 at Weinberg Field, and the final score was 10-5. Senior co-captain Max Herman, junior Sean Brazier, sophomore Colin Cederna and freshman Brandon DeStasio all had two goals for the Brewers. Junior Scott Brekne and sophomore Shane Flattery each had one, while senior co-captain and goalkeeper Andrew Nichol had ten saves. On March 31, the Liberty League named senior attack Herman to the Honor Roll. The men’s lacrosse team will next compete against Liberty League opponent St. Lawrence University in Canton, NY on April 5.

by seniors Tzannes and Malena Hareng. Goldstein and Trudell each had two goals, along with junior Dara Davis. On March 31, Palma was named to the Liberty League Honor Roll. The women’s lacrosse team will next travel to Bard College to compete on Saturday, April 5.

On March 29, the men’s volleyball team competed against Division I Sacred Heart University and won 3-2. Freshman Quinn Rutledge, above, had had six kills, three digs and three assisted rejections. sophomore Daniel Cooper and freshmen Juan Felipe Laso and Alexander Luckmann all succeeded in singles matches. On March 31, Cooper was named as a Liberty League Performer of the Week for his matches vs. St. Lawrence. The men’s tennis team will next compete against Liberty League opponents and #30 ranked Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute. The match will take place on Saturday, April 5 at 3 p.m. in Walker Field House.

Men’s Volleyball

On March 29, the men’s volleyball team hosted a tri-match against highly competitive

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schools, including DI Sacred Heart University and No. 1 ranked Springfield College. In its match vs. Springfield, the team ultimately fell 3-0 (25-18, 26-24, 25-22). Still, senior Joe Pyne had 13 kills, a team best. Sophomore Reno Kriz had nine kills, while junior Colin Fearn-Johnson had seven. The Brewers managed a win in their second match of the day against Sacred Heart, 3-2 (25-18, 20-25, 21-25, 25-23, 15-12). Kriz had 26 kills at a .400 rate, while Pyne had 14. Freshman rookie Quinn Rutledge had six kills, three digs, and three assisted rejections. Men’s volleyball will compete in non-conference play on Thursday, April 3 at 7 p.m., hosting New York University in Kenyon Hall.