Misc5.4.17 by The Miscellany News

The Miscellany News May 4, 2017

Since 1866 | miscellanynews.org

Vassar College Poughkeepsie, NY

Volume CXLIX | Issue 22

VSA debt raises tough questions about budget oversight Laurel Hennen Vigil News Editor

part of the cost of attendance at Vassar and make up the VSA budget. Much of this money is allocated for campus events and about 180 student organizations, commonly known as orgs. The VSA budgeted $917,000 for the 2016-17 school year, but because of a fundamental flaw in the way this budget was calculated, the actual revenue collected was much less than expected. This is due to the fact that there are two groups of students who don’t actually pay the student activities fee. The first group includes students who transfer, drop out or decide not to attend during the summer before their first year, whose money is refunded if they withdraw early enough. The second group is made up of students studying abroad who don’t pay this fee for the semester or year they are away See FINANCE on page 3

Michael Chung/The Miscellany News

hahid Naeem had a bad feeling. The third year political science major, who has served as the Vassar Student Association (VSA) 2016-17 Chair of Finance, had a gnawing suspicion all year that the VSA budget didn’t quite add up. “Something didn’t seem right to me,” he said. So a few weeks ago, Naeem sat down with VSA advisor and Associate Director of Campus Activities Michelle Ransom to run the numbers and try to figure out exactly what was going on. It turned out that his hunch was correct. Something was, indeed, very wrong: The VSA had a deficit of at least $150,000. “When I walked out of this meeting, I came to terms with the fact that none of these numbers [that had been both-

ering me] were mistakes,” Naeem recalled, adding, “I just felt really tired.” For her part, Ransom wasn’t shocked. “I’ve worked here for 24 years, so not much surprises me,” she said. The situation, which Naeem described as a “perfect storm,” required immediate action. On April 4, he announced that until further notice, all VSA Special Purpose Funds would be frozen. The exact reasons for the six-figure budget discrepancy are manifold and are still being worked out. The precise amount of debt is not yet known. What is known, however, is that one of the largest contributing factors to the deficit was the disparity between the amount of student activities fees the VSA expected to collect and the amount that actually came in. Student activities fees—which are currently $350 a year, per student—are

Members of the VSA Finance Committee discuss their 2017-18 budget. The VSA Senate voted to accept the significantly reduced budget on April 30.

Gender binary proves Devised piece envisions utopia toxic in everyday life “I Sasha Gopalakrishnan Assistant Arts Editor

Maddy Ouellette TBD

t’s Christmas, the only holiday when my mother’s family gets together–despite the fact that most of us aren’t even remotely Christian. My older sibling, my younger sister and I sit in my grandmother’s kitchen, enjoying her Southern hospitality in her home in upstate New York. It’s the first time

we’ve seen each other in months. “The girls are in the kitchen,” I hear my aunt tell her sister, and I exchange a weary look with my older sibling. I am once again reminded just how harmful holidays can be. For roughly 18 and a half years of my life I identified as a woman. When I was 16 or 17 my older sibling came out See GENDER on page 6

t used to be warm here before we had fun,” echoed the narrator, or rather time traveler, at the conclusion of “Victory Over the Sun,” a devised play directed by Hallie Ayres ’18, held from April 27 to 29 in the Mug. With tin foil covering one wall, a stack of clattering industrial paraphernalia blocking another and fairy lights casually hanging from the ceiling, the Mug had been transformed into a fu-

turistic dungeon. Complemented by lights that formed swirling geometric patterns on the stage and trance-like music with odd beats permeating the space, the set created a nebulously psychedelic experience. This Unbound production was an experimental show based on a 1913 Russian opera of the same name. Written just a few years prior to the Russian Revolution, the original piece illustrated a mounting dissent toward government regimes. The plot revolved

around Futurists who envisioned that the eradication of rationality would lead to the creation of a much-desired utopia. The sun was viewed as a symbol of logic and rationality that therefore needed to be destroyed. However, the futurists realized that, despite their success in this venture, they had failed to achieve a utopian state. This eventually lead to an intense sense of disillusionment. See PLAY on page 14

NYC festival fills niche in industry Men’s lacrosse off to conference playoffs T Patrick Tanella Arts Editor

Fiona MacLeod Reporter

Courtesy of Forest Woodward

he thought that there weren’t any major music festivals in New York City in the early 2000s may be quite surprising to festival-goers.. With millions of people located in the city and the tri-state area surrounding it, one would think that this is the perfect place to showcase the most popular artists of the day and those who are currently emerging onto the music scene. Yet rain delays and political issues prevented any tri-state festival from flourishing. The Governors Ball Music Festival filled this niche in 2011, debuting as a one-day music and arts festival that celebrates the diversity of genres and styles of music that are produced today. This year’s festival, now in its seventh year, will be held in Randall’s Island Park from June 2 to 4. Rock, electronic, hip-hop, indie, Americana, pop and folk are just a few of the styles of music featured each year at Gov Ball. Produced by Founders Entertainment, which also debuted The Meadows Music & Arts Festival last year, Gov Ball has been met with critical and social acclaim from concert-goers. In addition to the featured artists, food trucks, Silent Disco and a motley of activities provide a break for those who aren’t willing to try to get barricade for their favorite artist, which entails waiting in the front of the stage for hours before the performer comes on. Festival-goers who are over the See GOV BALL on page 15

From June 2-4, Randall’s Island will be packed with passionate music fans attending Governor’s Ball Music Festival, which is now in its seventh year.

Inside this issue

Wannabe Ahab & Deece patron tames white FEATURES waffle whale

Thespian calls for focus on intersectionality OPINIONS in Drama Dept.

ven before the initiation of conference games, the 10 seniors of the Vassar men’s lacrosse team knew that this was their year. Despite never reaching playoffs in all of program history, the Brewers felt confident that this year they would finally secure a spot in the Liberty League semifinals. On Saturday April 29, they accomplished this feat with soaring colors, defeating the Dutchmen of Union College, and putting an end to Union’s season. Due to their astonishing 20-10 victory, the Brewers have locked down the No. 3 seed in the upcoming playoffs. Before the match, the graduating seniors, who make up one of the largest classes in program history, were honored for leading the team to its highest level of success ever. Offensive forces to be reckoned with, senior captain Sam Houston-Read and fellow attacker Chris Billups have been consistent in Brewer’s scoring efforts. This season, Houston-Read has so far earned a team-best 44 points, while Billups leads the team in goals with 25. Captain Liam Moriarty has stepped up to lead the Brewer midfield alongside two-year captain Brandon DeStasio. Thus far in the season, Moriarty has racked up the team’s second highest number of points, 39. DeStasio ranks fifth on the team in both goals and

points with 17 and 22, respectively. However, most of the senior class is amassed on the defensive half of the field. Captain Matt Altman—alongside fellow defenders Gianni Gelormino, Austin Haymes, Brandon Klein, Steven Mages and Eric Prezioso—leads the underclassmen in protective efforts. Collectively, these solid players have racked up 126 ground balls and caused 72 turnovers this season. These experienced individuals have the ability to coach, adjust and inspire the underclassmen in an unprecendented manner. With a freshman class of 13, the seniors have been instrumental in molding them to the team dynamic and style of play. “All of the seniors have been coaches on and off the field this year,” first-year attacker Michael Mullen claimed. “They are more than willing to help others improve, and they have really helped me adapt to playing at the collegiate level.” The seniors have influenced more than just the freshman class, though. They have become the go-to men to hype up the team before intense competition, and have created an unbreakable bond between everyone on the team. “We aren’t just a team,” sophomore midfielder James Thomas vowed. “We are more than that; we play for each other every day. We are all in this ride together and that has truly bonded us as a whole. The See SEMI-FINALS on page 18

Director of Athletic Communications SPORTS raises expectations

The Miscellany News

Page 2

May 4, 2017

Editor-in-Chief

Charlotte Varcoe-Wolfson

The magic of bottle episodes: how ‘Background Check’ saved ‘New Girl’ Catrina Tellez Blogger

ery rarely does an episode from a mediocre TV show appear out of nowhere and change your life. Even more rarely is that episode a bottle episode. However, season 4 episode 6 of Fox’s New Girl aired years ago and completely changed everything I thought I knew about comedy. This episode, called Background Check, starts with Winston (Lamorne Morris) warning everyone in the loft that, in order to pass police academy, his supervisor is coming over to perform a routine background check on his living space and roommates. This immediately causes tension as Jess (Zooey Deschanel) reveals to the rest of the group sans Winston that she accidentally acquired a bag of meth that she keeps in her closet. From that point on, the gang becomes increasingly stressed, sweaty, and ridiculous throughout this episode while trying to hide this comically large bag of meth from Winston and his sergeant. Not only is this episode absolutely hilarious, it also serves as a turning point for the show as a whole. If you’ve had the same experience as me, you really liked New Girl when it first came out, but then slowly lost interest after a few seasons. I was certain New Girl was on its way down, but Background Check and its later seasons brought it back. This episode reminded me why I liked this show in the first place: the characters. With an episode so reliant on its characters, especially in a high-stakes situation, it really should have been no surprise that New Girl pulled through and made Background Check so remarkable. Bottle episodes can be described as episodes with only one or two sets for the characters to interact in. They’re often considered cheap tactics TV shows use to save money leading up to a big and expensive episode. They’re usually inexpensive to make, especially if the set for

The Miscellany News 4

May

the episode has already been built, like the loft in New Girl. However, because there aren’t any bells, whistles, or outside influences, the episode relies entirely on the writers and actors. Often writers will resort to an episode that is entirely flashbacks of the characters reminiscing on funny moments in past episodes. However, when a bottle episode is done right, it can be one of the best episodes of the entire show. One of the most obvious examples of a good bottle episode is season 2 episode 8 of Community, Cooperative Calligraphy. In this episode, a lost pen causes the study group to trap themselves in the library and unleash all the judgements and negative energy they’ve been holding back on each other. This bottle episode is not only an obvious example because it involves strong emotions between the characters and takes place in a tiny room, but the media obsessed character, Abed, calls out the episode for what it is and even criticizes the trope by saying “I hate bottle episodes. They’re wall-towall facial expressions and emotional nuance. I might as well sit in the corner with a bucket on my head.” While Abed may hate them, bottle episodes have the potential to be amazing if the writers can pull them off. The elements that make Background Check into a great episode, and that helped turn New Girl into a better show, include a mix of writing, acting, and even costumes. The dialogue is honestly gold. One of my favorite parts about the dialogue is the rambling done by all the characters at the same time. The first few times I watched Background Check, I would always notice a new joke someone mumbled that I hadn’t heard before. One of the best scenes in the episode is when the Sergeant performing the background check is alone with Nick, who confesses anything and everything that comes to mind that isn’t the meth that Jess, Cece, and Schmidt are trying to flush down the toilet just across the hall. This is one of those scenes you need to

May

Late Night at the Loeb

Friday

Track & Field (M/W) Matthew Vassar Twilight

5:00pm | The Loeb Atrium | The Loeb

3:00pm | Prentiss Outdoor Track | Athletics

Chamber Music Recital

8:00pm | Skinner Recital Hall | Music Dept.

see yourself to fully appreciate, and I don’t want to give any of the confessions away before Jake Johnson has the chance to, but that scene alone is worth watching the whole episode. Another element of this episode that I didn’t fully appreciate until I watched it again in preparation for this review was how the more subtle elements improved the comedy. While bottle episodes almost always rely completely on dialogue, the makeup and costumes played a very important part. Jess starts the episode looking normal and put together, but her appearance slowly transforms into a strung out drug addict’s when her stress makes her believe that the meth transferred into her body through her skin. Nick undergoes a similar transformation when the act of keeping a secret makes him sweat so much Schmidt makes him put on his dreaded kimono. Background Check is not only the greatest bottle episode, it also was a pivotal point for the show. New Girl started out really strong with a large fanbase, but slowly fell into oblivion with every passing season. This happens to most shows, and I was beginning to think that New Girl had peaked and was about to run for a little too long, like so many other shows do. But Background Check completely turned it around. The season 6 finale aired on Tuesday and it highlighted just how much the show had improved in the seasons leading up to it. If you ever enjoyed New Girl, but have since given up on it, I strongly suggest you give it one more chance on Netflix. If anything, watch season 4 episode 6, and if that doesn’t motivate you to watch the rest, at least Landslide by Fleetwood Mac will be ruined for you forever.

To read more posts on Vassar life and culture, check out maincircle.miscellanynews.org!

May

Saturday

Founder’s Day

12:00pm | Ballentine Field | Traditions Committee

Tie-Dye Night!

Field Hockey (W) vs. Alumnae

HYPE Showcase

Soccer (W) vs. Alumnae

Vassar College Orchestra

Rugby (W) vs. Alumnae

May

Contributing Editors Sarah Dolan Anika Lanser

News Laurel Hennen Vigil Humor and Satire Leah Cates Yesenia Garcia Arts Matt Stein Patrick Tanella Sports Olivia O’Loughlin Design Yoav Yaron Kelsey Quinn Online Tanya Kotru Gode Copy Sumiko Neary Assistant Features Laila Volpe Assistant Arts Sasha Gopalakrishnan Assistant Copy Claire Baker Assistant Social Media Hannah Nice Assistant Photo Michael Chung Web Master & Technical Advisor George Witteman Reporters Fiona MacLeod Dylan Smith Kaitlin Prado Andrea Yang Columnists Jimmy Christon Jesser Horowitz Steven Park Sylvan Perlmutter Drew Solender Design Scarlett Neuberger Maya Sterling Copy Adele Birkenes James Bonanno Gabriela Calderon Jillian Frechette Jessica Roden

Sunday

Paper Critique

9:00pm | Rose Parlor | The Miscellany News

10:00am | Prentiss Weinberg Turf Field | Athletics 10:00am | Prentiss Gordon Field | Athletics Courtesy of Wikimedia

Courtesy of Public Domain Pictures

Need an outfit for Founder’s Day? Big Night In will be hosting a TieDye night on the Library Lawn!

Nick Barone Noah Purdy

Weekender_ 5

Thursday

Senior Editor

11:00am | Rugby Field | Athletics

Soccer (M) vs. Alumni

12:00pm | Prentiss Gordon Field | Athletics

Rugby (M) vs. Alumni

12:30pm | Rugby Field | Athletics

Pictured above are five Vassar students on Founder’s Day in 1935. Customs certainly have changed!

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

CORRECTION POLICY The Miscellany News will only accept corrections for any misquotes, misrepresentations or factual errors for an article within the semester it is printed. The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pages. The weekly staff editorial is the only article which reflects the opinion of the Editorial Board.

May 4, 2017

NEWS

Page 3

VSA Chair of Finance discovers significant budget deficit DEBT continued from page 1

Laurel Hennen Vigil/The Miscellany News

from the Vassar campus. Unfortunately, for several years now, the VSA has failed to take these factors into account when it creates its budget for the following year, according to Naeem. As a result, the VSA collected only $834,000 in student activities fees this year—$83,000 less than it had budgeted for. What’s more, the way that org budgets are allocated doesn’t match up with the way student activities fees are actually collected—namely, that students pay by semester, not by school year. So when the VSA convenes at the beginning of the fall semester, it has only half of the money it needs for the full year. “If you start day one with an account that’s at negative $500,000 [due to paying out the entire annual budget before the spring semester fees come in], and that’s standard practice, what do you think your conception of debt is? You don’t have a conception of debt,” Naeem remarked. Additionally, according to Naeem, there’s no precedent for breaking down the org budgets by semester. That’s because many of them spend vastly different amounts at different times of the year, particularly if they’re hosting a major event during one semester but not the other. “The spending’s not symmetrical [from one semester to the next],” Naeem explained. In the current system, annual org budgets are set in May, and the VSA pays out those funds at the beginning of the next school year, even though it doesn’t actually have all of that money yet. This would be less of an issue if the overall VSA budget took into account the students who don’t end up paying the student activities fee. Then the money spent prematurely in the fall would be reimbursed by the fees paid for the spring semester, and the annual budget would balance out. Because the VSA has historically overlooked the non-payers of the activities fee, if it gives out an average of $900,000 at the start of each year but only collects $410,000 in fees each semester, it will have an $80,000 deficit by the spring semester. And that deficit will then roll over to the following year. If the same mistake is made again, that $80,000 deficit grows into a $160,000 deficit, and so on. Another huge problem is this: Each year, the main VSA budget, internal VSA accounts and org budgets aren’t closed out. Instead, both surplus and debt roll over, year after year. This has allowed many orgs to unknowingly accumulate debt that grows with each passing year. “No matter what’s in your account, you [can continue spending] money,” said Naeem. This means that, similar to using a credit card, orgs can disperse funds they don’t actually have because the accounts don’t shut down when they hit a zero balance. So the orgs go further and further into the red. And every year, that debt rolls over, leaving them saddled with deficits incurred by club officers who may have graduated years ago. “This is the first year that every account was brought back to zero,” said Naeem. “It turned out that the [accumulated] debt was enough to outweigh any surplus that was left in the accounts.” The people running these accounts often had no idea they were even in debt, according to Naeem. Everyone across the board was told by the VSA and older org members that accounts that appeared to be in the red must be a mistake because they were still able to spend money from them. To complicate matters even more, much of the time when org budgets were in a deficit, VSA Finance would pay for and consolidate that debt in several internal VSA accounts. With a new Chair of Finance elected every year, the same miscalculations that caused the shortfalls continued. Equally worrisome, the accumulating debt in these accounts was not taken seriously. “Every year, somebody comes into this position, looks at these accounts and is told [by other VSA members], ‘Yeah, that’s got to be an error,’” Naeem commented. “That’s what I was told.” Aside from the VSA’s frequently disregarded internal accounts and a few org accounts that were significantly overdrawn, many of the individual debts weren’t very sizable. It was only when Naeem went back through the records and did all the calculations that the true scope of the problem became apparent. “If you just leave everybody a little bit in debt, [it’s easy to assume] it must be an error. That’s how you have this debt slip by, when you divide it up 180 times

Like tuition and total cost, the student activities fees that make up the VSA budget have steadily increased over the years, saddling the Chair of Finance with more and more responsibility. The fees have been multiplied by 100 here to put them on the same scale as the other costs. [among all the orgs],” he explained. “It’s only once you put it [all] in one place that it suddenly becomes an issue.” In an effort to rectify the problem and balance the budget, Naeem expects the VSA’s Special Purpose Funds to remain frozen until at least the end of this school year. These funds encompass the Collaboration Fund (which pays for events co-sponsored by dissimilar organizations), the Community Fund (for outreach and engagement with the Town and City of Poughkeepsie), the Conference Fund (to send students to off-campus events), the Speaker Fund (which pays for speakers, performers and panelists) and the Discretionary Fund (for miscellaneous funding requests). Though the Capital Fund (for nondisposable goods like baking sheets for cookie-making parties or microphones for performers) falls under the umbrella of Special Purpose Funds, it was not frozen because it had already been endowed. Similarly, since org budgets were all allocated months ago, they too remain unfrozen. Outgoing VSA President Calvin Lamothe ’17 commented that despite org budgets not being frozen, the Special Purpose Fund freeze allowed other issues with org finances to come to light. “At least one org signed a contract to bring [in] outside performers, working on the assumption that they could later apply for Special Purpose Funds to pay these performers,” he said. “This is not only against Finance policy, but also exhibits where the VSA and Campus Activities can better work together to fix these cracks in the process.” Despite some bumps in the road, Naeem believes that the money from the Special Purpose Funds will be enough to fill the gaps in this year’s budget and put an end to continued debt accumulation. If it doesn’t, however, the remaining money will have to come out of the 2017-18 VSA budget. Next year, all campus orgs, regardless of whether they are in the red, are facing an average 14.5 percent budget cut, and the total budget, which was approved by the VSA Senate on April 30, will be much lower, at $734,000. Incoming VSA President Miranda Amey ’19 commented, “We just passed a budget that will take care of [this problem]. The holes in the budget are gone. Everybody took a cut, which is unfortunate. But most orgs never max out their budget, so it shouldn’t have a huge impact on students, and there are still discretionary funds that people can apply for next year.” Naeem is endeavoring to give his VSA Finance Chair successor, Robyn Lin ’18, a better hand than the one he was dealt when he took the position. “If she gets a blank slate, [Lin]’s going to be in a really good position to make sure this never happens again,” he said. But even if Lin isn’t burdened with the debts of previous years, she’s still facing a daunting task. Chair of Finance is an extraordinarily taxing role for a student to take on. While 2012-13 Vice President for Finance (the former position title) Alex Koren ’13 maintained that he received “substantial training,” more recently Chairs of Finance have received no special training from the College and are tasked with managing an annual budget of almost $1 million. Though the VSA has a Finance Committee that reviews

funding applications and determines the yearly budget, many of the committee members hold other positions in the VSA. This year, Naeem is ultimately the only one responsible for running VSA Finance and doing all the day-to-day work that the position necessitates. It’s a full-time job—one that regularly requires him to put in 40- to 50-hour weeks, on top of attending classes and completing his schoolwork. Unlike all other VSA positions, which start in August and end in May, the Chair of Finance job lasts a full calendar year, beginning on July 1 and ending June 30 of the following year. The student holding the job isn’t required to stay on campus all summer, but they do have to work remotely, often on top of holding down a summer job or internship. And though it’s a paid workstudy position, Naeem had to put in so many hours that he had maxed out his work-study allotment by November. Associate Professor of Economics Sarah Pearlman, who teaches courses on Finance and Banking, opined that saddling an undergrad with such a monumental responsibility is likely unwise, for both the College and the student. “This sounds like an unsustainable model, given what has happened. It’s a lot for one student, even one with financial experience, to do this by themselves,” she said. “It could be quite stressful. It would be unfortunate if what comes out of this is that student, and a lot of other students on the VSA, thinking, ‘This is a horrible thing to do, I never want to deal with budgets again.’” Ransom agreed, saying, “I think it’s a good experience for students, but that good experience does come with a cost. It comes with a cost to their time, and sometimes to their well-being.” Interim President Jonathan Chenette added, “I can’t imagine being a college student tasked with [managing almost] a million dollars.” No one interviewed for this article seemed to know why or how long VSA Finance has been this way, but Associate Dean of the College Edward Pittman ’82 said that he remembers it being the same when he came back to work at Vassar in 1990. Ransom also recalls just one student being in charge of VSA accounting during the 24 years she’s been here. Compared to our peer institutions, Vassar’s VSA Chair of Finance position appears to be one of the most demanding of its kind. Many of the student treasurers and vice presidents of finance at the 11 highly-selective liberal arts colleges The Miscellany News reached out to for this article (Barnard, Bryn Mawr, Colby, Colgate, Hamilton, Middlebury, Mount Holyoke, Oberlin, Williams, Wellesley and Wesleyan) have similar responsibilities. But most commented that they have some oversight and training from their school, that they spend a fraction of the time that Naeem does on this job or that they’re managing only about half as much money. “I have a lot less responsibility than Vassar’s Chair of Finance,” said Oberlin Student Senate Treasurer Duncan Reid via email, after being briefed on the situation. The VSA didn’t always control such a large sum of money. Ten or 15 years ago, the annual VSA budget was more on par with our peer colleges: about $500,000. Before that, it was even less. But each year, the student activities fees

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

that make up the VSA budget have steadily increased, paralleling the rises in Vassar’s tuition and total cost of attendance. In the 12 years since the 2004-05 school year, when the fee was $230 per student, the amount has increased 52 percent, expanding the VSA budget by hundreds of thousands of dollars, even when adjusted for inflation. Though this does allow for better-funded orgs and more student-run events, most of those involved agree that it makes managing the VSA’s money a much more difficult job, and no changes have been made to the Chair of Finance position to reflect that fact. The Vassar administration, in large part, recognizes that the College needs to provide more support. This is the first year that the VSA has had an official advisor, and Ransom would also like to see the school hire a part-time, professional bookkeeper to help with overseeing the VSA’s budget. Chenette and Dean of the College Chris Roellke agree. “We do believe the VSA could benefit from some bookkeeping and auditing assistance,” Roellke commented. “Most nonprofit organizations, even those with budgets less extensive, routinely deploy external bookkeepers and auditors as a risk management strategy.” For his part, Naeem asserted that hiring help has been brought up before and that nothing’s ever come of it. Nor does he expect anything to come of it now. “It’s a good idea, but it’s not one that has any traction,” he said. “It’s definitely not going to happen next year, because there’s no team that’s been assembled to do it.” Lin agreed that she doesn’t foresee this happening. She added, “I’m not quite sure how much it would even alleviate from the job, because bookkeeping is just a small part of it, and it could be difficult if the bookkeeper doesn’t have context for what’s happening.” Additionally, there’s some uncertainty about whose decision it would ultimately be to bring in outside assistance. VSA Chair of Academics JD Nichols ’17 stated, “Even if some VSA task force emerged to push for that, I don’t think the College would go for it.” Chenette commented, “I think that would be a good idea, but it’s up to the students to decide whether that’s a direction they want to go in.” Koren, however, disagreed that increased administrative oversight is the solution, saying, “Would more transparency and checks and balances be a good thing? Sure. But I’d argue they come from within the student body, not as a separate administrative position. Let [this situation] be a learning opportunity for the VSA, not a justification for a permanent negative change.” Another possible fix that has been suggested is restructuring VSA Finance. The VSA has reorganized several positions over the past few years, but Naeem had to table Finance’s restructuring indefinitely once the debt came to light, since he didn’t have time to address both. Lin, however, is committed to seeing it through. “I hope [the restructuring of Finance] will end under me,” she said. Lin added that she would like to separate Chair of Finance into two positions: one responsible for working with administrators and taking care of paperwork, and one who would manage the Finance Committee and work with org treasurers. Lamothe echoed Lin’s view, saying, “I do not think it is a good idea to have just one Chair of Finance.” Amey commented that though the specifics of restructuring need to be discussed further, she does believe that changes—possibly including the addition of a co-chair—need to be made to VSA Finance. Students maintaining control over their own government and resources is a great source of pride at Vassar and most of those involved said that this is not something they want to see disappear. Pittman noted, “I think [the setup of VSA Finance] evolved from the history of student autonomy, which is an important feature of student government at Vassar, and an important part of Vassar culture.” But while neither students nor administrators want to see the College seize control of the VSA budget, the involved parties all agree that the current situation is untenable. As time goes on, the student activities fee will continue to increase (it will be $360 next year), and overseeing this budget will become more and more unmanageable for just one student. “It’s pretty clear that something needs to change,” Naeem concluded.

NEWS

Page 4

May 4, 2017

Journalist Gessen examines the first 100 days of Trump Steven Huynh Guest Reporter

Trump’s opponents place their hopes on a treason scandal that would result in his impeachment and eventual removal. Gessen advised against this sort of thinking, cautioning, “What we imagine every time we engage in conspiracy thinking is something neat and simple that solves all of our problems—problems of the imagination and also problems of our life” (WBUR, “Author Masha Gessen Warns Against Falling Into Russia-Trump ‘Conspiracy Trap,’” 04.06.2017). The focus on this conspiracy, Gessen cautions, detracts from the more serious problems underlying America—the ones that caused so many citizens to vote for Trump. Problems with the economic climate, frustration with two-party politics and anger at deceitful politicians long preceded Trump. In this election, they all congregated in Trump’s victory as supporters found themselves drawn to his simple rhetoric and straightforward viewpoints on immigration, crime and the right to bear arms. Despite promises of creating more jobs and lowering crime rates, the

first 100 days have largely come up empty. The first 100 days may be over, but there are still over three years left of the Trump administration. Many students in attendance were fearful about the future and the best way to address new problems that would arise. In the age of Trump, the forms and tools of activism may grow and change. Nonetheless, Gessen stressed the importance of personal values, of drawing a line between what you are willing to compromise and what you will never surrender. Taylor Lodise ’19 agreed, saying, “People have been left feeling offended and violated on many different levels, and I think these marches and demonstrations are important in order for people to be able to express that. [This] has brought the reality upon us that there is certainly a need for [activism], and that we do seem to be losing much of the progress our country has made the last several years.” As the U.S. political climate grows more tense, this line will become increasingly integral to our lives.

Michael Chung/The Miscellany News

t a lecture this past Friday, well-known journalist Masha Gessen caught her audience by surprise when she compared the current president to Vladimir Putin, who has historically served as a foil to the United States. The Vassar English Department, along with the Political Science Department and International Studies Program, co-sponsored Gessen’s lecture on President Donald Trump’s first 100 days. However, the lecture was not exclusive to these departments, as many Philosophy, Mathematics and Economics majors attended the event this past Friday, concerned about America’s current political climate. Gessen primarily spoke about the backtracking of the Trump administration—cutting funding for environmental regulation, isolationist international policies and increased scrutiny of marginalized groups. Though the biggest shock came from her comparison of Trump to Putin, in his lack of political aptitude and poor strategic planning. Unfortunately, she said, while Putin navigates political waters to achieve his goals, Trump blatantly ignores political protocol, and his unpredictable actions may have cost America its political standing in the international sphere. Scattered throughout the audience, aspiring journalists hoped to learn about Gessen’s career and lifestyle as a writer on the cutting edge of politics. She has covered topics varying from homophobia in Russian society to the Pussy Riot demonstration. Her most acclaimed novel, however, is “The Man Without a Face: The Unlikely Rise of Vladimir Putin,” which details Putin’s rise to power despite the overwhelming odds against him. As the current vice-president of PEN America, Gessen’s political expertise stems from her constant criticism of Putin, which culminated in her most recent novel, “The Future is History: How Totalitarianism Reclaimed Russia.” She has become well known for openly exposing the oppressive nature of Putin’s regime without fear of social and physical backlash. Tyler Lopez ’20 was impressed by her career, stating, “I think Gessen’s

past works reveal her strong passion for journalism and dedication to protecting the freedom of speech. She has a lot of experience in dealing with public manipulation, which is extremely relevant.” In the lecture, Gessen addressed the disastrous policies Trump has attempted to instate. The massive pushback against the Muslim ban, the fallout with his healthcare bill and the protests against his Cabinet nominations have led to the lowest presidential approval rating in history, standing at just 41 percent (New York Times, “Donald Trump’s First 100 Days: The Worst on Record,” 04.26.2017). She explained that while Trump may be strident about his plans for reducing illegal immigration or improving the economic climate, he lacks the strategic planning to execute his plans. As such, they devolve into poorly designed regulations, which are either blocked by Congress or repealed by courts for their unconstitutionality. She noted of the similarity between Putin and Trump: “They have interests...[but] they don’t have priorities. They don’t have policies that they proposed. They’re really basically bored with the business of governing” (Slate, “Donald and Vlad: Compare and Contrast,” 02.27.2017). However, both leaders diverge when it comes to communication: Trump extensively utilizes Twitter to announce his plans or respond to his opponents, whereas Putin is more discreet when it comes to his personal goals. His discretion ultimately allowed him to take over one of the largest media conglomerates in Russia and propose a set of motions to dismantle the federal electoral system. Some Americans are concerned that Trump’s policies will similarly encroach on American civil liberties. For example, Trump signed a bill in April repealing privacy regulations—ones that prevented broadband companies from selling user information (NPR, “As Congress Repeals Internet Privacy Rules, Putting Your Options In Perspective,” 03.28.2017). Notably, Gessen warned the audience about the Russia-Trump conspiracy theories. Despite several investigations into Russian interference in the U.S. election, no valid evidence has been found to actually convict the president. Nevertheless, many of

Author and journalist Masha Gessan, pictured here with Professor of English Amitava Kumar, visited Vassar on April 28 to deliver a lecture about President Trump’s first 100 days in office.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

May 4, 2017

NEWS

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Updates from the VSA The Second VSA Senate is Now In Office!

VSA Friday Movie Night: This Week’s Screening is “LEGO Batman”!

As of May 1, the members of the 2017-18 VSA Senate have officially begun their terms! Congratulations to all of the new and returning Senate members. There will be one final VSA Senate meeting this academic year: this coming Sunday at 7 p.m. in New England 105.

The VSA and the Campus Activities Office have revived the Friday Night Movie Series that took place long ago in Blodgett Auditorium every week! This week (Friday, May 5), the movie will be “LEGO Batman,” screening at 8 p.m. in Blodgett Auditorium. We are back to our normal location in Blodgett Auditorium. Refreshments will also be provided thanks to our new popcorn machine!

The 2017-18 VSA Budget and Special Purpose Funds

VSA Special Purpose Funds are frozen through the end of the year. Reimbursements must be submitted by May 16, and P-cards will be deactivated after May 16 if orgs do not contact Robyn Lin ’18, the 2017-18 Chair of Finance.

Changes to College Mission Statement Recently, a committee composed of Trustees, administrators, faculty and students proposed minor changes to the College’s Mission Statement that would emphasize the College’s commitment to upholding diversity and inclusion. The major addition to the statement is a sentence that reads as follows: “Founded in 1861 to provide women an education equal to that once available only to men, Vassar continues to pursue diversity, inclusion, and equity as essential components of a rich intellectual and cultural environment in which all members, including those from underrepresented and disadvantaged groups, are valued and empowered to thrive.” Upon receiving the VSA’s feedback, the committee requested that the VSA propose alternative language for the statement. Instead, the VSA Senate endorsed a statement that declined to provide alternative language to the statement. Read the VSA’s statement below: “The 1st Senate of the Vassar Student Association declines to offer alternative word-

It has been a pleasure getting to know so many of you in my capacity as VSA President this year, whether through meetings, various events, or just emailing back and forth. I hope you feel I have served you well. I hope that all of you have a fantastic rest of your semester, a wonderful summer, and a great rest of your Vassar career if there are still years ahead of you! All my best, Calvin -Calvin Lamothe ’17, Outgoing VSA President

Farewell! I’ve said it various times recently in emails and speeches, but I want to thank every single Vassar student for the honor and the privilege of serving as your VSA President. This year, the VSA navigated a brand new structure, crafted an admirable set of guiding principles, continued and re-implemented many of the VSA’s most important and student-focused initiatives and set the stage for future activism and accessibility in student government. I have complete faith in next year’s Senate to fight for equity and justice while representing the entire student body with great pride.

Courtesy of Wikimedia

On Sunday, April 30, the 2016-17 VSA Senate passed the FY2018 VSA Budget. The budget contained cuts across the board due to the VSA’s budget crisis. On the bright side, the cuts that were made, in addition to the Special Purpose Funds freeze, will eliminate the debt that had accumulated from the past many years. The budget also takes into account revenue losses that the VSA suffers yearly as students withdraw from the College or go abroad. A large thank you to the Annual Budgeting Committee who worked tirelessly on crafting the best budget they could given the circumstances. Thank you also to all of the orgs who were patient and understanding throughout this process. You can find the full budget in PDF form in an email sent out by the VSA President on Tuesday, May 2, with the subject line “FY2018 VSA Budget.”

ing for the Proposed Mission Statement. The pursuit of justice is essential, but that pursuit must be undertaken with an acute awareness of the unjust state of the present and the past. If the Mission Statement cannot acknowledge that Vassar is not and has not been a place that pursues diversity, inclusion, and equity, then the VSA Senate does not believe that it is productive to propose changes in wording. As proposed, the Mission Statement assumes that Vassar has been (or at least has attempted to be) a justice-oriented institution for the marginalized ever since its founding. It is true that Vassar was founded as a women’s institution, but it was founded as an institution for white, upper-class women. Obscuring this fact erases the institutional struggles of the very ‘underrepresented and disadvantaged groups’ whom this statement purports to support. The College has not ‘pursue[d] diversity, inclusion, and equity’ ever since its foundation, and the 1st VSA Senate, recognizing that any language which does not maintain that illusion would be rejected, declines to propose or endorse Mission Statement language saying that it has.”

The VSA and Campus Activities Office are back hosting the Friday Night Movie Series! This week, on May 5, they will be screening “LEGO Batman” at 8 p.m. in the Blodgett Auditorium, refreshments provided.

Vassar Animal Rights Coalition strives to stop deer cull Dylan Smith Reporter

Courtesy of Wikipedia

n Thursday, April 9, student activists affiliated with the Vassar Animal Rights Coalition (VARC) met in the Jade Parlor to discuss the deer culls that have been conducted by the Vassar administration in recent years. The meeting was led by VARC co-president and publicity manager Brooke Thomas ’17 and founder of the local Save Our Deer activist group Marcy Schwartz. “The main goal of the meeting,” Thomas said, “was to figure out how to tell people about the issue.” Thomas, who will be graduating this month, is also concerned with bridging the gap between concerned alumni, many of whom have moved away from the Hudson Valley, and current Vassar students. “That will be me, next year,” she said. She hopes to continue to be involved in resisting the deer culls and spreading the word despite her plans to move across the country after graduation. Vassar first decided to conduct a deer cull in 2010. Subsequent culls occurred in 2013, 2015, 2016 and 2017. In each instance, deer are baited to the 527-acre Vassar Farm and Ecological Preserve (VFEP), where a team of sharpshooters await to kill the deer. Opponents of the cull consider this an unnecessarily violent option and point to several alternatives, such as immune-contraceptive or trap-and-release neutering projects. According to the Vassar Farm and Ecological Preserve website, “The college has seen that overabundant deer prevent the establishment of young trees and reduce plant diversity in the forests of the VFEP.” The website cites threats to biodiversity caused by deer overpopulation as the main reason for the culls. “The overpopulation is dramatically altering the entire forest structure of the VFEP,” according to their website, which estimates that there are 26 deer per square mile on the preserve, greater than their stated optimal range of a density between 10 and 20 per square mile. The VFEP provides no source for this optimal density (Vassar Farm and Ecological Preserve, “Answers to Common Questions about the Deer Management Program

for the Vassar Farm and Ecological Preserve”). Opponents of the cull also emphasize the apparent lack of science behind Vassar’s efforts to kill large numbers of deer on Vassar Farm. “We’re not anti-science,” Thomas said. “Vassar as an institution has an obligation to explore experimental and alternative science to deal with the problem.” Thomas commented that there are several locations where alternative methods of population control have been employed. The Parks Department of Staten Island, for instance, recently unveiled a plan to sterilize male deer to reduce the population. According to a May 2016 SI Live article, “The city ultimately decided to only use lethal methods as a last resort because of pushback during public outreach. Non-lethal controls might also be more feasible ... The city will also install fences, guards and plantings to protect wildlife from hungry and destructive deer” (SILive.com, “Sterilize Staten Island’s male deer: City unveils plan to cut the herd,” 05.12.2016). Thomas and her associates wonder why more humane methods aren’t being considered at Vassar. They also pose questions regarding the legality of the cull. In 2012, Schwartz, along with then-Vassar student Rocky Schwartz ’15, filed a lawsuit against Vassar College for violating the State Environmental Quality Review Act, which would require Vassar to prepare an environmental impact statement and submit it for approval to the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation. The plaintiffs also argued that the cull violated local gunfire ordinances, which prohibit the discharge of firearms in the City of Poughkeepsie, where part of the VFEP lies. The case, however, was dismissed by the New York Supreme Court in 2012. The court’s decision cites evidence that the Department of Environmental Conservation issued a nuisance deer permit to Vassar College, which authorizes the taking of up to 62 deer. The decision was upheld in the appellate court. The cull’s opponents, however, feel the decision holds Vassar above the law. They believe that if Vassar was an ordinary private property

Members of the Vassar Animal Rights Coalition (VARC) held a community meeting to discuss Vassar’s annual deer cull on April 28. VARC strongly advocates for the cull to stop. owner, rather than one with significant economic and political influence, the culls would not be allowed to happen. In a January 2015 USA Today article regarding the Court’s decision, Schultz is quoted as saying, “The city’s and town’s efforts to allow Vassar College to violate local law is all the more offensive, considering that the specific ordinances at issue are specifically intended to protect the safety and health of the public.” (USA Today, “Judge clears way for Vassar deer cull,” 01.23.2015). Schwartz, along with Kaden Maguire ’16, penned an opinion piece in The Miscellany News around the same time. Titled “Town officials bend to college’s interests with deer cull,” the article references a decision made by the New York Supreme Court to prohibit Binghamton University from culling deer on their property in 2012. Despite receiving a Department of Environmental Conservation Permit, the Court required the University to prepare an environ-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

mental impact statement in compliance with the State Environmental Quality Review Act. “Both the Town and City of Poughkeepsie have catered to Vassar’s supposed needs, at the expense of public health and safety,” wrote Maguire and Schwartz in their 2015 opinion piece. “It should come as no surprise that Vassar College is privileged within and by Poughkeepsie ... Vassar has chosen to actively ignore the voices of Poughkeepsie residents who do not want rifles in their neighborhood and has influenced the local police, such that they are not only failing to enforce their own laws but actually dispensing staff to aid in Vassar’s killings.” They continued, “As members of the Vassar community, we must challenge the too-powerful role our school has assumed and find non-violent alternatives to killing” (The Miscellany News, “Both the Town and City of Poughkeepsie have catered to Vassar’s supposed needs, at the expense of public health and safety,” 01.28.2015). Thomas echoed these sentiments. “It’s important to question authority,” she said. “We should be trying to figure out if those with authority are doing the right thing.” While ethically opposed to the cull, Thomas also is concerned that conducting the culls isn’t what’s best for Vassar. Seeing them as potentially dangerous and unnecessarily costly, Thomas worries that the administration is standing behind their decision to cull deer for the wrong reasons. “It seems like they don’t want to admit they were wrong,” she said. “That’s also why they’re not letting any dissent seem like a big deal.” Thomas and other activists are hopeful that they will make progress in light of the inauguration of Vassar’s incoming president, Elizabeth Bradley. Relations between Save Our Deer and the Vassar administration haven’t been so great in the past, but members of VARC hope to remedy the situation. The activists see Bradley’s presidency as an opportunity to get the administration to see the culls in a new light. “There needs to be some sort of transition,” Thomas said, adding that if activists can work with the new administration, their goal of stopping the killings would certainly be a lot easier.

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May 4, 2017

Longboarding as alternative transportation around Vassar Jacob Dompier Guest Columnist

Courtesy of Christopher via Flickr

t’s Monday morning, and you’re walking to class. You haven’t had breakfast yet, and you’re probably going to be a couple of minutes late. That’s when you hear it: a clacking noise slowly getting louder and louder. Just as you’re about to glance back to find the source of the noise, you freeze as someone flies past you on what looks like a skateboard. It’s someone from your class who, just like you, had a slow start to their day. The difference is, they’re probably not going to be late. Longboards are a popular mode of transportation throughout colleges across America. Like skateboards, they are a board attached to four wheels that are propelled by the force of the rider kicking off from the ground. However, that’s where the similarities end. As the name implies, longboards, typically longer than traditional skateboards, utilize larger and softer wheels to help increase the stability and smoothness of the ride. These features are why longboards are typical chosen over skateboards by those wishing to traverse long distances or travel downhill. Unlike skateboards, longboards are not typically designed with tricks in mind, although I have seen some people get creative with their boards. High-speed riders often perform what they refer to as “slides,” a maneuver in which someone riding downhill reaches for the pavement with one hand, forcing their board to make a sharp turn. Sliding is often used to slow down one’s board or make sharp turns while maintaining a high speed. However, Vassar’s campus is lacking in hills, making it difficult for maneuvers like these. Most Vassar students use their longboards as a means of fast transportation between classes. To demonstrate how much time riding a longboard can save, I timed how long it took to ride from one side of campus from the other. Starting from the Deece, I went to Sanders Classroom, a trip which took two minutes and 45 seconds, before passing

the Bridge Building and arriving at Jewett, which only took me two minutes and 38 seconds. However, I should note that the sidewalks were quite empty during this trial run. This factor makes a huge difference to anyone attempting to longboard across campus sidewalks. Seeking another point of view on the subject, I sought out a friend and fellow boarder, Jeremy Middleman ’18. Jeremy and I sat down for a chat between classes to talk about his experiences with longboarding. I immediately knew something was up when I noticed that he wasn’t carrying his board with him. I have known Jeremy for years now, and he characteristically carries it wherever he goes. He explained to me how he was riding his board to class one day when he felt it shaking. Not wanting to fall, he dismounted from his board only to watch one of its wheels fall off right in front of him. He stated that his board had simply given out after years of hard use. Having yet to reattach the wheels to his board at the time of our talk, Jeremy was still having trouble adjusting to a longer commute. “I rode my board everywhere. Even the short distance between Jewett and the Deece,” he commented. Jeremy’s first foray into boarding was right before his freshman year when he took up longboarding to shorten his commute around campus. “Why not a bike? It’s faster and some would even say safer?” skeptics might ask. Jeremy explained that he prefers longboarding due to the fact that he does not have to lock his board up every time he dismounts. He also explained how he remains safe while longboarding at speeds that allow him to safely jump off the board and land on his feet. He also tries to stay away from hills. Following such a strategy, he has never crashed into anyone, although he has received some injuries from boarding-related incidents. Crashing and falling is a major issue amongst those who longboard. The cost of a faster commute is often numerous scrapes and bruises. I

Trekking across campus can be a hassle, so many students have turned to alternative options: Longboard, for one, is a great way to travel faster and have fun while you’re at it. have personally been a victim to many a tumble and road rash over the years I have spent riding. I reached out to others to ask if they have had any harrowing experiences cruising around campus on their boards. Fellow boarder Daniel Espino ’18 was kind enough to share some of his longboarding experiences. Daniel began longboarding because he wanted to try something new. He told me, “It’s a fun way to get around quickly.” When I asked if he had ever gotten hurt longboarding, his response was simply, “Never.” However, the possibility of injury is definitely a factor keeping many from partaking in the joys of longboarding. Bevan Whitehead ’19 is hesitant to take up longboarding after an incident involving a skateboard earlier in his life. He would not give me the details

Student reflects on being misgendered outside VC

GENDER BINARY continued from page 1

as genderfluid and began using they/them pronouns. It took me two years to finally understand what that meant. I like to joke now that in our family, they got all the gender and I got none of it. About halfway through my first semester at Vassar I began using both she/her and they/them pronouns. I was questioning the role that gender played in my life but wasn’t quite ready to renounce it altogether. To be honest, I was afraid. In my experience, there seemed to be a certain level of commitment to labels in the queer community where if you start identifying a particular way, the only way to go is further from the “norm.” It’s like baby steps of identity. First you’re straight. Then you question a little and you’re bisexual. Then you decide to fuck it and go “full-blown gay.” I can’t stand the mandatory escalation that seems to exist. Not only does it create a hesitancy in terms of coming out, it perpetuates the erasure of an “in-between stage” such as the very real and valid identity of bisexual or questioning. What if I started claiming to be non-binary and then realized I was wrong? I’m wrong a lot, and with something as fluid and complex as gender, I was clueless. Sometimes I still am. With the help and support of my friends (and some family), I came out publicly as agender during the second semester of my freshman year. For me, that was the easy part. The hard part was convincing people that “agender” actually exists. Similar to the reception of asexuality, I’ve found that people have a hard time understanding my general lack of gender and apathy towards any form of gender expression. People can at least understand trans identities and gender fluidity but bi- and agender is a mystery to most. Why would anyone want to exist outside of gender? Furthermore, I look like I’m a “woman”–whatever that means. But why is that an excuse for misgendering me? What makes my characteristics so inherently...“female?” I have never really felt comfortable with the social pressures of being a “woman.” Heterosexuality felt compulsory while I was identifying as a woman, even if I stressed that I was pansexual. It hurt. When someone looked at me and said “girl,” I felt wrong. I understand that this stems from op-

pressive socially constructed gender roles taught to us from a young age but fuck, I felt so weird as a girl. The label made no sense to me. I didn’t get why I had to wear it around like it was the only thing that mattered about me. I always questioned why that was the first thing anyone saw in me. I’m not trying to belittle the label of woman. I’ve known so many strong and vibrant women who have been a part of my life: my mom, my best friends, my little sister. They continue to baffle and awe me to this day. I just never felt so comfortable with the title. I couldn’t handle that burden. Now every time I’m called “miss” or “she,” it’s like a pang in my soul. I don’t know if I can explain the toxicity of being misgendered. It’s like...being forced to eat a food that you know will make you sick. You’re hungry–starving even–and all anyone has to offer you is this food that you know will make your stomach hurt, but they give it to you anyway, and you eat it. Because that’s easier than asking them not to give you that food. It’s seems silly, don’t you think? But the fear of inconveniencing people has led to many painful days for me. I can’t safely correct someone outside of the Vassar bubble because who knows how they’ll react? Will they be fine with it? Will they think I’m a product of PC culture, a liberal whiny brat who just doesn’t like labels and wants to make their life harder? I can’t take that gamble. The most frustrating part is the way those closest to you can’t seem to recognize your identity. They know your pronouns. They know your reasons. They forget sometimes, okay. But when it happens over and over, it gets hard. You stop wanting to be around them because everytime you’re with them, every time you correct them, it hurts a little more. It makes you a little more angry. And I don’t want to be angry. I just want to exist as a human being and not have to tell you what to call me over and over and over again. I just want some peace of mind when I go home to the ones who love me, who understand non-binary and trans but can’t seem to see me that way. I want to exist in their minds. It’s a part of me they can’t seem to respect. I just want to be. Free from the toxicity of being mislabeled, misjudged, misread and out of place.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

surrounding the incident, only advising potential boarders to wear a helmet. Longboarding is a quick and relatively hassle-free way to get around at Vassar College. Both students learned how to longboard to use it as a means of transportation around campus. However, for most people, it is a lot more than a way to get from point A to point B. Just like Daniel said, riding can be a source of joy and entertainment. If I weren’t having a good time, I would have stopped the first time I fell. It can be difficult to start from scratch. I’d recommend wearing a helmet along with knee and elbow pads if you want to skip the scrapes and bruises. However, I would insist that anyone looking for some form of alternative means of traveling around campus try longboarding.

FEATURES

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Waffle machine becomes literary nautical metaphor Matt Stein

following the iron’s instructions), I rotated the monstrous beast in a swift and piercing moment. all me Quick Meal, because that’s what The only war I had now was with time. For two I wanted. An easy, simple breakfast for minutes and 30 seconds, the waffle formed under lunch at the Deece, specifically a waffle. the heated belly of the Carbon’s Golden Malted Whenever I find myself growing grim about Waffle Baker’s® hull. the stomach, whenever it is a mundane, mediocre This resolved joy was belied by my foolhardiDeece meal to my soul, whenever I mentally find ness: I had overlooked the Vegetable Oil Spray. myself involuntarily pausing before breakfast dinLike a vengeful sea captain miscalculating the ers, whenever it requires a strong moral principle size and ferocity of a sperm whale, my culinary to prevent my stomach from deliberately rumsolecism stultified my metaphorical ballast, metabling—then, I account it high time to eat a waffle morphosing from an effulgent erudite into an igas soon as I can. nominious buffoon for the nonce. Before me lay the great silver contraption, the As the tides turned and the current swept me Carbon’s Golden Malted Better Batter Dispensunder with pressure, a duel of fundamental provier®. After countless mere passings to my table, fidence arose between the Carbon’s Golden Malted nally I would engage in battle with the great silver Waffle Baker® and my pursuit for a quick meal. A beast. I already bore a burn mark on my left forepod of onlookers materialized by the starboard of arm, bestowed upon me from our last skirmish. the hub as the dwindling countdown fell to zero. Previously the grand gadget was not in workMy own boatswain, I unfurled the iron’s rigging, ing order, broken like the shell of man on the high observing the disaster like a lookout in the crow’s seas. Leavings of dough levelled at the bank of the nest.Upon sight, the edible barge was split in beast, like a cenotaph to the previous failed extwain. peditions with the great silver contraption. NevTo eschew my course from social leeway, I The mammoth monstrous beast of a waffle machine razed many an attempted meal ertheless, I try all culinary challenges, I achieve salvaged the shipwreck of my waffle as if keeling of foolhardy contenders, akin to a thunderously massive whale upon a lofty ship. what I can. at 20 knots. Scraping the iron to retain as much The odds were not in my favor when I left my of the framework as possible, shambles of waffle Deece table of a harbor. Right above the device gathered on Greatest the plate. As the last whelmings disCrossword Hits Mackenzie Little and Kim Carlson usually lay miniscule plastic cups for the batter. pelled from the demon, I retired to my fate. What But not that day. Instead, an experienced cook was once an unleavened outline of a waffle now such as I improvised and used the distant Dixie reposed as a crumbled mass of crisp dough. Un-2. Food that's safe to heat immediately (2 ACROSS 31. Draw, commonly broken Cups. Feeble to the sticky and hefty batter, these the is metaphorical water went the captainwords, possibly hyphenated) 1. An derneath event that not happening 32. Crunchiest? cups could not withstand substantial pressure. Ahab of my meal. 5. One theme was about this yummy network 3. "Ladies and ______..." (abbr.) 33. Makes more like Mackenzie? This left me no choice but to fill in the dreaded Oft I reflect on that ominous campaign. And 9. Nutrient in bread & pasta, cut from many 4. Archaic word for food scraps? 34. Dance & chip dip Golden Malted Waffle Baker® in successive pourwhat does the waffle machine represent? Some diets 5. Summer relationship, Spring homecoming 36. Just a regular old Joe ings. may believe it to be a metaphor for God, nature, 13. Above, around under 37. Nickname for a small, guitar-like Each push of the “Push” lever expelled a mighty fate, thenot universe or or even the ocean. I don’t quitedance? stream of waffle batter. With my Dixie Cup vessel, know myself. Whatwith I dopants know is 14. Commonly found onthat fireI made a ra-6. Pig greeting instrument I transported the batter into the iron, oblivious 15. to Gross pacious ostentation against the divine powers of7. Tree that produces acorns scent 39. A wise old person the fray ahead. Each round of replenishment covuniversehaving to create a utopic 16. A the package, been put inculmination the mail of a8. Not at all wet 40. Pronoun companion to "her/hers" ered the individual squares of the mighty beast waffle. 17. Like squid liquid 9. Theme clued by associated numbers, 41. The most Magical Place on Earth, until all that remained was a mold of the black Then all collapsed, and the great shroud of the A tarnished wreck of a vessel, my waffle lay in repose upon the marble 18. Valentine's Day song theme (songs creating a pun on a children's craft for the to itselfat a utopic repast. Waffle Baker. Carbon’s Golden Malted Waffle Machine® rolled tombstone of a plate, eulogizing my according failed crusade about) title 42. What a "piggy" in a common children's Relying on my waffle-making experience (by on as it rolled on 5000 Deece days ago. Arts Editor

Matt Stein/The Miscellany News

19. Network which aired both Rizzoli & Isles 10. To love & respect deeply and Leverage 11. A few of George W. Bush's Deputy Chief 20. Squid liquid of Staff 21. Puts you to sleep, or drills into you 12. Badly spelled tit, or a city in France (interestingly enough) 20. Atom with an electric charge 22. A man walks into a ____... 21. Like a gross hiccup? 23. Breeds of a domestic animal theme 22. Our very first (ursine) theme ACROSS 40. Ability 30. Play a sick guitar riff, or tear up some paper 24. An expression most dour 23. A small room for working on hobbies 41. Women’s version of “Sir”, for a knight 31. Draw, commonly broken 26. Doctor played by Matt Smith 24. 32. Canadian Disney Channel show, "Life 1. An event that is not happening 42. A very specific academic hell theme Crunchiest? 28. Sins, is quite mistaken, does something wrong with33.___" 5. One theme was about this yummy network 43. Not a god, but getting there Makes more like Mackenzie? 25. 34. A lot of rocks that contain extractable 9. Nutrient in bread & pasta, cut from many diets 29. Happen 46. “___ twice is me” or more Dance & chip dip 30. Throat sickness arecent 13. Above, not around or under 47. Stereotypically, club fortheme over involved parents 36. Just(like a regular old Joe minerals iron) 14. Commonly found with pants on fire 48. Licorice flavoring airing The Big Bang a small, guitar-like instrument 32. Network currently 27. 37. ToNickname eagerly for compete for a position 15. Gross scent 49. The first word 39. A wise old person Theory 30. Play a sick guitar riff, or tear up some 16. A package, having been put in the mail Punch or slap 40. Pronoun companion to “her/hers” 35. A50. rollercoaster, or swings at a carnival paper 17. Like squid liquid 51. Going right or left in a car 41. The most Magical Place on Earth, according to itself 36. Startled horse movements 18. Valentine’s Day song theme 52. Loose-fitting garment worn by women throughout 1 2 3 4 5 6 37. Pee chemical the Indian subcontinent 19. Network which aired both Rizzoli & Isles and 38. 2006 Johnone Mayer Leverage 54. A repetitive pretty important was “ofhit the Fates” 13 14 39. The meme-iest movieNew theme 20. Squid liquid 55. Great Lake bordering York, Ohio, and Michigan 21. Puts you to sleep, or drills into you (self-explanatory) 56. Alight, in the past 22. A man walks into a ____… 16 17 40. Ability 57. Threatening when found following “or” 23. Breeds of a domestic animal theme 41. Women's version of "Sir", for a knight 58. Turn down 24. An expression most dour 19 20 42. A very specific academic hell theme(hell 59. Non-Valentine’s song theme 26. Doctor played by Matt Smith 2 weeks ago) 60. Theme based not off breeds 28. Sins, is mistaken, does something wrong 43. Not quite a god, but getting there 22 23 29. Happen twice or more 46. "___ is me" DOWN 30. Throat sickness recent theme 32. Network currently airing The Big Bang Theory 47. Stereotypically, a club for over involved 26 27 1. Bittersweet emotion felt by a lot of the Class of 2017 35. A rollercoaster, or swings at a carnival parents 2. Food that’s safe to heat immediately (2 words, 36. Startled horse movements 48. Licorice flavoring 29 30 31 possibly hyphenated) 37. Pee chemical 49. The first word 3. “Ladies and ______...” (abbr.) 38. 2006 repetitive John Mayer hit 50. Punch or slap 35 36 4. Archaic word for food scraps? 39. The meme-iest movie theme 51. Going right or left in aSpring car homecoming dance? 5. Summer relationship, Answers to last week’s puzzle52. Loose-fitting garment worn by women 6. Pig greeting 38 39 7. Tree that acorns throughout the produces Indian subcontinent Not atimportant all wet 54. A 8.pretty one was "of the Fates" 41 9. Theme clued by associated numbers, 55. Great Lake bordering New York, creating Ohio, a pun on a children’s craft for the title and Michigan 43 44 45 10. To love & respect deeply 56. Alight, in the past 11. A few of George W. Bush’s Deputy Chief of Staff 57. Threatening when "or" 12. Badly spelled tit, orfound a city infollowing France 48 49 58. Turn down 20. Atom with an electric charge 59. Non-Valentine's song theme (type of 21. Like a gross hiccup? 51 52 53 Ouralso verydid) first (ursine) theme songs22.we 23. A small roomnot for working on hobbies 60. Theme based off breeds,

“Crossword Greatest Hits”

game 43. Obviously old 44. To accustom by exposure 45. A Japanese sweet rice wine 46. All possible colors combined 49. Just a lil haircut 50. Favorite hoop of the Barefoot Monkeys (I 42. What a “piggy” in a common children’s game assume) 43. Obviously old 52.44.Gamgee, Winchester, Evans, or Merlotte To accustom by exposure 53.45.Pale, summer, or ginger A Japanese sweet rice wine 54.46.Sagittarius month (abbr.) All possible colors combined

The Miscellany Crossword by Kim Carlson and Mackenzie Little

24. Canadian Disney Channel show, “Life with ___”

49. Just a lil haircut 50. Favorite hoop of the Barefoot Monkeys (I assume) 52. Gamgee, Winchester, Evans, or Merlotte 53. Pale, summer, or ginger 54. Sagittarius month (abbr.) 7

15 18 21 24

37 40 42 46

47 50 54

25. A lot of rocks that contain extractable minerals

DOWN (like iron) 1. Bittersweet emotion a lot of the 27. To eagerly competefelt for aby position Class of 2017

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

FEATURES

Page 8

May 4, 2017

VAST provides tutoring, activities for middle schoolers Laila Volpe

Asistant Features Editor

Courtesy of VAST

he “Vassar Bubble,” a well-known phenomenon on this campus, is an undeniable issue. To counteract its effects, some students seek to connect with the Poughkeepsie community by getting involved in programs that bridge the gap. One such organization, Vassar After School Tutoring (VAST), is an after-school academic enrichment and mentoring program that works with students from Poughkeepsie Middle School. Ever since 2003, Vassar student mentors have been paired, usually one-on-one, with middle school students called VAST scholars to help them with homework and lead activities every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. While academic success is a priority for VAST, the mentors focus more on being role models and friends to their scholars. To describe the optimal relationship, VAST Coordinator Max Cordeiro ’16 explained, “[We want students to see] us as a resource and a friend, not just someone that might be on work-study that’s contractually obligated to do homework with a middle schooler.” Mentor Chris Allen ’19 agreed: “A huge part of it is just having fun after school, like mentoring students and just being...a person who goes to college that can have an impact on their life, however small that may be. Just like being a buddy.” VAST tries to impress upon scholars that there is so much more to academic activities than just homework and that their school environment can be enjoyable, too. Therefore, the mentors don’t place too much stress on finishing homework, realizing that after an entire day of school the students want to relax. Allen, who has worked with the program for almost two years, believes mentors should consider themselves a friend and equal rather than a teacher. Because VAST mentors come from a diverse range of backgrounds, participants have an opportunity to inspire the scholars and to serve as proof that, regardless of circumstance, hard work pays off. VAST wants to impress upon the middle schoolers that while high school and college seem

VAST scholars paint during their Friday afternoon activity session. The after-school program emphasizes academic activities going beyond just working on homework with tutors. daunting, especially when the system can seem biased, success is entirely feasible. The program aims for the scholars, through connections with Vassar, to start planning for their futures. Cordeiro commented, “At the end of each day, both scholars and mentors are rewarded with not only a better understanding of the communities around them, but also with a reinforced belief that there truly are forces of good and evil at work in the universe.” VAST’s message is one of empowerment and support, encouraging scholars to aim for high personal and academic goals. One of the ways VAST encourages high-set goals is by connecting scholars with Vassar and the broader Poughkeepsie community. VAST organizes field trips to Poughkeepsie or to Vassar,

trying to further forge a connection between the two. The program collaborates with Vassar organizations by inviting them to the middle school to interact with the students. Groups like FlyPeople and Hype have to performed at the middle school, and a new org, Vassar Urban Enrichment, is planning a mural project with VAST. The scholars also participate in activities led and created by mentors on Fridays, a day where students have less homework. There are usually between two and four activities that range from soccer to arts and crafts to cooking. The mentors can focus on having fun with the scholars and generally enjoying the end of the week, creating an opportunity for them to further connect. Because VAST studentsand the scholars work

one-on-one, it is easier to foster a closer relationship and create a more meaningful bond during activities like these. VAST Intern Zayne Sibley ’17 commented, “The most unique thing about VAST is the one-to-one ratio between mentors and scholars. This means that every middle school scholar is paired up with a Vassar mentor. The one-on-one relationship...fosters meaningful relationships between mentors and scholars.” Throughout the program there are constant opportunities for mentor-scholar bonding. According to VAST participant Christine Lederer ’19, the mentors go to dinner, or rather late lunch, with the scholars as soon as they arrive. This allows the middle schoolers to talk to the mentors and each other about their days, and it gives them an opportunity to decompress before starting homework. After finishing the homework, the duo can enjoy the activities. Lederer appreciates the focus on the mentor-scholar bond, adding, “[VAST] really want[s] you to develop that relationship with the scholar so that they can look to you as a role model, and they feel comfortable talking to you about the things that are going on in their lives or if they’re struggling with something. So I think that’s something that VAST emphasizes and then actually follows through on.” The VAST program is one of three in an overarching initiative, the Vassar College Urban Education Initiative. The two other programs, Exploring College and Vassar English Language Learners Outreach Program (VELLOP), are similar in their goals and are always looking for new members. However, Lederer believes that VAST has a secret advantage, exclaiming, “Max Cordeiro’s the best boss ever!” VAST mentors, whether participating for workstudy, fieldwork or as a volunteer, feel the benefits of the program. Allen strongly advocates for the organization, concluding, “If you’re aware of the ‘Vassar Bubble’ and you actually want to do something about it, you can go to the school that’s only five minutes away for just a few hours a day, and you can really have a positive impact on someone’s life.”

Alphabet workout regimen suitable for dorm rooms Kaitlin Prado Columnist

stretch for your body! I am no expert, but I do know that if you try to do a workout of any kind without properly warming up, you are highly likely to hurt yourself! Up until now you may have been thinking: wow this really sounds like a joke. But I want to assure you that I take plyometrics and pilates very seriously. I’ll say it: as an athlete my guiltiest pleasure is my love of no-equipment indoor workouts. While there is more than likely an infinite number of workouts one could do in a dorm room, here is my personal favorite: The High Intensity Interval Alphabet Game (a working title) I understand that the first step in any fitness routine is usually the hardest, but you can rest easy on this one–the first step is arguably the easiest. You just have to take a deep breath, and spell your full name out on a sheet of paper. This list will “spell” out your workout for you (and hold you accountable).

Courtesy of Wokandapiz via Pixabay

isclaimer: I am not now, nor have I ever been a fitness instructor. I don’t know anything about your personal physical fitness journey, and I cannot be held responsible for the results of you embarking on the journey that is the indoor workout. I also cannot take credit for the ultimate badass you are about to become as you prep your bod for living your best fit life. But please, consider the kind of shape you are in before actually doing this workout. Again, I am no expert, I’m just a girl who ~tries~ to workout a lot . Whether you’re looking for a creative way to annoy your neighbor, or you want to convince the first-years that your building really is haunted, or you’re just bored with your current fitness routine...at-home workouts may be the choice for you! (And of course, by at-home workout, I mean in-dorm workouts). So first things first, here’s what you’ll definitely need: 1. An open window Don’t worry, if you have been doomed to carry out the rest of your semester in a windowless dorm room, feel free to take this workout outside. (That is, if the weather ever gets better!) 2. Floor space Again, if for some reason you live in one of the closets in Noyes or in a triple in Main that was meant to be a double, you can always plant yourself on the quad for this routine. No equipment or carpet required! 3. Absent roommates I’m of the mindset that if you are able to sexile your roommates, then you should be able to exercise-ile them too! 4. A kick-ass playlist If you’re not listening to music that makes you feel like a superhero during this workout, then you’re most likely doing it wrong... Remember: have no shame about this playlist. Whether you’re doing push-ups to Sufjan Stevens or Beyoncé, you’re still working out! 5. A writing utensil and a piece of paper or something else to write on This will make sense later.

6. Some bones and some muscles and lungs This one is self-explanatory. And here’s a list of what you might also need: 1. A solid sports bra Tits of every shape and size can and will get in the way of movement! 2. Two towels or a yoga mat Who knows when you last washed your dorm room floor?!...The last thing you want to realize in the middle of a plank is that your hands and knees and elbows are touching crumbs from last night’s midnight snack. 3. A burning passion for burpees If you’re not passionate about burpees, then I hope you at least have a burning hatred of them to fuel you through this workout. 4. (super optional) A friend to work out with you because you require attention and constant validation Once you have secured the items you need for this workout, don’t forget to do a dynamic

Balancing classwork, a social life and numerous commitments can be tough, so working out is often left to the wayside. Here are some suggestions to incorporate exercise into your everday routine.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

A: 10 burpees B: 1-minute wall sit C: 10 star jumps D: 15 push-ups E: 20 burpees F: 20 push-ups G: 10 star jumps H: 15 squats I: 1-minute plank J: 30 arm circles K: 45-second plank L: 10 tricep push-ups M: 2-minute wall sit N: 30-second plank O: 20 push-ups P: 40 arm circles Q: 20 criss-cross jacks R: 10 lunges S: 25 squats T: 2-minute wall sit U: 10 tricep push ups V: 30 arm circles W: 20 star jumps X: 15 star jumps Y: 30-second plank Z: 30 criss-cross jacks For every hyphen, apostrophe or other non-alphabetical element in your name, do 10 jumping jacks! A few notes on these movements: Do not underestimate arm circles...I’m pretty sure that ballerinas do this kind of exercise because it is sneakily difficult, and everyone loves a good arm. To properly execute a star jump (upon jumping into the air) one must yell: “I’m a star!” with. each. repetition. This is essential to getting the most from each and every star jump, but I also understand that if you are working out early in the morning or late at night (as most indoor workout-ers do), I suppose you can whisper it to yourself instead of yelling. Push-ups that happen on your knees are still real push-ups, darn it. Try talking to yourself during the planks, because I promise you that each one will feel like its own piece of forever. Happy sweating!

May 4, 2017

OPINIONS

Page 9

The Miscellany News Staff Editorial

Sexual assault survivors must have full admin support [Trigger warning: mention of sexual assault]

exual assault is a tragic reality on college campuses nationwide, and Vassar is no exception. In recent years, cuts to peer support services and the reported difficulties with the Title IX reporting process have exacerbated tensions surrounding issues of sexual assault on campus. Now, it is clearer than ever that the College should be doing more to support survivors through institutional action. One example of survivor-centered administrative policy comes in the form of a decision by Indiana University (IU). On April 19, IndyStar reported that IU had introduced a guideline prohibiting its programs from accepting any athlete with a history of sexual or domestic violence. The policy was created by Athletic Director Fred Glass, with input from Indiana’s Office of Student Welfare and Title IX and its Student-Athlete Advisory Committee. While Glass has supported instituting a similar rule across all Big Ten schools, the matter has so far been left up to individual universities (IndyStar, “New IU policy bans athletes with history of sexual or domestic violence,” 04.19.2017). Despite the differences in terms of division levels and the ways in which student-athletes commit to schools, the Vassar administration has yet to institute a comparable admissions policy. Student athletes are required to attend a Mentors in Violence Prevention workshop that addresses gender-based violence in the context of sports. However, while Vassar would do well to implement a policy like IU’s, issues of administrative response to sexual assault are not prevalent solely in the athletic sphere. The Administration has repeatedly failed to respond to the needs of survivors—even at a time when jeopardization of peer resources has emphasized the need for more effective institutional support. Vassar’s current sexual assault prevention

programming begins during orientation with the online Think About It course, the skit-based Speak About It training, a seminar with CARES and the peer-led We Are Here bystander intervention workshop. Student organization leaders are also required to attend a bystander intervention training led by SAVP at the beginning of each school year. Unfortunately, these workshops have not always been survivor-centered or best addressed the topic of sexual assault. Moreover, while programming geared to prevent sexual assault is critical, it must be accompanied by appropriate support for students who do experience such violence. As it stands now, the Title IX reporting process is exhausting, lengthy and unreliable in producing convictions or disciplinary action. As previously reported by The Miscellany News, filing a Title IX case can take up to a year for processing, and the adjudication process can be even longer. Moreover, frequent turnover in Vassar’s Title IX Office further destabilizes the already complex reporting process that forces survivors to relive traumatic experiences (The Miscellany News, “Title IX adjudication process needs critical examination,” 05.04.2017). The results of Vassar’s 2015 Campus Climate survey corroborate anecdotal reports of student mistrust of the Title IX system. The study revealed that less than half of responders were confident in Title IX “conducting thorough and unbiased hearings,” “accurately determining what actually occurred” and “taking appropriate actions against perpetrators found responsible.” Rates of reporting were equally alarming, with just 10.3 percent of cis women, 6.3 percent of cis men, and 25 percent of non-cis responders reporting their experience with sexual assault (VC Campus Climate Survey, “Perceptions of Vassar’s Title IX Sexual Assault/Misconduct Procedures, Outcomes, and Information,” 2015). In light of the readily available evidence

suggesting the Vassar administration’s failure to support survivors or hold accused perpetrators accountable, the College’s decision to take CARES and TLC off call stands out starkly. Administrators made the choice to prohibit these organizations from acting as confidential listening services because of the concern of liability to the College, as well as the licensure of staff supervisors (Boilerplate Magazine, “CARES Off Call,” 06.01.2016). If the College chooses to remove student support networks, it is imperative that it fills the resulting gap with updated policies and professional services. One such measure we encourage Vassar to take is implementing Callisto, a sexual assault reporting program that launched in 2015. Jessica Ladd—executive director of Sexual Health Innovations, the nonprofit that created Callisto—is a survivor of sexual assault, and her organization directly contacted survivors on college campuses for feedback on what features would be key in designing an effective platform. Callisto allows students three options: electronically submit the details of their assault to their school’s Title IX coordinator, save the report on Callisto’s database in case they wish to submit later on or reveal the report to administrators only if another student has reported or later reports the same perpetrator. The third option aims to target repeat offenders while providing peer support and shielding survivors from a deeply flawed and harmful system that isn’t survivor-centered. In addition, using a third-party reporting system may make people feel more comfortable filing reports. Vassar is poised to become the fourth New York state college to implement Callisto out of eight nationwide. As of May 3, an online petition to bring the platform to campus has 189 signatures. The petition was initiated by student organization Yes to Equality and Safety for All Bodies (YES!), which reports that the Office of

the President would be willing to cover half of the $18,000 cost for Callisto’s first year only if the other $9,000 was contributed by the VSA (Change.org, “Bring Callisto to our community at Vassar (Anti-sexual assault reporting program),” 05.2017). However, YES! member and co-founder Sophie Kaplan ’19 reported that this is an impossibility due to the VSA debt crisis. While the administration’s willingness to consider Callisto is promising, we at The Miscellany News believe that the College should cover the cost of the platform in full. Student initiatives addressing sexual assault are invaluable, but ultimately, financing safe and effective routes for survivors of sexual assault is not a responsibility that should fall to students. For the Vassar administration, there is no time to waste in mitigating the gaps in campus support systems for survivors. Taking on the cost of Callisto would be a key step in the right direction, after which the College should consider tightening regulations that would ensure the safety of students and victims of sexual assault alike by instituting policy in the same vein as IU. Kaplan stressed that Callisto is not a one-step solution, and emphasized the importance of community accountability and involving the student body in the process of forming more effective policy. Students can contribute to the cause by signing the YES! petition through Change.org and by contacting Interim President Jonathan Chenette in support of Callisto. While reforming a system as tangled in red tape as Vassar’s sexual assault response protocol might seem to be a daunting task, raising our voices as a student body and encouraging administrators to act sooner rather than later will aid us in creating a campus climate that is safer for all. —The Staff Editorial expresses the opinion of at least 2/3 of The Miscellany News Editorial Board.

DHFC returns to Vassar to intimidate students, activists Ally Fernandez & Sarah Cohn Guest Columnists

n Friday, April 28, around 3 p.m., two people with briefcases were spotted outside of Ferry House putting up hateful, Islamophobic and racist posters on dorm buildings, benches and trash cans. It was on behalf of the same group, the David Horowitz Freedom Center (DHFC), that targeted students and faculty by name last semester and took a strong interest in Vassar campus life during last year’s Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions (BDS) campaign. Members of Jewish Voice for Peace (JVP) and Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP) were immediately alerted to the postings and made efforts to remove them, contacting administrators and security. We, as members of JVP and believers in equity and justice, refuse to be bullied. Instead, we will use instances like this to speak out and reaffirm our commitment to global human rights. We have seen these outsiders come to our campus in order to intimidate and harass students before. The people behind these posters intend to make us feel unsafe and incite a fear that would pit students on campus against each other. On the one hand, they are trying to isolate and target students involved with JVP and SJP. On the other, they are trying to convince uninvolved students that they are in danger from their activist peers. And perhaps most importantly, this poster implicates Muslim and Arab students, regardless of political affiliation, suggesting that their presence at Vassar is neither welcome nor valued. We refuse to give into fear; these posters are loathsome. The posters use puppet imagery to imply that Hamas has controlling power over student groups like SJP. It plays off the popular alt-right conspiracy theory, exemplified in a previous Miscellany News article, that radical students are being misled and inspired by an outside force. It should certainly raise some flags to see a common anti-Semitic trope (where Jews are the controlling monetary force behind all leftist movements) mobilized by an organization that claims to stand up for Jews. And by raise some flags, we mean make perfect sense considering the anti-Semitic yet pro-Israel far right at the highest rungs of our government

empowering organizations like the DHFC. Posters like this, along with organizations such as Canary Mission, are exemplary of a long history of external pro-Israel groups using their influence to menace Vassar students, specifically Muslim and Arab students, students of color and all those who vocally criticize Israel. Their various tactics, such as doxxing, put vulnerable students at risk for harassment, both online and in real life. Some are not able to get jobs post-graduation, are shunned from religious communities, or are closed off from necessary resources. These posters follow a very emotional argument that hits right at two powerful right-wing discourses. One, that violence against the state is unacceptable (i.e. terrorism), while violence from the state towards its citizens and other peoples is unquestioned, even encouraged. The other discourse creates a looming foreign enemy out of Palestinians and their supporters, who seek to destroy national identity and health. In this case, critiques of the State of Israel are transformed into threats against individual Israelis and American Jews. There is a reason pro-Israel groups rely on emotional and personal talking points (i.e. linking critiques of Israel as a state to personal attacks) instead of nuanced, political arguments—when you look at the actual power differential between Israel and Palestine and learn the history of the conflict, the argument falls apart. To suggest that pro-Palestine activists want to “wipe Israel off the map” as the posters do invokes territorial response wherein no conversation about Palestinians’ lives under occupation can be tolerated. SJP and JVP have never endorsed Hamas, nor are we receiving money from them or any other outside source (if you want to look at our budgets from the VSA, they’re online). We don’t advocate terrorism, but we do want to reconsider which groups and people are framed as terrorists. Why are Palestinians terrorists, while American white supremacists deserve free speech? Instead, we believe that white supremacist violence and American imperial violence (which is directly tied to the actions of its allies such as Israel across the globe) are the most institutionalized and unquestioned forms of terrorism in the modern era. To take this propaganda as fact is to silence

thoughtful critiques of the state of Israel. Calling us and our fellow students “campus terrorists” makes people afraid. It personalizes the argument and discourages people to seek out further information on the conflict. Any information on the conflict from a pro-Palestine source is coded as violent and “pro-terrorist.” And when we say silence, we really mean silence. Narratives of lived Palestinian experiences are rarely circulated or centered. People don’t hear those narratives, and even when they are highlighted, there is immediate and overwhelming backlash. Free speech has been a hotly debated topic on this campus, but it’s incredibly important to contextualize what kind of consequences come to which people for speaking their opinions. We are not talking about Ann Coulter getting booed at Berkeley. We are talking about people’s livelihoods and safety on campus being threatened when they dare to speak to their own experiences and challenge existing power structures. Conversations about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict on college campuses across the country are incredibly one-sided due to an unequal distribution of resources in the United States given to pro-Israel institutions and groups. And speaking as two Jewish women, we know that it doesn’t only hurt the cause of the Palestinians, but unwavering loyalty to Israel hurts Jewish communities as well. For instance, one of the most important Jewish institutions on college campuses, Hillel International, has been instrumental in curbing any dialogue within Jewish communities that is critical of Israel due to their exclusionary “Standards of Partnership.” As an example, the Ohio State Hillel recently removed its group for LGBTQ+ Jews, B’nai Keshet, for partnering with JVP for an event supporting refugees, denying them funding and Jewish communal resources. This was after the Hillel received a $73,000 grant from “Mosaic United,” a group founded by Israeli Education Minister Naftali Bennett, who seeks to create an Israel-centric, and homophobic, anti-interfaith Jewish diaspora community. Money talks. So even while pro-Israel groups claim to be protecting Jews on college campuses, they use their resources and their fear tactics to divide students

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

and make us feel unsafe and unwelcome. Again, it’s not a matter of who is “allowed” to speak their views, or an abstract political concept like free speech; it’s about differences in power, resources, influence and consequences for marginalized students. It isn’t even about who is “right” in the dialogue, it is about which side has the largest ability to inflict harm. Anti-Jewishness takes on many forms. As two anti-Zionist Jews, we are familiar with the dual identity that consists of rejection from both the Christian hegemonic world and from a mainstream Jewish community that discourages open dialogue on Israel. Our lack of loyalty is seen as a lack of Jewishness. Therefore, we are not even given the dignity to claim an identity that we are proud of, even when it places us on the margins. And of course, this exclusion is compounded when it comes to Jews of color, non-Ashkenazim and LGBTQ+ Jews who are excluded by the idealization of a certain type of Jew espoused by the Israeli government. We see echoes of this exclusion and harm in these posters. As Jewish students are scared into falling in line, Muslim and Arab students are demonized as terrorists. We refuse to allow this harassment to continue in the name of our so-called “safety” as Jews.   In conclusion, we stand behind our comrades in JVP and SJP. We remain committed to supporting self-determination for Palestinians. These posters and the David Horowitz Freedom Center represent a cowardly group of people who fear growing, self-directed student power. We stand behind all those targeted by the victims of this violence. We will continue to define our own community and values, and we will not let powerful outside voices do that for us. We as a campus, no matter where we stand, must have our own conversations amongst each other, no matter how hard. We must be able to honestly hear each other without the influence of hateful organizations with a specific agenda, without the consequences for some students being so much greater than for others. These groups resort to scare tactics like this because our movement has found success, and we will continue down this path until we have freedom and equity for all Palestinians, all Jews and all oppressed people.

OPINIONS

Page 10

May 4, 2017

Drama Department should take intersectional approach Kaitlin Prado Reporter

his past weekend the Experimental Theatre of Vassar College presented “The Importance of Being Earnest (A queer adaptation).” This joint-senior project in drama was based on a student-adapted version of Oscar Wilde’s classic tale from the late 19th century, which is lauded to this day for its humor and subtle queering of the institution of marriage. As both a supporter of live theatre and a student in DRAM 222, I had to see this show. On opening night, I sat in a nearly packed house not knowing what to expect from this production. I recognize the fact that care and energy went into this work, and I do want to congratulate this cast for all that they did well, but I would be doing a disservice to the artists involved as well as to the drama community as a whole if I were to simply pat creators on the back for creating without being critical of their work. Frankly, I was disappointed with some elements of this queer adaptation. Sure, to put on a modernized version of a classic can mean a multitude of things to different people, but I personally believe that intersectionality is a vital component of modern narratives of queerness that was ultimately forgotten by the casting of this play. “Earnest” presented a cast of white people, and only white people, navigating queerness, and while I don’t want to invalidate the plight of white queer people, I have to call attention to the fact that this is a more narrow perspective than I think our modern context calls for. I do not say this to place blame with the creative team of “Earnest” alone. The whiteness of Vassar’s drama department as a whole is a systemic issue that needs to be addressed. One of the three department shows this semester very specifically required and asked for POC actors to audition. I can recall, prior to auditions, a number of posts on Facebook that relayed the message that if people of color did not audition, the show could not happen. This dedication to representation was essential for the play’s suc-

cess, and I wish that a modern and queer adaptation of any show would have also shared the same desperation for representative casting. I know that there are plenty of talented POC artists on campus, and so there must be a reason that so few want to get anywhere near Drama Department productions. We have to do a better job of creating a space that welcomes intersectional art and artists. To present a piece as a queer adaptation (rather than just another version of a classic and popular piece) raises the stakes of the production—especially considering the hugely varied historical uses of the word “queer” as an insult and othering label applied to people who did not fit the acceptable mold of a white, cis-gendered, heterosexual, neurotypical person.

“I would be doing a disservice to the artists involved...if I were to simply pat creators on the back for creating without being critical of their work.” The high-stakes nature of this production brings me to a point that needs to be made about creative adaptations in general. In modernizing a show, it is extremely important to question: How do we prioritize changes made to a text? What do these changes add to or take away from certain narratives? And what do these changes say about the positionality of the writer—maybe more importantly, how do these changes reflect the intended audience and the present moment? What about the changes? An obvious change that was made to the script included the transformation of the original setting (19th-century England) to a modern Connecticut and New York.

This change was a very technically necessary element of bringing “Earnest” into the present day— okay. Another major change was an overhaul of much of the blocking for the sake of visible queerness onstage, which included but wasn’t limited to the opening scene with actors kissing in their underwear—okay. My confusion about the changes made didn’t stem from the existing choices themselves, but rather the absence of others. After seeing that such big elements of the play had in fact been changed for the sake of a queer adaptation, I was left wondering: Why couldn’t more have been altered to present a more inclusive narrative? I don’t ask this in ignorance of the fact that it’s not possible to effectively tell every story that is out there in a single two-hour piece. What about the audience? We as artists on campus are almost always making theatre that will be exclusively shown to our fellow Vassar students (with the exception of a few staff or family members). “Earnest” is unlike most other shows at Vassar in that it was open to the public. On opening night, I would say there was a surprisingly even split of older white people and Vassar students in the audience. This puzzled me until I realized I was watching a play that was reaching the older white audience in ways it would never speak to me. I don’t doubt that there were pressures put on the creative team by the Department to keep in mind that they were presenting for locals, but why was it that a large number of the creative choices made appeared as an effort to target an audience that isn’t nearly as diverse as we know Poughkeepsie truly is? If we can coordinate a bus to and from a retirement home, what’s stopping us from extending that same attention to a group home? So while some older audience members left feeling educated, I left feeling frustrated, wondering who was this show really for—and why? On Thursday night, one older couple left during the very first scene. That same night, many of my fellow drama students laughed throughout the entirety of the show almost as much as they

exchanged incredulous looks. The changes made to “Earnest” created a show that was clearly subversive and maybe even revolutionary for some people—but problematic for others. I am not crying “problematic” to maliciously attack one person or group of people—I want to be able to engage in a dialogue about why I was left with this impression more than anything. Throughout conversations about the production, it became clear that an easy defense was surfacing regarding the problematic aspects of “Earnest.” This defense centered on the idea of staying true to Oscar Wilde’s text, and I think that there is an inescapable contradiction between this goal and aiming to modernize the piece. This play picked and chose what elements got to be changed and which stayed the same with very specific goals in mind. This was presented as “a” queer adaptation rather than “the” adaptation, but at the end of the day, it was the one that the Department went with, and this choice calls to attention our intrinsic prioritization of certain narratives over others. We can’t allow ourselves to become complacent. If you are willing and ready to create art, prepare to engage. Our ability to question art and push its wider implications will always be the priority in these discussions. If these conversations don’t take place, then the art just happens, and Vassar’s theatre-makers will be left creating in a bubble where they are not held accountable for what they present. “Earnest” is neither the first nor the last theatrical piece at Vassar that will warrant this kind of critique; it’s just the first one being spoken about critically in this newspaper—I hope it’s not the last. I’m sure that there’s going to be someone reading this who thinks I’m overreacting, but this is not the part where I say sorry to you. Check the privilege that allows you to so comfortably be bothered by my voice and this view. I unapologetically own the fact that my positionality as a queer Mexican Jewish girl left me wanting more from both this production and from the Drama Department as a whole. Let’s talk.

Moving beyond the science/humanities dichotomy Steven Park Columnist

o matter who you are and what your background may be, every college student will face the question that will haunt them throughout their undergraduate experience: Did I choose the right major given the increasingly competitive and cutthroat job market of the real world? While people sometimes joke about how screwed they are after graduation or how the next step in their illustrious career path is living in a cardboard box for the rest of their life, the fathomless, pitch-black uncertainty that surrounds life after college generates so much terrifying fear and anxiety for students that most will structure their four years in college with the sole purpose of minimizing that uncertainty as much as possible.

“[T]he most vocal opinion is that majoring in the hard sciences like computer science, economics and math will obviously lead to more financial stability...” Thus, it is inevitable to hear both students and adults discuss fervently about which major is the most financially secure or which has the greatest likelihood of success. And within these discussions, the most vocal opinion is that majoring in the hard sciences like computer science, economics and math will obviously lead to more financial stability and employment offers than majoring in something “impractical” like philosophy, art history or English. After all, in today’s digital, market-driven society, everyone knows that STEM majors are “more valuable” than humanities majors. Speaking as someone who absolutely loves the sciences and strives to convince others of its awe-inspiring brilliance, this laughably wretched sentiment is one of the most deceitful claims I

have ever heard. Unsurprisingly, the counterarguments are many and quite intimidating at first. According to a recent salary survey by the National Association of Colleges and Employers, Class of 2016 college graduates who majored in STEM are expected to receive the highest starting salaries, with majors in engineering and computer science expected to earn an average of over $60,000 per year (The New York Times, “A Rising Call to Promote STEM Education and Cut Liberal Arts Funding,” 02.21.2016). In contrast, the average salary for new graduates who majored in the humanities is projected to be around $46,000. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics also compiled a list of the top “most valuable” college majors in 2012 based on median salary rate, job growth projections through 2020 and wealth of job opportunities available and ranked biomedical engineering at the top followed by biochemistry, computer science, software engineering and civil engineering (Forbes, “The 15 Most Valuable College Majors,” 05.15.2012). On top of all that, countless politicians (both Republicans and members of the Obama administration) have pushed to distribute education funding based on post-college performance and student earnings after graduation in order to combat the shortage of STEM workers, placing the humanities departments in serious jeopardy (The New York Times). However, I want to point out that just because certain STEM jobs have astronomically high salary rates doesn’t mean that majoring in STEM will guarantee you an easier or more financially stable life with a higher chance of employment. In truth, the idea that there is this crisis-level shortage of scientists and engineers in the United States is largely baseless. Studies from the National Bureau of Economic Research, the RAND Corporation and the Urban Institute have all been unable to find any compelling evidence indicating the presence of some widespread labor market shortage or hiring difficulties in science and engineering occupations that require bachelor’s degrees or higher (The Atlantic, “The Myth of the Science and Engineering Shortage,” 03.19.2014). Not only that, the overall consensus was that the United States produces too many science and engineering

graduates every year and not enough STEM job openings. The only disagreement among the studies was whether there are 100 percent more STEM graduates than job openings or 200 percent more.

“If you want success after college, make full use of all the courses that are available and pursue combinations that no one has tried before.” That’s right: the unemployment rate is shockingly high among scientists and engineers, especially for recent graduates and PhDs (The Atlantic). This includes graduates who majored in engineering (7.0 percent), computer science (7.8 percent) and information systems (11.7 percent). Of course, this doesn’t even factor in other problems such as unstable careers, slow-growing wages, high risk of jobs moving offshore and the impossibility of landing a tenure-track academic position. Most depressing of all, a recent survey of 3.5 million homes from the U.S. Census Bureau found that almost 75 percent of the people who graduated with a bachelor’s degree in a STEM discipline don’t even work at a STEM job (Dice, “Why Aren’t Graduates Using Their STEM Degrees?,” 07.31.2014). Given this bleak situation, does that mean majoring in the humanities is a far better choice for students than majoring in STEM? After all, those who stand against the STEM hype have often argued that the humanities bring a sort of “richness” and “complexity” to society that science cannot replicate. Nope, because that is also wrong. While claims that the humanities teach students about critical thinking and communication skills are valid, they aren’t nearly convincing enough to sway the minds of students worried about their substantial college debt. If neither STEM nor the humanities are ob-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

jectively better than the other, then what should financially conscious college students major in? Surely, the answer isn’t something sappy and unhelpful like “pursue your dreams.” No, what I’m proposing is that students create an integrated curriculum that combines elements from both the humanities and STEM to introduce a new perspective to a pre-existing discipline. But what does that mean? Am I suggesting that low-income students double or triple major in contrasting subjects? Quite the opposite: Students should combine subjects and pursue a path that sheds light on a certain STEM path using elements of a specific humanities discipline or that sheds light on a certain humanities path using elements of a specific STEM discipline. In other words, stray from the “pure” science or “pure” humanities. Celebrated geniuses of the past were successful not because of they were the master of a single discipline but because they were creative enough to pull inspiration from a wide range of sources and view conventional ideas in radically different ways. For instance, Leonardo da Vinci used his mastery in painting, writing, engineering and biology to study the anatomy of the human body (The Washington Post, “We don’t need more STEM majors. We need more STEM majors with liberal arts training,” 02.18.2015). By choosing to explore the human body in the context of both art and science, da Vinci produced his famous drawings of the human figure that revolutionized the entire world. Rather than focus solely on philosophy or solely on neuroscience, try to find a new approach by combining the two, like award-winning cognitive scientist David Chalmers, who came up with the concept of naturalistic dualism to explain the nature of consciousness. Instead of majoring in pure physics or pure history, discover a more creative and integrated career path like the famous physicist and historian Thomas Kuhn, who was arguably one of the most influential historian of science in the world. Employers are not looking for college graduates with conventional majors and a onetrack mind; they are looking for people who seek new perspective and are willing to explore new territory. If you want success after college, make full use of all the courses that are available and pursue combinations that no one has tried before.

May 4, 2017

OPINIONS

Macron must defeat Le Pen in election Drew Solender Columnist

imply said, it is essential for centrist Emmanuel Macron of En Marche! to defeat farright Marine Le Pen of the Front National in the French presidential election, which takes place on May 7. To start off, let’s talk economics. Some have argued that Emmanuel Macron either publicly or secretly champions the same economic policies that put current President Francois Hollande’s popularity in the single digits and caused the farleft Hamon to win the Socialist Party nomination. While this statement holds some accuracy, the magnitude to which it should be considered must be taken into account. While Macron was responsible for some unpopular economic policies and supports globalization, Marine Le Pen’s plans for protectionism and pulling out of the E.U. make her a much greater danger to the French economy than Macron. The markets enjoy nothing more than stability in global political affairs. Just days before the U.S. presidential election, as Donald Trump was gaining ground and increasing his commitment to challenging a “rigged election” if he lost, the markets began to slip. Yet, after he was elected and Hillary Clinton conceded defeat, showing that she would not challenge the election result, the markets rallied and the Dow Jones Industrial Average shot up to a record 21,000, something Donald Trump has been quick to take credit for. With that in mind, it is important to note that if France were to leave the E.U. after Britain did, and as Le Pen has promised it will, this would likely lead to a collapse of the E.U. This in turn would cause unprecedented global instability that would likely do great damage to the markets and cause global job losses and possibly even a recession. Compared to Macron’s lukewarm economic policies, this is catastrophic. Then of course there is the case of social policy. It is easy to forget about Jean-Marie Le Pen, Marine Le Pen’s father and the founder of the National Front, who famously described the Holocaust as but a detail of history. Yet, Macron is trying not

to let people forget, most recently by “visiting the Holocaust Memorial...aimed at reminding voters of the anti-Semitic past of Le Pen’s National Front Party” (“Macron visits Holocaust Museum,” The Independent, 04.31.2017). While it could be argued that this strategy is misguided due to Marine Le Pen’s supposed dilution of the National Front since taking the reins of power from her father, it is important to understand the difference between rebranding and true ideological reform. France, while consisting of around 85 percent Roman Catholics, is governed rather secularly and Le Pen has been consistent in her devotion to that, sometimes to a militant degree. Yet, that militant degree is usually enforced at the expense not of Catholics, but rather of Muslims, who make up around 5 to 10 percent of the total population. So people have argued then that while Le Pen has maintained the Islamophobia of the National Front, she has cast off the anti-Semitism that has plagued it. Yet, that should be met with a healthy amount of skepticism simply because while the leaders of right and far right in many countries have forged shaky alliances with their country’s Jews and the nation of Israel, they continue to push forth their theocratic Christian platforms. These platforms, unfortunately, are not compatible with the protection of the Jewish people in the long run. We have seen Trump’s administration bungle foreign relations with Israel, Holocaust Remembrance Day and general respect for the Jewish people on a number of occasions simply because Zionism and the Western far right are proven incompatible. No matter what Le Pen purports about her party in regards to the Jewish people, it should definitely be treated with substantial skepticism. Finally, there is foreign policy. There is some contention over just how good an ally Le Pen would truly be to Donald Trump; she has condemned his missile strike, and her promise of an E.U. referendum threatens the stability of global markets, which Trump has been able to point to as a concrete example of his presidency’s success. Yet, there is very little contention about whether or not she would be a better ally to Trump than Ma-

cron; she would. If for no other reason, then simply because “Le Pen, like Trump, ran a campaign that was anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim and traded on white supremacist themes. (It’s no coincidence that former Klan leader David Duke has publicly praised both Le Pen and Trump.)” (“Why Putin and Trump both like Le Pen,” CNN, 04.23.2017). She has also “publicly praised Trump and met with some of his top surrogates” (CNN). Yet, just like we consistently ask ourselves about Russia, is a good relationship with France in our better interest or theirs? A great bolster to Trump’s global doctrine would be the continued victory of the far right, as well as the elevation of far-right leaders who would consistently fail to condemn his misguided actions and policies. Essentially, if Le Pen were to be elected we likely wouldn’t hear much criticism of Trump out of France, and Trump would be able to point to France as an example of the continued success of his political movement. Furthermore, Le Pen, like Trump, has proven to be a consistent apologist and supporter of Russian President Vladimir Putin. Most notably, “Le Pen made international headlines when she met with Putin in Moscow just a few weeks ago, the only one of the 11 French presidential candidates to do so” (“Why Putin and Trump both like Le Pen,” CNN, 04.23.2017). A Le Pen presidency would be a very real check in Putin’s game of international chess and would mark yet another leader of a major power failing to condemn his provocative actions on the global stage. So you’re probably asking yourself why the heck you should care about an election in a country you’ve probably never been to. Well, for one thing a substantial Macron victory would certainly rain on the far right’s current parade and hopefully dampen their spirits in coming electoral contests. Furthermore, it might help us see that moving to the center, as opposed to the radical fringes, is a substantial electoral strategy to defeating Donald Trump in 2020. With all that in mind, I urge everyone to keep close eye on the French presidential election. Tell your friends to go out and vote and, most importantly, En Marche!

Global issues deserve campus attention Ghali Khalil

Guest Columnist

n April 9—Palm Sunday—I awoke to alarming news of a terrorist attack in my homeland: At St. George’s Church in Tanta, at 10 a.m. Egyptian time, as the choir was singing a hymn of praise, an Islamist bomb exploded in the sanctuary, killing 29 worshippers and injuring 71. Three hours later, in Alexandria (my home city), a second blast struck St. Mark’s Church, killing 18 and wounding 35. I have family and friends who attend those churches. Frightened for them, I called home at once. My parents and brother were safe. Others were less fortunate. My friend, George Wafik, lost his grandfather, Adel Shoukry Assad. But a loss was suffered by all of Egypt’s Coptic Orthodox Christians. To be so far from home when my community is under attack is harder than you can imagine. How was I to console my friends? Or console myself, for that matter? I felt angry, fearful, disheartened, homesick, helpless. My people are being killed for their faith. At the beginning of the year, a bomb went off on Christmas Eve, in St. Mark’s Coptic Orthodox Cathedral complex in Cairo, the main Coptic Orthodox churches in Egypt. On Feb. 15, 2015, the Islamic State of Syria and Iraq (ISIL) beheaded 21 Coptic Egyptians on a beach along the southern Mediterranean coast of Libya. I can never know when the next attack will come, but when it does, what can I do? Finding no point in depressing myself more, I dressed and attended church to celebrate Palm Sunday, but the joy of the day was gone. Back in my room, I posted news of the bombings to my Facebook page—but what I really needed was face-to-face consolation from someone who knew what happened, and who cared. To try to get a better understanding of what happened, I resort to reading all the different comments and opinions that people post. It makes me sick; I never knew so much hatred. After nearly two weeks of reflection, I remain proud to have my religion challenged and per-

secuted: my faith is stronger than hatred and violence. But I write of my experience so that others may be more attuned to world events and more responsive to the needs of international students whose lives are affected by violence or natural disasters back home.

“We have students at Vassar from Syria and whose families live in fear, caught in the deadliest conflict of the 21st century.” With over 300 international students from more than 60 countries, and American students coming from 47 different states, Vassar represents a wonderfully diverse community—but that means we also have diverse needs. Many of Vassar’s students come from privileged families. To attend Vassar is a privilege in itself. But the so-called “Vassar bubble” is not a good thing if it makes us unaware of the outside world, or unresponsive to individuals in need at moments of crisis. For “a community diverse in background and experience” we need to be provided a rich educational experience when the entire Vassar community, administrators, faculty and students seek a more global perspective, rather than enclose ourselves in this “safe and comforting” environment. I propose a weekly newsletter emailed by either Vassar’s International Student Association (VISA), Office of International Services (OIS), Boilerplate Magazine or The Miscellany News informing students of important world events. By making our community more aware of world events, we students begin to recognize our roles as global citizens, which can change the world. Because what new experiences could we possibly gain from being in the cyclical Vassar pattern? The Vassar community isn’t always compla-

cent, though. When Donald Trump won the elections last December, there was a schoolwide state of depression. Vassar’s administration, faculty and student services personnel responded aptly with opentalk sessions, President Chenette held extra office hours, safe spaces were made available, faculty held talks during class about national politics. When Trump announced his discriminatory restrictions on immigration and travel, the students and faculty were able to bring the topic up to the administration and pass the Sanctuary Campus Resolution. But on April 7, Syrian president Bashar El-Assad dropped chemical bombs upon civilians in rebel-held Khan Sheikhoun. Videoclips of the victims—many of them children—brought tears to my eyes. But here on campus, with sun shining and the spring breeze blowing, the sarin gas attack went largely unnoticed. We have students at Vassar from Syria and whose families live in fear, caught in the deadliest conflict of the 21st century. Thankfully, we have groups like VISA and OIS that try to make the transition and life at Vassar as smooth as possible. More than guiding us through the multitude of bureaucratic processes internationals have to go through, they celebrate international holidays, host us on American holidays and genuinely try to make us feel at home. Nevertheless, I believe these groups could be more attentive to the world problems affecting the internationals on campus. In the event of an international incident, VISA and/or OIS could check up on students that might have been affected. It is not feasible for the entire campus to fully mourn and subsequently take action against every event that happens. But if every institution or organization, OIS and VISA for internationals, the LGBTQ center for members of the LGBTQ community, etc., can be in charge of following the events that pertain to their communities, then most, if not all, students will have someone looking out for them.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Page 11

Word on the street What’s one thing you did this semester that you wouldn’t tell your parents about? “There are too many things I don’t tell them already” — Kaitlin Prado ’19

“I moved out all the books from the library stack and took a nap” — Addie Backhus ’20

“I skipped so many classes that a professor emailed me and asked if I was still in the class” — Yvonne Yu ’18

“Climbed a mountain called Breakneck Ridge” — Dylan Finley ’17

“I got branded” — Kenji Nikaido ’20

“There have been many times when I didn’t shower on time, and I ate Ramen for dinner” — Izzy Braham ’20

Leah Cates, Humor & Satire Yesenia Garcia, Humor & Satire Evelyn Frick, Outgoing Humor & Satire Michael Chung, Assistant Photo

HUMOR & SATIRE

Page 12

May 4, 2017

Breaking News From the desk of Leah Cates and Yesenia Garcia, Humor & Satire Editors Weather forecast for Founder’s Day weekend: 100 percent chance of poor life choices and a flurry of frantic EMS calls If only I knew: A 19-year- A rugged warm up: It’s one old child’s parenting tips heck of a trek to the AFC Talya Phelps

Parenting Expert

’m not ashamed to say that my parents are two of my best friends. (I probably wouldn’t say this to their faces because they might tell me that I need to get out more.) But for all their wit and kindness, they could have used a few tips that would have helped them raise me better. I share this advice now in the hopes that Vassar parents-to-be will take note and avoid their offspring turning out like I did. 1. Don’t homeschool your child

I’m conflicted on this point. On the one hand, being homeschooled until ninth grade allowed me to pursue my own interests in a supportive community of peers. On the other hand, I’m now awkward and unpleasant to be around. The other day, when I was shopping at Target with some friends, I emerged from an aisle bewildered, blinking and casting about like when the Mole Women from “Unbreakable Kimmie Schmidt” see the sun for the first time in over a decade. I was confused because I couldn’t remember what the last item on my list was, but my friend’s declaration upon seeing me accurately sums up my social skills and general demeanor: “Sometimes Talya acts like her mom didn’t let her out of the house until she was 15 years old.” I try to own my weirdness, but this comment hit close to home. I couldn’t help but meditate on how I might be different, had I not spent my formative years rotating between the living rooms of a handful of other super-alt peers, taking history lessons from nurturing soccer moms, munching on kale and listening to parents discuss the perils of vaccination. Luckily, I managed to escape the bubble with moderate success, but if I were a parent, I wouldn’t risk it. 2. Call your child out if they suck at things

I was an artsy kid in all senses of the word, and my parents always supported my endeavors—whether that meant buying me paints and pencils, providing me diaries to fill with angsty diatribes or driving me to weekly all-homeschooler choir practices. Unfortunately for everyone around us, I was a horrendous singer. I’m so tone-deaf that attempting to sing unleashes a discordant wail that sets every dog within five

miles howling. Moreover, my normal speaking voice has been described by more than one person as “funny but weird,” and trying to force it to hit notes does nothing to improve that characterization. But I truly had no idea, and I even sang solos in choir when my instructor would allow me to punish the audience. (I assume she handed out disclaimers and free earplugs before the concert started.) So it came as a shock when my grandma finally let slip that I would never be a particularly good singer. After that rude awakening, I found my musical niche with flute and recorder, but going to a school overrun by a cappella groups and having a boyfriend with perfect pitch means that the sting still hasn’t completely faded. What’s worse, I went through a prolonged goth phase between ages eight and twelve. One would never know now from looking at my wardrobe—which has recently incorporated a denim jumper and Birkenstocks—but for a time, I refused to leave the house if my outfit didn’t include at least seven holes, three chains and a gratuitous amount of poorly applied eyeliner. This trend persisted until my mom finally told me, in the gentlest of tones, that fishnet tights didn’t suit me. To sum up, please do your children a favor and don’t be afraid to tell them they need to change their clothes/are totally incompetent. 3. Teach your child how to use a fork

This is not a joke; I literally did not know how to use a fork until I was 14 years old. That is to say, I was unaware that you could use the side of it to cut with. It’s just not intuitive! I remained blissfully ignorant until one day when I was trying to portion off bites of meatloaf by stabbing my fork into it and pulling and twisting fervently. Then I glanced over and saw my mom neatly chopping her loaf with the side of her fork. I was both devastated by the 14 years I had wasted and filled with joy for the possibilities that shone before me. In fact, I’m fairly sure this epiphany was the closest I’ll ever come to a religious experience. If this happened to me, though, I fear what similar utensil-related mishaps could befall other children. Parents-to-be, stay vigilant, and if you see your little darling using a knife to eat soup, leap into action before it’s too late.

Leah Cates

Concrete Mountain Climber

ast weekend, my cousin visited Vassar as a prospie. After the tour, my aunt gushed about the “convenient location” of the buildings and how the campus isn’t “hilly.” To which I responded, “Did they show you the gym?” Her forehead crinkled. “No, actually they didn’t.” Of course not. They didn’t want to expose the fact that every route to the AFC features an elaborate trek either through the buggy Vassar woodlands or up a concrete mountain, which leaves you sweaty, crampy and thirsty before you even swipe your VCard at the front desk. Side note about that swipe: Why are they so keen on recording my every workout session, both in the lobby and again in the weight room? If I decide not to risk my life in the Vassar woodlands for a week, will they send me an email: “Experts recommend at least 30 minutes of physical activity each day...”? But I digress. As far as I know, three types of people go to the gym: Injured people. They go there to rehab, well, injuries. Nature-fearing people who prefer air conditioning, exercise bikes and those equipment-sanitizing spray bottles to sweltering heat, actual bikes and mosquitos. People who wish to avoid shattered elbows, fractured tushies and/or death by jogging on black ice during the winter months. (People who don’t know that they should be these people eventually wind up in the first category, hobbling through the glass doors of the AFC with a plaster cast.) And as far as I know, there are three routes to the gym, all of which effectively defeat the purpose of going to the gym for all three of the aforementioned groups. Allow me to lament each one individually. Past Kenyon, by the Wimpfheimer Nursery School, up a cliff flanked by the woods and a golf course and across a gravelly parking lot: this path starts out nice enough. There’s a colorful playground and a scenic woodsy area. And then you’re confronted with Mount Raymond.

Hope you’re not headed to the gym in a leg boot, which is a very real possibility, considering that the gym houses physical therapy. As if the shin, thigh and calf spasms associated with ascending the mountain aren’t enough, you’re constantly on the defense against rabid squirrel attacks from the woodlands on your right, stray golf balls from the course on your left and cars straight ahead of you that sporadically come barreling down the mountain. When you finally stumble to the top, you’re terribly exhausted but also terribly proud as you glimpse the inviting brick of the AFC. The promised land! And that’s when a golf ball travelling 80mph leaves a bluish, brownish, bloody dent in the side of your head. You can rehab your legs. It’s harder to rehab your skull. Past New England and Sanders, and up another concrete mountain, this one flanked by a babbling brook, towering trees and lush grass: this sounds downright picturesque. Indeed it is. But I don’t care. If I wanted to hike for exercise, I’d toss down my gym bag, veer right and skip gleefully onto the trail through the Vassar wilderness Laura Ingalls Wilder-style (cue video of Laura, Mary and Carrie flailing around in stifling dresses on lush greenery). But I don’t want to. Pollen makes my eyes look like I just rubbed onions in them. People who go to the gym in the warmer months have explicitly decided not to exercise with allergens. And yet to walk to the AFC is to bathe in them. Through the Swift passageway, across a bridge, up 32 steps or a mini mountain (pick your poison), through the lawns of the TAs and up more steps: I believe that the absurdity of this route speaks for itself. There’s a bridge over a small river, and you are momentarily one with the trees and the leaves and the dirt and the tics. Then there are steps. Four flights of them. Hope you don’t have sports-related shin splints or stress fractures. If you survive the boondocks, you’re literally in the backyards of the poor saps who live in the TAs right behind the gym (privacy rights much?). And then there’s seven more steps. Note: These scenarios all assume that you’re braving the trek to the AFC in the temperate months. Wintertime brushes with any of these paths will inevitably leave you stomach-sliding backwards down the icy concrete.

Retiring Humor Editor reflects on sweet-talking writers, ‘Space Jam’ Evelyn Frick, Lame Duck

ear Humor & Satire section of the Misc, If I had known in utero that The Miscellany News existed, I would’ve been born ready to be its Humor Editor. Doing this job has included a lot of things that I love: writing humorous articles, making new friends, micromanaging, staying up until the wee hours of every Wednesday morning, stress emailing, deadlines...you get the picture. I’ve been editing and writing humor pieces for about a year and a half now. I started as a small, eager, kinda dumb first-year who reached out to both the Humor Editor and the Opinions Editor about writing, got prompt responses from both, and only ever replied to the Humor Editor. (Think about it. I could’ve been writing for Opinions. Who would I be without a consistent release valve for my bad jokes?) I wrote every week. Literally, every week. I must’ve been so annoying to the Humor Editor, what with sending him lots of emails and all. But then I took over his position. And now my time as Humor Editor is ending, and I’m still small, still eager, still kinda dumb. I cannot believe that it’s nearly over. My first-ever article in the Humor section

was entitled “Hide your crippling social anxiety under fun costumes.” The gist of it was that I came up with a list of fun, Vassar-related Halloween costumes to prep for Halloweekend. At the time, I was pretty proud of myself because when he read the part where I suggested that people be the Ghost of a Good GPA, my Humor Editor, a lovely and very, very funny (wink, wink) fellow named Zander said (and I quote), “I laughed out loud.” But now that I am Humor Editor, I realize he may have just been saying that so I would want to keep writing; he probably just said that to all the humor writers. But clearly I did not stop there. I think one of my favorite articles from my freshman year was the article I wrote declaring my candidacy for Vassar College President. Besides the fact that this article is hysterically funny, I also like it because it discusses one of my favorite topics: myself! Basically, the whole article was just a ploy to get my picture (Which is beautiful, by the way. It’s of me flipping off the Matthew Vassar statue as a light snow begins to fall. Oh, the aesthetic.) in the paper and get to talk about myself more than I already do. Plus, I was able to

come up with a super hip and relatable slogan: “Frick the Patriarchy.” I definitely plan on using that if/when I decide to run for public office. That’s right, Pat Toomey. Shake in your boots! Shake in them! One article I should have written during my time as Humor Editor but never did was a review of the movie “Space Jam.” I know what you’re thinking, dear reader, because I’m sure you’ve been avidly keeping up with everything I’ve written. You’re thinking, “But Evelyn, you beautiful goddess, you already wrote a review of Space Jam!” That’s true, I did. But that was a review of “Space Jam” when I had never actually seen the movie. And I wanted that article to be a part of a larger series. The next “Space Jam” review would’ve occurred after I had watched it...while completely fucking toasted. Could you imagine some of the comedy gold that could’ve been derived from that? I can only imagine that watching “Space Jam” whilst stone cold sober is a fucking trip, so watching it after smoking some devil’s lettuce would be even wilder. The first time Bugs says, “What’s up, Doc?” I’d probably be sent reeling into an existential crisis of

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

mythic proportion. I’ve written over 30 humor articles for the humor section in my two years at Vassar. Not to toot my own horn, but that’s a lot!!!! I’ve given so much of myself to this section and the Misc as a whole, and while I’ve had many ups and downs in this org, ultimately I wouldn’t trade my time as Humor Editor for anything. To my editor Zander, thank you so much for conning me into taking this position; even though I’m funnier than you, your guidance and friendship have been an invaluable part of my Vassar experience. To Leah and Yesenia, my successors, I am so unbelievably happy to be leaving the section with you; I am certain you will take the section onto bigger and better things. To the Editorial Board of The Misc, I love you all. (Except a few of you. You know who you are.) Well, here we are. The last few sentences of my article. There’s a phrase I’ve wanted to use in one of my articles, but I don’t think I ever have. So now is my chance. I leave you with this: Wake up, Sheeple. All my love, Evelyn

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Nine new Vassar majors that will lead to unemployment Tanya Kotru Gode

Marvel Cinematic Universe Studies Major

Courtesy of Wikimedia

am majoring in confusion and cluelessness. Period. (Not that kind of period though—that thankfully ended last week. Phew! For now.) Pre-registration is a very stressful time. It’s basically the Hunger Games for college students. The odds really need to be in your favor, or you may just end up with a draw number like 600 something (not me so far, thankfully). Anyway, pre-registration got me thinking about prospective majors, which made me realize that I’m hopeless, etc., etc. It also got me wondering what interesting majors Vassar could start offering. However, if the official “course catalog writer people” of Vassar (I swear I’m smarter than what is evident from my writing) ever added these majors, I definitely wouldn’t recommend them, as there’s not much of a guarantee of future employment. On that very positive note, let’s talk about majors I think Vassar should offer. Magical Studies (MGST): Who doesn’t want to learn about magic? If Hogwarts can offer Muggle Studies, Vassar should offer Magical Studies. This department would have courses about all things magical: Unicorns 101, The Science of Wands 105, Voodoo 210, Vampires (and why Twilight is stupid) 205, etc. I’m sorry, I’m a Potterhead, and so I’m biased against Twilight. #SiriusBlackNotJacobBlack #CedricDiggoryNotEdwardCullen Deece Hacks (DEEC): I feel this is a very essential major, but it will only be useful on this campus. Some of the classes offered could be How to be Vegan/Vegetarian at the Deece 105 (not me, I love meat), Stir Fry 101 (learning to cook without blow-

Pre-registration is a stressful time for all, but Vassar could alleviate this stress by diversifying its majors offerings into areas like food, the Kardashians and Deece studies. ing up the Deece), How to Make a Waffle 206 (this should be a six-week course as I’m sure there’s not much to it) and, most importantly, How to Sneak Out Stuff From the Deece 310. This last one would probably be a major requirement. Gordon Ramsay Studies (GOST): (I first abbreviated that as GRST but oops, that’s already taken.) This one is basically a fancier version of being a food major. Like Ramsay, this department is quite hardcore. There are many courses that teach you to cook fancy-ass food, like Filet Mignon 145 (I don’t really know the name of any other fancy-sounding food). A major requirement for this department is How to Swear 101. You must know your curses if you want to be like Gordon Ramsay. Duh! This course also explores bad words in foreign languages like “merde” and “mierda” or the

English version of them, which brings me to the next major on this list. The Science of How to be Independent (SHIT): Just imagine saying, “I’m majoring in SHIT!” This is basically a major in how to be a functioning, independent adult. We all need to take a SHIT class at least once because we’re mostly just kids pretending to be all grown-up. Some classes could be Basic Cooking 101, Taxes 205 and my personal favorite (being a hygiene freak) Laundry 100. This is a class I’m willing to take again and again, and also to teach, because I love doing laundry. My roommate thinks I get high on detergent fumes. Asshole Studies (ASSH): This is the major for those who want to master being jerks on a professional level. One of the classes cross-listed in this department is How to Swear 101. That and How to

be Mean 205 are major requirements. A possible career option with this major is politics. Chocolate Studies (CHST): Chocolate is the best! This could be a part of the food major (the Gordon Ramsay Department), but chocolate deserves its own category. A class on Willy Wonka would be good. Womp Womp Studies (WOMP): This one just sounds cute. How to be Rich and Famous (HORF): You can go one of three ways with this department. You could learn to be rich and famous through boring clichés like working hard. You could take Kardashians 212 and learn to be famous for no good reason. Or you could choose a life of crime (Stealing 101) and become a professional thief or something. In any event, you end up with a lot of money. Marvel Cinematic Universe Studies (MCUS): Okay. If Vassar starts offering this major, I’m declaring! My focus will be the Avengers, of course (Avengers 101), and my favorite class will be Captain America 211. Let me take this moment to fangirl over the beautiful man that is Cap (guess what I’d write my senior thesis on if I were an MCUS major?). Chris Evans is too beautiful to exist on this planet. He is beauty; he is grace. He is making me hot-faced. Oh, don’t forget Thor 210. Chris Hemsworth is also gorgeous. Also, my senior thesis might just get me a restraining order from Chris Evans. I could even get it now because of how much research I’ve already done on him. At least I’ll get to meet him through court proceedings, perhaps. Sigh. Also, for anyone who appreciates the gorgeousness of Cap, come over to my room. My walls are covered with pictures of him. Maybe I am a stalker.

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ARTS

May 4, 2017

Student Artist Spotlight

I hold a great deal of personal value in photographs; in how they express emotion, inspire action, and convey memory. Even the most random snapshots compose all these tiny beautiful moments in life. I’m interested in how photographs mediate our identities, and how we interpret meaning from them. I’m fascinated by complexity of their visual language. I shoot everything I can, because there’s always so much to learn and explore. There’s always more good work to do. —Jackson Hardin ’19, photographer, he/him/his

Experimental play considers rationality through chaos DEVISED continued from page 1

ed over and over by citizens after they killed the sun deepened the audience’s understanding of their insanity and delusions. Yet by ending the play with the powerful accusation, “It used to be warm here before you had fun,” the audience is forced to confront whether or not the absence of rationality really is desirable. Ayres’ inspiration to bring this piece to Vassar sprouted from her semester abroad in Russia last semester, where she first studied this play. “I immediately found the costumes really interesting in the original—the people were all wearing geometry. To be honest, the impetus to do the play was to dress people up in geometric costumes,” laughed Ayres. On a more serious note, regarding her interest in the show’s message, she added, “The play involved reconsidering what it means to have growing distaste for one’s government—a feeling that is very relatable to all of us in our current times.” While many may have found the production to be enrapturing when seeing it performed today, this was not the case back then when it was first developed. Ayres continued, “The audience hated it in the 1900s. The play was not very highly regarded, and there was no footage of the original production, only of a few later performances. It was interesting to base a show off of something I had only read and never seen; it led to a creative disconnect between the text and the performance.” The dialogue, actions and stage directions were written into the script collaboratively through creative exercises during rehearsals, in order to shape the characters based on how the cast conceptualized them. Frick talked about her own experience participating in this creative process: “Playing a character with an indiscernible personality or motivation of backstory has been a challenge, but I’ve loved creating this role.” Ayres commented that the cast really shaped their own characters such that “the roles [were] the same as the original but the voices [were] different.” Demree further elucidated, “We wanted the characters to seem as though they were all together, united in their goal, yet inter-

acting mostly with themselves, lost in their respective isolated worlds.” Interestingly, the creative free-writing and thought exercises that the ensemble engaged in ended up being more vital to the final product than they had anticipated. One particular exercise simply involved writing sentences and then folding the paper over so that the next person didn’t see the sentence, and instead writes their own. While the exercise was initially just meant to get the cast’s creative juices flowing, each person’s individual sentences ended up being used on the programs for the event. “In a way, everything we did became a part of the production.” “It was fascinating to see how the environment created something beyond what we intended, re-

ally,” observed Ayres. Frick also describedthe creative process behind the production: “Using the moon in the beginning of the show, having actors recreate human life cycles, and covering the citizens with blankets were ideas we came up with in rehearsals. Other rehearsals were spent writing dialogue in any way that we saw fit. Obviously I can’t speak for the entire cast, but it seemed to me like everyone’s voices were heard and considered in the putting together of this show.” Ayres mentioned in closing, “It was very rewarding to take a piece that is theoretically and artistically based and make it something that the cast and design team could remake and call as our own. We’re very proud of what we have created together.”

Michael Chung/The Miscellany News

“Victory Over the Sun” borrowed the plot, but almost none of the dialogue, from the original. One of the cast members, Evelyn Frick ’19 {Full Disclosure: Frick is the outgoing Humor & Satire Editor of The Miscellany News}, illuminated, “While our play is devised, we found a lot of inspiration in the original script which utilize[d] art theory and movements of the time to discuss industry, technology, the future and humanity.” These concepts were originally explored in a transrational language which, according to Ayres, “It was essentially poetic gibberish.” Intensely sensory, “Victory Over the Sun” was acutely focused on movement, sound and vision in order to deliver its message., which adds to the uniqueness of the production. The beginning of the show involved movement players who reenacted human life cycles while the sun, personified by a dancing yellow figure, bobbed in the middle of the stage. When the citizens killed the sun and later came to terms with what they had done, the hypnotizing music in the background built in tempo to combine with the characters’ increasingly manic screams and laughs that turned to cries. An emotive frenzy of sound was produced, leaving the audience completely overwhelmed. Ruth Demree ’20, the narrator, explained, “The goal was to help you escape rationality through purposeful chaos.” The music was a key element in creating this. She continued, “We wanted a haze of ambient noise that was sort of unsettling.” Frick further described the effect that the show would have on the audience: “A lot of the play won’t make sense in the way that we perceive logic; the characters are trying to achieve victory over the sun, but [the show] leaves the audience to question whether or not their goal is productive.” The production managed to convey an overarching sense of aimlessness: Character’s movements seemed pained, while the sounds they made reflected an internal madness—a madness enhanced by their impractical hope that terminating the sun would solve all their problems. Dialogues like “I had fun!” repeated and reflect-

Taking place in the Mug from April 27-29, the play “Victory Over the Sun” was devised from the original Russian opera that details the chaos that accompanied the Russian Revolution.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

ARTS

May 4, 2017

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Feist enchants Gov Ball showcases diversity within music in new album ‘Pleasure’ Izzy Braham Columnist

Pleasure

Feist Universal

in 2006, titled “10,000 Days,” so one may be asking why they received the top spot at one of the country’s biggest music festivals. The festival’s producers are eager to bring in artists that have a large presence in the music industry but may not have made appearances in the concert scene, and particularly in the city, in a while. After an eight-year hiatus, the band has renewed touring, and Gov Ball marks Tool’s first performance in New York City in 11 years. Like Phoenix, the band surely has an album coming soon that will provide new material for eager fans and for those at the festival. While Chance, Phoenix and Tool may be the sole reasons you head to Gov Ball, there are other immensely talented performers that will also be performing on Randall’s Island. Childish Gambino will be making a rare appearance, as he has been busy filming an upcoming Star Wars film. Lorde, Flume and Charli XCX are not shy to festival performances and will be performing new material. In addition, upcoming artists such as Dua Lipa and Banks deserve just as much recognition as those at the top of everyone’s lists. After the release of the massive single “Royals” and her debut album “Pure Heroine,” Lorde retreated back into the shadows to find her next record’s story. “Melodrama” will be released this June, and the concept that underlies the album is going to a house party. Lorde has changed the alternative pop music industry forever, and her unique style is championed by all. With the releases of “Green Light” and “Liability” along with a commanding Coachella performance, Lorde has proven she is not one to miss out on. Harley Edward Streten, also known as Flume, is an Australian artist that has worked with Lorde, Sam Smith and Disclosure in creating his unique electropop sound. His second studio album, “Skin,” won Best Dance/Electronic Album at the 2017 Grammy Awards. “Never Be like You,” “Say it” and “You and Me” have made him an integral artist in the electronic and pop music industry. If you are looking to dance, make sure to catch Flume’s set. You may know her from Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy” or the radio hit “Boom Clap,” but Charli XCX has completely reinvented herself with her 2017 mixtape “Number 1 Angel.” This dance-pop mixtape is filled with female guest appearances from MØ, Raye, Uffie, Abra and Cupcakke. Charli knows how to party, and it is a virtual guarantee that her performance will be packed with energy, champagne and pop hits. A personal favorite of mine, Banks has achieved critical and social acclaim, yet not to the extent of other artists of less acclaim. Her 2014 album “Goddess” is one of the best alternative records to be released, and the 2016 LP “The Altar” continued her rise as one of the preeminent artists in the music industry. She has a very quintessential style when performing live that one needs to watch to fully understand, so definitely keep an eye out for her performance on Saturday and popular tracks such as “Goddess,” “Poltergeist,” “Gemini Feed” and “Waiting Game.” One may have been hearing the name Dua Lipa in the media quite often lately. The English artist has recently achieved commercial success

with her song “Be the One” and her collaboration with Martin Garrix, “Scared to be Lonely.” After these releases and after opening for Troye Sivan in the fall, she has booked a string of festival performances throughout the world in promotion of her self-titled debut LP, which will be released this June. Look out for tracks “Hotter than Hell,” “Be the One” and a surprise appearance from Garrix. While the performers and location may help a concert-goer decide which festival to head to, one also has to think about who they’re giving their money to. Billionaire Philip Anschutz, the owner of Coachella, was linked this year to right-wing groups that support anti-LGBT legislation and deny climate change. One may just be thinking about the music, but it is pertinent to be conscious of who you are funneling money to by attending a certain festival. One might also not see their favorite act on the lineup because of scheduling difficulties or the confusing rules that surround performing at a music festival. An act usually cannot perform within 50 miles of the festival within three months of it in order to keep up the high demand that accompanies having your sole performance in the New York City area being at the festival. Who knows, maybe your favorite artist might make a surprise guest appearance? Governors Ball Music Festival lies at the heart of New York City and emulates the incredibly diverse, explosive energy one feels when visiting the city that never sleeps. No city can compare to it and no festival has the same essence. It has established itself as a mainstay in the festival scene and in the culture of the city itself. Whether you are going to wait hours in front of the barricade to witness Lorde’s mesmerizing dancing or you want to sample from all of the different food trucks, this festival has something for everyone.

Courtesy of Governor’s Ball

Depicted here is the lineup, with headliners Chance The Rapper, Phoenix and Tool closing the show each day. Also be sure to look out for Lorde and Flume’s performances.

Courtesy of Forest Woodward

ow we all know that on April 28, the new Gorillaz album dropped (which is great by the way), but on that same day the quiet magnificence that is singer Feist’s new album, “Pleasure,” was also released. The album isn’t something to be overlooked—it is intense, somber and brilliantly crafted. So while you are jamming out to the Gorillaz’s new tunes, mix in some softer pieces by Feist. Feist is a Canadian indie-folk musician who launched a solo career in 1999 after being part of the band Broken Social Scene. Her songs are thoughtfully written, and while always beautiful, they alternate between invoking a peaceful contentment or quiet sadness. She is a musician of the Norah Jones, Fiona Apple and Regina Spektor breed, and her main priority is not fame but rather to create music that resonates with herand her life. In an interview, Feist said, “Here I am living in my life and songs occur to help me make sense of it” (New York Times, “Feist Wants to Ask You Some Questions About Sadness,” 04.05.2017). Unsurprisingly, many of her songs are incredibly insightful and distinctly human—a quality that sets her apart from many musicians. Like most of her discography, “Pleasure” is incredibly slow and graceful, and conveys an intense aspect of introspection. While melancholic in tone, the album interweaves a sprinkling of louder tracks that include rock elements with many harrowing, delicate and minimalistic songs. And of course, Feist’s soft and angelic voice is a standout aspect of every song. The album intermixes feelings of sadness and hopelessness with themes of sensuality, love and fleeting youth. While entitled “Pleasure,” the album is profoundly darker than the name suggests. However, the sadness only enhances the depth of the lyrics. This sophistication is apparent on some of the highlights of the album such as “Lost Dreams,” “Young Up,” “Get Not High, Get Not Low” and the title track “Pleasure.” “Lost Dreams” is about Feist’s fading understanding of the world and her relationships. “Young Up” is a meandering tune, but what is special is Feist’s harrowing voice matched with her lyrics about death. As the last song on the album, it provides a heartbreaking end. My favorite song on the album is “Get Not High, Get Not Low,” a song about Feist’s struggle with depression and anxiety. The song begins with this homemade, folksy melody and then around two minutes in picks up with this psychedelic beat. The song peters out in a delicate way with Feist singing “I can’t tell or be told where to go.” Feist’s insightful lyricism is similarly apparent in the beginning track “Pleasure.” Feist sings, “That is how we evolved. We became our needs,” and that we are “built by what we got built for,” addressing the topic of an inescapable primal sensuality that comes with age. The song builds in its intensity and then ends with some light-hearted clapping and chanting of the word pleasure. While the album is stellar in its serene beauty, it isn’t very different from the rest of Feist’s discography. It is incredibly similar to her last album, “Metals,” which shares the new album’s slow pace, sad themes and gloomy tone. With that said, there is still greatness in Feist’s consistency. After her hit track “1234” made it big in 2007, it became apparent that Feist did not want to be known as the sunny, upbeat singer the song presented her as, but rather as a more obscure, melancholic musician. In her interview with the New York Times, she said, “I felt like a lot of expectations had grown up around me that had not much to do with me. My goal was to just very carefully descend the ladder with dignity, and go back to the altitude that I can breathe at.” Feist’s slide into a less poppy place exposes her as a truly down-to-earth artist, and “Pleasure” especially establishes her pensive, graceful and somber nature as a musician.

FESTIVAL continued from page 1 age of 21 will have the opportunity to head to an Oasis area that will have plenty of shade, food vendors and beverages. Over 50,000 people traverse to Randall’s Island to attend the festival each day, with around 150,000 aggregating over the three-day period. In its inaugural year, Gov Ball was held on Governor’s Island and amassed the highest attendance ever seen on the island. Its debut had artists such as Empire of the Sun, Mac Miller and Pretty Lights, but the expansion in number of days and dramatic rise in popularity has led to artists such as Chance the Rapper, Phoenix and Tool claiming the headlining spots this year. After receiving excellent reviews, the festival returned in 2012 on Randall’s Island Park with a two-day lineup with larger artists, which included Kid Cudi, Passion Pit and Major Lazer. Vogue then praised Gov Ball as “The summer music festival New Yorkers can finally call their own” (Vogue Magazine, “30 Days of Summer,” 05.25.2012). Changing the location also eased transportation issues, as one could only get to Governor’s Island by ferry. In its third year, Gov Ball expanded to three days of music, including Guns N’ Roses, Kings of Leon and Kanye West. 2014 had headliners Disclosure, Vampire Weekend, Outkast and Skrillex. 2015 saw female artists in the headlining position, with popular alternative artists Lana Del Ray, Florence and the Machine and Björk holding high spots in addition to Drake and Flume. In its most popular year yet, the 2016 Gov Ball sold out and had The Strokes, The Killers and Kanye West. The theatricality of The Killers and their opening with the iconic “Mr. Brightside” lead to a successful and rousing performance. Then, The Strokes’ Saturday performance combined hit singles with their lesser-known tracks. Their onstage banter, surprise encore emergence and fireworks display ended a spectacular evening. Unfortunately, the festival has been plagued with rain delays and cancellations over the years, with thunderstorms preventing Kings of Leon from performing in 2013 and Kanye West in 2016, as Sunday’s shows were canceled. Kanye being Kanye, the rain did not stop him from making an appearance outside Webster Hall, a concert venue in the East Village, at 2 a.m. to over 4,000 people. While he didn’t perform due to the unsafe conditions, Two Door Cinema Club, Courtney Barnett, Prophets of Rage, Vic Mensa and Galantis held shows throughout the city that Sunday. While these lineups have showcased impressive diversity in regards to genres of music and performance style, this year’s headliners promise to be the best ones yet. Chance the Rapper, the headliner on Friday, has emerged as one of the most popular artists in the music industry due to his successful merging of rap and gospel music. His third mixtape, “Coloring Book,” was preceded by appearances on Kanye West’s album “The Life of Pablo” on the track “Ultralight Beam” and writing contributions on several other songs, including “Waves.” “Coloring Book” was released exclusively on Apple Music and had almost 58 million streams in its first week, landing at number eight on the Billboard 200. It won three Grammy awards and was the first streaming-exclusive album to ever receive a nomination. At only 24 years old, this Chicago native is only going up from here. He previously performed at Gov Ball in 2014, but as an artist performing in the middle of the day to a smaller crowd. Now Chance has been given the coveted headlining spot. Popular tracks that will be mainstays in his performance include “All Night,” “All We Got,” “Blessings” and “Angels.” As of right now, Gov Ball will mark French rock band Phoenix’s first string of performance since 2014 when they promoted their 2013 album “Bankrupt” across the United States. With each LP released, Phoenix continues to build on their quite particular sound that has attracted a fan base throughout the world. The band has commented about how much they love to perform live, and many are hopeful that new music will be released in concurrence with their upcoming tour. Look out for favorites such as “Entertainment,” “Trying to be Cool” and “1901.” Many younger festival-goers may not know Sunday’s headliner Tool. An American rock band from Los Angeles, the group has been together since 1990. Their last album was released

The palpable energy that accompanies attending a music festival is all too prevalent at Governor’s Ball. The artists feed off of the audience’s energy and deliver stunning performances.

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May 4, 2017

Gorillaz deliver lackluster performance on ‘Humanz’ Jimmy Christon Columnist

Humanz

Gorillaz Parlophone / Warner

whelming performance, Damon Albarn/2-D coming in with some vocals that always come from behind a compression filter and the beats are usually just a synthetic drum sequencer with synths arbitrarily slapped on. The use of the filter on Albarn’s vocals really bothered me as well. Albarn has used this filter before to great affect on tracks like “On Melancholy Hill” or “Feel Good Inc,” but these were exceptions. Normally, he would deliver some great performances through 2-D. But for whatever reason, on “Humanz,” almost all of Albarn’s vocals have this filter attached to them that sounds generic.. The other misfire that plagues this album is the performances, which are all-around lacking. Why would you give Pusha-T, one of the strongest MCs in the game, a measly 17 lines on the track “Let Me Out”? Why would you put UK-punk artist Jenny

Courtesy of gigijin via Flickr

nless you’re Phish, D’angelo’s “Voodoo” or Outkast, I’m always going to be skeptical if your album is over an hour long. It should most definitely not have a running time of an hour and 20 minutes, even if some of that is padded out by bonus tracks. This isn’t to say that long albums cannot be well produced, as Gorillaz’s self-titled debut was an hour and 10 minutes, which still stands as their most intoxicating album yet. In addition, Outkast’s “Stankonia” is a blast for all of its hour and 13 minutes. But more often than not, longer albums have a tendency to feel bloated and derivative. “Humanz” falls into the latter category. Coming in at a whopping twenty-six tracks (although seven of them are interludes), this album completely overstays what should have been a warm welcome. Even worse, “Humanz” is filled to the brim with musical misfires from both Gorillaz themselves and from featured artists. One of the biggest blunders on this album has to be Albarn’s insistence on sticking with his iPad to make the beats for this album. In my review of Gorillaz’ discography for last week’s issue, I wrote about their album “The Fall” because I thought it was an experimental gimmick album where Albarn purposely limited himself to his iPad to see what music he could make. “The Fall” is not a good album. On that album of 15 tracks, there’s only one (one!) track that I consistently return to: the admittedly fantastic “Bobby in Phoenix” (which is well worth checking out). There’s a very clear drop in quality from Gorillaz’ past projects when they either brought in guest producers such as Danger Mouse on “Demon Days” or when Albarn was far away from

his iPad. Albarn isn’t a bad producer, but the iPad clearly hurts production value throughout the album, which is heard on the beat on the opener “Ascension.” This isn’t a bad track, but the production really limits this song from being a hiphop hit that the band’s past discography is filled with. There are way too many things happening. Instead of sticking with a consistent drum beat, Albarn switches among about seven different snares over the course of the track. The beat keeps on changing to try and accent Vince Staples’s verse. The song isn’t bad, it just feels very amateurish, especially when compared to some of Gorillaz’ earlier hip-hop tracks like “November has Come” or “Dirty Harry.” This amateurish sound is typical for the record that it honestly starts to feel formulaic, with the guest-feature starting the track with an under

With 26 tracks, Gorillaz’ “Humanz” is overwhelming in musical content but lacks in artistic excellence and instrumental beats. In the future, they should focus on originality.

Beth on a bubbly synth-pop track? Why does rapper Zebra Kat fall so flat on “Sex Murder Party” when he shines on the bonus track “The Apprentice?” I am flabbergasted by this. Gorillaz used to be so good at bringing out the best performances from their featured artists, like Bootie Brown’s verse on “Dirty Harry” or any of Bobby Womack’s performances on “Plastic Beach.” However, on “Humanz,” everything just feels so ill-conceived. There were very few moments on this album where I wasn’t either debating whether I should skip a track out of boredom/foul taste or counting the minutes until one of the few highlights of the album came on, which still feel like they’re undercooked. The track “Andromeda” is a touching tribute to the late Bobby Womack, but the outro to the song just doesn’t land the ending and sucks up some of the emotional weight of the song. “Busted and Blue” attempts to be another world-weary introspective Gorillaz song, but the beat is so sparse that it doesn’t give any traction to Albarn’s (filtered) vocals like on “El Mañana” or “On Melancholy Hill.” I can’t be the only one that thinks “Busted and Blue” is utterly worthless without the synth line that comes in at the end of the track. However, there are two tracks that I do think hit it out of the park. “Hallelujah Money” and “The Apprentice” are both stellar in the same vein as Gorillaz older songs, as they delightfully mix tone and musicality. They seem to be the only two tracks from this album that seem to work well with the iPad-production. The swooping beat on “Hallelujah Money” works really well with Benjamin Clementine’s dystopic sermon and the synth pings on “The Apprentice” feels adequately groovy. I am disappointed with this album. Even when the Gorillaz had missteps in the past, I still felt like they were doing something original or stylistic. But “Humanz’” cardinal sin is that it lacks this stylistic edge: there’s nothing on this album that I feel sounds uniquely Gorillaz. But hey, the band Phoenix released a new track, “J-Boy,” last week, and it is stellar. So not everything in the music industry is bad.

‘Girlboss’ unoriginal, fails to address critical social issues Lucy Ellman Columnist

Girlboss

Kay Cannon Netflix

Courtesy of Carolyn Coles via Flickr

ow that “Girls” is off the air, television executives everywhere are scrambling to fill the void left by the renowned HBO show. They ask themselves, “Where can we look to find the next series featuring a host of snarky, entitled and rather unlikeable female heroines?” “Girlboss” has certainly placed itself in the running. And “Girlboss” is, well, it’s fine. Perfectly average one might say, which is not something that people have come to expect from its ever-impressive host, Netflix. While it certainly wants to be seen as pushing boundaries, breaking down barriers for feminist viewers while providing broad entertainment for the masses, “Girlboss” ultimately does not have much of anything new to contribute to the discussons spurned by “Girls” and predominant throughout media today “Girlboss” is a newly released series now streaming on Netflix and “loosely” based on the life and career of entrepreneur Sophia Amoruso. The series takes much of its direction from Amoruso’s previously published autobiography, aptly named “#GIRLBOSS,” which illustrates how at the age of 23, Amoruso founded her own Ebay-based online store selling vintage clothing. Based on the success of her Ebay site, Amoruso later launched her own startup, “Nasty Gal Vintage,” which soon became a massive success. In 2016, she was named one of the richest selfmade women in the world by Forbes Magazine (Forbes Magazine, “Nasty Gal Sophia Amoruso Richest Women Net Worth,” 06.01.2016). “Nasty Gal” has recently filed for bankruptcy, but Season One does not get quite that far. As “Girlboss” takes place in the far-away era of 2006 San Francisco, it is considered a period piece. That’s right folks, 2006 is now a “period,” instating itself in the same genre as old Victo-

“Girlboss” tries to take over for “Girls” in regards to television shows that highlight female empowerment, yet it also fails to tackle important social justice issues and lacks in originality. rian ladies in petticoats and the first “Captain America” movie (I tried to break this to my roommate and she didn’t believe me). “Girlboss” truly revels in its period, and some of the most interesting elements of the show are all of the intentionally knowing references scattered throughout, from a “The Devil Wears Prada” poster in the background of a Blockbuster to an entire scene from an episode revolving around a pivotal season finale of “The O.C.” It’s fun, it’s light and it taps into all of the good nostalgia that is so fashionable lately. I’ll admit, “Girlboss” gets some things right. The production design and clothes are really fun, even if they aren’t entirely 2000s friendly. I know I spent 2006 decked out in neon and sequins from Limited Too, but no way did Sophia and her friends spend that decade looking that good. For the most part, the direction is decent, despite an entire scene in a living room lit with

only red light. I’m not a film major, but it was perhaps a bit of an unnecessary artistic choice. One standout piece of direction is a truly innovative depiction of mid-2000s chatroom culture in what was probably the most memorable episode of the season. Additionally, the cast does stand out, and they are in fact quite charming. For once, Britt Robertson was given a role suitable for her age. It’s quite the change to see the now 26-year-old actress play someone other than the standard plucky teenage girl making her way through high school. In “Girlboss,” she instead plays a somewhat grown adult. Newcomer Ellie Reed fulfills the stereotypical best friend role, and while she is not given much to work with due to the series’ poor writing, her smile is just too damn contagious. Also, I’ll say it: I like Johnny Simmons as the boyfriend. He was great in “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” and is adorable as ever in “Girl-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

boss.” Give him work, I say. However, ultimately “Girlboss” flounders due to poor writing, unclear character motivations and a lack of plain-old originality. The show relies on the fact that it is extraordinarily “of the moment.” Over the past few months, “nasty” has become a rallying cry for women everywhere, flying off the shelves in the form of T-shirts, posters and now a television show. Yet “Girlboss” ultimately does not have much to add to this conversation. It fails to produce the same sense of empowerment felt after reading Amoruso’s autobiography. It is no longer sufficient to have an “unlikable” heroine, and especially if the only significant character trait your heroine embodies is this inherent “unlikability” to the overall extent where her motivations are squandered and no longer make sense to the viewer. It is just not enough to keep the plot interesting nor advance conversations that are happening throughout other media platforms. “Girls” was hugely successful, and for a moment was seen as truly pushing boundaries for women in comedy. Yet from the beginning, and after the show completed its six-season run, it was criticized for its inherently white feminist perspective and lack of diverse feminist perspectives in an entirely white lead cast. “Girlboss” had a chance to correct the wrongs of its predecessor, creating a new, more inclusive show that broke down barriers for those that “Girls” left behind. In the end, “Girlboss” is just much of the same, giving us a largely white, snarky-girl-kicks-ass narrative that is not nearly as groundbreaking as they would like us to think. They played it safe, leaving us with a watchable, if not albeit unoriginal, viewing experience. It will not change any social opinions nor make you want to scream at your laptop screen, but rather it will provide something nice to watch while cooking or cleaning your dorm room. Hopefully if it is renewed for another season, they will have an opportunity to bring certain social issues to the forefront of the plot, but obviously under several lines of sarcasm and wit.

ARTS

May 4, 2017

Campus Canvas

A weekly space highlighting the creative pursuits of student-artists

Page 17 submit to misc@vassar.edu

f(ence) art

Excuse me, In light of Founder’s Day, who’s your favorite Founding Father?

“Eliza Hamilton” — Jordan Peyer ’18

“Ben Franklin. He’s my founding daddy” — Sam Greenwald ’19

“I don’t really like any of them. They’re all low-key racist” — Noa Mendoza-Goot ’20

“I don’t really have one, I guess” — Gabe Dell’ Accio ’18

“I’m gratefully not an American, so I don’t have one” — Saisha Srivastava ’18

The piece I want to submit represents home to many of us. It is in a form most similar to a white picket fence. The 6-foot-tall white slats with sharp points tower over the viewer. As the viewer walks around the fence they find that the four sides have no opening, prohibiting any access to the inner area and causing the viewer a sense of exclusion. —Mikayla Mason ’17 (she/her/hers) Mikayla Mason is a senior at Vassar College, originally from Syracuse, NY. As a biology major and studio art correlate, she plans to pursue a career as a physician.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

“Thomas Jefferson. First one that popped into my head” — Derek Bishop ’19

Leah Cates, Humor & Satire Yesenia Garcia, Humor & Satire Evelyn Frick, Outgoing Humor & Satire Michael Chung, Assistant Photo

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May 4, 2017

Season closes with broken records, NCAA appearance Kelly Pushie

Guest Reporter

Courtesy of Carlisle Stockton

he Vassar men’s volleyball team just wrapped up a historic season. Although the Brewers’ season ended with a disappointing loss in the NCAA tournament, the team finished with a program-best record with 26 wins and eight losses. Additionally, Vassar set another school record with 13 consecutive wins. Unfortunately, the Brewers’ season came to an end at the hands of the New Paltz Hawks who topped Vassar in the first round of the tournament. VC fell in three sets with scores of 25-19, 25-15 and 25-23. In the first set, New Paltz came out firing on all cylinders. The Hawks hit .414 in the opening game, as well as picking up 17 kills to close out the first period. Then in the second set, Vassar fought back, forcing the match to a tie at 13. However, the Brewers lost four straight points to pull the Hawks up 17-13. The Brewers would continue on to only score two more points to the Hawk’s eight, finishing off the second set at 15-25. New Paltz posted 16 more kills in the second period and kept their hitting percentage at .333. The third set was the closest of the three, but New Paltz was able to prevent the Brewers from pushing the match into a fourth set. Vassar fell behind in an early 11-17 deficit, but went on a fourpoint streak to pull it within two. The Brewers did not give up and went on another streak late in the set to pull the score to 23-22 with a kill from junior Matt Knigge. However, the Brewers were never able to extend past the Hawks, and New Paltz made their way into the national semifinals. The Brewers were led by Knigge who had 10 kills on 19 attempts, two assisted blocks and an ace. Meanwhile, senior Christian Lizana posted six kills, and sophomore George Diehl had five kills and two blocks. Vassar hit 0.239 on the day, and senior Trey Cimorelli added in seven of the 23 total digs for the Brewers. Junior Zechariah Lee had 26 assists, two digs and three assisted blocks. Head Coach Richard Gary, in his first year here

at Vassar, helped lead the team to the NCAA tournament and the UVC semi-finals. In terms of the team’s NCAA appearance, he is certain that the team could have performed better: “Honestly, I think we would all say that something was off in our play this weekend,” Coach Gary noted. “It’s got to be some combination of nerves, preparation and simply an opponent who played a very good game against us. The guys did the work to be fresh, focused and relaxed for the match, but sometimes you can’t substitute experience. Last year’s national champion New Paltz executed a great game, and we didn’t have the adjustments to compete.” Looking back on the squad’s trip to the NCAA tournament, Lee seconded Coach Gary’s sentiments about the team’s lackluster performance. Nevertheless, Lee and the rest of the squad are still grateful that they had the opportunity to play in the tournament. “The whole NCAA experience was incredibly special,” Lee stated. “Everything had a different feel. There’s a magical feeling about being able to play on that kind of stage, and we really tried to embrace the moment and be present. We didn’t play to our fullest potential, but at the end of today, we enjoyed ourselves, and I’m super grateful to have had this experience, especially with the other guys on this team.” Although the day did not go as planned for the Brewers, this Vassar men’s volleyball squad still has a lot to be proud of for their performance this season. In particular, Coach Gary smiled upon the team’s collective performances this season. Coach Gary noted, “The hallmark of this team all year was their ability to extend points with great blocking, defense and scramble play, along with some excellent passing and middle attack.” Coach Gary and the rest of the squad recognized not any one individual’s talents, but rather the strength of the team as a cohesive unit. “It’s impossible to single out one contribution in this group over any of the others. Some guys didn’t get much court time, but their efforts every day in training and the way they pushed us and fought for opportunities pushed everyone. There wasn’t a player on this team who didn’t propel us forward,

Junior Zechariah Lee sets up serve in recent home match in Kenyon Hall. Lee was named AVCA All-American Second Team due to his strong performances throughout the season. and that complete effort is what makes the season fun, as well as leading to some great victories.” First-year Kevin Ros had a great first year here as a member of the men’s volleyball squad. As a freshman, Ros was especially excited to immediately get the opportunity to attend the NCAA tournament. “Being able to go to NCAAs in my first season was unreal,” he noted. “At first it was nerve-racking, but as the game began it gradually turned into excitement.” In terms of who helped lead the team to such a remarkable season, Ros pointed to the upperclassmen. “There is no question that without our upperclassmen, we wouldn’t have even come close to NCAA’s. They always remained positive through the tough points and kept everyone on track,” he noted. Graduating three influential seniors, the team will have a large gap to fill in the upcoming season.

“We will be very sad to lose these three seniors, who are the core of our passing unit, as well as the light and positive attitudes they brought in every day to practice,” Coach Gary explained. However, the squad has many talented returners in addition to a strong incoming class of first-years. Lee is already looking forward to next year and setting goals for the team. “We want to make a deep run in the tournament again and we also feel like we’re still in a position to win the national championship,” he said. However, he also just wants to make sure the team’s experience is as positive as possible. “At the end of the day though, we just want to go out and have fun and play the best volleyball we could possibly play,” he explained. The men’s volleyball squad had a great run this year and set many records in the process. Nevertheless, they will return to the court next year, hoping to be back better than ever.

Brewers rewrite history, earn spot in league semi-finals LACROSSE continued from page 1

seniors are all impressive leaders. Liam can especially give the greatest pregame speeches to pump us up. After those, we don’t just run out of the locker room, we run through a brick wall.” Much of this team’s historic, record-breaking season can also be attributed to their developed sense of composure and resilience. “We’ve done a much better job dealing with adversity than we have in the past,” DeStasio recognized. “When something goes wrong, we stay relaxed and remain focused, which comes from our preparation and confidence in each other.” This mentality showed as the seniors emerged ready to take down Union College on Saturday, the same matchup that overpowered Vassar for the remaining playoff spot last season. Four players out of the senior class found the back of the goal throughout the match. Though the Dutchmen fought intensely as soon as the first whistle blew, the Brewers were

able to get on the board first with an unassisted goal by Billups only three minutes into the game. Union was quick to strike back, netting two unassisted goals in the next two minutes of the game and taking the lead. Within the next four minutes, sophomore midfielder Chris Koester grabbed a loose ground ball, launching it upfield to Mullen, who found the net to bring back the game 2-2. The rest of the first quarter saw Union and Vassar score back and forth five times, with Houston-Read and Mullen assisting each other for two different goals to break up the Dutchmen scoring. While the Brewers ended the first period in a 4-5 deficit, first-year face-off specialist Matt Lowery scored within the first seven seconds of the second quarter, evening out the scoreboard. Though Union answered back with a goal, they were unable to finish any of their shot attempts for the rest of the period. At 6-5, the Dutchmen saw their last lead of the game. The

Courtesy of Carlisle Stockton

Senior Sam Houston-Read dodges past Wesleyan foe. Houston-Read contribruted greatly in the team’s game against Union, helping the team earn the No. 3 spot in league playoffs.

Brewers scored six straight goals in the last six minutes of this quarter, showing their range of offensive threat and racking up the score to 116. Mullen found Houston-Read again for the first of these points, followed by two unassisted goals scored by Billups and Thomas. The last three Vassar goals were scored in just the last two minutes of this period. Moriarty found DeStasio open for a shot and goal, while Lowery scored directly after winning the faceoff to follow. With only 25 seconds left in the first half, Houston-Read found Moriarty for one of his own to secure the five-goal lead. The first goal of the third quarter would go to Union, while Vassar played man-down due to a penalty. But the Dutchmen could not protect their half, allowing the Brewers to go on yet another three-goal streak. Each goal, coming from Thomas, Houston-Read and sophomore attacker Drew Adams, was unassisted. Though Union attempted to gain some momentum off a goal scored with six minutes left in this period, Mullen answered with an unassisted goal of his own only one minute later. Vassar entered the final period at a 15-8 advantage. Entering the fourth quarter, the Dutchmen came out determined to fire back, netting a goal within the first 20 seconds of the period. Nevertheless, the Brewers maintained their momentum and continually increased the margin. Mullen found Houston-Read for the third time, initiating another Vassar goal streak. Following this, Houston-Read and junior face-off specialist Alex Georgalas each netted unassisted goals of their own. Adams recorded another point as he found Billups for a goal, while freshman attacker Cole Landolt drew two defenders and hit fellow first-year Austin Mello in front of the goal for another goal. Though the opposition found the net once with one minute left in regulation, it meant nothing, as the Brewers had already racked up 20 goals to Union’s 10. Coach Graham explained, “The guys are feeling great about reaching the playoffs for the first time in program history. Five years ago, each of these seniors sat at my desk during the recruiting process and we talked about what seemed at the time like a dream; taking the Brewers to the

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Liberty League playoffs. The 10 seniors that are still here and with us are the guys that believed in that vision, set it as a goal, and have continued to work for four years to accomplish the task! I believe that after coming so close in 2016, with our road loss to Union 17-13, that we DID expect to win. All of the guys who were there knew that we had missed an opportunity, and from Day 1, the freshmen in the Class of 2020 have known nothing other than the goal of making the playoffs. We were certainly determined to win, and the decisive victory came from that determination.” 10 different Brewers scored in this massive win, a testament to the diverse offense Head Coach Marc Graham has fostered. “Having a bunch of guys on the team who can score helped us win the game because we didn’t have to rely on any one person to make plays,” Mullen noted. “We knew that as long as we played together, and involved everyone, that we would come out successful against Union.” While Vassar only outshot their opponents 46-44, the team connected on a much higher proportion of their attempts. Sophomore goalie Matt Boyd held down the defense, earning the win with 19 saves. The team had fewer turnovers than their competition, 11 to Union’s 14, and caused more turnovers as well, 9 to Union’s 7. Lowery and Georgalas were able to secure more than half of the game’s faceoffs, grabbing 18 of the total 34. The Brewers snagged 21 ground balls, only allowing the Dutchmen to scoop up 12. Klein grabbed a team-high four groundballs, as well as led in caused turnovers, forcing two. Having secured third seed, the men of Vassar lacrosse will now look to defeat No. 2 Saint Lawrence University, who beat the Brewers 14-8 at their last outing on April 15. Despite this initial loss, the players believe that they have the ability to win the matchup. “After our victory against Union, we have a lot of confidence both offensively and defensively,” Thomas conveyed. “It’s going to be really difficult for a team to beat us twice. We already know what to expect from Saint Lawrence, but they have no idea what’s coming at them on Friday.”

May 4, 2017

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Page 19

Talented rookies, breakout Referees’ blatant mistakes, seasons, injuries, oh my! desperate need for change Robert Pinataro Guest Columnist

his year’s MLB season is off to an eventful start, marked by young stars, phenomenal performances and unfortunate injuries. One player who has risen to new heights this season is Washington Nationals outfielder Bryce Harper. Almost seven years ago, at the age of 17, Harper was selected as the first overall pick in the MLB draft. He was regarded as the best prospect the game had ever seen and reached the Majors by the time he was 19 years old. Harper has been a good Major League player but had not quite lived up to the hype until 2015. He had a great season but then regressed in 2016. However, Harper turned things around this year, coming out of the gate hotter than ever. As of Tuesday, May 2, his batting average was .391, and he rests just two home runs behind the League home run leader. This has been a phenomenal start to the 2017 season for the young star, and it will be exciting to watch him continue to develop as a player. Young players like Harper get a lot of attention for their performances, but it is not only the young players in the game that are making waves. 32-year-old Ryan Zimmerman and 30-year-old Eric Thames are also having breakout seasons. Zimmerman has been far and away the best hitter in Major League Baseball, despite having a previously mundane career. This year he is leading the League in nearly every offensive statistic, most notably holding a league-best .420 batting average, and is tied with Eric Thames for the home run lead with 11. Thames, who was a career Major Leaguer, has had a very different path to stardom than Zimmerman. He played in the Majors in 2011-12 before travelling to South Korea to play professional baseball there. After the 2016 season, he signed a contract with the Brewers and later earned the role of starting first baseman, excelling in his role. Washington Nationals corner infielder Anthony Rendon has also been a subject of much atten-

tion lately. A career .274 hitter, Rendon could be considered an average Major League player. He had a strong 2014 campaign, finishing fifth in the National League MVP voting, but has otherwise not been all that impressive. This season was no different until he posted one of the most impressive stat lines in MLB history: On April 30, Rendon became the first player to go six for six, with three home runs and 10 RBIs in a major league baseball game. He also scored five times and hit a double, making his performance that much more impressive. It was an incredible showing, and certainly an unexpected one. To put it in perspective, Rendon had zero home runs, two extra base hits, five RBIs and five runs scored through the first 22 games of the season. This is certainly one of the most exceptional performances the game has ever seen. As seems to be the case every year, injuries plague some of the most talented individuals in the game. This year, New York Mets pitcher Noah Syndergaard has become the latest pitcher to go on the disabled list due to a throwing injury. After posting one of the highest average fastball velocities in 2016 (98.3 mph), Syndergaard came to spring training bigger and stronger, claiming he wanted to throw harder. This proved to be detrimental, as Syndergaard had to cancel one of his starts due to bicep tendinitis. He returned to face the Washington Nationals, the game where Rendon would have his historic day. The game got off to a rough start for Syndergaard, and in the second inning he had to be pulled out of the game due to pain in his lateral. It has since come out that he tore the latissimus dorsi muscle and will likely take several months to fully recover. Despite unfortunate injuries, this season has been an exciting one so far. The game is being played better than ever before, and there have been some incredible performances by the athletes. With this kind of start, 2017 is shaping up to be an outstanding season of Major League Baseball.

Desmond Curran Guest Columnist

ne of the most unfortunate aspects of the game of soccer is that a match can be swung in favor of one team or another due to human error. In one Champions League game between Bayern Munich and Real Madrid, a pile-up of referee errors tarnished what could have been a memorable victory for Madrid. Unfortunately, the dominant post-match discussion was how Munich was “robbed” of a victory by poor refereeing decisions. A final score of 4-2 in favor of Madrid did not reflect the events of the match thoroughly. First, Cristiano Ronaldo scored a hat-trick, all three of which were ruled onside in the game, but upon quick replay inspection, they were all were clearly offside. To make matters worse, Arturo Vidal, one of Munich’s standout midfielders, was given a second yellow card after a tackle that was barely, if at all, a foul. As a result, Vidal was ejected from the game. On the other hand, a Madrid midfielder Carlos “Casemiro” Casimiro was not sent off the pitch despite two horrendous tackles that should have warranted his removal. Many Munich fans and players felt cheated after this game ended. The quality of refereeing that allows fiascos in such high-profile games must be addressed by the Union of European Football Associations (UEFA), which controls refereeing of the Champions League. The series of events that occurred in Madrid is only the latest in a growing list of referee gaffes that span from national to international matches. But secondly, and more importantly, the technology for video referees needs to be adopted and quickly added to the game. The addition of instant replay and review by an outside official after goals or contested fouls would eliminate the controversy that has engulfed so many matches. The largest fear of fans and players alike is that the implementation of video referee will interrupt the flow of the match, as the referee would have to stop the game while waiting for information from

the extra referee. But the same fear was voiced with the implementation of goal-line technology, and it has been implemented flawlessly. Goal-line technology alerts referees that a goal had been scored through a quick alert sent to a watch that the referee wears during the match. The referee only receives the alert if the ball has completely crossed the line, so they will not need to stop the game unless a goal has been scored. With the additional video referee, the concept would have to be implemented on the same basis. The case of Ronaldo’s offside goals would be relatively simple: If a goal was scored from an offside play, there is already a stop in play that would give the video referee time to review the replay. The goal could then be called back, and a free kick taken from the spot of the incident during what is a natural stopping point in the match. Others argue against the implementation of video referees due to the issue of timing. In instances where a player is wrongly sent off—such as Vidal—this presents a huge advantage to the opposing team. But how would a video referee function? Would it force the referee to “take back” a second yellow card? This has never happened in the sport, even at the youth level. And what about the opposite situation, where a player commits a tackle that warrants a sending off—such as with Casemiro—but the referee on the field waves on, how would the video referee address that issue? The best way to resolve these problems is to improve the quality of referees throughout the world. Despite being incredibly fit to keep up with the pace of professional games, these referees will not be able to keep up with the top-level professionals in games. Those athletes train every day to be quicker and faster. The addition of the video referee in reviewing goals scored will be a fantastic instrument that will greatly aid the referees in performing their job fairly. But the sanctity of the game must also be respected, and the boundaries of video referee technology must be respected.

Jamie Chagnon: man behind magic of Vassar Athletics Gabrielle Deitch Guest Reporter

much about being a genuinely good person working beside him.” Perhaps above all else, his fellow workers admire Chagnon’s tireless work ethic and dedication. “I have never met someone so passionate about their job,” noted Tiajoloff. “Jamie is incredibly detail-oriented and expects the same precision from all his workers. He wants every sports event to run smoothly and will stay up incredibly late to ensure that the social media and write-ups have been completed.” “His unrivaled work ethic definitely needs to be recognized,” added Marcelino. “He puts in an absurd amount of time and effort to make our athletics department run as smoothly as it does. On busy game days I’m not surprised if he’ll put in 15+ hour days in pre-game prep and post-game logistics and keep posting on social media through the night.” The student workers are not the only ones to notice and compliment all that Chagnon does for Vassar Athletics. Vassar’s Director of Athletics and Physical Education Michelle Walsh is also

Courtesy of Vassar Athletics

amie Chagnon first joined the Vassar Athletics staff in the summer of 2013. Before coming to Vassar, Chagnon acquired several years of experience in the athletic sphere. He earned a degree in sports management from Lynchburg College, going on to work there as Assistant Sports Information Director after graduation. After working at his alma mater, Chagnon headed to Randolph College where he took on the position of Sports Information Director. While at Randolph, Chagnon was honored as the 2012 Old Dominion Athletic Conference (ODAC) Sports Information Director of the Year, earned a position as Conference Secretary in 2011 and served as the Sports Information Director President in 2013. However, Chagnon’s experience extends the beyond the collegiate level. While balancing responsibilities at Lynchburg, he also worked as a DataCast Stringer for Major League Baseball Advance Media and as a sports stringer for the Las Vegas Review Journal. As Director of Athletic Communications here at Vassar, Chagnon’s responsibilities are rather extensive. He is in charge of managing the Vassar Athletics webpage and social media platforms. He writes press releases, features on teams and game notes. Chagnon sets up all game events, including the webcasts, and is even in charge of creating the pamphlets handed out at each game. His job encompasses all 27 of Vassar’s intercollegiate teams. In addition to organizing all of these day-today components of Vassar athletics, Chagnon also serves as a representative on the ECAC All-Star Awards voting committee and as a regional coordinator for Division III District III soccer and softball for the CoSIDA Academic All-American committee. He also plans the annual sports banquet held each Spring. Chagnon works closely with student workers who help him with his countless responsibilities, all of whom greatly appreciate and respect all that he does. There is a widespread sense that working alongside Chagnon is a fun and informative opportunity that creates a great sense of community. “Working with Jamie has been about growing as an individual as much as it has been about docu-

menting Vassar’s excellent student athletes,” said sophomore Alyssa More. “Jamie fosters a wonderful work environment in which people are encouraged to try new things and made to feel like they are an integral part of the Sports Info team.” His student workers also value the personal interest that Chagnon takes in each of them, an effort which helps to create such a close-knit professional team. “Everyday we come into work, he takes time to talk with us: checking in on our lives at school, our experiences in our extracurriculars or anything we might have on our minds,” shared junior Matt Marcelino. His interest in others goes beyond just his student workers, as he demonstrates a true concern for the well-being of all of Vassar’s student athletes. “I honestly never met someone who cares so much about the student athletes and their lives outside of the classroom and the fields as well,” said junior Sophia Tiajoloff. “He works to make sure everyone else is taken care of before he even considers himself. I honestly have learned so

Sophomore Emmett O’Malley and juniors Sophia Tiajoff and Maddy Pieper surprised Jamie Chagnon with a birthday treat. Chagnon continually impacts Vassar athletes with his dedication.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

very appreciative of his contributions. “Jamie does a fantastic job in his role as Director of Athletic Communications,” said Walsh. “He brings a palpable energy and enthusiasm to the department while working tirelessly to promote our 23 varsity and 4 varsity club programs.” Part of what makes Chagnon such an asset to the staff is his creativity and constant effort to add to the athletic communications department. For instance, he broadened the social-media realm this year by making a Vassar Athletics Snapchat, allowing coaches and athletes to not only see, but contribute firsthand to season updates. “I am particularly appreciative of his creativity with social media; the addition of Snapchat to our offerings this year as a way for student-athletes to tell their own story has been very successful,” said Walsh. Even former colleagues speak highly of Chagnon, a tribute to the lasting impact he has on those he works with. Tiana Aument, Chagnon’s former assistant, recalled her experience fondly. “Working with Jamie was an incredible experience. He’s personable, practical and very knowledgable of the sports world. He’s a great leader and provided a wonderful working environment, where I was able to learn and grow on a personal and professional level. I enjoyed working with him because he’s patient, understanding and easy to talk to—I couldn’t ask for a better person to lead the department,” expressed Aument. Overall, while much of the more behind-thescenes work that Chagnon does might often go unnoticed, he is clearly making a profound impact on both a broad and personal level. In a strictly professional sense, his expansion of social media and online recaps is helping to make the accomplishments of Vassar Athletics more well known. “His tireless work to feature and promote sports draws attention from students, parents and alumni, to a point where the Vassar Athletics name has garnered a lot of weight,” noted More. “He is the silent hero behind Vassar athletics,” shared Marcellino. “He might not be the most recognizable face at games nor the figurehead of the Athletics Department, but he may be the most integral person to our athletics program, and I cannot think of a person who can do this job better than him.”

SPORTS

Page 20

May 4, 2017

Signing off for the summer: trading in sweat for soft serve Olivia O’Loughlin

inning, Bard scored one run to claim the victory. After this weekend, the Brewers advance their conference record to 9-8 and will wrap up their regular season with a pair of doubleheaders against St. Lawrence University on May 6 and 7.

Sports Editor

Women’s Track and Field

Men’s Track and Field

This past Sunday, the Brewers competed in the Yale Springtime Invitational in New Haven, CT. Despite Division I and II teams, VC posted impressive results to reach the leaderboards. First up, first-year Skylar Widman finished the 100m in 11.39 to claim eighth place. Then in the 200m, junior Joel Johnson clocked in at a season-best 23.57 to earn 15th in the event. Senior Elijah Winston continued his impressive results, finishing the 400m in a mere 51.13 seconds to clinch second place. In the 800m, five Brewers stepped up to the starting line. Senior Gabe Fishman crossed the finish line first for the Burgundy and Gray, claiming third place with a time of 1:56.55. Behind Fishman, junior Jared Freedman clinched 17th place with a time of 2:02.68 and sophomore Ry Blume earned 22nd place with a 2:05.69. First-year Adin Becker zipped through the 1500m in a season-best 4:07.75 to earn second place. In the last track event for VC, the 4x100 relay team of Johnson, Widman, senior Louis Scaglione and first-year Anthony von Steuben raced a collective 44.23 to clinch fourth place in the event. Then in the field events, junior Michael Walsh claimed fifth place in the triple jump with a distance of 11.79. Meanwhile, fellow junior George Whiteside placed ninth in the shot put with a personal-best toss of 10.13 meters. Vassar will next host the Matthew Vassar Twilight meet on Friday, May 5, at 5 p.m., honoring its three seniors before the meet. Women’s Lacrosse

The Vassar women’s lacrosse team had a stellar weekend sweep, beating Clarkson University 14-13 and St. Lawrence University 11-10. On Saturday, the team celebrated its five seniors Phoebe Hankins, Sydney Spadinger, Darby Stahl and captains Julia Trudell and Brittany Botticelli. On Friday, Trudell was a powerhouse, contributing five goals, three draw controls and a ground ball. Trudell wrapped up her collegiate career with a total of 99 goals. Behind Trudell, Hankins (1), juniors Storm Sideleau (1) and Amelia Rivoir (1), sophomore Fiona MacLeod (2) and first-years Tessa Waters (3) and Kelly Pushie (1) all reached the back of the net. Pushie also had a team-high three assists. Junior goalkeeper Emily Chancey stopped six shots to lift the Brewers over Clarkson on Friday. The very next day, a goal from Waters in overtime play would propel VC past St. Lawrence.

Men’s Rowing

Courtesy of Carlisle Stockton

A select group of the women’s track and field competed in the world-renowned Penn Relays on April 27 for 4x400 relay. The relay squad of seniors Alex Gittens, Lucy Balcezak, Saparja Nag and Molly Crowell and junior alternate Eliana Marcus-Tyler ran a speedy season-best 3:59.11, surpassing multiple Division I and II teams. On April 30, the whole team competed in the Yale Springtime Invitational. Sophomore Michelle Perri kicked off the Brewers’ success in the 100m dash, posting a collegiate-best 13.15 for 16th place. With another “best,” Crowell finished the 200m in a season-best 27.05 for 12th place, followed by Naga with a time of 27.53 for 17th. Next up, Balcezak claimed an impressive 10th place in the 800m with a time of 2:20.68, followed by junior Savannah Wiman with a 2:22.58 for 13th. Sophomore Christiana Prater-Lee then clocked in at a season-best 11:09.71 in the 3000m to claim 16th place. Sophomore Cameron Daddis then clinched Vassar’s best ranking on the day, 4th place, in the steeplechase with a time of 13:19.80. Then the 4x100 relay of Perri, Nag, first-year Penelope Mort Ranta and sophomore Sophie Sharp took home fifth with a combined time of 52.32. Vassar’s field competitors continued the success at Yale. Mort Ranta claimed sixth place in the high jump with a jump of 1.50 meters, firstyear Jackie Cenan finished in 10th in the discus with a distance of 30.31 meters and fellow firstyear Sabrina Stacks took home ninth place with a distance of 23.81 meters in the javelin. The Brewers return to the track on Friday, May 5, for the 2017 Matthew Vassar Twilight meet at 5 p.m. At the meet, the squad will honor its seven seniors.

Baseball’s six seniors pose for the camera. These seniors led the team to three wins over Bard College on April 29 and 30. For the final conference weekend, the Brewers will face St. Lawrence. In regulation, Waters netted three more goals, followed by Sideleau with two. MacLeod, Pushie, junior Olivia O’Loughlin, sophomore Emily Hamburger and first-year Grace Goodwin-Boyd all also tallied one goal apiece. MacLeod also scooped up a team-high five ground balls, while Botticelli led the team with three caused turnovers and O’Loughlin contributed a team-high four draw controls. Chancey was very strong in goal once again, tallying 12 saves on the day. Unfortunately, although Vassar sits tied for fourth place, tiebreaker rules push the team out of playoffs. Losing five influential seniors, the team will return to action in the spring of 2018. Women’s Tennis

As the squad celebrated its seniors Connie Yoo and Shayna Becker, Vassar annihilated Rochester Institute of Technology 9-0 on Saturday, April 29. To get the wins rolling, Yoo and junior Dasha Ivenitsky earned a 8-0 victory at No. 3 doubles. Next up, junior Kate Christensen partnered with sophomore Morgane Flournoy to clinch a 8-1 win at No. 2. Lastly, the No. 1 doubles duo of Becker and first-year Tara Edwards earned a 8-4 over their RIT opponents. Heading into singles action, Ivenitsky continued her domination with a strong 6-0, 6-0 victory at the No. 6 spot. Yoo then clinched the win for the Brewers as she finished 6-1, 6-0 at No. 5. Edwards then stepped up to earn a 6-1, 6-0 win, while Flournoy clinched the victory with scores of 6-1, 6-1. Similar to Yoo, Becker finished the day phenomenally with a 6-0, 6-1 win at No. 2. Then to complete the sweep of RIT, Christensen claimed a 7-5, 6-0 victory at No. 1. With its impressive record, the team will head into the Liberty League playoffs at the No. 2 seed. Vassar will take on St. Lawrence University in the semifinals on Friday, May 5. Men’s Tennis

Unfortunately, in the team’s last match of the regular season, Vassar fell to Hobart College 4-5 in a nailbiter. Although the Brewers started off taking a 4-1 lead, they were unable to hold onto their momentum. Kicking off the victories, senior Juan Felipe Laso and first-year Allen Sokolov topped their opponents 8-2 at No. 2 doubles. Shortly after, the duo of senior Alexander Luckmann and firstyear Jeremy Auh claimed a 8-4 victory at No. 1. Hobart then fought back to edge past senior Nick Litsky and sophomore Nick Zuczek 9-7. Litsky then bounced back to handily clinch the win at No. 1 singles with perfect scores of 6-0, 6-0. Laso came back for more victories as he stayed tough to claim a 0-6, 6-1, 6-1 win. Hobart then shifted the momentum and rallied the next four points. At No. 2, Sokolov fell in a difficult 7-5, 4-6, 2-6 loss, while sophomore Jamie Anderson was topped 1-6, 6-2, 3-6 at No. 4. After topping Auh with scores of 7-5, 6-2 and fellow first-year Zamir Birnbach 6-4, 6-4, the Dutchmen ran away with the match victory. Despite their loss, the Brewers will still compete in the Liberty League playoffs as the third seed. In the first round, VC will compete against

top-seeded Skidmore College on Saturday, March 6. Baseball

Vassar went 3-1 this weekend against Bard College, including a doubleheader sweep on Senior Day. Senior Day, held on Saturday, April 29, honored VC’s six seniors: Denis Shanagher, Brad Kendall, Bobby Winkelmann, Trent Berg, Mike Koscielniak and Adam Erkis and on Saturday, the Brewers topped the Raptors 1-0 and 9-1, before they split Sunday with scores of 15-2, 3-4. Erkis earned the win from the mound, impressively only allowing one hit throughout the entire contest. Meanwhile, sophomore Taylor Smach singled to center field to bring in firstyear Matt Martino, Vassar’s sole run of the game. In the second game of the day, the batting Brewers heated up and scored nine runs over 12 hits. Martino was back again, this time hitting a single to bring junior Matt Hernandez home and put Vassar on the scoreboard. Soon after, first-year Evan Trausch brought in Shanagher, and a wild pitch and Bard error resulted in a run from junior Bobby Kinne. Next, Smach singled to bring in sophomore Matt Schwartz. Vassar’s five-run rally was completed thanks to sophomore Jake Doyle and sophomore Bryan Rubin, who brought in Smach and Doyle, respectively. Then in the second inning, Kinne singled to bring in Shanagher once more. Vassar’s ninth and final run came at the hands of Shanagher, who doubled and sent Rubin home. Bard scored once in the sixth inning, but the Brewers wrapped up the day with a significant win. Berg earned the win on the day, allowing eight hits and one run. The very next day, the Brewers widened the margin to capture an impressive 15-2 win. Kinne kicked things off, hitting a triple to bring home both Trausch and Martino. Then, after a run from Bard, the Brewers rallied with nine runs in the fourth inning. After a walk from Doyle sent Kinne home, Koscielniak singled to bring in first-year Daniel Bonfiglio, Smach scored with on a hit from Shanagher and Martino was awarded another walk to send home Doyle. Up next, Trausch scored two runs on a single, bringing home both Shanagher and Koscielniak. Kinne also scored a pair of runs off of a double, sending Trausch and Martino to home plate. Bonfiglio was up next, hitting a double to bring in Kinne. Then in the fifth inning, Trausch hit yet another double to send home both Martino and sophomore Alex Hartnett. Kinne then stepped up to the plate to earn a run from Trausch. Rubin would bring in the very last run of the game, as he doubled and brought in Kinne. First-year pitcher Jake Silver earned the win, allowing only four hits and two runs. Despite domination throughout the weekend, the Brewers lost some steam and eventually fell 3-4 late Sunday afternoon. Vassar took an early 3-0 lead by the fourth inning, but Bard fired back to claim the victory. With a hit from Shanagher, Schwartz scored the first run of the day. Trausch and Kinne scored the last two runs of the weekend, both off of wild pitches. Bard reversed the momentum in the fifth inning to tie the game. Then in the tenth

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

In the Spring Metropolitan Championships, the Brewers, led by the Novice 4+, raced to victory. The Novice 4+ finished the 2000m course in 7:51 to claim second place in their heat and third place overall. With this impressive finish, the squad was awarded a bronze medal. For the next event, Vassar loaded up two boats, one Varsity 4+ crew and a 2nd Varsity 4+ squad. The Varsity 4+ boat took home third place with a time of 7:55. Then in the second heat, the 2nd Varsity 4+ completed the course in 8:25. Due to their strong performance, the Brewers competed in the Varsity 4+ final for the Spring Metropolitan Championship title. VC clinched fourth place with a time of 7:32. On Saturday, the Brewers will travel to Saratoga Springs, NY to compete in the New York State Collegiate Championships. Women’s Rowing

On Saturday, April 29, Vassar competed in the Spring Metropolitan Championships. Throughout the day, the Brewers posted strong results. First off, the Varsity 8+ finished in fourth place with a time of 7:38 behind some strong Division I competition. Next up, the 2nd Varsity 8+ chalked up an impressive third place finish with a time of 8:06. Like the men’s team, this finish earned them a shiny bronze medal. To finish off the day, the Varsity 4+ crew took to the water. Vassar claimed another fourth place finish, clocking in at 10:32 despite the day’s roughest water conditions. For the last competition of the year, VC will race in the New York State Collegiate Championships on Saturday, April 6.

Weekend Scoreboard BASEBALL VASSAR

BARD

WOMEN’S TENNIS VASSAR

RIT

WOMEN’S LACROSSE VASSAR

CLARKSON