Misc 4.25.19

The Miscellany News

Since 1866 | miscellanynews.org

Vassar College Poughkeepsie, NY

Volume CLI | Issue 22

April 25, 2019

Tiana Headley Reporter

Ha Bui

Guest Reporter

O

n Thursday afternoon, April 18, Vassar students and faculty members gathered in Rocky 200 to converse with Hiroshima survivor and Vassar Japanese Department founder Professor Tomiko Morimoto West and Cannon Hershey ’99.

In the words of Chair of Chinese Department Peipei Qiu, “[The conversation] was a call for actions among students to find leadership in yourself,” and will be recorded as a landmark occasion for students and educators in Vassar for generations to come.

Hershey opened the conversation with a recount of Hiroshima’s influence on his life and work. After detailing his encounters with survivors, he described how his experience left an imprint of unexpected “hope and resilience in the shadow of Hiroshima.” Hershey especially expressed his gratitude to hear the story of Koko Kondo, See SURVIVOR on page 3

H

istorically, institutions of higher education were intended to educate the white, wealthy and male elite of colonial America. Heralded universities such as Harvard and William and Mary groomed the ministers, lawyers and politicians of the day, securing these individuals’ positions as the ruling class.

Centuries later, the Seven Sister

Colleges, including Vassar, were founded to provide women with an education equivalent to that provided in the then men-only Ivy League.

During the ’60s and ’70s, the United States witnessed a number of progressive movements in higher education. As colleges and universities incrementally opened their doors to those they historically excluded, many students, faculty See ETHNIC STUDIES on page 4

Yijia Hu/The Miscellany News

Forum envisions Lecturer recounts Ethnic Studies at Vassar Hiroshima

“I think, historically, there’s been some resistance,” Associate Professor of English Hiram Perez conceited. Forum participants agreed that implementing Critical Ethnic Studies would require cultural change.

Local ‘MasterChef Junior’ hopeful crafts cuisine Tamika Whitenack Guest Columnist

A

part from its scenic highways and liberal arts colleges, the Hudson Valley has a new claim to fame as the home of Che Spiotta, a contestant on Season 7 of the popular Fox show “MasterChef Junior.” Thirteen-year-old Che hails from Boiceville, New York, just 45 miles northwest of Vassar College.

Che’s cooking journey started at the young age of four. After being diagnosed with a gluten intoler-

ance, Che learned to cook from his family. In our phone interview, Che spoke openly about his gluten-free experience. “Eating the same thing all the time is kind of boring,” he confessed. But rather than limiting Che, the restrictions of a gluten-free diet prompted his entry into culinary adventures.

Although being gluten free is often seen as a culinary disadvantage, Che feels it is beneficial to his cooking. He proudly asserted, “It really helps me be more creative.”

Che is incredibly positive about his gluten intolerance despite the challenges it poses. He admits it is difficult to accomodate for certain food items, such as bread, but Che has learned to take advantage of naturally gluten-free ingredients, sometimes elevating dishes that are traditionally sides into the the main course.

Aside from being gluten free, Che’s food is also characterized by his Italian heritage. From an early age, Che learned recipes and

cooking styles from his father, including tomato sauce, polenta and his self-professed favorite: risotto.

His formative experiences with food also draw from the agriculture of the Hudson Valley. Che and his mother, Elizabethanne, fondly recounted memories of apple and blueberry picking, gardening, canning vegetables and using local produce from a community-supported agriculture farm in New Paltz. From our conversation, it See MASTER CHEF on page 10

Alam captures humanity in turmoil Brewers burn Bombers in Senior Day triumph Taylor Stewart Columnist

I

Inside this issue

4

NEWS

deshi Journalist’s Dangerous Journey From Photographer to Prisoner,” 12.11.2018).

On Thursday, April 4, Alam arrived in New York City to receive an Infinity Award from the International Center of Photography and address the attendees of the New York Portfolio Review. Just See ALAM on page 8

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

n his resolve and intensity of presence, with his furrowed brow and wide eyes, Shahidul Alam resembles a lot of his photography subjects, making it sometimes difficult to distinguish between photos of the artist and the photos he has taken. Alam graduated from the University of London with a Ph.D in Chemistry, but soon after, he bought a Nikon FM for a friend but ended up keeping it, launching a long and decorated career in photojournalism.

This work led Alam to a life of activism. In 1984, he traveled to Bangladesh to campaign for the removal of General Hussain Muhammad Ershad from presidential office. As a part of this process, he founded the South Asian Media Institute, the Chobi Mela international photography festival and the Drik Picture Library, which is a multimedia organization and regional center for free speech and press freedom advocacy.

He photographed protests against Ershad, who was charged with vote rigging, embezzlement of public funds and gold trafficking, among other offences (La Presse, 12.13.1990). Often, dissi-

dents were brutally repressed by the military cadre.

Alam has received numerous awards, including the Shilpakala Padak, the highest artistic award in Bangladesh. For his activism, he was one of several journalists who were named Time’s Person of the Year in 2018 (Time, “‘Journalism Is Under Threat.’ Inside a Bangla-

A woman casting her first vote in Bangladesh, two men in the rubble left behind by an earthquake in Pakistan, Muslims fleeing ethic cleansing in Myanmar—the lens of Shahidul Alam has been there through it all.

Letter to the Editor: Professor contests Bradley’s plan for Inn/ Institute

15

Gatekeeping admissions tests continue to OPINIONS prioritize men over women

Jonah Frere-Holmes Guest Reporter

W

hen you hear about people’s plans for April 20, you usually hear versions of the same outline. Somebody either is or isn’t celebrating to the fullest, but their day will no doubt be shaped by the aura of the mythical holiday of 4/20.

In other words, you probably don’t hear a lot about planning to knock off a nationally ranked opponent. Unbothered by the typical associations that accompany the date, Vassar women’s lacrosse team made plans for a less conventional 4/20 celebration this past weekend, beating 19thranked Ithaca on Senior Day in a 15–14 nailbiter.

The win came just a day after a double-overtime 16–15 triumph over Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (RPI), giving the Brewers their longest conference winning streak of the season and taking them to 4-4 in the Liberty League.

Four Brewers recorded hat tricks, including sophomore midfielder Haydn Hallman, whose goal with 70 seconds remaining broke

16

a 15–15 deadlock and won the day for Vassar.

Ithaca’s women’s lacrosse program, which only entered the Liberty League last season, is already a powerhouse. Vassar senior midfielder Fiona MacLeod, responsible for one of Vassar’s four hat tricks, acknowledged the Bombers’ rapid rise, saying, “[Ithaca] definitely took the league by surprise with their level of skill.”

The Brewers remained unfazed by the rankings, however, and were fueled by their marathon win over RPI the previous day. According to junior midfielder Tessa Waters, who also scored three times, the team stuck to a gameplan of “1) possession, 2) possession, and 3) possession.”

Time of possession, measured most notably in soccer, is an unappreciated aspect of most team sports. As junior attacker Kelly Pushie pointed out, “If we possess the ball, they can’t score.”

Not unlike a basketball team trying to keep their opponent from racking up fastbreak points, the Brewers worked the shot clock See LACROSSE on page 19

Theses turn to feces with fresh ideas: When I suck HUMOR in my stomach, where does it go?

The Miscellany News

Page 2

April 25, 2019

Editor-in-Chief Leah Cates Mack Liederman

Senior Editors

Sasha Gopalakrishnan Frankie Knuckles Jessica Moss

Contributing Editors

Talya Phelps Noah Purdy Charlotte Varcoe-Wolfson Laila Volpe Opinions Steven Park Humor and Satire Hannah Gaven Arts Holly Shulman Abby Tarwater Sports Myles Olmsted Design Rose Parker Lilly Tipton Copy Teddy Chmyz Online Anastasia Koutavas Social Media Natalie Bober

Courtesy of Sumiko Neary Pictured: Sumiko Neary ’20 and friends in São Paulo’s Vila Madalena neighborhood. Sumiko says, “All 10 million people of São Paulo seem to be travelling this weekend, so it’s really crowded and chaotic. It slightly reminds me of New York (my home) in some ways. There’s so much to do in São Paulo, and I feel like we don’t have nearly enough time to do any of it!” For more about Sumiko’s travels in Brazil and other countries, check out http://farandaway.miscellanynews.org.

The Miscellany News 25

April

Thursday

Late Night at the Lehman Loeb: Art Talks by Art Majors 5:00 p.m. | The Loeb Atrium | The Frances Lehman Loeb Art Center

2019 Blegen Lecture—Moral Injury and Resilience through a Stoic lens: Homecomings for Iraq/ Afghanistan Veterans 5:30 p.m. | RH @200- Auditorium | Greek and Roman Studies

Rewriting the Body, Reconstructing the World in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

Weekender_ 26 April

Friday

Exhibition Opening Reception for An Era of Opportunity: Three Decades of Acquisitions 6:30 p.m. | The Loeb | The Frances Lehman Loeb Art Center

FlyPeople Spring Show 7:00 p.m. | KH Theater | Vassar FlyPeople

Vassar College Jazz Ensemble & Jazz Combos 8:00 p.m. | SH Martel Recital Hall | Music Dept.

5:30 p.m. | SC 212-Auditorium | English Dept.

Environmental Studies Contra Dance with the Walker Family Band

The Guardians—Film Screening

8:30 p.m. | Environmental Cooperative Barn MPR | Environmental Studies Program

27

April

Saturday

Students of Sobriety Group 9:30 a.m. | RH 211 | AA Poughkeepsie

Free Public Walking Tours of Vassar Campus

28 April

Sunday

Rugby (W) Tri-State 7 Sister’s Championship 9:00 a.m. | Rugby Field at the Farm | Athletics

Tennis (W) vs. RIT

10:00 a.m. | Main Circle | Communications Dept.

12:30 p.m. | Joss Tennis Courts | Athletics

Senior Recital: Alyssa Vilela, soprano

Cushing Cookout

1:30 p.m. | SH Martel Recital Hall | Music Dept.

1:00 p.m. | Cushing Lawn | Cushing House Team

FlyPeople Spring Show

Vassar College & Community Wind Ensemble

7:00 p.m. | KH Theater | Vassar FlyPeople

3:00 p.m. | SH Martel Recital Hall | Music Dept.

Vassar College Choir

Paper Critique

8:00 p.m. | SH Martel Recital Hall | Music Dept.

9:00 p.m. | Rose Parlor | The Miscellany News

Assistant News Olivia Watson Assistant Features Duncan Aronson Gillian Redstone Assistant Opinions Jonas Trostle Assistant Humor Izzy Migani Assistant Online Chris Allen Assistant Copy Lucy Leonard Reporters Delila Ames Ariana Gravinese Tiana Headley Aena Khan Columnists Catherine Bither Alex Barnard Jimmy Christon Christian Flemm Jesser Horowitz Dean Kopitsky Emmett O’Malley Sylvan Perlmutter Taylor Stewart Blair Webber Copy Adelaide Backhus Anna Blake Samantha Cavagnolo Madeline Seibel Dean Amanda Herring Phoebe Jacoby Caitlin Patterson Mina Turunc Photo Yijia Hu Cartoonist Frank Crossword Benjamin Costa

A “Correction from the Editor” in the Opinions section on Thursday, Apr. 18, stated that Melaine Rottkamp confirmed that Vassar was not and is not involved in the trade partnership between Dutchess County. In fact, Rottkamp did not state that she knew this for sure. Instead, Rottkamp confirmed that President Bradley was not on same trip that Dutchess Tourism attended.

CORRECTION POLICY The Miscellany News will only accept corrections for any misquotes, misrepresentations or factual errors for an article within the semester it is printed.

The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pages. The weekly staff editorial is the only article which reflects the opinion of the Editorial Board.

7:00 p.m. | RH 200-Auditorium | Environmental Studies Program

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

April 25, 2019

NEWS

Page 3

West narrates life before, after bombing West still remembers how, arriving in the Midwest, she would encounter questions such as, “Are there radios in Japan?” Yet, being able to find home in the people that she met and knew, West finally finished her higher education at the University of Wisconsin.

The stance she shared with Hershey on the current tensions in international military climate, notably the fact that the world is spending $2.1 trillion on war, was firm.

When asked about the current presence of robust nuclear postures or technology to develop nuclear weapons, however, West was adamant and concise: “Of course I’m

ence interacting with and preserving personal survivor stories, reflecting upon the effect that “Hiroshima,” with its six survival stories, has had on students and teachers alike.

Regarding the impacts of a more personal approach to learning about history and politics, attendee Annabelle Su ’21 shared, “Story-telling did exist prior to this personal narrative approach. But the stories are mainly the story of the nation­—told from the perspective of national interest­ —and stories of ‘important’ historical figures, which are usually connected to a state’s broader narrative … This kind of narration

Courtesy of Tomiko West via Vassar News and Events

continued from page 1 the only living survivor who appeared in his grandfather John Hershey’s 1946 book Hiroshima. Kondo met with the pilot who had conducted the 1945 bombing mission on Hiroshima that occurred when she was just six years old. “She had always thought she would want to bite him, to hate him or to hurt him for all the traumas he had caused her people. But as a seven-year-old on a national television show, she saw him visibly in pain and instead of doing what she thought she would do, she went towards him and held his hands,” Hershey recounted. A willingness to look at history from a personal perspective and to understand the lives of witnesses permeated the conversation. This was the same in-depth insight that John Hershey hoped Hiroshima would encourage.

The talk then shifted to West’s life story, a non-linear yet enlightening view of an individual’s existence and relationships with those around her. Laying out the underlying spirit of an otherwise dark and traumatic past conflict, West shared: “I am not some great survivor. My life is very good now, and I’d appreciate more of what I have right now, especially after going through what I had to go through when I was a child.” West took her listeners back to the fateful Hiroshima attack through to her last day in Japan and later departure to the U.S. The attack, according to West, left an inexplicable impact on both her hometown and her perspective of herself and life. She recalled, “I fled the bomb that day. Unfortunately, I had an argument with my mother.

How would I have known it was going to be the last day I saw my mother?” West added, “So I always say, when you leave home, leave with love and hugs, and treat your family like it is the last day you’ll see that person.”

After the attack, victims’ bodies were collected and buried in a mass grave.

After the bombing, West gained a new understanding of peace, of the state of mind that allows her to remain optimistic. She explained, “I saw a newspaper that said, ‘no grass will ever grow in Hiroshima,’ but a couple of weeks later, I saw grass growing.

There was hope.”

Listeners also learned about West’s school experience, as life and death, absence of the fallen and appreciation of the remaining were mixed together. She described, “Schooling did not resume right away. For a while we had no paper, no book to write on.

Every time I looked at the pen, I appreciated that I had a friend who was still alive in my school.” West’s narrative was punctuated by a mixture of factual remembrances and hopeful reflections.

At the same time, West sent a concrete message that the destruction of an atomic bomb could, and did, change her conception of everyday life forever: “I had an argument with my mom. I went to the school assembly…and saw the US B29 flying.” West recalled thinking nothing of this, as U.S. planes often flew over to photograph the area. “And then suddenly we saw a blast. We all fell down to the ground, shut our eyes, opened our mouths—that was how we were taught. Then we all ran, I ran to the mountains and stayed there for three days.”

West was then found and returned to a residential area, where three months later she learned of her grandparents’ deaths.

West was 13 at the time. After five years living with her aunt and five children, West worked as a housemaid to improve her English skills. She landed in the United States in 1952, first working as a telephone operator thanks to her command of the English language.

SURVIVOR

On Thursday afternoon, April 18, Vassar Students and Faculty members gathered in Rocky 200 to converse with Hiroshima survivor and Vassar Japanese Department founder Professor Tomiko Morimoto West (pictured above) and Cannon Hershey ’99. against it.” Her simple answer, though it brought slight laughter to the auditorium, pointed to a firm opposition to war and a sense of steadfastness to peace-bound diplomacy.

West’s humor persisted throughout, from explaining her process of learning English, her working life in Japan and the United States, and her eventual arrival at Vassar. “I knew a German teacher here. Vassar was developing critical language programs, and I got a job teaching Japanese.”

When asked if other survivors are as forgiving as she is, West discussed the story of her cousin, who suffered burns on half of his body. “He had difficulty finding a wife later in life. He was not as forgiving as I was,” she explained. This was one of many ways Hiroshima significantly altered lives. Hershey then added, “Of the survivors, only one percent could and decided to talk about their experience. The trauma was too tremendous for many.” However, West still believed that difficult conversations are healthy.

West’s capacity for forgiveness also carried her through the alienation and discrimination she experienced during her early days in the United States. She placed her own experiences into a broader perspective: “I knew a man who wrote three thousand and three hundred pages in Japanese about Hiroshima. He was the same age as I am. He passed away three years ago. As I read those pages, it occurred to me that I’m getting old, [that] I might not be around all the time. I do whatever it takes to help to bring peace to this world … I think we all need to work together, for world peace. Yes, it is possible.”

The conversation also extended from understanding the attack to education on international politics and human rights in the current moment. West requested educator and community involvement in including nuclear attacks and survivor stories in today’s curriculum. Hershey contributed to the conversation by narrating his experi-

produces an illusion that everything we talk about...is confined within our identity, in the context of war and history.”

In contrast, Su indicated that personal narratives contain multiple layers. Thus, they can transcend barriers of created by constricting identities. Su concluded, “But... even narratives can be shaped. Over time, storytellers may start to get a sense of what people like to listen [to], and they tell the story to fit in that mega-narrative...so even [the] personal is shaped by the political.”

The forum also gave voice to questions on Japanese culture entrenched in survivors, as well as U.S. involvement in global conflicts. In response, both speakers agreed that sincerity, even when not verbally expressed, can help assuage the pain among sufferers and fatigue in relations between two countries. President Obama’s visit and apology to Hiroshima epitomized this belief in human interaction.

The event attracted genuine engagement from a packed auditorium. Speaking about the long-lasting impacts that such human-to-human interactions can have, Qiu was optimistic: “At a time when tension among nation-states escalates and armed conflicts continue at different parts of the globe, this lecture event serves an important educational need for peace building through both oral history and activist journalism.”

Qiu elaborated, “I hope through such an event the survivor’s individual memory can engage with and be [embedded] in our collective memory.” Qiu also praised the structure of the talk, which fostered a dialogue between the speakers and the audience.

The questions raised in the talk, like Koko Kondo’s “Do you have piece of your heart with you?” accompanied students even as they left. West’s calm, yet enduring message—“It is very easy, forgiveness, if you want to forgive, you are going to”—reverberated and lingered in the minds of speakers and listeners alike.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

VSA Updates Updates from the VSA meeting of April 21, 2019 Consensus Agenda – Passed Allocations 115/115 from Capital to VCSS 150/150 from Discretionary to PHOCUS 390/390 from Discretionary to NSO 0/1000 from Speakers to QCVC 0/112 from Discretionary to Chabad Jewish Community 0/1550 from Discretionary to UnFramed 7730/7730 from Discretionary to Senior Class Council 4225/4225 from Capital to Senior Class Council 295/295 from Capital to On Tap VSA Elections The second round of VSA Elections concluded last week without incident.

Working with CIS, Vice President Rori Chuck ’19 was able to ensure that no malfunctions disrupted the electoral process.

Final results of the new elections were made available to students on Friday.

President Tamar Ballard ’19 and Chuck met with CIS to discuss the causes of the technical difficulties experienced in the first round of elections. The voting software the VSA uses to hold elections functions by creating unique accounts for each eligible student voter. As Chuck related to Senate, CIS found two principal issues with the way this software was used in the prior election. First, voter rolls had not been fully cleared from elections last year, leaving accounts for students from previous class years in the voter pool. Second, Board of Elections and Appointments members incorrectly entered data identifying some current students, creating invalid voter accounts that could not be accessed by the intended students. Instead of clearing this data and removing the accounts, BoEA re-entered the students’ information. Chuck and CIS hypothesized that these two errors were responsible for the inflated number of students listed as eligible to vote in campus-wide elections. However, CIS confirmed that no alumni had voted in the election and that the invalid accounts were not used to vote twice.

Equity and Inclusion Committee The committee met recently with transfer students to discuss their experiences. This meeting resulted in a document outlining possible improvements to the transfer student experience, particularly orientation. Chair of Equity and Inclusion Eloudia Odamy ’21 said she would reach out to the First-Year Experience and Dean of the College Carlos Alamo-Pastrana to share the document.

President Ballard has been in conversation with Alamo to discuss ways to strengthen the VSA’s relationship with campus offices, such as CIS and Campus Activities, to ensure student leaders get the assistance they need in planning and executing events on campus.

—Julian Corbett, VSA General Intern

NEWS

Page 4

April 25, 2019

Scholars reflect on Critical Ethnic Studies discipline

Yijia Hu/The Miscellany News Pictured above, Associate Professor of English Eve Dunbar takes the mic in Vassar’s Critical Ethnic Studies forum. from page 1 and administrators demanded that college curriculums reflect their existence. Vassar student and faculty involvement in the Civil Rights Movement, National Black Student Movement and other movements resulted in programs such as Africana Studies and Latino Studies. Vassar has yet to realize an Asian-American Studies program, despite similar activism for such a program.

As part of its ongoing efforts for a fullfledged academic major, the Vassar Asian American Studies Working Group— co-sponsored by the ALANA Center—host-

faculty. He also mentioned cross-collaboration between multidisciplinary programs.

Attempts at this inter-institutional engagement have not been made without friction, however. “I think, historically, there’s been some resistance to that. Maybe that is an issue of disciplinary territoriality [and] people guarding their territory,” he postulated.

Perez pinpointed the curricular approaches to addressing Critical Ethnic Studies, such as providing thesis writing seminars in which students might be required to work collaboratively across the multidisciplinary programs. Faculty can also think more critically about the readings and other assignments required in classes. Perez elaborated, “We need to think not just about instituting more programs, we can certainly have that conversation, but [can] also [talk]

about transforming the perceived politics of knowledge production and demanding socially relevant educational structures.”

Assistant Professor of Education Jaime Del Razo, who spoke from the audience, reminded those in attendance to remember the history of the struggle for Critical Ethnic Studies. “As we sit here at Vassar, 50 years after the Third World Liberation Project, I think it’s important to have these conversations also in a historical sense, in terms of what those students were demanding of universities,” he acknowledged.

Recognizing the push for Critical Ethnic Studies as a political pursuit as well, Del Razo pointed out that the pushback is to be expected. He expressed, “Any time you try to institute any political project, here, or on the street, there’s gonna be tension.”

Yijia Hu/The Miscellany News

ETHNIC STUDIES continued

ed Envisioning Horizons: The Future of Ethnic Studies at Vassar. The forum, which took place on April 18, explored how a critical ethnic studies curriculum could look.

Assistant Professor of English at Syracuse University Chris Eng invited others to think of Critical Ethnic Studies not just as an academic field or program. Eng said: “When we think about what Critical Ethnic Studies is, it might be more [useful] to think about what it does and what it can do. Think about Critical Ethnic Studies as not necessarily a predetermined or fixed entity or field, but instead think of it as a type of intellectual project.”

Eng compared the ways colleges and universities conceptualize diversity on their campuses to how ethnic studies scholarship is addressed. He explained that, too often, the issue of campus diversity is reduced to quantitative terms. “What structures make students feel included or welcomed? And what are the structures of stability for students and faculty of color?” Eng asked.

Similarly, a lack of critical engagement with all of the facets of ethnic studies on campuses is usually addressed by creating an academic curriculum. However, Eng explained that truly engaging with ethnic studies requires more than simply studying it in the classroom. “This is why I think Critical Ethnic Studies is addressing this kind of impasse.” He explained, “The addition of the term ‘critical’ is really about pushing back against some of the assumptions that mere inclusion or recognition of ethnic studies as an academic unit on campuses is enough.”

Associate Professor of English Hiram Perez echoed Eng’s sentiments. Perez presented further ways Critical Ethnic Studies can be integrated into a campus, such as a working group made up of students and

On April 18, the College hosted a forum titled “Envisioning Horizons: The Future of Ethnic Studies at Vassar.” Professors gathered to discuss ways that colleges and universities across the country can integrate such a program into their respective curricula.

Letter to the Editor RE: Misc Article “Faculty housing to be demolished,” April 4, 2019

the demolition will feel that the College did everything it could given the larger project of constructing the Inn and Institute.” Certainly not.

The second major problem with the administration’s plan is the plan itself, which commits $30 million to demolish Williams and build an Inn/Institute.

Unlike the impression left by the quotes in the April 4 article, the Trustees are not committing any money to build new faculty housing to replace Williams!

Instead, their “commitment” is only a vague promise that the Administration will find a local developer to build new housing on Vassar land—that the developer would pay for. Important details about who would own the buildings, who would determine how much rent to charge and who would be responsible for maintenance will, we are assured, be worked out later.

In a faculty meeting, I asked President Bradley if she could confirm that the Trustees would be equally committed to faculty housing (albeit without putting up any money) if, for some reason, the Inn/Institute were not to be built. She could not. In short, the “commitment” to faculty housing was only a bargaining chip that the Administration used to increase support for their plan. And, given the way that faculty housing has been allowed to deteriorate over the past ten or more years, it was a cruel bargaining chip to use.

The article quotes President Bradley as saying, “I’d like to put Vassar on a path where we see the investment of faculty housing as an investment in the

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

faculty who are key to making a really strong liberal arts college.” The best way to do that would be for Vassar to save and renovate Williams and build more quality, affordable housing for faculty and staff.

For years, the ability of Vassar to attract top faculty has been seriously undermined by the shortage of quality, affordable faculty housing. Demolishing Williams now, even if Vassar eventually builds additional units later on, means that this problem will persist for years to come.

It is not too late for the administration to change course. There are far better solutions for the Inn/Institute that do not require demolishing faculty housing.

I urge all faculty and students to express their concerns about this extremely important matter to the President.

Luke Hunsberger, Professor and Chair Computer Science Department Vassar College

Talya Phelps/The Miscellany News

Thank you to Talya Phelps and Jessica Moss for their article, “Faculty housing to be demolished” (The Miscellany News, 04.04.2019), which reported on the Administration’s recently announced decision to demolish the Williams faculty housing complex, which is currently home to 21 families and individuals, both faculty and staff, to make room for a parking lot for a new 50-room Inn/Institute (President Bradley, in her initial presentation to the faculty, clearly stated that the Trustees were only interested in building an Inn. The idea of attaching an Institute came later, as a way of making the concept of building a Vassar hotel—a potential financial boondoggle—more palatable to the faculty).

The first major problem with the Administration’s plan to demolish Williams is the process by which the decision was made. For over a year, President Bradley solicited “input” from innumerable sources (e.g., faculty, students and neighbors). However, any input that deviated from the Trustees’ desire to build a hotel down the hill from Alumnae House was swiftly and deftly swept aside.

The only exception was temporary. In early 2018, the President declared that the plan to demolish Williams was “off the table,” presumably in response to concerns about erasing the important history of Williams, and the terrible impact its demolition would have on the

faculty and staff living there. However, once Poughkeepsie officials rejected the administration’s backup site, at the corner of Raymond and Forbus, the President suddenly announced—without any prior consultation of the faculty or the Inn/Institute committee—that Williams would be demolished after all.

It was only then that post-facto rationalizations (e.g., Williams is too expensive to maintain) were put forth.

Proposals for alternative sites that would not require demolishing faculty housing (or gobbling up the open green space along Raymond Ave) were repeatedly dismissed with casual one-liners: The site behind Josselyn was “too close to student housing;” and the site in front of Vassar Farms was “too far from the Arlington restaurants.” No further discussion; no attempt to think creatively. President Bradley likes to say that “there is no perfect solution,” but a little creative thinking can generate far better solutions. For example, the enormous and currently underutilized area along Collegeview Ave (“too close to student housing”) can be made feasible by extending a long row of tennis courts between the Inn and Josselyn. Placing the Inn there would also help to revitalize the failing commercial corridor along Collegeview Ave, while improving the safety of what is currently one of the most dangerous areas on campus. This kind of input was intentionally ignored because it did not align with the main desire of the Trustees. The article says that “nevertheless, [the] administration hopes that faculty members impacted by

NEWS

April 25, 2019

Page 5

Vassar hosts community Easter, Passover celebrations Courtesy of RCBass via Pixabay Easter, celebrated by various Christian denominations, marks the date of Christ’s ressurrection and the conclusion of Lent.

Olivia Watson

Assistant News Editor

T

Po

up

l Roun a c i d lit Ae n a K h a n

In Our Headlines…

On April 20, 2019, the FBI arrested the leader of a right-wing armed group that stops undocumented migrants entering the United States from Mexico via New Mexico. Officials charged Larry Mitchell Hopkins, leader of the United Constitutional Patriots who often went by the alias of Johnny Horton Jr., on a federal complaint of the possession of ammunition and firearms by a felon. The arrest came two days after the ACLU denounced his group’s illegal detention of migrants and the Governor of New Mexico, Michelle Lujan Grisham, ordered an investigation. A spokesman for the group, Jim Benvie, stated that the group was not worried about the arrest and that it was a result of political pressure from Governor Lujan Grisham. The group consists of half a dozen individuals that aid the U.S. Border Patrol with the unprecedented amount of Central American families crossing the border. They assisted in detaining over 5,600 migrants in the last two months, acting as armed vigilantes, according to a statement by New Mexico Attorney General Hector Balderas (Reuters, “FBI arrests leader of armed group stopping migrants in New Mexico,” 04.20.2019).

A federal judge ruled that the Department of the Interior illegally lifted an Obama-era rule on coal mining on pub-

a time for reflection on the exodus from Egypt … Our goal was to create a fun, easy way for people to contemplate their influence within and outside of the Vassar community.”

The Christian community also held services and meetings for students during this year’s holy week. President of Vassar Catholic Community Elizabeth Lamont ’21 explained that there were several regular student organization meetings with a focus on Easter. She elaborated that there were then eccumenical events to include students from different faiths and Christian denominations.

Speers added that these events started with a Palm Sunday, otherwise known as Passion Sunday, service, and then continued with various events throughout the week leading up to Easter Sunday services.

Lamont found the conversational focus during the weekly meetings to foster growth and understanding among attendees. “I enjoyed all the events I attended. I think that at the core of all the events that the RSLCP office plans is the idea of community,” said Lamont. She attended several events, including a Palm Sunday procession, a dinner hosted by Vassar’s Episcopal church, a Vassar Catholics and Conversation meeting and an ecumenical Agape Meal, which signified the last supper that Jesus had before his crucifixion.

Other students described how these conversations are vital to building religious communities on campus across faiths.

Noah Alpers ’22, an active member of VJU who attended and assisted in organizing one of the seders, appreciated how these events allowed him to meet a variety of people. He said of the events: “I think a

lot of personal backstory comes out, and you find this common ground with other people, and actually at this event there were a lot of people from Poughkeepsie. I met a woman who was a graduate of Vassar in 1976. I really enjoy being a part of this because it creates a sense of continuity between life back at home and life at Vassar.”

McCarthy reiterated this sentiment, saying that the role of these services extends beyond fostering connections within a religious group to educating students about religions unfamiliar to them. “It is important that Vassar offers spaces for people to celebrate Passover and other holidays because this is our home,” she explained. “It is Vassar’s job as a community to provide for the needs of its residents, and we have all have a need and a right to observe our religious customs.”

lic lands, delivering a blow to the Trump administration’s promotion of coal industries. Judge Brian Morris stated that the replacement 2017 policy did not account for adequate studies of mining’s environmental effects, as the National Environmental Policy Act of 1970 mandates. Judge Morris will decide in the coming months whether the Obama mining ban will be reinstated. More than 40 percent of the coal produced in the United States, the burning of which is a leading contributor to global warming, comes from federal land. Attorney for Earthjustice Jenny Harbine argued against the Trump administration, stating that “[The Department of the Interior will] have to do a better job of legally and scientifically justifying this” if they hope to continue leasing public land for coal mining (The New York Times, “Judge Delivers Major Setback to Trump Policy to Increase Coal Mining on Federal Land,” 04.19.2019).

Prior to the release of the Mueller Report, President Donald Trump took Attorney General William Barr’s summary to the Congressional Oversight and Reform Committees as a sign of total exoneration.

Now, even in its redacted form, the report essentially states that the negligence of Trump’s children and the misdemeanors present in his own actions, though not enough to warrant arrest, were far from exonerated. The report indicates that Trump essentially welcomed the Russian infiltration of the DNC’s emails and of social media sites to influence the election in return for ending sanctions against Moscow upon his election. Trump often tries to discredit the veracity of the now-defunct Mueller investigation and its findings, once stating in private that it would bring “the end of my presidency.” Now that there is a Dem-

ocratic majority in the House, members of Congress have resumed their calls for the impeachment of Donald Trump ahead of the 2020 elections (The Boston Globe, “Trump still faces political danger after Mueller report,” 04.20.2019).

as a strongman that would lead Ukraine to victory against Russian aggression. He received just 25 percent of the vote. Europe has seen a trend in electing anti-establishment figures, but Zelenskiy, who has no previous political experience, is a rare left-centrist who favors membership in the EU and in NATO as well as an increase in taxes on businesses (Reuters, “Comedian Zelenskiy wins Ukrainian presidential race by landslide: exit poll,” 04.20.2019).

Eight bombings across a series of three churches, four hotels and one housing complex in Sri Lanka on Easter killed at least 207 people and wounded around 450 others, according to Sri Lankan Defense Minister Ruwan Wijewardene. The targets of the attacks were Christians in Sri Lanka and tourists at luxury hotels, and 13 suspects who planned the attack with suicide bombers have been apprehended by officials. The attacks indicate a larger struggle between the country’s Sinhala Buddhist majority, who make up 70.2 percent of the population, and the minority Tamil Tigers. A 26-year civil war previously embroiled the country, ending only in 2009. This was the deadliest attack in Sri Lanka since the civil war’s end.

Among the deceased were Christians attending Easter services and 36 foreign nationals from Britain, Denmark, Portugal, India, Turkey and the Netherlands. Leaders around the world, including Pope Francis, UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres, U.K. Prime Minister Theresa May and Trump condemned the attacks. Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern of New Zealand, where 50 Muslims were killed during Friday prayers last month, also denounced the attacks (BBC, “Sri Lanka attacks: Country under curfew after bomb attacks kill 200,” 04.21.2019).

Around the World…

After the overthrow of long-time dictator Omar al-Bashir, Sudan’s people demand that the remnants of Bashir’s regime be forced out of the government.

Thousands of protestors gathered outside an army headquarters in Khartoum in demand of a new, civilian council. The candidates for such a council were supposed to be announced by April 20, but the military council that replaced Bashir on April 21, 2019, refused to accede and said that it would consider a joint council between civilians and the military. Protesters threatened to escalate their defiance if the public’s wishes aren’t met. A senior member of the Sudanese Professionals Association, which spearheaded the campaign to remove Bashir, stated that it would move ahead to protest the creation of a new council through elections. The change in Sudan’s ruling class began with protests in December after the economy tanked and subsidies were cut under Bashir, who had been in power for nearly 30 years (BBC, “Sudan crisis: Protesters cut ties with military council,” 04.21.2019).

In Ukraine, former comedian Volodymyr Zelenskiy won in a landslide election against incumbent President Petro Poroshenko. Zelenskiy, who portrayed a fictional president on a popular TV show and won 73 percent of the vote, promised to root out corruption and end the war in the Russian-bordered Donbass region. Poroshenko attempted to bolster his position

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Courtesy of Eczebulun via Wikimedia Commons

his past week, the Jewish and Christian communities on campus observed Passover and Easter, both of which are major holidays in each respective religion. In celebration, Vassar’s Office of Religious and Spiritual Life and Contemplative Practices (RSLCP) organized seders, church services and conversational meetings for students. These events were inclusive of all denominations and faiths.

According to Associate Dean of Religious and Spiritual Life and Contemplative Practices Reverend Samuel Speers, holding religious events on Vassar’s secular campus sends the message to students that their religion is welcome on campus. He emphasized that students are certainly not required to leave Vassar to observe their religion. “[Services are] part of the fabric of campus life, and they can find the services here, on this wonderfully secular campus.

We also have a good number of students

for whom [Easter and/or Passover] are important holidays and want to observe them. It’s our job to provide that as a communal resource,” Speers explained.

Both the Christian and Jewish communities on campus held multiple events for students. On Friday, April 19, the Vassar Jewish Union (VJU) and the Office of Religious and Spiritual Life held a joint Passover seder led by Union leaders and other students.

VJU Events Chair Molly McCarthy ’21, who took part in the seder, explained, “On Saturday, we coordinated three smaller seders led by students in different locations across campus. This week, the Vassar Jewish Union is hosting a Passover Week of Action.” These Passover seders served as celebratory meals to commemorate the exodus of the Hebrew people from Egypt.

According to VJU’s Facebook page, the Passover Week of Action was “one week filled with social justice initiatives in the spirit of Passover.” These projects featured several service-focused events, including a trash pick up on campus, writing letters about climate change, assisting Nobody Leaves Mid-Hudson, wearing denim to stand with survivors of sexual violence and a “clean out your closet” challenge with the purpose of donating excess clothing.

An organizer of Passover Week of Action, Lila Rutishauser ’22, said over email that these events served to inspire reflection and create impactful experiences for students. Rutishauser described, “VJU is endorsing these events for Passover in an effort to create something meaningful for everyone out of a holiday that we celebrate. In the Jewish tradition, this week is

During this week of Passover, April 19 to 27, observers of the holiday reflect on the exodus from Egypt, in part by fasting.

ARTS

Page 6

April 25, 2019

Cartoons constitute clear, creative social commentary Taylor Stewart Columnist

A

Courtesy of Mary Ellen Latropoulos The Art Effect, a school in Poughkeepsie that offers media courses for children, hosted a cartoon workshop for Vassar students in the Thompson Memorial Library studio space on April 16. The participants illustrated moments from their college experience.

studenthood confront the complexities of being a woman in academia at the time; in them, we see tired-looking ladies agonizing over exams and prospective majors, wondering if they should get a job after college or start a family. Much of the humor endures—students still understand the anxiety of picking a correlate—but the subjects of books like “Vassar: An Informal Study” and “Everything Correlates” fail to represent the current student body.

The drawings are all of white, heterosexual, wealthy cisgendered women. They are girls in cardigans with tiny waists talking about their romantic exploits with Princeton boys.

Onnekikami acknowledged the incisiveness of these drawings. The humor is old school but enduring nevertheless. However, she said of the experiences represented

they can pick and choose their composition. Considering the “primacy of the visual image in the twenty-first century,” he and Iatropoulos sought to promote media literacy by helping make cartoons. At the end of the workshop, they collected everyone’s works for exhibition to be compiled into zines, or to simply be used for plain enjoyment. While an anecdote about the Deece might seem more niche than Toles’ critiques of climate denialism, they use the same format to reach their respective ends—they condense a variety of experiences into a searing image, making the evaluation of these experiences enjoyable and, in turn, encouraging the viewer to reflect upon the subject.

For example, towards the end of his lecture, Mann discussed some positive news.

Although the Trump administration has

Courtesy of Mary Ellen Latropoulos

s students and capitalist consumers, readers, creators and computer-owners, we consume an excess of visual media. Every glance at our phones brings an inundation of advertisements, tweets and stories (whether of the Snapchat or CNN variety). We accept this onslaught as a constant now, something as invariably there as the weather, rather than a part of our lives that can be curated. While we can choose whom we follow or block, there is no guarantee that everything we watch on YouTube will be worth our time or every news article we read will be journalistically upright.

This does not even account for traditional media like novels, sculptures and cartoons—which it shouldn’t. Such art is not complicit in the excess, but acts as a means of tempering it. Cartoons are especially legible and unwaveringly entertaining to readers young and old; they put on a facade of simplicity and lightheartedness that doesn’t make them as intimidating as, say, a 10,000-word feature, or as uninhibited as a tweet. Simultaneously, cartoons are incredibly complex, often made to represent swaths of experiences or comment upon the political milieu. They make heated issues and whole myths navigable and more beautiful. While we cannot fully control our digital media consumption as long as we have a phone or computer, cartoons, in all their eloquence, are usually only seen upon viewer’s consent. We have to reach for a magazine, flip through a bound volume or touch pen to paper.

On Monday, April 8, climate scientist and Distinguished Professor of Atmospheric Science at Penn State Michael E. Mann presented his lecture “Return to the Madhouse: Climate Denial in the Age of Trump” at Vassar. He opened with a drawing by Pulitzer Prize-winning political cartoonist Tom Toles, whose art is featured in Mann’s book, “The Madhouse Effect.”

The piece shows Toles and Mann standing on a globe, Toles mightily wielding a pencil; Mann, a hockey stick. Toles is best known for his seething commentaries in The Washington Post; Mann authored the 1999 paper that proposed the famous hockey stick model of global warming, and has received numerous awards for his research and public engagement in science. Just this year, he and climatologist Dr. Warren M. Washington won the Tyler Prize for Environmental Achievement, considered the

“Nobel Prize for the environment” (American Association for the Advancement of Science, “Vilified climate activist & pioneering climatologist win ‘Nobel Prize for Environment’,” 02.12.2019).

“The Madhouse Effect” is a treatise about climate change, its empirical backing and climate denialism in its various forms.

Mann’s editor suggested he work with Toles for the project, and the author included several of Toles’ political cartoons in the book. “The Madhouse Effect” features both cartoons already published in The Washington Post, which Mann called “the hardest-hitting social commentary in our entire print media,” and a few new pieces. Despite his background in research, he wanted to use the cartoons, rather than statistics or Politico profiles only, to reveal the holes in denialists’ arguments and the environmental dangers of denialism.

Mann structured his lecture accordingly—he brought up a number of recent weather phenomena with global warming to blame, like Hurricane Harvey and the California wildfires and the drought in Syria (the worst in at least 900 years), as well as their political consequences. For example, the drought forced rural farmers into cities, increased competition for resources, and exacerbated internal conflict that facilitated—and was worsened by—ISIS influence. At the lecture, discussion of this sort of phenomenon was punctuated by the periodic Toles cartoon, creating contrasts between the screenshots of articles about natural disasters and the cartoonist’s biting satire. The drawings were usually met by laughs, while the articles demanded a more grave air. Likewise, when Mann mentioned some prominent denialists, the audience chuckled—how could we not laugh at Congressman Mo Brooks’ claim that falling rocks are causing the sea level to rise?

(This was accompanied by a Toles cartoon of two frogs in a pot of boiling water. One tells the other, “Stovetop temperatures change all the time!”)

The relevance and power of cartoons is similarly explored in “The Educated Woman,” a cartoon exhibition in the Main Library curated by Temishi Onnekikami ’21 and sponsored by the Engaged Pluralism Initiative and Vassar College Libraries. When Onnekikami was working over the summer at the library, sifting through archives, she came across comic books by Anne Cleveland ’37 and Jean Anderson ’33 about life at Vassar. Cleveland and Anderson’s five illustrated accounts of Vassar

Compared to the digital forms of media that modern consumers are constantly exposed to, cartoons are an untainted, traditional art. Recent campus visitors demonstrated how cartoons can offer cultural critique on topics from Vassar student life to climate change. in the books, “This is not all Vassar has to offer. [The comics] are accurate in the way that [they] capture the historical moment through a certain lens, but inaccurate because [they] only [use] that lens the cartoonists were operating through.” This is why she encouraged Vassar students to not only appreciate Cleveland and Anderson’s creations, but also illustrate their own undergraduate experiences. In addition to enduring and relatable humor, she stressed, “It’s also important to have appropriate representation and diverse perspectives.”

In collaboration with “The Educated Women,” The Art Effect hosted a cartoon workshop at the Main Library studio space on Tuesday, April 16. The Art Effect is a school in Poughkeepsie that offers a variety of visual and media arts courses to youth in the area, including a pre-college portfolio program, a summer camp for younger children and employment opportunities in public service for teenagers. Their staff displayed examples of characters from Cleveland and Anderson, then urged participants to create their own slice-of-life comics. With nothing but a paper and Sharpies, students reflected upon the little details of life at Vassar, from overheard conversations at the Deece to much distress over people wearing flip-flops and shorts in the winter.

Assistant supervisor and teaching artist at The Art Effect Manny Ofori conducted the workshop with Director of Education Mary Ellen Iatropoulos. He usually teaches people in secondary school, but spoke to the importance of artist autonomy at any age; his students are most creative when

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

tried to dismantle decades-old environmental regulations instituted by Republicans and Democrats alike, these efforts inspired the “We Are Still In” movement.

In response to Trump’s threatening to pull out of the Paris Climate Agreement, citizens organized on the sub-federal level to incite change. Now there is a Northeast consortium for climate action, and states representing roughly 30 percent of the U.S. population have signed on to increase carbon prices. The House Committee on Space, Science and Technology held a hearing in February about climate science.

Renewed Democratic leadership like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who proposed a “Green New Deal,” has only inflamed a broader transnational “energy” demanding the protection of the environment and new regulations for the strange weather.

Cartoons help mobilize this energy because they are so efficient in their delivery, so universally appealing by virtue of their humor. They are the language of the “everyman,” as Onnekikami said, from climate change activists to undergraduate students, and their success depends on their relatability, the degree to which they represent the viewer’s experiences. “Humor and satire is the one thing that can still cut through that…partisan divide,” Mann explained. “There’s a reason satirists and cartoonists are able to talk about things that become difficult to talk about in straightup social commentary … You need some sort of tool to cut through that, some way to disarm people…and humor is one way to do that, to get people to lower their defenses.”

April 25, 2019

ARTS

Page 7

Columnist discovers solidarity in mental health narratives Jimmy Christon Columnist

I

Courtesy of Samantha Hoher

am starting this article with an extended trigger warning. Mental health is something that you owe yourself to take seriously.

If you feel like you can’t get out of your head, or that you cannot find peace with whatever pain you’re holding on to, please call these numbers or reach out to the resources available on campus. Students can contact the mental health professional on call at 845457-7333 by asking to speak with a counselor.

Everyone (including students) can call the Dutchess County Helpline at 845-485-9700— they are available 24/7, 365. The National Suicide Prevention lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.

And the JED textline can be accessed by texting “START” to 741-741.

Maintaining mental health is one of the largest challenges that many of us at Vassar grapple with. From balancing workloads to handling the harrowing experience of growing older, we all confront mental health in our own ways. As students, this reality is almost impossible to ignore. But it is harder to recognize that mental health extends beyond our bubble and into the community at large.

Hanging in the hallway above the computer store is a display entitled “A Work in Progress.” An earlier draft of this piece called this an exhibit, but that is the wrong word: An exhibit is a one-way relationship, where the viewer consumes whatever is before them. Here is a display in which a group of 18 people describe their journey in their own words, adding to Vassar’s community story. This installation consists of pictures of people, taken in collaboration with Phocus, with their own words next to them. Cassie Jain ’20, Jackson Hardin ’19 and Haley Kardek ’19 deserve praise for this tremendous work.

“A Work in Progress” was organized by Administrative Fellow in the Office of Health Promotion and Education Sam Hoher ’17.

The above installation can be found in the College Center. Focusing on mental health in the Vassar community, the display features photos of participants ranging from students to professors to coaches, accompanied by text written in their own words.

Work for the project started last semester, but the idea had been brewing in Hoher’s head for some time. Like myself, she was a student that struggled with mental health while she was at Vassar. Also like myself, she found a vibrant community to lean on. “We have such a supporting community,” she explained, and I have to agree.

An installation like this where so many honest stories can be shared so openly speaks to a reality that we can all relate to on this campus. Hoher found support from one of her professors who openly talked about their therapy routines during office hours. She described it succinctly in our interview. “Wow,” she recalled thinking, “I’m not alone.”

Those participating in the exhibit shared this sentiment. During its opening reception, Professor of Psychology Randy Cornelius was surprised to read through the stories.

He stated, “It’s surprising seeing how what I reflect on, others have experienced.” And, if you’re like me, this might be a surprising thing to hear from a professor. Vassar might be an open community when it comes to mental health, but it is still imperfect. There are flaws here—flaws that this display addresses.

Towering above these imperfections are the ones that separate us from one another.

Out of the 18 people participating in this project, only half are students. Two are professors and seven are faculty. The point should be clear: The negotiation between ourselves and our psyches is something that connects all of us, regardless of our status on campus.

And indeed, this should produce some feelings of discomfort. Everyone here shares extremely personal stories that are filled with considerable pain. Going through these

stories isn’t necessarily pleasant, but it is affirming. One valuable thing students can learn is that there is no boundary between youth and maturity, only shades and gradients.

One administrator I interviewed, Director of the LGBTQ Center and the Women’s Center Danushi Fernando, inspired these sentiments. Fernando explained, “I wanted students to recognize that this is something I’ve been working on for a while.” This comment ties quite nicely into the title of the project.

No one on display here has reached a level of transcendence. No one ever defeats their mental health struggles. This isn’t something to be conquered. Indeed, none of the stories even allude to such a sentiment.

But one thing all participants seem to agree on is a sense of growth and of recognition. “I am greater than my biggest fears, my anxiety, my busy mind,” writes men’s volleyball Head Coach Richard Gary. Assistant Director of the Office for Accessibility and Educational Opportunity Zack Batchelder shares, “My depression is its own journey, but my journey is not defined by my depression.” Cassie Cauwel ’22 declares, “I am worth positivity.”

The installation is on display until May 6.

“A Work in Progress” is located above Express. Take the stairs and turn right; you can’t miss the photos. These portraits are equal parts intimate and inviting. I implore you to experience this display while it is still up, and to fight the stigma against mental health.

There is no shame in reaching out to those around you in a healthy manner. We’re all in this together, and people are here to help you with whatever you need. You are worth being heard. The Listening Center has extended hours for this hectic time of year. Or, if the pain you have is scarred over and hidden by your daily routines, maybe just hearing others’ stories will help you connect with what you need to hear.

King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard experiment with boogie Alex Barnard Columnist

Planet B

King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard Flightless

he seven Melbourne natives that comprise Australian psychedelic rock group King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard are known for being musical chameleons.

In the span of just nine years, they have released 13 albums, each with their own distinct sound. If that does not give you some perspective into just how prolific the band is, in 2017 alone, King Gizzard released five albums and explored diverse genres such as microtonal music, spoken word, psychedelic jazz and progressive rock, just to name a few.

King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard’s lineup is impressive, consisting of seven multi-talented musicians who create some of the most groundbreaking music in the business.

Fronted by singer and rhythm guitarist Stu Mackenzie, the band made a name for itself by taking risks. For one example, the title track from their debut record, “12 Bar Bruise,” was recorded through four iPhones placed in different areas around a room, with Mackenzie singing directly into one of them (Purple Sneakers, “Album Review: King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard, ‘12 Bar Bruise,’” 08.17.2012).

However, the group really broke new ground with their hit record, 2016’s “Nonagon Infin-

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

T

ity,” which features nine tracks that form a continuous loop—hence the title.

After taking 2018 off, the band has returned with plans (apparently) to release two new albums this year. So far, the group has released three singles for the latest collection entitled “Fishing for Fishies,” which is due to be released on April 26. With such songs as “Cyboogie” and “Boogie Man Sam,” it seems that King Gizzard loyalists can expect “boogie” to be the theme of this album. Each of the singles released features a mellow, dancelike groove. However, most compelling is the band’s ability to take the “boogie” sound and translate it to different genres. “Cyboogie,” for example, is an upbeat, dance floor-shaking synthpop tune, whereas “Boogie Man Sam” seems to draw on bluegrass influences, with band member Ambrose Kenny-Smith’s harmonica skills prominently featured on the track.

The biggest surprise comes from the band’s latest single. On April 8, King Gizzard released the music video for a song titled “Planet B,” a metal tune that is not featured on the leaked tracklist of “Fishing for Fishies.” The sound is so different from the styles found on “Fishing for Fishies” that it has led to speculation from fans that 2019 may be the year that King Gizzard finally releases a metal album.

Clocking in at just under four minutes, “Planet B” seems to answer the question, “What would happen if Slayer took acid?”

The headbanging riffs, lightning fast drums and shouted, abrasive vocals harken back to

Australian psychedelic rock group King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard has experimented with many genres throughout its discography, from psychadelic jazz to spoken word. The upcoming album, ‘Fishing for Fishies,’ could very well hook listeners in with ‘boogie’ sound. a style of heavy metal that has long been forgotten: traditional thrash metal. The lyrics, too, indicate a change for the band. While King Gizzard’s lyrics normally deal with abstract concepts, the band seems to have taken a page out of Megadeth’s handbook, writing largely socially conscious lyrics. “Planet B” is a song about the destruction of Earth due to climate change, with harsh criticisms of society’s ignorance in the face of blatant facts about climate change. The last line of the

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

chorus states “there is no Planet B,” warning us that we do not have a backup plan(et).

As a fan of King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard, I am excited to hear the rest of “Fishing for Fishies.” However, I cannot help but be even more excited to see what direction the band will take following the release of “Planet B.” If the single is any indication of the band’s future plans, King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard’s second album for 2019 might just be the best metal album of the year.

ARTS

Page 8

Kanye’s Korner Julian Lindenmaier Guest Columnist

The following is the sixth in an eight-part series documenting the discography of Kanye West. Each week, Arts will feature a piece detailing the merits of one of West’s albums, in chronological order. any of Kanye West’s most devout followers may recall May of 2013 as a time of nail-biting suspense. Their impatience was certainly reasonable; promotion for the legend’s sixth studio album was far from revealing. Offering nothing but the ambiguous “June Eighteen” tweet and a couple track teases on SNL, Kanye cultivated an aura of mystery around his newest creative endeavor. Yet despite all the hype and speculation that ensued, no one was quite prepared for what “Yeezus” eventually delivered.

Certainly great records precede “Yeezus” in West’s discography. “The College Dropout” flaunted the icon’s brilliance as a home producer and witty lyricist and set the foundation for the humor and confidence associated with most of his music. “Graduation” and “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” channeled his evolution into stardom and showcased Kanye’s ability to craft hits of mass appeal, all without sacrificing his roots. And who could forget “808s & Heartbreak,” the 2008 instant classic through which Kanye inspired the world with a stunning exposition of vulnerability and loss? Many avid listeners found them-

M

April 25, 2019

Installment VI: ‘Yeezus’

selves disappointed six years ago upon the release of “Yeezus.” As the record contrasts his earlier works so harshly, are fans really to blame for missing the old Kanye?

Indeed, West has thrived throughout his career by switching things up, and surely his sixth album takes dramatic turns that are emblematic of this pattern. Over ten tracks, the project is viscerally abrasive, brief and far from traditional hip-hop. The songs seem more fitting for a ’90s warehouse rager than a commercial music festival. The very first track, “On Sight,” opens with a volatile synth that jolts the listener in its menacing drive until gradually succumbing to structure and rhythm. Industrial textures, acid-house percussive patterns, guttural howls and screeches—all of these features were foreign to Kanye’s prior releases.

“Yeezus” may be best understood as a product of explicit intention, one that surpasses that of every other Kanye record in weight and cohesiveness. It is understandable, but ultimately a misconception, to regard the record as the end of an era. By simply discarding all the glitz and grandeur, West retains only his most essential elements, reducing his artistry to its pure essence. The dissonant energy that defines the album from its onset allows West to assert himself in his truest form: a passionate, arrogant creative who vehemently struggles with the many layers and intersections of his fame and humanity.

West could not have rendered “Yeezus”

without exercising his genius as a curator.

By utilizing specific creatives to aid him in his quest for authenticity, Kanye fulfills his intentions for the record without escaping the spotlight. Legendary and unorthodox hip-hop producer Rick Rubin boasts executive production credits for the album; he is responsible for shaping both its aesthetic and sonic rawness. Featured artists like drill rapper Chief Keef, modern folk star Justin Vernon and long-time collaborator Kid Cudi add flavor to the album’s many moods. Even Daft Punk returns to provide that “Stronger” energy again. Ultimately, however, West dominates each and every track, his guests situated unobtrusively between the verses.

A central theme in Kanye’s music is his ambition for control, and “Yeezus” doesn’t shy away from addressing it in the slightest.

“New Slaves” concerns West’s battle with corporate America, refusing to be made into a product against his will while condemning carceral power and racialized oppression.

West raps, “Y’all throwin’ contracts at me/ You know that n**** can’t read,” playing on a racist stereotype to criticize the forces that attempt to manipulate him and his career.

Using samples from Nina Simone’s “Strange Fruit,” a song about the tragic lynchings of African-Americans in the Jim Crow era, Kanye relates the history of racism in the U.S. to his contemporary moment on “Blood on the Leaves.” The track is primarily about a romantic relationship, but Simone’s agony punctuates each verse, making it clear that

Kanye’s meaning and intention are much deeper than an initial glance might reveal.

If anything is made clear on “Yeezus,” it is that Kanye will not be made a puppet, and definitely will not be ignored.

“Yeezus” further explores Kanye’s trials with retaining power through the lens of his love life. West samples TNGHT’s “R U Ready” as he laments a relationship corrupted by publicity. Meanwhile, “Hold My Liquor” is a tragic account of West’s struggle to make sense of his inner demons as he loses yet another love. Lou Reed describes it best: “Drenched in ghostly pads, pulsing basses and wailing guitars, ‘Hold My Liquor’ is just heartbreaking” (Talkhouse, “Lou Reed Talks Kanye West’s Yeezus,” 09.03.2014) Yes, “Yeezus” is minimalistic. Yes, it is ferociously charged, unashamedly provocative and not universally relatable. And yes, it marks a significant change in West’s career. Yet, what is beautiful about all of these characteristics is that they are all testaments to Kanye’s success in achieving exactly what he creatively intended. Despite having received immense critical acclaim, “Yeezus” does not exist to thrive in the realm of popular music. Every aspect of the album—the cover art, the celebrated global tour, the video of Kim Kardashian nude on a motorcycle in the sky—it’s all authentically Kanye. I can only hope that the release of “Yandhi,” if it ever shall come, will be a true sequel to this epic record in terms of fearless, driven expression.

Photojournalist Shahidul Alam spreads truth in images ALAM continued from page 1 a few months prior, he had been released from jail.

Last year, on an Al-Jazeera segment, he decried the Bangladeshi government for “looting of the banks, the gagging of the media, the extrajudicial killings, the disappearances, the need to give protection money at all levels, bribery at all levels, corruption in education” (Nepali Times, “The death of democracy,” 08.29.2018). Alam also talked about demonstrations in Dhaka, which flared up in response to the traffic-related deaths of two teenagers. Students protested road conditions worsened by the traffic mafia and a state that seized power by “brute force.” Demonstrators did not solely seethe over poor road conditions, but also over the government-sanctioned corruption.

Hours after the segment aired, 20 Bangladeshi officials broke into Alam’s home and abducted him. For 102 days, he was held in custody by the government for posting “imaginary propaganda against the government” that “triggered panic among public and caused deterioration of law and order” (Hyperallergic, “Bangladeshi Photojournalist, Shahidul Alam, Granted Bail After 102 Days in Detention,” 11.15.2018).

This caused an uproar: 400 Indian artists signed a petition demanding his release, and leaders in the art world like Anish Kapoor and Hans Ulrich Obrist offered their support. Alam was granted bail by the High Court in November; the abduction was in August. Alam proclaimed in court, “I was hit [in custody]. I bled” (Hyperallergic, “Shahidul Alam, Granted Bail”).

Courtesy of Christopher Michel via Flickr Last year, Alam used a segment on Al-Jazeera to speak out against the Bangladeshi government’s corruption of education, media and banks, among other systematic issues.

Hours after his remarks aired, officials abducted him in his home and arrested him.

Alam told the New York Times Lens Co-Editor David Gonzalez, “There are many people who gave likes on my Facebook post and shared my Facebook post who are still in jail” (The New York Times, “Despite Prison and Torture, Shahidul Alam Refuses to Stay Quiet,” 04.09.2019).

Like him, these innocent people were accused of violating a Bangladeshi law that bans negative coverage of the government online. He explained, “Essentially, [the provision] means that if someone in electronic media, digital platform, says something which goes against the government or offends their sensibility—it’s a very sweeping thing—the government can arrest people without warrant” (The New York Times, “Despite Prison”).

Activism has landed him in trouble, but it has also made him one of the best photojournalists of our time. He manages to capture the personal in the political, and some sweetness or humanity in tragedy. Outside of the photographs, through his social criticism and outspokenness on platforms from Twitter to TV, he draws attention to the circumstances surrounding Bangladesh’s current political climate.

An example of Alam’s photojournalistic activism occurred when, in 1991, Bangladesh had its first free and fair election after Ershad’s removal. Alam captured a photo of a woman casting her vote behind a threadbare screen. Her face is indistinguishable, but there is determination in the curve of her spine. Neck crooked, she bends over a little table.

Alam’s activism also extends beyond the struggles of the Bangladeshi people. Later, in 2005, an earthquake ravaged Pakistan.

Alam documented two men in Kashmir: In the midst of piles of rubble, a barber combs a man’s beard. The man wears a barber cape

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

and his eyes are closed, head tilted back.

The two seem oblivious to the destruction around them, possibly reflecting how dedicated they are to the operation.

In 2010, Alam created a series about extrajudicial killings by the Rapid Action Battalion (RAB) of Bangladesh. It was called “Crossfire” because thousands of deaths were attributed to gunfights between the RAB and criminals; people in RAB custody were caught in crossfire (Shahidul News, “Crossfire: An Installation by Shahidul Alam on Extra Judicial Killings”). Hauntingly, most of the photos do not show people, but places and objects connected to the killings: a grave, a hospital corridor, bundles of cash.

In 2017, Alam captured an image of Muslims fleeing from attempted ethnic cleansing during the Rohingya refugee crisis. A photo shows a recumbent man on the floor of Sadar Hospital in Bangladesh, his daughter crouched next to him, touching his hair.

Since then, the Bangladeshi government has said it will not accept any more refugees.

At the core of good photojournalism is both the sweetness of these images—how, to a degree, they feel removed from the crises they document—and their corresponding sociopolitical commentaries. In “Crossfire,” for example, Alam sought to evoke the physical experience of terror rather than offer documentary evidence. But he spoke vehemently about the police and judiciary corruption responsible for inaction towards the killings. Alam asserted, “It’s worthwhile remembering that you are not merely a photographer. But you are the authenticator of the story. You are the primary witness.

In that sense you have something to offer beyond your photographs” (The New York Times, “Shahidul Alam: Fiercely Devoted to the Truth,” 11.13.2018).

ARTS

April 25, 2019

Campus Canvas A weekly space highlighting the creative pursuits of student-artists

Page 9 submit to misc@vassar.edu

Hikari Tanaka Neuroscience and English Major Class of 2021 She/Her/Hers

Welcome to the All-American Grill!

Try-hard, pretentious, overachiever— Look, I swear I’m not like them.

Those Stuttering, A-plus Asians Who make you look bad.

Stinky radish instead of PBJ for lunch Study twenty five hours each day.

Oh god, I’m so glad you’re not like them.

They’re just soooo fake.

Like no offense, I love Japan and sushi and sh*t but like. You know.

I love my hamburgers more, ya feel?

“No, haha, I get it.”

By the way, were you born here?

“Uh… well, no. I have a pass-” What are your grades?

“Um-” I wish I was Asian. I bet you got into college because you’re Asian.

“I’m not!” …

Oh my god could you like, please calm down? Literally no one cares.

Geez and I thought asian girls were nice and quiet.

Excuse me, Least favorite color and why?

“Turquoise. It can’t make up its mind whether it wants to be green or blue. Like you aren’t that cool.”

— Jamila Blair ’22

“Pale green. It just looks like the mold that grows between your toenails.”

—Tommy Tomikawa ’21

Wow I am so angry!

What am I to you?

I’m not your fast food sushi, Don’t say those things to me!

But so what?

You let them be the pork.

Jigyou Jikoku* Your sushi isn’t osushi* it’s “soo-shee” The rice is breadcrumbs The seaweed is lettuce Pearly fish? You gave up the food of your mother When you threw away her bentou* to eat burgers instead!

“Whatever color this is.”

— Alex Bartholomew ’19

So why do you care?

No, that’s notReally?

I wanted to fit in.

You let them suffer.

When did Asia accept hybrids, the ones who are not.

Grilled fat dripping under the All-American Sneer, you look for excuses; No, I didn’t do anything wrong! this pain is real just not spoken.

Deserve only The burgers you want. Didn’t you want to be American?

McDonaldization of people is called colonization And it’s people like you who’re at fault!

Just give up your passing port and be done with it.

No! If I fail all of my Kanji* tests, what can I do facing The 99% adult literacy rate?

Faking white is easier than faking what you’re supposed to be But rejection from home hurts more than rejection from TSA. Oh my god could you like, please calm down? Maji uzainn dakedo*.

You’re not even really Asian so who cares, LOL. Right? Dayo ne.* *Jigyou Jikoku: wordplay from a Japanese proverb, Jigyou jitoku you reap what you sow (lit. one’s work, one’s gain).

Jikoku means “hell”, therefore one’s work, one’s hell. *Bentou: Japanese lunchbox set usually with leftovers *Osushi: a Japanese dish with rolls of raw fish (“osushi” is the polite form of the common “sushi”) *Kanji: Japanese characters/ vocabulary *Maji uzainn dakedo: Japanese slang; lit. it’s seriously annoying. *Dayo ne: Japanese slang; lit. right, I agree

“Yellow. It’s too bright. Too clashing. Too happy.”

— Jordan Chin ’21

“Orange, it’s kind of redundant.”

— Daniel Rosen ’20

“Grey, because it’s supposed to be spring, I can’t have any more grey in my life.”

— Am Chunnananda ’22

Hannah Gaven, Humor & Satire Izzy Migani, Assistant Humor & Satire Yvette Hu, Photography

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

FEATURES

Page 10

Quite Frankly Frankie Knuckles

Senior Editor Quality Advice-Giver

Have a question you want answered? Submit your quandaries at http://bit.ly/2RFnXfk Hey Frankie, I don’t really have a gig lined up for the summer and I’m super stressed about it! Is that rational? How much should I actually worry? What can I do to fix this seeming terror?!

Sincerely, Too Stressed to be Blessed Dear Stressed,

MASTER CHEF continued from page 1 was clear that Che’s inspiration to cook is rooted in his upbringing.

As a contestant on “MasterChef Junior,” Che has had the opportunity to travel far from home and gain new culinary experiences. When I asked about his time on the program, he enthusiastically replied, “It’s been pretty awesome.”

“MasterChef Junior” is a televised cooking competition in which children ages 8 to 13 compete in a variety of challenges designed to test their cooking skills. The show airs on Fox and is based upon “MasterChef,” the original competition show featuring adults rather than children. As a viewer of both “MasterChef” and “MasterChef Junior,” I can strongly attest that the latter is far superior: The child chefs are far more kind, entertaining and culinarily impressive.

Che’s tales of “MasterChef Junior” confirm that participating in the show is a singular experience. “The biggest lesson from the show I’ve learned is to take the judges’ criticism and make yourself better from that,” he shared. “The judges are really great.”

The current judges of “MasterChef Junior” are culinary icons Gordon Ramsay, Christina Tosi and Aarón Sanchez. Che’s understanding of the opportunity for growth that the show provides speaks to his respect for these experts and his desire to pursue a culinary journey. Although Ramsay is often known for his fiery language and fickle temper, he tends to be more mellow with the junior cooks, and Che assured he felt nothing but support in the MasterChef Junior kitchen.

Beyond the elements of competition and personal growth, Che has also found the show to be an exciting space for collaboration. “I love meeting other young cooks,” he said. When asked what culinary creation from the show he was most proud of, he recalled the cupcakes from a recent team challenge. Che and his partner created a set of apple-pie cupcakes topped with spice and maple-cinnamon buttercream. The apples play homage to Che’s native state of New York, and Chef Aarón Sanchez described the blend of flavors and textures as “brilliant.”

Che’s performance on the show demonstrates his talent for cooking, but his great passion for food came through even more in our conversation. “MasterChef Junior” is an impressive accomplishment at the start of a cooking journey, and I was curious to learn more about Che’s future food endeavors. I asked Che about any possible intentions to attend the nearby Culinary Institute of America. He expressed interest in its strong reputation and convenient location. He stated, “It’d be really, really cool to go there.”

Shown above, Che Spiotta poses with a colorful array of vegetables. Spiotta is very familiar with fruits and greens; he grew up picking, gardening and canning his own produce. The 13-year-old values using local, fresh ingredients in his cooking at home.

Che is uncertain about his long-term future with food, but he does have some dreams. He shared his aspirations to perhaps one day have a restaurant, food truck or food talk show, all while continuing to highlight gluten-free cooking in his endeavors. Regardless of which dream actually becomes Che’s reality, food is definitely going to be part of his life for a long time; Che stated, “It will definitely be in my career and [will] 100 percent be a hobby.”

Che generously shared one of his recipes with us: eggnog crème brulée. I was excited to hear the story behind this creation.

Che happily recalled the first time he made the dish around New Year’s of 2017. He had long been a fan of crème brulée, and spotting a stray container of eggnog in the fridge sparked his creative genius to create one of his own. “I decided to substitute heavy cream with eggnog, and it came out really good,” Che reminisced. The dish has since become a holiday favorite in his household.

Che’s eggnog crème brulée represents just one ingredient of his culinary repertoire and story—a story grounded by family traditions and enhanced by his experience with “MasterChef Junior.” Che’s narrative is only just beginning, and I’m excited to see what his future has in store. For now, all we can do is wait and search the supermarket aisles for some eggnog.

Courtesy of Fox

uite frankly, “irrational” doesn’t mean “less worrisome.” So whether or not your worries are rational, they exist. Unfortunately for you, irrational worries tend not to respond to rational logic; I can give you any number of reasons why you don’t need to freak out, but if you’re worried about something, you’re likely to keep worrying until either a) you tire yourself out or b) the situation reaches a resolution.

I’m really not equipped to quantify how much you should worry. I mean, if you’re having financial security issues, that’s definitely something to be pretty concerned about.

If you’re just thinking your lack of a prestigious internship for this summer will make you look bad during your future job search process, that’s slightly less pressing. There are always other (probably better) ways to make yourself look appealing to prospective employers than listing an internship with which they may or may not be familiar.

Vassar culture (or maybe just, like, Gen Z culture in a general sense?) posits that we students don’t get a true break for summer. That irritates me. One of the reasons why college continuing year-round without a break isn’t a standard schedule is that college is hard.

We need mental breaks to come back and perform as well as we can. Vassar’s schedule gives us breaks every six weeks, but we usually feel compelled to fill those breaks with all manner of laudable pursuits, like volunteer work, winternships or independent academic projects.

A huge push to endow your summer and other break periods with some kind of career-focused or otherwise mentally rigorous occupation really undermines the restfulness a break can bring.

That said, my ability to enjoy a carefree attitude comes largely from my parents telling me that I can live rent-free at home this summer if all else fails. However, this is a privilege that not everyone has.

My suggestion to fix this seeming terror also might be less than useful if having a summer occupation is necessary for your financial wellbeing, but I’m going to hope that it helps anyway. Ask yourself: What happens if I don’t get a summer gig? The honest answer is probably not as scary as you think it is.

Hudson Valley native competes, collabs

Courtesy of Nigel Barker

Q

Best Wishes, Frankie P.S. For what it’s worth, I’ve spent the last several weeks stressing about my summer, too. You’re not alone, my pal.

April 25, 2019

Pictured here, Che Spiotta discusses the details of a dish with fellow MasterChef Junior contestant Mateo. While competition is certainly a critical component of the show, the young cooks often collaborate to complete their culinary challenges.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Recipe

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Eggnog Crème Brulée Recipe courtesy of Che Spiotta

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Ingredients • 2 cups eggnog • 4 egg yolks • 1 /4 cup sugar • 3 ounces mascarpone • cheese, softened • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract • dash of nutmeg • dash of cinnamon

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Instructions 1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

2. In a shallow baking dish, place 4 ramekins and fill the dish with water halfway up the side of the ramekins.

3. Pour the eggnog in a pan and cook, stirring occasionally over medium heat. Bring the eggnog to a simmer, about 10 minutes.

4. In a mixing bowl, combine the egg yolks and sugar. Beat until frothy and light in color. Blend in the mascarpone cheese and stir until smooth and incorporated.

5. Whisk 1/4 cup of the heated eggnog into the egg mixture and then gradually mix in the remaining egg mixture.

6. Pour this mixture through a fine sieve to remove any egg solids.

7. Stir in the vanilla extract, nutmeg and cinnamon.

8. Pour the mixture evenly into the four ramekins.

9. Bake until the custard has set, about 30-40 minutes. The crème brulée should jiggle slightly when shaken but should not be watery.

10. Remove and let cool for 30 minutes and then refrigerate for at least 3 hours before serving.

April 25, 2019

FEATURES

Page 11

Lesson one in lessening waste: Upcycling made easy Frankie Knuckles Senior Editor

ollowing Earth Day and inspired by impending doom surrounding anthropogenic climate change, many of us might be thinking of new, exciting ways to lessen the waste we produce in everyday life. Many different strategies can help you limit the material you throw away, like avoiding unnecessary purchases and opting for longer-lasting goods when you must buy.

My personal favorite way to reduce waste, though, is with a creative upcycling project.

There’s no one right way to upcycle; the only goal is to take something that’s no longer serving its intended purpose and give it a new one. Ideally, you’ll use only materials that you already have to create something you can use regularly.

A few things that are probably laying around your dorm right now can be manipulated into more usable crafting supplies. Bear in mind that some clothing you might not want could be used for these projects, but might also fill someone else’s clothing needs if they’re in good shape. While this isn’t a traditional craft tutorial, it will allow you to implement Pinterest-worthy ideas while limiting your environmental impact.

If you and I have anything in common, your stock of t-shirts is more than adequate for a single human being. Sure, some of these old favorites will never go out of style, but for those that are getting a bit raggedy, or that embarrassingly advertise your high school drama production of “Shrek: The Musical,”

Courtesy of Cassandra Clevenger via Flickr

F

you can implement upcyling.

If you’re a knitter, crocheter or weaver, you can certainly use yarn much more than extra t-shirts. All you need to make t-shirt yarn is scissors, shirts and stamina.

1. Lay out the first shirt you want to shred flatly in front of you. Cut off the top portion of the shirt, including the collar and sleeves (you can retain it for scrap fabric if you want). I usually cut off the hem as well.

2. It’s helpful if you mark 1-inch (ish) sections along the vertical length of the shirt. This will help you maintain a constant thickness of the yarn as you go.

3. Following your marks, you’ll next be cutting the shirt into strips from A newly-formed pile of yarn sits coiled in a hectic heap. A single, raggedy t-shirt has right to left, leaving the shirt cylin- been shredded and cut in a whole variety of ways and directions to create a continuous der intact. This means that each cut length. After being stretched out, it is ready to be neatly wrapped, forming a yarn ball. will be through two layers of fabric.

However, you’re going to leave them next strip, you’ll keep the strips conone end. Hold it in both hands, then all connected by about a half-inch tinuously connected and avoid needslowly pull apart, like how we imagine section on the left side. Since this is ing to sew up small strips. people made taffy back in the Handtwo layers and they’re connected by 5. Continue these diagonal cuts all the icraft era. This yields a dual effect: the left-hand seam, the section of conway up the shirt, being careful to conThe noodle will become significantly nected fabric will end up being one nect the sections so you end up with a longer, and it will naturally take on a inch wide. continuous piece. round shape, making it much easier to 4. Now, starting from the bottom, you 6. Now, you should have what’s basically work with in fiber arts capacities. will cut along the above-mentioned a t-shirt noodle.

9. As you go, wrap the resulting t-shirt one-inch section on the left. Move 7. Put down your scissors. You won’t yarn around four fingers of one hand, your shirt so that the whole one-inch need them anymore. and then around the resulting loop to connected section is visible, with the 8. Now comes the fun part: Stretch out make a yarn ball. seam in the middle. By cutting along the flat yarn noodle into a curled cylThere you have it; you have made t-shirt this section from the top of one strip inder. How, might you ask? By stretchyarn (which, for the record, goes for like, 7 diagonally up to the bottom of the ing it. It’s rather cathartic. Start at dollars on Etsy).

Coalition aims to energize campus on carbon neutrality Courtesy of Fabrice Florin via Flickr While Vassar Climate Action Coalition (VCAC) primarily focuses on carbon neutrality, it still hopes to make its predecessor’s fossil fuel divestment goal a reality. The coalition’s members emphasized that any financial cost is lower than the cost of remaining unsustainable.

Duncan Aronson

Assistant Features Editor

S

tudent referendums. Banner drops and group chants. A cappella con­certs, spoken word performances and work­ shops.

Faculty and class participation, national media coverage, alumni and Rockefeller Brothers Fund donations. Sit-ins attracting a total of 400 people, with some students rotating around the clock to ensure that students lined the halls of Main and key administrative offices 24/7. It’s hard to believe that, at this time three years ago, the Vassar community became swept up in environmental activism (The Miscellany News, “Divest VC sit-in influences administration,” 05/04.2016).

The various events were all organized by the Vassar College Fossil Fuel Divestment Campaign (DivestVC). Since the time of these events, however, Main’s halls have been relatively uncrowded and quiet. Some student activists think inactivity will render DivestVC’s efforts ineffectual; they believe that continued student advocacy and pres-

sure on administration are key to ensuring that Vassar as an institution values the environment.

I conversed with a trio of said student activists, who are starting a new movement called the Vassar Climate Action Coalition (VCAC), to learn more about the past upon which they hope to build, as well as their upcoming endeavors. Joe Wisell ’20, who participated in the original DivestVC campaign, explained its history in detail. According to Wisell, DivestVC started as early as 2012 and culminated in the mass protests in 2016 before ending in 2017. The campaign had several intermediate steps leading up to its ultimate goal of protecting the environment.

One of the campaign’s goals was to reform the bureaucratic process that, in their eyes, obstructed students from vocalizing their environmental concerns to Vassar’s various committees. Wisell explained, “There are four steps to the bureaucratic process. You have to submit a proposal to four committees before it’ll be looked at by the Trustees, such as the Campus Investment Respon-

sibility Committee and the Trustee Investment Responsibility Committee. We wanted to change the campus Investment Responsibility Committee so that it would have more student representation on it.” Securing a student foothold in the committee was a necessary stepping stone to ensure that Vassar divested in fossil fuels, meaning that the college would divert its investments from fossil fuel companies to other less environmentally harmful businesses.

That being said, there was a huge hurdle to the final leap of influencing Vassar’s investment portfolio. Kira Peterson ’20 lamented this obstacle which continues to block advancement: “The Trustees have a pretty strong philosophical stance that the endowment cannot be [used] politically, but money is inherently political.” The committees’ official stance can be found in a letter from 2017. They acknowledge the divestment campaign on campus, but conclude that the endowment can only be allocated towards furthering the College’s mission, and investments should be made based solely on risk-adjusted returns. Political or environmental concerns are extraneous (Vassar Board of Trustees, “Trustee Investor Responsibility Committee Letter,” 09.01.2017).

By the end of its run in 2017, DivestVC did not achieve fossil fuel divestment. While they would like to revisit this goal, doing so has proven difficult. Peterson later revealed that, through a conversation with Vice President for Finance and Administration Stephen Dahnert, Vassar has little ability to access this information whether its investments in commingled and hedge funds support fossil fuels.

However, the Vassar Climate Action Coalition has another purpose: to hold Vassar accountable to Vassar’s carbon neutrality target to be met by 2030. They already see a potential step away from carbon neutrality in the upcoming construction of the Inn

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

and Institute. Both will serve as venues for conferences and events, in addition to other projects (The Miscellany News, “Faculty housing to be demolished,” 04.03.2019).

None of the three activists felt stronger about the buildings than Melissa Hoffman ’21, who declared with gusto, “It’s frustrating to think that the Trustees are pouring so much money into this stupid elitist project that’s only going to serve the Trustees, when there’s so much need for other projects on campus to forward sustainability...If it’s not going to be carbon neutral or it’s not one of their main goals, what’s the point of a liberal arts education and the liberal arts agenda?”

It looks like Vassar’s student environmentalists may once again butt heads with the Board of Trustees.

Aside from fighting for a sustainable Inn and Institute, the VCAC is also gearing up for next semester. Over the summer, a carbon neutrality study outlining various paths and cost estimates for meeting the 2030 target will be conducted. The movement’s main concern is that the study, which will be presented to various boards and committees, will not be aggressive enough to reduce Vassar’s carbon footprint to zero by 2030.

When the time comes, the Vassar Climate Action Coalition plans to organize several activism events meant to pressure the administration, such as letter-writing campaigns and demonstrations. In the meantime, they hope to raise awareness and facilitate discussions. For example, their upcoming informational session on April 25 will focus on topics such as what environmental justice means and alternative concrete strategies for furthering their cause.

The activists are itching to take action.

An impassioned Hoffman put it this way: “Everyone is going to be affected by climate change. We are currently in a climate emergency. It’s extremely urgent right now. We all have to do something about it.”

FEATURES

Page 12

Misc Quiz by Gillian Redstone

submit to misc@vassar.edu

M

ost colleges and universities call their residential buildings “dorms.” Vassar, being the contrarian it is, calls them “houses,” much like the brawling families of Westeros. Sharing the commonality of title, take a look at this (spoiler-free!) quiz to see which Westerosi house corresponds with your residential house.

Main a Stark,“Winter is Coming”

April 25, 2019

Word

on the street

Funniest word?

Josselyn a Greyjoy, “We Do Not Sow”

Main was Vassar’s first residential house (and The Greyjoys reside in the Iron Islands, building), and the Starks descend from the First which are full of peculiarly-shaped land masses.

“Scrumdiddlyumptious, Men who ventured from Essos to Westeros in Similarly, Joss has a variety of rooms with fun the way it feels when you the Dawn Age. Main is also the largest dorm on and interesting shapes, from well-kept suites to say it makes it funny.” campus, and The North, House Stark’s territory, two room doubles to creepy annexes. Although — Abigail Davis ’21 is larger than the other six kingdoms combined. lacking water, Joss does have its own beach.

Main and Winterfell could both use a bit of an Jewett a Baratheon, “Ours is the Fury” interior makeover (especially following next Jewett is by far the tallest and most drawn-out week’s Battle of Winterfell). dorm, equipped with nine floors and a single elRaymond and Lathrop a Martell, evator. The Baratheons have also been known to “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken” be scattered about Westeros, with Robert, StanThe Dornish are a lax people, known for their nis and Renly maintaining separate claims to the excellent wine and Water Gardens. Ever step throne from disparate areas of The Realm. Jewout onto the ResQuad? It’s chock-full of students ett’s three-pronged architecture also somewhat “Giblets is a good from these two dorms hammocking, studying resembles a stag, sigil of House Baratheon. one.” and frolicking about, in an embodiment of DorCushing a Tyrells, “Growing Strong” — Griffin nish culture.

House Tyrell is overflowing with strong, Wells ’22 Strong a Tully, “Family, Duty, Honor” flowery energy. Cushing gives off those same The Truth Is Out There Tully’s words could be plastered onto Strong vibes. Its Tudor style recalls a fairytale home House with no substantive differences. Strong’s more than a collegiate residential hall—the type residents are loyal to one another and their of place where you might find Margaery. Cush5. Baby talk ACROSS home, but also kind and not quite as ruthless as ing is also located conveniently close to Gordon 6. Dutch colony in the Caribbean 1. Tight-lipped some other houses in the Realm.

Commons, justsealife as The Reach provides much of Davision a Lannister, “Hear Me Roar” the food supply keep to King’smoney Landing and other ar7. "Get off my lawn" (abbr.)

5. Where rivers As you may have heard, Lannisters always eas of the Realm.

10. Wanes, tide “Fire and Blood” 8. Door handle pay their debts. This is partly due to their status Noyes like a Targaryen, as the wealthiest house in the Seven Kingdoms.

Noyes is Vassar’s newest dorm, and relatively 9. Balkan resident 14. Uncommon item “Nincompoop.”

Well, if Davi were in Westeros, it could contend speaking, the Targaryens are new to Westeros— — Patrick 10. Nutritious or delicious 15. What kidneys filter with the Lannisters for that title. Davi’s recent they fled Valyria with their dragons and subFitzgerald ’21 11. Elder quester Baggins 16. Hot gossip renovations rival the opulence of the Casterly sequently took over Westeros with the help of Rock and the Red Keep—who needs an Iron Aegon the Conqueror. Also worth noting, Noyes 12. Engage in simony 17. Prayer leader Throne when you can have little white boards recently had a fire. Perhaps dragons hid in that 18. Allison Hargreeves outside every door? scary elevator, waiting to be tamed and ridden?13. Wild guesses

“Mutton, wouldn’t wanna say why.”

— Sam Ripley ’22

“Babble. It’s a pretty funny word.”

— Julian Lindenmaier ’22

Ben Costa, Frank

35. Bivouac lodging 37. Work schedule if it’s 38. Proposed 1979“Homework, constitutional not funny it’s sad.” amendment — Iris Hu ’22 39. Broadly based 43. Long-short-short metric foot 44. Stomach irritations 45. Hannah PipingGaven, material Humor & Satire Izzy Migani, Assistant Humor & Satire 46. Yvette Cumberbatch, Cruise, or Hu, Photography Chaplin 21. Make a wager 19. Hip bones 47. Tea pastry 22. Mark of authority 20. Beeline 48. Weight assessor 25. "First" Christmas carol 23. Staggered race “Ad Nauseam” 49. Acronymous apparatus 26. Thrusting fencing sword 24. Plants for burns

by Benjamin Costa and Frank 50. Use information 27. Nerd 25. Switch signs 52.49.Study frantically 28. Cambodian cash 28. Drove a bike 43. Long-short-short metric foot in poetry Acronymous apparatus 51. Sea level ACROSS 44. Stomach irritations Use information 57. Exactly as described 53.50.Inedible apple part 29. Ring found by 11 down 30. Unlock, unlatch, or unseal 1. Tight-lipped sealife 45. Piping material 52. Study frantically 58. Google Maps output 5. Where rivers keep money 54.53.Club orapple nightstick 31. 'New' government 31. Breathing last 46. Cumberbatch, Cruise,programs or Inedible part 59. Wrench one's or wretch 10. Wanes, like tide Chaplin Club orSprouse nightstick 60. Excluding 14. Uncommon item 55.54.Actor 32. Poisonous conifer 33. Eagle-killer 47. Tea pastry 55. Actor Sprouse 61. Tree holiday 15. What kidneys filter 56.56.Treble bass 33. Sandwich shop 36. E-flat 48. Weight assessor Treble oror bass sign sign 62. Atoll or key 16. Hot gossip 63. Roll of currency film 17. Prayer leader 34. Tactless tone 40. Albanian 64. Average values 18. Allison Hargreeves 41. Cast a broad net profession 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 65. Swedish Muppet to her enemies 19. Hip bones 42. Scottish family DOWN 14 15 16 20. Beeline 43. Lentil soup 1. Baby cage 23. Staggered race 2. Wee ewe 24. Plants for burns 44. Encourage 17 18 19 3. Citizen of Kuwait or Sudan, for 25. Switch signs 46. Very, of a tempo example 28. Drove a bike 20 21 22 4. Cell boundary 30. Unlock, unlatch, or unseal 49. 24 Across, for example 5.

Baby talk 31. Breathing one’s last 51. Sea levelcolony in the Caribbean 23 24 6. Dutch 33. Eagle-killer 7. “Get off my lawn” (abbr.)

36. E-flat 57. Exactly as described 8. Door handle 40. Albanian currency 25 26 27 28 29 58. Google 9. BalkanMaps residentoutput 41. Cast a broad net 10. Nutritious or delicious 42. Scottish family 59. Wrench or wretch 30 31 32 33 34 35 11. Elder quester Baggins 43. Lentil soup 12. Engage in simony 60. Excluding 44. Encourage 36 37 38 39 13. Wild guesses 46. Very, of a tempo 61.

Tree holiday 21.

Make a wager 49. 24 Across, for example 22. Mark of authority 62. Atoll or key 40 41 42 Answer to last week’s puzzle 25. “First” Christmas carol 63. Roll of film fencing sword 26. Thrusting E R I E A B A S H S P A 43 44 45 27.

Nerd R A T I O F L A T64. Average values L Y N X 28. Cambodian cash L A V A D E A T H K N E L L 65. Swedish Muppet 46 47 48 49 50 29. Number of ring profession M O B K L E E N E X

The Miscellany Crossword

H O N G

S E V E R

D R A F T

R I S E R

O L O S I M E N S R A B R A T A S H T T A M A I N N U B U A F T E R S P O S T E T I C H E H A N L L A B E Y

S O W S E N E E R E D

M E T I T T E N R U R T A R R O I E S T M T R A I O I K O T S A N

found by 11 down 31. ‘New’ Great Depression RDOWN government programs E 32. Poisonous 1. Baby cage conifer P 33. Sandwich shop S2. Wee 34. ewe Tactless tone 35.

Bivouac lodging or Sudan, 3. Citizen of Kuwait 37. Work schedule Sexample 38. Proposed 1979 constitutional K amendment I4. Cell boundary 39. Broadly based

R Y O N S E T L O T

for

51

52

57

58

59

60

61

62

63

64

65

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

53

54

55

56

2019

April 25, 2019

OPINIONS

Page 13

The Miscellany News Staff Editorial

Apology from the Editors Dear readers of The Miscellany News,

W

e would like to take this space to recognize the feelings of hurt, frustration, disappointment and discomfort that the campus community has experienced as a result of the error we made on the front cover of our April 18 issue.

Without question, this situation reflects many of our institutional flaws, including the privilege and lack of diversity present on our Editorial Board. We overlooked the mistake in multiple rounds of editing in which it should have been identified.

This was an unacceptable transgression.

As we reflect on our severe error and strive toward transparency, we want to offer some explanation as to how such an insensitive oversight occurred during

our publication process. We had reached out to a photographer for photos from the lecture given by Jamaica Kincaid on April 11, 2019. Of the photos we received, none of them featured Kincaid. As a result, the photo on the original cover, of Vice Chancellor of the University of Global Health Equity Dr. Agnes Binagwaho and President Elizabeth Bradley, was chosen to accompany the article. No Misc editors had attended the event, and the writer of the article was not present at the time of production. Simply put, our editors did not verify the identity of Dr. Binagwaho, and mistook her for Kincaid.

Dr. Binagwaho is a distinguished supporter of equity and global health advocacy; Kincaid is an incredibly accomplished novelist. We are very fortunate to have had both these women grace our cam-

pus to share their work and ideas with our student body. We are in the process of tracking down contacts and offering apologies to both women, and we have already reached out to President Bradley and the student who brought the error to her attention.

None of this excuses our offensive behavior—there is inherent racism to this error. And as such, we will actively strive for more stringent scrutiny of our publication moving forward.

We’re currently exploring potential ways in which we can be a more inclusive Editorial Board. Our editorial staff is dedicated to establishing outreach that encourages diverse voices to contribute to our publication in a multitude of ways.

By opening up the possibility for people to submit various types of writing—as

opposed to solely journalistic pieces— we hope to make the Misc accessible to a larger portion of the student body.

Furthermore, we are immediately implementing a two-step photo verification process, wherein both the writer and the section editor must confirm the accuracy of all photos. These are only small practical steps; it will require many more ideas, and far more conversation, to create true systemic change.

We welcome any and all continued dialogue regarding this situation. For any student or reader who has been harmed as a consequence of our actions: We are very sorry to have let you down.

— This open letter represents the unanimous opinion of The Miscellany News Editorial Board.

Let people mourn: Notre-Dame fire merits solemnity Sawyer Bush

Guest Columnist

I

burn. Even for someone who had lived in Paris for less than a year, Notre-Dame was an integral part of her experience in Paris; she passed it every morning on her way to the metro. When I told her how sorry I was, she responded, “I still feel like I’m going to wake up and it will be there.”

To the average Parisian, Notre-Dame was more than just another pretty church attracting tourists. Notre-Dame was a cultural identifier of the beauty and romance of Parisian culture, even for Parisians with no religious affiliation. In a city that has historically seen much political and cultural upheaval—from the French Revolution to the recent and ongoing yellow-jacket riots—Notre-Dame has continuously stood as a testament to the city’s cultural heri-

tage. Political scientist Claude Mbowou said, “[Notre-Dame is] much more than a cathedral… I’m a Muslim but I’m still very moved when I see this place… It represents something deep, it transcends us. It’s a loss, not only for France but for the entire world. It’s as if the pyramids in Egypt were destroyed” (New York Times, “What the Notre-Dame Fire Reveals About the Soul of France,” 04.16.19).

When one thinks of Paris, often the first image they conjure is that of the Eiffel Tower or Notre-Dame. The Eiffel Tower, which many see as the iconic symbol of Paris, has served that role for just over a century; Notre-Dame has done so for eight. It represents Paris’ skyline across the globe.

Notre-Dame has embodied the romance

Courtesy of Nina Sukonrat

n the center of Paris on the evening of April 15, just as the last round of tourists were making their way through the cathedral, the doors to the 856-year-old Notre-Dame were suddenly shut. An efficient and successful evacuation was made after it was discovered that a fire was ravaging the roof of the cathedral, which was in the process of a heavy restoration. The fire blazed well into the night, battering one of the greatest icons of the Parisian skyline. At approximately 8 p.m. Central European Time, the famous wooden spire, the tallest point of the cathedral, collapsed into the inferno raging below. Parisians and tourists alike gaped and wept as they watched their beloved Notre-Dame fall victim to the vicious blaze. Some sang in unison, some sobbed and others watched in silence out of utter disbelief. How could a colossal monument, which has survived the French Revolution, two world wars and a constant flux of around one million tourists each year, be destroyed so suddenly and so quickly by fire?

No lives were lost, and no one was injured. I hear what some of you are saying: “It’s just a building; it’s not a tragedy. People die every day at the hands of terrorists and armies. That is a tragedy.” No, the destruction of one building is not the same as the loss of human life; however, I would respond to you by advising that it is neither your nor my place to decide what is and what is not a tragedy for others. Perhaps you have no meaningful connection to this iconic structure. Perhaps it represents not much more than any other beautiful old building. But for so many living in Paris and all over the world, this monument is deeply tied into their memories, their social and communal identity, their religion or their culture.

Notre-Dame has stood as an icon in the literal center of Paris for nearly a millennium. To cast aside its significance without any consideration or second thought is to disrespect those who see it as more than just an old building.

Esmé Govan, a friend of mine living in Paris, stood and watched along with thousands of Parisians and visitors as the cathedral burned. “Everyone here is crying,” she Showcased above, a student’s drawing of Notre-Dame cathedral in Paris, France. The said of the crowds packing the banks of the historic facade and bell towers of Notre-Dame, which were salvaged from the flames, Seine to watch their treasured monument are an iconic symbol representing Paris and its culture for those around the world.

and the heritage of this beautiful city. For this reason, the cathedral has served as a source of pride for Parisians, a sight that lifts their spirits whenever they behold it.

To have such a monument to France’s history be nearly destroyed just adds salt to the wounds caused by the country’s current political and social turmoil.

Don’t get me wrong, it is better that Notre-Dame burn than lives be lost. This was different from the terrorist attacks of Sept.

11. These situations are not the same. I do not think anyone would say they are. But that does not mean that the Notre-Dame fire was not a tragedy. Notre-Dame represents more than just an old church. It is a work of art, a culmination of nearly 200 years of construction by some of the most skilled craftsman and architects of the Gothic Period. Its rose windows are works of art in and of themselves. Its stonework and flying buttresses serve as prime embodiments of the gothic style. Approximately 1,300 trees, each large enough to serve as individual beams, comprised the wood portion of the attic. Trees, that size in that abundance, are nearly impossible to find today (Notre-Dame de Paris, “the frame”). Hundreds of years worth of work were lost in a fire overnight.

For the admiring architect, Notre-Dame is a feat of ingenuity and craftsmanship that cannot be overstated. For the tourist, it is their enduring memory of their visit to Paris. For the Catholic, it is the holy space of their worship, an encapsulation of their beliefs and values, a reassurance of their faith. And for every Parisian, the landmark is an embodiment of their city’s identity, a hub for their culture and collective memories. For all these people, Notre-Dame is more than a building and their appreciation for it is more than just a physical fixation. Instead, it becomes a fixation on the meaning and significance it bears to each of them.

I’m not telling you that you need to feel sad about the destruction of Notre-Dame or even that you should care about it at all.

I am telling you to respect the fact that— for their own reasons—some people do.

Their grief is in no way invalidated simply because there are worse things that could happen than an old building burning. Let those who need to mourn, mourn, for none of us get to decide what is deserving of someone else’s tears.

The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pages. The weekly staff editorial is the only article which reflects the opinion of the Editorial Board.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

OPINIONS

Page 14

April 25, 2019

Netanyahu poses danger to democracy, Jews, Israel Jesser Horowitz Columnist

O

n April 9, 2019, the citizens of the state of Israel cast their votes to elect a new legislature, the 21st Knesset, and, more notably, to determine the fate of embattled Prime Minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu. Three months ago, his reelection seemed inevitable.

However, Netanyahu’s political fortunes started to collapse quickly after he helped negotiate an ill-advised partnership between Jewish Home (an Orthodox Jewish political party) and Otzma Yehudit (widely considered to be a fascist, far-right wing political force) (Haaretz, “Netanyahu Now Endorses Jewish Fascism. U.S. Jews, Cut Your Ties With Him Now,” 02.21.2019).

This, alongside an increasingly strong opposition and a pending indictment, led him to the brink of defeat; a day before the election, polls showed Bibi neck and neck with Yair Lapid and General Benny Gantz’s Blue and White Party (The Jerusalem Post, “Final Polls: Netanyahu and Gantz Neck and Neck,” 04.07.2019).

However, Gantz and Lapid did not prevail. On April 9, 2019, Netanyahu and Likud, his political party, won reelection, forming a coalition with other right-ofcenter parties such as Shas and United Torah Judaism. With this, Netanyahu will become the longest serving prime minister in the history of the country, surpassing David Ben-Gurion, the founding father of Israel and a personal hero of mine (The New American, “Netanyahu Wins Israeli Snap Election,” 04.10.2009).

There are very few people on this campus who have been as actively and as publicly pro-Israel as I have been. I have written countless articles on the subject and spoken in opposition to the Boycott Divestment Sanctions movement before the Vassar Student Association. I hope,

therefore, that it will weigh greatly on my readership to know that this election is a profound disappointment for me. Benjamin Netanyahu is not only a terrible Prime Minister, but he actively hinders the peace process between Israel and Palestine.

Netanyahu is, as far as I am concerned, a traitor to the Jewish people. For one, Bibi has allied himself closely with far-rightwing Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban. In 2018, Orban engaged in an anti-Semitic campaign against billionaire investor George Soros, has publicly praised known anti-Semite and Nazi collaborator Miklos Horthy and has downplayed Hungary’s role in the Holocaust. Yet, this February, Netanyahu hosted Orban in his official residence (Haaretz, “Hungarian, Czech, and Slovak Officials Announce Diplomatic Offices in Jerusalem,” 02.19.2019).

But perhaps more important than siding with anti-Semites for his own political convenience, Netanyahu continues to be a hindrance to the peace process. He has a history of making obscene, radical promises to win elections and then reneging on those promises after being elected. Prior to the 2015 parliamentary election, Netanyahu stated in an interview that a Palestinian nation would never be formed as long as he was prime minister. He declared, “Anyone who is going to establish a Palestinian state, anyone who is going to evacuate territories today, is simply giving a base for attacks to the radical Islam against Israel” (CNN, “Israel’s PM Netanyahu: No Palestinian state on my watch,” 03.16.2015). A few days later, after he won a fourth term, Netanyahu backtracked. The newly re-elected Prime Minister told MSNBC’s Andrea Mitchell, “I don’t want a one-state solution. I want a sustainable, peaceful two-state solution” (CNN Politics, “Obama to reassess Israel relationship,” 03.20.2015).

In 2019, Netanyahu tried to appeal to

right-wing Israelis by announcing that he would annex Israeli settlements in the West Bank during his next term. He said, “I will impose sovereignty, but I will not distinguish between settlement blocs and isolated settlements. From my perspective, any point of settlement is Israeli, and we have responsibility, as the Israeli government. I will not uproot anyone, and I will not transfer sovereignty to the Palestinians” (NPR, “Ahead of Israeli Election, Netanyahu Pledges to Annex West Bank Settlements,” 04.07.2019). I suspect that he will once again backtrack now that he has won his election; this reality cannot, however, mitigate the serious harm he has done to the peace process by these statements alone.

“Netanyahu is, as far as I am concerned, a traitor to the Jewish people.”

The greatest concern I have, however, is the threat that Netanyahu poses to Israel’s long-held democratic norms. On election day, Likud placed hidden cameras in Arab polling spaces in order to intentionally drive down voter turnout. This isn’t a secret, and it’s not disputed: The public relations company that spearheaded the campaign boasted its successes online (Haaretz, “PR Firm Behind Likud’s Hidden Cameras in Arab Polling Sites Boasts of Lowering Voter Turnout,” 04.10.2019).

Bibi’s past few years have been characterized by attacks on the media and the police forces that are investigating him for corruption in an attempt to lower public trust in democratic institutions and bolster his own career. And he’s been success-

ful: He’s convinced 42 percent of Israelis that the Attorney General he appointed is caving in to pressure from the left in his investigation (The Times of Israel, “Is Netanyahu a crook? Allegedly. A threat to democracy? That verdict is sadly in,” 03.03.2019).

Netanyahu is a danger to democratic norms in Israel. It is unfortunate that he was not voted out. Yet, I am not defeatist about this election, and I do not buy the claims that Israeli democracy is dying, though I do believe it is under threat.

Despite the cries of victory, Likud barely won this election—just as many people voted for the oppositional party Blue and White as voted for Likud. As Anshel Pfeffer points out, though Netanyahu’s fear-mongering certainly played a role in the election, his opposition also contributed to their own electoral defeat. As Pfeffer observes, “They ran disjointed, weak campaigns. Very few of the opposition’s Jewish politicians made even a token gesture towards Israeli Arab voters, without whom any meaningful democratic change is all but impossible” (Haaretz, “Yes, Netanyahu Won. And No, Israel’s Democracy Didn’t Just Die,” 04.11.2019).

Netanyahu is not a good prime minister, but he may not be one for long. An investigation is looming, and clearly the Israeli populace is not as interested in buying his lies as they once were. Yes, he won the election. Yes, I am upset about this. But I believe that the very democratic norms that Netanyahu attacks can be the solution to his regime. I sincerely hope that, if he has done anything illegal, he will be brought to justice: either by the courts or the ballot box. I remain optimistic that a new age is dawning in Israel, and that the left will soon rise again to remove Netanyahu and his cronies. Hopefully, it won’t be too late.

Ukraine shows unrest, elects comedian as president Sylvan Perlmutter Columnist

W

hen the presidential election results were announced in Ukraine on Sunday, April 21, 2019, no longtime observer of the nation was surprised. For months, polls had been predicting the victory of actor and comedian Volodymyr Zelenskiy over the incumbent president, Petro Poroshenko. Zelenskiy won a landslide 73 percent of the vote and carried 24 of the 25 regions where voting was held (Crimea, a Ukrainian peninsula illegally annexed by Russia in 2014, did not participate). Speaking after the election, the president-elect stated, “To all former Soviet countries— look at us, everything is possible” (New York Post, “Ukrainian comedian wins presidential election in landslide,” 04.21.2019).

His victory demonstrates the public’s deep frustration with the ineptitude of the existing Ukrainian political ruling class.

Ukraine’s previous leaders failed to address the nation’s problems in the five years since the Maidan Revolution, an event which toppled pro-Russia President Viktor Yanukovych and triggered Russia’s annexation of Crimea and Russia’s sponsorship of a separatist uprising in the Donbas. Poroshenko made genuine accomplishments during his time in office, including devoting more administration to the country’s regional governments and securing recognition of the Orthodox Church of Ukraine

from the Moscow Patriarchate. He failed to tackle Ukraine’s epidemic of corruption, however, and was unable to rein in the influence of the oligarchs.

Poroshenko, himself a billionaire oligarch, was often implicated in that corruption. The Panama Papers, an anonymous leak of financial documents, revealed that Poroshenko had set up an offshore company to unofficially maintain control of his business empire, despite pledging to transfer his business interests to a “blind trust” to avoid conflicts of interest (Organized Crime and Reporting Project, “President Poroshenko’s Lawyers Go on the Defensive,” 06.26.2018).

In contrast, prior to running for president, Volodymyr Zelenskiy’s only political experience had been playing the president on the TV show “Servant of the People,” which follows the story of a school teacher who becomes president after his rant on corruption goes viral. Zelenskiy’s lack of history in political life, as well as his reluctance to clearly detail his policies, allowed him to serve as a blank canvas for millions of Ukrainians to project their vision of a better country. This lack of a concrete political position, in addition to Zelenskiy’s ties to the oligarch and former governor Ihor Kolomoisky, may bring future disappointment to Ukraine’s discontented citizens (The Economist, “Ukraine elects Volodymyr Zelensky, TV star and political

neophyte,” 04.22.2019).

However, Zelenskiy’s victory does elicit hope on a variety of fronts. First, the election was deemed competitive and credible, and the results were accepted

by Petro Poroshenko without protest. Poroshenko tweeted, “We succeeded to ensure free, fair, democratic and competitive elections. No doubt that Ukraine has put a new high standard for the democratic electoral campaign. I will accept the will of Ukrainian people” (Twitter, @[poroshenko], 04.21.2019). Despite its deep structural issues, Ukrainian democracy remains leaps and bounds ahead of the authoritarian, so-called “managed-democracy” of the Russian Federation.

Second, the fact that the vast majority of the nation backed a Russian-speaking Jew like Zelenskiy for the presidency indicates that far-right ethnonationalism is not representative of the beliefs of the majority of the Ukrainian public, as some have feared. During his tenure, Poroshenko was reluctant to check neo-fascist Ukrainian Nationalist groups like the Azov Battalion. Poroshenko also actively cultivated the support of the cultural right through his heavy-handed introduction of the Ukrainian language into areas primarily populated by Russian-speakers (Reuters, “Commentary: Ukraine’s neo-Nazi problem,” 03.19.2019). Zelenskiy may be able to articulate a civic nationalism more suited

to Ukraine’s ethnic and linguistic diversity.

Third, Zelenskiy’s foreign-policy instincts are generally on the mark. He understands that the soundest strategy to ensuring Ukraine’s future prosperity is greater integration with the European Union. European leaders have made clear that any further integration will be influenced by Ukraine’s continued commitment to economic and anti-corruption reforms (Politico, “EU leaders congratulate Zelenskiy, stress need for reform in Ukraine,” 04.22.2019). Zelenskiy’s pro-European liberalism is a refreshing departure from the pattern set by outsider politicians like Beppe Grillo, another comedian, who shares Zelenskiy’s anti-corruption stance while promoting eurosceptic viewpoints.

Whether or not Zelenskiy will acquire an enduring popular mandate to execute his policies will be seen in Ukraine’s upcoming Parliamentary elections, which are slated for October but may be moved forward. Zelenskiy’s new party, “Servant of the People,” will face off against the rival parties that currently control the nation’s powerful legislature (Tass, “Zelensky will hardly manage to disband Ukrainian parliament, analysts say,” 04.22.2019). Let us hope that Volodymyr Zelenskiy and his party utilize the months they have to clearly lay out a set of ambitious policies worthy of the hope that Zelenskiy has already inspired.

The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pages. The weekly staff editorial is the only article which reflects the opinion of the Editorial Board.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

April 25, 2019

OPINIONS

Page 15

Gender bias in tests: Numbers themselves prove sexist Helen Johnson

Guest Columnist

I

remember sitting in my high school gym as a junior, surrounded by my classmates, with pencils sharpened and ready.

We were about to take the PSAT. I also remember the days I took the SAT (twice) and the ACT. I remember taking practice test after practice test—all by myself, alone in my room, because there’s really no such thing as tutoring in my town. I remember the frustration and disappointment of two subpar SAT scores that no number of practice tests seemed to improve. I remember my bewilderment as to why I was not scoring highly on the math SAT when I had always excelled in math and had even been told by my teachers that I should consider going into a math-related career.

I will never know exactly what factored into my scores on these high-stakes standardized tests—whether it was the temperature of the room, how much sleep I’d gotten, my brain’s test-taking ability or just some other, more systemic factor completely beyond my control. Regardless of my own experience, however, numerous studies have shown that standardized testing favors males over females.

In their book “Still Failing at Fairness,” David Sadker and Karen Zittleman explain, “For decades, boys scored so much higher than girls [on the PSAT] that two out of three Merit semifinalists were male.” This is a huge gap, and it has financial consequences. The inequality was so obvious that in 1989, a New York District Judge barred the state from using the test score alone to award scholarships (Sadker and Zittleman, “Still Failing at Fairness,” 2009).

The PSAT is only the beginning. While the PSAT can lead to important scholarships and honors, the SAT is used for college admissions, and the gender gap is as bad, if not worse. The authors state, “In 1967, boys scored 10 points higher [on the SAT] than girls in mathematics; by 1987, the boys’ lead grew to 24 points; between 1987 and 2006, the boys’ math lead grew again to between 33 and 41 points” (Sadker and Zittleman, 2009).

Reading these statistics, I couldn’t help but think: Is there something fundamentally flawed about this test that caused me—a girl who had always done exceptionally well in math—to get a score much lower than I had hoped?

Despite the prevailing misconception, these tests are not accurate indicators of performance nor ability. Colleges use the SAT as a predictor of how well students will do in college; however, girls receive better grades in their first year of college (and in the following years, and in graduate school) than boys do. As Sadker and Zittleman state, “The SAT Reasoning Test (and the PSAT) consistently underpredicts female performance while over predicting male performance. In short, the PSAT and the SAT are broken” (Sadker and Zittleman, 2009). In fact, according to studies as early as 1926, the test has never accurately predicted performance in college (Silverstein, “Standardized Tests: The Continuation of Gender Bias in Higher Education,” 2000). So if the SAT fails at its one job, we need to ask: Why? One possible explanation for the gender gap is that most high-stakes tests are composed almost entirely of multiple-choice questions due to cost and time restraints.

According to the Stanford Graduate School of Education, “Girls perform better on standardized tests that have more open-ended questions while boys score higher when the tests include more multiple-choice” (Stanford Graduate School of Education, “Question format may impact how boys and girls score on standardized tests, Stanford study finds,” 03.29.2018).

Other reasons for the gender gap include questions that have mostly male characters, because we do better on tests when the questions reflect ourselves; questions that are centered around topics or activities that are usually more “male” in practice such as sports and politics—though we wish such topics were not gendered, we must admit that, in society, they are; time constraints, as girls do better with more time because they are more likely to fully solve problems and think through multiple possible answers;

and penalties for guessing—boys are more likely to guess, which, ironically, results in higher scores, whereas girls are more likely to heed the instructions of the test and leave the question blank, which loses them more points than if they had guessed (Sadker and Zittleman, 2009). Many of these aspects of high-stakes testing actually punish girls for traits that are more valuable in school, work and life, leaving them with lower scores and, subsequently, fewer opportunities than boys.

Despite the clear evidence that the gender gap on high-stakes tests like the SAT is due to flaws in the test itself rather the intellectual ability of girls, the score disparity it produces is still used as an excuse for sexist thinking and practices. Instead of questioning why these patterns may exist, or even acknowledging that SAT scores are not in line with the academic performance of girls in math not only in high school but also in college, Mark Perry in a 2016 article claims that these scores alone prove an inherent difference in mathematical ability. He states, [T]he scientific data about gender differences in math performance would seem to present a serious challenge to…frequent claims that there are no gender differences in math performance.”

(American Enterprise Institute, “2016 SAT Test Results Confirm Pattern That’s Persisted for 50 Years—High School Boys are Better at Math Than Girls,” 09.27.2016).

Statements like this are objectively harmful to girls as a group, but his next claim raises even more alarm: “If there are some inherent gender differences for mathematical ability, as the huge and persistent gender differences for the math SAT test suggests, closing the STEM gender degree and job gaps may be a futile attempt in socially engineering an unnatural and unachievable outcome” (American Enterprise Institute, 09.27.2016).

So not only are these high-stakes tests benefiting boys and hurting girls when it comes to scholarships and college acceptances, but they are being used to bar women from access to entire fields. Perry’s claims are not only harmful, but also incorrect; the SAT consistently underpredicts women’s performance in college math and physical science

courses (American Physical Society, “Fighting the Gender Gap: Standardized Tests Are Poor Indicators of Ability in Physics,” 1996).

This is an excuse to ignore the real, structural issues in a sexist system that prevent women from having equal representation across the STEM field.

I am a woman at a prestigious liberal arts college, receiving a substantial amount of financial aid and on track to graduate with a degree in Political Science. I am luckier than most. I cannot pinpoint the reasons behind my test scores, nor do I know if they would have been different in a system that was not inherently sexist. I was lucky enough to get a PSAT score that made me a National Merit Semifinalist and an ACT score that got me into Vassar. However, thousands of girls like me fall through the cracks every year. I have two incredibly bright, intelligent younger sisters who will be taking these tests in the years to come, and my own days of highstakes testing are not over. I will likely have to take the GRE or the LSAT after I graduate, and standardized testing for graduate school exhibits the same trends and gender gaps as those for undergrad (Sadker and Zittleman, 2009).

These tests are clearly misrepresentative and flawed, and yet they are still used by almost every institution of higher education in the country to determine college acceptance and financial aid (The College Solution, “How a 1 Point Increase on the ACT can Equal $24,000,” 01.04.2013). It is time we stop using a system that produces extremely harmful consequences for girls, that has proven time and time again to be inaccurate and that reduces human beings to a single number. Vassar should join the growing number of higher education institutions that are choosing to opt out of requiring test scores for college applications. Admissions has already proven that it prioritizes a 40/60 gender ratio on campus over accepting qualified girls (The Miscellany News, “Vassar Admissions exhibits gender bias against women,” 04.10.2019).

Given the biases present both structurally and within our own institution, we don’t need yet another inequity working against us.

Despite widespread protests, corporations are people Jonas Trostle

Assistant Opinions Editor

W

hile the question of whether corporations are people is a confusing one, it has a simple answer. The source of the question’s complexity is that corporations need to be viewed through two different lenses. The first view is that of the corporation as a singular entity. In that case, the answer is very clear: Corporations are not people. They can’t vote, they can’t hold office, they can’t get a driver’s license and so on. The second is as groups of people. In that case, groups of people are given almost the same rights as each individual member. If a person can practice their religion, a group of people too can practice that religion; if a person can have weapons, a group of people can also have the same weapons. Your individual rights, generally, are not diminished because the person next to you is doing the exact same thing (Black’s Law Dictionary, “Corporation,” 1910).

This goes for speech rights as well. Let’s say that you want to express your thoughts on a topic. Just because there are other people who have expressed the same opinion doesn’t make it pointless for you to contribute your own voice. In that context, a group of people can band together to express a

sentiment, and the government shouldn’t be allowed to muzzle them simply because they did it under the banner of a single entity.

That’s basically how the NAACP, the ACLU and the NRA work. Sure, Walmart, Amazon and Google may have different structures and they are motivated by profit rather than what they think is the public good. However, they are still groups of people and should legally be treated as such.

Do you remember the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and its sister legislation the Protect IP Act (PIPA)? They were designed to help limit online piracy and allowed websites to be taken offline if a judge found that the site was illegally distributing copyrighted works (Forbes, “What Are SOPA and PIPA And Why All The Fuss?” 01.18.2012).

In response to SOPA and PIPA, several internet sites “blacked-out” themselves to raise awareness of the bill and its terrible side effects. These websites included internet behemoths like Wikipedia, Reddit, Tumblr, Twitter, XKCD and even the mighty Google. Together, these corporations spoke out against the bill and, thanks to the public outcry created, killed the potential legislation entirely (CBS News, “PIPA, SOPA put on hold in wake of protests,” 01.20.2012). These

companies could do this because they had speech rights. Corporations have these rights not because they are people, but because they are comprised of people.

To understand what it would be like to live in a world where corporations aren’t given speech rights, you have to imagine one in which a company could be fined or shutdown for anything it says. Suppose Google says that it doesn’t want work on government drone projects anymore. In our world, it is tough luck for the government; in the other, Google is fined until it agrees. Suppose that The New York Times publishes an ad disparaging a racist government official and gets sued by that official for defamation. In our world, the accused government official loses the lawsuit. In the other, The New York Times has to pay millions in damages, because as a corporation, it wouldn’t inherently have a right to publish anything (Library of Congress, “New York Times Co. v Sullivan,” 03.09.1964). These are the unfortunate implications of saying that corporations don’t have a right to speak.

Moreover, the right to freedom of expression is more than just telling the government “no.” Part of it is associating with people you want to associate with and not associating

with those you don’t. This freedom is what gives websites like Twitter the ability to ban those who don’t fit its community standards.

For example, Twitter banned almost every account of alt-right-grifter/angry-meat-bag Alex Jones because they didn’t want him around. That’s not censorship; that’s a group of people operating together saying that they don’t want to hang around this other person.

Is the system perfect? No. One of the implications of companies being able speak on issues about which they care is that they can spend a whole lot of money supporting causes that help their own interests. Whether money is speech is a separate topic, but the important thing to note is that it is very hard to reduce a group’s freedom without severely reducing those same rights among individuals. Yes, corporations have much more resources than individual people, but we have to remember that they don’t have much more influence compared to the number of people that support that corporation. We also have to remember that we have a right to assemble, and corporations are just a product of that. Having a right to assemble, and then having no rights once assembled would be as asinine as owning a glass of water but not being allowed to drink it.

The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pages. The weekly staff editorial is the only article which reflects the opinion of the Editorial Board.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

HUMOR & SATIRE

Page 16

April 25, 2019

Breaking News

From the desk of Hannah Gaven, Humor & Satire Editor

Skinner ghost skins womp-womp after being forced to listen to student practice same harp song 1866 times Senior thesis proposal ideas Sexy time becomes safe aim to answer real questions

Here’s a collection of safe sex supply bags hanging on house team member’s doors.

Addie Backhus

Theses!! Thesi?? Thesises

W

ith next semester fast approaching, Vassar students are busy preparing for the new academic year.

Looking out for you all as usual, the Misc is here to give you soon-to-be seniors some help brainstorming what to write about for your theses. A list of possible ideas are as follows: Why Am I Physically Incapable of Just Saying Hello to my Most Recent Hookup When I see Them at the Deece?

Major: Physics Abstract: An investigation into why Vassar students can’t just get it together, take the leap and say hello to their Saturday night flings when they cross paths by the salad bar. This exploratory study will ultimately reveal that we all are in constant states of foreboding and are convinced that no one will ever love us anyway, so why even try?

From 2 a.m. to 7 p.m.: Studying the Sleep Patterns of College Students and the Evolution of the “You Up?” Text Major: Cognitive Science Abstract: Through an examination of multiple “You Up?” texts documented over the course of several semesters, it becomes clear that a new trend is surfacing in which texts are being sent earlier and earlier into the night. This discovery demonstrates a positive correlation with bedtimes, which are also occurring at earlier times. Such a finding suggests that if one wants to have an eventful night, they should no longer consider sending their risqué texts at 2 a.m., but rather a hearty 7 p.m., just to re-

ally ensure that the response will be in the affirmative!

But Where Does It Actually Go? An Examination of the Deece’s Trash, Compost and Recycling Bins Major: Environmental Science Abstract: An investigation into the Deece’s hefty environmental footprint. Using data collected from a series of dumpster dives, this study reveals that everybody’s efforts are futile, the world is indeed ending, and everything is trash at the end of the day anyway. I guess you can take that as you will.

When I Suck in my Stomach, Where Does it Go? Major: Biology Abstract: Honestly, we are a bit unsure about this one. If you do choose this for your thesis, please get back to the Misc about it, because we would love to know.

Is all of the Coffee at the Deece Actually Just Decaf?: An Examination of Vassar’s Newest Attempt to Reduce Anxiety on Campus Major: Psychology Abstract: It is a widely known fact that caffeine induces feelings of uneasiness.

This study explores how Vassar has chosen to tackle issues of mental health on campus by investigating the school’s newest initiative to reduce feelings of anxiety: purposely mislabeling all coffee on campus as caffeinated in order to encourage students to break their nasty caffeine habits. Through surveying Vassar’s student body, it becomes clear that students are not only still anxious and still adamantly believe that no one will ever love them, but are cranky as well.

All pictures courtesy of Jailyn Lopez ’21.

It’s springtime: Please make it stop right this minute Squawked by Blair Webber

A

nyone with two eyes and a heart full of music can tell that it’s spring here at Vassar. The trees are blooming, and the planters are filled with tulips paid for by millions of dollars in alumni donations because they would rather have the landscaping team reseed the grass along the paths every other day than give to scholarships or fund the humanities.

It’s a magical time of year, one in which I’m reminded that even seven inch inseams on men’s shorts make my already short legs look even smaller, and I sweat through the armpits of my shirt in the afternoon before freezing in the evening. Who doesn’t love spring?!

As it’s a wonderful and joyous season, I do have one very small, very insignificant problem. Especially compared to the exuberant regrowth occurring in every patch of dirt on this miracle that is our planet, this is a small complaint, but,

for what it’s worth, I would really like to find a way to get birds to stop mating outside my window.

It’s not the fact that they’re having sex that bothers me. I am incredibly sex positive; I read all the pamphlets and posters the Office of Health Education leaves in the Deece and house bathrooms. Sex is great—yay sex! No, my issue is that I’m usually peacefully asleep at 5 a.m. If I am awake that early, it’s for no longer than five minutes to go to that aforementioned bathroom. But now that the birds are trying to procreate, it’s very difficult to fall back asleep even with an empty bladder.

They make these horrible noises like, “caw caw SQUAK” or “DEDEDE DEEEE DOO DEEE DOO.” I guess those ones don’t come across as that obnoxious in print, but anyone would want to pull out their own hair no matter whether they hear or read the noises that sounds

like “KICKLEKICKLEKICKLE HEEEHAAAW.” So the last half of that noise is a donkey noise, but you get the idea. It’s annoying.

The noises aren’t even the worst part.

All these birds get so territorial. One of them keeps flying into my window because he thinks it’s another bird. If the bird songs didn’t put things into perspective, imagine a bird attacking his own reflection in your window until he dies. Fifty-six birds in the past two weeks have met their ends that way at my window alone. I keep seeing them fall. It’s upsetting.

Not to mention the number of times I have been attacked by a bird that felt I threatened its nest. In fairness to the cardinal that pulled out some of my hair, I was attempting to hide a cowbird’s egg in their nest so it would get fed preferentially because the cowbird baby is larger

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

than the cardinal babies.

In fairness to myself, I was just exploring various biologically based constructs of femininity since so many people firmly believe gender is firmly biologically determined across the whole animal kingdom. Turns out it’s not, and being a trans human is entirely valid, in case anyone was wondering. It wasn’t worth losing the left half of my hair over learning something I already knew, but I had just conditioned it, so at least those magical little cardinal babies have a soft nest to grow up in.

The point is, if you are a bird reading this, please stop trying to mate outside my window. Things are hard enough now that my eternal battle with my sweat glands heats up, and I really need to sleep past 5 a.m. If anything is allowed to mate outside my window, it’s a swarm of apis mellifera, because I really like honey.

HUMOR & SATIRE

April 25, 2019

Page 17

Police confess perpetrators in egg attacks still at large Izzy Migani

Definitely Not An Egg-er

M

Courtesy of 16:9clue via Flickr

ore than 100 stealth egg attacks baffle Vassar students and police.

Poughkeepsie, New York—A 19-year-old anonymous Vassar student’s room in Main has become the target of mysterious egging attacks that began in March 2019 and have persisted for months without end.

The continuous onslaught of eggs has baffled police, neighbors and local government officials who have tried and failed to identify the source of the attacks that have ruined a Vassar student’s room. “The accuracy is phenomenal,” the student said.

“Almost every time when it’s nice weather, they launch five or six of these at a time and almost invariably hit the front door.”

The room is pelted with eggs several times a week—sometimes more than once a day—for the past month. The attacks always happen after dark and last around 10 minutes each. The student and police believe the eggs are being launched from a block or two away. The siding on the front of the student’s room is destroyed, splattered with dried egg residue that has stripped off the paint. Other than a few rogue eggs that hit nearby rooms, no other neighbors have been targeted. “Somebody is deeply, deeply angry at somebody in that household for some reason,” the chief of police explained.

Both the student and police anticipate the attacks becoming more frequent as the weather warms. Because the egg incidents are an unsolved mystery, the Poughkeepsie

Pictured above are some generic eggs. While they are normally harmless and tasty, students have been using them for pure evil. This is just plain wrong. Every time I hear about a stealth egg attack, I get so sad thinking about all of the food waste. officers have not taken the investigation lightly. They have spent months doing undercover stakeouts, canvassing the neighborhood and even sending eggshells for testing. The department’s entire community policing unit was dedicated to tracking down the eggers at one point. Officers respond quickly to every egging call at the student’s room, which is located less than a mile from the police station. All members of the Poughkeepsie police are at a dead end when it comes to suspects.

Investigators have taken several approaches to nabbing the eggers, including installing a surveillance camera outside of the student’s room. When this technique proved futile, the eggs were traced back

to a local farm where the trail went cold.

With the limited information available, the police resolved that the culprits either have access to a large supply of eggs or are stealing them from businesses that throw them out when they go bad. Detectives have followed this thread, visiting local restaurants and businesses to ask about missing eggs. While canvassing, they have also attempted to collect fingerprints from eggshells, but the police have concluded that it may be an impossible task. When an egg breaks, it breaks.

Officers have gone door-to-door questioning neighbors and handing out fliers.

Nobody has come forward with any tips.

“The person or people who are doing it

HOROSCOPES

have remained very tight-lipped,” the chief of police said. “It is strange, I would imagine it would be hard to keep a secret about a nefarious act of this caliber.” The guilty parties don’t appear to be intimidated by police interest in the case. An officer last year was taking a report when a barrage of eggs was launched at the house. One hit him in the foot. The chief said he has never seen this level of vandalism in his 20 years of police work. It has frustrated the whole department, which has dedicated hundreds of hours toward solving the egging mystery. “The man hours put into that investigation are huge, and it is one of the reasons it’s so frustrating that we don’t have somebody right now that we can criminally charge,” he stated.

The culprits will face charges of felony vandalism and criminal damaging. As the search continues, the student is waiting until the perpetrators are caught before they repair the tarnished siding. They stated that they used to clean up after each attack, but the attacks became so frequent that it couldn’t be kept up. Police initially offered a $500 reward for information, but increased it to $1,000 after nobody came forward. That money is still up for grabs.

“We’re not going to let it go,” the chief of police said. “We’ll continue to put effort into it until we figure something out.” Despite all the torment, the student said he’d never consider moving from his beloved home. “I like Main. I would live and die in this house—but it’s been kind of a nightmare.”

Hannah Gaven

amateur astrologist

ARIES

March 21 | April 19

TAURUS

April 20 | May 20

GEMINI

May 21 | June 20

CANCER

June 21 | July 22

LEO

July 23 | August 22

VIRGO

August 23 | September 22

I wrote a blog post about how aggression relates to my life. I couldn’t think of anything because I’m a doll. But then I remembered how I started a fight in a club. Punch a few people the next time you go to a bar for the story.

You should host a prospie. I know it can be daunting to figure out how to entertain them, but I have you covered. Instead of letting them ask questions, you should ask yourself questions. Cuddle them to bed, so they don’t have to sleep on the floor. They will love it here!

I will be leaving soon, which is sad because you’ll no longer have someone to accurately predict your life. While uncertainty reigns, please remember to keep your door open when circle jerking in case anyone wants to join. We all need friendship in these tough times.

I’ve been told that sometimes I come off as intimidating, which is good because that’s the image I’m trying to project. The stars predict that you will have to converse with someone who is equally as terrifying as me. You should probably run away if you want to stay safe.

You will live through one of my nightmares. I’m leaning toward the dream where you get eaten by an alligator while swinging (Indiana Jones style) over a fake pond in gym class.

We all know how to tell that the end of the semester is near: the emails about outstanding library fines get serious. If you accidentally misplaced your library books like I hypothetically did, I suggest sneaking into the library and kidnapping a book to hold for ransom.

LIBRA

September 23 | October 22

SCORPIO

October 23 | November 21

I hate when you accidentally write the word “feet” too many times in an academic essay. It’s just so awkward when the professor comments “lmao u got a foot fetish?”

If you want an uncomfortable relationship with your professors, consider writing about your fetishes.

I haven’t been able to shower for the last week because I ran out of shaving cream. I need to shave every shower, so there was no other option. If you ever find yourself in a dark place, dry shampoo works on all hairy regions.

November 22 | December 21

You will be cold this week. Perhaps it’d be a good idea to bring a sweater with you to class.

Or you could just bring your entire bed. Better yet, bring a cuddly friend. I hear tigers are cute.

CAPRICORN

I like to keep my laptop on full brightness and just sit there staring at it. I watch the battery percentage decrease as it slowly dies.

Mwahahahaha. I am all powerful. Try this for yourself, and feel the evil air surround you.

SAGITTARIUS

December 22 | January 19

AQUARIUS

January 20 | February 18

PISCES

February 19 | March 20

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

I’m so glad that a mythical creature overtook my soul last week because now it is the one who has to deal with finals. Try to get possessed this week!

You will have a good week despite the fact that your friends will leave you at the mall. You’ll have more time to play with the cat piano in Target. All of the other fiveyear-olds will be so jealous of you.

SPORTS

Page 18

April 25, 2019

TakeQuake Part Four: Portland will win, I’m totally sure Emmett O’Malley Columnist

[Chorus] amian Lillard makes 30-foot running pullup jump shot” (ESPN, “Thunder vs. Trail Blazers — Play-by-Play,” 04.14.19).

Rhetorically, this sentence is far from spectacular. Substantively, however, its majesty tells you all you need to know about the NBA Playoffs thus far. And as just one delusional columnist of The Miscellany News, I cannot wait to tell you why.

“D

I. There was a time, back in my middle school days, when the Blazers were the NBA’s team of the future. In just two drafts (’06 and ’07), they’d stockpiled Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge and Greg Oden.

Roy was the Rookie of the Year in 2006, Aldridge had already begun showing signs of the all-star power forward he was bound to become and Oden was the best prospect the draft had seen in years. We were all set.

The ten-year-old me was more than ready to ride the growing wave to vicarious glory.

But fate had other ideas; Roy and Oden’s knees ultimately proved to have the fortitude of a 2 a.m. Taco Bell shell, and the Blazers’ glimpse of potential glory vanished alongside my adolescence.

Mediocrity followed. But even mediocrity has its moments of bliss (there’s an analogy to be drawn to my college career here, but I’m not drawing it), and that bliss was usually ignited by one man in particular: Damian Lillard.

The Blazers selected Lillard with the

sixth overall pick in the 2012 NBA Draft.

Once this season’s All-NBA Teams are announced, he will have compiled two second-team selections, one first-team selection and a third-team selection. Over the past four seasons, he has averaged 26 points, five rebounds and seven assists on 44/37/90 splits (reference: Stephen Curry has averaged 27-5-6 on 48/43/91 splits).

But, as is clear from the Blazers’ lackluster postseason track record (we have won two playoff series since 2000), Lillard’s individual accomplishments have not brought about collective success. The cynicism regarding Lillard’s ability to lead a successful franchise came to a head exactly a year ago, when the ’Zers were unceremoniously swept by the New Orleans Pelicans.

After this truly disheartening series last spring, there were rumors that Terry Stotts—who has not coached a Blazer team to a losing record since taking over as head coach in 2012—would be pushed out. The Stotts-Lillard combination, indeed, seemed doomed to suffer in the annals of the NBA’s middle; they led a team that was not quite good enough to make a run in the playoffs, but certainly not bad enough to optimize the chances of striking gold in the draft.

Even I, someone so easily tricked into believing in my beloved ’Zers season after season, began to wonder whether Lillard and Stotts were merely the enablers of a broken infrastructure. I wondered if they were just good enough to obscure the scent of structural failure that has defined the Blazers since they won their last championship in 1977.

I felt the cynicism of the previously bro-

ken-hearted fan wash over me again just a few weeks ago, when the Blazers’ budding third-wheel reached down for his lower leg in utter agony.

[Chorus] “Damian Lillard makes 30-foot running pullup jump shot” (ESPN, “Thunder vs.

Trail Blazers — Play-by-Play,” 04.14.19).

Rhetorically, this sentence is far from spectacular. Substantively, however, its majesty tells you all that you need to know about the NBA Playoffs thus far. And as just one delusional columnist of The Miscellany News, I cannot wait to tell you why.

II. The Blazers are beating the Oklahoma City Thunder 3-1. Historically, being up 3-1 in a series—no matter the round—means you are almost guaranteed to win (shoutout to my Warriors-fan friends Tony Caletti, Devan Gallagher and Chris Dietz). I am so glowingly and delusionally optimistic that I might just change my last name to Buttigieg.

If/when the Blazers beat the Oklahoma City Thunder, they will play the winner of the Spurs-Nuggets series. Against both the Spurs and Nuggets this season, the Blazers were not at their best (2-2 against San Antonio and 1-3 against the Nuggets). But Damian Lillard is playing at such a transcendent level right now that I don’t think it matters.

I think the Blazers can handle both teams with the artful ferocity they’ve channeled to pick the Thunder apart.

If they win that series against the Spurs or Nuggets, then my Blazers will almost

certainly play the winner of a matchup between the two best teams in the NBA: the Houston Rockets and the Golden State Warriors. Hopefully, playing the winner of that series will be like facing Takeru Kobayashi in an eating contest...immediately after he just completed a different eating contest.

Hopefully, either James Harden or Chris Paul or Stephen Curry or Kevin Durant or Klay Thompson will be depleted to an extent that the Blazers’ lack of star power will prove an asset, not a liability.

And then, they’ll be in the NBA Finals.

And at this point in the article, I won’t even bother trying to provide my rationale. Because they’re going to win. Because the way they’re playing right now, they’re better than both the Bucks and the Celtics, their two most likely opponents.

Ultimately, my hopes and dreams lie not with the Blazers agglomeration of skilled castaways and peaking-at-the-right-time role players. My hopes and dreams lie with the fact that CJ McCollum is hot, Terry Stotts is smart and Damian Lillard is Damian Lillard. And sometimes, it really is that simple. Or at least things are at their most enjoyable when they seem just that simple.

[Conclusion] After Lonzo Ball was selected with the second-overall pick by the Los Angeles Lakers in the 2017 NBA Draft, his father LaVar Ball boasted: “It’s a wonderful feeling, but I already knew it was coming…”

When the Portland Trail Blazers win the 2019 NBA Finals, I will be saying the exact same thing.

GMs caught between potential of picks, certainty of stars Dean Kopitsky Columnist

T

he NFL draft is this week and the lottery to decide the order of the NBA draft is in two weeks. I’d rather talk about the NBA draft lottery—but not yet. Instead, let’s talk about french fries.

French fries are great. They’re delicious and crunchy, and I can still eat them on Passover. Two weeks ago, I went to the Acropolis Diner and bought a plate of french fries. Those same french fries have been festering in my refrigerator since I brought them home in a styrofoam box.

Right now, there’s about three dollars’ worth of fries sitting in the frigid darkness of my refrigerator, existing yet remaining neglected.

I wouldn’t just let three dollars mold in my fridge, right? And I wouldn’t throw three dollars out like I (definitely) will do to the fries tonight. But they’ve become devalued, so that’s what I (definitely) must do. Even when they were hot and crunchy, contiguously to when I had overpaid for them back at Acrop, I was happy to offer the fries to my friends.

Despite its real cash value, the value of a commodity is discounted once it’s been traded for cash. Although they were once hot, crunchy and juicy, no rational person would think to buy my soggy french fries now. Fries, like all other commodities, are not exactly flexible. You probably saw where this was going a long time ago, but I have a point to make and a word count to meet.

My point is that NBA General Managers can’t make up their mind if they want draft picks or french fries.

In this ill-conceived metaphor, NBA players are commodities with known val-

ues. That value may be steeped in risk, hindered by a reputation or enhanced by a contract’s details, but they are still a known value. Currency, in this case, is draft picks, packed with potential but saddled with the downside of going bust.

“My point is that NBA General Managers can’t make up their mind if they want draft picks or french fries.”

It seems like teams in the market to make a splash should trade veteran players for draft picks. Draft picks are cheap and last a long time. Rookie contracts start out at as two-year deals, but teams have the option to extend them into year three or four.

Veterans, on the other hand, can be expensive. They’re also not likely to improve. Actually, it turns out that clairvoyance is rare even when it comes to known entities. Take a look at FiveThirtyEight’s Wins Above Replacement Projection ranking from 2015. You’ll find that Cody Zeller is ranked above Joel Embiid, that Michael Kidd-Gilchrist cracks the top 52, that Marcus Smart comes in at 13 (32 spots better than Paul George) and that Elfrid Peyton is 14th, 30 spots ahead of his teammate at the time, Victor Oladipo (FiveThirtyEight, The 53 Best Franchise Players In The NBA, 10.27.2015).

In this era, however, when the best players seem apathetic to staying with the team that drafted them, maybe it does make more sense to take a chance on established players. When FiveThirtyEight published

those rankings, Victor Oladipo was two seasons away from being All-NBA. Giannis Antetokounmpo is ranked behind Deandre Jordan in the article. This season, he’s probably the MVP. Jordan received a big contract this year and was a footnote in a trade with the Knicks at the deadline.

Let’s examine that more. In the trade, the Knicks received Dennis Smith Jr., Jordan, Wesley Matthews and two first-round picks. The Mavericks got Kristaps Porzingis (who is under investigation by the NYPD following an allegation of rape), Tim Hardaway Jr. and Courtney Lee. This deal is either completely rational, or completely irrational depending on how you view potential. The Mavericks made away with a well-regarded commodity in Porzingis. By absorbing Porzingis they’re betting that, despite his record of injury and his current season-lasting one, he is still more valuable than retaining the draft picks that the rebuilding Mavericks might find attractive. At the same time, the Knicks are betting that Porzingis’ injury surmounts the tremendous potential he showed in his first couple seasons. This calculation seems ludicrous considering Porzingis is a restricted free agent this offseason, and the Knicks hold every card in determining where he could go.

Implicitly, too, the Knicks are betting on getting Zion Williamson. The Knicks posted one of the worst three records in the league; if they receive the first pick in the lottery in May, they will draft the Duke standout. But is that decision really sound?

While Williamson was more recently dunking on boys in high school, Porzingis was busy making fools of guys in the NBA. There is a vast and expensive difference between the two. Despite Williamson’s po-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

tential, he has never succeeded at the level at which Porzingis already has.

The NBA is filled with paradoxes like this. Another trade deadline deal sent Tobias Harris, another blossoming star, to the 76ers in exchange for two first-round picks and surprisingly solid rookie Landry Shamet. The 76ers decided to focus on now, the Clippers were willing to hedge.

Both are playoff teams this year.

The Process—a five-year tankathon that saw the 76ers trade virtually every valuable asset they possessed—stopped processing with that move. The Sixers have mortgaged the future for a title no later than this year. They march forward with the afterburners on and all reserves empty.

I think they’re on to something.

The Sixers prove that you might actually be able to have it both ways despite the fact the NBA is a bizarro world where very little goes according to plan. Scrawny point guards from liberal arts colleges can become MVPs, and domineering big men may crack under the pressure of their own bodies.

This is all to say that potential is a very messy trade to deal in. First-round picks sound tremendous because of their non-commodified value. But vets bring demonstrated worth and the potential to make similar unlikely leaps to those of Tobias Harris, Paul George and Victor Oladipo in the recent past.

In trading for draft picks, GM’s replace pressure-tested vets for high schoolers who may be getting drunk at house parties.

Those prospects aren’t always tearing it up at the high school level either. I was a scrawny runner in high school, but I once knocked a Division I prospect on his ass with a box-out. True story.

April 25, 2019

SPORTS

Page 19

Baseball splits against Union, preps for final playoff push Kelly Pushie

Guest Reporter

T

he Vassar baseball traveled up I–87 this past weekend, splitting both of the double headers they played against Union College in Amsterdam, NY. On Friday, the Brewers won a pitcher’s duel 1–0, but fell in the second game 12–3. The offense came alive for Vassar on Friday, carrying them to a 9–1 win, but in the day’s second game, the Brewers’ bats cooled off and the team fell 8–1.

Head Coach Matthew Righter, in his third season leading the Brewers, was pleased with how the team played against Union, who currently sit third in the Liberty League. To Righter, the Brewers’ two wins this weekend proved that the team is strong enough to compete with any conference foe. “Union is one of the better teams in the league, and we showed that when we execute on the mound, in the field and at the plate we can beat anybody,” Righter attested via email.

Righter was especially encouraged by the play of two Brewer pitchers: sophomore Pat Fitzgerald and first-year Sam Brinster. “We have high expectations for those two and we’re really happy to see everything come together for them and their two performances,” Righter said. The duo combined for nine innings and no runs allowed over the weekend, with Fitzgerald earning Friday’s win and Brinster earning Saturday’s.

One of the big bats that led Vassar’s offensive explosion in Saturday’s first game

belonged to junior Matt Martino. The first baseman paced the Brewers with two hits, three RBIs and a run scored, and now leads the team with a .360 batting average, 45 hits and 21 runs scored for the season. Although splitting the series was not exactly the outcome the team wanted, Martino is proud of the way the group competed.

“We had some outstanding performances throughout the weekend from both our pitching and our hitting that allowed us to compete with one of the premier teams in the Liberty League,” Martino commented.

Senior outfielder Taylor Smach, boasting a .309 batting average, has been a key contributor for the Brewers these past four years. Similar to Martino, Smach felt that this past weekend’s showing against Union displayed the team’s promise. “I think that our team showed a lot of bright spots this weekend against Union. We had a couple of excellent pitching performances and a lot of really good at bats,” Smach said.

“The focus this weekend was to continue executing small jobs each inning and hopefully that would translate to us scoring runs and winning games.”

With the two conference wins this past weekend, the Brewers are now 7-13 in the Liberty League. While the Brewers have picked up some solid wins this season, toppling Union, Bard and RPI, an air of disappointment understandably hangs around the players and coaches. Righter attributes much of the difficulty the team has had to problems staying healthy. “We had some season ending injuries to some key players

like captain Jake Doyle,” said Righter, “plus lingering injuries which affected other key players on our team throughout the year.”

In addition to injuries, Martino feels that little mistakes have held the team back.

Cleaning up these mistakes could go a long way for the Brewers, especially given the depth and talent on the roster. “We are a team that can put it all together at any given moment, and when we do, we’ve shown that we can go toe-to-toe with anyone,” Martino expressed.

While injury issues have hampered the Brewers’ performance this year, they have also provided opportunities for less-seasoned members of the team to play and pushed them to step up. Smach believes this experience will stick with them, adding, “The biggest thing that the team has learned so far this season is that everyone needs to be ready to contribute and to help us win games.”

As the team nears the end of the regular season, Righter is maintaining a positive attitude. “My goal is to still find a way to get little jobs done no matter the circumstances, which I believe will lead to more wins,” Righter explained. “I believe we have the talent and the depth to win this year like we did versus Union and RPI and I’m looking forward to seeing how we compete this week versus New Paltz and on the weekend against RIT.” Smach echoed Righter’s sentiment, and emphasized the “trust the process” mindset. “Looking at the end of the season, it’s important that we continue to focus on executing the little things,

trusting that the wins will come,” exhorted Smach.

If the wins don’t come, April 28 will be the final game in Burgundy & Gray for seniors Smach, Alex Hartnett, Jake Doyle, Matt Schwartz, Joe Conti, Bryan Rubin and Jesse Mulham. Junior slugger Martino is confident that the team will put together five more solid games to finish out the year.

“Heading into our last week of scheduled games, we are still focused on making a final playoff push,” Martino affirmed. “We are confident in the ability of our team to make a run at any point and are ready to close out the season on a high note, whether we make the postseason or not.”

Regardless of how the final few games turn out, Smach emphasized that the benefits of playing baseball at Vassar extends beyond the wins or losses. “My favorite part of being a member of the baseball team is the opportunity to learn and compete alongside a dedicated group of guys,” Smach commented, “I will definitely miss all of the wonderful friends I’ve made through being a part of this program the most.”

Adjusting to playing without key teammates is never easy, but the Brewers have taken their personnel losses in stride, maintaining a positive outlook on the season and displaying a sense of resilience that bodes well for the future. Before the focus turns to that future, however, the Brewers still have a few games left, and they’ll be looking to finish the season and send the seniors out on a high note.

Women’s lacrosse plays possession game in upset of Ithaca

Courtesy of Nick Jallat Above, senior Fiona MacLeod and her loved ones during Saturday’s lacrosse Senior Day festivities. Below to the right, members of Vassar’s senior class line up with their families.

LACROSSE continued

whether it be on the draw, on defense or the first to score.”

That composed aggression gave the Brewers a 21-10 edge in draw controls, which, combined with a whole lot of possession, unlocked what Porette described as a long-awaited objective: “We had been waiting for our full potential to finally make an appearance and pay off, and that’s exactly what happened.”

That the Brewers shocked Ithaca late in the regular season was special enough.

Coming on Senior Day, a game that usually comes after postseason qualification has more or less been settled, the upset was even more meaningful. MacLeod, one of seven Brewer seniors honored prior to Sunday’s game, said, “I definitely think this is the most monumental win we’ve had as a team in all of my four years of being here.”

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

beyond the mathematical surprise of an underdog beating a favored opponent. The shock visible on an overconfident team’s face when they lose (think Ben Stiller and Globo Gym at the end of “Dodgeball”) is cruelly satisfying—except for when it’s March Madness, and everyone is crying a lot, in which case it’s more sad than anything else. The underdog’s shock and joy at having pulled off the upset is palpable. For Vassar, the image of Peter La Fleur’s face when he removes his blindfold after beaning White Goodman is a thing of the past.

Pushie spoke to the team’s mood: “A win against a team like Ithaca definitely boosted our confidence. We proved this past weekend that we not only have the ability to hang with really good teams, but we have the ability to win.”

For the Brewers, the hope is that wins like Sunday’s become the norm, losing shock value in exchange for sustained success. The talent on the roster is evident. As Waters said, “We are capable of beating any team in the Liberty League.” Porette added, “I think we are a lot better than we even give ourselves credit for.”

They can hang, they can win and they can really, really possess. Vassar women’s lacrosse is fresh off a historic upset, and they’re looking for more.

Courtesy of Nick Jallat

from page 1 (90 seconds in collegiate lacrosse) and made Ithaca play at their pace. Winning involves more than simply holding the ball, however, and Vassar’s offense was deadly, ripping off their second highest-scoring game in league play this season.

Three of the Vassar hat tricks came from three of the team’s top four goalscorers: MacLeod, Waters and first-year midfielder Caeli Porette, who leads the team in goals in conference play and was recently named Liberty League Rookie of the Week for the third time this season.

When asked about the Brewers’ mindset going into a game that was a must-win to keep their playoff hopes alive, Porette said: “[T]he team vibe was actually extremely calm. We just went in knowing that we had to fight hard and be the first on everything,

Coming off a storybook weekend, Vassar has two Liberty League contests remaining, one against a traditional punching bag in Bard and then Union, which sits a game behind the Brewers in the conference standings. To underestimate 0–8 Bard—though understandable—would be to ignore the lessons of Sunday’s win.

The Brewers are, to use a phrase often referenced in a slightly different context, focusing on themselves. Waters explained: “[We] can’t go into [Tuesday’s] game against Bard thinking that it’s going to be easy.” Pushie stressed the importance of consistency, saying, “We have to keep practicing and playing with a high level of intensity.”

If the Brewers sweep their next two games, then they would clinch a playoff berth, something that hasn’t happened in the careers of the current seniors. It’s not an exaggeration to say the Brewers are peaking at the right time. As Porette explained, “I think this weekend as a whole was a major turning point for our team...

This was exactly the fire we needed to fuel us.”

A consistent, motivated Vassar team is not likely to lend any opponents confidence after this past weekend.

Upsets always have an impact that goes

SPORTS

Page 20

Why

We

April 25, 2019

Margaret Reisert, swimmer

Play

Courtesy of Margaret Reisert

Margaret Reisert Guest Contributor

O

kay. Picture this: me, I’m really short, with relatively long light brown hair, 19 years old and a sophomore in college.

It’s early November, just after the insanity of a Vassar Halloween, and I’m sitting in an exam room in Baldwin, our on-campus medical center, with a literal hole in my leg.

No, not a figurative hole in my leg—an actual genuine, for-real hole in my leg. This “Why We Play” is a weekly installment in which Vassar athletes write about what hole is about halfway down the front of my their sports mean to them. This week we feature Margaret Reisert, second from right. left calf, and it is approximately the size and depth of an eraser on the end of a classic would ask questions about my meet. They er. As short as that time period may sound Dixon Ticonderoga pencil. The edges of this didn’t. to you, dear reader, it was a period in my life wound are seeping slightly down my leg, These two identities informed how I went that felt like it would never end. which was delicately placed over a green bin about making friends and how I went about In those three months, I lost my sense of by an extremely concerned nurse. This nurse living my day-to-day in high school, though self. I lost my sense of who I was because I and her assistant stand over my leg and in- swimming was always more important. Back couldn’t participate in the sport that had deform me that I need to take myself immedi- then, I lived and breathed swimming because fined me for so long. Swimming had been the ately to the hospital. the pool was the place where I felt the most glue holding my life together, and without “Yo, this is a sports column! Why are we accepted. Although I’ve always felt most at it, my emotional state and my time managediscussing a gross medical issue?” home in the pool, my identity as a swimmer ment fell apart. It is very hard to go back and Hear me out, I swear. was always so second nature that I never ac- remember those days because of the whirlMy rationale for swimming came fully into tually sat down and thought about what it wind of emotions I felt at the time. I rememfocus when I was sidelined from the sport meant to me. After getting this infection, I ber feeling sad that I couldn’t participate and during the majority of my sophomore season needed to. angry that I couldn’t swim. But most of all, I with this wound, which later turned out to be Now, back to the hospital. To make a rel- felt lost. I experienced such a loss of identity a staph infection. atively lengthy story short, after I was ex- during this time that I felt unrecognizable to Throughout middle school and high amined by the nurse at Baldwin, I called my myself. school, I was always very vocal about my mom and headed immediately to the ER, Although I couldn’t swim, I was still a sport, even though it went unnoticed by where I was admitted with some alacrity. I member of the team, which meant that I my classmates. I began swimming at such stayed in the hospital for three days, and after still needed to attend practice. So, I was at a young age that when I entered middle some wonderful IV antibiotics and a surgery, practice every day, standing on the side of school I had two distinct identities—that of I returned to Vassar. I was left with an even the pool—some days in tears, some days a swimmer and that of a “smart kid,” though deeper wound in my leg than before, approx- just numb, for weeks and weeks and weeks my swimmer identity was always the one I imately the size of a quarter and the same on end. I attended countless meets, both sinrelied on more. In middle school, I distinctly depth as that pencil eraser. In order for me to gle-day meets and multi-day ones, both in the remember being at club meets on Saturdays, swim again, it needed to heal entirely. morning and at night, and I even went on our trying my hardest to track down a Sharpie I was initially told that my wound would training trip. All this without stepping into a with which to write out my races on my arm. be healed in six weeks, which was so far from pool above ankle level.

Come Monday, the marks on my skin would the truth that it’s almost silly to repeat; the My saving graces during this time were my still be there, and I hoped that my peers wound eventually healed three months lat- teammates. My teammates checked in with

me when they thought I wasn’t doing well.

They visited me in the hospital, and they supported my needs in every way I could possibly imagine. They, to this day, are the best friends I’ve ever had and the most supportive people I could ask for. I hope I have been the same kind of friend to them as they all have been to me. I’ve been so lucky to experience four different iterations of Vassar College Swimming & Diving and I have appreciated every group of people in a different way.

Although it isn’t the most pleasant memory, I reflect back on this experience to think about how my relationship with swimming has changed throughout college. My identity as a swimmer is intrinsic to how I live my life, as it has been for so long, but my relationship to that part of myself is more complex than it once was.

Throughout high school I swam for myself; it was simply the culture. I swam for my own times, my own experience and to feed my own ego, which in some ways fueled my first year of swimming in college, too. However, after my experience with that infamous staph infection, I began to swim for my teammates. Truthfully, I’ve stayed on the swim team because of them. Collegiate athletics is significantly more team-oriented than club swimming ever was. In my eyes, this makes for a much more powerful experience. My collegiate swim journey has been incredibly worthwhile, and I am thrilled I was able to join this team in the first place.

Although it was unpleasant to live through, I learned from the staph infection that I swim for my teammates as much as I swim for myself. That knowledge has made my swim career richer than it ever could have been before, and it’s something that I am overwhelmingly proud of. In essence, I love to swim, and I always will even after graduation, but I would never have been able to do it without my teammates.

ADVERTISEMENT

Women’s Golf

Vassar Invitational April 21, 2019 In the Vassar Invitational at nearby Casperkill Golf Course, the Brewers shot 659 over the two-day tournament, placing in seventh. Williams took the title with an impressive score of 609. For Vassar, first-year Hella Zhou (pictured) led the way with a score of 158, shooting a 77 on the second day after an opening score of 81 to finish in 16th overall. Junior Andrea Han shot a 161, good for 21st. The team next travels to beautiful Amherst, MA for the Jack Leaman Invitational.

Men’s Lacrosse

Vassar College 5, Union College 8 April 20, 2019 VC came back from a 4-1 deficit to tie the game in the third quarter, but Union scored a sixth goal in the closing seconds of the period and added two more for insurance in the fourth quarter, spoiling the Brewers’ Senior Day. Junior Michael Mullen continued his prolific scoring season with three goals on the day, while senior Drew Adams (pictured) and sophomore Spencer Duryee each added one. The Union contest was the final home game for Vassar’s twelve seniors.

Written by Myles Olmsted, Sports Editor; Photos courtesy of Nick Jallat

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE