Try This For a Change: Ask for What You Need K R I ST I CO U G H L I N MS, RDN INCOMING DIRECTOR OF MEETINGS
Over the past few years, the topic of self-care has grown in popularity. Since the onset of the p**demic, it feels as though we have been inundated with self-care messages. I often hear objections such as “I don’t have enough time” - while others point out that they are strapped financially and are unable to splurge on pedicures or massages. As nutrition professionals, we are well aware that people often overcomplicate things. Case in point, the foundation of healthful eating includes vegetables, fruit, whole grains, nuts and seeds. Meanwhile, fad diets call for people to restrict a laundry list of foods — many of which we, as dietitians, eat regularly. In other words, fad diets make it unnecessarily challenging to eat well. Self-care is no different. Simple techniques, such as setting healthy boundaries and advocating for yourself, are often overlooked as ways to take care of yourself. One form of self-care that has made its way front and center in my world lately has been asking for what I need.
funding for insurance and a new vehicle. In order for my family to purchase a new car, my business needs to make enough money to ensure I consistently receive a paycheck. This, of course, means I need to work my business. However, with our family’s summer schedule, it can be difficult to carve out enough time to get things done. So, I asked for what I needed without being tied to a specific outcome. Here’s what it was: 1) Buy me a car without me financially contributing and I will continue to chauffeur the kids around by myself. Or, 2) Help with the kids’ schedule so I can dedicate time and energy to my business thereby ensuring I can contribute to the car purchasing process. Before the conversation, I was worried about how my husband would react. In the past when we’ve talked about this sort of thing, after I’ve reached my breaking point, it has felt uncomfortable. This time was a completely different experience because I followed the tips outlined in this article. Much to my delight, he quickly agreed to taking the kids for two full days a week to free up time and energy for me to work without interruptions. In fact, I’m sitting here writing this as he is in charge of the kids for the day.
Recently, I sat down with my husband and laid out the ways I needed him to support me and my business. Summers are particularly difficult for me as an entrepreneur because of travel and the kids’ schedules — it feels like I am constantly on the go which leaves little time and energy to get work done. In the past, I would have tried to shoulder the bulk of the summer commitments without asking for support. Inevitably, I would reach a breaking point and ask my husband for help while sobbing. Not sure if this has been your strategy in the past, but it doesn’t usually result in a happy conversation. This year required a revised strategy; it was time to be proactive in asking for what I needed.
Learning to ask for what you need can be difficult. It also takes time to learn, but is entirely possible. Once you receive support from others, you will wonder why it took you so long to ask for what you need.
Instead of waiting until I had met my breaking point, we talked before my schedule got overwhelming. We started the conversation by discussing the fact our oldest is getting her license in a few short months which requires additional
Ask Without Expectations. Frequently, we ask for help with a desire for a single outcome. We are tied to a single solution, and when our need goes unmet because it is not feasible for the other person, we are all left feeling unfulfilled.
Of course, asking for what you need can be easier said than done in real life, especially if you have spent a lifetime relying on only one person to get things done — yourself. Regardless of your history with asking for help, the more you practice, the easier it gets. Therefore, I encourage you to start practicing advocating for yourself by asking for what you need. Here are a few different ways to jump-start this essential skill:
To avoid this issue, ask for what you need and be open to receiving support that may look different from what you originally had in mind. Ditch the Fear of Rejection. In some cases, we have already decided that we will not get the answer we desire — even before asking. Tying it back to asking without expectations, ask for what you need without worrying about the answer. Remember, if you don’t ask, the answer is always “no.” Be Clear in What You Need. If you are struggling to juggle multiple responsibilities, ask for help with a specific project or task (or offer a few to pick from). A key point to remember: you can’t assume others will know what you need help with or that you even require assistance. Be sure to specify what you need rather than simply saying, “I need help.” Self-care is more than facials and bubble baths. It is about ensuring your basic needs are met to maintain your health and prevent (or deal with) issues in life. In the matter of inhibiting life issues, be proactive in asking for help. Ask for what you need before you have reached your breaking point. If you are already dealing with problems due to unmet self-care needs, take stock of where you are struggling the most and figure out a few tasks that can be delegated. Then ask for help while keeping in mind the pointers above. Final thoughts - prioritizing your self-care is foundational in health, happiness and success in life and as a Nutrition Entrepreneur. Most importantly, remember this fact: you are worthy of help from others. Kristi Coughlin, MS, RDN, loves spreading happiness with her business Bring About Happy by creating uplifting products inspired by former private practice clients. In her spare time, she can be found with her family by the lake, traveling, or enjoying her favorite food - pizza! nedpg.org | 5
