Modern Women Bali Magazine Issue 3

UNCLAIMED BRILLIANCE IN PADDED ROOMS.

Bali - a casino, an asylum, a zoo; but also, in its corners, someone quietly is cooking something great.

The trouble is, often from where we are sitting it’s hard to tell where we are on that spectrum. Are we the sane ones in a deeply unwell, intellectually and spiritually handicapped society? The brave lucid few who see things clearly? Or are we ever so cheerfully slipping on the slippery slope of wokeness into mad spinsterhood? Interestingly, not necessarily a grim development. A friend recently told me her goal in life has always secretly been to become a gleefully disruptive eccentric old lady with an outrageous luxuriously bohemian lifestyle. Moving to Bali proved to be the embodiment of the dream.

As our Saucy Sage discusses (page 34), many of us who live here have received a fair share of concerned looks from our friends and family back home.

To them, we are doing something incomprehensible. We flew the coop. We are making weird choices. We are following wacky non-linear career paths. They’ve got a point.

Between the moon-made divine goddesses of Ubud and Tuesday night Canggu rope-play sessions, there’s plenty to be worried about.

‘Are you sure you know what you are doing?’ they ask cautiously.

Quite frankly, often - no.

But let’s face it, whatever we were doing back home wasn’t quite cutting it. It was like we were all reading from the same tired life manual. All following the same unspoken understandings about how we are to look (thin); how we should work (always growing); the success we should aspire to (monetarily expressed); the relationship we should want (hetero-monogamous). And so wild with wonder, hearts ablaze, we’ve set out to discover if something else will feel better.

Here as we meet people from different cultures, we are delighted by variations. Turns out, there is no one single manual. Suddenly there are a lot more reference points. Our regular columnist Ibu Skit (Laughing Matter, page 28) was happy to learn that to Italians our ‘shameful extra pounds’ are desirable; the French taught us that great sex after 50 exists.

From the Balinese we learned devotion, and how to smile. We learn a new kind of forwardness. The one that moves through the obstacles by wrapping around them.

We start to wonder if such a variety of choices exists, maybe we can stop trying to fit into any one of these ways, and just make up our own. The girls from Skaters Without Borders were wondering the same. Now some of them are discovering they can make a decent living hanging out with their friends on eight wheels (Cover story, page 66) We are beginning to get a glimmer of where our unclaimed brilliance is hiding.

And just as we are discovering that we can make our own way financially, maybe we can do that for our relationships also? Perhaps, although married, we are better off living in separate houses? Maybe we can sexually and romantically engage with other people while being in a deep committed relationship (Battle Battle Royale, page 10). Maybe we want to charge our crystals under the moon and, barefooted, clad in all white chant ‘Hare Krishna!’ on Mondays.

Making our own way does get confusing. What’s too weird? What’s too far? What’s better - our ‘alternative’ choices or their mainstream ones? And if the worst-case scenario is true, and our choices are indeed insane, is that really so bad?

Perhaps the transcendental descent into the wrong choices is mandatory for any sizeable breakthrough. Mad genius kind of thing.

It takes getting lost to be found. So don’t be disheartened if you can’t see the road ahead, if what others are doing doesn’t tickle you. Misfit with us proudly. We identify ourselves as the spokeswomen for the impossible. We let ourselves get possessed, crowned and transported by what we love. We speak in colours, and weave our mad magic. Seems to be working.

Bali - a casino, an asylum, a zoo; but also, in its corners, someone quietly is cooking something great.

Modern Women Bali Founder

FOUNDER

Anastasia Belikova

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Sania Rasyid

EDITORS

Lynn Maria Minervini

Rahima Saikal

EDITORIAL TEAM

Ibu Skit

Rahima Saikal

Kathleen Isley

Megan Lynn Judd

Lynn Maria Minervini

Anastasia Silver

ADVISORY BOARD

Ibu Kat

The NYX

DESIGN

Irawan Zuhri

ILLUSTRATIONS AND PHOTOGRAPHY

Marina Richterova

Cecil Buller

Linkan Palenewen (@candylcker)

Dean Raphael (@deanraphael)

Haikini Swimwear (@haikini.co)

Harley Lunar (@harleylunar)

CONTRIBUTORS

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We are a hub for creatives, intellectuals, business women, professionals and other badass Modern Women in Bali who want to grow, express, create, inspire, inform and connect.

We welcome writers to become the voice of Modern Women Bali and make an impact in the community.

We encourage you to contribute articles, thoughts, opinions, expert tips, poems and stories about your Bali experience.

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BATTLE ROYALE

MONOGAMY POLYAMORY: NAVIGATING THE LOVE SPECTRUM

I CHOOSE POLYAMORY

BY ANNE-CLAIRE

MERET

I have two lovers and I like it. I used to associate nonmonogamous relationships with frivolity, lacking depth and relational stability. I imagined those choosing this path had an excessive sexual desire, commitment-avoidant people seeking constant validation, or wanting to forever be in the initial exciting zone of dating instead of choosing to grow together and deepen a relationship. Then, six years ago in Ubud, I met the man who is now my husband.

Back then, he wasn’t ready to start something with me. I met another man, in a polyamorous relationship, and found myself on an unexpected journey. When my now-husband came back into my life, we explored what committed love meant to us. In retrospect, I understand that starting our relationship open to polyamory allowed us to dare create our tailor-made union. What types of agreements make us feel cherished, loved and secure?

What degree of closeness and intimacy do we expect, and what do we offer? Do we have a veto on the other’s relationships? And so many other questions I’d never thought about before.

Contrary to my initial thoughts, I found that polyamory is not frivolous (it can be, depending on the rules you choose to adopt, or ignore).

Establishing open relationships requires the courage to pose the kind of intimate questions often sidestepped by monogamous couples. Through these explorations, I’ve uncovered that such inquiries cultivate increased trust and freedom, two elements that appeared contradictory in my past relationships.

RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENTS

Today I have a husband and a boyfriend (also met in Ubud! Who said good men there are hard to find?). We decided to create a hierarchical type of relationship: I have a “primary” partner with whom I have a daily life, a dog and two cats, longterm projects, investments, etc. and a “secondary” partner with whom I share a few hours or days per week, sometimes vacations. My boyfriend has other partners and is delighted with this situation, allowing him to spend quality time with me and still maintain his “bachelor” life. There are infinite ways to create relationships, and they can also evolve over time; our agreements are not set in stone.

“Establishing open relationships requires the courage to pose the kind of intimate questions often sidestepped by monogamous couples”.

“Open relating delayed the process of actually breaking up. It became almost like an excuse for us to not move on”.

My husband and I have listed all the best questions to ask ourselves when a new person enters our life. It’s fourteen pages long.

INTIMACY AND SEXUALITY

Do we have twice as much sex when polyamorous? It’s possible, but it’s a myth to think that we always sleep with our partners just because we have the opportunity. (And if you’re wondering about STDs, each person explicitly agrees to investigate any partner’s potential diseases, and protects themselves to safeguard everyone.) Beyond sex, there are many other things to experience together.

JEALOUSY UNMASKED

From my perspective, partners are like flavours. As a short Métisse with a beautiful smile and curly hair, I’ll never be a tall blonde with blue eyes! I don’t feel threatened if a partner makes that choice because I believe that what’s meant for me will come to me, though I might get sad if a partner were to leave me for a connection with someone else. But I tell myself that just means they’re a better match.

We can get triggered we’re human. Dissolving jealousy involves different steps; one can undertake it alone through self-reflection, or together. What does my partner seeing that person mean to me? What are the stories in my head? Are they true? How can I cultivate a sense of worth and safety? Discussion deepens relationships. It takes courage to confront fears together, and quite often, jealousy dissolves with crucial conversations, patience, and love.

Then, ‘compersion’ can emerge—a beautiful word denoting the ability to rejoice in the happiness of one’s partner, even when that joy arises from relationships other than yours.

Is open relating something everyone can explore? It’s important to know why we choose to be polyamorous. For me, life offers beautiful experiences that I want to be able to say yes to courageously with an open heart. I acknowledge that embracing open relating requires prioritising important questions for success. When we dare to deconstruct norms and invite creativity into our lives, to boldly live as we wish without fear of others’ judgement, it can be an amazing journey full of love.

FROM THE AUTHOR

I am a coaching teacher, naturopath, and author. I also offer online programs, inspiring humanity to aim higher and live from the heart. Instagram: https:// www.instagram.com/ anneclaire_meret/

I CHOOSE MONOGAMY

BY

JOAN PICKERTON

I didn’t believe in ‘the one’ before I met my partner. I always looked down on that idea. It was a fantasy. I can’t say with any certainty if ‘the one’ exists for anyone else, but I’m definitely having an experience that allows me to feel like I can die now because I’ve loved, and have been loved, in a way I never have before.

For the past four years, I’ve been in a committed, deeply attuned relationship. I’m profoundly touched by this way of being together. It is genuine and powerful. And challenging. Because I have never been this committed, my abandonment trauma has never been this activated. I have never been this understood, or felt this free from any doubt in any other relationship. It’s not a decision whether or not I want to be monogamous with him. I just am.

In the late 90s, I moved into an Osho community. That environment of conscious, open relating, where we’d all come together to learn to be ourselves and become free, led me to pursue degrees in psychotherapy, specialising in sexuality and trauma. In my relating and intimacy work I find that, for a lot of people, it’s less of a question of being polyamorous, or monogamous, but more about addressing

a pattern of ending up in the same relationships, getting triggered, and feeling lost. How do we break out of this prison?

Two important tools are nervous system regulation and secure attachment. When someone can bring all the parts they judge as unlovable into connection with others, learn how to regulate themselves and be more resilient, they ultimately end up living the lives they want. If we just add ‘conscious’ to relating, I think that will help people face what comes up, regardless of what relational forms they have. They no longer need to dissociate, deflect, eat too much, reach out for sex because they’re lonely. There’s an awareness (aka consciousness) to everything they bring to how they relate.

“The biggest gift of my entire life is how I’ve been loved, and how I’ve been able to love in my current monogamous relationship”.

Testing and trying different forms of relating to get to know ourselves, and the takeaways from those experiences, takes a certain amount of courage.

I don’t know if I needed my previous open relationship to prepare myself to fully commit to just one person. Back then we were running a business together, building a brand. That was the focus. I brought the academic background and he brought the management skills. In that sense, we had amazing chemistry, and we were successful. But I was forming a certain dependency on him professionally and financially and ended up compromising what was truly genuine to me. It was really clear to me that we matched well in certain ways, but not in others. And yet I stayed. Sexually, and romantically, it wasn’t a match, and that mismatch became more and more of a wound that led to other people getting involved. It was painful. Eventually, the relationship came to a mutual rejection.

In a way, open relating made it possible for us to find our work as the meeting point. But open relating also delayed the process of actually breaking up. It became almost like an excuse for us to not move on, or for me to go out on my own. But is this unique to polyamory? It could have been in a monogamous

relationship where someone has an affair. That’s the classic model.

I think what I learned the hard way is that if I’m not genuinely connected with my partner and I keep letting it go, keep giving it another week, another month, another year, I’m kind of betraying what’s true for me. I can use that open relating paradigm to make it okay, because it’s conscious, we talk about it, and we agree. However, ultimately in my case it accumulated a certain pain that we weren’t processing.

Were my current relationship an open container, I wouldn’t be able to go as deep as I can because I wouldn’t feel safe. I’d be anxious, or consumed by who else my partner might be flirting with or fucking. Right now, I know he is with me. He is loyal, and we have a mutual commitment. It allows my stuff to come up and be integrated into a whole other level of acceptance. That actually deepens our intimacy.

I’m in my fifties now. I’ve had an amazing variety of relational lives. The biggest gift of my entire life is how I’ve been loved, and how I’ve been able to love in my current monogamous relationship. And I couldn’t have had that journey had I always accepted monogamy as the only container.

Books To Explore:

More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory, Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy, Jessica Fern

The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship, Don Miguel Ruiz Radical Honesty, Brad Blanton.

Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship” Stan Tatkin

The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love, Ty Tashiro

Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, Sue Johnson

WELL BEING

BY THALIA ARCHER

One day I was working out of a cafe across from the Body Factory, and a guy sat next to me. We started chatting. He said that he loves Bali, he likes the quality of the gyms here, and that he hates fat people.

I choked on my soda. “You… hate? Are you joking?”

“No. I really hate fat people, they’re obviously lazy, like,

I mean - you’re not fat.”

Ahhh little did he know that I used to be 30 pounds over what my doctor would have gently recommended was my ideal weight. And I’m 5’2”. In no universe could I relate to him.

I slurped my coca cola loudly, told the guy he sucked, and moved to another table.

I wondered, is this what Canggu has truly become? A mecca of steroid-chugging, botox-pumping 30-year-olds who actually believe that humans are little more than the sum of their body mass index?

Cue the Russian supermodel whizzing past on an Nmax in a sports bra, plumped-up lips, and Celine sunglasses. Of course she’s not wearing a helmet.

I wish I could say that social media gives a deceitful misrepresentation of Canggu, making it appear that this popular coastal town is only inhabited by the young and beautiful. But ya’ll, I’ve seen it with my own eyes. As far as people-watching goes, Canggu feels like it’s hosting open casting calls for Love Island - and the patio at Revolver will give you a front row seat.

I often wonder why everyone is so impossibly good looking, and fit. Is that a requirement for entering this expatinfluencer-hipster-instagram bubble?

And what if…I don’t look like them?

It’s a question that pops up frequently on the Bali women’s Facebook Groups. It usually goes something like this:

I’m overweight and out of shape. I’m not happy with how I look, but I really want to explore Canggu and see what it’s all about. Do you think I’ll be judged if I hang out there?

“Let your D-cup titties bounce, let your belly see some sun. You deserve to have as much fun in Canggu as all your petite friends do”.

Most women proceed to flood the comments with sisterly support, stern reassurance, and finger snapping ‘you rock that body with pride gurlfrewnn’.

But I know there’s something missing from this encouragement of body positivity, because the truth is, yes, you will be judged.

I thought back to my younger, fatter self. What had I wished someone would have told me then, when I was cursing God for giving me a curvy body in a country of petite Asian women?

Is this what Canggu has truly become? A mecca of steroidchugging, botox-pumping 30-year-olds who actually believe that humans are little more than the sum of their body mass index?

“There’s something missing from all the encouragement of body positivity, because the truth is, yes, you will be judged”.

I wish someone had told me: If you focus on your mental health, then everything else will fall into place. Let your D-cup titties bounce, let your belly see some sun. You deserve to have as much fun in Canggu as all your petite friends do.

Those years when I was overweight, I was battling a severe depressive episode. Sexy neuroscientist zaddy Andrew Huberman popped up on my Youtube feed and suggested taking morning walks, and letting the first rays of sunlight touch my eyeballs to cope with depression. These were just two of his key ingredients for optimal mental health.

Morning walks became a sacred ritual for me, a way to beat intrusive thoughts and find joy in living again. Turns out, walking is one of the most effective ways to lose weight, not a 3-month membership at Finns.

I lost thirty pounds as a byproduct of working on my mind.

And that’s the issue with the body positivity movement. While telling people to love their bodies is nice, it’s problematic not to address the deeper, underlying mental health concerns associated with body image.

These days, body insecurities take up less space in my mind. I don’t love my body, but I like it.

And I have something a lot of these beautiful Canggu people don’t. I have confidence, and strong thighs thick enough to crush a cacao fruit.

The best part is, now that I no longer indulge in body comparison, I have time to complain about other stuff in Canggu. Seriously, what’s up with ugly Scandinavian style investment properties? Why is Padel so expensive? Is it just me or do those policemen at the intersections make the traffic worse?

FROM THE AUTHOR

I am a Texas Indonesian writer based in Bali. When I’m not napping or making margaritas, I go on disastrous dates with tourists. I channel my fascination with human absurdity into personal essays and humorous romantic fiction. When I grow up I want to be funny.

https://substack.com/ @thaliaarcherbali

BY IBU SKIT

“She yelled so loud,” the Balinese woman tells me. “I didn’t know if I should go in and check she’s okay.”

My alarm quickly turns to amusement. She explains that since she rented out one of her rooms to a buff young Russian guy, beautiful girls sleep over almost every night.

I’ve known this woman for a few years. She’s one of my Balinese landlord’s helpers. It’s been a pleasure watching Ketut grow in confidence and evolve her business savvy with foreigners.

She regularly pops in to my kitchen where we work on mastering her English.

“So, this guy has a lot of female guests?” I ask wryly. “Do they all make a lot of noise?”

She pauses to think about it. “They do!” she replies with widening eyes, as if on the brink of discovery.

When I smile, she smiles too.

“Well,” I laugh, thinking we’re on the same page, “I guess that means he’s good.”

Her brows furrow. “Good at what?”

I fumble a key back into that Pandora’s box and turn it. I’m not sure I’m ready for a conversation about Sex Ed with this married lady today. Nor do I want to risk saying something insensitive.

From what I’ve been told, the Balinese typically get it on to have children. Often, they don’t get married until the girl is pregnant. I don’t know anything about married sex for pleasure in their culture. I can only guess why Ketut doesn’t put together that a skilled lover can make a woman scream.

Before I moved to Bali, I used to joke with a group of heterosexual BFFs that if we want to get properly laid after we turn forty, we should move to France. The French have a saying: The best soups are made in old pots. Unlike in North America, there’s a reverence for mature women there who don’t seem to age-out of desirability. Brigitte Macron, the glamourous wife of the current French president, is twentyfive years his senior.

As a young woman in my 20s, I experienced the effort French men put into their sexual performance. The men I engaged with took their (self-proclaimed?) reputation as “the world’s greatest lovers” as seriously as they do their haute-cuisine food. More than once, I got the sense that my attentive French lover went down on me for the pride of his flag.

Back in the day, in western Europe it was easy (it still is) to learn what to expect while dating. Though, admittedly, in Italy it took me a minute to realize that an entire meal was always coming after I’d already finished the full plate of pasta. It was also surprizing that getting a little chubbier in the south led to being invited out on even more dinner dates.

If you want to get properly laid after you turn forty, you should move to France. In Italy getting a little chubbier leads to being invited out on even more dinner dates.

In Bali, navigating the codes of monoculture seems so quaint. We settle here from all over the world. And like the tourists planning a quick in and out, we use dating apps for hook-ups. Most expat woman I know looking for actual relationships with men, including a few ‘golden oldies’ in their eighties, have tried, or remain on, Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge. But if he’s only in town for a week, and wants to ‘hit the best spots’, maybe you pass on being a tour guide with benefits.

As a girl, my mother used to tell me, “You’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince charming.” Weird Disney damsel fantasies aside, that implies that you should know what you want, and be willing to put in the effort to find it. So, you scroll through more carefully curated profiles and ask yourself if taking a chance on this one is worth your time.

Regardless of clever marketing, it’s patently impossible to assess potential chemistry, personality, a sense of humour – all of which women typically claim is important – by looking at someone’s picture. Does a candidate’s native culture influence your choice, like if you expect him to buy you dinner, would you pick the hot Scandinavian or Dutch babe? The term ‘going Dutch’ means you pay your own way.

And what of sexual preference? Men the world over might get in the elevator, but not all of them will go down.

Clues, based on what we think we know, might be part of our process, but we invariably swipe right based on the information at hand. Appearance. Attraction is important, but can we really know anything of greater substance before we meet cheek to cheek? And what of cultural mores?

To begin to understand what drives any given culture, we need to ask a lot of questions, or experience it.

“Ketut, I’ve got to run,” I say, ending the lesson in my kitchen. Then for the entire week, I berate myself for the missed opportunity to have a woman-to-woman talk about sex in Balinese culture, and why she didn’t recognize the sound of pleasure in those screams.

There might be some synchronicity at play, because I don’t have to wait long for some insight, however partial. At my Indonesian sponsor’s office, the tension in the air is palpable. With the tone of a kind, but scolding mother, the manager is in a discussion with two of the company’s artisans. As I’ll soon learn, they’d been discovered mid coitus in one of the building’s defunct storage rooms.

This Balinese couple, both married to somebody else, confess that their affair has been going on for months. Apparently, until someone opened the wrong door, their sex was so quiet, they might never have been caught.

I berate myself for the missed opportunity to have a woman-towoman talk about sex in Balinese culture, and why she didn’t recognize the sound of pleasure in those screams.

SAUCY SAGE

Question:

I’m living in Bali long-term, and loving it. I’m thriving! However, I’m struggling with friendships back home. There’s a weird tension between us. One friend told me, ‘You seem lost’. Their criticism fills me with self-doubt. How do I deal with this lack of support without cutting them off?

Answer:

So, you’ve chosen to be your own person and live every day to the fullest. Congratulations! That’s the first and hardest step to take on a fulfilling life path. Mission accomplished. Now let’s go to the beach and drink some margaritas.

Oh dear, that didn’t quite answer your question, did it? Maintaining those backhome friendships while you’re following your bliss can be complicated. Ok, let’s dive in, so long as we can keep on sipping our drinks while we chat about it.

When life takes us on an unexpected path, the people who love us can become… well, alarmed. Maybe that path led to a Kambo ceremony. I, of course, would support that without any reservations, but having frog poison smeared across your freshly burned skin, followed by 30 minutes of purging, might concern some folks, we can freely admit that. Maybe you’re having a mystic moment, charging your crystals naked and empowered beneath the full moon, while your friends just see expensive rocks, and a girl gone wild. Suddenly things are awkward between you. You feel misunderstood, unsupported.

They’re afraid they’ll lose you to some hallucinogenic-filled orgy gone wrong. Or at least they’re afraid of losing the version of you they have known.

Here’s the thing, people change. Whether you’ve relocated, had a baby, gotten back with your horrible ex, adopted a menagerie of paraplegic cats, or cut your own bangs for some strange reason… a true friend will eventually embrace every version of you, even if the new you takes some getting used to. They’ll be open to shifting roles and boundaries as needed. Ideally, when that happens, they’ll say, “Hey, you’re amazing! I love witnessing your journey, even from afar. I support you, AND I miss you.”

Friendships are the spice of life, adding flavor and depth to our experiences. Like the chili, salt, and lime, wrapped around the rim of this Marguerita. But just like spices, when they go sour or bitter, everything tastes off. You’d toss the old spices, right? But what about friendships? They hold more value than a single moment, and they can also ripen, becoming more beautiful and delicious as they age. What to do?

Perhaps you are still searching for your tribe here in Bali and are afraid that this weird dynamic with your friends from back home is as good as it gets for you. If, after a few drinks, you told me you were just holding on out of habit, that these friends offered you nothing, and that the relationships were truly toxic, I’d assure you that it’s completely normal to outgrow certain people as we move through the stages of our lives. Let yourself look at who these people are to you with honesty. Try your best to embrace the discomfort of uncertainty. The quest towards deep genuine companionship begins with clarity and courage, even if it means navigating the unknown alone for a while.

Maybe it’s not like that, though. It could be that you’re sprouting up like a wellfed seed in the heat of this infinite Bali summer, and it’s taking them some time to adjust to that. How much sun are they getting where they live? Remember that we all grow at our own pace. Just as you yearn for acceptance and understanding, extend the same patience to them. You may find yourself feeling less criticized once you realize their reactions are probably not about you.

Maybe they just need a minute to adjust to the poison frogs and groovy crystals. It’s possible they haven’t developed the capacity to fully comprehend your choices or the skill to relate to someone whose interests diverge from their own.

Perhaps something is happening in their life and with their mental health and they desperately need stability and continuity. Can you muster kindness? Acknowledge the impact their current stance may have on your growth, while also recognizing that certain shared values, like love, family, or intellectual pursuits, can serve as anchors amidst emerging differences. These shared foundations may offer a common ground to navigate the evolving dynamics of your friendship.

Only you can know if you are clinging to an expired friendship because the lonely alternative seems daunting, or whether you and your friends are just in that awkward stage where you’re not really juice anymore, but you haven’t yet managed to become tasty wine.

Just as with any long-term relationship, be it marriage, friendship, or family, there will be periods of closeness and drifting apart, building and falling apart. They don’t have to understand everything about you. They don’t have to approve of everything, and you don’t have to talk about everything with them until they are ready to hear it. They’ll catch on eventually, and when they do, you’ll be saving a beach chair with their name on it.

In the meantime, are you mature and secure enough to allow for the ebbs and flows? You don’t have to push for deeper contact if it makes you feel unhappy.

“Only you can know if you are clinging to an expired friendship because the lonely alternative seems daunting”.

“It is also an island of questionable gurus, sweettalking fuck boys, and hospitals full of newly minted street racers. It could be that your friend is actually right. You really might be going off the deep end”.

There’s no rule that says you have to make yourself available when it’s not convenient for you. If the deep period of the relationship is basically over for now, that’s ok. Keep it light in your interactions for a while.

If tensions persist and grievances linger, initiate an honest conversation to air frustrations. For those more passive or people-pleasers, this may be daunting. Yet, this is your opportunity to finally learn how to set boundaries and learn to be responsible for your own happiness. Be clear on how exactly they are hurting you, and what you need from them. Don’t forget to ask what’s happening on their side and what they may need from you.

If you’ve struggled to have a productive conversation or notice signs of an unhealthy friendship, then consider stepping out altogether, or at least put it on a temporary hiatus. Sometimes taking space can do wonders with resetting the dynamic. Maybe at some point your friend will come around, do their work, and so will you, and, newly evolved, you will meet again.

On a final note, consider the possibility that your friend’s concerns may hold merit. Bali is where we come to rediscover ourselves. It is also an island of questionable gurus, sweet-talking empty fuck boys, and hospitals full of newly

minted street racers. It could be that your friend is actually right. You really might be going off the deep end. Take a step back and seek objective viewpoints from trusted individuals removed from your current environment. For example, if you are getting into spirituality, talk to an elder who has been in the ‘field’ for decades. If shibari rope play is now your Tuesday afternoon staple, talk to a kink-informed professional from a remote progressive city. Don’t cherry-pick those who will just echo whatever you have to say, like your new friends or your new coach.

And remember, it’s only their opinion, not the ultimate truth, that they are going to share. Maybe you are choosing to get lost. Maybe you need to hit rock bottom to address the issues you’ve been avoiding. It’s your bottom, after all.

I’m rooting for you to do what feels best, my dear... even if that means dropping ‘em like a tourist drops a Scoopy off the Canggu Shortcut, only to come back later and pick them back up. Until next time…

Making a home in paradise?

BY CATHERINE SHOVLIN

You made it! You cut your contracts, conveniences and comfort zone and here you are in Bali. The landscapes are beautiful, the people gracious, the sun on your skin delicious. You drag your bags into your new accommodation. Home for the next 3 months. You can’t wait.

Hmm. It doesn’t look quite as glorious as it did in the photos. A bit dark and dingy to be honest. And what’s that… atishoo! Seems a bit damp and dusty too. Oh no. You sink onto the (now suspect) bed and wonder if this was a terrible mistake. But fear not! All is not lost.

Here is your action plan to make your house into a home. Albeit temporarily. And if you haven’t found your new place yet, it’s a good checklist of what to look out for.

TIP 1: A BREATH OF FRESH AIR

Freshening the place up is fast and effective. As feng shui tells us, stagnation means trapped energy or chi, and you don’t want that. Especially not if it belongs to the last tenant and isn’t yours. So fling open everything you can – all the doors and windows, wardrobes, kitchen cupboards. Light candles, swab wood with lavender water, chase away the ghosts and make a fresh start.

TIP 2: THE ART OF SMART PLACEMENT

Next, put away everything that makes you uncomfortable - ugly decorations, plastic plants, information signs. And use a sarong to cover that picture you can’t stand.

Now think about how you live. What parts of your home are most important for your life? If you move the desk to the window for better light or that coffee table to make space for your yoga mat you can make the room work better for you. When it comes to feng shui and furniture, that’s a whole big area to learn about, but here is a start:

● Imagine a tic tac toe grid over the room. Each of the nine segments is important for a different aspect of your life. If your room is an irregular shape, then compensate for that by

adding mirrors or lights to increase chi in areas that have been reduced or are missing.

● To help you sleep more sweetly, cover any mirrors facing your bed, and remove electronics, clutter and piles of papers waiting to be processed from your bedroom.

● Let the chi flow free. Move things that are in the way, for example, that awkward bookcase you have to squeeze past to get to the cupboard.

Check out the buying and selling groups too – you might be able to pick up a couple of pieces cheaply that make all the difference for you. And you can sell them on when you leave.

TIP 3: COLOURS OF LOVE

A good shortcut is to listen to your body, not your mind. Even blind and colour-blind people respond physiologically to colour so if you’re not sure about something, you can close your eyes and feel into which colour works for you. It could be as simple as putting that red cushion out of sight and covering the bed with a sarong in your power colour.

As a quick intro, it helps to know that blue stimulates brain activity (good for your writing desk but not your pillow), yellow endocrinal and emotional activity (so avoid it if you’ve got too much to process) and green universal love - the most peaceful colour for both our eyes and our heart.

That’s why a view of rice fields or jungle gives us that “Aaaah” feeling. If you’re already saying grey is your favourite colour or that you don’t like blue, then I suggest you read my book.

TIP 4: ROOSTERS!!

Nobody said there would be roosters in paradise. If you can’t get away from the problem then you have two choices (sorry, roostercide is not a way to build a good relationship with your landlord or neighbours). Earplugs or zen. Either blot out the noise or convince yourself that you have something to gain by developing enough equanimity to cope with it.

Likewise with barking dogs, bright lights (eye mask or zen) and rumbling fridges (unplug them at night or go zen). When it comes to your neighbour who is

practicing bongo drums in the moonlight or the other one who likes to chant for hours, treat it as a chance to make new friends. Then point out how they could be more friendly themselves.

If you don’t want to go full Bali and start getting up before dawn (frankly not for me) then you’ll need the eye mask or safety pins to keep the curtains together when that dazzling sunrise gets going.

TIP 5: ADD JOY!

You came here to find something right? Or lose something. Or both. Whatever your reasons, a little joy can go a long way. It can be as simple as getting yourself a beautiful cup for your morning coffee. Or sticking up a page from a magazine that means something to you. At the supermarket you can buy cheap sketch pads and crayons – enjoy the liberation of not having to be cool and urbane anymore.

If you find the typical Balinese wooden sofas uncomfortable, how about cosying yours up with throws and cushions - in colours that make your heart sing. The tropical climate doesn’t need the usual Danish idea of hygge - fluffy blankets for warmth - but who wouldn’t want a sense of well-being and contentment in their home? A little loveliness can increase the love, so take some time to imagine what that means for you.

TIP 6: LOVE THE ENVIRONMENT

Lastly, but vitally, if you want your home to be a healing space for you, it’s worth thinking about what impact you might be having on the people and nature surrounding your home.

I’ve been kept awake by a neighbour leaving a bright terrace light on, leaving me huddled on one side of my bed to avoid it. And it hurts to see the stream by my house full of paint or rubbish, knowing that the local boys were fishing there the day before. In the west we are not used to the idea that what we put down the plughole goes straight into the public water system – but that’s often the case in Bali. Giving up detergent and shampoo four years ago has reduced that and saved me money too. It’s worth thinking about it – turns out a lot of what we believe about needing those products is just because of persuasive marketing.

Care for your home and your bit of paradise – and feel them care for you.

TOP TIP

Above all, remember you came here because you wanted something different. So when you’re frustrated that things are way more ambiguous than you’re used to, don’t get narky with Bali. Accept the rough with the smooth – if you want rice field views you might get damp, if you want to live in the jungle, then remember the mosquitoes and critters were there long before you. You’re the visitor in these parts.

Take a deep breath and remember these are just growing pains. With a few adjustments to your environment and your expectations, life in Bali really can be paradise.

FROM THE AUTHOR

I’m a Londoner who ditched a corporate life to make my home in Bali four years ago. Before creating my dream house here, I lived in rented accommodation with the usual challenges. My book “Your True Colors” is available on Amazon and other platforms: books2read.com/ CatherineShovlin

PrajnaTransformation Through self-inquiry.

BY AFI WIBISONO

“Typical wellness retreats are designed to be a quick fix, to keep you coming back,” says Scott, the founder of Prajna Bali. “What the Prajna team offers are programs to address each client’s challenges.”

Those feel-good dopamine hits you get from taking care of yourself on a wellness vacation can be great. But they’re often fleeting. Prajna provides tools to create lasting change with bespoke, one-on-one programs, for burnout, mild depression, anxiety and stress – issues that get in the way of you being your best self.

Ironically, anxiety is increasingly reported as a common by-product of aspirational wellness. In a global industry that targets women’s insecurities, wellness can become toxic. The concept is often hijacked to market the appeal of greater beauty, desirability, and status, and to portray conspicuous consumption and displays of wealth in a positive light. At Prajna, the goal is emotional, mental, physical and spiritual balance, thanks to a treatment program designed specifically for you.

Though imposing in presence, Scott is gentle in manner. This nononsense former addict with a penetrating gaze is Prajna Bali’s gatekeeper. He’s the first person any potential client will encounter on the journey to health, wellness and balance that Prajna guides you along. Following an in-depth interview – usually via a video call – if you’re serious about getting well, the team then decides if you’re a good fit. “At Prajna, we do not accept clients we don’t think we can help.”

Prajna has its roots in Prana Bali, a program that treats all forms of addictions.

‘Having seen, from personal experience, what rehab is like in the West, we wanted to create the antithesis of the cookie-cutter rehab business model that treats every addict with the same regime – a system with a success rate so appalling it stands at roughly five percent’.

Like Prana, Prajna Bali is a bespoke treatment program coordinated by a team of specialists, that serves one client at a time.

Ayurveda, Chinese medicine, yoga philosophy, self-investigation, asana, pranayama, meditation, yin yoga, and traditional Balinese healing, are among the modalities included in Prajna’s bespoke therapeutic programs

“Based on our observations and client feedback, we see what is starting to work, what resonates. After the first week, the client comes back to us and we discuss the program. It’s a collaborative process.”

As a journalist who’s spent years writing about the health and wellness industry, I’ve tried a lot of alternative therapies and wellness fads, met my fair share of charlatans, and some bona fide healers. I’ve come to Prajna after a relationship and business failure left me numb.

I don’t feel depressed in the clinical sense. I’ve simply lost my nerve. I chose the program from Prajna’s treatment options that best describes my current state: ennui, more commonly known as apathy. Or abject boredom.

“Untreated depression, anxiety, or ennui, the loss of a sense of purpose, will likely find its way to substance abuse, or other unhealthy behaviour. You can only sit in your discomfort for so long.” This, Scott says, was the impetus to create Prajna’s program, to address these issues before their sideeffects could take you down a slippery slope.

And so I start my trial program. At a villa north of Ubud, I’m greeted by a Balinese woman who brings me to a room overlooking rice paddies. She tells me to strip to my underwear and get on the table. For over an hour, I’m given what she calls a chakra-opening massage.

She presses into my body, focusing on unexpected places, under my arm, the back of my knee, often burping in the process. A few times, she leans over a spittoon to expel my impurities. I’ve never experienced anything quite like this. Almost immediately, I feel a lethargy leave my body. Later that night, I’m so energized it’s hard to doze off.

I return the following week and report my experience. “At first they don’t believe,” this fourth-generation Balinese healer says of the clients sent to her by Scott. “But then, when they sleep, they want to come back every day.” (Good sleep did eventually happen for me too.)

During this visit, I’m kneaded, twisted and rolled by a native German sage, led to focus on my breath, listen to my body internally. Her hands seem to land on me intuitively. I feel the tension of an old shoulder injury. Somehow, I recognize this knot as a need for control. She presses on my neck, the heart meridian, and I melt into a deeper state of relaxation. The pain in my shoulder starts to let go.

Prajna’s team is impressive.

Depending on what’s best for your needs, you might be treated by renowned acupuncturist Jon Win Lee, or Tjok Gede, a member of the Ubud royal family and one of Indonesia’s most respected homeopaths and holistic practitioners.

This is not a quick fix. Prajna’s treatment programs run from three to six weeks, or more, depending on your needs and budget. The focus is on health through meditation, yoga nidra, Theta breathing, and intentional movement. To know what the issues are, you’ll be guided to go inside yourself. To go deep. Selfinvestigation leads to self-love. Selflove leads to self-care. And self-care leads to health. Not another jade egg.

“What sets Prajna apart is that we help you to look within, at what makes you so uncomfortable. We offer windows into how that could change. And if our clients are willing, and able, we can help them set up a plan to escape samsara, the wheel of deluded existence.”

For more information, check out their website: www.prajnabali.com

Montessori’s answer to raising independent children

BY RAHIMA SAIKAL

I will say it shamelessly: One of the reasons I love living in Bali is because of our nanny.

Selfless, sweet, caring, kind, creative and loving are some words to describe her. My toddler whines: she is there with a snack. My toddler stumbles and trips: she is there to pick him up, kiss his ‘boo boo’ and cuddle him. My toddler decides he despises his favourite foods today: her patience is unmatched. In summary, she is a God send.

The Balinese love children. Often, at a café, the staff will pick up our toddler, whisk him around the vicinity, show him the inner workings of the cash register, and follow him while he traverses the steps for the 78th time. Honestly, childcare on this island is marvellous.

However, with all the one-on-one attention, are we allowing our children to gain a sense of independence? How do we foster a child’s sense of autonomy when a nanny waits for them hand and foot?

An intriguing Montessori-based concept I’d heard about was ‘practical life,’ which teaches children to care for themselves, others, and the environment through purposeful activity. It helps children develop motor control and coordination and cultivate independence and a sense of responsibility.

To understand this concept better and learn how it can be implemented in a place like Bali, where having a nanny is a primary method of childcare, I sat down with Jemina Villanueva, Vice President of Programs and Training of Cosmic Education Group, to chat.

“I think having a nanny in parts of Asia is something we should embrace wholeheartedly. It’s part of the culture. It gives families a different opportunity to connect with children because they have more time to be with the child

versus doing the chores and everything else. I think that ties in beautifully with practical life,” says Jemina.

Jemina explained that children, especially toddlers like to be given a choice.

“For toddlers to start fostering a sense of independence and an ‘I can do it myself’ attitude, it all begins with choice. They are individuals. Therefore, they want to choose”.

“With all the oneon-one attention, are we allowing our children to gain a sense of independence?

How do we foster a child’s sense of autonomy when a nanny waits for them hand and foot?”

She suggested offering your toddler two of everything and allowing them to choose what they want. For example, your toddler can choose what shoes to wear.

“Once they choose, it is a balance in terms of how much help a parent or nanny gives them in terms of execution. Too much help and the motivation to do it themselves is low. But if there isn’t enough help, it leads to intense frustration. There isn’t a magical formula; it’s all about trial and error”.

I didn’t know you could give toddlers choices without them burning the house down and spurring the start of World War 3, I joke.

“A concept we have in Montessori is called ‘freedom with limits’. How much freedom do you give a child, and if so, what limitations do we need to implement for that freedom to unfold beautifully? In this case, it’s two choices to begin with, increasing the choices over time as the child becomes a confident decision maker” explains Jemina.

Okay, so what about mealtime? I shudder.

“Well, it is simple: how much

involvement does your child have in preparing their meal? In most cases, if a child assists in the preparation, they’re more inclined to eat it. Allow your child to set their place at the table with a little fork, spoon, and plate. This will also teach your child it’s time to eat,” explains Jemina.

Makes sense. But look, I’ve witnessed our nanny at mealtimes. She just wants him to eat because a hungry child is a crying child, and don’t get me wrong, she does this out of pure love, and perhaps, at times, she wants to prove her value. But how do we get her on board to implement these practical life skills?

“I would have a conversation and ask the nanny to offer two choices to your child, which is how they can help your child become independent. It’s a shift in mindset,” answers Jemina.

However, let’s not put this all on the dear nanny. Mum and Dad need to set the centre stage and lead by example.

“If both parents are aligned in supporting independence within their child, it will make their child feel more empowered. That trickles down to the nanny through conversation and modelling,” says Jemina.

“For toddlers to start fostering a sense of independence and an ‘I can do it myself’ attitude, it all begins with choice. They are individuals. Therefore, they want to choose”.

“The more choices they have, the more they practice their identity, and that habit then blossoms over time”.

Truthfully, this all sounds great to me. A toddler who can begin to do things for himself? Sounds like a dream. When can he start making my coffee in the mornings? It sounds like the more opportunities we give him, the faster he will begin to learn to make independent decisions.

“Correct” confirms Jemina. “It’s really about building habits. The understanding of what is behind the habit will come in time. Still, it’s about repeating it… the more choices they have, the more they practice their identity and feel like they can make choices for themselves, and that habit then blossoms over time”.

I love my toddler dearly (even when he’s screaming bloody murder because the dog looked at him the wrong way), and if moving toward fostering a more independent child (and, therefore,

a confident and happy child) with the help of our wonderful nanny is what it takes to train him to make my morning coffee, I am in.

Jemina also reminds me that if I’m interested to immerse my boy more deeply into the empowering Montessori transformative learning experience, I can consider Guidepost Montessori AYANA Bali, located in Jimbaran within the AYANA Estate. Here, their new campus, inspired by the traditional Balinese house, offers children rich Balinese culture and nature while maintaining the unique Guidepost Montessori classroom. They offer a range of programs, from short-term camps to long-term kindergarten programs that cover the entire academic year. These are conducted in English and Mandarin by trained Montessori teachers. Here children are encouraged to think independently and interact deeply with the vibrant surroundings of the AYANA Estate.

Website: guidepost.id

Email: ayanabali@guidepost.id

WhatsApp: +62 812 3967 2804

Book a private tour: HERE

Join for their new campus Grand Opening on Saturday, July 6th: HERE

WELLNESS ACADEMY QUESTION THE NORM: WHAT EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT FEMALE HYGIENE PRODUCTS.

BY ALEXA SUMMERS

Choosing feminine hygiene products is a decision many women make routinely, often on autopilot. Most of us were given pads or tampons by our mothers when we were young. Apart from making a few minor adjustments, such as choosing a different brand based on factors like absorbency and comfort, we rarely bother to seriously consider the implications or alternatives to our choices. This was certainly the case for me. I never thought to question the pads I was using. I just trusted them to be the best and safest option out there.

When it comes to feminine hygiene, transparency has long been lacking. For generations, periods were rarely discussed because they were considered a social taboo. Companies have exploited this silence by refusing to inform women about the ingredients used in products that routinely touch the most intimate and sensitive parts of our bodies. This information is essential if we are to understand whether there are dangers associated with using the brands that line our supermarket shelves.

I spoke with Bali’s own award-winning menstrual health enterprise, Perfect Fit, to learn more about the issues with commercial pads as well as whether there were safer alternatives. To my surprise, I discovered that commercial pads, while widely used, contain a shocking range of chemicals and materials that can pose health risks.

Commercial pads contain Endocrine-disrupting chemicals (EDCs), which are substances that interfere with hormonal systems and potentially lead to adverse health effects. Some of the most common EDCs include phthalates, parabens, fragrances, organotins, triclosan, formaldehyde, PBDEs, OPFRs, and PFAS. These chemicals have been linked to skin irritation, allergic reactions, reproductive disorders, hormonal imbalances, and even cancer*.

To be honest, upon hearing all this, and even after reviewing some of the studies, I was skeptical. I had been using pads my entire life, and nothing bad had ever happened to me, outside of the occasional innocent itch. It seemed like fearmongering. Some of what I read did pique my interest, though. It made me realize there were some questions worth asking, and convinced me to dig deeper.

As is so often the case, it’s not that one side is right and the other is wrong. Rather, both are right under different circumstances.

The critical factor in determining whether a woman will be negatively affected by the chemicals in feminine hygiene products lies in understanding the concept of cumulative exposure and individual vulnerability. When certain chemicals interact with our bodies, their combined impact can be greater than the sum of their individual parts. This means that even if a single chemical is present at low levels and proven to be safe on its own, its effects may be amplified or altered when combined with other chemicals. That means it’s not just about the pads themselves, which may not cause harm alone, but the broader context of chemical exposure in our daily lives.

From the detergents we use to wash our clothes, to the plastic products we come into contact with, the environmental pollutants in our air and water, and even the food we eat, our bodies are constantly exposed to a myriad of chemicals. This exposure can compound over time and increase the potential health risks associated with individual products like pads, especially for those with sensitive skin or preexisting health conditions.

“Studies indicate that it takes on average astonishing 7 - 10 years (!) to diagnose thyroid disorders or endometriosis”.

I had assumed that I was not in the category of people who should be concerned about these things. After all, I’m healthy, right? The trouble is, we don’t often know that we have a preexisting health condition in its initial stages. The early signs can be small, and we are pros at ignoring our bodies cries for help. We shrug off rashes; we blame our boss for poor sleep. We are used to bloating and the occasional bad mood. We don’t understand that all of these may well be symptoms of hormonal imbalance.

If left unchecked these imbalances can snowball into serious problems such as thyroid disorders, endometriosis, or even infertility. Studies indicate that, on average, underlying medical conditions take an astonishing 7-10 years (!) to diagnose.

“The critical factor determining whether a woman will be negatively affected by the chemicals in feminine hygiene products lies in understanding the concepts of cumulative exposure and individual vulnerability”.

And what about the amount of time it might take, once you have a diagnosis, to find the right treatment?

After combing through the lists of early warning signs of hormonal imbalance, I recognized too many of them in myself. I began to see that bad things might, in fact, be happening to my body. They were just happening quietly, slowly. This discovery put my choices in a different light. If my body is more delicate than I once assumed, then I need to make better-informed choices.

So what now then? Perfect Fit helps to highlight that healthier alternatives to commercial pads do exist. Organic cotton pads, reusable cloth pads, menstrual cups, menstrual underwear, sea sponge tampons, and biodegradable pads and tampons offer chemical-free options that prioritize both health and sustainability.

Organic cotton pads are made from pesticide-free and chemical-free cotton or bamboo, providing a natural and gentle option for those concerned about chemical exposure. They might be bulkier than the ultra-thin slick pads I’m used to, but it seems a small price to pay for my healthy temple.

I also discovered reusable cloth pads or menstrual underwear. These are washable and can be used many times over. I must admit, they weren’t my favorite choice for Bali simply because I don’t have a washing machine. Back home, however, where I can do my own laundry they’ve become my products of choice.

Menstrual cups, made from silicone or rubber, are inserted into the vagina to collect menstrual flow and are typically free from harmful chemicals. When I use them, I try to be sure that the supplier is not cutting corners by choosing cheap raw materials. Storage in humid moldy Bali is also a concern for me.

I’m grateful to Perfect Fit for opening my eyes to what I’ve unknowingly been risking all these years. By providing period care and period-positive education, they help women and girls feel valued, supported, and heard, which makes them more likely to be engaged and productive at school and in the workplace. You may see their products starting to emerge on the shelves of many health stores, cafes, and supermarkets here in Bali. Kudos for your amazing work.

Learn more about Perfect Fit and shop their products here https://perfectfit.co.id

* Journal of Wound, Ostomy, and Continence Nursing in 2007, ”Irritant Dermatitis Secondary to Feminine Hygiene Products: A Review of the Literature

KEEP YOUR WITS ABOUT YOU

MWB Women Who Write

Join our free weekly writing meet ups. Aspiring writers, published authors, copywriting pros - come to improve your craft, learn from others, and push yourself creatively with surprising prompts and exercises.

Women Who Write Canggu Every Saturday 10.00 am

Women Who Write Ubud Every Monday 10.30 am

Women Who Write Online Every Friday 10.00 am

MWB Wine and Philosophy

Wine and Philosophy club is our quest for building character, deep awareness, and intellectual fulfilment. This is where we question societal, political, cultural trends, discuss the most disquieting concerns, raise the most controversial topics.

Join us for fun intelligent evenings. And no, you don’t HAVE to drink wine.

Join here

Stay sharp!

SURPRISE YOURSELF: EMPOWERMENT ON EIGHT WHEELS

Did you know our island is home to one of Asia’s most dynamic roller-skating communities? Founded in 2020, we spent the pandemic uplifting one another and safely providing hope, community, and personal empowerment at a time when those things were sparse, and the future felt uncertain.

COVER STORY

YOU ASK YOURSELF: IS THIS REALLY SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE DOING? YOUR AGE, PAST INJURIES AND LIFE RESPONSIBILITIES SILENTLY SCREAM AT YOU IN YOUR HEAD. YOU CONTINUE TO PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER. YOU MAY FALL AND FEEL AWKWARD AND DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START. BUT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THOSE FEELINGS IS A STRENGTH YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU HAD, A COMMUNITY THAT ACCEPTS YOU EXACTLY AS YOU ARE, AND A NEW SKILL THAT WILL ENDLESSLY SURPRISE YOU.

A SECRET WORLD REVEALS ITSELF AS YOUR SHOULDER BRUSHES PAST THE BAMBOO WALL. THE SOLID BEAT OF THE DISCO MUSIC AND GIDDY, GENUINE LAUGHTER DROWN OUT THE THOUGHTS YOU HAD JUST MOMENTS PRIOR. THE SQUEAK AND SKRRT OF WHEELS ON CONCRETE DRAW YOUR EYES DOWN TO THE FLOOR, NOTICING THAT MORE PEOPLE ARE ROLLING THAN WALKING. AS OTHERS AROUND YOU BEAM WITH JOY, YOU FEEL YOUR MOUTH PULLED INTO A SMILE, THOUGH YOU AREN’T ENTIRELY SURE WHY YET. DEEP BREATH. NEXT STEP. LET’S GO.

ROLLER SKATING IS A VEHICLE BY WHICH PEOPLE CAN SIMULTANEOUSLY DISCOVER AND EMPOWER THEIR BOLDEST PARTS AND AWAKEN THE SAME IN OTHERS SIMPLY BY SHARING THE EXPERIENCE. NO SHARED LANGUAGE, COMMON EXTERNAL INTERESTS, OR PREREQUISITES NEEDED –JUST A WILLINGNESS TO START, FAIL, TRY AGAIN, AND RECOGNISE THAT THE BRAVERY IN YOUR CHOICE ALSO EXISTS IN OTHERS.

MY NAME IS PERRY PIERCE, AKA IBU SKATE.

I AM A CO-DIRECTOR OF SKATERS WITHOUT BORDERS, A GLOBAL NON-PROFIT ORGANISATION MAKING ROLLER SKATING ACCESSIBLE AND ACCOUNTABLE WORLDWIDE, AND A FOUNDER OF SWB BALI, ONE OF THE MANY COMMUNITIES MADE POSSIBLE THROUGH THE GLOBAL NONPROFIT.

THE UNEXPECTEDLY INTIMATE AND BORDERLINE RITUALISTIC NATURE OF THE ROLLER SKATE

COMMUNITY IN GENERAL, BUT PARTICULARLY OF THE ONE WE HAVE BUILT ON THIS ISLAND, MUST BE EXPERIENCED TO BE BELIEVED.

INDIRA: “HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY TO WORK AND COLLABORATE WITH COOL BRANDS AND ARTISTS?! GIRLLL, LAST TIME I CHECKED, I WAS A REGULAR GIRL DOING REGULAR THINGS… AND NOW? ALL OF THIS!

AULIA: “IT HAS GIVEN ME A SPACE FOR CREATIVITY AND SELF-EXPRESSION THAT SHOWCASES MY SKILLS IN UNIQUE WAYS, AND I WILL FOREVER BE GRATEFUL FOR THAT.”

KARINA: “IT FELT LIKE MAGIC. IT FELT LIKE I WAS IN THE HAPPIEST PLACE EVER. THE SUPPORT YOU GET FROM YOUR SKATE HOMIES IS POWERFUL. NO MATTER YOUR LEVEL OR HOW LONG YOU POSTPONE YOUR JOURNEY, I HOPE PEOPLE CAN ALWAYS GO BACK—TO SHARE, EXPLORE, AND EDUCATE OTHERS KEEN TO LEARN. AS BALI’S FIRST INTERNATIONALLY SPONSORED ROLLER SKATER, I DREAM OF SHOWING THE WORLD THAT WE ARE HERE, TOO, THE ROLLER SKATERS OF ASIA. WE HAVE INTERESTING STORIES TO TELL.

INDIRA, AULIA, KARINA, AND MYSELF, PERRY, WOULD LOVE TO MEET YOU. ANYONE OF ANY AGE, ANY GENDER, AND ANY EXPERIENCE LEVEL WHO’S INSPIRED TO SKATE IS WELCOME AT SWB BALI’S EVENTS AND INTO OUR COMMUNITY.

YOU CAN FIND US EVERY TUESDAY AT LOCO BY NATURE IN CANGGU FROM 7 UNTIL 10PM, AND ON INSTAGRAM @SWB.BALI WHERE WE POST SKATE UPDATES FROM THE COMMUNITY, OUR EVENTS, AND ANY SPECIAL CLASSES OR WORKSHOPS COMING UP. WE CAN’T WAIT TO SKATE WITH YOU!