Keeping it Real

WRITTEN BY BLAIR FJESETH | PHOTOS THE FJSESETH FAMILY

We spent a glorious week in Hawaii for spring break this year. Our kids had never swum in the ocean before and this was our youngest’s first plane ride. We had been planning this trip since 2019, but thanks to #Covid, we delayed until this year. I decided beforehand that I was going all in on the “fun and engaged mom” version of myself on this trip. After the past few years, my children and husband deserved an undistracted and de-stressed version of me, and that was what I intended to give them.

What ended up transpiring, though, was much, much more. I gave them all of me and, in the middle of that, I found the very best of myself and real insight into the person I want to be more—all the time, not just on vacation.

Usually, I am the one to sit on the side of a lake or river, watching them splash, swim and have fun. I sit behind my lens as they live their lives, and I take on the burden of planning and executing “all things fun.” But this time, for a week, I let go. And here is what I found.

I took fewer photos. I usually take hundreds of pictures of my children doing any given activity, and on this trip, I spent an entire week in paradise and only took a whopping 160 photos. Here’s the kicker: What I didn’t take in photos, others did. That notion of “If I don’t document the moment, no one will” was utterly incorrect, and guess what? I’m finally in the photos. Imagine that. I had to give up control and the desire to document and be in the moment worth being documented.

I stopped caring about how my body looked in a swimsuit, what my face was like without makeup, and I embraced my usually fluffy hair that turned into an insane head of curls thanks to the humidity. I stopped caring, and that bred confidence. I know it’s unrealistic to keep that mindset in the work world, but I’ve learned that confidence is contagious and something I definitely want my kids to catch.

I took on PDA. You heard me – PDA. Public Displays of Affection. I’ve never been big on the mushy stuff in public with my spouse, but I intentionally reminded myself to grab his hand on walks, kiss him on the lips when a chance arose. And suddenly, I stopped needing reminders, and the natural desire to hug him and put my arm around his waist kicked in. Heck, I think I even slapped his tushy a time or two.

I learned a lot. It’s funny what happens when you put all the electronic distractions away or when your kid sees you watching them and not a screen; when they cuddle up to you at night rather than asking to watch a show. I saw my children in a different light, one not in the glow of an iPhone.

I laughed more than I have in years. I laughed because I was present. I laughed when the kids said, “Can we jump in the pool in our fancy clothes?” I said, “Heck yes!” and laughed because my soul needed to laugh uninhibited.

So, whether it’s Hawaii or Helena, I’ve learned to jump in. I know vacation isn’t the same as day-to-day reality, but within each of these lessons is a little piece of wisdom I can incorporate into the mundane to be a better person for my kids, spouse and myself.

Blair Fjeseth is a working professional and proud Montana mom. You can reach her at blairparker.inc@gmail.com. Follow her Instagram @blair_mt for more adventures.