Are All Kids Introverted?

WRITTEN BY JESSICA CARTWRIGHT

PHOTO MIKAELA OF WANDER BIRTH PHOTO

I think in some ways they are. We all need more decompression time than we tend to give ourselves credit for—kids included.

One definition of introversion is: “A person who prefers calm environments, limits social engagement, or embraces a greater-thanaverage preference for solitude.”

My daughter fits that definition to a T.

While I know my daughter is fairly sensitive, I also believe all kids are to some extent. We all need unplanned downtime. We all need refuges and calming environments to reset the nervous system. We all need to learn to be comfortable in our own company, and enjoy it even, so that we don’t have to turn to outside sources for validation or a sense of worthiness and fulfillment.

So as a mama to a now 6-year-old (!!) introvert and owner of a family yoga studio, here are some helpful things I’ve learned along the way that I believe can benefit all children, and especially the introverts in our lives:

Arrive early (this one is a killer for me).

As my daughter’s Montessori teacher informed me, shy kids don’t like all eyes on them when they walk in. They like to get there first, get a lay of the land and feel confident in their environment before being bombarded by a lot of other energy. (I am late to almost everything, so this has been a challenge for us, but I realize when we do this that my kiddo is less clingy because she feels more confident, so I really try to prioritize it when I can.)

• Regularly block off whole mornings or afternoons for unstructured downtime regularly.

• Spend time in nature without expectations – it’s so unbelievably grounding!

• Get friend time on your own, so you can fill up without draining your kiddo.

Know that sometimes you will push it too far.

When you do this, your child may melt down and freak out. It’s OK. There’s no exact science, and it happens. Over time we get better and better at setting up expectations and knowing what’s too much.

If you have big events, be sure to schedule plenty of downtime after.

When I say plenty of downtime I mean lots, so they can recover, let out any pent-up feelings or emotions and simply unwind (hello holidays and birthdays). Expect some meltdowns. Give extra cuddles.

Shut the curtains an hour before bedtime in the summer.

Create a cool, calming space. Run a diffuser with essential oils (I love orange and lavender or peppermint/ylang ylang in warmer months). This is something I find myself craving too, especially with the busyness of a Montana summer and wanting to do all the things during the never-ending days.

Create a cozy corner.

We did this when my daughter was around 2 and it has been a GAME changer. It’s a space in their room or somewhere in the house that they can fill with things that soothe them. Pillows, books, a cozy rug or blanket. Let them help set it up and explain this is a space just for them. When our daughter’s upset, she runs there to process and feel soothed. It’s pretty amazing.

Teach them how to name, express and move through their emotions.

There are so many ways to do this. In a kids’ yoga class, through a Time In Toolkit. We have these tools in our cozy corner so when she’s upset, she can point to the emotion she’s feeling, name it, then choose an activity to help move through it.

Honor their need for smaller interactions with friends.

Or know if you go to something with a bigger group, they will need extra attention and physical support from you to thrive and not feel super drained (this one can be hard for me). Again, get there earlier when you can.

Teach them boundaries. Early.

If they don’t feel good or safe around someone, honor that. If they need space, teach them to state it. Model and share with them how to ask for their needs. It matters.

Refrain from using the word sensitive.

Instead, I’m reframing it as strengths, i.e.: “To honor her strengths, we need lots of downtime.” Because being sensitive, as I hope we all know by now, is anything but a weakness and I don’t want her to have any negative connotations with it.

To be honest, every person’s nervous system needs these tools. So, let’s do it for ourselves and our kids by finding a better balance between giving and receiving, creating safe spaces to unwind for all of us, and raising a generation that has overflowing energy from self-awareness. We’ve got this!

Jessica Cartwright is a mama, birth doula and co-founder of Our Yoga, Yoga for The Whole Family. She is a certified yoga instructor who specializes in prenatal, postpartum and baby yoga. She is also a featured writer for Elephant Journal, So Much Yoga and BOHO Daily.