Montana Woman Magazine, Issue No. 8, September/October 2020

$5.00

montana woman m a g a z i n e

ISSUE NO 8, SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020: CHRISTINA Z. ANDERSON / LEARNING & EDUCATION

DUSK ON THE RIVER | OIL ON CANVAS. MEGAN CRAWFORD

another autumn— the year’s golden hour. for such a fleeting glimpse, everything is bathed in honey. wheat moves in veils of haze— mornings are welcomed with a familiar grey fog— evenings are marked by the stars, their multitudes. the slow drip of rain in the night, on the roof, again & again.

—M

table of contents VIGNETTES |

11

A FALLING IN

one loaf broken

24

THE MIND OF A COWBOY

what goes on inside the mind of a cowboy?

FOOD & SPIRITS |

12

APPLE BUTTER SPICE CUPCAKES

a delicious treat for a cozy afternoon

18

FINE & DANDY

a craving of curiosity

ART & DESIGN |

20

WILD FORAGE

cross stitch for the new season

26

CALL FOR ART

make (more) good

4

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38

all that & a bag of doritos: christina z. anderson and the impact of imperfect paths

52 two bear farm: getting dirt under my fingernails

LIFE |

60

ON HAPPINESS IN A DARK TIME

combating negativity bias

64

DO YOUR BEST

a mother’s note on starting school

66

MINDFULNESS MATTERS

moving in the direction of connection

72

THE SCHOOL OF LIFE

use your voice

78

KEEP YOUR KUDOS

learning to accept compliments

WELLNESS |

82

LEVITATION NATION

finding your best self & highest potential

86

KALISPELL REGIONAL

gaining control through women’s health

EDITOR'S DESK |

74

NOT YOUR BABE

lessons in being a woman in charge

88

A RETROSPECTIVE ON RISK

one year later

THE GOLDEN HOUR OF THE LARCH, FOREST SERVICE ROAD #36 | MEGAN CRAWFORD mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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montana woman

OWNER & EDITOR

megan crawford

Montana Woman is a platform. It’s a place to celebrate our achievements, a place to support each other, a place to acknowledge the resilience of the women of this state. It doesn’t necessarily matter where you’re from, you’re here now. In all of your loudness, your boldness, your fearlessness— you are here.

We’re here, together.

We publish a statewide magazine every other month that features women across Montana— the movers and shakers, the go-getters, the rule-breakers, the risk-takers. We all have a story to tell.

CREATIVE DIRECTOR

megan crawford

BUSINESS MANAGER

carrie crawford

Montana Woman Magazine as you know it began in October 2019.

Right out of the gate with photographer Alexis Pike as the first cover feature— clad in fringe pants and a motorcycle helmet in a Bozeman alleyway— we’ve always been authentically ourselves.

We believe in showing up as you are. You don’t need to change who you are to have a seat at the table. No matter your age, your identity, your hometown, you are welcome here. We believe in creating a publication that’s worth reading because we have stories worth telling.

ADVERTISING

carrie crawford elaine nabors kelsey merritt megan crawford PHOTOGRAPHERS

BACK COVER

megan crawford jesslyn marie chloe nostrant kelsey merritt

megan crawford WILD YARROW

EDITING DEPARTMENT

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2019 select back cover prints are avail able at meganlcrawford . com / shop

PUBLIC REL ATIONS

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ADVERTISING, DISTRIBUTION, & SUBMISSIONS

Contact the editor at info@montanawoman.com or (406)260-1299. Submissions are not accepted through the phone, postal service, or social media.

Montana Woman is a registered trademark and may not be used without permission. The information contained in this magazine is provided as is. Neither Montana Woman or the publisher make any representation or warranty with respect to this magazine or the contents thereof and do hereby disclaim all express and implied warranties to the fullest extent permitted by law.

Montana Woman and the publisher do not endorse any

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individuals, companies, products, services, or views featured or advertised in this magazine. ©2020 Montana Woman. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be produced without written permission from the editor.

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letter from the editor —

I cried on the last day of 3rd grade. Not tears of joy for school being done and the long-awaited summer vacation beginning, but because school was done. I distinctly remember holding onto my teacher, Mrs. Desimone, sobbing. Sobbing. To the point where my mom had to convince me to leave.

Needless to say, I’ve always been an academic at heart.

So, if I cried on the last day of 3rd grade, you can imagine what my last semester of college was like. I was a top-notch mess, firmly at the “crying into my dirty darkroom apron” level. But, even if I wasn’t the kid that always dreaded the last day of school, I’m sure I would have felt the same way.

After all, over 80% of my life was centered on school (and that might as well bump up to 100% since I don’t really remember my life before the age of four).

All I knew was being a student, which is why my college graduation made me feel like I was standing at the precipice of an abyss. I’d spent years working toward becoming a photographer, but how does that happen outside of a classroom?

What happens when you’re out there?

The beauty of learning is that the classroom isn’t necessary. Yes, I absolutely learned things in college that I wouldn’t have learned on my own.

But, I’ve also learned a lot outside of academia.

I started teaching alternative process workshops at Photographer’s Formulary in 2017, the same year I graduated. Granted, I started out as a teaching assistant, but y’all. Educators and instructors can confirm that being the one in charge is a totally different game.

For one, the workshops are packed into 5-day segments. You don’t have a semester to cover as many details as possible, you just have to rip the whole thing off like a bandaid. I’m also usually the youngest person in the room, which was an adjustment. How exactly do you assert authority when you’re the youngest person in the room? What do you do when your students

have more experience in the field than you’ve had years on earth?

Running a magazine has come with more than its fair share of an education. But every bit of it has been so important— running a business, asserting authority, learning the inner workings of publishing, even just saying what you mean in an email.

Throughout 2020, we’ve had a fair share of unconventional education. From distance learning to educating ourselves on how deepseated racism is in the United States, we’ve all become students. Learning is not limited to four walls or that 80% of your early life. We can learn anything anywhere.

One of my first experiences at MSU was a field geology class out in Yellowstone in 2013. Do I remember the chemical makeup of the Paint Pots or which rocks are from the Precambrian Era? No (but sometimes I wish I did), but I remember how magical it felt to learn in the field. The hands-on, “hike while you take notes” learning. That’s what drew me into alt process— the byproduct of your learning isn’t necessarily theorems and abstracts; it’s a physical, real thing that you were part of from start to finish (this is also why algebra was never my subject).

Learning can come from a podcast, a conversation, a boulder in a glacial field in Yellowstone. You are never too young or too old to learn something new. You can learn in a 200-person lecture hall, and you can learn out in the backcountry. There is no wrong way to be a student, no one way to teach— you just have to be present.

mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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contributors KELSEY MERRITT

SYDNEY MUNTEANU

STEPHANIE EVANS

CARRIE CRAWFORD

CHLOE NOSTRANT

NICOLE DUNN

we all have a story to tell.

MEAGAN SCHMOLL

LAUREN WILCOX

8

SARAH HARDING

JULIE KUNEN

AUTUMN TOENNIS

JESSLYN MARIE

KRIS SELL

MINDY COCHRAN PHOTO BY KIRALEE JONES

m o nt a n a w o ma n ma g a zi ne | is s ue 8

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behind the cover

COVER MUSE christina z. anderson PHOTOGRAPHER kelsey merritt LOCATION bozeman, mt ORIGINAL SALT PRINT megan crawford

read about christina z. anderson on page 38 mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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COMING TO COLUMBIA FALLS OCTOBER 2020 formerly Glacier Wallflower

Creating inspired floral experiences for our clients in the Glacier Park area & beyond

11 S CENTRAL AVE. CUT BANK, MT 527 NUCLEUS AVE. COLUMBIA FALLS, MT (406) 873-2206 Let the wonder of lush florals and greens and unexpected finds delight you.

WWW.ROSEPETALMT.COM | @ROSEPETALMT

| VIGNETTE

A Falling In In the third week, I decide to become an expert in bread— this, after having baked one loaf. It appears like the elegant coils of a bundled-up reptile, brown-topped— N. knocks a knuckle, breaks the edge and it steams as if from an underground hot spring, uncovered. This, after the flour on my heirloom apron and yeast— we have been circling each other, me & yeast, like wary coyotes— this, after it doubles, a great swell under oiled tea towel, sun drawn through the lime bowl; this, after I wait out the afternoon as though coercing a child; this, after the bake-shop smell in my hair.

One loaf broken, cratered with butter.

A power.

IMAGE BY ALEXANDRA KIKOT

Autumn Toennis

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FOOD & SPIRITS |

apple butter spice cupcakes

BY L AUREN WILCOX

s

ne of the many times I was craving baked goods in college, I came up with this cupcake idea using a box of Betty Crocker spice cake. The recipe has gotten a bit more sophisticated with age, but using a box cake is still a perfectly acceptable way to try this out. I highly recommend you still make your frosting from scratch since homemade frosting has a special decadence you simply cannot get from the store. This recipe will make approximately 15 cupcakes— I made 12 cupcakes and 2 mini bundt cakes.

CUPCAKE INGREDIENTS 1 ½ cup cake flour ¾ teaspoon baking powder ½ teaspoon baking soda ¼ teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon cinnamon ½ teaspoon ground ginger ½ teaspoon ground nutmeg ¼ teaspoon ground cloves

½ cup softened unsalted butter ¾ cup packed brown sugar ¼ cup white sugar 2 large eggs 2 tsp vanilla extract ⅓ cup buttermilk ⅓ cup sour cream ¼ cup apple butter

CREAM CHEESE FROSTING INGREDIENTS ⅓ cup softened unsalted butter 8 oz of cream cheese 3 cups of powdered sugar 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

temp: 350˚F

bake: 16-18 min

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FILL CUPCAKE WRAPPERS ONE THIRD FULL WITH BATTER. MEASURE APPROXIMATELY ONE HALF TEASPOON OF APPLE BUTTER & ADD IT TO THE CENTER OF THE CUPCAKE BATTER.

POUR MORE BATTER ON TOP UNTIL THE LINER IS TWO THIRDS FULL.

apple butter spice cupcakes temp: 350˚F

BY L AUREN WILCOX

bake: 16-18 min

for the cupcakes

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and line a cupcake pan.

2. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and cloves. When fully incorporated, set aside.

3. In a large bowl (or bowl of a stand mixer), mix the butter and both sugars, beating it until it’s light and fluffy.

4. One at a time, beat the eggs into the mixture then add the vanilla extract.

5. In a small bowl, mix together the buttermilk and sour cream.

6. Using a hand or stand mixer, mix ⅓ of the flour mixture into the sugar mixture.

Next mix in ⅓ of the buttermilk mixture. Scrape sides of the bowl as necessary.

Repeat until you have used all of the flour and buttermilk mixtures.

7. Fill cupcake wrappers ⅓ full with the cupcake batter. Measure approximately ½ teaspoon of apple butter and add it to the center of the cupcake batter, gently spreading it out. Pour more cupcake batter on top until the liner is ⅔ full.

8. Bake for 16-18 minutes on the middle rack of your oven. The tops of the cupcakes should be light brown, and a toothpick should come out clean.

for the frosting

1. Beat together the cream cheese and butter to a creamy lump-free consistency.

2. Add the vanilla extract and beat to combine.

3. One cup at a time, add the powdered sugar and beat until fully incorporated.

4. Frost your cupcakes with a knife, frosting bag and tip, or even a zip lock bag— technique doesn't matter! mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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always something special

M O N TA N A’ S C O M P L E T E F U R N I T U R E & D E S I G N R E TA I L E R S I N C E 1 9 76 It’s no accident that Wright’s Furniture in Whitefish has become a favorite destination for home furnishings and accents. Since the first family members opened the business doors in 1976, Wright’s Furniture has focused on providing competitive prices backed by service and highly knowledgeable staff. Now, the third generation of the Wright family is active in the business.

Wright’s Furniture provides endless variety, carrying product lines from hundreds of manufacturers, plus specialty furniture, accents, and art from local artisans and craftspeople. With over 60,000 square feet of combined showroom and warehouse space, a vast display area is provided, allowing more floor settings to view in search of design ideas. Prices range from low to high and “Apples to Apples,” Wright’s guarantees the lowest price within 250 miles. To further extend their commitment to satisfaction, Wright’s “Satisfy the Customer” policy is unparalleled, allowing the return of items immediately after delivery if not happy with the selected product.

Ready to serve with 25 caring employees, Wright’s Furniture is open 7 days a week.

Wright’s offers in-house design services, product specialists, special orders, service repair, and free delivery for trips less than 100 miles round trip.

The Wright’s welcome you to stop by at 6325 Highway 93 South in Whitefish and explore their unique and interesting selections as so many people have done for three generations. Wright’s Furniture, Montana’s Complete Furniture and Design Retailer since 1976.

Adhering to social distancing guidelines. Appointments Recommended. Capacity is limited.

The health & safety of our customers, staff and community continues to be our top priority.

6 3 25 H I G H WAY 93 S O U T H , W H I T E F I S H M T 4 06-862-24 5 5 | wrightsfurniturestore.com

FREE DELIVERY & FREE DESIGN SERVICES

FOOD & SPIRITS |

fine & dandy

BY MEAGAN SCHMOLL

What was it I heard before all of this happened? The swish-snap-swish of something swinging through the trees, drops of rain hitting leaves and the damp earth. What was it I smelled? Barrels, brick, age, roasted nuts, heat rising off of tropical fruit. What was it I felt? A taste of history infused in turmoil, imbalance, joy, love, cruelty, and a generalized lust for power? Was that a buzz of magic shimmering in a haze of smoke? Faeries?

Looking down at the glass from which I had just sipped, my mind and thoughts came back to the present and the cocktail in hand. My love for these ingredients deepens, and a thirst for a greater understanding of how they are made is heightened. Spirits, flavors, ingredients, and how they interact together, for me, is a book of mysteries waiting to be unraveled.

Their history and lore are my passion and have become a bottomless, sometimes blurry, tankard of continued learning and delicious education. May this concoction create a craving of curiosity as it moves over your tastebuds.

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ingredients —

method —

2 parts banana infused Oloroso Sherry* 1 part unfiltered applejuice 0.75 parts raw unfiltered honey syrup (2:1)* 0.5 part lemon 0.25 parts Single Malt Scotch

Add all ingredients into your mixing tin, then add ice.

Shake until well chilled and strain into a fancy glass.

Garnish with a slice of banana.

* banana

infused oloroso sherry —

1 500ml Bodega Yuste Oloroso Sherry 1 ripe banana Combine the banana and sherry in a blender or Cuisinart of sorts. Blend ingredients until smooth, then strain through a fine-mesh strainer or cheesecloth.

Bottle and refrigerate. I enjoy it best after it has sat in the fridge overnight or longer; however, it is usable directly after straining.

* raw unfiltered honey syrup — 2 Parts raw unfiltered honey 1 Part warm water Combine honey & water, stir until smooth

peat — The grains used to make Scotch are dried over a fire made with Peat Moss that grows abundantly in Scotland and is more accessible to burn than wood. The smoke from this fire contributes to the smoky characteristic, or peat, that Scotch is known for. Although a Single Malt Scotch is grand to have in the homebar, when working within a budget, miniatures are available.

MEAGAN SCHMOLL is the owner and creator of Raskol Drink, a Cocktail Creation and Spirits Education resource designed to expand your knowledge and bar around the curios thirst of history, lore, and spirited adventures that make up the ingredients in your drink. raskoldrink.com mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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ART & DESIGN |

Wild forage

BY MEGAN CRAWFORD

Growing up, summer was always my favorite season— no school, long days spent at the beach, constructing elaborate box forts. But, of course, summer doesn’t always stay as a vacation, carefree season. While I do love swimming in a cool river on a sweltering day and having meals from the garden, the cool air of autumn is a lot more inviting than the stifling heat I’m currently writing in.

You can still get out and hike (cooler weather and fewer crowds make up for the increase in potentially coming across a pre-hibernation bear), you can comfortably wear sweaters and boots, and for a few wonderful weeks (or days), everything is made of gold. It’s akin to the lilac blooms in the spring and the canola fields in the summer, but without the extra layers of SPF 70.

The end of the year has always been cozy, but it’s different this year. Most of us have already been in our homes a lot— there isn’t the same rush to cozy up the house (if you’re like me, you’ve been working from home cloaked in various blankets for a hot minute). I’ve already burned through my supply of candles, I’ve already worn my autumn sweaters well before the pumpkin flavored coffee creamers are out on the shelves.

But, the oddly beautiful part of it all, is that there’s a new sense of home. There’s a new appreciation for our wild spaces in Montana— how easy it is 20

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to get out and hike, go berry picking, or just have a coffee out in the fresh air.

This issue’s pattern is inspired by a good ole autumn forest, plus some strawberries because our crop was especially good this year. If you’ve run out of hobbies or crafts in quarantine, take this as an opportunity to pick up cross stitch. You can substitute colors for what you have on hand, you can just stitch a bunch of tiny acorns and berries— you can make what you want.

If you’re looking for kid-friendly cross stitch options, you can use peg board or a lower count fabric and a larger plastic needle. DMC also has a huge selection of free patterns on their website for cross stitch, embroidery, and knitting. There’s also a craft section that has tons of different step-by-step guides across levels, from friendship bracelets to entry-level Sashiko, which I’ll be using on a favorite denim shirt that now has two well-worn holes in the elbows. Basically, take this as a go-ahead for doing something crafty. Send a friendship bracelet to someone you haven’t been able to see this year, paint a terra cotta pot for one of your plants, repair well-loved clothes to give them new life— whatever makes you happy.

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montanawoman.com/shop/cross-stitch-8

back issues can be purchased at: montanawoman.com/shop/septoct-2020 2

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supplies

◌ size: 98w x 98h, roughly 5 1/2˝w x 5 1/2˝h ◌ cloth: fiddler’s cloth, 18 count ◌ 2 strands for main stitch, 1 strand for backstitch

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Copy of Autumn stitch - Page 2

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dmc thread

◌ embroidery floss, 1 skein per color ◌ 18 count Aida (or whatever count you prefer) ◌ 6˝ embroidery hoop at the smallest ◌ needle & scissors

specs

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the

Leave No Trace Seven Principles

1. Plan ahead and prepare 2. Travel & camp on durable surfaces 3. Dispose of waste properly 4. Leave what you find 5. Minimize campfire impacts 6. Respect wildlife 7. Be considerate of other visitors IMAGE BY SHELBY DEETER

© 1999 by the Leave No Trace Center for Outdoor Ethics: www.LNT.org.

™

VIGNETTE |

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m o nt a n a w o ma n ma g a zi ne | is s ue 8

the mind of a cowboy

BY CHLOE NOSTRANT

What goes on inside the mind of a cowboy? The one with the green boots and a handlebar mustache. The one who hauls his horses across the border to pick up rodeos.

What goes on inside the mind of a cowboy? The one in the black and white chaps and palm leaf hat. The one who brings the bucking horses to the gate.

What goes on inside the mind of a cowboy? The one who takes you out for biscuits and gravy in the morning. The one who swats mosquitos off your sunburnt shoulders.

What goes on inside the mind of a cowboy? The one who has a way with words but can’t seem to understand ‘no.’ The one who leaves when the ride is over.

What goes on inside the mind of a cowboy? I think it’s best if I never know.

CHLOE NOSTRANT is a writer, photographer, and artist (among other things) from Livingston, Montana. Finding stories in Montana’s vast landscapes, winding rivers, and saloons, she pulls inspiration from the characters born of these circumstances. Curious with how a place dictates the people, she travels around Montana and the American West documenting its people and places (and fishing its streams).

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ART & DESIGN |

make good (more)

CURATED BY MEGAN CRAWFORD

In our last issue, I featured a Call for Art— I was only able to fit 10 artists into that issue, but there were so many beautiful submissions across creative practices and states that we’re doing a second installment.

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IMAGE BY PRISCILLA DU PREEZ

At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can.

FRIDA KAHLO

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sophia

george

georgesophiae.com @georgesophiae

Smelling colors. This past Thursday, I wore a bright yellow dress with yellow earrings because the world outside just smelled like the color yellow. Quarantine in Montana has felt a lot like smelling colors— sitting outside, walking on trails with friends, listening to birdsongs, touching leaves and flower petals.Â

LEFT: Your Body is Made of Light and Your Footsteps are Permanent; watercolor RIGHT: Looking Up; jacquard weave

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ching fu

I’ve been making earrings out of used bullet casings I’ve collected from our public lands. As an outdoor enthusiast and someone who lives on the road full-time, I spend the majority of my time in our national forests across the country, where I pick up a lot of bullet casings that have been left behind as litter. Instead of just throwing them into the trash, I repurpose them. Each pair of earrings is individually created and naturally patina by me. The fact that they’re bullet casings has no significance, but the earrings themselves are a reminder of how important it is to practice leave no trace and the dire situation our public lands are in.

livesmallridefree.comviridian-range @viridianrange

Making these earrings during quarantine has given me another outlet to give back to one of the things that means the most to me— protecting our public lands. Our national forests, national parks, Bureau of Land Management, and all other forms of public lands are so invaluable. I stand strong with the fight to keep them preserved and protected. That’s why I also donate 1% of all my profits to outdoor conservation organizations. It’s currently not much, but it’s something as I start to transform this hobby into a small business.

Sharing these earrings with others has also given me the opportunity to connect with other people who are as deeply drawn into our wilderness and given me a voice to bring awareness to the issues our public lands are facing.

These earrings have been a conversation starter, and it’s my hope that they continue to be every time they’re worn, along with a reminder of how everything we do makes an impact.

mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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hailey

schofield

wildmountainink.com @wildmountainink

During this time of isolation, creating has been the one thing that the external world cannot take away. Business and schools may close, jobs may be lost, friendships strained by distance, but my art and creativity will always be here.

Creating gives me the sense of calm, happiness, and reminds me of all the good in the world.

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kaya

fireandthemoon.com @fireandthemoon

juda-nelson I started learning silversmithing last November and been selftaught. I’ve watched countless YouTubes, combed through other silversmith’s Instagram stories to pick up on techniques, and learned through a whole lot of trial and error. I was laid off from my bartending job at a cider taproom in Missoula in early March, so I really began diving deeper into making jewelry.

It has been incredible to have a creative space to channel both my anxiety and stress and confusion and grief at what is happening in the world, as well my gratitude and love and hope at how much beauty and community and joy is still around us.

All in all, I’ve been strangely grateful for this time being laid off, because it has allowed me to fully delve into this craft and have so much creative playtime!

natalee

allyn

nataleeallyn.wixsite.com/nataleeallyndesign @nat_allyn

This series of photos, titled “Isolation,” was taken around my home just outside of downtown Portland, OR. It was the first time my husband and I left our house after we had made the abrupt shift to a life in quarantine the week before. It was Portland in March, so rain was constant, but we got lucky with some rare sunlight and decided to take a walk down to a nearby park. What started as a sunny day quickly turned into a mad-dash back to the sanctuary of our home with rain and hail on our heels.

Film photography as a medium itself forces one to slow down, take in their surroundings, and judge what you’ll take from a scene. During quarantine, this practice really helped me find perspective and appreciate how fortunate we are. We have a home, we have each other, and we can afford to make dinner every night. Many don’t have access to these basic needs. It is my hope that these photos will remind us all to appreciate what we have and look to help those that have less, especially in these trying times.

Born and raised in Miles City, MT on a ranch, I currently live in Portland, OR with my husband and our two cats.

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@lauren.marie.creates

I have always been a very creative person, but have struggled prioritizing and fitting it into my hectic daily life. The pandemic we are experiencing has made many of us take a step back from our normal routine and forced us to make some changes. For me, the last few months have been the perfect time to dive head first into all of the creative opportunities and projects I could think of. I am more creatively fulfilled than I have been in years and I’m going to keep up with this trend—It feels amazing.

lauren

wilcox

The projects I have worked on cover a wide variety of creative outlets, from finishing up a cross stitch of my friend’s dog Penny to learning how to make polymer clay earrings. These projects have also spilled over into the kitchen, where I have learned how to make a sourdough bread starter, baked a few cakes, and have perfected a French Macaron recipe.

I believe these outlets have helped many of us cope with the uncertainty coming from a variety of changes in our day to day lives. It has been so inspiring to watch many other Montana women on their own creative journeys!

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cassie loretta

smith

cassielorettasmith.com @cassie.loretta.smith

All of these pieces were made for a First Friday art show at The Dram Shop in Missoula, Montana.

First Friday is an event in Missoula on the first Friday of each month, where businesses allow artists to display there work in their stores, and friends gather and walk from store to store to see new artwork.

My First Friday was scheduled for May. We were still locked down, so I knew the show wouldn’t get the normal response. There wouldn’t be friends gathering, checking out artwork together, and drinking a beer or two. To my pleasant surprise, the show has been a huge success! Over half of the pieces have sold. I am super grateful for the response.

Creating these pieces during quarantine was a wonderful experience. Pre-quarantine, I was used to bartending 4 days a week and spending my free time making new work. During quarantine, I allotted the time I used to spend serving drinks, to instead make art. At the end of each day, instead of working some more, I was able to relax and cook nice full meals and go on walks with my sweetheart. It gave me a glimpse into my dream of becoming a fulltime artist. It was a beautiful experience, and I feel certain now that I have a reason to keep working toward my dream career.

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katherine

seessel threadandshreddesigns.com @threadandshreddesigns

My name is Katherine Seessel, and I have been doing a lot of making and listening to a lot of podcasts lately. I’ve been making hand-crocheted necklaces using semi-precious gemstones. I actually just started a website for them and called it Thread and Shred Designs. They have been super duper therapeutic for me lately and provide a really good way for me to be productive inside rather than just staring at one screen or another. I have sucked away hours sitting at my little desk designing, threading beads, and making these necklaces. I am currently on my gap year between high school and starting college this fall in Colorado (hopefully in person!). I was supposed to be traveling in Europe from early February all the way through June, and I brought some necklacemaking supplies so that I could sell them along the way. Then I got sent home in March, and I got incredibly invested in turning this little hobby into a real thing!

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cristi

day

kitchi-gami.com

My garden became my covid-19 project. Determined to grow vegetables and flowers for the duration. I planted 3 raised beds with vegetables, then dug a fourth bed for more vegetables.

This became bigger than me. The garden overtook my soul. My heartbeat was the garden. Every day I went into the garden and left a little bit behind. My worry. My sadness. Then left with peacefulness in my soul. A calmness in my heart.

The help my garden gave me mentally, spiritually, and physically cannot be measured.

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oliviamoonart.com @olivia.moon.art

olivia

moon

During this quarantine, I painted a 12x12 inch painting of cattle and a 24x36 inch painting of the Blasdel barn. Painting during this time reminded me to focus on the beauty Montana life and history has to offer. I started the Blasdel barn painting just a few days before finding out there’s a possibility of it being torn down.

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| FEATURE

ALLIGATOR RIDE, CHRISTINA Z. ANDERSON GUM BICHROMATE

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Wabi-sabi? Maybe she meant to say wasabi, but that doesn’t make sense.

Nope, wabi-sabi: the Japanese view of beauty in imperfection— literally the art of imperfection.

I first learned about wabi-sabi in a photography darkroom at Montana State University, standing by a tray of chemistry that wafted a pungent scent of ammonia. It was also the first time that I felt like I could totally mess up and it would be okay.

I could botch a print, ruin it to oblivion, but it would still hold merit, and I would be just fine.

It was in Christina Z. Anderson’s Experimental Darkroom class that I learned about wabi-sabi, which she learned from her grad school mentor at Clemson, Sam Wang. Her classes transformed my entire creative process, and they also arguably altered the course of my life (this sounds melodramatic, but it’s in earnest). I learned about magazine design from her, I was able to be an assistant (and now an instructor) at Photographer’s Formulary (a chemistry supply warehouse & workshop hub, set on the outskirts of Montana’s Bob Marshall) because she put in a good word for me. As soon as I took her Experimental class, I knew this was it— this is my niche as a photographer.

As a student (and now as a general human being), that kind of mentorship is absolutely, 100%, entirely priceless. It’s not something I anticipated when I applied to MSU— I didn’t even know that alternative process photography was a thing.

I remember the first time I met Chris Anderson— I had my gate project in hand, the one that determines whether you continue through the program after your first year or not. I mainly remember her office: the white wicker furniture, a slew of prints adorned to the walls, and books.

A whole assortment of books. I also remember being nervous as hell, because at this point, I 40

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knew who she was, and I was just a sweaty-withnerves freshman. I honestly don’t even remember what she said about my work (sorry, Chris), but I remember that I didn’t feel like I was “just a student.” I don’t know if it was the wicker or her slight midwestern accent, but the level of sweatywith-nerves dropped a few notches. Because, despite being a world-renowned author and alt process photographer, she never acted like it— I distinctly remember times when she would humbly shrug off her number of publications. I never felt like I wasn’t good enough to be in one of her classes or sign up for another office hour with a slew of questions or email her about the dumb printing mistakes I made (for clarity, I can say that my mistakes were dumb because they genuinely were, and yet Chris always took the time to answer them).

Going into this interview, I’m sent right back to that day freshman year— the good ole nervous sweat and shaky hands. Even though we’re now colleagues, it’s still nerve-wracking to do an interview (especially when the interviewee’s résumé is longer than you are tall). While we couldn’t meet in person, I still poured myself a coffee mug of wine for posterity’s sake.

Little did I know that there would be so many things I needed to hear in this interview— it was like a bright neon sign showing me what I needed to hear or a warm hug— familiar, like I was back in her office, sitting in a white wicker chair.

There is no guidebook for life. As much as humans love to have everything neat and tidy, life doesn’t work that way. We love to think that the timeline goes from childhood to school to college to career to family to retirement, but the timeline is nonlinear. There is no one way to get from A to B to C, and usually, you end up going from A to J to W to B instead.

With 115 shows, 13 books, 40 publications, and multiple degrees under her belt, Chris Anderson is a prime example of living life as it happens.

ANDERSON IN THE MSU PHOTO LAB, KELLY GORHAM

When I met Anderson in 2013, her third selfpublished book, Gum Printing and Other Amazing Contact Printing Processes, was released that year.

As a freshman, I didn’t know that the 336-page textbook was a self-published project from cover to cover.

“You don’t know what you’re going to do, but you have to have a passion,” Anderson assures.

Our conversation felt like a telling of the Butterfly Effect— the theory that every seemingly small decision creates a larger, lasting impact. That one seemingly small pebble, plunked into the shallow shoreline, would create a storm on the other end of the lake.

The youngest of eight, Anderson grew up in an eclectic home in Baltimore, with an artist for a mother and a scientist for a father. Her family life is evidenced in one of her bodies of work, Family of Origin, which captures the odd American vernacular of the midcentury— an

understood storytelling, no matter your age or hometown. Narrowed down from a daily archive of 120,000 negatives, most of which were marred by mold, Family of Origin is primarily done in gum bichromate, a 19th-century color printing process. The altered negatives, whether from mold or age, lend themselves to the malleable palette of gum prints. From lake blues to tomato reds to sunflower yellows, the prints are like a memory— almost as it were, but heightened by your own altered perception.

But, while gum bichromate is now a cornerstone of Anderson’s repertoire, photography wasn’t always. Initially studying painting at the University of Minnesota in the early 70s, Anderson focused on the more “traditional” arts. Relaying back to the notion that there’s no linear timeline, Anderson began her studies in Minnesota before she graduated high school to be closer to her soon-to-be husband, Tom Anderson, who was attending law school. In 1974, with the birth of their first child, Chris pivoted her degree from Art to French to better balance academia and motherhood. mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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GIRLFRIENDS, CHRISTINA Z. ANDERSON. GUM BICHROMATE

Graduating in 1979 with a degree in French summa cum laude and three kids in tow, the Andersons moved to Hawaii from Minnesota for a year. When they headed back to northern Minnesota, Anderson took on the role of a stayat-home mom till the 90s. Along the way, they made the move out to Montana, settling down in Bozeman.

“As soon as my last kid was going to go to kindergarten, I realized that I didn’t want to sit at home, so I signed up for beauty school since I always wanted to learn how to cut hair… I thought that would be creative and it would be my outlet.”

After three years of cutting hair, Anderson realized it wasn’t the type of creativity she thought it was going to be. Over the years, she’d worked in painting, drawing, stained glass, quilting, and dabbled in herbology and 42

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beekeeping— Anderson is one of the “creative collector” types (and I say this with affection as a fellow creative collector).

Eager to get back to her painting roots, Anderson signed up for a class at Montana State University in 1995. This wasn’t for a degree— it was a class just to dive back into art. “I already had my degree, I didn’t need [another],” Anderson notes, now with multiple degrees in hand.

It got to the point where Anderson had taken enough classes to go for another degree at 40.

One of the requirements for her art degree was a black & white photography class, which she was apprehensive of. “I was intimidated and upset because I did not want to take it, but they wouldn’t let me get out of it. So I signed up.”

12 weeks into the class, Anderson knew that photography was it. That magical thing you know you need to do, almost as if the universe was just

ICELAND, CHRISTINA Z. ANDERSON. SALTED PAPER

waiting for you to find it, leading you there by an invisible thread.

As an unconventional student, Anderson pursued a degree in photography.

“There was no turning back.”

To me, and many of her students, Anderson has always been a photographer. That’s just who she is. Looking at her work, experience, expertise & understanding, you’d think this is something she’d been doing since day one. With a robust knowledge of 19th-century printing processes down to every seemingly small detail and an ever-growing series of textbooks, Anderson has made her place in the alt process world.

From the hypothetical to nitty-gritty chemistry, the information is just there. Long-form

mathematical equations, chemical reactions, color theory, intricate histories, a Rolodex of names— all neatly filed away in a color-coded spreadsheet.

She’s a leading authority on the subject, teaching international workshops, diving into hundreds of hours of research for every book. It’s difficult to imagine her otherwise— how could anyone question her knowledge when she’s written a stack of the books on the subject?

Taking an alternative process class from Rudy Dietrich in 1998 became another guidepost to it— not only photography, but the ephemeral, handmade print.

Graduating from MSU with a degree in photography in 2000, Anderson began teaching in the fall, again by being in the right place at the right time. Applying for grad school but still needing a functioning darkroom, Anderson applied to teach at MSU, mainly for the darkroom mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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SUMMER RAIN, CHRISTINA Z. ANDERSON. GUM BICHROMATE

access. Three weeks later, she was teaching a beginning photography class.

Three years into teaching, Anderson began looking into graduate school. “I applied thinking everybody would love me and want me— of course they would, because I’m so great!” Anderson laughs.

“Well, that was a real joke!” Six applications out, six rejection letters back. Again, knowing Chris now, it’s wild to think that she’d be rejected from anywhere.

But again, by chance or fate, Anderson emailed her application to Sam Wang at Clemson University.

“What is it about my application that’s so bad that six schools would reject me?” She asked.

At Wang’s advice, Anderson then flew down to Clemson— “it was the same thing— I get to Clemson, I walk on campus— this is where I am. This is where I’m supposed to be.” Again, in the strange ways of the universe, things fell into place.

As much as the six rejection letters stung, they were another set of guideposts.

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Anderson boomeranged back to Montana.

“I realized that what I really like to do in life is research and then blab my research,” Chris laughs.

“What better way to do it than teach students?

Never would I have been a teacher, never, had I stayed in Minnesota, had I not taken my first [photo class].”

Now, 20 years later, Anderson is a tenured full professor at the university and an integral member of the photography department. So, of course, with a wealth of knowledge, an aptitude for extensive research, secured professorship, and now three degrees, book writing was the next obvious step.

“I’ll tell you about my next failure!” Chris laughs again. “You need these things to realize that you’re not all that and a bag of Doritos.”

Anderson had written two spiral-bound alt process manuals and sent one to FocalPress/ Rutledge in 2009, which went through a round of independent reviewers. “One of the reviews was so scathing—” a review that Anderson still

AFTERNOON SIESTA, CHRISTINA Z. ANDERSON. CYANOTYPE

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FEATURE |

keeps— “[they said], ‘if this book got published, it would be a disservice to the field of gum printing.’”

With a slew of rebuttals at the ready, Anderson went back to the publisher only for the whole thing to fall through. A similar sting to the grad school rejection letters, but again another opportunity to change course. Going the self-publishing route, Anderson taught herself InDesign and layout and learned the intricacies of publishing, which led her to create a Nonfiction class in the MSU photo department.

“Every time I get an idea, I write it down, and I stick it on this list,” Anderson reflects. “I just read my list from 1999, and it said… ‘write a manual.’”

We share another set of laughs.

“When you write things down you want to do or try— it could be cooking, it could be travel, whatever it is— when you write them down, they get embedded in your subconscious.” Anderson also emphasizes keeping all the lists— every idea, every goal, everything— so that someday down the road, you can look back. Maybe you clear off the list, maybe your life takes a turn and the list becomes a set of stepping stones that take you to where you’re meant to be.

Maybe you say you want to write a book, and twenty years later your books have been sold in 40 different countries.

This year, with classes ending abruptly in March, Anderson began to revisit a project, The Altered Landscape— a series on kudzu, a climbing, coiling vine native to East Asia, in the American south.

17 years in the making, the project is now thinned down to 200 images with another 5 years left until its completion. Kudzu’s rampant and wild, beautiful destruction, taking over whole towns with its viridian vines, is a continuing narrative on Anderson’s focus on contemporary Vanitas, a call back to her art background. Vanitas, a 17thcentury genre rooted in the impermanence of 46

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life and the certainty of death, weaves its way throughout Anderson’s works. From mordançage prints (an experimental gelatin silver process that lifts the paper emulsion, creating “veils” in the shadows of a print) of fleeting snowflakes to images of natural destruction, from Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans to the Camp Fire in Northern California, her work is a narrative on the duality of life. Growing up in a family with wealth but a mother that battled alcoholism was a dichotomy that carries itself through Anderson’s work on family, sexism, gender roles, and the American vernacular. Every body of work is long-form, developed over years— each print intentionally created layer by layer.

Now, as a renowned author and editor, all of those rejection letters and redirections make more sense. It’s one of those “if x hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have done y and become z” timelines— that proves, in the long run, you don’t have to have it “all figured out” by whatever preconceived age the world says you have to have it figured out by. Any sort of chaos, floundering, feeling like the ground crumbled away below your feet is temporary. Sure, it can be absolutely shitty at times, but in the long run, it could just be a stepping stone to something else.

“I’m not this sage person who has it all together when I teach— I am a peer mentor, where we’re all on the same level, all on the same page,” Anderson notes. That open sharing of knowledge is what makes Anderson’s classes, workshops, and books so damn good. You never feel like you’re being taught at— there’s always an open dialogue, a space to ask any question. That’s what I loved about those classes: I felt like a peer. I felt like I was part of the research because I was part of the research. Even with her experience, there wasn’t a hierarchy in those classes. We were all there, learning, together.

SILVERFISH, CHRISTINA Z. ANDERSON. GUM BICHROMATE

That’s how I became a TA for her Photographer’s Formulary workshops and subsequently became an instructor; how I came to love text & image and subsequently became the owner and editor of Montana Woman; how I got my first lines of publication, my first internship; how I found my place in photography in alt processes. I found it through her classes, all because of the way Chris allows space for the wabi-sabi— the imperfections we stumble over on life’s journey without realizing the stumble was a major stepping stone.

I don’t mean for this to be some long-winded, gushy article— this is just a retelling of a story, a life, and the domino effect each action and decision has. She’s a force to be reckoned with— a no-nonsense instructor, but also the kind of instructor who will get Potato Olés from Taco John’s for the class when she’s stuck in the drivethrough, someone who can effortlessly rattle off long division and chemical equations and poignant life advice all in the same breath.

Throughout the interview, Anderson mentioned influential educators, from high school teachers to college professors. The educators that teach, really teach, are the ones that stick— the ones that go beyond the walls of a classroom and teach beyond the curriculum. From sitting in the wicker chair across her desk to interviewing her for this magazine, I never could have imagined being a mentee, a colleague, and a friend of Chris Anderson’s for the past few years. I never thought that I would have that kind of mentorship. Every pebble, no matter how small, no matter how seemingly insignificant, creates a swell— an unstoppable force.

“In my life, I’ve fallen into things— I have not fought them. I have always been, blessedly, at the right place at the right time… Instead of sitting there going ‘oh, I’m not ready to do that, I’m not good enough,’ I don’t question it— I say yes.”

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Take this space to write your list (the list)— anything you want to do, make, accomplish.

No timeline, no five-year plan— a someday list.

Don’t limit yourself. Whatever you’ve always wanted to do, write it down.

Keep it.

Look back on your list in a year or ten (whenever you want to, are ready to, or when you stumble across it when you’re sorting through a pile of papers).

Remember how far you’ve come, how each step led to another.

You didn’t come this far to only come this far.

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THE LIST YEAR:

where are you now? what does your life look like as you write?

what do you want to do? where do you want to be?

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see the art & make the art at the square a contemporary art museum

The Paris Gibson Square Museum of Art (The Square) in Great Falls, Montana has been exhibiting art, teaching art and supporting the development of contemporary art and artists since 1977. Housed in the historic Great Falls school built in 1896 by Paris Gibson, the founder of Great Falls.

The Square is known for its exceptional rotating exhibitions showing local, regional and national contemporary artists, in addition to its outdoor sculpture garden and educational gallery programing. The museum offers outstanding onsite studio classes to the community in ceramics, printmaking, painting, drawing and more!

PARIS GIBSON SQUARE MUSEUM OF ART

1400 First Avenue North Great Falls, MT 59401 (406)727-8255 www.the-square.org www.facebook.com/PGSMOA/

HOURS OF OPERATION

Open Monday-Friday 10am to 5pm, including Tuesday Evenings 5-9pm, and Saturday Noon to 5pm. Closed Sundays and Select Holidays.

free admission!

Exhibitions presented by Paris Gibson Square Museum of Art are supported in part by the Montana Arts Council, a state agency funded by the State and the National Endowment mon tan awoman .comof| Montana s e pte mbe r/o c to b er 2 02 0 51 for the Arts. Additional funding is provided by museum members and the citizens of Cascade County, and generous support from Montana Federal Credit Union and D.A. Davidson.

FEATURE |

two bear farm:

Getting Dirt Under My Fingernails

BY JULIE L. KUNEN

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At age 51, I drove alone across the country during the covid-19 pandemic to become a farmhand on an organic farm in Whitefish. The quarantine had shut us all inside for months and suddenly, people who had never thought much about their food were forced to think about why the supermarket shelves were worryingly empty.

I think about food a lot. I love to cook, eat, and write about food.

I’ve worked in sustainability for years and am considered an expert on sustainable agriculture. But, as I sat in my locked-down house nurturing sourdough starter, cultivating mushrooms on an artificial log, and growing microgreens in small trays, I realized how lacking my grassroots understanding of food production really was. I get the concept, but not the nuts and bolts. It’s as if I own a successful restaurant, but never worked as a waitress. I have a PhD and have enjoyed a successful executive career, but I have never contributed the repetitive labor— seeding, watering, weeding, harvesting, washing, packing, transporting— that week after week gets the food on the plate and gives meaning to the phrase “farm to table.”

I thought this challenging moment for the world could finally be the moment for me to take off my suit and step away from the computer. Not just learn about how the food grows, but learn to grow it. And, while I’m at it, get healthy food into the hands of local folks who need it.

I packed the car and drove to Montana.

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FEATURE |

I am learning from a crew of capable women (and a couple of terrific guys), most not even half my age.

Jak, Flo, Lucy, and Nicole, led by the spark plug who is Rebecca Ulizio, all mentor me daily in the fields and pack shed. I had hoped I would absorb everything about farming from soils to sales and feel what it’s like to always have dirt under my fingernails. What I didn’t anticipate was what I would learn about the strength of women. These are Montana women: hard-working, resourceful, independent, spirited, and fun-loving.

Rebecca drinks in knowledge about plants the way plants drink in water through their roots, a kind of psychic osmosis. “I for some reason understand the plants. I haven’t succeeded a whole lot in many things in my life, but this is where I’m supposed to be,” she explained. The co-owner of Two Bear Farm, an organic produce farm in Whitefish, Rebecca struggled with traditional academic learning but thrived in the organic farming program at Evergreen State College.

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Rebecc

a

Drawn to plants even as a child, she discovered a knack for farming that was unusual. That’s when she realized, “wow, I get this in a way that not everyone does.”

“I am a part of this ecosystem, and I have the innate ability to understand what to do. I just have to get quiet enough to listen. That’s really hard, and it only comes in moments. And it’s not the quiet moments, it’s not meditation, not when you are sitting quietly with the plants, which I do.

It comes later. If you are energetically open to it, it just comes. If I can really focus, I know what to do, like a bee or a deer know what to do.”

With turquoise eyes and a long dirty-blond braid, clad in overalls, and more often than not wearing feather earrings and a jaunty if banged-up grey felt bowler hat, Rebecca encourages us to farm through the practice of paying close attention to the plants.

Two Bear Farm sits on pretty acreage along the wooded bank of the Stillwater River west of town. It grows primarily vegetables utilizing organic and regenerative agriculture practices.

Missiondriven to provide healthy, nutrientdense food for the local community, Two Bear is a busy operation, with a greenhouse, high tunnels that extend northwest Montana’s short growing season, and a pack shed where the crew packs over 300 CSA (community supported agriculture) shares a week and prepares orders for wholesale clients and farmers’ markets. There isn’t a lot of time for a steep learning curve.

Before my first harvest of summer squashes, Rebecca showed me how to walk the beds in a systematic pattern, checking under large leaves at the base of each sprawling, prickly plant so as not to accidentally leave any hulking specimens behind. With zucchini, I learned to gauge length against the blade of a harvest knife, but also to use my hands to assess the swelling of the cylinder; too narrow and it’s is not ready to be picked. With yellow squash, we check for a deeper shade of color and a pear-shaped plumpness. No matter how perfectly I think I’ve harvested, I somehow always manage to bring in undersized squashes and find that the next day, I’ve accidentally left some hulking specimens behind. Over and over, Rebecca firmly but never harshly points out my mistakes. I am learning to accept that trying my best does not always mean being the best. I am not, it seems, an intuitive farmer.

When I ask the women on the crew what they admire about Rebecca, words like “girl crush,” “coolest of the cool girls,” and “total badass” come gushing out. And this is not a group that gushes. Lucy Foley, only 19, says it best. Rebecca is “authentically the same no matter what room she walks into. She maintains femininity in a manual labor environment.” I could say the same about them.

Flo Florence Parsley is, at 26, the most experienced among us, now in her third farm season. Reserved and capable, with a yellow trucker’s cap pulled over her long braid, Flo was drawn to farming by a desire to be self-sufficient, to grow her own food, maybe someday live off-grid. Farmers often talk about resiliency, whether of ecosystems confronting climate change, plants facing stress, or farm families navigating impossible economics.

Flo talks of resiliency as an individual trait that she works to fortify within herself. Alluding to a challenging childhood, she finds confidence in knowing she does not need to rely on others to survive.

Like Rebecca, Flo prefers doing to talking, learning through practice, and repeating skills to attain perfection. She feels the responsibility of being our “pace car,” modeling how rapidly we should complete tasks. The first time I harvested carrots with Flo, she bunched them effortlessly mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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Jak

into perfect bunches, green fronds intact, with a swiftness of motion that I utterly failed to replicate. With minimal movement, she loosened a swath of carrots out of the hard earth with a shovel, gripped them gently in her hand, aligned their tips to form an even bunch, then twirled them together with a twist tie. I tried all morning to emulate her and thought I had succeeded.

Later, I found Flo in the pack shed quietly untying and retying my substandard bunches, substituting more robust specimens for my weakgreened ones. She did so without complaint or remonstrance. The next day, I did better.

If there is a brash one among us, it is 24-year old Jessie Knapp, who goes by Jak. Lanky and nearly 6 feet tall, Jak owns her body and her big personality— and her love of a cute new pair of Dovetails to style while working the farmers’ market. She is the one always singing— loudly.

Who brings popsicles to pep us up after days harvesting garlic in the 94-degree sun. Who insists that, exhausted as we are, we jump into the river for that after-work swim or take that weekend backpacking trip. But when you talk with Jak 56

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in a quiet moment while hand-weeding the beets, she shows a thoughtfulness that isn’t masked by her gregariousness.

Masking is not part of her vocabulary. She is deliberate about getting uncomfortable and proudly pushes herself into those life experiences so she can learn to inhabit her own skin more naturally.

Growing up, Jak’s goal was striving for perfection to avoid her dad’s inevitable critique. She’s turned that experience on its head and says, “I’m now comfortable with criticism and openly seek it so I can grow. If I f*cked up, I learn and I don’t do it again. That’s a difficult standard to meet, so I’ve learned to not always strive for perfection. I’m aware that life is fragile.”

Jak loves what she approvingly calls “bluecollar labor.” In her first season of farming, she has shown a definite aptitude for farm machinery; she owns the BCS tractor. It seems to be the intimacy of physical labor that draws Jak in, the honesty it requires among the close-knit crew, the bluntness of the feedback given with zero intent to hurt feelings, being totally ok if someone needs to cry in the field.

Sometimes that someone is me. The exhaustion of the work frustrates me (I don’t want to admit that I’m not as strong in my 50s as I was in my 20s) and there is an awful lot of time in the subdued hours of weeding for my thoughts to creep to the dark side of the emotional spectrum. When I ask Jak how she feels about being my teacher, she calls out the opportunity to be both teacher and student. Of me she says, “having gone so far in your career, to step out [of that lane] teaches me that I can always do that.” Admiringly she adds, “you just went about entering this community of people, saying ‘I don’t know what’s going on but I’m here to learn.’ Most people out there making decisions for other people don’t know what’s it like to come down to this level.” Hearing that makes me feel better about my tears.

With one week’s more experience on the farm than I have, Lucy carries herself like a confident veteran of the operation. Sporting cropped hair, a green Stetson, and shorts, she has an old soul and a trust-but-verify wariness unusual in a teenager, only somewhat leavened by the nervous giggle

Lucy

that punctuates her conversation. For Lucy, organic farming is less about mastering specific on-farm skills and more about doing something that will better the lives of people who can’t do it for themselves. A former gymnast, homeschooled as a child, she talks of kinesthetic learning. She never learned from having people say things to her, but rather by being shown a task, doing it once, then verifying she’s done it correctly. With that, “I feel like I can do it even if it doesn’t always work out,” she says.

For someone like me who thrived listening to the masters of the cavernous lecture halls of the Ivy League, this is an alien approach to expertise.

Now, I feel pride simply in the fact that I showed up, got uncomfortable, admitted I was a beginner, and, hardest of all, asked for help. Including, and gratefully, from a soulful 19-year-old. Like me, Lucy has suffered physical and emotional injuries that affect what she can do on the farm, and she’s taught me to be thankful at this difficult time in the pandemic-plagued world to have meaningful work, the opportunity to be outdoors every day, access to healthy food, and camaraderie— in real life, not just on Zoom.

Whitefish native Nicole Houston, 23, runs the pack shed with an elegant spareness of movement.

Growing up in 4H around horses and ranches, farming comes naturally to Nicole, but traditional ag is not for her. She’s proud of the small-scale organic and regenerative farms in Montana, like Two Bear, that are “doing it right” and investing in community. Nicole is a big-picture person who values knowing how her specific piece of a task contributes to the final outcome. As she explained, “getting comfortable on the farm for me is about understanding the end goal. The first season I wasn’t as confident because I couldn’t see the end goal. That was the steepest learning curve of my life. Now in the second season, I can see what we are all striving for, why we are doing certain things, and what will happen if we don’t do it right.” She refers to this process laughingly as “deep practice in the pack house.”

She may be a big-picture person, but Nicole swiftly taught me the fine art of bagging exactly one-half pound of salad mix with exactly two nasturtium flowers in the right bag with the right label for market. In other words, it is her responsibility to ensure that we deliver on the details that help underpin Two Bear’s success. mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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This takes enormous patience, so it surprised me when Nicole characterized her own personality as abrasive, a term that was once thrown at me unkindly. After years of trying to suppress her natural instincts, Nicole says she’s trying to use it to her advantage, but acknowledges that’s not easy. As she puts it, “it’s hard to be an honest, blunt, sarcastic woman in this world— people don’t like it. Working in this environment has helped me be allowed to be that way. Working with these gals and seeing Rebecca be the way she is, is inspiring. I mean, I can wash the shit out of salanova [salad mix], but there are levels of importance…” What she means is, it’s not about pride in getting the salad mix right. It’s about pride in getting yourself right.

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When I ask Rebecca if she sees herself as the role model others see in her, she replies, “I own my own business and I’m farming, so yes, I see myself as a role model. But I don’t see myself as very cool.

I definitely am myself, but it’s taken me a long time to get there. I’m 44. In your late 30s and early 40s, you stop giving a shit.”

Owning yourself and not giving a shit may not be the key to farming, but they may be the key to female strength, on-farm and off. I came to Whitefish to learn to farm, and I’ve learned it’s in the nuances that reveal themselves through patient practice. The architecture of a trellised tomato plant has suddenly become clear to me, so I can see where the suckers need to be snipped off.

I now enjoy the quiet focus required to distinguish

(LEFT TO RIGHT): JAK, LUCY, NICOLE, REBECCA, & FLO AT THE FARM

the tiny carrot plant from the chickweed I gently pull from around the seedlings. I can sense what a half-pound of salad mix feels like in my hand without having to put it on the scale.

But from this crew of strong and spirited women, I’ve learned deeper lessons: to remember what it feels like to pair strength and lightheartedness, hard work and playfulness, determination and joyfulness. I moved to Montana with an unsettled spirit. Shortly after I arrived, a friend sent an inspirational postcard to cheer me on. It featured a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” Farming with Rebecca, Flo, Lucy, Nicole, and Jak has shown me how.

work is dedicated to increasing sustainability in food systems— and to eating deliciously. Trained as an anthropologist, she worked in international development and biodiversity conservation for 15 years before becoming an independent consultant and writer exploring stories about food, culture, and place. Currently, she is on sabbatical working as a farmhand at Two Bear Farm, an organic produce farm in Whitefish. She is an avid home cook (currently creating a line of shrubs, or drinking vinegars, from surplus farm produce), frequenter of farmers markets, supporter of CSAs, and aficionado of agritourism establishments.

Nothing gives her more pleasure at the end of the day than a craft saison, cider, or amaro-based cocktail.

JULIE

KUNEN'S

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on happiness in a dark time ARTICLE BY SARAH HARDING IMAGES BY LINDSEY JANE

| LIFE

Mid-summer,

I officiated an elopement in West Glacier. It was absolutely gorgeous: a perfect sunshiney day, a beautiful couple who were so in love, just radiant with happiness, and the most spectacular backdrop imaginable. I had worked hard on the ceremony. I spent time getting to know those almost-newlyweds. I wrote a custom script just for them, I practiced in front of my family (bless their hearts), and I showed up prepared, present, and positive.

The darling couple absolutely loved it. They gushed about how perfect it was for them, how it felt like I’d known them forever, how special the ceremony felt.

But my brain couldn’t let go of the mistake I’d made. The one word I’d stumbled over.

99 wonderful, amazing things had happened that evening, and I couldn’t help but focus on the one teeny tiny thing that had gone wrong. What is that all about?!

It’s about our brain’s modern flaw called negativity bias— a relic from when survival of the fittest was a real thing. It comes in handy sometimes, like when we learn not to eat sand or throw rocks straight up into the air, because our brains latch on to and remember negative events so we can avoid repeat performances. But, if there were ever a time in our lives when we needed to overcome negativity bias, it’s now. We are in such a dark time.

IMAGE BY LINDSEY JANE

Who isn’t weary of stress, bad news, and heartbreak? How do we cling to the good?

You’ve probably heard of Dr. Rick Hanson. He’s written a half dozen books, been featured on podcasts and shows, and teaches at UC Berkley.

He’s all over. Dr. Hanson explains negativity bias in such a catchy way. He describes our brains as like, “Velcro for bad experiences and Teflon for good.” And with bad news being constantly spoon-fed to us, I’m motivated to counteract negativity bias for my own mental health. Inspired

by Dr. Hanson’s teachings, here are three changes we can all make to invite more feelings of safety, connection, and happiness into our lives. First, we can educate ourselves on our brain’s bias so we

can recognize and call it out. We can break the auto replay of negativity. And, we can absorb all the good that exists in our daily moments.

Here’s how negativity bias works:

1.

We hear bad news. Hello, it’s unavoidable these days.

2. We focus on it. Talk about it with our people.

Write articles about it.

3. We obsess on it. Start a spin class in our head

with everyone wearing bad news themed costumes while the bad news anthem is repeatedly played by the Bummer Band. Sounds fun.

4.

We remember. How could we not?! It was such a big deal. I mean, there were costumes and an anthem.

5.

Rinse and repeat. After repeating this cycle enough times, our brains wear paths straight to negative town.

How many times do I need to listen to the same phrase being repeated in my head? How many times is enough of rewinding and replaying a bad interaction, an incident, a hurtful comment?

I’m not saying that we should all go around with Good Vibes Only bumper stickers. Feeling and processing negative feelings and trauma is essential to move on from them. But, the punishment should fit the crime. Stumbling over one word should not put me in brain jail for 2 weeks. It is built into our nervous systems to focus on the anxiety, the fear, the hurts of our lives. And what started out as a lifesaver (Hey self, don’t forget how dangerous large predators are!) is now largely unnecessary. We have the freedom now to focus on the good.

So, if our brains are like, “Velcro for bad experiences and Teflon for good,” how do we take a metal fork to that Teflon and make it stickier?

Fortunately, our brains are absolutely amazing.

They are malleable, changeable, and trainable as all get out.

In my wedding and elopement ceremonies, I have adopted what I call, The Pause. I like to stop and notice where and when we are. We take a break mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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to soak up the sights, sounds, and especially the feelings of that moment. My mom takes a picture with her mind. “And the camera shutter closes with a Click.” She gathers in especially sweet or meaningful moments in her life, capturing moments with grandbabies snuggling, beautiful sunsets,family time.She discovered independently, exactly what Dr. Hanson prescribes as the antidote to negativity bias. To revel in pleasant moments. Stop, breathe in the happiness, fully experience it, and internalize it. Take a 4D photo with your mind. Click. Over and over. Until your brain’s pathway to goodness and happy memories is as worn as a trail in Glacier National Park. By using your mind to intentionally focus on the good moments, we can forge new pathways in our brains. We can literally change our brains and wear in a store of good feelings, experiences, and memories, making it that much easier to find the trail next time. It doesn’t have to be only the big, life-changing moments like getting married. We all have millions of tiny moments every day when we can choose to be an active participant in our inner world by stopping, really experiencing that pleasure, and reveling in that sight, sound, smell, or feeling.

Laughter. Click. Fully experience the joy. Humor is such a gift to humanity.

Sunshine. Click. Store it up!

Checking off something on your to-do list. Click.

Absorb that feeling of satisfaction. You rock.

Time spent in nature, eating food, exercise, everything. Click, click, click, click.

A moment connecting with a friend. Click. Soak up the joy in that relationship.

Good people doing good work. Click. Appreciate your community.

The smiling eyes of a stranger over their mask.

Click. Enjoy the reciprocity of good feelings.

The beauty of the practice is that we have so many, many opportunities to practice.

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IMAGE BY LINDSEY JANE

Compliments. Click. Take in that feeling of generosity and abundance, whether you are the giver or the receiver.

How many minutes from now will it be before you get a chance to recognize and say hello to your negativity bias? “Hey there, monkey brain! I see you over there causing mischief, just simmer down and cool your jets.”

How excited are you to cancel the bad news spin class in your head? “Jeez, I’m so sorry, guys.

The costumes didn’t arrive in time, the band lost the sheet music, and all the bikes were donated to charity.”

We can all focus intentionally on the positive

moments in our lives. Click. Turn those game trails of pleasure and happiness into 4 lane highways. So that even during these dark, raging, and lonely times, we can cling to the good like a happiness life preserver with a builtin LED light.

RESOURCES rickhanson.net BOOKS AUTHORED BY DR. RICK HANSON: Buddha’s Brain Hardwiring Happiness

Just One Thing Mother Nurture Resilient Soon to be released, Neuro Dharma SARAH HARDING grew up in North County San Diego. She spent her childhood surfing and loving the ocean. She and her husband, John, moved to Montana when they were 22 and spent the second half of their lives farming and raising a family.

Sarah and her family live on their tiny homemade farm in Whitefish. mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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LIFE |

Do Your Best a mother’s note on starting school

Y

BY KELSEY MERRITT

esterday, I took my son school shopping for Kindergarten. His excitement reminded me of my own at the same age— though mine was for the loudest Lisa Frank folder, while his were cars and dinosaurs and superheroes. We wheeled the cart through the aisles, filling his school list while he bounced with enthusiasm.

Watercolor paints with a paintbrush, two packs of Crayola markers, gym shoes (we got the lightup Spiderman ones, because duh!), 12 #2 pencils, etc., etc., and then, Connor let out a gasp of utter delight, yelling: “Mom! They have dinosaur masks!”

Because my son, age 5, is beginning his school career in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, where our world is topsy-turvy and school plans are uncertain. We strolled the school aisles wearing our own masks— ones I had made with fabric in my sewing room, though had promised Connor a stop later that day for some real “cool kid” fabric for masks. My son will begin school wearing masks and social distanced from his peers. I know we all laugh and say, How the hell do they expect Kindergarteners to do that? But, the truth is that my son has already been living in that reality for nearly six months now. And, honestly, is better at it than I am.

Before we entered the store, we stopped in the

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parking lot to tie our masks on. Connor is careful to tell me when it’s falling below his nose, and reminds me to stop for hand sanitizer inside the door and to “remember to wipe down the cart, Mom.” He follows the marks on the floor, standing distanced from the fellow shoppers in front of us without comment. Yes, it makes me sad sometimes. Sad that my son is growing up in this reality, sad that he has to get excited about dinosaur masks in the school aisle, sad that he asked for a small, personal hand sanitizer for his backpack. But, then, I think about the beautiful lesson we can all learn from this: Kids are so god damn resilient.

Last week, our school district made the decision to offer two options: 100% online or 100% inperson (while masked and social distanced). Our neighboring school district voted to adopt the blended model, where students are split into two groups and each group attends school in-person two days a week, with the remainder of their week as online instruction. Like many of the decisions and regulations made around us, it seems to me that no one knows what to do or what’s right.

But, I do know that many of us— maybe even most of us— are trying our best.

Like many families with two working parents, we’re sending our son to school so we can both remain employed. Every day I wonder if we’re making the right decision. I question myself, often refraining from watching the news, because it scares me when I do see it. Not too long ago, I

saw a post online by a mother that said if we send our kids to school, we are sending them to a death sentence. And, frankly, I think that’s a cruel way to shame mothers that have to, or choose to, send their kids to school.

Now is not the time to mom-shame. Now is not the time to judge other families for their education choices for their children. The reasons why our neighbors choose the route they do are not our own. Like those in charge of the reopening of schools: we’re trying our best. And that’s all we can do.

Two days ago, my son’s Kindergarten teacher came to our house to meet Connor. We sat, socially distanced, in our front lawn, while he excitedly showed her the school supplies he had so far. He ran down the sidewalk barefoot to show her how fast he was (super-fast), and drew dinosaurs with chalk for her while telling her which ones ate plants and which ones were carnivores. Connor is excited to go to school.

While my anxieties sit in my stomach and at times keep me and my husband up at night, I try hard to keep my excitement for Connor visible

for him to see. Because Kindergarten is a big deal, and that Avengers backpack is super cool, and those pencils are going to write so many firsts.

And, despite the rest of the chaos around us, this is an exciting time for us. Connor deserves to feel that excitement.

I will drop him off at school in less than two weeks. He will make sure his mask is covering his nose and run excitedly to his teacher. And, like millions of mothers before me: I will cry as I walk away from the school, while my child starts his schooling, no longer a little boy.

To all you moms out there: I see you. I see your stress. Your anxieties. Your fears. And I want to tell you: We are resilient. And we’re doing our best.

Right now, that’s all we can do.

KELSEY MERRITT lives in Belgrade with her husband and son, where they play scoop ball frequently and yell at their dogs for eating the lawn. She is a photography instructor at MSU and is learning to be kind to herself as a mother. mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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LIFE |

MOVING IN THE DIRECTION OF CONNECTION

BY NICOLE DUNN

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Recently, I posted this tweet on my Twitter page:

Two years ago, I read Robin DiAngelo’s book "What Does It Mean to be White,” and on my continued self-propelled quest to better educate myself, I recently ordered her book "White Fragility," which just arrived in the mail.

I then received a comment asking an important question: What have you learned? Spurred by this question— which is impossible to give a proper answer to in the space restrictions allotted in Twitter-land— I thought I’d take the opportunity here to speak to some of what I’ve been learning on my journey to better educate myself in regards to race relations, ingrained racial biases, and what it means to be White here in the United States.

As a bit of backstory: this particular journey started for me when I took a locally held 9-week White awareness class series in the fall of 2018, during which we read the book I mentioned above. Since then, I’ve been reading books, articles & blog posts; listening to podcasts; watching documentaries; participating in webinars; attending talks; and this past summer took an online 4-week class led by the group White Awake, all of which has been centered around developing my racial literacy and understanding.

I don’t mind telling you that the work I’ve been doing has been hard, taxing, and very uncomfortable— and, it’s work I deem to be crucially important that I do as both a White person and as someone who is deeply invested in wanting to continue growing, building skill, and being of kind and caring service and support to others.

Here are some of the things I am learning:

IMAGE BY LIANA MIKAH

• I’ve spent the vast majority of my life not thinking at all about race, which speaks directly to my privilege of being White.

• I have deeply ingrained racial biases, based on how I was educated and socialized, against the BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) community, which serve to elevate me in a position of superiority as a White person and holds white skinned people in higher regard. mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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• Racism is not individual acts done by individual people. Racism is a deeply embedded system that results when one racial group’s collectively held prejudice is backed by having legal authority and institutional control (summation of Robin DiAngelo’s definition from White Fragility).

• Race-based facts & stats related to: our nation’s origin story, incarceration rates, access to health care and housing, voting rights, policy reform.

• Every individual of the BIPOC community in the US is faced with the daily reality of being perpetually looked down upon, mistreated, targeted, and/or discriminated against simply based on the color of their skin, which is something I have never experienced.

You may be wondering how this topic ties into my column theme of Mindfulness Matters.

Mindfulness is easy to misunderstand, especially as this word is used more and more in a variety of ways in mainstream culture. Mindfulness is not a static approach to life, and it is not synonymous with happiness or any form of denial that great hardship and suffering exist. To fully embody the practice of cultivating the energy of mindfulness as a pathway in which to walk upon, we must bring ourselves fully to the table of life. And our life, as a collective people here in the US, includes the presence of such things as deep racial division and inequality.

To be mindful is to be present to what is going on within and around us in such a way that allows

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for our active participation in creating a deeper connection to ourselves and those around us, for the hopeful benefit of self and others. There’s no one right way to be mindful; no one aspect of life in which to apply mindfulness to. If I subscribe to the notion that mindfulness = happiness all the time or that to be mindful means to “be Zen” and super chill all the time and not involve myself with matters of injustice, I’m in trouble. As a devoted mindfulness practitioner, it’s important to me that I am engaged with what’s going on in the world around me and to step into difficult/ uncomfortable matters so that I can keep learning and growing.

I can utilize mindfulness to connect with my breath and body and to calm my mind. And I can also utilize mindfulness to connect with the happenings around me so that I can be an agent of beneficial change in the world. Mindfulness, simply put, is about moving in the direction of connection, one small step at a time, so that the illusion of separation does not inhibit us, individually or collectively, from moving beautifully into the future.

NICOLE DUNN is a Missoula-based writer, spoken word artist, poet, community organizer, mindfulness instructor, ordained member of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh’s Order of Interbeing, and program director of Be Here Now, a weekly mindfulness & meditation group she founded in 2002. For more info: InMindfulMotion.com

CLOSE TO HOME WHEN IT MATTERS MOST When your child is sick, you’ll do anything to stay by their side.

For many Montana families, getting specialty care used to mean traveling out of state, separating siblings, and missing school and work. Pediatric specialists at Montana Children’s are the

montanachildrens.org

largest group of pediatric physicians in the state, and they have the expertise and resources to provide comprehensive care for a wide range of medical conditions — so kids can heal and families can stay close.

FEATURE |

THIS COULD BE YOU!

backcountry weddings for the WILDLY in love

For soon-to-be-married couples who feel constrained by the trappings of a traditional wedding, an adventure elopement is the next best thing you never knew existed. From sunrise mountain top summits and helicopter rides on glaciers to casual strolls through the woods and chill days on the lake, we’ll work together to craft a wedding day that truly speaks to your soul and incorporates what you love most — the outdoors and each other.

YOU LIKE TO THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX …

WHY SHOULD YOUR WEDDING DAY BE ANY DIFFERENT?

@jesslynmariephoto

www.jesslynmarie.com

info@jesslynmarie.com

LIFE |

the school of life

IMAGE BY MEGAN CRAWFORD

BY STEPHANIE EVANS

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T

he song and dance of life. What a beautiful journey we are blessed with— the trials, the tribulations. The love found, the love lost, the climaxes, the darkness.

I have found the journey fascinating. I find myself shaking my head in wonder at how life can be like an amusement park. The excitement and anxiety, the highs and lows, the time to be quiet and the time to be loud. It is the School of Life.

The busiest and most popular ride.

A ride in which you can move on to new levels, take a different path, or try a new and different version whenever you choose to. These new and different versions can’t be experienced, though, without first learning the lessons and solving the riddles of the path you’re already on. You have unlimited opportunities to learn the lessons. You get the same problems and riddles time and time again. Maybe they are worded differently or have different characters so you don’t recognize them at first. I have come to notice that in life, if you don’t solve the problem the first time properly, it will come back to you time and time again…like a pattern until it is properly integrated in you— body, mind, and spirit. When it is, bam! A new damn level, a new journey and adventure on the ride of life!

I myself— I am paying more attention at this part of my life. I am realizing that the patterns that keep coming onto my path are there for me to learn from. I am opening my mind to seeing, feeling, and hearing the instructions a bit differently than before. I am learning from this new perspective that each person, each conversation, and relationship I have had and will have, has a purpose much bigger than I could possibly imagine.

The bullies in this School of Life have lessons to share, pain to share, laughter to share. From these bullies, I will learn how to use my voice in a way that maybe they can hear me. Show them a new perspective.

From the Dramatic ones, I will learn how to use my voice in a way that will soften their sharp edges so that maybe they can hear the troubles of others and not feel so alone.

From the Controllers, I will learn how to use my voice in a way in which they will see the simplicity of letting go and the release it can give them.

From the Nervous ones, I will learn how to use my voice in a way that will calm and soothe them so that they can rest and recharge.

From the Popular ones, I will use my voice in a way in which they can hear, see, and feel what others around them are experiencing so that they can be more authentic to themselves.

I will learn to use my voice on this current level of the School of Life. I will learn to use my voice to be heard by all of the challenges I will face in this game of life. I will use this bright, beautiful voice for love and for understanding. For I am all of the characters above. We are all one. I am ready to use my voice so I can move on to the next level and experience new adventures on the playground, in a field. I am going to use this voice I have earned.

The time is Now. It is always Now.

Out beyond ideas

of wrongdoing and

rightdoing, there is a field.

I will meet you there.

— RUMI STEPHANIE EVANS is a lover of nature, ceremony, movement and adventure. She is the mother of four magical spirits, Writer, Ceremony Officiant, Yoga Instructor, and Retreat Leader. She was born in Montana with the spirit of a fairy, the mouth of a sailor, and the heart of a hippie. She learned early in childhood that Mother Nature and expression with movement and words were three vital ingredients to a beautiful life. The ability to release tensions, aggressions, anxiety, and fear while in nature is a tonic. She would like to share with all who walk into her path how to open their senses to all the magic that surrounds us in this beautiful state and to extend it into their life. Body, mind, and spirit.

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EDITOR'S DESK |

BY MEGAN CRAWFORD 74

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LIKE A SNAKE IN THE GRASS, MEGAN CRAWFORD PAPER COLLAGE, 8.5�X11�

W

hen I took over Montana Woman, I was afraid to speak up for myself. I was afraid to come off as “bossy,” to be too loud, too direct. I carefully crafted my emails to avoid the possibility of someone being upset. Even when, as the owner and editor of this magazine, I had every right to stand my ground and call people out, I still made myself small.

Last year, I was completely new at being an editor. For whatever reason, I never saw myself taking on a leadership role because, for whatever reason, that wasn’t me. Now, looking back on the past year, that is me— I’ve finally allowed myself to begin the process of not making myself small for the comfort of others.

For the October 2019 issue, there was one article in particular that I edited (which, as the editor, is literally the name of my job). The author of the article did not appreciate my feedback. He spoke to me like I was a child, complained that my edits were not “his words,” and completely dismissed my authority. I was told that he had “never received this much angst over writing articles.”

This man was accusing me, the editor, of “angst” over referencing my well-loved copy of Elements of Style to polish his writing for him.

Looking back, I made myself small. I knew had already been targeted as the “millennial woman,” I knew that I already wasn’t being taken seriously, and I didn’t want to add anything else onto that.

So, I stayed quiet. I kept my replies diplomatic, even adding in an “enjoy the holiday weekend,” because heaven forbid if a woman isn’t always

hospitable. It has been a year-long process of unlearning and relearning what it means to be a woman in charge.

on a screen. I’m not a living, breathing human— I’m an email inbox, a voicemail machine, both of which are commonly mistaken as a punching bag.

For the November 2019 issue, the same writer sent his article in late without a word. I held my ground more, but again, I made concessions. It’s genuinely been an entire year (and then some) of learning how to be assertive. I’ve had people email me about covers they don’t like, about articles they found offensive— that being uncomfortable is “part of business.”

…

But, here’s a thought: why is being spoken to condescendingly “part of business?” Why is being disregarded “part of business?” It definitely doesn’t have to be that way, and it shouldn’t be that way.

So, instead of being cast off with fauxempowerment terms like “boss babe” and “girl boss,” I own who I am. My role does not have to be infantilized or gendered— it shouldn’t be in the first place. …

When I worked in retail, I was constantly referred to as “honey,” “dear,” or “sweetie,” none of which are my name. Still, as an adult and owner of a small business, people will call me one of those three. “Hey hun, I just wanted to call you about this woman…” is a common introduction. If you’re not a close friend, relative, or significant other, I’m not your “hun.” My name is Megan.

And, while we’re on the topic of article pitches— no one needs to tell me what a potential feature looks like. Commonly, men who have sent in pitches make note of physical appearance: “she’d be beautiful on a cover,” “she hunts, and she’s pretty too,” “you’d get along because you’re both women.”

I don’t choose cover features based on how they’d look as a “covergirl” (which is an outdated term in and of itself ), I choose cover features based on their merit, gumption, drive, strength.

Conversely, most of the accusatory, rude emails I’ve gotten are, unfortunately, from fellow women.

The biting remarks, the contempt— a lot of words that come off as “how dare you.” These are people, for the most part, that I have never met. They have no idea who I am; we’ve never spoken. To them, I’m just some words on a page or a picture

A year ago, I wouldn’t have even thought of actually writing this article. I’d think about it and then set it aside because it would be too pointed, too direct. But now, there’s no time like the present. Some people will probably roll their eyes at this article because I’m “outspoken,” but maybe that means they should take the time to listen.

Cheers to not being a #girlboss or a #bossbabe.

Your role doesn’t need to be infantilized or given a gender. You don’t see male CEOs going around and tagging their instagram posts with #boyboss or #bossbro because our society has inherently deemed leadership roles to be patriarchal.

So stand up for yourself and those around you.

Call out prejudice— if someone’s being rude or hurtful, call them out. It’s a learning process for a lot of us, especially those who have been told time and time again to be docile and polite because that’s the way we’re “supposed” to be.

Yes, I am a woman, a millennial, and a feminist killjoy. I own that now— I own my space, my voice, my knowledge, my power, and my worth.

People will still throw insults at me. There’s only so much you can do about what people say. But, you can take that and own it— make it yours.

I’M NOT ANGSTY— I’M DOING MY JOB. I’M NOT DIFFICULT— I’M ASSERTIVE. I’M NOT A GENTLEWOMAN— I’M BEING DIPLOMATIC SO THAT YOU’LL LISTEN TO ME. I’M NOT EMOTIONAL— I’M HUMAN. EMOTION DOESN’T HAVE A GENDER. I’M NOT PUSHY— I’M PASSIONATE. I’M NOT BOSSY— I AM STRONG.

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keep your kudos

BY SYDNEY MUNTEANU

Keep your kudos.

And I’ve got to admit, I suck at taking compliments.

I’m not comfortable being in the spotlight. I love helping other people shine and spread their voice, I enjoy managing and guiding others in their process of creativity, and I can sit with a friend all day long amping her up for whatever life is throwing her way. But shine the light on me? Mm, icky. No thanks. The spotlight feels vulnerable and scary.

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In high school, I loved singing in my Honors choir but absolutely dreaded the moment our teacher would start calling out names for solos each month. “You’re a great singer,” he’d urge. “I should sit this one out. I feel like I have a sore throat today,” I’d respond. Or when I get asked to give a speech or sit on a panel? Oh boy. I still clam up whenever I know I have to, even though I can’t even count the number of presentations I’ve had to put up in front of a group. How about the half dozen times I’ve walked out of a yoga class being asked if I teach? My response was, “I’ve just been practicing for a while. I’m definitely not a pro!” And this recent one, thanks to the spotlight my cooking skills have gotten as I’ve been making dinners and meal planning for family and close friends all throughout covid. “Syd, everything you make is so good. And I love that you cook really healthy for us.” To which I responded something like, “Thanks, I just got this from one of the food blogs I follow.”

In other words, we justify, deflect, or disqualify.

Why? Perhaps this external positivity clashes with our internal view of ourselves. Psychologist and seasoned TED-talker Guy Winch thinks rebuffing compliments is something women have learned over time. “Many women are socialized to be humble, modest, and to avoid external displays of pride or arrogance,” Winch says. “Therefore, the default response is to be demure and rebuff compliments.” We dodge compliments that we feel are outside our own selfconcept because it makes us feel uncomfortable.

we’re so good at brushing off the spotlight, not taking credit, downplaying our talents.

Sound familiar?

As women, we are so good at brushing off the spotlight, not taking credit, downplaying our talents. Comedian Amy Schumer has a viral YouTube video poking fun at a bunch of NY women not taking compliments. One of the most commented articles on Refinery29 is about a writer who gave herself a 28-day challenge to give a compliment every single day to another woman… and not ONE was accepted. Inc. Magazine even reported on this phenomenon, finding that women accept compliments only 40% of the time. And that number drops further to 22% when it comes from another woman!

Clearly, we’ve got a lot of work to do.

How often have you heard a woman respond to a compliment on how great she looks with an abrupt, “It was on sale at Target for $18!” or, “Really? My hair is a mess today.” or “Thanks, I feel like this dress is a little tight on me, though.”

So how can we deviate from what appears to be our natural setting? How can we learn to really receive those kudos?

Winch suggests the first step is to acknowledge that accepting a compliment is actually beneficial to our self-worth. Like any kind of habit, change will initially feel uncomfortable.

But know that accepting a compliment is incredibly beneficial for your emotional wellbeing.

Another take on the whole compliment-accepting habit that I love came from a conversation with my friend Kara. She’s a fabulous life coach and has also built a business that celebrates and connects women to their bodies through food (Check out her stuff at bykaraelise.com). I was asking her advice on projects I was considering that would, inevitably, force me to step into the spotlight.

She said, “It’s so much easier to hide behind your work. Sometimes when you’re helping others with their creative projects, it’s actually making yourself small. When really, who are you not to share your story. From my experience, that is the thing that will be the most powerful to really help others by showing them what you’re doing.” Such an interesting twist!

I love that this issue is about learning. I think it’s so important to challenge yourself, make goals, to try something new. But I guess what I want to highlight here is that there are those lessons that mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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LIFE |

maybe we never fully learn. Or rather, it’s about the process of practicing to un-learn.

The more we acknowledge the habits we need to un-learn, the more we’re able to acknowledge our accomplishments and positive attributes.

And the more we do that, the science says, we start to actually believe in them.

SYDNEY MUNTEANU is a communications and

branding strategist with a passion for storytelling.

She grew up in Colorado and received her B.S. from the University of Colorado, Boulder and left in 2012 to pursue a marketing career in Los Angeles. After 5 years of city life, the call back to the mountains was too great and she found (and fell in love with) her new home in Whitefish, Montana. Sydney has a marketing consulting business working with food & beverage, wellness, and women’s brands. Connect and find her work at backlabelbranding.com

a ceremony as unique as your love.

sarah harding humanist celebrant coconutatsea.com part of the elopemontana.com collaboration IMAGE BY LINDSEY JANE 80

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3 steps to genuinely accept a compliment:

1 2 3

IMAGE BY KAROLINA GRABOWSKA

Saying a simple “thank you” is all it takes. Genuine and simple can often be the best response. Look them in the eye and mean it when you say it.

Don’t milk the compliment by seeking validation with a “What makes you think that?” or “Gosh, are you sure?” If someone is saying something kind about you, it’s because they want to.

Savor the compliment instead of immediately batting it away.

Remind yourself, “I’m comfortable enough in my own skin that I can handle nice things being said about me.”

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WELLNESS |

concepts to help on the path to your best self & highest potential

BY MINDY COCHRAN | LEVITATION NATION

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As a lifelong learner, I embrace education in all forms. I did my stint with formal education: graduating from college in 2003, going on to collect many certifications related to health, fitness, and life coaching. But, some of the health & wellness concepts I have found the most fascinating weren’t covered in my formal education at all but, rather, were philosophies I have picked up simply through years of nerding out on wellness. Books, tutorials, articles, podcasts… whatever material I could get my hands on that matched my fascination with wellness, I was on it; because it is my life’s mission to not only live a healthy and empowered life but to help others find that, too. To that end, you are in luck, because I’m going to share three concepts that I believe have helped the most along the path to my best self and highest potential.

DIMENSIONS OF WELLNESS.

As the owner of a boutique pole fitness studio in Montana, I often talk about physical fitness, but the reality is that comprehensive wellness is much deeper than that. In order to manifest an empowered, purpose-filled life, it is important to pay attention to all seven of the generally recognized “dimensions of wellness,” which are: PHYSICAL: Recognizing the need for physical activity, healthy foods, and sleep.

EMOTIONAL: Coping effectively with life and creating satisfying relationships.

INTELLECTUAL: Recognizing creative abilities and finding ways to expand knowledge and skills.

SPIRITUAL: Expanding a sense of purpose and

meaning in life.

ENVIRONMENTAL: Occupying pleasant, stimulating environments that support wellbeing.

IMAGE BY MOTOKI TONN

SOCIAL: Developing a sense of connection, belonging, and a well-developed support system.

OCCUPATIONAL: Creating personal satisfaction and enrichment from one’s work.

FINANCIAL: Feeling satisfied with current and

future financial situations.

Some dimensions may stand out as more

important to you than others, and which dimensions those are may look different than what is true for your mother, sister, friend, or neighbor. But, you can foster an actionable route to your highest potential by regarding all of the dimensions as important and being attentive to each dimension in a degree that feels right to you.

NEUROPL ASTICIT Y.

Neuroplasticity refers to the brain’s ability to shape and reshape neural pathways by repeated thoughts and emotions. This incredible capability means that the simple act of thinking happy thoughts makes it easier to think more happy thoughts. Unfortunately, the reverse is also true: thinking negative thoughts makes it easier to think more negative thoughts. I learned about neuroplasticity when I was studying depression and trying to pull myself out of a hole during a particularly challenging year. To elevate my emotional wellness, I decided to spend as much time as possible in the part of my brain that thinks positive thoughts. So, whenever I had a happy feeling, I tried to make it as big as possible by focusing on it and letting it linger for as long as possible. This concept is the reason why gratitude journals are so important. By writing down three things each night you are grateful for, you harness the power of neuroplasticity to guide you on your path to your best self.

In addition, you can leverage the power of neuroplasticity by up-leveling your vocabulary.

For example, when someone asks you how you are doing, instead of saying “good,” try saying, “I am great!” Of course, there will be times when you don’t feel up to saying that you feel great.

During those times, at least try to shift your mindset to believe that “I am better than I was last week” or “things will get better” or something similar. Selecting positive words to interact with the world is an incredible way to create paradigm shifts in your reality. Try it for a month and see how you feel, what do you have to lose?

DIET & NUTRITION.

No article about practices to help you on your path to your highest potential would be complete without mention of my favorite four-letter word: diet; because a well-balanced diet is important for more than just maintaining a healthy weight. It helps growth and repair, disease prevention, and mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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improves mental health. But, there are so many diet plans! From Keto to Paleo to Intermittent Fasting to Gluten-Free and more, it can be hard to know which diet plan is the “right one” to follow. The answer is this: the right diet to follow is the one that works for you. Now I know you may be thinking (eyes rolling) “gee, thanks,” but it’s true! A diet plan that you can’t stick to will fail, so you have to be willing to experiment with your diet to figure out what will work for you.

Intermittent Fasting might work great for you, or you might be ready to chew your arm off after 12 hours of no eating. Have a sweet tooth? You can find a substitute for sugary snacks to curb your craving with a little experimentation. Maybe a fruit parfait or a little bit of dark chocolate will suffice. Trial and error will help you figure out what works for you.

Personal experience has taught me that, since lifestyles change over time, the trial and error stage will need to be revisited periodically. Of course, I have diet suggestions stemming from my formal education, too. Since I work mostly with women, one recommendation I pay special attention to is that females should be particularly aware of iron intake (to replace menstrual

losses) as well as calcium (to optimize bone mineralization) (Gladwin. Et al., Fitness: Theory & Practice, AFAA: 2010). For a formal evaluation of your diet, consult a registered dietitian.

The bottom line is, you don’t need a bachelor’s degree in health and fitness to kick ass in life, you just need to do the inner work necessary and you can reach the destination of your best self and highest potential. I hope that these concepts will help you along your way.

RESOURCES Top Holistic Directory. (n.d.). Resource Library. Retrieved from topholisticdirectory.com/resource-library/

MINDY COCHRAN is the founder of Kalispell’s

Levitation Nation Aerial Studio, where the catchphrase “fitness is fun” is embodied alongside a culture of movement & women empowerment. Mindy believes that “The Real Levitation Experience” lies within elevating your health & wellness. Mindy loves to share the expertise she has acquired through her certifications as a personal trainer and life coach.

For more about Mindy or Levitation Nation, please visit www.levitationnation.org.

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subscribe today M O N TA N AW O M A N .C O M / S H O P or scan the QR code with your phone

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gaining control through women’s health MAGGIE MARSHALL NELSON PROVIDED BY KALISPELL REGIONAL HEALTHCARE

we have the options— so let’s talk about them.

Lack of control of certain supportive pelvic muscles— known as pelvic floor dysfunction— can lead to issues such as pelvic pain, low back pain, prenatal and postpartum issues, postsurgical pelvic problems, underactive or overactive pelvic muscles, painful intercourse, and varying degrees of urinary incontinence. Dysfunction can

GETTY IMAGES VIA KALISPELL REGIONAL

Some women may see it as a normal byproduct of having children or getting older. It can affect anyone— even younger women, athletes, and those who have undergone surgery. However, pelvic dysfunction, pain, and incontinence do not have to be a “normal” part of life. Women want and deserve options for their health concerns, especially those that can be uncomfortable to discuss. At Kalispell Regional Healthcare (KRH),

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range from mild to severe. These muscles play an integral part in controlling everyday functions.

The loss of control can also mean a loss in quality of life.

“Who wants to live with it? I wouldn’t,” says Sandy Thatcher, physical therapist at KRH’s Outpatient Physical Therapy. While medication and surgery are options, physical therapy offers a non-invasive treatment approach available to help women gain control over those muscles. Even in cases where surgery is necessary, physical therapy can be beneficial in post-surgical recovery.

Thatcher leads the women’s health program for outpatient therapy at The Summit Medical Fitness Center. The unique program helps women regain strength in various muscles to support a strong and healthy bladder along with pelvic function. “With this muscle training, I’m helping women take back control of their life, their body, and how it functions,” Thatcher explains. “The physical therapy approach is the same as it would be for any other muscle one is working to strengthen. It’s a matter of being able to isolate and control the proper musculature.”

Thatcher is certified in pelvic health physical therapy for both men and women. She has specialty training to evaluate and treat any joint dysfunction, muscle tightness, weakness or

imbalance, and nerve entrapment that contributes to pelvic floor dysfunction.

So how do you train muscles you cannot see?

This is accomplished through a series of different techniques such as manual therapy, biofeedback, external and internal electrical stimulation, postural training, and strengthening of hip and abdominal muscles.

Thatcher understands that not every woman has the same level of ease when it comes to the treatment of pelvic floor dysfunction. She works with patients in private rooms and provides many options to meet a woman’s comfort level. Therapy can be conducted completely externally. For those who are open to advanced therapy, the use of intravaginal biofeedback is available. The device reports instant feedback to a monitor when the targeted muscles are engaged, in turn increasing a patient’s awareness of the correct exercise. For those women who are tech-savvy, there’s even an accompanying mobile app available for download with purchase of a personal device.

“Quality of life is the most important thing,” says Thatcher. “Studies show that this type of physical therapy is extremely impactful in improving pelvic floor dysfunction. This therapy has helped so many women enjoy physical activity, laughter, and all the things that bring them joy in daily life.”

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EDITOR'S DESK |

a retrospective on risk.

BY MEGAN CRAWFORD

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One year ago, I sat at my

desk in front of a new computer with an empty 100-page InDesign file on the screen. I knew the theme (where there is little risk, there is little reward), I knew the cover feature (Alexis Pike, who’s photographic work inspired the theme), and I knew what I wanted the magazine to be. I had no idea how the magazine would be.

In August 2019, when I started working on the October issue, I could not have foreseen what this first year of business would hold. It’s fair to say that none of us really anticipated a pandemic, that one speaks for itself. But it was everything else, too. The small things, like rerecording a voicemail message over and over again because it didn’t sound “professional” enough; the mental strain that comes with a barrage of emails, even if it’s just one at a time; constantly making hundreds of microdecisions as someone who is notoriously indecisive.

triggered by names that follow emails or phone calls, dreading opening your inbox, avoiding the voicemail because you can feel your hands start to shake and your eyes well up from another inevitable gut punch.

But, despite the honest to goodness shit that’s come my way in the last year, there’s so much good. Being able to share this platform, giving people the recognition they damn well deserve, creating a space for conversations about mental health, racism, sexism, inequality, visibility— every good email chips away at the bad ones. For every person who says that they’ve felt seen, that an article brought a wave of catharsis, that they finally feel represented in this state, the gadflies matter less and less and less.

One day, eventually, the gadflies will be motes of ash and nothing more— something so small and inconsequential that it doesn’t even cross my mind.

You’ll put your soul into your work because you believe so fiercely in yourself and what you’re capable of.

And there were the big things— a whole cacophony of things I could have never fully mentally or emotionally prepared myself for.

Contempt, sexism, ageism, manipulation— the sort of things that weren’t at the forefront of my mind as a new business owner. But now, a year later, with a hefty dose of hindsight, those feelings and actions toward me were unfortunately unavoidable. I could have taken several different ways to get to this issue, but at some point or another, I would be confronted by those roadblocks. They were out of my control, placed by external forces whose actions I couldn’t prevent. No matter how hard I tried or how honest I was or how many right decisions I made, those gadflies would always be there, making noise, taking up my space.

Getting the wind knocked out of you makes more waves than you think. It’s not just the initial shock. It’s not being able to sleep because your mind won’t rest, moving cautiously, walking on eggshells, calculating every word and action to the point where you lose its purpose. Being

…

It’s not been a painless process. Grey hairs are becoming old friends, my forehead and brow have a few more lines, and for someone who used to keep emotions to themselves, I’ve cried a lot. But it’s important to feel your emotions, lean into them, acknowledge them— the tear-ridden ones and the ones that make you feel like the sun lives in your soul. All of it. (and, of course, I feel tears welling up now as I write, but they’re the welcome kind).

Sometimes going for it works out okay, other times you want to curse the universe for the hand it dealt. There’s no way to predict how it’ll go, which I’d say we’re all accustomed to by now.

We’ve all thrown plans out the window— there are only so many plans you can make.

Maybe I’m not the best person to get this advice from (especially after you’ve read this), but just go for it. We’ve got one shot at it. Spending your mon tan awoman .com |september/oc t obe r 2 02 0

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days planning everything out— down to the small phone calls and emails— removes you from the now.

Looking back on my first Letter from the Editor from October 2019 is like reading a letter to myself, as if I somehow subconsciously knew what I would need in a year’s time. I still stand by those words, gadflies, gut punches, and all.

Because, despite the shit, the heartache, the moments of utter doubt, I’ve made something. I get to do what I love— design, work with text & image, meet the exuberant, wild, wonderful people of Montana.

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Of course it’s going to be hard at times. It’s absolutely going to have its challenges. That doesn’t make it not worth doing, though.

Life requires risk. There are times when you have to throw everything to the wind and run blind, never looking back.

— letter from the editor, issue no. 1 There’s the common saying, “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Frankly, that’s bullshit— you’re going to work hard because there’s passion behind what you’re doing.

You’ll put your soul into your work because you believe so fiercely in yourself and what you’re capable of— that takes energy. It takes guts.

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?