MEN
Monsters
AND CORNFLAKES
Verses by
Dave Baxter
A few words about the author Hello, well I was born……. I went to school, I got a job, I moved house, I got married and had children (well not me specifically), moved house again and again, and again and ultimately ended up in Devon taking pictures, writing and strumming my guitar. People have often turned to me for advice, some for a shoulder to cry on, some because they are suffering from sheer boredom because they have nothing better to do with their time. The other day I was walking down a street and I tripped over a bottom lip………..this lip belonged to a young lady and when I enquired if she was ok she said, “Men! They are all monsters! I might as well be a cornflake for all
the notice he takes of me!”
And this book is the result of that meeting!!!! I hope you will enjoy reading it
“Men, Monsters and Cornflakes” by Dave Baxter is a copyright work published in Great Britain by Moonshadow Media Productions. ©2016 Moonshadow Media Photography: Wytchwynd Photography, Ilfracombe Tel: 07050 644101 Email: moonshadowmedia@mail.com
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Gisela Sneezen Cough Them Penguin Suits Growing Pains The Dreaming House 5 am And Wide Awake 30 grams of Corn Flakes Router Snookered The Mandolin Farmer’s Wedding The Tale Of Dude Canudo No Do Use – Blocked Play House Patents and Papers 4 Lines Morning In May The Six Fifteen Mysterious Chloe Windmills In Praise Of Colour Where Is Dementia? There’s Therapy In Shreddery The Bone Collector The Bone Collector’s Daughter The 4th of July The Real Cheshire Set Campervan Theatre The Magician Don’t Stand Beside My Grave and Weep The Labyrinth Path Mabon Is Approaching Enemy Lines Smokin’ Mudflaps Holiday Observation Bring Me The Horizon (parts 1 –4)
1 Gisela Sneezen Cough I met a girl some time ago She had an alter ego Her hair is red and curly too And so I thought of you She has a comic side you see With characters quite sweet Some really have a wicked twist And some are really deep But one appeared the other day That made me want to say Her name it really made me laugh Gisela Sneezen Cough Oh how I tittered when I saw The name upon the page And just what things will she perform When let loose on the stage
2 Them Penguin Suits Standing preening black and white Don't they look an awesome sight? Shiny shoes and crisp white shirts And how the men may want to flirt With pretty ladies standing there Sparkly dresses stylish hair Heels so high they brush the sky Sad that one is going to cry But everyone will say it's good With salad, fruit and cheese for pud Dressed up in them penguin suits The singer in his kilt and boots But still with fun and laughter gay The great and good come out to play Raising cash from labours fruits The people in them penguin suits
3 Growing Pains Am I one of the wrong people? A question that I ask I feel my heads is backwards When both my eyeballs clash Am I one of the wrong people? An experiment inside Do I live inside a tube A roller coaster ride Am I one of the wrong people? All aching limbs and teeth To sleep and cry forever Would give me such relief Am I one of the wrong people? All puberty and hair A mix of raw emotions Teen years are so not fair!
4 The Dreaming House Relax inside my dreaming house By purple sky a full moon's eye Lantern lighting window panes Dreaming thought if bubbles rain The growing grass a night time green Night bloom flowers, scent my brain Drifting darkness through the light Echoes dancers in the night Dreams alive are mind's illusion Wood of blue amid the light Zebra printed rooftop dome A perfect place to live alone And so dear lady I believe That in your art a mind alive Creating more than we can see Exactly where we ought to be
5 5am And Wide Awake It's 5 am upon this morn’ A January dawn There is so much I have to say Before this day is born A thank you is important For all the things they did So why was I so angry Because they went and hid I missed them oh so greatly And yet did not know why All you said "they're watching" From somewhere in the sky So as I sit here lonely I think I now get why The reason I've been hurting They left without good bye Sweet dreams until I meet you At your home in the sky But now I know the reason They never said goodbye
6 30 grams of Corn Flakes 30 grams of corn flakes (Other brands available) Can make a mega change When added to the table Not twenty five but thirty Is what the day allowed But was it oh so awkward Why did we have to row? A night spent with cold shoulder And thoughts inside my head But then I got to thinking Of things that went unsaid And 5am came early And eyes were open wide Like windows to my thinking Big answers did I find
7 Router Snookered Router snookered woe is me No internet, it's now day three Slowly falling more behind With Facebook Twitter and their kind Many projects sit on ice I have to say it's kinda nice To lose the pings the tings and dings Of messages and streaming things And yet there is a sense of loss Not reading all the awful dross Of people needing information Are buses running ? Where's the station? This maybe sounds a grumpy moan But evenings when I sit at home At least I get to watch the soaps No interruptions on the couch
8 The Mandolin Farmer's Wedding Oh how they danced a merry dance That lovely summer's eve When buttercup and daisy blooms Were all they could perceive The music played across the Glen You heard it miles around And laughter echoed through the trees Such happy jolly sounds And many voices soft and loud Sang songs and drank all night The merriment within that place A truly awesome sight The mandolins grew well that year And many people say The music echoed through the night On't farmer's wedding day
9 The Tale Of Dude Canudo Now here is a tale of a brave little male Who everyone calls Dude Canudo A pleasant young chap with a black trilby hat And a heart that's as big as a whale His phone it would ring in the day and the night About dinner dances or singing Enquiries came fast both for this and for that But nobody asked of his feelings He often said "yes" just to please them I guess Not wanting to cause disappointment The mountain got high and it grew to the sky And Dude just hung on by his fingers But then one dark day just before Beltane Day He felt so confoundedly low He thought in his mind that this was the time His legs had to get up and go He sat taking stock with notebook and jot And wrote out a long resignation He felt it was time to move up the line And take himself from the equation
10 No Do Use! Blocked I saw a sign the other day That really made me smile. ''Twas written by a female hand An adult not a child A language snob is what I'm not But really is it grammar? To make the statement back to front In this peculiar manner So drink a pint of Christmas Cake Or quaff a foaming beer And with a brain laid on a plate The meaning is quite clear Don't go in there and use the pan The sign it means to say But with the words in such a state I guess I'll wait all day
11 Play House “Let’s play house” I hear you cry A sparkle sitting in your eye “I want to see your girlie side Sitting nicely as you try To keep your skirt all prim and neat With those shoes upon your feet” So as I concentrate so hard Your face a picture – “is it hard?” A smile is flashing on your lips As you pat those girlie hips Held inside a whalebone frame Laced up tight it is no game The brush and duster you present “This is how you pay your rent” Not one speck is to be found As on heels I totter round A beaming smile upon your face Reluctant housewife knows her place
12 Patents & Papers Penelope Grainger a woman of note Perfected a method of milking a stoat Willume McKindle a good Scottish chap Discovered a method to make wings that flap So Penny and Willume together they wrote Patents and papers on knitting a boat An idea that's daft all the great and good said Why don't you remove all this stuff from your heads But not to be beaten how could it be hard To knit such a vessel and line it with card? Around 1940 or twenty to eight Willume and Penny were is such a state "We've builded a boat we knew it would work" "Oh dear it is sinking!" a tear it did jerk But never outdone, in the blink of an eye Willume said "lets knit a boat that can fly!"
13 4 Lines I sit here writing nonsense as often is my won't When people say don't bother It really gets my goat!
14 Morning In May Silent and still where the earth meets the sky On top of the hill near the Elephant's Eye All of my worries are washing away As raindrops are falling on this day in May Splashing in puddles the raindrops abound Grey is the sky as it's covered in cloud Tendrils of mist wrap around me so damp As orange light glows from the only street lamp The sea is so calming as waves lap the shore My worries are leaving, returning no more Send thanks to The Lady for this brand new day And ever be thankful that love is Her way
15 The Six - Fifteen The six-fifteen to London town Loudly rushes past my home Onwards, onwards, clickety-clack As it hurtles down the track Windows rattling to the sound As power makes the wheels go round Many people stony faced Locked in daily commute race To jobs inside the glacial towers And money made for unseen powers Then travel home to kids and wife And what these people call a life It once was said it was the way To make us happy bright and gay To let the train take the strain How that one messed inside the brain!
16 Mysterious Chloe By random call a faceless girl Stepped inside my inner world With voice as soft as setting sun She entered in, her job well done She opened up my inner space My deeper world, a private place. And with her words her voice uncurled The fences built around my world Powerless against the thaw My mouth revealing more and more She opened locks without a key And Chloe found the real me I gave her more of me that hour Than women looking for that power And as she left and closed the door She vanished, and I wanted more.
17 Windmills Round and round the Windmills turn Twisting wind in rain or shine Built in farms or on their own Making power for work or home Some people hate them every day Others praise their style and grace Whatever you may think or feel They're here to stay, just like the wheel So I say embrace their form And their beauty as they turn Creating shadows on the ground Turning turning round and round Never sleeping night or day Making power in wind or rain Illuminating darkest nights Flick the switch turn on the light
18 In Praise Of Colour See the coloured umber ellas All around the town Red and yellow black and white Bobbing up and down Aren't they such a pretty sight In a world of grey? How they make the spirits lift And chase the blues away Here's one with a pig on top Another navy blue Stripes and squares and polka dots Of every different hue It makes the town a joyous place Despite the pouring rain And if I lived in black and white I think I'd go insane
19 Where Is Dementia? I have a friend who's a beautiful thing I met her one day in the middle of Spring She had a dark eye and the stealth of a cat And kept things like spiders and worms in her hat "Let's play a game" she said one fine day "We'll take all the cornflakes and throw them away " "Put all the washing up, inside the fridge And throw all the cutlery over the bridge" We run and we laugh in the meadow so green But then I stop laughing - oh where have I been? "How did I get here and where is the mouse?" I feel so confused - is this really my house? The girl she has gone, tell me what was her name? We had so much fun playing all of those games "Where is Dementia?" I ask, all confused "And why is my coat full of second hand shoes?"
20 There’s Therapy In Shreddery Today is Sunday morning there's not so much to do I thought I'd spend a moment and do some shredding too The damp and dusty papers were spread out on the floor Just hope no-one important comes knocking on the door I sifted through those mem'ries of days that went before Bills and old bank statements were piled up on the floor The shredder started whirring and slicing up the dross And I began to notice how time passed on the clock As all those lifetime moments become as paper snow The things they're representing just wither up and go Creating space for new thoughts to come into my head There's therapy in shreddery no truer words were said.
21 The Bone Collector Fol de ri and Fol de ray I sing my song both night and day And as I walk across the land Grief and mirth go hand in hand Collect remains of young and old All with stories to be told Earl or Countess, rogue or thief Everyone's the same to me They lived their lives in their own way Never thinking of the day When they would stop and leave the earth And make the journey back to dirt But am I saddened by my job? I get to thinking - not a jot! I see the scenes that people fear But yet it's just a job my dear
22 The Bone Collector's Daughter Her long hair falls about her neck In curls of fiery, glowing red She sits in awe of all you say While learning of her Celtic ways In mind she walks o'er craggy peaks Across the moorland, oh so bleak And yet so very much at home Despite the fact she walks alone With music flowing through her mind She stands, her arms held oh so high A Goddess call on wings is born This quiet, sun - drenched Irish morn The bone collector's daughter feels As free as skylarks as they wheel Between the skies and Mother Earth She's conscious of her Celtic birth
23 The 4th of July It's the 4th of July And a big apple pie Is gracing our table today It looks so much fun That we said to our mum Can we have some of that for our tea But look at the sky Where the sun is so high She said with her mouth round a plum There's hours to go 'til tea time will show And still there is work to be done But if you are good I will cut up this pud And serve it with custard or cream Then no one can say As I spoil you this way That I am a wicked old queen
24 The Real Cheshire Set A leafy Cheshire housing 'state With 6 foot fences and high gates Ageing schoolgirls, stocking seams High heels clicking, black lace peels From hot bodies in the night Behind those fences out of sight These are not the housewives seen By tv crews on Wilmslow's Green With plastic bodies hair so neat Rocks adorning hands and feet The real streets are so much more As passion writhes behind the door Reality belies the myth That from the pavement jewels drip And Rolex watches tell the time On wrists that serpents will entwine Ropes and chains are more the norm In towns where adult signs are worn
25 Campervan Theatre (Not Quite Shakespeare)
Now gather round and lend an ear And let me make it very clear As old Bill Wagstaff used to say All the world is but a play We play our parts upon that stage In London, Bristol and Fegg Hayes With sell out houses every night As we like it feels so right! And when we do our Scottish play In hamlets all along our way They sell out and the audience sit And they like it - just a bit! The camper makes us very proud As we trundle round and and round The by-ways with the compass set For Venice - and our Juliet!
26 The Magician Across the water he was borne To stand upon these shores In Avalon that mystic isle This father of Starchild The children greet him as he walks Towards the lofty Tor He greets them in his robes of blue With eagle watching oe'r The boy tugs at his sleeve so wide He stoops towards the child Behind the smile the Magick works He knows these times are wild A spell of power must be wrought Upon the Sword this day Protection spells that Morgaine laid He must enhance his way The battle will be tough and fierce So many Knights will pass Into the world of Summerlands
27 Don't Stand Beside My Grave and Weep! (A Fallen Knights song)
Don't stand beside my grave and weep The earth has gone from 'neath my feet I gave my life to serve my king Protecting all beneath his wing Don't stand beside my grave and weep Your daughter's song my soul will keep As far ahead as we can see The night is long ahead of me Don't stand beside my grave and weep My time on earth is now complete For I have lived a noble life And served my King mid battle strife Don't stand beside my grave and weep The skin and bone there is not me Since I have gone to Summerlands To wait my lady's silken hands
28 The Labyrinth Path Sacred Mother make me whole For as the labyrinth path I stroll I follow unseen patterns there That lead me to rebirth and air I spiral inwards to the core Towards my incarnation I enter to the birthing womb In mind, anticipation Cleansing from the dust and dirt I feel my body born anew I make my way both changed and whole To spend my reborn life with You
29 Mabon Is Approaching So as the wheel turns round again And Mabon is approaching Summer daylight makes the way For winter's dark returning The days to plan and to reflect To contemplate the myst'ries The crops be gathered safely in To feed us through the winter We thank the Goddess and The God By food and drink we offer Come share with us our harvest feast Make way for coming winter Let's feast and dance, enjoy the day Give thanks for earth's abundance Make good, lest the Wintersmith Is early in his calling Blessed Be
30 Enemy Lines Enemy lines are criss crossing my mind Your moods as confused as a tapestry sky Your eyes your betrayal in so many ways Your body shows more than your words ever say My thoughts are as daydreams forgotten today Head full of secrets I'm aching to say I wish they could see you as I see your truth Your scorn and your anger, that grew from your youth You say you're enlightened but truly you're not Mysogony twisted, your heart's love forgot Your love oh so tainted is really as false As the rest of your person, you love just yourself I feel for you tho' since you were once quite nice If doors open for me I'm gone in a trice I've no more to give you - it's all drained away It's just not the same since your sun went away
31 Smokin' Mudflaps Another town, another bed Another bed to lay my head Shelter from the driving rain And only artists know the pain Of being on the touring track Mudflaps smokin', guitar back I sing my songs,take curtain calls In Ohio and Mill Creek Falls And then I do it all again And pound the blacktop thro' the rain Thirty dates in forty days I see the smiles on every face And now I'm heading home again Smokin' mud flaps, driving rain Home is heaven for two weeks To ease my blisters, rest my feet Then I pack, again I'm gone Another fix of fun and song
32 A Holiday Observation Like lemmings off a towering cliff They trudge in droves towards the beach To sit and bake in searing heat With swollen knees and aching feet They sit beneath the blazing sun And swelter in the name of fun But yet the brave take to the skies Like gaily coloured swarming flies And then at night they hit the town The race is on to drink it down To make a show in club and bar While sinking yet another jar And then the week comes to an end The money's gone but with new "friends" You're just another tourist fool You think it's fun, you're not that cool
33 Bring Me The Horizon (1) A tale of love, betrothed for life Her destiny to be a wife But first her man a task must do To show his love for her be true A risk that he must undertake No-one knows the road he'll take To end the task his one true goal A lengthy journey down the road The task is set, the challenge on And once complete her heart is won His journey far beyond the sea To where the skyline kisses tree The lady waits for many years Amid her darkest deepest fears That he will not return to land The far horizon in his handling
Bring Me The Horizon (2) The hardest challenge ever set To win his maid he had to get The far horizon to her land And only then receive her hand For months he crossed both land and sea To find the line twixt sky and tree Through ocean mist and siren’s call And Minotaurs beyond the wall He asked for help of kindly folk And often times a fairy spoke Her gentle whispers in his ear “Carry on, the end is near” And when he felt that he was beat He kissed the ground beneath his feet As Magick crackled in the air He knew he’d win his maiden fair
Bring Me The Horizon (3) He chanced upon a silversmith A kindly man, to wrought a gift A locket cast with her in mind He bade our seeker go and find The finest artist in the land To form a picture with his hand Of palm trees kissing azure skies And golden shores for many miles A thousand and a thousand more Butterfly wings the picture formed This priceless gift the locket held Set with colour, Magick spell And thus he bore it home again Through thunder, lightning, driving rain To place the locket in her hand And claim his maid with wedding band
Bring Me The Horizon (4) He placed the locket in her hand He felt so weak he could not stand And so on bended knee he said "Accept this gift, let us be wed!" She opened up the locket fair The sunlight glistened in her hair Wide eyed, open mouthed in shock Tears slid down onto her frock ''Tis beautiful" she softly gasped As sunlight caught the wings at last "The quest is done I hold the prize The tree tops kiss the sunlit sky" And in a month the pair did wed The village buzzed and it was said No fairer gift was ever bought Than that horizon fairly caught.
So that brings us to the end of this collection of poetry by Dave Baxter. I would like to thank you for reading these words that I sincerely hope you found enjoyable. It is never easy to ensure that nobody is offended when you are writing creatively but I really hope that the content of this book has not caused anyone any offence. If you have enjoyed these poems there are only two collections available in print (one of which is STRICTLY for the over 21s) To learn about my other works or to purchase the adult book please contact me directly by send an email to moonshadowmedia@mail.com.
MEN
Monsters
AND CORNFLAKES
Verses by
Dave Baxter