石晉華作品集 石晉華 shi jin hua’s album shi jin hua

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Walks of Life

行 路 人 生

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行路人生 Walks of Life 文／

石晉華

Shi Jin-Hua

散步 高中的時候，有一年暑假，我在一個多月的時間裡掉了二十多公斤的體重，後來 發現我有第一型的糖尿病。這件事情對於十七歲的我而言，算是晴天霹靂。我們 這種病人必須要靠外來投射的胰島素來控制血糖。早期的胰島素，注射後產生降 血糖的作用需要一段時間，一旦進食，血糖會一直上升無法立刻控制；若降糖過 度時，胰島素造成的低血糖也要好幾個小時才會度過，這些過猶不及的起伏與挫 折，每天都在發生。我日後的人生路，直到現在仍然受此影響。 與其他疾病不同的是，糖尿病控制的成敗因素其實是在病人，我們可以掌握的三 點因素有運動、飲食和藥物，所以我開始養成晚間在飯後走路的習慣。我知道這 個疾病幾乎不可能痊癒，所以恐懼與苦悶一直是我必須處理的問題。選擇做藝術， 很大的原因是因為我需要一個精神的出口，或超越的可能性。

Walking One summer back in high school, I had lost more than 20 kilogram within one month. It was then discovered that I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. The news came as a shock to me, only seventeen years old at the time. Diabetics need to inject insulin to control their blood sugar. In the old days, a period of time was needed before the insulin came into effect and blood sugar was lowered. If the diabetic ate during this period, his/her blood sugar would not be immediately controlled and would continue to rise. In contrast, if the diabetic’s blood sugar was lowered too much, the patient would feel discomfort and would have to suffer for a couple of hours until blood sugar rose again. These kinds of extremes were a daily occurrence to me at the time, and my life has been changed ever since.

Different from other illnesses, the diabetic plays a crucial role in the care of his/her health.

The three things within the patient’s own control are exercise, diet, and medication.

This was the reason that I started taking walks after dinner. I knew that diabetes was considered an incurable disease, so fear and frustration were both problems I needed to deal with. Deciding to become an artist also had a lot to do with my need to find a way out or a way to transcendence.

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走索者 A Tightrope Walking 1987-1988 我住在一條鐵路旁邊，我最常步行的路線是越過 鐵路，往文化中心的方向走去。早期我對夜間的 光影有很多的興趣與觀察，後來這些都轉成一些 素描與繪畫。我也曾經有一段時間對走鋼索的意 象有很多素描，我覺得對我這樣的人而言，我們 的危險有兩種：一個是因為高血糖而造成的併發 症；另一個是因為低血糖而造成立即致命的威脅。 I live by a railway, and one of the regular routes for my walks is to cross the railway and to walk towards in the direction of the cultural center. In the early days, I became extremely interested in nighttime light and shadows, which became inspiration for my sketches and paintings. There was also a time when I focused greatly on the image of tightrope walking in my sketches because I felt that for those like me, there were two sources of life-threatening danger: one was the complications caused by high blood sugar, while the other was the imminent lethal threat caused by low blood sugar.

無頭的走索者 Walking Headlessly

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監牢系列 Imprisonment Series 1986-1987

由於父親曾任少年輔育院院長的關係，小的時候我可以隨意

Because my father worked as the Principle of a juvenile reform

進出院內，這使我對剃光頭、穿制服、點名、行步操、唱軍

school, I was able to come and go freely at the reform school. As a

歌、鐵門鐵窗的環境，都有很深的印象。我的學校生活從來

result, I was impressed by the images of shaved heads, uniforms,

不曾快樂過，升學主義加上身體的疾病，讓我感覺永遠沒有

roll calls, drills, war songs, and iron bars. I was never really happy

解脫的一天。我的驗血、注射都是偷偷摸摸的，只有導師以

in school, and the academic pressure as well as my illness made me

及教官知道我的狀況，我不讓任何人知道我的情形。

feel confined or imprisoned, like I would never be liberated. My blood tests and injections were all performed in secrecy, and only

自我封閉雖然可以一時保護我，或讓我清楚我遭遇的問題是

my homeroom teacher and my military training instructor knew I

什麼，但它讓我分分秒秒活在緊張、焦慮之中。當我離家去

was diabetic because I wanted to keep my illness private.

唸大學的時候，情況逼得我不得不改變，因為我凡事只能靠 自己，低血糖發生的時候沒有人可以幫忙我，這逼得我必須

Of course, self-isolation was a protective shell for me, or made me

認真思考，走出我自己的監牢。但是自卑感與是否被接納讓

realized the problem I was facing. Yet at the same time, I lived

我猶豫了好一段時間，在這段期間就是我開始畫監牢系列的

in anxiety and under stress every minute of the day. When I left

時候。漸漸的，我想要離開這個保護我，或困住我自己的心

home to go to college, the circumstances I was under forced me

牢，所以我必須回去面對我過去失敗、跌倒的情感經驗。一

to make changes, since I had to depend on myself for everything.

面畫我就一面思考，最後做出決定，終於在大一的時候，我

There was no one there to help me when I suffered from low blood

公開了我身體的狀況，我再也不在乎別人用什麼眼光看我或

sugar, and this forced me to think seriously about freeing myself

對我如何評價。

from previous self-imprisonment. However, my sense of inferiority or my worries about whether my peers would accept me or not made me hesitate for quite a while. During this period, I started working on the Imprisonment Series. Gradually, I wanted to escape from the prison which was either protecting me or trapping me.

For those reasons, I had to come to terms with my past failures or inner demons. I kept thinking about this when I painted and finally made up my mind. Finally, I made public my illness in my 1

freshman year and stopped caring about what or how people

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thought of me.

1.

囚人

2.

陷入床上的病人

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高牢

1.

The Prisoner

2.

The Patient in Bed

3.

High Celling Cell

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徬徨少年時

能到師大美術系讀書，幾乎是我們這一個年代學藝術的人所夢想的環境，但 是進入那裡也是失望的開始，課程結構、內容、師資故步自封，我在大一下 學期的時候，就對他們不再抱有希望。我覺悟到如果環境不能給我學習的條 件，我必須自己教育自己，面對自己的問題，追求真理，找到自己的路。這 個時期的作品多數以繪畫為主，抒情而日記式的作品。

Confusing Times as a Youth

It was a dream come true for those studying art at the time to be educated at the Department of Fine Arts, National Taiwan Normal University. However, going to school there was also the beginning of great disappointment since the curriculum and the faculty was conservative and narrow-sighted. I stopped holding any hopes in the second semester in my freshman year. I realized that if I was not able to learn under this environment, I needed to educate myself, to face my own problems, to pursue the truth, and to find my own way out. During this period, my works mostly consisted of paintings which showed my sentiments or expressed my emotions.

問天 Asking Heaven

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1.

405 教室前

1.

By the classroom 405

2.

口中塞滿麵包的自畫像

2.

Self-portrait with a mouthful of bread

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紅眼紅唇的自畫像

3.

Self-portrait with red eyes and lips

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健行日記 Hiking Journal 1993

在美國加州海德蘭藝術中心駐村時，我常在國立金門大橋休

very objective description, the reader could still see traces of my

閒區（Golden Gate National Recreation Area）、穆爾紅木森

emotional and psychological state from my writing. And because

林（Muir Wood）、天使島（Angel Island）等地區進行健行。

hiking was so physically consuming, I had to continue to monitor

每一次健行都會記下一篇日誌，畫一張路線圖，收集一根手

my blood sugar so that my food intake, medication, and physical

杖，拍下自己經驗到的與路途所看到的景象。我用非常精簡

condition could strike a balance. I remember taking photographs

的文字寫下健行的日誌，只描述現象，但從其中仍可以隱隱

of my own excrement as well as that of wild animals. I collected

感覺到個人的情感與精神狀態。由於體能一直在消耗中，我

the excrement and saw myself as a wild animal, from a biological

必須持續監控自己的血糖狀態，讓食物、藥物、體能的消耗

perspective. Upon my return to the art center, I developed the

維持平衡。我還拍照記錄自己及野生動物的大小便，將這些

photographs and slides, and I organized my notes and labeled

排泄物收集在一起，以生物學的態度，把自己當作一個野生

the maps I had drawn. Subsequently, I preserved my canes,

動物看待。返回藝術中心後，沖印照片、幻燈片，整理筆記，

photographs, my hiking journal, maps, and specimen in my studio.

標畫路線地圖。然後將手杖、照片、健行日誌、地圖及標本

There were a total of 23 recorded hikes during my stay.

等物體裝置在工作室中。這些留有紀錄的健行共有 23 次。 This was t he beg inning of t he establishment of cer ta in

這是我以制訂行為規則進行創作的開始。這些不需觀眾、自

principles or a new model behind my work in performance art.

訂規則行事、事後以文件表達我的經驗與美學企圖的模式，

This new model influenced many of my later works. It did not

影響了我後來的許多作品。有些時候我甚至不知道作品最後

need audiences, and went by its own rules, then presented by

的形式是什麼，我就是這麼生活與工作，然後慢慢思考如何

documents, in trying to express my experience and showcase

把過程取得的元素做成作品。

aesthetics. Even though sometimes I did not even know what exactly the final form of some of my works were, I continued to

在這段期間，我越來越向東方的文化根源靠攏，練習瑜珈、

live and to work, thinking about how to piece together a piece of

靜坐，研究道家的老莊。莊子〈齊物論〉的觀點就影響到〈健

artwork through many of the elements I have gathered along the

行日記〉這件作品，我覺得如果人類把自己擺在與其他的生

way.

物平等的位置，就可以減輕很多衝突與痛苦。我的行為與文 件處理的是個人身體與自然環境的關係，而監控或平衡血

During this period, I cozied up to my Asian roots by practicing

糖、以尿液在環境中標記、繪製地圖、確定自己所在位置等

yoga, meditation, and studying the Taoism, learning from ancient

的作為，事實上都是一種在異鄉野外生存技術的操作。

philosophers such as Laozi and Zhuangzi. Hiking Journal was inspired by “The Adjustment of Controversies” by Zhuangzi. I felt

When I was an artist in residence at the Headlands Center for the

we would be exempted from a great deal of conflicts and pain if

Arts in California, I used to hike in regions such as Golden Gate

human beings saw themselves as equals to other living creatures.

National Recreation Area, Muir Woods, and Angel Island. I would

Therefore, my behaviors and documentation were the interactions

write a journal entry, draw a map of my route, and save the cane

between an individual’s body and Mother Nature. Monitoring

I collected from every one of my hikes. Also, I photographed all

or balancing my blood sugar, or urinating as a way of labeling,

the images I saw along the way. In very concise words, I jotted

drawing out maps, as well as confirming my location became

down my experiences during hiking. Even though most of it was

survival skills for me in the wilderness or in a foreign land.

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取款的人 Money Walker 1996

我後來到了美國加州大學爾灣分校藝術創作研究所讀書，我

I then went to UC Irvine to pursue further studies in Master of

在系裡面中庭的兩端安置了兩組電視機和推架，電視的音量

Fine Arts. In the atrium of my department, I set up two television

調在最小「0」的位置上，並於電視上面架一台配有廣角鏡頭

at the two ends of the atrium. The volume of the television was

的 Hi8 錄影機，該錄影機俯視所攝的影像串連顯示在電視

set at “0,” while there was a Hi8 camcorder with wide-angle lens

螢幕上。我在兩組電視、錄影機之間，中庭的兩端不斷往返，

on top. The scenes captured by the camcorder were displayed on

每當抵達電視機前時，就按高電視的音量一級，然後轉身走

the television. I would walk to and fro between the two sets of

回另一端。電視機螢幕上所顯示的，是一個不斷走近、按鈕、

televisions and camcorders, and whenever I came to one television,

離開、又走近的人物影像。由於錄影機與電視機的過近距離

I would turn up the volume by one level, and then turn back and

使二者發生反饋作用，這種情形持續著，隨著往返中逐漸調

walk towards the other television to do the same thing. From the

高的電視音量，反饋的噪音也愈來愈大、愈來愈刺耳，直到

television screen, once could see a man who kept walking forward,

按至電視的最大音量「63」。之後每次走到電視機前時，就

turning the volume button, turning away, and then walking back

開始按低音量一級。於是噪音開始在以後的往返中逐漸減

again. Because of the vicinity of the televisions and camcorder,

弱，最後終於回歸沈寂。當音量顯示降至「0」時，行為結束。

feedback was generated as the volume became louder and louder.

As I turned up the volume, the feedback also became louder and

我對自動提款機的發明與存在一直保有高度的驚訝與興趣。

more piercing to the ear. I turned up the volume to the highest

我們到一個機器前面，按下按鍵，總會留下一種俯視、廣角

level of “63,” and then started turning down the volume as I

又逼近的影像，然後重複再來。這種視象是我們這個時代的

continued to walk to and fro between the two televisions. The

獨創，我前後構思了三到四次關於此類的作品，這件模擬在

noise generated died down and became silent as the volume of the

兩個提款機之間步行的作品是其中的第一件。隨著逐漸升高

two televisions became gradually lower. The performance ended

的噪音，讓我們意識到面對自動提款機這類機器的行為，但

when the volume was turned back to “0” again.

隨著持續的往返，到達高峰的噪音漸漸小聲，我們甚至經驗 到比之前無聲更大的安寧與緩慢。

I have always been surprised and fascinated by the invention and the existence of the ATM. When users come to the machine and press a button, they leave the camcorder an overlooking, wideangle and close-up footage of a person. Each time a new user uses the machine, this kind of image is recreated. This is a phenomenon unique to our times. I came up with three to four similar projects of the sort, the first of which is this work which consists of walks between two simulated ATM. With the increasingly louder noise, we aware of how our behaviors in the face of the ATM. Yet with continuous walks, the noise peaked and then died down again, letting us experience greater tranquility and greater ease when compared to the silence before.

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走樓梯的人 – 向杜象致敬 Stairway Walker - A Tribute to Marcel Duchamp 1996

在美國加州大學爾灣分校藝術創作研究所的中庭草坪上安置

In the courtyard of department of art at UC Irvine, a nine-meter

一個高近 9 公尺的螺旋形鐵梯，樓梯沒有踏板，只有鐵框的

spiral staircase was installed. The stairs did not have steps, just

結構。行為者全身赤裸，足踏膠靴一雙，靴子底下附著著一

the tin framework. The project consisted of an artist walking

對樓梯踏板形狀的三角形木板，一手執持紅色小圓點的遮棒

up and down the stairs for an hour with nothing on but a pair of

試著遮住私處，上下重複地走著樓梯，每一步又都試著將鞋

rubber boots. Wood-made triangle boards which bore the shape of

板踏塞在梯面的鐵框內。如此方法形式，上下樓梯一個小時。

the steps to the stairs were adhered to the rubber boots. The artist

最後走離樓梯，將小圓點丟向觀眾，完成此行為。

walked around up and down repeatedly the stairs for an hour, holding a stick with a red dot which covered his genital area and

此作是一件跟杜象〈下樓梯的女人〉對話的作品。女人在藝

trying to fit the wooden board into the frame of the stair case each

術中，多數被物化為被描繪與被觀賞的對象。我想，這次該

step of the way. The performance ended when the artist climbed

換個男人走走了吧？這有點自我調侃的意味，把男人或自己

down the stairs and threw the red dot to the audience.

放在一個不堪的處境中。你一步一步踏著可笑的鞋板往上 爬，每一步都嵌入樓梯的框架中，然而到後來還是要下來。

This piece actually responds to Duchamp’s Nude Descending a

黑色螺旋鐵梯象徵社會體系制約人們的行為，使人一步一步

Staircase. Usually, women are the ones often objectified in art

地踏入制度的框架與慣例中。荒謬與虛無的是，同化與步步

and often the object of appreciation. Therefore, I thought, it was

高升的同時，也註定了自高峰或高位下來的宿命。走了半天

about time that men took over the hard work. This piece was a

哪兒也到不了，徒然遮掩著自己的裸露、脆弱、不堪，一幕

kind of self-mockery since it was a male who was positioned in

終究徒勞無功，苦澀可笑的人生情境。無一例外的，這幾乎

an awkward and rather embarrassing situation. Step by step, the

就是我們人生處境的隱喻。

male performer climbed up the stairs wearing ridiculous boots, placing himself in the frame of the staircase each step of the way.

However, he still needed to descend in the end. The black spiraling staircase resembled the control of social system has over humans and how humans fit into the frameworks and the norms of life step by step. What is ridiculous is that even though humans ascend the staircase or become assimilated, their destiny is still to come down the steps and return to point zero in the end. This shows that no matter how far one goes, one will never reach the destinations.

Efforts would merely be made in vain by trying to conceal one’s nudity, vulnerability, and awkwardness. There seems to be no exceptions to this rule. This is simply a metaphor to all our lives.

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行路一公升 One Liter Walking 2004

2003~2004 年當我駐村在紐約 PS1 的時候，我做了一系列

When I was an artist in residence at New York MoMA PS1 from

測量的作品。其中〈行路一公升〉這件作品，我在上城西

2003 to 2004, I worked on a series of work which was related to

九十六街及河邊快速道路交口處，將膀胱內的液體排出。並

measurement. The story behind this One Liter Walking project

在同一地點喝下一公升的水。在 West End 大道及第十一大

was that I urinated at the intersection of 96th West Street and

道上朝下城的方向步行，一直到我必需再次排尿。在走到西

Riverside Drive in the Upper West Side. I drank a liter of water

四十五街，靠近無畏號海空博物館時，膀胱達到它忍受的極

and walked towards West End Avenue and 11th Avenue, until I

限，於是我面向一輛甜甜圈的卡車，出清我膀胱內的液體。

needed to urinate again. When I walked to West 45th Street near the Intrepid Sea, Air and Space Museum, my bladder could not

以人體的極限為測量的起始與終結點，測量一公升的水在我

take it anymore, and I urinated facing a donut truck.

體內代謝循環以及身體在城市中移動的距離，於是液體在肉 體中、人在城市空間中的移動，成為相互涵攝的雙重隱喻。

I set up a starting and finishing point by the limits of my body. The

至此，那個週日於紐約市步行的那段距離，可以定義為「一

metabolism of one liter of water inside my body was measured

公升的水流經我身體的距離」。

while the distance my body traveled within a city was tested. The fluid inside my body and the spatial movements I made in the city became resonating metaphors. The distance which was measured when walking through New York City that Sunday could be defined as “the distance of the liter of water flowing through my body.”

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減肥的代價 The Cost of Being Slimming 2009-2010

繼〈取款的人〉以後又一件關於自動提款機的作品，這是一

After Money Walker, another one of my projects related to the ATM

件關於控制體重與血糖的作品，起因是因為我的醫生認為我

centered around weight and blood sugar control. The intention

應該注意體重以便血糖的控制。在兩家銀行各開一帳戶並取

behind this project was that my doctor thought I should watch my

得金融卡，以步行方式移動於兩銀行自動櫃員機之間，持續

weight so that my blood sugar could be controlled. Against this

用金融卡轉帳到另一銀行帳戶，藉此消耗熱量，達成減肥目

backdrop, I decided to open up two accounts in two respective

標。由於每次轉帳銀行會收取費用，金額因此將逐漸減少。

banks. After receiving my bank card, I walked to and fro between

重複這個動作，直到耗完這些錢，停止轉帳與減肥。文件的

the ATMs of the two banks and transferred money from one bank

部分，留存每次的轉帳收據與存款簿上的紀錄。每次轉帳步

to another to burn calories. A transaction fee was charged every

行後，測量體重，拍照記錄。

time there a bank transfer was made, so the amount of money in

高雄銀行 台灣銀行 Taiwan Bank

my bank account gradually decreased. I repeated these actions

從我的家到高雄銀行再到台灣銀行然後返家的距離是 6 公

until all of my money was spent on transaction fees, and then I

里，半年的時間在兩銀行的自動櫃員機間轉了 100 次的帳，

suspended my transfers as well as my weight loss plan. All of the

而跨行轉帳一次收費 17 元，一共耗費 1,700 元，走了 600

bank transfers were documented in my bankbook and the receipts

公里，體重從 80.5 公斤減至 72.5 公斤，平均每公斤減重代

which I kept. Every time I took a walk to make a transfer, I would

價是 212.5 元。

also weigh myself and take a photograph.

我的想法是，把城市當作一個健身房，我利用工作以外的時

The round trip from my place to Kaohsiung Bank and then to

間來燃燒熱量。自動櫃員機取代了跑步機，跨行轉帳費猶如

Taiwan Bank was 6 kilometers. In six months, there were 100

健身房會員費用，而轉帳的收據則是我行為藝術的文件。據

transfers made on the ATMs of the two banks. The transfer fee

說，台北的瘦身中心每減一公斤收費一萬元新台幣，而我這

was NTD17 for each transfer while it cost me a total of NTD1,700

裡提供的瘦身方法，在兩台自動櫃員機之間步行，每公斤只

and a walking distance of 600 kilometers. My weight dropped

要新台幣 212.5 元。

from 80.5 kilograms to 72.5 kilograms. On average, each kilogram cost me of NTD212.5.

高雄銀行 Kaohsiung Bank

家 Home

My idea was to see the city as a gym. I used time away from work to burn calories. The ATM machine was a replacement of the treadmill, while the transaction fees resembled a gym membership. The receipts from each transfer turned into the documents of performance art. I have heard that weight loss centers charge NTD10,000 for each kilogram that their client loses. Using my method, walking between two ATM machines helped me lose weight at NTD212.5 per kilogram.

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走鞋計劃 Shoes Walking Project 2010-

2010 年六月起，我開始進行目前的〈走鞋計劃〉。這一次我

I started the Shoes Walking Project in June, 2010. This time, I

是要利用自動櫃員機幫助我記錄一雙鞋的生命歷程。

wanted to use the ATM machine to help me track the life cycle of a pair of shoes.

首先，我為此計劃買了一雙新鞋，先掃瞄鞋底一次，爾後只 有在執行此計劃時才穿用此鞋。然後，我在高雄市民族路的

First of all, I bought a new pair of shoes for this project and

合作金庫銀行開戶，存入 1,001 元。同時，我也請台北的朋

scanned the shoes bottom. I decided to only wear these shoes

友在台北的一家合作金庫銀行開戶，存入 1,000 元，並各自

when I executed this project. Subsequently, I opened up a bank

取得一張金融卡。之後我開始持續往返步行，自家至高雄市

account in the Taiwan Cooperative Bank on Minzu Road in

民族路合作金庫銀行的自動櫃員機，每次都用金融卡在兩帳

Kaohsiung City and deposited NTD1,001. At the same time, I

戶之間轉帳 1 元。

asked a friend in Taipei City to open up another account at Taiwan Cooperative Bank in Taipei and deposit NTD1,000. Two bank

單程從家到合作金庫銀行的距離是 2.5 公里，往返有 5 公里，

cards were issued after the respective accounts were opened.

轉帳 20 回會走 100 公里。每 100 公里我會紀錄掃瞄鞋底一

I started walking from my place to the ATM at the Taiwan

次，直到此鞋穿壞為止。這雙鞋子逐漸耗損的影像以及兩帳

Cooperative Bank on Minzu Road in Kaohsiung. Every time, I

號的存摺，將會製成行為的文件。我預計約用三年的時間磨

would make a transfer of NTD1 to the other account with my bank

破這雙鞋，完成此計劃。

card.

我覺得鞋像是人的兄弟、知己，一直在一起，每個地方，每

The distance from my place to Taiwan Cooperative Bank was

個足跡。上述的這雙鞋以他的磨損隱喻人生汲汲奔走，不論

2.5 kilometers, and the round trip was 5 kilometers. Making 20

所得、所失，在無常之下終究徒勞。正所謂「鐵甲鞋踏遍了

transfers would make 100 kilometers. I scanned the bottom of

紅塵，徒碌碌」。這件作品或許可以讓觀者因此慢下腳步，

my shoes after walking every 100 kilometers until the shoes were

靜心體會、思考、抉擇自己的生命步伐與意義。

wrecked. The scanned documents of the shoes as well as the bankbooks to the two accounts will be made into documents of the performance, and I plan to spend three years on this project.

I feel like shoes are like our buddies or close friends. We are together every step of the way, in each corner of the world, making a footprint. This pair of wrecked shoes symbolizes the efforts we make in life. It does not matter what we gain or lose because in an unpredictable life, it seems none of it matters too much. Just as the saying goes, “iron shoes have walked through the chaos of life, in vain.” Perhaps this piece of work will help viewers slow down their steps to reflect, to feel, and to decided on the meaning behind the steps they have taken in life.

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合作金庫銀行 Taiwan Cooperative Bank

家 Home

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結語 Conclusion 我常覺得成語「人生如旅」這句話講得太過容易、輕鬆，現實的人生是一連串的關卡。很多 人生的路，是無奈被逼迫做出的選擇。我總是先求存活下來，然後才有找到出路或意義的 機會。我常覺得人有點像一隻在輪型牢籠原地奔跑的老鼠，人生的主調往往是困住、失敗、 徒勞無功的，老天或我們應該悲憫生命如此的荒謬與苦境。我的走路就是這麼一回事，它與 樂趣或興趣無關，主要是要平衡血糖、消彌精神的苦悶、思考現實與創作的問題。三十年了， 我哪裡也沒去，還是在黑夜中越過鐵軌，等紅綠燈，走去走回，希望今晚能夠好眠。 這才明白，不思前、不思後的無念，才是幸福吧。

I have never had the sense that “life is like a journey,” since that idea is simply too laid-back and unrealistic. For me, life has always been a series of challenges and sufferings. Many of the choices we make in life are due to helplessness or because we have no other options. I always try to first survive before finding meaning or a way out. Often, I feel like men are like caged mice, running and running on the wheel of life. One gets the sense that the essence of life is often entrapment, failure, and futileness, and we or God need to be sympathetic towards the absurd and the pain in life. This is why I take walks.

It has nothing to do with walking being fun or my personal interest. It is merely a way of balancing my blood sugar, coming to terms with my frustrations, and a way to meditate about my work and the reality of life. It is been 30 years, and I am not going anywhere. I am still walking through railway crossings and waiting for the traffic light, to and fro, hoping for a good night’s sleep.

And then I finally realized, perhaps not being obsessed about the past or the future is the true path to happiness.

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