My Life with Boys

Nearly every time I tell someone about my living conditions—two girls, four guys, two and half bathrooms—people are surprised and sometimes even sorry for me. I don’t know why. After all, I signed the lease on my own free will. Having extended their condolences, their next step is to usually ask “So, what’s it like?” as if my friend and I are the fi rst females to ever venture into the unknown world of co-ed living. Honestly, hasn’t anyone seen New Girl?

So, having taken one for the team (just kidding), I’m here to reveal exactly what goes on when you live with a group of guys. Here are a few of my observations so far:

1. Contrary to popular belief, they aren’t pigs. Not only did they set up a chore list, but our boys (as we affectionately call them) voluntarily pick up the broom way more often than us girls. And this is especially impressive, considering most of what they sweep up is our hair. They have since requested—to no avail—that we shave our heads.

2. Compared to us girls, who politely declined to take their hairstyle advice, the boys are surprisingly open to considering our personal grooming suggestions. In fact, we have already successfully convinced one of the guys to let us touch-up his eyebrows. Fashion, however, is a bit different; as it turns out, clothes are optional. Apparently, there is a clause in the bro code stating that at any point in time, at least one male member of the house must be missing an article of clothing. Whether it be a shirt or pants, this rule is followed consistently. It is also not unusual for guys to wear one outfit spread amongst the group. Thankfully, this does not extend to undergarments.

3. Strutting around the house sans-shirt takes a certain amount of self-confidence, e, and this confidence is infectious. Nonetheless, these boys rely heavily on their mothers. I once watched one of the boys call his mom to read her the instructions from a bag of frozen food. This was, presumably, so she could confirm that yes, he can read, and no, the food company was not trying to trick him. Additionally, cooking skills are limited, but the boys are eager to learn. On multiple occasions, I have been called into the kitchen to oversee food prep and provide emotional support along the way. Trust me when I say that watching them do dishes is one of the funniest, most endearing things I have ever seen. That said, over the course of several weeks I’ve witnessed a remarkable improvement in their abilities.

4. Your snacks are never safe! Perhaps this is due to their culinary short-comings, but boys are perfectly comfortable helping themselves to your bag of tortilla chips. I naively thought that I no longer had to guard my food when I moved out from home, but, alas, I was wrong. If I’m being honest, there have been several minor scuffles over snack-stealing, and they are not likely to end anytime soon.

5. Sometimes random things just show up in your living room. I’ve learned it’s best not to ask too many questions.

6. The live-in security detail is a plus. My heart melted when my housemates swore that if anyone tried to hurt us girls, they would protect us. They are also very useful when it comes to investigating strange noises at night time.

7. Occasionally, they will come to you for girl advice. Whether it’s crafting a rejection text, deciding if they should pursue a girl, or determining if it was, in fact, a date, our boys will count on us to help with all of the above. Alternatively, they provide valuable insight as to the male brain. Having lived with four guys, I realized that men really don’t notice as much as I thought they did. They’ve also taught me how to get free drinks with mini- mal effort, so that’s a bonus!

8. While this isn’t a new revelation, I must address the fact that boys have an arsenal of sex-related humour prepped for launch at any moment. I swear, a portion of their brain is dedicated to scanning for opportunities to deploy their most salacious, vulgar jokes. And since we’re on the topic, it should be noted that sex lives are open to discussion. Boundaries? What are those?

9. Most of all … it’s fun. Sure, we’re in the proverbial honeymoon stages right now, but if the last few weeks are any indication of how the rest of the year is headed, I think we’re in for some good times.

If anyone out there is thinking about living with boys, I can honestly tell you to go for it. You’ll learn, you’ll (hopefully) laugh, and you’ll definitely make some lifelong memories. Just be sure to hide your snacks.

Illustration by Karina Bland

By Kyra Smith