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CATACLYSM
NO, THIS IS PATRICK pg.
HEISER IS SENTIENT pg.
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LIBRARY TUBA
APRIL 5, 2017 VOLUME XXXV ISSUE IV
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New College of Florida's student-run newspaper
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O’Shea holds unannounced meeting over Spring Break BY JASON D'AMOURS President O’Shea held a private meeting in Sudakoff with the Board of Governors (BoG) and Florida state governor Rick Scott on March 29, in the middle of spring break, to urge them to adjust the school-year schedule because daylight savings time affects retention rates, he claims. “Students gain an hour one semester, and then they lose one the next semester, and I just think it really messes them up,” O’Shea said. O’Shea’s master plan adjusts the schedule bi-semesterly, depending on the position of the sun each year. The 77.5 page plan includes in the fine print a mandate requiring the provost to work in accordance with the groundhog’s annual declaration of spring or more winter. It also requires professor’s to hold all exams on the day of the fall and summer solstice regardless of whether class is typically held that day. His comments were met with mostly nods of approval and one sideto-side nod of dissent from Rick Snott.
There was one New College community member in attendance with strong feelings about the meeting. “You know, I think this guy is silly. Not O’Shea. Rick Snott. He disapproved of the claims. And ya know, when I lose that hour, I do get really messed up. I used to eat when it was about to get dark. Now I’m hungry before it gets dark. It just really distracts me from everything I’m supposed to be doing,” Tracy Furry, New College mascot said in a phone interview. Furry questioned whether O’Shea’s passion in this initiative stems from how he is personally affected by daylight savings time. “I said it messes me up,” Furry said. “But he’s so passionate about this it must really mess him up too. Just imagine how distraught he must be when the time changes! It’s kind of sad actually.” When students arrived on campus after spring break, they found an Anya Contreras-Garcia/Cataclysm
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Metz to close entirely on weekends BY MAGDALENE TAYLOR In order to cut rising food service costs, Metz will be closing the dining hall entirely on Saturdays and Sundays, including the C-Store. Beginning on April 7, the dining hall will only be opened from Monday to Friday. After 7 p.m. on Friday, all dining hall options will be closed until 8 a.m. on Monday. To help offset student hunger on weekends, Metz will be installing an Easy Bake Oven in Hamilton Center for weekend use. However, Easy Bake Oven mixes will only be sold during the academic week in the C-Store. The decision to close the dining hall on weekends was the result of a number of causes. A financial report from the International Journal of Small Liberal Arts College Dining Hall Programs cited Metz as having unusually high costs as a result of extreme plate and fork theft. Metz also reportedly spent $500,000 on the new Coca-Cola Freestyle machine in the C-Store, spending nearly half of their annual food budget.
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WHAT’S INSIDE
Pariesa Young/Cataclysm
(left) Metz quickly crossed out the weekend dining hours on their schedule when the decision was reached. (right) Employees have considered changing the sign outside of the cafeteria from "Welcome" to "No."
1+1 MEAT ON THE MENU
23 SHROOMS IN CAPLES
42 BEWARE OF WASPS