Family Matters May 2011

FAMILY MATTERS

May 2011—Volume 3, Issue 5

Military Spouse Appreciation Coupons and Card Inside

Original Drawing Courtesy of Abby Millsap, Smithfield Family Assistance Center

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Director’s Column | Military Appreciation Month & Military Spouse Appreciation

Family Matters May 2011

Hello Everyone, We’re rocking and rolling through the year. This month, we’d like to take the opportunity to truly thank all of the Military Spouses as we celebrate Military Spouse Appreciation Day on May 6. As a Military Spouse, you face challenges that only you and other Military Spouses understand.

You’re charged with manning the homefront during deployments, annual trainings, drill weekends, and other courses that take your Servicemember away from home.

We understand that it feels inevitable that something will go wrong during those absences. The car breaks down or something inside your home seems to suddenly need repair.

We hope you’ll enjoy the articles from a few spouses about their “military spouse” experiences. It is through your strength and resourcefulness that you make our North Carolina National Guard men and women stronger by filling in the gaps.

We are dedicated to the success of your Family and our Military.

Please take advantage of the upcoming events such as the career fairs, kids camps and more. Be certain to utilize our Family Assistance Centers, Family Readiness Groups, and the many opportunities that we learn about and pass along to you.

You can get the latest at our Facebook page if you’ll become a Fan of North Carolina National Guard Family Programs.

Sincerely,

Diane Coffill State Family Program Director diane.coffill2@us.army.mil (919) 664-6324 SFC Ramona Scott Family Program NCOIC ramona.scott1@us.army.mil (919) 664-6000 ext. 47005 SFC Calvin Buchan Family Program Assistant calvin.buchan@us.army.mil (919) 664-6124 SGT Daniel Holland Family Program Assistant/ Warehouse dan.holland@us.army.mil (919) 664-6562 PFC Carrie Stevens Family Program Assistant carolyn.stevens1@us.army.mil (919) 664-6000 ext. 46876 Lana Greer State FAC Coordinator lana.m.greer@us.army.mil (828) 271-5029

State Family Program Director

Kathleen Flaherty

FREE CERVICAL & BREAST CANCER SCREENING Made Possible By a Grant From:

Airman & Family Readiness Program Mgr. kathleen.flaherty.ctr@ncchar.ang.af.mil

(704) 398-4949 Pamela Hughes State FRG Advisor

Tuesday, May 31, 2011 4pm-8pm Helping Hands Clinic 810 Harper Avenue Northwest Lenoir, NC

pamela.hughes5@us.army.mil

(919) 693-5016 ext. 11 Alice Dean State Youth Coordinator alice.dean@us.army.mil (919) 664-6000 ext. 16289

All uninsured women ages 21 to 64 are welcome. Clinical Breast Exams do not include a Mammogram.

North Carolina National Guard Family Programs State Office 4105 Reedy Creek Road Raleigh, NC 27607-6410 (919) 664-6053 www.nc.ngb.army.mil

Call 828.754.8565 x.300 for an appointment.

Lenoir Rotary Club References in this newsletter to any specific commercial products, processes, or services, or the use of any trade, firm, or corporation name does not constitute endorsement, recommendation, or favoring by NCNG Family Programs.

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Through the Eyes of a Military Spouse By Leslie Gaddis Communication, respect, patience, and love are all important in any marriage. As a Military Spouse, I have learned these traits are even more important. I have also learned resilience is an important trait for a Military Spouse. We’ve all heard it, “Hurry up and wait.” Before my husband deployed in 2009 with the 30th HBCT, I heard it a lot. We were told first they would go one place, then another. We were told the last time we would see them was at the Mobilization Ceremony in January 2009. We were often told at the very last moment we could spend time with them, usually about 24 hours, and we would rush to spend that little bit of time with them. Our daughter had never been on a spur of the moment road trip until her dad called one afternoon and said they had a 24 hour pass.

I told her to pack a bag and get in the car. We drove the 4-hour trip to be with him for only a few hours. It was the best few hours we had. We learned to keep a bag packed because you never know when you’re going to get that call or a call from another Military Spouse who needs help. We don’t live close to his Unit’s Armory or even close to any of the bases they were at during their mobilization. However, when we got that call, we were on the road.

It is very important to have some “me time.” It is also perfectly fine to have some “me time.”

Get involved with your FRG. I realize that our spouses are in the National Guard, our FRG may not be close by but you can still have contact with them and other spouses.

My FRG planned numerous events for Families during deployment. The events were spread out across the state to give everyone an opportunity to attend at least one event. I attended more than my fair share I suppose—but it gave me the opportunity to find battle buddies, learn about the resources that are available to Guard members and their Families, and my daughter to meet new friends as well.

My last piece of advice, when deployment is over and reintegration begins, be very patient. You have changed, your spouse has changed, your relationship has changed, and your children have changed. Give your spouse time to adjust to coming home, but also give yourself time to adjust to him/her being home. Even after a year, we are still adjusting and finding our “new normal.” You will find your new normal as well. Go to a Strong Bonds Marriage Enrichment. It’s not just for couples having problems but it will give you a new perspective on your relationship and each other. I don’t suggest going immediately after deployment but when you get somewhat adjusted to your new normal, take a weekend to go. You will enjoy it and most likely learn some things you didn’t know about yourself and each other.

“Give your spouse time to adjust to coming home, but also give yourself time to adjust to him/her being home.”

My husband, being prior service, never told us anything about where he was going, when he was going, how long he would be there, or any details like that. Not because he was trying to keep it from us but because he knew there was a change 2000 around the corner and he didn’t want to upset us. At first, I was upset that he didn’t tell us but after being strung around so many times, I understand what he was doing. I would get calls from him at 4:00 pm saying “We’re getting a pass and they are going to let us go at 6:00 pm.” My response, “you’ll have to wait on me because I can’t get there in two hours.” I eventually got there and we spent our little bit of time together.

If you have a deployment coming up, find things to do to keep yourself (and your children, if you have any) busy.

Don’t overbook yourself or your children. Stick to your routine but, it will change. You may have to rearrange your schedule some and ask for help when you need it.

Friends and Family will be there to support you but they often do not know what they can do to help. Ask them to help you with a specific task, such as mowing the lawn or keeping your children for a couple of hours so you can do something for yourself.

Know that you are not alone and it is ok to ask for help.

My husband sent me a quote before he told me he was deploying. It helped me get through a lot of hard times and I hope that it helps you as well.

“You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation to All of You!

SHOUT OUT! Shout Out to my beautiful wife, Chandi Shope, she's a wonderful wife and mother to our 2 sons. I love you baby, SM SPC Robert Shope, E4 105th

I would like to send a shout out to my awesome spouse and former Soldier, Stacey Currie. Thank you for your support, love and encouragement. I couldn't do it without you, babe.

GLORIA M. CURRIE SFC, 690TH BSB

To: Sgt. Robert Hastings From: Your Wifey, Elizabeth Hastings...Thank you for the many years you've so proudly served our country. Thank you for three amazing shorts ones (Drew 11, Will 6 and Emma 4) and for your unconditional love.

I'll be missing you every single moment of every single day of this upcoming deployment! Chin up!

SEND US YOUR SHOUT OUT TO ncngFamilyprograms@gmail.com

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De-Stress WorkshopTM for Military Families FREE De-Stress Workshop for Warrior Family Wellness for service member, veterans, first responders and spouses.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011 from 6-7:30 PM in the boardroom Triangle Red Cross, 100 N. Peartree Lane, Raleigh NC 27610

My Soldier By: Carson Taylor Gaddis

Email Dcallan3@nc.rr.com or call Diane Callan at 919-650-1806 HeartMath’s De-Stress Workshop is a practical, down-to-earth program that teaches people in the community skills for destressing and bringing more balance and ease into their daily challenges, communications and relationships. The program’s success can be attributed largely to two of HeartMath’s selfregulation techniques, which provide simple, but effective ways to shift into coherence, a state in which the heart, brain and nervous system are in alignment. This balanced state forms the foundation of both personal and Family resilience.

Anxiousness, anger and frustration Stressful situations Unexpected changes Arguments Disappointments Conflicts Overload Making difficult decisions Participants create and commit to personal practice plans and leave the workshop with a clear understanding of how to apply these tools and skills in their daily lives.

Workshop Objectives: Understand how increasing coherence and managing stressful emotions can improve your health, well-being and relationships Learn how to make clearer choices and decisions in challenging situations (time-crunches, unexpected changes, etc.)

Learn how to consciously create more flow and ease as you navigate through life’s daily interactions with Family, friends and co-workers Learn proven stress reduction and effective resilience building techniques that can be used before, during and after stressful challenges Create and commit to a personal practice plan

Reserve your spot today ~ limited to 15 attendees ~ First to reserve, first to serve! www.heartmath.org/training/military/military-Families.html

The Soldier’s Little Girl One Soldier in Iraq, One hero for me ...Its as simple as that.

One Family cheering on That fighting Soldier Waiting for him to come home.

One year away from the worn out Soldier who’s sacrificing his life for us, Several cards are sent out at once, no one dares to recall, When the one thing missing in life, is the Soldier.

My Dad.

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Tough Spouses Keep it Going Since 1984, the Friday before Mother's Day marks a day of appreciation for Military Spouses. Across the nation, military spouses are recognized for their heroism and courage. But what is most astounding about these warriors is their inspiration of going when the "going gets tough".

Spc. Dalton Bolt and new wife, Lauren, on their wedding day in September 2009. They tied the knot right before Bolt headed off to Iraq.

Cari Livengood, wife of 1st Lt. John Livengood, recently welcomed her husband home from Iraq. Cari said, "I have a new appreciation for single parenthood … it's hard, homework, soccer, swim lessons … it's just you, so the house wasn't always the neatest or the cleanest, I'll say that; You survive."

The Livengood's have two boys, Hunter, 11, and Benjamin Reese, 7, who they call Ben Reese. Before their dad left they talked about their dad being deployed and that he was going to be gone for awhile. Cari made a notebook with all the information and numbers she needed to have, she made it a point from the start to keep the same routine for her boys, kept the news off and notified their school teachers and principal that their dad was being deployed. She said, "they adjusted well but there were times when it was tough." For example, Ben Reese told Cari, "Dad doesn't brush my hair this way and I would say show me how he does it" or he asked "Is my dad going to die? And I told him those are burdens that mommies and daddies carry." But through it all, she remembered someone else's advice; you got to do fun things. Cari said, "My friend told me once, if you can say yes, don't say no. Yeah, we have to clean up the house or do the dishes; but, if your child says mom take us to the park … if you can say yes and take them to the park and that brightens their world … what's the big deal, the dishes will be there when I get home."

By Kathryn Jarvis, NCNG Family Programs

Newlyweds Spc. Dalton Bolt, with the 163rd Area Support Medical Company (ASMC), and wife Lauren missed their first year together as Mr. and Mrs. Bolt. Bolt joined the National Guard almost two and half years ago but has been gone for training and a deployment for the bulk of his new career as a Radiology Specialist. Since he joined he has been home with his new wife for five months. Bolt's wife, Lauren said, "We got married in September 2009. He finished his training in February 2010, on a Tuesday, and the very next day he reported to his unit and was told that three weeks later they would be deploying."

Lauren said, "The hardest thing was just knowing where he was at.

The being apart at first was hard because I was use to having him home on the weekends [while he was in Advanced Individual Training]. So, the not seeing each other every day … we were pretty much accustomed to that ... so that was pretty much easy to contend with. But, for me, it was the worrying."

“If you can say yes, don't say no”

Even with all the preparations and transitioning techniques the Livengood's were not prepared for the loss they had at home while Livengood was away. Not soon after Livengood left, Cari had a miscarriage. Cari said, "Even through your bad days you got to just keep going.

It wasn't easy, I have two other children that depend on me. I had to say am I going to lay in the bed and cry, cry, cry, which I did, or am I going to get up and take care of what I do have. I had to take that kind of outlook through the deployment, through that, just through everything."

Over the year, they kept in touch with technology such as Skype. They talked about the general points of each of their lives both worrying about each other and taking pre-cautions on what was said. SPC Bolt said, "For me the most difficult part was not being able to discuss openly what was going on, what I was seeing or what I (continued on page 8) APRIL 2011

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was involved with…for OPSEC (Operational Security) reasons and due to the fact that I didn't want my wife or my Family to freak out, which I am pretty sure that goes for everybody."

Lauren and SPC Bolt said they got through the deployment the "old fashioned way." Living in South Carolina, away from the resources in North Carolina, Bolt and Lauren found support from friends and Family that serve or have served in the military. Both of Bolt's grandfathers served in Vietnam and Lauren's cousin served in Afghanistan. They shared experiences to help the couple get through the year. Bolt says Lauren stayed strong during his deployment and "that all business that had to be handled here in my absence was handled by her. I have a rockin' wife." But the coming home has been more of an adjustment.

Even though they knew each other for more than 10 years, acclimating as husband and wife while Bolt was deployed was a challenge. But doing it after a deployment is more difficult. They both think that reintegrating after the deployment is much harder. They talked about things to expect from each other before Bolt's return home. Lauren Spc. Dalton Bolt hugs his news wife, Lauren, said, "Once he got back from Iraq on their wedding day in Sept 2009. They tied this is the most we spent together the knot right before Bolt headed off to Iraq. under the same roof … [and] he is still very much in that squared-way, go, go, go, constantly moving, doing things, getting it done this second and I am a little more laid back." They are learning to compromise and getting to know each other's idiosyncrasies for the first time. While they are getting through the transition of being newlyweds, Bolt is transitioning back to the civilian world.

He has less concern for superficial things and finds that things that didn't bother him before bother him now. Bolt said, "Finding myself in situations where there are a lot of people, and the lackadaisical attitude of some civilians infuriates me." Lauren said, "That’s why I don't take him to Wal-Mart … I have seen friends that have gone on tours long before…and they end up having a divorce, so I try to keep that in mind. To have an idea of what to expect when he came home." She says she doesn't pressure him to talk about things and tries to understand, with the help of her support network, how to help them get through this.

Whether a Servicemember is gone or at home military spouses like Cari and Lauren take on more by being supportive and aware of how to keep the "real" in relationships. They are an inspiration, they are a military spouse who keeps going when the going gets tough.

HONOR A MILITARY SPOUSE YOU KNOW WITH THESE COUPONS AND/OR PRINT THE CARD ON PAGE 7.

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Yellow Ribbon YELLOW RIBBON TEAM 800-621-4136 EXT. 46054

UNIT HHC 105th MP BN &

DATE May 20-21

LOCATION Greensboro

TYPE 60 PDHRA

163 RD ASMC CO B 3-20 SFG

June 24-25

Raleigh

30/60 PDHRA

1452 TC CO

July 22-23

Greensboro

Pre-Deployment

883rd EN CO &

August 12-13

TBD

Pre-Deployment

*Upcoming Event information subject to change.

Frequently Used Numbers ‌

***THIS OFFER IS FOR ACTIVE DUTY, RESERVE & NATIONAL GUARD MILITARY PERSONNEL ONLY*** Charlotte's premier PGA TOUR event, the Wells Fargo Championship and USO of NC have teamed to invite 500 Active Duty, Reserve and National Guard military personnel to the Wells Fargo Championship, May 2-8, 2011.

If you are a military ID card holder and wish two complimentary tickets, please email us the information listed below. Please note, children 12 and under do not need tickets when accompanied by a ticket holding adult.

Tickets may be picked up at one of the "Will-Call's" conveniently located in authorized tournament parking areas when you present your ID card.

DEERS: 800-538-9552 Emergency Operations Center: 919-664-6531 Employment Readiness: 828-274-8571 Integrated Behavioral Health System: 800-621-4136 x.1 Legal Assistance: 919-334-9957

For more general information regarding the Wells Fargo Championship, please visit www.WellsFargoChampionship.com.

For two tickets, please respond to wellsfargogolf@uso-nc.org with all requested information:

Military OneSource: 800-342-9647 Personal Financial Counselor: David Porter/704-280-9555 Tricare: 877-874-2273

Follow us on Twitter @ncngFamily

First Name, Last Name Phone Number, Email Address Last 4 Digits of SSN, Unit Location of Ticket Pick-Up (Ballantyne, SouthPark or Carowinds) Date of Ticket Pick-Up Requested Event Dates Incomplete requests cannot be processed.

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By Kathryn Jarvis, NCNG Family Programs

Tamara Rogers, Spouse of Maj. Christopher Rogers, has made Asheville their home for the past four years. Unlike National Guard Families, the Rogers are an active duty Family. In 2007, Maj. Rogers was assigned as the Western Carolina Recruiting and Retention Commander. They packed up for a seventh time to the mountains of North Carolina. Tamara said, "It's different. You don't have a lot of support teams … when you're not with a base people tend to have, I think, a little more compassion for you … then, if you are in the military on a military base, then you talk and you tough it out."

Over the years the Rogers have adjusted to being a military Family away from a military base. Their two boys, Samuel, 10, and Joshua, 7, have lived most of their life away from military installations. So when it came time for her husband to leave for Afghanistan they decided to keep the home they were use to. Tamara said, "We just fell into a great neighborhood and good school, the kids just got along great. It was good that when he went to Fort Campbell we actually didn't go ... because when he got deployed, we have our friends, we have our church, we have our school. It was all established."

Like other military Families not on a base or post, having a loved one gone on a deployment presents its own challenges. During the separation, Tamara and her kids had good days and bad days. Tamara said "A lot of people in the school know that we are a military Family but they don't understand the things that the kids have to go through. And, with their dad being in Afghanistan for a year it was hard on them … and not having other kids in the same situation was hard on them because they didn't have anybody to relate to."

Samuel and Joshua Rogers are two of three military kids at Woodfin Elementary School that were presented Hero certificates during a ceremony recognizing Military Child Appreciation Month. Tamara said, "They were a little embarrassed having the attention brought on them but they liked it. They like the rewards."

To keep the homefront going, Tamara assumed the roles of mother and father for their little heroes. When she had problems with the house she was able to find resources at the Asheville Military Family Resource Center and when the boys were having a tough time she found other military resources out there. Tamara said, "There is a thing called Military One Source that is very helpful…for helping kids get therapy or just someone to listen to about stuff they are going through. Because a lot of times kids can't really express verbally what they are going through…so it's good for them to have a place to go where it is not their mom saying, ‘It will be okay’ and then mom sit there and cries. It's just someone neutral."

The Roger Family has made it through the year and are now preparing for another move to Texas in the summer.

Tamara will miss the mountains, her friends and the home she built in North Carolina; but, she would like to leave some advice for Military Families. Tamara said, "Just keep your friends close because you need them. There will be days that are downright horrible. Either you are in a bad mood or your kids are in a bad mood and you're just going to need someone to talk to. If you need help for your children especially, don't let it prolong because sometimes kids don't want to talk to you … they want to talk to somebody else."

Military Children and Spouses conquer challenges and get through tough times. They are heroes for what they do and how they do it, but even a hero has some help.

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Jobs |

NCNG Legal Assistance Program The North Carolina National Guard Family Programs Legal Assistance Program offers a wide variety of legal services that we make available to all our eligible Service Members, retirees, and their dependents.

JOB FAIRS Friday, Aug. 19, 2011, MCAS New River, NC

Among these are:

Thursday, October 27, 2011, Ft. Bragg, NC

Estate Planning: Wills, simple trusts, powers of attorney, “living wills”

Learn more about other job fairs across the country at civilianjobs.com.

Estate Administration: Advice on how you can be a successful estate executor/ administrator

Dates and locations are subject to change. Contact Vicki Washington, Sr. Events Coordinator, at 678-819-4147 or vwashington@civilianjobs.com.

Family Law Problems: Separations, child related issues, adoptions, paternity Consumer Law Problems: Automobile issues, scams/identity theft, creditor problems, landlord/tenant disputes Many Others: If you don’t see your problem here, just ask us. If we can’t help you directly, we’ll refer you to someone who can.

Translate your military experience to civilian employment with these tips: Step 1: De-Militarize Your Resume Here are two steps to de-militarize your resume:  

APPOINTMENTS Appointments with the legal assistance attorneys are available Monday through Friday during duty hours at the Claude T. Bowers Military Center, 4105 Reedy Creek Road, Raleigh, but you must call ahead so that we can be sure that we allocate the appropriate amount of time with the attorney for you to discuss your case.

To make an appointment with our legal assistance attorneys in Raleigh, please contact Ms. Sarah Boshears, paralegal, or Ms. Kristine Knodel at (919) 334-9957.

If you are in the Charlotte area, you can get general information about different types of legal problems or request a phone consultation with a legal assistance attorney by contacting Mr. Shane Judd, paralegal, at (919) 485-9566.



Sit down and inventory the skills you used during your service. Even though you may have been a sharpshooter in the Army, or a diver in the Navy, there are marketable skills you developed in those careers that apply to the civilian workplace.

Think beyond the specific function you carried out, and identify the core value, skill, or expertise you brought to the table: For example, a sharpshooter would have led small teams to carry out high-priority objectives with minimal room for failure in high pressure situations.

Some obvious core values/skills/expertise displayed above are leadership, ability to carry out work with minimal supervision, attention to detail and capability to work under strict deadlines.

Step 2: Give the Full Picture of Your Experience Be sure to include examples of the following types of skills:  

Technical Skills: Military careers such as a telecommunication technician, financial management technician, mechanic and health care specialist all have closely related civilian careers. The technical skills you developed in your military career should be included in your resume.

Interpersonal Skills: Working in the military requires working with a variety of personalities, from high ranking officers, to unit commanders, teammates and subordinates. Oftentimes, Service members must master the art of interacting with supervisors, peers and subordinates in order to complete their task. Interpersonal skills are valued in the civilian workplace, and should be detailed in your resume to reflect your ability to work with many different kinds of colleagues to get the job done.

Step 3: Use Resources for Veterans in Transition Match your military skills and experience to civilian occupations by using the military to civilian occupation translator and use the keys to career success at CareerOnestop.

Obtain your Verification of Military Experience and Training Document, which lists your military job experience and training history, recommended college credit information and civilian equivalent job titles.

Find Out More online at www.realwarriors.net/veterans/treatment/ civilianresume.php

Tutor.com has professionals available to help scrub over your final resume. Visit www.Tutor.com/military.

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NC MVP A Place where Military Families are the Treasure

May 16, 2011 9 a.m.—Noon Asheville Armory, 100 Minuteman Dr. Asheville, NC 28806 NCMVP meeting is a voluntary Military/community cooperative partnership organized to allow service providers to engage in multiservice networking.

NCNG FAMILY RETREATS

Single Soldier Retreats

June 24-26: Springmaid Resort, Myrtle Beach Aug. 26-28: Mountains

“How Not to Date a Jerk or Jerkette”

August 26-28: Raleigh Visit www.nc.ngb.army.mil/index.php/fp/singles for more information.

Strong Bonds Marriage Enrichment Retreat “Laughing Your Way to a Better Marriage” July 8-10: Beach July 29-31: Beach August 12-14: Raleigh August 26-28: Mountains

Military Family Life Consultants MFLCs are a here to listen...

John Alleman Adult & Family Specialist 919-745-9635 Betty Steelman Child & Family Specialist 919-665-9178

Learn how laughter can lead to a happier marriage and better communication.

AMERICAN RED CROSS BLOOD DRIVES

Registration Forms are at www.nc.ngb.army.mil/ index.php/fp/strong-bonds/marriage-enrichment.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011 Joint Forces Headquarters, 4105 Reedy Creek Rd., Raleigh

Contact PFC Stevens at (800) 621-4136 ext. 46876 or carolyn.stevens1@us.army.mil for questions.

The JFHQ will be hosting an American Red Cross Blood Drive on Wednesday, 11 May 2011. Please schedule your life-saving appointment by contacting Jan Ellington, extension 46190 or jan.ellington@us.army.mil.

FACEBOOK POST from Rebecca Laughter Ulrich on May 1, 2011: Just got back from Asheville marriage retreat! LOVED IT! WONDERFUL! Best time we've had since our honeymoon! Wonderful program and information! Thank you Family Programs! SFC Scott, Chaplin Mozingo and David Porter thank you all for being there to support us!

You can also share your experiences with us on Facebook. Find us at “North Carolina National Guard Family Programs.”

Monday, May 30, 2011 (9am-3pm) American Red Cross Memorial Day Blood Drive Lenoir State Family Assistance Center 1535 Beecher Anderson Rd., Lenoir Schedule your life-saving appointment with Frances Johnson, FAC Specialist, at frances.johnson3@us.army.mil or (828)757-4365.

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Child & Youth Program Staff Alice Dean State Child & Youth Coordinator (800) 621-4136 ext. 16289 (919) 664-6000 ext. 16289 alice.dean@us.army.mil Bridgette Carroll KOG Coordinator

(800) 621-4136 ext. 8820 line 21 bridgette.carroll@us.army.mil

Kristi Wagner Youth Coordinator

(800) 621-4136 ext. 8820 line 23 kristi.wagner@us.army.mil

Mothers Day Poems

Child & Youth Program | Military Kids and Grants

We would like to salute Ella Forehand, age 5, Cody Whitener, age 13, and Corey Whitener, age 17. Their father just got back from Afghanistan. This is the 2nd deployment for Corey and Cody, but the first for Ella. This deployment was especially hard for Ella, but her brothers were there to help her adjust to their dad being so far away. The boys have participated in several military events while their dad was gone.

They attended Operation Purple Camp and had a great time water rafting and rock climbing.

They were able to connect with other military children whose parents were deployed. They have also attended a couple of Kids On Guard weekends. All three took advantage of the Military Child Scholarship and enrolled in Tae Kwon Do. They are all doing really well and loving it! Cody and Ella are High Yellow belts, and Corey is a High White. Tae Kwon Do was really helpful in keeping their mind off their dad being deployed and teaching them some great skills that will come in handy throughout their life.

SGT Brad and Joy Forehand ***UPDATE***

M-O-T-H-E-R "M" is for the million things she gave

Our Military Kids has funding and are still awarding grants to children of deployed Guard and Reserve and Wounded Warriors.

me, "O" means only that she's growing old, "T" is for the tears she shed to save me, "H" is for her heart of purest gold; "E" is for her eyes, with love-light

Just a few reminders: 

Grants only issued to children of deployed Guard & Reserve that have orders for 180 days or more for OCONUS (overseas).



Grant up to $500.00 is available for each dependent child ( ages 3 through 12th grade) of service member.



Grant can be applied for prior to service member leaving if he has copy of orders. Families are encourage to do this so service member can be part of the decision making.



Child is only eligible for one grant.



Turnaround time to process the grant is around 10 days.

shining, "R" means right, and right she'll always be, Put them all together, they spell "MOTHER," A word that means the world to me.

Howard Johnson (c. 1915)

Happy Mother’s Day NCNG Child & Youth Program Staff (Alice, Bridgette & Kristi)

Grants of $390.00 to $500.00 are now being awarded to Children of Wounded Warriors ages 3 through 12th grade.

Please see website www.ourmilitarykids.org for the particulars.

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CHECK OUT OTHER KOG EVENTS ONLINE at www.nc.ngb.army.mil || Family Programs || Child & Youth Program || Kids on Guard

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Announcing 2011 Kids on Guard is for kids ages 5-17.

The Day Drills are from 9:00am till 3:00pm. Kids will enjoy hands on learning and activities about the military, team building, patriotisms and MUCH MORE!

Day Drills and Camp KOG Overnight Weekend Camp Is for kids ages 8-17. They will participate in a ‘mini AT’ including marksmanship, rappelling, team building, challenge course, rocketry and MUCH MORE!

Day Drills

Kiddies on Guard is for kids ages birth-4.

The fun is from 9:00am till 1:00pm at the Day Drills.

Included in the day is, hands on parent and child activities, military Family education, lunch and MUCH MORE!

Location

May 21: Greenville

Greenville Armory, 1401 North Memorial Drive, Greenville NC 27834

July 30: Charlotte

Charlotte Armory, 4240 West Blvd., Charlotte NC 28208

September 17: Durham

Durham Armory, 801 Stadium Drive, Durham NC 27704

October 15: Wilmington

Northside Baptist Church, 2501 North College Rd., Wilmington NC 28405

TBA: Triad Area, Western NC

**Kids on Guard dates and locations subject to change.**

Overnight Weekend Camp August 12-14: Stem

Location Camp Butner Training Facility, 539 Roberts Chapel Rd., Stem NC 27581

Registration forms can be found online at www.nc.ngb.army.mil || Family Programs || Child & Youth Program || Kids on Guard.

For more information, contact: Bridgette Carroll, KOG Coordinator 800 621 4136 ext. 8820 line 21 bridgette.carroll@us.army.mil or Alice Dean, NCNG State Youth Coordinator 800 621-4136 ext. 16289 alice.dean@us.army.mil APRIL 2011

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Pamela Hughes FRG Advisor 105 West Spring Street Oxford, NC Email: pamela.hughes5@us.army.mil Office: (919) 693-5016 ext. 11 Cell: (919) 485-9563

Family Readiness Groups | Upcoming Training

FRG Regional Training Saturday, May 14, 2011 10:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.

Raleigh Military Family Resource Center

Family Readiness Support Assistants

130 Penmarc Dr., Suite 110, Raleigh, NC 27603 RSVP by Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Charlotte: Nikkie Newsome nikkie.newsome@us.army.mil (704) 359-5707 Clinton: Sarah Strickland sarah.r.strickland@us.army.mil

(910) 299-5466 Goldsboro: Greg Smith gregory.paul.smith@us.army.mil

(919) 739-5319 Jacksonville: Judy Richardson judy.r.richardson@us.army.mil (910) 347-4352/line 15 Morrisville: Jim Roberson james.roberson@us.army.mil (919) 804-5300 ext. 16313 Oxford: Norman Dean norman.dean@us.army.mil (919) 693-3651 x. 27 Military Spouse Appreciation Day “Date Night” and “Pajama Party” for the Kids We would like to say

Take your FRG Group to the next level. Learn how at our upcoming FRG Regional Training workshop. Join us on Saturday, May 14 from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. at the Raleigh Military Family Resource Center.

This workshop is designed to assist FRG Leaders and Unit Volunteers in maintaining FRG Communications with Families in the areas of phone trees, e-mail campaigns, and newsletters; managing FRG activities; and knowing the Resources in your areas that you can share with your Soldiers and Families. It is also to assist FRG Leaders in How to better Communicate with your Command.

For questions or to register, contact Pamela Hughes, State Family Readiness Advisor, at 800.621.4136 ext. 8820 or via e-mail to pamela.hughes5@us.army.mil.

Please

note: A light lunch will be provided. No Child care will be provided.

o adult Open t ers memb Family t nifican and sig s other

“Thank you”

to our military spouses by giving you and your NCNG Soldier a “date night” at Applebee’s.

The kids will be entertained with a mini “Pajama Party” to include the movie “Tangled,” popcorn and games.

Space is limited to 10 couples.

Please RSVP if you would like to attend by contacting: Abby Millsap, NCNG FAC Specialist 919-485-9565 abby.e.millsap@us.army.mil.

1st & 3rd Tuesday 6-7:30 First session May 3 Location: VFW, 2605 South Elm Eugene St. *Family members must have a veteran registered at the Greensboro Vet Center to attend. Unfortunately we are unable to provide childcare during the group.

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FRG Q&A | MILITARY SPOUSES WHO ARE FRG LEADERS Interviews with Pamela Hughes, State FRG Advisor BEVERLY WALTON, FRG Leader for 882nd Engineer Company Q. How long have you been associated with the NCNG and how? My husband, Jeff, and I have been married for 18 years. He was an active duty Marine when we married, and he has been in the National Guard about seven years.

Q. Are you experiencing a deployment at this time or in the future? Yes, we are preparing for our 3rd deployment in summer of 2012.

Q. What is your experience with deployment? My husband has deployed twice now. He deployed in 2003-2004 for 13 months and again in 2007 with the 1132nd.

While the first deployment was long, we had two young children and I worked full time, it went relatively smooth. Our second deployment was difficult. My husband sustained injuries from a roadside bomb, was medivaced home, and went through multiple surgeries and 18 months of rehabilitation therapy to recuperate. I know what it is like to get “that” call that your Soldier is injured. Fortunately, I was a part of a local military Family support group through a local church, Calvary Baptist. I can honestly say that the State Family Readiness program was very supportive and was an incredible resource for us that I didn’t really know about until I needed it. You really do not know what programs and people are out there to help and support you until you need them. Each deployment is unique, depending on each Family’s current situation- but they all need a support system. This coming deployment will be different because we now have 4 children (14, 11, 5, 2) and we have survived the challenges of the last deployment, so our Families’ needs this time will be different.

Q. How are you involved with the unit Family Readiness Group? I am a new FRG leader with the Mocksville 882nd National Guard Unit. I am certainly going through the learning process. I feel privileged to be in this position because I want other Families to have a good experience with the National Guard and the FRG because of what our Family went through.

Q. Have you had training for the FRG and do you have volunteers in your group that will assist you? I have had recent training, currently have some volunteers, and still recruiting volunteers to get our FRG unit active again. This is certainly a job you can NOT do by yourself or with just 1 or 2 people. It truly is a group effort if you want to have a good FRG unit.

Q. Describe your feelings about the military in general. I was raised as a military child, my dad served 21 years active duty Navy, so the military has always been a part of my life. I am extremely supportive of our military and of my husband’s military career. I feel very strongly about supporting our Soldiers and their Families and having good programs in place to help support them. Like every spouse, I have very real fears about deployment. My husband has deployed twice, sustained serious injuries on his last deployment, so I think we have lived through one of the most dreaded fears of deployment. I think being an active part of the FRG is important to show my support for my husband’s unit, but also to help give me contacts and support stateside when he is gone. I think a strong FRG unit is about connecting with other Families/spouses, offering support, and helping you not feel quite so alone when the unit is gone. No one truly understands what it is like unless they are going through it or have been through a deployment. So it is important for our FRG to be a safety net for our Families. The hard part is that Families are spread out all over the state, but I think it is important that each Family- no matter where they are- is included in the FRG. Q. Other: any else you wish to add that may guide someone else going thru the same emotions you are. Deployments are not easy. They aren’t easy on marriages or Families. It is important to make sure you are a part of the FRG so you can keep updated on your Soldier, the unit’s activities, and to make friends/connections with another spouse or Family member. Because of what our Family went through, I want to be an active part of the FRG (I was not during previous deployments) to help be a positive resource to Families- whether they are new to the Guard or have been deployed multiple times as we have. I often think that we have an obligation to the Families that come after us to show them the positive and supportive side of surviving deployments under difficult circumstances and that Families can come out stronger. (end)

BRANDI STEPHENS, FRG Leader for 1452nd Transportation Company Q. How long have you been associated with the NCNG and how? My husband and I met in January 2010 and were married in October 2010. Prior to meeting Cody I had no connections with the military whatsoever. He is in the NCNG and had already undergone one deployment back in 2005-2006 before we met. When Cody and I were dating, all I knew was that one weekend a month he had to go to the armory for drill. It was not until we found out about the upcoming deployment that I started to get more involved.

Q. Are you experiencing a deployment at this time or in the future? We are currently in the pre-deployment stage, expecting his unit to deploy in the near future.

Q. What is your experience with deployment? I have no prior experience with deployments so this is all very new to me.

Q. How are you involved with the unit Family Readiness Group?

My husband’s unit was not assigned a Family Readiness Group (FRG) leader so I was approached by the units First Sergeant and asked about taking on the roll. I was more than happy to do whatever I needed to do and was excited about becoming more involved since this was going to such a big part of our lives for the next couple of years. Since I was the only volunteer, my mother-in-law and another spouse, whose husband is being deployed with Cody’s unit, also gladly stepped up and agreed to help in any way they could. I was a little nervous at first since I was so new to this way of life and the unit was already in the pre deployment stage at this point.

More than anything though I looked forward to meeting the other Families in the unit and helping get them the information and resources needed to make the upcoming deployment go as smoothly as possible for them. This has definitely been a learning experience for me as well.

Q. Have you had training for the FRG and do you have volunteers in your group that will assist you?

I have attended several webinars that have helped quite a bit, and I was able to meet with other FRG leaders and women with past experience for several hours one Saturday, which was a huge learning experience and very fun. It was also nice to hear their stories about having loved ones deployed in the past. There are several websites that are available which I believe would be a huge help to anyone who has a loved one in the military. These are www.jointservicessupport.org, www.nc.ngb.army.mil, and www.militaryonesource.com. I strongly advise Families to visit these sites as they offer a lot of valuable information.

Q. Describe your feelings about the military in general (proud of Soldier, etc.), about deployment and being a part of the FRG. I have to admit that prior to finding out that Cody was going to be deployed, I was not involved at all and knew nothing about what was going on. As I mentioned before, all I knew was that one weekend a month he had to go to drill.

Since taking on the roll of FRG leader and finding out that his unit is facing deployment it has been an emotional rollercoaster ride. I couldn’t be any more proud of my husband for what he does for me and his country. We are so blessed to have men like Cody that are willing to step up. I do not see my role as a military spouse as a “job” but an honor. I will always support my husband and all Soldiers for risking so much just so that we can continue to enjoy this wonderful way of life. That being said, I am certainly not the role model of the “perfect military spouse.”

Since hearing about the deployment, I have shed my share of tears, been filled with anger and resentment, and found myself pushing my husband away thinking it would make it easier when he has to leave. Not to mention the overwhelming fear of being away from him for so long and worrying about his safety. I felt like I was being completely crazy for the way I was handling everything and that I was ruining all of our time together but couldn’t figure out how to get back to my normal happy self.

Just the other day I went on the JSS website and found the phases of “emotional deployment cycle” and, lo and behold, it described me to a T! It made me feel so much better knowing that I am not the only one having a hard time dealing with this and there are others out there experiencing the exact same emotions. I am a Christian so, along with help from friends and Family, my faith in God is my strength throughout this deployment.

I strongly urge other spouses and loved ones to get involved as well. We may not realize it, but we play an important role in the health and well-being of our Servicemember. These Soldiers need our support and encouragement. After all, it’s the least we can do with all that they put on the line for us. (end) APRIL 2011

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Asheville Military Family Resource Center (MFRC) 7 Yorkshire St. Suite 101, 28803/Fax: (828) 274-8572 Debra Collington, FAC Network Coordinator debra.a.collington.ctr@us.army.mil, (828) 274-8571 Sue Bennett, FAC Specialist, susan.j.bennett.ctr@us.army.mil, (828) 274-8571 Charlotte Unit Family Contact Center (UFCC) 4240 West Blvd., 28208/Fax: n/a Doretha McLaughlin, FAC Specialist, doretha.mclaughlin1@us.army.mil, (704) 344-2352, Ext. 14548 Rachel Talbott, FAC Specialist, rachel.talbott@us.army.mil, (704) 344-2352, Ext. 14547 Fayetteville Unit Family Contact Center (UFCC) 3555 Owen Dr., 28306/Fax: n/a Amy Wallace, FAC Specialist, amy.wallace3@us.army.mil, (910) 672-5125 Greensboro State Family Assistance Center (SFAC) 110 Franklin Blvd., 27401/Fax: (336) 691-7766 Katy Jones, FAC Network Coordinator, katy.m.jones@us.army.mil, (336) 691-7712 Sandy Harrison, FAC Specialist, sandy.harrison1@us.army.mil, (336) 691-7763 Greenville State Family Assistance Center (SFAC) 1401 N. Memorial Dr., 27834/Fax: (252) 551-6136 Dawn White, FAC Network Coordinator, dawn.white@us.army.mil, (800) 621-4136 Ext. 11150 Kannapolis Military Family Resource Center (MFRC) 6001 Gateway Ctr. Dr., Suite 109, 28081/Fax: (704) 788-0550 Shane Judd, FAC Coordinator/Legal Assistant, shane.judd@us.army.mil, (704) 788-4553 Sierra Johnson, FAC Specialist, sierra.johnson@us.army.mil, (704) 788-4554 Lynn White, FAC Specialist, lynn.white2@us.army.mil, (704) 788-4554 Kinston Unit Family Contact Center (UFCC) 2875 Dobbs Farm Rd., 28504/Fax: (252) 526-2772 Gabrielle H. O’Flanagan, FAC Specialist, gabrielle.h.oflanagan.ctr@us.army.mil, (252) 526-2711 Lenoir State Family Assistance Center (SFAC) 1535 Beecher Anderson Rd., Lenoir, 28645/Fax: (828) 757-4519 Nancy Davis, FAC Network Coordinator, nancy.davis3@us.army.mil, (828) 757-4365 Ext. 4 line 2 Frances Johnson, FAC Specialist, frances.johnson3@us.army.mil, (828)757-4365 Ext. 4 line 1 Raleigh Military Family Resource Center (MFRC) 130 Penmarc Dr. Suite 110, 27603/(919) 334-9966/Fax: (919) 334-9971 Mark Woolbright, FAC Network Coordinator, mark.woolbright@us.army.mil, (919) 334-9966 Earlene Capps, FAC Specialist, earlene.capps@us.army.mil, (919) 334-9966 Lisa Faison, FAC Specialist, lisa.faison@us.army.mil, (919) 334-0196 Elijah Fisher, FAC Specialist, elijah.j.fisher.ctr@us.army.mil, (919) 334-0195 Smithfield Unit Family Contact Center (UFCC) 406 Hospital Rd., 27577/Fax: (919) 934-2901 Abby Millsap, FAC Specialist, abby.e.millsap@us.army.mil, (919)934-2013 Ext.16 Southern Pines Unit Family Contact Center (UFCC) 500 Morganton Rd., PO Box 1317, 28387/Fax: (910) 692-3659 David Butler, FAC Specialist, david.earl.butler@us.army.mil, (910) 692-8747

Family Assistance Centers

About Family Matters Family Matters was created to provide Servicemembers and Families the most up to date information and services available. If you would like to contribute to future issues or you have suggestions and comments please contact the NCNG Family Programs Marketing and Communications Department personnel, Angelena Dockery or Kathryn Jarvis at ncngFamilyprograms@gmail.com.

E-Versions of Family Matters Can be downloaded at the North Carolina National Guard Family Programs webpage at www.nc.ngb.army.mil.

Wilmington Unit Family Contact Center (UFCC) 2412 Infantry Rd., 28405/Fax: (910) 251-7130 Jim Marley, FAC Specialist james.marley@us.army.mil, (910) 251-7195 Wilmington Military Family Resource Center (MFRC) 3114 Randall Pkwy., 28403/Fax: (910) 343-1776 Judy Howard, FAC Network Coordinator, judy.m.howard@us.army.mil, (910) 343-1775 Julie Rowe, FAC Specialist, julie.b.rowe@us.army.mil, (910) 343-1776

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