February 2023 New England Monthly

What Is Love?

Valentine’s Day Issue

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february

11 COVER

Love knows no boundaries

It comes in all variations; this month, we try to answer the question, “What is Love?”

12 WELCOME

Valentine’s Day

It’s a celebration of the old and the new. This issue, we outline the specifics of attraction, diversity, and intimacy. Don’t be startled—there’s something in here for you

13 IN MEMORY

Seldom does the universe urge you to follow fate

13

Usually a hit or miss, it wasn’t our experience. In December of last year, we lost a man who was destined to become part of our publishing family— we honor him and his impac t

14 HOME Home Sweet Home, Living Large, or Upscale Living

Call it what you like, but this Falmouth custom contemporary home with access to Vineyard Sound and beyond is a dream home of fabulous scale

24 IMPRESSIONS

February’s contribution, Disenchanted, by Peet Nourjian

Explore the trials and tribulations of two girls glorified for their appearances only to fail by a system fixated on the artificial. True to life, his words cause pause and reflection; it’s the perfect tie-in with this month’s features

25 BLURRED LINES

Exploring romance, dating, love, and relationships

While we don’t have any clear answers, we share information that allows for informed decisions to be made

34 HEALTH

Covid wreaked havoc on the newest sexual revolution

It took sexual intimacy down a notch while causing a pop in STDs. This month calls for more education and prevention; for as the bear says, “Only you can prevent that fire from starting”

36 GIFTING

A luxury gift for someone special

Get out of the rut of candy and roses and step up to a new level of romantic gestures. Melbac wines are the type of gifts that stand out and show real commitment

39 ART AFFAIRS

Boston’s SoWa Art & Design community has carved out its place in the Hub

This one-of-a-kind neighborhood is a leader in turning blight into luxury. Catch up on the progress and plan to visit the Harrison Street district

43 TRENDING

Ante up; you should have seen it coming

20 years of repair and now homeowners of Cape Cod and the SouthCoast are blamed for a problem that has had millions thrown at it; inefficiency or politics as usual? You decide, you’re paying the bill

45 INTIMACY

Introducing the “How To Guide for Achieving Intimacy”

Actually, it’s not, but it does share scientific data about making a score

52 LIVING WELL

Love isn’t just physical. Most of it is in your mind! Do you know the high you get when falling in love? Well, it’s real, and you’ll learn the science that backs the feelings you get when that special person is around

57 NEWS

If it’s interesting, it’s inside Find stories you won’t see anywhere else

63 FIELD TRIPS

What separates ordinary from extraordinary?

If it’s worth committing to, we’ll share where it can be found

PHOTO BY: PEDRO GREIG

EDITORIAL

MANAGING EDITOR Lynn Palmer

SENIOR EDITOR Rachel Velazquez

ASSOCIATE EDITOR James Holden

CREATIVE

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Sue Hough

CLIENT SERVICES/DESIGN Rebecca Velazquez

PHOTOGRAPHY

STEVEN CHAN LUCKI SCHOTZ

CONTRIBUTORS

Linda Bertrum Steven Chan Susan Fletcher James Holden Peet Nourjian Margo Roberts Rob Saint Laurent Natalie Simmons Robert Wright

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what is love?

The explanation of a loving relationship is diverse and without limitation; the result of physical and emotional highs and lows, accompanied by, believe it or not—irrational thoughts— can cause strife and upheaval within the most stoic or logical. Still, we search for the perfect choice.

Adding to the uncertainty of bonding are the power struggles that define partnerships. The episodes of battle, resolving to a peaceful existence, are unique gifts only humankind can experience.

Loving relationships are described as overwhelming, baffling, and significantly challenging; for these reasons, we repeatedly return for an opportunity to become successful at love.

Is love the same for everyone? It’s a good question, and this month we share what we found.

While the February covers reflect diverse partnerships and loving relationships, it is a small sample and the tip of the iceberg of the many forms of emotional attraction and pairing we’ve come to know.

The depth and breadth of human interactions and emotions are endless and nearly impossible to describe in totality. However, those who study relationships hypothesized that individuals find similar attributes in others as they see in themselves if viewed through interpersonal congruency. The ‘likeness’ attributed to a lover yields a commonality of physical and emotional connection. There is a uniformity those who “fall in love” experience; no one is so unique that they can be removed from the complexities of interpersonal connections.

Combining individual idiosyncrasies, attachment styles, past trauma, education, and preferences, including sexual identity, result in the same explosive release of pleasure chemicals flooding one’s self when finding a partner. These connections can be categorically classified as experiencing love.

As diverse as some may wish to be, ‘connecting’—by the most avantgarde—remain explainable by sorting out principles of human interactions. While sexual fluidity runs a continuum, and some will alternate from whom they find an attraction, when they have difficulties in a relationship, they

will succumb to the same problems and outcomes of others with different orientations.

The variable of age in the spectrum of how and why partners make selections is interesting. Researchers found, “Romantic relationships change significantly with age, from the relatively fleeting and casual experiences characteristic of adolescence, to the more lasting and intimate bonds representative of adulthood,” (Meier & Allen, 2009).

Additionally, (Connolly & Johnson, 1996) discovered that, “…relationship length is linked to the quality of the relationship. Longer relationships have greater levels of support, and with length, the romantic partner increases in salience as a support provider...adolescents in longer relationships rated their romantic partner as more supportive than parents and friends, whereas individuals in shorter relationships rated their best friends and parents as more supportive than their romantic partners.”

A relationship’s strength is factored in its participants’ honesty and integrity. Balancing empathy, commitment, and the importance of the connection will ultimately lead to satisfaction and longevity, regardless of who you love. H

FEBRUARY— A Month of Love & Sharing

Hello, once again we’re pleased you’ve chosen to join us for another month of reading pleasure and to hone a new perspective on relationships. Valentine’s Day ancient beginnings and chronological history are familiar topics if you’ve followed us for the nearly 18 years we’ve published.

For February 2023, we decided to host a contemporary view of the day as we celebrate relationships and the people involved in them. This month we share the evolution of attraction, its expansion, and inclusiveness, along with explanations for the physical and emotional factors which guide love and often infatuation.

With an expanded readership and a significant scale of demographics diversity, it seems evident that from a multigenerational perspective, reviewing the types of relationships

people participate in and how they get there is relevant, exciting, or at least eye-opening.

Expect to find commentary and facts about non-traditional relationships based on gender and preferences, some of which are transactional, and others based exclusively on sexual pleasure. We also delve into how dating has changed and the associated health concerns active daters face.

This February kicks off a new version of a long-time favorite feature, “Intimacy.” You’ll be pleased to find a new approach to relationship building accompanied by suggestions to create a more meaningful bond with the one you love.

All this cutting-edge information, plus an in-depth explanation of love’s biological components, makes the Special Valentine Day issue one that will stay close at hand into the summer when searching for a partner heat up.

We also highlight the perfect gift for a romantic evening, or many of them; don’t miss our spread on a favorite; Catena Zapata’s Malbec Wines from Argentina.

Finally, we touch on news of the day and the lack of customer care at a few of the most recognized and successful companies. Short on commitment and long on chasing financial resources, you’ll find they fit perfectly into the profile of a modern-day romance.

That’s it for now; we hope you enjoy your experiences of love and relationships; do it with open eyes and heart because you deserve to share your life with another.

Feel the beat. ♥

MAXWELL TURNER

A Friend, Colleague, and Individual Who Left A Legacy of Endurance and Trust

Ican’t help becoming emotional as I contemplate what needs to be said about a man who left his influence on this magazine. And, while we only knew each other for a few short years, we connected in a manner that earned mutual respect and understanding.

Maxwell Fisher Turner, “Mac” as he was known, left this world on December 29, 2022. It was just a few weeks after our last conversation, and like so many other discussions we enjoyed, the 83-year-old entrepreneur and “sales guy,” as he liked to call himself, spoke about clients, our health, and current events. You’d never know anything was wrong—he never complained, and always carried a ray of hope.

What impressed me about Mac was how our chats concluded—always with a compliment; like few others, the former New York City/Madison Avenue advertising executive from yesteryear knew the effort and tenacity it takes to publish monthly lifestyle magazines. And while I had heard it all before, coming from Mac was an honor—I held his words close.

How we met and became friends is peculiar and taught me a lesson.

I vividly recall the first gravel voice phone message left by Mac; I listened as he ticked off a list of credentials and explained his willingness to do what it takes to sell advertising. He concluded with a startling comment, “The only reason I’m calling you is because of your quality—you’re the best in the business.”

I am embarrassed to say, while impressed, I didn’t respond to his message; or the many he continued to

leave —for two years.

Our one-sided correspondence became routine. Typically, such endurance would yield a result, but it didn’t; it seemed there was never enough time, and in all truth, I grew tired of promises made by those eager to score an interview but lacking substance and follow through.

Finally, the day came; flooded with guilt, I called Mac, realizing he would be pleased to hear from me, and I also knew he would never give up; the man wore me down—Mac won!

Mac Turner touched many people; born on January 23, 1939, according to his published obituary, he was the son of the late Maxwell Turner and Elizabeth Borden Gardner Turner; he had a brother, the late Dr. Richard B. Turner.

An extremely affable gentleman, he was educated at Friends Academy, Tabor Academy, and Boston University; he was a member of the Union Boat Club and a historian.

Quick-witted, full of energy, with an unquenchable thirst to persuade others, his career spanned stints as a stockbroker, advertising executive for the Wall Street Journal, owner of a commercial lobster boat, and proprietor of Maxell’s Mussels Company; he was also involved in real estate.

Mac was an impressive, dedicated, and committed figure; he focused on helping others until the end.

A Memorial Service was held in January at the United Congregational Church of Little Compton, Rhode Island, to celebrate his life.

Mac, I’ll never forget you and your impact on me— I miss your calls.

Always, Steve

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BY PEET NOURJIAN

DIS ENCHANTED

Goldilocks and Red Riding Hood

Young ladies so misunderstood True superstars from fairy tales But then their lives went off the rails

Goldie and her three backup bears

Did song and dance at big state fairs Their porridge shtick killed every night “Too cold, too hot, one bowl just right”

In time their crowds began to thin The booking calls stopped coming in Restless bears with nothing to do Found work at the Central Park Zoo

Red Riding Hood went into shock

When she learned that she had no stock

In the fable that bears her name

The author got rich, she got fame

From country lane to city street

Red and Wolf tried to make ends meet He dressed up in the granny gown

Worked runways at drag clubs downtown

Fans loved Riding Hood in the past Agents said she was too typecast

Contemplating life on the rocks On a bench…next to Goldilocks

They shared their stories of abuse Soul sisters vowing to produce Children’s books without pretending There’s always a happy ending. H

WHAT DO THEY MEAN?

BY MARGO ROBERTS

History shows that families served as the primary source for “arranged” marriages between their offspring for centuries. The purpose of connecting two individuals, known as “courting,” was primarily to find a suitable mate to carry on a family bloodline; it served a biological function and had nothing to do with love.

THE HISTORY OF DATING

For those new to the game of dating, it’s important to understand that finding a heartthrob hasn‘t always consisted of jumping online and viewing thousands of potential matches. Swiping left or right to snag a possible connection is a relatively new phenomenon. While it has taken hold, it’s only one of many options available to singles searching for a partner who shares common interests and objectives.

The act of dating is a new marvel. History shows that families served as the primary source for “arranged” marriages between their offspring for centuries. The purpose of connecting two individuals, known as “courting,” was primarily to find a suitable mate to carry on a family bloodline; it served a biological function and had nothing to do with love. Matching and marrying off a child was to ostensibly establish a legacy, inherit wealth, and, most assertively, preserve power and strengthen political alliances. In most cases, a female child would become chattel between a father and future husband; the transactional arrangement—much to the bride’s—

dismay, would subject a bride to a life of solitude, oppression, misery, and unrelenting control.

Early society was riddled with vows of virginity, founded in religious practices; at the same time, a potential husband viewed the expectation as “added value.” Such purity of a young bride would enhance her appeal and rendered her “saved” rather than categorized as “damaged goods.”

Oversight and limiting a young marriable women’s accessibility was entrenched during the period; still, human desire resulted in carnal

stay pure. The wavering left many suitors duped into believing they were marrying a maiden.

Over time and with women’s empowerment, equality of relationships took on a new look; women began to decide whom they would see socially, albeit with a chaperone. A transition to entertaining men and making the final decision as to whom they would marry took shape. However, there remain countries and sects where females are forbidden to show their faces or any part of their bodies and are not allowed to speak to males other than their husbands or children.

This first record of the word “date” is attributed to George Ade, a writer for the Chicago Record, in 1896, when he referenced the occasion when a woman and a man met publically instead of privately. In 1899 Ade described the recording of these meetings being entered into a “Date Book,” a form of ledger for keeping track of these dalliances, whether or not they were sexual or platonic.

With added freedom, surveillance of a woman’s values was left to society’s expectations based on class affiliation, religion, culture, family indoctrination, and of course, rumor.

This first record of the word “date” is attributed to George Ade, a writer for the Chicago Record, in 1896, when he referenced the occasion when a woman and a man met publically instead of privately.

DATING IN 2023

Times have changed, and it’s unlikely a rerun of earlier times will ever be witnessed again. People are different; morality and integrity are in flux, sexual freedom is one of individual choice, and identity is unrestrained. There is no correct version of what some would call an appropriate relationship or those that can be neatly tucked away and hidden from prying eyes. Contemporary society is the wild-west show of lustful endeavors, most of which didn’t begin with the Internet but flourished as a result.

People have always searched for intimacy, whether it be a one-night stand (as comedic as that phrase sounds) to those deemed players—a term still used to describe someone seeking multiple sex partners; the sexual revolution continues to grow as if it were on steroids, and may still be enjoying its infancy.

If you ask a typical teen to a young adult if they are in a relationship, you can expect a spectrum of responses. The term “relationship” now has dozens of categories.

There is no correct version of what some would call an appropriate relationship or those that can be neatly tucked away and hidden from prying eyes. Contemporary society is the wild-west show of lustful endeavors, most of which didn’t begin with the Internet but flourished as a result.

WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

Modern-day relationships have evolved; technically, they are an association between individuals or groups of people with or without common interest; they can take on a positive, negative, or neutral configuration, with or without intimacy, emotional connection, or commitment. But, within each stratum lies the potential for physical intimacy. This deep dig into the nuances gives rise to specific categories of encounters. And, even though sexual prowess may drive the relationship, it doesn’t necessarily indicate romance exists.

TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS

SUB-CATEGORY—ALTERNATIVE

n Transactional

n Fetish

n Throuple

n Polyamorous

n Fluid

n

Adult Dating

Given that some relationship categories accommodate the action of dating, they can be subdivided into casual, romantic, or other forms of interaction. For example, “Friends with benefits” indicates routine sexual enjoyment between two consenting individuals that may or may not share other interests. It is different from “Hooking Up,” which is more aligned with acquaintances, a one-time encounter without any intention of sharing future experiences.

Moving on to sexual partners, it seems clear that monogamy is off the table, and the relationship is non-exclusive. Regularly spending time together, the unwritten rule is to keep outside interests private to not interfere with the pleasure of spending time together. Highlights of this interaction include going out publically and engaging in regular sexual activity. The emotional connection is not intense; however, often, one of the partners may develop more serious feelings resulting in these types of connections becoming short-term.

Situational and committed relationships are separated by whether romantic and

exclusivity components are in place. Usually, situationships are not defined (they lack a label), and the withholding of feelings. It could be compared to dancing around issues of the heart.

For those wishing for more and a sign of maturity, a committed relationship is facilitated by explicit conversations about the future, arranging schedules to meet regularly, and the use of identifiers such as boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, or significant other. Usually, those in a committed relationship are monogamous. Although it is always good to confirm this agreement, otherwise, one of the partners will feel slighted, and issues of trust will ensue.

As for engagement and marriage, each public announcement indicates the couple’s intent and comes with exclusivity unless they agree to what is known as an “Open Relationship,” which allows partners to enjoy sexual relations with others. Governed by legislation, engagements have little oversight except for property rights, but marriage, while sanctioned by religious affiliation, is under the jurisdiction of the courts.

A common theme inclusive of the previously mentioned types of relationships is clarity of intent; in each case, participants are expected to speak to their expectations or limitations of involvement. In doing so, miscommunication can be eliminated with an exit plan at the ready. Honesty is a principal ingredient in each of these interpersonal connections.

TROUBLE AHEAD

The following four relationships can be problematic, even illicit. No good comes from dishonesty, so let’s begin with Affairs.

These breaches of trust are found everywhere and have limitless boundaries. From the homeless to celebrities, no couple is immune from cheating. The reasons for wandering are unimportant because they are usually

recycled excuses; the stress of work and family, financial concerns, or the lack of intimacy; it’s a roulette wheel delivering awful news when least expected. Clarity is lacking, dishonesty abounds, and we’ve all heard the claim, “I made a terrible mistake.” Really?

One’s word is the gold standard in a relationship; once breached, it turns to

and Teacher/student interactions. The news is filled with indictments of those exercising control or supervision over an employee or student. For decades such behavior was ignored and, believe it or not, commonplace. However, after students graduate high school and reach the age of consent, finding an educator who bedded one at the college, graduate,

rust, and like it or not, you are suspect for the rest of your life.

Research shows alarming rates of infidelity, with an increased number of women carrying on duplicitous relationships. The elevated level of women having affairs is attributed to increased involvement at the workplace and newly found freedom from the home.

When speaking about troubling relationships, look no further than those arising from Professional/Collegial

or post-graduate level would be effortless. Working closely for long hours on projects with mutual interest is a recipe for creating an environment inducing a thirst for curiosity.

And, while circumstances varied, some of these relationships were nonconsensual and forced.

As for after-work get-togethers or office parties, they were notorious for sexual interactions between management and employees.

Any inappropriate interaction with a family member is beyond comprehension and requires reporting a suspected abuser. Child endangerment and maltreatment are rampant in society, not only within immediate and extended families. Whether it is impulse control issues, loneliness, or criminal behavior, at no time can such aberrant actions be tolerated. If you believe a child is in harm’s way, contact your local authorities or an office dedicated to preventing abuse.

A comparison between Community and Adversary relationships is intriguing; each has a similar foundation because they often involve parties with similar, if not identical, objectives. Friction is found when power struggles emulate dissatisfaction, perceived slight, or favoritism. Aggression can arise, although it is often disguised by false pretenses. Conversely, both relationships can yield cautionary interactions due to future benefits or elevated social standing. We’ve all heard the idiom, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

Also included in our list of relationship types are groups of individuals, sometimes referred to as sexual Fluid, not finding harmony with societal norms; we have them under the Sub-Category— Alternative Relationships.

AN OLD PHENOMENON WITH A NEW NAME

Some would pronounce that all relationships are transactional, but over the last decade, the trend has upticked and modified from its origins—referred to as “gold-digging.” Having morphed into the “Kardashian Effect,” a generation has become imbued with delusions of undeserved fame, recognition, wealth, and perceived achievement. Unable to earn or create the luxurious lifestyle they view on social media and headline news, their best effort is to monetize a single asset—their sexuality. In doing so, they entice and entertain potential mates for their money and lifestyle.

Shallow and unsatisfying, this form of relationship is riddled with strife and insecurity; over time, pressure mounts, the glitter evaporates, and rejection follows. Love and compassion of a committed relationship are substituted with pride and an obsession with status.

The stereotypes of these emotionally frail but physically robust beauties who have no future are accurate; they cling from one relationship to another. Dependent, narcissistic, often exhibiting borderline personalities, they are blameless and competitive, yet in the end, they’re engulfed in a cocktail of acquaintances, sexual partners, situationalships, uncommitted relations, and affairs.

Fetish relationships are not so out-ofthe-ordinary. Actually, they’re not much different than committed ones. Those coming together with similar interests can easily partner and provide a bedrock of security for each other; having found an alternative vibe that keeps the love flowing can hold interest. It should be noted that it isn’t the person fueling the sexual energy; instead, it’s the objects, body parts, or actions associated with sex that provide physical and emotional satisfaction.

Sexual fluidness is often referenced in social media and is gaining in popularity. The more common are

Throuples (three partners in an established relationship), Polyamorous (having multiple partners often with the knowledge of others), and those who identify as Fluid. They partner with all genders and are not fixed on a single sexual persona, expanding the field of finding a satisfying relationship(s).

We’ve included Adult Dating in this list because while it fits neatly into the primary relationship category, it comes with its challenges.

Those under this umbrella often are single due to divorce, the death of a spouse, or they find themselves late to the arena because of educational or career choices. Children, both young and adult, financial obligations, distance, and work commitments are baggage that contributes to the strain when forming this new relationship.

Another issue adding to the confusion is age differential; as men and women age, they alter their preferences for a partner. Women complain that men of like age are “hunting” for mates significantly younger than themselves, and at the same time, these women are inundated by young men looking to score “MILFS.” When young bucks are asked why they pursue partners significantly older than them, they often respond with, “I want someone with experience.” These relationships are some of the least satisfying when factoring in their short engagements and the societal heresy regarding older women and younger men.

There is no easy method for meeting and connecting with others; relationships are comparable to negotiating world peace. Rules of engagement are equally difficult to decipher, with each generation having a completely different set of expectations.

The best advice is to read and learn about what might work on the new frontier of dating, to find someone with the same values, life situation, and maybe a person who is as frustrated as you are; sharing common ground could lead you to your soulmate. H

The best advice is to read and learn about what might work on the new frontier of dating, to find someone with the same values, life situation, and maybe a person who is as frustrated as you are; sharing common ground could lead you to your soulmate.

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WITH YOUR SEXUAL HEALTH

BY JAMES HOLDEN

The freedom of reaching out and being able to find a willing partner to enjoy a passionate evening without commitment may at first seem appealing, but at what cost does one risk when bed-hopping?

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported that sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) had decreased at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020; however, they found a significant resurgence at the close of the year.

The health organization reported, “Cases of gonorrhea, syphilis and congenital syphilis surpassed 2019 levels, while chlamydia declined…gonorrhea and primary & secondary (P&S) syphilis were up 10 percent and 7 percent, respectively, compared to 2019.”

Also discovered was syphilis in newborns increased; congenital syphilis cases went up from about 15 percent in 2019 to an explosive 235 percent from 2016 levels. The report went on to conclude syphilis infections continued to rise in 2021 too.

As for chlamydia, which accounts for the most STD cases reported, there was a decrease during the monitoring period; the CDC attributes this reduction to the decline of screening and undiagnosed cases during the pandemic.

It’s surmised that this depression of statistics is responsible for the marked decrease in STD reporting in 2020, “a drop from 2.5 million reported cases in 2019 to 2.4 million in 2020.”

According to Jonathan Mermin, M.D., M.P.H., Director of CDC’s National Center for HIV, Viral Hepatitis, STD, and TB Prevention, “The COVID-19 pandemic put enormous pressure on an already strained public health infrastructure. There were moments in 2020 when it felt like the world was standing still, but STDs weren’t. The unrelenting momentum of the STD epidemic continued even as STD prevention services were disrupted.”

THE CDC BELIEVES THERE ARE CONTRIBUTING FACTORS TO THE DECLINE:

n Reduced frequency of in-person healthcare services as routine visits decreased, resulting in less-frequent STD screening

n Diversion of public health staff from STD work to respond to the COVID-19 pandemic

n STD test and laboratory supply shortages

n Lapses in health insurance coverage due to unemployment; and telemedicine practices that led to some infections not being captured in national data

It is believed that STDs are increasing within many demographics; with racial and ethnic minority groups, bisexual men, and the nation’s youth, contracting the highest levels of STD infections.

While researchers focus on collecting data, they consider the lack of reporting as one of the reasons the numbers are not as accurate as they could be; Leandro Mena, M.D., M.P.H., Director of CDC’s Division of STD Prevention says, “The COVID-19 pandemic increased awareness of a reality we’ve long known about STDs. Social and economic factors—such as poverty and health insurance status—create barriers, increase health risks, and often result in worse health outcomes for some people. It appears that under and unreported cases lead to other significant health problems.”

It is vital to understand the issue of increases in transmission by those unaware of being a carrier.

Interestingly, the report didn’t address matters of public health related to incidence within the groups they identified as being at higher risk and using dating apps or changes in mating practices. More casual and less committed forms of relationships would seem to be significant contributors to outbreaks or at least rises in reported cases. It should be clear that it isn’t the dating apps directly responsible, rather, seamless access to a larger audience of potential partners leading to increases in sexual activity, may lay some responsibility for spiking the transmission of STDs.

More significant efforts are necessary to educate, prevent, and treat STDs. While it is the work of public and private groups, healthcare providers, and other organizations to inform at-risk populations, prevention is ultimately the responsibility of individuals.

As with many problems we look to solve, effective communication can yield significant results. Any effort to become informed, share awareness and discuss issues of using protection can elevate concerns about contracting and spreading STDs and initiate action. H

Gifting

Catena Zapata Celebrates 120 Years of History with Three New Malbec Releases, and A New Book on Argentina’s Favorite Grapes

BY MARGOT ROBERTS

elcome to Catena Zapata, the oldest Argentinian family winery founded in 1902 and continues to be operated by its lineage.

Catena Zapata is recognized globally for its pioneering role in resurrecting the Malbec grape. With a flavor profile that appeals to American audiences, the result of its robust and fruit-forward flavor makes this wine an easy-drinking choice.

It’s not unusual to gravitate to Malbec’s taste; it has become a familiar grape to consumers across the US, holding nearly

as much varietal recognition as international varieties such as Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, or Cabernet Sauvignon.

As Catena Zapata celebrates its 120th anniversary, three new vintages of premium Malbec (created by the fourth generation of wine producers) have been introduced. The new lineup includes; Catena Alta Malbec 2019 ($57.99), Catena Zapata Nicasia Vineyard 2019 ($99.99), and Malbec Argentino 2020 ($100).

The Malbec grapes that create these extraordinary bottles come from extremely high-altitude terroirs in the Andean foot-

hills of Mendoza. The climate offers a unique environment for growing the lushest grapes.

Nicolás Catena Zapata is the only South American to have received Wine Enthusiast’s Lifetime Achievement Award, the Decanter’s Man of the Year Award, and Wine Spectator’s Distinguished Service Award. The winery’s Adrianna Vineyard holds several 100-point wine ratings. For more information about Catena Zapata, visit catenazapata.com. H

A Book of Passion, Malbec mon amour Blends

Argentina’s Famous Grapes into a Whimsical Potion

hen combining knowledge, love of the earth, and exceptional talent, you are left with only one option: to share your story; and that is what family member Laura Catena and chief winemaker Alejandro Vigil decided to do when they cultivated the idea of collaborating on the family and its history some 15 years ago.

The book is not one of dry facts; instead, it delves into the history of grapes and the inner workings of vineyards;

plus, with acute accuracy, it discusses the role of Malbec and the many regions of Mendoza where it is harvested.

A good read, accompanied by a glass of Malbec, the book is organized into sections that address timelines, historical facts, and hands-on experiences the two authors shared. H

Malbec mon amour is published by Catapulta Ediories. Hard copy pre-orders are available at amzn.to/3fOA7nV.

Establish Your Brand With Product Placement

You’ve seen countless products and services placed in movies, ads, and other forms of promotion reserved for large corporations. Now, we make it possible for you to take advantage of this outstanding opportunity. Putting your company in front of our vast readership will establish your identity and carry premiere branding and affiliation.

To learn how to benefit from Product Placement in our magazines, contact New England News + Media at NEMedia@earthlink.net.

BY SUSAN FLETCHER

PHOTO BY: SOWABOSTON.COM

It started with a big idea and a small budget. The concept was to create a hub of activity in an old neighborhood that cried out for help. Old factory buildings languished near the old Southeast Expressway, steps from the old Boston Herald Complex and only a few feet from the Pine Street Inn. It wasn’t attractive and, in fact, a bit dangerous at times.

Fast-forward some 20+ years later, and what was considered a wasteland, has grown into the hub of Boston’s art and design scene.

Comprised of gorgeous galleries, hundreds of artist’s studios filled with creativity, an art and design center, home improvement showrooms, architects and designers, trendy restaurants, and coffee houses, SoWa is the center of entertainment for visitors. But, beyond this, many historic mills have been turned into loft-style apartments with high ceilings and exposed brick, making the neighborhood the benchmark for revitalization.

The community, South of Washington Street, hence SoWa, brings residents, businesses, and visitors from all parts of the globe to celebrate living well.

Artists, gallery owners, art collectors, and home improvement consultants are only a tease of what the strip along Harrison offers.

A short walk from the now equally notable “Ink Block” offering upscale living and dining options, including a massive Whole Foods Market, to the trendy South End

recognized for its elite dining and entertainment venues such as Cyclorama, this part of Boston is the gem of attractions.

There is always a happening at SoWa, a gallery opening, a special event at the “Power Station,” an evening event known as First Friday of each month, and another held every Sunday—all year long—when artists open their studios for guests.

And even though the shade of winter is upon us, the easy access and abundance of convenient parking draw people of all ages to descend and make a day of eating and shopping.

Suppose you’re ready to overhaul and enhance your living space to reflect your personality. In that case, you must visit one of the many showrooms offering furniture, rugs, antiques, and accessories you can’t find anywhere else.

What separates the venue and genre SoWa offers from imitators is its curation and adherence to the highest standards. Quality is found in everything that makes this art enclave special. Original and unique, it is no wonder foot traffic consistently carries bags and packages from galleries to home.

The main attraction of SoWa is how people find their path during a day of discovery. Visiting a vast number of shops and galleries, meeting hundreds of people, eating world-class dining creations, and taking in that city vibe, are unmatched by any place you’ve been. H

SoWa is located on Harrison Avenue in Boston’s Southend; for more information, visit sowaboston.com.

DISRUPT MEDIOCRITY

NOT ALL ADVERTISING, MARKETING, PUBLIC RELATIONS, AND CREATIVITY ARE EQUAL WORK WITH US AND GET YOUR MESSAGE SEEN, HEARD, AND ACTED ON

NO LOVE LOST ON ENVIRONMENTAL ACTIVISM

Cape Cod and the SouthCoast of Massachusetts

Homeowners Squabble with DEP over Septic Upgrades

BY ROBERT WRIGHT

Even the best relationships can quickly turn sour, which seems to be the case in communities that backed an organization with a self-proclaimed mandate to improve the coastline’s waterways. The issue behind the split between homeowners and state government, accompanied by discontent with the Buzzards Bay Coalition and its 31-year Baywatchers Program, the largest and longest-running volunteer-based coastal monitoring effort in New England, surrounds the fiscal burden taxpayers face if new Title 5 regulations go into effect in 2023.

The issue at hand is that old, and some newer septic systems would be subject to upgrades proposed by the state; in many cases, a homeowner would be facing an estimated cost of $30,000-$35,000 to meet Massachusetts regulations.

Residents are fuming, and they’re not alone; public health officials are concerned about the amendment, which seems to be, “motivated, in large part, by lawsuits filed by the Conservation Law Foundation to reduce nitrogen pollution on Cape Cod,” according to Christopher Michaud, Dartmouth’s Director of Public Health.

The issue at hand is that old, and some newer septic systems would be subject to upgrades proposed by the state; in many cases, a homeowner would be facing an estimated cost of $30,000-$35,000 to meet Massachusetts regulations.

Michaud has been vocal about changes to the law. “Part of the problem with these amendments is that the affected municipalities had ‘no seat at the table’ when they were drawn up.” He added, “The only entity right now that we’ve been able to identify as being at the table of the Nitrogen Sensitive Area Subcommittee (formed in 2020) was a private activist group from Buzzards Bay (Buzzards Bay Coalition), not a municipality.”

The once-small environmental organization has successfully grown and expanded from New Bedford to Cape Cod. Initially, the group’s mission, according to their website, was to save Buzzards Bay “…from the harmful effects of pollution.” But, after nearly four decades, they have expanded their influence on many land-based properties and concerns.

In reviewing their 2021 Annual Report, it becomes clear their objective in preserving the health of waterways is taking place, the organization’s visibility is astounding, and they have raised millions of dollars for various causes and ongoing research. However, what is conspicuously absent from the report is that the non-profit doesn’t post its yearly budget.

From an outsider’s view, seeing its multiple properties, estimated overhead, and investments in research and outreach, it appears the Buzzards Bay Coalition is flush with cash. Additionally, they have created a powerful lobbying concern.

Without any doubt, to their credit, they have saved valuable natural resources and educated the public about nitrogen and the effect it has

“Part of the problem with these amendments is that the affected municipalities had ‘no seat at the table’ when they were drawn up.”

on the coast. Still, they seem to lack the passion for understanding ordinary people’s struggles, many of whom have contributed to building the powerhouse of political action.

Cape Cod homeowners will be the first to meet the new regulations with a five-year compliance deadline. There will be at least 30 watersheds labeled “Nitrogen Sensitive Areas,” which will require upgrades. Next in line are those owning property on the SouthCoast. These towns and cities include large areas of New Bedford, Dartmouth, Westport, Freetown, and Fall River.

A statement made by Marybeth Chubb, with the DEP, concluded that the new regulations are to combat the “devastating effects nitrogen pollution

has caused to embayments and estuaries.” But, while this projection may be partly accurate, Michaud had this to say about the rush to judgment. “Why all of a sudden are we addressing nitrogen in a timely manner when we’ve known about nitrogen as a source of pollution for decades?”

The truth is the public and state officials have known about the nitrogen problems for years, and many attempts have been made to curtail the issue. However, residents and political representatives have begun to question whether home septic systems are the real problem, and that other more polluting properties or practices need to be examined.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH

Chris Markey, State Rep. Ninth District, represents some areas under scrutiny with a new Title 5 amendment. He is on the record voicing concern that agriculture could be one of the reasons the nitrogen problem never got solved.

In particular, two towns that are “right to farm” communities have been at odds about pollution runoff into waterways for years. But, because of political agendas, little is said about the possibility of farms having “devastating effects” on Buzzards Bay.

In discussion with residents in Dartmouth, in preparation for this article, it was interesting that these same concerns were voiced. But, more pointedly, one homeowner volunteered to have his septic system tested and monitored. His home is miles from a waterway and believes the state should test golf course runoff near streams, rivers, and the ocean, and farms which he does live near.

The debate continues while residents remain confused and cautious. And, as questions swirl as to whether this is science-based legislation or progressive activism gone wild, one thing is clear, this relationship could use some mediation. H

a simple guide to ROMANCE

BY STEVEN CHAN

Intimacy

You can’t force or fake romance—so don’t try!

Never have words been so accurate and wise to follow.

To embark on a romantic relationship, there needs to be an initial attraction; maybe eyes lock, butterflies swirl in your gut, or your internal temperature increases; beyond this, cognitive and chemical changes occur. Brain activity increases and substances target pleasure centers when we experience the excitement of meeting someone unusually appealing.

When compatibility strikes, people evaluate their internal desire to have physical and emotional contact with the new person they find interesting. Touch, verbal communication, laughter, and thoughts of sexuality will be in the mix when considering the next step.

What can be confusing is that these same feelings and desires can happen without love and align more with immediate gratification—aka, a casual relationship or a “hook-up.” In these situations, one of the participants might feel uncomfortable. If a relationship begins too quickly, they might believe they were taken advantage of or rejected if the connection becomes a short-term fling; it’s something to keep in mind.

For a healthy relationship to flourish, it’s vital to understand the difference between love and sexual intimacy. Players looking for short-term gain physically or financially will use the notion of love to gain the confidence of a possible match. The objective is to obtain selfish satisfaction at the expense of another. Conversely, those who put shared experiences, in-depth conversations, and spending quality time together ahead of intimacy, will indicate they wish to establish a friendship that could turn into a long-term romantic bond.

WORDS OF CAUTION

If you’ve just met someone, don’t know anything about them, immediately find them sexually attractive, or feel a “crush” coming on, take it as a warning and slow down. These are the signals of aesthetic attraction and are often short-lived; being able to decipher genuine interest comes with experience and maturity.

Another way of viewing this type of attraction is to consider whether the feeling is lustful or wholly based on appearance. A question to ask is whether this first response is too exhilarating, feeling wonderfully dangerous, or more like the first steps in a long journey.

When deciding whether you feel sexually or romantically attracted to someone, ask yourself these questions:

n Do I want to get to know this person, or is it the possibility of

having sex with them causing my reaction?

n How would I feel if I could only be a friend of this person; would I abandon my interest and move on to find someone else?

n Am I ready to commit to being in a long-term relationship?

n What am I desiring; is it an exclusive relationship, dating, or sharing this person with others?

n How would I deal with them wanting to share their feelings, experiences, and thoughts with me?

n Are they indicating similar interest in me?

CENTURIES OF ROMANCE

Ancient Greek philosophers uniquely conceptualized love; they deemed romantic love as Eros, love of family was referred to as Storge, Philia was the name given for brotherly love or friendship, and Agape describes an unconditional love in a relationship, for God, or significant person.

Love hasn’t evolved so dramatically on an interpersonal scale but has become more expansive in allowing interchangeable allocation of emotions that transcend all four types of love. Today, there’s greater experimentation with Eros; with added weight, situations are soon followed by an evaluation of

If you’ve just met someone, don’t know anything about them, immediately find them sexually attractive, or feel a “crush” coming on, take it as a warning and slow down. These are the signals of aesthetic attraction and are often short-lived; being able to decipher genuine interest comes with experience and maturity.

the experience and less consideration of a next step. Such actions could crudely be attested to “Try it before you buy it.” Such a mentality hosts a plethora of issues for partners.

FIRST SIGNS

You meet or have been introduced to someone, and a conversation begins. And because human behavior is perceptive, due to millions of years of development—based on survival—in a split second, you have already decided if you are interested in engaging or taking flight. Yes, this decision may not always

be conscious, but it was made almost instantly; what follows will decide your fate and that of another.

It is also possible to become confounded by what appear to be mixed signals; in these cases, a person seems friendly and attractive, but they are severed from romantic feelings. These people are drawn to platonic relationships and considered “aromantic.” While they don’t experience romantic attraction, they may fully enjoy sex for its physiological pleasure; they simply don’t connect emotionally. Unfortunately, they are

limited to partners who feel the same or can tolerate a physical-only relationship.

Some people are asexual and don’t subscribe to intercourse; they thrive within the boundaries of an extended friendship. This person may search for someone to marry, live with, raise a child, and celebrate their togetherness, but without intimate physical contact. This type of relationship is challenging to find.

Once you make contact with a potential mate and your hominid instincts activate, here is what you should watch for; they could be signs someone is interested in getting to know you better.

CLUES OF ATTRACTION

#1 Hair flipping is one of the most obvious signs you’ll notice. Possible connections can be found tossing or running their fingers through it or playing with the ends—a sure indicator of attraction. Also noticeable is preening or enhancing physical appearance. Indications include fixing a tie, looking at a mirror for a quick check, touching or stroking a beard, and reapplication of makeup or cologne.

#2 Mirroring can be subtle and innocent, but it is visible, especially if you watch two people perform the act. Similar hand gestures, body movements, repetitive words or sentences, nodding, and similar laughing characteristics are noticeable.

#3 Physical presence is a key indicator of attraction or interest. If you are standing with your shoulders facing a person and they mimic your stance, it could be related to a desire to interact, but if they turn their bodies at an angle, this shows a lack of interest and a need to look distracted.

#4 Eye contact is crucial, and lack of it is a deal breaker; if eyes are roaming, then it’s time to move on; they aren’t focused on you. Watch for “bedroom eyes.” Hard to describe, but when you see them, you’ll know it! Another cue to look for is an eye drop. Eye contact moving down to the chest is an intimate gaze; it should not be used by a man when meeting a woman but is acceptable

in reverse or by same-sex couples. (Eye dropping can be unconscious, so stay alert).

#5 Proximity is tricky at first and in many situations. If the environment is loud and difficult to hear, they will need to lean into the conversation; if they do, you’ll get an indication of their interest; if not, understand they don’t care what you are pitching. Watch to see if they invade your personal space, which is about 12"-18" from your face or body. The closeness will give you evidence of interest.

#6 Touching a hand, shoulder, or the sweet spot—an elbow, provides evidence of comfort around you.

#7 Verbalization and asking questions are sure signs of intent; active participation or not allowing lulls in a conversation shows attraction. Sharing personal or intimate information will put you on the right track.

#8 Attentiveness; being courteous by loaning a jacket, opening a door, wiping a spill, or showing awareness will put you in their good graces.

Other signs that a man is open and approachable include, standing with uncrossed arms while gazing and lacking a phone. He will stand straight with his shoulders back, feet planted securely, and show his hands. While speaking to a potential mate, he will rub his face or neck to release pheromone.

Under the same circumstances, you’ll notice women do a head-tilt and quite often expose the neck region; these actions are two-fold; they indicate she feels safe or at least comfortable and is releasing pheromones. They may also show the underside of their wrist, which demonstrates femininity. The touching of lips is a bit more forward, but if subtle, it will blend with the other actions mentioned.

While speaking, men’s voices deepen, and women rise to sound more attentive.

Eye contact is crucial, and lack of it is a deal breaker; if eyes are roaming, then it’s time to move on; they aren’t focused on you.

INTERNET DATING & COMMUNICATIONS

Millions of people looking to develop a relationship have decided to move online, and with this jump, they spend a great deal of time texting or messaging. Not always easy to judge interest; here are some things to look for:

n Emojis indicate feelings, and people will be honest when using them because it is a safe and secure way to communicate. If they use them often, they are probably expressive and enjoy speaking with you; the smiling ones show their disposition, and they are enjoying your time together. Emojis with kissing and hearts are indicators of stronger feelings and could be an invitation for a deeper conversation or an invitation to make a date.

While it’s challenging to evaluate the level of interest someone has by the amount of time it takes to answer or how often they make contact, one easy way is to notice when they make an effort to reach you; if you

receive a morning and evening text or a mid-day, “How are you doing” message, then it is a safe assumption that they’re thinking kind thoughts, and aren’t into playing games. The Science of People.com offers some interesting thoughts about body language and actions of couples once they date, and how couples interact physically shows much about their relationship.

HERE IS WHAT THEY SAY

n A man lightly pressing his hand on his lover’s back while they’re going inside a building shows dominance and his desire to provide security.

n When a woman hooks her hand through a man’s bent arm (called the arm link), whether down the street or at a social function, the non-verbal cue is, “He’s mine!”

n When walking hand in hand, the holding together indicates a sign of mutual attraction and protection from outside interests. Also, there is

no “upper hand” in hand-holding. However, you can observe the more dominant person in a relationship by noticing whose hand is on top.

n The waist embrace is when a couple presses against each other with the front or side of their body touching. Waist embracing is limited almost exclusively to a courting pair since contact is very close to the private area.

n When witnessing a head-to-head gesture or having their arms wrapped around one another, it pretty much means they are closing out the world and have no interest in outside events.

n The caress or public displays of affection (PDA) include gestures of stroking, rubbing, and squeezing a partner’s body. It also involves kissing and looking into a partner’s eyes. It is typically reserved for young couples who wish to ignore their surroundings, concentrating exclusively on discovering each other’s bodies.

CAUGHT IN THE ACT

An exciting and extraordinary tale to share is a story from the website where they call hotel receptionists the “Masters of Relationship Detection.” Having the most anecdotal research available, they can often predict the relationship status of couples when checking into a property. Here is what they look for:

Nonstop conversation; newly acquainted couples act like lovebirds; fully involved, they are attentive, in constant contact, and talk about anything, and seem exuberant about the littlest of things.

Nervousness is a sign of fear or caution; couples carrying this baggage and lacking the other type are showing—in full view—their intent.

Muted love is evident when couples have been together for a while; they shy away from flirtatious behavior and may

appear overtly serious; it doesn’t mean they aren’t in love but down the path of natural progression.

When couples lack synchronicity in their interactions and movements, it is usually a sign they are new to the hotel and each other; they haven’t the time to anticipate or understand each other’s preferences.

Then there are fake couples who overcompensate by excessive hugging or overplaying their attachment. Having to tell the room you’re a couple shows that you’re not authentic.

Our simple guide may not seem so easy at first. Still, with a little effort and a focus on behavioral cues, you can start the exciting journey of making a valuable emotional connection, leading to a relationship of your choice.

It’s now up to you. H

Nonstop conversation; newly acquainted couples act like lovebirds; fully involved, they are attentive, in constant contact, and talk about anything and seem exuberant about the littlest of things.

Living Well

YOUR BRAIN IN LOVE

BY ROB SAINT LAURENT, M.ED

Research says that we experience three types of romantic love during our lifetime: The love that seems right, the love that’s hard, and the love that lasts.

Our first time in love tends to be when we’re younger and naive. We have a certain ideal in mind and think it will last forever. We tend to focus on how we’re perceived by others rather than our feelings. The second time tends to be painful and teaches us valuable lessons about ourselves and what we need in a relationship. It tends to become a cycle of repetitive issues and drama. The focus becomes making things work rather than the relationship itself. The third time’s the charm. This love is easy and happens unexpectedly. It often doesn’t fit our preconceived notions about what love should look like. It teaches us how to receive love and give love.

While all these love events are matters of the heart, the part of us that Cupid targets most is the brain. Scientists labored for decades attempting to understand how the brain and body work when love strikes. While much remains unknown, some of its mysteries have been revealed.

WHAT IS LOVE?

In 2021, psychologists Adam Bode and Geoff Kushnick analyzed romantic love from a biological

perspective, looking at its psychology, mechanics, purposes, and development over a lifetime and throughout human existence. From a comprehensive literature analysis, they devised this working scientific definition:

Romantic love is a universal or near-universal motivational state that serves multiple functions centered around reproduction but can have many purposes depending on a person’s stage of life and its duration. It happens mostly early in romance but can lead to a lasting bond. Romantic love occurs throughout the lifespan in men and women and features a range of mental, emotional, behavioral, genetic, neural, and hormonal activities. It likely emerged alongside pair-bonding, which is a relatively recent occurrence in human history.1

The researchers found multiple biological processes involved in romantic love they say support the idea that it serves multiple functions. It’s associated with reward and motivation, sexual desire and arousal, emotions, and social processing. It’s linked to higher brain activity involved in memory and attention, for example. They also found a link to multiple hormonal systems, such as sex hormones, oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, and cortisol. The reward and motivation neural system, which is rich in oxytocin (often called “the love hormone”), may be particularly involved in mate selection and pair-bonding.1

While all these love events are matters of the heart, the part of us that Cupid targets most is the brain.

The researchers explain there’s a lot of psychological similarity between romantic love and early parental love, or mother-infant bonding, suggesting that romantic love may have arisen by “co-opting” mother-infant bonding processes.1

“Love is a very complex process,” said behavioral neuroscientist Sandra Langeslag, Ph.D. of the University of Missouri-St. Louis. “[S]o many different brain regions (and hormones and neurotransmitters) are involved.” 2

PHYSICAL ATTRACTION

Acclaimed neurobiologist and author Semir Zeki observed brain regions associated with the reward system light up on brain scans when people deeply in love looked at photos of their beloved, supporting Bode and Kushnick’s conclusions. 2, 3

Langeslag’s research showed the brain’s dorsal striatum region (part of the reward system) being activated when people in love gaze at photos of their romantic interest. She says this is indicative of how attending to our romantic partner reinforces our loving feelings more than with other people. That said, we don’t know whether these regions are more active when in love than when not, she noted. 2

Zeki explains that brain regions activated during romantic love contain high concentrations of dopamine hormone, a neurotransmitter that produces feelings of euphoria and is involved in reward, desire, and addiction. This suggests why being in love makes us feel a constant drug-like “high” that drives us to bond with that person. At the same time, dopamine levels rise; however, levels of serotonin, linked to appetite and mood, fall—likely explaining why people in love are often less interested in eating. 2, 3

THE MATING GAME

Though sexual strategies can vary between individuals, renowned anthropologist Helen E. Fisher, Ph.D., says women and men (and baboons) engage in universal behaviors when they come within courting range.4

When a woman spots a love interest, she smiles at him as she quickly opens her eyes wide, raising her brows for a full view. She then lowers her eyelids, tilts her head downward, and looks away. Often, she’ll hide her face with her palms and giggle nervously. In men and across animal species, the chest thrust (puffing up) signals dominance and interest in a mate.

The most striking aspect of this courting process is probably the gaze, says Fisher. In cultures where eye contact between men and women is permitted, a man or woman will focus intently on a potential suitor for several seconds before looking away; if their pupils dilate, they’re extremely interested. The gaze triggers an instinctive engage-or-flee reaction in the per-

son being viewed that can’t be ignored. While deciding whether to play along, the person will likely fidget in some way to alleviate anxiety.

The American singles-bar scene also follows a familiar pattern, according to researchers.4

After people secure their territory, they begin to seek attention. Young men will exaggerate body movements, as in using the whole arm to stir a drink; they may stretch or pitch and roll the shoulders. They will swagger as they move about, similar to male primates that have an eye on a potential mate. Human males and other male species may also groom themselves as an outlet for nervous energy and to keep themselves moving to garner attention.

Young women will engage in a lot of the same behaviors: gazing, smiling, exaggerating movements, grooming, moving about their territory. They will also do the familiar hair twisting, head tilting, coyly looking at the ceiling, licking their upper lips, blushing, hiding their faces, and other signaling gestures. Fisher says Western women also assume a particular body posture when courting that can be traced to 16th century noblewoman Catherine de’ Medici. They unnaturally arch the back, tilt the buttocks and thrust their bosom forward as they strut in high heels swaying their hips.

To complete the pickup, potential lovers will begin synchronizing their body movements as they become comfortable, either before or during conversation. They will face one another, then begin to perhaps cross legs together, pat their hair in tandem, etc., as they gaze intently at each other. Fisher says this mirroring, called interactional synchronicity, begins when we’re infants as we learn to move our bodies to the rhythm of a human voice. She says this happens in all cultures and many animal species.

FROM INFATUATION TO LASTING LOVE

In the early stages of romance, there is an increase in levels of oxytocin and vasopressin that make us want to bond with our love interest in our dopamine-flooded euphoric state. Meanwhile, there’s a decrease in brain activity in the amygdala and frontal cortex, which are involved in decision making. At the same time, the decrease in serotonin drives us to obsess over our love interest, as low levels have been linked to obsessive-compulsive disorder. This chemical combination can lead to vulnerable, unstable feelings and poor judgment in mate selection. 2, 5

With increases in adrenaline and phenylethylamine neurotransmitters, falling in love is like the high from cocaine, explains Deborah Khoshaba, Psy.D. To help us stay grounded, she advises that we realize what’s happening to us so we can enjoy the moment while still making sound decisions. “Enjoy the

Romantic love occurs throughout the lifespan in men and women and features a range of mental, emotional, behavioral, genetic, neural, and hormonal activities.

high, but don’t lose yourself in it. Acknowledge you are under the influence of some powerful hormones. Keep your schedule. Get the nutrition, rest, and relaxation that you need. When concerns and fears come into your mind about your lover, ask yourself if you are just trying to discharge the anxiety that you feel about the unknown so that you can stop a personal drama in its track. Don’t rush to seal the relationship just because you can’t stand the anxiety. Don’t lower your defenses, personal boundaries, and expectations to the extent that you are denying what you really desire and need.”5

If the relationship survives the infatuation period, which could last six months or several years, a strong pair-bond can take hold. That said, though it’s our natural desire to pair-bond, Agustin Fuentes, Ph.D. says it’s unlikely that all married couples are pairbonded with wide social and cultural differences regarding why and how people marry.6

Based on animal research, it’s believed that oxytocin and vasopressin trigger neural circuits for monogamy during mating.7 Some scientists believe that romantic love is simply a “commitment device”

for pair-bonding and the heavy investment needed to raise children. 8

Interestingly, Khoshaba explains that when falling in love, testosterone decreases in men, making them more emotionally receptive, while increasing in women, making them more sexually aggressive. She’s had “more than one” male client lament their longterm partner losing the ravenous sexual appetite she had in the beginning, saying he feels tricked.5

“If you have felt this way about a female lover, now you know that it was her hormones that made her into a girl gone wild.”5 H

1. Bode, A. & Kushnick, G. (2021, April 21). Proximate and Ultimate Perspectives on Romantic Love. Frontiers in Psychology.

2. Cohut, M. (2020, March 16). What does love do to our brains? Medical News Today.

3. Zeki, S. (2007, June 12). The neurobiology of love. FEBS Letters, 581(14), 2575-79.

4. Fisher, H. E. (2016, June 9). The Biology of Attraction. Psychology Today.

5. Khoshaba, D. (2012, March 20). The Early Stages of Falling in Love. Psychology Today.

6. Fuentes, A. (2012, May 9). On Marriage and Pair Bonds. Psychology Today.

7. Young, L. J. (2003). Offspring: Human Fertility Behavior in Biodemographic Perspective. National Academies Press (US).

8. Fletcher, G. J. O., Simpson, J. A., Campbell, L., & Overall, N. C. (2015), January). Pair-bonding, romantic love, and evolution: the curious case of Homo sapiens. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(1), 20-36.

the early stages of romance, there is an

in levels of oxytocin and vasopressin that make us want to bond with our love interest in our dopamineflooded euphoric state.

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BayCoast Bank Announces Generous Grant for Stoico/ FIRSTFED YMCA Splash Pad

It may be winter now, but by the time we’re enduring sweltering temperatures this summer, there will be an exciting new place on the SouthCoast to cool off. BayCoast Bank has announced a grant to support the construction of a splash pad at the Stoico/ FIRSTFED YMCA, in Swansea.

Members of the BayCoast Bank family, Partners Insurance Group, and the Stoico/FIRSTFED YMCA, recently gathered for the official groundbreaking ceremony for the 2,400 squarefoot splash pad, which is scheduled to open this summer.

“On behalf of my family, we were honored and proud to participate in seeing this project to completion,” said Scott Munro, Stoico/FIRSTFED YMCA Advisory Board Member. “The splash pad will facilitate the YMCA’s mission to serve the local community and especially the children that attend summer camp and programs.

The cost of the project is estimated at $600,000. Members of the community, along with BayCoast Bank, have offered generous support, but additional donations are needed. H

If you’d like to donate, please visit the Stoico/FIRSTFED YMCA website at ymcasouthcoast.org for more information.

Partners Insurance Group Starts Process for Name Change to BayCoast Insurance™

BayCoast Bank is a long-standing community savings bank supporting the people and businesses on the SouthCoast of Massachusetts and Rhode Island. In 2012, the Bank experienced its name change from Citizens-Union Savings Bank to BayCoast Bank, reshaping and strengthening its presence on the SouthCoast.

“Now is the time,” said Patrick D. Long, President, and CEO of Partners Insurance Group. “For more than a decade, the BayCoast name has grown to become one of the area’s most recognizable brands. As BayCoast continues to grow and thrive, so too has Partners. With our aligned mission, culture, vision, and values, changing our name to BayCoast Insurance simply makes sense.”

Nicholas M. Christ, President, and CEO of BayCoast Bank commented, “Partners Insurance Group has been an important part of the BayCoast family of services for over 20 years. The name change to BayCoast Insurance solidifies this.” H

Making Sailing History Once Again Spectacular start day for The Ocean Race in Alicante

JJanuary 15, 2023, marked the start of the world-renowned Ocean Race. Celebrating its 50th jubilee anniversary, a fleet of the best sailors set off on what is widely considered the toughest test of a team in sports.

Five IMOCA class yachts—the hightech, foiling, flying race boats in The Ocean Race for the first time—started in

glamour conditions on the waters off Alicante, Spain, just after 16:00 local time.

While the Alicante start period featured perfect January weather with warm temperatures under sunny skies, the sailors were expected to face gale force westerlies to build overnight, with a heavy sea state making the passage to Gibraltar and the trade winds in the Atlantic a treacherous one.

New England is incredibly excited about the start of the race since Newport,

Rhode Island, will once again be home to the competition when the fleet arrives May 13-21, 2023.

Newport is the only North American stopover for the sailing event, which covers 38,000 nautical miles, and draws thousands of fans from around the country. All eyes will be on the 11th Hour Racing Team, representing the US. The Ocean Race will conclude in Genoa, Italy, in June 2023. H

Trashed—Fueling The Debate For Not Tipping Corporate Standards & Customer Satisfaction Reach New Low

After reporting that Starbucks was forcing workers to pressure the public into tipping them—when paying by credit card—we were throttled to see trash piled up and a puddle of what looked like spilled coffee over the floor, creating a hazard, at their Tilton, New Hampshire location.

Disappointing, after notifying the corporate office of other hygienic deficiencies found at its Chestnut Hill location, on the outskirts of Boston, and other locations, we were assured they would look into our complaints.

Most disheartening is filthy stores are not the exception, but the rule. Employees are blatantly ignoring the obvious while believing they are entitled to a reward, even though they aren’t providing a safe and

clean environment for their customers.

In the past, most corporate fast-food take-out locations refrained from allowing tipping and were always clean. Fast forward, it seems like this standard has been reversed; while burdening the consumer with their fiscal responsibility, they have become lax in customer service and appeal.

It is important to note that it isn’t just this coffee house that is ignoring the poor quality of employees and management. We’ve included a photo from a parking lot in Dartmouth, Massachusetts, where Chipotle is located. Trash was accumulated not from a single day of use, but from many. The image shows seagulls and ravens scoring a meal and leaving the remains scattered for vermin to enjoy.

Inside, we found dirty tables and areas that needed a good cleaning—it wasn’t surprising.

Over at Jersey Mikes, in Wareham, Massachusetts, not far from the tip-cup, was a table that sat untouched during our visit. Opting for take-out, we lingered to see if an employee ever tried to clean the table. Sadly, while there were very few customers, leaving plenty of time to clean up, the staff enjoyed discussing their social life.

These are a few examples of what can be found daily. There are exceptions; however, we’ve noticed the best-kept dining rooms and parking lots are located at privately owned businesses.

We don’t mean ill will towards these companies, but we feel obligated to ask if there is an expectation to be met. Could it be the targeted demographic of these food service providers may not care or notice these issues? Or, perhaps, the employees are running the institutions, and these are the results. H

CHIPOTLE STARBUCKS JERSEY MIKES

Bad Chocolate! Report of Cadmium in the Sweet Comes at the Worst Possible Time

In a story found at eatingwell. com, just in time for Valentine’s Day, “Consumer Reports tested 28 different dark chocolate bars for lead and cadmium, and used California’s maximum allowable dose level to determine which chocolate bars were “safer choices,” “high in cadmium,” “high in lead” and “high in both cadmium and lead.”

Of the 28 labels tested, 23 were found to contain sufficient levels of the toxic chemicals; and consuming 1 ounce daily could have a detrimental effect on health.

The magazine also concluded, “Five of the bars tested had potentially dangerous levels of both heavy metals.”

Brands mentioned include Theo, Trader Joe’s, and Lily’s; these were the most questionable. Those considered safer but still had contamination were Ghirardelli dark chocolate and Taza Chocolate.

How lead enters into the process is sketchy, although it is believed that after harvesting cocoa beans, transportation of the crop could be the culprit.

As for cadmium contamination, it likely takes place in the growing of

plants in contaminated soil.

The report did not exclude chocolate from anyone’s diet but did recommend consumers look for the “safer choices” and limit intake with children.

Surprisingly, with all the talk about the darkest chocolate’s health benefits, the study recommends less concentrated bars.

It looks like diamonds, roses, and fine wines are the best choices for showing your love until they’re tested, and more bad news gets reported. H

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Boston Baroque Closes 50th Season with March Concert and April Opera

The renowned orchestra concludes its 50th season with two programs in March and April. First, Boston Baroque presents Mozart’s Symphony No. 41 in C major, K. 551, “Jupiter,” and the Sinfonia concertante featuring soloists Christina Day Martinson, violin, and Jason Fisher, viola.

Finally, the season comes to a close with a new production of Gluck’s opera Iphigénie en Tauride starring Wendy Bryn Harmer, William Burden, and Jesse Blumberg.

Audiences near and far will have the opportunity to join Boston Baroque for both programs as we welcome live studio audiences on-site at GBH’s Calderwood Studio, NEC’s Jordan Hall, and virtual audiences worldwide via Livestream on IDAGIO. This season, Boston Baroque’s virtual audiences have spanned across five continents (North America, South America, Asia, Europe, and Australia) and over 22 countries.

The March concerts will take place on Saturday, March 25, at 8 p.m. at GBH’s Calderwood Studio, and Sunday, March 26, at 3 p.m. at NEC’s Jordan Hall. These performances will have no intermission. The Saturday 8 p.m. performance will be streamed live on IDAGIO and available to rent on-demand for 30 days following the stream.

Led by Founding Music Director Martin Pearlman, this sparkling all-Mozart program begins with the charming Sinfonia concertante—or multiple concerto—for violin and viola, last heard on the Boston Baroque stage in 1998. H

Both in-person and Livestream tickets are available online at baroque.boston or by calling the Box Office at 617-987-8600. Livestream tickets begin at $9, and in-person tickets range from $25-$125. The virtual performance will become available to stream on-demand 30 days after the live air date, with on-demand rentals beginning at $9.

Circa’s Sacre, Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring Gets an Athletic & Sensual Reworking

AUSTRALIAN CONTEMPORARY CIRCUS RETURNS TO BOSTON WITH A DANCE/CIRCUS HYBRID

Igor Stravinsky’s epic 20th century composition Le Sacre du Printemps (The Rite of Spring) gets a poetic, raw, and acrobatic overhaul in Sacre, a distinctive hybrid dance/movement performance by acclaimed Australian contemporary circus company Circa. Sacre is presented by Celebrity Series of Boston on February 9, 10, and 11 at 8 p.m. at the Boch Center Shubert Theatre.

Created by Yaron Lifschitz and the Circa Ensemble and directed by Lifschitz, the work takes inspiration from Stravinsky’s original ballet score depicting a series of pagan rituals that welcome spring’s earth-bound renewal. With its minimal aesthetic, Sacre centers on a group of 10 performers moving in and out of a single white spotlight, focusing attention on the extraordinary athleticism of the troupe.

In partially improvisational solos, duets, and full-company segments, the artists toss themselves and others into and out of the light, perform duets that mix balancing feats with

sensual moves, and build jaw-dropping human architecture up to three people high. Individualism and interdependence are echoed in the feats of strength; group movements around the spotlight perimeter suggest secret rituals. Stage pictures and physical structures evoke botanical, floral, and DNA images.

As Sacre progresses, performers shed suits and dresses for more body-baring costumes that underscore tensions built into the original music and this interpretation. The production begins with a contemporary soundscape by Philippe Bachman that suggests aspects of The Rite of Spring, particularly its aggressive drum-driven beat, dissonance, and off-kilter accents. Traditional orchestrations appear in the 65-minute second half, where suggestions of ritual and sacrifice intensify. H

Sacre plays at Boch Center Shubert Theatre: Thursday, February 9; Friday, February 10; and Saturday, February 11, 2023, at 8 p.m. Tickets start at $49 and are available online at celebrityseries.org.

PHOTO BY: JUSTIN MA

PHOTO BY: PEDRO GREIG

The Perfect Afternoon Date

BRUNCH AT THE BOSTON HARBOR HOTEL

On February 12, at 11:30 a.m., love will fill the air, and couples will gather at the Boston Harbor Hotel for a luxurious experience that includes live jazz, innovative dishes, and creative cocktail stations. Also on hand will be Lanson Champagne enabling you to create a Bloody Mary or Mimosa.

The walk-around brunch showcases Chef David Daniels healthy and fresh menu; including omelets, a fresh fruit bar,

waffles, and delicious pastries. It is the perfect start to your Valentine’s Day Week celebration.

After, take a romantic walk along the waterfront, visit one of the city’s fine museums, or consider making a reservation and spend an elegant evening at the premiere hotel.

Fine dining and drinks overlooking Boston Harbor is easy, like Sunday morning. H

For more information, visit boswineandfoodfestival.com/eventcalendar/valentine-s-champagne-brunch.

DAY TRIPPING!

• Depart from New Bedford’s historic waterfront; a short walk to downtown New Bedford’s many restaurants, boutique shops, museums & galleries.

• Enjoy the gorgeous views of Buzzards Bay as you make your way to the laid back island of Cuttyhunk.

• Friday Night Sunset Cruises! Breath taking scenery, comfortable accommodations, not to be missed excursion.

WEATHER NOTE: IF SEVERE WEATHER IS PREDICTED, IT IS ADVISABLE TO CALL IN ADVANCE OF DEPARTURE FOR POSSIBLE SCHEDULING CHANGES. 508.992.0200

RESERVATIONS ARE REQUIRED FOR ALL PASSENGERS AND FREIGHT

To get a ticket you must have a reservation through our online reservation system. No charge for children 2 years and younger. The office must be notified at time of ticket purchase about each child 2 years and under that will be traveling with you in order to accurately count all persons on board the vessel. Dogs, on leash, are welcome at no charge. For non-web or special group payments and for check, cash or different form of payment, please email reservations@cuttyhunkferryco.com or call 508.992.0200. You can leave a message and your reservation will be held.