The Loss of Spoons

Burnout. A space that university students can easily find themselves in, most often around when assignments are due, when exams are coming up, or when an event is about to take place. It’s a dreaded space, filled with anxiety and a lack of energy and motivation. It is pure chaos while also being a space where nobody cares what happens nor what comes next. And generally, lecturers are pretty understanding of burnout. They experience burnout in their positions too. But what happens when you’re in a continual state of burnout that you rarely escape from? Disabled people understand this, and we have terminology for this - spoons. Whether it be a lack of spoons, or if we have enough spoons.

Now, for our able bodied allies out there, spoons refers to The Spoon Theory - a theory created by a member of the disabled community to help explain not only the differences in a disabled person’s energy levels, but how long it takes to recover and why. To put it simply, it may take you one spoon to shower or three to go to the gym, and when you eat or sleep you get the spoons back. For many disabled people, it could take two spoons to shower or four to go to the gym, and eating or sleeping doesn’t always bring the spoons back, at least not quickly. It is why disabled people sometimes use the term “spoonie” to refer to themselves or others. It also makes for easy and quick communication for disabled people to our allies and to those who surround us. But what this means, is that we are in a regular state of burnout. We are burnt out because on top of uni assignments and coursework, we have appointments. We have medications that often have nasty side effects. We have to travel for appointments. We deal with flare ups, insomnia. And often lecturers don’t understand this, and make assumptions as to why disabled people need extensions and extra support. Which only adds to the burnout. We are made to find spoons we don’t have, and use spoons we can’t get, in order to satisfy lecturers who don’t understand us.

Don’t get me wrong, not all lecturers are like this. I, and many others I know, have had lovely experiences. Lecturers who gave us a couple of extra days, lecturers who listened to our needs and tried to help, and who spoke to Accessibility Services about adequate support. But we have many who don’t and won’t understand the lack of spoons, who don’t give us the time, and who try to tell us it’s not as bad as we are saying it is. And this is when burnout becomes chronic. When disabled people are forced to work in burnout, it can have catastrophic consequences. These include hospital visits, extended episodes of insomnia, heightened anxiety and stress, the inability to socialise or work in employment, brain fog, frequent medical episodes, and much more. To not disappoint staff who don’t try to understand us or adapt, and in an effort to achieve the often insanely high standards, we hold ourselves to these consequences. ‘Cause it’s completely reasonable to expect ourselves to have the same high quality work as able bodied students, while trying to work to survive and manage our chronic conditions,

right? Toooootally…

You may ask - how can I help? Can I help with the amount of spoons someone has? Well unfortunately, you can’t give us spoons; we have to let them come back in time. What you can do is educate yourself. Learn about spoon theory, and how we use it to communicate. Learn about our burnout, and learn about what happens if we try to do something without the spoons. Learn about our disabilities and what they affect. If you have a disabled friend in your friend group, ask for their input on hangouts - do you have the spoons for this? Is this accessible to you in your current state? Do you need an alternative? A little goes a long way. And staff? Learn about our conditions and needs and speak to Accessibility Services. Find out how to best support disabled students, and what we need to complete work to a high standard.

To my spoonie uni students? We see you. We know you’re trying and fighting. And there are people on campus to support you. Come find us - speak to Accessibility Services. The disabled community will welcome you with open arms.