Slumber Stripping

Illustration by @jakmihakarata

Seamus Lohrey

Ok, ok. I’m sure you’ve heard it harped on about countless times before: 8 hours, 8 hours, 8 hours, blah, blah, blah. Clearly the lab coats that deemed this rule to be true never heard of a quick mocha after an all nighter. Not so smart anymore, are ya? Well maybe they are. It’s a bit of a sticky situation if we’re being perfectly honest with ourselves; we think about sleep all day yet when our sheets call our name at night, we stop ourselves from hitting the hay. But why? Well, while there’s no one answer we can put our finger on. Rather, there’s a few large- albeit annoying- things that come to mind.

Phones.

Dun, dun, dun! A word, when uttered, makes the elderly shudder like an irritated maraca. However, it’s beginning to have the same effect on your sleep schedule. It’s a simple equation: bluelight equals bad. As more and more cool, trendy young adults adorn their blue light glasses, it’s more evident that this idea is finally making its way into the spotlight. For those that have missed out on this fantastic new found fear, bluelight is omitted from phone screens and at night this is a big no no. It keeps you alert, practically pushing your worn out brain as far away from slumber as possible. By now, many people are aware of blue light and its effects, but I would like to propose another sleep-stopping side to your phone: scrolling. How often has five more minutes on Tik Tok turned into an hour? A marketing agency in the UK found that our thumbs do two marathons worth of scrolling a year!

I’ll be the first to raise my hand and admit that this is a prominent flaw of mine and I find it so hard to resist the goods Uncle Tics has to offer. But, it’s 1am, maybe it’s time to press the button on the right side of your iPhone. Your fingers can do some scrolling tomorrow.

The one thing the studious and the not so have in common is studying late the night before an assessment. The key to preparing yourself for a good night’s sleep is some hard mahi during the day; the classic quote “diamonds are made under pressure” does not apply after 12:30am. Full stop. It’s a trap we set for ourselves, to continuously leave work for our sleepy self at night. You work at night, you’re then tired during the day, you nap, and then you work at night again because you have no time during the day. This is what a conspiracy theorist would call an inside job. Sabotage. It’s important to learn that a good night’s sleep doesn’t just start when you get in your PJs and put your toothbrush down; it starts from waking up in the morning and making sure you’re being proactive and productive.

But, sometimes, when the phone is down and the work is done, sleep still doesn’t come. Sometimes, there aren’t enough bloody sheep in Waikato to be able to count you off to sleep. You know the types of nights I’m talking about, the ones where you do your best impression of an earthworm, wiggling and wobbling around but still finding no comfort at all. We might be afraid of the day ahead, it may be too hot, or it might just be something you can’t explain. It’s important in moments like these to not force yourself into sleep because you’ll just push it further away. Rather, what I recommend is getting out of sleep mode and doing a relaxing activity: read, meditate, or even simply get up and get a glass of water. Do whatever works for you to trigger a mental reset. The key is kindness; don’t beat yourself up for not being able to doze off, we’ve all been there.

But why should we focus on a good night of sleep? Although I still have my disputes with the scientific proven aids of a good night’s sleep (mainly it being able to help you grow when I’m still a firm 5′9”), it’s hard to negate the fact that it should be seen as essential for navigating your tough day ahead.

Sleep can boost productivity and awareness, helping you to put more effort into your work as well as the things and people you love. Sleep helps your noggin’. And remember, while you’re under the sheets your mind is processing all the information it’s got during the day. The bottom line is, sleep can be just as helpful as study. Not as lazy as you thought, aye? Even better, the more time you get with your eyes closed, the bigger your smile is the next day. The best thing about all these facts is you don’t need some fancy sciencey person to perform some even fancier sciencey tests. You see it in yourself. How often have you woken up acting like a cookie deprived cookie monster because you haven’t treated yourself to the siesta you deserved. Far too often.

Let’s be honest, you knew about this issue before even reading. It’s no secret that things like phones and procrastination stop you from getting a good night’s rest and acting at your full potential the next day. I hope, however, that I was able to open those sleepy little eyes of yours and bring it to your attention. Basically what I’m trying to say is, tuck yourself in at a good time tonight. You’ve earned it.

How to Survive How to Survive 2022 2022

Lily Bradley

Tip 1

First things first – block them. You know exactly who I’m talking about.

- An ex fwb who’s started reacting to your stories again.

- The toxic friend that left you feeling terrible about yourself that’s asking to catch up for a coffee.

- That celebrity that is bragging about starving herself to fit into a dress for the met gala.

(Not naming any names) (Kim Kardashian)

- The extended family member who’s still posting articles calling Jacinda the next Hitler on Facebook.

Remove them from your social media! Honestly, as most of you know, this can be a lot more difficult than it sounds. Going and having a cheeky stalk of someone can be really tempting, but I can say from experience that it does you no favours. In fact, it makes you feel a whole lot worse! Getting rid of these people from your life literally feels so good when you get to the point of giving no fucks.

Tip 2

Make an angry playlist on Spotify.

Mine is just titled FUCK YOU but you can be slightly more creative than that if you’d like. Condense all the songs you want to listen to when you’re hating the world into one playlist. Blast this in the car on the way home after a soul draining day of being a member of society. I guarantee, getting your anger and frustration out by screaming lyrics and scaring surrounding traffic will always be therapeutic.

If you need some song suggestions, my playlist includes titles such as:

- Gives you hell by the all-American rejects

- Ain’t shit by Doja cat

- I don’t fuck with you by Big Sean.

The rest of the songs are slightly embarrassing, and I want you all to think I’m cool, so I won’t go into any more detail.

Praying you catch covid because it means you aren’t obligated to leave your room for a week? Feeling more unmotivated than the average student? Sleeping for 9 hours a night and still feeling like you’ve been hit by a bus when you wake up? You may be suffering from burnout. Hello all and welcome, I am a Uni dropout and I’m going to be a massive hypocrite and pretend I have my shit together enough to give you some advice. Here are a few top tips on how to survive the rest of the absolutely fucked year that is 2022.

Tip 3

If you’re struggling with your mental health, go to a doctor and talk about it.

Starting sertraline in December of last year changed my life. Trying to get through a degree is hard enough completely sane, studying while struggling with your mental wellbeing is NOT the tahi. I would also highly recommend counselling, although I know that the mental health system in New Zealand is appalling and not everyone is lucky enough to have the opportunity.

Waiting 5 months for a counsellor referral isn’t exactly beneficial for the young adults of Aotearoa. May is mental health awareness month, now is the perfect time to reach out to someone you trust. The more people that are open about their struggles, the less isolated and alone people feel.

Post those really cringe positive affirmations on your Instagram story if it makes you feel hope for half a second!

Tip 4

Another hot tip on how to make it through the year – alcohol.

As an ex-nursing student, I definitely should not be endorsing this, but drinking alcohol on antidepressants is a broke student hack. The first time I had a drink after starting sertraline I had to lie down after one cider (nothing to do with the fact I was already a light weight). A night with a few mates and a bottle of vodka is literally a lifesaver when it feels like the world is ending. I’m not encouraging alcoholism to solve all your problems, but what I’m saying is, sometimes it's ok to get wasted and steal a road cone for your flat if that’s something that brings you joy.

So those were my 4 top tips on how to keep on keeping on. I’m sure you’re over getting advice from a uni dropout on how to get through the year when clearly, I was not successful. Valid. You may be thinking, this was shit, why did I waste my time reading this? That’s valid too. I’ll leave you with a few parting thoughts while I go watch heartstopper for the fourth time to restore my faith in humanity.

No assignment is more important than your health. There is someone out there that’s grateful that you exist. Drink water, take your meds, have something to eat.