The Blank Page
The Business of Football By Mark Blank, Jr., Esquire
O
k, the football season has just ended. Some of you may already be suffering from football depression, which usually comes after the season finales. Well, let us reflect with a song: “ Every fall when leaves turn brown, Friday evening rolls around. I sit down in my TV chair, And my face assumes a TV stare. It’s football time. It’s highlight films of last Week’s games, commercials starring big league names. Analyses of every play, Picking the winners for Saturday. Interviews with the stars; Interviews with the waterboy; Interviews with the fullback’s grandmother. Now, on Saturday it’s do or die, for dear old Siwash We’ll defy, the enemy to dim our stars, who have their eyes on brand new cars. Thank God for scholarships; Thank God for alumni; Thank God for the school of education. Now, my poor wife has got it rough; cause Saturday wouldn’t be enough, but Sunday’s a tale She knows too well, a triple-header in the NFL. She says I don’t listen to her. She says she’s going to apply for a marital dissolution. Sounded to me like a new formation.
10 | New Matter
ow, halftime shows star N Pretty girls, with little short skirts and long blonde curls, but who’s got time For majorettes, when NBC Has got the Jets. And I just can’t afford two sets. ut don’t fret Jets; with B 400,000 for Namath and 200,000 for Hewart [who the hell is he?], you can spend them to death. he terminology is giving me fits T It’s red-dogs, cornerbacks, Double safety blitz; Jitterbugging, automatic submarine zip, Zig-out, down-and-out, Nickelback hip. Just listen to the huddle. Hear the quarterback say: Tucker, just take that ball and run for your life. It’s your turn to be on instant replay. ell, as I sat there sipping beer, a shoe came whistling by W my ear. A bullet passed; I mean, it went right through the TV screen. y wife was standing there laughing hysterically. M And I said: “Don’t worry dear, I’ll get it fixed by next Friday”.” Chad Mitchell Trio, Talking Football
