Mendo Lake Family Life February 2023

Love is in the air! But anyone who’s in a long-term relationship will tell you that romance comes with ups and downs.

Experts say that, when couples hit a bump in the road, chances are poor communication is to blame. If this applies to you, check out “Communicate Like a Champ” (page 18) for a four-step process to help you and your honey connect. Writer-mom Pam Moore doesn’t worry too much about squabbles with her husband, even if her child sees them. Read “We Fight in Front of Our Kids” (page 20) for

her perspective on the benefits of children witnessing parents’ not-so-perfect moments.

Yes, relationships can be work, especially if you are a mom or dad. And it’s precisely for that reason that they deserve to be celebrated. This Valentine’s Day, if you’re looking for a way to have fun with your partner in crime, check out our Calendar of Events (page 28) for local entertainment. Want to stay in? Use the recipe in “Sweets for Sweetie” (page 7) to cook up a Hot Fudge Pudding Cake.

However you spend V-Day, we hope everyone in your clan has a happy heart.

Marketing/ Sales/Events

Patricia Ramos

707-205-1539

patty@family-life.us

Features Editor

Melissa Chianta

melissa@family-life.us

Production Manager

Donna Bogener

production@family-life.us

Contributing Writers

America’s Test Kitchen

Mary Ellen Bardsley

Kimberly Blaker

Shannon Carpenter

Tracy Galuski

Pam Moore

Sarah R. Moore

Billing

Jan Wasson-Smith

Publishing Office P.O. Box 351

Philo, CA 95466 (707) 205 1539

Sharon Gowan Publisher/Editor Sharon@family-life.us

Sweets for Sweetie

Make Your Honey a Cake

By America’s Test Kitchen

Those who have eaten hot fudge pudding cake know its charms: moist, brownie-like chocolate cake sitting on a pool of thick, chocolate pudding–like sauce, baked together in one dish, as if by magic. Served warm with vanilla ice cream, this cake has a flavor that more than makes up for its homespun looks. We set out to master this humble dessert. Pudding cake is made by sprinkling brownie batter with a mixture of sugar and cocoa, then pouring hot water on top, and baking. To bump up the chocolate flavor, we used a combination of Dutch-processed cocoa and bittersweet chocolate. We also added instant coffee to the water that is poured over the batter to cut the sweetness of the cake. We baked the cake slow and low to promote a good top crust and a silky sauce. And we found that letting the cake rest for 20 to 30 minutes before eating allows the sauce to become pudding-like and the cake brownie-like. ❖

Reprinted, with permission, from Desserts Illustrated:

The Ultimate Guide to All Things Sweet by Cook’s Illustrated (America’s Test Kitchen, 2022), americastestkitchen.com

Hot Fudge Pudding Cake

If you have cold brewed coffee on hand, it can be used in place of the instant coffee and water, but to make sure it isn’t too strong, use 1 cup of cold coffee mixed with ½ cup of water. Serve the cake warm with vanilla or coffee ice cream.

2 teaspoons instant coffee powder

1½ cups water

1 cup (7 ounces) granulated sugar

2 /3 cup Dutch-processed cocoa powder

1/3 cup packed (21/3 ounces) brown sugar

6 tablespoons (¾ stick) unsalted butter

2 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, chopped

¾ cup (3¾ ounces) unbleached all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/3 cup whole milk

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

¼ teaspoon table salt

1 large egg yolk, at room temperature

1. Adjust an oven rack to the lower-middle position and heat the oven to 325 degrees. Lightly grease an 8-inch square glass or ceramic baking dish. Stir the instant coffee into the water; set aside to dissolve. Stir together ⅓ cup of the granulated sugar, 2 /3 cup of

the cocoa, and the brown sugar in a small bowl, breaking up large clumps with your fingers; set aside. Melt the butter, the remaining 1/3 cup cocoa, and the chocolate in a small bowl set over a saucepan filled with 1 inch of barely simmering water; whisk until smooth and set aside to cool slightly. Whisk the flour and baking powder in a small bowl to combine; set aside. Whisk the remaining 1/3 cup granulated sugar, the milk, vanilla, and salt in a medium bowl until combined; whisk in the egg yolk. Add the chocolate mixture and whisk to combine. Add the flour mixture and whisk until the batter is evenly moistened.

2. Pour the batter into the prepared baking dish and spread evenly to the sides and corners. Sprinkle the cocoa-sugar mixture evenly over the batter (the cocoa mixture should cover the entire surface of the batter); pour the coffee mixture gently over the cocoa mixture. Bake until the cake is puffed and bubbling and just beginning to pull away from the sides of the baking dish, about 45 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through the baking time. (Do not overbake.) Cool the cake in the dish on a wire rack for about 25 minutes and serve.

Serves 8

Save a Pet’s Life

We think of CPR as a technique that could save a person’s life. But it can save an animal’s life, too. At the Pet CPR and First Aid Workshop, participants will learn how to perform pet CPR, as well as first aid, rescue breathing, poison management, and other ways to assist four-legged friends in an emergency. Presented by the Mendocino Coast Humane Society, the class will be held at the Caspar Community Center in Caspar on February 18 at two different times: 9 a.m.–12:30 p.m. or 1–4:30 p.m. The fee is $65 and includes a workbook and certificate. Email mg@mendocinohumane.org to reserve a spot.

Watch Fools in Love

Love, lust, dating, and romance are the subjects of many a theatrical endeavor. The play Romantic Fools tackles the topics through the vehicle of a vaudevillian revue. In the comedy, a woman and man play different roles in 12 two-person sketches. With influences such as Monty Python, Saturday Night Live, and the Marx Brothers, the sketches vary widely but all explore the funny side of female-male relationships. Local thespians Barbara Clark and John Tomlinson will perform the play at Weaver Auditorium in the Lower Lake Schoolhouse Museum in Lower Lake. Performances will be held on February 10 and 11 at 7 p.m. and on February 12 at 2 p.m. Tickets are $20 in advance or $25 at the door. Purchase tickets at tinyurl.com/2s4dvzyv. The show is for mature audiences only.

Take the Plunge

Countless people enjoy dipping into Clear Lake during the summer. But those numbers dwindle as soon as temperatures drop. Among those who stick around are the brave souls who participate in the Lake County Polar Plunge. The Special Olympics fundraiser will be held on February 25, 10 a.m.–1:30 p.m., at Lakeside County Park in Kelseyville. Participants are invited to dress in costume. Register at p2p.onecause. com/lakecountypolarplunge

CRAIG EVE

Romantic Fools

Lake County Polar Plunge

Dip into D&D

Before the Netflix hit Stranger Things catapulted Dungeons and Dragons (D&D) into the spotlight, the game was popular among fantasy fans. With its wizards, thieves, and monsters, it engages the imagination of young and old alike. D&D lovers ages 13 and older can play the game together for free on Fridays, 1–4 p.m., at the Middletown Library in Middletown. Go to tinyurl.com/3f7xj9e3 for details.

Pile on the Seafood

Who creates exhibits in park visitor centers? Who provides educational programs and improves park trails? In Mendocino County, it’s the Mendocino Area Parks Association. To help fuel its work, the organization is holding a Cioppino Dinner fundraiser. The event will feature a giant pot of seafood, shellfish, and local Dungeness crab, served family-style at community tables. Diners can dig in on February 3 at 5 p.m. or 7:30 p.m. at Pentecost Hall in Fort Bragg. Tickets are $60 and may be purchased at mendoparks.org/ cioppino.

Citrus, Anyone?

Ninety dozen. That’s how many citrus fruits must be used in each exhibit entered into the Cloverdale Citrus Fair. No wonder past exhibits have been as high as 18 feet. Along with these monuments to citrus, the fair will also offer a carnival, livestock shows, a diaper derby, talent show, and parade. The fair will be held February 17–20 at the Cloverdale Citrus Fairgrounds in Cloverdale. General admission is $5–$10; a season pass is $15–$35. A carnival wristband is $29. Find out more and purchase tickets at cloverdalecitrusfair.org

I Spy a Van Gogh

Visiting Art Museums with Young Children

By Mary Ellen Bardsley and Tracy Galuski

Art museums are full of wonder. If, during the winter months, you and your children need a creative break, consider exploring a local one or even taking a virtual field trip to a museum abroad. Even very young children can be drawn to the images portrayed through art. Here are some tips to make a museum trip fun for the whole family.

1. Choose a museum. Locate the art museums in your community and check out their websites, noting special hours for families or discounted days.

2. Research it. Use a museum’s website to explore its exhibits, including photographs and background information. This will not only help you plan what you want to see, but also help you determine if there are exhibits that are inappropriate for young children. Note if there are children’s areas that have opportunities for making art.

3. Prepare your child for the visit. Talk about how people act in the museum and what you might see on your visit. Use the museum’s website to offer a preview of the building and art. You can even use website images to create a personalized scavenger hunt document. Consider reading museum-oriented children’s books, such as Anthony Browne’s The Shape Game (Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, 2003) or David Goldin’s Meet Me at the Art Museum (Harry N. Abrams, 2012).

4. Focus on the highlights. Many people assume that it’s necessary to look at all the exhibits in a museum. This can be exhausting! Instead, choose exhibits that reflect your children’s interests, or choose one or two items in a space to examine. For example, if your child loves animals and the museum has a

feature on western landscapes, check that exhibit for paintings that include horses or cattle. If the museum includes outdoor exhibits, consider taking a break outside. A bit of skipping or running may re-energize everyone.

5. Select a few games to play. Games help children to focus. Here are a few of our favorites:

• What Do You See? To encourage children to engage with the art, find an interesting image and ask them, “What do you see?” Paraphrasing the children’s responses lets them know you understand them. Preschoolers and older kids like to use images to make up stories. Images of people, landscapes, etc. especially lend themselves to this whereas abstract images encourage creative meaning-making.

• I Spy. In this game, a child focuses on an image, statue, or other art piece and doesn’t share what it is. To provide clues to an object’s identity, the child uses the phrase, “I spy something ______ with my

Grace Hudson Museum

Upcoming Exhibition

The Curious World of Seaweed

JANUARY 28 TO APRIL 30, 2023

431 SOUTH MAIN STREET, UKIAH 707-467-2836 • www.gracehudsonmuseum.org

Kelley House Museum

Walking Tours • Exhibits

Museum Hours: Thursday–Monday 11am–3pm

45007 Albion Street • PO Box 922 Mendocino, CA, 95460 (707) 937-5791

www.kelleyhousemuseum.org

SUNDAYS IN FEBRUARY 9 AM - 11 AM

Includes: Members Only Hours, Special Programming, & Free Coffee!

THE CHILDREN'S MUSEUM OF SONOMA COUNTY CELEBRATES

little eyes.” The child fills in the blank with a color, shape, or other attribute, and then it’s up to you or the group to take turns guessing what the child sees.

• Scavenger Hunt. At home before your visit, or once you’ve checked in to the museum, create a list of objects and people for kids to locate in the museum’s paintings. For example, if you know the museum is hosting an exhibit on art depicting families, your list might include a baby, a rocking chair, a dog, a mustache, a vase of flowers, and a woman wearing a gown. Create an age-appropriate list for each child or work together as a group on one list. You can use word- or picture-based lists with varying numbers of items.

It can also be fun and challenging to choose one artwork and see how many items on the list are in it.

6. Follow up. Keep exploring the museum’s art even after you leave. Review pictures from your visit, or even create your own book or story

d’Orsay in Paris, and the Louvre in Paris have online archives. And the Metropolitan Museum of Art offers #MetKids, which was designed for, with, and by children. ❖

Tracy Galuski, PhD, has worked in the field of early childhood education for many years, serving as a teacher for infants, toddlers, preschoolers, and elementary schoolers. Currently she is a professor at SUNY Empire in the department of educational studies. She is author of two books, Open-Ended Art for Young Children co-authored with Mary Ellen Bardsley, PhD, and School’s Out: Challenges and Solutions for School-Age Programs

about the visit. You can also explore art materials or techniques that the visit inspired.

7. Go virtual. Many art museums offer virtual explorations. The Benaki Museum in Athens, the Musée

Mary Ellen Bardsley, PhD, is recently retired from Niagara University, where she was a professor of early childhood education. She is the author of two books, including Open-Ended Art for Young Children (with Tracy Galuski), and presents regularly at state and national conferences.

It’s never too early to prepare your child for kindergarten

Are you wondering how to help your child get ready for kindergarten? Will she play well with others? Will he listen and follow directions? Will she be able to use the bathroom by herself? If you are asking yourself one or more of these questions, NCO Head Start Child Development Program is the place for you.

Our teachers partner with families to help prepare all children to enter kindergarten. Our program’s approach focuses on providing developmentally appropriate experiences that help infants, toddlers, and preschoolers prepare to enter kindergarten. By working with the families and completing observation-based assessments, our teachers are able to create individualized approaches that meet children where they are at. Our teachers provide a nurturing and supportive environment for social, emotional, developmental, and academic growth.

They assess the growth of the children at three different times during the year, sharing the children’s growth with families.

Our program goes beyond education; it provides comprehensive services that ensure children will be ready to learn when they come to school. We provide health, dental, and mental health support services; services to children with disabilities; and support services to parents and guardians. And since children do not need to be potty trained to attend our program, we support the children and their families with potty training. Healthy meals are prepared by our cooks on-site and served family-style with teachers. Our program follows the Food for Thought curriculum, which introduces children to new foods through educational activities and meals.

At each site, we have staff who are trained in the Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) and available to provide

✓ 1/2-day & full-day classrooms for ages 18 months to 5 years

education on popular parenting topics. We also help families learn skills, such as child advocacy and how to serve on a parent council, that will help them once their children enter the public-school system.

Our preschool classrooms, which serve children 3-5 years old, are located throughout Lake and Mendocino Counties. Our infant and toddler classrooms are in Willits and Ukiah. We also offer a homevisiting program to pregnant women, infants, and toddlers in inland Mendocino County. As part of this program, families visit with our home-based educators once a week and then come together twice a month for a family social and play group.

Start your child’s journey to school success and call our enrollment team at (707) 462-2582 or visit us online at www.ncoheadstart.org today!

✔ Nurturing classroom experiences for children 3 months to 5 years old.

✓ Potty-trained not necessary

✔ Potty-training assistance provided.

✓ Children with disabilities welcome

✔ Children with disabilities welcome.

✓ Referrals for transportation available

Also providing FREE in-home services for infants, toddlers & pregnant women!

✔ Accepting applications year round. Also providing unique home visits for infants, toddlers & pregnant women!

Charter School Primer Your Questions Answered

How do charter schools work? Charter schools are public schools operating under an independent contract or “charter” with an authorizing agency— typically a non-profit organization, government agency, or university. The charter provides the school with operational autonomy to pursue specific educational objectives regarding curriculum, staff, and budget. It also holds them accountable to the same (often higher) standards of their district public school peers.

Are charter schools public schools? Yes, charter schools are independently operated public schools. Charter schools provide a high-quality education option to

Charter schools do not have admission requirements or entrance exams.

public school students, upholding high standards that meet and often exceed the district and state metrics.

How do I enroll my child in a charter school? Most charter schools have an enrollment period when parents can submit applications for the school. If there are more applications submitted than seats available, they will hold a randomized blind lottery. To learn more about applying to a charter school in California, visit ccsa.org

Do charter schools have attendance boundaries?

Charter schools do not have traditional school boundaries like district schools, which allow many charter schools to attract a diverse student body. Charter schools are restricted by state limits and some have city limits as well. Visit ccsa.org for more information.

Are charter schools

nonprofit? Charter schools are public schools. Nearly two-thirds are freestanding, but sometimes a group of charter schools is supported by a management

organization. The overwhelming majority of these charter school management organizations are nonprofit. Some states allow for-profit organizations to manage charter schools, but that accounts for only 12 percent of charter schools across the country. Regardless, all charter schools are public schools and free to attend.

Do charter schools have admission requirements?

No, charter schools do not have admission requirements or entrance exams. Though many charter schools are in high demand and when that demand exceeds the spaces available in the school, a charter school may hold a randomized, blind lottery to determine which students are admitted or may preference students by need or location.

All charter schools are public schools and free to attend.

Open House Wednesday, April 13

Call for more information

Tof L Charter ree ife

Free Montessori Elementary Education for Children Ages 4 1/2–12

• Exploration of own interests & abilities

• Experiential learning with field trips, arts

• Respectful & caring learning community

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• Hands-on & multicultural learning experiences

• Earth stewardship

Free Montessori Elementary Education for Children Ages 4 1/2 Through 12

Free Montessori Elementary Education for Children Ages 5 through 13

Free Montessori Elementary Education for Children Ages 4 3/4 through 12

OPEN HOUSE ON APRIL 12 TAKING APPLICATIONS FOR THE 2023-24

OPEN ENROLLMENT January For application and more information: 707-462-0913

GIVE YOUR CHILD A JOYFUL LEARNING EXPERIENCE FULL OF DISCOVERY WITH:

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FREE meals cooked from scratch for all students, FREE before and aftercare, FREE summer program

For application and more information: 707-462-0913

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• www.treeoflifeschool.net

Shade Canyon School

Holistic. Nature-based. Tuition-free. Kelseyville, CA February 3 - April 11

Serving grades TK/K-2 in 2023-24

ShadeCanyon.org

What are some questions to ask when I’m choosing a charter school? As a parent, make sure you are familiar with the individual objectives and rules affiliated with the specific charter school that you are considering before you enroll your child. The reasons that parents choose charter schools for their children are just as unique as the students themselves. They choose their child’s school for a variety of reasons, including strong, dedicated teachers; the school’s focus matches their child’s needs; or simply because their child was struggling in their zoned-public school and needed to try something new. Charter schools provide families with options in public

education, allowing parents to take a more active role in their child’s education.

Do charter schools charge tuition? No, charter schools are tuition-free, public schools.

What makes charter schools different than other schools?

Each of the more than 7,500 charter schools is unique—both inside and out. Some may focus on college prep, some follow a Montessori

curriculum, and others integrate the arts into each subject. Most charter schools are located in urban areas, but there are charter schools in suburban and rural areas as well. Some charter schools require uniforms, others have longer school days, and some teach their entire curriculum in two languages. The possibilities are endless, but charter schools aim to provide a range of options so that parents can choose the school that best fits their child. Reprinted, with permission, from publiccharters.org, the website of the National Alliance for Public Charter Schools. See tinyurl.com/4s52bdur for the answers to other questions about charter schools.

Charter schools provide a high-quality education option to public school students.

Communicate Like a Champ

Learn How to Listen & Talk to Your Partner

By Kimberly Blaker

Couples split up for numerous reasons, ranging from lack of common interests to money to cheating. But therapists say communication issues are at the top of the break-up list.

Communication Styles

There are five communication styles, write Ronald B. Adler and George Rodman in their book, Understanding Human Communication (Oxford, 2013). Many of these patterns are devastating to relationships.

Nonassertive communicators often don’t express their thoughts or feelings when conflict arises. They avoid issues or accommodate their partner instead. While nonassertiveness can be used to protect oneself from harm or embarrassment, this style is often the result of low self-esteem or the inability to communicate one’s needs.

Meanwhile, those who use direct aggression may attack others through criticism and name-calling while passive aggressive communicators will do things like comply with a request without intent to follow through. They may also use guilt, jokes, and withholding as weapons against their spouses.

Indirect communicators may offer subtle hints about what they want or need, without directly discussing the issue. Sometimes this effectively gets the point across while preventing hurt feelings or a negative response. But it also leads to misunderstandings and

the opportunity for the receiver to avoid or ignore the message.

On the other hand, assertive communicators, according to Adler and Rodman, are the most effective because they are direct and clear about their feelings. They don’t try to control or hurt the other person. Assertive partners may not look forward to some discussions, but they’re able to handle them in a manner that ends positively.

If you see yourself or your partner in any of the first four styles, you’ve probably experienced many of the problems these styles often create: quarreling, escaping, and resentment. If these problems become too frequent, they can ultimately destroy your relationship.

A Better Approach

Changing old patterns isn’t easy and requires work, but learning to effectively communicate with your partner can happen. One communication technique, referred to as Intentional Dialogue or Couple’s Dialogue, is used in Imago Relationship Therapy and can help couples build deeper intimacy.

Imago Therapist Eleanor Payson, ACSW, shares this four-step process in her handout “Making the IMAGO Conscious.” Before getting started, she says, there are essential “ground rules” couples must follow.

Your dialog should consist of four steps: mirroring, summarizing, validating, and empathizing.

First, explains Payson, the person who needs to have a talk must make a request for a specific discussion time. Couples often jump into important discussions without making sure it’s convenient for both partners.

If the time requested isn’t convenient, your partner should schedule a time better suited to both of you. The discussion should be held within 24 hours of the initial request. Also, when making your request for a dialogue, don’t disclose the details. Tell your partner the topic only, to avoid undue worry.

When the scheduled time arrives, the person making the request is responsible for reminding the other. During your dialogue, stick to the topic, and if other issues arise, save them for later.

Finally, your dialog should consist of four steps: mirroring, summarizing, validating, and empathizing. After you complete these steps, switch roles so that each of you has the opportunity to share your thoughts and feelings.

Getting Started

To begin your dialogue, sit close and face each other. The person who requested the dialog speaks first.

During the four-step process, as explained by Payson, the receiver should not interrupt, except to check his understanding of his partner. Furthermore, he should not discuss his feelings, perspective, or anything else until the roles are switched.

Mirror After the sender describes her concern, the receiver will mirror— repeat back what the partner has said—and then ask if he understood

correctly. If he has, he then asks if there’s more she needs to say.

Summarize Next, the receiver sums up in his own words what the speaker has said, asking if he got it all. If not, the mirroring process continues until he has received all of the important details.

Empathize Once the receiver understands his partner’s thoughts and feelings, he states that he empathizes with and understands them. Bestselling author Jacob Morgan offers advice on how to empathize in “4 Steps to Practice Empathy from Dr. Brené Brown,” which also links to a video on the topic: tinyurl.com/5apbt53e. For a list of statements that express empathy, see tinyurl.com/2p8xam4r.

Finally, switch roles and begin the process again. ❖

Validate The receiver explains that he understands the speaker’s feelings and why she has them. If the receiving partner does not yet understand his spouse’s feelings, the mirroring process continues.

Kimberly Blaker is a freelance writer who specializes in parenting and family issues. For more on Imago Relationship Therapy, go to harvilleandhelen.com/initiatives/ what-is-imago

Assertive communicators are the most effective.

I want to show my kids that a real relationship takes work—and that it’s worth it.

2) When we argue in front of our kids, we don’t have to wait until we’re alone to discuss the issue. And while I’m (theoretically) a fan of cooling off before you discuss an issue, on the flip side, when you wait to address the problem, you have time to simmer and stew. Which is awesome for a crockpot dinner. For a marriage, not so much. My husband and I have

We Fight in Front of Our Kids

Why I Don’t Feel Guilty About It

By Pam Moore

Iam suspicious of couples that claim they never argue. These people are either lying or they are unicorns. My husband and I fight. I wish we didn’t, but both of us are way too stubborn for that.

Life is messy, especially now that we are parents. And when we’re low on sleep, a sea of baby dolls and puzzle pieces has turned our living room into a field of booby traps, and little people are laying constant demands on us… as my husband likes to say, there’s competition for resources. Which means we don’t always use our polite flight attendant voices when we have a conflict.

So, sometimes we fight in front of our kids. There are a lot of things I feel guilty about as a mom. But fighting with my husband is not one of them. Here’s why:

1) When our kids see us disagree, they see we are real people, with our own competing wants and needs. Everything we do models behavior for our kids. I don’t want them to grow up with the false expectation that it’s easy for a couple to manage their differences. Real, intimate relationships are hard. I can’t keep my girls from adoring their princess dresses and Frozen figurines, but hell if I’m going to let them grow up thinking a prince will bring them all their happily-ever-afters. I wouldn’t respect my husband if he always went along with my wishes, and vice versa.

two small children. They wake up very early, they need us all day, and by the time they go to sleep, we are exhausted. We don’t want to spend the precious little time between their bedtime and ours fighting about who left the chest freezer open. Worse yet, we refuse to spend the glorious hours when they are in the care of a sitter resolving minor disagreements, when we’d much rather be enjoying dinner at a place with real silverware and cloth napkins. When we can quickly air out our issues, we can move on and avoid holding onto resentment.

3) My parents fought in front of me and I think I turned out just fine. My parents were not shy about sharing their grievances with one another. They weren’t shy about displaying their affection for one another, either. I’m not saying they were throwing dishes, hurling insults, and then having crazy make-out sessions at the dinner

I wouldn’t respect my husband if he always went along with my wishes, and vice versa.

table. I’m just saying I heard them bicker about random things, and I also saw them kiss, heard them say “I love you,” and delighted in the sound of them laughing together. From my parents, I learned that even the fiercest, most enduring love is not immune to the occasional murderous feeling—and that’s normal.

I’ve never claimed to be a parenting expert. I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time. I don’t subscribe to a particular philosophy or adhere to any hard and fast rules. In many ways, I approach childrearing the same way I do everything else in my life—by the seat of my pants and with honesty. And if I can’t be real in my own house about who I am, what I want, and what annoys the crap out of me, than where can I? I don’t need my kids to think my husband and I are perfect. I just need them to know that even though we don’t get along 100 percent of the time, we are trying really hard, because we value each other and our relationship.

And the fact is, I am just not good enough of a liar to pretend I’m happy all the time. It’s all I can do to let my kids think my fancy chocolate is a vitamin. ❖

Pam Moore is an award-winning freelance writer, intuitive eating coach, and host of the Real Fit podcast. Get her free guide to improving your body image at pam-moore.com

When we can quickly air out our issues, we can move on and avoid holding onto resentment.

Brush Those Teeth!

It’s a familiar scene in bathrooms, twice a day.

Parent (liltingly, with a smile): “Time to brush teeth!”

Child (with feeling): “NO!”

So your preschooler doesn’t always brush every day. And when they

Keys to Kids’ Dental Health

do brush, it’s sort of haphazard at best. They’re more interested in the “sparkle-flavored” toothpaste than sparkly teeth. No big deal, right? They’re just baby teeth, anyway. Wrong.

“Some people think baby teeth are going to fall out so they aren’t

important to take good care of, but that’s not true,” says Darin Schettler, DDS, a family practice dentist in Santa Rosa. “Mouth health is important for lots of reasons, including eating, speech, and even self-esteem. Kids with unhealthy teeth don’t smile and that can impair them socially.”

The overall health of the mouth is also important for developing adult teeth, long before those teeth begin to make their appearance.

“It’s not technique so much as frequency of brushing that helps prevent ECC, or Early Childhood Caries,” says Sebastopol pediatric dentist Rob Oliver, DDS. (We might know ECCs best as cavities, a word that still sends chills down many adults’ spines.)

Oliver says there is no set age when children can effectively brush their teeth, and that parents should supervise and assist as needed.

“Some of my seven-year-old patients can do a fine job, and other ten-year-olds still need help brushing and flossing effectively.”

When teaching your child to brush, Oliver recommends using a soft toothbrush. Brush, he says, with soft, circular motions, making sure the toothbrush’s bristles are gently angled towards the gums. “It’s more about the frequency of getting the material off the teeth than anything.”

The American Dental Association recommends that parents use only a pea-size amount of toothpaste on their child’s toothbrush, as larger amounts tend to create excessive foam making it more difficult for a child to brush. Make sure that children get in the habit of spitting out the toothpaste, too, since consistently swallowing toothpaste can cause kids to ingest too much fluoride.

And don’t forget to practice what you preach. Modeling good brushing habits is the first step to teaching your child good dental health.

Both dentists recommend an early dental visit to promote a positive experience at the dentist. Oliver suggests by their first birthday, and Schettler often sees children by their second birthday.

“We want their experience to be positive, so if we only clean one tooth the first time, that’s okay. We’ll go back another day and get a few more. And then a few more. The important thing is to get them in here,” says Schettler.

According to California law, children must receive an oral health assessment by May 31 of their first school year. A form is required to prove compliance with the law. Parents who cannot get a dental health checkup for their children can use the form to apply for exemption from the requirement. For more information, see tinyurl.com/ cauzvmt2 or cda.org

Tough Kids with Kind Hearts

3 Practical Ways to Raise Resilient Children

By Sarah R. Moore

The world can be a tricky place. If we want to raise mentally tough kids who don’t become jaded—or worse, part of the problem—we need to empower them to address challenges in emotionally intelligent ways. We need to raise them to have both grit and compassion for others. In other words, we need to raise tough kids with kind hearts. This is truly the work of conscious parenting.

Tough times call for mentally strong children. Parents often believe that kids are too young to talk about difficult issues and situations when they arise. But this is a mistake. If children are likely to walk down the street and see a particular situation with their own eyes, they’re not too young for an age-appropriate discussion about that situation.

In fact, if we don’t have brave discussions with our kids, we do them a disservice. Family is the safest place for children to learn and create healthy narratives about life’s difficulties.

For example, years ago when we were living in a big city, someone told me they thought my child, then age three, was too young to hear about homelessness. However, we walked past people in need every day on

her way to preschool and she asked questions. It was a prime opportunity to teach her about compassion.

Don’t we have to be harsh with kids to toughen them up? Absolutely not. To the contrary, for their optimal development, we need to give kids “a soft place to land,” as author Deborah Harkness so aptly put it. That means that we need to offer them emotional safety. And what

makes them feel safe is very much about their psycho-neurobiology. Here’s what my book, Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science, and Better Behavior (Pond Reads Press, 2022) says about this:

“...when [kids are] emotionally triggered, the limbic system (a more primitive part of the brain) takes over and effectively shuts off the frontal lobe, where most of our rational thoughts live. The limbic system’s sole purpose is to keep us alive. The frontal lobe is where we can think about others’ experiences, offer compassion, and understand the consequences of our actions.

The limbic system doesn’t understand that we’ll ever be all right again, because it’s not planning ahead—it’s trying to keep us safe in this moment only. Our goal, therefore, is to help the body feel safety so that our frontal lobe can come back and join the whole brain party. No one can talk us into safety if our limbic system is overriding it; we must feel it for ourselves.”

Tough kids need extra empathy from us, not less.

The frontal lobe needs to be “online” in order for children to learn. When children feel safe, not only do they exhibit fewer behavioral issues, but also they’re more likely to be able to grow through tough situations rather than be hindered by them. We make them feel safe with gentleness, not harshness; with our open door and listening ears, not punishments. Tough kids need empathy (we all do). Two of the best gifts an adult can model for a child are empathy and emotional maturity. If a child is “acting tough” but displays no empathy, they’re more likely to end up struggling in school and at home.

The most effective way to raise a child who has empathy is for the parent to model empathy.

Parents can do this a couple of ways. For example, they can validate, rather than dismiss, children’s emotions. For example, if a tough event happens at school, the parent can say things like, “Gosh, that sounds really hard. I understand why you’re so sad. You make sense to me.”

Tough kids—especially those who’ve been raised in or experienced tough circumstances—need extra empathy from us, not less. It’s part of what helps them feel “seen” and softens their rough edges.

Showing up matters. If you want to raise a tough kid with a kind heart, focus foremost on their hearts, and the rest will fall into place. ❖

This article is an edited version of the original, which was published here

This is a much more effective approach than dismissing a child’s feelings with statements like “That’s nothing to worry about. You’re such a crybaby.”

Sarah R. Moore is author of Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior and the founder of Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting. As a mother and certified Master Trainer in conscious parenting, Moore helps bring joy, ease, and connection back to families around the globe. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter

Validate, rather than dismiss, children’s emotions.

Prenatal Exercise Dos & Don’ts

5 Tips for Healthy Movement During Pregnancy

Prenatal exercise has been shown to have many benefits, including preventing excess weight gain, reducing backaches, lowering the risk for gestational diabetes, and easing the labor process. Continuing a fitness routine after you have your baby can be helpful in improving your mood, boosting your energy levels, and restoring your body and core muscles.

According to Meredith Therrien, a certified pre- and post-natal fitness specialist who teaches on the wellness platform OneFirelight, during the first trimester, there is not much that needs to change in your fitness routine. “The most important thing is to listen to your

body when it needs rest,” says Therrien. “This period of time comes with a huge increase in

blood volume, which can lead to you feeling out of breath more than usual. Take the time to replenish your body with plenty of water and give yourself grace if an exercise that usually feels easy feels a little more challenging.”

The second trimester will most likely bring more energy, but it is an important time to start to be more mindful of your workouts. Here are a few of Therrien’s tips to implement during this time and maintain throughout your pregnancy:

1. Avoid exercises that require you to lie on your back. In about one-third of pregnancies, lying on the back can cause supine hypotension syndrome. The weight of the fetus can cause blood vessel constriction, which can affect blood flow.

2. Avoid twisting from your abdominal wall. Otherwise, you can cause extra pressure on your abdominal wall, which is already facing more pressure than usual. Instead, twist from your shoulders and without compression.

3. Avoid crunches or sit-ups. These exercises cause a large amount of pressure on the outer abdominal wall and can contribute to diastasis recti, a separation of the abdominal wall through the midline. Instead, focus on exercises, such as planks and bird dogs, that activate

After the baby is born, it is important to take time for your body to heal.

It’s crucial to take it slow in the beginning.

Meredith Therrien

the transverse abdominis (the inner core muscles).

4. Aerobic exercise is safe. The rule of thumb is to make sure you are able to talk throughout the exercise. Do not get to the point where you are so out of breath you are unable to say full sentences. This is a great time to work out with friends so you can carry on a conversation, for both fun and function.

5. Listen to your body. Drink plenty of water and take breaks as needed. Walking can also be a great form of exercise during this time. After the baby is born, it is important to take time for your body to heal. Always get clearance from your doctor before returning

to exercise, but in general, most can return to workouts after about six weeks. It’s crucial to take it slow in the beginning.

to function properly. Start with shorter workouts and build up to more intense, longer workouts as your body feels ready.”

Fitness can be an excellent tool throughout your pregnancy journey and beyond. Listen to your body, take it at your pace, and always get clearance from your medical professional before starting any exercise routine. ❖

“The workouts you were doing at the end of your pregnancy should look like the workouts you start with post baby,” adds Therrien. “While there can be a lot of pressure to ‘lose the baby weight,’ it is most important that you do it properly. Focusing on rebuilding strength in your body and your core will allow your body

OneFirelight is a wellness platform that offers yoga, cardio/kickboxing, sound meditation, and dance instruction. Most of the classes are filmed in nature and choreographed to the licensed music of global icon Bob Marley’s grandson Skip Marley, as well as other conscious musicians from the Blue Mountain Music Catalog. Find out more at onefirelight.com.

“The most important thing is to listen to your body when it needs rest.”

— Meredith Therrien

February Calendar

of Events

Need Some New Recipes?

When it comes to making meals, most parents have old standbys they turn to again and again. But for those who want to diversify their culinary offerings, there’s the Lake County Library’s Cookbook Club. At this free monthly Zoom meeting, participants prepare, share, and critique recipes—and find out about the library’s new cookbooks. This month’s meeting will be held on February 9, noon–1 p.m. Call Lakeport Library at 707-263-8817 or visit library.lakecountyca.gov to register.

Thursday 2

The Curious World of Seaweed. Exhibit features work & research of Josie Iselin, a photographer, author & designer of many books, including The Curious World of Seaweed. $4–$5/ person. Families: $12. Free first Friday of the month. Always free for Native Americans & military (with ID). Wednesdays–Saturdays: 10 a.m.– 4:30 p.m. Sundays: noon–4:30 p.m. Runs thru Apr. 30. Grace Hudson Museum. 431 S. Main St., Ukiah. tinyurl. com/55padas3.

FREE Angela Lansbury: Muse of Cabot Cove. Exhibit explores Lansbury’s career & her role as the charming sleuth in Murder, She Wrote, which was filmed during the 1990s in Mendocino. Admission is free; $5 suggested donation. Thursdays–Sundays. 11 a.m.–3 p.m. Kelley House Museum. 45007 Albion St., Mendocino. kelleyhousemuseum.org

FREE Triple P Parenting Zoom Series. Learn strategies for managing misbehavior, setting rules & routines & parent self-care. Thursdays.

5:30–7:30 p.m. Reserve a spot via Eventbrite: tinyurl.com/47aszjd5.

FREE Storytime. Picture book stories, songs, crafts & activities. Fridays. 10:15–11:30 a.m. Lakeport Library. 1425 N. High St., Lakeport. tinyurl.com/2u2n6a3u.

Friday 3

Cioppino Feed. Seafood dinner fundraiser. $60. Wine & beer extra. Benefits Mendocino Area Parks Association. Two sittings: 5 & 7:30 p.m. Pentecost Hall. 822 Steward St., Fort Bragg. Tickets: mendoparks.org/ cioppino.

FREE Storytime. Fridays & Saturdays. 10:30–11 a.m. Fort Bragg Library. 499 E. Laurel St., Fort Bragg. fortbragglibrary.org.

FREE Dungeons & Dragons Club. Ages 13 & older. Play 5th edition D&D. Space is limited. Fridays. 1–4 p.m. Registration required. Call 707-987-3674 to reserve a spot. Middletown Library. 21256 Washington St., Middletown. tinyurl. com/3f7xj9e3.

Saturday 4

FREE Anderson Marsh Nature Walk. Walks are 1.5–3 hours, depending on the route. Bring water, sturdy shoes & binoculars. Rain cancels walk. 8:30 a.m. Anderson Marsh State Historical Park. 8400 Hwy. 53, Lower Lake. andersonmarsh.org.

(Almost) Full Snow Moon Night Lighthouse Tour. Includes beverages & snacks. $50. Reservations must be made by phone no later than 3:30 p.m. three days before event. Gates: 6 p.m. Tour: 6:30 p.m. 45500 Lighthouse Rd., Point Arena. 877-725-4448. pointarenalighthouse.com.

FREE Pajama Storytime. Kids sing, rhyme & read in pajamas. Families encouraged to bring blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, or any item necessary for self-soothing. Saturdays. 5–5:30 p.m. Ukiah Library. 105 N. Main St., Ukiah. tinyurl.com/39t6w5zy.

FREE Saturday Storytime. Ages 2–7. 11–11:30 a.m. Round Valley Library. 23925 Howard St., Round Valley. tinyurl.com/mybytyte.

Wrangler Round-Up Dinner & Dance. BBQ dinner, no-host bar. Live, silent & dessert auction. Live music by the Time Travelers. $50/person or $90/couple. 6–10 p.m. Lake County Fairgrounds. 401 Martin St., Lakeport. Tickets: tinyurl.com/4h7wbntx.

Indoor Go-Kart Winter Races. Pit Pass: $30. Lake County Fairgrounds. 401 Martin St., Lakeport. tinyurl. com/mrxcvtnx. facebook.com/ calakecountyfair

FREE Free Admission Day Mendocino County Museum. First Saturday of month. Noon–4 p.m. Mendocino County Museum. 400 E. Commercial St., Willits. tinyurl.com/ bdepr3jt

Texas Hold’Em Poker Tournament. Buy-in: $60. Add-on: $40. Dinner & drinks included. Ages 21+ only. Fundraiser for Waldorf School of Mendocino. Check-in: 4:15 p.m. Start: 5 p.m. Sparetime Supply. 300 E. Commercial St., Willits. tinyurl. com/3t9rbjmf.

Sunday 5

FREE Live from the Blue Wing: 100th Radio Show. Feature Steve Lucky & the Rhumba Bums plus sax player Nancy Wright. Prizes, dance floor, surprise musical guests. No charge but donations for the Soper Reese Restroom Renovation Fund are appreciated. 2–4 p.m. Soper Reese Community Theatre. 275 S. Main St., Lakeport. tinyurl.com/py43nysw

Tres Souls Concert. prodigy Rocío Méndez returns to perform Latino boleros & music from the Golden Era of Mexican Cinema. $30. 2 p.m. Mendocino College Theatre. 1000 Hensley Creek Rd.,

Ukiah. Tickets: brownpapertickets. com/event/5491689

FREE First Fiddlers’ Jam. Listen to fiddle tunes played by members of the Northern California Old Time Fiddlers Group. Noon–2 p.m. Ely Barn. 9921 Soda Bay Rd. (Hwy. 128), Kelseyville. elystagestop.com

Tuesday 7

FREE The Blue Zone Project Walking Moai. A moai is a group of 5–8 people who walk together for an hour, once a week. Tuesdays. 4 p.m. Hopland Research & Extension Center. 4070 University Rd., Hopland. tinyurl.com/5f9ptf2a

FREE LEGO® & Games. Legos, Uno & board games. Tuesdays (except Feb. 21). 3–5 p.m. Fort Bragg Library.

499 E. Laurel St., Fort Bragg. tinyurl. com/4k757uhs

FREE Story Time. Tuesdays thru Fridays. 10:30–11 a.m. Willits Library.

390 E. Commercial St., Willits. tinyurl. com/32j6bj9s

Wednesday 8

FREE Crafting Wednesdays for T(w)eens. Ages 10–18. Crafts will be self-led or taught by staff. Supplies provided. Wednesdays. 2:30–4:30 p.m. Ukiah Library. 105 N. Main St., Ukiah. tinyurl.com/5y2t3r2f.

Thursday 9

FREE Chess Club. All ages welcome. Thursdays. 2–4:30 p.m. Middletown Library. 21256 Washington St., Middletown. tinyurl.com/yc3partn

FREE Walking Group. Take a one-hour walk every week. Thursdays. 9–10 a.m. Lakeport Library. 1425 N. High St., Lakeport (meet outside). tinyurl.com/2s3c733r.

FREE Lake County Library Virtual Cookbook Club. Adults prepare, share & critique recipes. Monthly meeting. Noon–1 p.m. Register for Zoom link: tinyurl.com/4a9c6e2t

Friday 10

FREE Caspar Game Night. Bring favorite board games or play something new. Craft activity table for kids of all ages. Dinner & desserts available for purchase. 5:30–9 p.m. Caspar Community Center. 15051 Caspar Rd., Caspar. casparcommons. org/calendar.

Valentine’s Dance Party. Featuring the band Decades. Admission includes gourmet appetizers & desserts. Beer/wine for purchase. Open to community. Benefits Ukiah Senior Center. 7–10 p.m. $30–$35. Ukiah Senior Center. Bartlett Hall. 495 Leslie St., Ukiah. tinyurl. com/3xuyj83w.

Fools in Love. Romantic comedy explores the funny side of female-male relationships. Features 12 two-person sketches. $20–$25. The show is for mature audiences only. Feb. 10 & 11: 7 p.m. Feb. 12: 2 p.m. Lower Lake Schoolhouse Museum. 16435 Main St., Lower Lake. Tickets: tinyurl. com/2s4dvzyv

Willits Hold’em Poker Tournament. $100 buy-in. Cash payout for top 3. Food available for purchase. 21+ only. Fundraiser for WGP roof. 6 p.m. Boyscout Hut (center of Rec. Grove).

Willits. Tickets: willitsgrapplinpack@ gmail.com

Almost, Maine. Ukiah Players performs John Cariani’s offbeat romantic comedy. $23. Fridays & Saturdays: 7 p.m. Sundays: 2 p.m. Ukiah Players Theatre. 1041 Low Gap Rd., Ukiah. ukiahplayerstheatre.org

Gowan’s Cider Orchard Valentine’s Weekend. Enjoy a special cider & picnic pairing with chocolate & cheeses. $75/couple. Reservations recommended. 11 a.m.–5 p.m. Runs thru Feb. 13. Gowans Apple Orchards. 6320 Hwy. 128, Philo (1/4 mile north of Gowans Apple Stand). gowansheirloomcider.com.

Saturday 11

Hopland Hikes: Lambing Time. One-mile stroller-friendly walk. See newly born lambs & participate in sheep-related kids’ activities. No dogs. $5–$10. 10 a.m.–noon. Hopland Research & Extension Center. 4070 University Rd., Hopland. tinyurl. com/3pbns86y

1st Annual Banquet & Auction. Fundraiser for Ukiah Chapter of California Deer Association. 4:30–10:30 p.m. Ukiah Valley Conference Center. 200 S. School St., Ukiah. For info, contact Kevin: 916-597-3130. tinyurl.com/yc8kfkvw.

Father-Daughter Dance. For daughters & dads (or any adult chaperone). All ages. Refreshments served. $20/person. 5:30–7:30 p.m. Old Recreation Center. 213 E. Laurel St., Fort Bragg. Pre-registration required: tinyurl.com/mst4cn82.

Valentine’s Steak Dinner. Reserved table of six: $125. Individual tickets: $25. 5:30 p.m. Moose Lodge. 15900

Hwy. 20, Clearlake Oaks. facebook. com/groups/mooselodge2284

Sunday 12

Big Game Tailgating Party. Watch the Super Bowl in the Fun Zone Arcade. Enter Armchair Quarterback challenge for chance to win 65” TV. All ages eligible to enter. 1–8 p.m. Konocti Vista Casino & Resort. 2755 Mission Rancheria Rd., Lakeport. tinyurl.com/5n86emyf.

Tuesday 14

Valentine Day’s Pudding Creek Express. Travel along the Pudding Creek Estuary to Glen Blair Junction on this scenic 7-mile round-trip. $64.95–$89.95/person. Infants on laps: free. Dogs: $10.95. 11:30 a.m.–12:45 p.m. Arrive 30 minutes prior to departure. Fort Bragg Depot. 401 N. Main St., Fort Bragg. skunktrain.com.

Valentine’s Dinner & Concert. Concert with Alice DiMicele. Chicken Marsala (organic chicken) or butternut squash & spinach risotto. Concert: $20. Dinner: $30. Both: $45. Dinner: 5 p.m. Concert: 7 p.m. Caspar Community Center. 15051 Caspar Rd., Caspar. casparcommons.org.

Wednesday 15

It’s a She Thing Fundraiser. Dinner, drinks, cake & silent auctions. Only for women 21+. Fundraiser for St. Mary’s School. Reserved table of 8: $350. Individual tickets: $35. 6 p.m. Barra of Mendocino Winery. 7051 N. State St., Redwood Valley. stmarysukiah.org/mardigras/ its-a-she-thing.

Friday 17

Cloverdale Citrus Fair. $5–$10. Ages 5 & younger: free. Carnival

wristband: $29. Thru Feb. 20. Cloverdale Citrus Fairgrounds. 1 Citrus Fair Dr., Cloverdale. cloverdalecitrusfair.org

Saturday 18

Pet CPR & First Aid Workshop. Learn basic lifesaving techniques & other ways to assist pets in an emergency. Presented by the Mendocino Coast Humane Society. Two time-slots: 9 a.m.–12:30 p.m. or 1–4:30 p.m. $65, includes workbook & certificate. Caspar Community Center. 15051 Caspar Rd., Caspar. Email mg@mendocinohumane.org to reserve a spot.

Temple of Kwan Tai Chinese New Year Dinner. $75. No-host bar. Two sittings: 5 & 7:30 p.m. Flow Restaurant. 45040 Main St.,

Mendocino. tinyurl.com/2p7n5p86. Tickets: 707-964-8271 or lhc1952@gmail.com.

Anderson Valley White Wine Weekend. Tasting rooms with special wine flights, gourmet food pairings, promotions & more. $85–$130. Feb. 18 & 19. 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Visit website for locations & times. tinyurl.com/ yw4wse6y

First Aid & CPR Training in Spanish/ Capacitación en primeros auxilios y RCP en español. $95–$120. 9 a.m.–4:30 p.m. Alex Rorabaugh Recreation Center. 1640 S. State St., Ukiah. Visit ukiah. recdesk.com/community/calendar to register.

Cruise-Thru Crab Feed. $70. Sponsorships available. Sponsored by

Saturday February 18 at 5:30pm & 8pm

Each

Kelseyville Presbyterian Church 5340 Third St., Kelseyville • (707) 279-1104 www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100064553925325

the Rotary Club of Lakeport. Pick-up times: 4:30–6 p.m. Lake County Fairgrounds. 401 Martin St., Lakeport. Tickets must be purchased in advance: tinyurl.com/mv5chvjh.

Kelseyville’s Father-Daughter Dance. Includes admission for one adult & one child, masquerade mask, carnation flower, treat box & complementary photo with frame. $10–$30. 5:30 p.m. Kelseyville Presbyterian Church. 5340 Third St., Kelseyville. tinyurl.com/chwvhrwz.

Sunday 19

FREE Kelseyville Artisan Market. Variety of hand-crafted items from local vendors. Held third Sunday of month. Food & drinks available for

Family Concert: Invitation to the Dance

Featuring music by composers including Tchaikovsky, Price, Elizondo, Bartok, and others based on dance rhythms from around the world.

Sunday, February 26 | 2pm

Weill Hall | Green Music Center

$12

music.sonoma.edu/events

ticket includes admission for one adult and one child, a masquerade mask, treat box, complementary photo and frame

The Sonoma State Symphony Orchestra presents

purchase. 10 a.m.–3 p.m. 5245 3rd St., Kelseyville. tinyurl.com/3hrvnrsn

Tuesday 21

Men’s Clam Chowder Feed. Only for men 21+. All-you-can-eat clam chowder dinner, drinks & raffle. Fundraiser for St. Mary’s School. $25. 6:30 p.m. St. Mary’s School. 991 S. Dora St., Ukiah. stmarysukiah.org/mardigras/ clam-chowder.

Wednesday 22

Lake County Polar Plunge Fundraiser. Take a winter dive into chilly waters to raise money & awareness for the Special Olympics of Northern California. Participants must raise a minimum of $125. 10 a.m.–noon. Lakeside County Park.

1985 Park Dr., Kelseyville. tinyurl. com/bdwxnma3

Saturday 25

Seafood Boil. $103.50. Benefits community projects in Clearlake. Konocti Education Center. 15850-A Dam Rd. Ext., Clearlake. Tickets: clearlakerotary.org

Barrels & Verticals. Enjoy wine samples from barrels & learn about differences between vintages from multiple varietals of wine. $40. 11 a.m.–5 p.m. Multiple Lake County wineries participating. Tickets: tinyurl. com/2p8e2cvv.

FREE Historic Planes Display. Held fourth Saturday of month. 10 a.m.–2 p.m. Lampson Field Airport.

Highland Springs Rd., Kelseyville. tinyurl.com/bdzj8u69

St. Mary’s Mardi Gras Dinner. Dinner, dance, auction & gaming. Adults only. $75. Feb. 26: Kids

Carnival (free admission). Game tickets & concessions available for purchase. 5:30 p.m.–12:30 a.m. Redwood Empire Fairgrounds. Carl Purdy Hall. 1055 N. State St., Ukiah. tinyurl.com/dn6k76b9.

Sunday 26

FREE St. Mary’s Mardi Gras

Children’s Carnival. 11 a.m.–3 p.m. Redwood Empire Fairgrounds. Carl Purdy Hall. 1055 N. State St., Ukiah. tinyurl.com/3eedtbdw.

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Toddler Focus Groups Kids’ Reviews of

By Shannon Carpenter

It’s time to improve our parenting! What better way than to ask a focus group of toddlers for suggestions. Cindy, age 4 Yeah, I just think that he came off as a complete poopy-head. Like, the other parents just seemed a lot more put together. I guess I’m saying that presentation matters, and when you have kid boogers on your shirtsleeve, that is not a style that says “winner.”

Dakota, age 3 Do you even know what the term organic means? Your Cheeto fingers would suggest that would be a no. Then I’m served hotdogs and there is no macaroni. What kind of Mickey Mouse operation is this? And were those off-brand hotdogs? At least have them locally sourced. I’ve had better meals from

Moms & Dads

the dog bowl. If you want anyone to buy into your parenting, go vegan or go home. I’m going to call my Senator.

Jayden, age 4 First off, Cindy stole my juice box. Not to make a big deal of it, but it happened. Now let’s talk bedtime. Look, I know things are busy, but if you skimp on the details that doesn’t fill me with a whole lot of confidence. I’m supposed to get two stories, a glass of water, and a half-hour of you begging before I go to bed.

Aiden, age 2 Are you going to eat that? What about that? How about that? Why is the sky blue? Did you know I can make sounds with my lips? I farted but it wasn’t a fart. Cindy stole my juice box.

Brayden, age 3 So, let me get this straight. That was an organized playgroup? Did the parent even try? I left without even a gift bag. Who does that?

Nevaeh, age 4 My mom makes hearts out of my sandwiches. My mom wakes me each morning with the sounds of birds playing flutes. My mom sings every chorus of Encanto while completely in character. My mom does goat yoga with me at the vineyard. You are certainly not my mom.

Hunter, age 2 Where’s the diaper bag? That thing looks like a hobo rag on a stick, which perfectly sums up my entire experience with your parenting. Cargo-short pockets are not an optimal place to keep my keepsake snot rags and half-eaten goldfish. I would expect more of a commitment to my overall emotional health. If you are not willing to keep everything that I’ve slobbered on and pretend its God’s gift to this Earth, I don’t think you will make it very far. Does the government know that you have children?

Felicity, age 3 I don’t think this parent should volunteer at daycare anymore. The songs he chose to sing were embarrassing. And he can’t color. His coloring was barely inside the lines, and the color coordination was all wrong. Is he a parenting intern?

Tim, age 4 I told on Cindy for stealing my juice box. Oh, this guy’s parenting? He’s cool. ❖

Shannon Carpenter is a professional humorist, co-host of The DadHouse Pod, and the author of The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad Manual (Penguin, 2021).

A SPACE Student Goes Pro

Before Rocío Mendoza went to Los Angeles to work as a professional singer, she was a student and then a teacher at SPACE in Ukiah. She went on to become the lead vocalist for the Los Angeles trio Tres Souls, and this month she will return to the town of her youth to perform with them. Together with Tres Souls guitarist/vocalist Roberto Carlos and requinto player and vocalist Jesús Martínez—as well as percussionist Ishmael Pineda and bassist Ray Gudiño— she will perform boleros and vintage music from the Golden Era of Mexican cinema. The concert will be held on February 5 at 2 p.m. at the Mendocino College Center Theater. Tickets are $30–$35 and may be purchased at ukiahconcerts.org.

Walk With a New Friend

Everyone knows that getting regular exercise is important. It’s doing it that’s the hard part. Companionship can make getting motivated easier. For those who would like a little company while raising their heart rates, there’s the free walking group that meets Thursdays, 9–10 a.m., at the Lakeport Library in Lakeport. This month’s gatherings are on February 2, 9, 16, and 23. For more information, go to tinyurl.com/2s3c733r

Tres Souls

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