powerful, and not just because they say it on YouTube. 2. Learning is about successive approximations. The hardest part of potty training my own kids was letting them make mistakes. A skinned knee is one thing but poop on the rug is quite another.
Potty Training Success 7 Tips from a Psychologist Mom By Lynn Adams
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fter 10 years raising my children, I’m returning to work in the same spot I started: the bathroom. In my first job, any potty-related referrals trickled down to the lowest psychologist on the totem pole: me. Later, I got into the complexities of diagnosis, consultation, and intervention. Then I had my own son and daughter, and there ended my ability to keep a straight face when using the words “parent” and “expert” in the same sentence. Potty training shouldn’t be shunted to the office newbie. It’s an important chance for a parent to take on a teaching role. And your child’s responses might teach you something in return. 1. It’s your child’s accomplishment, not yours. Not all children are eager to please 22 SonomaFamilyLife
at all times. Potty training can be the first time you have to support self-motivation over parent-pleasing or compliance. You’ll need to do this over and over when your child learns skills you expect him or her to carry out of the home, such as manners or tidiness. Kids love to hear, “I’m so proud of you.” But “You got this” is even more
How do kids learn how full a bladder can get before it bursts? Accidents. This year, my daughter learned to play volleyball. She spent the whole season getting her serve closer and closer to the net. Psychologists call these “successive approximations.” At the last game, the crowd went wild when she finally made it over. Parents feel the same way when a child becomes independent with the potty. But first, they have some approximations to clean up. They’re part of the process. 3. The journey is more important than the destination. Like everything else these days, potty training is a metaphorical journey. Your child will learn from mistakes, yes, but also from your responses to those mistakes. Do you stay calm, take a step back, and problem solve as a team? “Oops! What just happened? I turned on the tub, and you peed on the floor. Hearing water makes you have to pee!” You’ll do this again later, with household chores: “Oops! Your jersey is under your bed! Maybe that’s why it didn’t make it into the washing machine!” If you focus too much on the destination, it’s all: “Why can’t you ever put your laundry where it goes?” and “Stop peeing on the floor!”
March 2020 www.sonomafamilylife.com
