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May 2020
Every Issue 6
Dear Reader
7
Cooking with Kids Eggs for the Win!
12 Features 10 Finishing the School Year Online Help kids stay focused and motivated.
12 Grow a Gardener Introduce kids to the world of dirt and plants.
14 Love Letter to a Toddler A mom reminisces about her early parenting years.
16 Moms Aren’t Perfect Make it OK to be flawed.
18 Purchase Power Negotiate your way to great deals.
20 Once Upon a Time... Use stories to connect with children.
Bits and Pieces Fancy a Ride through the Alps? An Invitation from Athena Some Good News—Really
9
Free Children’s Book Explains Coronavirus Become a Wolf Behavior Expert State Funds Childcare for Essential Workers
24 Humor Break Parenting in a Pandemic
22 Camp Is Cool Teens thrive away from home.
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May 2020 www.sonomafamilylife.com
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SonomaFamilyLife 5
Dear Reader
I
t’s been a rough month, to say the least. But this issue is here to help you keep going as our community navigates the COVID-19 pandemic.
and 25) to find a variety of entertaining and educational virtual experiences, including tours of the Acropolis to online poetry classes. In addition, “Grow a Gardener” (page 12) offers another boredom-buster: sowing seeds. Whether flowers or food, what you plant will nourish your family in more ways than one.
One of the first things on everyone’s mind is money. No matter what the state of your bank account, learning how to negotiate and make good deals helps your bottom line. Malia Jacobson shows you how in “Purchase Power” (page 18).
If you’re a mom, May is when you get to focus on nourishing yourself. What’s one thing you deserve? Your own forgiveness, says Kimberly Blaker. In her “Moms Aren’t Perfect” (page 16), she explains how self-acceptance actually makes you a better parent.
Along with financial well-being, helping kids with their studies is another pressing matter for quarantined families. “Finishing the School Year Online” (page 10) offers tips on how to help children stay focused on their academics and connected with their friends.
Humor can help us all be nicer to ourselves during these extraordinary times. Look to “Parenting in a Pandemic” (page 24) for a few well-earned chuckles.
Sharon Gowan Publisher/Editor Sharon@family-life.us
Be safe as we continue to shelter-in-place. We are here for you. Together, we will get through this.
And when the schoolwork is done? Turn to our Bits and Pieces sections (pages 8–9
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Cooking with Kids
Eggs for the Win! Make an Easy, Protein-Packed Meal By Momma Chef
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e all long for freedom and hope as we shelter-in-place during these unsettling times. So I am striving to provide meals that nourish my family members’ souls as well as their bodies. A favorite meal at my house is my super-easy Potato and Spinach Frittata. It’s filling, flavorful, and versatile enough that you can serve it as breakfast, lunch, or dinner. It’s also packed with protein, to keep kids’ energy levels up and brains engaged as they pursue their studies online. ¶ This article originally appeared on MommaChef.com. It has been reprinted here with permission.
Karen Nochimowski, aka Momma Chef, is a mother of three active boys (ages 12, 8, and 5). On her blog, MommaChef.com, find more of her recipes, all of which require no more than six ingredients and six minutes of prep time.
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Potato and Spinach Frittata Ingredients • 8 eggs • ½ cup whole milk (grass-fed milk is the best) • 1 cup red potatoes, cut into small cubes • 1 cup chopped spinach or broccoli • 1 tsp. garlic salt (you can use kosher salt as well) • 1/3 cup goat cheese Instructions 1. Preheat oven to 325°F. 2. Place eggs in a large bowl and mix on medium speed for 1 minute. 3. Add in milk, potatoes, spinach or broccoli, and garlic salt. Blend for about 30 seconds. 4. Pour mixture into greased pie dish. Crumble goat cheese over the frittata. 5. Bake for 35 minutes, or until the eggs are set in the middle. Serves: 8
May 2020
SonomaFamilyLife 7
Bits & Pieces
A train ride through the Alps
Fancy a Ride through the Alps?
H
ow many of us will ever get to Japan or the Swiss Alps or the Arctic Circle? Even if it’s financially feasible for some to go on such excursions, it’s not safe for anyone right now. But what is completely safe are virtual train rides through these—as well as 10 other—far away, storied regions. See the website of Travel and Leisure (tinyurl. com/ybbugqcj) for links to the digital adventures, which take viewers through diverse environments, from the lush English countryside to Peru’s Andes Mountains. ¶
An Invitation from Athena
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t’s hard to imagine the ancient Greeks walking and talking just like us. But it may be easier to conjure their lives when taking a tour of the Acropolis, where they once worshiped the goddess Athena. Like many famous sites, the treasured antiquity is open to tourists via the Internet. Cyber visitors can log on to acropolisvirtualtour.gr and click their way through the Parthenon’s towering columns, and then view millennia-old sculptures at the Acropolis Museum via theacropolismuseum.gr/en. ¶
Some Good News—Really
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John Krasinksi
ans of the Office are familiar with the face of John Krasinski, who played the character of Jim Halpert on that popular NBC sitcom, which ran 2005–2013. Now the actor and father of two has taken to YouTube, producing the wholesome and homegrown Some Good News show. Featuring video clips of everything from dancing health care workers to sock-throwing competitors to astronauts at the International Space Station, the show aims to relieve the stress of sheltering-in-place with comedy and good-hearted, family-friendly fun. In episode 4, Krasinski even puts on a virtual prom for seniors the pandemic has left out in the cold. To find Krasinski’s channel, search YouTube for “SomeGoodNews.” ¶ 8 SonomaFamilyLife
May 2020 www.sonomafamilylife.com
Free Children’s Book Explains Coronavirus
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or parents, figuring out how to explain COVID-19 and its effects on everyday life to their kids is a challenge. So Coronavirus, the children’s book, was born. With the help of friendly illustrations by Alex Scheffler and the guidance of Graham Medley, professor of Infectious Disease Modeling at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, as well as other experts, the book describes the pandemic and social distancing in kid-sized language. The publication is a labor of love; everyone involved in producing it donated their time. Download it for free at nosycrow.com. ¶
State Funds Childcare for Essential Workers
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ealth care providers, grocery stores clerks, farm laborers—all of these roles are essential during the COVID-19 lockdown. But who is taking care of these workers’ kids when school is out and social distancing rules make Grandma and Grandpa off limits? And, what’s more, how can parents afford childcare services that are available? Enter Governor Gavin Newsom’s recent Executive Order, which, through June 30, makes funding for childcare available to essential workers. Parents can apply for it on the website of the Community Child Care Council of Sonoma County, a state-funded agency that operates preschools across the county: sonoma4cs.org/about/emergency-updates/. To find child-care providers, call 757-9872, or email info@sonoma4cs.org with “Essential Worker Child Care Referral” in the subject line. Include contact info, employer, children’s ages, and zip code where care is needed. ¶
Become a Wolf Behavior Expert
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ymbols of evil, wisdom, and wildness, wolves are characters in many cultures’ mythologies. And animal behaviorists find real wolves just as fascinating as we might find fictional ones. In the hopes of cultivating interest in these animals, the Wolf Conservation Center is streaming a live wolf web-cam feed, and also offering downloadable activity sheets geared toward helping kids track how wolves move and live. Get access to the feed and activities at nywolf.org/explore-the-wildworld-of-wolf-behavior. Find out about wolves in myth by reading the National Geographic article “Wolves at the Door” at nationalgeographic.org/ media/wolves-door. ¶ www.sonomafamilylife.com
May 2020
SonomaFamilyLife 9
to expect, especially when times are tough. Try to keep routines like homework time, dinnertime, and bedtime. Make a conscious effort to keep the same schedule you had before virtual schooling began.
Finishing the School Year Online 10 Ways to Help Students Stay Strong
By Janeen Lewis
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t’s an unusual ending to the school year. Instead of yearbook signings, field days, and end-of-the-year parties, kids are at home waiting to catch glimpses of their friends on Zoom. It’s a tough time for kids, and keeping them motivated to finish the school year strong is hard on parents. Here are 10 tips to keep your child on the path to the finish line. 1. Send the message that school is a priority. Communicate to children that school is important, even if it isn’t occurring at the school building. Continue to read together, check in with them on their assignments, and take an interest in what they are learning. Research one of their school topics or check out your local library’s website to find online access to learning tools and books. 10 SonomaFamilyLife
2. Set a goal. Help your child set an academic goal they can achieve during the last weeks of school. Maybe they want to turn a B into an A, learn all their multiplication tables, or read a thousand pages. If they meet their goal, reward them with something simple like ice cream or a new school supply or book. 3. Stay on schedule. Kids need structure. They like to know what
4. Replace supplies. By now your child’s notebooks, folders, pencils, and crayons probably look worn out. Replacing these inexpensive items and having them delivered to your house can be a quick pick-me-up that motivates your child. 5. Set up an outdoor classroom. Sometimes changing location gives a child that second wind they need to make it to the finish line. Let children have outdoor class time on the patio. When math problems are completed correctly, they can take a walk
Help your child set an academic goal they can achieve during the last weeks of school. or ride bikes. Let them read in a hammock, lawn chair, or an outside tent. When they reach their goal, they can pass the football or shoot hoops. Plant a family garden as a science project, and let the kids make observations when they are taking a break from their schoolwork. 6. Hold an end-of-the-year countdown. There are many ways to count down the days until the end of the school year. Mark off days on a calendar, or put Popsicle sticks or marbles in a jar and remove one each day. Or share
May 2020 www.sonomafamilylife.com
a special treat: For each child in your house, fill a container with the same number of Hershey’s kisses as days of school. “Kiss” the last days of school goodbye with one “countdown chocolate” each day.
being able to see their friends is the hardest part of being out of school. Schedule a structured social time each day or week for your child to FaceTime, Zoom, Skype, or email a friend.
7. Thank the teacher virtually. Teachers work hard, even when they are teaching virtually. Make a video or a take a picture of your child holding a sign with a message for his or her teacher. Then email it or use the teacher’s digital platform to send it to him or her. Your child could also decorate a card and write an encouraging note, and give it to the teacher when school resumes in the fall.
9. Make virtual sports or arts part of school. An important part of school is physical activity
8. Plan a virtual recess. Kids crave social time, so, for them, not
Let them read in a hammock, lawn chair, or an outside tent. and the arts. Is your baseball player down because he misses throwing his curve ball? Maybe your martial arts lover is itching to practice her kicks. Why not sign up for
virtual lessons? If you don’t have the right equipment it can easily be purchased online, and many instructors are setting up virtual venues. There are lots of virtual art classes, including “how to draw” lessons, free on YouTube. 10. Celebrate. Have a dance party in the den, a luau in the living room, or arrange a Zoom party to celebrate the last day of school. If you’re in doubt about what to do, ask the kids. Even when they have to find a virtual way to have a party, kids are clever and will find a creative way to celebrate! ¶ Janeen Lewis is a freelance journalist, teacher, and mom to Andrew and Gracie. She loves to finish the school year strong with her students and family.
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SonomaFamilyLife 11
include: gloriosa daisy, ageratum, coneflower, coreopsis, and California poppy. Pay attention to whether perennials enjoy shade or sun or both, and they will pay you back in resurgent beauty. 3. Vote for veggies. Few things are as satisfying as watching food grow from a seed. But it’s also great to just purchase veggie starters. In cool weather try carrots, lettuce,
Grow a Gardener Plant Flowers, Veggies, and Herbs with Kids By Christina Katz
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ids grow. Plants grow. Why not teach kids to grow plants? Here is a list of possible things to nurture in a window box, a four-foot by four-foot plot of soil, or a bed along the side of the house.
1. Plant annual flowers. By far the easiest to grow with the most immediate results are annual flowers. Start with annuals if your little gardener has never dug in the soil before. Hardy annuals for first-time planters include flower seeds that germinate quickly, such as sunflowers, cosmos, sweet alyssum, zinnia, and pansies. 2. Invest in perennial flowers. Once young gardeners understand 12 SonomaFamilyLife
the concept of annual bloomers, it’s time to introduce them to flowers that come back year after year. Be sure to convey the savings in time and money, since perennials are planted once and enjoyed for many years. Check perennials annually to see if they need to be split or spread out. You might wish to seasonally scatter a few of your perennial’s seeds in other parts of your yard. Good choices for first-time planters
Create beds of sweet-smelling, flowering bushes if you want to attract lots of hummingbirds and butterflies. radishes, peas, spinach, kale, swiss chard, and broccoli. In warm weather try beans, cucumbers, spring onions, cherry or grape tomatoes, round zucchini, and patty pan squash. 4. Favor fruit plants. Children of all ages adore eating fresh fruit warmed by the sun. Try planting strawberries, thornless blackberries, thornless raspberries, and blueberries for years of enjoyment. Watch out for blackberries, which grow vigorously but can become invasive. 5. Let’s hear it for herbs. Herbs provide pleasure at any age. My daughter has been popping mint leaves into her mouth since she could walk. Herb gardens are especially appealing to tweens and teens testing culinary skills in the kitchen. And herbs can also provide pleasure at any age. We enjoy a little mint or lemon balm in iced tea,
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thyme and chives in scrambled eggs, and oregano and basil in a fresh salad. Try planting mint (it’s also invasive, so use containers), lemon balm, chives, catnip, oregano, basil, dill, parsley, rosemary, and thyme. 6. Eat edible flowers. Want to add a whimsical touch to ice cubes, cupcakes, and salads? Then experiment with edible flowers. Try planting colorful nasturtiums (annual), culinary lavender (perennial), pansies (annual), violas (annuals), roses (perennial), calendula (annual), and geraniums (annual and perennial). Try taste-testing petals alone, in combination with each other, and mixed into foods like shortbread (lavender) or used for decoration when serving food. 7. Make way for giants. Pumpkins and melons can become quite large and overcrowd a small garden plot. For this reason, stake out a sunny, mulched area where they will have room to sprawl. Corn
is another plant that likely requires its own space and can be grown in blocks of rows that get even sun all day long. Growing large plants is dramatic fun for young gardeners. 8. Fancy flowering bushes. Create beds of sweet-smelling, flowering bushes if you want to attract lots of hummingbirds and butterflies. Butterflies like large,
Herb gardens are especially appealing to tweens and teens testing culinary skills in the kitchen. flat rocks in the sun and a sandy puddle for drinking. Choose a sunny, non-windy area. Try planting butterfly bush (non-invasive variety), bee balm, salvia, lilac, mock orange, glossy abelia, buttonbush, ninebark, spicebush, milkweed, and clethra. 9. Vie for vines. Nothing makes me happier than seeing honeysuckle
twining up the iron grate that holds our mailbox. Look around your yard for things that can be climbed or invest in inexpensive trellises. Then plant coral honeysuckle, cardinal climber, cypress vine, climbing hempweed, morning glory, scarlet runner bean, sweet pea, everlasting pea, and trumpet vine. Beans will also climb, for instance, a garden-stake wall or a tee-pee. 10. Consider fun inedibles. Some of my favorite things to grow are merely for decoration, not to eat. Inedibles can make lovely fall gifts. Try gourd combinations for a nice basket display, Indian corn for wreathes, and bottle gourds to turn into birdhouses. Chinese lantern stems make bright orange fall décor and wreathes—just remember to contain the plants because they can become invasive. ¶ Often on sunny days, Christina Katz cheerfully dons her patched jeans, floppy hat, and garden gloves and hangs out in the dirt.
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your entire body weight while I pry you away from the love of your life. One fine day, I’ll retire as the cat’s bodyguard. There’ll be no more January battles over putting on snow boots not a bathing suit. (And no more summer strife about putting on a bathing suit not snow boots.)
Love Letter to a Toddler Memories Are a Mom’s Treasure By Janeen Lewis
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hen my daughter, 10-year-old Gracie, was small, her energy knew no bounds. Recently I found an essay I wrote when she was a toddler and I was beyond tired. I’m sharing it in the form of a letter to her. Whichever challenging stage of motherhood you’re in, hang in there! It will get better, but beware: when it does you may miss what you have now. To Gracie at 20 months: I was once the queen of multitasking, but today you dethroned me. I barely cleaned up one mess before you made another, and I’ve collapsed on the couch after 10 hours of chasing you. I tell myself that someday you will grow up. Life will get easier.
14 SonomaFamilyLife
One day when you’re older, I won’t stumble over pots and pans littering the kitchen floor. You won’t run through the house, throwing squeals of laughter at me, your feet shoved into my missing oven mitts. One day, you won’t jump on the couch, and I won’t have to leap across the living room to catch you before you fall. You won’t smother the cat with
You won’t tap out a tune on the answering machine buttons (a feat I didn’t know was possible until you walked) while I sort laundry, or reach
One day when you’re older, I won’t stumble over pots and pans littering the kitchen floor. for the biggest knife when I open the dishwasher. While I put the dishes away, you won’t try to climb into the dishwasher. I can only imagine life without reams of unwound dental floss and unrolled toilet paper. I’ll watch movies that star Chris Hemsworth, not Elmo and a gang of fuzzy monster puppets singing about “the potty.” I’ll have a bathtub without toys and a carpet without Play-Doh. One day I’ll drink my morning coffee in solitude. Okay, so I won’t hear the shuffle of your footie pajamas. I’ll probably miss that. And I’ll get dinner on the table at a reasonable hour. But you won’t wrap your pudgy arms around my legs, burying your face in the bend of my knees while I cook. I won’t replant the petunias you bring me (roots and all) as love tokens. Surely I won’t miss that, right?
May 2020 www.sonomafamilylife.com
I want you to grow up for more reasons than my own. I want you to live a beautiful life that touches others. That’s one of the many reasons I had you. But what will happen when I actually get my wish, and you’re older? What will it be like without the sound of your little fleet clunking around the house in my shoes? How will I feel when your chubby fingers don’t twirl the ends of my hair while you fall asleep on my shoulder? Who will stand at the door and blow me kisses while I’m at the mailbox? Every day the challenge of your determined spirit motivates me to grow into the person I want to be. Each stage of childhood brings another obstacle to overcome, and every day that I help you grow, I feel a contentment I’ve never known. Each step, each word, each nuance— everything that becomes a part of your personality is a celebrated milestone for both of us. Being a mom has brought more fulfillment to my life than any of my other roles. Finally, I leave my comfy spot on the couch and tiptoe next to your crib. I don’t see the fireball that blows through the house during the day. I see a sleeping angel with a halo of golden brown curls. One day when I’m not so tired, when the house is still and I have endless hours to myself, I won’t think about the messes or my exhaustion. I won’t wish away time. I’ll remember it all and wish for one more day of chasing after my baby girl. ¶ Janeen Lewis is a nationally published freelance writer.
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Needless to say, I fell far short of my ideal. Thankfully, now that my kids are grown, my mom points out what a great mom I’ve been. For instance, she admires my patience with my kids, though it ran, and still runs, thin at times. (As I mentioned, moms are particularly good at noticing in others the traits they lack.)
Moms Aren’t But Love Is What Perfect Really Matters By Kimberly Blaker
“I
realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.” —Mitch Albom As moms, we all know Albom’s statement is unequivocally true. We feel it through and through, from the moment our children are born. Our love and devotion are evident in our daily interactions with, and selfless acts for, our kids. Even after they’re grown, our deep love and concern for them endure. We don’t always recognize or give ourselves credit for all we do (and sometimes, to our frustration, our children don’t either). And when we do err, we’re often our own harshest critics, comparing ourselves to others who appear to have the qualities we do not. But in reality, all moms have 16 SonomaFamilyLife
strengths and weaknesses. In most ways, we totally rock. In some areas, we have to work a little harder. My own mom was very involved and provided us plenty of enrichment and fun. We did crafts, played games, had parties and sleepovers, took trips to the library, went for walks and bike rides, and so much more. My mom was also a Camp Fire Girls leader for my younger sisters, and I got to be her big helper. My mom cooked, baked, and kept a clean home. She also taught me about money, responsibility, generosity, kindness, and so many other valuable lessons, skills, and traits. Still, like any other human, she was imperfect. So when my kids were born, I strove to do things differently, i.e. perfectly.
Her appreciation makes me think about what I see in my own daughter, who’s now raising two young kids. I notice how much time she spends just cuddling them. I’ve always wished I had done better with that. Not that we never cuddled. I’ve just never been good at relaxing or sitting still for long. The point is each and every mom is wonderful in her own ways—and none of us does everything right. In fact, always striving to be perfect can undermine being the best moms we can be. And it can even lead to expecting perfection from our kids, which is unhealthy. So am I saying we shouldn’t try to be better moms? Of course not. But while we are striving to improve our weaknesses, we need to practice self-forgiveness and self-acceptance, and teach our children to do the same. Rather than shooting for an unobtainable goal, focus on being the best mom you can be. Remember: Your deep love and devotion to your kids is what truly matters. You will always be of unsurpassable value to them, no matter what. ¶ Kimberly Blaker is a freelance parenting writer and founder of the Internet marketing agency KB Creative Digital Services (kbcreativedigital.com).
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House, 2010). In today’s economy no one can afford to throw away money, particularly parents with growing kids and rising expenses. “Paying less for purchases gives you more money to do great things like paying down credit card debt, putting money aside for retirement, and funding your kids’ college,” she says.
Purchase Negotiating Tips Power for Parents By Malia Jacobson
W
hat’s more fun than a new swingset, a new couch, or a brand-new set of wheels? Scoring those items and having cash left to spare, thanks to the power of negotiation.
“Yikes!” I can hear you think. “Negotiating? Asking for discounts? Maybe financial pros can do it, but I never could!” This knee-jerk reaction to bargaining is all too familiar to me, because the entire subject of negotiation used to make my knees weak. Then I became a stay-at-home mom, and I felt silly throwing away my family’s hard-earned cash by paying retail prices. So I gave myself a few pep talks and started small by asking for discounts on Craigslist purchases and car repair 18 SonomaFamilyLife
According to Dave Ramsey, author of The Total Money Makeover (Thomas Nelson, 2013), confident negotiators can save on everything—even pizza delivery! From car repairs to carpeting,
I saved enough to cover our family’s food bill for two years. vet bills to vacations, you can buy what you need and save thousands in the process, if you’re willing to ask. Keep these tactics in your pocket, and you’ll never be far from your next great deal.
bills. With each small negotiating win, my confidence grew. This year, I scored major discounts on a new home, carpeting, a minivan, and appliances. When I added up the total savings, my knees nearly buckled: I saved enough to cover our family’s food bill for two years. Now, that really makes me swoon.
Mind over matter. First, get over the misplaced fear of looking or feeling foolish. People all over the world use negotiating tactics every day without a second thought. It’s OK to feel scared, says Kay, but don’t let that feeling stop you: “Do it scared,” she says. “It may seem awkward at first, but it’s usually just the fear of the unknown. Remember that this is something you are doing to improve your family’s bottom line.” Keeping a big-picture perspective will give you the confidence to get started.
Why should you take the time to wrangle a better deal on that new bike or dishwasher? Because a lot is at stake, says Ellie Kay, author of The 60-Minute Money Workout (Random
Do your homework. Arrive prepared. The plethora of product information available online makes it a snap to find the essential facts about the product you’re after. Come
May 2020 www.sonomafamilylife.com
prepared to bargain and have a basic idea of what you need and want, including “must-have” and “nice-to-have” features. But don’t get your heart set on a particular brand or model. Flash cash. Ramsey counsels bargain hunters to “use the power of cash.” The sight of crisp dollar bills triggers an emotional response that
In today’s economy no one can afford to throw away money, particularly parents with growing kids and rising expenses. can be a powerful negotiating tool, he notes. Personally, I have gotten sales managers to waive sales tax or throw in additional discounts by telling them, truthfully, that the cash in my hand was all I could spend on the purchase, including tax, delivery, and other fees. So flash a little cash, and watch sellers scramble to get their hands on it. Say the magic words. You’ve done your homework, you’re armed with cash, and you’ve just walked into the store. Now what? Start the negotiating process with five simple words, “Is that your best price?” This phrase works in nearly every situation by informing the seller that you’re looking for a deal, and putting the ball into their court. Use the power of technology. Today’s smartphones, laptops, and tablets put a world of portable purchasing power at your fingertips. I recently scored a minivan at a sizable discount (one that prompted the salesman to quip that I must www.sonomafamilylife.com
have done some praying that day) by pulling up prices of comparable cars at neighboring dealerships on my laptop, and showing the sales manager. Your Internet-connected device can be a valuable asset in the negotiating process, so bring it with you when you shop to keep tabs on real-time prices at competing stores. Invoke walk-away power. Always remember that you have the power to put your cash back in your pocket, walk away, and search out another deal. There are legions of
Don’t get your heart set on a particular brand or model. stores and salespeople who are eager for your business, so don’t settle for a sub-par deal. Keep a light, pleasant attitude, and be prepared to politely thank the salesperson for their time if the negotiation isn’t fruitful. Negotiate with sincerity. Above all, maintain your integrity throughout the negotiating process. Bargaining is a two-way street, so tell the truth and be ready to hold up your end of the bargain. Garnering pity with sob stories about your bleak finances won’t help you score a great deal—your negotiating prowess will. So sharpen those skills and be prepared to wield them with authority, integrity, and sincerity. Your pocketbook, and your family, will thank you. Malia Jacobson is an award-winning health and parenting journalist and mom of three. Her latest book is Sleep Tight, Every Night: Helping Toddlers and Preschoolers Sleep Well Without Tears, Tricks, or Tirades.
May 2020
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and supporting them. Besides, they’re very witty, and it’s just great entertainment!”
Once Upon aConnectTime... through the Magic of Storytelling By Christa Melnyk Hines
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tories put our experiences into perspective, comforting us with the knowledge that we aren’t alone. Stories serve to entertain, inspire, teach compassion and other values, and stoke admiration and respect for the generations who came before us. Studies also show storytelling enhances a child’s language development, emergent reading, and comprehension skills.
“A story is a way to be in connection with our children, to be in empathy and sympathy with them without giving advice or laying down the law,” says Robin Moore, author of Creating a Family Storytelling Tradition: Awakening the Hidden Storyteller (August House, 2005). A penny for your thoughts? Nicole Keck, mom of three boys (ages 6, 4, 20 SonomaFamilyLife
and 2), found storytelling is like a window into her children’s minds. Her sons take turns telling stories before bedtime. “(The stories) may be funny or serious, true or fiction. We like that they give us precious insights into what they’re thinking about,” Keck says. “Knowing what makes them tick is an invaluable tool in guiding
Expand creativity. Just like imaginative play, stories help children sort through problems and work through issues. “The more stories that kids can relate to others, the more ability they have to use their imagination and to become problem solvers,” says Joyce Slater, a professional storyteller. Research suggests that families who tell stories report higher levels of happiness, closeness, and
“One of the stories that kids should always know is the story about their birth.”—Joyce Slater adaptability. “My favorite thing about storytelling has to be showing my kids how fun it is to really embrace one’s own creativity and to not be shy about exploring and sharing one’s imagination,” says Kevin Doyle, a children’s book author and father of two, ages 7 and 3. Doyle’s children especially desire imaginative, adventurous stories with pretend characters. “Those are my favorite to think up and the kids’ favorite to hear. Bedtime is our primary story time. That’s the best time to unwind and help everyone relax,” he says. As a staff writer for Knowonder. com, an online children’s story site, Doyle knows a thing or two about spinning yarns that appeal to kids. But, you don’t have to be a
May 2020 www.sonomafamilylife.com
professional storyteller to entertain your kids with your tales. Tell life stories. Kids love to hear about parents’ childhood adventures. Family stories, in particular, shape children’s understanding of their family’s values; they give kids a sense of right and wrong, and of appropriate social behavior, both in the family and in the world. “One of the stories that kids should always know is the story about their birth,” Slater says. “‘What was the day like? Who was there? Why do I have this name?’ It becomes a real self-identifying process if you know how you came into being and why somebody chose your name.”
Research suggests that families who tell stories report higher levels of happiness, closeness, and adaptability. Encourage listening. Most of all, storytelling creates space for you to connect with your children. Begin with books. “Find a subject that you like, read the story, and then talk about it. It’s a great way to open up a conversation with your children,” says Christine Freeman, professional storyteller. “Listen to each other. Sometimes we don’t listen enough. There’s nothing wrong with just sitting and talking.” ¶
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Freelance journalist Christa Melnyk Hines has seen the magical question “Can I tell you a story?” turn people of all ages into captive listeners.
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May 2020
SonomaFamilyLife 21
a lifelong passion that inspires a vocation or avocation down the road. 4. Working as a team. Your child will be meeting kids of different ages and backgrounds. Learning how to get along and work as a team is a huge life skill that will be reinforced at camp. Some camps even have kids do teamand trust-building activities to help kids get to know each other.
Camp Is Cool 7 Things Teens Can Learn This Summer By Kerrie McLoughlin
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ummer camp is often a place to send elementaryage kids so they aren’t sitting around the house bored. But camp is an important opportunity for teens, too. Here’s what they might experience.
1. Giving back. Community service camps offer a great chance for your teen to make a difference while also acquiring skills that will carry them through their lives. In these programs, kids get to spend their days helping others, which just feels good to everyone involved. Maybe your teen will pack food for the homeless, teach kids how to read, or clean up a playground. They could even learn how to paint a house, care for a yard of an elderly person, or plan and build a home for someone who is in need. 2. Making new friends. Adding new friends to one’s life is enriching at 22 SonomaFamilyLife
any age. Some teens attend the same camps every summer and see the same friends every year while other kids are attending camps for the first time and need to learn to connect with new people. Whatever the situation, creating and maintaining friendships requires kids to develop social skills. 3. Learning new things. Whether your teens attend a camp to learn more about horses, a specific sport like soccer, or a skill like a foreign language, they have an entire day, week, or longer to focus on that one activity and really immerse themselves in it. Who knows? A summer interest could turn into
5. Staying active. Kids need to unplug from the various screens that demand their attention—TVs, video game players, smartphones, etc.—and
Adding new friends to one’s life is enriching at any age. engage their bodies. Camps, especially sports-oriented camps, give them a chance to do just that. 6. Living without you. Let’s face it: As our kids get older they start to grow away from us. They are simply preparing to head out on their own, and going away to camp cultivates their emerging sense of independence. The daily structure of camp helps kids to become responsible while relationships with camp staff teach them to respect and learn from adults who aren’t their parents. 7. Appreciating everything. When kids spend time away from their parents, they come home with a new appreciation of what it takes to be in a family. Your teens will probably also appreciate funny things like a full pantry that’s open all day, their comfy beds, and privacy. ¶ Find Kerrie McLoughlin at thekerrieshow.com.
May 2020 www.sonomafamilylife.com
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Humor Break I’ve caught up on ALL my sleep. And I mean all of it: Weekly college all-nighters. The endless nights spent feeding my newborns. The too many years I binge-streamed Grey’s Anatomy (and I thought I’d never get that decade back). The only times I’ve interrupted this new 14-hours-of-sleepa-night schedule have been those early morning wakeups to, quite unsuccessfully I might add, beat the run on the restocked toilet paper.
Parenting in aWelcome Pandemic to Bizzaro World By Janeen Lewis
I
f a clairvoyant had told me six weeks ago that I’d be indefinitely quarantined at home with my family, I would have told her she was looney tunes and asked for my money back. And yet here I am like the rest of the world, reeling open-mouthed at a huge curveball thrown by a virus. I keep hearing the words new normal, but here are some things that make it feel like Bizzaro World to me. An obsession with toilet paper. Really? Who knew that during a pandemic that revolves around, no, not dysentery, that toilet paper would be all the rage? I never thought people would be madly bidding for Charmin on eBay, or that I would 24 SonomaFamilyLife
finally have access to that thing I have always needed: an online toilet paper calculator (again, six short weeks ago, who’d have thunk?). I merely punch in the number of times my family goes Number One and Number Two (this makes for an interesting and fun household survey) and the amount of squares used, and voila!, it calculates that our seven rolls will last nine days, and that’s if we don’t eat tacos. We’re doomed. Nail and spa places are not “essential” businesses? I haven’t had my upper lip waxed in weeks, and my 13-year-old son, Andrew, is starting to grow facial hair, so we are both sprouting mustaches simultaneously.
Mom’s done a 360 on screen time. In true Freaky Friday/Twilight Zone fashion, I’ve become the Rosanne Barr of electronics. Before, I’d have set limits on my kids’ screen time. Now, to keep myself sane, I find myself repeating, “Just watch your tablet!” It’s all about “real world” math lessons. How’s this for a crisis homeschooling assignment: Have the kids tally all the times they hear the words new normal or unprecedented. Then they can make graphs and charts depicting their results. That will keep them busy. And if that doesn’t work, there are always word problems that revolve around toilet paper consumption. Social distancing actually brings people closer together. In all seriousness, I’d have thought we’d get lonely stuck at home. And yet, I see friends and families coming up with creative ways to connect in spirit (and Skype). Flattening the curve together is inspiring; we will get through it. Still, I wish we had a few more rolls of toilet paper while we’re doing it. ¶ Janeen Lewis is a freelance writer and mom.
May 2020 www.sonomafamilylife.com
Bits & Pieces
The Amazing Technicolor “Blanket”
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ivers know that underneath the surface of the sea is a vibrant world teeming with life. One of the inhabitants of that marine universe is the blanket octopus. Night divers in the Lembeh Straight, off the coast of Indonesia, captured the creature unfurling its colorful cape-like web in a video that North Sulawesi’s NAD Lembeh Resort shared with the site The Kid Should See This. See the stunning footage, as well as other clips of a blanket octopus near Romblon Island in the Philippines, at thekidshouldseethis.com/post/ the-blanket-octopus. ¶
Baby Eagles Steal the Spotlight
T
o parents, no one is cuter than their own children. But the fluffy, recently hatched bald eagles recorded by the southwest Florida Eagle Cam may come in second. With close-up shots of mama bird’s feedings, the footage may even inspire the birth of an amateur ornithologist or two. See the chicks in all their adorableness at tinyurl.com/y84bjuh4. ¶
Iris Jamahl Dunkle
Take Shelter in Poetry
I
will arise and go now and go to my grandparents’ house in the green rolling hills,/Where my childhood will forever come back to me. So begins
local eighth grader Mari Sow’s poem “Green Rolling Hills,” which Sonoma County Poetry Laureate Emerita Iris Jamahl Dunkle uses to start Shelter in Poetry, a series of online poetry lessons for kids. In her first video, which is produced in English with Spanish subtitles, Dunkle teaches children how poets use the sound of words to create beauty. Look for it and more lessons at norcalpublicmedia.org/poetry-classes-at-homefor-students-and-families. ¶ www.sonomafamilylife.com
Keep Kids Safe Online
W
ith COVID-19, kids are spending more time than ever on the computer, some of it unsupervised. Sexual predators may be taking advantage of this situation. According to a Fox News opinion piece by Beth A. Williams, “reports of potential exploitation to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children [NCMEC] more than doubled from 983,734 in March 2019 to 2,027,520 in March 2020.” Predators rely on apps and platforms that feature user anonymity and end-to-end encryption, and they contact children through direct messaging, video chats, and file uploads. For help keeping children safe online, see the Department of Justice’s guidelines at justice.gov/coronavirus/keeping-children-safe-online. Report online sexual exploitation at report.cybertip.org or call NCMEC at 800-843-5678. ¶ May 2020
SonomaFamilyLife 25
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