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September 2018
Autism Expert You’re in charge
ADHD Help 5 tips from an M.D.
Medical Trauma 6 ways to cope Teacher Troubles Practical advice
MENDOCINO
CIDER FEST & APPLE SHOW Saturday, Sept 15, Noon–4 Sunday, Sept 16, Noon–4 At the Mendocino County Fair & Apple Show
www.mendocountyfair.com
September 2018
Every Issue 6
Dear Reader
8
Bits and Pieces Blast from the Past Kid Architects
10 Features 10 Agree to Disagree When your parenting choices differ from your partner’s.
12 You’re the Expert A dad of a child with autism empowers himself.
14 A Fresh Look at ADHD Perspective-shifting advice from an M.D.
16 Managing Medical Trauma Practical ways to cope.
Friedamania DIY Cartoons Gourd Yourself Musical Mélange Yoga for Wee Ones
24 Calendar of Events Wings & Wine
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31 Crafting with Kids Leaf It to the Kids!
32 Cooking with Kids Breakfast On-the-Go
34 Humor Sleeping Like Hillbillies
18 My Teacher Hates Me! What to do when kids clash with their instructors.
20 Don’t Tread on Me Use body language to keep bullies at bay.
22 Post-Divorce Parenting Key strategies for raising kids with your ex.
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September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
Doctor’s Confession to Petaluma
Dear Friend, I wanted to let everyone know what happened while I was in college. It was a moment that changed my life forever. But before I tell you about my experience, I wanted to tell you my story from the start. Let me start by explaining the photo in this letter. I am the guy in the middle, Dr. Taatjes. You know when I meet people in town and they usually say, “Oh yeah, I know you, you’re Dr. Taatjes. You’ve been serving the community for Thirty years! Well that’s me. We are now centrally located in our beautiful new office to better serve the community. Thirty-four years ago something happened to me that changed my life forever. Let me tell you my story. I was studying pre-Med in college, in hopes of becoming a medical doctor. Things were looking up, and life was good, until things took a turn for the worse. I began to have terrible back and stomach problems. For a young guy, I felt pretty rotten. My back hurt so badly that I had a hard time even concentrating in class. I was miserable. The medical doctors tried different drugs, but they only made me feel like I was in a “cloud.” I was just not getting better. A friend of mine convinced me to give a chiropractor a try. The chiropractor did an exam, took some films and then “adjusted” my spine. The adjustment didn’t hurt — it actually felt good. I got relief, and I soon was off all medication. It worked so well that I decided, then and there, to become a chiropractor myself. Now for my kids, Hayden and Henry. They have been under chiropractic care their entire lives. And, unlike most other kids in their class, they never get the “common” childhood illnesses like ear infections, asthma and allergies. In fact, they have never taken a drug in their lives. And they are now 23 and 24! It’s strange how life is, because now people come to see me with their back problems and stomach problems. They come to me with their headaches, migraines, chronic pain, neck pain, shoulder/arm pain, whiplash from car accidents, asthma, allergies, numbness in limbs, athletic injuries, just to name a few. If drugs make people well, then those who take the most should be the healthiest,
Dr. Taatjes with his sons, Hayden (left) and Henry (right). but that simply isn’t the case. With chiropractic, we don’t add anything to the body or take anything from it. We find interference in the nervous system and remove it, thus enhancing the healing capacities of the body. We get tremendous results…it really is as simple as that. Here’s what some of my patients had to say: “I have had a problem with migraines as well as low back pain. Even after seeing doctors and other health professionals, the pains remained. After coming to Dr. Joel, they have helped me tremendously. They even take away my migraines. They’re great!” (Judy E.) “I came in pending laser surgery for two herniated discs. Over a few months here the need for surgery subsided, and the pain has subsided to a mild discomfort with occasional morning stiffness. Over all, I feel better visit after visit. It’s a gradual process.” (Jaime O.) Several times a day patients thank me for helping them with their health problems. But I can’t really take credit. Find out for yourself and benefit from an AMAZING OFFER. Look, it shouldn’t cost you an arm and a leg to correct your health. You are going to write a check to someone for your health care expenses, you may as well write one for
a lesser amount for chiropractic. When you bring in this article by Sept. 30, 2018, you will receive my entire new patient exam for $27. That’s with x-rays, exam, report of findings…the whole ball of wax. This exam could cost you $350 elsewhere. Great care at a great fee… Please, I hope that there’s no misunderstanding about quality of care, just because I have a lower exam fee. You’ll get great care at a great fee. My qualifications…I’m a graduate of Northwestern College of Chiropractic who regularly goes to monthly educational chiropractic seminars. I’ve been entrusted to take care of tiny babies to neighbors that you may know. I just have that low exam fee to help more people who need care. My associates, Dr. James Rogers, Dr. Shawn Lorenzen and I are ready to see if we can help you. Our office is both friendly and warm and we try our best to make you feel at home. We have wonderful service, at an exceptional fee. Our office is called REDWOOD CHIROPRACTIC. We are located at 937 Lakeville Street Petaluma, and our phone number is 763-8910. Call Alex, Brenda, Erica or Christine today for an appointment. We can help you. Thank you. -Dr. Joel Taatjes P.S. When accompanied by this ad. I am also offering the second family member this same examination for only $15.
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September 2018
SonomaFamilyLife 5
Dear Reader
F
amilies with children with special needs face many challenges. It can be overwhelming Sharon Gowan Publisher/Editor just to learn your Sharon@family-life.us child’s diagnosis. It was for Kevin Howard. In “You’re the Expert” (page 12) he talks about how helpless he felt when he found out his child had autism—and what he did to gain back a sense of control. Meanwhile, psychiatrist Edward Hallowell says that one of the best ways to feel empowered is to shift your perspective and see the positive side of your child’s
behavior. He shows you how in “A Fresh Look at ADHD” (page 14). Even if Mom and Dad are doing their best to keep their spirits up, raising a child with special needs can be hard on a marriage. In “Agree to Disagree” (page 10) child psychologist Lynn Adams offers what works for her and her husband. No matter what difficulties you face, we at Sonoma Family Life honor your strength and hope this issue helps you not just to cope, but thrive.
Office Manager Patricia Ramos patty@family-life.us
Business Marketing Renee Nutcher renee@family-life.us Warren Kaufman warren@family-life.us
Features Editor Melissa Chianta melissa@family-life.us
Production Manager Donna Bogener production@family-life.us
Web and Social Media
3 NEW THINGS
AT SANTA ROSA CITY SCHOOLS 1 2
New district website www.srcschools.org
New SRCSchools App – Will be available by September in Apple App store and Google Play store! Parents can find emergency alerts, news, grades, lunch menus, sports schedules, school contact info, and more.
Natalie Bruzon natalie@family-life.us
Contributing Writers Lynn Adams Yana German Edward M. Hallowell Holly Hester Kevin Howard Malia Jacobson Christina Katz Kerrie McLoughlin Chad Morris Karen Nochimowski
Billing Jan Wasson-Smith
Publishing Office
3
New digital flyers – No more messy backpacks and missing out! Digital flyers will be posted on our website and sent right to parents’ email inboxes.
P.O. Box 351 Philo, CA 95466 (707) 586-9562
www.srcschools.org 6 SonomaFamilyLife
September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
3.46 x 4.56 Sonoma County Library Educating the Whole Child Sonoma Family Life Ad
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Academic Excellence Art, Engineering, Wood Working, Makerspace Music and more! Comprehensive Athletics Program
CASTLE programs (K-8) Convenient Safe Nurturing
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September 2018
SonomaFamilyLife 7
Bits & Pieces
Blast from the Past
A
$2 bill, a Kennedy 50-cent piece, a copy of U.S. News & World Report that covered Vietnam—these are some of the items that were buried in 1968 at the Santa Rosa Court House in a time capsule, which was unearthed this spring. The tradition will continue with the burial of another time capsule during the Santa Rosa Sesquicentennial. Besides getting a peek at the capsule’s content, you can listen to live music, take in historical displays, and watch an outdoor screening of Hitchcock’s Shadow of a Doubt at the free celebration. The event will be held on September 8, 3–10 p.m., at Courthouse Square in Santa Rosa. See santarosacity150.com/event for more information. ¶
Friedamania
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young Frieda Kahlo had plans to become a doctor when a tragic accident sent her into a long recovery. She took up painting to get through her ordeal, and the rest is history. In honor of the celebrated Mexican artist, and Hispanic Heritage Month, the Petaluma Regional Library in Petaluma will hold a Frieda Khalo Paint Party. Participants will receive bilingual (Spanish/English) instruction on how to paint a portrait of Khalo. All materials will be provided at the free class, which is open to all ages and will be held on September 12, 4–5 p.m. Find out more at sonomacounty. libcal.com. ¶
Kid Architects
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hildren find secret hiding places everywhere. Give them a blanket and chairs, and— presto! —they’ve created a special spot that is all their own. It’s all the more fun when they can build something together, like at the all-ages Build a Fort event. Kids can use giant boxes and colorful fabric to create imaginative hangouts. The free event will be held on September 12 at 3 p.m. at the Windsor Regional Library and on September 19 at 3 p.m. at the Northwest Regional Library in Santa Rosa. Other local libraries will host fort building in October and November. See sonomacounty.libcal.com. ¶ 8 SonomaFamilyLife
DIY Cartoons
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ids adore watching cartoons. Lindsay Hunter of Nutbar Studios aims to show them how to actually make them. Her Pixar in a Box workshop will use instructional videos from Pixar animators to teach kids how to make their own animated flipbooks. The free class, suitable for grades 4–7, will be held on the following dates: September 5, 6:30 p.m., Roseland Community Library in Santa Rosa; September 18, 4 p.m., Petaluma Regional Library in Petaluma; and September 21, 4 p.m., Healdsburg Regional Library in Healdsburg. There is limited space and registration is required; go to sonomacounty.libcal.com, where you will also find October dates. ¶
September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
Gourd Yourself
K
ids like to watch things grow. And school gardens are a great place for them to do just that, as well as learn about science and healthy eating. The National Heirloom Expo will showcase the work of more than 30 local school gardens in its School Garden Network Kids’ Pavilion. It’s just one of the ways the expo will illuminate the multifaceted picture of local, sustainable agriculture and food production. There will also be an extensive variety of produce for sale; exhibits on an array of topics, from backyard gardening to green tech; talks on everything from homesteading and running a garden business to fermentation and African-American heirlooms; and demos of seed carving, permaculture, and Navajo spinning and weaving. In addition there will be live music, a Dahlia Show, and the popular 21-foot-tall squash pyramid. And, to support post-fire reforestation efforts, 4,000 native tree saplings will be given away to kids. The expo will be held September 11–13, 9 a.m.–9 p.m., at the Sonoma County Event Center in Santa Rosa. Tickets are $15–$30 and may be purchased at theheirloomexpo.com. ¶
National Heirloom Expo
Musical Mélange
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f there is a musical experience that is unique to Sonoma County, it’s the Old Grove Festival. Where else can you dance to live music under towering redwoods? Headlining this year will be New Monsoon, whose mix of psychedelic and southern rock, bluegrass, reggae, funk, and world music has been winning over fans for a couple of decades. The event will be held on September 15, 4:30–9 p.m., in Armstrong Woods Nature Reserve in Guerneville. Tickets are $28–$80; one child ages 0–12 gets in free with each paying adult. Otherwise, children’s tickets are $8–$10. Find out more and purchase tickets at stewardscr.org/old-grove-festival.html. ¶
New Monsoon
Yoga for Wee Ones
T
he benefits of yoga are for kids as well as adults. That’s the philosophy of Family Yoga, a free, high-energy class for ages 3–6 and their caregivers. Kids will learn yoga poses, including partner poses, as well as relaxation and attention-building exercises. And there will be games, storytelling, and music, too. The class will be held on September 6, 10:30 a.m.–11:30 a.m., at Healdsburg Library in Healdsburg. (Infant tag-a-longs will be able to participate in most exercises with Mom or Dad.) Registration is required; go to sonomacounty.libcal.com or visit the library’s children’s desk. ¶
www.sonomafamilylife.com
September 2018
SonomaFamilyLife 9
school nickname was “chicken legs,” and I still shriek anytime a ball comes my way. How did a boy who needs his little sister to tie his cleats end up on a team that doesn’t know he has autism? My husband, Bruce, gets the credit. Much of the time, we disagree when it comes to James. Sometimes even in front of James. Our marital disputes
Agree to Disagree No One Way to Raise a Quirky Kid
By Lynn Adams
M
ost parents know what I mean by “quirky”: kids with diagnoses like ADHD or autism, or learning disabilities, or difficult temperaments, or complicated early histories. Instead of using words like “mild” or “high-functioning,” I’ll say that these kids don’t necessarily need special schools. They can fit into the mainstream most of the time. My ten-year-old son is one of these quirky kids. He blends into the social landscape so well that being closeted is an option, at least in certain settings. James’ dread of everyday hassles (homework, substitute teachers, nail 10 SonomaFamilyLife
clipping, missing toys, traffic, eating at a restaurant) leads to lengthy tantrums that limit our family life. At the same time, James is a valued member of his little league flag football team. To put that in context, my high
Bruce wasn’t trying to make James “pass.” Rather, he thought the diagnosis irrelevant to football. are more like high school debates than barroom brawls. We each pick a side of a complicated issue, and we natter away until we wear each other out and one of us wins. Since I’m writing this, I get to go first. Closeting people makes their quirks seem shameful. What’s more, you notice the quirks when they stick out, not when they blend in. And that’s usually for some negative reason, like a loud voice or a loud outfit. I have other motives beyond supporting my own son, having worked for 10 years as a clinical psychologist before having him. Public understanding of individual differences lags behind even our meager professional understanding. Closeting makes it worse. I’d rather prevent a mishap by being up-front with the diagnosis, than blurt out the A-word to patch one up. Autism isn’t a tragedy. It’s a difference from the norm that’s
September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
sometimes neutral or positive, sometimes negative.
“I think you’re making a big mistake, but go ahead,” Bruce said, eyes rolling. “If we don’t say the A-word, he’ll assume James is a brat. Or not very bright.” There you have them, my two worst fears. “It’s football,” Bruce said. “None of that matters.” Which was a low blow, since I’m an Eli Manning fan. Bruce wasn’t trying to make James “pass.” Rather, he thought the diagnosis irrelevant to football. So, why bring it up? Bruce won that argument. James’ team is called the Highlights. Before it became clear they were going to lose all their games, the
In my defense, most of my parenting mistakes come with the best of intentions. coach set up a weekly ritual. The boys circle around the MVP and cheer while he re-enacts his best play. Like a highlight reel. Guess who was the first MVP? Spry as you please, James stepped into the circle, re-created his jumping touchdown catch, and also the Cam Newton–style celebration he indulged himself in afterwards. www.sonomafamilylife.com
“Do you people realize how fabulous this is?” I wanted to bellow into the crowd. “James isn’t like these other
Autism isn’t a tragedy. It’s a difference from the norm that’s sometimes neutral or positive, sometimes negative. kids! When he was little he didn’t even know what a ball was for!”
TS
Bruce thought so.
FLY ©P N
So, I thought we should share James’ diagnosis with his new football coach. Was this so different from sharing his evaluations and history with his new teacher every school year?
First he did a “dab,” stretching out both arms and nodding smugly toward an elbow. He followed that up with a grimacing, drawn-out Superman bodice-ripper. The rest of the team erupted into laughter. It was a great end to a tough game.
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Thank goodness I have some self-control. As good as it feels to be applauded, it feels even better to be part of a team, week after week, not the “special” kid everyone’s going out of their way to include. Using the A-word would have robbed James of a rare, pure victory. In my defense, most of my parenting mistakes come with the best of intentions. As often as I’ve wished that Bruce would back me up, I’ve been glad that he doesn’t. Parents don’t always need to put up a united front. Each can play an opposite—but equally important—position when the job gets tricky. ¶ Lynn Adams writes about quirks of child development. Her work has appeared online in Washington Post: On Parenting, Redbook.com, and Salon. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter, or subscribe at lynnadamsphd.com.
September 2018
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SonomaFamilyLife 11
You’re the Expert
Parenting a Child with Autism
By Kevin Howard
I
’ll never forget the first time I had the awful experience of having the wind knocked out of me. It happened during a junior high school football game back in 1975. I had just caught a pass and was on the verge of scoring my first touchdown when suddenly, out of nowhere, BOOM!—a burly defender hit me hard. Falling onto my back, I felt like my lungs were momentarily paralyzed as I struggled to breathe. I lay on the ground, staring into the vast blue sky, feeling helpless and afraid. When I finally caught my breath and was on my way back to the bench, I had the realization that I never saw my opponent coming. It wouldn’t be the last time I found myself blindsided by an unexpected jolt.
Almost 30 years later, my oldest child was about to turn 3 years old when the words of his doctor once again left me momentarily breathless: “Mr. Howard, your son has autism.” Like that 13-year-old on the football field, I felt helpless and afraid. A great sense of powerlessness came over me. After that day, what was once a very natural father-son relationship became awkward and uneasy. I was no longer parenting my child; I was parenting my child with autism. I had no idea what to do. Once again, I found myself staring into that vast blue sky. I began replaying every interaction I had had with my son and questioned 12 SonomaFamilyLife
every interaction moving forward. I wondered if I somehow contributed to his condition. Was his diagnosis somehow my fault? Had I done
No one has a better relationship with my son than I do; no one has spent more time with him than I have. something wrong? Could I have done something differently? What should I do now? What should I avoid doing now? How should I handle my son in the future? These
questions constantly raced through my mind. As a first-time father, I was already unsure of my parenting skills, and this new challenge exacerbated my uncertainties. I was now fearful to make parental decisions on my own. I became fully dependent on teachers, therapists, doctors, and other professionals to guide me. I felt as though my relationship with my child was frozen. But that was all about to change. About five months after my son’s diagnosis, I took him to see a highly regarded pediatric psychiatrist. After a five-minute examination, the doctor
September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
handed me four prescriptions for four different medications. Feeling a bit anxious about the speed at which the doctor had reached his conclusions, I felt the need to question his analysis. He explained that the behaviors he
Things did not become easier once I regained my confidence, but I definitely felt more in control. observed are very common and that the medications would help regulate those behaviors. Concerned about possible side effects, I asked the doctor if it was really necessary for my son to take so many pills. “You don’t have to give him any of them,” he said. “You can give him what you want. You’re the boss.” It was then that I experienced an epiphany. He was right. It was my choice; as the parent, I was in charge. My parental confidence began to return. I realized that the professionals were experts on autism, but I was the true expert on my son. No one has a better relationship with him than I do; no one has spent more time with him than I have. I began partnering with the experts rather than relying on them to take over my role. Things did not become easier once I regained my confidence, but I definitely felt more in control. My relationship with my son began to normalize. I wasn’t raising a child with autism anymore; I was just raising my son. Seeing him in this light helped me better understand his needs and make decisions that would support his success. As of www.sonomafamilylife.com
today, I have effectively managed my son through seven different schools, more than 18 therapists, and many diets—too many to mention. I am currently in the process of navigating his transition into high school. I am happy to report that this latest challenge is going quite well. During the first Parent Teacher Organization (PTO) meeting of the school year, each parent was asked to stand and introduce her or himself. The first parent shared the story of her and her daughter’s journey, from the initial diagnosis of autism to her transition into high school. The next parent did likewise. I listened to one story after another and soon realized that they each mirrored my own. I
I began partnering with the experts rather than relying on them to take over my role. now know that I am not alone. We all started off feeling the same way, as if we just had had the wind knocked out of us. We felt breathless, frightened, and helpless in our roles as parents. Just as I had had my epiphany, at some point all of these parents recognized that they were the real experts on their own children. Eventually, like me, they all reassumed their proper role of being in charge. And, they realize, as I do, that the journey is not over. We all stand strong as we continue to fiercely advocate for our kids. ¶ Kevin Howard, M.Ed., is the creator and co-author of The Kooky Adventures of My Friend Kookabuk and other children’s books about autism. Find out more at kookabuk.com.
September 2018
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what s/he can’t do. When you believe in your child, it makes it easier for him/her to believe, too. 2. Love unconditionally. Let your love for your child carry the day. Tune out the diagnosticians and labelers and simply notice and nourish the spirit of your child for who s/he is. Providing
Remind yourself and your child of the positive sides of the negative symptoms associated with ADD.
A Fresh Look at ADHD 5 Ways to Maintain a Positive Attitude By Edward M. Hallowell
I
have ADHD. My daughter and one of my sons have ADHD. I think that people with ADHD represent some of the most fascinating, fun, and fulfilling of all the people I meet. However, words such as structure, supervision, reminders, and persistence don’t even begin to describe the magnitude of the task people with ADHD have to tackle every day, especially kids.
Children need their parents to understand their difficulties and teach them to overcome those challenges. As parents, the best way to help your child is to start by changing your own thinking about ADHD.
invariably have a special something, a spark, a delightful quirk—which they sometimes try to hide, but which I usually can find. Then they relax, brighten up, and make me laugh and learn.
Steps for Parents to Change Your Perspective
Look for that special something and help your child feel good about who s/ he is. Identify his/her talents, strengths, interests, and dreams. Teach him/her to see and believe in what s/he can do, and avoid the tendency to focus on
1. Look for that special spark. In my daily practice, I see and treat kids with ADHD. Just being with them usually makes me smile. They 14 SonomaFamilyLife
this unshakable base of support will set the tone for all interactions to come. This is what builds self-esteem, confidence, and motivation, which in turn create joy and success in life. Several studies suggest that loving acceptance by parents is the most important thing teens with ADHD need in dealing with symptoms. Make sure that your child knows, every day, how much you love her. Showing your love and affection will buoy your child’s sense of hope and help the family weather criticism from outside sources. This is what these kids need more than anything else: love that never gives up. 3. Reframe challenges in terms of mirror traits. Remind yourself and your child of the positive sides of the negative symptoms associated with ADD (see box). By recognizing the mirror traits, you avoid the ravages of shame and fear. 4. Avoid toxic worry. Worry gets extremely toxic when you worry alone. Talk to someone. Join support groups. Tell trusted others about what you’re
September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
up against. Build a team. You cannot do it alone, nor should you try.
and enjoy the ridiculousness of the situation in the moment.
Worry is usually based on wrong information or lack of information. Get the facts. Make a plan. If you have a plan, you automatically feel more in control and less worried. It doesn’t matter if the plan fails, just make a new plan. Life is all about revising plans. Just always have a plan to deal
When our kids begin to laugh at themselves, and not take themselves quite so seriously, it allows them to learn humility without shame, and adds to their moral character and their enjoyment of life.
Tune out the diagnosticians and labelers and simply notice and nourish the spirit of your child for who s/he is.
As a parent, how you approach your child’s ADHD will set the tone for how your child manages it him or herself. When you show them compassion and understanding, you teach them to love themselves and see their strengths. That will help them find the motivation they need to take control of their ADHD, one strategy at a time. œ
with the problem. Stay out of the passive position. Toxic worry feasts on people in passive mode.
Adapted from Superparenting for ADD: An Innovative Approach to Raising Your Distracted Child, by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and Peter S. Jensen, M.D. (Ballantine, 2008).
5. Surround yourself with laughter. Laughter is the best medicine. Surround yourself with people who can laugh. It is important to be able to regain a perspective that allows you to see the humor in all of the messes and fixes these kids can get into. Why wait to look back on something and laugh at it—go ahead
Edward M. Hallowell, M.D., is a leading authority in the field of ADHD and a New York Times bestselling author of 20 books, including his latest, a memoir, Because I Come from a Crazy Family: The Making of a Psychiatrist. He is also the founder of the Hallowell Center San Francisco: 415-967-0061, info@ hallowellsfo.com, hallowellsfo.com. Also see drhallowell.com.
Negative Trait Positive Trait Associated with ADD Associated with ADD Hyperactive, restless . . . . . . . . Energetic Intrusive. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Eager Can’t stay on point . . . . . . . . . . Sees connections others don’t Forgetful. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gets totally into what s/he is doing Disorganized . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Spontaneous Stubborn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Persistent, won’t give up Inconsistent. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Shows flashes of brilliance Moody. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sensitive Impulsive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Creative www.sonomafamilylife.com
September 2018
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SonomaFamilyLife 15
much on them either. We spoke a lot about the advantages, and we spoke optimistically. That showed Maddie respect and allowed her the chance to be brave. Of course, you have to keep a child’s age and maturity in mind when talking to them, but I believe being upfront allowed us to tackle the tough situation together as a family.
Managing Medical Trauma From Helpless to Empowered
By Chad Morris
S
“
he has a brain tumor.” I hated those words. My sweet, never-hurt-anyone’s-feelings-on-purpose (except maybe her brothers’) daughter had a tumor in her head. That was why she tripped more than usual and her hand rested in strange positions. And if we didn’t go in for neurosurgery, her movement, her sight, and her mind would all decline.
Worst day of my life. But back up. My worst day? What about my daughter? She was the one with the tumor. How did she feel? How do you help a girl who just found out doctors would be messing around inside her head? Frankly, I didn’t know. In hindsight, my wife and I didn’t do everything right, 16 SonomaFamilyLife
but we did a few things that really helped. Here’s my advice: 1. Be up front but optimistic. Our doctor was respectful and honest about Maddie’s situation, and we followed his lead. When we talked to Maddie, we didn’t dance around the possible dangers of the tumor and the surgery, but we didn’t focus too
2. Gratitude can go a long way. Despite all the nervousness, we tried to list what we could be grateful for: good doctors, including one of the best neurosurgeons in the world; nice nurses; fantastic medical equipment; a lot of people loving, supporting, and praying for
We couldn’t just wish the tumor away. But we could put Maddie in charge of some decisions. Maddie; decent French fries in the hospital cafeteria; all the slushies Maddie wanted. The list went on. It may sound formulaic or even cheesy, but it helped. We had a lot going for us. And we realized that if we lived in a different time, the tumor would have gradually taken Maddie. We became grateful for even having a good chance to beat it. 3. Ask how they feel. My daughter wasn’t terrified in all the same ways I was. And if I just assumed we were experiencing the same thoughts and feelings, I don’t think I would have been as helpful. For example, one of her worries was that she wouldn’t recover in time to really enjoy Christmas. That wasn’t even on my radar. Giving her a
September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
chance to talk helped me know what she was worried about. 4. Give them some control. One of the worst parts about a lot of stressful situations is that so much of what is happening may be out of your control. A child can’t keep their parents from divorcing. A second grader can’t control a bully. We couldn’t just wish the tumor away. But we could put Maddie in charge of some decisions. She decided to keep going to school the weeks before surgery so that life felt normal, but she wanted a few weekend trips to help keep her distracted. She decided to let others know about her tumor so that they could support and pray for her, but she wanted us to tell them. And we asked her what else we could do to
help. Sometimes she just wanted a hug or for my wife to lay on her bed with her while she fell asleep. Sometimes
Despite all the nervousness, we tried to list what we could be grateful for. she didn’t know what to say, so my wife and I would give suggestions and she would pick one. 5. Laugh. A good laugh can make anything a little better. Allow yourself a break, and try your best not to feel guilty about it. To this day, we have great memories of jokes, treats, and enjoyable conversations we had during the worst time of our lives.
6. Let others help. I realize we don’t want to tell everyone about every stressful experience we have, but if it’s appropriate, telling others we know and trust allows them to help. And the more stressful the situation, the more help we need. Maddie was okay with us letting others know; and they came through in a big way: gifts, tending Maddie’s brothers, visits, restaurant food delivered to the hospital, and hundreds of supportive messages to our girl. And there was a lot more. Accepting the help was difficult at first, but the overwhelming amount of support made all the difference. ¶ Chad Morris is a teacher, curriculum writer, and author of Mustaches for Maddie (Shadow Mountain, 2017).
Celebration Laguna Wastewater Treatment Plant
SATURDAY, September 22, 2018 | 10 A.M. - 2 P.M. SRCITY.ORG/TOURTHEPLANT www.sonomafamilylife.com
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SonomaFamilyLife 17
My Teacher Hates Me!
Most schools welcome parents to observe a child’s classroom in action, particularly when a concern arises. But beware: a short classroom observation doesn’t present a true picture of an entire instructional day,
Sometimes, there’s more to the “mean teacher” situation than meets the eye. and a parent’s presence can alter a child’s behavior. If complaints about a teacher persist, document your concerns and set up a conference with the teacher. Brainstorm a plan for addressing the problem areas, along with a plan for daily or weekly communication to monitor the situation, advises Addis.
Solving School Struggles By Malia Jacobson
GRADE-SCHOOL YEARS 6–12
W
hen a child dislikes a teacher—or feels disliked by one—school becomes a daily struggle. Just ask Constance Zimmer. Her stepson Harrison, now a happy fourth grader, got off on the wrong foot with his first-grade teacher. “He felt picked on and singled out,” she recalls. “He began to act out in class and refused to participate in projects and assignments.” Fortunately, teacher-student traumas are often highly fixable. Read on for ways to smooth the bumps for a better school year. PRESCHOOL YEARS 3–5
Slow and Steady When a preschooler appears to dislike a teacher, longtime early childhood educator and co-author of Monday Morning Leadership for Kids Evelyn Addis warns parents 18 SonomaFamilyLife
against jumping the gun and hastily switching classes or schools. When a child first begins preschool, he or she may be responding negatively to the overwhelming experience of school rather than a specific teacher. “Allow a period of adjustment for your child in any new classroom setting,” says Addis. “It takes time for classes to come together as a group.”
Detective Duty When a grade-schooler complains about a super strict teacher, don’t impulsively jump to calling the principal or filing a complaint, says child and adolescent psychologist Kristen Wynns. Instead, go into detective mode: Gather information about the conflict in a log. After a few weeks of documenting the problem, request a meeting with the teacher to talk about solutions before you consider alternative options like changing teachers. Sometimes, there’s more to the “mean teacher” situation than meets the eye. Constance Zimmer’s stepson Harrison felt that his teacher was targeting him, but it turned out that he had undiagnosed attention deficit disorder. “Once the problem was
September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
treated, he made progress in leaps and bounds, and realized that it wasn’t a matter of the teacher not liking him, but his own perceptions about his lack of progress in school,” Zimmer says. TEEN YEARS 13–18 Obstacle Course Most teens will run into a teacher conflict at some point, says Wynns. “Any parent knows if you go to school long enough, it’s inevitable you’ll have that ‘really mean’ or demanding
When a grade-schooler complains about a super strict teacher, don’t impulsively jump to calling the principal or filing a complaint. teacher.” While those experiences aren’t always fun, they can teach teens valuable lessons about dealing with difficult people, she notes. After ensuring that the class in question isn’t too easy or too advanced for the teen’s academic abilities, Wynns advises parents to avoid automatically “rescuing” teens who find themselves in a tough spot with a teacher. When parents encourage teens to continue in the class instead of granting them the easy way out (like dropping the course), it conveys a strong message about the parent’s confidence in the teen, says Wynns. Teens who see that a parent believes they can handle a tricky situation will often rise to the occasion. ¶ Malia Jacobson’s most recent book is Sleep Tight, Every Night: Helping Toddlers & Preschoolers Sleep Well Without Tears, Tricks, or Tirades.
www.sonomafamilylife.com
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Don’t Tread on Me
shares with families everywhere my body-language tips to ward off bullies.
1
Keep an open posture. Encourage your kids to stand up straight with their heads and chins up and shoulders back. Great posture will not only make them look taller, it will instantly boost their confidence.
2
Look them in the eyes. When a student is talking to another child, he or she should always make eye contact. Nothing gives away fear more than not looking at the person one is speaking to. Looking someone
5 Body-Language Tips to Ward Off Bullies By Yana German
G
oing back to school should be an exciting time in children’s lives. They get to see their friends after the summer break and make new ones. However, a lot of students are faced with severe anxiety and stress when a new school year comes around. Whether it’s facing the school bully, not having the confidence to raise their hands and participate in class, or even just trying to make friends, students’ body language can become a tool for turning the social and scholastic experience of school into a positive one.
I became a body-language expert as the result of my own childhood experiences. Due to anti-Semitism in my native Belarus, my family relocated to the United States during my teenage years. Unfortunately, I became an easy target for bullies at school. My parents couldn’t afford much, so most of my clothing came 20 SonomaFamilyLife
from refugee charities. Kids would make fun of me because I wasn’t dressed well and would throw food at me during lunch. The bullying got to the point where I had to drop out of school for a year in order to get my confidence back and continue my education. Today, I am a mother of two daughters who
Encourage your kids to stand up straight with their heads and chins up and shoulders back. in the eye and maintaining that contact for as long as possible is a great non-verbal way of expressing confidence.
3
Flash those pearly whites. Shy and vulnerable kids are usually easy targets for bullies. That’s why it’s really important to smile. Smiling serves as a barrier toward any negativity; bullies rarely target children who seem to be happy and calm. When a student scarcely ever smiles, it can be a warning sign of low self-esteem.
4
Take up more space. When we are feeling self-conscious, we naturally tend
September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
to become smaller. We want to shrink away into the room so that nobody notices us. This means we may hunch over, hide in a corner, and cross our arms and legs until we almost disappear. The best way
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5
Relax arms and open up shoulders. When children or teens cross their arms, it sends out a defensive signal that they want to be left alone. It’s better to keep the torso open. They can put their hands in their pockets if they feel awkward holding their arms by their sides. Facing other children heart to heart with their arms at their sides shows others that they’d like to make new friends. ¶
Yana German is the founder of School of Walk and has been studying various forms of body movement for more than 20 years. She has been featured in the New York Post, Teen Vogue, and Brides Magazine. Her clients range from stand-up comedians and actresses to stay-at-home moms and bullied children. Find her at yanagerman.com.
SIN’ AR R O O H U T S
ND
to help kids feel more confident is to teach them to physically take up more space than usual. If they are standing, they can take a wider stance than usual, and put their arms on their hips. If they are sitting with a desk in front of them, they can use their arms on the desk to take up space. This will make them feel more powerful.
JU
Nothing gives away fear more than not looking at the person one is speaking to.
FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!
SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 15 SHONE FARMS 7450 STEVE OLSEN LN. FORESTVILLE NOON–3 P.M.
Petting Zoo • Carriage Rides Face Painting • Pony Rides Equine Demonstrations • Pasta Feed $6-$17 per person 707-583-6711 • Tickets available at www.eventbrite.com Sponsored by McDonald Ranch as a fundraiser Serving foster and underserved youth
www.sonomafamilylife.com
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SonomaFamilyLife 21
Consistency Everyone has a different parenting style. Some may tend to be more laid-back while others might prefer to dole out more discipline. Find a way to meet in the middle and share a basic set of rules. Kids get confused (and tired and cranky!) if they are allowed to stay up until midnight at one home when bedtime is 9 at the other.
Post-Divorce Parenting How to Raise Children with Your Ex
By Kerrie McLoughlin
C
hris Schauer, father of one, says, “I may not like my ex sometimes, but we are responsible for raising the best person possible.” How do you make the best of co-parenting after divorce? Check out these five best practices to help raise emotionally healthy children.
Communication Deal directly with your ex via phone, text, or e-mail, and don’t use the kids as go-betweens. Consider an online sync-able calendar like Google Calendar so both of you can be apprised of birthday parties, sports events, sleepovers, health-care appointments, and even school project deadlines. Celebrations Shawne Pennington, mom of two sons, shares an idea 22 SonomaFamilyLife
that has worked for her family: There are no special arrangements made for kids’ birthdays. The usual schedule dictates which parent celebrates with the child. “The other parent celebrates either the week before or the week after. Major holidays we alternate so whoever has the actual holiday, the other has the kids the night before,” Pennington says.
Consideration Allow your kids to build a relationship with the other parent. Pennington says, “Every night whoever doesn’t have the boys calls around 9 p.m. to see how their day was and tell them goodnight.” Make sure you stick to rules to which you’ve
Aim for a professional, business-like relationship. both agreed. Don’t try to be the cool parent who lets the kids get away with bad behavior. And don’t tolerate your child disrespecting or saying negative things about the other parent. Kindness Put your differences aside and work together with the goal of raising healthy, well-adjusted kids who see marriage in a positive light. Aim for a professional, business-like relationship. Christina Thero, mom of two boys, says, “I’d rather sit next to my ex and cheer my boys on in their sports [events] than have more money and an inability to be in the same room together. When my boys ask why we got divorced, I tell them that it’s my and Daddy’s story, and when they are adults and have a better understanding about how relationships work, we can sit down and talk about it over coffee.” ¶ Kerrie McLoughlin is the seasoned mom of five. Check her out at TheKerrieShow.com.
September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
Mendocino County Fair & Apple Show September 14-16, 2018
9 am to Midnight Daily • Boonville Fairgrounds
SHEEPDOG TRIALS • CIDER & APPLE TASTINGS WOOL & FIBER FESTIVAL & SHOW
STEREO CHICKENS LIVE
SATURDAY 15 AT 12:30, 3:30 & 6 PM
www.mendocountyfair.com www.sonomafamilylife.com
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September Calendar of Events
Wings & Wine
W
hen planes fly overhead, do your kids stare up in wonder? Their eyes will surely go wide at the Wings Over Wine Country Air Show when the United States Air Force Academy Wings of Blue Skydiving Team and world-class civilian aerobatic performers take to the sky. The kids can also see fly-bys of World War II aircraft and walk through a United States Air Force C-17 transport—and grown ups can sip vino at a wine garden. The event takes place September 22–23 at the Charles M. Schulz–Sonoma County Airport in Santa Rosa. Tickets are $8–$20; active duty military personnel (with ID) and children 10 and younger get in free; parking is $10. Buy tickets via wingsoverwinecountry.org. Note: No liquids will be allowed into the event. ¶
Saturday 1 FREE Lawyers in the Library. Legal information & referrals. Consultations last up to 20 minutes. No appointment necessary. Sign-ups are first come, first served & begin 30 minutes before program starts. 1–3 p.m. Sonoma County Public Law Library. 2604 Ventura Ave., Santa Rosa. 565-2668. FREE Concerts at Montgomery Village. Rockin’ Concerts: Saturdays,
noon–3 p.m. Terrace Concerts: Sundays, 1–4 p.m. Concerts Under the Stars: Sept. 6 & Sept. 20, 5:30–8 p.m.
See website for performance schedule. Montgomery Village Shopping Center. 911 Village Ct., Santa Rosa. 545-3844. mvshops.com. FREE Lavender Labyrinth & Flower Farm. Tour flower fields, walk the
labyrinth, visit the ducks & learn about organic farming. Honey, duck eggs, organic flowers & produce for purchase. Thru Sept 3. 11 a.m.–4 p.m. Bees & Blooms. 3883 Petaluma Hill Rd., Santa Rosa. 293-8293. beesnblooms.com.
FREE Sonoma Academy Open House. Meet teachers & talk with
students & staff. 6–8 p.m. Sonoma Academy. 2500 Farmers Ln., Santa Rosa. 545-1770. sonomaacademy.org. FREE College & Career-Ready Fair.
High school juniors & seniors can meet 70+ JC, CSU, UC, private college & vocational career representatives. 6–8 p.m. Windsor High School. 8695 Windsor Rd., Windsor. 837-7767, ext. 2137. facebook.com/scoesonoma. FREE Maker Studio: Pixar in a Box.
Fall activities are here! Plan your Fall & Winter adventures now! Sign up today! Register for classes at SantaRosaRec.com 707-543-3737
24 SonomaFamilyLife
Wednesday 5
Learn from the experts & create an animated flip book. Tweens in grades 4–7. Sept. 5: 6:30 p.m., Roseland Library. Sept. 18: 4 p.m., Petaluma Library. Sept. 21: 4 p.m., Healdsburg Library. More dates in Oct. Registration required: sonomacounty.libcal.com.
Thursday 6 FREE Family Yoga. Class combines animated yoga poses, games, storytelling & relaxation. Ages 3–6 with caregivers. Infant siblings also invited. 10:30–11:30 a.m. Healdsburg Regional Library. 139 Piper St.,
September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
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Birthday Parties Baseball Teams Soccer Teams Fundraisers
WE DELIVER TOO!
Santa Rosa
2280 Santa Rosa Ave 707-544-2828
Rohnert Park
1451 Southwest Blvd 707-795-4433
Rohnert Park
6314 Commerce Blvd 707-303-7474
Petaluma
919 Lakeville St 707-769-8989
Healdsburg 1051 Vine St 707-433-2911
Windsor
Santa Rosa
6580 Hembree Ln #258 707-836-1700
4501 Montgomery Dr. 707-890-5033
Rising Together: A celebration of recovery in Sonoma County
the wall of heroes aerobatic performances static display aircraft climb-aboard aircraft great food & drink fun for the whole family WINGSOVERWINECOUNTRY.ORG www.sonomafamilylife.com
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Healdsburg. Registration required: sonomacounty.libcal.com.
Friday 7 Broadway Under the Stars: Gala Celebration. Fresh takes on
Broadway tunes & popular songs. Pre-show picnicking, food trucks & wine. $45–$139. Thru Sept. 9. Pre-show: 5 p.m. Show: 7:30 p.m. Thru Sept. 9. Jack London State Historic Park. 2400 London Ranch Rd., Glen Ellen. transcendencetheatre.org. BZOOG & Collie Buddz. All-ages show. $43–$85. Ages 5 & under: free when accompanied by a paying adult. 6–11 p.m. SOMO Village Event. 1100 Valley House Dr., Rohnert Park. somovillage.com. Rebel Music Series Vol. 3.
FREE Movies in the Park. Sept.
7: Coco. Sept. 14: A Wrinkle in Time.
Sept 21: The Incredibles. Bring picnic & blanket. Food vendors. 7:30 p.m. Howarth Park. 630 Summerfield Rd., Santa Rosa. parks.sonomacounty. ca.gov. Black Panther. Free screening on Weill Lawn. Parking: $5. 7 p.m. Sonoma State University. Green Music Center. 1801 East Cotati Ave., Rohnert Park. 866-955-6040. gmc. sonoma.edu. Forestville Youth Park Outhouse Classic Golf Tournament. Dinner,
live & silent auctions at Charlie’s Grill. $150. Dinner only: $50. Registration: 11:30 a.m. Start: 1 p.m. Dinner: 6 p.m. Windsor Golf Course. 1340 19th Hole Dr., Windsor. 293-0700. forestvilleyouthpark.org. FREE Cloverdale Car & Motorcycle Show. Food, vendors, live music.
Cloverdale Plaza. 122 N. Cloverdale Blvd., Cloverdale. Sept. 7: Downtown Cruise at 7 p.m. followed by live music & dancing in the plaza at 7:30 p.m. Sept. 8: 10 a.m.–3 p.m. Award ceremony: 3:30 p.m. cloverdalecarshow.com.
Saturday 8 FREE Peace & Justice Center Concert in the Hub. Featuring
Midnight Sun, Funknroll, Dream Farmers, Hubbub Club & others. 12:30–6 p.m. LaPlaza Park. Old Redwood Hwy., Cotati. 575-8902. FREE Santa Rosa’s 150th Birthday.
Live music, children’s activities, car & fashion shows, food, beer/wine. 3–10 p.m. Outdoor showing of Shadow of Doubt: 8 p.m. Courthouse Square. Santa Rosa. santarosacity150.com.
YMCA JUNIOR WARRIORS BASKETBALL LEAGUE
A positive youth basketball league for children ages 6-15. Emphasizing the fun of the sport, while keeping competition in perspective. Practice 1 hour a week with games on Saturdays.
TRACK & FIELD
This Y program combines technical development and fundamental techniques with safety and fun in mind for kids ages 7-12.
Registration begins September 11th! Call the Y Program Office for more Information at 707-544-1829 or visit www.scfymca.org to register online The Y is a not-for-profit Community Based Organization. Financial Assistance is available.
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September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
The Ultimate Party. Featuring
best of the ’80s. Tributes to Neil Diamond, Tom Petty & Michael Jackson. All-ages show. $28–$71. Ages 5 & under: free when accompanied by a paying adult. 4–9 p.m. SOMO Event Center. 1100 Valley House Dr., Rohnert Park. somoconcerts.com. FREE Art in the Park. Art show featuring paintings, photography, jewelry & textiles. Thru Sept. 9. 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Walnut Park. Petaluma Blvd. & D Street. Petaluma. visitpetaluma.com. Annual West Coast Diesels & Tractor Pull. $20. Parking: $9. Sonoma County
Fairgrounds. 1350 Bennett Valley Rd., Santa Rosa. Truck Show & Shine: 2–6 p.m. Tractor Pull: 6–10 p.m. sonomacountyfair.com.
Sunday 9
Tuesday 11
Grandparents Day. Grandparents
National Heirloom Exposition.
get in free when visiting with grandchild. (Regular admission prices: $5–$12. Ages 3 & under: free.) 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Charles M. Schulz Museum. 2301 Hardies Ln., Santa Rosa. 579-4452. schulzmuseum.org.
Vendors, workshops, speakers, contests, art show, music & kids’ activities. Benefits school garden & food programs. $15–$30. Ages 17 & under: free. 9 a.m.–9 p.m. Sonoma County Fairgrounds. 1350 Bennett Valley Rd., Santa Rosa. sonomacountyfair.com.
Monday 10
Wednesday 12
FREE High Holidays Children’s Program. Interactive, family-friendly.
FREE Frida Kahlo Paint Party.
Games & toys, activities, songs & lunch. Rosh Hashanah: Sept. 10–11, 10:30 a.m. Yom Kippur: Sept. 18, 7 p.m. & Sept. 19, 10:30 a.m. Chabad Jewish Center. 205 Keller St., #101, Petaluma. 559-8585. jewishpetaluma.com.
Guided instruction on how to create a portrait of Frida Kahlo. Bilingual class for all ages. Materials provided. 4–5 p.m. Petaluma Regional Library. 100 Fairgrounds Dr., Petaluma. sonomalibrary.org. FREE Pop-Adventure Play.
Interactive play using huge cardboard
26TH ANNIVERSARY
KELSEYVILLE PEAR FESTIVAL SATURDAY
SEPTEMBER 29TH PANCAKE BREAKFAST KID’S TOWN TOWN PARADE MUSICAL EVENTS HORSE FAIRE CRAFT MARKET ANTIQUE TRACTORS WINE TENT PEAR FOOD & DRINKS
FREE FAMILY EVENT!
www.pearfestival.com www.sonomafamilylife.com
September 2018
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boxes, fabric & lots of imagination. All ages & stages welcome. Materials provided. 3–5 p.m. Windsor Regional Library. 9291 Old Redwood Hwy., Windsor. Other dates in Oct. & Nov. See sonomacounty.libcal.com for branches/times.
Apple tasting, wine & hard cider tasting. $6–$10. Ages 6 & under: free. (Ages 12 & under free on Sept. 14). Extra fee for tastings. Thru. Sept. 16. Mendocino County Fairgrounds. 14400 Hwy. 128, Boonville. mendocountyfair.com.
Friday 14
Saturday 15
FREE Parenting Through Recovery from the North Bay Fires. Support,
strength, resources & empathy. Learn research-based methods for fostering resilience in children. No registration needed. 9–10:30 a.m. (Also Sept. 28). Child Parent Institute. 3650 Standish Ave., Santa Rosa. 585-6108. facebook. com/calparents. Mendocino County Fair & Apple Show. CCPRA rodeo, classic car
show, sheep dog trials, entertainment, carnival, country music, dancing.
North Bay BBQ Challenge. BBQ, live music, car show, raffles & more. Benefits Sonoma County homeless & foster children. Admission: free. Tasting tickets: $3–$20. 1–5 p.m. Rohnert Park Community Center. 5401 Snyder Ln., Rohnert Park. loveinashoebox.com. Just Horsin’ Around. Petting zoo,
carriage & pony rides, equine demos, pasta feed, raffles & more. Sponsored by McDonald Ranch as a fundraiser
Free Consultation!
Free New Year, Consultation! Fresh Start!
serving foster & underserved youth. $6–$17. Noon–3 p.m. Shone Farm. 7450 Steve Olson Ln., Forestville. 583-6711. shonefarm.santarosa.edu. Family Hikes. Family-friendly hikes to learn about local plants & animals. 1-mile round trip walk. Hike: free. Parking: $7 or free for Regional Parks members. Two hikes: 1 p.m. & 3 p.m. Spring Lake Regional Park. 393 Violetti Rd., Santa Rosa. 539-2865. parks.sonomacounty.ca.gov. Old Grove Festival. Americana & bluegrass concert in a natural amphitheater. Featuring the Kathy Kallick Band & New Monsoon. $28–$80. 1 child free with each paying adult. Additional children: $8–$10. Food/refreshment for purchase. 4:30–9 p.m. Armstrong Redwoods State Natural Reserve. 17000
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Please, no outside food & beverages. For more info: suepiland@comcast.net • www.loveinashoebox.com
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28 SonomaFamilyLife
September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
Armstrong Woods Rd., Guerneville. oldgrovefestival.org.
Moore Ln., Healdsburg. 395-7300. breathlesswines.com.
FREE Cheers to 30 Years. Oliver’s
Sunday 16
Saturday 22
Market celebrates anniversary. Local bands, vendor sampling, raffles, kids’ activity area. Tasting of local wines & beers to benefit Humane Society of Sonoma County. Noon–5 p.m. Old Redwood Hwy., Cotati. facebook.com/ events/1321742714628093.
Authentic Latin food, music, games & activities. 1–7 p.m. Luther Burbank Center. 50 Mark West Springs Rd., Santa Rosa. 546-3600. lutherburbankcenter.org.
Piano Festival. Family-friendly
Clo Cow Half Marathon. Half-
fundraising event. $10. Kids’ Kompetition: 3 p.m. Grown-Up Competition: 5 p.m. The Block Petaluma & Trolley-Railway Museum. 20 Grey St., Petaluma. eventbrite.com. Cirque Du Breathless. 1920s-style
celebration. Breathless sparkling wines, cirque acts & music, paella & carnival eats. 1920s costumes encouraged. $45. 3–6 p.m. Breathless Wines. 499
Center. 1350 Bennett Valley Rd., Santa Rosa. thebigbounceamerica.com.
FREE Fiesta de Independencia.
marathon, 10K & 5K thru rural Petaluma. $40–$90. 7 a.m. Kentucky St., between B St. & Western Ave. Petaluma. clocowhalf.com.
Friday 21 The Big Bounce America. Play in
the world’s biggest bounce house. All ages. $17–$21. Parking: $9–$10. Sept 21: 1:30–7 p.m. Sept. 22 & Sept. 23: 8 a.m.–7:30 p.m. Sonoma County Event
KUNG FU BUILDS STRONG
BODIES & MINDS
FREE 50th Anniversary Celebration of Laguna Wastewater Treatment Plant. Hayride tractor & walking
tours, activities for kids of all ages & BBQ lunch. Pre-registration for tours encouraged but not required. 10 a.m.–2 p.m. Laguna Wastewater Treatment Plant. 4300 Llano Rd., Santa Rosa. 543-4200. eventbrite.com. Stand Up for Bergin. 4-mile race
& 2-mile recreation paddle for all ages (3+). Benefits Bergin University of Canine Studies. Registration: $40–$60. Veterans & first responders: free. 9 a.m.–1 p.m. Petaluma Stand Up Paddle. 781 Baywood Dr., Petaluma. 203-247-4579. berginu.edu.
FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!
Learn Real Life Skills
• Fun Exercise • Builds Confidence • Athletic Skills • Strength & Flexibility • Improves Focus • Instills Respect • Self Control • Positive Attitude
BACK-TO-SCHOOL CLASSES FOR KIDS 707-338-2233 • www.Wu-Academy.com 1880 Mendocino Ave, Santa Rosa www.sonomafamilylife.com
Pronzini Pumpkin Patch Corn-Kernel Pit with Slide • Hay Rides Bouncy Houses • Tee-pees • Face painting Indian Village • Haunted Trail Walk!
OPENS SEPTEMBER 22 Cowgirl Cafe & BBQ Call for Hours & Birthday Parties!
Open Weekends on the Lake
3795 Adobe Road • Petaluma 707-778-3871 • www.pronzinitrees.com/pumpkin _patch.htm
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Wings Over Wine Country Air Show.
Aerial demos & performances. Vintage aircraft. $8–$20. Kids 10 & under & active duty military with ID: free. Parking: $10. Thru Sept. 23. 9 a.m.–4 p.m. Charles M. Schulz–Sonoma County Airport. 2200 Airport Blvd., Santa Rosa. wingsoverwinecountry.org. Santa Rosa Toy & Comic Con.
Vintage & collectible toys & comics. Lego-building contest & exhibition, cosplay competition. $18–$60. Kids under 5: free. Parking: $9–$10. 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Sonoma County Fairgrounds. 1350 Bennett Valley Rd., Santa Rosa. santarosatoycon.com.
Sunday 23 FREE Strength & Spirit: Celebrating Our Community. All are welcome
to this community-wide event
honoring the first year anniversary of the fires. Food, wine tasting, music, crafts & more. Presented by Jewish Family & Children’s Services. 2–5 p.m. Congregation Shomrei Torah. 2600 Bennett Valley Rd., Santa Rosa. 303-1500. eventbrite.com. Accessible Tours Day at the Museum. For deaf, hard of hearing
& low-vision visitors. $5–$12. Kids 3 & under: free. 10:30 a.m., 11:30 a.m. & 12:30 p.m. Charles M. Schulz Museum. 2301 Hardies Ln., Santa Rosa. Reserve your time: 284-1263. Tudor Rose Etiquette Tea Party.
Join Mary Poppins for tea & finger sandwiches, scones & tea-etiquette instruction. $50. Reservations required. Noon–2 p.m. Tudor Rose English Tea Room. 733 4th St., Santa Rosa. 535-2045. tudorrosetearoom.com. FREE Community Emergency Preparedness Fair. Hands-on
demos, CPR, survival preparedness equipment. Police & fire departments, FEMA, Red Cross, USCG & CHP will be on hand. 11 a.m.–3 p.m. Walnut Park. Petaluma Blvd. & D St., Petaluma. facebook.com.
SEMESTER RIDING LESSON PACKAGES • Weekly lessons • 4 riders per group • Make new friends • Handling & caring for horses • Foundations of riding • Proper grooming • Horse safety
Tues, Thurs, Sat or Sun. 100 Lynch Road • Petaluma • 799-5054 www.stridesridingacademy.com stridesridingacademy@gmail.com
30 SonomaFamilyLife
FREE Swap Meet of Fun. 45+ tables with items for sale & trade: radio control cars, planes, drones & boats; games; model railroads; toys & more. 10 a.m.–2 p.m. Fundemonium. 579
Hair & Skin Care for the Entire Family!
Champagne Hair Lounge
7981 Old Redwood Hwy. • Cotati
Rohnert Park Expy. W., Rohnert Park. 800-4060. fundemoniumtoys.com. Family Farm Chores. Help feed
our goats, chickens & Pete, the mini-horse. Collect eggs, clean pens & participate in caring for farm animals. All ages. Event: free. Parking: $7. 8:30–10 a.m. Tolay Lake Regional Park. 5869 Cannon Ln., Petaluma. Registration required: 789-9699. parks. sonomacounty.ca.gov.
Thursday 27 Just Between Friends Kids’ & Maternity Consignment Sales Event. Free parking. Admission:
$2–$4. Free admission Sept. 29 & 30. Sept. 27 & 28: 9 a.m.–7:30 p.m. Sept. 29: 9 a.m.– 3 p.m. Sept. 30: 9 a.m.–2 p.m. (1/2 price day). Sonoma County Fairgrounds. 1350 Bennett Valley Rd., Santa Rosa. northbay.jbfsale.com/ homeview.jsp.
Saturday 29 FREE Kelseyville Pear Festival.
Craft booths, horse fair, antique tractor display, dancers, live music & pear goodies. Parade: 9:30 a.m. Activities run until 4 p.m. Downtown Kelseyville. pearfestival.com. FREE Free Day & Fire Relief Auction. Local artists painted
& decorated a variety of real doghouses that are being sold via a
Special
Cut & Color $75 Special for 1st time clients.
Call for an appointment 707 665-5826 7 days a week
September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
Crafting with Kids
silent auction, to benefit fire victims. 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Free admission all day. Charles M. Schulz Museum. 2301 Hardies Ln., Santa Rosa. schulzmuseum.org. FREE Sonoma Strong Healing Fair. Free massages, acupuncture,
chiropractic adjustments, energy healing & more. 45+ practitioners/ doctors. 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Veterans’ Memorial Bldg. 1351 Maple Ave., Santa Rosa. holisticchamberof commerce.com. Petaluma Oyster Fest. BBQ
oysters, pasta, beer, wine & live music. Proceeds benefit Rotary community projects & fire relief fund. $64.29. Noon–4 p.m. Bodega Bay Oyster Company. 12830 Valley Ford Rd., Petaluma. eventbrite.com. FREE Get Your Glow on Parade.
Bands, horses & vintage cars—all types of floats welcome. Cash prizes. 8–10 p.m. Sonoma Plaza. 453 1st St. E., Sonoma. facebook.com/ vintagefestival. Vintage Festival Grape Stomp Competition. Take part in a
tradition that goes back to the early days of wine-making. $30–$40. 11 a.m.–2 p.m. Sonoma Plaza. 453 1st St. E., Sonoma. facebook.com/ vintagefestival. Ukulele Class for Fire Relief Fundraising. Suggested cash donation:
$10–$40. 2:30–3:30 p.m. Cheryl Teach Music. 4910 Sonoma Hwy. Ste. C, Santa Rosa. Reserve a space: 326-8797. cherylteachmusic.com.
Sunday 30 FREE Annual Antique Faire. Show attracts more than 8,000 collectors. 8 a.m.–4 p.m. Downtown Petaluma. petalumadowntown.com.
www.sonomafamilylife.com
Leaf It to the Kids! Make Easy Fall Home Decorations
By Christina Katz
R
eady to get into the autumn spirit but can’t afford a shopping spree on Etsy? Have no fear. Beautiful autumn décor is within reach with supplies from your own backyard. Send the kids out to gather dozens of freshly fallen autumn leaves while you pull out the craft supplies. In a couple of days, your leaves will be prepped to retain their color and shape, and you will be amazed with all the ways you can use them to transform your home for fall.
Leaf-Pressing Prep Do this step first! One or two days before you begin your project gather leaves—more than you think you’ll need. Snip stems and spread leaves in thin layers between two sheets of plain white paper. Keep building up your pile, layering leaves and paper, until all leaves are sandwiched between sheets of paper. Use a stack of several heavy books to press the pile of leaves. To press as flat as possible, let your leaf stack sit for 24–48 September 2018
hours, but not longer than two days. After they have been pressed, leaves are ready for crafting. Leaf Lanterns You need: Mason jars (or any old jars) with lids, Mod Podge Glossy, variety of pressed fall leaves (see above), foam paint brushes, glitter (optional), and battery-operated tea lights Cover one side of a clean, dry jar with Mod Podge and apply one leaf at a time, slightly overlaying each leaf and coating each with a thin layer of glue as you go. Once the sides of the jar are covered, lightly sprinkle glitter in a complementary color, such as gold or copper, on the sides of the jar. Let lanterns dry upside down, then attach jar rim (without can seal) and insert tea light. These look great on a mantel or hutch; kids may like to have them in their bedrooms. Author and journalist Christina Katz adores autumn so much she would do just about anything to make it last longer. And now she can.
SonomaFamilyLife 31
Cooking with Kids
Start the Day with Plenty of Protein
After-School
W
Breakfast On-the-Go
Dentist
MARK WEST STABLES
W
JENISE BRIGGS, DDS PEDIATRIC DENTISTRY 1310 Medical Ctr. Dr., Rohnert Park 584-3718
By Momma Chef his is a great recipe to whip up on a Sunday night in preparation for weekday morning breakfasts-on-the run. You can use any variation of eggs, cheese, veggies, and meat that your kids like. My boys are partial to broccoli and cheddar cheese. Muffins keep for several days in the refrigerator. Just heat in the microwave for 25 seconds, and they’re ready to eat.
Breakfast Egg Muffins in Wonton Wrappers Ingredients • 6 eggs slightly beaten • ½ tsp. salt • ½–¾ cup chopped veggies • 24 wonton wrappers • ¼ cup shredded cheese (preferably sharp cheddar)
n u FBlast! Weekend
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@
Directions 1. Preheat oven to 400ºF. 2. Whisk eggs and salt in a bowl. Add veggies. 3. Spray a muffin tin with cooking spray. Press a wonton wrapper into each opening to form a cup. Then diagonally press a second wonton into each cup so all sides are covered.
SonomaFamilyLife.com
T
sonoma
4. Fill cups with egg-and-veggie mixture. 5. Sprinkle cheese on top. 6. Bake in preheated oven until eggs are set and lightly browned on top, 12–15 minutes.
LOCAL
Serves: 12 muffins Karen Nochimowski is a mother of three active boys (ages 12, 8, and 5). Her recipes, available on MommaChef.com, use no more than six ingredients and six minutes of prep time.
32 SonomaFamilyLife
#1 local for 25 years resource for local families magazine • web • email • events
RIDE WITH US! AFTER SCHOOL LESSONS FUN, AFFORDABLE AND EASY TO RESERVE.
707-538-2000
MARKWESTSTABLES.COM
Parties
Specializing in balloon & floral decor. “Life should not only be lived, it should be celebrated.” ~Osho
Cheri Winter 707-387-4138 www.cheriscreativecelebrations.com
Check out our online directories at SonomaFamilyLife.com
September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
Classified Marketplace Services
Childcare/Preschools
Childcare/Preschools
Program of First United Methodist Church
SEE YOUR CHILD ON STAGE!
Year-round • Play based Ages 2 - 5 (Pre-Kindergarten) Excellent Teacher-Child ratios Open 7am-6pm
We can help!
Fall 2018
YMCA PRESCHOOL
YMCA PRESCHOO
GROW.LEARN.THRIVE YMCA PRESCHOOL
GROW.LEARN.THRIVE SANTA ROSA GROW.LEARN.THRIVE 2590 PINER SANTA RD. ROSA
Diane: 546-7012
preschool@fumcsantarosa.org www.fumcsantarosa.org/preschool License#490110699
Part Time2590 /Full Time Care PINER RD. Flexible Plans Part TimeAvailable /Full Time Care Flexible Plans Available Serving 2-5 year olds
SANTA ROSA 2590 PINER RD. Serving 2-5 year olds
25th Anniversary!
The Wizard of Oz • Ages 7-13 Tiny Tots Theater • Ages 4-6
Got Art? We Do!!!
5435 Snyder Lane, Rohnert Park • 285-2002 www.scribblesandgigglesart.com
Services
Academic Skills.
DINNER AND AUCTION FOR THE ANIMALS SAT. NOV. 3 6:30–10 P.M.
PI
OU
WHER ET
MS SSO LO
Piano Classes 4 You (707) 397-5291 pianoclasses4you.com
Pat Kerrigan, Celebrity MC Get a jump on your holiday gifts & bid on over 200 items! For details and ticket info: www.animalshelterleaguerp.org
Rohnert Park Animal Services 707-584-1582
Check out our online directories at SonomaFamilyLife.com Schools
(707) 536-9523
www.newworldballet
Homeschool Program Grades K-5 Educating the whole child; head, heart, & hands.
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PRICING & REGISTRATION: Casa dei Bam
YMCA Office b io’s Program Since 1981 707.544.1829 Montessori School
Preschool•Kindergarten The Y is a non-profit Parent-Toddler Class community based Ages 18 months organization. to 6-years
Financial Assistance is available.
Rohnert Park Community Center
Piano technique • Music theory Ear training • Sight reading Improvisation, & fun Y
&
The Y is a non-profit community based organization. Financial Assistance is available.
Learn to play piano in a small group
L A SSES 4
PROGRAM OBJECTIVES:
YMCA Program Office The Y isConfidence, a non-profit community based organization. and Cognitive 707.544.1829 Financial Assistance is available.
Are You Ready for a Musical Adventure?
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olds
707.544.1829
Lessons
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Health & Nutrition, Relationships, Motor Skills,Self Interpersonal Serving 2-5 year Interpersonal Relationships, Self Confidence, and Cognitive & Academic Skills. & Confidence, and Cognitive PRICING & Academic Skills. REGISTRATION:
PRICINGwww.scfymca.org & Health & Nutrition, Motor Skil REGISTRATION: Interpersonal Relationships, S
Sonoma County Child Support Services 3725 Westwind Blvd., Ste 200 Santa Rosa, CA 95403
E OF MUSI LOV CB HE
Part Time /Full Time Care
PROGRAM OBJECTIVES: PROGRAM OBJECTIVES: Health & Flexible Nutrition, Motor Skills, Plans Available
www.sunridgeschool.org 707-824-2276 September 2018
ini
Birthday Parties!
Summer Art Camp June 4-August 17
Preschool & Child Care Center
Paternity and Child Support Order Establishment Payment Collection Services Payment Tracking and Accounting Child Support Modification
707-483-5800 artoflivinginstitute.org
Painting • Drawing Cartooning Mask Making Glass Staining Silk Painting Wood Burning Mosaic • Clay
FUMC
Rh
After-School
Montessori Education Inspires ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Joy of Learning Order & Detail Concentration Grace & Courtesy
2427 Professional Dr. • Santa Rosa Near Steele Lane & Hwy 101
707-528-0889•www.rhioscasa.com
The Bridge School. Located in Central Santa Rosa, 1625 Franklin Ave. Year-round full/half–day. Rich nurturing environment. Center based program for ages 3–5 with separate 2’s program. Caring, qualified teachers. Julie & Andrew Day; owners. Lic.#493005697. 575-7959.
Playtime Daycare/Preschool Join our loving family. Spacious playroom, large yard, meals provided. CPR & first aid certified. M-F. Infants & up. Call Wendy 539-7524. Lic. #04746.
SonomaFamilyLife 33
Humor Break
Sleeping Like Hillbillies A Family Secret Revealed
By Holly Hester
I
have never been able to get my kids to sleep in their own beds. For the past five years, I have been sleeping in a pile of children.
Let me start by saying this story doesn’t include my son Buck. He likes to sleep in his own bed and for that I am forever grateful. But Emerson, from the moment she was born, would emit a screaming banshee noise several times a night that made her sound like she was being attacked by wolves (or stolen by dingoes). So after a while, my husband, Bill, and I just had Emmy sleep with us so we could soothe her (i.e. try to get her to shut up) without having to get out of bed 40 times a night. And then August was born and we quickly discovered that he cried 24 hours a day—it was like I had given birth to a toy baby whose “scream” button was stuck in the On position. So then every night in our bed we had two children who sounded like they needed exorcisms. We never slept. We were just on survival mode for years. Things got better, but the kids never left our bed; they just kept growing and growing while our bed got smaller and smaller… 34 SonomaFamilyLife
This is where the hillbilly part comes in. About a year ago, I got the bright idea of putting a bunch of mattresses in our loft and letting the four of us sleep up there. It would give us more room and quite possibly a better night’s sleep. I did not advertise this arrangement— you know, that we sleep like a bunch
mattresses, and the very non-hippie, super-conventional, saleslady asked Emerson, “So you must be excited. You’re getting a brand-new bed!” And then, Emerson said, “Yes. I don’t have a bed. I sleep in a bed with my Mommy, my Daddy, and my brother.” And there was my nut, rolling around the mattress store.
Every night in our bed we had two children who sounded like they needed exorcisms.
The saleslady’s smile froze in horror. The other customers in the store stared at the 8-year-old who just stated that she lives like a child in the Ozarks in the 1930s.
of drug addicts on mattresses thrown on the floor. I kept this embarrassing family nut all to myself. It had a lot of company with all the other embarrassing family nuts I store. (At this point I’m like a squirrel carrying dysfunctional family stories.)
Desperate to remove myself from the situation, I started to rifle through my purse as if I’d lost some vital CIA documents. Meanwhile, Buck decided to not only further explain how we all sleep, but also to mention that our pig sleeps in the house, too.
Then recently, I decided I had had enough. I wanted my bed back. I wanted to sleep in it with just my husband. What a novel concept. So, working a little reverse-psychology manipulation, I told Em and Aug, “Congrats! You are such big kids now you have earned brand-new beds!” Then we went mattress shopping for insanely high-priced organic
Cue banjo music. Our new mattresses are going to be ready this week, and I’m not going to be the one to pick them up. Because I’m never going back to that store again. ¶ Holly Hester lives in Sebastopol and writes about life on her blog, Riot Ranch. Find her book, Escape from Ugly Mom Island!, on Amazon.
September 2018 www.sonomafamilylife.com
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H A L L
KURBASY
LAS CAFETERAS
THU, NOV 8 AT 7:30 P.M.
FRI, SEPT 28 AT 7:30 P.M.
PETER SERKIN, piano
BRENTANO STRING QUARTET
FRI, NOV 9 AT 7:30 P.M.
SUN, SEPT 30 AT 3 P.M.
SOLD OUT THANK YOU!
SOWETO GOSPEL CHOIR
FRI, OCT 12 AT 7:30 P.M.
JOAN BAEZ FARE THEE WELL . . . TOUR 2018 SUN, NOV 11 AT 7 P.M.
JULIE FOWLIS
CALMUS
SUN, OCT 14 AT 3 P.M.
THU, NOV 15 AT 7:30 P.M.
SPECIAL EVENT FOLLOWING THE CONCERT– SCOTCH TASTING WITH JULIE FOWLIS AND HER BAND
NAVIDAD MEXICANA WITH MARIACHI REYNA DE LOS ANGELES
FREE MOVIES AT THE GREEN
DISNEY PIXAR’S BRAVE
SUN, OCT 14 AT 5:30 P.M.
SAT, DEC 8 AT 7:30 P.M.
AMERICAN BACH SOLOISTS HANDEL’S MESSIAH
MANUAL CINEMA – THE END OF TV
SAT, OCT 20 AT 7:30 P.M.
SAT, DEC 15 AT 7 P.M.
SAN FRANCISCO GAY MEN’S CHORUS HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
STEVEN LIN, piano SUN, OCT 21 AT 3 P.M.
SUN, DEC 16 AT 5 P.M.
DAVE KOZ & FRIENDS CHRISTMAS TOUR 2018
VENICE BAROQUE ORCHESTRA
SAT, OCT 27 AT 7:30 P.M.
THU, DEC 20 AT 7:30 P.M.
KENNY BARRON QUINTET
MARTHA REDBONE BONE HILL: THE CONCERT
WED, NOV 7 AT 7:30 P.M.
THU, JAN 24 AT 7:30 P.M.
Single Tickets on Sale now! VIEW THE FULL SEASON AT
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