of the house now. I’ll take my break outside instead of on the Xbox.” This was a monumental breakthrough in terms of flexibility, impulse control, and fellow feeling. To build our new routine, we needed three things: time, consistency, and clarity.
The Glory of Routines
Shelter-in-Place Works for a Child with Autism By Lynn Adams
A
s a clinical psychologist, I know that a routine is the first step to happiness for my child with autism, James. However, modern life, with its glorification of busy-ness and its infinite choices, resists routines. Most people enjoy the excitement of variety, of the unexpected. Even James. But when he switched to homeschooling midway through sixth grade, the shorter hours, consistent individualized expectations, and lower stimulation were the answer to his academic struggles. A year later, it became the answer for every kid in town, like it or not.
COVID-19 has brought more losses than I can enumerate. But for our family, sheltering-in-place has uncovered a kind of well-being we didn’t know was possible. After six weeks, for the first time in his life, James started reminding me of key events: snack break at 10 16 SonomaFamilyLife
a.m., lunch at noon, bike ride at 1:30 p.m. These were all high points of his day, so I wasn’t entirely surprised. That same week, though, it became clear that James had noticed how my routine had changed. He appeared in the kitchen at 1 p.m. on a Tuesday and said, “Okay, you can vacuum the front
Time In an effort to go easier on myself, I allowed gobs of screen time at the beginning of lockdown. So much, in fact, that after a few weeks the kids got tired of TikTok and Fortnite.
Sheltering-in-place has uncovered a kind of well-being we didn’t know was possible. Create structure. Once the kids were satiated with screen time, we gave it its own spot in the routine: afternoon, following a productive morning and a big lunch. The rhythm of our days demanded “down time,” and we granted it. Use time wisely. Without transitions and social time, online school allowed for condensed instruction. And this meant my husband and I had to make our reduced work time as productive as it could be. Consistency Consistency and repetition cement a routine. For my family, routine changes take about a month to solidify. The Internet would have us print out a schedule, post it in the kitchen, and go about our fancy lives. But making real routines is more like making sausage. You start by respecting the day’s natural rhythms and the child’s individual abilities. It’s hard to get that right the first time.
September 2020 www.sonomafamilylife.com
