Laois Offaly Tatler Issue 7 Sept 2010

TATLER

Laois Offaly

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Issue No. 7 Fri. 1st October, 2010 Tel: 0504-51945 email: info@offalytatler.ie info@laoistatler.ie web: www.offalytatler.ie www.laoistatler.ie

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Jokes A big mouth college student challenged a senior citizen saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his world. "You grew up in a different world," the student said.

"Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy, computers, the internet..."

Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the senior said, "You're right sonny . We didn't have those things when we were young... so we invented them!"

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The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

Dudley Moore ernie was unfortunate enough to be hit by a truck and ended up in the hospital. His best friend Morris came to visit him.

Bernie struggles to tell Morris, "My wife Sadie visits me three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside."

"What does she read?" asks Morris.

"My life insurance policy."

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A priest waited in line to have his car filled with fuel just before a long holiday weekend.

The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.

"Sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."

The priest chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

A school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".

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Micheál Ó Muircheartaigh quotes Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy…

seem to be good for them. The priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! 40 yards out on the Hogan Stand side of the field, Ciarán Whelan goes on a rampage… it’s a goal! So much for religion.

Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motoring well now, but here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail… I’ve seen it all now, a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!

Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar. I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal… the Seán Óg Ó hAilpín: his father’s dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerfrom Fermanagh, his mother’s from Fiji. ick… Fox, to the 21, fires a shot – it goes Neither a hurling stronghold. to the left and wide… and the dog lost as Anthony Lynch, the Cork corner-back, will well. be the last person to let you down – his people are undertakers.

The stopwatch has stopped. It’s up to God and the referee now. The referee is Pat Horan. God is God.

He grabs the sliothar, he’s on the 50! He’s on the 40! He’s on the 30… he’s on the ground!

Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. Its over the bar. This man shouldn’t be playing football. He’s made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn’t kick points like Colin Corkery.

In the first half they played with the wind.

In the second half they played with the ball.

Teddy McCarthy to Mick McCarthy, no relation, Mick McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation.

I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner Street this morning and the omens

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The site was frequently attacked by Normans, Vikings and Irish. All the original wooded structures have long since vanished, and it was in the tenth century that the building of stone structures began. The

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monks produced many fine pieces of Celtic gold and silverware which are now preserved in Dublin museums.

The Cathedral was built in 909 by Flann Sianna, King of Tara and is the biggest of the Churches at Clonmacnoise. The last High King of Ireland, Rory O'Connor, was buried near the alter in 1198.

After the 12th century, it fell into decline. The Normans built a castle next to the monastery in the 13th century which was sacked in 1552 by an English garrison from Athlone and reduced it to ruins.

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Deadline Extended For Green Building Awards €10k prize for winning construction project

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The deadline for submitting entries to the Isover protection of the environment in the face of climate change, and enhancing the quality of and Energy Efficiency Awards (EEA) has been exphysical comfort in the buildings where we tended until October 11th. work and live.”

The inaugural awards scheme is being targeted Mr. Holohan pointed out that much of Ireland’s at building professionals including architects, existing building stock continues to consume a engineers, builders and developers across Ireconsiderable amount of energy for heating with land who have built new and renovated buildings that have been built with significant emissions of greenhouse gases from the burning of fossil fuels. a very low energy demand.

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A €10,000 prize will be presented to the overall winner of the Irish finals who will go forward to represent Ireland at a European Awards ceremony in Madrid in May 2011. The winner will also be profiled in the internationally-distributed Isover ‘Best Of’ book.

“New building regulations coupled with a change in consumer behaviour and attitudes has led to a significant increase in the number of renovation and construction projects embracing energy efficient design.

“Not only will this new awards scheme honour those who have excelled in the energy efficient building sector but it will also allow scheme participants to exchange and share knowledge and experience in the field. ISOVER Ireland is The awards scheme acknowl- confident that this will help to highlight the imedges the considerable shift portance of improving the energy performance of our buildings and, subsequently, the inhabitwithin the Irish construction industry towards energy effi- ants' quality of life”, concluded Mr. Holohan. cient building design, explained Mr. Kieran Holohan The adjudication panel includes leading Irish experts in the field of green design and conof ISOVER Ireland. struction, namely Tomas O Leary, Passive House Academy Ireland; Jeff Colley, Editor of Mr. Holohan explained that the awards will celebrate Construct Ireland and winner of the 2010 Green Leader Award; Jay Stuart RIBA, Sustainable Ireland’s most energy effiDesign Consultant; and Zdenka Debartoli, Incient renovation and new construction projects, both in ternational Market Manager Building, ISOVER. the residential and non-resiProjects entered in the competition must be fuldential sectors. ly completed by December 2010 and not more than 5 years old. Closing date for entries is He added: “The ISOVER Energy Efficiency Awards Monday October 11th 2010. The Irish awards ceremony will take place in December 2010. reflect two environmental issues that are at the very heart of our core objectives - For more see www.isover-eea.com.

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Birr Theatre and Arts Centre

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The Divine Comedy Friday 8th October An Evening with Neil Hannon Friday 8 October Following last summer’s acclaimed ‘Duckworth Lewis Method’, Neil Hannon once again flexes his songwriting muscle to Olympian effect. “Slip on your Barber jacket, jump in my old MG!” We’re off to the slightly warped, but reassuringly recognizable world of The Divine Comedy. It’s a parallel universe filled with the likes of “The Complete Banker”, a scathing lampoon on the financial world; ‘Neapolitan Girl’, inspired by Norman Lewis’ ’ Naples ‘44’ wartime diaries; while the title track asks why the rich & powerful so frequently turn up in houses of ill repute.

8pm €25 Hullabaloo! Offaly’s Children’s Arts Festival which will take place from Wednesday 27 – Saturday 30 October 2010.

Last year’s Festival was the most successful of it’s three years. In the first two years we had just over 300 participants each year. Last year we had over 850 participants in the Festival’s Balloon Launch, 30 workshops, 5 live performances and children’s films.

The Festival is coordinated jointly by Birr Theatre & Arts Centre and Offaly County Council Arts Office. From it’s inception it has been the intention that the Festival run throughout the county. We are delighted to confirm that this year it will run simultaneously in Birr and Clara.

Lots more events scheduled for the month of October.

Watch this space for more details Des Bishop Thursday 4 November Following a massively successful international tour, Des Bishop makes his highly anticipated return to Ireland. Inspired by his Father’s recent diagnosis of Lung Cancer, Des’s latest critically acclaimed show My Dad Was Nearly James Bond tells of a remarkable life tinged with regret. In championing the real heroics of fatherhood, Des challenges many common regrets and the ridiculous ideals of manhood that real, un-slick men try to live up to.

The innate inspiration and dexterity behind this show guarantees an unforgettable and touching comedy experience.

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CAIRDIN ACCORDIONS

Quick Quiz 1. Armagh 'The Orchard County' is known for which fruit?

2. In 1951, which film by John Ford, was shot on location in Cong, Co. Mayo?

3. By what other name is the Liffey Bridge in Dublin known as?

4. What did Lir turn his wife Aoife into after he discovered what she had done to his children?

5. Which Irish city is known as the "City of the Tribes"?

6. What does the circle in the centre of the celtic cross represent?

7. Kissing the Blarney Stone is said to confer which talent?

8. Which Charlton brother managed the Irish football team?

9. What is the fish or salmon associated with in Irish mythology?

10.How many moles are there in Ireland?

Answers

1.Apple 2.The Quiet Man 3.Ha'penny Bridge 4.Vulture 5.Galway 6.The Sun 7.Gift of the Gab 8.Jack 9.Wisdom or Knowledge 10.None

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Dynamo Town 2 Ballyroan FC 1

This tie ebbed and flowed throughout with the Portlaoise hosts shading the opening half. Indeed the home side were well worth their one-goal lead at the interval.

Ballyroan rallied well in the second period and deserved their equaliser. Dynamo had the last laugh however with a late, late dramatic winner on the cusp of full-time to break Ballyroan hearts.

(e) walshgraphicdesign@eircom.net (w) www.walshgraphicdesign.net The hosts began brightly with both Cole

and McDonagh prominent. Sidor then B-Cards/Inv.Bks/Flyers/Canvas Prints/Memoriam Cards etc. fired in a well-weighted free but Ballyroan managed to clear their lines. Eventually the visitors found their feet with Christy Lalor win ball after ball and prompting his side from midfield. Dynamo continued to dominate however with Farrell releasing McDonagh with a flick on. The diminutive winger stood up an inviting cross but; yet again, a goal-shy home side didn’t avail of the chance. Brophy then then turned provider for the Portlaoise side but none of his teammates read his pass and a relieved Ballyroan cleared their lines yet again.

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After all that Dynamo wastelfulness Ballyroan began to get a footing in the game. A swivelling volley from Whelan put the hosts on notice. A defensive mix-up then allowed Whelan fire home but play was called back for a foul. Then an inviting free from Burtenshaw just evaded a clutch of diving headers as the Dynamo goals led a charmed life. Lalor, Whelan and Ward then went close as Ballyroan continued their purple patch. Sidor was then called upon to brong off a marvellous tackle to stop a goalbound Ward in his tracks.

Breen and Farrell were called on; in quick succession, to keep the Dynamo goals intact.

The hosts put an end to the Ballyroan renaissance in dramatic fashion moments later however. A booming ball forward saw the classy Cole take it in his stride, use the minimum of touches then rifle his shot low into the far corner. With time running out in the half Ballyroan tried desperately for an equaliser but Maher and his defenders

stood firm. Cole and Farrell then combined well but the final lob was comfortably dealt with by Phelan in the away goals.

Right on the stroke of half-time Farrell was put through on goal by a cushioned header from Cole. Alas for the hosts the final shot grazed the outside of the Ballyroan post as the half-time whistle sounded.

All changed on the resumption as Ballyroan enjoyed much more of the play against a visibly-tiring Dynamo rearguard. Ward almost grabbed a goal from a huge Phelan kick out. Then Paddy Lalor made amends when he strode though a hesitant home defence before curling his shot home off the post. Christy Lalor then provided Ward with a great chance but the tall midfielder fired wide as the ball dropped.

Slowly but surely Dynamo began to launch attacks of their own through Sidor, Cole and subsitute Killian Doyle. With time running out a Sidor free was comfortably saved by Phelan and that seemed either side’s chance to break the deadlock.

However one last ball forward into the Ballyroan area saw Breen head home off the crossbar. The visitors summoned one last response but Campbell couldn’t steer his last-gasp shot on target for an equaliser.

For the visitors Paddy Farrell excelled at the back while Michael Cole caught the eye up front. Ballyroan was best served by Christy Lalor and Jamie Whelan.

Dynamo Town: James Maher; Mark McDonald, John Breen, Martin Byrne, Paddy Farrell; Darren McDonagh, Joe Brophy, Aaron Young, Marcin Sidor; Noel Farrell, Michael Cole Subs: Gerard Fitzpatrick, Killian Doyle, Paul Redmond, Eoin Tynan, Eoghan Fingleton Ballyroan FC: Dara Phelan; Ger Campbell, Mark McDonald, Gary Conroy, Killian Fitzpatrick; Christopher Lalor, Gary Ward, Martin Scully, Jamie Whelan; Paddy Lalor, Kevin Burtenshaw Subs: Chris Burtenshaw, Trevor Phelan, Kievin Fitzpatrick, Tomas Whelan, Sean Ramsbottom

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Send Your Club Notes & Photos to info@offalytatler.ie We will also put on our Website www.offalytatler.ie

Birr Rugby Club's President's Dinner The President's Dinner will take place in the clubhouse on Saturday, 9 October, 2010 commencing at 8.00p.m. Like last season's very successful event, catering will be provided by Lavender House. Tickets are very limited so be sure you book early. The cost of tickets for this

event is €45. If you would like to book tickets or indeed a table for this event be sure to contact any one of the following without delay; Ray Walshe 087 8255159 Willie Burns 086 2568101 Christy Hogan 086 8392053 Donal Shortt 087 2895379

Laois Tidy Towns Results 2010 CATEGORY A

CATEGORY C

2009 Results

Ballacolla 291 Emo 274 Clough 248 Spink 234 Attanagh 229 Killasmeestia 227 Coolrain 226 Rosenallis 219 Pike of Rushall 216

Abbeyleix 292 Stradbally 272 Mountrath 233

CATEGORY B

Portarlington 214

Castletown 299 Clonaslee 290 Durrow 285 Errill 281 Borris-in-Ossory 268 Killenard 229 Ballylinan 228

CATEGORY G

Attanagh 222 Ballacolla 285 Clough 240 Emo 269 Killasmeestia 217 Pike of Rushall 208 Spink 226 Ballylinan 224 Borris-in-Ossory 265 Castletown 298 Clonaslee 286 Durrow 278 Errill 274 Killenard 221 Abbeyleix 288 Mountrath 228 Stradbally 268 Mountmellick 241 Portarlington 208 Portlaoise 270

CATEGORY D Mountmellick 244 CATEGORY E

Portlaoise 277

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Ferbane GAA Club notes JUNIOR B SEMI FINAL Just as in Rahan last year when a championship that looked doomed was salvaged at the death, so the Junior B title remains alive for Ferbane after a rollercoaster draw in Doon against Ballycumber. The 2-11 to 3-8 draw was very fair reward for a Ferbane team that enjoyed plenty of possession but failed to convert that

By Kevin Egan Ferbane GAA PRO

possession into scores due to a combination of poor decision making in front of goal and some good defending from Ballycumber. An early goal for Ballycumber left the boys in green chasing the game early on but some good freetaking from Nicky Claffey and plenty of good incisive running creating those dead ball opportunities ensured that Ferbane were a solitary point adrift at half time, 1-5 to 0-7.

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The Husband Store A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entranceis a description of how the store operates

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Ballycumber burst out of the blocks with a Simon Casey goal at the start of the second half, but Ferbane responded almost instantly with a very well taken Alan Egan goal to reduce the deficit to a point once more. Good scores from Brendan Wynne and Mel Keenaghan gave Ferbane a briefly held lead, but after an exchange of points, disaster struck when a long ball dipped just under the crossbar and into the net for Ballycumber's third goal. Ferbane drove at the Ballycumber goal in search of a leveller but it looked like the cause was lost until Davie Cox popped up at the very death to strike a goal and earn a replay.

in the minor semi final against St Rynaghs this weekend in Doon. St Rynaghs won the round robin match between the two clubs and as 2009 under-16 champions, the Cloghan boys will fancy their chances this weekend. All supporters are urged to make the short trip to Doon as the minor footballers look to build on last week's success and hopefully reach another underage football final this year.

RACE NIGHT

Ferbane GAA club will be holding a fundraising race night in Hineys this Saturday, the 2nd of October. As anyone who has attended one of these nights can testify, a great evening of At the time of writing no date has entertainment lies in store and everybeen set for the replay, but Belmont's one would do well to free up this relegation battle with Brosna Gaels space in their diaries and chalk it next weekend features players from down as a great night out. For those both clubs and that match must take place first. Please keep an eye on these who would like to support the club, pages for details since you won't want horses can be sponsored and named for €20 and all donations are greatly to miss another end to end battle of received. Anyone wishing to sponsor this calibre! a horse can do so by contacting any committee member with their horse The full team that played was: name.

Aenghus Coughlan; Joe Kenny, James Murphy, Warren Walsh; Dermot Kenny, Shane Dunne, Joe Kearns; Gerry FERBANE GAA LOTTO O'Malley, Brendan Wynne (0-1); DavThe numbers drawn in this week's id Cox (1-0), Kevin Flynn, Colm Ken(September 14th) lotto draw were 7, ny (0-1); Mel Keenaghan (0-2), Alan 22, 24, and 25. The bonus number was Egan (1-1), Nicky Claffey (0-6, 0-4 12. There were no winners or match frees). three prize winners, so Pat Doyle, OlSub used: Cyril Kavanagh for Colm ivia Buckley, Kathleen Burke, Alan Kenny Kelly and Tina Young were all drawn out as book prize winners. Next UPCOMING ADULT FIXTURE week's draw will be for a jackpot prize of €9400. €50 Lotto tickets, which Ferbane Junior A's relegation battle guarantee entry for 26 draws, are with Ballinagar has been refixed for Tuesday the 5th of October in Tubber available from any of the usual sources and ensure that you don't miss out at 7.30pm. At the time of writing it is unclear if relegation is possible or not, in case your numbers come up! The however all players should endeavour lotto can also be played online at to be available for this fixture so as to www.locallotto.ie/ferbanegaa or via the link on www.fbgaamc.com – so be remove any doubt from the equation. sure to get your ticket no matter where you are!

FERBANE/BELMONT MINOR CLUB Last weekend was another very good one for the minor club as the minor footballers secured a place in the semi finals of their championship with a hard fought 0-9 to 0-5 win over Clara in Ballycumber. After playing against the wind and up the hill in the first half, the F/B lads reached half time a point ahead, 0-5 to 0-4, and were well placed to push on early in the second half. A series of missed opportunities kept Clara in the game, but a very strong defensive performance ensured that the Magpies were kept at bay and eventually the scores came at the other end. The reward for that win is a place

FERBANE GYM Open Monday 10.30am-12.30pm & 6-10pm. Tuesday & Thursday nights are Ladies only circuit training from 7-9pm. Open Wednesday 10.30am-12.30pm & 6-10pm and Friday 10.30am-12.30pm & 7-9pm.

Youth Circuit training on Friday evenings from 6pm-7pm. Women's Circuit training on Saturday 10-11am.

Yearly membership is €50 plus €5 per visit. Contact Joe on 087 6852095 for further details.

Increase Sales, call 0504-51945

Clara GAA Notes

By Mike Mullen, Clara GAA PRO. Weekly Club Lotto Weekly Lotto 25/09/10-There was no winner of the weekly club Lotto jackpot. The winning numbers were 1-510-19. There were six match three winners and they were John Corboy, Frank Moran, Peter and Karen Sheridan, Toy Kelly, Clare Guilfoyle and Arlene Kane. Next weeks lotto takes place in Dolans and the Jackpot is €4850.

Thanks to all who support our lotto and thanks to all our ticket sellers.

Senior Football Quarter Final Clara got the opening score of the match through G Guilfoyle. T Deehan then got his first of the match before Tullamore got their first score of the match to leave Clara 0-2 to 0-1 ahead after 10 minutes. A J Reynolds point together with a point by Tullamore left it 0-3 to 0-2 mid way through the half.

Two Tullamore points and points by G Guilfoyle and T Deehan left the score 0-5 to 0-4 going into the last five minutes of the half. Tullamore then equalised before T Deehan scored two frees to leave Clara 0-7 to 0-5 ahead at half time.

Tullamore got the opening three scores of the second half to take the lead at 0-8 to 0-7. Points by M Mitchell and 3 points by T Deehan put Clara 0-11 to 0-8 in front. Tullamore got the next 2 points to narrow the gap to the minimum. J Reynolds got the next score to put Clara 2 points clear again going into the last couple of minutes. Going into injury time Tullamore narrowed the gap to one point before Clara closed out the game with points by G Guilfoyle and T Deehan for a 0-14 to 0-11 win.

Team: K Meehan, J Ledwith, J Quinn, D Kelly, D Ledwith, M Mitchell (0-1), L Hiney, S Brady, R Brady, T Dalton, J O’Hara, C Kelly, G Guilfoyle (0-3), J Reynolds (0-2), T Deehan (0-8, 03frees). Subs: A Cronin for J Ledwith, P Deehan for C Kelly

(1-5), B Buckley. Subs: J Deehan for K Murray, S O’Rourke for B Buckley, B Minnock for J Rickard

Brian McDonnell & Sons n

Minor Football Championship We Bowed out of the minor football championship when we were beaten by Ferbane on a scoreline of 0-9 to 0-5 at the quarter final stage played on an excellently prepared Ballycumber pitch last Saturday. We looked good at half time when having played very well we were only a point behind on a scoreline of 0-5 to 0-4. But we only managed one point in the second hald, and this isn’t good enough. The club would like to thank manager Padraig Moran and his selectors Garret Buckley, Derek Coyne, Noel Kelly, Aidan Stewart and Peter John Meehan Sponsor a Sod Have you purchased your Sod. If not why not. Support your club.

“Sponsor a Sod”- Clara GAA club would like to invite all current and past members (and anyone with any connection to the club, no matter how tenuous!) to be part of the launch of the new official Clara GAA Club website and the 'Sponsor a Sod' campaign. As part of our fund raising campaign to complete the new Championship pitch in Kilcoursey members and friends of the club are invited to sponsor a sod on the new pitch. Sponsors will receive a piece of the virtual pitch on a special page on our new website with each “sod” being added piece by piece to the page. Each “sod” can be purchased for €20 from any committee member .Log onto anclarach.com to see how our pitch is doing.

Recovery Services Phone: 057 9343214

Phelan Advisory & Training Services Soil Sampling Nutrient Management Planning Dept. of Agricultural Services Phone: 0504-32204 P.J.Phelan Mobile: 086-8046455

Advisory & Training Services

Permanent Tyre Puncture Repairs

Puncture Puncture Preventative

& Tyre Life Extender

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Senior Football Final Anyone wishing to put an add in the county final programme contact any member of the committee.

Repairs Punctures “As they happen”

Table Quiz Division 4 Hurling League We were beaten by Carraig/Riverstown in the semi final of the Div 4 Hurling Legaue played in Killurin last Sunday morning on a scoreline of 6-11 to 2-11.

Leading by 2-7 to 1-6 at half time, we could only manage 4 points in the second half. A couple of late goals by Carraig/Riverstown helped them advance to the final. That’s all our hurling finished for the year.

Team: D Handy, J Murray, L Monaghan, S Cornally, W Flanagan, J Fleming, K Murray (1-0), E Weir (0-1), M Stones, M Hackett(0-4), S Nolan, J Rickard(0-1), N McEvoy, B Cushen

Fund raising quiz in Baggots Friday 1st Oct at 10pm. Table of 5 25 euro.

Please support.

Website Anyone wishing to put an add on the website please contact any member of the committee.

Club Notes By Email Club Notes By Email-Anyone who wishes to recieve the club notes by email please send your email address to anclarach@live.ie , you will be added to our email list and you should recieve them every Monday night.

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per issue (line adverts)

(For up to 25 words. Over 25 words add .25c per word Highlight your classified ad with a colour background €10 Place a box around your ad and include photo €20 Payments by Credit Card or Laser - Minimum of €10

To place a classified ad post ad with payment to: Offaly Tatler, Curraghgraigue, Borrisoleigh, Co. Tipperary

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One ladies 3 piece Olive Green suit, size 12, design Gold by Michael H., worn once. Original price €480, asking €250, feathers included. Also 3 piece ladies suit, size 14, bronze and champagne. Design name John Charles. Bought in Olivia Dnaielle’s and worn once. Original price €590, asking €300. Receipt can be seen.

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Book Review The Passage

by Justin Cronin Review by Nigel Quinlan The Passage is very much the book of the moment, promising to be as successful as The DaVinci Code or Stieg Larsson’s Millennium Trilogy.

It’s a big, thick blockbuster that harks back directly to Stephen King’s The Stand, and it’s every bit as fun and scary, while also being exceptionally well-written. Vampires stalk the earth! But these aren’t your teenage sparkly Twilight vampires; these are

savage, hungry beasties who... but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Amy Bellafonte, in a wrenching opening section, is abandoned by her mother in the care of some nuns. Unfortunately, Amy has come to the attention of some government scientists experimenting on condemned prisoners, and a pair of FBI agents are sent to retrieve her.

Despite himself, one of the agents

bonds with her and decides scientific experiments and Amy are two things he doesn’t want to go together, so he takes matters into his own hand.

Unfortunately for him, the organisation he works for has a long reach.

The Passage has it all: Drama! Pathos! Science gone mad!

Underground lairs! A doomed world!

Flawed heroes battling against hopeless odds! It’d all be hopelessly derivative and a bit boring if it weren’t for the fact that Cronin writes like an angel and knows his pulp fiction inside out. So despite the 700plus page count, he keeps you hanging on every word, right to the bitter-sweet end.

This is epic, world-shaking adventure, and the first in a trilogy

that promises to set the trend for blockbusting literary entertainment in the future. No doubt there will be a film version along shortly, but trust me, it won’t be as good as the book.

Try it for yourself and see. You won’t be able to put it down.

The Passage is available in paperback from Sheelagh na Gig bookshop. Call in or order by post with free post and packing. Sheelagh na Gig bookshop, Cloughjordan, is open 6 days a week: Tue-Thu 9.30am-5pm, Fri 9.30am6pm, Sat 10am-6pm and Sunday 1pm-6pm. Tel: 0505 42123, email, info@sheelaghnagig.com, or follow us on Twitter @sheelaghnagig.

PRODUCTS & SERVICES - PRODUCTS & SERVICES MARY’S FOOT HEALTH CLINIC

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request

All work completed without delay

MARY MURPHY S.A.C. Dip FHPT S.A.C. Dip FHPP Registered Member of the Irish Chiropodists/Podiatrists Organisation Ltd

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To an appointment Contact Mary on (086)3519416

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087 1411248

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Professional fitting service available Free Quotation Free Delivery |Presented by: Mike Gavin

MEMORIALS FOR LOVED ONES

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Cryptic Crossword

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

Steven Wright.

ACROSS 1. Rib about right to go to Offaly town with a famous observatory where the existence of other galaxies was first discovered. (4) 3. I call on sad blend in old Tyrone mining town connected by canal with Newry and Belfast. (9) 9. Cook with fat outside circulated air in monks' abode. (6) 11. "Don't be breaking your --- on a stool that's not in your way."

Irish Proverb. (4) 12. Boat in which German eight follow the penultimate. (5) 14. Take part in competition in Inishowen territory. (5) 15. "But where's the wild --- that has praised its fleas?" Yeats. (3) 16. Old copper back, how poetically gloomy! (5) 17. "A young ------, golden haired, Stands dreaming on the verge of strife" Frances Cornford. (6) 18. Daughter of the King of Leinster, and Mrs. Strongbow, returns the greeting. (3) 20. A gullible fool, and how he drinks! (3) 22. Art nut has gone A.W.O.L. (6) 24. Create this for a row, but only in play? (5) 25. Possesses short laughs? (3) 26. Dryly consolidates the sweet loaves. and gets the sack around the fifth (5) 27. Tenth month, and French, all eight of them. (5) 29. Standard adhered to in Liscannor mostly. (4) 30. Star in turmoil as a result of stress. (6) 31. Crowd aisle in crush to see Irish writer (1854-1900) who had only his genius to declare. (5,5) 32. Negative reference to Kilkenny flower! (4) DOWN 1. Sound of donkey heard in Wicklow seaside resort. (4) 2. Or cares about Tipperary town under the Slieve Bloom mountains noted for antiquities. (7) 4. Till never up O.K. (anag.) Blessed, and has a shrine at Ballybarrack, near Dundalk. (6,7) 5. Clinging to this league for Yale and Havard. (3) 6. Go ahead up Kerry hill overlooking Killarney, and having a round tower, church and castle. (7) 7. Age had done damage to popular Down resort near the entrance to Belfast Lough. (10) 8. " ----- the first death, there is no other." Dylan Thomas. (5)

10. This land rails about the offshore spot in Antrim where Robert Bruce met the spider in the cave. (7,6) 13. One hundred space for Limerick salmon angling village noted for the Maigue poets. (5) 16. Dan's hob rum is spilled in Leitrim village on the Roscommon border. (10) 19. "An aged man is but a paltry thing, A tattered coat upon a -----" Yeats. (5) 21. Cats rig up description of stomach. (7) 23. E.g. to tip over in border Donegal gateway to Lough Derg of pilgrimage fame. (7) 24. "Too long a sacrifice Can make a ----- of the heart" Yeats. (5) 28. Note about United Irishman, born 1763, and recognised as the first Irish Republican. (4) 30. "Ireland is the old --- that eats her farrow." James Joyce (3)

Grow Your Business!

Sudoku for Kids!

Every row, column and minigrid must contain the numbers 1 through 4. Don’t guess use logic!

4

3 3 1

2

1 3 3

1

Call the Offaly Tatler today & Promote Your Business throughout Co Offaly. Phone 087-6258475 / 0504-51945 “Trying to do Business without Advertising is like winking at A girl in the dark.

You know you’re doing it, but no one else does” Phone today to Book your ad, Tel: Fiona 087-6258475 Office 0504-51945 E: info@offalytatler.ie

Solution to crossword in last issue (No. 6)

Increase Sales, call 0504-51945

Counselling

Testimonials Our sister publication the Tipp Tatler has been providing excellent results for our advertisers for over 8 years. Here’s what some have to say “We are very happy with the service provided by the Tipp Tatler, it gets us lots of local jobs”.

Jason, Drain It Ltd. “We find the Tipp Tatler to be a great advertising medium. Its distribution means our business is promoted over a large area to a wide range of people ensuring our business remains successful”.

Tom Gleeson – Arra Communications, Nenagh

Prayers The Miraculous Prayer – Dear Heart of Jesus, in the past I’ve asked for many favours. This time I ask You this very special one (mention favour).

Take it Dear Heart of Jesus and place it within Your own broken heart where Your Father sees it. Then in His merciful eyes it will become Your favour, not mine. Amen. Say this prayer for 3 days, promise publication and favour will be granted. Never known to fail. R.O.D..

The Miraculous Prayer – Dear Heart of Jesus, in the past I’ve asked for many favours. This time I ask You this very special one (mention favour). Take it Dear Heart of Jesus and place it within Your own broken heart where Your Father sees it.

Then in His merciful eyes it will become Your favour, not mine.

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Amen. Say this prayer for 3 days, promise publication and favour will be granted. Never known to fail. T.S. The Miraculous Prayer – Dear Heart of Jesus, in the past I’ve asked for many favours. This time I ask You this very special one (mention favour).

Take it Dear Heart of Jesus and place it within Your own broken heart where Your Father sees it. Then in His merciful eyes it will become Your favour, not mine. Amen. Say this prayer for 3 days, promise publication and favour will be granted. Never known to fail. D.R.

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Bereavement and grieving (continued from previous issue) Do we all grieve the same way?

In my last contribution I looked at some of the factors, which indicate that we all grieve differently. I would like to explore some more in this article. the purpose of this is to help mourners and sympathisers understand the complexity of grief.

Sudden death is one of the factors that profoundly affects the nature of our grief. This is especially true in the early stages. Some bereavement psychologists hold that grief work is not only difficult to start, but harder to complete in the case of sudden death. Some possible reactions to sudden death includes a sense of unreality about the loss, increase of guilt feelings, a sense of helplessness, a sense of being agitated and uneasy, a sense of unfinished business, and a wish to make meaning out of the death.

There is no emotional preparation for a sudden death. I have experienced this. I had no preparation for any type of death. I had never been bereaved, and did not even own a grave. I was only 45 at the time, my parents were youngish, and I never expected to need one for years. For a long time I kept asking myself ‘how did this happen?’, and for many years the ringing of the phone filled me with dread because I feared it might be news that something awful had happened to one of my other children. I was pervaded by a general sense of unease, and my feeling of helplessness was accompanied by a feeling of sheer terror. I felt powerless.

Shock is the most palpable and immediate reaction to sudden death. It is natures way of numbing us so that we are not immediately overcome. It can sometimes come before the denial stage of grieving. Bereavement writers have described it as a physical and emotional illness with specific symptoms. it is a temporary anaesthetic. I experienced it fully, but I cannot really describe it.

Somehow it was like a physical blast, akin to having a shotgun discharged in my face, and it rendered me helpless for several days. I suppose I was close to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder for a brief period.

Dealing with all the aspects that make grieving different for different people would demand many articles, so I will list other relevant ones. These include the diverse medical, psychological and mental history of the bereaved. Under this would come age, gender and marital status of the bereaved. The type of personality is another factor, and some psychologists show that there are 16 types

By Jim O’Shea of personality. This in itself is a major study, because each personality type deals uniquely with problems. The degree of social support available is another dimension affecting how we grieve.

In terms of gender, there is evidence that women grieve differently to men.

This can often cause tension and misunderstanding in a house where different members of a family are at different stages of grieving. In Western society men tend to suppress their feelings more than women, with the important exception of expressing anger. There is also the cultural context, and in an increasingly multicultural Ireland there is an even greater diversity of grieving.

Religion is a part of culture, and the use of ritual is important. In Ireland funerals are well attended, especially in rural areas, and this can be a great help to the bereaved. The funeral mass can have a powerful effect upon the bereaved, and I recall how vivid the words ‘angels of the Lord take him into paradise’ were.

They rang in my ears, and somehow sharpened my sorrow, and made me confront the reality of my loss.

I realise that I have merely touched upon all the factors that influence how we grieve. Some of these can be helpful to some people and some can hinder the grieving process. A strong religious belief, for example can be of great help, but for those who have a strong conviction of a punitive God, and the existence of hell, it can add to their pain if the deceased had not lived what they consider a good life. (continued in next issue) Jim O’Shea works as a counsellor from Furze, Thurles. Ph. 087 8211009 www.jimoshea.net . JimO’Shea’s book ‘When a child dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family’ is published by Veritas. The royalties from this book will go tosthe Children’s Hospital in Crumlin.

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