Laois Offaly Tatler Issue 9 Nov 2010

Laois Offaly

TATLER

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Issue No. 9 Fri. 29th October, 2010 Tel: 0504-51945 email: info@offalytatler.ie info@laoistatler.ie web: www.offalytatler.ie www.laoistatler.ie

Distributed Free throughout Laois & Offaly Every 2 Weeks

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Jokes A husband was advised by his psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife henpeck you. Go home and show her you're the boss."

The man was on fire with enthusiasm and couldn't wait to try the doctor's advice! He rushed home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled, "From now on, you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs, and lay out my best clothes. Tonight, I'm going out with the boys and you're going to stay home where you belong. And another thing...you know who's going to comb my hair, iron my pants, polish my shoes and tie my tie?"

"I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "The undertaker."

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."

"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."

"I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers?

God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Granny is!"

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A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'

The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf.'

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

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His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a homecooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy, and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.

"Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother.

"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook...."

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."

The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."

The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.

"Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

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Rehab wants trivia experts to answer their County’s call Rehab are challenging pub quiz buffs in Counties Offaly and Laois to answer their county’s call and register a team in the Rehab All-Ireland Pub Quiz which will take place in The Dempsey’s Bar, Mountmellick on 3rd Nov and Sunrise Inn, Birr on Friday 5th November at 9.00 pm.

ticipating pubs – a full list is available on the Rehab website at www.rehab.ie. All participants must be over 18 years of age.

50 pubs throughout the country that are taking part in the Rehab All-Ireland Pub Quiz. The winning team and runner-up from each pub will progress to the national final taking place on Friday, 19th November at the Radisson Hotel, Athlone, Co. Westmeath. The prize for the overall winning team is €4,000, with prizes of €2,000 and €1,000 respectively for the second and third place teams.

Pauline Crowley, Head of Fundraising, Rehab, said: “Since it’s re-launch in 2007, Rehab’s All-Ireland Pub Quiz has been a tremendous success with thousands of trivia-buffs in hundreds of pubs throughout the country taking part. To date, the event has raised over €200,000 for Rehab services nationwide and we hope to build on this again in the coming months.

Each quiz will consist of ten rounds of six questions covering topics including general knowledge, history, sport, TV and film, music and current affairs. Participants can sign up in par-

All proceeds from the pub quiz nights will go towards the further development of Rehab services nationwide.

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So, we’re calling on people to come out to the local participating pubs in Laois and Offaly and support what promises to be a fantastic and fun way of raising much-needed funds for services for people with disabilities”

Test your general knowledge!

1.

Name the Irish businessman who hosts The Apprentice on TV3?

2.

The name of which European football club is an anagram of `Red Admiral`?

3.

Name the three men from the island of Ireland who have won the World Snooker Championship

4.

What is the name of the international airport at Amsterdam?

5.

What is the world’s largest bird?

6.

What were the names of the four Golden Girls?

Answers 1. Bill Cullen 2. Real Madrid 3. Alex Higgins, Dennis Taylor and Ken Doherty 4. Schiphol 5. Ostrich 6. Blanche, Rose, Dorothy and Sophia

Volunteers Wanted Offaly Sports Partnership in conjunction with Tullamore Special Olympics Club wish to recruit volunteers to assist the club in their swimming sessions which take place every

Wednesday, 7pm-8pm in Aura Leisure club, Tullamore. For further details please contact Claire Grehan (SIDO) on (057) 9357463 / cgrehan@offalycoco.ie

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Feeding wild birds Winter is on the way back in again and while we are stocking up on oil and solid fuel to keep ourselves warm throughout the winter, spare a thought for the birds that will be staying throughout the winter and struggling to find food and water.

Birds need to keep their body fat up to keep warm through the unforgiving weather, so plenty of food should be put out to help some of nature's most beautiful creatures.

Wild bird seed, peanuts and sunflower seed can found in local supermarkets and garden shops, as can the special wire or plastic feeders that they should be put in; these feeders can then be suspended from tree branches or a bird table. Apples, whether cut in half and speared on branches or just left out whole on the lawn, are also a great source of food, particularly for Blackbirds and other members of the thrush family, as well as Blackcaps (small warblers that have only recently begun to spend the winter in Ireland). Kitchen scraps, such as bacon rinds, cheese (particularly loved by Robins), suet, raisins, moistened bread, melon seeds, fruit, stale cake, cooked potato, oatmeal, fresh coconut and uncooked pastry, also make welcome meals.

etable containers, and meat trimmings, bacon rinds and other scraps will also be eaten. Melted fat may be poured over bread or cake scraps to make “bird cake”.

There are a couple of items which should never be fed to birds. These include desiccated (dried) coconut, uncooked rice or dry bread, which may swell up in the bird’s stomach.

It is equally as important to ensure that your garden birds have a constant supply of fresh drinking water, something that can be very hard for them to find when ponds and puddles are frozen over. As well as needing to drink it, they also need it for bathing, to ensure that their feathers are kept clean so that they will insulate them effectively against the cold weather. A simple bird-bath can be made from an inverted dustbin lid sunk into the ground; remember to keep the surface ice free.

As the birds become dependant on the food you put out for them and expend their energy getting to the garden, it is important to keep up putting out food for them as they may not have the energy to go looking elsewhere. Get the children involved. Identifying the birds will provide the children with hours of Fat is an especially important source free fun and education as well as enof energy for birds, so please don’t couraging them to take an interest in waste it! Lumps of suet may be hung nature. out on strings or in plastic mesh veg-

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The National Women's Enterprise Day aims to inspire, activate and assist women across Ireland in running their own business.

If you would like to avail of this sponsorship, please email Geraldine Beirne at gbeirne@offalyceb.ie expressing your interest.

Tickets are now available to buy for the event through www.nwed.ie and are priced at €100 each. This year, Offaly Enterprise Board will sponsor the full attendance fee to the first 10 women entrepreneurs who book and pay for the conference. You must have a business registered in Offaly, or if you are not yet set up in business then you must reside in Offaly to qualify.

The National Women's Enterprise Day will commence on the evening of Thursday 18th November with some informal networking and celebrating women's enterprise with a conference, exhibition, mentor clinics and networking on Friday 19th November 2010.

This funding is on a strictly first come first served basis, and you must pay the attendance fee, and attend the conference, in order to claim your refund from Offaly CEB.

This event will be hosted by the County & City Enterprise Baords (CEBs) and funded under the National Development Plan (NDP) Gender Equality Division in the Department of Justice, Equality and Law Reform and funded by the European Social Fund and the Irish Exchequer.

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Halloween's origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain.

The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31, they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future.

For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.

The first was Feralia, a day in late October when the Romans traditionally commemorated the passing of the dead. The second was a day to honor Pomona, the Roman goddess of fruit and trees. The symbol of Pomona is the apple and the incorporation of this celebration into Samhain probably explains the tradition of "bobbing" for apples that is practiced today on Halloween.

By the 800s, the influence of Christianity had spread into Celtic lands. In the seventh century, Pope Boniface IV designated November 1 All Saints' Day, a time to honor saints and martyrs. It is widely believed today that the pope was attempting to replace the Celtic festival of the dead with a related, but church-sanctioned holiday. The celebration was also called All-hallows or All-hallowmas (f

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To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities.

During the celebration, the Celts wore costumes, typically consisting of animal heads and skins, and attempted to tell each other's fortunes. When the celebration was over, they re-lit their hearth fires, which they had extinguished earlier that evening, from the sacred bonfire to help protect them during the coming winter.

By A.D. 43, Romans had conquered the majority of Celtic territory. In the course of the four hundred years that they ruled the Celtic lands, two festivals of Roman origin were combined with the traditional Celtic celebration of Samhain.

The Great Heath 10k Run The first annual Great Heath 10k Run will take place the 28th of November. Men, women & families all welcome. Contact Sean Ryan @ 087 6110883 for registration, race entry fee and sponsorship card should you wish to nominate a charity on the day.

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rom Middle English Alholowmesse meaning All Saints' Day) and the night before it, the night of Samhain, began to be called All-hallows Eve and, eventually, Halloween. Even later, in A.D. 1000, the church would make November 2 All Souls' Day, a day to honour the dead. It was cele-

brated similarly to Samhain, with big bonfires, parades, and dressing up in costumes as saints, angels, and devils. Together, the three celebrations, the eve of All Saints', All Saints', and All Souls', were called Hallowmas.

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By Lorna Sixsmith, Garrendenny Lane Interiors

Eating in is the new going out. A little effort to create a relaxed and special atmosphere is all that is needed to create a special meal with a loved one or friends and family.

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Lighting is ever so important is the dining area - both for setting an atmosphere and ensuring that it is neither too bright nor too dark. The dining area should be well-lit but not glaringly so. You should be able to see what you are eating and see your dining companions clearly, yet if the lighting is too bright it will remove all atmosphere from an evening meal.

A dimmer switch is the dining room is a good idea as the lighting can then be varied depending on the time of day and the mood one wants to create.

Free standing lamps on dimmer switches placed at different heights around the room will provide variety and atmosphere. Another good option is using rise-and-fall lighting whereby the light is situated above the table and can be lowered or raised.

Another suggestion is to supplement the electric lighting with candles on the table for a seductive glow and atmosphere.

Many houses now have a kitchen-diner rather than having a separate dining room. Kitchens require task lighting so you can see clearly what you are doing when you are preparing and cooking food. However, the eating area should be relaxed and intimate, hence a dimmer switch for that area is an excellent idea - and lighting can create a cosier atmosphere if there are lamps on a sideboard or candles on the table.

Furniture Furniture in a dining room is often restricted to the dining table and chairs along with a side table or sideboard.

With the popularity of wooden floors, the only soft furnishing in the dining room might be the curtains or blinds, hence, dining rooms are often lacking in texture which means they look bare and cold and hence unwelcoming. All

they need is a few finishing touches to transform them.

Any decorative items on a sideboard will add interest but what really adds effective finishing touches are ’living’ items such as a floral arrangement, a flowering plant, even realistic artifical flowers will bring the sense that this is an often-used and welcoming part of the home. Lamps or candles on a sideboard or mantelpiece will also add to the homely atmosphere. Think about how you would like to add to the soft furnishings and texture in the room - be it a tablecloth and linen napkins, cushions or fabric on the chairs, a rug on the floor or artwork on the walls.

Relaxed Dining A dining room doesn’t have to be formal - create an informal, welcoming atmosphere with a bunch of country garden flowers loosely arranged in a jug along with simple, rustic French dinnerware and rekindle the art of conversation over a bottle of wine.

Simple napkin rings and a single candle in a small hurricane lamp are endearingly simple and effective for adding a special finishing touch to your lunch or dinner table.

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Tel: Victor on 087-2106821 For Free Quotation & Advice Eve Alexander , Cloughill House, Eglish, Fivealley, Birr reciving honours for pianoforte in grade eight at the examination held in 2009 from the Royal Irish Academy of Music which she received from her Teacher Majella Higgens of The Somerton School of Music Birr.

Clara GAA Notes Weekly Club Lotto Weekly Lotto 23-Oct-10. There was no winner of the weekly club Lotto jackpot. The winning numbers were 4-6-27-28. There were two match three winners. They were Tracey McGrath and Mary Touhey. Next weeks draw takes place in The Mill and the jackpot is 5450.

Blood Donation Clinic Clinic Times: Monday 1st November 2010 from 3.00pm to 4.45pm and from 7.00pm to 9.30pm in the GAA Centre Clara.

Bowling Tournament Calling all clubs, groups, schools, families etc. Clara GAA Bord Na Nog Bowling Tournament.

Bowling Fundraiser at Cosmic Bowl (Tullamore).

Dates Tues 23rd, Wed “4th and Thurs 25th November 2010.

Entry Fee per team 80 euro. (4 Bowlers per team, Best 3 scores to count) or entry forms and further details contact: Kevin Roe (087) 2238107.

In the event of a tie, the captain’s score will determine final positions.

There will be 3 team prizes, Prize Fund 700euro in total.

Presentation of prizes in Baggots Back Door Lounge, Clara on Thursday night 25 November 2010 at 11.00pm.

Annual General Meeting The Annual General Meeting will take place on Saturday 4th December

By Mike Mullen, Clara GAA PRO.

at 5.00pm in the GAA Headquarters (The Convent). All members are requested to attend.

Sponsor a Sod Have you purchased your Sod. If not why not. Support your club.

“Sponsor a Sod”- Clara GAA club would like to invite all current and past members (and anyone with any connection to the club, no matter how tenuous!) to be part of the launch of the new official Clara GAA Club website and the ‘Sponsor a Sod’ campaign. As part of our fund raising campaign to complete the new Championship pitch in Kilcoursey members and friends of the club are invited to sponsor a sod on the new pitch. Sponsors will receive a piece of the virtual pitch on a special page on our new website with each “sod” being added piece by piece to the page. Each “sod” can be purchased for €20 from any committee member .Log onto anclarach.com to see how our pitch is doing.

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Club PROs Add us to your mailing list!

Promote Your Activities Events, Fundraising etc.

Throughout Co. Offaly and Laois Free of Charge!

Send Your Club Notes & Photos to info@offalytatler.ie Or info@laoistatler.ie We will also put on our Website www.offalytatler.ie& www.laoistatler.ie

Carpentry & Building Services Ger Maher Building Contractor Carpentry • Extensions • Renovations • Etc. Phone: 087-2410735

Anyone wishing to put an ad on the website please contact any member of the committee.

Club Notes By Email Club Notes By Email-Anyone who wishes to recieve the club notes by email please send your email address to anclarach@live.ie , you will be added to our email list and you should recieve them every Monday night.

Now touring Ireland after extensive New Zealand Tour Come along for the fun and enjoy a great night of top class entertainment For bookings call 086-360 2361 email: deiseldes@yahoo.com.au

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World Record Attempt in Tullamore Thrill The World Offaly A large crowd of over 100 ‘zombies’ took part in a World Record attempt in Tullamore, Co Offaly. Thrill the World is a worldwide record attempt for the Largest Simultaneous Dance to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” Thousands of people in cities around the world have learned the Thriller dance and performed it precisely at the same time.

Thrill The World Offaly was in aid of The Carers Association, a national voluntary body headquartered in Tullamore that helps people who care at home for loved ones who are elderly and frail, seriously ill, people with disabilities and children with special needs. Over 160,000 people in Ireland give care at home every day to somebody who needs their help.

Local Tourism The Rock of Dunamase The Rock of Dunamase (the Fort of Masc), is one of the most historic sites in Ireland dating back many hundreds of years. It was first settled in the 9th century but was attacked by the Vikings of Dublin, the Abbot of Terryglass was killed in the raid. When the Normans arrived in the late 1100's, Dunamase became the most important Anglo-Norman fortification in Laois. It was part of the dowry of Aoife, the daughter of Diarmuid Mac Murrough, King of Leinster, when she was given in marriage to the Norman conqueror Strongbow in 1170. Strongbow's daughter and heir, Isabel married into the Marshal family. William Marshal who became Regent of England in the minority of Henry III had five sons, all of whom died without children. His daughter Eve, inherited the castle which passed into the Mortimer family but in 1330, the castle was forfeited to the crown on the execution of Roger Mortimer for treason.

It has an uneventful history then until the Cromwellian army is supposed

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to have blown it up to prevent it being used against them during the Cromwellian Wars. In 1795, Sir John Parnell, chancellor of the Irish Parliament, tried to develop a residence and banqueting hall at Dunamaise. All the late medieval features such as windows and doors were taken from other ruins and added to the castle at this time. When Parnell died, his son allowed the buildings to fall into decay, the state in which it has remained to this day. It is still well worth a visit as it offers stunning views of the surrounding countryside.

It is open daily during daylight hours and has visitor facilities and a car park. It is located in County Laois, the site is a short distance from the N80 road, between the towns of Portlaoise and Stradbally.

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Motoring €129 million increase in Government revenues due to scrappage scheme • Boost in sales sees VAT (€43 m) and VRT (€86 m) take from all new cars increase by €129 m* • Revenue from scrappage scheme cars alone tops €53 million* • 13,615 Scrappage scheme cars processed* • 29,000 more new cars sold than last year* • 26,000 more new cars sold than whole of last year

GER O’SULLIVAN CAR SALES

*these figures relate to end of September 2010

Borris-in-Ossary, Co. Laois

Scrappage Scheme – the figures Figures released by SIMI show that as of the end of September, there have been 13,615 reclaims made under the Government scrappage scheme. (statistics were compiled by Revenue)

Motor Industry Apprenticeship SIMI (The Society of the Irish Motor Industry) are seeking applications for the following Apprenticeship positions Motor Mechanic, Heavy Vehicle Mechanic, Vehicle Body Repairer and Agricultural Mechanic. They wish to fill up to approximately 150 apprenticeship positions over the next number of months.

An apprentice is a person who works for an employer in their chosen occupation and gains the necessary skills, knowledge and competencies to become a qualified craftsperson. The duration of an apprenticeship is a minimum of 4 years. The apprenticeship system is a modular standards-based system comprising of 7

alternating phases of training and development four on-the-job and three off-the-job.

On successful completion of your apprenticeship, you will receive a FETAC Level 6 Advanced Certificate Craft. This qualification is recognised both nationally and internationally.

SIMI supported by the FAS apprenticeship system are committed to the training and career development of individuals within the Motor Industry. If you are interested in applying for an apprenticeship within the Motor industry visit www.simi.ie and go to Training and Career Development, Recruitment.

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ELY’S

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To learn more, please contact Mary Murphy F.S.T. Practitioner

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We also water seal your roof from the inside with

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• FITTED KITCHENS • STAIR CASES • SASH WINDOWS Riverstown, Birr, Co. Offaly

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MARY’S FOOT HEALTH CLINIC

Take your first steps to healthy feet

Motor Engineer

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BENNY LARKIN starting from

FREE Measure & Quote

starting from

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Proprietors: Marie & Bernie

Premier Industrial Equipment Ltd Dumpers • Diggers • Rollers • Water Pumps Mixers • Cherrypickers • Pokers • P/Floats Banagher, Co. Offaly Crinkle Birr 087 6176472 057 9120103 Office - 057 52982 Email: premierplant@yahoo.ie

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Do you suffer discomfort from………

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To an appointment Contact Mary on (086)3519416 MARY MURPHY S.A.C. Dip FHPT S.A.C. Dip FHPP Registered Member of the Irish Chiropodists/Podiatrists Organisation Ltd

For ads that get noticed, not lost, call 0504-51945

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This size ad + photo €20 Phone 0504-51945 Email: info@offalytatler.ie

Counselling Professional counselling available in the

To place a classified ad post ad with payment to: Laois Offaly Tatler, Curraghgraigue, Borrisoleigh, Co. Tipperary

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reavement, stress, anxiety, self-esteem, relationship difficulties and couples counselling. Qualification recognised by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (IACP). Some evening

Swedish Redwood decking boards and components. Tanalised and Pressure treated.

Prices starting at €2.00 per sq foot for joists and boards. Patrick Cody Ltd., Clonakenny, Roscrea, for all your decking requirements.

We also supply new type Redwood Railway Sleepers. Delivery service available. Tel: 0505 43154 iss147

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Financial Services Need advice on mortgages,clearing debt, life assurance costs,health cover etc contact Eamonn Walsh now 086-0471147 iss145

Psychic reading (Midlands 103), healing,

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." -Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949 "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."

-- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957 "But what ... is it good for?" -Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

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Turf / Firewood Rahanni Celestial Healing, Level 1. One day training, Sat 30th october, 10.304pm. Level 2, Saturday 6th november, 10.30-4pm. Bernie 086-3688583

Lorry loads of Turf/Firewood for sale, also in bags, big and small. 0871413238 iss156 Full and half lorry loads of turf delivered. 087-0904953 iss152

Make-Up Artist. Carmel Ryan is a freelance make-up artist, based in Roscrea, Co. Tipperary. she specialises in make-up for debs

Weddings

and bridal parties. For your wedding, she

Complete Wedding Album or story book, 3

offers a mobile service in the comfort and

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privacy of your own home. Mobile: 087-

galong Karaoke, photos taken. Also video

2773351 iss150

conversion, duplicates. 087-2606110 or 0909 643045

How wrong people can be in foreseeing the future.....

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To Rent

Iss13

Hire / Sale One ladies 3 piece Olive Green suit, size 12, design Gold by Michael H., worn once.

Original price €480, asking €250, feathers included. Also 3 piece ladies suit, size 14, bronze and champagne. Design name John Charles. Bought in Olivia Dnaielle’s and worn once. Original price €590, asking €300. Receipt can be seen. 085-8221054 / 05793 55826 iss6

Bonhams for Sale Beautiful multi-coloured piglets for sale. Outdoor breed.

Thriving well. Male and female. Tel; 086 4021659

hypnotherapy, EFT, Bernie 086-3688583, Commercial/Storage Units to rent, Durrow,

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appointments available. ph Jim O Shea 087-8211 009

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Thurles area. The service covers general counselling, bereavement, suicide be-

(For up to 25 words. Over 25 words add .25c per word Highlight your classified ad with a colour background €10 Place a box around your ad and include photo €20 Payments by Credit Card or Laser - Minimum of €10

You can pay for all ads by Credit Card or Laser

Sell Your Stuff!

per issue (line adverts)

Find us on

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."

-- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" -David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." -- Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." -- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value.

PRODUCTS & SERVICES - PRODUCTS & SERVICES Roscrea Glazing CANGORT MEMORIALS Manufacturers of Double Glazed Unit Covering all areas of North and South Tipperary

Phone:0505-47450

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• Headstones of distinction erected countrywide • Quality cleaning service All work completed without delay

Fitting & Measuring Service Provided P.J. & Breda Jones, Moneygall 0505-45287 / 087-2717465 / 087-2593111

Birr Carpets & Furnishings Ltd. Complete Home Furnishings

Fitting Service Available Free Delivery Opening Hours: 10.00am-6.00pm Six days a week Main Street, Birr, Co. Offaly Tel/Fax: 057 9120766

WIXTED ELECTRICAL Domestic - Commercial - Industrial New Builds • Extensions • Renovations (Prop: James Wixted) Templemore, Co. Tipperary.

Maintenance Contractors

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BLINDS & CURTAINS Roller, Wood, Venetian & Vertical Readymade & Made-To-Measure Curtains Wide Range to Choose from & Best Price Around

Tiles & Timber Flooring Ltd. Large range of tiles and timber floors Available, Solid Doors available.

Professional fitting service available Free Quotation Free Delivery |Presented by: Mike Gavin

MEMORIALS FOR LOVED ONES

Co

YOUNG’S RECOVERY SERVICE

Steel Sheds & Garages All sizes Maintenance Free

24 Hour Nationwide Recovery Service

Delivered and Erected

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Web: www.Ballinwearprecast.com Email info@Ballinwearprecast.com

ee

PRINT & EMBROIDERY

Your idea Corporate • Workwear HERE! Hen & Stag Night • Birthdays T-shirts • Hoodies • Sweatshirts Polo & Rugby Shirts • Jackets

s

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o

PROMPT DELIVERY Email: smythsgravel@eircom.net Tinlough, Carrig, Birr

Killion Garden Centre 057-912 0974 Summer Bedding, Patio Plants, Window Boxes, Wall Baskets, Large Selection Of Pre-Planted Hanging Baskets, Pots and Grave Tubs or your own Refilled.

Shrubs, Trees, Perennials, Roses, Etc. Landscaping & Garden Maintenance

5 mins from Birr on Kinnity Road

Computer Troubleshooters TECHNOLOGY SOLVED

• Laptop & PC Repairs • Virus Control • Clean up, Speed up • Websites

• Internet, Email • Networks, Wireless • New Systems Supplied • Call Out Available Tel: 057 9341603 Mob: 087 2305385

All Trees, Tree Plants & Hedging

24hr service

Whitethorn & Beech Hedging etc. etc.

Ring John anytime

087-274 3914

www.irishshamrocktrees.com

Smyths Sand & Gravel LTD. Noel Kileen

Tel: 057 91 20156 / 25659 Mobile: 087 2597993 / 8339632 Fax: 057 91 20164

Contact Nora: 087-7453870

Irish Shamrock Trees

(Tipp) 087-1413238

Washed Sand & Gravel, Broken Stone, Washed Drainage Chippings, Claus 804, Lego Block Wall and Floor Screed Now Available

Feeling depressed, anxiety, stress, Relationship problems...?

Need someone to talk to in confidence?

Tony Monaghan, Tullamore

Ph: 086 8776737

Full / Half Lorry Loads Good Quality Dry Seasoned Hopper Turf / Firewood Available in Bags Variable Size Loads

Suppliers of Ready Mixed Concrete

Counselling & Psychotherapy

Phone/Fax 067 31083 Mbl: 086 8353197

Solid Fuel - Turf / Firewood

(Offaly) 087-0904953

Mob: 087-2561835 Mob: 086-2561835

O’Moore Street, Tullamore, Co. Offaly Tel: 085 738 5772

Roofing Supplies Between Birr and Portumna

Roof Cladding Available

all colours, all lengths available now We do a full range of Flashings and Accessories, PVC or Polyester Ready to Erect Sheds, Made to Order Box Profile & corrugated available in all lengths Nationwide delivery Ph: 087-9390661

Heads ‘n Tails

Tel:

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Mob:

Michael Morkan Groomer, Member of IPDGA

087 9692992

ROSCREA Rd., Shinrone, Birr, Co. Offaly morkanlorraine@eircom.net

Bridal Wear, Graduation Dresses, Wedding Outfits, Evening Wear Open: Tues - Fri: 10am - 5pm & Sat: 10am - 2pm

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Cryptic Crossword ACROSS 1. Am hugging an area turned over to Kilkenny village at a bend in the Barrow under Mount Brandon. (15) 8. Rushed in in time, agitated, for democratic Society founded

by Wolfe Tone in 1790. (6,8) 10. Is the singer, Mr Stewart, staff? (3) 12. Draw article back for prize. (5) 13. Don's returned around the 25th for the bishops' conference in Kilfarrassy no doubt. (5) 15. According to songwriter Chauncey Olcott in 1912, the Irish ones are smiling. (4) 17. Trews to part. (anag.) Sheltered Derry seaside bathing resort set in a pretty bay. (11) 18. Old Irish police force with aspiration to become wealthy.

(4) 20. Wren gets ruffled before the penultimate Down town known as the 'Gap of the North'. (5) 23. Da came back in the night before to get away. (5) 24. She gets this short title and loses her own name! (3) 26. Her caller's plan. (anag.) Leader of the Home Rule Party from 1874 to 1890. (7,7) 27. Relabel gear, hand over to Roscommon town near Lough Gara. (15) 11. Cane law tells. (anag.) Quiet Down town between Mourne Mountains and Slieve Croob. (12) DOWN 13. Weekend article; the devil it is! (5) 1. Rub orange G.A.A. (anag.) Cork lake, source of the Lee, 14. Act before lopsided description for the bride's money. (5) with a hermitage island of St. Finbarr. (7,5) 15. Ireland Irish in their eyes. (4) 2. "Nor dread nor hope attend a dying ------; a man awaits his 16. Jacob had included Cork transatlantic port once called end dreading and hoping all." Yeats. (6) Queenstown. (4) 3. E.g. red about avarice. (5) 19. Lash E.C. about a Tipperary town, one of Ireland's greatest 4. Saracen prince seen in Sneem, Ireland. (4) historic sites. (6) 5. Operatic star returns to describe someone infected with 3 21. Swiss style of interlaced art embraced by Celts in late neodown. (4) lithic times. (2,4) 6. As white as a layer?.........(5) 22. First class return of R.U.C. to Vatican top brass. (5) 7. ......and same layer interrupts any Tipperary site north of 23. Mistake in primer Rory read. (5) Carrick on Suir noted for its High Crosses. (6) 24. Grand he's around for the network. (4) 9. Rot down sure to be disturbed for ancient Irish look-out 25. Went quickly on way through Clones pedalling. (4) posts. (5,6)

Grow Your Business!

Sudoku for Kids!

Every row, column and minigrid must contain the numbers 1 through 4. Don’t guess use logic!

4 1

1

4

3 4 2 2

Call the Offaly Tatler today & Promote Your Business throughout Co Offaly. Phone 087-6258475 / 0504-51945 “Trying to do Business without Advertising is like winking at A girl in the dark.

You know you’re doing it, but no one else does” Phone today to Book your ad,

2

Tel: Fiona 087-6258475 Office 0504-51945 E: info@offalytatler.ie

Solution to crossword in last issue (No. 8)

Increase Sales, call 0504-51945

Counselling

Testimonials Our sister publication the Tipp Tatler has been providing excellent results for our advertisers for over 8 years. Here’s what some have to say

Bereavement and grieving (continued from previous issue)

By Jim O’Shea

before my child was killed and I suffered from such a severe headache all of that day that I was unable to visit the Death of a Child (part 1) shops and simply sat in a café until it “We are very happy with the service provided by the Tipp The death of a child can lead to compli- was time for the bus to depart. I also Tatler, it gets us lots of local jobs”. cated grieving because it is a particular- have vivid memories of the death. I Jason, Drain It Ltd. remember exactly where I was when ly painful loss. It is not the natural the accident occurred. That day is order of things that a child should die “We find the Tipp Tatler to be a great advertising medietched on my brain and will never fade. before its parents. There are so many um. Its distribution means our business is promoted over I always worried that I would forget the hopes and dreams unfulfilled. My a large area to a wide range of people ensuring our busisound of my child’s voice and I often child,who was killed when he was thirness remains successful”. mentally listen for it. I can still hear teen, would be thirty now.

I often Tom Gleeson – Arra Communications, Nenagh that soft voice and it, too, will never wonder what he would be like as an fade. adult, how would I relate to him, who would his wife have been, would he My surviving children, despite their Novena to Padre Pio Oh Jesus, full of favour, not mine. Amen. Say this prayer have been a good and kind husband, pain, always held that parental grief grace and charity, victim for sinners, so for 3 days, promise publication and favour would he have had children, what kind was the most poignant within our famiof parent would he have been.

It is natimpelled by Your love for us that You will be granted. Never known to fail. M.K. ly and, even now, they are extra conural to have such thoughts and memoNovena to St. Jude – willed to die on the Cross, I humbly Oh Holy St. Jude Apostle and martyr, great ries, it does not mean living in the past. scious of the preciousness of their beseech You to glorify in heaven and on children. So the death of a child can in virtue and rich in miracles. Near kinsman earth, the Servant of God, Padre Pio of of Jesus Christ. Faithful intercessor to all People say that the death of a child is arouse anxiety in the siblings when Pietrelcina, who generously participated who invoke you. Special patron in time of the saddest of all losses, but it is impor- they too have children of their own. in Your sufferings, who loved You so need, to you I have recourse from the depths tant to remember that every person ex- Look at the special relationship bemuch, and labored so faithfully for the of my heart and humbly beg of you to come tween parent and child, a relationship periences loss differently. I can glory of Your Heavenly Father and for to my assistance. Please help me now with that is forged in a biological and genetcertainly say that the loss of my child the good of souls. With confidence, I my present and urgent need (mention was immensely more painful that the ic way. Our role as parents is to keep beseech You to grant me, through His favour) and grant my earnest petition. In loss of my father. I can say no more our children safe and accidental death intercession, the grace of (mention your return I promise to make your name known than that and I cannot project this onto can give rise to complex guilt feelings. and cause you to be invoked. Say 3 Our request) which I ardently desire. E.R. other people. All people grieve differFathers and 3 Hail Mary’s, 3 Glorias.

The Miraculous Prayer – Because the death of a child is so comently. Sometimes the death of a child Dear Heart of Jesus, in the past I’ve asked Promise publication. T.H. plex, I hope to explore it in a further is so painful that some parents try to for many favours. This time I ask You contribution and I hope that this exploblot out the memory. I have met indiPrayers: €7.50 viduals who lost their children, and this very special one (mention favour). ration will be of some help to any readTake it Dear Heart of Jesus and place Initials:______ er who has lost a child. they seem to carry on normally in the Miraculous it within Your own broken heart very early stages of the bereavement, Novena where Your Father sees it. Then in and show good humour and a sense of Other____________ His merciful eyes it will become Your optimism about their lives. I am very conscious of the terrible pain that they have buried. Sensitive and skilled Offaly Tatler - Conditions of Publication recorded in whole or in part without the writcounselling is required to support them - All material submitted to Offaly Tatler will ten permission of the publishers. in bringing out this pain and in support- (continued in next issue) be subject to the following conditions. The - Advertisers should notify the publishers of placement of an advertisement or editorial any error immediately after the appearance of ing them as they struggle with the reali- Jim O’Shea works as a counsellor from ty of the loss of their child. copy will be deemed to be an acceptance of the first insertion to allow subsequent inserFurze, Thurles. Ph. 087 8211009 these conditions. tions to be amended. www.jimoshea.net . JimO’Shea’s book - Offaly Tatler has tried to ensure that all in- The Publisher reserves the right to amend What I can say, however, is that the ‘When a child dies. Footsteps of a formation is correct at the time of going to advertisement copy where absolutely necesdeath of a child is what bereavement Grieving Family’ is published by Verpress, but the publishers cannot accept respon- sary. If the Publisher considers it necessary to writers call an enfranchised loss. This itas. The royalties from this book will sibility for any errors or omissions. modify the space or alter the date or position means that the survivors experience go tosthe Children’s Hospital in Crum- The publishers cannot accept liability for any of insertion, the Advertiser will have the right widespread sympathy following the loss suffered directly or indirectly by any read- to cancel if such arrangements are unacceptalin. death of a child. I remember the huge ers as a result of any advertisement or notice ble, unless such changes are due to an emercrowds that thronged into the Cathedral published in the Offaly Tatler or on the webgency or circumstances beyond the Publisher’s in Thurles in February 1990 and the site www.offalytatler.ie. Nor do they accept control. Where the advertisement forms part of great amount of support I received any liability for loss arising from the non-ina series order, the liability of the Advertiser from so many. clusion or late publication of an advertisement shall be limited to the pro-rata cost of those

Prayers

or editorial.

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- The publishers reserve the right to revise advertisement copy to conform to the standards of Offaly Tatler in house style.

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- In the event of any error, misprint or omission in the printing of an advertisement or part of an advertisement, except where attributable to an act or default by the Advertiser or his agents or where covered by the above, the Publisher will either re-insert the advertisement or make an adjustment to the cost. No re-insertion or adjustment will be made where the error, misprint or omission does not materially detract from the advertisement. In no circumstances shall the total liability of the Publisher for any error, misprint or omission exceed the agreed net cost of the advertisement

People who lose children have particular ways of expressing their thinking.

They may talk about how the child was special, they try to make sense of the death, they have vivid memories of the death even after the passage of years and they use great pathos in describing the moment of death. They may also explore the `what ifs’ of the transition to being the parents of a dead child.

They describe premonitions they may have had before the death and the chasm that exists between them and the rest of the world. These are very familiar to me. I was in Dublin on the day

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