me. I felt his blood pulsing underneath my lips, underneath my fingertips, and I could not resist as Basilius told me to. I pulled back Dana’s long hair, exposing his neck, and attached my mouth to his vulnerability. And when his bronze skin melted to a milky brown, I fled. I left Dana’s body where he used mine years before—in the barn rafters amongst piles of damp hay. [Diary Entry 4] This Immortal blood has transformed me. I can feel my bones groaning under the strain of added height and elongated joints. My fingers have begun to curl inward towards my palm, and my hair and nails do not seem to stop growing no matter how often I trim them. I taste a constant metal on my tongue and my lips and teeth are stained with red. I seem to look like Basilius more and more every night. I am becoming a predator. Ahura Mazdā save me, please, if you have not already forsaken me. Do not let me harm as Basilius has. Do not let me feel at home in the darkness. [Diary Entry 5] There came a night when Basilius spoke to me. We were enjoying the comforts of our home in Bentham’s cabin when he spoke aloud from his chair by the fire. He said to me: “I am sorry.” When I looked up to
him from my sewing, he continued, “I feel that you are afraid of me.” I was not sure what to say, for words spoken aloud have never been within my talents. I paused, then said to him, “I cannot be dishonest with you, Master. I was afraid, at first. But you must understand that was before. Until I came to know you, I was not aware that...creatures like us existed. I was not afraid of your needs as much as I was afraid to know of your person. But I am glad you are good.” “Good?” He scoffed. “My dear, what do you consider to be good?” I felt as if he was testing me then. What do I consider as good? This was something I wish I had pondered more, but he required an answer. “I suppose good in nature is what I mean. You are kind to me, and you saved me. I’ve seen you care for the creatures of the woods, and though your needs involve harm, you take care to make it painless. Despite your inherent nature, you are conscious and careful of others. Your harm is justified. Therefore, I think of you as a good man, Master.” “Do you consider the townsmen of Lydia to be good? Yes?” I thought for another moment. They are just people. While I may have never thought of myself as one of them, I thought of them as benign. “As a whole,
85
