The Olive Press Catalunya magazine April 2012 issue 47

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April 2012 issue 47

CATALUNYA

day


Precursors of April Fools' Day include the Roman festival of Hilaria, held March 25, and the Medieval Festival of Fools, held December 28, still a day on which pranks are played in Spanish-speaking countries. In Chaucer's Canterbury Tales (1392), the "Nun's Priest's Tale" is set Syn March bigan thritty dayes and two. Modern scholars believe that there is a copying error in the extant manuscripts and that Chaucer actually wrote, Syn March was gon. Thus the passage originally meant 32 days after March, i.e. May 2, the anniversary of the engagement of KingRichard II of England to Anne of Bohemia, which took place in 1381. Readers apparently misunderstood this line to mean "March 32", i.e. April 1. In Chaucer's tale, the vain cock Chauntecleer is tricked by a fox. In 1508 French poet Eloy d'Amerval referred to a poisson d’avril (April fool, literally "April fish"), a possible reference to the holiday. In 1539, Flemish poet Eduard de Dene wrote of a nobleman who sent his servants on foolish errands on April 1. In 1686, John Aubrey referred to the holiday as "Fooles holy day", the first British reference.On April 1, 1698,

several people were tricked into going to the Tower of London to "see the Lions washed". In the Middle Ages, New Year's Day was celebrated on March 25 in most European towns. In some areas of France, New Year's was a week-long holiday ending on April 1. Many writers suggest that April Fools originated because those who celebrated on the January 1 made fun of those who celebrated on other dates.The use of the January 1 as New Year's Day was common in France by the mid-16th century, and this date was adopted officially in 1564 by the Edict of Roussillon. So now you know..or do you???

Breaking News New study about women and how they feel about their arses; the results were pretty interesting: 30% of women think their arse is too fat............ 10% of women think their arse is too skinny......... The remaining 60% say they don't care as long as he brings in a wage.

SG Rustica

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PERELLÓ PROPERTIES DIRECT S.L. NEW PROPERTIES NEEDED R275 38,000€ studio apartment, R276 150,000€ L´Ametlla de Mar Business opportunity PPDSL specialise in Rustic Properties on the Costa Daurada- Fincas - Country Houses - Villas - Townhouses

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Antiques Secondhand furniture Curiosities Trading Centre Calle L Mina 13, El Perelló more info contact 681 005 363 Opening hours Wed/Thurs/Fri/Saturday 10.00am till 1.00pm. Will be extended as we get busier. 3


THE

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Contributors: Clodagh & Dick Handscombe David Piqué/ Carlos Prieto Cid /Stuffed Olive Designs COVER PICTURE: Printing: Indugraf A fool for half a day SA Jane (The Olive Press) Deposito Legal: MA1565-2008

BREAKING NEWS

In a shock move Ebay and gum tree have joined together in “Yorkshire only”merger The new company will be called

Ebay Gum

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What’s New -In Spain PC Tips

6+8+9+30

Contents Page 8

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Your Horoscope 11 Can it be True? 10+12+13 Hiroshima 14 The Two Cows 15 The Lighter Side 16+17 A little culture 19 Health & Well Being 20 Gourmet Treat your taste buds 22+23 Law 24 Home & Garden 26 Crossword- Spanglish 32 What's Going On 33 Classifieds 34+35 Business Card Directory 36-39

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Disclaimer: No part of this publication may be reproduced by any means without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Olive Press does not accept responsibility for the contents of the articles supplied by contributors nor for the claims made by advertisers

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news in spain A cannabis association in Barcelona that uses the drug for therapeutic reasons has offered to pay 36,000€ to the club and sign a deal with the Town Hall, and then promises to pay 550,000 € a year each July for the land rental, legal and judicial costs, and security which make up the project, noting the Town Hall won’t have to pay a penny. For now the local Town Hall is to hold a meeting and vote on Wednesday to decide on what to do; they have requested a report to see if the idea is legal or not.

Tarragona village wants to grow marihuana to get out of the recession.

A village in Tarragona has come up with a way to beat the recession. They propose to plant marihuana. A smokers’ club in the village of Rasquera and say the plantation would create jobs. They say they will not sell it, rather it will be for the use of the club members and also for ‘therapeutic ends’.

The Mayor of Rasquera, Bernat Pellisa, told the EFE news agency that they are studying the proposal which he said was ‘developed and an opportunity, and certainly not frivolous’. There are about 1,000 inhabitants in the village, and while they admit they could never have imagined it, the crisis is such they say they are prepared to grow whatever is needed.

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+34 628 091 153 Rita or +34 628 091 050 Peter Ronda del Mar 24 (office) 43895 L´Ampolla www.losduendesproperties.com • contact@losduendesproperties.com


PC TIPS GET ORGANISED Carrying on with the file cabinet analogy, you also need to get your computer organized. I’m sure you’ve seen those computer desktops with a bajillion shortcuts on it. That’s no better than leaving papers all over your office. There’s a reason geek-speak calls them files and folders. Treat them like their real world companions and they will be easier to find, work with, and be more secure all at the same time. For organizing your desktop, I recommend Fences by StarDock. It’s like setting up work-zones on your computer desktop and keeps it from getting cluttered. I’ve even seen people do this with their real desktops – setting up folders or taping off areas for specific ongoing projects to sit in. It can work, but you need to be vigilant. Entropy is a universal force – it cannot be overcome. But Fences sure can help! Working on these areas can only lead to a more productive day, with less effort and confusion. That means a lot less stress for you! And that’s a good thing . Next Month GET TWITTER

Things are not always as they seem with virus Warnings

As Expats in Europe, many of us rely on email to communicate with friends and relatives 'back home' so we check our email inbox regularly. Most us are aware of Computer Viruses being passed around the Internet attached to emails, and if you were not, then you are now. It is becoming an ever increasing problem, but Hoax Warning messages spread even faster. The problem with the Hoax 'Warning Message' is that everyone thinks they are doing a good thing by sending it to everyone in their address book. As I said in the title 'things are not always as they seem!'Protect Your Computer and Your Data You need to be very careful about opening emails these days, as computer viruses are rife, but you can do things to protect yourself; if you get an email from someone with a hyperlink only and no words or discussion then it is most likely a virus, do not open it just delete it. Have your email software set to 'preview' so that you can see the message without opening it. Always look at who sent it, and who else it was sent to, 'undisclosed recipients' or a list of people with the same first name, should ring alarm bells. Do not think it is safe just because you know the email address, as many people are having their email address cloned, then messages are sent out as if they have come from your friend You need up-to-date Anti Virus software on your pc , 'back up' your computer files regularly and store them 'off' your computer (on a disk, USB drive or online), this keeps any precious or important files safe in case you loose everything on your computer . Is it a Hoax? We all get emails from friends from timeto-time warning us of the latest email virus, and our first instinct is to forward it on to everyone in our address book, thinking we doing something good by warning them to be careful.... This is great if the message is genuine but when the message is a Hoax, we are making the problem worse.

Do some easy maths with me.... I get a warning email so I send it to 50 people in my address book = 50 people get the message within 4 hours they all send it to 50 people in their address book = 2500 people get the message within 4 hours they send it to 50 people in their address book = 1 250 000 people get the message within 4 hours they send it to 50 people in their address book = 6 250 000 people get the message by the end on the day! Whenever you get a warning email just simply check it with one the many information website that are available. I use the following ones, Thruthorfiction. com Snopes.com Hoax-slayer.com There are 2 warnings going around at the moment, it took me 5 minutes to check their validity on all three of the websites above, then I knew which warning to send on and which one to delete. One is about Photos or Video of Osama Bin Ladens death - This one is genuine and any photos or video you open will contain a dangerous virus which can wipe out your computers hard drive in seconds. There are no official photos of his death, so don't be tempted, but do send this warning to everyone in your email list.

Another one is about an Olympic Torch Invitation. This a Hoax and circulates around the Internet every 4 years, if you get this one then email back the person who sent it to you tell then about this article and then delete it.


news in spain 12 people were arrested, two of them under age, and a dozen more were injured in the worst clashes yet between students and police in Barcelona on Wednesday. Cash machines and containers were set on fire and the security forces were attacked. Unions claimed 70,000 were on the Barcelona streets, but the regional police put it at only 10,000. The protest led to the closure of the entrance to the World Mobile Market, currently being held in the city. 33 police vans were damaged during the evening. Currently Spain is in third place, behind France Those arrested will appear before the judge and Italy in the countries who pay most towards today, charged with causing disorder, setting the ‘British cheque’. Other countries such as fire to containers in the street and attack Germany, Holland, Austria and Sweden also get police agents. discounts in their payments to the union. Meanwhile the demonstration held in Madrid on García-Margallo said that it would be a ‘priority Wednesday night saw thousands of people take objective’ of the Government to stop any abrupt to the streets against the cuts and labour end to Spain being a net receiver of EU funds and reform. It was organised by the unions UGT become a net contributor. and CCOO who were demanding a General The Government has proposed that Andalucía, Strike. Galicia and Castilla-La Mancha, where Across the country protests were Manuel García Margallo, in 2014 it is expected earnings will be held in 57 cities. above the per capital average income wants to see the U.K. level which allows funds, receive instead rebate removed a payment of 2/3 of the current level Spain pays 13% of the cost for 2014-2020. It’s an idea welcomed by the of the so-called ‘British cheque’ which is European Commission, but Britain does not like the discount of some 3 billion € which the United the idea, considering that the structural funds and Kingdom benefits by in the community budget, European cohesion funds should be given to the according to the Minister for Foreign Affairs and poorest members of the EU, and not to the poor Cooperation, Manuel García-Margallo. regions of the rich countries. He gave his opinion to the EU Mixed Commission, made up of deputies and senators, where he Spain is also to defend the Common Agricultural explained the priorities of the Spanish government Policy over the next few months, and has in European affairs. García-Margallo, who was an indicated that the Government here is open to Euro MP before becoming a minister, said this type ‘reflect on possible future forms of financing the of ‘correction mechanism’ took away ‘transparency EU’, such as the Tobin Tax which Spain supports. and equality’ from the EU budget.


A.R.C.A. NEWS.

More success against the benefit cheats in Spain. In one of the latest cases to go to prosecution, Debbie Williamson from Rotherham was sentenced at Sheffield Crown Court to 18 months immediate imprisonment for having stolen UK benefits between 2004 and 2009. Ms Williamson had been claiming a number of non-exportable benefits from the UK, including income support. She denied having any connection with Spain, but investigators established she owned property in Valencia, had made regular cash withdrawals abroad and had her daughter in a local Spanish school. In total Ms. Williamson stole £42,558.72 from the British taxpayer by claiming benefits she was not entitled to after her circumstances changed. Ms. Williamson is just one of many cases that make up the estimated £79 million of benefit fraud committed abroad. Although most people claiming UK benefits abroad do so legally, Spain is one of the countries where most UK benefit fraud is committed. In many of these cases, the person has purposefully not informed the UK authorities of a change in their circumstances. Anyone in receipt of a UK State Pension or benefit has the responsibility to keep the department paying their benefit up to date with any changes that could affect their payment, no matter how small the change seems. If you know of someone committing UK benefit fraud

LIFES A BEACH FOR BONNIE. Bonnie was found up in the mountains almost at deaths door, very thin and had recently had pups, which were not found with her, we adopted her from A.R.C.A. 6 years ago, she is such a loving, gentle dog & so happy to be loved & in a safe home. A.R.C.A. have many loving dogs like Bonnie, wanting a second chance, sadly they have a short life and for many a very sad one, if you can change a life of just one dog the reward is amazing, you have a true friend & companion which is unbeatable. You can text or call me on 678 975 816. Many thanks once again, Mave. whilst living in Spain, such as claiming a non-exportable benefit, working in Spain while in receipt of UK incapacity benefit, or claiming benefit as a single person but living with a partner, you can help to protect the taxpayers’ money. A free and confidential Benefit Fraud Hotline is available in Spain – call 900 554 440 to help UK investigators close the net on the benefit thieves.

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fit to preach. Of course we are removing the “laying of hands” but then really we’re trying to discourage physical contact in the priesthood generally.” In an unforeseen move the Catholic can it be true In the main, the new exam will focus on Church has today announced plans to Weddings, Baptisms (anything we can streamline the ordination process. charge for really!) With a lean towards In what many see as an effort to keeping up the discrimination against increase numbers in women and homosexuals and not exposing the priesthood after yourself to children. a steady decline over The first round of exams are due to be taken in April recent years which this year and we spoke to one potential new model has seen thousands priest John Philips. He told the olive press “It is great quietly leave the to have something to focus on again. Of course my position rather than work as a Scout Leader has helped keep me busy but face the music. to be a priest has been my dream for literally weeks.” Father O’Reilly a This is timely. For years the Church has been working spokesman for the hard to get young men into the priesthood, although church told us “Its lately it's been the other way around really about keeping up with the modern world. For TEACHER: George Washington not only too long now we have relied on the old method of chopped down his father's cherry tree, waiting for a calling, then spending years studying but also admitted it. at a seminary. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't Now we’re advertising through Reed and after a 6 punish him? week training course you take a one hour, 50 question LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his multiple choice exam. As long as you pass you’re hand.....

10 email: info@the-olive-press.com Tel: 977 457 201


Taurus (April 21-May 21)

Whether or not you created goals for 2005 it's time to think of some now. They will involve groups of people who are interested in humanitarian pursuits. A study of the United Nations is good. Even though they are in hot water due to difficult transits, the UN's original purposes are still intact. A website to study is http:// www.purposeful.org/.

Cancer (June 21-July 20)

Gemini (May 23-June 20)

You may need to work or study extra hours to maintain equilibrium. You may also need care where money is concerned so that you don't fall into feelings of poverty and irresponsibility. Tend to things private and behind the scenes. You may also be very tired. Sleep more and tend to the plant kingdom.

Travel, if not foremost in your mind, should be. There's something about other places and people that assist you in being very present in daily life. On the other hand, perhaps it's time to study a series of subjects you're deeply interested in, yet have not had the confidence to begin. Make one decision now. The next will follow. If you follow through.

Leo (July 21-Aug. 22)

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Sagittarius(Nov.22-Dec. 20)

Capricorn(Dec.21-Jan20)

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 18)

Pisces (Feb. 18-March 20)

Aries (March 21-April 20)

Intimacy is not an easy subject to write about or to share with others. But this subject is most important to explore with another. Power struggles often emerge when intimate sharing (feelings, money, experiences, needs) isn't allowed to occur. There is much to learn yet about the self and the other. Where do you begin? With trust in the process.

You would like a clearer vision of what a good relationship looks and feels like without having to be excessive in your care for others or being swept away by passions. A dropping of hindrances and barriers to your feeling level will determine the depths you allow in relationships. For the next several months tend to women friends and to children. They bring comfort.

You need ease, comfort, beauty, art, and all things that care for your physical, emotional, and mental bodies. You need coddling, to be indulged, and purred upon (Leo, your opposite sign). Ask for this, seek it, buy it and then you can give it. Extravagance isn't easy. But it's a must sometimes.

It will be important to be comforted by what surrounds you like objects and people you're accustomed to. Without them you may feel quite unnurtured. This leads to non-nourishment, which leads to being ill prepared for daily life. Do all that is necessary to maintain communication with loved ones. And tell the truth about finances.

Security may be your main issue in the months that follow. Whether it's the security of monetary enterprises, security of home and family, or basic security concerning locks and bolts to your doors and windows, all are important. Your home environment needs a clean sweep, a deep feng shui, and a few new sources of light. Have you seen the Hamalayan Salt Crystal lamps? They ionize.

Taking care of oneself, especially a Pisces, is not first agenda on your list. But it must begin to be. The daily ups and downs you're feeling are due to the need for less chaos and disorder, more organization and immense amounts of culture. You have permission to be upset if necessary. Open the windows and turn on the lights.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You may feel your work is overwhelming, the chaos is out of control, there's no time or place outside of the work world, and that a daily routine such as yours cannot continue. All the above are true. You MUST do more exercise, drink green tea, and eat with more continuity. Check in with family for stability.

You are simply taking care of others this month and possibly the next. And if you're not, then someone's taking care of you. For the one who's serving, take solitary time for yourself. For the one being served, rest and relax and don't think. Write letters, email, draw and listen to music. Don't discipline anyone. For the server, when are you going to schedule time to be alone? Let others cook for you. What relaxes and comforts you is most important because you could be feeling exhausted and somewhat drained due to being in the shadows (like Pisces) for months on end. This is not a usual place for Aries. Dreams are vital, study calms, and understanding the five stages of meditation enables your mind to come to experience peacefulness. Study Patanjali.

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11


can it be true

In another blow to the developing world, Madagascar has had its AAA rating removed by the Standard and Poor's agency, and will now be known only as Mdgscar. This is not serious news for us,' said Prime Minister Omer Beriziky. 'All the Mdgscan children call it Mdgscar on text messages anyway, so we will be able to carry on as normal.' A spokesman for Standard and Poor's said: 'Mdgscar is quite difficult to pronounce, so we hope this action and the headache it will cause the people of Mdgscar will lead the Mdgscan government to take quick and appropriate action.'Mr Beriziky confirmed his government was in negotiations with their Uzbekistan counterparts with a view to borrowing one of their vowels for five years. 'I quite fancy a U, or an I for a change,' he said. 'I quite like the sound of Mudgscar.'

'

Prince Abola Olatunde spoke of his frustration yesterday, as his attempts to enrich his fellow internet users continue to fall upon deaf ears. Employing a team of volunteers from the school he funds directly, he asks them to select random emails to contact lucky recipients for such treasures as $11,000,000 cash direct into your account or to offer help in locating relationship saving sexual performance enhancing drugs. "I do not know whether this is a symptom of the poor grammar and spelling from my pupils or the fantastical nature of my offerings but I genuinely want to make the world a better place. To receive insults and sarcasm back has made me very sad."The Prince is celebrated as a generous philanthropic man in the Abuja neigbourhood he grew up in and wants to bestow his gifts upon

the world. "I have many riches and secrets I want to share. Like my 100% guaranteed penis enhancement pills, my credit card company that requires no credit check but has low interest rates and the saucy pictures of that girl you are attracted to!" It was difficult to doubt Prince Abola as he described to me a sure fire way to make big money on the Stock Market, gave me a DVD full of legal software and showed me very saucy pictures of that girl from accounts. Following the success of the “All Inclusive” holiday package, Major travel companies working alongside certain “masochistic” web sites have come up with the “All Abusive” package. Things on offer will be the wearing of a colourful wrist shackle, the force feeding of pasta in a beige sauce complete with reconstituted meat products. During the day should the “guest” wish to stray from the resort, he will be forced to do this with no money, and will have to shuffle around looking for “free” things. The highlight of the day will be more force feeding of pasta in a beige sauce complete with reconstituted meat products, followed by forced drinking of substandard “local” beverages, the torture continues with an old crooner thrashes his way through a bag of ballads. To finish the days suffering there will be an heated debate conducted in Scouse, Glaswegian and Geordie about the “Beautiful game” with the high likelihood of fisticuffs……Wait a Minute…….. !!! Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker-: Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"


Prominent surgeon, Charlie Smythe-Smythe, has come up with a cheaper, faster, and less invasive alternative to stomach stapling. This new procedure,

New slimming breakthrough

known as mouth stapling, can be performed in just a few seconds by a

junior doctor with a cheap staple gun and has been found to be more effective in reducing food intake than other treatments. 'We had originally intended to leave a hole about the right size for a drinking straw', said Mr Smythe-Smythe, 'but found that patients could still manage sugary fizzy drinks and those sweet cola-flavoured laces, so decided that total closure was the way to go'. Mr Smyth-Smythe did point out, however, that this treatment is still in its development stage and that it will probably be some days yet before the treatment can be offered to the public.

Moving Tribute to Homeless Addict People from all walks of life have been paying tribute today to Juan Tarrazona, a homeless heroin addict who died at the weekend aged just 34. Often seen huddled in shop doorways around Barcelona city centre, Juan touched many lives and was an inspiration to thousands. ‘I didn’t know him, never spoke to him or gave him any money, but he had a really profound effect on my life.’ said one banker, who often walked past Juan on his way to work in the morning. I would sometimes see him in there, muttering ‘spare change please’ as I passed by. Just a moment in his presence was a special gift, and I can’t believe he’s gone. I think I gave him a Euro once…. Or it may have been someone else…. Or maybe I just thought

about giving him a Euro….. I certainly thought something about a homeless person at one point in my life…I think . What did you say his name was again?’ Commentators have predicted that extremist preacher Abu Qatada Manager Shock will soon be appointed England football manager on the grounds that he will be paid less than if he claimed welfare benefits. The Daily Mail has already calculated that on his release from prison, Qatada's benefit claim for his family of one hundred children could send the UK's entire welfare budget into meltdown. Pundits also argue that 'Qatada's relentless murderous approach to his enemies and his inspirational preaching' are just what the England team need to win matches. It is understood that Home Secretary Theresa May agreed the appointment of Qatada as manager after her opposite number in Jordan said it was not interested in a transfer involving the cleric. New England

In a stunning piece of statesmanship UK Premier David Cameron has replaced Scotland with Belgium. Answering questions in the commons he agreed that “Yes! they are not very good at Rugby and I know they drink strawberry beer” And again yes ! they are more likely to give you a “nice” chocolate than a “Glasgow Kiss”. “But the NHS has warned us of the ticking time bomb caused by deep fried Pizzas and sausages of questionable origin swilled down by 8 per cent lager, we would not be able to cope” The PM continued “Anyway the Belgians have a far better command of the English language”


H

iroshima 1945 and 66 years later

66 years later! What happened to the radiation that lasts thousands of years? We all know that Hiroshima and Nagasaki were destroyed in August 1945 after the explosion of atomic bombs. However, we know little about the progress made by the people of that land during the past 65 years.

What has caused more long term destruction the A-bomb, or U. S. Government welfare programs created to buy the votes of those who want someone to take care of them? Japan does not have a welfare system.

d

etroit 65 years after Hiroshima

14 email: info@the-olive-press.com Tel: 977 457 201


Two cows explanation of the middle east.

confessions from the cows and systematically

BAHRAINISM You have two cows. Some high

assassinates each one in front of Al Jazeera

government official steals one, milks it, sells the

television cameras.

milk and pockets the profit. The government tells you

KUWAITISM Upon hearing how popular cows are in the

there is just one cow and not enough milk for the people.

Gulf region, a group of young male Kuwaitis buy a herd.

The people riot and scream death to the government and

Unfortunately, they attach so many accessories (ski-racks,

carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for 11

3500 watt sub-woofers, nipple lights, etc.) that the cows

months, decides to employ ten Bahrainis to milk all the

almost collapse under the weight and/or embarrassment.

cows at the same time to cut back on unemployment.

The herd are all tragically killed in a massive pile-up while

DUBAISM You have two cows. You create a website for

their owners are attempting to perform donuts by the

them and advertise them in all magazines. You create a

Towers..

Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell off their milk

LEBANONISM You have two cows. One is owned by Syria

before the cows have even been milked to both legitimate

and the other is controlled by the government.

and shady investors who hope to resell the non-existent

OMANISM You have three cows. They are all healthy

milk for a 100% profit in two years’ time. You bring Tiger

and produce good quality milk for sale at the market.

Woods to milk the cows first to attract attention.

Unfortunately, your son discovers that the money he

EGYPTIANISM You have two cows. Both are voting for

received at the market can be used to buy beer. Your grand

Moooooobarak!

expansion plans for a new high-tech farm are put on hold

IRAQISM The British Government sends in a herd of 20

indefinitely.

cows in a trial run to help a village outside Basra. The

QATARISM You have two cows. They’ve been sitting there

villagers are extremely grateful for the extra milk and the

for decades and no one realizes that cows can produce milk.

health of the children improves daily. A terrorist group

You see what Dubai is doing, you go crazy and start milking

then kidnaps the cows and accuses them of being traitors

the heck out of the cows in the shortest time possible. Then

to “the cause.” The terrorists then produce signed

you realize no one wanted the milk in the first place. SAUDIISM You have two cows. Since milking the cow involves nipples, the government decides to ban all cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow on one side of a curtain and a guy milking the cow on the other side. YEMENISM You once had a cow. But then it got kidnapped.

A. M. P. A. R. E. The society for the protection of animals Ebro region. Based in Mora La Nova. We desperately need to re-home dogs to make room for more! We have over 200 dogs for adoption. Wendy 637 981158 English Isabel 977 404720 Spanish/ Catalan Donations always appreciated.


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16 email: info@the-olive-press.com Tel: 977 457 201


Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off

FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, ÂŁ200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

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17


La Diada de Sant Jordi , Saint George's Day),

also known as El dia de la Rosa (The Day of the Rose) or El dia del Llibre (The Day of the Book) is a Catalan holiday held on 23 April, with similarities to Valentine's Day and some unique twists that reflect the antiquity of the celebrations. The main event is the exchange of gifts between sweethearts, loved ones and colleagues. Historically, men gave women roses, and women gave men a book to celebrate the occasion—"a rose for love and a book forever." In modern times, the mutual exchange of books is also customary. Roses have been

associated with this day since medieval times, but the giving of books is a more recent tradition originating in 1923, when a bookseller started to promote the holiday as

a way to commemorate the nearly simultaneous deaths of Miguel Cervantes and William Shakespeare on 23 April 1616. Barcelona is the publishing capital of both Catalan and Spanish languages and the combination of love and literacy was quickly adopted. In Barcelona's most visited street, La Rambla, and all over Catalonia, thousands of stands of roses and makeshift bookstalls are hastily set up for the occasion. By the end of the day, some four million roses and 800,000 books will have been purchased. Most women will carry a rose in hand, and half of the total yearly book sales in Catalonia take place on this occasion. The sardana, the national dance of Catalonia, is performed throughout the day in the Plaça Sant Jaume in Barcelona. Many book stores and cafes host readings by authors (including 24-hour marathon readings of Cervantes' "Don Quixote"). Street performers and musicians in public squares add to the day's atmosphere. 23 April is also the only day of the year when the Palau de la Generalitat, Barcelona's principal government building, is open to the public. The interior is decorated with roses to honour Saint George.

18 email: info@the-olive-press.com Tel: 977 457 201


The Magna Charter Marriott Edgar 1880 - 1951

I'll tell of the Magna Charter

As were signed at the Barons' command On Runningmead Island in t' middle of t' Thames By King John, as were known as "Lack Land." Some say it were wrong of the Barons Their will on the King so to thrust, But you'll see if you look at both sides of the case That they had to do something, or bust. For John, from the moment they crowned him, Started acting so cunning and sly, Being King, of course, he couldn't do wrong, But, by gum, he'd a proper good try. He squandered the ratepayers' money, All their cattle and corn did he take, 'Til there wasn't a morsel of bread in the land, And folk had to manage on cake. The way he behaved to young Arthur Went to show as his feelings was bad; He tried to get Hubert to poke out his eyes, Which is no way to treat a young lad. It were all right him being a tyrant To vassals and folks of that class, But he tried on his tricks with the Barons an' all, And that's where he made a 'faux pas'. He started bombarding their castles, And burning them over their head, 'Til there wasn't enough castles left to go round, And they had to sleep six in a bed. So they went to the King in a body, And their spokesman, Fitzwalter by name, He opened the 'ole in his 'elmet and said, Conciliatory like, "What's the game?" The King starts to shilly and shally, He sits and he haws and he hums, 'Til the Barons in rage started gnashing their teeth, And them with no teeth gnashed their gums.

So they set about making a Charter, When at finish they'd got it drawn up, It looked like a paper on cattle disease, Or the entries for t' Waterloo Cup. Next day, King John, all unsuspecting, And having the afternoon free, To Runningmead Island had taken a boat, And were having some shrimps for his tea. He'd just pulled the 'ead off a big 'un, And were pinching its tail with his thumb, When up came a barge load of Barons, who said, "We thought you'd be here so we've come" When they told him they'd brought Magna Charter, The King seemed to go kind of limp, But minding his manners he took off his hat And said "Thanks very much, have a shrimp." "You'd best sign at once," said Fitzwalter, "If you don't, I'll tell thee for a start The next coronation will happen quite soon, And you won't be there to take part." So they spread Charter out on t' tea table, And John signed his name like a lamb, His writing in places was sticky and thick

Through dipping his pen in the jam. And it's through that there Magna Charter, As were signed by the Barons of old, That in England to-day we can do what we like, So long as we do what we're told

Said Fitz, through the 'ole in his 'elmet, "It was you as put us in this plight." And the King having nothing to say to this, murmured "Leave your address and I'll write". This angered the gallant Fitzwalter; He stamped on the floor with his foot, And were starting to give John a rare ticking off, When the 'ole in his 'elmet fell shut. "We'll get him a Magna Charter," Said Fitz when his face he had freed; Said the Barons "That's right and if one's not enough, Get a couple and happen they'll breed."

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19


Health sPICES IN THE DIET

Spices not only just excites your taste buds but are composed of impressive list of phyto-nutrients, essential oils, antioxidants, minerals and vitamins that are essential for our wellbeing. Spices have been in use as our food since centuries, and now become integral part of our life. Thanks to the European explorers, whose contributions in spreading them from their place of origin greatly help spices popular all over the world! Chili pepper contains impressive list of plant

derived chemical compounds that are known to have disease preventing and health promoting properties. Chillies contain health benefiting an alkaloid compound in them, capsaicin which gives strong spicy pungent character. Early laboratory studies on experimental mammals suggest that capsaicin has anti-bacterial, anti-carcinogenic, analgesic and anti-diabetic properties. It also found to reduce LDL cholesterol levels in obese individuals. Fresh chili peppers, red or green, are rich source of vitamin-C. 100 g fresh chilies provide about 143.7 mcg or about 240% of RDA. Vitamin C is a potent water soluble antioxidant. It is required for the collagen synthesis in the body. Collagen is the main structural protein in the body required for maintaining the integrity of blood vessels, skin, organs, and bones. Regular consumption of foods rich in vitamin C helps body protect from scurvy; develop resistance against infectious agents (boosts immunity) and scavenge harmful, pro-inflammatory free radicals fro the body. helps remove harmful free radicals from the body. They are also good in other antioxidants like vitamin A, and flvonoids like beta carotene, alpha carotene, lutein, zeaxanthin, and cryptoxanthins. These antioxidant substances in capsicum helps to protect body from injurious effects of free radicals generated during stress, diseases conditions.

Chillies contain good amount of minerals like potassium, manganese, iron, and magnesium. Potassium in an important component of cell and body fluids that helps controlling heart rate and blood pressure. Manganese is used by the body as a co-factor for the antioxidant enzyme superoxide dismutase. Chillies are also good in B-complex group of vitamins such as niacin, pyridoxine (vitamin B-6), riboflavin and thiamin (vitamin B-1). These vitamins are essential in the sense that body requires them from external sources to replenish. Chilli peppers have amazingly high levels of vitamins and minerals. Just 100 g provides (in % of Recommended daily allowance) 240% of vitamin-C (Ascorbic acid), 39% of vitamin B-6 (Pyridoxine), 32% of vitamin A, 13% of iron, 14% of copper, 7% of potassium, but no cholesterol. Safety profile Chili peppers contain active component in them, capsaicin, which gives strong spicy pungent character which when eaten causes severe irritation and hot sensation to mouth, tongue and throat. Capsaicin in chilies initially elicit inflammation when it come in contact with the delicate mucus membranes of oral cavity, throat and stomach, and soon produces severe burning sensation that is perceived as ‘hot’ through free nerve endings in the mucosa. Eating cold yogurt helps reduce the burning pain by diluting capsaicin concentration and also preventing its contact with stomach walls. Avoid touching eyes with chili contaminated fingers. Rinse eyes thoroughly in cold water to reduce irrittion. Chilies may aggravate existing gastroesophageal reflux (GER) condition. Certain chemical compounds like aflatoxin (fungal mold), found in spoiled chilies have been known to cause stomach, liver and colon cancers.


B

eing an expat can be a very rewarding experience. The joy of overcoming the language issue, the mixing with like minded individuals of other nationalities, for British expats – the improved climate and the opportunity to see a different culture are amongst these rewards. Of course, some things are more difficult including dealing with officialdom in a foreign language, not knowing all the local customs and more.

Tax Planning

The tax situation can be, well taxing!! With double taxation agreements between, for example, the UK and Spain, in which country do you pay your tax? And what about residence and domicile? In your home country these are likely to be the same. But overseas, these are often different. EXPAT FINANCIAL PLANNING - Inheritance tax is different and it is easy to be caught in two tax WHY IT IS DIFFERENT regimes.

Other things are just different. In this category comes expat financial planning. There are more things to think about and a need to allocate your investments in a different way. Here is a list of the top 6 elements that make expat financial planning different Currency One of the first financial steps when leaving your home country and relocating abroad involves exchanging currency to that of your new country. It is worth looking at specialist currency dealers. If you are going to be receiving an income from your home country, it will need to be exchanged into the currency of your new country. You are then exposed to regular currency conversion. You may need to “forward book” some of your currency exchanging to fix the rate of exchange. When it comes to arranging your savings and investments different currencies also need to be taken into consideration. As a principle, if your investments are generating income for you to live on you need the investments in the same currency as your expenditure. Emergency Cash Fund Regardless of the country you live in, we all need an amount of cash that is instantly available for emergencies. For the expat however, this fund needs to be higher than if you were in your home country. This is because inevitably you will be required to take additional trips back home. Trips back to see ailing and infirm relatives is a good example of this additional requirement. The amount will depend on your individual circumstances and any good, independent financial adviser will take this into account when financial planning.

Retirement Planning A recent survey found that the highest concern for expats is to ensure that they have enough for retirement. If you are planning on retiring in your home country you will need to save sufficient (and currency comes into play again here). If you are going to retire in your new country there are many factors to take into account such as what to do with your pension from home Health Care Many expats state that the health care in Spain is as good as the UK. However, despite this many people return home in later years due to health problems. It is worthwhile looking into the state health care of the country you are moving to and you may need to consider additional health care cover. International Schooling If you have a family when you move to your new country schooling is a concern. You may have to pay school fees in order to educate children at an international school. Or you and your children may wish to use a boarding school but this is an expensive option, a fact I know from personal experience. To make sure that your expat life is without worry and that your future is taken care of, you should have a financial planning adviser who will provide you with regular reviews and support. As an expat your circumstances are likely to change more often than if you were in your home country. Article by Barry Davys MBA, The Spectrum IFA Group. To ask Barry a question email him at barry.davys@spectrum-ifa.com

Want to feel happier living in Spain? Take independent financial planning advice from the experts. We analyse your situation, give you insight into how to organise your affairs, give you answers and advice. To start with a no obligation discussion, email barry.davys@spectrum-ifa.com or telephone 645 257 525 www.expatfinancialadvicespain.com

The Spectrum IFA Group is a registered trademark, exclusive rights to use in Spain granted to Baskerville Advisers S.L. CIF B-63/137.020 Correduría de Seguros; No de registro RDGS J2306; Paseo de Gracia 63, principal, 2a,08008, Barcelona. Seguro responsabilidad civil Chartis Europe No 0131900503.1330 Registro Mercantil de Barcelona, Tomo 35489, Folio 170, Seccion 8, Hoja B-269534

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21


one a penny two a penny hot cross buns

Ingredients 3/8 cup milk 3/8 cup water 1 egg 1 teaspoon salt 1/3 cup white sugar 4 tablespoons margarine 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon orange zest 3 cups bread flour 1 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast 1/2 cup raisins (optional) 3/4 cup confectioners' sugar 1 tablespoon water Directions Place milk, 3/8 cup water, egg, salt, white sugar, butter or margarine, cinnamon, nutmeg, peel, bread flour, yeast, and raisins in the pan of the bread machine. Select the Dough setting, and Start. Form into 15 rolls. Place into a greased 13 x 9 inch pan. Let rise for one hour. Bake at 375 degrees F (190 degrees C) for 20 to 25 minutes. Cool. Make icing with confectioners' sugar and 1 tablespoon water. Drizzle over buns in the shape of cross Battenburg cake is a true classic for afternoon tea. The Hairy Bikers' recipe makes it foolproof. Ingredients 175g/6oz softened butter, plus extra for greasing 175g/6oz golden caster sugar 3 free-range eggs 175g/6oz self-raising flour ½ tsp vanilla extract red food colouring paste For the covering 6 tbsp apricot jam 500g/1lb 2oz ready-made marzipan 2–3 tbsp icing sugar, for rolling.

Preparation method Preheat the oven to 190C/375F/Gas 5. Grease a 20cm/8in square, loose-based cake tin with butter. Take a 30cm x 20cm/12in x 8in strip of baking parchment and make a 8cm/3in fold in the centre. This will create a division in the cake so that the two differently coloured sponges can be cooked at the same time.

Line the tin with the baking parchment, keeping the division in the centre. Put the butter, sugar, eggs, flour and vanilla in a food processor and pulse until well combined. Transfer the batter to a bowl set on scales, remove half of the batter and put it in a different bowl. Add a small dab of red food colouring to one bowl and fold it into the batter until it is well blended. Spoon the cake batters into each side of the prepared tin and smooth the surface with the back of a spoon. Bake in the centre of the oven for about 25 minutes, or until the sponges have risen. Cool in the tin for five minutes, then slide a knife around the outside of each sponge and turn them out onto a wire rack. If the sponges have risen unevenly, press the surface gently until level. Leave until completely cold. To assemble the cake, first place one sponge on top of the other and trim off the crusty edges so they are both the same size. Cut the sponges in half lengthways to make four long rectangles. Warm the apricot jam in a saucepan then press through a fine sieve.Brush the long side of one of the sponges with jam and sandwich together with a sponge of a contrasting colour. Do the same with the other two sponges. Sandwich the two pairs of sponges together like a checker board and brush the top and sides with jam. Place the marzipan on a surface dusted with icing sugar and roll into a rectangle of about 40cm x 20cm/16in x 10in; it should be large enough to wrap the cake completely, leaving the ends exposed, and be about 5mm/Âźin thick. Turn the cake upside down on the marzipan and brush the underside of the sponges with jam.Wrap the marzipan around the cake, pressing it gently onto the surface of the sponges, and press the edges together to make a firm join.Turn back over with the seam underneath, trim a thin slice off each end and place on a serving plate.

22 email: info@the-olive-press.com Tel: 977 457 201


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had been dead for 30 years Officials had planned a birthday celebration to honour Mr Kato but they found him dead He was thought to be the oldest man in Tokyo - but when officials went to congratulate Sogen Kato on his 111th birthday, they uncovered mummified skeletal remains lying in his bed. Mr Kato may have been dead for 30 years according to Japanese authorities. They grew suspicious when they went to honour Mr Kato at his address in Adachi ward, but his granddaughter told them he "doesn't want to see anybody". Police are now investigating the family on possible fraud charges. 'Living Buddha' Welfare officials had tried to meet Mr Kato since early this year. But when they went to visit, family members repeatedly chased them away, according to Tomoko Iwamatsu, an Adachi ward official. Authorities grew suspicious and sought an investigation by police, who forced their way into the house on Wednesday. They discovered a mummified body, believed to be Kato, lying in his bed, wearing underwear and pyjamas, covered with a blanket. Mr Kato's relatives told police that he had "confined himself in his room more than 30 years ago and became a living Buddha," according to a report by Jiji Press. But the family had received 9.5 million yen ($109,000: £70,000) in widower's pension payments via Mr Kato's bank account since his wife died six years ago, and some of the money had recently been withdrawn. The pension fund had long been unable to contact Mr Kato. "His family must have known he has been dead all these years and acted as if nothing happened. It's so eerie," said Yutaka Muroi, a Tokyo metropolitan welfare official.

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23


the new Labour reform act On the 29th of March 2012 a general strike has been called by the main Spanish Trade Unions triggered by the “labour reform act� which came into force on 12 February 2012, after the publication of Royal Decree-Law 3/2012 of 10 February, looking for urgent action to reform the labour market. This law was passed with the aim, as stated in the preamble itself, to create the conditions necessary so that the Spanish economy can again create jobs and generate the necessary security for employees and employers, for markets and investors. The much-discussed reform is structured on two basic levels, the cheapening of the cost of redundancy and flexibility in business and in collective bargaining Unfair dismissal compensation is lowered to 33 days per year versus the 45 days prior to the reform

and with a maximum of 24 months compared to 42 up to now also removes the interim wages. But this will apply to contracts entered into after February 12, 2012, so that the contracts in force before the entry into force of the reform, if unfair dismissal rated receive compensation at 45 days salary per year of service by the time of service prior to the date of entry into force of Royal Decree at the rate of 33 days' salary per year of service by the time of service later. The resulting compensation amount may not exceed 720 days to pay, unless the calculation of compensation for the period before the entry into force of this Royal Decree-Law proves a higher number of days, in which case it will apply as maximum compensation amount, that amount cannot exceed 42 months, in any case. In the area of flexibility, there are now priority enterprise agreements, which make adapting working conditions to the reality of the business. This means that the employer may change the functions, working hours, hours, pay and performance system, basing it on economic, technical, organisational or production, and only require 15 days' notice, with the workers right to terminate the contract of employment with compensation of 20 days per year of service and up to 9 monthly payments. In short are tough measures to the worker because the employer provides the possibility to terminate an employment relationship with a layoff, make substantial changes to working conditions and even allows termination of labour contracts.

By David Pique Domingo

24 email: info@the-olive-press.com Tel: 977 457 201


PARAPROSDOKIANS... (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 7. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,'then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 9. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks. 10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

11. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 12. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.. 13. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory. 14. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 15. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. 16. Where there's a will, there are relatives. And mine is......... I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now

MySpanishome We are looking for properties in any AREA. So if you have a property to sell please contact: 977 446 655 +34 639 041 277 mobile Stephanie +34 679 499 316 mobile Steve Av. Generalitat 70, 43500, Tortosa, Tarragona, email: info@myspanishome.com www.myspanishome.com

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April is a good month to dedicate yourself to managing your garden ecologically and stop buying manufactured synthetic inorganic chemical products for the garden including fertilizers, insecticides, fungicides and weed killers. There are many ecological/natural products now available and many ways of avoiding garden problems that need no expenditure. You may well ask why make a change. Four reasons immediately spring to mind. 1.Your garden will be healthier for people, pets, plants and beneficial wildlife. 2. You won’t pollute your next door neighbours garden when spraying insects especially when they are preparing an evening al fresco meal. 3.You will have a safer and less smelly garage or garden shed. 4.Year by year the EU has restricts the use of previously popular chemical products. So how can you make a start during April.

GO ECO IN YOUR GARDEN

1. Feed your soil and not your plants. Ensure you improve the quality of your soil before planting anything especially by working in 5 to 10 percent of well rotted manures plus 10 to 20 percent of garden compost. 2. If you don’t yet have a compost heap start two immediately and compost as much green kitchen and garden waste as you can. 3. Plant some comfrey plants and keep a couple of laying hens. Comfrey leaves and chicken manure are good compost heap accelerators as are rabbit droppings. 4. Comfrey leaves steeped in water produce an excellent fertilizer for tomatoes and other fruit vegetables as well as flowering plants in containers. 5. Don’t throw beneficial weeds away. A cooled infusion of nettle leaves can be used as a foliar fertiliser for green leafed vegetables and also as a mild insecticide. 6. Similarly an infusion of the stems of the horse/mares tail (cola de caballo) weed is a good fungicide. It is beneficial to spray all fruit trees and bushes at this time of year. 7. Give fruit trees a spring insecticide spray. We use 5 ml of neem oil in a litre of water. 8. Hang up some bunches of herbs on the covered terrace or naya to provide hideaways for geckoes which are wonderful and fascinating to watch catchers of mosquito and other evening insects. 9. Install water guttering on at least one roof and collect rain water in a tub or tank for watering the most delicate plants. 10. When you buy new plants only buy those appropriate for the current microclimate of your garden. By Clodagh and Dick Handscombe practical gardeners , authors and broadcasters living in Spain for almost twenty five years. Our books each include many other practical and economic ideas for improving your gardens in an ecological manner. *Clodagh and Dicks best selling books are ‘Your Garden in Spain’, ‘Growing Healthy Vegetables in Spain’, 'Apartment Gardening Mediterranean Style' and ‘ Growing Healthy Fruit in Spain’. If you are not near a bookshop they can be ordered by telephone on 952-485838 or via the internet. If you have never looked at the book descriptions on www.gardeninginspain.com do so now There is a free offer of our latest book ‘Living Well from Our Mediterranean Garden’. © Clodagh and Dick Handscombe March 2012

26 email: info@the-olive-press.com Tel: 977 457 201


Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, 'Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference.' The manager does as he is told and the two old men go

upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home the first man says, 'You know, I think my girl was dead!' 'Dead?' says his friend, 'Why do you say that?' 'Well, she never moved or made a sound at all.' His friend says, 'Could be worse, I think mine was a witch.' 'A witch ??. . Why the hell would you say that?' 'Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite. Then she broke wind, flew out the window......and took my teeth with her!'

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27


The new way to shop for your British Goodies in Barcelona

ARRANGE DELIVERY

28 email: info@the-olive-press.com Tel: 977 457 201


Acorn Building Solutions is a well established general building company that has been working here, in Catalonia since 2001. • • • • • •

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We are able to undertake all types of projects, From new builds to finca renovations, Bathroom and kitchen refurbishments, Swimming pools and hard landscaping. We offer legal, professional tradesmen; we are fully insured and registered here in Spain. We work closely with a Spanish/ English speaking, local Architect, who can help with all your plans and legal permissions if required. Numerous ongoing and recently completed projects available for your inspection. We guarantee no hidden extras and work delivered on time to your satisfaction. We guarantee to beat any genuine like for like quote.

Contact us for a honest, competitive quotation. Email us at acornbuildingsolutions@yahoo.co.uk

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29


news in spain

It has emerged that the European Union has sent inspectors to Spain to examine the public accounts. The European Commission has complained that the numbers for the public deficit for last year ‘are changing continuously’. Experts have been here from the European Commission this week, examining the public accounts after the Rajoy government announced the deficit for last year was 8.5% and not the 6% which was the target agreed with the EU by the previous administration. Expansion business newspaper today quote EU spokesman for Economic Affairs, Amadeu Altafaj, who says, ‘It is a normal practice in all the countries of the economic and monetary union, and particularly those with an excessive deficit, which today are the vast majority of the EU’. The Spanish Government has been asked how the deviation in the deficit came about, if it is down to punctual or structural items, and whether it can be attributed to central government, or does in come fundamentally from the regions. The EU is also angry at how Mariano Rajoy unilaterally changed the deficit target for the end of this year to 5.8% from the 4.4% agreed with Brussels. President, José Manuel Durao Barroso, has made it clear they will not relax the deficit for Spain until they know the reasons for last year’s numbers, and they have the details of the new cuts to be included in this year’s budget. President of the European Council, Herman Van Rompuy, has warned Spain she will be punished on the markets if she fails to meet the deficit target.

severe cases suffer a chronic obstruction to the lungs, known as Epoc. It’s thought that the cause of the problem comes from the nitrates which are added as preservatives.The warning comes from CREAL, the Centre for Research in Environmental Epidemiology, who have published their study in

the European Respiratory Journal. They say that more than 18,000 people die from Epoc each year.

Abusing your embutido is prejudicial for your health

R

esearchers warning those who eat too much Chorizo It has been revealed that those who eat more than 20 grams of chorizo or other embutidos a day could see symptoms and in

I wont do it again honest

30 email: info@the-olive-press.com Tel: 977 457 201


T

hey say that sex is the best form of exercise . Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.

S

uch an unfair world:- When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment, when a woman talks dirty to a man its ÂŁ2.50/min (charges may vary).

J

ust booked a table for my wife’s birthday. Bound to end in tears though, she's rubbish at snooker.

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spanglish?-answers next month 1.

2.

3.

7.

4.

5.

6.

16.

17.

8.

9.

10. 11.

12.

14.

13.

15.

18.

19. 20.

21.

23.

22.

24.

spanglish?-March answers

How to Solve Sudoku Puzzles Sudoku doesn't require any special math skills or calculations. It is a simple and fun game of logic -- all that's needed is brains and concentration. 1. Fill the grid so that the numbers 1 through 9 appear in each row. 2. Fill the grid so that the numbers 1 through 9 appear in each column. 3. Fill the grid so that the numbers 1 through 9 appear in each 3x3 box. 4. A complete Sudoku puzzle contains the numbers 1 through 9 in every row, column, and 3x3 box. This month, one thats medium. good luck

32 email: info@the-olive-press.com Tel: 977 457 201


Honest Living This is a true account of what took place at Mora Caravans, where we hold popular Sunday car boot sales. On 26th February 8 uniform and 16 plain clothes policemen descended like bees round a honey pot. Any stall holder who did not have receipts for electrical goods etc had their goods seized and taken away for investigation of theft. The police also took a generator from a stall holder who did have a receipt. In all, the police loaded 3 cars and a transit van with TV’s computers, generators etc. If in two months the goods are not claimed they will be returned to the stall holder. Again on 11th March when the car boot was in full swing, 10 uniform and 12 plain clothes police took serial numbers from all electrical goods and also asked for receipts for clothes. There were 6 policemen staged at the entrance stopping further people from entering the site. Cars that were already on site had all occupants searched and documents including driving licence and N.I.E were taken. These documents were photocopied before being returned to their owners. We, Bev and Ken, buy our stock at auctions in the UK. We have receipts for furniture, all electrical goods and bric-a-brac. We do not have receipts for clothes. We have paid all Autonomas taxes and public liability insurance for 10 years. We try to do things by the book and for no apparent reason get kicked in the teeth - we are doing out best to earn an - HONEST LIVING!

PUT IT ON A WEB SITE ! PLACE IT ON YOUTUBE! E-MAIL TO ANYONE IN THE WORLD

95â‚Ź VISIT

!

CAR BOOT SALES / MERCADILLO Sunday, April 8th & 22nd 10pm till 6pm Antiques-Moble's-Furniture - fridges - cookers - pictures - pots, pans & old tin cans - you name it and we will get it.

Car Park Free, to Look Free and Stalls 5 EUROS! no food or drinks without permission

At Mora Caravans C12, km 61 Mora La Nova to Ginestar road Call Ken or Bev on 977 400 375 or 659 418 317 or 660 584 222

NOTE to Buyers & Sellers We at Mora Caravans have the right to refuse entry.


personal classifieds

GENERAL FOR SALE

H total pool filtration system ( cost 1200euro) 499euros, Roca

Child travel cot and mattress 45€, high Chair 50€, Car seats

central heating boiler 29kw 200euros, electric gate motor

18 months and 3 years 20€ each,all as new plus various toys,

Barai 60 euros, 7 year old mediterranean tortoise ( cost 120

977 090 551, 671 772 937

euros 5 years ago ) 100 euros, paraffin heater 20 euros, camp bed 35 euros, stainless steel sink left hand drainer +

Furniture - cocktail cabinet 35e, leather hall chair35e,occ.

taps 25 euros, stainless steel sink right hand drainer + tap

table20e,large rugs. Several decorative terracotta pots with

20 euros, porcelain hand basin + taps 14 euros, small ikea

plants 4 - 10 euros.tel 977477092,639545348,610610215.

porcelain wash basin, right hand drainer 40 euros, treated wood climbing frame with swing (cost 240 euros) 80 euros..

VALIANT V400 RIB BOAT WITH HONDA OUTBOARD

628 553 534

ENGINE, EXCELLENT CONDITION 4000 EUROS . TEL 977493661 or 690029053

Double Axle Trailer ( UK made) Unlaiden weight - 500Kg, Carrying weight – 2.500Kg, TotalLength inside - 3.200,

2 x Android tablets, 99€ each with leather case and keyboard,

Width inside – 1.600, Depth of trailer – 490, 1,500 Euro,

638 057 264

Tel 638263011

36 x 12 mobile home 3 bedrooms with 1 ensuite shower and

Touch control zannusi ceramic hob 40 euros, honda outboard

wc, a separate shower and wc, air conditioning, in excellent

20hp 200 euros lombardini hispanomotor tipo 530 rotavator

condition, sleeps 8 , 6500 euros. tel: 676185395

1m wide cut 499 euros, tel : 628553534

Honda generator 5 KVA petrol in frame with wheels excellent

Boat, 14ft Dell Quey Dory Original gel, seat cushions,

condition 495 euros or near offer.Other KVAs electric start

steering trim & tilt,Electric start, Yamaha 25hp 4 stroke.

generators secondhand,solar panel 12 and 24 volt made to

2006. VGD condiction. Stainless rails, fast boat. 3,000

measure supplied at trade prices.Telephone Bill 690277998

EuroTel 638263011

IFOR WILLIAMS TRAILER.TWIN AXLE DROP TAIL BOARD

FREEZER, Mains 2 Draw fridge freezer, width 510 x high 610

CARRIES 2 TONNES IDEAL FOR MINI DIGGER.499

x depth 506, 25 Euros Tel 634495572

EUROS TEL 667399237 Generator Pramac P6000 , Yanmar engine , 6 KVA, Low 15 ceramic and terracotta pots, ideal for the garden. Also 2

Hours , EUR1400 no offers , Tel : 671808096

plastic pots. Assorted sizes and colours. 30 euros. Tel: 977059155 or

Lombardini 6 kva diesel generator, electric start. Excellent

661354704.

condition, little use. 1000 euros phone 677 092 750

4 green glass bottles ideal for the garden, or planting up.

Motor Morini, boys motor cross bike 80cc good working order,

Assorted sizes. 12 euros. Tel: 977059155 or 661354704.

starts well runns well 200 euros call 658 364 299

15 ft towable caravan. 4 berth. Alpine. Fridge lights sink with

Pasquali diesel tractor. model 986 in excellent clean working

pump .double glazing. 400euros VGC

condition, with no faults what so ever. Comes complete with

ONO . Tel 638 845 837

plough, and cultivator, 2,000 Euros, No Offers, Cost nothing to look, call 658 364 299

Fridge/freezer, old but in good working order, good condition 30 euros. Tel: 977059155 / 661354704

Diesel wacker plate/compactor. 2ft by 18in size. call 658 364 299

34 email: info@the-olive-press.com Tel: 977 457 201


Nissan Navara 2.5 Diesel, Double Cab, Year 2000, 132,000mls, MOT Feb 2013, Tax June 2012, 3400 Euros, Tel 642 243 711.

VAN SPAIN-UK-SPAIN Van going to UK 21/22 April and returning 25/26 April. All shopping done at very competitive rates Asda, Tesco, Screw Fix, what ever you want I can shop for you and deliver back to Spain. Contact Les on 629 010 529 or lesvalblf@gmail.com

Splash Pool 10 ft x 30 in with filter pump new in box 120 Euros, Tel 642 243 711.

ANIMALS

GOOD HOME WANTED | for 3 medium sized loving dogs,18 months old. Mob 626 857 963 WANTED YOUR UNWANTED BIRDS budgies parrots etc will be given a good home tel 686299730 DOGS TO GOOD HOMES...Chico is 1 1/2 and his son, Bruce, is 7 months. Both are good guard dogs and well tempered7intelligent. they are both Catalan sheepdogs. chico has been castrated. They get along very well but we would separate them to the right homes. If people would like to telephone me, I can email photos etc. Tel 638 845 837

WANTED

WANTED VOLUNTEERS | help needed to look after the abandon dogs at ARCA near Tortosa. Please call Mave

Qualified teacher required to teach English to primary school children in small English Academy l'Ametlla de Mar, Tarragona. Please contact Julie Fortune for details and application form. juliefortune@yahoo.com 609 020 690

Top 4 Tips for Successful Financial Planning in Spain Top tips and questions answered at this free educational seminar for English speakers. The Spectrum IFA Group have brought together international presenters. Barcelona 17th April, Costa Brava (Pals) 18th April. For more information or to register visit http://www.​expatfinancialadvicespain.com/​ blog/?p=1075

678 975 816 if you can offer any assistance. Plus anyone

FLOOR AND WALL TILER Domestic or Commercial

interested in organising some fund raising for the dogs would

References available. Call Mark 686 069 923

be must appreciated. PLEASE HELP

SERVICES

Relax with a massage in your own home for male/female

Large Van Service UK-Spain, Computer problems

by male, discreet all times, e-mail provements@yahoo.

rectified, VHS and photo negatives to digital, Agents

co.uk or phone/text 634065544 for info/price

for ALERT PAL Alarm Cameras, Translations Catalan,

ENGLISH MECHANIC - Basic servicing, maintenance and

Spanish and English. 977477367

repairs. Tel: 977 407 990. mob. 699 396 053

www.alexanderpearson.tk Satellite

TV,

Installs,

Repairs,

El Perelló Freesia Group Activities for April:

Dishes

Re-aligned,

Channel Loss Cured, All Problems Solved, Contact Joe 681 133 119

Bookstalls: Saturday 7th April. Saturday 28th April. Bookstalls are held opposite the Homogênik Bar, El Perelló from 10 am to 1 pm. Please note that if the weather is bad, these bookstalls might not be held. GENERAL

BUILDER

Over

25

years

experience.

CONCRETE PAVING SLABS FOR SALE | different

Registered legal builder in Catalunya over 5 years.

designs, sizes and colours. Please ring for a competitive

Bricklaying,

quote. Delivery service available. Also slab laying on

roofing etc. Tel. Jonathan 699 396 053

plastering,

tiling,

plumbing,

electrics,

request. Tel. 692 751 488 or 692 759 276. CAR BODY REPAIRS AND REPAINTING | all aspects of vehicle preparation and spraying. 20 years experience, references available. Competitive prices. Tel. 692 751 488 or 692 759 276.

CAR BOOT SALE 2nd and 4th Sunday of the month. Situated Hipaca Escornalbou, Vilanova D'Escornalbou. Arrive 9am starts 10am Bar and Restaurant-no fresh produce allowed Contacts Cosme 620 215 772 or Sylvia 665 159 781


New Health Care Plan For The Over 65’s

Due to lack of care homes…our new scheme supplies you with 2 bullets and you are allowed to shoot 2 politicians ( Any Party) Of course, this means you will be sent to prison

NEW BUILDS

REFORMS

EXTENSIONS

Williams Construction REGISTERED SPANISH BUILDER - NIE PROVIDED

Tel: (+34) 616 135 036 APDO 274, L’Ametlla de Mar

MOBILE HOMES FROM 800 EUROS. Mobiles on campsites from 11000€. Want to sell your mobile? Contact Shaun 629 743 327. info@icasl.net www.icasl.net Country Home For Sale in Los Barrios, Cadiz Spain 750,000€+OFFERS. Unbelievable value has good where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They're all covered. As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now. And who will be paying for all of this? It's the same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home. Plus, and because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay income tax anymore. Is this a great country or what?

8

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

holiday rental business with a separate cottage and apartment as well as an outstanding family home . Reduced by 400,000 euros for quick sale because of family health problems. Country house situated on a private estate in a nature reserve, only 20 minutes from Sotogrande Polo fields and Va l d e r a m m a and San Roques Golf courses. ENQUIRIES : 956 236 068 or 657 629 118 or email : info@theolivepress.eu


business card directory All entries are also listed on our directory online at www.the-olive-press.com The Olive Press does not accept responsibility for the contents of the articles supplied by contributors nor for the claims made by advertisers PLEASE MENTION THE OLIVE PRESS WHEN CONTACTING ADVERTISERS

Instructor

Olivia Snaith

zumba.com

N_MM_1side_bizcard.indd 1

L'Ampolla Church Hall Thursday 11am tel: 642 913 047 olivia_j_snaith@live.co.uk

7/27/10 12:17 PM


business card directory

you relax...

ARCA the dog refuge wish to give sincere thanks to everyone for supporting them. Please keep it up it is truly appreciated. Calenders and t-shirts are also for sale to raise funds for the dogs- www.

protectoraarca.org or email: protectora.arca@ wanadoo.es

38


All entries are also listed on our directory online at www.the-olive-press.com The Olive Press does not accept responsibility for the contents of the articles supplied by contributors nor for the claims made by advertisers PLEASE MENTION THE OLIVE PRESS WHEN CONTACTING ADVERTISERS

FOR SALE, 2 plots of land l'Ametlla de Mar excellent situation and access just off the N340 going

into the village of L'Ametlla. Clean flat land with olive trees and carobs. Adjacent properties have mains electric and mains water. Sea and mountain views Totally fenced in, just 2km from L'Ametlla de Mar. Plot 1 approx 6600 m2 only 39,500 euros Plot 2 approx 4500 m2 only 34,500 euros. Call to view or more details: 977 059 420 or 660 823 423


MySpanishome Your English Estate Agents In Tortosa Fully Registered

www.myspanishome.com M2133 – Simpatica/ Tortosa 3 bed detached Villa Pool - Mains Electric, Water & Telephone - New kitchen & Bathroom Selfcontained apartment (sleeps4, own entrance) Air conditioning/Heating Includes furniture and appliances with Cedula D’Habitabilitat Price: 325.000€

M1253 - Roquetes - Villa 244m² - Exceptional! Roquetes Unique opportunity! On two floors 5 bedrooms – 2 bathrooms – 9000m² fenced plot. stable block of 4 - store houses - menage - paddock bbq - swimming pool - 2 x garages. 5 mins from town. With Cedula D’Habitabilitat NOW Price: 250.000€ M1284 – Roquete Beautiful Gated Chalet with sep. Guest Bungalow WITH CEDULA D'HABITABILITAT Chalet with 3 double bed & family shower room & en-suit full bathroom Guest Bungalow with 2 bed & shower room Swimming Pool. Optional Fishing business – boat/ rods/etc etc etc! (15.000€) Price: 290.000€ M1289 – 1km Amposta 180m² Country property Fully furnished property – water & elec. Two very spacious bedrooms (20 and 15 m²)20 m² kitchen - equipped 50 m² lounge/dining room fireplace & woodburner, bathroom - shower cubicle, 2 basins. 9000m² fenced & gated plot Price 150.000€

M1256 – Camarles - 15 mins to beach! Country House with Sea Views. Unique Country House with Cedula D’Habitabilitat! House over two floors and connected to water & electricity. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, terraces with sea views, store room. 29000m² fenced plot. NOW Price of 149.950€ M1276 – Xerta Village house with 3 beds 1 bath Lovely reformed riverside village house over 3 floors with roof terrace overlooking village & Church. Price: 80.000€

M1131 – Tres Cales/ L’Ametlla de Mar 118m² Villa 3 beds, bathroom, Sep. Lounge Kitchen/Diner Swimming Pool Sea & Mountain Views! 330m² plot Price: 190.000€

M1254 – Bitem With CEDULA D'HABITABILITAT (Dwelling License) Newly ref Country property 80m² - fully insulated - roof terrace - storehouse 2 bedrooms - full bathroom - water - solar system. Plot size 7.432m² Now 134.950€

M1291 – Benifallet Riverside! 2 bed Chalet Kitchen/lounge with feature fireplace Bathroom, large garage & workshop Water & Electricity WITH CEDULA D'HABITABILITAT Price: 115.000€

M1285 – Mas de Barberans WITH CEDULA D'HABITABILITAT Country House of 162m2 for complete refurb. Flat land partially fenced just 2km from village. 6554m² plot Price: 59.000€

Av. Generalitat 70, 43500, Tortosa, Tarragona, Spain email: info@myspanishome.com

+34 977 446 655 +34 639 041 277 +34 679 499 316

40 email: info@the-olive-press.com Tel: 977 457 201

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