mommy math

story by | melissa uetz

All of us have taken countless math classes in our lives. The only reason I still know the definition of a quadratic equation or what most of the funky buttons on the calculator are for is because I happen to teach middle school math. But when it comes to Mommy Math, we are all at the head of the class. Check out this math quiz and don't worry—you already have an A!

1. Timmy dumps eight markers on the floor and takes off their caps. How many caps are left when it's time to clean up?

a] Why, eight of course.

b] Seven or less.

c] There are eight caps, but the colors don't match the markers.

d] I have time to clean up? Forget that, I'm taking a nap.

2. Danny is six years old. How long should he be in time out?

a] Six minutes, one minute for each year of age.

b] Sixty minutes, so I can get some dishes done.

c] Six hours, or until he falls asleep.

d] How long does it take to get him to Grandma's house?

3. You ran out of milk so you go to the grocery store. How many items do you leave with?

a] Just one, the milk. I'm an expert at sticking to the budget.

b] Between five and ten, so I can whip something up for dinner.

c] More than ten. Butterfingers were on sale.

d] Crap! I forgot to get milk!

4. How many times per day should your toddler eat?

a] Three balanced meals + two healthy snacks = five b] He should eat when he's hungry. That could mean six times, or it could mean that today he survived on air and a smile. c] I offered him three balanced meals; he ate Goldfish crackers, Cheerios, two Oreos, and four glasses of chocolate milk. d] If Play Doh counts as food, then it's at least seven. a] Just a minute or two, then she sits quietly and contentedly through the entire movie. b] One second. It will be the same movie we watched last time. And the time before that. And the time before that.... c] Ten seconds. Then three minutes into it, she will select a different movie. Then five minutes into that one, she'll pick a third movie. Then four minutes into that one, she'll want the first one again. d] Seven minutes to drive to the movie rental store + two minutes to pick out a movie + ten minutes for a tantrum because she can't rent Jaws ["I want the fish movie!!!"] + three minutes to pay while everyone stares at your screaming child + seven minutes to drive back home = she fell asleep on the way home and won't be watching a movie anyway. a] Have a meaningful talk with her about your love and concern for her well-being. b] Txt her 2 b home b4 10pm. c] Write a reminder on her Facebook wall. d] Threaten to "friend" everyone she knows and update your Facebook status to "That birthmark on Madison's cute little behind gets bigger with every passing year" if she's late again. a] Hit the kitchen and start making cookies from scratch. You keep all the ingredients on hand just in case. b] Dig random treats out of the cupboards until you find twenty-five. Some kids will get Fruit Roll Ups and others will get Fiber One bars... that's life. c] Go to the store and buy two dozen pre-made cookies...and hope one kid is sick tomorrow so you don't have to spend another $3.69 to get that darn 25th cookie. d] Hand Riley an apron and a cookbook. Go watch Desperate Housewives. He knows where to find you if he has questions. i’d like to learn how to… something every guy should have… A tube of Neosporin in their vehicle. I have the disillusion it can fix any cut or scrape I get…or at least help. the most unique thing about having twins…

5. How long does it take 4-year-old Mary to select a DVD to watch?

6. Twelve-year-old Madison came home one hour and twenty-seven minutes after her curfew. What's the best way to get her to come home on time in the future?

7. Riley forgot to tell you he needs twenty-five treats for his third-grade class tomorrow...and it's 8:42 pm. What do you do?

Correct Answers: Any of the above. Just because you're having an 'A' day at your house today, just wait till tomorrow. Mommy math is like Enron accounting: the numbers can be anything you want them to be.

This section is dedicated to capturing your mom thoughts. Want to share what’s on your mind? Submit your article idea to info@onthemindsofmoms.com along with a short bio for consideration in an upcoming issue.

A third generation dairy and grain farmer, Jon and younger brother Mark grew up in Lisbon with parents Alan & Julie. With a degree in Dairy Production from South Dakota State University, Jon and wife Courtney have spent the last year-an-a-half experiencing parenthood with twins Ellery and Carson. When work and daddy duty doesn’t occupy his time, Jon enjoys snowmobiling, ATVing, jet skiing and hunting in the fall. A self proclaimed motor machine fanatic, Jon likes reading magazines that have anything to do with diesel trucks, 4-wheelers, or snowmobiles.

Ride a motorcycle. Everyone assumes that I’ve ridden one since I ride everything else with a motor.

How unique two children’s personalities can be while growing up in the same home at the same age. Another thing that is unique to our family is that my wife is also a twin. She has a twin brother who is also one of her closest friends. For Courtney it is fun to watch Carson and Ellery be such good friends already. We hope that relationship lasts forever.

I am most proud of…

All the family support we had while Courtney was pregnant. She was on bed rest in Fargo for a month before we had our twins at 35 weeks. It could have been extremely stressful, but all of their support helped us keep our sanity. Our family is still very supportive and helpful whenever we need them. We are very blessed.

the least glamorous part of my day…

Too many to mention. Maybe deciding if I can enter the house with my work clothes on or if I am too dirty to set foot inside! I always have an extra set of clothes in the garage to change into if I’m too dirty, so I can at least walk right to the shower!

being

a dad has made me appreciate…

Having a quiet dinner with my wife. It’s easy to forget about time for the two of us after kids. Time goes by so quickly.

in my truck I listen

to…

Octane on my XM radio. The XM is nice to toss into different tractors and trucks at work. It makes the days in the field go by faster.

away from farming I enjoy spending time…

With our families at the lakes and snowmobiling in Montana. I also enjoy reading magazines on our porch while relaxing on a quiet evening.

it’s important to me my kids experience…

As many new, unique places & events as possible.

the greatest compliment I have been given…

How amazing it was to see me go from being afraid to hold babies to holding our tiny twins in the MeritCare NICU like I had been a dad forever. Ellery was only 3 lbs 4 ounces. So everyone was scared to hold her right away, but I held her feeling totally natural like she was ready to leave the hospital.

people can’t believe it when I tell them… the one quality I hope my kids get from their mother…

I’m a dairy farmer. Some people say I don’t look the part. I missed the memo that dairy farmers have a stereotype.

Her creativity. She is full of creative ideas when I can’t think outside of the box. you would never catch me…

Eating green olives. For some strange reason, it is the only thing I won’t eat. my favorite

movie…

Any Slednecks movie. I’m a sucker for extreme snowmobiling footage. That would be my dream job if my body was invincible. The riders in the films break bones every year trying to go bigger on a snowmobile.

A Nurtured Heart Approach

A Child’s intensity is a gift that needs to be nurtured. The Nurtured Heart Approach has been proven to create GREATNESS in even the most intense children - very quickly and in inspiring and lasting ways. Children learn to believe in themselves and have confidence in successes that flow from investing intensity, intelligence and life force into positive action.

Attend and you will leave with a powerful set of skills you can use immediately to help children live life in positive waysand flourish!

FREEworkshop for parents

April 29, 2010

6:30 – 8:30 p.m. Ramada Plaza Suites 1635 42 St. S. Fargo, N.D.

FREE –

Registration required: Call 701-241-5700 or e-mail diane.langer@ ndsu.edu www.ext.nodak.edu/county/cass

in high school I was…

An excellent trumpeter. I actually continued playing trumpet in college with the SDSU marching band. That gave me the opportunity to play at a Green Bay Packers game and march in Washington, D.C. in the July 4, 2000 Parade. A side note about the Washington trip—we had been cutting and baling hay putting in very long hours, many of them at night. I got on the bus in Brookings and slept around 20 hours. Fellow band members woke me to see if I was alright. I felt rested when we arrived. my kids love it when…

I come home for lunch after they‘ve already eaten. Then they sit in my lap and see how much better the food tastes off of my big plate. It makes it more challenging to eat, but I enjoy them being so adorable while they are young.