put the guilt in tıme-out

story by | dani parkos fluge

It’s tough to admit that the thought of having to play Barbie Shoe Store with her 5-year-old at the end of a busy day can be compared to a two hour company staff meeting. You know you should be engaged, but all you can think about is how much you have to do. Let’s be honest, no matter how much you like shoes you still find a way to put your daughter off. And then you feel like crap for putting her off and any hope of winning that mom of the year award just went out the window. Guilt. It’s the one accessory we moms wear all too often. We are so accustomed to thinking we should be able to do everything because we're MOM and when we can't do it all, we wonder what the heck is wrong with us. When guilt starts to take the joy out of our day-to-day life with our kids, that's when the light bulb should go on and some changes need to be made. But how? Here are a few common guilt trips and ways to cut yourself some slack.

guilt trip #1: not wanting to play more

Somewhere along the line, "playmate" became another facet of the mom job description. But in today's crazy-busy life, slowing down is hard enough, and slowing down to play yet another Dora game or gallop around the My Little Pony castle takes a saint some days.

give yourself a break & play already guilt trip #2: me time give yourself a break & take some time

Be happy with the fact that kids don't need to be entertained every waking moment, but when you “take time” to spend with them, make it count, even if it's only for fifteen minutes. Focus on what you're doing, whether that’s a bedtime story with your little one or sitting at the end of your teenager’s bed asking about their day. Be in the moment and enjoy it. If you don’t take the time today, tomorrow the Barbies will be “so not cool anymore” and she will be running out the door to meet up with her friends rather than asking for your attention.

Who hasn't wanted to simply walk away from the sleep deprivation or the attitude of a back talking teen at least one time or another and then felt guilty about feeling that way? I know I have, but maybe those guilty thoughts are trying to tell us something: It's important to take some time for ourselves and recharge.

Schedule regular "me" time, and keep it sacred. If that means coffee or happy hour with your bestie or a few evenings a week at the gym then that's what you do! Let your family know this will make you a better mommy and wifer and that should be enough…no questions asked. And to make it easier on yourself, remind yourself of the many selfless things you do for your kids every single day. When the kids have crashed for the night and BEFORE you rush into clean-up mode, tell yourself five things you did that day that you know your kids loved you for and try to ignore the rest. Easier said than done, this I know, but remembering the time and effort you focus on your kids makes getting away for yourself a lot easier.

guilt trip #3: working mom

I’d be willing to bet every working mom feels guilty at one time or another for not being a stay-at-home mom. Maybe it was when you had to pass up yet another school volunteering request or perhaps the guilt came after a comment from your child, “But Mom, all the other moms bake cupcakes, why do we need to buy cookies from the store?” As working moms, we need to feel satisfied with our decision. Too many times, we feel the need to defend our choice to work. Although more women are in the work force than generations ago, there is still such an ongoing debate that working moms are taking something valuable away from their kids while others feel working mothers really give more to their children, a sense of pride and accomplishment, a role model and more financial freedom. Bottom line each family situation is different, what may work for the family down the street, may not be best for yours. give yourself a break & get to work

We all work for different reasons. We love our jobs. We need the money. We realize we don’t have it in us to be stay-at-home moms and are better because we do work. But finding the right sounding board can be tricky. Finding that non-judgmental friend or even an online blog can be all you need to know that there are other women in the same boat, with the same struggles, and that can help put things in perspective. The next time you question your mom title write down your own needs or reasons for working and trust in yourself and the choices you've made for your family. But hang onto the list. When guilt arises again, and it will, pull it out to remind yourself you’re a great mama.

One last food for thought regarding all guilt trips, accept the dang feeling and move on. Don't let it bring you down. Take a deep breath and repeat after me:

"The most important things are my kids know how important they are to me, how much I love them and that I would run into a burning building for them if I needed to.” Now go hug your offspring, tell them you love them and tune out your guilt…at least for today.

—unknown author

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