practice makesperfect

story by | deb uglem

Practice makes perfect. How many times have you heard it and better yet how many times have you said it? I have been using this phrase with my kids for years. It started when they were learning the ABCs and how to make their beds. And it continues when discussing math, shooting pucks and hitting volleyballs. I really believe this theory works for them but I am starting to wonder how effective this “practice” is for me? Here’s why. If you do the math I have been a mom and wife for 20 years. I can’t help but think I should be better at this by now. Right?

I know I have this conversation with myself once a year. And guess what—it’s time! The turkey is eaten, the holiday decorations are up and the New Year is right around the corner. It is the time of year where mothers sit down and reflect on the good, the bad, the Sally. We take time to look at all we have [or have not!] accomplished. The cleanliness of our houses, closets and silverware drawer along with our work and of course our weight are all in the mix. But it seems to always lead back to the family. How are we doing as a mother, wife and daughter? Then it comes—the judgment. It doesn’t come from others but from us. We start to worry about how we are actually doing as a mother. We try to pinpoint the time when our supermom cape fell off. We keep practicing, but perfection seems out of reach.

When I was a younger mother I was great at this “practice.” I would follow rules. You know the really hard ones like getting them to bed on time, making sure their rooms and cloths were clean and taking the time to teach them how to do things by themselves. I even reasoned with them when they were angry, upset or needed to complete a task. Well years of practice have turned me into someone that: considers kids sleeping if they are simply in their room; closes the bedroom door instead of cleaning it; buys more socks so there are always some that are clean; and completes tasks herself because frankly it’s faster. And here’s the real kicker, in certain situations I have turned to bribery over reasoning.

When I reflect on the past year these types of examples are everywhere. If you are a stay-at-home mom, working mom or work-from-home mom, basically if mom is anywhere in your title you know how I feel. Each day we juggle and at the end of the day we worry and wonder what we could have done better. Here is what I have decided…sometimes good enough is prefect!

Good enough mothers are real mothers. They’re human and make mistakes, but they learn from them. They love their kids, but not always their behavior. They lose it sometimes, but realize that’s ok. It’s time to recognize that perfection is a myth. It seems like so much of women’s worries are about not feeling good enough. If you forget about being a supermom you can focus on what is best for you and your children.

My kids know I am not perfect. They can tell by their missed dentist appointments, empty fridge and take out dinner. They also know that I am not that worried about it. Not everything goes as planned. But that doesn’t mean I failed. I believe in course correcting when things start to unravel [actually, course correcting might be the one thing that I do almost perfectly!]. And I know if my kids learn this course correcting skill it will come in handy later in life.

I guess what I am saying is perfection doesn’t exist in the mother world. So as you reflect on last year, don’t worry about things you could have done better. Learn and move on. Time to realize that supermom capes are overrated. And when you look forward to the upcoming year embrace your “good enough.” Take the pressure off and make some “good enough” New Year’s resolutions. Who knows you might even stick to them. Wouldn’t that be PERFECT!