perfect for the one that matters

story by | val wagner

Life has recently been spinning a tad out of control for our family. After realizing that I needed to take a few moments for myself, I sat down and did a little thinking. I guess some would call it reflecting, maybe others would call it meditating.

I’m reading a book called “99 Ways to Raise Spiritually Healthy Children,” by Kathleen Long Bostrom. It’s not my usual reading fare—but any time I see something that I think will help me be a better parent, I’m game to read it.

The first two pages went straight to my heart—and I know I’ll be hooked for the other 98 ways [but I’ll only read them one chapter per day, so I can soak in the information]. The first thing the book tells me is that you should forget about being a “perfect” parent. Instead, work on being “pretty good” or “good enough.” The term they use that spoke most to my heart? Be a perfect parent for your child.

Amen.

This chapter came with three things to always remember:

[1] Remind yourself that you’re only human. Let go of mistakes and missed opportunities. [2] Recognize things that you can’t control. Go with the flow. [3] Remember the big picture. You’re not in this alone, and believe in grace.

You ARE a good parent; you just can’t base your judgment off what others think. You can’t use someone else’s ruler to measure your worth as a parent. So stop doing it.

Why does this speak to me so much? I don’t think these words would have stopped me so completely this morning, had it not been for our youngest son.

Before Eli was born we knew that he was tough. Although my pregnancy was not the textbook case I was hoping it would be, time and time again he showed us how tough he was—from a gallbladder removal surgery at 13 weeks pregnant, to problems with my right kidney throughout—he never gave us a blip of trouble. After a few days in the hospital following his birth, we left with a clean bill of health.

But that bubble didn’t last long.

Late-onset jaundice, trouble gaining weight, something that seemed like colic, but not—finally I gave in and took him to the doctor. The result was not what I had hoped for. We were admitted to the hospital.

What was wrong? It seemed like everything. Nothing made sense. Off-the-charts liver enzymes, critically low blood sugar, etc. There were more lab tests with flags than normal. And we didn’t have a clue what was going on. He was 3-months-old.

That began a whirlwind of appointments, specialists and 18 months of not knowing what was happening. I pushed and pushed—knowing somewhere there would be an answer. Failure-to-thrive is a symptom, not a diagnosis.

Finally, the fourth physician who was involved at Mayo [or maybe sixth? seventh? I lose track] came up with a long shot. Ornithine transcarbamylase deficiency.

Low-protein diet, tons of doctor visits, extreme caution with illnesses—it’s been a crazy ride. Imagine, a rancher’s son living the life of a vegan—yet stricter. But the payoff? Weight. Curiosity. Growth. Imagination. My son.

I have NOT been a perfect parent. But I have been the perfect parent for my son.

According to science, my son's odds of living past the age of five are not that great. He’ll be four in April. According to science, my son should have developmental disabilities. His MRI shows the gaps where his white matter should be. He’s an extremely intelligent little boy who knows all his letters, colors, numbers and shapes. According to science, he should be sickly and weak. He hasn’t been in the hospital since this time last year. According to science, he shouldn’t be growing. His blood work shows that he produces no measurable amount of growth hormone. His pituitary gland is small and malformed. Yet he weighs 42 pounds and has grown three inches this year.

We are beating odds and blowing away science. And we won’t quit pushing.

No, I am not a perfect parent. But I am perfect for my son. And he is perfect for me.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths." [Proverbs 3:5-6]

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