F E B R U A R Y
2 0 2 1
LOVE IS IN THE AIR:
TEEN RELATIONSHIPS
DNA
CRACKING THE CODE
EFFECTIVE FAMILY COMMUNICATION
•
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Make sure you’re able to to stay healthy in 2021. Set your appointment for a well check now. We’ll make appointments up to three months in advance, and that ensures you stay on top of vaccines, prescriptions and wellbeing.
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Eat Smart, Waste Less A family of four could save up to
$125 A Month
by eating the food they buy.
Eat Smart, Waste Less provides tips and strategies on menu planning, food purchasing, cross-utilization of food, and storage and preparation practices all aimed at preventing wasted food and the related costs. For more information, visit
www.eatsmartwasteless.tips FEBRUARY 2021
O R E G O N F A M I LY . C O M
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Happy Valentines Day! 7
FAMILY HEALTH Q & A Women’s Heart Health
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TEEN DATING What To Do Or Say
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HOME DENTAL CARE February is Children’s Dental Health Month! EARTHTALK® Has Covid Impacted Climate Change?
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DISCOVERY BOX DNA - Cracking the Code
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A DAD’S EYE VIEW The Boy-Girl Demolition Derby
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PARENTING NOW! Effective Family Communication
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FAMILY MOVIE REVIEWS For Kids: Soul For Adults: Godmothered
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PET RESCUE SPOTLIGHT Kitties: Angelito & Cliff Doggie: Zyler
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contents
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12 16 O R E G O N F A M I LY . C O M
FEBRUARY 2021
Charting the course for a healthy childhood, we are with you every step of the way.
LoRanée Braun, M.D., F.A.A.P., enjoys sharing her own experience as a parent and pediatrician, helping other moms and dads navigate parenting and the many successes and challenges along the way. “Every child deserves a safe and healthy life, so they can reach their full potential,” says Dr. Braun.
To schedule an appointment, call 541-HUG-KIDS. 995 Willagillespie Road, Suite 100 • 541-484-5437 • www.EugenePeds.com FEBRUARY 2021
O R E G O N F A M I LY . C O M
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Our Contributors 2
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28 YEARS
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1. SUDESHNA BANERJEE, MD Cardiologist Sudeshna Banerjee, MD, joined PeaceHealth Sacred Heart Medical Center’s Oregon Heart & Vascular Institute in 2011. She attended medical school at the University of Missouri, and completed her residency at Case Western Reserve University. Her professional interests include interventional cardiology and structural heart disease. Outside of work, Dr. Banerjee enjoys outdoor activities, traveling and cooking. 2. RICK EPSTEIN A Dad’s Eye View contributor, also award-winning columnist, and journalist. Author of Rookie Dad (Hyperion) and The Right Number of Kids (McKenna Publishing Group). His wife and three daughters run a living laboratory in which he is constantly tested, analyzed, and experimented upon. It’s as if a guinea pig could write. 3. TANNI HAAS Tanni Haas, Ph.D. is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences, and Disorders at the City University of New York - Brooklyn College. He is the author or editor of three books and many articles. 4. BONNIE HARRIS Bonnie is Oregon Family Magazine’s resident Movie Review Master Extraordinaire. She enjoys watching movies of all kinds, and has been doing movie reviews for over 9 years and counting. She lives in Eugene with her family, enjoys gardening and cooking. 5. DR. TARA PALUSKA Dr. Tara Paluska is a general dentist practicing at Kaiser Permanente’s North Lancaster Dental Office, where she is also the South Area Professional Director, overseeing four Kaiser Permanente Dental offices in Salem and Eugene. Dr. Paluska graduated from the Herman Ostrow School of Dentistry at the
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Oregon Family Magazine is distributed monthly, year-round via direct mail into homes in greater Lane County, and at high-traffic commercial locations, including Eugene, Springfield, Coburg, Veneta, Elmira, Cottage Grove and Creswell.
PUBLISHER Pacific Parents Publishing EDITOR Sandy Kauten
University of Southern California in 2007 and has practiced in Kaiser Permanente Dental offices since 2012. 6. RODDY SCHEER Journalist and photographer specializing in environmental issues, the outdoors and travel. When he is not out in the field taking pictures, Roddy runs EarthTalk, the non-profit Publisher of the syndicated EarthTalk Q&A column and the EarthTalk.org and Emagazine. 7. ANDREA WILLINGHAM Andrea Willingham is Communications Specialist at the Museum of Natural and Cultural History in Eugene. Located on the University of Oregon campus, the museum is a center of research and education, annually welcoming more than 30,000 visitors, and serving Oregon families, Native American Tribes, the academic community, and K-12 students and teachers throughout the state.
Oregon Family honors the loss of our beloved mascot, Chloe… Forever in our hearts.
GRAPHIC DESIGN/LAYOUT Springer Design & Illustration ADVERTISING Christi Kessler • 541.484.0434 christi@oregonfamily.com Sandy Kauten • 541.683.7452 sandy@oregonfamily.com OREGON FAMILY MAGAZINE P.O. Box 21732 • Eugene, OR 97402 541.683.7452 Email: info@oregonfamily.com Web: www.oregonfamily.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/OregonFamily
FAMILY OWNED AND OPERATED SINCE 1993 Opinions expressed by contributors or advertisers are not necessarily the opinions of this publication. © 2021 Pacific Parents Publishing. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be copied or reproduced without prior expressed written permission from Pacific Parents Publishing.
Chloe
O R E G O N F A M I LY . C O M
FEBRUARY 2021
FAMILY HEALTH Q&A with Sudeshna Banerjee, MD
Q
I’m a healthy, active 45-yearold mom, but there’s a history of heart disease on both sides of my family—and as I get older, this worries me. Recently a friend told me that heart attacks in women can sometimes go undetected. What symptoms should I pay attention to?
A
Symptoms of heart disease can vary from person to person. Stable heart disease can present with chest pain or pressure, shortness of breath or simply fatigue. I often have patients who say,” I feel like I just got older this summer.” Most often, these symptoms occur with activity and get better with rest. Heart attacks often don’t look the same in men and women. The signs can be more subtle for women, so if you have a health history like yours it’s especially important to be aware. Chest pain or discomfort is the most common symptom for both women and men. The pain may last a few minutes or come and go. The pain may be severe or may feel like a pressure or discomfort; sometimes people describe it as heartburn. Women are more likely than men to have other heart attack signs, including shortness of breath with or without chest pain; nausea or vomiting; lightheadedness; back, shoulder, arm or jaw pain; and
FEBRUARY 2021
unexplained fatigue that can drag on for days. And yes, some studies have found that women are at higher risk for what we call “silent” heart attacks, with symptoms so mild they go unnoticed or are dismissed as anxiety. Silent heart attacks can be as dangerous as more obvious ones—left untreated, they can cause scarring and permanent damage, raising the risk of other heart problems. So don’t be too quick to dismiss shortness of breath or lightheadedness as just anxiety. And make sure you tell medical professionals that you think you might be having a heart attack, not an anxiety attack. Quick treatment can restore blood flow to the heart and help prevent damage. So be aware of these warning signs for both yourself and others. If there’s even a slight chance you could be having a heart attack, don’t wait. Call 911 and get to a hospital to give your heart the best chance! Prevention is just as important as treatment of heart disease. Make sure to
O R E G O N F A M I LY . C O M
check your blood pressure and cholesterol and take your medications as prescribed by your primary care provider. Exercise, a good sleep routine and a healthy diet (incorporating lean protein, vegetables and healthy fats while avoiding processed foods) also go a long way in keeping your heart healthy.
Dr. Banerjee
is an interventional cardiologist at PeaceHealth’s Oregon Heart & Vascular Institute. Learn more at peacehealth.org/ohvi
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Love 8
O R E G O N F A M I LY . C O M
is
FEBRUARY 2021
in the Air… WHAT TO DO AND SAY
WHEN TEENS ARE DATING BY TANNI HAAS, PH.D.
Covid or no Covid, teens will be teens. And part of being a teen means
developing crushes… Help your teen understand how to interact responsibly during these challenging times, as they’re developing and maturing.
FEBRUARY 2021
O R E G O N F A M I LY . C O M
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arents are not generally comfortable with the idea of their teen dating; but it’s a fact of life, and better for everyone involved when it’s acknowledged and accepted, rather than denied. As behavioral psychologist Dr. Shane Owens says, “dating is a rite of passage for kids – and for their parents.” So, what should parents do and say if their teen reveal they’ve started dating? Here’s what our experts suggest: LISTEN CAREFULLY – AND DON’T LECTURE You should feel flattered if your teen tells you that they’re dating. It’s a sign they trust you and are excited to share the news with you. “Kids don’t confide in their parents as much as they get older,” says Rachel Ehmke of the Child Mind Institute, “so when kids do feel like talking, really make an effort to be available and listen.” Listen carefully to what they say and try to react in a non-judgmental way. Avoid lecturing them, because if you do, says clinical psychologist Lisa Tiano, “they’ll tune you out, or give you the occasional eye roll, waiting for the lecture to be done and over with.”
TALK ABOUT WHAT GOOD RELATIONSHIPS ARE LIKE Use the occasion to talk about what good relationships are like. Middle school
counselor Phyllis Fagell suggests parents discuss relationship characteristics like dependability, empathy, generosity, kindness, and considering someone else’s perspective. Ms. Fagell adds that parents can also recount their own experiences: “Talk about how you fell in love with your partner.” “What qualities did you admire?” and be honest, even if it wasn’t a perfect experience.
TALK ABOUT RESOLVING CONFLICTS Explain to your teen that conflicts are inevitable even in the best relationships. Encourage them to deal with conflicts instead of ignoring them. Help your teen understand, Ms. Ehmke says, that “it’s much better to admit when something is wrong, talk about it together, and try to fix it together.” It will better prepare them well for what it’s like to be in a mature, adult relationship in the future. Clinical Psychologist Dr. Jose Delerme adds that parents should teach their teens that arguments aren’t about winning or losing: “shift the idea of control to compromise, because no relationship should be one-sided.”
ENCOURAGE THEM TO KEEP THEIR FRIENDS AND INTERESTS Remind your teen how important it is for them to have their own interests that are separate from their boyfriend or girlfriend. Dr. Delerme encourages parents to explain that “relationships should complement your life – not define it.” Also encourage them not to ditch their regular friends just because they’re in a relationship. Explain, Ms. Ehmke says, that “no one wants a friend who will throw her over for someone else, and you still need a social life outside your boyfriend or girlfriend.”
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O R E G O N F A M I LY . C O M
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OFFER PERSPECTIVE Anyone who’s been in love knows the feeling can be all-consuming. Your teen may feel their current partner, especially if it’s the first one, will be their one and only ever-lasting love. As parents, we know better, but should fight the temptation to minimize the relationship or make it bigger than it really is. Well-known lifestyle writer Dina Cheney puts it well: “When your child reveals a crush for the first time, it’s easy to accidentally make fun of it, but you should resist the urge to trivialize things.” But, she says, parents shouldn’t aggrandize it either: “asking your son or daughter if they’re going to marry the person, for example, would apply too much pressure.”
GET TO KNOW THE PARTNER Invite the boyfriend or girlfriend over to the house. It shows them that you’re comfortable with the idea of them being in a relationship, and that you care. If your teen thinks you genuinely want to get to know their romantic partners, says Amanda Morin, senior expert at Understood, an education think tank, “they’re more likely to open up to you – and possibly, less likely to engage in questionable behavior.”
WHEN TO INTERVENE One of the toughest questions is when parents should intervene in their teens’ relationships, possibly to end them. Experts agree that parents should do so if either of the kids aren’t treating the other well. “If you overhear your teen saying mean comments or using manipulative tactics,” says Ms. Morin, “speak up. Similarly, if your teen
is on the receiving end of unhealthy behavior, it’s important to step in and help.” Navigating these first relationships is an important life process, and can be exciting, confusing, fun, and sometimes even challenging. Be there for your kids – on the periphery and enjoy this snap shot in time! Tanni Haas, Ph.D. is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences and Disorders at the City University of New York – Brooklyn College.
The Shedd Institute www.theshedd.org - 541.434.7000
The John G. Shedd Institute for the Arts
Community Music School Classes & private lessons for all ages � Contact the registrar today! � 541.434.7000 / registrar@theshedd.net
The Music Box! Two 1 hour/2x per week sections (M/W at 11am, T/Th at 4pm) One 2 hour/3x per week afternoon program (MWF from 3-5pm) Class size limited to 10 students per section. Sign up any time!
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FEBRUARY 2021
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String Band
Tue/Thu 4-5p
Gig Band Mon/Thu 4-5p
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Dental Care at Home BY DR. TARA PALUSKA, DDS
S THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC continues, some of our home health care dental routines may have been neglected. It’s understandable. Brushing twice daily for two minutes may not feel important right now; after all, no one can see our mouths under masks! However, it’s vital to maintain our hygiene routines so our teeth and gums stay healthy. For example, using a toothbrush that is also healthy - in good shape, not worn, and plan to replace it every few months. It’s a cost-effective investment – and be sure to use a “Soft” brush. Alternatively, an electric toothbrush is also effective at removing plaque or debris. Whatever style brush you choose, be mindful
to not ‘scrub’ your teeth – this adds wear and tear to teeth and gums. Pay extra attention to the backs of your lower, middle teeth too, as these teeth tend to collect plaque, and a fluoridated toothpaste is also recommended. For mouth-wash, opt for alcohol-free. Younger children should have supervision and guidance as they learn to brush and floss. Baby teeth determine the mouth’s skeletal growth and provide proper spacing for permanent teeth, so start early and plan a dental visit by your child’s first birthday (or when their first tooth erupts). This appointment can uncover any anatomical abnormalities and you’ll leave with good information and details on preventive care.
For older children, it can be fun to have them brush and then chew a dissolving tablet that clings to plaque. It will highlight (with color) any places their brushing has missed, helping them learn to brush more effectively. When children have the dexterity to write in cursive, they will be able to brush and floss effectively on their own (although you may still need to remind them to do it). And the old rule of thumb of brushing for two minutes still applies! Setting a timer can be helpful here. After brushing, it’s time to floss! Flossing helps reach places your toothbrush can’t, as well as assisting in removal of harmful bacteria and plaque. But, as with brushing floss gently. You can use a long string of floss wrapped around your fingers and work it between the teeth, buy pre-threaded floss, or use a dental pick or interdental floss holder like, ‘Plackers’. While a water flosser helps combat gum disease or debris around braces, it is an additional step, and should not be a replacement for flossing. Beyond cleaning teeth and gums, also consider what you put into your mouth. Of course, comfort foods and sugary desserts are tempting, but keep these to a minimum. If you enjoy carbonated beverages, finish them quickly and rinse with fresh water afterwards, as carbonation stays in the mouth and can weaken tooth enamel. Water will return your mouth to its normal pH level; but wait 20 minutes after drinking a carbonated beverage before brushing. Rest assured, your family’s dental cleanings and other appointments can continue during the pandemic. At Kaiser Permanente Dental, we are practicing strict safety protocols, so it is safe for you and your family to continue taking care of your smiles, today and in the future. Tara Paluska, DDS, is a Kaiser Permanente Dentist in Eugene. Read more about Kaiser Permanente at kp.org/ lanedental.
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O R E G O N F A M I LY . C O M
FEBRUARY 2021
CONNECTED CARE THAT KEEPS YOU SMILING For more than 40 years, Kaiser Permanente Northwest has been helping our members thrive with healthy smiles because dental health is important to total health. We seamlessly combine dental, medical, and insurance services to help make health care simpler and more convenient. Our dentists perform blood pressure checks; screen for oral, head, and neck cancers; and offer vaccinations,* to help keep your smile — and body — truly healthy. With a range of high-quality, affordable dental plans, we’re here to help Lane County thrive. *Available at select locations. Member must be enrolled in a Kaiser Permanente dental and medical plan to receive medical services.
kp.org/lanedental FEBRUARY 2021
622167208_ADV_01-21
O R E G All Oplans N Foffered A M Iand LYunderwritten . C O M by Kaiser Foundation Health Plan of the Northwest. 500 NE Multnomah St., Suite 100, Portland, OR 97232. ©2021 Kaiser Foundation Health Plan of the Northwest 13
PHOTO: PEXELS.
Earthtalk
DEAR EARTHTALK
Given the economic slowdown around the world due to the coronavirus in 2020, was there a positive impact on climate change?
Storms were more intense than ever in 2020 despite our emissions reductions.
— M. STILES, MERIDEN, CT
T
he coronavirus pandemic has certainly led to a decrease in industrial activity and resulting greenhouse gas emissions during its reign over the planet in 2020. A recent study by German researchers calculated that global carbon dioxide emissions fell by about eight percent over the past year. While this is no doubt a good result from an otherwise bad situation, the researchers warn it represents nothing but a small drop in the bucket compared to what we still need to accomplish—even bigger annual emissions drops every year for decades to come—to avert cataclysmic climate change. According to study co-author Ralf Sussmann, we would need to achieve zero emissions around the world by 2055 to limit global warming at 1.5ºC. The declining rate of greenhouse gas emissions during the global pandemic would not only need to be upheld, it would need to be amplified to achieve zero emissions. Sussmann and
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other study authors stated that to achieve these reductions “political measures have to be taken to directly initiate fundamental technological changes in the energy and transport sectors.” Despite the drop in emissions over this past year, 2020 will likely go down in history as the year things started to really accelerate with regard to climate change’s effects. Recent increases in both the frequency and intensity of extreme weather events are consequences of global climate change. “Global warming can contribute to the intensity of heat waves… Increasing temperatures mean a longer wildfire season,” reports the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine. “Global warming also increases water vapor in the atmosphere, which can lead to more frequent heavy rain and snowstorms.” This means stronger hurricanes and flooding. In 2020, extreme weather
events plagued people around the world amid the pandemic. In the U.S. alone, Americans witnessed orange skies clouded with smoke and a number of powerful hurricanes coming from the Atlantic. Globally, there have been record high average temperatures, double the activity of a normal hurricane season, the hottest temperature ever reliably recorded in human history (54ºC), the most costly damages from flooding to date in China, record low Arctic sea ice, and the strongest tropical cyclone to hit land that has ever been recorded (Super Typhoon Goni). These abnormally extreme weather events are all indicators of the accelerating effects of climate change on our planet. Even though climate change continues to worsen, in small ways all over the world nature has taken this economic slowdown as a chance to breathe. For example, the murky waters of Venice’s canals became clearer than they had been in decades—
and sea life even returned to the city’s urban waterways. While global warming has not stopped because of the global pandemic, we have learned that Mother Nature responds positively to our improved behavior (even when not intended), which gives environmental advocates hope to keep on working. It’s now up to every one of us to make significant changes in our own orbits—perhaps by keeping up our slower and more stationary existences even after we have a grip on coronavirus—if we hope to mitigate and reverse the effects of climate change. CONTACTS: “Can We Measure a COVID-19-Related Slowdown in Atmospheric CO2 Growth?” mdpi.com/20724292/12/15/2387; “Global warming is contributing to extreme weather events,” nationalacademies.org/based-on-science/ climate-change-global-warming-is-contributing-to-extreme-weather-events. EarthTalk® is produced by Roddy Scheer & Doug Moss for the 501(c)3 nonprofit EarthTalk. See more at https://emagazine. com. To donate, visit https//earthtalk.org. Send questions to: question@earthtalk.org.
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Discovery Box
DNA
CRACKING THE CODE! BY ANDREA WILLINGHAM
H
ave you ever wondered why some people have blue eyes and some have brown eyes? Or why some insects fly while others crawl? Why are some fish are big and others small? It all has to do with our DNA. Deoxyribonucleic (dee-OXsee-rye-bo-noo-CLAY-ik) acid, or DNA, shapes all life on Earth. It’s a microscopic bundle of molecules located inside the cells of every living thing—including you! This bundle of molecules contains genetic information that determines the unique characteristics and adaptations of every species on the planet—from eye color to blood type to whether a plant has leaves or thorns. The information in DNA is stored as a very simple code made up of four chemical bases, known by their initials: adenine (A), guanine (G), cytosine (C), and thymine (T). The way these bases are arranged determines the code, or information, needed to build and maintain all of our bodies’ characteristics.
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it comes to DNA. For example, people have about 96 percent of the same DNA as chimpanzees, 90 percent the same as cats, and 85 percent the same as mice. About 50 percent of our DNA is the same as the DNA in bananas! DNA, our genetic code, is what makes us both unique from and similar to all other living things. Want to learn more? You can explore the fascinating world of genetics and DNA through the Museum of Natural and Cultural History’s newest Explore from Home program, DNA—Cracking the Code! Available in English and Spanish, this fun family program includes hands-on experiments, crafts, and activities you can do at home. Head to mnch.uoregon.edu/ explorefromhome to get in on the fun!
Discovery Box
You can think of it this way: The letters of the alphabet appear in a certain order to form words or sentences. Instead of 26 letters, DNA strands only have four (A, T, G, and C). However, these four letters can be linked up and arranged in millions and millions of different ways, so that DNA is unique to each individual, kind of like of fingerprint. The only people who share the exact same DNA code are identical twins. Your DNA is actually 99 percent the same as all other humans, but that remaining one percent accounts for everything that makes you physically unique from other people and species. Where did this unique code come from? Your parents! DNA molecules are packaged into structures called chromosomes. Humans usually have 46 chromosomes total—23 that come from their mothers, and 23 that come from their fathers. Unless we are adopted, we tend to look a little bit like our parents because our DNA is made from copies of their DNA, which combine to make a new arrangement and code. Even though life on Earth is incredibly diverse, we have much in common when
Visit the Museum of Natural and Cultural History’s website (mnch.uoregon.edu) for current hours and the latest lineup of virtual and online programs.
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A Dad’s Eye View
The Boy-Girl Demolition Derby BY RICK EPSTEIN
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ROUND THE TIME OF her 10th Valentine’s Day, my oldest daughter Marie observed, “Y’know, Dad, some of the boys in my class are starting to act like human beings.” “Don’t be fooled,” I said. “They’re just evolving into another kind of animal – the kind that wants to follow you home.” That would have been a good moment to put her into suspended animation like they do in sci-fi movies with space travelers whose destination is years and years away. For sons and daughters who are to miss the painful and confusing years of sexual awakening, I think we could set the wake-up time for age 25. Why is this a good idea? Around the time of Marie’s announcement about boys, young love was festering on our street. My 7-year-old daughter Sally kept me informed. Our neighbor Billy, age 12, had been making time with Rachel, a seventhgrader who babysat our kids after school. “But then Rachel dumped him,” Sally reported. “DUMPED him?” I asked. “You make him sound like a load of garbage. Why did Rachel BREAK UP with him?” “She saw him kissing Heather (a sixth-grader who lives on our street). But Heather doesn’t really like Billy. She was just trying to make her regular boyfriend jealous.”
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Sally went on to say that Billy wanted to make Rachel feel sorry for jilting him, so he had gone out onto his porch roof and threatened to jump. “And did he jump?” I asked. “Sure,” she said, “But he didn’t get hurt. He does it all the time, but usually it’s for fun and not for love.” Apparently, on weekdays from 3 to 6 p.m., when these middleschoolers should’ve been indoors playing violent video games,
minding my kids, or plagiarizing Wikipedia, they were out on the street reveling in some kind of hormonal happy hour, bashing away at each other’s emotions like drunks with hammers. Which brings to mind my own first love. She was a fifth-grade enchantress named Jeanette Scott. Although she was extremely not-interested, I’d walk her home from the bus stop every day. Jeanette loved jumping-rope, so I joined in to be with her. Sure, prizefighters jump rope, but they don’t do it with two girls turning it for them while chanting: B my name is Betty And my husband’s name is Bill. We live in Batesville And we sell bowling balls. My campaign was not advanced. According to Greek legend, sirens were sea nymphs whose seductive song would lure sailors to their deaths on coastal rocks. Whenever we’d drive past the Scotts’ house, my dad would put his hand to his ear and say, “I can hear the siren song.” (Dad had more ways to warn of treachery and disaster than Crayola has crayons.) One night at the ice rink, Jeanette laid bare her feelings for me. I had skated to the sidelines to chat with her, when, without preamble, she coolly poured a cup of hot chocolate over my head. Her friends laughed. The cocoa, flavored with melted hair
product, was bitter in my mouth as I skated away, a tragic figure, vowing to love more carefully or not at all. It’s an ugly business, this boygirl stuff. It’s tough to experience and it’s tough to observe. Oh, look! Here’s 25-year-old Marie coming out of her 15-year hibernation. She yawns and asks, “Did I miss anything?” “Not much,” I reply. “The Beanie Baby market never rebounded, and you missed some Harry Potter books and movies. Video stores died. Oh! And we elected a black president. We’re having a pandemic, your school is closed, and if you go anywhere you have to wear a surgical mask. On a personal level, you missed a lot of unpleasantness as your fickle and sadistic classmates acted out bizarre parodies of normal human relationships. You missed some cruelty, rejection, betrayal and heartache.” “Thanks, Dad, I appreciate it,” she said. “But you didn’t escape entirely,” I confessed. “There are almost 300 messages on your phone. I listened to them. Right after you went dormant, a boy texted asking you out, and his girlfriend found out. She started spreading lies about you, causing more boys to call and text wanting a date. Then A LOT of girls called and texted and left horrible messages. And they’re still leaving them. Want some Cheerios?” RICK EPSTEIN can be reached at rickepstein@yahoo.com.
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BUILDING EFFECTIVE
Family
Communication BY PARENTING NOW
It’s
easy to get trapped in the negative communication patterns you may have learned from your own parents who learned them from their parents and so on, such as using hurtful language or not listening to you when you tried to communicate something important. Remember that you are not your parents and you can choose to break the cycle of negative communication patterns by making choices that positively affect your child and spouse. You can choose positive communication choices, including using supportive and respectful language with your child, spouse, and family members, as well as listening to them and trying to understand their point of view.
LEARNING TO PROBLEM SOLVE WITHOUT FIGHTING All couples have disagreements over matters big and small. But the way you choose to approach disagreements can have an impact on your child. Children are sensitive to disagreements in the home. They notice when the tone of your voice changes, how loud it gets, and the words being used.
FEBRUARY 2021
When an issue pops up, try problem solving the issue together so you can move forward and find solutions without getting bogged down in blame and negative communication patterns. First decide on a time and place to talk. It’s hard to problem solve when you are in a hurry or distracted. Then, try the following steps: STEP 1: Name the problem without using blame. Consider these two approaches to a common problem: “You never spend time with me anymore,” versus “I miss spending time with you.” The first approach puts blame on the other person, while the second approach invites a conversation about how the couple can carve out more time for each other. Framing the problem in a neutral way ensures that your message will be heard. STEP 2: Say what you want, just for yourself. Be specific about what the problem is and avoid vague language. For example: “What I want is for us to spend more time together like before we had Hannah.” STEP 3: Ask for the other person’s point of view. Find out what your partner wants. Listen and acknowledge their feelings. STEP 4: Brainstorm solutions. Without
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judgment, come up with some solutions to the problem. Be creative with your ideas. For example, “Maybe we could ask my sister to watch Hannah every other Saturday night for us?” STEP 5: Decide on a solution that works for both of you. STEP 6: Check in with each other. How is the solution is working for both of you? Do you need to make changes?
SOLVING PROBLEMS IS A PROCESS When you communicate effectively and work together to solve problems, you are modeling positive communication skills and creating a healthy home environment for your child.
To learn more about infant development, sign up for Parenting Now!’s Incredible INFANTs program, which meets virtually on Zoom every other week for 10 sessions. The next Incredible INFANTs program starts on October 21. Call 541-434-4343 or email enroll@parentingnow.org to register.
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Family Movie Night
The Jazzy Life BY BONNIE L. HARRIS
Search for the mystic.
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ISNEY AND PIXAR ANIMATION took a large gamble with their new feature, Soul, and that deserves some credit, but other than a few cute moments, a couple of laughs, and the trademark Pixar animation, this film doesn’t deliver the jazz it
SOUL Pixar Animation, Rated: PG Streaming on Disney Plus
promises. Also sad to say, in a movie about the soul of music, there isn’t a single memorable tune. Narratively, the main characters don’t have a villain to outwit or anything to defeat so it’s never quite clear how they’ll measure their success. But Joe Gardner, the adult hero, definitely wants to be a successful musician and he often regrets settling for the life of a middle-school band teacher. When he gets his big break through a former student, he accidentally falls in a manhole
and his soul heads for the Great Beyond. Joe narrowly escapes the white-light-bug-zapper that sends souls wayward. Instead, he’s assigned to mentor a difficult, immature soul named 22, who’s avoided going to Earth for a couple thousand years. Joe and 22 team up to reunite Joe’s soul with his body, but there’s a mix-up, and Joe lands in a chubby cat while 22 inhabits Joe’s body. The only person who can fix things is a wonky, guru-hippie mystic on a New York street corner. As
they search for the mystic, 22 learns about the wonders of life on Earth, including pizza, and Joe contemplates the repressed, cautious life he’s lived. In the end, Joe and 22 sacrifice for each other and there’s a happy ending, but not before a secondary character restates the theme in a parable about a fish, just in case the audience didn’t get it the first time. In spite of its faults, Soul is fairly fun, moderately entertaining, and it has an uplifiting message. Pop some popcorn and enjoy.
FOR the PARENTS
Help Wanted: Fairy Godmother
Mac begins to believe.
GODMOTHERED Walt Disney Pictures, Rated: PG Streaming on Disney Plus
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UIRKY, FUNNY, CHARMING, high-spirited, and adorable are all fitting descriptions of Disney’s live-action feature Godmothered. It’s also a little glimpse of Christmas, but not so much that you’d call it a Christmas movie. Godmothered turns the fairy tale genre upside down when Eleanor, the youngest recruit at the failing Motherland Academy of Godmothering, goes rogue to save her beloved job. Unfortunately, the wishes and requests for godmothers have dwindled to a single, very old letter from 10-year-old Mackenzie “Mac” Walsh. If Eleanor fails the assignment, she’ll lose her magic or, worse, be forced to work as a tooth fairy. Undaunted, Eleanor stumbles into the real world to discover that Mac is now forty years old with two children and a job she dislikes. Still determined to help Mac find true love and live happily ever after, Eleanor’s adventures are a roller coaster of good intentions and magical misunderstandings. Although
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sometimes misguided, Eleanor’s unshakeable faith brings Mac’s family together and gives them the courage to conquer their biggest fears. The end drags just a bit, but the musical finale, Rise Up, sung by Jillian Shea Spaeder is phenomenal. Keep a tissue handy and settle in for a wonderful family movie.
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FEBRUARY 2021
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Rescue Spotlight
M
eet ZYLER, a 9-year-old mixed breed with the biggest puppy dog eyes! He is one happy dog who loves to chase after a ball and play with all the toys! He would do best in a calm but active family that will give him time to settle in and take him on many adventures. It is unknown how Zyler would do living with a cat or another dog. He should meet any dog siblings at the shelter before going home and would need a slow introduction to a cat friend. He may do okay with children so long as they respect his space. When he arrived at the shelter, Zyler was very skinny and with proper diet and regular care, he has slowly been putting weight on. He needs a family that is committed to keeping this handsome boy healthy and happy. Zyler would make a family very happy and feel so loved! If you are interested in adopting a dog, or would like to learn more about adding a dog to your family, please call Greenhill Humane Society. Greenhill Humane Society is open for adoptions by appointment seven days a week, 11 am – 6 pm at 88530 Green Hill Rd in Eugene. For more information call (541) 689.1503 or visit www.green-hill.org.
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he Cat Rescue & Adoption Network presents ANGELITO & his twin brother CLIFF, an adorable pair of very bonded 1 ½ year-old black panther kitties looking for their forever home. Angelito is the sweetest, most affectionate guy you’ve ever met – he is famous for his non-stop purring and cuddling happily in your lap. Cliff (who has a partial cleft palate) is more independent and quirky, and his giant personality will require a cat-savvy adopter. They are great with gentle dogs and older kids, but would be best as the only cats. They are healthy boys, but Cliff does have a sensitive stomach. They are neutered, vaccinated, microchipped, and negative for Felv & FIV. Their special adoption fee is $110 for the pair. To meet Cliff & Angelito, please call 541-225-4955 option 1, or send an email to adoptinfo@CatRescues.org
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FEBRUARY 2021
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