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The Voice of Ohio’s LGBT and Ally Community
THE WOMEN ISSUE
may 2017 vol 21 • issue 11
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Download the Outlook App!
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vol 21 • #11
the women issue 6. you are here
Women: Who of us can say that we can live without them? Not me.
7. small pond 8. being a boss ass lady 9. on the cover: Staley Munroe 10. interview: Candeleria Mata 12. GOHI 14. qmunity 19. fabulous columbus: akili cooper 22. out and about
on the cover Staley Munroe is back on the cover of our magazine proving once again that all women are beautiful and badass. Staley was kind enough to participate in this month’s magazine to give us the transwoman’s perspective on being a boss ass lady!
next month:
PRIDE!!
puzzling solution from puzzle on page 31
a note from us
26. life with pie: a note for the ladies 27. savage love 29. the divine life
I have been inspired by so many exceptional and powerful women throughout my life. My mother, coworkers, my daughters, my friends, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. Most specifically, though, my sister. You want to talk about being a boss-ass lady? She absolutely is just that. She is beautiful and hard-working. She doesn’t take shit from anyone. She would absolutely give the shirt off of her back to keep a perfect stranger warm. She is the epitome of all things good and she is absolutely one of the most fun people I have ever met. My sister turned me into the man I am today and I couldn’t be happier to have been selected to be her baby brother. So many women have touched my life. OUR lives. They show us every day how strong they are and how beautiful they are. Women make the world go ‘round. They give life. They work harder than any man I know. They inspire me every day to be a gentleman as they deserve nothing less. So to all you women out there, thank you. You all kick ass.
30. toons
Mike Moffo Man of Many Hats Outlook Media, Inc.
31. puzzler PUBLISHER CHRISTOPHER HAYES HEADQUARTERS OUTLOOK MEDIA, INC. 815 N. HIGH ST., SUITE G COLUMBUS, OHIO, 43215 614.268.8525 PHONE / 614.261.8200 FAX SALES MIKE MOFFO / MIKE@OUTLOOKMEDIA.COM KURT MUELLER / KURT@OUTLOOKMEDIA.COM JEREMY BOUCHER / JEREMY@OUTLOOKMEDIA.COM NATIONAL ADVERTISING RIVENDELL MEDIA – 212.242.6863
ANDREW KELLER, AARON LEVETHAL, DEBRA SHADE ART DIRECTOR CHRISTOPHER HAYES CONTRIBUTING DESIGNERS JESS CAMPBELL CYBERSPACE BRAD HENRY / BRAD.HENRY@STARRAVE.COM OUTLOOKOHIO.COM OUTLOOKMEDIA.COM NETWORKCOLUMBUS.COM TWITTER / FB: OUTLOOKOHIO OUTLOOK IS PUBLISHED AND DISTRIBUTED BY OUTLOOK MEDIA, INC. ON THE 1ST DAY OF EACH MONTH THROUGHOUT OHIO.
EDITORS MIKE MOFFO/STALEY MUNROE/BRAD HENRY
OUTLOOK IS A FREE PUBLICATION SOLELY FOR THE USE OF OUR READERS. ANY PERSON WHO WILLFULLY OR KNOWINGLY OBTAINS OR EXCONTRIBUTING WRITERS DEBÉ, JENI JONES-HIGGINS, DAN SAVAGE, STA- ERTS UNAUTHORIZED CONTROL OVER MORE LEY MUNROE, BRAD HENRY, BROOKE CARTUS, THAN FIVE COPIES OF ANY ISSUE WITH THE IN-
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TENT TO PREVENT OTHERS FROM READING SHALL BE CONSIDERED GUILTY OF THE CRIME OF THEFT. VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED. THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN OUTLOOK ARE THOSE OF THE AUTHORS AND DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE VIEWS, POLICIES, OR PERSONAL, BUSINESS, OR PROFESSIONAL PRACTICES OF OUTLOOK MEDIA, INC. OR ITS STAFF, OWNERSHIP, OR MANAGEMENT. OUTLOOK MEDIA, INC. DOES NOT INVESTIGATE OR ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR CLAIMS MADE IN ANY ADVERTISEMENT. OUTLOOK MEDIA, INC. ASSUMES NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR CLAIMS ARISING IN CONNECTION WITH PRODUCTS AND SERVICES ADVERTISED, NOR FOR THE CONTENT OF, OR REPLY TO, ANY ADVERTISEMENT. ALL MATERIAL IS COPYRIGHTED ©2017 OUTLOOK MEDIA, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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Edutechnologics EduTechnologic, llc is a local, gay-owned, Columbus, Ohio technological firm. The company develops very high-end technological solutions for mobile, wearable technology, artificial intelligence and augmented reality to standard web and commerce applications. The company is owned and operated by Brad Henry and his partners.
the event and allowed people to bid online. This was a big departure for the event and previous attempts to leverage technology were mixed. He worked extensively with Equitas Health and others to address the issues to maximize the user experience and raise funds for the event. The event raised over $160,000.
Henry has been a long standing member of the community and supports several LGBT owned businesses that include us here at Outlook Ohio, Evolution Theatre, GOHI, Morton Barber Learning, The Jacob Neal Salon and the transgender community. EduTechnologic also works with Microsoft, IBM, PTC, The Ohio State University, and The Heisman Foundation just to name a few.
Additional community technological development includes the work for Outlook Ohio. EduTechnologic has worked with Outlook for 10 plus years to build a web presence and recently extended the digital presence into a mobile application. The mobile application is a customizable user experience that allows the user to control their content. This includes settings for news topics, event and business locations and alerts for special events. The web version narrowed down the categories, includes a new searchable interactive calendar, improved performance, and better search capabilities. Henry states that he is especially proud of the upcoming inclusion of the “Ohio Pride” sections for mobile and web. The web already includes a section for Pride events around Ohio but what really excites us is the upcoming release of the Pride mobile tools. They will allow users to explore information by city, explore events, local businesses, directions and much more. Henry asserts that a lot of inspiration came from Karla Rothan from Stonewall Columbus. “She is a very good critic and willing to provide very honest feedback. We work well together.” He states that he was able to return the favor by helping to provide feedback Stonewall Columbus and exploring ways that Outlook Ohio can continue to work together.
The primary focus over the last few years has been designing Mixed Reality application integrating Augmented Reality (AR) and Artificial Intelligence (AI) for mobile and wearable devices, known as the Internet of Things (IOT). Henry centers his focus on AR because he believes it is important for people to be present and to be actively engaged with their environment and with other people. “People learn by doing and by being actively engaged. Technology can work as a virtual assistant to learn and be more engaging than just simply sitting listening to a lecture or completing an online course.” His current pursuits include new wearable technology that instructs users in the workforce, allowing them to learn while performing tasks on-the-job. As part of his pursuits with Mixed Reality, he started working with the transgender community to build an interactive avatar with an AI backend to help people learn and explore what it means to be transgender. He explains that using this type of technology can be used for training medical or other professionals to learn how to properly engage with a transgender person. He asserts that concerns from the trans community are typically pronoun usage or doctors knowing how to ask the right questions.
Henry has also worked to engage non-profits like Equitas Health, Equality Ohio, Stonewall Democrats and other LGBT businesses from around the state. “I believe it is important that we have an Ohio resource and voice that collects and represents and supports our community. It is an important time for us to be a collective and supportive community.”
Download our app for iOS or Android in your app store to keep up on all EduTechnologic also worked with Equitas Health last year and built a of the latest news, events, and Pride to-dos. mobile application for Art for Life. The application was used to promote
David Tweet Realtor ® 614.571.2314 dtweet.kw.com -FU NF IFMQ ZPV mOE B IPNF UIBU T BT VOJRVF BOE XPOEFSGVM BT ZPV BSFþ
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ohio women: how to be a boss ass lady "The interesting thing about being a boss is you either are, or you are not. Don't let that discourage you because anyone has the ability to be one. The challenge is finding your truth, and accepting it. Be your most authentic self in every aspect of life. Know who you are and above all...take no one's shit." Chelssie Breece – braniac, beauty, biker, Mansfield Pride festival director, badass
In order for me to be a Boss Ass Lady I have to be authentic and transparent at all times. Being authentic can be difficult, and sometimes scary because you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable to your own adorkable quirks that make you....you. But, why pretend to be something or someone you are not? If you can not sell yourself; how do you expect to sell your product.
When I started burlesque, I was told to get a tan, cover my greys, get contacts and get a boob job. Many times I considered quitting burlesque, but I love singing and the energy of an audience. I persisted, and had many ups and downs to get to where I am today, but staying true to myself proved to be the best choice as I am now a member of the Golden Buckeye 2015 & 2016 Best Burlesque Troupe in Ohio - Crimson Lace Cabaret! And, you're never too old either! Don't ever give up on yourself and your beliefs! – Madam-Ofeelya Redd path paver, vocalist, burlesque dancer, badass
Transparency is equally difficult and scary, fully owning my own character flaws in business and life allows me to have complete damage control when I trip. No one is perfect and we are going to make mistakes. That's okay. Learn from them, we own them, and don't make the same mistake twice. If you do; shame on you. – Meredith Masaveg - wedding planner, business owner, badass
Women are the very life-force of this world. At the core of all that is nurturing, loving, and life-giving, you will find the female spirit. The greatest of all muses, womanity is the heartbeat of the universe.- Staley Munroe - entrepreneur, photographer, designer, badass
Be confident in yourself, even if you need to fake it sometimes (no one will know the difference). Get out of your own way and put your heart in what you do. Always find the humor and don't be afraid to sing your truth! - Sarah Cooperider – musician, funnygirl, badass Do you want to know how to be a boss ass lady? Love your body and wear whatever you want. Don't get hung up on what other people think of you; it's all about what you think of yourself! If someone doesn't like the way you look, they don't have to look at you! If you feel fabulous and badass, that's all you need. At the end of the day, confidence is the sexiest thing you can wear. So rock it, girl! - Marla Hicks - burlesque dancer, punk-rock-princess, bartender, badass If you want to unlock your potential as a woman, reach for the stars. If you reach for the stars, you may land on the roof but if you only reach for the roof, you may well land on the ground. Reach as high as you can. You might surprise yourself with what you can accomplish - Karla Rothan - Executive Director, Stonewall Columbus, comedienne, friend, badass To me, being a boss ass lady means staying positive and never saying "no" to new opportunities. I never ask anyone to do something that I wouldn't do and try to take time to celebrate differences in others. Also, don't be a jerk. - Lexi Hayman - Staples - Executive Director, Collingwood Arts Center, LGBTQIA advocate, wife, volunteer, badass
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on the cover: staley munroe OM: Of all the women in your life, who's helped shape you the most? OM: Who are your greatest heroes or role models? SM: Absolutely top of the list is my mother. Despite a rocky start accepting my transition, she remains a legacy in my life. A figure of poise, grace, and beauty who's inspired me all the more with her current battle with breast cancer. She never gives up hope, holds ever tighter to her faith in God, and even through this brutal process she and I have become so much closer. Growing up she instilled in me decorum, a love of classical music, and the importance of quality education. We both continue to learn from each other the importance of setting our differences aside for the sake of love when it comes to things we disagree on, a constant battle but one with immeasurable value. OM: What would you say to individuals who feel Transgender women should not be included in traditionally and exclusively cisgender female movements? SM: I think it's very important to address these cases individually with an open mind and heart, because the reality is that modern day feminism must be intersectional. When we say women's lives matter, and the role of women matter, that must include those women who just so happen to also be Transgender. Our stories of shared struggles and victories are what allow us to see how much we really have in common, and show us where we need to support one another moving forward. The beautiful cisgender women (women who identify with the gender assigned to them at birth) in my life who've stood by me and embraced me as completely female have shown me via example the epitome of what makes women strong - acceptance, love, and a warrior spirit to fight for the disenfranchised and hurting. These are the women I surround myself with, and who've taught me that being Transgender is not a removal from the female-group, rather another unique jewel in my crown.
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SM: There are so many! Michelle Obama for politics, Mother Teresa for charity, Princess Diana for sincerity. Recently I've fallen in love with Pakistani education activist and Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala Yousafzai, who's a complete game changer for girls around the world! Many legendary women I've been blessed to admire from afar all my life! Fictionally, I've always adored Storm from X-men for her strength and compassion, and Galadriel form Lord of the Rings for her wisdom and power. Growing up with an obsession for Disney Princesses eventually gave way to powerful, assertive women in leadership who could not only keep up with the boys but would in many cases raise the bar in all manners of leadership and intelligence. OM: What is your advice to other Transgender women who might be struggling to find their place? SM: Continue to accept yourself, because out of that self-love you'll have an innate permission to grow, make mistakes, live and learn. Surround yourself with women you admire for reasons of character, not just affluence, and assimilate those same character traits and behaviors into your own life. Try new things too! Sometimes getting out of our comfort zone is the healthiest thing possible. Pursue vulnerability in safe places. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need, but remember that no one can work harder for your life and betterment than you are willing to work for yourself. The Trans Ohio group here in Columbus has amazing resources for counseling, companionship, and community involvement, so joining other Transgender folk there is an awesome place to start.
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interview: Candelaria Mota MS
We recently got the chance to catch up with Cadelaria Mota, Assistant Director for NYAP, the National Youth Advocate Program. OM: Tell us a little about NYAP. CM: Did you know, according to Franklin County Children’s Services Council, there are more than 30,000 reports of child abuse each year in Franklin County alone? The National Youth Advocate Program (NYAP) is a nonprofit organization committed to healing our community’s youth & families and we need your help! We are seeking safe and loving individuals to open their homes to a NYAP teenager in need of a caring individual or family. Many of our LGBTQ youth need loving, stable families to care for them as said to us by one of our youth, “If it weren’t for my foster mom, I honestly don’t know where I’d be. She has given me unconditional love and has accepted me as I am.” NYAP provides state of the art foster parent trainings and endless support to our licensed caregivers. Anyone who’s ever considered helping a young person should call us today at 1-877-NYAP-CAN (1-877692-7226) or 614-506-9930 for more information on how to become a licensed foster parent. OM: There are so many young people in need, that’s for sure. It’s cool that your organization recognizes the strength of the LGBTQ families in Columbus. Where are you headquartered? CM: The National Youth Advocate Program is excited to announce the one year anniversary of the Center for Adolescents and Families in the German Village area! This great site is devoted to providing creative and effective services to adolescents and families with an emphasis on engagement through various artistic energies. OM: Thanks, Candelaria! If someone has interest in learning more about the programs available, what is the best option? CM: To find out how you can get involved in fostering a teen or for more information about services at The Center for Adolescents and Families please call 614-506-9930 or email at: cmota@nyap.org. You may also contact our 24-hour hotline at: 1-877-NYAP-CAN. 10
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GOHI: The David Zimmer Collection At the Ohio History Center, visitors can see everything from American Indian artifacts to a Lustron home. Now, they can also find a display of materials related to an early LGBTQ activist and drag performer from Central Ohio. In 2016, we received a number of objects, photographs, and other archival materials related to David Zimmer. For over 40 years, David was a beloved personality in the local LGBTQ community, best known for his performances in drag as Dolly Divine and as a co-founder of what would be known as the Berwick Ball. The display, installed in the museum’s “New Acquisitions” case, provides a colorful glimpse into David’s (and Dolly’s) role in shaping Ohio history. In 1964, David, Orn Huntington, and others organized a Halloween costume ball in Columbus. Access to the invitation-only event was a closely guarded secret: ticketholders only learned of the venue—an American Legion Hall on North High Street served as the first—by calling a telephone number the day of the ball. Why so secretive? At the time, Ohio’s sodomy law was in full effect, as was Columbus’ cross-dressing law. These statutes, passed in 1885 and 1848, respectively, partly led to police raids of establishments with a known gay clientele. As a result, the Halloween ball served as an important safe space for the local LGBTQ community. The event proved popular with the community and became an annual gathering where attendees dressed in drag or formal attire. Music, dancing, drag competition, and appearances by “Miss Dolly Divine” were staples of the event, which was organized by a committee. The aptly named Central Ohio Couturier League and its successor, the Columbus Metropolitan Halloween Ball Executive Committee, were early sponsors. These groups oversaw the ball’s growth and eventually introduced awards recognizing outstanding achievement in costume design and volunteer contributions to the event. Then, in the 1980s, the Berwick Party House and Restaurant began hosting the ball. First opened in 1955, the banquet hall located off Refugee Road became the event’s regular venue and namesake. The display at the Ohio History Center features a small sampling of pieces related to David’s and Dolly’s involvement with the Berwick Ball, including shoes—covered in brilliant silver sequins—worn during the 1991 event. These shoes, however, are hardly the only eye-catching pieces in the display. Two of David’s performance costumes are also featured. He commissioned Dick Frank, a local costume designer, to make them. With their intricate patterns and pronounced ruffles, the flowing costumes conjure images of Liberace and his iconic wardrobe. This sartorial nod to Liberace reflects David’s respect for the performer who achieved widespread acclaim from the 1950s through 1980s. “His 12
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flair for costumes was as entertaining as his piano playing,” David said in a 1993 interview. David’s shows featured a combination of humor and music, and, just as Liberace’s, ended with the jazz standard, “I’ll Be Seeing You.” One photograph in the display even shows a smiling David playing his piano, candelabra in the background. David may have performed throughout Ohio and the country, but he made his home in German Village. In 1989, the Harrisburg, Ohio, native moved to the Columbus neighborhood, where he became a constant fixture at community events. David often participated in the annual “Void Vilities” talent show and “Village Valuables” garage sale. He was also a member of the Schumacher Place Association and the German Village Society. David’s importance to Columbus’ South Side is well-documented in the collection. In 2004, the German Village Meeting Haus hosted a “Diamond Jubilee” for his 75th birthday. The collection includes the event invitation, photographs from the evening, and clothing and accessories he wore during the celebration. Some of these pieces, however, are not currently on display at the Ohio History Center. With a collection so comprehensive and full of so many great items, it can be difficult to develop a display with space limitations. But, if you are interested in learning more about David’s life and the collection pieces not on display, you can schedule a research visit with staff. As an organization dedicated to preserving and sharing Ohio’s history, we are honored that David’s family and friends thought of the Ohio History Connection and our Gay Ohio History Initiative (“GOHI”) collection as the final repository for objects and archival materials from his life. We hope you will visit the Ohio History Center to see selections from the David Zimmer Collection and learn about his significant contributions to state history. The David Zimmer Collection is currently on display at the Ohio History Center until Fall 2017.
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qmunity snapshot
no methodist gays shall serve here Members of the United Methodist Church learned that their top court had issued strong rebukes on Friday against three of the church’s regions for allowing openly gay clergy and a bishop to serve. The decisions jolted the global, 13-million-member church, which is intensely divided over gay marriage and gay clergy.
Gender Stereotype Protections Apply to Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Employees Protections against gender stereotyping apply to heterosexual and lesbian, gay and bisexual employees alike under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, according to the 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.
Transgender woman sues Idaho over birth certificate policy
Kentucky judge won't hear adoption cases if adults are gay In not-so-surprising news out of Kentuckey, a family court judge says he won't hear anymore adoption cases that involve gay adults .Judge Mitchell Nance issued an order Thursday saying he believes that "under no circumstance" would "the best interest of the child be promoted by the adoption by a practicing homosexual."
A transgender woman is suing Idaho in federal court for refusing to change the gender listed on her birth certificate. Most states allow people to change their birth certificate to reflect their gender identity rather than the gender they were assigned at birth. Only Idaho, Kansas, Ohio and Tennessee have policies or laws prohibiting such changes.
Transgender patient sues Dignity Health for discrimination over hysterectomy denial
Downtown Boys Call Out Coachella Owner Over AntiLGBTQ Donations Downtown Boys, who performed at Coachella, have penned an open letter criticizing the festival on various fronts, primarily its links to anti-LGBTQ causes. Published in Spark, the letter takes issue with AEG founder Philip Anschutz, described as “a 77-year-old billionaire” whose charity foundation has donated extensively to anti-LGBTQ causes.
The American Civil Liberties Union filed a lawsuit against a Dignity Health hospital on behalf of Evan Michael Minton, 35, a former state Capitol legislative aide. He sought a hysterectomy as part of his transition and was denied.
Female High School Basketball Coach On Trial For Sex With Girls Ages 13 And 17 A Pennsylvania high school basketball coach accused of having lesbian relationships with two teenage pupils has won her bid to be tried separately for each alleged offense.
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fabulous columbus: akili cooper
photo by Karen Hutchko
with staley munroe: SM: Give us a brief biography of yourself. AC: I have been designing since the age of 14. My first show in 2010 consisted of 19 garments, and I was very proud. The Encore, now my 50th show on May 21, 2017, will introduce two new lines and a total of 40 garments. Throughout the years I have been honored to show in New York City during New York Fashion Week, had a private showing in Los Angeles for the Grammy's, was the finale designer for Great Lakes Fashion Week, and received many honors for my designs from peers in the art industry.
AC: I'm proud of 50 shows, but there are still roads that I have yet to venture down in this vast world of fashion. I never think about my age when I'm working. Most times I think ‘what is Versace or John Galliano doing’, and I aspire to reach that level of magnificence. SM: Talk about what’s up next for you and your career? What are your short-term goals and your long-term goals? AC: My short-term goal is to complete the two collections for the Encore Show on May 21, 2017, which will be held at the Westin Hotel, downtown Columbus. My desire is to make that show as spectacular for Columbus as Columbus has been to me.
SM: Tell us how being a designer in Columbus, Ohio has both challenged and rewarded you personally and professionally. AC: Columbus pushed me professionally as the youngest designer to show at Fashion Week Columbus (FWC) in 2010, which was very exciting. But when I returned to FWC a few years later and introduced my garments, I was turned down. I was so shocked when Tommy McClure, Founder of FWC, said "I thought you would have grown more". That statement made me reevaluate the quality of work I was creating. So, I began to challenge myself, working with more textured and print fabrics, then incorporating layers. Next I went to LA to meet with a buyer who challenged me to design a ready-to-wear collection, so in 2016 I designed my first ready-to-wear pieces.
I'm also working on a short film, scheduled to debut at the fashion show. Then my new Jahi web site, which is very exciting! After this show I will take a break from fashion and return to school to complete my degree in Marketing. I'm very excited about studying for my degree, after which I will move to New York City to work within and more directly with the fashion industry. With my marketing degree and fashion portfolio, I can easily work in a design house. I plan to keep creating Jahi Designs during this time. SM: If someone wanted a custom piece from you, how could they get in contact with you?
photo by Jessy Howard
My personal reward is how good the people of Columbus make me feel when I see them attending my shows, time after time. I think to myself, Akili you must be doing something right. I really appreciate the people in the Midwest supporting me for 10 years. SM: You are approaching your 50th runway show. How does it feel to have accomplished so much at your young age? outlookohio.com
AC: They can always reach me on my IG: JahibyAkili and on my Facebook page www.facebook.com/JahiDesigns. When they come to the show on May 21, 2017 at the Westin Hotel, downtown Columbus, they will receive the address to the Jahi website. SM: Describe your newest collections style, and what sort of client would wear it? Who’s your ideal buyer?
AC: My ideal buyer is Bergdorf Goodman and Nordstrom because I want to cater to the same type of woman. One who is sophisticated, empowered, strong and confident. My new line is the Rose Garden Collection, which I call my love collection. It is actually my favorite, and there is even a piece in the first set that took two years to complete. I am so excited, the future is bright!
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Blue Men and the Pink Line
Blue Men and the Pink Line Mickey Weems He loves his social media. His public persona is way over the top, and he is addicted to himself. All news about him has to be good news, which is why he says that journalists are the enemy. He uses the government to line his pockets and the pockets of his family. His daughter is a fashion designer. He is a macho fuck who has no respect for women’s rights. He adores Vladimir Putin. He is Ramzan Kadyrov, ruler-for-life of Chechnya, an autonomous region in Russia. Like his bearish idol Vladimir Putin, the cubbish Kadyrov loves himself so much, he probably masturbates while gazing at his own image - or maybe he jerks off to a glossy of his favorite Russian strongman shirtless on a horse. Like Vladimir, Ramzan is into the martial arts. Vladimir expresses affection for his boy Ramzan, calling the younger man his son. There are differences between Vlad and Lad. Putin is Christian, Kadyrov is Muslim. Kadyrov softens his tough-as-nails image by posing on Instagram with cuddly animals, including a kitten, his own beloved cat that ran away (go figure), and a lamb. Like Putin, Kadyrov has ordered the assassination of his enemies. He formed his own army, the Kadyrovsky (Followers of Kadyrov) to intimidate, beat, and kill anyone who gets in his way. He allows the abduction and forced marriage of girls to older men. Lately, his favorite target is Gay men. Perhaps Kadyrov’s obsession with herding Gay men into concentration camps is to mask his other obsession: a fangirl infatuation with Steven Seagal and muscular American sports figures and as well as with the burly Putin. 20
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When Kadyrov began rounding men-loving men up, placing them in secret detention centers for torture, then using them to squeeze money from their relatives, Russian journalists Elena Milashina and her colleague Irina Gordienko called him out. Kadyrov lost his shit when this happened. Everyone in Chechnya knows he is a sociopath, but they are supposed to keep it to themselves. Milashina fled Russia because the Kadyrovsky thugs are by no means limited to Chechnya they will hunt her down anywhere within the Russian border. Milashina could not appeal to the Russian government for help. Putin approved of his boy’s round-up of “blue” men (in Russian, “blue” or “goluboi” means “Gay”), which happened right after an LGBT group requested permission to hold Pride events in various Russian regions.
cannot enter Paradise if they are killed by a woman. In America, women came together, spoke out against Roger Ailes and Bill O’Reilly at FOX News, and got them canned. In the world of art, women’s bravery was eloquently represented by the image of a girl standing up to the brass-balled Wall Street Bull in Manhattan. We even saw Girl Power in Columbus, Ohio when young Zea Bowling stood with her rainbow flag in front of a hate-mongering preacher during ComFest 2015. Among all the pink pussy hats dotting the Women’s March last January were plenty of signs showing support for the LGBT community.
many more of their ilk have drawn a pink line in the sand: Harm LGBT people, and you will be outed as the criminal you are. This makes sense, since violently homophobic men usually encompass a multitude of sins - they are also abusers of women, racists, religious bigots, and ethnocentric oafs. Kadyrov has been guilty of a multitude of sins for a very long time, and has committed them with casual impunity. But it only took two women accusing him of terrorizing men who love men to put him into full panic mode. Kitten/lamb pics on Instagram won’t help him now.
Milashina, Grodienko, Bowling, and
But here is the most interesting thing: Milashina is not as afraid of Kadyrov as Kadyrov is afraid of her. The exposé on Kadyrov by Milashina and Gordienko in the Russian journal Novaya Gazeta scared him sufficiently to threaten the women with violence for speaking out. Milashina isn’t having his bullshit. Instead of shutting up, she has succeeded in making the current wave of terrorism against blue men in Chechnya international news, which then inspired the free press to bring up other atrocities committed by Papa Bear Putin and his Chechen cub. Milashina and Gordienko are part of women’s worldwide resistance to immature boys in men’s clothing. We see it in the Middle East as Arab women take up arms against ISIL, and those women are doubly effective because the brave men of ISIL fear that they Outlook Ohio
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dyke like me
Pre-pride tips from a seasoned Pride veteran. by brooke cartus As you know, readers, every few months I rely on my old job as a personal trainer to guide you through some of the more treacherous parts of the year: the holidays, the gym craze in January, etc. And that is all very important. But nothing, NOTHING is more important than Pride season, and we are perching on the cusp of this monumental moment. No, it’s not just a weekend. There are Pride festivals all over the country, the world, this summer and fall. What if you are just staying in Ohio? Its *still* not just one weekend. It’s prePride happy hours, it’s fundraising galas, it’s softball tournaments and pool party blowouts. What I’m trying to say is, your June is not your own if you really want to do Pride right. And dry or booze-soaked, indoor or outdoor, there is so much to do. You need to make sure that you are prepped and ready, so heed my morsels of advice not for your beautiful body, but for everything else. Tip 1: Don’t get stuck buying rainbow shit the week of Pride. Stock up now! If you are like me, you have a bin in your basement/attic labeled “PRIDE� with all things rainbow and glittery: suspenders, hats, fishnets, etc. All the basic staples. If you are reading this and are not a dragqueen, you may not have the requisite festival attire. Don’t let Target get your money the Thursday before Pride with some knock-off Pride crap that is
low quality and disposable and missing some colors of the rainbow because they forgot about the lavender. LAVENDER‌ OF ALL COLORS TO FORGET! Get online and pre-order some whimsical accessories now, well in advance, and be the belle of the queer ball. You probably will be anyway, but just to be sure. Tip 2: Pick one thing/action/moment to do something that maybe isn’t 100% self-serving. Perhaps. We want to celebrate Pride- yay! And you want to celebrate who you are- and that. is. awesome. IT IS! But Pride is also about giving back. It’s about remembering that in many parts of the world and many parts of this country, even just identifying as LGBTQ means that you are risking the safety of self and those you love. So not to be a downer, but maybe find a few hours/moments this Pride season to give back. Give an online donation to a local LGBTQ organization, volunteer for a few hours at one of those organizations. It’s sounds like liberal bullshit, but we can do a lot of good work in small doses just with a few hours of time or a few bucks. Those small gifts add up. Also, if you volunteer and don’t post about it on social media, it still happened. Enjoy the goodness on the inside. As my grandmother used to say when we did good deeds, (and didn’t post about it on social media because IT DIDN’T EXIST), “Remember, you are doing this for a jewel in your heavenly crown.â€? I know its bullsh*t but the
thought of a glittery brilliant crown waiting for me is enough for this queer to do some good works and keep it to myself. Tip 3: Use your straight friends. Straight people have “let’s blow some steam off and act like 20 year-oldsâ€? holidays all the damn time. Fourth of July, St. Patrick’s Day, Halloween‌ this weekend/week/month is all about US. Sure, the allies are welcome, and just like we party on St. Paddy’s with green beer and act like assholes alongside the straights, they are more than welcome to celebrate Pride with us. But this is also the time to say, “what could my straight friends do for me?â€? Are you planning on hitting the parade hard? Maybe ask a straight friend to let out your dog. Planning an overnight blowout? Time to call up your straight aunt and see if she can watch the kids for a weekend. Of course, pay it forward, and offer to bring your straight friends traditional Pride gifts as a thank you: rainbow beads, an empty plastic cup sticky from leftover light beer, and a flyer for a hemp purse stand you grabbed to stick your gum in but ended up stuffing in your purse. Tip 4: Keep the spirit of Pride with you all through the year. I recommend throwing some rainbow suspenders on every single day under your outfit, clasped to your underpants. Bonus if they are home bedazzled, gurl.
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Out & About in
Central Ohio
Columbus & Surrounding Areas
Friday May 5 Corpus Christi @ Shedd Theatre, 549 Franklin Ave., Columbus, 43215, 614.645.7459, evolutiontheatre.org. Evolution’s wonderful 2016-2017 season continues with Terrence McNally’s play about a boy who is scorned and lonely because he’s gay in Texas. As he looks for a more tolerant place he gathers a group of disciples who help him spread his word of love and acceptance. This controversial take on Jesus is as relevant today as it was when it debuted almost twenty years ago. $15/$20/$25. 8pm. Saturday May 6 Nina West’s OHANA @ Axis, 775 N. High St, Columbus, 43215, axisonhigh.com. Nina’s spring show is always over the top. This year will be no exception. You will be celebrating what is beautiful and special about yourself and your ‘ohana. She will be joined on stage by Virginia West, Krystal Something Something and many more. Tables for 4 $109.48. Balcony $15. 4pm, 8pm. Sunday May 7 Illuminati – Songs of the Spirit @ Worthington UMC, 600 High St., Worthingon, 43085, 614.228.2462, columbusgaymenschorus.com. Illuminati is an ensamble of the Gay Men’s Chorus that performs sacred and spiritual music and serves as a brige between the GLBT and religious communities. 3pm. $10
Saturday May 13 Bat-N-Rouge All Stars @ Axis, 775 N. High St., Columbus, 43215, axisonhigh.com. It’s the tenth annual all star event with some of your all-time drag favorites from across country. This is a fundraiser for BatN-Rouge and features drag queens, drag kings, vocalists and all kinds of adult fun. $30-$5. 8pm. Sunday May 14 Riverdance 20th Anniversary @ Palace Theatre, 34 W. Broad St., Columbus, 43215, 614.469.9850, capa.com. Has it really been twenty years since Riverdance stepdanced their way into our hearts. This revamped production has plenty of new songs and performances to make you realize why you fell in love with it the first time. With two performances on the 14th you should be able find one to enjoy the show with mom on Mother’s Day. 1pm, 6:30pm Saturday May 20 LGBTQ Hiking Club at Blackhand Gorge @ Blackhand Gorge State Nature Preserve, 2200 Graitiot Rd SE, Heath, 43056. https://stonewallcolumbus.org/event/lgbthiking-club-blackhand-gorge/, Spring is here and it’s time to get out and enjoy the outdoors. Join the LGBTQ Hiking Club as they
hike the scenic Blackhand and Quarry Rim Trails in this wonderful state park. The hike is approximately 5.5 miles and will take around 2 hours. They will be meeting in the parking lot to begin the hike promptly at 10:30am. Free. Saturday May 20 Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner 2017 @ Latitude 41, 50 N. 3rd St., Columbus, 43215, 614.233.7541, bravoohio.org. BRAVO’s annual fundraising event is full of adventures and surprises. The event begins at Latitude 41 with a cocktail reception and continues with dinner parties for eight to 10 at the homes of various donors. This year there will be a renown magician and a silent auction at the reception. $125 ($40 for the reception only) 5pm. Monday May 22 Daryl Hall & John Oates @ Schottenstein Center, 555 Borror Dr., Columbus, 43210. If loving these guys is wrong, we don’t want to be right. The group that made the soundtrack to so many awkward high school memories is back on tour. They’ll be playing all of
your favorites. Tears for Fears will open. $3549.50. 7pm. Saturday May 27 Columbus Coyotes vs Marysville @ Scioto Audubon Metro Park, 400 W. Whittier Ave. Columbus, 43215, columbuscoyotes.com. The Coyotes are an LGBT team. Come watch them as they take on Marysville. 1pm Saturday May 27 Other Prom 2017 @ Mershon Auditorium, 1871 N High St, Columbus, 43210, kycohio.org/other-prom-2017.html. This free alternative prom for 12-20 LGBTQ youth and their allies is presented by Kaleidoscope and Wexner Center for the Arts. This year there is an out of this world space theme. You can wear your favorite space cosplay clothes or regular formal attire. Whatever you wear, be prepared to have fun. Free. 8pm-11pm (No entry after 10pm) Wednesday May 30 Old Crow Medicine Show Performing Blonde on Blonde @ Express Live!, 405 Neil Ave. , Columbus, 43215, promowestlive.com. The band will be celebrating the 50th anniversary of the release of Bob Dylan’s Blonde on Blonde by playing the album in it’s entirety. Although, we might not be able to sing Wagon Wheel with them a starry night in Columbus with friends, OCMC and Dylan isn’t a bad thing at all. Shawn Colvin will open. $35. 8pm.
Northeast Ohio Out & About in
Cleveland & Surrounding Areas
Monday May 1 Dish and Dig: LGBTQ+ Youth Group @ The LGBT Community Center, 6600 Detroit Ave., Cleveland, 44102; equlityohio.org. The group is for LGBTQ+ young people from 1017 to meet and address questions and concerns. Roberta Taliaferro, a licensed clinician from the May Dugan Center, will facilitate. More info @ equalityohio.org. 5pm. Friday May 5 Freaky Friday @ Playhouse Square/Allen 22 may 2017
Theatre, 1501 Euclid Ave #2, Cleveland, 44115, clevelandplayhouse.org. Disney’s classic film gets the musical treatment. This story of an overworked mother and teenage daughter who switch places will have you laughing and dancing in your seat. $25-110. 7:30pm Monday May 10 Plexus Network Night @ Platform Beer Co. 4125 Lorain Ave., Cleveland, 44113, thinkplexus.org. Plexus is the Chamber of
Commerce for the LGBT community and their allies. This networking meeting is always a fun way to make new contacts. Free. 5:30pm Saturday May 13 LGBT Adult Prom @ Twist Social Club, 1163 Clifton Blvd., Cleveland, 44102, https://www.facebook.com/events/100492 0856308161. Join Kasha Davis and Aggy Dune as they put on a prom for adults. It will be their most fabulous event of the
Outlook Magazine
year. 21+ only. Free. 8pm Red Hot Chili Pepers @ Quicken Loans Arena, 1 Center Ct., Cleveland, 44115, ticketmasterlcom. It’s hard to believe that they’ve been around for over 30 years. With that much material it’s guaranteed that you’ll have a lot of great music to look forward to when they take the stage. $49$99. 8pm
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Out & About in
Southwest Ohio Toledo & Surrounding Areas
Friday May 5 Beautiful: The Carole King Musical @ Aronoff Center, 650 Walnut St., Cincinnati, 45202, cincinnatiarts.org. The two time 2014 Tony Award winning musical comes to Cincinnati. This is he story of Carole King’s rise to stardom. From a songwriter to iconic solo artist she is responsible for so many great songs. You’ll be singing along with all of them as you enjoy this show. $32-$132. 8pm Tuesday May 8 PFLAG Cincinnati’s 2nd Tuesdays meeting, Mt Auburn Presbyterian Church, 103 William Howard Taft Rd, Cincinnati 45219. PFLAG provides support for LGBT families, friends and allies. The meeting starts with introduc-
tions at 7;30 and continues with discussions until around 9:30. 7:30 Thursday May 11t Quasi and Friends Show @ The Cabaret, 1112 Walnut St, Cincinnati 45202. Every Thursday join Quasi her cast of misfit girls for a fun way to kick off your weekend. More info at www.cabaretcincinnati.com Tuesday May 16 The Total Package Tour W NKOTB, Paula Abdul and Boys II Men @ U.S. Bank Arena, 100 Broadway St., Cincinnati, 45203, usbankarena.com. We may, or may not still have NKOTB posters hanging on our wall. This is the tour that 13-year-old you wanted
to see happen. The concerts have been getting great reviews, so splurge and please the teenager in you. $29-$230 (to be in the pit). 7:30pm. Sunday May 21 Country Line Dancing @ Below Zero Lounge, @ 100 Walnut St, Cincinnati, 45202, 513.421.9376. On the first and third Sunday of every month, you can learn country line dances for free and try them out. 4pm for lessons, 5p-6p for dancing.
Friday May 26 Tri-State Primetimers @ Below Zero Lounge, @ 100 Walnut St., Cincinnati, 45202, 513.421.9376. The Prime Timers are club for older gay or bisexual men. They do all kinds of exciting events for you to meet others. This one is their weekly get together. They will meet for drinks and sometimes for diner after happy hour. 6pm
Western Ohio Out & About in
Dayton & Surrounding Areas
Friday May 4 The Queer Queens of Qomedy @ Funny Bone, 88 Plum St. #200, Dayton, 45440, daytonfunnybone.com. Get ready to laugh as three of the funniest comedians come to Dayton. Jen Kober will be headlining the show. You’ve seen her on Showtime’s Fierce and Funny Females and Curb Your Enthusiasm. She will be joined by Columbus comedian Brooke Cartus and Poppy Champlin. $25, $40. 7pm. Tuesday May 9 PFLAG Dayton Monthly Meeting @ Harmony Creek Church, Dayton, 45450, 937.434.3941, harmonycreekchurch.org. The monthly meeting of this group for families, friends and allies of the LGBT community happens the 2nd Tuesday of every month at 7pm. Tuesday May 16 Miami Valley Prime Timers’-Friends of Italian Opera Dinner Group @ The outlookohio.com
Spaghetti Warehouse, 36 W 5th St, Dayton, 45402 The group for mature gay and bi men meets every Tuesday at 6pm to have dinner. The dinner is open to anyone who is “gay friendly.” Don’t let the “opera,” fool you. Its name comes from an in-joke in Some Like It Hot. There’s no need to RSVP for this, just be at the restaurant by 6:15 to join in. Sunday May 14 Karaoke @ Mj’s on Jefferson, 20 N. Jefferson St, Dayton, 45402, 937.223.3259. Every Tuesday and Sunday get ready to release your inner singing diva loud and proud. Since, this is on Mothers Day why not bring mom along
for some of the fun! 10pm. Sunday May 21 Miss Midwest Comedy Queen @ Masque Nightclub, 34 Jefferson St, Dayton, 45402, https://www.facebook.com/ClubMasque/. The queens will be competing for over $2000 in cash and prizes. With that kind of money on the line things can only get nasty and mean. Which is just how we like our drag shows. If you want to enter there are details on the Masque Facebook page. 10:30pm Wednesday May 24 Kinky Boots @ Shuster Center,
The Voice of Ohio’s LGBT and Ally Community
1 W 2nd Ave, Dayton, 45402, victoriatheatre.com. If you didn't get a chance to see this show when it was in Ohio last year, you can see it now. It’s the story of the gentlemen’s shoe factory that went from making loafers to the hottest stilettos in Milan. The show has catchy songs by Cyndi Lauper that will have you dancing out of the theatre. $87-$30. 8pm. Wednesday May 31 Screening of Handsome Devil hosted by the Greater Dayton LGBT Center @ The Neon, 130 E 5th St, Dayton, 45402, https://www.facebook.com/events/4445 78632551344. This Irish film about two students who are forced to be roommates in a rugby obsessed school is getting rave reviews. The two boys form a bond and learn what it means to be true to yourself. This is a special showing of the film to kick off Pride month. 7pm.
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frivolist by mikey rox About 21 percent of American men and 19 percent of American women admit to cheating on their partners, according to polling company YouGov. Not a massive number, but still big enough to raise our brows. So what can we do when we suspect our partner is stepping out with a sidepiece? Before you take that Louisville slugger to both headlights, consider these effective ways to confront the cheater in your life.
When your partner realizes the mistake they made, there will be an avalanche of I’m sorrys and I love yous. Don’t let that distract you. Brushing this situation under the rug won’t solve anything either. Ask why, where, when, and with whom – _if_ these questions and answers are important to you. This may help you move on – one way or the other.
1. Prepare Yourself For Immediate Denial
5. Don’t Allow Yourself to Be Guilted Into Forgiveness
If you’ve ever been cheated on and confronted your partner about it, you already know what the immediate response is: “I’m not cheating on you.” It’s human nature to lie in the face of confrontation, especially if we know we’re wrong and that whatever we did could have serious consequences. So prepare for it. If you know for a fact that your partner hasn’t been faithful, present solid facts. Your partner will change their tune quickly when they know they’ve undeniably been caught in the act – and that’ll give you the upper hand straight out the gate.
Whether your partner’s cheating was a one-time mistake or a chronic problem, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re ready to end the relationship. Your relationship offers stability for both of you, and when faced with the reality that it might be over – and he or she could be looking for a new place to live by the end of the day – a guilt trip might ensue. Don’t let that cloud your judgment. You love this person (or did, at least), and they’ll play that emotion for all it’s worth to protect themselves. Stay strong and clear-headed to avoid being steamrolled into submission.
2. State Your Case With Evidence
6. Make the Decision That’s Best For You
When the dust has settled, you have a decision to make – do you want to work this out or move on? The relationship doesn’t have to end if your partner cheated, but you also shouldn’t stay in a relationship where you’ve become a doormat. Personally, I have a zero-tolerance policy now – because I’ve stayed in relationships with serious infidelity issues and I can’t get over them no matter how hard I try – but that’s my choice, not yours. Only you know what’s best for you. If that means giving your partner another chance, reconcile that within yourself. If you need to kick the bum to the curb, however, hold your head high and never look back. Your heart will heal, you’ll love again, and you’ll wake up every morning knowing that you don’t have to worry about whose bed your partner may be in today. That’s liberating, to say the least. _Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He splits his time between homes in New York City and the Jersey Shore with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox._
There’s an abundance of life advice floating around out there that warns you against snooping on your partner. Fuck. That. A cheating partner is absolutely your business, and you owe it to yourself to get to the bottom of it so you don’t end up in an emotionally and mentally damaging relationship, or worse, with an STD. Considering the slim-to-none likelihood that your partner will readily admit to cheating, gather your evidence. If that means going through boo’s email and phone, get to it – because all bets are off when your health and future are put at risk. If they’re not respecting your well-being, you shouldn’t feel guilty about not respecting their privacy. 3. Stay Focused and Calm When you’ve presented your case on your partner’s philandering ways, expect an eruption of emotion. You both may be simultaneously sad and angry – among a host of other emotions – but this problem will not be solved with a screaming match. That’ll be hard to avoid, depending on your personalities, but try to stay in control. If you fly off the handle, you run the risk of hurting yourself even more; your partner may use your emotions against you by calling you unstable or saying hurtful things like, “This is the reason I cheated on you in the first place.” Remember, their feelings will be hurt too – they may even be remorseful – but nobody likes to be cornered; they’ll attack back if you push too hard. 4. Resist the Wounded Puppy Routine 24
may 2017
Outlook Ohio
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The The Annual Annual Political Political Kick Kick Off Off to to Pride Pride Month! Month! Mix & Mingle with Ohio Politicans
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life with pie
a note for the ladies *cis, transgender, female identifying, genderqueer, & allies
Say what you will about millennials, but one thing I noticed is a pretty awesome uptick in “girl power”. Women who aren’t afraid to stand up for each other, to openly love one another (either romantically or platonically), who understand that kindness, and fearlessness, and badassery will get us much farther than needless comparisons, tolerance of sexism and misogyny, or silence.
3. A c c e p t change and pursue growth. Don’t let others define you. Remember, no one can make anyone else happy; it’s only possible to make yourself happy. 2. Learn to accept yourself and your journey. Practice self-awareI used to be one of those “I have more guy friends than girl friends” ness and gratitude. Let go of negative distractions that don’t serve kinds of girls, mostly because of my own misplaced judgment. As I’ve your purpose. Realize you are worthy. We attract what we think we degrown older that’s changed, and now I’m part of a network of awesome serve. babes who can come together, uplift each other, and accomplish any- 1. You have a right to be an individual, and be whomever you thing. wish. You have a right to take up space in the world and have your voice heard. You have a right to love yourself and have your light shine Below I listed 10 ideas to become a more empowered individual. These as brightly as you. want. are lessons I’ve learned from some bad ass women, and I pass them on to anyone who wants to use them. Pie’s 10 Ways to Be a Boss-Ass Lady 10. Make eye contact and have a firm handshake. If you carry yourself with confidence, eventually you actually start being confident, and then you fill rooms with your presence. 9. Stop comparing yourself with other women. It’s not a competition and it can be a gross generalization when we separate “other girls” from ourselves. On the other side of this coin, comparing ourselves negatively is doing nothing for our self- esteem. 8. Chase that dream, even if it seems silly or small. It’s yours, therefore it’s valid. If you need to start small, do it, as long as you’re starting. 7. Stop body shaming, slut shaming, and policing other women. Just because something doesn’t align with your standards or morals, doesn’t mean that person is wrong in any way, especially if their behavior is hurting no one. I refer you back to number 9. 6. Stand up for other people against bullies, harassers, grabbers, and jerks. Keep an eye out for each other. 5. Do no harm, but take no shit. You can be a gentle, caring individual with a spine of steel. You don’t have to laugh at offensive jokes; you don’t have to put up with ignorant talk or behavior. 4. If you come from a place of privilege, use that privilege to assist others who do not. 26
may 2017
ColumbusMakes e Art.com #artmakescbus
FƐÆåď±ĻƐŤĮ±DžĞĻďƐƒĚåƐƽĞŇĮĞĻƐĞĻƐĀŹžƒƐÚåũƐFƐž±ƾƐЃƐŇĻƐ Sesame Stree e t.Ɛ ŇķåƐīĞÚžƐƾåŹåƐŤĮ±DžĞĻďƐƾЃĚƐFƒǍ̱īƐ{åŹĮķ±ĻØƐ ±ĻÚƐƾĚĞĮåƐƾ±ƒÏĚĞĻďØƐFƐÚåÏĞÚåÚƐŇĻƐƒĚåƐžŤŇƒƐƒĚ±ƒƐƾ±žƐžŇķåƒĚĞĻďƐ FƐƾ±ĻƒåÚƐƒŇƐÚŇũƐFŷķƐU±ŹĮƐ{åÚåŹžåĻũƐaƣžĞÏƐĞžƐķDžƐ±ŹƒƐ±ĻÚƐƒĚåŹåŷžƐ ĻŇƐŤĮ±ÏåƐFŷÚƐŹ±ƒĚåŹƐķ±īåƐЃũƐ Learn more about Karl’s st s ory and other Columbus artists tists and events at ColumbusMakes e Art.com.
Additional support from: The Crrane Group and The Sol Morton and Dorothy Isaac, Rebecca J. Wickersham and Lewis w K. Osborne funds at The Columbus Found dation.
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Photo: Shelagh h Conley | Design: Formation Studio
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savage love by dan savage I’m a straight married male. My wife has a very close male who happens to be in a poly marriage. Recently, my wife said she would like us to be able to date others, have sex, romance, etc., but still remain a married couple. She specifically wants to date her friend. I am struggling. I am not closed off to having a conversation about nonmonogamy, but I struggle with the thought of her having a boyfriend. I want to be able to give this to her, but I feel like my mind and body are not letting me. Any advice is so much appreciated. Help Understanding Spouse’s Blunt And New Demand “Introducing nonmonogamy into an existing monogamous relationship can be tough, especially when it wasn’t your idea,” said Cunning Minx, host of the Polyamory Weekly podcast, who has been providing poly news, advice, and insights to the masses since 2005 at polyweekly.com. “It’s even more stressful when there is a potential partner waiting in the wings! Yikes!” While Minx is a poly activist and advocate, HUSBAND, she thinks both parties need to be on the same page before going poly. And before you take that step—if you take that step—Minx thinks you need to ask yourself some questions. “HUSBAND should do a fear inventory,” said Minx. “What is he afraid of? What would it mean to him if his wife had a boyfriend? What if she wanted to love a woman—does the penis make a difference? If so, why? Then he should sit with his wife and take stock of the health of their current relationship.” You can say no to opening up your marriage, HUSBAND, but your wife may decide she wants out of the marriage if no is the answer—basically, this is a circumstance where one of you is going to have to pay a pretty steep price of admission. You’ll either have to accept polyamory, or your wife will have to drop it. There isn’t really a middle ground here—or is there? “It’s perfectly acceptable for HUSBAND to self-identify as monogamous while his wife practices polyamory,” said Minx. “It’s a difficult path, and will require a high level of internal security and self-awareness on his part, but ultimately your self-identity is your own decision.” My husband and I have been together for six years and are quite happy, much to the chagrin of his family. They are Islamophobic, antichoice, Fox News–watching, conservative Catholics. They began writing us letters about how they disapproved of us when we moved in together before marriage. One launched a campaign to break us up because they figured my then-boyfriend didn’t know I was bisexual. (He did, and I’m out very publicly.) They boycotted our wedding because it was not in a Catholic church. They would not come to a party we had because a Muslim friend would be there. They’ve realized that in order for us to even rarely see them, they need to cool it, but they don’t think they have anything to apologize for. After Trump’s election (#ITMFA), I’ve found it difficult to stomach them even in small doses. I grew up Catholic myself and was sent through gay conversion therapy, so I have a visceral reaction to this kind of bigotry, especially when it is directed toward my family of choice. My husband is also appalled by them and always puts us first, but the idea of not retaining a connection to his family of origin hurts him. Do I suffer the occasional visit? Help! Shouldn’t Hubby Unload These Outrageously Unenlightened Turds
your husband for it. Remember: You’re in this together, and private jokes, surreptitious eye-rolls, and pot lozenges can go a long way toward making these events not just bearable but (mischievously) pleasurable. And seeing as you’ve already trained his family to cool it by cutting back on your time with them—a strategy I recommend—you can train them to keep things civil, hate-free, and non-biphobic by warning them in advance that you will get up and leave if they say anything shitty or unkind to you, about you, or in front of you. Then follow through. My wife and I are newlyweds. My wife wants sex two to three times a week, which matches up perfectly with my desires. But her desire for sex peaks around 3 to 5 a.m. She’s a morning person with insomnia, and I’m a night owl and a heavy sleeper. She’s tried to wake me up for sex, and my unconscious self has rejected her multiple times (I never remember this). When I do wake up, the half-conscious romps we have aren’t really satisfying. My sexual desire peaks midday and after work when I have more energy to have sex or come up with a fun bondage scene. But when she gets home, she usually has a series of chores or projects that take up all her attention. Insomnia Now Suspected Of Making Nights Incredibly Awkward Your wife needs to save chores and projects for 3 to 5 a.m.—provided no power tools are involved—and reserve the early evening hours for romps and creative bondage scenes.
For the sake of your marriage, SHUTOUT, you should suffer the occasional visit—whether your husband sees his family on his own or you’re along for the ride—without punishing outlookohio.com
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the divine life
by Debé
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) Your birthday month could usher in needed introspection. Look, we know you’re a big stud with amazing stamina, but you might be wasting some of that energy on the wrong thing, or the wrong person. A little spring cleaning may be in order. A gift to yourself. Talented Taureans: George Takei, Ma Rainey, Leslie Jordon, Megan Fox
Gemini (May 21 - June 20) Thank the Goddess Mercury goes out of retrograde on the 3rd. You are free to be pretty, witty, and GAY once again. It was exhausting trying to hold your tongue last month. You can waggle it with abandon now. How nice for you.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22) The full moon in Scorpio releases some inner turmoil. That’s right Elsa-let it go! That new lightness in your heart feels delicious. The world looks so much better when the glass is half full, and even better filled to the brim. Leo (July 23 - August 22) Some things will be outside your control, which messes with your equilibrium. Suck it up, buttercup. If you allow doubt to undermine your natural optimism, you lose. You’re sexy when you keep your confidence through uncertainty. Virgo (August 23 - September 22) Enough Spring Cleaning! You’re ahead of the curve anyway, Appreciate the space you created and enjoy the world around you. All work and no play makes for a dull spring. Go make merry (or Mary). outlookohio.com
Libra (September 23 - October 22) Opinions are like A$$holes, everybody has one. Unfortunately, they all want to share theirs with you - opinions that is, and you aren’t really into it. This is a great time to plan some “me time” to avoid the madden- Pisces ing crowd. (February 19 - March 20) Do you stay or do you go? Only Scorpio you can decide what you want, (October 23 - November 21) but you’re having a devil of a The full moon in your sign on the time making the choice. Tap into 10th adds intensity. That’s a lot to your amazing intuition. Your ankeep bottled up. At the risk of ex- swer is there, if you are ready to posing your vulnerability, talk to listen. someone you trust before you lose your cool and do some real Aries damage. (March 21 - April 19) It’s hard to be the leader of the Sagittarius Zodiac when you are not out (November 22 - December 21) front. Maybe if you play nice with Squirrel! No one rocks chaos like the other people in line, you’ll disyou do, but you have too many cover you don’t always have to irons in the fire. If you want to get be first. Deep breath. Time to anything done, you need to focus pace yourself. on one (or two) things at a time. Decisions, decisions. Handy Tip – Loop of Nature The nature loop is found on Capricorn someone (December 22 - January 19) with a special You may be superman most of connection the time, but there is no phone to nature and booth handy. Channel your mild the outdoors. mannered alter-ego this month They are and you’ll realize you can get just animal lovers as much accomplished with who need teamwork and a little patience. fresh air and Who knew? a natural environment. Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) Debé is a palmist, intuitive adviser and metaphysiA blanket of emotion settles on cal teacher in Columbus. She is available for personal readings, parties, events and workshops. you this month. Feel suffocated or For more information, go to swaddled depends on your ability thepassionatepalmist.com. Look for her to allow your feelings to move you horoscopes every month in Outlook. forward, or scare you witless. Touchy-feely time baby.
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V
In So Mandy Words 1 Scottish head covers 5 The Wizard of Oz dropout Buddy 10 BenGay target 14 Sinead O’Connor’s country 15 Frida known for self-portraits 16 Fruit ___ (gay district) 17 Plot unit 18 Big name in fairy tales 19 “___ want is a room somewhere ...” 20 “Mandy” singer Manilow 22 Start of a quote from 20Across made at the 2016 Ella Awards 24 Battery terminals 26 Diff’rent Strokes actress Charlotte 27 Sgt. or corp. 28 M. Hirschfeld’s land 29 PAC of seniors 32 Performed wrongly 34 Experiencing REM, maybe 36 Guitarist Townshend 37 More of the quote 41 Head for the hills 42 Syracuse setting 43 15-Across, for one 46 Dorothy’s dog 47 Von Trapp rank in The Sound of Music (abbr.) 50 Join the Kneelers 51 Sch. for Rev. Spahr 53 Win the favor of 55 End of the quote 59 Manager Kief, husband of 20-Across 60 Just one of those things 61 Not erect 63 Women on top, at times 64 Green stones material 65 “Over my dead body!” 66 “Hold your horses!” 67 Nonheterosexual conception 68 SNL’s Cheri 69 Inn inventory outlookohio.com
VDown
1 Dip it in your cup 2 Hard to know 3 “Snow White” fairness judge 4 Mortimer, with a wooden head 5 Heart test 6 Adriatic seaport 7 Tough guy penetrator 8 Recipient of Bugs’ kisses 9 Negative to a dominatrix 10 What there oughta be 11 Strainer in Feniger’s kitchen 12 Jeremy Irons’ Rome, in The Borgias 13 Modern Family installment 21 It helps a baker get it up 23 Island necklace 25 Barneys event 30 Cincinnati team 31 Itty-bitty, to Baudelaire 33 Able to bend over 34 Start to climax 35 A little, to Leonard Bernstein 37 Male prostitute’s discharge? 38 Cockpit reading 39 Trifling amount 40 “___ Comes Mary” (The Association) 41 Barkless pooch 44 Digits used to “render unto Caesar” 45 Selena’s music style 47 Some like it hot 48 Early release 49 No-tell motel meetings 52 Choral work 54 Country house, to Nureyev 56 Top draft level 57 Center of activity 58 Glenn Burke, formerly 62 Bi plus one
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