2016-12-01 Outlook Ohio Magazine by Outlook Media, Inc

In Pursuit

vol 21 • issue 7

Dec 2016

The Voice of Ohio’s LGBT and Ally Community

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See Pages 24-26 for World AIDS Day events across Ohio.

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No mortgage would free up a lot of money for a wild new year!

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Outlook Magazine: Celebrating 20 years!

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Thanks to all our advertisers and readers for two decades of support! You rock!

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vol 21 • #07

6 8 10 13 14 15 16 17 18 22 24 25 25 26 26 28 29 29 30

happy holidays!

you are here

qmunity: Home Away From Uganda qmunity news

polisigh: election aftermath

Wait ’Til 2020 I kept it together after Game 7 of the World Series, but that election was just too darn much.

column: Mickey Weems

“Why are you crying?,” my boyfriend asked on Nov. 8.

column: Debra Shade

“Why aren’t you?,” I thought as I said something less bitchy.

column: Brooke Cartus

column: Regina Sewell

fashion: In Pursuit of Her Suit travel: Oregon

calendar: Columbus

calendar: Cincinnati calendar: Dayton calendar: Toledo

calendar: Cleveland

I felt the same way on Nov. 9 as I felt the day after the 2004 election when our fellow Ohioans decided that our love, our relationships were lesser. I cursed entire swaths of the

savage love

PUBLISHER Christopher Hayes

puzzle

ASSOCIATE PUBLISHERS Bob Vitale / Chad Frye

the divine life toons

state that decided their own well-being ranked below hurting others. I wondered how friends and family voted when they were alone with just their ballots and their true feelings. But I’m a Cleveland fan. And just as I’m convinced that the-team-whose-mascot-needsto-be-changed! will win it all in 2017, I’m certain the LGBTQ community hasn’t seen its last victory, either. I was incredibly moved in the days after the election to see

HEADQUARTERS Outlook Media, Inc. 815 N. High St., Suite G, Columbus, Ohio, 43215 614.268.8525 phone / 614.261.8200 fax SALES Chad Frye / cfrye@outlookmedia.com Mike Moffo / mike@outlookmedia.com Kurt Mueller / kurt@outlookmedia.com NATIONAL ADVERTISING Rivendell Media - 212.242.6863

how many LGBTQ groups and individuals shared information about help lines and other resources for those who were frightened or depressed. I was moved to see people’s pledges to keep fighting for our community and all of our fellow Americans who find themselves in the crosshairs now. Together, we’ll make America great again. Bob Vitale Editor-in-Chief

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Bob Vitale / bvitale@outlookmedia.com CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Brooke Cartus, Debé, Andrew Keller, Aaron Leventhal, Dan Savage, Regina Sewell, Debra Shade, Bob Vitale, Mickey Weems ART DIRECTOR Christopher Hayes / art@outlookmedia.com CONTRIBUTING DESIGN/PHOTO Sam Malone, Emma Parker CYBERSPACE outlookohio.com outlookmedia.com networkcolumbus.com twitter / fb: outlook ohio

Outlook is published and distributed by Outlook Media Inc., on the first day of each month throughout Ohio.

Outlook is a free publication provided solely for the use of our readers. Any person who willfully or knowingly obtains or exerts unauthorized control over more than five copies of any issue with the intent to prevent others from reading shall be considered guilty of the crime of theft. Violators will be prosecuted. The views expressed in Outlook are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or personal, business, or professional practices of Outlook Media Inc., or its staff, ownership or management. Outlook Media Inc., does not investigate or accept responsibility for claims made in any advertisement. Outlook Media Inc., assumes no responsibility for claims arising in connection with products and services advertised, nor for the content of, or reply to, any advertisement. All material is copyrighted ©2016 Outlook Media Inc All rights reserved.

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Happy holidays!

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Thanks to all our advertisers and readers for two decades of support! You rock!

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qmunity

A Home Away From

Ugandan Refugees Start New Life in Ohio

Semaganda, another Columbus refugee, escaped persecution after his own community turned him in to the police.

by Andrew Keller

He spent six months in jail. When he got out, he faced threats and even attacks from the community.

When Lori Gum picked up her phone last fall at Stonewall Columbus, she wasn’t expecting a representative of Columbus’ Community Refugee and Immigration Services to be on the other line.

“That was when I knew I was no longer a Ugandan,” he said. “Uganda doesn’t claim me.”

“They told me that we have our first flux of LGBT refugees from Uganda,” Gum said. “And they asked, ‘Could you help me give them community?’” Columbus is now a sanctuary for LGBT people fleeing persecution from violent homophobia in the East African nation. Not content to simply relocate quietly, though, refugees have teamed up with Stonewall to tell their stories, rebuild their lives and educate others about a quiet genocide that has been brewing for nearly a decade. While Stonewall and CRIS provide many services for the incoming refugees, Gum quickly realized that one of the greatest gifts the community could give them is a forum in which to tell their stories. A number were activists for acceptance and equality in their homeland. “They were dying to tell their stories,” Gum said. “We thought we should give them a place where their stories were honored, where their stories would be admired.” Stonewall created Love Will Win, a speaker series intended to amplify the voices of the refugees. And to lead the series, Gum saw no one better than David and Roscoe, two leaders of the Uganda Gay Pressure Group, an organization that documented human rights abuses against Uganda’s LGBT community. Their story is one of persecution, education and resistance. 08

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Guided by workers at the U.N. High Commission for Refugees, Roy made his way to a refugee camp in Kenya. There, surviving on what was left in his bank account and on $40 a month from the U.N., he stayed in the camp for two years. Roscoe, David and Lori Gum

In Western media, the focus has been on Uganda’s attempts to implement the Anti-Homosexuality Act of 2014, known colloquially as the Kill the Gays bill for its death-penalty provisions against homosexuality. The catalyst for activism by David and Roscoe, however, was the arrival of American evangelical pastors in their country. When the Rev. Rick Warren invited the evangelical population of Kampala, Uganda’s capital city, to a leadership training seminar, David and Roscoe answered the call. “It was called a leadership training seminar,” David said. “But all they talked about was how they can prevent the spread of acts of homosexuality. The leadership training seminar never spoke about any other thing.” The Americans urged Uganda’s evangelical leaders to take a stand against homosexuality. Warren didn’t explicitly push for a law, David said, but that’s where the infamous Kill the Gays bill was born. After the conference, they saw homophobia spread among members of their own church. On a powerful and popular Chris-

tian radio program, David recalled a pastor advocating murder. “People would call and say, ‘We have someone who is ... acting gay.’ And the pastor, on air, simply responded, ‘Why didn’t you tell people to stone the guy to death?’” David, Roscoe and others in their group wore their phones in their shirt pockets, cameras facing outward, to document beatings, extrajudicial killings and even government meetings. While David and Roscoe were driven out of the country for possessing such materials, the documents eventually became the basis for their published book, Uganda: The Hunting Grounds Against the Gay. “We felt uncomfortable to see all this going on,” Roscoe said. “We anticipated that, in the future, there would be a genocide.” But while some refugees seek to challenge the Ugandan government and its abuses, others sought Stonewall simply to rebuild their lives in America, cutting ties with Uganda once and for all. Roy

“Life in the camp was very difficult,” he said. “We tried to form communities in the camp ... to bring refugees together. There were cultural dances, there were activities. These things helped people to have a schedule, since they just woke up and they spent their whole day doing nothing.” After two years, including many months of personal interviews, Roy was approved for relocation to the United States. Even after relocation and job training, however, he said he feels in part that his status as a refugee continues into the United States. “I can’t just move on because I’m in the U.S.,” he said. “I have a boyfriend back home. The reason he couldn’t become a refugee, and the reason every time he blames me ... I told him, ‘Try so much to survive, because you are doing school. ... Finish up your diploma, then we’ll see what’s next.’” Roy hopes that one day, the U.S. government will allow his boyfriend to join him in the United States. Andrew Keller is a freelance writer whose past s tories for Outlook include a November 2015 update on tensions between longtime African-American residents and newly arrived white, gay residents in Columbus’ Olde Towne East neighborhood.

To those who faced persecution in their homelands, you are welcome here.

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The Columbus Gay Menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Chorus will make beautiful music at its holiday concerts, Dec. 9-11.

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qmunity briefs

Greater Dayton LGBT Center Moves Into Downtown Space $150,000 goal by the next Dayton Pride in June.

The Greater Dayton LGBT Center now has a home. A Thankgiving dinner on Nov. 19 helped christen the new center, Downtown at 24 N. Jefferson St., in Suite 200. It’s next door to MJ’s on Jefferson and a few doors down from Club Masque and the Stage Door. Surveys of LGBT Daytonians in 2004 and 2014 found as many as 98 per cent in favor of a physical center for the LGBT Center, which plans Dayton Pride and hosts other programs and events. Twelve potential locations were identified by the Downtown Dayton Partnership. A capital campaign to renovate and furnish the new center has brought in about $20,000 so far, and leaders say they hope to reach their

Plans include a computer room for public use and large and small meeting spaces. There also will be an LGBT library “in which LGBT history will be housed and taught.” If you would like to donate time or money to the project, visit daytonlgbtcenter.org or mail your contribution to The Greater Dayton LGBT Center, P.O. Box 1203, Dayton, 45401. Checks should be made payable to the Greater Dayton LGBT Center.

Alcorn’s Home County Wants to Exclude Transgender Care

Just a few miles from the spot on I-71 where Leelah Alcorn committed suicide in 2014, officials in southwest Ohio’s Warren County have told their insurance company to drop transition-related coverage for trans employees. County Commissioners Tom Grossman, Pat South and David Young said in a letter to United Healthcare in late October that Warren County will refuse to add coverage for gender dysphoria even though it’s required by 2009 Affordable Care Act.

Tom Grossman 513.695.1258

“I’m not making a moral judgment here,” Young told The Cincinnati Enquirer. Equality Ohio created an online petition for people to voice their opposition to Warren County’s move. Warren County, northeast of Cincinnati, was the home of Leelah Alcorn, the trans teen whose suicide drew international attention.

Although the requirement for transition-related coverage is set to begin Jan. 1, the future of the Affordable Care Act is now in doubt. Republicans in Congress repeatedly have tried to rescind the law, and Donald Trump made criticism of what is also called Obamacare a key part of his presidential campaign.

december 2016

Pat South 513.695.1252

David Young 513.695.1257

A new LGBT center opened this year in Youngstown as well.

Legal Clinics Planned to Help Trans Ohioans Because of uncertainty over how the Trump administration will handle rules governing Social Security records and U.S. passports, TransOhio and Equitas Health have scheduled nine Name and Gender Marker Change Clinics through June. The clinics, staffed by trained volunteer attorneys, offer free, one-on-one counseling about the process for changing one’s gender and name on legal documents. Name-change petitions and driver’s licenses are administered by county courts and the state of Ohio, respectively, so those processes won’t change. But TransOhio recommends that people take care of them as quickly as they can so they can move on to federally controlled tasks. Its advice on those issues: “Do any necessary changes to your Social Security records or passports under ... current policies before the possible changes take place.” TransOhio has received grants to pay court fees for people who need financial assistance. Look for applications at transohio.org. The following clinics are planned (all are scheduled for 6p-8p): Akron: Feb. 1 at Equitas Health, 1815 W. Market St., Suite 207. Cincinnati: March 29 at Heartland Trans* Wellness, 103 William Howard Taft Blvd. Cleveland: March 1 at the ACLU office, 4506 Chester Ave. Columbus: Dec. 7 and March 22 at Equitas Health, 4400 N. High St., Suite 300. Dayton: Jan. 5 and June 13 at Equitas Health, 15 W. 4th St.. Toledo: April date and location TBD. Youngstown: May date and location TBD. outlookohio.com

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Around Ohio Akron: Square Nightclub has started a weekly Saturday dance party called Club Squared. It starts at 10p. Cincinnati: As you decorate for the holidays, you can help Caracole, the HIV/AIDS services agency in Southwest Ohio. Caracole is selling trees, garland and wreaths on Saturdays (8a-6p) and Sundays (10a-4p) through Sunday, Dec. 18, at Findlay Market, 1801 Race St., Cincinnati, 45202. And email Megan at mgreen@caracole.org if you’d like to volunteer. Columbus: The annual Pride Night game with the Ohio State men’s hockey team is scheduled for Friday, Jan. 6, at the Schottenstein Center. The Central Ohio Gay Lesbian Ally Hockey Association will post details to its Facebook page as soon as they’re available. Columbus: You’re not going to wear that Halloween costume again; it’s a gay crime. So why not donate your gently worn costumes, wigs and

accessories to the kids and counselors at Camp Sunrise? The annual camp for kids affected by HIV/AIDS will gladly accept your items at Equitas Health, 4400 N. High St., Suite 300, Columbus, 43214. Call 614.340.6721 if you have questions. Dayton: Equitas Health and CEO Bill Hardy were runners up in two categories for the Dayton Business Journal’s annual awards: Not-forProfit Business of the Year and Executive of the Year. “I’m missionobsessed and driven by the belief that changing the world and having a positive impact on the lives of people are both imperative and achievable,” Hardy said. Dayton: PFLAG’s Dayton chapter is accepting applications through Wednesday, Feb. 1, for its 2017 college scholarships. The awards of up to $2,000 go to both LGBTQ and allied students. Visit pflagdayton.org for application materials. Springfield: Rainbow banners with the slogan “We Are All Tigers”

went up around the campus of Wittenberg University this fall. The Tiger is the mascot of the 2,000-student liberal arts school. Toledo: Supporters of the Steinem’s Sisters feminist library and archives have started a GoFundMe page in hopes of raising $500 to expand its educational talking circles and raise awareness. Warren: There’s a new gay bar in town. Club 441 is now Club Awesome. The LGBT nightspot is located at 441 E. Market St., Warren, 44481. The owner is Wes Stevens. Youngstown: LGBTQ Issues in History and Pop Culture, on the Youngstown State University course list for Spring 2017, is the school’s first LGBTQ-themed class, according to YSUnity. Topics will range from transgender figures in medieval times to depictions of LGBTQ characters on TV shows such as Modern Family and Orange Is the New Black.

Columbus Might Consider ‘Conversion Therapy’ Ban A movement is under way to make Columbus the 10th U.S. city to ban the discredited and dangerous practice of “conversion therapy” against LGBTQ children. Edward Roberts, chief of staff for City Council President Zach Klein, said Columbus officials have contacted their counterparts in Cincin-

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nati about the “conversion therapy” Oregon, Illinois, New York and Verban enacted there in December 2015. mont - have banned “conversion therapy” since 2013. Cincinnati was the second U.S. city to ban the practice designed to change Nine cities - Washington, D.C.; an LGBTQ person’s sexual orientation Cincinnati; Seattle; and Miami or gender identity. Its ban applies to Beach, Wilton Manors, Miami, North children. Bay Village, West Palm Beach and Bay Harbor Islands, Fla. - have Six states - New Jersey, California, banned the practice since 2015.

We put “conversion therapy” in quotation marks because it is not therapy and it doesn’t convert.

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december 2016

Spoil yourself every season!

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polisigh

t a h W t s Ju

d e r a e F We

Anxiety, Uncertainty Follow Trump’s Election Victory

by Bob Vitale

The day after Donald Trump won the White House, Columbus resident Jeff O’Connor and his husband, Casey, faced difficult questions from their 11-yearold son. Are they going to make you get a divorce? Are they going to take one of you off my birth certificate? It was the election aftermath no one saw coming. Although it seemed Trump’s incendiary campaign demonized everyone but LGBT Americans, his surprising victory left the community as shaken and uncertain as everyone else. Trump promised during the campaign to fill vacancies on the U.S. Supreme Court with justices who would undo marriage equality. He said afterward that he considers the issue “already settled,” but his list of possible appointees includes more than a few antiequality conservatives. The 2009 Affordable Care Act with its anti-discrimination provisions, its funding for cultural competency training, and its elimination of pre-existing conoutlookohio.com

ditions that insurers had used to deny care for transgender Americans and those with HIV - is considered a goner.

TransOhio has recomThe Votes Are In mended How LGBTQ candidates fared across Ohio on Nov. 8: that transgender peoScioto County Ohio House ple make Commissioner 13th District any necesKevin W. Johnson (D) lost Nickie Antonio (D) won sary Ohio House Hamilton County changes to Common Pleas Court 16th District Social SecuTommy Greene (D) lost Darlene Rogers lost rity records President and passOhio House Montgomery County Obama’s exports before District 19 Common Pleas Court ecutive orders Michael Johnston (D) lost Trump takes Mary Wiseman won that banned office, just LGBT disin case his Franklin County Summit County crimination administraClerk of Courts Commissioner Whitney Smith (R) lost Sandra Kurt (D) won by federal tion undoes contractors existing fedand promoted eral rules equal treatment for transgender She said it likely will take comthat ease the process. schoolchildren might be undone promise - she’s thinking of ways with one stroke of the pen come to address conservatives’ worThe statewide group and EquiInauguration Day in January. ries about religious liberties - in tas Health have scheduled nine free clinics in the coming order to advance civil rights in What does the future hold? months for trans Ohioans who Ohio and nationwide. have questions about the legal “I’m glad you didn’t call me the “I think the conversations process for changing names day after the election,” said and gender markers. (See Page around these issues really has state Rep. Nickie Antonio, a De- to change,” Antonio said. 10 for details about the clinics.) mocrat from Lakewood who won her fourth and final two-year Experts say you don’t need to Compromise, however, will not term in the Ohio House. run out and getting married, mean excluding transgender though. Marriage equality is civil rights from any advances Even after the day after, Antonio to come in Ohio, she said. Lead- here to stay, they contend. still says there’s every reason ers of past efforts for federal for LGBT Americans to be “very Alana Jochum, a lawyer and the nondiscrimination laws cut concerned” about Trump, Vice gender identity out of some pro- executive director of Equality President-elect Mike Pence and Ohio, said a doctrine called posals in an effort to gain suptheir incoming administration. stare decisis honors court port. Gay bars: Get ready for a busy night on Jan. 20. Lots of sorrows to drown.

precedents. Still, “that’s among the most common questions we’re getting,” Jochum said. And Equality Ohio’s answer is: “People should get married. People should remain married.” Across Ohio, people gathered to commiserate in the days following the election. In Cincinnati, Heartland Trans* Wellness offered an impromptu night of “support and pizza.” Staff at the LGBT Community Center of Greater Cleveland said more people have sought out the facility for solace and support, and more people have contacted the center about getting involved and making financial contributions. And patrons at Cleveland’s Leather Stallion Saloon sought out the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence for hugs. The local chapter of the group that dresses like nuns and fights hate took part in a national post-election outing on Saturday, Nov. 11. Bob Vitale is the editor-in-chief of Outlook and has written about politics for more than 20 years. He didn’t see any of this coming, either... december 2016

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complete the circuit

The Men of God Oh God, You Can Do So Much Better...

By Mickey Weems Ever wonder how Evangelical Christians can support men whose private lives mark them as scumbags? Evangelicals have a political philosophy based upon King David of Israel. Their logic goes something like this: David was anointed by God to be king, and David sinned copiously. But if a man is chosen by the Almighty, he gets a free pass on the sins of David: adultery and murder, betraying those loyal to him, and hurting innocent people for political gain. But not every powerful man is fit for divinely ordained status: The Man of God Cannot Be a Democrat Bill Clinton was ineligible to be a Man of God, not because of his extramarital affairs but because no Democrat is worthy.

The Man of God Must Be Certified by God’s Media-Savvy Ministers Once King David was certified by the prophet Samuel, he received his Man-of-God pass, allowing him to commit adultery and possibly rape, mass executions of innocent women and children, and even murder of a trusted soldier.

It was this heresy that got Donald Trump the support of wealthy preachers in the evangelical community. Ecce Homo But let’s look at this Man of God who would be king. Trump is 70 years old. He dyes his hair an amazing shade of yellow and puts it through elaborate maneuvers to cover his weave.

During the 2000 Republican primaries, George W. Bush proved to televangelists he was a Man of God by claiming he got his political philosophy from Jesus Christ. From that point on, Bush’s failures were covered by his Man-of-God card.

Many people color their hair. But Trump’s painfully obvious attempts to look youthful remind me of every man over 60 who refuses any measure of grace that should come with age.

Men of God Are Winners According to the Prosperity Gospel, success is proof of divine blessing. Material wealth is the Lord’s love made manifest, evidence that He cherishes the rich minister.

No wonder he carries on the way he does. Surely God has better taste in men. Mickey Weems is a writer, educator and creator of The Qualia Encyclopedia of Gay Folklife. Complete the Circuit runs every other month in Outlook.

The party that celebrates LGBT civil rights and allows women to control their bodies is the party of Satan. This is why a serial adulterer such as Newt Gingrich could condemn Clinton for doing something he could do with impunity. If the Man of God was a winning coach like Joe Paterno, he can even get away with having an assistant coach who raped teenage boys in the locker room. Paterno and his man, Jerry Sandusky, the serial boyrapist, were both registered Republicans. Maybe that’s why Sandusky was enabled for years to engage in “horseplay,” as he called his molestation. Few people believed that Sandusky was such a terrible human being, and Paterno banked on that disbelief for years. The Man of God Must Be a ‘Real Man’ When U.S. Sen. Larry Craig solicited sexual favors from an adult undercover police officer in 2007, he crossed the line. The Man of God can do what he desires as long as the person he’s doing it with or to doesn’t pack a trouser snake. 14

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Every day is another day closer to November 2020.

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dyke like me by Brooke Cartus SURPRISE! Donald Trump is going to be in the White House. ANOTHER SURPRISE! You have racist cousins. OK, the second one isn’t exactly a surprise. You’ve been home for holidays before and had to navigate the grumbles from conservative family members who don’t approve of you but bury it in bottomless mimosas and small talk. This year, I don’t have the energy for small talk. I don’t have the energy for chatting about the weather and traffic and how good Aunt Jenny’s mashed cauliflower is. “Wow, it tastes just like potatoes!” NO IT DOESN’T, AUNT JENNY. It tastes like garlic cauliflower. And if I have to awkwardly sit

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The Trump Card How to Make the Holidays Great Again if Your Family Voted for Him

across from someone who calls the woman I love - the woman I am RAISING DOGS WITH - my “roommate,” you better believe I’m going to have a short fuse. But this year the fuse is blown. Sure, he’s a racist, xenophobic misogynist, but if that wasn’t enough for your family, he’s also a homophobe. Holding up a rainbow flag doesn’t make you accepting, and his vice president is pro-”conversion therapy” (including the use of electroshock) and passed one of the most restrictive “religious freedom” bills in the country. I’m not a single-issue voter, but I do vote on whether I will be allowed to marry the person I love and whether

I will be able to work without fear of termination. I vote on whether my friends and chosen family will be able to use public restrooms without harassment or violence. So not even a bottomless mimosa bar will get some of us home for the holidays this year. Here are a few things you can do besides go home if that means hanging out with homophobes: • Explain to your family why you are not going home. Have authentic conversations if you can about why going home to an environment that’s more damaging than fulfilling is not worth all the breakfast

casseroles in the world.

[

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• Take all that money you saved from flying/driving home, buying gifts for people you rarely see, and donate it to a good cause. Do 10 minutes of research or call a friend to find a pro-LGBT organization in your town, county or the state. Not sure where to direct funds? A local ACLU branch is always a good move, and you know it will go to a good cause. • Create your own family. LGBTQ folks have been kicked out of their homes for decades. Welcome to the club. Join your forequeers and get a group of friends together who also don’t feel comfortable going home. Do what we do best: Make delicious

Mashed cauliflower isn’t that bad... really!

food, laugh and continue to destroy the patriarchy. • VOLUNTEER. The struggles of LGBTQ folks intersect with issues of race, immigration status and homelessness. Attend a #BlackLivesMatter protest or volunteer at a soup kitchen. Queer folks are everywhere and you can do more for them outside your home than by writing snarky tweets. When your family says you’re being dramatic, remind them that you deserve just as much respect as they do. You want to be an ally? Stuff it... in your ballot box. When your actions reflect your relationships, that’s when we all will come home.

Brooke Cartus of Columbus is a Chapstick lesbian with a law degree who fights the patriarchy and her Aunt Jenny’s bullsh*t cauliflower. Read her blog, Size L for Lady, at brookecartus.com. She writes Dyke Like Me every month for Outlook.

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in the shade

A Space for Us

For Women-Born-Women Doesn’t Mean Against Trans by Debra Shade A few months ago, I was asked to cohost an event called Women4Women. The concept is to allow women-born-women to attend an event where they can have an evening of fun and entertainment and bonding with likeminded females. It’s unfortunate that the concept might face objection. The same controversy that has affected women’s events for decades - including or excluding transgender women - is a concern when it comes to this party. I hope you understand that this is an adult play party. Unlike my Adult Recess - an all-gender, all-orientations play party - Women4Women is for women to come and explore and engage with other women who also wish to connect. The workshop is a hands-on activity. Women, at their own comfort levels, are undressed or exposed, and we work through an intense workshop of female sexuality and orgasm. I am walking in the thought of acceptance. If I see disrespect, I do what I can to get all sides to find their commonality and build on that to accept each other. The age gap we have nowadays - among the Silent Generation, Baby Boomers, Generation X and Millennials - makes it difficult. Four generations are in the workforce and the dating pool. It has opened a door for conversation that some transgender people don’t seem to want to have. They might feel as if someone isn’t accepting them, when, in fact, the person just seeks more information. Why not disarm hatred with conversations? I work on acceptance as much as I teach it. But this same transgender mindset tore down a women-only event that was a safe, healing, loving experience. Then the community that caused it replaced it 16

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with NOTHING. It’s as if a tantrum had been thrown and transgender people said, “If I can’t have it, neither can you.” The 40th and final Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival took place in August 2015. Many had called on the festival to change its rule limiting attendance to “womyn born womyn.” Instead, the festival organizers said that was not a formal policy but rather an “intention” that put “the onus on each individual to choose whether or how to respect it.” Founder Lisa Vogel said in her announcement of its closing: “I ask you to remember that our 40-year festival has outlived nearly all of her kin.” How sad it that? This is the same intention Women4Women stands by. The difference is that I offer so many other options that I will not budge on our F-marker requirement and will continue to offer this party to women-bornwomen only. Bottom line: It is not my responsibility to entertain you. Believe me, I can and will offer all sorts of events for all communities. I just know that it is best for most who instinctively and naturally are more comfortable when people see and treat them as they are in a safe place. I have to stick to the event’s requirements and hope for respect. Debra Shade is an author, accredited scriptwriter and sexpert. You can find her on Facebook at Shadyontop or follow her on Twitter @shadeyontop. You can find her books at Amazon, libraries upon request or Lion’s Den. In the Shade runs every other month in Outlook.

We invite our transgender readers to share their thoughts: chris@outlookmedia.com.

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insight out

Of Human Bonding

We Need Connections, and We Fight to Keep Them vby Regina Sewell The words we say - and how we say them - matters. “I love you,” said with tenderness, and “I’m sorry,” said with remorse, build connection. Statements like, ““It’s your fault,” widen disconnection. The intention behind the words we speak is more important than what we say. We must speak from our hearts rather than our heads. Marshall Rosenberg, who came up with the concept of nonviolent communication, created a basic model to build our communication skills. His model has us: • Expressing ourselves honestly using “I” statements that provide a description of what we see and hear without interpretations or evaluations. • Expressing the feelings we have in reaction to the action/inaction/statement of another. • Expressing the underlying need that is or isn’t being met. • Expressing a specific request. What makes this work is that statements are made without criticism, insults, blame or judgments. The brilliance of this model lies in accepting the fact that all of us have basic needs, and meeting them makes us happy, optimistic, peaceful, loving and other good things. When these needs aren’t met, we feel not-so-pleasant feelings. Universal needs include not just survival, but also clarity, affection, warmth and caring, individuality, honesty, respect, harmony, and peace. According to Rosenberg, most of our behavior stems from strategies to meet our needs. Unfortunately, most of us learned outlookohio.com

to use criticism, insults, blame and judgment to get what we want, even when these strategies fail over and over. But even when we understand nonviolent communication skills, relationships are challenging. Counseling psychologist Sue Johnson argues that this difficulty is in part due to the fact that we’re hard-wired to bond emotionally with significant others, and that is also necessary for our survival. Johnson argues that the primal need for a secure emotional connection never goes away. What this means is that we need to feel attached to others in order to feel safe and secure. We need to trust that we can depend on someone to be there for us. This need for secure attachment is so deeply embedded that our limbic brain actually codes downed connection lines as a threat to the system. Disconnection literally feels traumatic. When we sense disconnection from our significant other, our communication tools go out the window. We turn to judgment, criticism, blame, barking out orders and ultimatums, and all the other communication don’ts. According to Johnson, fighting is often a coded way of saying, “I love you, and I’m scared that our connection is being threatened.” Ironically, these strategies that are almost guaranteed to fail are attempts to repair the bond and maintain the relationship.

Even though it’s hard to stop a fight once it gets started, remembering that the real source of conflict is the fear of a disconnection can help end the fighting.

Words to live by this holiday season!

Regina Sewell is a licensed mental health counselor. Visit reginasewell.com to ask a question, propose a column topic, read about her approach to counseling, or check out her books and other writing. Insight Out appears every other month in Outlook. december 2016

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fashion

PURSUIT of

Her SUIT

Photos by Emma Parker / Clothing by Pursuit, Columbus / Makeup by Eda Erkal / Hair by Maggie Mescher

december 2016

Franklinton is looking pretty stylish, too, lately, isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t it?

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Models, below left to right: Rachel Sharkey. Taylor Diehl, Darci Joy, Eda Erkal, Savon Kelsey and Tina Garner

WHEN the manager of Pursuit in Columbus’ Short North told us one day how he had just outfitted an entire bridal party - including the brides - an idea was born. Who doesn’t love a woman in a good suit? Photographer Emma Parker does. So she gathered some of her friends (including her girlfriend), suited them up and hit the streets of Franklinton in pursuit of one of our favorite Outlook fashion shoots yet. outlookohio.com

Thank you, models, for rocking these suits!

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Pursuit is located at 937 N. High St., Columbus, 43201 and online at pursuityourself.com

You can see more of Emma Parker’s work at emmaparkersphotography.com

20 december 2016

Rachel’s photo was taken at Land Grant Brewery.

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Choruses in Cincinnati, Cleveland and Dayton also have December concerts. Details on Pages 25-26.

december 2016

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trippin’ out

Oregon A Pacific Northwest Feast for the Senses by Aaron Leventhal • photos by Beth Ervin Leventhal

food pairings and warm ambiance at Willamette Valley VineOregon, twice the size and half the population of Ohio, is acclaimed for its natural beauty and environmental preservation. In October, my wife, Beth, and I took a “Lewis and Clark” expedition yards, Anne Amie Vineyards and Sokol Blosser Winery. to the state’s western region and discovered it lives up to its reputation... Hood River We picked up a Jeep SUV (enterprise.com, 503.252.1500) at the Portland International Airport, drove to the coastline, then headed east through the Willamette Valley to the Cascade Mountains in the north and up the Colorado River Gorge to the snow-capped summit of Mt. Hood. Our week-long tour ended in Portland. Everywhere we traveled, we were captivated by Oregon’s exquisite scenery and the warmth of its people.

Cannon Beach The popular seaside village about two hours northwest of the airport was cited by National Geographic as one of the 100 Most Beautiful Places in the World.

ting at the edge of Corvallis, the charming home to Oregon State University. Recommended restaurants here include Aqua Seafood and Bombs Away Cafe.

Willamette Valley About two hours away is an agricultural wonderland that supports 70 percent of the state’s population and the largest concentration of vineyards in the Northwest.

Head north through the Cascade Mountain Range to the Columbia River Gorge and settle into this lovely mountain community known for its scenic beauty, orchards and outdoor recreation. Two outstanding historic inns with commanding views of the gorge from the cliffs above are the Columbia Gorge Hotel (columbiagorgehotel.com, 541.386.5566), built in 1921 by lumber tycoon Simon Benson, and Westcliff Lodge (westclifflodge.com, 877.386.2992), a small, family-owned hotel opened in 1954.

Its rich soil, long sunny days and rolling hills produce chardonnay and pinot noir grapes for the area’s internationally During a two-day stay we drove to the summit of Mount Hood, Its landmark Haystack Rock rises 235 feet from the shore, and acclaimed varietals. Dozens of wineries and tasting rooms are stopped at the Vista House Visitor Center at Crown Point for a spectacular view of the gorge and saw a half-dozen roadside Ecola State Park offers numerous hiking trails and panoramic on or near State Route 99W. We enjoyed great wine, excellent waterfalls including Multnomah Falls, Oregon’s most popular views of the sea. The downtown is filled with galleries, shops scenic attraction. We had lunch at Timberline Lodge, a log and restaurants. Alpine masterpiece built in 1937 as a WPA project. It attracts more than 2 million visitors annually to hike, ski and experiWe stayed at the Cannon Beach Hotel Lodgings ence breathtaking natural beauty. (cannonbeachhotellodgings.com, 503.436.1392), with four small inns and a café. Next door, Chef John Newman serves up You also can kayak and raft with skilled guides through redelicious French and Italian specialties at Newmans 988. mote wilderness canyons on the Klickitat, Tieton and White Salmon rivers or take a sightseeing excursion on an 1800s Newport passenger sternwheeler through the heart of the Columbia A few hours drive south is a bustling port city on Yaquina Bay River Gorge. Before driving an hour south to Portland, we wincrammed with shops, galleries and dow-shopped in Hood River and had lunch at the popular restaurants. Celilo Restaurant and Bar. Mo’s Seafood and Chowder serves up local specialties with a view of the bay. At the Oregon Coast Aquarium, a highlight is Passages of the Deep, a 200-foot-long acrylic tunnel filled with sharks and exotic fish. Marine Discovery Tours provides daily whale-watching cruises led by naturalist guides. Other attractions include the Visual Arts Center, Oregon Oyster Farms and Yaquina Bay State Park. End the day by driving east about two hours to the Hanson Country Inn (hcinn.com, 541.752.2919). The bed-and-breakfast in an historic home is nestled in a tranquil pastoral set-

22 december 2016

Portland Situated along the Willamette River, Oregon’s biggest city has a thriving downtown and a collection of eclectic neighborhoods, each with distinctive architecture, historic landmarks and dining. Portland is entrepreneurial and unconventional. The New York Times recently cited it as the most European city in the country, and Millennials are flocking here.

Not to be confused with Oregon, Ohio, which is a suburb of Toledo.

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Portland Farmers Market on Saturdays and Wednesdays fills several blocks with vendors hawking produce, meats, cheeses and prepared foods. Portland Saturday Market, also open on Sundays, is the country’s largest weekly handicrafts market, with more than 300 vendors. Other attractions include the Portland Art Museum, with its impressive French Impressionist, Italian Renaissance, Contemporary and Native American galleries; Powell’s City of Books, with 3,500 sections and more than a million volumes; the Classical Chinese Garden in Chinatown; and the Pearl Ditstrict, where old industrial buildings are now filled with shops, breweries, clubs and restaurants.

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The 130-acre Washington Park is home to the Portland Japanese Garden, the International Rose Test Garden with more than 6,000 bushes, and the Oregon Zoo. We stayed at the beautiful Hotel Lucia (hotellucia.com, 503.225.1717) in the heart of Old Town. Its Imperial Restaurant has been recognized as one of the best in the city. We also enjoyed a great brunch at Mother’s Bistro & Bar and creative Asian fare at Pok Pok. There are no “gay neighborhoods” in Portland because the entire city is LGBTQ-friendly. However, some of the most popular clubs are Scandals, Stag PDX and CC Slaughters Nightclub and Lounge.

Thanks for the laughter, Funny Bone!

For more information, visit: traveloregon.com and travelportland.com, which includes information for LGBT visitors Aaron Leventhal, Columbus travel writer and small-group tour operator, has organized a trip to Oregon for Sept. 10-17, 2017. For more information, visit leventhaltravel.com

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Out & About in

Central Ohio

Ho, Ho, Ho for BRAVO • Columbus Gay Men’s Chorus Holiday Concert • Sassy Do! Improv

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 1

A Reason to Dine @ local restaurants; 614.340.6777; FB: A Reason to Dine: Local restaurants and bars donate a portion of the day’s proceeds to Equitas Health programs that support and treat people with HIV/AIDS. See the Facebook page for participating businesses. FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2

Ho, Ho, Ho for BRAVO @ Axis, 775 N. High St., Columbus, 43215; 614.294.7867; FB: Buckeye Region Anti-Violence Org: A variety show and silent auction will raise money for the Buckeye Region Anti-Violence Organization. 7p-10p; $6 (table for four for $30). SATURDAY, DECEMBER 3

Crimson Lace Cabaret Holiday Show & Food/Toy Drive @ Bossy Grrls Pin Up Joint, 2598 N. High St., Columbus, 43202; FB: Crimson Lace Cabaret: The burlesque troupe jingles its bells to help those in need. 10:30p-1:30a. SUNDAY, DECEMBER 4

6th Annual Queer Family HoliGay Dinner @ OSU Ohio Union Interfaith Room, 1739 N. High St., Columbus, 43210; 614.688.8449; mcc.osu.edu: The dinner hosted by Ohio State’s Multicultural Center is open to all LGBTQ and allied students. Please RSVP. 5p-8:30p. WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 7

Film Screening: The Freedom to Marry @ Wexner Center for the Arts, 1871 N. High St., Columbus, 43210; 614.292.0330; wexarts.org: This documentary chronicles the campaign to legalize samesex marriage, capturing the drama leading up to the 2015 U.S. Supreme Court decision. Director Eddie Rosenstein will introduce the film and answer

december 2016

questions afterward. 7p; $8. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 8

Sassy Do! Improv @ Wild Goose Creative, 2491 Summit St., Columbus, 43202; 614.859.9453; FB: Columbus Unscripted: Sassy Do is an all-female improv troupe that says it doesn’t hold back. The shows include games, storytelling and standup. 7p; $5. FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9

Columbus Gay Men’s Chorus Holiday Concert @ King Avenue United Methodist Church, 299 King Ave., Columbus, 43201; 614.228.2462; columbusgaymenschorus.com: “Joy: Set the Earth Aglow” is the theme of this year’s holiday concert. 8p; $25. There are three more performances scheduled: on Saturday, Dec. 10, at 2p and 8p at King Avenue United Methodist Church; and on Sunday, Dec. 11, at Lord of Life Lutheran Church, 2480 W. Dublin Granville Rd., Columbus, 43229. Dave Koz and Friends Christmas @ Palace Theatre, 34 W. Broad St., Columbus, 43215; 614.469.0939; capa.com: The openly gay saxophonist brings his holiday show back to Columbus. Guests include Jonathan Butler, Kenny Lattimore and Valerie Simpson. 8p; $29-$66. Dane Terry: Bird in the House @ Wexner Center for the Arts, 1871 N. High St., Columbus, 43210; 614.292.0330; wexarts.org: The Columbus native has been called “the millennial Cole Porter.” His music paints scenes of childhood, coming of

The National Leather Association is going on the naughty list!

age and coming out. 8p; $20. Nina and Virginia Save Christmas @ Axis, 775 N. High St., Columbus, 43215; 614.291.4008; axisonhigh.com: The holliest, jolliest show of all features Nina West, Virginia West and their entire cast. 8p; $12-$18.75. There are five more shows scheduled through Sunday, Dec. 18. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 10

Indoor Winter Tennis Social @ The Players Club, 3333 Mill Meadow Dr., Hilliard, 43026; cmto1.org: The Columbus Metropolitan Tennis Organization, a group for LGBTQ players, hosts a doubles-play event for all skill levels, members and non-members alike. 6:30p-10p; $25 ($20 if you register before Thursday, Dec. 8). THURSDAY, DECEMBER 15

Columbus Stompers Holiday Party @ The Barracks at AWOL, 49 Parsons Ave., Columbus, 43215; FB: Columbus Stompers: The LGBTQ country and western dance club boot-scoots in the holiday season. 7:30p10:30p. The Columbus Queer Open Mic @ Wild Goose Creative, 2491 Summit St., Columbus, 43202; 614.859.9453; wildgoosecreative.org: Every third Thursday of the month, the mic is open to poetry, music, comedy, storytelling and more. If your work can be read or performed on a stage in five minutes or less, it’s fair game. 8p-10p; $5. SUNDAY, DECEMBER 18

National Leather Association Dirty Santa Gift Exchange @ Stonewall Columbus, 1160 N. High St., Columbus, 43201; 614.404.7521; nlacolumbus.com: The group’s holiday party is open to all. Bring a wrapped kinky gift valued at about $25 for the exchange. 2p-4p; $5 donation requested. outlookohio.com

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Out & About in

Southwest Ohio

And the Band Played On • World AIDS Day •Cookie Bake-Off

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 1

World AIDS Day Balloon Release and Community Lunch @ Jacob Hoffner Park, 1618 Blue Rock St., Cincinnati, 45223; 513.761.1480; caracole.org: Show your support for people living with HIV and remember those who have died. Noon-1p. Film Screening: And the Band Played On @ Kenton County Public Library BB&T Meeting Room, 502 Scott Blvd., Covington, Ky., 41011; 859.962.4000; kentonlibrary.org: The 1993 movie is based on Randy Shilts’ book about the early days of the AIDS crisis. 1p-3:30p. Hygiene Product Drive @ Tillie’s Lounge, 4042 Hamilton Ave., Cincinnati, 45229; 513.541.1414; tillieslounge.com: A happy hour kicks off a monthlong drive at Tillie’s to col-

lect hygiene products for clients of Caracole. Please add some extra items to your shopping list and bring them in through Thursday, Dec. 22. 4p. World AIDS Day Interfaith Memorial Prayer Service @ Truth and Destiny, 2645 W. North Bend Rd., Cincinnati, 45239; 513.429.5085; truthanddestinychurch.org: The service at the LGBTQ-affirming church follows an information fair that includes free HIV testing. 7p (information fair starts at 6p). FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2

Red Tie/Red Dress Affair @ Below Zero Lounge, 1120 Walnut St., Cincinnati, 45202; isqccbe.org: The Imperial Sovereign Queen City Court of the Buckeye Empire hosts a night of drag, comedy, dance, song and more to commemorate

Out & About in

Western Ohio

A Reason to Dine • Dayton Gay Men’s Chorus • Santaland Diaries

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 1

GLSEN Dayton Craft Show and Zumbathon @ Harmony Creek Church, 5280 Bigger Rd., Dayton, 45440; 937.545.1953; glsen.org/chapters/dayton: Crafts and Zumba: This looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship. The craft show runs from 11a-3p, and the Zumbathon ($10 at the door) is from noon-2p. Kris Kringle Bowl @ Poelking Lanes, 1403 Wilmington Ave., Dayton, 45420; FB: Kris Kringle Bowl: The anoutlookohio.com

nual event raises money for the Greater Dayton LGBT Center. 2p (check-in begins at 1p); $20. Dayton Gay Men’s Chorus Holiday Concert @ Westminster Presbyterian Church, 125 N. Wilkinson St., Dayton, 45402; 937.530.0642; daytongaymenschorus.com: “A Modern Monk Holiday” will feature music ranging from early chant to modern holiday songs. 6p; $20. MONDAY, DECEMBER 5

Miami Valley Prime Timers’ Christmas Ranch Trip @ Country Kitchen (gathering spot), 3150 State Rte. 350, Lebanon, 45036; 937.331.8902; primetimersww.com/mvopt: The group for mature gay and bi men will head to the holiday lights display in

World AIDS Day. Buy your tickets online at the ISQCCBE website. 7p-10p; $10. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 3

Cincinnati Men’s Chorus Holiday Concert @ Christ Church Cathedral, 318 E. 4th St., Cincinnati, 45202; 513.542. 2626; cincinnatimenschorus.org: The chorus puts a Frank-and-Dean, Ella-and-Eartha spin on holiday music. 8p; $23.34. There is another performance scheduled for Sunday, Dec. 4, at 2p. Caracole Christmas Tree Sale @ Findlay Market, 1801 Race St., Cincinnati, 45202; 513.761.1480; caracole.org: Sales of trees, garland and wreaths benefit the HIV/AIDS services agency. 8a-6p. The sale continues on Saturdays from 8a-6p and Sundays from 10a-4p through Dec. 18. Queen City Leather Contest @ On Broadway Bar, 817 Broadway St., Cincinnati, 45202; FB: Queen City Leather: The annual event has been Morrow, north of Kings Island. The Christmas Ranch (205 S. Waynesville Rd., Morrow, 45152) is 110-acre attraction with 1 million LED lights. 5p; $15 per carload. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 8

2nd Annual Chosen Family Feast @ Wright State University Student Union Endeavour Room, Dayton, 45435; 937.775.4611; wright.edu/LGBTQA: Hosted by the Wright State Office of LGBTQA Affairs. Please RSVP. 5:30p. The Santaland Diaries @ the Human Race Theatre Company, 126 N. Main St., Suite 300, Dayton, 45402; 937.228. 3630; humanracetheatre .org: Human Race Theatre presents David Sedaris’ tale about a jaded, out-of-work actor who takes a job as a department-store elf. 7p; $24. There are nine more performances through Saturday, Dec. 17.

gone for a while, but it’s making a return. Scorpius of Cincinnati will collect paper products for Caracole clients, so please bring toilet paper, paper towels or napkins to donate. 10p. SUNDAY, DECEMBER 4

Country Line Dancing @ Below Zero Lounge, 1120 W. Walnut St., Cincinnati, 45202; 513.421.9376; FB: Below Zero Lounge: On the first and third Sunday of every month, you can learn country dances for free and then try them out. 4p for lessons, 5p-6p for dancing. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 8

Tatianna @ The Cabaret, 1122 Walnut St., Cincinnati, 45202; 513.284.2050; FB: The Cabaret: The not-so-favorite from RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 2 performs as part of the Hard Candy series. 10p (meet-and-greet for VIPs at 9p); $20-$150. Dane Terry @ Contemporary Arts Center, 44 E. 6th St., Cincinnati, 45202; 513.345.8400; contemporaryartscenter.org: Terry, an openly gay Columbus native who’s now SATURDAY, DECEMBER 10

Training the Trainers @ Harmony Creek Church, 5280 Bigger Rd., Dayton, 45440; 937.545.1953; glsen.org/chapters/dayton: GLSEN needs more trainers who can work directly with local educators and school administrators on LGBTQ issues. This training will provide information on gender, sexuality, GLSEN stats and allyship, as well as how to present this information in K12 settings. 1:30p-5p. TUESDAY, DECEMBER 13

PFLAG Dayton Holiday Party @ Harmony Creek Church, 5280 Bigger Rd., Dayton, 45440; pflagdayton.org: The group for families, friends and allies of the LGBTQ community meets on the second Tuesday of each month. 6:30p. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17

Miami Valley Bears and Leather Men Christmas Potluck @ Argos Bar, 301 Mabel Ave., Dayton, 45403; FB: Miami Valley Bears & Leather Men: Bring a dish or dessert if you’d like to share. Or make your dinner out of the Jell-O shots and Gummi Bears that will be provided. 7p-9p.

It’s nice to see how many December events are paired with food and toy drives.

based in New York, is a musician whose one-man show, Bird in the House, includes stories and songs about his childhood in Ohio. 8:30p; $15 ($10 for members of the Contemporary Arts Center). SUNDAY, DECEMBER 11

Cookie Bake-Off @ On Broadway Bar, 817 Broadway St., Cincinnati, 45202, isqccbe.org: The Imperial Sovereign Court hosts. 6p-8p. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 15

Crossport Holiday Party @ location given by phone or email; 513.344.0116; crossport.org: Crossport is a group for transgender people and their allies in Greater Cincinnati. Email crossportcincy@yahoo.com for info. 7:30p. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17

Rocky Horror Picture Show @ Esquire Theatre, 320 Ludlow Ave., Clifton, 45220; 513.281.8750; rhps.net: The Denton Affair, Cincinnati’s Rocky Horror shadow cast, performs alongside the cult-classic film. 11:55p; $9.50. TUESDAY, DECEMBER 20

Transgender and Allies Support Group @ Miami Valley Fair Housing Office, 505 Riverside Dr., Dayton, 45405; gatlyndamegroup .com: The Gatlyn Dame Group, dedicated to raising awareness and offering support to the transgender community, hosts this support group on the third Tuesday of each month. 7p. WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 21

College Night @ Club Masque, 34 N. Jefferson St., Dayton, 45402; 937.228.2582; clubmasque .com: Every Wednesday night, there’s drink specials, DJs and two floors of dancing. 8p; $5. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 22

Karaoke @ MJ’s on Jefferson, 20 N. Jefferson St., Dayton, 45402; 937.223.3259; FB: MJ’s on Jefferson: Every Thursday and Sunday, it’s your chance to sing loud and proud. 10p. december 2016

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Out & About in

Northwest Ohio

Arts, 1910 W. Rocket Dr., Toledo, 43606; 419.530. ARTS; utoledo.edu: Oscar Wilde’s play is set against the backdrop of 1890s London and its Victorian convenA Reason to Dine • Cookies and Condoms • 39th Annual Holiday With Heart Gayla tions. Two friends find the pseudonym of 419.381.8851; stranahantheater.org: The Ernest usually covers their socially unacTHURSDAY, DECEMBER 1 ceptable behavior, until it doesn’t. 7:30p; A Reason to Dine @ local restaurants; new touring production of the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical is described as big- $15 ($10 for students, staff and seniors). 614.340.6777; FB: A Reason to Dine: Local restaurants and bars donate a por- ger and better than ever. 7:30p; $39-$99. There are two more performances scheduled, on Saturday, Dec. 3, at 7:30p, tion of the day’s proceeds to Equitas There are 13 more performand on Sunday, Dec. 4, at 2p. Health programs that support and treat ances people with HIV/AIDS. See the Facebook scheduled through SunSATURDAY, DECEMBER 3 page for a list of participating busiday, Dec. 11. People Called Women 23rd Annesses. niversary Party @ People Called FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2 Women, 6060 Renaissance Place, AIDS: The Global Pandemic @ BGSU’s Cookies and Condoms @ Suite F, Toledo, 43623; 419.469.8983; Bowen-Thompson Student Union, Bowling BGSU’s Bowen-Thompson Stupeoplecalledwomen.com: Ohio’s only femident Union Room 208, Bowling Green, Green, 43403; 419.372.9355; bgsu.edu: An interactive display shares 43403; 419.372.9355; bgsu.edu: Have nist bookstore celebrates with a potluck stories of people living questions about STDs, HIV or AIDS? and auction. 6p. with HIV and AIDS The Student Wellness Network is SUNDAY, sponsoring a relaxed workshop around the world. 4p6p. for students to ask questions to DECEMBER 4 39th Annual Holiday health educators about sexual The Phantom of the With Heart Charity health topics. 1:30p-3p. Opera @ Stranahan TheGayla @ Toledo Club, 2815 Collingwood ater & Great Hall, 4645 Blvd., Toledo, 43610; 419.470.3937; The Importance of Being Earnest @ Heatherdowns Blvd., Toledo, 43614; University of Toledo Center for Performing hwhcharitygayla.org: The annual Out & About in

Northeast Ohio

HIV in the 21st Century • N. Coast Men’s Chorus Holiday Concert

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 1 Fourth Annual Allies for Equality @ Music Box Supper Club, 1148 Main Ave., Cleveland, 44113; 216.513.8852; equalityohio.org: Equality Ohio honors former Cleveland City Council member Joe Cimperman as its Ally of the Year for his work on behalf of LGBT people. 5:30p; $100. Akron World AIDS Day Gathering @ Highland Theatre, 826 W. Market St., Akron, 44303; 30.252.1559; canapi.org: The Northeast Ohio Regional Advisory Group invites you to join in feast, fellowship and remembrance. Performers include The Royal Angelettes, Boot and the Boys, and Jazz

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musician Joshua Leslie. It’s a free event; RSVP is encouraged but not required. 6p-9p. Film Screening: Wilhemina’s War @ Capitol Theatre, 1390 W. 65th St., Cleveland, 44102; 216.621.0766, x2915; aidstaskforce.org: This documentary, making its Cleveland premiere, is the story of Wilhemina Dixon, a woman from rural South Carolina who became a force in her family’s fight to survive HIV and AIDS. RSVP by phone. 7p. There is a 6p reception at Toast, 1365 W. 65th St. The Santaland Diaries @ Outcalt Theatre, Playhouse Square,

1407 Euclid Ave., 44115; 216. 241.6000; playhousesquare.org: Cleveland Public Theatre presents David Sedaris’ tale about a jaded, out-of-work actor who takes a job as a departmentstore elf. 8p; $20. There are 14 more performances through Sunday, Dec. 18. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 3 North Coast Men’s Chorus Holiday Concert @ Hanna Theatre, Playhouse Square, 2067 E. 14th St., Cleveland, 44115; 216.556.0590; ncmchorus.org: The concert theme is “Our Gay Apparel.” 3p and 8p; $20-$45. There is another performance scheduled for Sunday, Dec. 4, at 3p. Teddy Bear/Toy Drive @ Cocktails Akron, 33 W. Mapledale Ave., Akron, 44301; arktosbears.org: Bring a new, unwrapped bear or toy. 9p.

fundraiser will benefit the Toledo School for the Arts Student Inclusion Program, the Promise House Safe Street Program and programs that benefit the LGBT community. 4p; $80. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 8 Equality Toledo Annual Meeting @ Georgjz419 Fun Food & Spirits, 1205 Adams St., Toledo, 43604; 419.407.6225; equalitytoledo.org: The LGBT civil rights group will share the findings of its recent strategic planning and gather insight from everyone who attends. 5:30p-7:30p. WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 14 Karaoke @ R-House, 5534 Secor Rd., Toledo, 43623; 419.474.2929; FB: Rhouse Bar: Every Wednesday. 10p-2:30a.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 4 15th Annual Sugar Plum Tour @ The West Side Bakery (checkin location), 2303 W. Market St., Akron, 44313; 330.376.8522; sugarplumtour.org: All proceeds from this tour of five homes beautifully decorated for the holidays will go toward the Gay Community Endowment Fund’s mission of helping LGBT organizations in Greater Akron. 12:30p; $25. Alan Cumming Sings Sappy Songs @ Connor Palace, Playhouse Square, 1615 Euclid Ave., Cleveland, 44115; 216.241.6000; playhousesquare.org: He’ll release an album of the same name in February. 7:30p; $10-$75. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 10 Blazing River Freedom Band

Toledo’s Holiday With Heart Gayla is in its 39th year.

Holiday Concert @ Location TBD; 321.745.7420; blazingriverband.org: Visit the LGBTQ band’s website or Facebook page for information about the location of the concert, which hadn’t been announced by our deadline. 7p. Dave Koz and Friends Christmas @ State Theatre, Playhouse Square, 1519 Euclid Ave., Cleveland, 44115; 216.241.6000; playhousesquare.org: The openly gay saxophonist brings his holiday show back to Cleveland. 8p; $10-$69.50. SUNDAY, DECEMBER 25 Christmas Night Party With DJ Ivy @ Twist, 11633 Clifton Blvd., Cleveland, 44102; 216.221.2333; FB: Twist Social Club: DJ Ivy is an artist from Cleveland who now lives in Los Angeles. She has opened for Mary J. Blige, Lauryn Hill, WuTang Clan, Drake and more. 9p-2:30a. outlookohio.com

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Thanks to all our advertisers and readers for two decades of support! You rock!

december 2016

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savage love

by Dan Savage

Mourning in America I’m a longtime fan - reader and listener - and part of the 47 percent of white women who did NOT vote for Donald Trump. To say I’m disappointed, horrified, scared and mad about the election is woefully insufficient. I donated $100 to Planned Parenthood this morning because I honestly felt like there was nothing else I could do.

relax or attain emotional well-being, lesbian and gay men seeking to protect such as meditating, journaling or visiting their families, and everyone and everya counselor.” thing else Trump has threatened to harm, up to and including the planet we They’re too polite over at GoodTherapy.org all live on. to include fucking on their list of examples, JULIE, but what you did on election But we must make time for joy and night - which just so happens to be the pleasure and laughter and friends and exact same thing I did on election night - food and art and music and sex. During certainly meets all the criteria. the darkest days of the HIV/AIDS That being said, I wanted to share that I epidemic, when Republicans and relihad one of the most weirdly charged, And if anyone out there who did the same gious conservatives controlled the hottest and sexiest orgasms. A little on election night is feeling the least bit federal government and were doing buzzed (dealing with those election re- guilty, please know that millions of Amer- everything in their power to harm the sick sults) and sad, my boyfriend and I icans did the exact same thing after and dying, queers organized and turned to each other for consolation. 9/11. We used a different term to deprotested and volunteered and mourned. One thing led to another, and before I We also made music and theater and knew it, we were fucking as Trump art. We took care of each other, and we came on the TV to give his acceptance danced and loved and fucked. speech. Embracing joy and art and sex in the As that orange blowhard spewed more face of fear and uncertainty made us feel bullshit about being our president, I better - it kept us sane - and it had the rode my boyfriend’s big, beautiful dick added benefit of driving our enemies until I came. It was the perfect way to crazy. They couldn’t understand how we say, “Fuck this. Now fuck me.” I encould be anything but miserable, given courage all your readers to fuck out the challenges we faced - their greed, the stress from this election. their indifference, their bigotry - but we created and experienced joy despite their Yes, we should donate and volunteer hatred and despite this awful disease. and speak up and protest and vote and not give up hope, but we should also scribe all that post-9/11 fucking: “terror- We turned to each other - we turned to keep doing it and taking care of each sex,” which New York magazine defined our lovers and friends and sometimes other. as “urgent, unguarded, end-of-the-world strangers - and said, “Fuck them. Now coitus inspired by that day’s sudden jolt fuck me.” We didn’t eradicate HIV/AIDS, Because love trumps hate, and fucking of uncertainty and fear.” the disease that was sickening us then, trumps... well, I’m not sure what fuckbut we fought it to a standstill and we ing trumps. But it sure makes life I want to thank you for writing, JULIE, and may defeat it yet. better. I want to second your recommendation: Sex, partnered or solo, makes life better, - The disease that now sickens our nation - Justifiably Unsettled and people shouldn’t feel guilty about it is different. We may never eradicate Lass Intensely Emoting at this uncertain and fearful moment in racism and sexism and hatred. But fight our nation’s history. it we will. And don’t listen to anyone who It’s important to practice good self-care tells you that music and dance and art in the wake of a traumatic event - the Yes, we must donate and volunteer and and sex and joy are a distraction from election qualifies as a traumatic event - protest and vote, all while reminding our- the fight. They are a part of the fight. and going by the definition of self-care at selves daily that Hillary Clinton won the GoodTherapy.org, fucking qualifies as popular vote. And we must commit to deYou can email Dan Savage at self-care: fending our friends, neighbors and mail@savagelove.net or coworkers who are immigrants (docufollow him on Twitter “Actions that an individual might take in mented or not), Muslims (American-born, @fakedansavage. Savage order to reach optimal physical and men- immigrants or refugees), people of color, Love appears every month in tal health. ... Self-care [includes] activi- women seeking reproductive health care, Outlook and every week at outlookohio.com.. ties that an individual engages in to trans men and women seeking safety, december 2016

Well, it’s one way to spend the next four years!

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the divine life by Debé

Sagittarius

(November 22 - December 21)

Nobody can party like you, so it makes sense that the most parties are in December. Thank goodness (or naughtiness) that you are pretty, and witty, and oh soooooo gay! Jingle your bells and spread that holiday cheer around. We need it! Standout Sagittarians: Billy Strayhorn, Margaret Cho, Andy Dick, Miley Cyrus.

up and recharge those batteries. Taurus

(April 20 - May 20)

Santa is on your shit list, and you are not feeling warm and fuzzy. Dig deep and find a spark of joy, or others will avoid you like holiday fruitcake. Then again, maybe that’s exactly what you want. Gemini

(May 21 - June 20)

Libra

(September 23 - October 22)

Keeping things balanced and fair is your wheelhouse, but even you are struggling this month. The tree might not have evenly distributed ornaments, but so what? Give your ADD the holiday off and enjoy time with your loved ones. Scorpio

(October 23 - November 21)

You want the holidays to be perfect, but people aren’t Full moon in your sign on the cooperating, dammit! Sweetie, 14th has you in play mode this tantrums are not sexy. It’s the Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) month. Unfortunately, pesky people, not the plans, that responsibilities try to spoil The final Mercury Retrograde matter most. Find charm in all of 2016 is in your sign starting your fun. A girl’s still gotta the perfect imperfections. Dec. 19. That makes you super make a living. Those stockings won’t fill themselves, darling. practical, but don’t let your inner Scrooge spoil all your fun. Otherwise there will be no Cancer (June 21 - July 22) reindeer games for you! You want to be part of the holiday cheer, but if you’re Aquarius feeling misunderstood by fam(January 20 - February 18) ily it can be rough. Make sure Your ability to dance with you plan time with those who chaos and go with the flow comes in handy this month. As get it and appreciate you for long as the eggnog is properly the unique snowflake you are. spiked, you’ll push the holiday cheer through New Year’s and Leo (July 23 - August 22) beyond. Good for you! Handy Tip: You can run, but you can’t Loop of Humor hide. Throwing yourself into Pisces People who have a skin ridge holiday planning and (February 19 - March 20) You’re feeling very emotional. overindulging is both tempting “loop” between their Pinkie and distracting but not in your (Mercury) and Apollo (Ring) When superficial parties and fingers are found to have a obligatory gift-giving has you best interest. Stop. Breathe. great - and often wildly quirky feeling like a fish out of water, Watch the snow fall and let - senses of humor. They can focus on the things - and peo- your mind work it through. more easily laugh at the ple - that bring joy to your absurdities of life. That should world. That will warm your Virgo frozen tootsies and your heart. (August 23 - September 22) come in handy right now. Pun intended. Even with all his elves and magical reindeer, Santa Aries couldn’t tackle the to-do list (March 21 - April 19) you’ve set for yourself. As a Well, that was unexpected. Debé is a palmist, intuitive mere human, you need to reTime to revise your naughty adviser and metaphysical evaluate and prioritize. Only teacher in Columbus. She is and nice list. A little time available for personal readings, say yes to the things you truly under the mistletoe gets you parties, events and workshops. centered and ready to take on want to do. For more information, go to the challenges of 2017. Pucker thepassionatepalmist.com.

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Our president-elect’s horoscope: “Pesky responsibilities try to spoil your fun.”

december 2016

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lesbians 101

december 2016

We wish all of you a very happy and healthy 2017!

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We welcome Gilead as a new advertiser!

december 2016

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december 2016

Outlook Magazine: Celebrating 20 years!

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