Outwords February 2011

outwords queer views, news, issues

queers and

their passion

for curling secret to

keeping

love alive

Redefining

relationships in the 21st century

love

in the arms of a trans-man

Meet the

connection

coach

The most

Canadian of apps Outwords | February/March 2011 | Issue 181 | Serving the GLBT Community Since 1994

Your MeMbers of the LegisLative asseMbLY Wish You and Your faMiLY a

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11

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24

don’t ask, don’t tell?

SOUNDS LIKE SOUR GRAPES

LACES ‘EM UP

your relationship

what happens after

editorial

A RANT FROM CHERRY

spotlight

A LESBIAN

you can define

20

7 quackery Group claims to cure gays

national news

9

12

love on the rocks

Who knew queers loved curling so much

South Africa to host

Mr. Gay World

sweet talk

A little TLC for your love life

27

LOVE IN THE ARMS OF A

TRANS MAN

23

30

THE CONNECTION COACH

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It’s not your grandparents’

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Can we trust makeup manufacturers?

www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011

3

to the

letters editor winnipeg’s queer Jews welcome under many roofs

Thank you to Outwords for acknowledging Shaarey Zedek Synagogue’s choices in favour of gay and lesbian Jews (Corey Sherman, “Love Honour and Cherish: A New Home For Winnipeg’s Queer Jews”, December 2010). At the same time, let us recognize longer-standing “homes for Winnipeg’s queer Jews”. For example, Temple Shalom, our Reform Jewish congregation, has offered samesex weddings for years. The Temple

4 5

outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca

is led by a lesbian Rabbi, Karen Soria, who would be a fitting subject for a future interview. A Jewish GLBT group, Anakhnu, is funded and supported by the Rady Jewish Community Centre, which represents the Jewish community as a whole.

It’s also worth noting that Winnipeg’s largest Orthodox Jewish congregation, Herzlia, while limited by traditional understandings of Jewish law, has made strong statements in support of gay and lesbian dignity. After the homophobic murders in Tel Aviv in August 2009, Rabbi Ari Ellis circulated a prayer asking for all to recognize that “the entirety of the Jewish people, straight and gay, is interwoven

with and responsible for every one of its members”.

The observation that the Winnipeg Jewish community “has drifted to the right politically” is not necessarily relevant to this issue. Drawing on their own understandings of Jewish needs and values, many Jews are pro-gay while supporting conservative positions in Israeli or Canadian politics. The right/left binary doesn’t really apply.

May Winnipeg continue to become a safe and supportive home for all people.

Justin Jaron Lewis Assistant Professor, Judaism Department of Religion University of Manitoba

editorial

outwords

what happens after don’t ask, don’t tell?

Serving the GLBT Community Since 1994 Issue 181 February/March 2011

Published by the outwords volunteer staff:

Rachel Morgan editor

M. Buchanan creative & layout

Gord McDiarmid advertising Terry Wiebe, Gord McDiarmid distribution Vic Hooper web manager

Peter Carlyle-Gordge, Charles Melvin Rachel Morgan, Corey Shefman, Kenton Smith, R.M. Goodman,Bowen Smyth, Michele Buchanan, Roselle Turenne contributors to this issue Carol Giffen, re-touching M. Buchanan COVER PHOTO

Maureen Pendergast (chair) Darron Field (comptroller) Karol Rogers (secretary) Gord McDiarmid Dani Fraser Faith Kaplan Gail Eckert

editorial rachel j. morgan

The repeal of the

soldiers in uniform were marching in the

“Don’t Ask, Don’t

Toronto gay pride parade. This is likely how

Tell” law in the United States is a historic

it will unfold in the States. It will become

turning point for Americans but it may

increasingly difficult to argue against grant-

also turn out to be a watershed moment

ing full marriage rights to people who put

for gays all over the world. In the States,

their lives on the line for their nation.

the acceptance of gays into the military

America has exported much of its

will lead to the extension of full marriage

culture. The same may happen with gay

and family rights. There will be those who

equality. Americans tout themselves as

refuse to acknowledge the equality of gays

the ultimate democracy, but while their

and there will be states that won’t amend

country continues to deny equal rights to

their laws until forced by the courts. But

a significant portion of its population other

in a matter of decades, we can expect to

nations have every excuse to deny equality

see sexual politics confined to the lunatic

to gays within their borders. With the U.S.

fringes.

finally seeing the light, other nations will

This is how it unfolded in Canada. Prior to 1992,

board of directors

gays and lesbians were

outwords

barred from serving in the

With the U.S. finally seeing the light, other nations will feel the pressure to join the modern world.

201-63 Albert Street Winnipeg, Manitoba R3B 1G4 Phone: (204) 942-4599 For office hours, please call.

forces. Many people were

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dicated that a majority would not want to

spread? That will depend on many factors:

serve with them, particularly in combat.

how politically stable a country is; how

There were predictions that allowing gays

open to change it is; whether its people

to serve openly would lead to mass resig-

feel they are part of the commonwealth

nations.

of nations or outsiders; and how well

Outwords is a non-profit organization that publishes Outwords a free magazine that provides news, analysis and entertainment for the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, two-spirit and queer community and its allies. GST 89671 7618RT ISSN 1715-5606 (print)ISSN 1715-5614 (online) Canada Post Publication Licence 416 99032 Contents copyright © 201 Outwords All rights reserved. Reproduction, in whole or in part, without written permission from the publisher is prohibited. Outwords is a member of the Manitoba Magazine Publishers’ Association. Articles published in Outwords reflect the views and opinions of the authors and are not necessarily the views held by the staff, management, or board of outwords. We accept no liability for our advertisers’ claims.

witch-hunts to purify the forces. Some-

there is reason for hope. Until 1967, it was

times, military police would try to catch

illegal to participate in homosexual activity

gays and lesbians by hiding in barracks to

in this country. Four decades later, we had

catch them in flagrante delicto. Some-

full equal rights. Perhaps in another four

times, police would pretend to be gay in a

decades theatres across the Middle East

bid to lure a soldier into revealing his or her

will be playing Four Gay Weddings and a

own sexual identity. After the witch-hunts

Straight Funeral to packed houses.

convinced they were morally unfit or a security threat. And surveys of troops in-

In this toxic atmosphere, there were

feel the pressure to join the modern world.

How far and fast will all this sunshine

disposed they are to Western culture. But

ended, the Canadian military was as strong as ever.

By the summer of 2005, same-sex marriage was legal across Canada. In 2008,

- Rachel Morgan is the editor of Outwords.

To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@outwords.ca.

www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011

5

NATIONAL NEWS

Get Down Off the Cross YOU’RE TOO UGLY BURLINTGON—Canada’s Mount Vesuvius of indignation, Charles McVety, president of Canada Christian College, bon vivant of the “stretch-pants-and-Dollarama” set, and host of the evangelical talk show Word TV, ticked off one viewer with his “brimstone-inmy-knickers”

out, and dumber than the weave tree in Tyra’s closet? Oh wait, that is Tyra!

Upon receiving notice of the violation, Crossroads Television Systems, the net-

GLOOMY SHORES

work that carries Word TV, suspended the

VANCOUVER—As an inordinate number

show. It returned to the regular schedule

of gay bashing cases crawl through the

six days later on the condition that each

B.C. justice system, as Xtra reports that 14

episode is reviewed before broadcast. As

of its magazine boxes were destroyed on

reported by CTV New s, McVety likened

Christmas Day, and as the sad news sinks

his pre-Christmas censure by the CBSC to

in of Vancouver MP Bill Siksay’s impend-

both the “Salem witch trials” and “Josef

ing retirement, the first openly gay man

Stalin’s Show Trials.” It must be hard for

elected as an MP in Canada, we can only

poor, befuddled McVety to accept that

look at Canada’s Pacific coast and shake

there’s only room for one martyr during

our heads. We’ll follow up on those stories

the holiday season.

in coming months as charges are laid and legacies are written. Right now, let’s

remarks overstating the dangers of radical Islam, blaming Haiti for its own earthquake, and condemning the government for funding gay pride and allowing the mention of homosexuality in school curriculum. While all of these remarks were the basis of a viewer complaint, none of them got McVety in trouble with the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council (CBSC). That particular kind of dopey—generalized opinion—is not a violation of code. Hence, evangelical opinion doesn’t require a lot of fact-checking or, for that sake, reality checks. Even so, the CBSC panel did find several factual errors in McVety’s statements and it a violation of two broadcast codes in McVety’s statement that likened homosexuals to pedophiles. The CBSC wrote: “To leave the totally unsubstantiated impression that gay and lesbian adults have a predilection toward young, underage people is insidious and unacceptable.” May we also add that it’s a tired cliché, totally played

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outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca

Pacific View

Be All That You Can Be

start the first national news round up of 2011 with happy news from, of all places, Alberta, the province that found a wormhole in the space-time continuum and

BUT NO BANNERS

popped into the 21st century to acknowl-

OTTAWA—Two notable stories related to

are not synonyms.

edge that the words “homo” and “sicko”

Canada’s trans community came to the fore at the tail end of 2010. In an historic first, trans community members celebrated at a commemorative flag raising at Ottawa police headquarters on Nov. 20, the annual Trans Day of Remembrance. At the same time, two activists were arrested for attempting to hang a “Remember Stonewall?” banner off an Ottawa highway overpass, resulting in a sit-in protest later that day at Ottawa police headquarters. Two weeks later—and 10 days before the U.S. repealed the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy barring openly LGBT people from enlisting in the military—the Canadian Forces updated its policy on transsexual and transvestite troops to acknowledges their right to “utmost privacy and respect” and to allow troops in all branches of the Canadian Forces the right to conform to the dress code of their target gender. The policy, however, does not allow name changes.

Finally Up To Code HOMOS CURED EDMONTON—On Dec. 21, The Government of Alberta finally removed the definition of homosexuality from the category of “Mental Disorders: Sexual Deviations and Disorders” in the Alberta health code diagnostic guide, making good on a promise the long-standing Conservative government first made in 1998. While the timing of the announcement from Health Minister Gene Zwozdesky could be interpreted as “Merry Christmas, non-mental defectives,” the decision came only after a human rights complaint was filed by activist Ron Wells and after Xtra contacted Zwozdesky and grilled him about the province’s decades-

NATIONAL NEWS

old delay in bringing the code up to date

serious Mother Nature issues. This faith-

work of conversion therapy organizations

with the World Health Organization. The

based group claims it can change a per-

is becoming stronger, more unified and

American Psychiatric Association did it in

son’s sexual orientation from homosexual

more co-ordinated around the world.

1973, the Canadian Psychiatric Association

to heterosexual. That’s right; it cures a bad

Good luck, EGA, in trying to sell your vi-

in 1982, and China, that model of human

dose of gay with a big shot of Jesuscillin.

sion of a 100-per-cent heterosexual planet

rights achievements, updated its defini-

Matthew McLauchlin, co-chair of the

as a preferable alternative to Hell.

tion in 2001, inspiring the vice president

Commission LGBTT du NPD-Québec, has

of the Chinese Psychiatric Association

rallied the Quebec wing of the NDP to

to state at the time, “Many homosexu-

support stripping EGA of its charitable

als lead perfectly normal lives.” You

status. “In our opinion it violates provi-

A-commode-ation Now

call this normal? In a statement to the

sions of the Canada Revenue Agency

Edmonton Journal, Alberta Health and

that says that registered charities must

Wellness spokesman Howard May said the

offer a tangible public benefit,” he told

Conservative Government hadn’t updated

the CBC. In other words, you can’t issue

the revised standards from 1990 because

tax receipts for donations to your

“The codes are extremely complex. It

group because you pretend to

would be a vast undertaking to change

“cure” something that is

them.” Really? We would have to have a

not a disorder or an illness.

Rayner,

mental disorder to believe that the prov-

Even Alberta stopped ped-

self-iden-

ince that can turn goopy tar sands into

dling that horse pucky two

tified as

liquid fuel to sell to Americans can’t finish

months ago. In fact, EGA

androgy-

a little extra paperwork.

may be turning healthy

nous and

sexual orientations into

transgen-

handicaps. The world’s

der, was

largest mainstream psy-

confront-

chological and psychiatric

ed by a

If It Talks Like a Duck IT’S QUACKERY MONTREAL—For those who remain blissfully unaware, Exodus Global Alliance (EGA) is an organi-

STOP STALLING FREDERICTON—And you thought you had a rough first day at school.

Mitch

organizations consider

woman

attempts to use so-called

on Sept.

“conversion” or “reparative” therapy to change sexual orientation as potentially harmful.

Last year, U.K. newspaper The Independent published an article by Patrick Strudwick, a gay writer who went

13 as Rayner entered a woman’s bathroom at Saint Thomas University (STU). Though

undercover to research conversion therapy

Rayner explained that she was biologically

zation

methods. He found out that the practices

a female, the woman called her deroga-

with

of one therapist to cure SSA (same sex

tory names and then hit her in the face.

attraction) included blaming the par-

While STU has private, lockable bathrooms

ents, blaming the Freemasons (that’s

in all its buildings, there are none in the

original), blaming friends and, of course, blaming the patient.

Conspicuously missing from

building where Rayner attends her classes; the building where she was assaulted.

Only half of the private bathrooms are

the list; blaming people

marked as gender neutral. Rayner didn’t

who make you think you’re

file an official report with STU security.

sick when you’re perfectly

Several weeks after the incident, she

healthy. In his story, Strudwick mentions that the international net-

went to the media to tell her story. In her interview with FQ (Fredericton Queery),

www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011

7

NATIONAL NEWS

Rayner said she wanted her experience the University to post signage guiding students to gender neutral bathrooms and she wants to see more support and awareness from administration for LGBTQ issues

hot

on campus. Rayner was invited to speak at the Rally to End Gender Violence and Discrimination at STU on Nov. 25, where she spoke in front of a crowd of approximately 50 people. As quoted in FQ, the crowd chanted, “Gender freedom, gender rights, we will piss, and we will fight.”

Security Risks FINANCIAL DISASTER HALIFAX—It looks like the Canadian Forces homophobic policies might come back to bite them on their camouflaged arses. John McKiggan, the lawyer who helped launch the successful suit representing victims of sexual abuse in native residential schools, told the CBC in early December that homosexual military members might be eligible to sue for compensation for breach of their charter rights.

Eligibility is limited to gay or lesbian military members who were terminated after 1982, the year the Charter of Rights and Freedoms came into effect, and before 1992, the last year that homosexuals were still considered “security risks.” Here’s a suggestion; if the government needs to pay out another huge settlement, maybe it could just stop extending its mission in Afghanistan.

— Charles Melvin is a Toronto-based freelance writer. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@ outwords.ca

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outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca

/

to be a matter of education. She wants

not

Rob Wells After 10 years of pushing the Alberta Health Ministry to stop defining homosexuality as a mental disorder, Wells launched a human rights complaint on Dec. 15. A week later, the province changed its health code. Next up; remove the definition of Restless Leg Syndrome as Satanic possession.

OECTA The Ontario English Catholic Teachers Association donated $1,000 to support anti-bullying initiatives. President James Ryan told the Toronto Sun “Certainly the Catholic Church is against bullying.” Did Ratzinger get that memo?

Ciara Kelly After surviving years of bullying in B.C.’s school system, Kelly came out determined to help kids trapped in the same situation. She created the Facebook group and website LEZ Help. Here’s a big thumbs up for individual initiative!

Ezra Levant When the rabid right’s Littlest Hobo barks, you know he sniffs dangerous lefties lurking in the bush. In his slobbery blog, Levant described Rob Wells as “The Fred Phelps of the gay lobby.” Translation: Wells swats bigots on the snout when they get too “homo-hatey.” Bad doggie!

Stephane Dupont In his defence of the two radio hosts who disparaged Johnny Weir during the Vancouver Olympics, Quebec DJ Dupont repeate dly called Weir a fag and queer. The Canada Broadcast Standards Council ruled that Dupont’s comments were “scornful, derisive and denigrating” and ordered their decision be read on air. Uh-oh! Is it safe to use multisyllabic words when Dupont’s fans are driving?

SuperHarper Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s SuperHarper’s $6 million “Victims Matter” media campaign. The irony; Harper spent only $4.9 million on victim assistance. That’s why B.C. can’t add one gay bashing victim support worker to its 160 victim service programs, despite B.C. being a Canadian “hate crime capital.” Who do you have to sleep with around here to get some Kryptonite?

international news

DADT policy officially dead

Brit Tories a gay crowd

Long live the queens

LONDON— Nigel Evans, the deputy

WASHINGTON —President Barack Obama has signed a landmark law to allow gays and lesbians to serve openly in the U.S. military for the first time. The Pentagon is drafting new rules following the repeal of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, which Congress passed in December.

The long-standing policy forced gay service members to hide their sexuality.

Since the Pentagon introduced the policy in 1993, ending a blanket ban on gay soldiers, at least 13,000 people have been expelled from the armed forces for violating the rules. It could take up to a year to fully repeal the policy. Manuals, guidelines and administrative processes need revision. New policies must be drafted.

It’s a gay, gay world

speaker of the House of Commons, has interview because he wants to “clear the air”. A spokesman for Stonewall, the gay rights group, welcomed Evans’s decision to disclose his sexuality. “We are delighted that people in public life now feel open about their sexuality… It is a pleasant surprise that there are now more openly gay Tory MPs than there are in all the other parties put together.”

There are now 13 openly homosexual Tory MPs.

Say it again, Mel

World. At a time when non-heterosexual

years ago and Gibson was really drunk. “I

lifestyles are under intense fire in African

was with my friend, who’s gay,” she said.

countries, a successful bid by South Africa

“He made a really horrible gay joke…

would give the pageant a political spin it

somehow it came up that I was Jewish. He

has never enjoyed before. The current Mr.

said something about ‘oven dodgers,’ but

Gay World is South African Charl van den

I didn’t get it. I’d never heard that before.”

Berg. Coenie Kukkuk, a Pretoria lawyer

She says no one believed her at the time

who is the director of South Africa’s bid

but now it’s clear he is both anti-Semitic

to host Mr. Gay World 2012, says Charl

and homophobic.

is a gay role model who gives courage to

gay.” The 2012 host country will be announced March 13at the 2011 finals in the Philippines.

fended the use of ‘arousal tests’ to check if asylum seekers who say they are gay are telling the truth. The practice was revealed in a European Union report which claims Czech asylum seekers claiming to be gay are subjected to “phallometric testing”. The tests involve watching heteroIt is used on people who apply for asylum on the basis of suffering homophobic per-

says she met the disgraced Hollywood

and Jews. She said the incident was 15

vast majority of governments are anti-

PRAGUE—The Czech government has de-

“anti-Semitic”. The ‘Black Swan’ actress

people in Africa with a bid to host Mr. Gay

Mr. Gay World on African soil, where the

Does this test arouse you?

branded Mel Gibson “homophobic” and

made offensive jokes about gay people

will be enhanced if we can elect the 2012

married in Germany.

HOLLYWOOD— Actress Winona Ryder has

star some years ago at a party where he

HIV and prison sentences. “That message

proposal and said he is thinking of getting

sexual porn while arousal levels are tested.

counter growing repression against gay

are about more than repression, torture,

nounced Weisbrodt had accepted the

decided to “come out” in a newspaper

JOHANNESBURG—South Africans aim to

gays all over Africa and shows their lives

ter,” he told Vanity Fair. During a concert at London’s Royal Albert Hall he an-

Wainright to marry LONDON—Less than a year after the

secution. The Czech Interior Ministry said in a statement to Associated Press that asylum seekers can only be tested with their consent and the test has been used less than 10 times. Ministry spokesman Pavel Novak says the test is was used on unreliable applicants from countries where it is illegal to be gay and that all those who passed the test were granted asylum.

death of his mother, legendary Canadian folk singer Kate McGarrigle, singer/composer Rufus Wainwright has proposed to his boyfriend, Jörn Weisbrodt.

“I’ve been with Jörn for about five years, and I’m not finding anything bet-

– Peter Carlye-Gordge is a Winnipeg-based freelance writer, former producer for CBC and former Maclean’s writer. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@outwords.ca www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011

9

10 outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca

THE PINK

MENACE

Chewing on Sour Grapes Spotlight CHARLES MELVIN

As archaic as the word may seem today, “pinko” still carries the sneer of masculine privilege.

Don Cherry is a

old lady after

national treasure. He

city workers

occupies an hon-

accidentally

oured seat on Hockey

chopped

Night in Canada from

down her

whence he hollers.

tree.

In 1992, he contrib-

However, it

men.

The col-

uted his spoken word

is Cherry’s open-

ours were set and

artistry to “Rock’Em

ing statement that will forever scar the

passed on to the kiddies.

Sock’Em Techno” by

official transcripts at city hall. “I’m wearing

BKS. That same year

pinko for all the pinkos out there that ride

he appeared on the

bicycles and everything,” he said, before

the McCarthy witch-hunts. This is when

debut of Friday Night

lambasting “left-wing pinkos” like an an-

the characterization of the male pinko

with Ralph Benmergui and allowed flam-

gry old man trying to fish a black fly out of

became soft, overly intellectual, effete;

boyant gay comedian Scott Thompson to

a steaming cup of coffee.

feminine. As archaic as the word may seem

cuddle with him.

Since then, Friday Night has been cancelled, Thompson developed lymphoma,

It’s no surprise when a sports “person-

Pink became the definitive feminine marker as the cold war began, followed by

today, “pinko” still carries the sneer of

ality” swings right. The list of “Canadian

masculine privilege. You can still hear the

athlete-politicians” on Wikipedia shows

echo of “treason.”

The pink/girl, blue/boy dichotomy came after the Second World War as America’s middle class rebounded from years of army drabness

So when Cherry used the word pinko, I saw red. He may have intended it as a joke, but all it takes is one whack job to believe their government is controlled by Bolsheviks hoisting their specialty coffees like a hammer and sickle as they ride their bikes

and Benmergui is now director of commu-

that the majority who enter federal or

to work behind the iron curtain of city hall.

nications for Ontario Minister of Research

provincial politics are Conservatives. But

Calling someone a pinko is like Sarah Palin

and Innovation Glen Murray, last seen

what’s with Cherry’s repeated references

putting crosshairs on the map.

apologizing for inflammatory Tweets.

to pinko?

As if the hockey commentary, cameo

The word originated some time in the

And what of the cold blue suits of Bay Street waiting for Harper to deregulate the

appearances, and advertising work for

late 1800s to describe people who were

banking system? Why don’t they inspire a

everything from oversized sandwiches to

communist sympathizers. Red was the

Cherry rant?

magical ginseng pills wasn’t enough, Cher-

colour of the communist party, so people

ry entered the political arena in December

who sympathized with communists were a

“pitheads”—like their politics the way they

as the special guest at Toronto Mayor Rob

lighter shade of red; hence, pinkos.

like their Tim Hortons; “double, double,

Ford’s inauguration.

Strutting up to the microphone in

The pink/girl, blue/boy dichotomy

I suppose Cherry’s fans—let’s call them

toil and trouble,” stirring up the black

came after the Second World War as Amer-

pitch of paranoia, enjoying the rich aroma

a silk jacket ensemble best described as

ica’s middle class rebounded from years of

of fear and mistaking it for patriotism.

“pink flamingo puree,” Cherry used the

army drabness by indulging in colourful

opportunity to gripe about a columnist

consumer goods. Blush and lipstick led to

who described him as “maudlin” before

complementary clothing for the women,

offering a single example of Ford’s accom-

while blue, already associated with military

plishments to date; a cheque tossed at an

uniforms, extended into business suits for

- Charles Melvin is a Toronto-based freelance writer. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@ outwords.ca. www.outwords.ca // outwords, february / march 2011

11

The queer community’s curious passion for curling

By C. R. Procyk

In February of 2000, a young Texan boarded a plane on a balmy day in Houston. He got off the plane in Calgary and walked straight into an icy Canadian winter. Sitting in his hotel room, he turned on the TV and started flipping through the channels. His attention was caught immediately by a curious display of people sliding rocks on sheets of ice in a ritualistic fashion. This was accompanied by a furious sweeping of brooms and a cacophony of shouting. “Why are they shouting,” he wondered. “And what are they shouting?”

12 13

outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca

He was fascinated. He was intrigued.

Each Sunday afternoon, 18 teams take

He was Mark Kelly – the same Mark Kelly

to the ice while three teams get the after-

who in 2011 is the president of Winnipeg’s

noon off. With four members per team

Keystone Rainbow Curling League. Kelly

and two teams per sheet, Kelly is talking

became a commuting groupie of queer

about 72 happy people with brooms – all

bonspiels in Alberta. A Calgary friend in-

out there at the same time. And, wow!

troduced him to Winnipeg and he began

What a world-class venue they have for

curling here. Through curling he found

their weekly gig! The Rainbow curlers play

romance. Now the two men are married.

at the Granite Curling Club – a recently

So what’s up with queer curling, any-

refurbished rink that’s graced the banks of

way? How come GLBTT curling clubs have

the Assiniboine River since 1880. Centrally

blossomed in cities like Calgary, Toronto,

located near Manitoba’s Legislative Build-

Edmonton, Montreal and Ottawa? And

ing, its nine sheets of ice make it ideal for

how come Winnipeg’s own Keystone Rain-

a weekly gathering of the clan. In other

bow Curling League is not only surviving

leagues and venues, only a fraction of the

but thriving? The league was formed in

teams can play at one time. “We’re the

2004 following a successful gay bonspiel.

largest single draw GBLTT curling league in

Such success seems to run counter to some

the country,” Kelly says proudly.

of the gloom and doom associated with

Rainbow member Ron Reilly first

the “roaring game”. You may have heard

curled in high school at Windsor Park Col-

that Brandon’s Wheat City Curling Club

legiate three decades ago. He came out

closed its doors permanently in March of

when he was 30. “Curling was the first

this year. You may have heard the scorn

gay activity I got involved in that wasn’t

Curling was the first gay activity I got involved in that wasn’t in a bar ... It was the first place I was able to be ‘out’ comfortably. from curling’s detractors: “Curling’s a bore, curling’s a snore.”

But Winnipeg’s GLBTT community

photo by Darron Field

in a bar,” he says. “It was the first place I was able to be ‘out’ comfortably. The Rainbow Curling League has had a profound impact on my life. I

found my partner here.”

Rod Ingram skips a foursome called “Three and Half Men.” Ingram started

isn’t buying that line. In fact, the Rainbow

curling at the Grain Exchange Curling Club

League has maxed out its membership

when he was 12. He graduated from being

photo by Darron Field

this year and it pulled off this feat on the

a teenage rink rat, who followed the ice-

gate (tallied at the end of the season), or

strength of word-of-mouth networking.

maker around, to becoming a board mem-

you can win the A group. Ingram has gone

The league accepts only 21 teams per sea-

ber and then to becoming the youngest

national via both these avenues.

son and 21 teams – all men or all women

president of the Grain Exchange Curling

or mixed men and women – are compet-

Club. Ingram is an “A” group curler and

a lot of respect. This was demonstrated

ing. Mark Kelly wears a satisfied smile.

has represented Rainbow at the national

when Curl Manitoba – the body that gov-

“It’s a big thrill for me to look across nine

queer bonspiel five out of the six seasons

erns curling in Manitoba – gave its blessing

sheets of curling ice and see all of them

he’s been involved. To get one of two

for Rainbow curlers to wear provincial

filled with our members.”

berths to the nationals, your team has to

jackets at the GBLTT National Bonspiel.

curl well enough to win the points aggre-

“Manitoba was the first to bring their

Ingram says the Rainbow League gets

www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011

13

section header

photo by Darron Field

provincial jackets,” says Ingram, “and now

shoe. You can blow more money, if you

sees the league as an opportunity for

other provinces are doing it as well.”

want, on items such as matching team

young gay people “who want to be part of

sweaters. You can splurge on kilts and tar-

something bigger, that can add purpose

sees the social side of the curling league as

tans to evoke the Scottish connection. One

and meaning to their lives.” Through

its greatest strength – even more impor-

group of Rainbow curlers wears knitted

membership in the Rainbow League, Reilly

tant than the competitive aspect or the

Rainbow coloured toques.

and his partner found a group of friends

Ingram is an elite curler but, like Reilly,

athleticism involved. Ingram, growing up in Point Douglas, says his mother was an

a draw for many members. The shaking

influence and a role model who prepared

of hands with opposing team players is

they could also socialize with outside of curling.

OK, so what’s up with queer curling?

his way to get involved in sport. “She be-

common before and after the game. Yes,

Let’s do the tally to explain the Rainbow

lieved sport was a great positive influence

you will hear shouting, but not swearing.

League’s success: a sense of belonging,

and outlet, a great forum.”

You will see sweeping, but not crosscheck-

lasting friendships, cardiovascular exercise,

ing. People throw rocks at the “house” but

camaraderie on the ice and off, a gen-

Ingram and Reilly cherish the diversity of people attracted to the Rainbow league.

not at each other. There is no boarding

tility natural to the sport, opportunity

There are curlers as young as 18 and as

or fighting. Don Cherry does not produce

to excel, freedom to express a sense of

seasoned as 67. Like golf, curling has the

“Rock ‘em, sock ‘em” curling videos. In

style, a healthful social focus, potential for

potential to be a lifelong pastime, but un-

short, the whole undertaking of a curling

romance and marriage, opportunities to

like golf, the cost of curling is modest. You

draw (game) is a refined and polite contest

expand one’s social network, ... what’s to

need a broom, a shoe with a ‘slider’ and

free of rudeness and vulgarity.

not like?

the annual registration fee – $145. The slider – depending on your balance, agility

14 15

Curling’s genteel nature also has to be

Ingram lauds the Rainbow League for offering “a sense of belonging in a healthy

and experience – allows you to look cool as

environment.” This is echoed by Reilly.

you gracefully glide the length of the rink

Although he acknowledges the challenge,

propelling yourself with your non-slider

strategy and skill involved in curling, he

outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca

– C. R. Procyk is a Winnipeg-based freelance writer. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@ outwords.ca.

PRIDE

2011 Outwords special Pride issue will be on stands in May ---------------------------Join the team that creates Manitoba’s premier GLBT magazine Call 942-4599 or e-mail info@outwords.ca www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011

15

It’s hockey night in Winnipeg

By Roselle Turenne

“Yes it is,” she sneers. I give it another go and pour the Alphagetti into the lid “No it’s not, it’s just hockey.”

My father was a revered goalie in his day, having tried out for the NHL in days before goal tenders wore masks. I love seeing old sepia photos of him where the leather pads meet his chin.

“You have a boy lunch box” says the girl sitting next to me in her flowered dress as she bites into her WonderBread and bologna sandwich. I tear into my WagonWheel and say “No it’s not, it’s just hockey stuff.” I rub my hands dry on my Toughskin jeans as I struggle to open my NHL thermos.

16 17

outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca

Seeing my dad like that always makes me soar with pride. Watching Hockey Night in Canada and listening to him shout after each missed goal was a weekly rite that I silently observed.

It’s 10 p.m. on a Saturday night and I’m looking up a Youtube video titled How to put on Hockey Equipment. You see, tomorrow is my first hockey game, no, not of the season – the first ice hockey game of my life. That little girl back in 1978 wasn’t the only one telling me that hockey was for boys.

Three years ago, I took the plunge and bought a new pair (the old ones having gone to the Sally Ann a decade earlier), this time there were no picks to shave away.

My wife and I love the river trail, the duck ponds and even the small rinks in the city.

We’re not very good. I stop with what I refer to as “Flare” – think Elvis Stojko meets Gretzky or should I say Wickenheiser? I recently found a women’s hockey league that has agreed to take me on. As it turns out, I’m not the only one on the team with this story. It seems silly to say that playing this game is a dream realized, but it is. I have a photo of me wearing NHL sneakers at age five, a Christmas picture holding up a Habs jersey at age nine and a hockey stick that has lived in my garage for nearly three decades.

I recently told my 79-year-old father that I was playing – he said, “A little late to make the Olympic team, eh!” I grinned.

“Do ya even know how to skate?” asked my nephew. “Oh yeah, she’s always been a good little skater, you should have seen her go!” said my dad emphatically before I had a chance to answer. I’m not sure how

At age seven, I remember sitting

I felt at that moment. I now realize that it

on the step of my house, tying on my

was never about the colour of the skates,

stupid hand-me-down white skates.

it was about the time and especially about

I would tip-toe across the street (the picks were good for something), glide down the

the money.

After outgrow-

I’m getting dressed for the game and

sidewalk for half a block until I got to the

ing them, my father

small rough rink the city rarely maintained.

and I made our way to

I would spend hours out in the cold deek-

Go-Line (a Winnipeg insti-

ing out imaginary players, hoisting my stick

tion and home of the famous Kulbassa in

over my head with my yellow “garbage”

a glass). Quite a few years older, I asked

mitts as though I were the next Guy Laf-

one last time, “I would like to play ringette.”

leur. “She shoots, she scores!” At age eight

“No.” I remember him clearly saying, “This

I mustered the courage, first to ask for “boy

is the last pair of skates I’ll ever buy you.”

skates.” “No.” then to play ringette, since

They were white. I’d saved up enough

I’m nervous. I sheepishly ask a teammate tu-

girls simply didn’t play hockey. “No.” The

money to have the picks removed and

next year came around, the same ques-

grinned seeing the sparks fly as the

tions, the same answers. I begged, I plead-

sharpener shaved them away one by

ed, I cried, I continued to wear white leath-

one. I hated those skates. I hated skating.

er skates.

I gave it up for the next 20 years.

if I’ve got my elbow pads on the right way.

She smiles and nods. I grab my stick and clumsily walk past a herd of three foot tall TimBits kids as I make my way down to the ice. I pause and smile at a little five-year-old blue-eyed girl wearing shiny new hockey skates...

I’m not sure who’s

more proud or excited.

– Roselle Turenne is a Winnipeg-based freelance writer. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@ outwords.ca.

www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011

17

18 19

outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca

g rls On (re)becoming

green Alana LajoieO’Malley

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could trust that the products available on store shelves were proven safe?

Our love-hate relationship with the beauty industry

A few weeks ago, I found myself in a bathroom with two women

studies linking pthalates (commonly used

One of my favourites is the Skin Deep

getting decked out for

in nail polishes and as a fragrance in other

Cosmetic Safety Database (www.cosmetic-

a party – eyelining,

personal care products) to low sperm

sdatabase.com), which rates the potential

lipsticking, accessoriz-

counts and testosterone levels in adult

risks of a baffling array of personal care

ing, moisturizing. We

males and to genital abnormalities in male

products on a scale

shared a moment of

babies. Some have called this phenome-

of one to 10 The

ironic appreciation for

non the ‘feminization’ of boys. I somehow

GoodGuide (www.

the scene. We had each gone through vari-

don’t think that this is quite the kind of

goodguide.com)

ous cycles of refusal to groom, decorate

hormone therapy we’re looking for.

performs a similar

and adorn our bodies with the tools and

At the core of the issue is a tension

service for personal

products of an industry that continues to

that cuts across all kinds of debates about

care products, food,

encourage us to feel insecure about our

environment and health. On one side is

household chemi-

beauty.

the precautionary principle, which would

cals, toys, and paper

place the burden of proof that an action or

products.

That day, we all agreed – the beauty

the Skin Deep Cosmetic Safety Database www.cosmetics database.com, rates the potential risks of a baffling array of personal care products on a scale of 1 to 10

industry is a pain in the ass, but it is a

policy is not harmful on those taking the

helluva lot of fun to relate to our bodies

action (in this case on cosmetic compa-

nice if we could trust

as living, breathing pieces of sacred art.

nies). On the other side is the notion that

that the products

Sometimes that means a bit of paint. And

the burden of proof falls on those who

available on store

yet – carcinogens, pesticides, reproductive

wish to demonstrate that the action or

shelves were proven

toxics, endocrine disruptors, plasticizers,

policy is harmful. According to the David

safe? It sure would. That’s why organiza-

degreasers and surfactants – a few choice

Suzuki Foundation, Health Canada seems

tions like the David Suzuki Foundation are

words to describe some 10,500 industrial

to favour the latter approach. Most ingre-

recommending a range of measures to

chemicals used in most common sham-

dients in cosmetics have never been tested

close some of the safety loopholes in Can-

poos, lotions, makeup and other personal

for their effects on human health and the

ada’s cosmetics laws. In the meantime, I’m

care products. Yummy. Way to honour

environment, and Health Canada does not

going to do what current regulations don’t

the sacred.

require pre-market testing of chemicals

– by grooming, decorating and adorning

used in cosmetics.

this piece of living, breathing sacred art

In most cases, the concentrations of the toxic substances found in the products

The commonly stated drawback to the

we slather on our bodies are low. This

precautionary approach is that it is difficult

is the argument made by those (like the

to establish the criteria for what positively

American Council on Science and Health)

establishes that something is not harmful.

who call concerns about these ingredients

Precaution is just plain a lot of work. Luck-

alarmist. They also question the science

ily, for those who are concerned by these

behind the concerns, such as preliminary

preliminary studies, there are resources.

Wouldn’t it be

with precaution. Because, as those damn ads keep telling me, “I’m worth it”.

– Alana Lajoie-O’Malley is the director of the Campus Sustainability Office at The University of Winnipeg. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@outwords.ca

www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011

19

Way back in 236 AD, it’s said, a Christian priest named Valentine wrote a note to his jailer’s daughter just before he was executed for the crime of performing marriage ceremonies. He signed it, “Your Valentine”.

What’s Love Got To Do With It? More than you might think

By Anne Coté

Nearly two millennia later, he’s become the best known of the patron saints of lovers around the globe. St. Valentine may have written a simple farewell note to express admiration to a young lady for her kindness, but today the expression of love or admiration for another individual is not a simple event. At least not on Valentine’s Day. As the big day looms so does the social pressure. It seems like romance has little to do with modern Valentine exchanges as legions of men and women, hoping to secure their romantic relationship, scour retail outlets, cash in hand, in a frenzied quest for the perfect gift or the card that says it all, whatever that may be. People work so hard and experience so much anxiety in an effort to procure and sustain a love relationship it can make an observer wonder if it’s all worth while, especially when expectations of how love is supposed to feel are based on societal standards and merchandising messages.

20 outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca

Trying to achieve those expectations can result in disappointment and even loneliness when an individual strives to meet those outside criteria. But for most people the search goes on. Mary Jo Bolton, clinical director of counselling services at Klinic Community Health Centre on Portage Avenue in Winnipeg, explains: “We’re wired to find love and connect with each other,” she says. Every single one of our senses brings us information that alerts us to the possibility of a

It’s those daily choices that build the stability and quality of the relationship.

“This is what sustains a loving, excit-

“Even if they’re out, who’s in their environment to connect with?” she asks. And people are always trying to connect despite the obstacles. Bolton says that as human beings we send out signals in our quest for romance, but there are environments where just doing that can have dangerous repercussions. In many social, geographic or family groups sameness is valued and being different on any level is perceived as a threat.

When people are caught in these situ-

successful romantic connection with

ing, romantic relationship,” Bolton says.

ations it’s important for them to find a wel-

another person. Love is the icing on the

“Maybe it’s giving flowers or gifts or

coming community. That’s why community

cake in life,” Bolton says, and we all want it.

maybe it’s small moments of connection,

is often referred to as chosen family, Bolton

But first there’s attraction. It could be

those moments when you’re present with

explains. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans-

the way a person looks. Perhaps the sound

your partner,” she adds. Bolton maintains

gender or straight, all couples need a

of their voice. Their scent. The texture of

that in order to “keep that love groove

place where they can celebrate their

their skin. And there it is, that tiny spark of

going, you’ve got to keep that emotional

relationships and talk with others in simi-

arousal that propels you towards them in

connection going as well...that’s where the

lar situations about what makes a relation-

search of romance. A conversation follows

intimacy is.”

ship work.

and an intellectual connection is formed.

It appears a one-day extravaganza on

But, Bolton cautions, no matter how

As the physical and emotional connections

Feb. 14 won’t make up for lack of commit-

accepting the people in the surrounding

grow and expand the mystical, exciting

ment to relationship building the rest of

community are, their support can’t replace

feelings of romance begin to appear.

the year. Building that romantic connec-

the efforts of the partners to do the work

tion has more benefits than the certainty of

required to sustain the relationship. There

a romantic relationship “cuddle”

having a sexual partner and companion to

will be choices to be made every single day

responses rule as the body is flooded

share life with. Bolton says that in the larger

about how to manage the relationship and

with the brain chemical oxytocin,

sense we all need the connection for our

the family. She says it’s essential to settle

which creates a feeling of euphoria.

survival. She notes research shows that

yourself to deal with the difficult moments

Unfortunately, we can’t sustain that emo-

people who have a loving, satisfying

and always keep the relationship in the

tional and physical high. It’s simply impos-

romantic relationship generally have

forefront.

sible for our bodies to maintain it, and folks

healthier hearts. In distressful relation-

who expect to will be disillusioned, even

ships the result is quite the opposite.

Bolton says in the first stages of

saddened, as the calmer feelings take over.

There are challenges to meeting some-

Bolton emphasizes the key to settling is to focus. “It’s about the relationship, us or our kids,” she says. It’s those daily

one to share love with and one is isolation

choices that build the stability and quality

ship that allows a couple to explore each

from other people, which can diminish

of the relationship. She also suggests that

other and develop a nurturing relationship.

the pool of prospective partners. This can

no matter who the partners in a relation-

According to Bolton, this is the time to

affect the prospects for people of different

ship are, or what their sexual orientation

solidify the physical and emotional aspects

faiths and cultures, but it can also be a ma-

is, there will always be some bumps in the

of the relationship. People want to know

jor factor for folks in the gay, lesbian, and

road. Bolton’s final observation is simple,

they’re valued. Bolton suggests letting your

transsexual community. Bolton suggests

“None of our relationships are pure and

love interest know you value what they are,

that if they’re not “out” it’s just plain hard-

perfect.”

what they’re feeling and that you’re willing

er to make a connection. If they don’t tell

to nurture them the same way you nurture

family or other friends about their sexual

yourself.

orientation, their chances of finding other

This is the stage of the love relation-

gay or lesbian friends diminishes as well.

— Anne Coté is a Winnipeg-based freelance writer. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@outwords.ca.

www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011

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Meet the Connection Coach Exploring the world of work from a queer perspective connection coach Brad tyler-west

“The S.M.A.R.T formula, if you follow it step by step it will give you a road map to success.”

Have you ever won-

A SMART new you!

dered why some peo-

Thousands make New Year’s resolu-

specific measurable goal - too broad and

ple or things click and

tions – but few resolutions are carried to

there is no measurement of what healthy

some don’t? What if

completion. Oh yes, they start strong,

means. On the other hand, “I want to eat

you could be a part of

but within days, old patterns emerge and

healthier food and take my own lunches

that ‘clicking’? What if

they fall back into their ruts. Good news,

to work at least three days per week” is

you could move from

getting out of this rut isn’t as mysterious

measurable.

the sidelines where

as one might think. We can call upon our

you feel as if you have

genetic inclination towards fabulousness

affect others, so it is important to share

no say in how things

to help us transition from where we are to

your goals and commitments with those in

happen and move into

where we want to be. Like all good fairy

your life to get their support. Some of the

a place where, if you

godmothers and fathers, I have a plan –

changes at work might need the support

do the work ... great

guaranteed to work, but only if you work

of your manager or supervisor. Or, you

things happen?

it.

might need financial support to go back to

This is my invitation to you. Join me as

At Legacy Bowes Group, we use the

For instance, “Being healthy” is not a

A – Agreed upon – Our decisions

school or start a new business. Get those

we explore the world of work. We spend

S.M.A.R.T formula with our clients to help

who are affected to agree and you will

the majority of our lives at work. It only

with their decision-making processes. I

have more chances of success.

makes sense that we also talk about work

love it and have successfully used it for

in this magazine. This column will focus on

years (for everything from coming out in

how queer folk deal with all things related

a job interview to planning a new training

or a goal? If you are 65 the goal of becom-

to work. How we do it? Can we love it?

session). If you follow it step by step it will

ing a world-class brain surgeon might be a

Can it make our soul sing as well as our

give you a road map to success that can

fantasy. If you are fortysomething and you

bank accounts? Should we come out or

help you to respond to situations as they

want to go back to school that could be a

is it possible to stay in the closet and still

arise and allow you to achieve the goals

goal depending on what is required. Being

produce our best work? What about deal-

you have set out! Here is the formula.

realistic allows you to harness your energy

ing with difficult people? Or what should we do if we suddenly realize we are the difficult ones?

My job is kind of like a magnifying

S- specific- M- measurable-A- agreed upon – R-realistic – T- time bound S- Specific – For the goal to be

R- Realistic – Goals without structures are fantasies. Do you have a fantasy

and focus it.

T – Time bound – When will you complete your goal? What are the time-

achieved it must be specific. Broad, generic

lines that you have for checking in with

glass – I help folks bring things into focus

goals like “I want a better job” only inspire

yourself to ensure you are on track? Maybe

so they can get the results they are looking

broad generic responses. A more specific

you need to tweak or adjust your plans

for. I have 20 years of coaching, training

version would be “I want a job in human

and, of course, celebrate those small wins!

and working with folk. I want to hear from

resources where I can use my education.”

you. You can e-mail your questions to me

M-Measurable – If you can’t meas-

either via the magazine or through my

ure it, you won’t know when you have

work e-mail. I will honour any requests for

achieved it nor will you be able to see what

confidentiality. I look forward to explor-

is getting in the way of achieving it. For

ing the world of work from a distinctively

the goal to be measurable, it must have an

queer perspective!

end point, a place of achievement where

Follow these guidelines and 2011 will see a whole new, SMART you!!

– The Connection Coach, a.k.a. Brad TylerWest, CHRP candidate, is a senior human resource consultant with the Legacy Bowes Group. E-mail him at brad@legacybowes.com

you can say “yes I did it!”

www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011

23

ri-ley-shuhn-ship redefined

By Denton Callander

What does a relationship look like in 2011?

ple, it still is) and the goal to which all were

“couple,” how narrow minded to restrict

Well to start, that question itself is a bit

meant to aspire. There were those on the

a relationship to only two people. This

pointless because, as we all have surely

fringes who challenged this ideal, but they

is 2011, people: the label ‘relationship’ is

experienced, every relationship looks a bit

were mostly considered radicals (think:

what we want it to be.

different. But wait a tick, isn’t a relation-

Mormons in Utah, just by way of example).

ship supposed to be between a man and

This has changed, of course. With

Starting with the basics, most people still think of a traditional relationship as

a woman who love each other? Marriage,

movements such as same-sex marriage,

being between two individuals who devote

kids, house in the burbs, the whole she-

divorce, adoption, surrogacy, and more,

themselves to each other exclusively. This

bang? This ‘traditional’ idea of a relation-

we (well, many more people than before)

would be the modern equivalent of ‘going

ship may seem a bit silly to many of us

are now equipped with a definition of re-

steady’ and brings with it all the stereotyp-

but not so long ago it was the standard

lationship that is more fluid, more flexible,

ical relationship-y ideas of monogamy and

paradigm for couples (and for many peo-

and unique to each couple. Scratch that,

commitment. Old fashioned? Maybe not,

24 outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca

But free love, communication, and redefining relationships aside, can nontraditional relationships actually work? Power seems to think so and a growing body of research over the past decade would support them as viable relationship options. according to Clinton Power, a relationship

flicts. “What tends to lead to complication

terms) works with other groups, bloggers,

therapist in Sydney, Australia.

is that, if there’s an arrangement, there

and individuals to further the cause and

hasn’t been clear communication about

awareness for their non-traditional rela-

couples coming to me who want to be

“I tend to see more and more young

just what that arrangement is. Or,” says

tionship style.

monogamous and committed,” says

Power, “[the couple] hasn’t considered all

Power. According to Power, who has been

the possibilities.”

a relationship counsellor for almost 10

According to Power, non-traditional relationships are more common in same-

So it comes back to a typically tra-

sex couples and men in particular. What

years, most people do tend to subscribe

ditional relationship idea – communica-

this may say about gay men is likely related

to a traditional relationship model of mo-

tion. Power stresses this as the key to

to the sexual non-conformity that, in many

nogamy and one-on-one. However, there

any healthy and happy relationship but

ways, defines the LGBTQ+ community.

are those who instead look to define their

suggests that it is even more important

But free love, communication, and redefin-

relationship in different ways. “For some,”

when navigating open or non-traditional

ing relationships aside, can non-traditional

says Power, “a non-traditional model that

relationships. “Being very clear about the

relationships actually work? Power seems

doesn’t fit into a heterosexual majority

boundaries and the limits is central. One

to think so and a growing body of research

A new study … seeks to describe what types of rules gay men set up in open relationships and what the effects of breaking these rules are.

couple may say, ‘I don’t

over the past decade would support them

want to know anything

as viable relationship options. A study

about your exploits,’

from the U.S.A. in 2004 found that

but for another couple

relationship satisfaction among gay

it may be important to

men was the same regardless of

explore them together.”

whether the couple was monoga-

Power advises, “The

mous or open. The study did find,

kind of model seems to work better. There

only way to know this is to talk about it

though, that breaking the established

is a lot more flexibility in these relation-

and set limits early on.”

‘rules’ damaged relationship closeness,

ships and in negotiating how they work.”

While open relationships seem to

which is echoed by Power’s practical expe-

be the most commonly thought of

rience. A new study currently underway at

model?” In Power’s experience, one of

non-traditional relationships, there

the Victoria University in Melbourne, Aus-

the most common and popular is the open

are others out there. For example,

tralia, seeks to describe what types of rules

relationship. Essentially, in an open

engaging in group sex, sometimes known

gay men set up in open relationships and

relationship members of the partner-

as ‘swinging’, is a moderated form of an

what the effects of breaking these rules

ship will engage in sexual/romantic

open relationship that allows couples to

are. This research is a testament to the

encounters outside of the couple.

explore together. Another type of non-

ever-changing definition of ‘relationship’ as

Beyond that vague definition, the rules

traditional relationship is polyamory.

something more than one-size-fits-all.

vary by relationship. “There are so many

Polyamory is “the nonpossessive, honest,

variations of the setup, every couple does

responsible and ethical philosophy and

works,” says Power, “and communication

it differently,” says Power. “It’s about set-

practice of loving multiple people simulta-

helps see that realized.”

ting up the rules that work for you.” This

neously” (source: www.polyamorysociety.

notion of creating the rules of a relation-

org). Polyamory is an umbrella term and

ship and not just following the rules im-

under it there are countless configurations

posed by society is at the core of an open

and models. This idea seems more free-

or non-traditional relationship. For many,

love than say an open relationship, which

this may seem like the best of both worlds

tends to be more sexually focused. The

but having a non-traditional relationship

Polyamory Society (aside: check out their

brings with it unique problems and con-

website for a rather delightful glossary of

So what exactly is a “non-traditional

“Relationships are about doing what

— Denton Calander is a PhD research student at the National Centre in HIV Social Research in Sydney, Australia. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@outwords.ca

www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011

25

gallery

Discovery artist: dylan Bekkering Dylan Bekkering is a 26year-old graphic designer and artist who lives in Winnipeg. He is currently working on a show that he hopes to present by the end of the year!

26 27

outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca

Can two gay men find love when one doesn’t have a penis?

The answer might surprise you

By Rachel Morgan

www.outwords.ca// outwords, february / march 2011 27

James is a tall, attractive man in his early 30s. His

James can’t remember who made the first move,

easy-going masculinity makes many people assume

but one of them suggested they get together. He

he is straight, but James has been in a relation-

found himself at Michael’s home one evening. One

ship with another man for more than five years. His

thing led to another and they started experiment-

partner’s name is Michael. Michael also exudes a

ing. “I’ve done a lot of sexual exploration, so that

self-confident masculinity that belies the one thing

sounded appealing to me. I had no expectations

no one would suspect upon meeting him. Michael

and I was pleasantly surprised,” James says. “Sex

doesn’t have a penis – he’s a trans-man.

isn’t really based on your organs, it’s in your head;

“I knew he was a trans-man, we met on the

it’s your energy. He has a very masculine energy. He

Internet and it was in his profile,” says James, whose

is as masculine as any guy I know. It’s all about the

creative drive has earned him a good living without

energy with him. There’s no ambiguity.”

having to join the 9-5 crowd. Michael’s online profile caught James’s attention because the other man

James wasn’t Michael’s first male partner, far from it. “Even before James, I slept with many men

was clearly a kindred spirit. “I was looking for some-

in the gay community. They were happy sleeping

one who is interesting and engaging,” says James.

with me but they could not admit it to others be-

“I’m not looking for someone who sells insurance

cause they were afraid other men would challenge

during the day and goes home to have a TV dinner

their sexuality.”

and watch Idol on TV at night.”

The Internet relationship started as most do,

The biggest problem Michael faced was figuring out how to tell prospective partners about himself.

with questions and explorations about each other’s

“If you don’t disclose, how do you do it? There were

lives and tastes. Michael was open about his back-

times when I didn’t disclose. They would push and

ground and the transition he had undergone. James

I would stop them. The question was always, ‘Are

read his notes and became intrigued by the man at

you positive?’ Sometimes they would stop (when

the other end of the digital conversation. “I didn’t

he told them about being a trans-man), but other

know anything about FtoM guys, so that sounded

times they would say ‘I don’t care because I’m a top

very interesting to me,” he says. “It’s just different.

anyway.’”

I’ve always felt I was different, so he’s different and I could relate to that.”

Even before James, I slept with many men in the gay community.

They were happy sleeping with me but they could not admit it to others

28outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca

By the time James came along, Michael was confident in his masculinity and no longer feared being upfront about his lack of a penis. “At first there was fear because of not having a phallus. But I also didn’t give gay men enough credit,” Michael says.

“There are a large number of gay men who know it’s not about the phallus, it’s about the spirit, the energy that every guy carries. I actually hurt gay men

because I assumed it was about the penis. Someone said that I really hurt them. They said ‘I wanted to date you because I’m interested in you.’”

Prior to transition, Michael was part of the lesbian community. The reaction from women to his transition was unsettling. “I found more support

it’s hard for gay men to understand why a gay man would want to sleep with someone who doesn’t have a penis

from men than I did from women,” he says. “From

find it more challenging with the queer community,

the women’s community there was a feeling of be-

just existing as a trans person,” Michael says. “Our

trayal, accusations of misogyny. It was the men who

community has historically been oppressed, and

said, ‘You know what, if the women are treating you

I’m talking as a gay male … it’s hard for gay men

that way, then come on over. They workshopped

to understand why a gay man would want to sleep

with me on how to pick up a guy.”

with someone who doesn’t have a penis, when it’s

James and Michael have lived together for sev-

all about the penis. The heterosexual community

eral years and are comfortable with their relation-

is moving forward in trying to understand other

ship. They don’t worry about what other people

sexualities.”

think of their sexuality. “With some people, there’s

For James and Michael, the desire to understand

a simplistic way of thinking about sexuality – that a

other sexualities doesn’t end with accepting the

cock is a man and a vagina is a woman,” James says.

differences between them. The pair live together

“I think that’s common in the community. There’s

in an open relationship. As James explains it, they

lots of guys who are gay, gay, gay. It’s all about the

are soulmates who give each other the green light

cock. I’m more queer, I guess.”

to experiment outside the relationship – so it rarely

Masculinity isn’t defined by body parts, James

happens. “It would feel confining to be in a mo-

insists. Masculinity is in the spirit or energy of a

nogamous relationship. That would limit exploring

man. “For some men, they would question their

the full range of our sexuality.”

sexuality if they were attracted to a trans-man,” he

How big is that range and how does one de-

says. “In my teens I experienced women sexually.

termine what to explore? “Desire is desire, just get

There’s nothing wrong with it, but I like a masculine

over it,” says Michael. “If something is interesting or

energy.”

attractive just go for it. There is more than one defi-

Michael believes many heterosexuals have a bet-

nition of gay or lesbian.”

ter understanding of the difference between sexual energy and body parts than the gay community.

“The straight people I talk with seem to get it. I

– Rachel Morgan is the editor of Outwords. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, e-mail letters@ outwords.ca

www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011

29

An all-Canadian app

You’ll learn to love the NFB all over again technology Corey Shefman

It stretches from

High-traffic news and review sites like CNET and Gizmodo have both reviewed and endorsed the app

Flying out of town? NFB Films al-

he talks about how ‘we have to live in a

1949’s “How to Build

lows you to save, for 48 hours, any of the

finite world’. This is not your typical game

an Igloo” instruc-

films in their enormous collection to your

or productivity tool – the kind of apps that

tional documentary,

iPhone or iPad, much the same way that

the iPhone is filled with. Suzuki and the

through 1983’s Oscar-

iTunes allows you to rent a movie or TV

NFB teamed up to bring us an educational

nominated “The

show. The important difference, of course,

campaign – truly innovative and novel use

Cat Came Back” (an

is that NFB Films lets you do it for free. The

of mobile technology and arguably the

animated short based

app also lets you see what other people in

start of the next generation of mobile ap-

on the classic song

your area are watching by sharing recom-

plications.

of the same name) to

mendations and seeing recently-viewed

“This Land”, the 2009

videos with those around you.

documentary follow-

Most surprisingly for a Canadian appli-

ing seven Canadian Rangers to the North

cation released by our public film distribu-

Pole. All of these movies and thousands

tor and producer, NFB Films has received

more can be found in the National Film

attention and glowing reviews from the

Board of Canada’s “NFB Films” iPod Touch,

American tech press. High-traffic news

iPhone and iPad application, available on

and review sites like CNET and Gizmodo

the iTunes app store.

have both reviewed and endorses the app.

Bringing the NFB’s entire online data-

CNET, which describes the NFB as “a kind

base to the comfort (and convenience) of

of Canadian PBS”, recommended the app

your pocket, NFB Films puts thousands of

as “pure iPhone gold”.

documentaries, animated features, music

The NFB has taken home nearly half a

videos, classics and new releases at your

dozen awards for its mobile apps, includ-

fingerprints. And the gurus at the National

ing NFB Films and others. At Quebec’s Prix

Film Board have made it as easy as possible

Boomerang awards, NFB Films was named

to search their database. With NFB Films,

the best overall mobile application. The

“NFB Films” puts thousands of documentaries, animated features, music videos, classics and new releases at your fingerprints.

Don’t have an iPhone or iPod touch?

Check out ‘The Test Tube’ at http://interactive.nfb.ca/#/testtube and the online NFB Video Library at www.nfb.ca – Corey Shefman is a Winnipeg-based freelance writer. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@ outwords.ca.

More apps you can bank on Those of us north of the 49th Parallel have a host of made-in-Canada apps to choose from, thanks to a burgeoning software industry. All of the major Canadian banks offer iPhone apps, and most offer applications for Blackberry and Android phones, as well. CBC offers two English apps, one to stream any of their three radio stations and one specifically for Hockey Night in

you can browse by genre (with genres

NFB’s other major iPhone application, and

as specific as “History and War”, “Kids

the Canadian New Media Awards’ “Com-

Cartoons”, “Documentaries” and “Environ-

munity Campaign of the Year”, is The Test

ment”), you can check out the film board’s

Tube, featuring activist David Suzuki.

new releases and ‘Staff Picks’, or you can

The Test Tube is a truly innovative

use their built-in search engine to find any-

application, harnessing the power of the

thing in the NFB database. But this iPhone/

iPhone along with the Twitter micro-

iPod app is not just a glorified video player.

blogging platform to create an interactive teaching tool. The app follows Suzuki as

30

outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca

Canada. CBC also offers a number of French applications.

Many Canadian companies like Canadian Tire, Future Shop and Air Canada also have their own apps and if you need help on your taxes, there are dozens specifically tailored to filing Canadian tax returns.

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