outwords queer views, news, issues
queers and
their passion
for curling secret to
keeping
love alive
Redefining
relationships in the 21st century
love
in the arms of a trans-man
Meet the
connection
coach
The most
Canadian of apps Outwords | February/March 2011 | Issue 181 | Serving the GLBT Community Since 1994
Your MeMbers of the LegisLative asseMbLY Wish You and Your faMiLY a
safe & relaxing
Louis riel day
2007 Governor General award winner for Drama “One Of the 10 Hot tickets for 2010/11” winnipeg free Press
The December Man He escaped the gunman. Can he survive the guilt?
(L’homme de décembre)
by
Colleen Murphy
January 26 - February 13, 2011
TickeTs sTarT aT $25 - caLL 942-5483 www.pte.mb.ca
/ 3rd Floor, portage place (next to iMax)
SponSored by
nancy allan
peter bjornson flor marcelino
237-8771 nallan-mla@shaw.ca
642-4977 gimlimla@mts.net
MLA for st. vitAL
MLA for giMLi
Media SponSor
MLA for weLLington
788-0800 wellington.constit@shaw.ca
The true story of
who was
inspired.* diane mcgifford andrew swan
jennifer howard
452-4320 dianemc@mts.net
946-0272 fortrouge@mts.net
MLA for Lord roberts MLA for Minto
783-9860 ajswan@mts.net
MLA for fort rouge
Scott and Charlene were looking for a fun activity, so they began to the ACU River Trail with their kids. Now each fall, they anxiously wait for the river to freeze, so they can once again enjoy the outdoors as a family. We’re inspired to connect families with our vibrant downtown via the Assiniboine Credit Union River Trail.
jim rondeau
chris melnick
kerri irvin-ross
888-7722 assiniboiaca@shaw.ca
253-5162 christinemelnick@mts.net
475-9433 kerriirvinross@mts.net
MLA for AssiniboiA
MLA for rieL
MLA for fort gArry
assiniboine.mb.ca (1.877) 958.8588
5
11
16
24
don’t ask, don’t tell?
SOUNDS LIKE SOUR GRAPES
LACES ‘EM UP
your relationship
what happens after
editorial
A RANT FROM CHERRY
spotlight
A LESBIAN
you can define
20
7 quackery Group claims to cure gays
national news
9
12
love on the rocks
Who knew queers loved curling so much
South Africa to host
Mr. Gay World
sweet talk
A little TLC for your love life
27
LOVE IN THE ARMS OF A
TRANS MAN
23
30
THE CONNECTION COACH
NFB
ADVICE FROM
It’s not your grandparents’
technology
g rls
INTERNational news
19
Can we trust makeup manufacturers?
www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011
3
to the
letters editor winnipeg’s queer Jews welcome under many roofs
Thank you to Outwords for acknowledging Shaarey Zedek Synagogue’s choices in favour of gay and lesbian Jews (Corey Sherman, “Love Honour and Cherish: A New Home For Winnipeg’s Queer Jews”, December 2010). At the same time, let us recognize longer-standing “homes for Winnipeg’s queer Jews”. For example, Temple Shalom, our Reform Jewish congregation, has offered samesex weddings for years. The Temple
4 5
outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca
is led by a lesbian Rabbi, Karen Soria, who would be a fitting subject for a future interview. A Jewish GLBT group, Anakhnu, is funded and supported by the Rady Jewish Community Centre, which represents the Jewish community as a whole. It’s also worth noting that Winnipeg’s largest Orthodox Jewish congregation, Herzlia, while limited by traditional understandings of Jewish law, has made strong statements in support of gay and lesbian dignity. After the homophobic murders in Tel Aviv in August 2009, Rabbi Ari Ellis circulated a prayer asking for all to recognize that “the entirety of the Jewish people, straight and gay, is interwoven
with and responsible for every one of its members”. The observation that the Winnipeg Jewish community “has drifted to the right politically” is not necessarily relevant to this issue. Drawing on their own understandings of Jewish needs and values, many Jews are pro-gay while supporting conservative positions in Israeli or Canadian politics. The right/left binary doesn’t really apply. May Winnipeg continue to become a safe and supportive home for all people. Justin Jaron Lewis Assistant Professor, Judaism Department of Religion University of Manitoba
editorial
outwords
what happens after don’t ask, don’t tell?
Serving the GLBT Community Since 1994 Issue 181 February/March 2011
Published by the outwords volunteer staff:
Rachel Morgan editor
M. Buchanan creative & layout
Gord McDiarmid advertising Terry Wiebe, Gord McDiarmid distribution Vic Hooper web manager
Peter Carlyle-Gordge, Charles Melvin Rachel Morgan, Corey Shefman, Kenton Smith, R.M. Goodman,Bowen Smyth, Michele Buchanan, Roselle Turenne contributors to this issue Carol Giffen, re-touching M. Buchanan COVER PHOTO
Maureen Pendergast (chair) Darron Field (comptroller) Karol Rogers (secretary) Gord McDiarmid Dani Fraser Faith Kaplan Gail Eckert
editorial rachel j. morgan
The repeal of the
soldiers in uniform were marching in the
“Don’t Ask, Don’t
Toronto gay pride parade. This is likely how
Tell” law in the United States is a historic
it will unfold in the States. It will become
turning point for Americans but it may
increasingly difficult to argue against grant-
also turn out to be a watershed moment
ing full marriage rights to people who put
for gays all over the world. In the States,
their lives on the line for their nation.
the acceptance of gays into the military
America has exported much of its
will lead to the extension of full marriage
culture. The same may happen with gay
and family rights. There will be those who
equality. Americans tout themselves as
refuse to acknowledge the equality of gays
the ultimate democracy, but while their
and there will be states that won’t amend
country continues to deny equal rights to
their laws until forced by the courts. But
a significant portion of its population other
in a matter of decades, we can expect to
nations have every excuse to deny equality
see sexual politics confined to the lunatic
to gays within their borders. With the U.S.
fringes.
finally seeing the light, other nations will
This is how it unfolded in Canada. Prior to 1992,
board of directors
gays and lesbians were
outwords
barred from serving in the
With the U.S. finally seeing the light, other nations will feel the pressure to join the modern world.
201-63 Albert Street Winnipeg, Manitoba R3B 1G4 Phone: (204) 942-4599 For office hours, please call.
forces. Many people were
General Inquiries: info@outwords.ca Editor: editor@outwords.ca Creative: creative@outwords.ca Advertising: advertise@outwords.ca Distribution: distribution@outwords.ca Accounts: billing@outwords.ca Event Submissions: calendar@outwords.ca Letters Submissions: letters@outwords.ca Website: www.outwords.ca
dicated that a majority would not want to
spread? That will depend on many factors:
serve with them, particularly in combat.
how politically stable a country is; how
There were predictions that allowing gays
open to change it is; whether its people
to serve openly would lead to mass resig-
feel they are part of the commonwealth
nations.
of nations or outsiders; and how well
Outwords is a non-profit organization that publishes Outwords a free magazine that provides news, analysis and entertainment for the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, two-spirit and queer community and its allies. GST 89671 7618RT ISSN 1715-5606 (print)ISSN 1715-5614 (online) Canada Post Publication Licence 416 99032 Contents copyright © 201 Outwords All rights reserved. Reproduction, in whole or in part, without written permission from the publisher is prohibited. Outwords is a member of the Manitoba Magazine Publishers’ Association. Articles published in Outwords reflect the views and opinions of the authors and are not necessarily the views held by the staff, management, or board of outwords. We accept no liability for our advertisers’ claims.
witch-hunts to purify the forces. Some-
there is reason for hope. Until 1967, it was
times, military police would try to catch
illegal to participate in homosexual activity
gays and lesbians by hiding in barracks to
in this country. Four decades later, we had
catch them in flagrante delicto. Some-
full equal rights. Perhaps in another four
times, police would pretend to be gay in a
decades theatres across the Middle East
bid to lure a soldier into revealing his or her
will be playing Four Gay Weddings and a
own sexual identity. After the witch-hunts
Straight Funeral to packed houses.
convinced they were morally unfit or a security threat. And surveys of troops in-
In this toxic atmosphere, there were
feel the pressure to join the modern world. How far and fast will all this sunshine
disposed they are to Western culture. But
ended, the Canadian military was as strong as ever. By the summer of 2005, same-sex marriage was legal across Canada. In 2008,
- Rachel Morgan is the editor of Outwords. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@outwords.ca.
www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011
5
NATIONAL NEWS
Get Down Off the Cross YOU’RE TOO UGLY BURLINTGON—Canada’s Mount Vesuvius of indignation, Charles McVety, president of Canada Christian College, bon vivant of the “stretch-pants-and-Dollarama” set, and host of the evangelical talk show Word TV, ticked off one viewer with his “brimstone-inmy-knickers”
out, and dumber than the weave tree in Tyra’s closet? Oh wait, that is Tyra! Upon receiving notice of the violation, Crossroads Television Systems, the net-
GLOOMY SHORES
work that carries Word TV, suspended the
VANCOUVER—As an inordinate number
show. It returned to the regular schedule
of gay bashing cases crawl through the
six days later on the condition that each
B.C. justice system, as Xtra reports that 14
episode is reviewed before broadcast. As
of its magazine boxes were destroyed on
reported by CTV New s, McVety likened
Christmas Day, and as the sad news sinks
his pre-Christmas censure by the CBSC to
in of Vancouver MP Bill Siksay’s impend-
both the “Salem witch trials” and “Josef
ing retirement, the first openly gay man
Stalin’s Show Trials.” It must be hard for
elected as an MP in Canada, we can only
poor, befuddled McVety to accept that
look at Canada’s Pacific coast and shake
there’s only room for one martyr during
our heads. We’ll follow up on those stories
the holiday season.
in coming months as charges are laid and legacies are written. Right now, let’s
remarks overstating the dangers of radical Islam, blaming Haiti for its own earthquake, and condemning the government for funding gay pride and allowing the mention of homosexuality in school curriculum. While all of these remarks were the basis of a viewer complaint, none of them got McVety in trouble with the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council (CBSC). That particular kind of dopey—generalized opinion—is not a violation of code. Hence, evangelical opinion doesn’t require a lot of fact-checking or, for that sake, reality checks. Even so, the CBSC panel did find several factual errors in McVety’s statements and it a violation of two broadcast codes in McVety’s statement that likened homosexuals to pedophiles. The CBSC wrote: “To leave the totally unsubstantiated impression that gay and lesbian adults have a predilection toward young, underage people is insidious and unacceptable.” May we also add that it’s a tired cliché, totally played
6 7
outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca
Pacific View
Be All That You Can Be
start the first national news round up of 2011 with happy news from, of all places, Alberta, the province that found a wormhole in the space-time continuum and
BUT NO BANNERS
popped into the 21st century to acknowl-
OTTAWA—Two notable stories related to
are not synonyms.
edge that the words “homo” and “sicko”
Canada’s trans community came to the fore at the tail end of 2010. In an historic first, trans community members celebrated at a commemorative flag raising at Ottawa police headquarters on Nov. 20, the annual Trans Day of Remembrance. At the same time, two activists were arrested for attempting to hang a “Remember Stonewall?” banner off an Ottawa highway overpass, resulting in a sit-in protest later that day at Ottawa police headquarters. Two weeks later—and 10 days before the U.S. repealed the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy barring openly LGBT people from enlisting in the military—the Canadian Forces updated its policy on transsexual and transvestite troops to acknowledges their right to “utmost privacy and respect” and to allow troops in all branches of the Canadian Forces the right to conform to the dress code of their target gender. The policy, however, does not allow name changes.
Finally Up To Code HOMOS CURED EDMONTON—On Dec. 21, The Government of Alberta finally removed the definition of homosexuality from the category of “Mental Disorders: Sexual Deviations and Disorders” in the Alberta health code diagnostic guide, making good on a promise the long-standing Conservative government first made in 1998. While the timing of the announcement from Health Minister Gene Zwozdesky could be interpreted as “Merry Christmas, non-mental defectives,” the decision came only after a human rights complaint was filed by activist Ron Wells and after Xtra contacted Zwozdesky and grilled him about the province’s decades-
NATIONAL NEWS
old delay in bringing the code up to date
serious Mother Nature issues. This faith-
work of conversion therapy organizations
with the World Health Organization. The
based group claims it can change a per-
is becoming stronger, more unified and
American Psychiatric Association did it in
son’s sexual orientation from homosexual
more co-ordinated around the world.
1973, the Canadian Psychiatric Association
to heterosexual. That’s right; it cures a bad
Good luck, EGA, in trying to sell your vi-
in 1982, and China, that model of human
dose of gay with a big shot of Jesuscillin.
sion of a 100-per-cent heterosexual planet
rights achievements, updated its defini-
Matthew McLauchlin, co-chair of the
as a preferable alternative to Hell.
tion in 2001, inspiring the vice president
Commission LGBTT du NPD-Québec, has
of the Chinese Psychiatric Association
rallied the Quebec wing of the NDP to
to state at the time, “Many homosexu-
support stripping EGA of its charitable
als lead perfectly normal lives.” You
status. “In our opinion it violates provi-
A-commode-ation Now
call this normal? In a statement to the
sions of the Canada Revenue Agency
Edmonton Journal, Alberta Health and
that says that registered charities must
Wellness spokesman Howard May said the
offer a tangible public benefit,” he told
Conservative Government hadn’t updated
the CBC. In other words, you can’t issue
the revised standards from 1990 because
tax receipts for donations to your
“The codes are extremely complex. It
group because you pretend to
would be a vast undertaking to change
“cure” something that is
them.” Really? We would have to have a
not a disorder or an illness.
Rayner,
mental disorder to believe that the prov-
Even Alberta stopped ped-
self-iden-
ince that can turn goopy tar sands into
dling that horse pucky two
tified as
liquid fuel to sell to Americans can’t finish
months ago. In fact, EGA
androgy-
a little extra paperwork.
may be turning healthy
nous and
sexual orientations into
transgen-
handicaps. The world’s
der, was
largest mainstream psy-
confront-
chological and psychiatric
ed by a
If It Talks Like a Duck IT’S QUACKERY MONTREAL—For those who remain blissfully unaware, Exodus Global Alliance (EGA) is an organi-
STOP STALLING FREDERICTON—And you thought you had a rough first day at school. Mitch
organizations consider
woman
attempts to use so-called
on Sept.
“conversion” or “reparative” therapy to change sexual orientation as potentially harmful. Last year, U.K. newspaper The Independent published an article by Patrick Strudwick, a gay writer who went
13 as Rayner entered a woman’s bathroom at Saint Thomas University (STU). Though
undercover to research conversion therapy
Rayner explained that she was biologically
zation
methods. He found out that the practices
a female, the woman called her deroga-
with
of one therapist to cure SSA (same sex
tory names and then hit her in the face.
attraction) included blaming the par-
While STU has private, lockable bathrooms
ents, blaming the Freemasons (that’s
in all its buildings, there are none in the
original), blaming friends and, of course, blaming the patient. Conspicuously missing from
building where Rayner attends her classes; the building where she was assaulted. Only half of the private bathrooms are
the list; blaming people
marked as gender neutral. Rayner didn’t
who make you think you’re
file an official report with STU security.
sick when you’re perfectly
Several weeks after the incident, she
healthy. In his story, Strudwick mentions that the international net-
went to the media to tell her story. In her interview with FQ (Fredericton Queery),
www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011
7
NATIONAL NEWS
Rayner said she wanted her experience the University to post signage guiding students to gender neutral bathrooms and she wants to see more support and awareness from administration for LGBTQ issues
hot
on campus. Rayner was invited to speak at the Rally to End Gender Violence and Discrimination at STU on Nov. 25, where she spoke in front of a crowd of approximately 50 people. As quoted in FQ, the crowd chanted, “Gender freedom, gender rights, we will piss, and we will fight.”
Security Risks FINANCIAL DISASTER HALIFAX—It looks like the Canadian Forces homophobic policies might come back to bite them on their camouflaged arses. John McKiggan, the lawyer who helped launch the successful suit representing victims of sexual abuse in native residential schools, told the CBC in early December that homosexual military members might be eligible to sue for compensation for breach of their charter rights. Eligibility is limited to gay or lesbian military members who were terminated after 1982, the year the Charter of Rights and Freedoms came into effect, and before 1992, the last year that homosexuals were still considered “security risks.” Here’s a suggestion; if the government needs to pay out another huge settlement, maybe it could just stop extending its mission in Afghanistan. — Charles Melvin is a Toronto-based freelance writer. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@ outwords.ca
8 9
outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca
/
to be a matter of education. She wants
not
Rob Wells After 10 years of pushing the Alberta Health Ministry to stop defining homosexuality as a mental disorder, Wells launched a human rights complaint on Dec. 15. A week later, the province changed its health code. Next up; remove the definition of Restless Leg Syndrome as Satanic possession.
OECTA The Ontario English Catholic Teachers Association donated $1,000 to support anti-bullying initiatives. President James Ryan told the Toronto Sun “Certainly the Catholic Church is against bullying.” Did Ratzinger get that memo?
Ciara Kelly After surviving years of bullying in B.C.’s school system, Kelly came out determined to help kids trapped in the same situation. She created the Facebook group and website LEZ Help. Here’s a big thumbs up for individual initiative!
Ezra Levant When the rabid right’s Littlest Hobo barks, you know he sniffs dangerous lefties lurking in the bush. In his slobbery blog, Levant described Rob Wells as “The Fred Phelps of the gay lobby.” Translation: Wells swats bigots on the snout when they get too “homo-hatey.” Bad doggie!
Stephane Dupont In his defence of the two radio hosts who disparaged Johnny Weir during the Vancouver Olympics, Quebec DJ Dupont repeate dly called Weir a fag and queer. The Canada Broadcast Standards Council ruled that Dupont’s comments were “scornful, derisive and denigrating” and ordered their decision be read on air. Uh-oh! Is it safe to use multisyllabic words when Dupont’s fans are driving?
SuperHarper Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s SuperHarper’s $6 million “Victims Matter” media campaign. The irony; Harper spent only $4.9 million on victim assistance. That’s why B.C. can’t add one gay bashing victim support worker to its 160 victim service programs, despite B.C. being a Canadian “hate crime capital.” Who do you have to sleep with around here to get some Kryptonite?
international news
DADT policy officially dead
Brit Tories a gay crowd
Long live the queens
LONDON— Nigel Evans, the deputy
WASHINGTON —President Barack Obama has signed a landmark law to allow gays and lesbians to serve openly in the U.S. military for the first time. The Pentagon is drafting new rules following the repeal of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, which Congress passed in December. The long-standing policy forced gay service members to hide their sexuality. Since the Pentagon introduced the policy in 1993, ending a blanket ban on gay soldiers, at least 13,000 people have been expelled from the armed forces for violating the rules. It could take up to a year to fully repeal the policy. Manuals, guidelines and administrative processes need revision. New policies must be drafted.
It’s a gay, gay world
speaker of the House of Commons, has interview because he wants to “clear the air”. A spokesman for Stonewall, the gay rights group, welcomed Evans’s decision to disclose his sexuality. “We are delighted that people in public life now feel open about their sexuality… It is a pleasant surprise that there are now more openly gay Tory MPs than there are in all the other parties put together.” There are now 13 openly homosexual Tory MPs.
Say it again, Mel
World. At a time when non-heterosexual
years ago and Gibson was really drunk. “I
lifestyles are under intense fire in African
was with my friend, who’s gay,” she said.
countries, a successful bid by South Africa
“He made a really horrible gay joke…
would give the pageant a political spin it
somehow it came up that I was Jewish. He
has never enjoyed before. The current Mr.
said something about ‘oven dodgers,’ but
Gay World is South African Charl van den
I didn’t get it. I’d never heard that before.”
Berg. Coenie Kukkuk, a Pretoria lawyer
She says no one believed her at the time
who is the director of South Africa’s bid
but now it’s clear he is both anti-Semitic
to host Mr. Gay World 2012, says Charl
and homophobic.
is a gay role model who gives courage to
gay.” The 2012 host country will be announced March 13at the 2011 finals in the Philippines.
fended the use of ‘arousal tests’ to check if asylum seekers who say they are gay are telling the truth. The practice was revealed in a European Union report which claims Czech asylum seekers claiming to be gay are subjected to “phallometric testing”. The tests involve watching heteroIt is used on people who apply for asylum on the basis of suffering homophobic per-
says she met the disgraced Hollywood
and Jews. She said the incident was 15
vast majority of governments are anti-
PRAGUE—The Czech government has de-
“anti-Semitic”. The ‘Black Swan’ actress
people in Africa with a bid to host Mr. Gay
Mr. Gay World on African soil, where the
Does this test arouse you?
branded Mel Gibson “homophobic” and
made offensive jokes about gay people
will be enhanced if we can elect the 2012
married in Germany.
HOLLYWOOD— Actress Winona Ryder has
star some years ago at a party where he
HIV and prison sentences. “That message
proposal and said he is thinking of getting
sexual porn while arousal levels are tested.
counter growing repression against gay
are about more than repression, torture,
nounced Weisbrodt had accepted the
decided to “come out” in a newspaper
JOHANNESBURG—South Africans aim to
gays all over Africa and shows their lives
ter,” he told Vanity Fair. During a concert at London’s Royal Albert Hall he an-
Wainright to marry LONDON—Less than a year after the
secution. The Czech Interior Ministry said in a statement to Associated Press that asylum seekers can only be tested with their consent and the test has been used less than 10 times. Ministry spokesman Pavel Novak says the test is was used on unreliable applicants from countries where it is illegal to be gay and that all those who passed the test were granted asylum.
death of his mother, legendary Canadian folk singer Kate McGarrigle, singer/composer Rufus Wainwright has proposed to his boyfriend, Jörn Weisbrodt. “I’ve been with Jörn for about five years, and I’m not finding anything bet-
– Peter Carlye-Gordge is a Winnipeg-based freelance writer, former producer for CBC and former Maclean’s writer. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@outwords.ca www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011
9
10 outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca
THE PINK
MENACE
Chewing on Sour Grapes Spotlight CHARLES MELVIN
As archaic as the word may seem today, “pinko” still carries the sneer of masculine privilege.
Don Cherry is a
old lady after
national treasure. He
city workers
occupies an hon-
accidentally
oured seat on Hockey
chopped
Night in Canada from
down her
whence he hollers.
tree.
In 1992, he contrib-
However, it
men. The col-
uted his spoken word
is Cherry’s open-
ours were set and
artistry to “Rock’Em
ing statement that will forever scar the
passed on to the kiddies.
Sock’Em Techno” by
official transcripts at city hall. “I’m wearing
BKS. That same year
pinko for all the pinkos out there that ride
he appeared on the
bicycles and everything,” he said, before
the McCarthy witch-hunts. This is when
debut of Friday Night
lambasting “left-wing pinkos” like an an-
the characterization of the male pinko
with Ralph Benmergui and allowed flam-
gry old man trying to fish a black fly out of
became soft, overly intellectual, effete;
boyant gay comedian Scott Thompson to
a steaming cup of coffee.
feminine. As archaic as the word may seem
cuddle with him. Since then, Friday Night has been cancelled, Thompson developed lymphoma,
It’s no surprise when a sports “person-
Pink became the definitive feminine marker as the cold war began, followed by
today, “pinko” still carries the sneer of
ality” swings right. The list of “Canadian
masculine privilege. You can still hear the
athlete-politicians” on Wikipedia shows
echo of “treason.”
The pink/girl, blue/boy dichotomy came after the Second World War as America’s middle class rebounded from years of army drabness
So when Cherry used the word pinko, I saw red. He may have intended it as a joke, but all it takes is one whack job to believe their government is controlled by Bolsheviks hoisting their specialty coffees like a hammer and sickle as they ride their bikes
and Benmergui is now director of commu-
that the majority who enter federal or
to work behind the iron curtain of city hall.
nications for Ontario Minister of Research
provincial politics are Conservatives. But
Calling someone a pinko is like Sarah Palin
and Innovation Glen Murray, last seen
what’s with Cherry’s repeated references
putting crosshairs on the map.
apologizing for inflammatory Tweets.
to pinko?
As if the hockey commentary, cameo
The word originated some time in the
And what of the cold blue suits of Bay Street waiting for Harper to deregulate the
appearances, and advertising work for
late 1800s to describe people who were
banking system? Why don’t they inspire a
everything from oversized sandwiches to
communist sympathizers. Red was the
Cherry rant?
magical ginseng pills wasn’t enough, Cher-
colour of the communist party, so people
ry entered the political arena in December
who sympathized with communists were a
“pitheads”—like their politics the way they
as the special guest at Toronto Mayor Rob
lighter shade of red; hence, pinkos.
like their Tim Hortons; “double, double,
Ford’s inauguration. Strutting up to the microphone in
The pink/girl, blue/boy dichotomy
I suppose Cherry’s fans—let’s call them
toil and trouble,” stirring up the black
came after the Second World War as Amer-
pitch of paranoia, enjoying the rich aroma
a silk jacket ensemble best described as
ica’s middle class rebounded from years of
of fear and mistaking it for patriotism.
“pink flamingo puree,” Cherry used the
army drabness by indulging in colourful
opportunity to gripe about a columnist
consumer goods. Blush and lipstick led to
who described him as “maudlin” before
complementary clothing for the women,
offering a single example of Ford’s accom-
while blue, already associated with military
plishments to date; a cheque tossed at an
uniforms, extended into business suits for
- Charles Melvin is a Toronto-based freelance writer. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@ outwords.ca. www.outwords.ca // outwords, february / march 2011
11
The queer community’s curious passion for curling By C. R. Procyk
In February of 2000, a young Texan boarded a plane on a balmy day in Houston. He got off the plane in Calgary and walked straight into an icy Canadian winter. Sitting in his hotel room, he turned on the TV and started flipping through the channels. His attention was caught immediately by a curious display of people sliding rocks on sheets of ice in a ritualistic fashion. This was accompanied by a furious sweeping of brooms and a cacophony of shouting. “Why are they shouting,” he wondered. “And what are they shouting?” 12 13
outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca
He was fascinated. He was intrigued.
Each Sunday afternoon, 18 teams take
He was Mark Kelly – the same Mark Kelly
to the ice while three teams get the after-
who in 2011 is the president of Winnipeg’s
noon off. With four members per team
Keystone Rainbow Curling League. Kelly
and two teams per sheet, Kelly is talking
became a commuting groupie of queer
about 72 happy people with brooms – all
bonspiels in Alberta. A Calgary friend in-
out there at the same time. And, wow!
troduced him to Winnipeg and he began
What a world-class venue they have for
curling here. Through curling he found
their weekly gig! The Rainbow curlers play
romance. Now the two men are married.
at the Granite Curling Club – a recently
So what’s up with queer curling, any-
refurbished rink that’s graced the banks of
way? How come GLBTT curling clubs have
the Assiniboine River since 1880. Centrally
blossomed in cities like Calgary, Toronto,
located near Manitoba’s Legislative Build-
Edmonton, Montreal and Ottawa? And
ing, its nine sheets of ice make it ideal for
how come Winnipeg’s own Keystone Rain-
a weekly gathering of the clan. In other
bow Curling League is not only surviving
leagues and venues, only a fraction of the
but thriving? The league was formed in
teams can play at one time. “We’re the
2004 following a successful gay bonspiel.
largest single draw GBLTT curling league in
Such success seems to run counter to some
the country,” Kelly says proudly.
of the gloom and doom associated with
Rainbow member Ron Reilly first
the “roaring game”. You may have heard
curled in high school at Windsor Park Col-
that Brandon’s Wheat City Curling Club
legiate three decades ago. He came out
closed its doors permanently in March of
when he was 30. “Curling was the first
this year. You may have heard the scorn
gay activity I got involved in that wasn’t
Curling was the first gay activity I got involved in that wasn’t in a bar ... It was the first place I was able to be ‘out’ comfortably. from curling’s detractors: “Curling’s a bore, curling’s a snore.” But Winnipeg’s GLBTT community
photo by Darron Field
in a bar,” he says. “It was the first place I was able to be ‘out’ comfortably. The Rainbow Curling League has had a profound impact on my life. I
found my partner here.” Rod Ingram skips a foursome called “Three and Half Men.” Ingram started
isn’t buying that line. In fact, the Rainbow
curling at the Grain Exchange Curling Club
League has maxed out its membership
when he was 12. He graduated from being
photo by Darron Field
this year and it pulled off this feat on the
a teenage rink rat, who followed the ice-
gate (tallied at the end of the season), or
strength of word-of-mouth networking.
maker around, to becoming a board mem-
you can win the A group. Ingram has gone
The league accepts only 21 teams per sea-
ber and then to becoming the youngest
national via both these avenues.
son and 21 teams – all men or all women
president of the Grain Exchange Curling
or mixed men and women – are compet-
Club. Ingram is an “A” group curler and
a lot of respect. This was demonstrated
ing. Mark Kelly wears a satisfied smile.
has represented Rainbow at the national
when Curl Manitoba – the body that gov-
“It’s a big thrill for me to look across nine
queer bonspiel five out of the six seasons
erns curling in Manitoba – gave its blessing
sheets of curling ice and see all of them
he’s been involved. To get one of two
for Rainbow curlers to wear provincial
filled with our members.”
berths to the nationals, your team has to
jackets at the GBLTT National Bonspiel.
curl well enough to win the points aggre-
“Manitoba was the first to bring their
Ingram says the Rainbow League gets
www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011
13
section header
photo by Darron Field
provincial jackets,” says Ingram, “and now
shoe. You can blow more money, if you
sees the league as an opportunity for
other provinces are doing it as well.”
want, on items such as matching team
young gay people “who want to be part of
sweaters. You can splurge on kilts and tar-
something bigger, that can add purpose
sees the social side of the curling league as
tans to evoke the Scottish connection. One
and meaning to their lives.” Through
its greatest strength – even more impor-
group of Rainbow curlers wears knitted
membership in the Rainbow League, Reilly
tant than the competitive aspect or the
Rainbow coloured toques.
and his partner found a group of friends
Ingram is an elite curler but, like Reilly,
athleticism involved. Ingram, growing up in Point Douglas, says his mother was an
a draw for many members. The shaking
influence and a role model who prepared
of hands with opposing team players is
they could also socialize with outside of curling. OK, so what’s up with queer curling?
his way to get involved in sport. “She be-
common before and after the game. Yes,
Let’s do the tally to explain the Rainbow
lieved sport was a great positive influence
you will hear shouting, but not swearing.
League’s success: a sense of belonging,
and outlet, a great forum.”
You will see sweeping, but not crosscheck-
lasting friendships, cardiovascular exercise,
ing. People throw rocks at the “house” but
camaraderie on the ice and off, a gen-
Ingram and Reilly cherish the diversity of people attracted to the Rainbow league.
not at each other. There is no boarding
tility natural to the sport, opportunity
There are curlers as young as 18 and as
or fighting. Don Cherry does not produce
to excel, freedom to express a sense of
seasoned as 67. Like golf, curling has the
“Rock ‘em, sock ‘em” curling videos. In
style, a healthful social focus, potential for
potential to be a lifelong pastime, but un-
short, the whole undertaking of a curling
romance and marriage, opportunities to
like golf, the cost of curling is modest. You
draw (game) is a refined and polite contest
expand one’s social network, ... what’s to
need a broom, a shoe with a ‘slider’ and
free of rudeness and vulgarity.
not like?
the annual registration fee – $145. The slider – depending on your balance, agility
14 15
Curling’s genteel nature also has to be
Ingram lauds the Rainbow League for offering “a sense of belonging in a healthy
and experience – allows you to look cool as
environment.” This is echoed by Reilly.
you gracefully glide the length of the rink
Although he acknowledges the challenge,
propelling yourself with your non-slider
strategy and skill involved in curling, he
outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca
– C. R. Procyk is a Winnipeg-based freelance writer. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@ outwords.ca.
PRIDE
2011 Outwords special Pride issue will be on stands in May ---------------------------Join the team that creates Manitoba’s premier GLBT magazine Call 942-4599 or e-mail info@outwords.ca www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011
15
It’s hockey night in Winnipeg By Roselle Turenne
“Yes it is,” she sneers. I give it another go and pour the Alphagetti into the lid “No it’s not, it’s just hockey.” My father was a revered goalie in his day, having tried out for the NHL in days before goal tenders wore masks. I love seeing old sepia photos of him where the leather pads meet his chin.
“You have a boy lunch box” says the girl sitting next to me in her flowered dress as she bites into her WonderBread and bologna sandwich. I tear into my WagonWheel and say “No it’s not, it’s just hockey stuff.” I rub my hands dry on my Toughskin jeans as I struggle to open my NHL thermos. 16 17
outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca
Seeing my dad like that always makes me soar with pride. Watching Hockey Night in Canada and listening to him shout after each missed goal was a weekly rite that I silently observed. It’s 10 p.m. on a Saturday night and I’m looking up a Youtube video titled How to put on Hockey Equipment. You see, tomorrow is my first hockey game, no, not of the season – the first ice hockey game of my life. That little girl back in 1978 wasn’t the only one telling me that hockey was for boys.
Three years ago, I took the plunge and bought a new pair (the old ones having gone to the Sally Ann a decade earlier), this time there were no picks to shave away. My wife and I love the river trail, the duck ponds and even the small rinks in the city. We’re not very good. I stop with what I refer to as “Flare” – think Elvis Stojko meets Gretzky or should I say Wickenheiser? I recently found a women’s hockey league that has agreed to take me on. As it turns out, I’m not the only one on the team with this story. It seems silly to say that playing this game is a dream realized, but it is. I have a photo of me wearing NHL sneakers at age five, a Christmas picture holding up a Habs jersey at age nine and a hockey stick that has lived in my garage for nearly three decades. I recently told my 79-year-old father that I was playing – he said, “A little late to make the Olympic team, eh!” I grinned. “Do ya even know how to skate?” asked my nephew. “Oh yeah, she’s always been a good little skater, you should have seen her go!” said my dad emphatically before I had a chance to answer. I’m not sure how
At age seven, I remember sitting
I felt at that moment. I now realize that it
on the step of my house, tying on my
was never about the colour of the skates,
stupid hand-me-down white skates.
it was about the time and especially about
I would tip-toe across the street (the picks were good for something), glide down the
the money.
After outgrow-
I’m getting dressed for the game and
sidewalk for half a block until I got to the
ing them, my father
small rough rink the city rarely maintained.
and I made our way to
I would spend hours out in the cold deek-
Go-Line (a Winnipeg insti-
ing out imaginary players, hoisting my stick
tion and home of the famous Kulbassa in
over my head with my yellow “garbage”
a glass). Quite a few years older, I asked
mitts as though I were the next Guy Laf-
one last time, “I would like to play ringette.”
leur. “She shoots, she scores!” At age eight
“No.” I remember him clearly saying, “This
I mustered the courage, first to ask for “boy
is the last pair of skates I’ll ever buy you.”
skates.” “No.” then to play ringette, since
They were white. I’d saved up enough
I’m nervous. I sheepishly ask a teammate tu-
girls simply didn’t play hockey. “No.” The
money to have the picks removed and
next year came around, the same ques-
grinned seeing the sparks fly as the
tions, the same answers. I begged, I plead-
sharpener shaved them away one by
ed, I cried, I continued to wear white leath-
one. I hated those skates. I hated skating.
er skates.
I gave it up for the next 20 years.
if I’ve got my elbow pads on the right way. She smiles and nods. I grab my stick and clumsily walk past a herd of three foot tall TimBits kids as I make my way down to the ice. I pause and smile at a little five-year-old blue-eyed girl wearing shiny new hockey skates...
I’m not sure who’s
more proud or excited. – Roselle Turenne is a Winnipeg-based freelance writer. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@ outwords.ca.
www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011
17
18 19
outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca
g rls On (re)becoming
green Alana LajoieO’Malley
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could trust that the products available on store shelves were proven safe?
Our love-hate relationship with the beauty industry
A few weeks ago, I found myself in a bathroom with two women
studies linking pthalates (commonly used
One of my favourites is the Skin Deep
getting decked out for
in nail polishes and as a fragrance in other
Cosmetic Safety Database (www.cosmetic-
a party – eyelining,
personal care products) to low sperm
sdatabase.com), which rates the potential
lipsticking, accessoriz-
counts and testosterone levels in adult
risks of a baffling array of personal care
ing, moisturizing. We
males and to genital abnormalities in male
products on a scale
shared a moment of
babies. Some have called this phenome-
of one to 10 The
ironic appreciation for
non the ‘feminization’ of boys. I somehow
GoodGuide (www.
the scene. We had each gone through vari-
don’t think that this is quite the kind of
goodguide.com)
ous cycles of refusal to groom, decorate
hormone therapy we’re looking for.
performs a similar
and adorn our bodies with the tools and
At the core of the issue is a tension
service for personal
products of an industry that continues to
that cuts across all kinds of debates about
care products, food,
encourage us to feel insecure about our
environment and health. On one side is
household chemi-
beauty.
the precautionary principle, which would
cals, toys, and paper
place the burden of proof that an action or
products.
That day, we all agreed – the beauty
the Skin Deep Cosmetic Safety Database www.cosmetics database.com, rates the potential risks of a baffling array of personal care products on a scale of 1 to 10
industry is a pain in the ass, but it is a
policy is not harmful on those taking the
helluva lot of fun to relate to our bodies
action (in this case on cosmetic compa-
nice if we could trust
as living, breathing pieces of sacred art.
nies). On the other side is the notion that
that the products
Sometimes that means a bit of paint. And
the burden of proof falls on those who
available on store
yet – carcinogens, pesticides, reproductive
wish to demonstrate that the action or
shelves were proven
toxics, endocrine disruptors, plasticizers,
policy is harmful. According to the David
safe? It sure would. That’s why organiza-
degreasers and surfactants – a few choice
Suzuki Foundation, Health Canada seems
tions like the David Suzuki Foundation are
words to describe some 10,500 industrial
to favour the latter approach. Most ingre-
recommending a range of measures to
chemicals used in most common sham-
dients in cosmetics have never been tested
close some of the safety loopholes in Can-
poos, lotions, makeup and other personal
for their effects on human health and the
ada’s cosmetics laws. In the meantime, I’m
care products. Yummy. Way to honour
environment, and Health Canada does not
going to do what current regulations don’t
the sacred.
require pre-market testing of chemicals
– by grooming, decorating and adorning
used in cosmetics.
this piece of living, breathing sacred art
In most cases, the concentrations of the toxic substances found in the products
The commonly stated drawback to the
we slather on our bodies are low. This
precautionary approach is that it is difficult
is the argument made by those (like the
to establish the criteria for what positively
American Council on Science and Health)
establishes that something is not harmful.
who call concerns about these ingredients
Precaution is just plain a lot of work. Luck-
alarmist. They also question the science
ily, for those who are concerned by these
behind the concerns, such as preliminary
preliminary studies, there are resources.
Wouldn’t it be
with precaution. Because, as those damn ads keep telling me, “I’m worth it”. – Alana Lajoie-O’Malley is the director of the Campus Sustainability Office at The University of Winnipeg. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@outwords.ca
www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011
19
Way back in 236 AD, it’s said, a Christian priest named Valentine wrote a note to his jailer’s daughter just before he was executed for the crime of performing marriage ceremonies. He signed it, “Your Valentine”.
What’s Love Got To Do With It? More than you might think
By Anne Coté
Nearly two millennia later, he’s become the best known of the patron saints of lovers around the globe. St. Valentine may have written a simple farewell note to express admiration to a young lady for her kindness, but today the expression of love or admiration for another individual is not a simple event. At least not on Valentine’s Day. As the big day looms so does the social pressure. It seems like romance has little to do with modern Valentine exchanges as legions of men and women, hoping to secure their romantic relationship, scour retail outlets, cash in hand, in a frenzied quest for the perfect gift or the card that says it all, whatever that may be. People work so hard and experience so much anxiety in an effort to procure and sustain a love relationship it can make an observer wonder if it’s all worth while, especially when expectations of how love is supposed to feel are based on societal standards and merchandising messages.
20 outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca
Trying to achieve those expectations can result in disappointment and even loneliness when an individual strives to meet those outside criteria. But for most people the search goes on. Mary Jo Bolton, clinical director of counselling services at Klinic Community Health Centre on Portage Avenue in Winnipeg, explains: “We’re wired to find love and connect with each other,” she says. Every single one of our senses brings us information that alerts us to the possibility of a
It’s those daily choices that build the stability and quality of the relationship. “This is what sustains a loving, excit-
“Even if they’re out, who’s in their environment to connect with?” she asks. And people are always trying to connect despite the obstacles. Bolton says that as human beings we send out signals in our quest for romance, but there are environments where just doing that can have dangerous repercussions. In many social, geographic or family groups sameness is valued and being different on any level is perceived as a threat. When people are caught in these situ-
successful romantic connection with
ing, romantic relationship,” Bolton says.
ations it’s important for them to find a wel-
another person. Love is the icing on the
“Maybe it’s giving flowers or gifts or
coming community. That’s why community
cake in life,” Bolton says, and we all want it.
maybe it’s small moments of connection,
is often referred to as chosen family, Bolton
But first there’s attraction. It could be
those moments when you’re present with
explains. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans-
the way a person looks. Perhaps the sound
your partner,” she adds. Bolton maintains
gender or straight, all couples need a
of their voice. Their scent. The texture of
that in order to “keep that love groove
place where they can celebrate their
their skin. And there it is, that tiny spark of
going, you’ve got to keep that emotional
relationships and talk with others in simi-
arousal that propels you towards them in
connection going as well...that’s where the
lar situations about what makes a relation-
search of romance. A conversation follows
intimacy is.”
ship work.
and an intellectual connection is formed.
It appears a one-day extravaganza on
But, Bolton cautions, no matter how
As the physical and emotional connections
Feb. 14 won’t make up for lack of commit-
accepting the people in the surrounding
grow and expand the mystical, exciting
ment to relationship building the rest of
community are, their support can’t replace
feelings of romance begin to appear.
the year. Building that romantic connec-
the efforts of the partners to do the work
tion has more benefits than the certainty of
required to sustain the relationship. There
a romantic relationship “cuddle”
having a sexual partner and companion to
will be choices to be made every single day
responses rule as the body is flooded
share life with. Bolton says that in the larger
about how to manage the relationship and
with the brain chemical oxytocin,
sense we all need the connection for our
the family. She says it’s essential to settle
which creates a feeling of euphoria.
survival. She notes research shows that
yourself to deal with the difficult moments
Unfortunately, we can’t sustain that emo-
people who have a loving, satisfying
and always keep the relationship in the
tional and physical high. It’s simply impos-
romantic relationship generally have
forefront.
sible for our bodies to maintain it, and folks
healthier hearts. In distressful relation-
who expect to will be disillusioned, even
ships the result is quite the opposite.
Bolton says in the first stages of
saddened, as the calmer feelings take over.
There are challenges to meeting some-
Bolton emphasizes the key to settling is to focus. “It’s about the relationship, us or our kids,” she says. It’s those daily
one to share love with and one is isolation
choices that build the stability and quality
ship that allows a couple to explore each
from other people, which can diminish
of the relationship. She also suggests that
other and develop a nurturing relationship.
the pool of prospective partners. This can
no matter who the partners in a relation-
According to Bolton, this is the time to
affect the prospects for people of different
ship are, or what their sexual orientation
solidify the physical and emotional aspects
faiths and cultures, but it can also be a ma-
is, there will always be some bumps in the
of the relationship. People want to know
jor factor for folks in the gay, lesbian, and
road. Bolton’s final observation is simple,
they’re valued. Bolton suggests letting your
transsexual community. Bolton suggests
“None of our relationships are pure and
love interest know you value what they are,
that if they’re not “out” it’s just plain hard-
perfect.”
what they’re feeling and that you’re willing
er to make a connection. If they don’t tell
to nurture them the same way you nurture
family or other friends about their sexual
yourself.
orientation, their chances of finding other
This is the stage of the love relation-
gay or lesbian friends diminishes as well.
— Anne Coté is a Winnipeg-based freelance writer. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@outwords.ca.
www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011
21
Ad uL t
e
$10.00 OFF vALid on ALL reguLAr PriCed MerChAndise No other coupoNs or discouNts allowed • MiniMuM purchase $65.00 before taxes
Lo
www.LovenestonLine.CoM
extended hours deCeMber And februAry
22 23
outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca
ns
MondAy – thursdAy 10 – 8 fridAys 10 – 9 sAturdAys 10 – 6
ti o
172 st Anne’s roAd 254-0422 1341 MAin street 589-4141 3737 PortAge Avenue 837-6475
veLty gifts no
Ling er i
Corse tt es
ys to
Meet the Connection Coach Exploring the world of work from a queer perspective connection coach Brad tyler-west
“The S.M.A.R.T formula, if you follow it step by step it will give you a road map to success.”
Have you ever won-
A SMART new you!
dered why some peo-
Thousands make New Year’s resolu-
specific measurable goal - too broad and
ple or things click and
tions – but few resolutions are carried to
there is no measurement of what healthy
some don’t? What if
completion. Oh yes, they start strong,
means. On the other hand, “I want to eat
you could be a part of
but within days, old patterns emerge and
healthier food and take my own lunches
that ‘clicking’? What if
they fall back into their ruts. Good news,
to work at least three days per week” is
you could move from
getting out of this rut isn’t as mysterious
measurable.
the sidelines where
as one might think. We can call upon our
you feel as if you have
genetic inclination towards fabulousness
affect others, so it is important to share
no say in how things
to help us transition from where we are to
your goals and commitments with those in
happen and move into
where we want to be. Like all good fairy
your life to get their support. Some of the
a place where, if you
godmothers and fathers, I have a plan –
changes at work might need the support
do the work ... great
guaranteed to work, but only if you work
of your manager or supervisor. Or, you
things happen?
it.
might need financial support to go back to
This is my invitation to you. Join me as
At Legacy Bowes Group, we use the
For instance, “Being healthy” is not a
A – Agreed upon – Our decisions
school or start a new business. Get those
we explore the world of work. We spend
S.M.A.R.T formula with our clients to help
who are affected to agree and you will
the majority of our lives at work. It only
with their decision-making processes. I
have more chances of success.
makes sense that we also talk about work
love it and have successfully used it for
in this magazine. This column will focus on
years (for everything from coming out in
how queer folk deal with all things related
a job interview to planning a new training
or a goal? If you are 65 the goal of becom-
to work. How we do it? Can we love it?
session). If you follow it step by step it will
ing a world-class brain surgeon might be a
Can it make our soul sing as well as our
give you a road map to success that can
fantasy. If you are fortysomething and you
bank accounts? Should we come out or
help you to respond to situations as they
want to go back to school that could be a
is it possible to stay in the closet and still
arise and allow you to achieve the goals
goal depending on what is required. Being
produce our best work? What about deal-
you have set out! Here is the formula.
realistic allows you to harness your energy
ing with difficult people? Or what should we do if we suddenly realize we are the difficult ones? My job is kind of like a magnifying
S- specific- M- measurable-A- agreed upon – R-realistic – T- time bound S- Specific – For the goal to be
R- Realistic – Goals without structures are fantasies. Do you have a fantasy
and focus it. T – Time bound – When will you complete your goal? What are the time-
achieved it must be specific. Broad, generic
lines that you have for checking in with
glass – I help folks bring things into focus
goals like “I want a better job” only inspire
yourself to ensure you are on track? Maybe
so they can get the results they are looking
broad generic responses. A more specific
you need to tweak or adjust your plans
for. I have 20 years of coaching, training
version would be “I want a job in human
and, of course, celebrate those small wins!
and working with folk. I want to hear from
resources where I can use my education.”
you. You can e-mail your questions to me
M-Measurable – If you can’t meas-
either via the magazine or through my
ure it, you won’t know when you have
work e-mail. I will honour any requests for
achieved it nor will you be able to see what
confidentiality. I look forward to explor-
is getting in the way of achieving it. For
ing the world of work from a distinctively
the goal to be measurable, it must have an
queer perspective!
end point, a place of achievement where
Follow these guidelines and 2011 will see a whole new, SMART you!! – The Connection Coach, a.k.a. Brad TylerWest, CHRP candidate, is a senior human resource consultant with the Legacy Bowes Group. E-mail him at brad@legacybowes.com
you can say “yes I did it!”
www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011
23
ri-ley-shuhn-ship redefined
By Denton Callander
What does a relationship look like in 2011?
ple, it still is) and the goal to which all were
“couple,” how narrow minded to restrict
Well to start, that question itself is a bit
meant to aspire. There were those on the
a relationship to only two people. This
pointless because, as we all have surely
fringes who challenged this ideal, but they
is 2011, people: the label ‘relationship’ is
experienced, every relationship looks a bit
were mostly considered radicals (think:
what we want it to be.
different. But wait a tick, isn’t a relation-
Mormons in Utah, just by way of example).
ship supposed to be between a man and
This has changed, of course. With
Starting with the basics, most people still think of a traditional relationship as
a woman who love each other? Marriage,
movements such as same-sex marriage,
being between two individuals who devote
kids, house in the burbs, the whole she-
divorce, adoption, surrogacy, and more,
themselves to each other exclusively. This
bang? This ‘traditional’ idea of a relation-
we (well, many more people than before)
would be the modern equivalent of ‘going
ship may seem a bit silly to many of us
are now equipped with a definition of re-
steady’ and brings with it all the stereotyp-
but not so long ago it was the standard
lationship that is more fluid, more flexible,
ical relationship-y ideas of monogamy and
paradigm for couples (and for many peo-
and unique to each couple. Scratch that,
commitment. Old fashioned? Maybe not,
24 outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca
But free love, communication, and redefining relationships aside, can nontraditional relationships actually work? Power seems to think so and a growing body of research over the past decade would support them as viable relationship options. according to Clinton Power, a relationship
flicts. “What tends to lead to complication
terms) works with other groups, bloggers,
therapist in Sydney, Australia.
is that, if there’s an arrangement, there
and individuals to further the cause and
hasn’t been clear communication about
awareness for their non-traditional rela-
couples coming to me who want to be
“I tend to see more and more young
just what that arrangement is. Or,” says
tionship style.
monogamous and committed,” says
Power, “[the couple] hasn’t considered all
Power. According to Power, who has been
the possibilities.”
a relationship counsellor for almost 10
According to Power, non-traditional relationships are more common in same-
So it comes back to a typically tra-
sex couples and men in particular. What
years, most people do tend to subscribe
ditional relationship idea – communica-
this may say about gay men is likely related
to a traditional relationship model of mo-
tion. Power stresses this as the key to
to the sexual non-conformity that, in many
nogamy and one-on-one. However, there
any healthy and happy relationship but
ways, defines the LGBTQ+ community.
are those who instead look to define their
suggests that it is even more important
But free love, communication, and redefin-
relationship in different ways. “For some,”
when navigating open or non-traditional
ing relationships aside, can non-traditional
says Power, “a non-traditional model that
relationships. “Being very clear about the
relationships actually work? Power seems
doesn’t fit into a heterosexual majority
boundaries and the limits is central. One
to think so and a growing body of research
A new study … seeks to describe what types of rules gay men set up in open relationships and what the effects of breaking these rules are.
couple may say, ‘I don’t
over the past decade would support them
want to know anything
as viable relationship options. A study
about your exploits,’
from the U.S.A. in 2004 found that
but for another couple
relationship satisfaction among gay
it may be important to
men was the same regardless of
explore them together.”
whether the couple was monoga-
Power advises, “The
mous or open. The study did find,
kind of model seems to work better. There
only way to know this is to talk about it
though, that breaking the established
is a lot more flexibility in these relation-
and set limits early on.”
‘rules’ damaged relationship closeness,
ships and in negotiating how they work.”
While open relationships seem to
which is echoed by Power’s practical expe-
be the most commonly thought of
rience. A new study currently underway at
model?” In Power’s experience, one of
non-traditional relationships, there
the Victoria University in Melbourne, Aus-
the most common and popular is the open
are others out there. For example,
tralia, seeks to describe what types of rules
relationship. Essentially, in an open
engaging in group sex, sometimes known
gay men set up in open relationships and
relationship members of the partner-
as ‘swinging’, is a moderated form of an
what the effects of breaking these rules
ship will engage in sexual/romantic
open relationship that allows couples to
are. This research is a testament to the
encounters outside of the couple.
explore together. Another type of non-
ever-changing definition of ‘relationship’ as
Beyond that vague definition, the rules
traditional relationship is polyamory.
something more than one-size-fits-all.
vary by relationship. “There are so many
Polyamory is “the nonpossessive, honest,
variations of the setup, every couple does
responsible and ethical philosophy and
works,” says Power, “and communication
it differently,” says Power. “It’s about set-
practice of loving multiple people simulta-
helps see that realized.”
ting up the rules that work for you.” This
neously” (source: www.polyamorysociety.
notion of creating the rules of a relation-
org). Polyamory is an umbrella term and
ship and not just following the rules im-
under it there are countless configurations
posed by society is at the core of an open
and models. This idea seems more free-
or non-traditional relationship. For many,
love than say an open relationship, which
this may seem like the best of both worlds
tends to be more sexually focused. The
but having a non-traditional relationship
Polyamory Society (aside: check out their
brings with it unique problems and con-
website for a rather delightful glossary of
So what exactly is a “non-traditional
“Relationships are about doing what
— Denton Calander is a PhD research student at the National Centre in HIV Social Research in Sydney, Australia. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@outwords.ca
www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011
25
gallery
Discovery artist: dylan Bekkering Dylan Bekkering is a 26year-old graphic designer and artist who lives in Winnipeg. He is currently working on a show that he hopes to present by the end of the year!
26 27
outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca
Can two gay men find love when one doesn’t have a penis? The answer might surprise you By Rachel Morgan
www.outwords.ca// outwords, february / march 2011 27
James is a tall, attractive man in his early 30s. His
James can’t remember who made the first move,
easy-going masculinity makes many people assume
but one of them suggested they get together. He
he is straight, but James has been in a relation-
found himself at Michael’s home one evening. One
ship with another man for more than five years. His
thing led to another and they started experiment-
partner’s name is Michael. Michael also exudes a
ing. “I’ve done a lot of sexual exploration, so that
self-confident masculinity that belies the one thing
sounded appealing to me. I had no expectations
no one would suspect upon meeting him. Michael
and I was pleasantly surprised,” James says. “Sex
doesn’t have a penis – he’s a trans-man.
isn’t really based on your organs, it’s in your head;
“I knew he was a trans-man, we met on the
it’s your energy. He has a very masculine energy. He
Internet and it was in his profile,” says James, whose
is as masculine as any guy I know. It’s all about the
creative drive has earned him a good living without
energy with him. There’s no ambiguity.”
having to join the 9-5 crowd. Michael’s online profile caught James’s attention because the other man
James wasn’t Michael’s first male partner, far from it. “Even before James, I slept with many men
was clearly a kindred spirit. “I was looking for some-
in the gay community. They were happy sleeping
one who is interesting and engaging,” says James.
with me but they could not admit it to others be-
“I’m not looking for someone who sells insurance
cause they were afraid other men would challenge
during the day and goes home to have a TV dinner
their sexuality.”
and watch Idol on TV at night.” The Internet relationship started as most do,
The biggest problem Michael faced was figuring out how to tell prospective partners about himself.
with questions and explorations about each other’s
“If you don’t disclose, how do you do it? There were
lives and tastes. Michael was open about his back-
times when I didn’t disclose. They would push and
ground and the transition he had undergone. James
I would stop them. The question was always, ‘Are
read his notes and became intrigued by the man at
you positive?’ Sometimes they would stop (when
the other end of the digital conversation. “I didn’t
he told them about being a trans-man), but other
know anything about FtoM guys, so that sounded
times they would say ‘I don’t care because I’m a top
very interesting to me,” he says. “It’s just different.
anyway.’”
I’ve always felt I was different, so he’s different and I could relate to that.”
Even before James, I slept with many men in the gay community. They were happy sleeping with me but they could not admit it to others
28outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca
By the time James came along, Michael was confident in his masculinity and no longer feared being upfront about his lack of a penis. “At first there was fear because of not having a phallus. But I also didn’t give gay men enough credit,” Michael says. “There are a large number of gay men who know it’s not about the phallus, it’s about the spirit, the energy that every guy carries. I actually hurt gay men
because I assumed it was about the penis. Someone said that I really hurt them. They said ‘I wanted to date you because I’m interested in you.’” Prior to transition, Michael was part of the lesbian community. The reaction from women to his transition was unsettling. “I found more support
it’s hard for gay men to understand why a gay man would want to sleep with someone who doesn’t have a penis
from men than I did from women,” he says. “From
find it more challenging with the queer community,
the women’s community there was a feeling of be-
just existing as a trans person,” Michael says. “Our
trayal, accusations of misogyny. It was the men who
community has historically been oppressed, and
said, ‘You know what, if the women are treating you
I’m talking as a gay male … it’s hard for gay men
that way, then come on over. They workshopped
to understand why a gay man would want to sleep
with me on how to pick up a guy.”
with someone who doesn’t have a penis, when it’s
James and Michael have lived together for sev-
all about the penis. The heterosexual community
eral years and are comfortable with their relation-
is moving forward in trying to understand other
ship. They don’t worry about what other people
sexualities.”
think of their sexuality. “With some people, there’s
For James and Michael, the desire to understand
a simplistic way of thinking about sexuality – that a
other sexualities doesn’t end with accepting the
cock is a man and a vagina is a woman,” James says.
differences between them. The pair live together
“I think that’s common in the community. There’s
in an open relationship. As James explains it, they
lots of guys who are gay, gay, gay. It’s all about the
are soulmates who give each other the green light
cock. I’m more queer, I guess.”
to experiment outside the relationship – so it rarely
Masculinity isn’t defined by body parts, James
happens. “It would feel confining to be in a mo-
insists. Masculinity is in the spirit or energy of a
nogamous relationship. That would limit exploring
man. “For some men, they would question their
the full range of our sexuality.”
sexuality if they were attracted to a trans-man,” he
How big is that range and how does one de-
says. “In my teens I experienced women sexually.
termine what to explore? “Desire is desire, just get
There’s nothing wrong with it, but I like a masculine
over it,” says Michael. “If something is interesting or
energy.”
attractive just go for it. There is more than one defi-
Michael believes many heterosexuals have a bet-
nition of gay or lesbian.”
ter understanding of the difference between sexual energy and body parts than the gay community. “The straight people I talk with seem to get it. I
– Rachel Morgan is the editor of Outwords. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, e-mail letters@ outwords.ca
www.outwords.ca // outwords, february /march 2011
29
An all-Canadian app
You’ll learn to love the NFB all over again technology Corey Shefman
It stretches from
High-traffic news and review sites like CNET and Gizmodo have both reviewed and endorsed the app
Flying out of town? NFB Films al-
he talks about how ‘we have to live in a
1949’s “How to Build
lows you to save, for 48 hours, any of the
finite world’. This is not your typical game
an Igloo” instruc-
films in their enormous collection to your
or productivity tool – the kind of apps that
tional documentary,
iPhone or iPad, much the same way that
the iPhone is filled with. Suzuki and the
through 1983’s Oscar-
iTunes allows you to rent a movie or TV
NFB teamed up to bring us an educational
nominated “The
show. The important difference, of course,
campaign – truly innovative and novel use
Cat Came Back” (an
is that NFB Films lets you do it for free. The
of mobile technology and arguably the
animated short based
app also lets you see what other people in
start of the next generation of mobile ap-
on the classic song
your area are watching by sharing recom-
plications.
of the same name) to
mendations and seeing recently-viewed
“This Land”, the 2009
videos with those around you.
documentary follow-
Most surprisingly for a Canadian appli-
ing seven Canadian Rangers to the North
cation released by our public film distribu-
Pole. All of these movies and thousands
tor and producer, NFB Films has received
more can be found in the National Film
attention and glowing reviews from the
Board of Canada’s “NFB Films” iPod Touch,
American tech press. High-traffic news
iPhone and iPad application, available on
and review sites like CNET and Gizmodo
the iTunes app store.
have both reviewed and endorses the app.
Bringing the NFB’s entire online data-
CNET, which describes the NFB as “a kind
base to the comfort (and convenience) of
of Canadian PBS”, recommended the app
your pocket, NFB Films puts thousands of
as “pure iPhone gold”.
documentaries, animated features, music
The NFB has taken home nearly half a
videos, classics and new releases at your
dozen awards for its mobile apps, includ-
fingerprints. And the gurus at the National
ing NFB Films and others. At Quebec’s Prix
Film Board have made it as easy as possible
Boomerang awards, NFB Films was named
to search their database. With NFB Films,
the best overall mobile application. The
“NFB Films” puts thousands of documentaries, animated features, music videos, classics and new releases at your fingerprints.
Don’t have an iPhone or iPod touch? Check out ‘The Test Tube’ at http://interactive.nfb.ca/#/testtube and the online NFB Video Library at www.nfb.ca – Corey Shefman is a Winnipeg-based freelance writer. To comment on this or any other article in Outwords, write to letters@ outwords.ca.
More apps you can bank on Those of us north of the 49th Parallel have a host of made-in-Canada apps to choose from, thanks to a burgeoning software industry. All of the major Canadian banks offer iPhone apps, and most offer applications for Blackberry and Android phones, as well. CBC offers two English apps, one to stream any of their three radio stations and one specifically for Hockey Night in
you can browse by genre (with genres
NFB’s other major iPhone application, and
as specific as “History and War”, “Kids
the Canadian New Media Awards’ “Com-
Cartoons”, “Documentaries” and “Environ-
munity Campaign of the Year”, is The Test
ment”), you can check out the film board’s
Tube, featuring activist David Suzuki.
new releases and ‘Staff Picks’, or you can
The Test Tube is a truly innovative
use their built-in search engine to find any-
application, harnessing the power of the
thing in the NFB database. But this iPhone/
iPhone along with the Twitter micro-
iPod app is not just a glorified video player.
blogging platform to create an interactive teaching tool. The app follows Suzuki as
30
outwords, february / march 2011 // www.outwords.ca
Canada. CBC also offers a number of French applications. Many Canadian companies like Canadian Tire, Future Shop and Air Canada also have their own apps and if you need help on your taxes, there are dozens specifically tailored to filing Canadian tax returns.
YOUR BEST
PICKUP
LINE
204.947.6725 LOCAL CHAT. TRY IT FREE : code 3505
Purchase membership by phone:
1.900.451.2651 (75 min/$2495) Purchase memberships anonymously: Dominion News 262 Portage Ave.
Adonis Spa 1060 Main Street
www.cruiseline.ca Purchase time online now!
18+
50% off with our new member special. Call customer support for more info: 1.877.882.2005
Drowning Girls
BENT OuT Of SHaPE PRODuCTIONS’
The
PatRick fRiesen
by beTh grahaM charlie ToMlinson daniela Vlaskalic
PhoTo by cylla Von TiedeMann
by
chaRlie tomlinson beth gRaham, daniela vlaskalic & natascha giRgis
direcTed by
direcTed by
Robb PateRson
sTarring
FebRuARy 10 - MARch 5 FebRuARy 24 - MARch 12 “ the shunning gives tragic expression to the essential conflict between the demands of law and love” – WinniPeg free Press Peter is trying to live a good life. but when the Mennonite farmer begins to challenge church teachings, the religious leaders decide to punish him with solitude. despite domestic and community pressures, he refuses to stop questioning. Manitoba playwright Patrick friesen weaves a tangled web between faith and the faithful. WARNING TheaTrical haze and fog
MuRdeR Most Foul” – edMonTon sun
Three ghostly brides surface from bathtubs filled with water to gather evidence against their womanizing, murderous husband. based on an actual scotland yard case, this visually stunning production is told with graceful beauty and gallows humour. WARNING MaTure TheMes
oN sAle noW!
WARNING TheaTrical haze, gunshoTs
CALL 942-6537 1-877-446-4500 (toll-free)
“What a story: a Police investigation, a tRial, thRee lives sketched out in telling detail, a chaRming but lethal villain and
VISIT CLICK MTC Patron Services www.mtc.mb.ca 174 Market Ave. Monday to Saturday, 10am - 6pm
Doowah Design Inc. Client: MTC Job no: 1663 HIRSCH/HENDRY Outwords ad / CMYK / 7” x 9.5” Problems or questions, call Brent at (204) 949-7230