Palmy Parent Issue 292 December 2019/ January 2020

PALMY PARENT PALMERSTON NORTH PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE

December 2019 / January . 2020

12 DAYS OF

SUSTAINABLE CHRISTMAS Discover how to create an ECO friendly Christmas this year

HEALTH: SILLY SEASON SURVIVAL

Tips on how to avoid the hangover effects of overindulging come January.

RECIPE: CHOCOLATE BROWNIES IN A JAR

The Perfect DIY Christmas Gift!

EDITOR’S NOTE

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! How is it we’re already facing a new decade - the 20s are upon us (can we call them the roaring 20s again this time around?!) and all the promise of Summer is here. To celebrate, we’ve got your reading material sorted. So put your feet up, grab a cuppa and enjoy your latest issue of Palmy Parent.

We have some great articles this month - from advice for families dealing with PND and local resources to support you, to some wonderful advice from a seasoned Dad for the rookies among you.

We head to Waitarere Beach for our family friendly outing - the perfect spot for a sunny Summer’s day adventure - and have some words of wisdom on looking after yourself and your family during the height of the Christmas silliness. There’s a cute seasonal craft activity to do with your wee ones, a review of some lovely modern cloth nappies for the sustainably-minded parents out there, some fun adventure ideas for the summer, and don’t miss a wonderful, compassionate guide from the legendary Pinky McKay on how to discern good from unhelpful advice when it comes to dealing with your wee one.

I hope you all have a fantastic, restful break with your families, and the start to this new decade is full of joy and goodness.

Erin Evis, Editor

ADVERTISE IN PALMY PARENT

Palmerston North Parents Centre has a circulation of over 250 magazines per issue. These are sent to all current members as well as Plunket, midwives and other community groups.

Our rates are extremely competitive and we would love your support by way of an advertisement.

Also, in addition to our outstanding rates, we offer you a FREE advertorial on your business if you commit to either four or six adverts per annum.

For more information contact our Business Relations Officer by email at: palmyparent@hotmail.com

Mission statement Positive birth experiences and informed parenting in a community where parents are supported and highly valued in their role.

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In addition to our outstanding rates, we offer you a FREE advertorial on your business if you commit to either four or six half or full-page adverts per annum

Disclaimer: Opinions and articles in this magazine do not necessarily reflect Parents Centre NZ policy. Advertising in this magazine does not imply endorsement by Parents Centre.

ISSUE 292 . December 2019 | January 2020

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CONTENTS FEATURES Staying Connected at Christmas

11

Postnatal Depression

12

12 Days of Sustainable Christmas

14

Three Questions You Must Ask Before Following Advice About Your Baby

22

IN EVERY ISSUE Editor’s note

3

PNPC Seminars & Events

6

What’s on ... In our region

9

Book Review

9

Welcome to the World

10

Recipe: Chocolate Brownie In a Jar

17

Birth Story

18

Health: Silly Season Survival

20

Dad’s Life: The Ultimate Rookie Dad’s Guide to Newborns

24

Developmental Play: Summer outdoor activities

26

Product Review: All-In-One Cloth Nappies

28

Family Friendly Outings: Waitarere Beach

30

Community support groups

32

Member discounts

33

Playgroups in your area

34

CHECK OUT OUR WINNERS Bruce McKenzie Book Giveaway

9

Kind Hearts, Streetwise Coffee

27

The Hair Company styling treatment

29

Cottage Flowers Arrangement

31

CONTRIBUTORS Desiree Harvey, Laura Wenden-Green, Rose Allan, Erin Evis, Pinky McKay, John Hoffman Front cover: Veerle, Nina and Addison

4 PALMY PARENT . PALMERSTON NORTH PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE

GOT SOMETHING TO SHARE? Want to share some helpful advice or a great book you’ve read? Let us know and we’ll share it with our members. Or, if you would like to have your baby’s photos printed, write about your birth experience, review a book or a family friendly venue you have visited recently, we’d love to hear from you!

Email the Editor at: palmyparenteditor@gmail.com

COMMITTEE NEWS In September and October, we held a Music Fundraiser and a Raffle for Paige Hennessy.

Two-year-old Paige has an aggressive brain tumour and her family are in need of support to give her the quality of life she deserves!

As a result of our community’s support we have been able to donate over $600 to help the Hennessy family create special moments together. A big thank you to Teresa Watson of Music and Movement, Brew Union, The Bodhi Tree, Farmland Meats, Portrait from Creatures for art and a special Nana for there amazing donations to our raffle we could have done it without you.

This month we sadly say goodbye to committee member, Tanya Mazurkiewicz, she has been on the committee for such a short time but she in that time she has achieved a lot and we thank her for that and wish her well on her next journey. On that note we are looking for new committee members for the next year, please see our page 2 ad and get in touch if your interested as we would love to have you.

Have a great Christmas and New Year’s everyone.

Saritta and The Palmy Parents Centre Team

Our Palmy Parent and Child Expo was held on the 20th October 2019, we had over 60 vendors attending and lots of people through the door.

There were some amazing giveaways including our doorway giveaway of a new highchair and tub filled to the brim with things helpful for families with young children. A big thank you goes out to our Sponsors at Love Grows Brains and the Baby Factory, without them we couldn’t have brought you the amazing goody bags and giveaways at the door. We plan to run this event next year so if you don’t already please head along to the Palmy Parent and Child Expo page and “like us” so you stay up to date with all the details for next years event.

ISSUE 292 . December 2019 | January 2020

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PNPC

WHAT’S ON ...

DECEMBER & JANUARY

FUN FOR THE FAMILY

BABY AND YOU CLASSES Wednesday 4, 11, 18 December

Dannevirke Fantasy Cave 60 High Street, Dannevirke Kimbolton, Feilding and District Christmas Holiday Period: 1st to 15th of December: Open 10am to 2pm 16th to 24th of December: Open 10am to 4pm weekdays and 10am to 2pm weekends.

Closed Christmas Day Open: 26th to 31st December 10am to 2pm Regular school holiday times after this.

SEMINARS & EVENTS

This program follows on from antenatal classes and offers sound tips and strategies as you begin your remarkable journey into parenthood during the fourth trimester. The class is best suited to babies 0-6 weeks. Bring your baby with you for the 3 sessions of the course.

Cost: $40 per family

To register please see our website: http://www.palmyparentscentre.org.nz/ All seminars and events can be found in our calendar on the website.

For any queries please email: info@palmyparentscentre.org.nz

PARENT CENTRE PARTNERS:

in our region

Adults: $10.00 - Children: $5.00 - Family Concession: Up to 2x Adults + 4x Children = $30 Amazing displays of fairytales, nursery rhymes and well known stories in the Dannevirke Fantasy Cave, Father Christmas visiting during December.

Christmas In Farnham Park 2019 Farnham Park, Brentwood Avenue, Highbury, Palmerston North Sunday 8 December 2019 3:00pm – 6:00pm Christmas in Farnham Park is an afternoon to celebrate the talent and diversity of our local community and to have a fun family afternoon together to bring in the summer season. The

6 PALMY PARENT . PALMERSTON NORTH PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE

afternoon will include local performances, bouncy castles, free kai, henna painting, moko stamping, games, prizes and maybe even Santa...

Mark this on your calendar and get into the spirit of Christmas which is about family and the community!

Christmas In the City Square Edge, 47 The Square, Palmerston North Friday 13 December 2019 4:00pm – 9:00pm

New Years Eve In The Square 2019 The Event Quadrant The Square, Palmerston North Tuesday 31 December 2019 6:00pm – 12:20am

Catch up with friends. Enjoy and evening with family. You are warmly invited to this free event - with live music on the main stage in the All Saints carpark and inside Square Edge, Market Stalls, Food Trucks, Festivities and delicious refreshments from Café Royale.

The Ashhurst Christmas Parade Ashhurst Village Valley Centre, 21 Guildford St, Ashhurst, Manawatu / Whanganui Saturday 14 December 2019 10:00am – 10:30am Santa will be coming to Ashhurst again on Saturday December 14 at 10am. You are welcome to come and join in the fun of the parade which will travel down Cambridge Avenue in Ashhurst from Petes Way to Bamfield Street.

There will be prizes for the best dressed spectator, and if you want to enter the parade there will be prizes for the best dressed float. Contact the Ashhurst Library if you want more information on how to enter.

There will the Ashhurst Community Market happening also from 10am-1pm.

Mother & Father Christmas Palmerston North Esplanade Scenic Railway, Victoria Espalande, Park Rd, Palmerston North Saturday 14 December 2019 12:00pm and Sunday 15 December 2019 12:00pm

Bring in the New Year with an amazing free light show and fireworks as Palmerston North hosts another spectacular New Year’s eve event. Mark your calendar now for the biggest celebration in the Manawatu region - family style. The children’s New Year countdown at 9:30pm.

Interislander Summer Festival Awapuni Races Awapuni Racing Centre , Racecourse Road, Awapuni, Palmerston North Saturday 4 January 2020 10:30am Escape with friends and family to enjoy an unforgettable day on-course with live music, great food and drink, free kids entry and entertainment, and exciting racing action.

PNCC MOVIES IN THE PARKS 8 Movies in 8 locations 7pm activities start - 7.30pm Movies start December 13 Roslyn, Skoglund Park - Sing January 17 Bunnythorpe Domain - Dumbo

All children, young and old, come along to the Esplanade Scenic Railway and meet Mother and Father Christmas.

They will be around the track, and when you ride the train you will get to meet them at their secret location.

Tickets only $3 each, under 2 years free.

And you never know what they may have for you in their Christmas bag.

January 31 Ashhurst Domain - Marry Poppins Returns

Carols by Candlelight Feilding Civic Centre, 84 Aorangi St, Feilding, Feilding and District Sunday 22 December 2019 6:30pm – 10:00pm Rotary Club of Feilding Annual Carols by Candlelight with the Feildng Brass Band.

Doors open at 6.15pm.

February 28 Linton Camp - Toy Story 4

Donation of Food or Toiletry Item per person for Manchester House or $2 per person for Rotary Projects.

February 5 Celaeno Park, Kelvin Grove - The Lion King February 21 IPU Recreation Centre, Summerhill - How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World

March 20 Raleigh Street Incredibles 2

Reserve,

Awapuni

-

March 27 Longburn School, Aladdin

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MEMBERS’ OFFERS: Free barista hot drink or pair of grips socks when you present your membership card at a coffee and kids morning on Mon to Thur 10-12.

For Children under 6, $7 per child (Parents get free entry)

Visit our facebook page @ fantailsnestnz and receive free shipping using the code: PALMYFLYSFREE

www.thesleepstore.co.nz

20%OFF

Enter the coupon code PARENTS20 at the checkout to SAVE on selected items at The Sleep Store To see which items you can apply the discount to visit www.thesleepstore.co.nz/content/parentscentre

Unique Beginnings

Visit www.thesleepstore.co.nz/content/parentscentre for further details & exclusions on this offer. Coupon applies to selected items listed on this webpage, Offer cannot be used with coupons, vouchers, discounts, 2-pack offers or combo deals. Cannot be used on shipping fee or other brand items, gift cards or in conjunction with any other offer or discount. The Sleep Store reserves the right to update or amend this offer at any time.

with Rebecca Robinson

Birth preparation & beyond, Lactation Consultant support

www.uniquebeginnings.co.nz

5% OFF all services

ph: 021 066 0394

8 PALMY PARENT . PALMERSTON NORTH PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE

Pay no booking fee when enrolling with Puddleducks if parents centre member ($50 saving)

Story by Kaye Arnott, Illustrations by Laura Wenden Green Reviewed by Desiree Harvey Available from Bruce McKenzie Booksellers on George St for $19.99 This is the second instalment in the Dog and the Mog series, and this time we are off on a summer holiday to the beach! Our protagonist human Bruce is off school for the summer when his Mum asks him to pack his things for some summer camping fun. Bruce enlists the help of Davey the Dog and Mavis the Mog, so everyone will be well equipped for the camping adventure, as everyone knows its best to be prepared…

But not too well prepared, as Bruce finds his suitcase won’t close!!

Bruce’s Dad, (aka the packing car star) packs up the car and the family finally get away on their adventure, when all is well until an unexpected downpour makes things very interesting indeed.

So relatable given the recent spring downpours, and happily timely as we look forward to the upcoming summer break, with the possibility of our own family holidays. This book depicts the chaos of packing up the family for a holiday perfectly, and the relief and relaxation mixed with some memorable moments that make for the best holidays. The story is fun to read with stunning illustrations again, and a summer family story the kids will just love.

Keep an eye out for the next instalment ‘The Dog and the Mog Love Christmas’ due soon!

I V G E A K WAY O O B Be in to win this issue’s reviewed book!

Just follow these 3 easy steps!

1

To enter the draw to win this issue’s book, email your name, with ‘Book Giveaway’ in the subject line to info@palmyparentscentre.org.nz

2

14 th January 2020 That’s

all!

The winner’s name will be printed in the next issue of the Palmy Parent and the winner can collect their book from the Palmy Parent Centre.

ratu Cong lation Morghan Voss

: s to

3

Entries for the next draw must be received by

who has won a copy of ‘Flossie and The Burglars’

The children’s book reviewed above has been generously donated by Bruce McKenzie Booksellers on George Street, Palmerston North to give away to a lucky Parents Centre Member.

Bruce McKenzie’s Booksellers is situated in George Street beside the entrance to the Palmerston North Library. Bruce McKenzie’s carries an enormous range of books from children’s to specialist non-fiction and is definitely worth a visit. If you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask the staff who are always willing to help.

ISSUE 292 . December 2019 | January 2020

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BOOK REVIEW

THE DOG AND THE MOG GO CAMPING

WELCOME TO THE WORLD

WELCOME TO THE WORLD Welcome to all the new babies born to our wonderful Parent Centre members!

If there are any corrections to the list below, please email palmyparenteditor@gmail.com

Class: | Hostess: Louise Browne | CBE: Jess

Myles Scott Avison born to

Thea Penelope Grant born to

Ian and Ashleigh Avison

Jacqui and Justin Grant

6 October 2019

13 October 2019

Emilya Grace Jansen van Vuuren born to

Olivia Harding and Kalvin Jansen van Vuuren

22 October 2019

Caitlin Hannah Mudford born to

Bethany and Daniel Mudford

15 October 2019

The Koru Study SEEKING PREGNANT WOMEN to take part in a study measuring body composition changes during pregnancy & early infancy If you are in your FIRST TRIMESTER of pregnancy we would love to hear from you

For more information visit: www.thekorustudy.com If you are interested in joining this study, please contact Ciara Phone: (06) 951 6366 Text: (021) 1 605 805 Email: thekorustudy@massey.ac.nz This project has been reviewed and approved by the Health & Disability Ethics Committee: 19/CEN/47

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By Erin Evis Christmas is a time of year that always seems to creep up on us all a little like an approaching freight train – loud, sudden, and surprising, despite that date never changing. Year after year most of us are caught a little off-guard; “Oh my goodness, November already? Christmas in a few weeks? Help!”

Plans are made, holidays booked in, and seemingly endless hours spent searching for presents in shops and online, wallets bleeding money as we feel the strain and pressure to not just show our family and friends our store-bought love, but to ensure we have plentiful food for unexpected guests and festive meals.

Is it any wonder we can find it hard to focus as much attention on our children as we need to, at this incredibly stressful time of year?

Despite our best intentions, this isn’t known as the ‘silly season’ for no reason, and it’s important we take time out to reconnect with our loved ones on more than just a superficial level. As nice as it is to catch up with old friends, visit family out of town, and enjoy the flurry of socialising that tends to happen in these warmer months, we must make sure we’re able to connect with our immediate family and provide some stability to our children, too.

$5 add up fast, and at a time of year where purse strings really are as tight as they can go, and stress levels are already high enough, it can be the tipping point for many people. Be realistic, avoid impulse buys, and try to support our local artisans and small businesses with careful, heart-felt purchases. Or even better, try the DIY approach and get crafty with your children for some presents with a more personal touch.

SET ASIDE A ‘PLAY HOUR’ Each day, try to take time out to really play with your kids. Switch off all social media, hand in your phones, and spend some real quality time together.

Read books, get out in the garden, or go a little oldschool and get out the board games. For younger members of the family, games like Hungry Hippos, snakes and ladders or memory can be fun places to start. Learn card games, do puzzles, or have a family music session. It’s so easy these days to get caught up in our electronic world, yet some of the most precious memories for many of us come from the things we do in the real world. Take time this Christmas to help create some of those memories for our next generation.

Here are a few ideas of ways we can ensure we don’t lose touch with those closest to us this holiday season, and avoid the stressors that can lead to emotional meltdowns for both children and adults alike.

FAMILY OUTINGS Take time out to explore your local treasures together. Try a new park or reserve for a picnic, pop down to your local river or stream for a wander, try a spot of fishing somewhere new, follow those old yellow road signs pointing out all sorts of weird and wonderful locations we usually drive straight past.

Go off the beaten track and really get to know your region in depth, instead of sticking to the same well-beaten paths we end up travelling by rote. We have an incredibly beautiful country and a wealth of gorgeous bush walks, hills and lush countryside right here in the Manawatu – make it your mission to find some of the hidden gems we have within our reach.

SET A BUDGET AND STICK TO IT When it comes to shopping, make a budget for each person and stick to it. It can be tempting to just go a little over our budget. But all those extra ISSUE 292 . December 2019 | January 2020

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FEATURE

STAY ING CONNECTED AT CHRISTMAS

FEATURE

P OSTNATAL DEP RESSION

By Rose Allan, Counsellor at ACROSS Te Kotahitanga o Te Wairua

A common idea about postnatal depression is that it is something that some women experience due to the hormonal and endocrine changes that they experience after having had their babies.

However, people now generally acknowledge that these biological explanations are only part of the story of postnatal depression. The other part of the story is that the transition to motherhood involves adapting to huge physical, emotional and social changes. In other cultures there are practices in place that are supportive of new parents, but in New Zealand many mothers are given little preparation for, or support in, their new roles. Of course we do have services available to support new parents, however at times women do not access these, carrying an idea that they ‘should’ be able to manage.

It is not surprising, then, that many mothers experience difficulty adjusting and that they can feel overwhelmed by the demands and expectations of motherhood. Some researchers estimate that depression after childbirth affects 10-20% of women. If we think about postnatal depression as a period of transition, this opens the way for an acknowledgement that fathers also may experience postnatal depression. They can be affected either indirectly (through their partner’s depression) or directly (e.g. uncertainty about the new role and how best to help, attempts at bonding

with baby frustrated by an exclusive motherbaby bond, concerns about earning enough money for the family, etc) Postnatal distress affects people regardless of social status, ethnicity, educational background, profession and marital status. While there may be some factors which might place people at greater risk e.g a history of depression, complications during pregnancy and/or birth, it also affects people who have no such histories and/or who have straightforward pregnancies and birth experiences.

The apparent absence of postnatal depression in some countries points to postnatal depression as culturally determined. The mythologies in our culture about the ‘joys’ of pregnancy and of ‘perfect’ motherhood have a powerful influence, often creating unrealistic expectations about pregnancy, birth and parenthood. Women hold (culturally determined) ideas about how pregnancy ‘should be’, what their birth experiences ‘should’ be like, what early parenting will be like. Mothers (and fathers) who hold these expectations and beliefs often feel like failures when they experience problems coping or when things don’t go to plan.

There is a tendency for people – both parents and professionals - to ‘lump together’ any distress after having a baby as postnatal

12 PALMY PARENT . PALMERSTON NORTH PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE

depression. Postnatal depression is therefore a term that is used to describe a range of difficulties experienced postnatally. Not all women will identify with the word depression, and may find other ways to name their difficulty – ways that are closer to their experience i.e. anxiety, aloneness, overwhelm etc.

would like to be doing, another aim is that the women will have developed strong bonds/ relationships with their children and babies, and will have developed their parenting goals and preferences.

The stigma associated with depression and with postnatal depression, can get in the way of families talking about their difficulty/ distress, and prevent them from seeking support. Families may be operating under an idea that everyone else is coping, and it can be a big relief, when conversation is opened up, to discover that they are not alone – that there are others who have similar experiences.

Opportunities for families to speak about the difficulties they face, with these difficulties seen as a part of the ‘normal’ range of complications of childrearing would allow for people to be free from experiences of shame and blame, and allow them to seek support.

About ACROSS Te Kotahitanga O Te Wairua

The most important thing to remember is that there are supports systems available, and it is important to talk about your experience, take yourself seriously, be kind to yourself and to seek support. Your GP, or Midwife, or Plunket Nurse are good places to start. GP’s may prescribe medications which can be helpful for some, as long as these as seen as just one of the steps that might be taken towards wellness.

GP’s might also make referrals for other kinds of support i.e counselling. It’s important also to talk with your partner, and/or family and friends. People are more able to support you, if they know how things are for you. And when you start to speak about postnatal depression, you may be surprised to discover how many people have had this experience, or been close to someone who has.

ACROSS offer a 10 week group program for women after having had a baby. The group is for women who have had their babies’ within the last year, and would like to attend a group with others. A formal diagnosis of postnatal depression is not required, and people are very welcome to self-refer. Although we cannot currently include fathers at the group, we do spend some time talking about what understandings we would like to be developing within our important relationships. The group supports women to speak about what is difficult, and work towards developing strategies that will help them to lessen the effects of the difficulty in their lives and in their relationships.

We work to uncover the skills, competencies, beliefs and values which may be hidden by the depression or experience of difficulty. Given that the difficulty experienced has the potential to get in the way of the kind of parenting people

ACROSS is an Anglican and Catholic social service which aims to support the wellbeing of children and their families in our community.

ACROSS is staffed by both social workers and counsellors who respond in a caring and compassionate way to those in the community requiring support.

Contact:

294a Church Street Palmerston North 0800 ACROSS (0800 227 677) Email: enquiries@across.org.nz

http://www.across.org.nz/

Coffee and kids Parents play groups daycares

MOn to thur 9am - 10Am under 5S $7 per child & parents jump for FREe

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FEATURE

12 DAYS OF SUSTAINABLE CHRISTMAS

By Shay Lawrence Christmas and consumption go together like two peas in a pod, Princess Leia and Han Solo, Ross and Rachel, hokey pokey ice cream and a New Zealand summer. It’s the time of year we spend hundreds on decorations, buy gifts for family out of obligation rather than need, and end up with overflowing rubbish bins full of food waste and plastic wrappers.

It doesn’t have to be like this.

receive a card to give them, letting them know the difference they’ve made in the world. You won’t be wrapping up a goat on Christmas Eve, but a village in a low-income country will welcome a new animal to their herd thanks to you.

• We also like Trees That Count where you can gift native trees to be planted in NZ!

TIME

12 Steps to a Sustainable Christmas: ONE: Eco Gift Giving Approach the way you gift differently this year.

Instead of placing value on physical things, what about experiences?

EXPERIENCES AND MEMORIES • Massage vouchers, movie tickets, skydiving, sports events or concert tickets • Dedicate a certain day to spending time with a friend or family member, doing an activity they love best

DONATIONS • Donations: Like Give A Goat. You may think we’ve gone bonkers, but Tearfund run a ‘Gift for Life’ scheme where you can donate a lifechanging gift on someone else’s behalf, and

• Babysitting hours? Yard work? Give a few hours of your time as a voucher to family members.

Time is so precious so it is always a well-received gift!

ECO-GOODIES • Consider gifting favourite foods that will be consumed, rather than knickknacks that may be forgotten in the cupboard by the time the new year comes around.

• If giving gifts choose sustainable, long lasting and quality products. For example, gift eco laundry goodies like Stainless Pegs and Cora Balls, on-the-go essentials like Tumblers, Spork, Beeswax Wraps, To Go Straw Packs and lowwaste beauty favourites like the Stainless Safety Razor.

TWO: Wrap Sustainably Ditch the expensive wrapping paper that

BaBY Study Do you want to know how much milk you produce and if supplements will increase it?

If you are • • • •

Aged 16 years or older, Breastfeeding your baby, Happy with using a breast pump, Living within 1 hour driving distance from Palmerston North.

You are welcome to take part in this study!

In this study, you will • • • • • •

Take a supplement for four weeks Visit the researcher three times Pump milk from your breast in each visit Give 50 ml breast milk in each visit to analyse your milk Complete 6 online questionnaires Record your baby’s feeding and nappy change in two separate days

Please contact: Ms Lili Jia (PhD candidate and main investigator) Email: baby@massey.ac.nz Telephone: 06 951 6367 Cell phone: 022 191 0568 Or scan this QR Code to check your eligibility for this study first.

This project has been reviewed and approved by the Massey University Human Ethics Committee: Southern A, Application 18/80. If you have any concerns about the conduct of this research, please contact Dr Lesley Batten, Chair, Massey University Human Ethics Committee: Southern A, telephone 06 356 9099 x 85094, email humanethicsoutha@massey.ac.nz.

https://massey.au1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_b89iAGXEamSWz Ep

14 PALMY PARENT . PALMERSTON NORTH PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE

ends up in the bin a few seconds later. Get creative!

• Keep the wrapping paper when you are given a gift, and reuse it • Newspaper and brown string (super indie look) • Second hand pieces of fabric you can find at your local op-shop • Check out how to do amazing Furoshiki Japanese fabric wrapping!

We love getting crafty with our wrapping!

• To reduce your plastic waste and avoid the overflowing rubbish bin situation, check out our package free fridge tips which break things down, and helps you develop your shopping list productively If the catering is not in your control… send a cheeky email to the person in charge, with our waste free tips and tricks.

THREE: Change Up Your Christmas Tree

Between the hurricane of gifts, typhoon of family members chatting, and chaos of meals, it’s easy to let the day go by and forget what Christmas is all about. Take time to reflect on your year, sit and observe your surroundings, slow down, and be conscious of the present.

A few ways to practice mindfulness on Christmas day: • Sing carols together • Make it a screen free day • As a group, say one thing you’re thankful for • Take the family on a nature day - take in the smells, textures and natural beauty!

Rather than cutting down a tree every year, or buying a plastic tree (urgh), there are several alternative ways to make it feel like Christmas.

• Try making a drift wood tree • Hang Christmas tree decorations on a large pot plant or plant in your garden • Purchase a second-hand tree from an op-shopsave it from tree heaven • If you simply must smell pine needles on Christmas day, purchase a real tree that comes from a sustainable and local source • Have a Reusable Tree that lasts years ! Repotting your tree outside after every Christmas stops waste and kids love to watch it grow and change each year...we think this is an EPIC idea!

FOUR: Cook Sustainably • Altering your food consumption on Christmas day can reduce your impact on the environment in a massive way.

• If the catering is in your control, create a plant based menu, use locally grown produce, and free range, organic meats • Purchase your grains, nuts, and baking ingredients from a bulk bin store, with the help of our bulk food shopping guide

5. Be Mindful

6. Deal With Your Waste Waste comes in all types of forms during Christmas.

Whether it be the food on your plate, or the gifts you won’t use, think carefully before it leaves your life.

• Eat ALL the food, or freeze it for the new year.

• Re-gift unwanted presents to someone you know will enjoy them, or give them to a charity or op-shop.

• Separate your compost, recycling, and rubbish, and make sure Aunt Marge knows that too!

7. Donate To Charities and Volunteer Spread the Christmas joy! Christmas is a great excuse to get involved in your community and give back.

• Gift your time by volunteering at your local second-hand store (they need all the help they can get around this busy time!)

• Donate to a charity • Ask your local community groups how you would be most helpful to them

8. Reduce Your Carbon Footprint Chances are, you’ll be dashing around town like our reindeer pals, dancer and prancer, attending all sorts of end of year events and family gatherings.

• Try your best to carpool when possible • Use public transport, or hop on your bike • You can also offset your carbon emissions using companies such as Cool Effect, who do the calculations for you!

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9. Lower Your Electricity Usage Who wants a massive electricity bill during the holiday season? Not us!

• Pull out the solar powered Christmas lights, turn lights off when you leave the room, and remind your guests to do the same • Daylight in NZ allows us to stay in natural light for longer making this even easier

10. Thoughtful Earth Friendly Cards If you’re still on the Christmas card buzz, don’t waste time, money, and trees.

• Send an e-card! Find a website with designs that suit you, by simply searching online... Here’s an example.

• We love using items from nature to be a card replacement. Our favourites are finding a nice ink pen and writing on shells and driftwood!

• Find cards with real meaning behind them - the Foot and Mouth Painters Christmas Cards are a great example and are a gift within a gift.

11. Make Your Own Christmas Tree Decorations Let’s face it.. homemade Christmas decorations always look better than the standard boring ones!

• Attempt to make your own decorations this year. Decorate natural resources (e.g. shells and driftwood), or find cute fabric from your op-shop and get the sewing machine out!

• Use stainless Pegs to hang notes on the tree!

• Have a look at the plastic free options at Trade Aid We LOVE them!

• Purchase them from a local maker

12. Spread the Sustainable Cheer In all that you do this Christmas, don’t keep your eco-tips to yourself!

• Shout it from the roof tops!

• Suggest eco-friendly Secret Santa in your workplace!

• Get your family on board, and don’t be afraid to do things a little differently!

• Be an example for the rest of your friends and family to follow!

Originally published by: www.caliwoods.co.nz 16 PALMY PARENT . PALMERSTON NORTH PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE

RECIPE

CHOCOLATE BROWNIE IN A JAR

These make a great DIY Christmas gifts, write out or print the wet ingredients and method on a card, layer the dry ingredient carefully in a jar and you’ve got a great gift for a loved one to enjoy when ever they want!

Recipe re-printed from Kind Hearts Cookbook, Dear Quinn.

Photograph by Kim Sargent Photography.

DRY INGREDIENTS (these fit well in a 1L jar): 3/4 cup (105g) plain flour 1/2 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp salt 1 cup (95g) cocoa 1/2 cup (100g) raw sugar 3/4 cup (175g) white sugar 3/4 cup (130g) milk chocolate 1/4 cup (50g) white chocolate WET INGREDIENTS 115g butter, melted OR 1/2 cup canola oil 3 eggs 2 tsp vanilla essence

METHOD Preheat oven to 180 degrees C. Line a 20cm x 20cm baking dish with baking paper (or grease well).

Put all the dry ingredients into a large bowl and mix well.

Add all the wet ingredients to the dry mix and beat well. Electric mixer is handy here!

Spoon the mixture into the prepared dish and level out.

Bake the brownie for 25 – 35 minutes or until cooked in the centre (check using a clean skewer).

Allow to cool before cutting and dust with icing sugar.

ISSUE 292 . December 2019 | January 2020

17

BIRTH STORY

WELCOMING MICAH In some ways, it is a wonder we got pregnant. It was our first year of marriage and several unexpected events occurred in the family that left us no time for any sort of carry-on that would lead to a pregnancy!

We feel our baby must have been very determined to join our family right from the beginning.

I loved being pregnant. In my first trimester, I was one of those women other people envy; I didn’t have a hint of morning sickness. Apart from being tired, which I feel at the end of every school year, I felt amazing.

My husband and I felt very ready to start a family and being a good mum is my career goal, so I embraced my changing body and set about preparing for the family chapter of our life together.

I grew quickly; I even had a colleague ask me if we were having triplets, as I was ‘huge’. Our LMC thought I might like Preggie Yoga, so before Christmas, I joined the ladies at Zing and found this to be great. It was helpful being there with other mums-to-be and doing something tailor-made for our pregnant bodies. Our LMC also suggested I read ‘Tummy Talk’, a publication produced by Active Birth Taranaki. Reading birth stories in there was really empowering and it was good to read them early on; it meant that for most of my pregnancy I really believed I could be strong enough for the birth of our baby.

The week before we were due back at school (26 weeks), we had a bit of an event when I lost my mucus plug. Apart from thinking it was pretty disgusting, even that was drama-free and gave me an excuse to lie low for a couple of days.

Term One seems like a blur now. I took ‘Princess days’ on the last four Wednesdays which gave me a chance to catch up on sleep, do marking and stay in the right headspace to deal with classes full of teenagers. Most people during this time thought I was so big I would

not last until my due date; this baby was surely about here. It was at this time I started acupuncture with the lovely Annie Warrington. Not only did she give me labour-preparation treatment, we also managed to turn our baby into a good position.

For some reason, I was scared about going beyond my due date. I had heard numerous horror stories and had also started to believe people’s (unfounded) opinion that this baby would be a wee bit early. Everyone I knew had gone on or before their due date, so I would certainly be no different. Well, my due date came and went. I continued to receive induction acupuncture, do lots of walking, and even tried a couple of the old wives’ tales; still no baby. I had three ‘stretch and sweeps’ and felt encouraged at every one as I was dilating nicely (thanks to the acupuncture) and always had a show afterward; but still no baby. My mum arrived for her planned visit (that we thought would be when we were settled back at home with our new baby) and we began to learn about induction.

At 42 weeks, I consented to an induction. We decided to have Mum there as well and we prepared for a long day. I received a tiny bit of gel in the morning and waddled around the hospital for a bit and started to feel strangely tired and increasingly sore. We decided it was nothing; I didn’t feel sore enough to think it was ‘it’. We headed back after I grew more physically tired and tired of the looks we were getting as we walked around. Back in the delivery suite, I felt quite ill and vomited (the first time in the whole pregnancy) and thought that it might be the start of something. The pains were not regular, however, so we continued to hang out; my husband boring us by reading aloud a Rugby rulebook.

Our LMC and her student came back after lunch and attempted to break my waters. This was quite uncomfortable and a registrar was called as the membranes were quite thick. I remember thinking at this point that is was little wonder our baby couldn’t break through! After they were broken, things progressed. It hurt A LOT and I kind of told myself to tough it out, as I figured I had about ten hours of this ahead, it being our first time. I had thought I would be quite active during the birth, but I was attached to a monitor, so was pretty much on the bed. To be honest, I was so tired I probably couldn’t have done much moving anyway.

Nick, Mum and the student midwife gave me acupressure during the contractions, which made me feel quite centred. (This makes it sound like it was lovely, but it still bloody hurt!) I focused on my Yoga breathing too, which was good. At about 6pm I had had it. I said to Nick that I didn’t think I could do it anymore; it was just too sore. This worried me as I still knew I had a long time to go. I voiced my concerns to our LMC, who said she would examine me and then we might talk about using some gas. I remember saying that was fine, but I didn’t want to take anything too early. She never got to examine me, as I suddenly got

18 PALMY PARENT . PALMERSTON NORTH PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE

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the urge to push!

I found things changed a lot at this point. The pain went and was just replaced with the strongest of urges to push. Between those contractions, I was able to feel rested, to talk, to eat a segment of orange, and to even have the odd laugh. I tried a few positions but ended up on my back, something I never thought I would do.

(Nick was glad the position that involved him taking my weight only lasted a couple of contractions). Our baby was slow to descend which made me feel a bit despondent; I was trying so hard and there was still no baby. It became clear that people (strangers included) were right in telling me I was carrying a big baby. The registrar was called in again as there was a concern of shoulder dystocia, and they wondered if I might need a ventouse delivery. Everyone was confident our baby could be born normally, so I received a wee pep talk from our LMC. She ended up giving me an episiotomy, as my perineum was not thinning. (Never thought I’d be using ‘my’ and ‘perineum’ in the same sentence!)

Seven minutes later, something was placed on my chest and for some silly reason it took me a few moments to realise it was our baby. It also took us a while to have a look and see what we had had; a beautiful boy who we named Micah Charlie Reid. I hadn’t realised how many people were in the room, but I remember being aware that there were about eight staff members! After birthing the placenta, I had a big bleed so Micah was quickly taken off me and a couple of people started ‘massaging’ my tummy (again, this sounds lovely but wasn’t). I remember not really caring about any of that and just being awestruck that we had a baby. We were parents!

(Nick would tell this story differently; he said all I did was burp, spit, bleed and look like an oompaloompa as I pushed. Just as well he kept those thoughts to himself at the time!)

It took a long time to ‘clean up’. Getting the bleeding under control hurt, as did the ‘embroidery’. I was surprised this hurt and I was surprised that even though it was over, it wasn’t over. Everyone could tell he was a big boy, but we were in no hurry to weigh him. Some of the staff members stayed around to hear his weight and we were all surprised to learn Micah was 10lbs! No wonder it hurt! I am so glad I didn’t know he was so big; I would never have been able to push him out!

Up in the Maternity ward, having said goodbye to Mum and Nick, I had a long night. I kept staring in disbelief at Micah. I had flashes of the birth in my mind, which made me a little scared; I felt quite weak and vulnerable and couldn’t quite reconcile that I had had the strength to birth Micah. I am so amazed the female body can go through such trauma and recover!

The first ten days were so hard and are somewhat of a sleepless, teary, yet amazing blur. Our LMC remained our tower of strength and encouragement and I was lucky to have the Yoga mums on call too; nothing like being told your worries are quite normal and not a reflection of being a bad parent.

We just love being Micah’s Mummy and Daddy. Micah has only strengthened my relationship with Nick and at times I sit looking at my gorgeous boy and feel so smug; we are so clever to have made something so beautiful!

ISSUE 292 . December 2019 | January 2020

19

HEALTH

SILLY SEASON SURVIVAL Erin Evis, Naturopath and Medical Herbalist Christmas is a time of great celebration for many families, with rich foods, alcohol and sugar galore.

While this is a lovely time of year to let your hair down, it can pay to have some plans in place to avoid the hangover effects of overindulging come January. Here are some things to consider.

YOUR BODY DOESN’T KNOW IT’S A HOLIDAY ...So don’t treat it as such! It can be tempting to scoff down all those endless candy canes, gingerbread men and trifles with abandon - and in some ways that isn’t a bad thing; stress inhibits digestion, so relaxing about your diet can be a good thing at times - you need to remember that all that gluten, sugar and colour will have the same effect it would at any other time of year. If you’re particularly sensitive to any of these ingredients or foods, suffering digestive health issues, you’ll know how painful the effects could be for you.

But even if you don’t have any noticeable health concerns, it is still important to remember that nobody is infallible and moderation is always the key with any celebratory foods!

Sugar in particular is highly addictive and hugely inflammatory, causing rapid spikes in blood sugar (followed by low moods and tiredness, creating a vicious cycle as it leads to a desire for the next hit to

pick those energy levels up again…). It is damaging to your gut flora, and if enough is consumed over a long enough period, it will often eventually lead to insulin resistance. It can be an incredibly difficult habit to break, and an easy trap to fall into at this time of year.

Being aware of the sugar content of foods, looking for more nutrient-dense alternatives, or just saying ‘no’ to that second helping are all great ways to avoid the sugar trap - and awareness means you’re much less likely to fall into it.

BALANCE THE LESS IDEAL WITH THE BETTER Labelling foods as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ can become a habit for many of us, but rephrasing that can help remove some of the associated guilt we have and help us look at foods in a different light. There’s no need to feel guilty about indulging in something you normally wouldn’t, but try to balance it out with something more nutrientdense where possible - add a good helping of fruit salad or a platter of fresh salad, chicken, or vegetable crudites to that heavy, creamy, hard-to-digest but ohso-tasty dish your aunty makes each year… If you can manage to keep the majority of your plate filled with foods that will nourish your body, you’re doing well make the good stuff the rule and the less-ideal holiday foods the enjoyable exception.

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20 PALMY PARENT . PALMERSTON NORTH PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE

FIND ALTERNATIVES If you’re looking for nutrient-dense foods to bring to the Christmas table, being here in 2019 and the age of Google means there are more options than your ancestors could have dreamed of. From raw vegan fruit cakes to keto-friendly protein-rich desserts, animalshaped healthy gelatin gummies disguised as naughty sweets to cups of cashew-berrycream sundaes, the creativity of the collective foodies who festoon the internet with their infinite creations means there is always something available to impress your relatives with without sacrificing flavour or wellbeing.

Finding alternative, more nutrient-dense and lower-sugar versions of traditional foods is an interesting challenge and many of these are easy enough for the most amateur kitchen creatives to find success with.

HERBAL HELPERS There are many herbs that can be taken advantage of during this season of feasting, to assist with digestion and support liver function.

GINGER is a great herb for supporting digestive health. It fires up the circulation, settles tummies, gets the digestive fire going and is great for times where you’ve overindulged. Try it in foods or make ginger tea by grating or slicing fresh ginger root into boiling water. Add a twist of lemon juice or honey for flavour, or enjoy on its own.

KAWAKAWA is a peppery and hugely ubiquitous New Zealand native with an enormous diversity of therapeutic properties, not least of which is its ability to settle and support digestion. Similarly to ginger it is a warming herb, firing up digestion and assisting with tummy upsets. Try it as a tea or dried and sprinkled over foods as an interesting culinary herb.

MILK THISTLE is traditionally used to support liver function, and can help support the liver through detoxification from chemical injury and overindulgence - it can even function as an hepatotrophorestorative, helping liver cells rebuild and repair! Its detoxification properties are gentle and generally considered safe during pregnancy and lactation, though it would pay to consult with a qualified naturopath or medical herbalist prior to using it during these times on an ongoing basis. You can use it as a tincture, or drink it as a tea.

CHAMOMILE is a beautiful herb for digestive function, and safe for all ages and during pregnancy and lactation. Known primarily for its calming and soothing properties as a sleep support, it is also excellent at soothing nervous stomach upsets, settling queasiness, and helping with slugging digestion. Take as a tea, or you can buy herbal glycetracts or tinctures from health shops.

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ISSUE 292 . December 2019 | January 2020

21

PARENTING

THREE QUEST IONS YOU MUST ASK BEFORE FOLLOWING ADVICE ABOUT YOUR BABY

By Pinky McKay It can be so difficult as a parent to sift through a minefield of conflicting advice, can’t it? Who do you trust? Which advice is ‘right’? Where is this advice coming from? Almost as soon as you baby bump begins to show, it seems that everyone is an expert about YOUR baby!

Whenever you hear advice that doesn’t feel quite right to you or if you hear about a new approach and you aren’t quite certain about it, it is good to put this through your filters and do a check in. To make this simple I have three questions you can ask yourself: ‘Is it safe? Is it respectful? Does it feel right?’

You can also ask, ‘what messages do I want to give my child?’ (this one is great at any age).

Let’s take a look at how this works with advice around baby sleep, for instance, since this seems to be a huge issue for most new parents. A lot of advice about baby sleep is presented in a very authoritarian or patronising manner with dire warnings that you will set yourself up for ongoing problems if you don’t follow whatever ‘proven advice’ is being recommended at the time.

if at all. That’s probably why advice varies so much – from six minutes to ten minutes to an hour or whatever! Babies, especially small babies, can become over heated when left to cry and this can lead to febrile convulsions or there is a risk that they may choke on saliva or mucous.

Even if these potentially life-threatening risks don’t eventuate, there are potential risks to infant mental health through leaving your baby to cry. This is partly due to elevated levels of stress hormones on a developing infant brain and the possibility that the only ‘learning’ your baby will be doing through this kind of ‘teaching’ is that there is no point crying for help because nobody is coming: this is learned helplessness.

Crying is your baby’s language and a communication that he needs something or someone to help him feel safe and secure Your baby’s sense of safety is important too – he is biologically programmed to feel safe when he is in proximity of his carers. This is a deep and legitimate need and when we consider a stone-age baby it is easier to grasp

There is a range of options to help you create a positive sleep environment and the responsibility for deciding which options will suit your child and your family is yours. But here’s how to apply these three questions as you make your decisions regarding your child’s sleep environment:

ONE: IS IT SAFE?

Obviously, your child’s safety is the numberone prerequisite for making any choices about sleeping practices. From choosing a sleeping environment to implementing a bed time routine, you will always need to assess whether this is safe for your baby at every level: here’s an example for you – although you are certain to hear various advice about leaving your baby to cry for a prescribed length of time, nobody has actually researched how long this is safe,

22 PALMY PARENT . PALMERSTON NORTH PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE

how important being close to a carer is to your baby: if a stone age baby was left alone in a cave to sleep, he would be at risk from predators – lions, eagles, crocodiles perhaps. This is why babies are programmed to cry out when they are left alone. They are saying – where are you? And they are desperately stressed because being alone could be life threatening – at least from a baby’s perspective.

Even though our ‘stone age’ baby is safe from predators in this space age world, HE doesn’t know he is in a safety-standards approved cot, in a warm room inside a safe house with a monitor on the wall so his carers can hear every tiny whimper. To a baby, feeling safe is knowing somebody is nearby and he will do this through his senses of smell, touch, sight and hearing.

And, if he needs help to settle or he feels ‘unsafe’ he will let you know through his cries.

TWO: ARE RESPECTFUL?

WE

BEING

We do many things to small children and babies without even considering how intrusive or disrespectful it might feel to them. For instance, can you imagine being woken from a sound sleep and having food stuck into your mouth, regardless of whether you are hungry or not, just because somebody else decided it was convenient for them to feed you right now? Or having your legs whipped up in the air and your pants pulled down without even a please or thankyou? And yet this is often how we approach every-day tasks such as changing a baby’s nappy – talk to your baby about what you are planning to do whether this is dressing, bathing, or implementing a bed time routine and please remember, you are the grown up here –your baby is a small vulnerable person whose most important task in the first year is learning to trust. This is a prerequisite for future relationships, and he needs love and respect to develop this trust in you.

THREE: D OES IT FEEL RIGHT?

If something you are advised to do with your baby doesn’t feel right to you, step back and listen to your inner voice. Notice how you feel – you may feel tight in the stomach or a bit goose-bumpy – or the feeling may just be a kind of ‘knowing’ that this isn’t right for your baby right now.

Another thing to consider if you are still a bit confused or if you have energy to go a bit deeper is, ‘what are we teaching?’

It may be difficult when you are utterly exhausted but try to think about the bigger picture and consider what messages you want to send to your child, whether you have a young baby or a toddler. Will you be teaching your child that sleep is a lovely, nurturing space where he is safe to go, and that he can trust you to soothe his fears and mend his hurts whatever the time of day or night? If you can do this, you will not only be investing in sound sleep, but you will be creating a precious bond with your child that will outlast these early sleepless nights.

So, is it safe? Is it respectful? And, does it feel right?

If you can answer these three questions and you would like to try something new with your baby, go ahead and see how your baby responds. If you and your child are happy and it is working for you without creating stress for your baby or you, then it’s probably just right for you both. If anything you try feels stressful for you or your child, step back and take a break. Remember, you are the expert about your baby – trust yourself, trust your child and trust the connect between you.

ISSUE 292 . December 2019 | January 2020

23

DAD’S LIFE

THE ULTIMATE ROOKIE DAD’S GUIDE TO NEWBORNS

By John Hoffman PART ONE

When our first son was born, I was a musician, which meant that, apart from not making much money, I was home a lot during the day with my wife and baby. Sometimes, when I saw she was exhausted, I would try to help out by shooing her off to bed.

“Don’t worry,” I’d say to Holly. “I’ll look after him.

Get some rest.”

Inevitably, Riley would start fussing. I’d be working away to comfort him, and before long I would hear the thump, thump, thump of Holly running down the stairs as if the house were on fire. Although she never actually said these words, the urgency of her movement and her body language said, “What are you doing to my baby?!” It was as if she just had to know, at that millisecond, exactly what was going on and what she could do about it. Eventually we were able to joke about it, but at first I saw it

as interference. I wanted the chance to learn to comfort Riley myself, and I needed the time and space to work it out. I wasn’t going to get anywhere if I got rescued whenever the going got tough.

What I didn’t realize was that my wife’s behaviour was much more about her than it was about me. I didn’t understand the pressure she felt to become an instantly competent mum, nor her intense need to bring order to her drastically altered world, and that meant being able to calm her baby.

It might seem odd to begin an article about fathers and babies with a story about a father and mother.

However, I think that’s where you have to start because, while a mother has a pretty direct line to her baby, a father’s connection goes through the mother and, in the beginning, the father-infant

24 PALMY PARENT . PALMERSTON NORTH PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE

relationship can never totally exclude her. When a new dad wants to build his relationship with the baby (which we’ll get into later) he must remember that it develops within the context of the motherbaby relationship. If he doesn’t understand this, he may run into trouble.

There was a time when we didn’t need to think about this. Gender roles were clearly divided and babies were seen by everyone as women’s territory.

But now, fathers have invaded that territory. In our culture, most fathers want to be — and are expected to be—involved with their babies. That’s good, but we need to keep in mind that some of the realities from the past still hold true today.

Women are still socially and biologically programmed to be parents much more strongly than men are.

Mothers expect to be “in charge” of babies and, in most families, they assume that role early on. When a father moves in to pick up the baby, he’s moving into her world. Therefore he needs to understand a little about that world.

learn to comfort Riley myself.

This dynamic plays out a little differently in each family, but I think it speaks to an incompatibility that a man must acknowledge and work around. It requires an adroit balance: He must patiently persist in establishing his own connection with his child, while at the same time supporting and respecting his partner’s relationship with the baby. It’s one step forward, one step back. The idea is to make the forward steps a little bigger.

Now, about that baby…

(Look for part two in the next issue of Palmy Parent) Originally published by: www.todaysparent.com

The first thing to recognize is the intense nature of her relationship with her child. She’s in love, or at least falling in love. Clearly it’s not exactly the same as it is with a lover, but the emotional intensity and the obsession are similar. At times she acts as though the rest of the world is irrelevant. Observant fathers pick up on this and quickly get a sense that something of great significance is going on between their partner and the new baby. Often they are in awe of this relationship and will defer to mother and baby in order to keep from interfering with it. This is partly a good thing—the emerging mother-baby relationship needs to be supported, and fathers can play an important role by mothering the mother.

(Somehow, “fathering the mother” doesn’t have quite the right ring to it.) But a father needs to develop his own connection, which means he needs to get at the baby. This is when he can become an “intruder” if he doesn’t watch his step, as my first experiences with Riley illustrated.

These encounters taught me (although I didn’t fully understand it until later) that the relationship between my wife and our sons was palpably physical.

The mind and body of a mother are intimately connected. When a nursing woman hears her baby cry, even if she’s in another room, it triggers the release of a hormone that lets down her milk and makes her breasts leak. That kind of physical response, combined with the strong emotional connection, means that most mothers respond to a baby’s distress more quickly and strongly than fathers. That’s what compelled Holly to take the baby from me sometimes. Even though she desperately needed rest, there was just no way for her to lie up there and relax while he was crying. If her baby was in distress, she was in distress.

It wasn’t really a question of who was right and who was wrong. Holly was right to respond to those cues.

That was part of what helped her become a good mom. But, at the same time, I was right to want to ISSUE 292 . December 2019 | January 2020

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DEVELOPMENTAL PLAY

SUMMER OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES

By E r i n E v i s Summer is here, and in an increasingly wired world, it’s important we take advantage of the good weather to get outside and away from the screens to enjoy some time in nature with our young ones - and it’s never too early to start.

Fresh air, dirt, the sounds and smells of the great outdoors are great for our overall wellbeing - both physical and emotional and we are lucky here in the Manawatu to have plenty of places to explore, whether it’s your backyard, a local park, or a reserve a little further afield.

THE OUTDOORS FOR NEWBORNS AND YOUNG INFANTS: Sometimes it’s easy to forget that younger infants are able to enjoy being outside, too, and it doesn’t have to be complicated. Lie them down on a blanket or bring the bouncer outside and perch them under a tree to watch the birds flying around, the leaves on the

trees, the way the grass moves in the breeze… at this age, everything is new and interesting, and the peacefulness will often help settle a grizzly baby. Let them explore the feeling of grass under their skin and the sensation of wind across their faces for a wonderful sensory experience. If there are older kids and family around, all the better for watching!!

If you’re going on a walk somewhere, bring a baby carrier and let them view the world from up high as they snuggle into you, taking it all in from a safe and cosy vantage point. Try one of the walks in the Pohangina Valley or the Tawa Loop, or if you’re after something more sedate, there are lovely walks along the various rivers and streams that weave through the region. A picnic at Kowhai Park in Feilding or the Esplanade in Palmy is unbeatable on a summer’s day, or take the family for a day trip to a beach or Mt Lee’s Reserve and enjoy the time with your little one before they’re big enough to run away too far.

THE OUTDOORS FOR TODDLERS AND PRESCHOOLERS: This is a fantastic age for all sorts of interesting adventures, many of which are not only fun but excellent sensory 26 PALMY PARENT . PALMERSTON NORTH PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE

experiences and great for learning about the world around us. Hand each child a bucket and send them on a snail hunt, or a bug catcher to rescue other fauna in your garden or local park. Send them on a mission to find a flower of each colour in the rainbow, or the best and worst-smelling plants in the yard. Have them help you plant seedlings or sow seeds in the veggie patch, or smell the leaves of various herbs and decide which they’d like best in tonight’s dinner. Go for a wander in a community garden if you don’t have your own, or even better, dig up a patch of lawn and start your own with your wee ones.

Treasure hunts are another great hit for older

explorers. Leave clues for them to decipher which lead to the next clue, culminating in a dig for a special treat somewhere. Alternatively, set up an obstacle course, or go exploring along a stream or riverbank or in the bush on one of the many walks we have in the area. Make mud pies, skim stones along the water, teach them to make daisy chains, identify as many plants as you can in two minutes.

The possibilities are endless for getting out with your wee ones and helping them learn about the world around them, and it’s always great fun for us adults, too. Sometimes, all it takes is a pair of fresh young eyes to remind us of the beautiful place we live in and the importance of reconnecting with nature and each other.

As part of the Kind Hearts Movement

d n i K ea ts H

has bestowed a random act of kindness upon

Jessica Toleafoa You will each receive a free coffee voucher!

Don’t forget to pay it forward!

Streetwise Coffee Cart, Rangitikei Street, Palmerston North

ISSUE 292 . December 2019 | January 2020

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PRODUCT REVIEW

ALL-IN-ONE CLOTH NAPPIES With the warmer weather finally settling in, the heavy layers of clothes are coming off – which means this is the perfect time to be showing off those seriously adorable cloth nappies, or giving them a try if you haven’t already (your planet, and wallet, will thank you!). With a wide range of styles and shapes available in solid colours or beautiful prints, each nappy will fit your baby differently depending on the size of the baby’s legs, waist, and body shape overall, so what works for one may not work as well for the next, and nappies may change their fit as baby grows and develops too.

Having come a long way from the flat cotton squares of old, Modern Cloth Nappies come in a wide variety of styles. Here we review some of the best of the allin-one style, which take the best of the design features of disposable nappies – ease of use, no folding or stuffing, heavy capacity – and turn them into a simple, straightforward washable product. Most all-in-one nappies are available with snaps or hook-and-loop (Velcro) closures, and have a waterproof polyurethane laminate (PUL) lining which is breathable and water resistant, though not actually waterproof (waterproof means non-breathable and increases a tendency towards rashes and irritation, however with water resistant PUL fabric you may find clothes feel damp if it has been left on too long and water starts to push through, as it has nowhere else to go!).

Blueberry Simplex Organic This is a great all-in-one nappy for any age and stage. The design includes 12 layers of organic cotton, providing excellent absorbency (this is my go-to nap time nappy), and has an attached long tongue with one side of fleece that can be stuffed internally, or folded over as a staydry layer. Because the tongue opens out, it means this is a very fast-drying nappy, ideal for wetter days or those with smaller stashes who may need to wash and dry more often. It also includes a doubleended pocket design for adding extra layers for those very heavy wetters or converting to a night nappy with extra night boosters. The Organic Simplex comes in a range of gorgeous designs, and despite the excellent absorbency it still has a very trim fit ideal for skinnier-thighed babies who may be hard to get a good fit with, and is adjustable to cover a wide range of baby shapes and sizes (they suggest 10-35lbs or 4.5kg-16kg). This is a perfect, leak-proof and very simple cloth nappy, and is also available in a newborn version for the first few months.

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28 PALMY PARENT . PALMERSTON NORTH PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE

Thirsties NAIO This is a fantastic cloth nappy, with 11 layers of organic cotton and hemp providing excellent absorbency without being overly bulky. Extremely easy to put on – the layers are split up into two tongues that stay flat in the wet zone, but open out easily for faster drying – it is the closest thing to a disposable nappy you’ll come across. The fit is good for most babies, though it may seem slightly wide on those with smaller waists until they’re older, and they come in a range of gender-neutral funky designs, including a variety of Summer ones perfect for showing off in these warmer months. It’s also reasonably heavy-duty, ideal for toddlers and use at daycare or anywhere a bit of rough-and-tumble or outdoor play is likely. As the name suggests it is very thirsty, and is another favourite of mine for nap times due to its durability. The hook-and-loop version has aplix fastening, which lasts far longer than many other hook-and-loop products that may lose their grip after a year or two. A snap version is also available for those who prefer snaps, and it also comes in a newborn version for the littlest babies.

Smart Bottoms Smart One 3.1 This is another fantastic all-in-one nappy, with 10 layers of organic cotton fabric in a superquick-drying format, ideal for those who need to get things dry in a hurry. It does require a number of washes before it can be used, to help shrink the fibres and maximise its absorbency, but it is worth the time and effort to get it prepared as this nappy is very good.

It includes an attached insert which can be folded to optimise absorbency and opened out to aid drying, and the leg elastics are wide enough that they tend to avoid the red marks that can plague other nappies, while maintaining a good barrier against leaks. Fitting from 8-35lbs it covers a good age range (Smart Bottoms do a newborn nappy too however), and is good in terms of absorbency for naps and long car rides. It comes in a seriously extensive variety of colours and prints, and is one of the more durable nappies we’ve tried.

EcoBubs original PUL Pocket Nappies These are New Zealand made pocket nappies, with excellent quality materials and a range of beautiful prints and solids - the only downside is they come in very limited releases, very sporadically, so can be hard to come by (however, the easier-to-find and more readily available Ecobubs Essentials range of front-snapping nappies is amazing quality and very absorbent, too, with loads of lovely colours!). They come with a great side-snap system that ensures a fantastic fit with no side droop or leaks, which is great for babies of all sizes. The shell is lined with high quality and soft microfleece or a more absorbent (but just as gentle) velour, minimising irritation and wetness to baby, and the insert is super-absorbent organic cotton and hemp; soft and thick, without the bulk of many layers as the hemp holds so much liquid.

The elastic is tough and strong without digging in to baby, and you can stuff them from the front, meaning you don’t have to get your hands in the messy stuff!!

Congratulates

Angela Pomana For winning a Treatment, Cut and Blowwave for being a current Palmerston North Patents Centre member Ph: 358 4010 | Hotel Coachman,134 Fitzherbert Ave, Palmerston North | thehaircompany.co.nz Open Mon - Sat, late nights Tues and Thur

ISSUE 292 . December 2019 | January 2020

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FAMILY FRIENDLY OUTING

WAITARERE BEACH

By Laura Wenden-Green We had no idea when we set off on a Sunday morning for a family day out that we were about to find the perfect kid destination.

A teacher at kindy had told me earlier that week that she had recently visited Waitarere Beach and explored this cute little community built playground, so when we were looking for somewhere to go on for our family outing we

thought we would check it out.

Well! Check it out we did! We took a picnic and spent the whole day over at Waitarere Beach. First we visited the beach, which is a lovely beach, clean and tidy, I loved that there weren’t cars hooning up and down it like you get at Foxton a lot. It stresses me out cars on the beach with little ones. They had a pretty

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good toilet up in the car park which wasn’t gross or stinky, which is always a win.

Then we decided to take our picnic and check out this adventure playground I had been told about. What a discovery! It’s not too tricky to find, if you come into the township on Waitarere Beach Road and turn left onto Rua Street, (which is the last street before you come to the beach) head all the way to the end of the street and you can easily see a gateway to the reserve land. Head left along the grass-way to the park at the end. Along the way are loads of cute little fairy gardens to peek at as you go past. Then nestled in the forest with plenty of shade and some grass

to lay out your picnic rug you will find an adventure playground like no other, it even has a flying fox. it is the perfect spot to chill out and let the kids play. We met my brother there so we had a range of kids from not quite 2 to 7 and they all had something to enthrall them. I know that even my 9 year old nephews would find it super cool. We spent hours there, it was great.

There are a few cafes and shops in the Waitarere township too, we got a coffee from the dairy which was pretty good. Plenty to keep you busy for a full day. Well worth a visit and only a 40mins drive from Palmerston North.

Nichole Cobham

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COMMUNITY SUPPORT GROUPS Across Te Kotahitanga O Te Wairua We can provide a range of social services which include: Counselling, Family support (including respite care for children), Parenting advice/information and programmes, Advice on other services available for parents and families.

Contact: Graeme on (06) 356 7486 or visit www.across.org.nz Allergy New Zealand Support groups are a great way to meet others in a similar situation to you. They are very relaxed, informal sessions to share ideas, discuss your concerns, and get information and resources. Our regional support group is there to help put you in contact with others, to provide you with information such as those all important recipes, and to listen when you need someone to talk to. They are not medically qualified but can refer your queries on and seek information on your behalf. For further information phone 0800 34 0800 or visit www.allergy.org.nz Babywearers Manawatu This is a great way to try different carriers while finding a carrier that suits you and your baby. Babywearers Manawatu Sling Library is on most Wednesdays 12 pm - 1 pm (check FB for up to date info) at Palmerston North Parents Centre, 30 Waldegrave Street, Palmerston North. Membership is one off payment of $10 and carrier hire costs $5 for one week.https://www.facebook.com/groups/ babywearersmanawatu/ Brain Injury Association Central Districts We provide advocacy information and support for people with brain injury, their families, whanau and carers. For more information call (06) 354 3540.

Breastfeeding Help An IBCLC (often called lactation consultant) is a breastfeeding specialist qualified to prevent, recognise, and resolve breastfeeding problems. All members of NZCLA hold the professional qualification of International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC). Any mother, family member or health professional interested in obtaining the contact details of an IBCLC can phone 0800 4 LACTATION (0800 452 282) during daytime hours.

HOPE An opportunity for parents of premature babies to meet and chat and to offer hope and support to those who currently have babies in the Neo-Natal Unit. Graduates welcome. Held at: Plunket Family Centre, 42 Albert Street, Palmerston North. Monday 1pm – 2.30pm. Contact: Karlyn Sullivan-Jones (06) 353 0663 or karlynandmark@xnet.co.nz Itchy Kids A national support group for parents and whanau who care for children with eczema and allergies. For more information contact Sarah Hartley 027 333 7385 or email hartleyfamilynz@gmail.com or visit itchykids.org.nz Manawatu Toy Library Now located at 200 Church Street, Palmerston North, this fabulous toy library has a collection of over 2000 toys. Our members include families, carers, and educational groups. We have toys suitable for babies 5+ months through to school age children.

Membership costs $95 per annum or $60 for six months. You are welcome to visit to see what we offer. To find out more, including opening hours: manawatutoylibrary.nz, or call 027 364 6911.

Manawatu Down Syndrome Association Regional contact is Andrea Wales (06) 356 1767.

Manawatu Home Birth Association Offering information, advice and support to women and their families seeking to birth their babies at home. Birth pools and other equipment available for hire. Library, sibling kits, and bimonthly

newsletters also available. Call (06) 356 BABY (06 356 2229) for more information.

Manline Manline services are unique in that we are the only “men helping men” organisation in the Manawatu and Tararua region offering services for men to explore issues within their lives. Our programs are designed to be educational, developmental, rehabilitative, and preventative. http://www.manline.co.nz/home or 06 358 1211 Miscarriage Support Miscarriage can be a very lonely experience and is often not talked about. Miscarriage support groups have produced quality information and pamphlets for women/couples who may need information and support. These invaluable resources can be downloaded from miscarriage.org.nz Methodist Social Services Offering free programmes for primary/intermediate aged children and their parents/caregivers, around the areas of anger management, grief loss and change, and confidence building. We also offer family, couple, and individual counselling, and have both male and female counsellors available. Advocacy and social work support services are provided along with an emergency food service. For all enquiries, please call 06 350 0307, 663 Main Street, Palmerston North.

Palmerston North Breastfeeding support group We provide a relaxed place to come and ask questions about breastfeeding and parenting , we hold regular meeting on the first Monday of the month at Palmy Parents Centre, Ruahine St, 10am. We have a library with a wide range of books relating to breastfeeding and parenting. http://www.lalecheleague. org.nz/palmerston-north or https://www.facebook.com/ PNbreastfeedingsupport/ Parent to Parent Supporting families of children with a special need, health impairment, or disability. For more information please phone (06) 355 0787or email manawatu@parent2parent.org.nz Parentline 24 Hour Crisis Line. Offering help and support for parents 24 hours a day. Phone 0800 4 FAMILY. Plunket Education Services For parent education classes please contact the Plunket family centre in Albert Street, Palmerston North, (06) 356 7248 for more information regarding classes in 2016.

Reflux Support Contact: Sharon 354 7280 Sands A voluntary group who have lost babies before, during or after birth. They can provide first hand support, guidance, and information on miscarriage, stillbirth, or newborn death. Further information and support can be found by contacting Shaun and Gaylene Vivian (06) 356 9715 or visiting sands.org.nz Supergrans Manawatu Charitable Trust Supergrans Manawatu is all about helping people help themselves.

A service to all to brush up on the basic skills needed to provide for oneself or for a family. Our motto is not a ‘do it for you today’ it is a ‘help you to do it tomorrow’ concept. This is a free service.

It is concerned with encouraging better skills in those everyday tasks around the home that sustain life. We work with you in your own home. Phone (06) 354 3804 or 021 0669 442 for further information.

32 PALMY PARENT . PALMERSTON NORTH PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE

MEMBER DISCOUNTS

10% OFF

FREE! Address labels with any birth announcement, thank you cards until 30/12/18

Coleman Mall, Palmerston North Ph: 06 357 1976

GRANT IRVINE PHARMACY

10% OFF

Ground Floor, TSB Building 12-19, Fitzherbert Ave, Palmerston North

168 Albert Street, Palmerston North Ph: 06 357 8782

10% off for all massages over $40 to PC members

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Contact palmyparent@hotmail.com

FREE TEA OR COFFEE

06 358 8549

Receive a free tea or coffee with the purchase of food.

95 the Square, Palmerston North

HAIR TRANSFORMER

15% OFF Discounted, low ratio childcare – For 30 hours WAIVED weekly admin & placement fees

TV aerial/satellite installer

10% OFF All current PNPC members receive 10% off labour only Call Now for a FREE Quote Robert Torok Ph: 06 354 5664 or 027 294 3972

Link Arcade, Broadway Avenue Palmerston North Ph: 06 358 1309

$10 OFF All current PNPC members receive $10 off, offer cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer.

Sharlene Adkins (t) 06 355 4939 (e) sharlene@smallp.com (m) 021 185 2064. www.smallp.com

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PLAYGROUPS IN YOUR AREA Plunket Family Centre Playgroup

ASHHURST

Ashhurst Playcentre

AWAPUNI/WESTEND Kingston St Chapel

CENTRAL

42 Albert Street

021-808-340

Mondays & Fridays 10am to 12noon

118 Standford Street

326 9270

Mon to Thurs 9am - 12pm

Kingston St

358 0716

Tues & Thurs 9am- 11:30am

Crossroads Early Childhood Salvation Army Rudolf Steiner Seventh Day Adventist Church Playgroup with Hope

220 Church St 358 0669 cnr Church & Princess Sts 358 7455 187 Ruahine St 354 4514 257 Ferguson St 282 Cuba Street (opposite Briscoes) Contact: Heather 027 334 9981

Mon to Fri 9am to 12noon Thurs 9:30am to 11am Tues 9:30am - 12noon & Thu 2pm -3:30pm Wed 9:30 to 11:00am Tuesday 9.30-11.30am playgroup@hopevineyard.nz

FEILDING Feilding Playcentre Community Fielding Playcentre Doodlebugs SPACE Bright Sparks Preschool Programme

254A Kimbolton Rd 42 North St Knox Hall, North St 22 Bowen St Feilding Library

323 6100 323 1918 323 7240 323 7221 323 5373

Mon to Fri 9am to 1pm Mon to Fri 9am to 1pm Thurs 9am to 11:30am Contact for more details Wed 10:30am to 11:30am

12-32 Brentwood Ave

358 2255

Fri 8:30am to 12noon

339 Albert St Huia St extn

357 9411 357 0791

Wed 9:30am to 10:30am Mon, Tues, Thurs & Fri 9am - 12noon

HIGHBURY

Te Aroha Noa Community Services

HOKOWHITU

St Albans Church Park Road Playcentre

LINTON

Linton Playgroup

MILSON

Milson Playcentre

OPIKI

Opiki Playgroup

ROSLYN/KELVIN GROVE

Kelvin Grove Salvation Army Church on Vogel Plunket Roslyn Over 1’s Coffee Group

Linton Camp (Community Centre) 3519970

Mon & Wed 9am to 11:30am

1a Seaforth Ave

Mon, Wed & Fri 9am-12noon

356 9824

St Andrews Church, Main Road

Tues 10am to 12noon

99-103 Kaimanawa St 127 Vogel St 177 Vogel Street

Wed 9:30am to 11:30am Wed 9:30am to 12noon Wednesdays 9.30am to 11am

353 0917 357 7336 021-808-340

RONGOTEA

Te Kawau Playcentre Medway St 324 8246

SANSON

Sanson Playcentre

TERRACE END

St David‘s Presbyterian Church Terrace End Playcentre

Mon to Thurs 9:15am to 12:15pm, Fri 11:45am to 2:45pm

2 Philipps St

329 3503

Tues and Fri 9am to 12noon

Cnr Main & Rainforth 77 Ruamahanga Cres

358 3246 0221400610

Tues 10:00am to 11:30am Wed, Thu, Fri 9.30am to 12.30 school term

SPECIALIST GROUPS

La Leche League 355 3104 Manawatu Multiple Birth Club Kingston St Church 357 9773 Parent 2 Parent Special Needs Matipo St 355 0787 ABCD early intervention group 9 Woburn Place 0800 693 724 - Down Syndrome French for Preschoolers 1st floor, 47 the Square 021 207 0114 Spanish Class – 2 yrs and up 355 8257 Plunket Bhutanese Playgroup 25 Franklin Ave 3574844 Book Bubs baby book club PN Library

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Contact for more details Every 2nd Wed,10am 1st and 3rd Tues each month, 1-3pm Once a month on Thurs 10am to 12noon Fri 3.30pm to 4.30pm Contact for further details Mon 12.30 – 2.30pm Thursday 10.30 – 11 am fortnightly.

PREGGY TO PRESCHOOL GARAGE SALE

Date: Saturday 29th April 2017 Time: 9.00am – 11.00am Place: Central Baptist Church, 190 Church Street (Opposite the Fire Station) Come along for great bargains on new & used baby/children’s clothes, toys, books, nursery equipment, maternity wear and more!

old Coin Entry – This is a fundraising event for Parents Centre

ok a table online at www.palmyparentscentre.org.nz

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Palmy Parents Centre is excited to have Puddleducks on board as our newest Gold level sponsor

Locally and family owned and operated 7 centres throughout the Manawatu including a Montessori Preschool and our Puddleducks’ Private Kindergarten. Centrally located.

Spaces available now!

Enquire Today

PuddleducksPreschool

www.puddleducks.co.nz