One Pattaya
Fun Town’s most vibrant
20 Baht
16 - 28 February 2011 Issue 10 www.pattayaone.net
Who’s inside this issue:
All quiet on the daylight front
% Fool in Paradise % Nightmarch % Pete’s Peregrinations % Thai Lite
Bars the focus of government clampdown Local officials racking up the drug numbers By Staff Writers
The government has ordered all police divisions in Thailand to work hard at reducing criminal activity by 20 percent in a period of three months. Since the bars of Pattaya are potentially places where criminal elements might be found, rolling raids on these establishments have been taking place over the past few weeks. One of the first raids took place in Soi 6 in central Pattaya, which netted 16 females who failed urine tests but amazingly not a single illicit drug was discovered. A second raid, on the Sunee Plaza predominantly gay bar area, was led by the Ministry of Justice. This proved a little more successful, with 46 people being arrested as either being underage
or failing illicit drug use tests. Twenty grams of crystal methamphetamine (known colloquially as yah ice) and 39 yah bah tablets were seized. Officials also found a pistol and a number of bullets. The next area to feel the weight of uniformed numbers was Soi 13/2 (better known as Soi Post Office), running between Beach and Second Road. This raid was deemed top priority so it was conducted by the big cheese himself, Police Colonel Nantawoot, the Chief of Pattaya Police, just before Chinese New Year. Of course he wasn’t alone, and helped by officers from the Pattaya division of the
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A series of late-night raids on the major entertainment districts of Pattaya over the past few weeks have taken place after the central government in Bangkok decided it was time to have another crackdown on something. Since local bar owners had expressed a desire to be granted 24-hour trading licenses, it seemed the perfect opportunity to launch raids on the areas petitioning for the extended hours. Since there is usually a concomitant link between the ingestion and sale of illicit drugs and crime as well as people who tend to have largely nocturnal habits, the raids would serve nicely to make it look as though ‘something’ was being done.
To advertise please contact Howard on 087 747 8555 or email: howard@pattayaone.net
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16 - 28 February 2011 Issue 10
Local officials racking up the drug numbers From page one Narcotics Suppression Bureau, every bar along the street was visited and their employees checked. The raid saw 10 people detained on illegal drug use charges while three others were arrested after they were caught playing online casinos with real money in an Internet café. Police found 166 yah bah tablets and 36.58 grams of yah ice in the raid, which was perhaps surprisingly more successful in quantity than the one they had undertaken on Soi 6 and Sunee Plaza.
I can see your meatballs Bruce
No more school tonight girls Then it was the turn of Soi 13/4, better known as Pattayaland Soi 2. A total of 18 venues were checked and police arrested eight people who failed the standard urine sample in a small plastic cup test. All these recent raids have seen over 1,000 bar employees tested, which is a lot of little plastic cups to be added to the Pattaya landfill. It makes no difference as to the nature or severity of the criminal activity as each time someone is profiled the numbers can be added to the figures presented by local law enforcement officials to the Royal Thai Police headquarters in Bangkok.
From Landmark to Firewood
Our reporters were on hand recently when a Pattaya landmark was sadly felled at the corner of Thepprasit and Pratamnak Road. Initially he thought the tree was being drastically pruned, but hours later, it had been cut to a stump, after maybe a hundred or more years of growth. That’s progress, like it or not, and this is Pattaya, where there is no room for sentiment or nostalgia for anything standing in the way of anything.
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16 - 28 February 2011 Issue 10
Fun Town’s most vibrant
Pattaya One 03
Dutch tourist caught Time for a Proper with happy weed Bus Service A 24-year-old tourist from the Netherlands was arrested by police in the early hours of a weekend morning and later charged with possession of a reasonably substantial block of the prohibited Class 5 drug marijuana. Mr Sonny De Graaff was caught in his room at the Soi Town-InTown Hotel in Central Pattaya with 11gms of marijuana. Officers said they had been given information by one of their vast team of local informants, who were spot on the money yet again with their amazing knowledge of the illegal activities taking place in some of the more out-of-the-way places in Pattaya. Back at the police station, Mr De Graaff said he had purchased the marijuana from an agent on Walking Street, which is not quite so out-of-the-way. We are unaware
Patience Wears Thin I knew I should have used more hair gel if he was able to give the name or a description of the agent, and we are not aware if officers asked for these details. The Dutchman claimed he had been coming to Thailand on a regular basis for eight years.
Bloody luxury
High season again highlighted the many problems on Pattaya’s roads. Besides road-resurfacing, roadbuilding and long traffic jams, the volume of high season tourists led to great pressure on the creaking baht bus system, with many vehicles packed to overcapacity with passengers, while others, hired privately, carried only couples, and sailed past lines of dusty, hot, frustrated tourists who waited longer than ever to be picked up. Many in the city are now calling for the introduction of a proper bus service as a much-needed transport
option, especially as tourism from Russia is set to boost the number of holidaymakers in the town over the coming years. Previous half-hearted and under-supported attempts at introducing a bus service created conflict with the monopoly which run the baht buses, but high season demonstrated the limits of having a baht bus-only mass transport system, and the introduction of proper air-conditioned buses, on a regular route are now seen as inevitable as Pattaya grows into a more sophisticated tourist city. The increasing numbers of Russian families, such as those pictured above, dejectedly waiting in the pollution, dust and heat of Thappraya Road recently, would welcome a proper, regular bus service, so they could be stuck in traffic in air-conditioned comfort, rather than facing a long hot wait on Pattaya’s dangerous, traffic-clogged roads, for an already-packed human cattle truck to pick them up.
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This is a classic Mercedes. The ones in the luxury show are a little more up to date For the week between Tuesday 15th February and Monday 21st February, a luxury automotive show will take place on the first floor of the Central Festival shopping complex in central Pattaya. Presented by the Pattaya Specialist Car and Boat Centre and the
SBP Car Network Company, the show will feature some of the latest and best quality motor vehicles from around the world (BMW, Mercedes Benz, Jaguar, Aston Martin and the like), most of which are available for purchase in Thailand.
Can you feel the Force? “Right. Listen up. We’re looking for a motorbike taxi driver wearing a black helmet, blue shirt, green vest, in jeans and white trainers, riding a pink motorbike with a basket on the front. Keep a sharp lookout!” “OK boss.”
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Pete’s Peregrinations By Peter Lloyd
Cape Town Shipwrecks
The only remaining piece of the Athens, wrecked where it lies. Town Harbour with Table Mountain behind I am writing this in Cape Town, where my wife and I have come to visit friends, before embarking on a 3 week road trip through South Africa and Namibia. I always think Cape Town represents a best case for Pattaya, being a well run, popular seaside tourist city, in a grossly corrupt country. Cape Town is even more prosperous and its infrastructure greatly improved since hosting some World Cup football matches last year, and it knows how to make the most of its attractions and how to look after its tourists. I can only imagine what would happen if the locals started pulling wholescale jet ski scams as they are allowed to do in Pattaya. Living overlooking the sea in Jomtien, and being accustomed to the small wave action in the Gulf of Thailand, I always enjoy watching
huge white waves crashing onto the rocks and up the beaches around Cape Town. I also enjoy the strong, salty smell of this sea. The water, however, is absolutely freezing. I waded into the Atlantic Ocean yesterday, standing up to my thighs in very cold water, and within two minutes I was losing the feeling in both legs. When I got out again the numbness took a while to disappear. It made me especially sympathetic to the plight of the many people who have lost their lives in shipwrecks around Cape Town. Shipwrecks and the consequences of major shipwrecks marked by memorials and even lighthouses, dot the whole coast, and rounding the Cape of Good Hope always held a special terror for mariners and explorers.
This ship, and thousands of others, were sunk by violent storms that whip up the seas quickly, even very close to the shore, around Cape Town. The Athens went down at night, and although close to the shore, nobody could get to it, because of the sea conditions. The cries for help which could be clearly heard by people on the beach, finally stopped by midnight, as the survivors drowned in the icy sea. Many ships have been wrecked at nearby Cape Aghulas, the southernmost point of the whole continent of Africa, where the Indian Ocean meets the much colder Atlantic Ocean. It was notorious for its dangers, hidden rocks, huge waves and strong winds which have confronted seafarers throughout the centuries. The most famous shipwreck at Cape Aghulas was the loss of the Arniston in 1815. 372 people died, and only six survived, when the captain mistakenly believed the ship had rounded the Cape of Good Hope but was instead smashed to pieces on the Cape Aghulas reefs. This tragedy led to the building of a lighthouse at the Cape, which still stands today. Almost 50 years later, another mass drowning occurred when
HMS Birkenhead ran aground in 1845 not far away, this time at place called Danger Point. This shipwreck was the first to give rise to the famous order “women and children first” as army officers stood aside to let women and children escape in the lifeboats. Of 643 people on board, only 193 survived, the dead having drowned, died of exposure, or having been eaten by great white sharks which are common in the area and which feasted on the exhausted survivors as they tried to swim the two miles to shore. One survivor wrote: I remained on the wreck until she went down; the suction took me down some way…I came up and struck out for some pieces of wood that were on the water and started for land, about two miles (3 km) off. I was in the water about five hours, as the shore was so rocky and the surf ran so high that a great many were lost trying to land. Nearly all those that took to the water without their clothes on were taken by sharks; hundreds of them were all round us, and I saw men taken by them close to me……..
UNION RMS ATHENS Lost with all hands during the Great Gales in Table Bay, 1865 Just off the promenade in Cape Town, and lying very close to shore, all that remains of a the Athens,
fine looking ship pictured above, is this, its engine block:
Contact me at pattayaonepete@gmail.com
Smaller, more recent and less dramatic shipwrecks still litter the shores.
16 - 28 February 2011 Issue 10
Pattaya One 05
Fun Town’s most vibrant
Letters to the Editor If you would like to voice your opinion in print, please send us your thoughts and ideas by email to: editor@pattayaone.net Letters may be edited to improve clarity and spelling.
Scammers and technology (1) Sir, I have been watching the jet ski scam in Pattaya with interest and still don’t understand why it isn’t being stopped with all the publicity. But one thing I have noticed is that the argument seems to be that people renting the jet skis argue over the photo because there are marks on the ski that the customer possibly missed when they rented which have been photographed
without informing the customer. And then on their arrival they are shown a nice shiny jet ski with no marks, maybe due to editing. There is a possibility that these scammers are editing their photos once the renter takes the ski to the water by sending the photo sms and receiving it back and saving it in the same location as the original. The other thing they may be doing is sending a runner some-
where to change it and this could even be done on memory cards and then put back in the camera. They would have the resources because most work closely with the para-sailing staff. When Police investigate they need to go to the next level and inspect phones for multi media messages and there is also software available to check if a photo has been edited.
I hope this may assist in getting these scammers stopped. Note: I have also sent this to the British embassy Bangkok, but feel that it needs to also be handed as a media issue as you may be in the position to give this information to relevant authorities. Regards Mal C By email
Scammers and technology (2) Sir, I sent an email about the jet ski scam, and today I saw two different jet ski photographers in locations near soi 13 and also the lot near Walking Street finish taking photos and then one passed something on to another Thai, possibly a camera and the Thai got on his motorbike and went somewhere. Another further took photos, he was near Royal Garden, then he went to the last jet ski operator and
it looked like he put the camera in the bag. This is my theory: the jet skis already have marks and scratches on them before the customer leaves. The customer takes the ski out and while he is out the original is getting Photo-shopped. When he comes and is shown the so called original with no scratches what can he do? It is quite possible the police and customer are looking are not look-
ing at the originals. Earlier I mentioned they may be using SMS but now it looks like motorbike. Follow the photographer and his runner and it may explain a whole lot of how they are getting away with it. I hope you can do something with this as I say I am not 100 percent sure but it is worth checking out and passing to the relevant authority.
regards, Mal C By email Considering the amounts of money these scam artists are raking in on a daily basis it would be no surprise to us at the lengths they would go to in making sure each and every ‘sting’ comes off. Yet more reasons to avoid these thieves like the proverbial plague.
A Walk on the Wild Side Sir, I recently walked along the beach from the Dusit Hotel. It was high tide and I to literally tiptoe along the water’s edge to avoid an assortment of plastic bottles/bags which the sea was vainly trying to reject by washing them ashore. Interspersed with this manmade rubbish were a number of dead small fish. I have always made the point of not swimming in the sea here, but fish do not have the luxury of such choice. Earlier this week I took a ferry ride to one of the nearby islands and was thrilled to spot some flying fish leaping from the water. I couldn’t help thinking what a wonderful planet we are all so privileged to live on! However, my elation was marred by the unsightly countless plastic items I saw floating in the sea during the ferry crossing. Most worryingly, this plastic rubbish takes up to 200 years to dissolve. But why is Pattaya a party to this senseless dumping, when the local council claims, among other things, to be promoting Pattaya as a clean and healthy environment?
At the beginning of the 21st century, Ireland, the country from which I sprung, very effectively dealt with reducing non-reusable plastic bag demand by more than 90%. Simply by placing a levy on them, the equivalent of 10 baht. The ‘Green Tax’ revenue obtained from these bags was then channelled into other environmental projects in Ireland. It would make sense for Pattaya to introduce a similar tax here, although five baht would probably be sufficient. If we really care about the beaches of Pattaya we can make them clean again by promoting such projects. As I continued my walk along the beach beyond Soi 5 I spotted some more garbage on the beach, this time it was human garbage, the dreaded jet ski scammers! They were in the process of extracting money from two unfortunate Bulgarian tourists for ‘damage’ to a jet ski. The usual Pattaya officials were in attendance, a tourist policeman and a Thai policeman too. I have observed that the ski scammers always phone for ‘assistance’ immediately after one of
their jet skis is damaged. They must be the most accident prone jet skis in the world! Incidentally on a personal survey I conducted over the last few months of local Thai and farang residents and tourists too, the ski scammers are only marginally more unpopular than the incredibly rude Russians. Interesting! Derek By email Many years ago when people in countries such as Australia, Britain and the United States did their grocery shopping the goods would be packed into large, strong paper bags or cardboard boxes. Sometime around the mid to late 1970s this changed with the introduction of plastic shopping bags. Arguably, if it was OK for past generations to have their shopping in paper bags there is no real reason why the modern shopper couldn’t do the same. Either that, or take your own shopping bag/s to the supermarket. Of course, one disadvantage to this is the likelihood people will start buying only those goods they really need…and
the supermarkets will lose some income from impulse buyers.
Pattaya One at the airport
Off in search of a Pattaya One Just when you thought it was safe to leave the country by way of an aeroplane weat Pattaya One are there to remind you of our little seaside resort. Starting with issue 10 (16-28 February 2011), Pattaya One is now on sale from seven outlets run by Asia Books at Suvarnabhumi International airport. You want some good reading to go with your 5,000-page airport novel, then spend just 20 baht and take us overseas.
06 Pattaya One
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16 - 28 February 2011 Issue 10
Kuwaiti tourist Diethelm Travel bring world’s biggest drugged and robbed corporate golf tournament to Asia Thailand chosen to host launch tournament
Pattaya
One
The world’s biggest corporate golf tournament has arrived in Asia. The launch of the World Corporate Golf Challenge Asia series will take place in Thailand on 17th March 2011. Part of an international network of amateur corporate golf tournaments, Diethelm Travel have secured the rights to the World Corporate Golf Challenge Asia (WCGC Asia) from global rights holder, Madrid-based OM Premium. Speaking at the signing, David Pettigrew, Director of Golf, Diethelm Travel, said “We’re very excited about launching the World Corporate Golf Challenge Asia. It’s a unique concept where corporate two-player teams compete against other amateur corporate teams, with the winning team of each national final going on an allexpenses-paid-trip to the World Finals where they have a chance to become World Champions.” Diethelm Travel have chosen Thailand to be the first World Corporate Golf Challenge Asia event. The 2010/2011 Thailand Finals will take place on 17th March at the only Greg Norman course in Thailand, the Thana City Golf & Sports Club, just outside Bangkok. The event provides a playing environment where competitors will feel like they are playing in a PGA tournament, whilst at the same time having fun with plenty of opportunity for networking. Upto 72 teams (144 participants) will take part in the Thailand Finals. All World Corporate Golf Challenge events are amateur handicap golf tournaments where two play-
ers are eligible to represent the entrant. The Thailand Finals are open to any company or organisation based in Thailand. The Finals consist of an 18 hole stableford competition. The programme for the Thailand Finals starts with registration at Thana City Golf & Sports Club followed by breakfast. Tee-off time is at 10am. Refreshment and snacks are provided on the course, with drinks served at the Clubhouse upon completion, followed by a late afternoon buffet dinner and prize presentations. The overall winners of the Thailand Finals will go on an all-expenses-paid-trip to the World Finals which will be held 3 – 8 May 2011 at Simola in South Africa, where they will represent not only their company but also their country. An annual event, the World Corporate Golf Challenge attracts over 60,000 executives playing in 15,000 teams from more than 25 countries. Since it started in 1993, more than one million golfers have competed in the World Corporate Golf Challenge for the chance to represent their country. Diethelm Travel will launch a number of Asian events as part of the World Corporate Golf Challenge for the 2011/2012 series and will expand further into new markets in 2012/2013, having secured licences for events in the following countries: Cambodia; China; Hong Kong; Indonesia; Japan; Laos; North Korea; South Korea; Singapore; Sri Lanka; Taiwan; Philippines; Thailand and Vietnam.
Sales Marketing Manager We are looking for a hard-working, enthusiastic Thai national preferably with marketing skills and a good command of English, to sell advertising for the paper, on a mixed commission/salary basis. Please contact marketing@pattayaone.net or call Howard on 087 747 8555 for more information. หนังสือพิมพ์พัทยาวัน รับสมัครผู้จัดการฝ่ายการตลาด wมีความกระตือรือร้น wสัญชาติไทย wมีประสบการณ์ด้านการตลาดจะพิจารณาเป็นพิเศษ wขายสื่อโฆษณาของหนังสือพิมพ์ wสามารถสื่อสารภาษาอังกฤษได้ wมีเงินเดือนและคอมมิชชั่น สนใจติดต่อและสมัครงานด้วยตัวเองได้ที่
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A Kuwaiti national claimed to have been the victim of a drugging and robbery while staying at the Marriot Resort and Spa Hotel in south Pattaya. Police were called to a room by a Mr. Alshmeri Mzeel Humood, aged 52 from Kuwait, who claimed he had just awoken from a deep sleep. When his eyes opened he realised his dreams about Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves had been somewhat re-enacted inside his hotel room as he claimed his room safe had been opened and he was US$5,000 (150,000 baht) poorer. He also claimed to have had 7,000 baht in cash, 500 Kuwaiti Dinar (worth a couple of camels on the black market) and some personal documents stolen. Mr Humood said he had taken a stroll along the Beach Road promenade and was admiring the natural views when he engaged in conversation with a couple of Thai females. The pair, he said, turned out to be a mother and daughter. This information caused him to feel a stirring in his lower brain and he began complicated negotiations worthy of the Camp David Accords
in an effort to find a mutually acceptable financial result, for himself. The sticking point, according to Mr Humood, was an amount of 500 baht for the daughter to come and play find-the-oasis in his hotel room. After being unable to apparently negotiate a lower impost, for some reason he found himself being accompanied back to his plush hotel room by the pair. It also appears they stopped along the way at a convenience store where the mother purchased a bottle or two of beer. Back in the room Mr Humood said he was offered a beer and the next thing he knew it was 10 hours later, the sun was up, birds were chirping and his room safe was open, and empty. After the police attended and took down his particulars –something the two women the night before had definitely not done- they said they would check CCTV footage and hoped to make an arrest. As of going to press there has been no further information forthcoming about a possible apprehension of the wanted pair.
‘Kerb’ Your Enthusiasm
Our roving reporter was out and about on Thappraya Road recently. Through the traffic, dust, smog, exhaust fumes and mayhem, he spotted some small progress near the Hanuman statue, in the form of kerbstones, at the limit of the expanded road (which still has to be built, five years after the works started). Some residents have likened the state of Thappraya road to an Isaan dirt track, which is an insult to cockeyed, useless Isaan roadbuilders. Unfortunately there is a lot more grief and inconvenience to come for road users, businesses
and residents along this stretch of road. Whether they can receive compensation for pain and suffering as well as economic loss caused by this long-running saga is to be doubted, but it is hoped the city will learn from this shambles and in future place signs at major construction works, stating the name of the contractor, subcontractor, a time limit for the works and the email and telephone number at City Hall of someone who will take responsibility for the project and for dealing with complaints from the public. It is surprising that this is not standard procedure already.
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Fun Town’s most vibrant
Pattaya One 07
Kris & Noi’s
Private
tumn years with a good lady; long may you have a spring in your, er, step.
Foot Fault?
No Country for Old Men...
I cannot agree with your recent comments in favour of old western men marrying young Thai ladies. When I look at these couples, all I see is an elderly man looking foolish and a young woman hanging on to an investment; I don’t see any romance. Compare the looks of the man against the woman; there isn’t any way that she would have any attraction to him except for the handsomeness of his bank account. If a man desires a wife, he should look around amongst his own age and his own kind, rather than succumb to the temptation of sex with a young woman from another culture. I believe that they get some funny looks here from other Thais, so what must family, friends or neighbours think and say if they live in the man’s home country? You also made a flippant and yes, humorous remark, about rich men doing it, why shouldn’t working class men be able to; well, I find the rich men equally derisible! Eric Reid
Sorry Eric, but just cannot understand how you form your strong views merely by observing these couples out and about. You see an unsuited couple whereas most people won’t be taking any notice whatsoever. An elderly expat of average financial means will still be able to offer a Thai woman from a poorer background a better standard of living than she would normally expect to achieve, and as we said before, all women wish for financial security in a relationship. A Thai wife, if he has chosen a good woman, will show her appreciation by treating him very well and making his home life very comfortable and enjoyable. Of course, sex and companionship with a younger partner is also part of the man’s enjoyment and reward for providing a good life. And mutual respect and love often develops from such beginnings. As for wondering what other people think about them, as long as they are happy, why should they give a tinker’s cuss?
But then again
Why shouldn’t an elderly man have
a young Thai wife? If they are happy that’s all that matters, who cares if some stranger doesn’t agree with it? I’ve been married five years to a young lady; she takes care of me and the house, cooks very well, is good company and, well, makes me feel young again in bed! Thai women are still so feminine, unlike in my own country. Does she love me? All I can say is that we both are happy and content in each other’s company and we rarely have big arguments— whatever you want to call it, I’ll settle for that. I am grateful that Nian is making me happy and horny in my old age. In return, when I am gone she will be financially set for life, as I don’t have any remaining family—that is the most satisfying investment I have ever made with my money! Eddie In exchange for being a good wife, looking after you and wiping you out in bed, the young lady gets a golden payout when your clogs are finally popped? Sounds like a fair deal, everyone wins. You are a happy man enjoying your au-
Topical Thailand Thailand in the World’s Press
Helping hats from Medford to Thailand
Many young people are singlehandedly trying to save Thailand or the Burmese with their selfless actions and love when they come backpacking or doing a TEFL in Thailand. Sometimes these heartwarming stories catch the eye for the wrong reasons. For example The Medford Sun recently reported that in 2009, Jamie Yeretzian left the comforts of her Medford home to travel to Thailand and teach students in the town of Mae Sot.
Two years later, her influence on the life of people there is more profound than she could have imagined. Rather than return home after her TEFL course finished, Yeretzian remained in Thailand, using her passion and skill for knitting to benefit Burma refugees living there. (Whether using passion and a skill for knitting are permissible activities under immigration rules in Mae Sot can only be guessed at). While in Mae Sot, a town on the Burma border, Yeretzian witnessed hill tribe people, particularly Karen people, fleeing persecution in Burma.
Yeretzian said that Thai employers constantly exploit the Karen people, the biggest group from Burma. Burma refugees don’t have the same rights as Thai citizens and many of them work illegally to provide for their family, risking being arrested, fined or deported, Yeretzian said. (And note that she is concerned that these Burmese, working illegally, will be arrested, fined or deported). “This truly disturbed me. Seeing how little anyone knew about this situation made me want to tell the world,” Yeretzian said on her Web site, www.AmfreeKaren.org. “I
Good idea to wear tennis shoes, or other proper footwear, around town; as well as looking smarter, many pavements are in a poor state and being well-shod lessens the chance of stumbling. As for removing shoes, of course they are being considerate as an act of politeness. They accept that it isn’t a practice that some foreigners are used to, and there are some who actually become annoyed when asked to remove them. Maybe on business premises you could accept the offer, albeit politer to take them off; however, in a person’s home you should certainly remove the shoes, and with good grace, not a frown.
wanted to give the Karen people a hope to keep their language and culture as well as their families together.” Ok, fine, but it is natural that Burmese, or anyone else for that matter, do not have the same rights as Thai citizens in Thailand. That’s the same the world over. Yeretzian decided to change her focus, and when it came time for her teaching contract to end she decided not to go home, but joined an organization called Blessed Home Orphanage and Compassion International which that provides education and provisions to refugee camps or small villages near Burma’s border. It was then that she began teaching the Karen women around her how to knit – a skill that she said they excelled at. Yeretzian decided the knitted hats she and the refugee women
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Do you have a question about customs or culture, or perhaps just a general comment on life in Thailand? Email Kris & Noi at: knprivateposts@gmail.com
Unlike many—if not most—farang who have adopted the local custom of wearing sandals or flip flops, I usually wear tennis shoes outdoors as I go about my day (gym, shopping, restaurants, etc.) When I visit the homes of friends or stop by a small business, I pause at the door to remove my tennis shoes and more often than not the Thai host or proprietor says, “Mai pen rai”, indicating there is no need to remove my shoes. Now, I would not dare question the sincerity of Thai people, but I question you: Do they REALLY mean they would prefer that I NOT remove my shoes, or are they feigning being considerate? Aloysius
08 Pattaya One were making would be a hit back home in the United States, and founded a not-for-profit organization called Am Free Karen. Yeretzian’s organization offers Karen women a way to earn an income and provide for themselves through learning how to knit and by making hats to sell. All funds that are raised through sale of the hats benefit Karen women and their families. “By teaching Karen women a trade like knitting, they enjoy the freedoms of working from home for the betterment of their family,” Yeretzian said. “I’m here to give them a voice and to make sure the world knows they are still alive.” I hate to kill the buzz, but they are still working illegally, so is she still worried about the repercussions? Am Free Karen also sends hats to mountain people inside Burma, where cold nights are common. Along with the hats, the organization sends recipients a message
Fun Town’s most vibrant to them that their story is being told and relief is on its way. Great way to alert the Burmese authorities by the way, to tell them about your secret communications – hardly keeping it a secret, and also no doubt irritating the Thais as they now know they have someone in the country disseminating anti-government propaganda in a neighbouring, friendly country. But good luck to her, as Pattaya One is no great fan of the Burmese government either.
Crown Long Thai grain fragrant rice infested with weevils in Ghana Ghana Web reported from Accra, that the Ghana Food and Drugs Board (FDB) had alerted the Ghanaian public that a consignment of Crown Long Thai Grain
Fragrant Rice, imported and being distributed for sale in the country was found to be heavily infested with weevils, making it unwholesome for human consumption. A press release said the Board has detained 306 bags of the unwholesome rice found in the importer’s warehouse at North Industrial Area, Accra, for destruction. Wholesalers and retailers who might have bought some of the rice, were advised to return it to the supplier for subsequent destruction. “The Board is therefore advising the general public to check the wholesomeness of food products they purchase and also report activities of retailers that compromise public health and safety to the Food and Drugs Board”. That must have been some weevil infestation for an African country to destroy it, unless it was a clever scam and the confiscated and subsequently de-weevilled rice was soon on sale again.
Living Healthy in Pattaya By Khun Dee
SMOKING ROOM part two Did you quit smoking January 1? Congratulations. Unless, of course, you started again sometime in the last month or so. In which case, you might consider the more effective quit-smoking plan advocated here-which doesn’t require that you quit smoking. Not yet, at least. Research indicates that it takes about 30 days to prepare yourself to quit smoking. Much of that needed preparation is psychological in nature, but there also is physical groundwork to cover before striking out toward your goal. As outlined in the previous installment of The Smoking Room (Pattaya One 1 February, Issue 9), the most effective plan begins with selecting a quit date (two to four weeks into the future) and marking it on your calendar. Secondly, determine your three most important reasons for quitting. Maybe you want to improve your heart health; perhaps you want more energy; you might want to lower your blood pressure, or you may simply desire to live longer. Write down those reasons on a small card and keep it handy. (After
Don’t Quit Smoking!
you’ve quit, it may help to refer to that card when you have an urge to light up.) Thirdly, begin a new, healthy habit: 30 minutes of walking every day. Daily walks not only help instill discipline to stay quit, they also decrease your desire to smoke, keep weight gain to a minimum, and improve your stamina. The final item covered in the last issue was finding a quitting buddy. Someone who will provide support and encouragement. Someone you can support and encourage as well. A quitting buddy is not mandatory, but it sure helps. Once you’ve taken those initial steps, get ready to reclaim seven years or more of life that have been stolen by toxins you’ve been inhaling for years. Start with a visit to your doctor for a check up and a chat (assuming your doctor speaks English). Discuss your plans to quit, ask if these techniques and proposed quit-smoking aids (nicotine patches, gum, inhalers and medications) are appropriate, given your health and any prescription drugs you are taking. Also, request prescriptions for nicotine replacement therapies (patches, inhalers, sprays and/or gum); using one or more of these NRTs will help ensure success. But do not start using any of those four nicotine replacement therapies
just yet. It’s vital that you wait until you have put out that last cigarette. If you relapse at any point after quitting, you must discontinue NRT until you’re ready to try quitting again. When you feel comfortable as a non smoker, you may wean yourself from NRT over several months. Depending on your smoking habits, it may take between four and nine months before you can stop using a patch, for example. The patch is the preferred NRT method because it delivers a steady supply of nicotine through the skin and into the bloodstream up to a full day without giving you a buzz like gum often produces. Also, the patch is the easiest form to stop using. That said, if you opt for the patch but somewhere down the road feel an overwhelming need for a cigarette, pop a piece of nicotine gum or a lozenge into your mouth to give you that extra dose of nicotine your body or mind craves. But if--despite the patch and the gum--you still have uncontrollable cravings for a cigarette, science comes to the rescue again; this time in the form of bupropion. Bupropion--available here over the counter as Zyban and Quomem (150 mg)-is an antidepressant that has been proven to reduce the severity of nicotine cravings and withdrawal symptoms. As a bonus, it also slows
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Thai telecoms: wires crossed The Financial Times recently reported on Thailand’s embarrassment over the Byzantine negotiations, machinations and legal moves over its 3G network and the competing and vested interests vying for a share of it. It has been an embarrassment to Thailand that its neighbours Cambodia and Laos – which are less developed in other ways – have raced ahead by licensing third generation mobile networks. But Thailand’s chaotic attempts to cobble together a 3G network of its own seem to be yielding little more than confusion. The losers have been the Thai public and the network operators themselves: Advanced Info Systems, which is majority owned by Singapore’s Temasek; DTAC, controlled by Telenor of Norway; and True Move, owned by Thailand’s Charoen Pokphand group.
the weight gain that often occurs in the first weeks after quitting smoking. Other anti-craving meds, such as varenicline (sold here as Chantix) should not be used with nicotine replacement therapies. Zyban and Quomem, on the other hand, can be used while you’re wearing the patch, thus providing a 1 - 2 punch toward victory in the smoking battle. While NRT must not be used until after you have smoked your last fag, anti-craving meds should be started two to three days before your quit day. That will reduce your yearnings by the time you quit. Another ploy to help you get ready for Q-day is to alter your smoking habits. As a suggestion, you might make an agreement with yourself (and your smoking buddy) to never smoke while talking on the telephone or while watching TV. Or you can decide that beginning today you will not smoke in your home. (Want a cigarette? Step outside.) Or agree to not have a cigarette with coffee or with a drink. Another tactic is to wrap your pack of smokes in paper and twine and stash it in your car or under the seat of your motorbike. Then each time you feel the need to light up you must go out, open the car or bike, unwrap the pack, etc; more trouble than it’s worth. You can also try switching brands and giving away all your cigarette lighters and ashtrays. That’s what you can do between now and Q-day. Next time (Pattaya One 1 March) we will discuss Quitday and beyond. Get ready for it.
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Pattaya Fashions Part 1 Before going for a night on the tiles in Pattaya where do the new Beau Brummells of the city go to check personal grooming tips and the latest fashions, to ensure they avoid committing apparent apparel faux pas? Why, the internet of course, and specifically, to er, Secrets website. Or at least that’s what I did recently. To be fair, Secrets excels at sleaze, not personal grooming or fashion, but it is a top source of reference for fashionable sleaze. For example when I typed the word “washing” into their search engine, the second hit was a thread entitled “Ass”! When I typed “shaving” (admittedly a dodgy search term), of the top ten hits were included topics as diverse as “Japanese Girls’ “Black Girls” “Massage with a very happy ending” and ‘Raven hair”, all of which I checked out of course, and enjoyed, but none of which helped me prepare this column, that’s for sure. Nobody should get too worked up about fashion in Pattaya anyway. Let’s face it, it isn’t the neat creases in your trousers that will attract the appropriate attention on Walking Street, but the creases in the folding stuff in your wallet. But as I discovered when I reviewed the threads on, well, threads, even in Pattaya it is easy to slip on a poorly stitched sartorial banana skin if you’re not careful. But before we get into clothing, let’s focus on personal hygiene shall we? And where better to start than “Changing Your Clothes – How Often?” on Secrets website, where globaltraveller set the ball rolling: How do you decide when you change your clothes? Get the ones you’re wearing washed. A mate of mine told me he changes his trousers everyday WTF! Here is what I do: Pants and socks: everyday. Trousers: once a week (but will change if I go out at night for more casual wear). Shirt: everyday. This predictably brought forth a deluge of replies, from both much cleaner and much dirtier posters, to the point where a clothes peg was needed to hold the nose rather than peg out the washing. Davidk, appalled, commented: Not change trousers for a week. How do you do that. No way I could handle that. Maybe the same trousers for 2 days if it is still neat
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ABOVE BAWD
IN PATTAYA
By JOHN THOMAS our Internet Forum Snoop
and depends on the garment. Union Hill, with tongue firmly in cheek – I think -replied: I change my clothes once a week and I have a bath every Sunday, even if I’m not dirty. 7Robbie7 commented in refreshing Anglo-Saxon terms: it’s so easy here to get things cleaned there’s no need to be a dirty **** IMHO Steamer concurred, in terms of personal hygiene, as he admitted: I usually need a fresh change of towels as I’ll shower at least 3 times a day, sometimes 5. Gordon cleaned up with: Clean clothes ....... 2-3 times a day ! I also shower 2-3 times a day ! Although JasonL blotted more than his copybook with his comment that: I only change my clothes once a week on Saturday, when I take a shower... I always do both whether I actually need to or not... Kkkingell complained about the extortionate cost of doing laundry in Pattaya and had worked a way around paying it: I find the laundry places in Pattaya very expensive, so I wear my undies for 3 days then turn them inside out and wear them for 2 more days. I used to do the same with my T shirts but I noticed that for 2 days a week people were pointing at me and laughing! Liverpoollad opened up a veritable Pandora’s Box with his comment: I change everyday but if I’m wearing panties, bra and suspenders underneath my normal clothes then I change them every other day. MrDK observed: I never wash my towel, because I am always
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clean when I use it. The importance of being clean and sartorially well-turned-out was underlined in a Thai Visa thread entitled: Visting The Pattaya Immigration- Office Code of Conduct. This kicked off with a classic post by Noel: Just in case some of you are unaware of the etiquette required when visiting the Pattaya Immigration Office in Jomtien, all is explained below. He then quoted a “helpful” letter from elsewhere: Dear Sirs, This is in response to widespread whining from expats who visit the Immigration Department….Here are some tips based on my own experience of 15 years in Thailand and some observations of other Farangs’ behavior: - When visiting the Immigration Department, wear a suit: if you don’t have one go get one. Don’t show up in
shorts, a ragged tee-shirt, and retread flip-flops. - Shower and shave before you arrive. Don’t drink before arriving. Use breath mints. - Upon arrival at the Immigration Department, wai everyone in uniform. Speak softly and politely. Remember the magic of “Please” and “Thank you”. When tendering your documents or fee payment, use the traditional Thai polite way of preferring documents by offerings the documents in the right hand while the left hand supports the right forearm. Noel commented: I must make a point of taking my camera along next visit, on the chance of getting a snap of this clown in action. Thaiquila wasn’t having much of this either: If I was an immigration officer, and some farang was kissing my you know what to such an absurd degree, it would make me suspicious that he had something to hide. The suit suggestion also got a hammering. Doggie888888 said: A suit in this heat ?!?!? Immigration requires us to “dress politely” not “dress for a royal banquet”. What’s the point of turning up in a suit if you are accompanied by very young companion who looks like she has just finished a very busy night in a Soi 6 bar and has apparently left her knickers at home. Doggie888888 also observed: My first impression of someone dressed in a suit in the tropical heat in a small holiday town like Pattaya is: that man has mental health issues. But if he thinks it helps him get some “respect” at Immigration, who am I to fix his delusion? I do not expect respect, just efficient service and unsurprisingly I’ve had no problems, dressed only in my humble collared Tshirt, comfortable light pants and runners. And I am not sweaty and smelly. Next Edition – Some sad Pattaya fashions and the truth about facial hair.
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Pattaya Focus on ...... By Street Stroller You could be forgiven for thinking Pattaya is an uninspiring desert when it comes to decent architecture, and by and large you’d be right. But it just so happens that there are some interesting buildings along Pattaya Beach Road, if you look closely enough (and can be bothered walking its whole length a few times, something which many can’t, let’s face it). To save you that chore, here’s a review of what I think are its best, or most interesting architectural features along PBR. I have always liked this hotel/ boat/lighthouse ensemble at the A1 Royal Cruise Hotel. It is extremely creative and always impresses visitors who I point it out to. Now, it may shock a few old lags when they see me include the quite ugly Northshore condominium in this round of interesting architecture, but it is in for a reason. It is truly a landmark building in Pattaya, not because it is an impressive design, but because of what it represents. It was the first major investment from a Bangkok developer (Raimon Land) in the city’s real estate market, when they took over what used to be two ugly, derelict halfbuilt towers and turned them into highly-sought-after, high end condos. It has been a massive success too, teething troubles aside, and it acted as a green light for other developers to pile into the Pattaya market, like it or not.
Beach Road Architecture
And finally, I can’t help but admire the clever design of the new Holiday Inn at the north end of PBR. When you stand right in front of it, on Beach Road, you could well believe you are looking at a long, thin tower building, with a spire on the top.
Is it a boat, is it a lighthouse. No. It’s a Pattaya hotel. And the “or not” is relevant to my next pick, the newly-opened Hilton Hotel.
In contrast, the giant piece of real estate it is sitting on, Central Festival Mall, I do like. AKA Little Russia, as it’s always jammed with Russian strollers, buyers and diners, the amount of light and space inside the building on the retail and restaurant floors is impressive, and its multi-layered exterior is full of interesting angles. I also really like the amount of (hopefully sustainable) wood they have used in its construction.
Holiday Inn. Looks Like a Long thin tower…… But go a few steps further on, and its full size and its true dimensions are revealed.
Get Scrubbing
Northshore: a genuine Pattaya landmark
Is it just me or does the outside of the hotel resemble the inside of a very dirty toilet? What on earth made them choose this design for the exterior? It is lovely inside, but the outside is a mess, and looks unfinished. I can imagine an architect somewhere, having sleepless nights about the look of this building, for years.
A lot going on outside.
But it’s really a block.
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THE
FRUGAL GOURMAND
PLACES FOR RIBS I don’t know about you, but once in awhile I get a craving for delicious, tender, fall off the bone, pork ribs. Fortunately, here in Pattaya, there are quite a few places where this desire can be sated; often at fairly reasonable prices. One of my favourite places to enjoy succulent, pork ribs is Tequila Reef, on Soi 6 between Second and Beach Roads (closer to Beach Road). Just make your way past the plethora of beer bars and you’ll find it. This Mexican cantina offers an extensive menu of steaks, burgers, tacos, enchiladas, Cajun specialties; and has satisfactory Thai food, according to my Thai companions. They even have grilled duck on offer, which one of my foreign friends usually swears by. However, I always opt for the ribs, which have never disappointed. Unless you’re famished, the half rack (275 baht) with two sides is more than enough. A full rack goes for 415 baht. They say that their New Orleans bar-b-q ribs drop off the bone; and they do. Of course, one of the perks of dining at Tequila Reef is their frozen margaritas, which are delicious and appropriately inebriating. Great American Rib Company, on Thepprasit Road, about half way between Thappraya
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Half Rack at Bob’s and Sukhumvit Roads, also has branches in Bangkok and Hua Hin. The ambiance is that of a genuine American road house. Outdoor seating is on a wooden platform with picnic style tables. There’s indoor dining as well. Great American Ribs claims to be one of the only restaurants in Thailand that offers genuine, hickorysmoked barbecue ribs. The ribs are, indeed, tasty and tender. A half rack will set you back 375 baht; or if you’re really hungry try a whole rack for 595 baht. They come with a choice of two sides, such as coleslaw, barbecue beans, curly fries and corn on the cob. The meal also includes jalapeno corn bread (too tough for my taste) or garlic toast. If you’re with a group, you can order their Great American feast
for 1,195 baht (650 for a half feast) and pig out on ribs, ‘butt kickn chicken,’ pulled pork (one of the best around) and a bunch of sides. Don’t forget to share, as it’s served family style.
If you’re a glutton (or a gourmand), a couple of establishments offer unlimited rib specials on Friday nights. Cherry Restaurant, on Third Road, opposite Xzye Disco has an all you can eat rib special for 270 baht. It also includes
an extensive salad bar and dessert. (The tiramisu was nothing special. You can also have a fruit plate or a banana split.) The ribs are good, but definitely not as tasty as Tequila Reef and Great American Ribs. A positive is that when you order seconds, they’ll bring more ribs, as well as the sides. Shenanigans (second floor at The Avenue Mall) also offers an all you can eat rib special on Friday nights for 360 baht. It comes with about an eighth of an ear of corn and French Fries. When you order seconds or thirds, they only bring more ribs; not sides. When you think about it, wouldn’t it make economic sense to be more generous with the corn, which is obviously cheaper than ribs? Shenanigans has a branch in Jomtien (adjacent to Jomtien Complex, in the Jomtien Complex Condotel) which offers the same rib special on Tuesday nights. Bob’s BBQ and Mexican Grill on Soi LK Metro (off Second Road Soi 13) offers a half rack with two sides for 305 baht and a whole rack for 495 baht. The half rack was more than adequate. My meal was accompanied by French Fries and (soupy) coleslaw. (Bob’s claim to fame is for making the Guinness Book of Records for the world’s biggest hamburger.) Café New Orleans (Pattayaland Soi 2) offers all you can eat baby back ribs, daily, for 595 baht and includes soup and salad.
If you have any favorite restaurants you’d like included; or would like your restaurant reviewed, email me at thefrugalgourmandpattayaone@gmail.com
Coffee
It’s not only attractive to look at, but extremely tasty as well. Coffee connoisseurs come from all over Pattaya and even Jomtien to partake of a brew at the Benjamit Coffee Shop, situated near the Tuesday/ Friday Soi Buakhow market. An open-air place, Benjamit has its own blending machine and sells a variety of packs. A number of local coffee vendors purchase their product direct from Benjamit. Prices are good value for all their coffee products as well as some delicious pastries and cakes.
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Plaza. The eye candy outside insisted that these are genuine ladies, not the katoey variety. They also offered the Arabic style water pipes. With the Apadan Persian Club, on the site of the old Apollo Beer Garden, are we seeing a trend? Say it ain’t so! Speaking of the ladies, if you want a genuine ladyboy bar experience, why not try the Famous Bar, on Soi VC? They have many beautiful damsels on hand to satisfy your needs.
GAYMARCH Email: gaymarchpattayaone@gmail.com
Bingo: Happy Place Bar, on Pattayaland Soi 2, seems to be drawing nice crowds for their Boy Bingo on the 22nd of each month. They sell cards for 100 baht apiece and have three games. Grand prize is a free bar fine for the lad of your choice and the lucky boy who is chosen by the winner is provided with a 1000 baht tip by the bar. Other prizes, donated by local businesses, include restaurant vouchers. Twenty percent of the bingo take is donated to charity. The bar is also offering suds and other adult beverages for 120 baht; if you’re an ‘expat resident,’ booze is only 99 baht. When I requested the expat special, it was honored; and I didn’t even have to show my passport and visa. During high season, there is a nightly show at 10:30 pm. Speaking of cheap drinks, some bars are going against the prevailing wisdom and actually lowering their prices to draw in customers.
I never understood the logic of trying to compensate for a lack of patrons by raising drink prices for the few who still come. In addition to the abovementioned Happy Place Bar, Eros, in Sunee Plaza, is offering drinks for 99 baht; as is Krazy Dragon male table top dancing studio, also in Sunee Plaza. I stopped into Nice Boys, in Sunee Plaza, on a recent Monday night and it was filled with customers and dancing lads. I tried to find out what they were giving away to pack in so many punters; but apparently nothing out of the ordinary was being offered. It seems that having a large ‘stable’ of scantily clad, well endowed young men, who like to show off their assets, does the trick. I’m told that if you want to avoid disappointment, you should get there early for best selection as they’re bar fining a good number of their staff each night. Next door, Mic My had a good crowd, but nothing to compare to
Kill Joys: Scores of our men in brown, black and blue recently descended on Pattayaland Soi 1 to check the urine and paperwork in all the bars; what a bummer! There were about a dozen paddy wagons lined up and scores of police filled up each bar, driving away the customers, to make sure nothing was askance. From what I could see, only about three boys were hauled off to the monkey house. So, I guess most are minding their ‘p’s and q’s.’ Lots of media types tagged along taking photos, as well as myriad officials who were also armed with their Nikons and Canons. Maybe, they’ll eventually succeed in putting a damper on the bar business so Pattaya can thrive as the pristine beach and family resort we all know it is meant to be.
Our boys in uniform keeping us safe Nice Boys’ contingent. Around the corner, the upstairs Tom Yum has reopened after being closed for a brief period. Many punters enjoy this bar for the ‘hands on’ experience many of the staff members offer along with the drinks. Wonderland (formerly Top Man) was closed recently. Its sister bar, Euro Boys, also remains closed. In the ‘going against the grain’ department, a new girl bar, P Bar, has opened in the heart of Sunee
Pattaya: One Rainbow
Denny and the Russians By James Barnes Denny and I were sucking on fat cigars and sipping Scotch on his View Talay balcony with its panoramic views of another pleasantly balmy Pattaya evening. This is a regular pleasure carried over from our days as legal eagles in Boston. “Ah!” he ejaculated with evident satisfaction, ice clinking in the crystal and a luxurious halo of expensive blue smoke about his noble head. “Ah, indeed,” I replied, “so much better than that other place.” “What other place?” It was a fair question. We’ve both been around. “You know,” I said, teasing, “That B place.” Since Denny’s recent MRI had revealed ‘plaque’ in the brain, he had become aware that he was, these days, less aware. He looked puzzled, took a time buying puff on the Cuban and an unhealthy slurp of Chivas before shrugging with a frown.
I ignored what he describes as, ‘the mad cow’. “That’s it,” I said, sympathetically, “I thought you’d like it here with all the sun, sand, sea and... “Hate it,” he interrupted, emphatically, “too many undesirables down there; commies, rag heads.” “What?” “You know, damn Ruskies, A-rabs.” My friend’s penchant for the politically incorrect was undiminished. “It didn’t use to be like this you know,” he continued, “back in the day, the good old days, the ’Nam days, the only foreigners ’round here were the locals. Us sons of Uncle Sam had it all to ourselves.” “It’s called progress, Denny.” “Well I don’t like it. Hordes of drunken bastards abusing the natives and beating up on the fags- that’s our job.” My ears were not deceiving me so I took a slug of Scotch. He was in full swing. “The world’s gone soft. Damned lily livered liberal in the White
House, what do you expect?” His question was rhetorical. “Well, there’s nothing we can do about it, Denny,” I mused. “Ah but we can. I can. Look at this.” Putting the glass down and fixing the cigar in his teeth, he got up and ventured inside the condo, “Gimme a hand, will you?” he said, struggling with a pine box that must have been more than 5 feet in length and was obviously heavy, “Special delivery.” Once we had managed to get it onto the balcony, Denny produced a crow bar and levered off the top. He rummaged about and took out handfuls of
packing straw revealing the content. My jaw went slack and I stood there blinking in disbelief. “This’ll do it,” he said through clenched teeth, the cigar still in place, “Time for some justice.” He’d spotted a song taew that was packed with shirtless men, tufts of hair sprouting from their shoulders, chugging along the road below and he had them in the crosshairs of his rocket propelled grenade launcher. “Russians!” he exclaimed and pulled the trigger. James Barnes is Editor-in-chief of OUT in Thailand Magazine.
Cool music for the
hot city
www.pattaya105.com
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The
BellwetherEnd By Mike Bell
Quiz Nights
My son used to teach in Bang Na Central, on the 60th floor, or thereabouts (I have been known to exaggerate in the interests of a good story.) He used to educate his students about pollution by pointing out the low cloud lying over down-town Bangkok. There is a similar cloud squatting over Pattaya. This local haze is not made of carbon monoxide but testosterone; a hormone produced naturally, sometimes in the pursuit of females, sometimes in the struggle for male dominance. The cloud varies in intensity according to time of day (it is higher at night though not as visible) and day of the week. On Monday and Wednesday it is almost palpable.
The quiz itself is the foreplay to the main action to follow. Muscles are flexed and brain cells strained as the battle begins. First comes the Ceremony of the Envelope Opening. All the questions (and answers) are sent to the home side’s bar. Security is very tight, after a number of surprising results. Teams normally scoring in the low fifties when away, were suddenly achieving high eighties at home. Now the envelope is triple sealed with the Grand Vizier’s wax. It is delivered in a plain white Door-to-Door van and accompanied by a team of Royal Thai Mounted Police. Only when the seal has been inspected by the away team captain and his minder, may the seal be broken.
On these nights, teams from various bars get together to do battle intellectually. Because it is an almost all-male activity a great deal of beer is consumed. It has been calculated that without Quiz Nights, fourteen per cent of the aforementioned bars would declare bankruptcy. As the beer takes its effect, many of the serving wenches grow steadily more attractive adding to the cloud over Pattaya and increasing the bar’s profitability through bar-fines. A similar effect is achieved when the Pool Leagues are running on Mondays and Thursdays. It follows then that Monday is the peak night for testosterone production, not Saturday as has been previously calculated. At 10:30pm extra girls have to be bussed into soi 6 to cope with the demand.
The questions are categorized into Rounds. For example, the first round is often ‘Films and TV’ and the questions are about names and titles from the World of films and TV. Other rounds are often not so straightforward. History, a subject concerned with FACTS from the PAST, often contains questions about the MYTHOLOGICAL Gods of Greece or Rome. Similarly the section entitled ‘Music and the Arts’ seems to suggest that music is not an Art and so there are seven questions on something called Alternative Rock Bands and one asking what was Picasso’s favourite colour during his Blue Period. Individuals go to incredible lengths to make themselves valuable to the team. One may learn all the American Presidents; another all the
States of America and their capitals. There is sometimes a round called ‘Special Subject’. A team’s result can be transformed if you have an expert on Dickens or IT on the night those subjects come up. I am waiting for the wonderful night when there are eight questions on ‘Othello Act 3 scene 3 lines 140 149’. How my standing would soar; how my self-esteem would grow. There are, however, team members, who are omnivores; who have devoured facts from a wide spectrum of knowledge. These superstars can command record-breaking transfer fees from one top team to
the runner-up. All the free pies you can eat were on offer for one corpulent Mastermind. The Unlimited free beer transfer backfired as the recipient frequently fell into a coma by the end of round four and was incapable of speech, let alone thought. Finally a word to the Organisers of this Institution from all the barowners astute enough to have a team, from all their bargirls, from all the proprietors of establishments in soi 6 and from all the hundreds of team participants; that word is: thankyou.
Where to find Pattaya One BEST supermarket, North Pattaya BIG C supermarkets, North and South Pattaya CARREFOUR supermarket, Central Pattaya Road FOODLAND supermarket, Central Pattaya Road FOODMART supermarket, Thappraya Road, Jomtien TOPS supermarket, Central Pattaya Road In front of KASIKORN BANK, Soi 3 Beach Road, Jomtien TESCO-LOTUS CONVENIENCE STORE, Soi Khao Talo NORTH PATTAYA BUS STATION, North Pattaya Road ASIA BOOKS/BOOKAZINE, (five locations: Carrefour, Royal Garden Plaza, Jomtien, Big C North Pattaya and Central Festival Center) SE-ED Bookshops (17 locations, including: Carrefour, Tukcom, and Tesco-Lotus) ASIA BOOKS, Suvarnabhumi International airport (seven outlets) Free on-line at: www.pattayaone.net (as a free download in PDF format) www.thaivisa.com (as a free download in PDF format) FREE with any NICK the PIZZA HOME DELIVERY order
18 Pattaya One
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THAI Lite America the Beautiful By S. Tsow
A few years ago I visited my home country, the United States, after a long absence. Maybe I’ve been in Thailand too long, because I got a few surprises: Hide Those Trees: Much of the US is still unspoiled wilderness, with vast expanses of forested hills. Evergreen trees often stretch to the horizon on both sides of the highway. What’s wrong with this picture? Plenty. I drove across a good part of the country, and didn’t see a single billboard. This offense must be corrected. I call upon Thai billboard entrepreneurs to get cracking on the billboardization of America. I want to see billboards advertising skin whiteners, cellphones, sports cars, and condominiums lining the highways of America from sea to shining sea. Let’s hide those boring trees and make every American highway look just like the roads in Thailand. Two Meals in One: American restaurants serve huge portions that could easily feed two people. If you finish everything on your plate, they have to roll you out the door. This is one of the reasons why America is now experiencing an obesity prob-
lem. If you ever eat at an American restaurant, take a large doggie bag—or come back twice your original size. Live Free, But Buckle Up: The motto of the State of New Hampshire is “Live Free or Die.” Lest you forget it, this feisty exhortation is emblazoned on the license plates of every automobile. But a rest stop just inside the New Hampshire border features a cluster of stern signs: “Disorderly Conduct, Loitering, Indecent Behavior, Consuming Alcohol Prohibited.” “Illegal Dumping, $250 Fine.” “No Dogs Beyond This Point.” “Disposal of Household Garbage or Refuse PROHIBITED by Law.” “No Smoking, Bare Feet, or Pets.” And on the highways you often see signs reading “Buckle Up! Under Age 18, NH Law.” Live free or die—but in the meantime, make sure you obey all the little rules and regulations. Tricky Pricing, Hidden Tax: Most price tags in shopping malls and department stores end in 99 cents. This is a brazen attempt to fool you into thinking that you’re paying $3.00 for a $3.99 flashlight when you’re actually paying a pen-
ny short of $4.00. It is this sort of shameless trickery that has enabled the US to achieve world-wide economic hegemony. But it gets worse. To add to the chicanery, the price tag never includes the sales tax, so your $3.99 flashlight will typically cost you $4.15. You’ll dig four dollars out of your wallet expecting to get a penny in change, when lo! You’re hit with a bill for $4.15 at the checkout counter and have to dig out another 15 cents. The good news is that many products are cheaper than they used to be, because nowadays everything is manufactured in China and Bangladesh. God bless globalization. Enthralling TV: One of the unique features of American TV is televangelism. Sleek, well-fed preachers in sharkskin suits and diamond pinkie rings proclaim the gospel of a God of Abundance, who freely pours his largesse into the coffers of his worshippers. He will bless you even more, they add, if you’ll just send in $32 to keep their program going. The thinking mind is compelled to inquire: If God is such a money tree, why bother his believers with such importunities? Why not go to him directly? And why insult his generosity by asking for a mere $32? Why not $32,000? Do the televangelists place more trust in human
16 - 28 February 2011 Issue 10 gullibility than in divine prodigality? (Yes.) Most marvelous of all are the TV commercials. American law requires advertisements for medical products to include disclaimers warning of side effects. Take, for instance, the pill for erectile dysfunction that we shall call Arise. Amidst romantic music, we see an elderly couple strolling by a sylvan pond. The man confesses sheepishly that he was having problems performing his husbandly duty before he discovered Arise. His wife gazes adoringly into his eyes, obviously dazzled by his renewal of manly prowess. Then a voiceover ruins the mood by intoning: “Arise may be injurious to the health if you suffer from heart problems, high blood pressure, or diabetes. In some cases, it can cause blindness, liver damage, paralysis, or death. If an erection persists for six hours, please consult your physician.” By this time nobody with a functioning brain would go near the stuff—although I confess that I find the idea of a six-hour erection titillating. S. Tsow can be scolded at s.tsow@ ymail.com, except when he’s dreaming about the possibility of a sixhour erection. Coming up: Horrid Airways and the Airport from Hell.
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Capitalization in the Texting World... In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I’ve noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the “art” of capitalization. Those of you who fall into this world, please take note of the statement below. I cannot stress enough how grammar is very important to it. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse. Is everybody clear on that?
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Across Gloss - refinement (6) Hard ring-shaped rolls (6) Like (7) Answer (5) Cloth (5) Heavenly body, just visible (3,4) Tropical root vegetable (5,6) Big mistake (7) Dispute (5) Person living permanent in a foreign country (5) Titular (7) In a caustic manner (6) Ostentatious - glittering (6)
1 2 3 5 6 7 8 14 15 16 17 19 21
Down Grinder for mortar (6) An elm (anag) - lover (5) Lack of sound (7) Weapon from bow (5) Heroic deed (7) Maxim (6) Obvious - ingenuous (11) Big lie (7) Hinder - impede (7) Forlom - humiliated (6) Mixture of tunes etc (6) Lodging for drivers (5) Group of species (5)
20 Pattaya One
MONDAY QUIZ LEAGUE
31 January 2011 email: quizpattaya@hotmail.com 03 Jan 10 Jan 17 Jan 24 Jan 31 Jan 07 Feb 14 Feb 21 Feb Total Total Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Score Points
WEDNESDAY QUIZ LEAGUE
B/F
91 93 76 58 50 53 44 44 29 11
84 84 88 83 78 78 76 75 69 41
Percentage correct by round this Geog. week. 91.4%
10 10 12 7 6 6 4 3 2 1
86 84 86 76 76 76 74 86 76 74
Sport
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70 68 66 77 71 74 67 68 53 52
7 6 3 12 8 10 4 6 2 1
84 73 82 80 78 72 83 67 69 43
12 5 8 7 6 4 10 2 3 1
74 74 80 82 82 66 82 72 64 56
1147 1137 1117 1079 1050 1039 1035 1011 929 762
6 6 7 12 12 3 12 4 2 1
History Movies Science Reading General
All
61.4% 68.6% 70.0% 72.9% 65.7% 81.3% 73.2%
138 127 118 102 88 82 76 71 44 17
Average Team Total: 73.2
R1Q4: Q: In the Rocky Mountains, what is the dry wind that is warm in the winter and cool in the summer? A: Chinook. Nervous Wreck appealed for Santa Ana. Although mostly associated with southern California, the Santa Ana winds are both hot and cold, and can be caused by the build up of air pressure in the Rocky Mountains (info from Wikipedia). I will allow Santa Ana. Two points to Nervous Wreck. R2Q7: Q: At which sport did Liz Hobbs find fame? A: Water Skiing. Nom's appealed for Show Jumping. From lizhobbsgroup.com: Liz Hobbs MBE is probably the UK’s best-known female water-skier of all time. I could find no reference to any other Liz Hobbs. Appeal denied. R3Q7: Q: Which Nazi leader was born in Egypt? A: Rudolph Hess. W. Tankie (who put Dönitz) said that leader meant Führer, and there were only 2 Führers, Hitler and Dönitz. The word "leader" can be translated into German as Führer, Vorsitzender, Anführer or Leiter, so does not necessarily mean Führer, and anyway Dönitz was born in Berlin. Appeal denied. R5Q1: Q: If there was a Turdus on your window sill, which six letter bird would be there? A: Thrush. Nom's appealed for pigeon. Although it would seem to be a good name for a pigeon, alas, it is not so. From Wikipedia: The true thrushes are medium-sized mostly insectivorous or omnivorous birds in the genus Turdus of the thrush family Turdidae. Appeal denied. R5Q5: Q: In which part of the atmosphere is the ozone layer? A: Stratosphere. Legends (who put ionosphere) claimed that the stratosphere is not within the atmosphere. From Wikipedia: The stratosphere is the second major layer of Earth's atmosphere, just above the troposphere, and below the mesosphere. Appeal denied. R5Q7: Q: Who was the first man to go into space twice? A: Gus Grissom. Londoner appealed for Alan Shepard. From Wikipedia: Gus Grissom was one of the original NASA Project Mercury astronauts and a United States Air Force pilot. He was the second American to fly in space and the first person to fly in space twice. Appeal denied. R6Q3: Q: Who died first, Gilbert or Sullivan? A: Gilbert. Cheers appealed for Sullivan. According to Wikipedia, Sir William Schwenck Gilbert died on 29th May 1911, and Sir Arthur Seymour Sullivan on 22nd November 1900. So Sullivan is correct. Two points to Nom's, W. Tankie, Offshore and Cheers. Two points deducted from Nervous Wreck, Londoner, Palmers, Legends, Bowling Green and Rising Sun. R6Q6: Q: Who is the oldest American to have had a pop number one? A: Louis Armstrong. W. Tankie and Nervous Wreck appealed for Bing Crosby. Bing Crosby's most recent No.1 was in 1948 in the USA when he was 45. He has never had a No.1 in the UK ("Little Drummer Boy" only reached No.3, and Crosby was dead by then). Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World" reached No.1 in the UK in 1968 when he was 66. Appeals denied. R7Q6: Q: Which is Britain's oldest cathedral? A: Canterbury. Palmers appealed for Ripon. According to Wikipedia Canterbury Cathedral was built in 1070, and Ripon in 1160. Canterbury is correct.
sudoku answers
R7Q7: Q: In what city was Europe's largest Gothic Cathedral rebuilt after WWII? A: Cologne. Bowling Green (who put Dresden) said that Cologne Cathedral was not destroyed, only bombed. That is true, but the question does not say it was destroyed. It certainly suffered major damage and had to be repaired after the war, the repairs being completed in 1956. Appeal denied.
Next week's matches 14th February 2011: Offshore vs. Bowling Green, Cheers vs. Londoner, Nervous Wreck vs. Legends, Palmers vs. Nom's, Rising Sun vs. W. Tankie.
1 3 2 2 2 3 2 3 3 1 1
3 3 3 1 3 2 3 1 2 1 1
Email: quizpattaya@hotmail.com
3 3 3 3 1 3 1 1 1 1 3
3 1 3 3 3 3 1 3 1 1 1 92 94 98 96 64 L
3 3 1 3 3 1 3 1 1 3 1
13 13 12 12 12 12 10 9 8 7 7 HOME The Londoner Palmers Queen Victoria Rising Sun W. Tankie Bye
AWAY Nervous Wreck Cheers The Bunker Bowling Green Shagwell Mansion Offshore
88 90 70 98 90 W
R3Q7 Q: When world boomerang throwing championships were held from 1981, which country won it 12 out of the first 13 years? A: USA. Palmers were marked wrong for America. From Wikipedia: America usually refers to either: The Americas [or] The United States of America. America is acceptable; 2 points to Palmers. R4Q2 Q: Thomas Hardy's heart is buried in his native Dorset, but where in London is his body buried? A: Poet's Corner. Several teams were marked wrong for Westminster Abbey. As Poet's Corner is in Westminster Abbey, and the question didn't state "specifically", Westminster Abbey is correct. Two points to all those teams that were marked wrong. R5Q2 Q: In which county was Isaac Newton born? A: Shadows (!). Clearly a typo. Isaac Newton was born in Woolsthorpe-by-Colsterworth, Lincolnshire. Two points to Queen Victoria and The Bunker who were marked wrong for Lincolnshire. R6Q4 Q: In the TV show "Little Britain" what is the name of "the only gay in the village"? A: Daffyd Thomas. The Londoner appealed for Daffyd and Nervous Wreck for David. It has been a long standing rule in the Quiz League that surnames are sufficient but forenames are not, unless specified otherwise in the question. So appeal denied. Two points deducted from Shagwell, W. Tankie and Queen Victoria. The majority of teams who replied felt that the Bowling Green should be awarded the 10 points for the answers they put in the wrong place the other week. So I have now altered the scores, which are reflected above. In a similar situation, perhaps the scorer could bring the discrepancy to the attention of the team before marking it. Ian. Next week's matches February 16th 2011: Bowling Green vs. W. Tankie, Palmers vs. Nervous Wreck, Queen Victoria vs. Offshore, Rising Sun vs. Cheers, Shagwell vs. Bunker, Londoner bye.
answers
749 754 715 681 665 673 653 643 598 496
Results for 2nd February 2011
05 Jan 12 Jan 19 Jan 26 Jan 02 Feb 09 Feb 16 Feb 23 Feb 02 Mar 09 Mar Total
1 OFFSHORE 2 SHAGWELL MANSION 3 RISING SUN 4 PALMERS 5 BOWLING GREEN 6 CHEERS 7 THE LONDONER 8 W. TANKIE 9 NERVOUS WRECK 10 QUEEN VICTORIA 11 THE BUNKER
crossword
1 BOWLING GREEN 2 PALMERS 3 CHEERS 4 OFFSHORE BAR 5 THE LONDONER 6 RISING SUN 7 NOM'S BAR 8 NERVOUS WRECK 9 W. TANKIE 10 LEGENDS
16 - 28 February 2011 Issue 10
Fun Town’s most vibrant
P E S T L E
O L I S H B A G E L S O E I I T RO X I A I M I L A R RE P L Y I A I E A A O L I I NEN NE W M O O N I NEC S E WM I O G S W EET P O T A T O A L H OM E A RR G U M A R G UE B L O O M ER M REUD J L P O O EE N OM I N A L E X P A T C X E A E T O E I U A E T A RT L Y F L A S HY
16 - 28 February 2011 Issue 10
Fun Town’s most vibrant
Pattaya One 21
Patient Number One I opened my eyes and looked up towards the bright light. As my pupils slowly began to focus, silhouetted against the backdrop of pure white light I noticed the face of an angel. And she was smiling down at me. Just then I felt movement and I remember thinking that I didn’t really want to move because I was quite happy and comfortable where I was, thank you very much … in the light; with my smiling angel. But the angel moved with me and I was reassured by the idea she was floating beside me along a heavenly slipstream in search of a better cloud, or at least, one a bit softer. A moment later we hit a bump and I don’t recall reading anywhere in literature that clouds were bumpy. Then I heard talking and automatic doors opening, then closing, then the sensation of vertical lift. We stopped, the doors parted and I floated out of the small room. The angel was standing beside me with a clipboard and pen in her hands. Angels shouldn’t need to write anything down … surely they would have perfect memories? She asked me my name, smiled and made a notation on her pad. “Oh yes,” she
smiled broadly, “you are here for the euthanasia.” Suddenly I was moving again and I could hear a grown man screaming like a baby, “No! Not that! There must be some mistake!” It was me! We reached a door and I wiped the sweat away from my eyes. I tried to sit up and protest as the angel opened the door but a large hand came from nowhere and pressed down firmly on my chest. A male voice coming from the direction of the hairy arm asked, “Crucifixion?” I turned sharply and in terror to see Michael Palin standing there with a stupid grin on his face and clipboard and pencil in his hands. “Good. Out of the door. Line on the left. One cross each.” Yes, Pattaya’s Patient Number One was back in hospital and his pharmaceutically-induced hallucinations were running wild. I describe
myself as ‘Pattaya’s Patient Number One’ because I am a self-confessed sook when it comes to personal pain and suffering. And it seems the older I get the more adolescent my behaviour. As a child I was given a jelly bean by the nurse or doctor for being a brave little boy when getting an injection. Then I grew up, became a man and showed little fear. Now, not only do I want that jelly bean but I also require a tandem oil massage by two daughters of Isaan just to contain my uncontrollable sobbing. Back in the hospital bed with my panic attack subdued and Monty Python silliness just a memory, I felt safe and secure once again. My hospital entrance may have been somewhat undignified and melodramatic but there are logical reasons for my health concerns and possible overreaction to the slightest cough or sniffle. How many times have you read an obituary: “He was fine … then it began with flu-like symptoms … and two days later he was dead”? Well I’ve read enough of them to conclude that most lifethreatening illnesses begin with ‘flu-like symptoms’. That’s why I panic and get myself off to hospital at the first sign of a cough or sore throat. I need to ensure my ‘flu-like symptoms’ are just the flu and not an indication of something more terminal. A nurse took my blood pressure and two peaceful hours passed before my primary care giver arrived with everything she required for her personal comfort. My girlfriend slash wife is the only person I know who takes the expression, “Make
yourself at home,” literally. Whenever we find ourselves in a new temporary domicile, whether it be a hotel room or, in this case, a private hospital room, she makes herself at home in the shortest possible time. I have witnessed her routine many times. Firstly, she checks the bathroom and empties out the smaller of her two essential travel backpacks. Her toiletries, goos, powders and potions are strewn … notice I didn’t say “arrayed in logical order for quick and easy identification and application” … about every bench top and shelf she can find. It is difficult to believe she doesn’t just stand in the doorway and toss the entire contents of her bag high into the air, letting Buddha decide where the items should fall. With the bathroom in chaos and to her satisfaction, she proceeds to the main room and the larger of her travel packs. The backs of chairs, benches, lamps and television stands become her wardrobe, even though there is usually a fully-functioning wardrobe complete with coat hangers already available for guests. The soiled clothing basket is the floor, or should I say that part of the floor upon which she happens to be standing when she disrobes. I guess her laundry pile is easier to find on the floor than if stacked away neatly in a corner. When her backpacks are empty and the room looks like a tribe of gypsies have been living there for a month, she smiles with pride that the accommodation is now liveable and she has made herself quite at home. Then she goes out to eat and leaves me to my suffering. Bless her. I am writing this article so it is obvious my illness was not lifethreatening and after only two nights of medical care and attention I made a full recovery. Although not a fan of being hospitalised, for even a short period of time, I make no apologies for my behaviour in relation to my health. Nowadays, there are some flu strains which can be fatal - bird, pig, horse, cow, etc - especially for the old and delicate, such as my good self. In the final analysis, don’t forget the story of the hypochondriac whose tombstone simply read: “See!”
22 Pattaya One
Fun Town’s most vibrant
Our Man in
Pattaya By Duncan Stearn
All hail the Internet Heidi Fleiss, the former Hollywood ‘Madam to the Stars’, once quipped, “Call girls don’t need madams now, just modems.” For much of the new century the young girls and boys working in the ‘entertainment industry’ of Fun Town have become increasingly adept at using the Internet and e-mail to maintain contact with their overseas ‘boyfriends’ and extract money from said paramours. In fact, the amount of foreign money that enters Thailand in a given month for the use of the boys and girls would probably make up a considerable percentage of the foreign reserves available to the country. The girls- and boys- that work in the entertainment industry have embraced Internet technology with a fervour matched only by captains of industry and corporate raiders. Walk past almost any existing Internet Cafe and you will see a veritable smorgasbord of talent madly tapping away at the keyboards as they send messages of undying love, devotion and bank account details into cyberspace. The old days of waiting for the snail mail to deliver a letter replying to desperate pleas for monetary assistance are long gone. Now sob stories concerning retarded buffaloes and the much-needed hospitalization of near and dear family members can be sent in real time with the replies being almost instantaneous (and some probably even have a PayPal account to make life even easier). Those poor, deluded souls who have managed to find the girl of their (usually wet) dreams and can’t stand the thought of other poor, deluded creatures grubbily groping their loved one, consequently send wads of cash to keep their sweetheart away from the horrors of actually doing any work and send gushing e-mails declaring undying love and lecherous desire. I once watched a dancer from Classroom go-go dressed in a red wraparound robe stride purposefully across the road into the local Internet Cafe to log on and download her e-mails between dancing shifts. To be honest, it was actually quite erotic, especially with the silver baubles on her knee-length boots
jangling at each stride. One night I sat in a bar and watched as a young dancing maiden appeared clasping a sheaf of papers and asked the Englishspeaking and reading hostess to translate the latest e-mail sent by one of her boyfriends. The e-mail included a colour photo of the boyfriend, sent as an attachment. The four or so pages would have cost her around 10 Baht apiece, plus the price of her time spent obtaining her messages. Multiply that by the number of young lasses who have a plethora of love interests scattered across the four corners and seven seas and you have the makings of a potentially lucrative business. Many go-go bars have their own websites that usually consist of bits and pieces about Pattaya (how to get here, where to stay, what to do) and then a series of picture galleries featuring the dancers, both past and present. Some of the smarter operators also have an e-mail address where Internet surfers can send messages to the girls. The owners and managers of the bars read these e-mails, some of which are a great source of amusement. The addresses also attract people looking for the kind of information not usually supplied in the Private Posts by Kris & Noi column. For example, one go-go received a message whose subject was: “How [do I] Become a PORN STAR in ASIA?” It read: “How can I find an opportunity in ASIAN porn movies? Who can I contact? Where can I begin my search if I go in Asia? Which country in Asia offers opportunities in [the] porn industry? Where can I post this message to get an answer? Forward this email to someone who can HELP ME if you have no idea! ...” That e-mail bears all the hallmarks of being written by someone so desperate his last meaningful sexual encounter was with a vacuum cleaner nozzle. At least he’s looking at making money out of the place rather than meekly handing it to a working girl. One suspects if he ever makes it to the Land of Nocturnal Emissions he will quickly fall prey to a girl in knee-length boots whose silver baubles jangle at every stride.
16 - 28 February 2011 Issue 10
16 - 28 February 2011 Issue 10 Temperature’s rising: In midNovember last year the Fahrenheit go-go bar opened its doors on Walking Street. Situated right next door to the also new Alcatraz gogo, it is possible to be a little confused as to which door to wander in as the pair appear almost seamless. I’m led to believe Fahrenheit is run by the same people who have the Shark and Tiger chrome pole palaces in Soi Diamond, so you would expect this joint would have a decent bite. And indeed it does. As with so many places nowadays, the phalanx of door girls attempting to lure punters into their establishment are an attractive crew in terms of dress, although their red outfits did put me in mind of Santa’s little helpers. The den itself is fresh, all glass and chrome with bench seating lining the walls and the usual stools circling the rectangular centre stage. There’s also an upstairs viewing area. As one of my mates said of Fahrenheit, it reminded him of the old Club Electric Blue go-go; high praise indeed. The dancing damsels spend fairly lengthy periods on stage. Usually there are about 13 or so crowded onto the centre stage, most of them disporting enough material to make even a blind man blush. The overall quality of the chrome pole molesters is better than most comparable dens. The music, of course, is standard car alarm while happy hour runs from 8:00 to 9:30pm with most thirst quenchers at just 60 baht. Tiger draft amber is available all night at 60 baht. Definitely a bar to put on the must visit list. Consistent without the old excitement: Since it moved downstairs to its new location, the downsized Peppermint go-go (Walking Street) has continued to do reasonably well. It’s certainly busy enough during its happy hours from 8:00-9:30pm where most drinks are just 59 baht (similar to the other dens in the same group: Baccara, The Cavern, Happy and Beach Club). There are plenty of chrome pole molesters and although it is nowhere near as good as it was seven or eight years ago, Peppermint remains worthy of patronage. Even the car alarm music suits the place and is played at sensible decibel levels. These days the pick of the bunch mentioned above seems to be Baccara where the crew of chrome pole fondlers is numerous, both downstairs and upstairs, and the quality first-rate. The scent of decay: Just how does the Champion go-go (Walking Street) continue to survive? The most noticeable factor about the den is the assault on the olfactory senses as soon as you wander into the joint. In past years it had the smell of a tray of well-used kitty
Pattaya One 23
Fun Town’s most vibrant
N ghtmarch By Duncan Stearn
litter. That has been replaced with the reek of those cakes one finds in the urinals of public lavatories. While the music is still of the 1960s and 1970s rock and roll variety (think Deep Purple and AC/ DC) the women employed to empty wallets number about 15 to 20 and most appear to be well past their use-by date. Happy hour runs along similar times to most others on Walking Street, from 8:00 to 9:30pm with some libations as low as 40 baht. I suppose if you are some kind of masochist who enjoys sniffing the scents of men’s urinals and looking at ragged and jagged females then Champion could be the place for you. Thai time as well: One of the more noticeable trends in recent times has been the numbers of Thai nationals coming into some go-go bars (usually Thai-owned) and ogling the dancing damsels. I often wonder how many of these visitors happen to be the boyfriends of some of the dancers. I was reminded of this when sitting in the Nui’s 2 go-go (Walking Street). The den was reshaped somewhat a few months ago to follow along the lines of What’s Up, Babydolls, Windmill Club and others with the installation of a spanking bed and Jacuzzi. The bathing tub had about four centimetres of water in it when I was last in: water restrictions perhaps. The dancing damsels are a generally friendly bunch in that “what you name? buy me dlink?” style of the seasoned wallet emptier. Lady drinks are 120 baht while draft Tiger amber is the discounted thirst quencher at 65 baht a glass. I was told there are rooms available upstairs for those who feel the need for a bit of Sierra Tango exercise. The bar charges 300 baht for the dancer, 300 baht for the room and the little piece of pulchritude asks for a grey note for her valuable time. Worth a look if you haven’t been in for a while. Needs more work: When the old Carousel go-go (Soi Diamond) reopened under new management last November it immediately attracted unwanted attention from people in uniform. It was hardly an auspicious start and I’m led to believe it cost a few shekels to keep the doors from once more being shut. Although Carousel was renovated, the only real difference was
Email: duncan@pattayaone.net
to install a Jacuzzi in the back corner. Frankly, a waste of space and I am pretty sure most punters who do wander in couldn’t give a rats backside if the place has a Jacuzzi or not. After all, it’s not as if there aren’t about 20 or 30 other joints with Jacuzzi’s in various states of use or disuse. The music is low ranking car alarm but the happy hour extends until 10:00pm. The quality of dancing maidens is average to medium, but thankfully the revolving stage has been kept, as has the famous wooden horse. It’s clearly a struggle at present to attract enough dancers (there were about 15-20 when I was in) but it’s in a good location, albeit in serious competition with 49 other dens in the immediate area. In the sand trap: Recently, rumours started that English Mick, the main man behind the golfing bar The Bunker (Soi Chaiyapoon) had been arrested by Immigration coppers on a charge of working without a permit and subsequently deported. The rumours suggested the father of a 10-month-old English-Thai daughter and married to a Thai national had been banned from returning to Thailand for two years. Supposedly, he had been charged with organizing gambling for golfing tours. While it is certainly true that he had been arrested and charged, his court case had yet to take place. He is probably, if found guilty, certain to be deported, but it would be very strange if he was banned from reentering the country for any length of time. In all my years here I personally know of only one person who has had the dreaded ‘persona non grata’ stamp placed in his passport. That person was charged with multiple offences and I have seen him back here on more than one occasion, obviously using a false passport. I would think Bunker Mick could consider himself extremely hard done by if he was indeed barred from re-entering Thailand. Especially considering the number of expat golfing tour operators who are engaged in doing exactly what he has been accused of, almost on a daily basis. It seems almost certain Bunker Mick was the victim of a rival who shopped him to the authorities. Yes, he was probably in breach of local law, but in strict terms prob-
ably just about every foreigner in this country could arguably find himself in the same boat. I think it a travesty this family man, who is just trying to run a decent business in an out-of-the-way soi, now has to face financial and emotional dislocation. Hopefully the end result will not prove too traumatic. Render unto Caesar: The Club Oasis go-go (Soi Buakhow) has gone completely ‘legal’ in the sense of being a properly registered company paying VAT and other taxes. This has forced the den into charging the 7 percent VAT on all drinks. Naturally, in some cases punters have been a bit flummoxed when a bill they thought was just 60 baht has turned out to be 64.29780 baht. I guess it looks like a bit of a ripoff but I am assured by Club Oasis management (advertisers in this publication) this is not the case. They are aiming to keep the place as legal as one can when running a den of wallet emptiers whose primary source of income is derived while on their backs. Here, There and Everywhere: To borrow a wonderful phrase made famous in Australia, parodying those infernal American soap operas, ‘like meatloaf through a straw, so are the days of our lives’. A wander about the mean streets of Pattaya reveals plenty of activity and action, of course, but equally there are a number of places which remain in limbo. For example, the Blue Hawaii we’re-sort-of-a-gogo bar, on Soi 6, has been for sale for some time but there have been no takers as yet. Closer to the bigger money, despite high season, there is no evidence the building that housed the long-closed Coyotees den is ever going to see action again. The shophouses which were formally occupied by the Powers and Cosy go-go’s (opposite each other on Walking Street) also remain closed and available for the next Mensa candidate willing to part with a large wedge of baht to turn his big fortune into a small one in Fun Town. Around in Soi 15, the benighted Sakura Club is gathering dust and not much else as is Illusions diagonally opposite. Finally, in Soi Diamond, the Atlantis (formerly Paris) go-go is closed and out front it has become a motorbike parking space. Piece of Pith: Define human trafficking: “That’s when a woman in, say, Udon Thani, gets on a bus and travels to Pattaya to work in a bar.”
24 Pattaya One
16 - 28 February 2011 Issue 10
Fun Town’s most vibrant
Travel Thailand & beyond Ubon Ratchathani, Thailand
in their homeland. Considering the animosity felt towards the Vietnamese and the conflicts between the Thais and Viets over the centuries it seems a little surprising to find such a strong number here. Then again, in the nineteenth century Ubon was about as far away from Bangkok as anyone could get. Equally, in the late 1800s the governor of Ubon even invited the Catholic Church to establish a mission in the city. The original clergy sent to the city took 102 days to make their way from Bangkok to Ubon in 1881. Maybe the overnight bus wasn’t so bad after all.
By Duncan Stearn Thailand’s most easterly province, Ubon Ratchathani, is well serviced by buses from Pattaya. This is no surprise considering the large numbers of people who trek from the Issan region to make their living in Pattaya. Buses, ordinary and VIP, leave every day from the bus station on Sukhumvit Road (heading south, just past the Central Pattaya Road traffic lights) The VIP buses, as one would expect, are more expensive (around 600 baht one-way) than the regular buses but they offer a greater degree of comfort with plenty of leg room and deeply reclining seats. VIP buses leave about 8:30pm and travel through the night. Entertainment is usually in the form of music to slash-your-wrists-by. It plays all through the night and tends to be of an older style sung by somebody who sounded 75 when she made it. Of course, it could depend on the age and musical tastes -or lack thereof- of the driver. Two hours into the trip the bus stops for about 20 minutes and passengers are treated to free Thai food at an eatery in one of the medium-sized towns along the way. The bus then goes through Khorat, Buriram, Surin, and Sisaket on its way to Ubon, dropping off passengers as it goes. The cities all look pretty much the same at night: all concrete and white walls of the shophouses and apartment blocks, cement telegraph poles, and a few trees and shrubs here and there to add a little bit of greenery. The bus pulls into Ubon Ratchathani around 7:00am; the Thais will be refreshed, foreigners like me who cannot seem to sleep on anything moving be it a car, bus, train or plane, will probably feel a little washed out. The long-running and fairly central Hotel Montana (about 500 baht a night) is a sleeping establishment that was probably the height of chic back in the late 1960s or early 1970s when the American military were still around the region. It now has the musty smell of age and could do with a facelift. The carpeted rooms have air-conditioning, a bar fridge, soft mattresses, and plenty
A religious floater in Wat Sa Prassan Suk of cigarette burns to give them a truly lived-in feel. There’s a karaoke lounge downstairs, and no doubt plenty of hourly-rate activity at night in many of the rooms.
Wat to See Ubon is not what anyone would call ‘party central’, with the main attractions being night markets, a large central park, and plenty of temples, something that’s not really in short supply anywhere in the country. Of course, I may have missed something and have to confess karaoke bars aren’t my scene at all. Perhaps the most recent sense of excitement in Ubon came in May 2010 when enraged Red Shirt supporters decided to set fire to City Hall. The region was part of the ancient Khmer empire and many of the temples reflect Khmer influence. For example, Wat Phu Khao Kaew, which was constructed in 1937, is done in the Khmer style.
Wat Sa Prassan Suk, with a rather imposing elephant statue straddling the entrance, has a concrete monstrosity in the shape of a boat stretching into a rather forlorn looking dam inside the grounds. This added religious edifice was begun in 2002.
The Chong Mek border crossing from Thailand into Laos outside Ubon Ratchathani
Elephantine entrance to Wat Sa Prassan Suk Vietnamese have also been settlers here and there are graves attesting to the fairly sizable Vietnamese community in Ubon, quite a number of them economic and political refugees from the conflicts
Further afield, at the Chong Mek border crossing into Laos, 87 kilometres from Ubon, the Immigration post looks like a crashed spaceship, or perhaps an upturned shoebox flogging mauve pumps. A place called Kaeng Taena, not far from the controversial Pak Moon Dam, overlooks the confluence of what is known locally as the twocoloured river; I’m not sure that brown and browner really entitles these waterways to such a clear-cut definition.
Graves of Vietnamese in Wat Supattanaram Worwihan
Kaeng Taena and the view of the two coloured river
Published and Edited by Singhanart Rullapak for Napasingh 108 Co. Ltd., 353/62 M.9, Nongprue, Banglamung, Chonburi 20150. Printed by Pattaya Printing Solutions, Jomtien, Nongprue, Banglamung.