Pattaya One Newspaper Issue 22

One Pattaya

Fun Town’s most vibrant

20 Baht

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22 www.pattayaone.net

in pattaya now... watch this space!

Jet-ski Utopia

Promised

City government in tailspin after bad national publicity A very serious meeting took place at City Hall on 4 August at which a raft of new ideas were laid out with the intention of finally fixing the seemingly neverending problems with jet-ski operators. All jet-ski operators from Pattaya, Jomtien, Naklua and Koh Larn were called to attend the meeting, including all those who were operating without any form of licensing.

The meeting was chaired by Khun Chaovalit, the Marshal of Banglamung, who was not wearing his ten-gallon hat, but did have his hand on a snazzy looking red laser point pen which he liberally employed to point at various items on a big screen. Somebody had clearly spent half an hour or so of eating time putting together a Power Point presentation and the Marshal wanted to make sure the attending jet-ski operators didn’t start falling asleep listening to interminable speeches.

Following a huge amount of adverse publicity in recent times, both in the local and overseas press, on the social networking site You Tube, as well as from senior foreign government officials, City Hall was finally goaded out of its inertia by a damning news report aired on Thai TV Channel 3 in late July. Just why it took a report by a Thai channel to prod the authorities into action is strange, considering the vast majority of jet-ski renters are tourists. Therefore, international condemnation should, in theory, have meant action was taken earlier. With an estimated 400 jet-ski operators in the greater Pattaya area who have for years run their businesses with very little regulation, despite repeated bureaucratic promises to do something, it is no real surprise this cash cow has been hijacked by a number of real cowboys. In theory, this will now come to an end.

From now on the seabed will be a rosy place because all jet-ski operators will have to be licensed on a yearly renewable basis, all

their employees will be registered as will all jet-skis, and operators will have to take out proper insurance.

If this sounds a little like a jet-ski Utopia, then you’re probably on the right track. Is it likely that a number of jet-ski operators will continue to flout the new regulations? If this is the case, will the local authorities take stringent and firm action to nip it in the bud? What will happen to all those uniformed types who

used to magically turn up just in time to help relieve unwary tourists of their holiday cash? Will we see a rise in street begging as they descend into a life of penury? Right now the answer to those questions is anybody’s guess.

The logistical situation the Marshal said would be put into place involves a coupon system,

Continues on page 3

>

By Staff Writers

02 Pattaya One

Fun Town’s most vibrant

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22

Pattaya’s Finest Get some Wheels

is a great way to promote your business or your next event. Perfect for restaurants and bars. Our Drink and Beverage Coasters can be custom imprinted with your logo or promotional message.

To order yours call: 0854 30 38 36 email: coastercandy@gmail.com

Our photographer was on hand recently for a handover ceremony of some very expensive equipment on Walking Street in front of Tourist Police bigwigs.

This equipment included new motorbikes, off-road vehicles, and two Segway machines (pictured) on which two of the tourist police subsequently went for a spin down Walking Street.

Pattaya One would like to know where all this kit eventually goes.

Does it get loaned out to other forces? We would be grateful if any readers let us know if they see these Segways being ridden by a tourist police officer, or even an elderly foreign tourist police volunteer out coffin-dodging on Walking Street.

And meanwhile, as the bigwig ceremony proceeded, a couple of likely-lad Russians sneaked up behind the massed ranks of tourist police and began monkeying around on their new, expensive items of kit.

Slightly disrespectful, our photographer thought, but tolerated, as much bad behavior often is on Walking Street these days.

Goodthaigirl.com Online Dating Service Free Chat/Email in 35 Languages!

Automatic Translator Holiday and Marriage Blogs Plus Dozens of Extra Features!

www.Goodthaigirl.com

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22

Pattaya One 03

Fun Town’s most vibrant

Jet-ski Utopia Promised

Judas Wept

From page one

similar to what is in place in many food-courts, which will be set up whereby a potential customer will have to pay at a City Hall-controlled desk on the beach. After waking up the nominated official, the potential renter will have to show his or her passport, and then pay the agreed fee as well as a tax and insurance impost.

If there is any conflict between the jet-ski renter and the operator when the vessel is returned, this will have to be resolved with the involvement of the City Hall-appointed desk jockey who will contact the

insurance company to send a representative to check any alleged damage.

All jet-ski operators had to be registered by the 10 August. Let’s hope the new system will indeed lead to a better-regulated and properly operated system which removes the majority of scam artists from its ranks. If properly officiated and enforced the end result should see an improvement in the financial bottom-line for honest jetski operators as confidence returns to what is currently a deservedly blighted industry.

Pattaya plays host to computer whizzes The Royal Cliff Beach Resort hosted an eight-day international competition billed as the 23rd International Olympiad in Informatics, the first time the event has been held in Thailand. Run from 22 July to 29 July, the event was hosted by the Institute for the Promotion of Teaching Science and Technology (IPST) and officially opened by acting

Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva.

There were 308 high-school students representing 77 countries competing, with each country sending a four-person team. Mathematics and IT are the key question components. A Croatian team, ranked first in Europe and second in the world, came away with three gold medals and one bronze medal.

Erectile dysfunction medication, and false teeth, seized in Pattaya raids Public Health Officers from Chonburi, accompanied by police, raided a pharmacy in Soi Ngern Plueb Wan in the east of Pattaya where they detained a 38-year-old Thai man who was charged with selling erectile dysfunction medication as well as sleeping pills without a licence.

Officers found a load of Kamagra, described somewhat erotically as an oral jelly, as well Viagra, colloquially referred to as the blue pill of happiness, but also impounded another prohibited rug called Anpress, which might better be termed the green pill of drowsiness,

as it is designed to help people sleep. Naturally, a customer who purchased all three and took them in the dark might find himself hard up against a wall with his eyes firmly shut.

In a co-ordinated raid, officers raided a shop in Soi Yume in central Pattaya where they detained a 44-year-old Thai female who was allegedly making false teeth without a licence. Some examples of her handiwork were impounded and if these reflected her quality it’s no real surprise someone decided to complain to the authorities.

Then you’ve come to the right place As popular as a ‘we love fluffy kittens’ stall at an Animal Rights convention, the Krungsri Bank’s booth at Central Festival Mall recently displayed a slogan that should be on Pattaya’s coat of arms.

In a city of shameless scams, frauds and corruption, where almost everything is available at a price, what better motto than ‘I Love Money’ to sum up the greedy nature of much of Pattaya’s economy.

Even (what should be) Pattaya’s patron saint, St Judas, would have been out-haggled and outmanoeuvred on his bargain with the Romans,

had he tried it in Pattaya, and we’d all now hate some other hapless Biblical scapegoat, probably called Somchai, and his TEN pieces of silver.

If you analyse many of the news reports of shocking crimes in the city, or the city’s excesses, incompetence, and even the flesh trade itself (not that there is one of those in Pattaya, as it’s illegal), you will find that the love of - usually other peoples’ - money lies at the root of many of the problems and opportunities in Fun Town.

So well done to Krungsri bank, for bringing our slogan home.

British Behaviour Abroad Report released The annual British Behaviour Abroad Report, which discloses the number of consular cases handled across the globe from 1 April 2010 – 31 March 2011, was published by the British Foreign and Commonwealth Office on 4 August. The report shows that, proportionally, British nationals resident in, or visiting, Thailand were more likely to be arrested and admitted to hospital than in other countries.

The United States ranked second for arrests. Of the 347 deaths in the last year, over 75 percent were residents. Natural causes represented 60 percent of these deaths, approximately 208 people. Many of the remaining 139 deaths were caused by road traffic accidents.

The British ambassador Asif Ahmad said more than 847,000 British tourists visited Thailand in

2010, “and over 50,000 British people are resident or spend much of the year here. Generally Thailand is a safe place to visit, but there are some risks, as the report shows.”

Thailand had the fourth-highest number of consular assistance cases and easily the largest in Asia or Southeast Asia. However, in per capita terms, Thailand ranked second to the Philippines, where there was consular assistance required for one in every 648 visitors or residents compared to Thailand where the figure was one for every 927.

In terms of drug-related arrests, the numbers dropped from 68 in 2009-2010 to 51 in 2010-2011. The numbers of deaths rose from 292 to 347 and hospitalisations from 199 to 246 in the corresponding period.

04 Pattaya One

Fun Town’s most vibrant

Pattaya’s Got Talent

By James Barnes

The constant carping and incessant sniping of those who think that gay expats in Pattaya are some kind of long-term sex tourists is as fulsomely irritating as it is inaccurate.

There is a great wealth of gay talent in Thailand; imported from colder climes, stimulated by unfamiliar sights, sounds and smells and inspired by the daily grapple with the alien culture. As Lord Byron discovered in Greece, there’s nothing like a home away from home to get the creative juices flowing.

Pattaya resident, Terence Teasdale has just published his first novel, Trafalgar & Josh, which launched with a bang at Pattaya’s ‘The Venue’. Ray Cornell hosted brilliantly and a huge crowd of the great and the good were treated to readings from the book, cabaret and music that was especially composed by George Grey (yet another gifted gay expat), inspired by this moving tale of self-discovery.

Terence’s house is impressive, he designed it himself- grand but homely, well thought out and furnished with wonders of Thai artisanship. Born in England, he says that he’s, “Old enough!” when

asked about his age, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

The author married an Australian woman he met in Switzerland and had three children before he fell in love with a young Maltese guy- the marriage ended and a 10year love story ensued. Terence had visited Thailand many times for work and always intended to move here, a dream that came true just two years ago.

Trafalgar & Josh is an intense, tempestuous story of a co-dependent, love-at-first-sight relationship between a successful psychiatrist and a beautiful but damaged young man. Set in Thailand and Australia, it details the doctor’s brittle affiliation with an estranged and bitter wife, his ambivalent children and the fighting acceptance of a collapsed career. Clearly, art and life are very close and although Terence insists that the book is a work of fiction, it is based on his own experience.

“I am excited to be moving in to a new era,” he says. “I have always loved words and enjoy radio dramas that paint such vivid pictures. To engage the readers’ imagination has been a great challenge.” Fellow

author, Peter Rodgers, says: ‘Trafalgar & Josh is a brilliantly written, pacy and moving tale of self-discovery... a roller coaster ride of ambition, love, lust, obsession and heartbreak as its central character confronts those forces which are all too human and which change his life forever.’

“As one ages,” says Terence, “one accumulates experience, especially in relationships which have changed in construct even over the last 50 years. Observing friends and their boyfriends in gay relationships all over the world is pondered in the novel- the psyche of people. “ Terence Teasdale feels that Trafalgar & Josh is part of the patterns in all our lives and hopes that the notions of gay relationships will be demystified.

“Here in Pattaya, many young gay guys have no role models and have to listen to the mythology of their cohorts when parallel relationships should be the goal. The relationship in the book ends tragically and horribly. I was talking about it and thinking about it all the time. Maybe I could keep that relationship alive by writing it all down. Now it is finished, it feels satisfying.”

But Terence is not resting on his laurels; he has already completed a

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22 health guide book, ‘Aging Successfully’ and he is busy working on his next novel.”I have learned so much writing Trafalgar & Josh and I can’t wait to put that to use in my next book.”

Trafalgar & Josh is available from all good book stores in Pattaya as well as the Pattaya Hotmale drop-in centre in Jomtien Complex.

Or, you can order your copy online at: www.out-in-thailand.com James Barnes is editor-in-chief of OUT in Thailand Magazine www.out-in-thailand.com

A Golf Tournament with a Difference In the world of golf you would think everything that could be thought of would have been done by now, but Pattaya-based golfing tour operator Colin Crowe has come up with a concept that could revolutionise the amateur competitive side of the ancient game.

Perhaps ‘revolutionise’ is being a little bit hyperbolic, but Colin’s idea centres on a complete holiday package: fully-escorted from the airport to a pre-booked hotel, sightseeing, and enough golf to satisfy the most ardent player. In simple terms, Colin is intending to create a world amateur championship in which any golfer -from the Saturday afternoon hitter to the more seasoned and serious player with a low handicap- can compete, but where the real emphasis is on the travel and tourism experience.

Grandiosely titled the Eastern Seaboard World Amateur Golf Team Trophy, the inaugural tournament starts on 17 October 2011, and entries are already open. The first tournament is limited to a maximum of 144 players, with the emphasis on quality, not quantity.

The championship will be played at the Emerald Golf course with 1.4 million baht in prizes and has attracted Nova Group as a prominent local sponsor. The event is

also being partially organised by 9 Active, a Bangkok-based sports specialist promotions agency.

Colin stated, “The standard of amateur golf is now such, that unless you hold a handicap of scratch or better, you stand little or no chance of entering some of the more prestigious events around the world, so a lot of amateur players are left in a golfing wilderness.”

This is not a one-off event, but an entire series of yearly championships which could eventually become one of the leading golf tournaments in the world. As Colin says, “There has been an enormous international response to the ideas I have outlined. We have generated interest from the United States, China, South Africa, Tunisia, Malaysia, Vietnam and many other countries.” The concept appeals because it allows amateur golfers, no matter what their standard, to compete in a tournament as part of a team and as an individual, while at the same time having a holiday in which accommodation and food has been pre-organised as has local sightseeing and non-golf events. Registered competitors will be met off the aircraft, shepherded through the formalities of Customs, and then brought to their hotel.

“We will take our entries on a

first-come, first-served basis, with a maximum of 72 teams taking part in each championship event,” Colin explained. “There are also two tournaments in all our championship rounds, because we want to give players who are travelling long distances an opportunity to make it into the final.”

As Colin states, “The champi-

onship offers no stress, plenty of practice time, good food and drink, sightseeing, and the opportunity to make new friends from around the world. It’s a golfing holiday that treats you like a professional.”

For more information, or to register for the event, visit their website: www.tipgolftour.com

Fire in the hole ruins fishing trip

An engine fire on a fishing boat brought a climactic end to a day trip for 80 Russian tourists. The tourists had spent the day aboard the fishing vessel in the waters off Bang Saray, south of Pattaya. As the boat was coming back to Pattaya in the early evening, a fire broke out in the engine room. Fortunately, the crew were able to douse the flames after an anxious 10 minutes during which the tourists were thinking they were getting a little more excitement than they had bargained on.

The fire did cause sufficient damage to leave the boat wallowing in Pattaya bay and unable to make it back into the Bali-Hai port.

Instead, a second fishing boat, with a better engine, was sent out to transfer the passengers and bring them back to the south Pattaya pier. While they were waiting for this second vessel some of the passengers enjoyed themselves with a bit of disco dancing on the upper deck, although it’s not known if the DJ played a hip-hop version of the song ‘I’m in the Dance Band on the Titanic’.

Although an ambulance and rescue services as well as police were called to the pier they were not required as all of the 80 passengers as well as the crew were able to disembark safely.

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22

Pattaya One 05

Fun Town’s most vibrant

Pete’s Peregrinations

By Peter Lloyd

And with those words, or words equally inane and confrontational, began my first ever bout of trouble in Pattaya in NINE years.

It was 3am and a friend and I were harmlessly munching our kebabs at Marine Plaza, like we have done for years, when Trouble turned up.

Now, if you rattle through the list of usual Pattaya suspects, beeredup Brits, staggering Scandinavians, rambunctious Russians, or even tooled-up Thais would be the first four troublemakers you might be likely to meet at that time of the morning.

Instead, we were confronted by a late twenties, hair-highlighted surfer prick from the USA, who looked like a relic from Khaosan Road, but who may have been teaching English, whose sole threatening weapon in his linguistic armoury was the word “dude” which just seemed silly in this context. But he gamely continued with that handicap.

Clearly out for a fight, and inventing any excuse for confrontation (most memorably: did I just drop some food on the floor?), he was strutting around in front of us, and acting like a twat, trying to intimidate us both, which was absurd, given the state of him.

If he was ever a loser - and I guess he must have been a massive one - he lived up to expectations, and chose his victims unwisely that night.

Or perhaps he chose wisely, as any other two blokes out that night would have battered him within seconds. For reasons I will go into, we wouldn’t and didn’t.

I have to point out that I was out with a celebrity friend of mine who is a household name in Thailand, and we go out a lot in Pattaya and have never had any trouble, ever.

And nor do we wish to get into any, but sometimes it finds you out, like it did that night.

However, neither of us needs to prove our worth by having a fight in a public place, especially with a little monkey like this.

And in fact, we were pretty laid back about this moron, as we stood munching our kebabs, observing him quizzically, which I think riled him even more, to realise his best

Are you calling my kebab a poof, DUDE?

: Usually, only the shrimp are battered menace had zero impact.

At one point, I suggested he took the opportunity to enjoy the rest of his night while he could, and my friend spoke Thai to his girlfriend to ascertain what this idiot’s problem was.

At this, the cretin squared up to my friend, aggressively accusing him of thinking he was better than him, for being able to speak fluent Thai!

Had he hit my friend, every motorbike taxi driver in the place would have piled in, which would not have been what anybody wanted, least of all us, and I insisted my friend should stay out of it, as if it escalated it would be very bad publicity for him however it went and however justified he or I would be in hitting this knobhead.

So our aggressor focused back on me.

I weighed him up carefully and decided if he was that hard he would have hit me by now, but he hadn’t, choosing mouthy “dude” bluster instead, and I decided I could afford to let him hit me first so it would be a genuine case of retaliation to an unprovoked assault, after which, being a lawyer and knowing a bit about the Thai criminal and legal system, and having good legal contacts, I would have had him arrested and would have brought criminal and civil charges against him, looking for an extremely large settlement for punitive damages for inconvenience, injury, for ruin-

ing my night out, and to teach him a lesson in how to conduct himself in Pattaya in future.

I really wouldn’t want to do this at all, but when someone picks on you, they have to take their victim as they find him. He might be a better fighter (I’m not), or, in Pattaya, they may have connections that could cause you serious difficulties (I don’t), or he might have a tactical

armoury, to be deployed carefully, that would make a good old fashioned punch-up look like a girlie makeover, in the amount of blood, sweat and tears it would extract over time (which I do).

Sad to say for those eager to hear how this kebab kerfuffle ended up, eventually, either the yab bah wore off, or someone had a quiet word with him, because he quite meekly came over to us a little later on, when he could have just walked off, and said maybe he’d got the wrong end of the stick, and it was “his bad”, before he disappeared into the night.

As this was about as much of an apology as we could expect from this Neanderthal knucklehead, we left it at that, but laughed about it, and wondered how on earth that imbecile could think it was a good idea to pick on two harmless blokes having a late night kebab.

It’s the wrong town to do that, especially without any provocation.

My ONLY deep regret about the incident has nothing to do with “I-should-have-smacked-him-oneitis”, but that I didn’t take a photograph of him, and the incident, to illustrate my column with, as I had my camera in my pocket, and the photos would have enlivened this otherwise dull report.

I can’t imagine what he would have said had I whipped out my camera for a photo mid-argument, but it would have been worth it, if only to write it up in here.

Pratamnak’s Revolting Recently I was out taking some early morning photos of new developments and (increasingly rare) greenfield sites around Pratamnak.

As I stopped my car to take some photos, not even having taken my camera out of my pocket, a drunk Thai man walked up to me, bade me a friendly good morning, then angrily gesticulated to two nearby developments saying “five years already. It’s enough. No good”.

From which I gleaned that he, and probably not just him, but perhaps many Thais, have problems with the concretization of Pattaya.

Fortunately for developers and everyone who makes money from developing Pattaya, the opinion of the Thai man in the street is never really heard, and in fact the “street” that he should be “in” is usually being repaired, taken up, or having

The Old Pratamnak still exists if you look hard enough six years spent on trying to build it, so he really has nowhere to stand at all, and consequently no voice in how the city is being developed.

Contact me at pattayaonepete@gmail.com

06 Pattaya One

Fun Town’s most vibrant

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22

Letters to the Editor If you would like to voice your opinion in print, please send us your thoughts and ideas by email to: editor@pattayaone.net Letters may be edited to improve clarity and spelling.

Widening the Net

Log Jam

Sir, I don’t live in Pattaya, but I recently visited, and loved it there, and can’t wait to go back.

Now I’m back home, I’ve started checking Pattaya websites and chat forums.

I sometimes read Thai Visa, but it’s not really a bar forum, and the others that are, like Secrets and Addicts, sometimes make me feel uncomfortable with some of the comments posted on there by retarded perverts.

Could your website columnist advise me on which website is the best site for all things Pattaya?

Alan Gerrard by email.

Sir, I live in a nice condo building in north Pattaya. I won’t mention the name, but it’s well known. I have lived here for a number of years and now I almost feel trapped in the place come the weekend. Yes, I’m being a little dramatic, but the reason I feel trapped is the traffic on Beach Road. It is horrendous! And I don’t just mean at night. From about mid-morning on a Saturday until evenings on a Sunday the traffic crawls from the north to the south. I have basically decided there is no point in going out on a weekend, unless I happen to walk of course.

Some years ago I think I read somewhere that a traffic engineer type or even a lot of them suggested Beach Road should be reversed in its traffic flow and Second Road should be reversed as well. They put forward some kind of argument that suggested this would improve the traffic flow. I don’t how true that is, but I do notice that the biggest culprits when it comes to slowing the traffic on Beach Road are those damned diesel-burning, giant tour buses. I have a feeling if they weren’t around then maybe the traffic wouldn’t be so bad for two days and nights almost every week.

I am only sending this letter to you as a way of letting off steam, but I wonder if anyone else feels the same way? I imagine the Thais who get stuck in it just accept it as the way things are and it’s only us silly foreigners, like me, who get riled up.

John, by email

John Thomas (who does the Above Bawd column) recommends ‘Thai Visa for general issues and a wealth of information, without the personal abuse that goes on other boards, also Teakdoor is a good general one. For bars and the nightlife here, Secrets is unbeatable, but you do get a bit depressed by the single-minded nature of many of the posts. Ditto Addicts. You just have to hold your nose a bit and sift through the stupid posts to find the information you need, as it is all on there.’

Here at Pattaya One, we are in the process of creating what we fervently believe will be become the quintessential Pattaya website.

Yes, I know, everyone else says the same. The difference is, we already have some of the best and most knowledgeable columnists in the city prepared to contribute, and since it will also have the added benefit of up-to-date news, we think it will develop into one of the best sites about Pattaya. Just watch for further news in the coming weeks.

SUBSCRIBE to Pattaya One online for FREE! If you would like to make certain of receiving YOUR copy of Pattaya One, all you need to do is go to the website: www.pattayaone.net, enter your name and email address for FREE. Every time a new issue of Pattaya One comes out you will receive an email with a PDF attached. Just download the PDF and you have a permanent copy of Pattaya One.

New Requirements for 90-Day reporting Beginning on 1 August, the Immigration department has instructed their offices to require additional documentation to be submitted with the TM 47 - 90 day address report: - Copy of passport Face Page - Copy of latest Immigration - Permission to Stay Stamp - Copy of TM Departure Card (the white card that should be stapled in

your passport) Copy of a document verifying your address (lease, utility bill, telephone bill, cable bill, etc.)

And there are now two photographs instead of one required when applying for an extension of stay in Thailand. Previously, only one photograph has been required.

What can we say? You’ve pretty much answered your own question: some of the foreigners in that north Pattaya area do indeed feel similar to yourself, although some take the opportunity to rest their livers and kidneys by having a couple of nights at home in front of the idiot box instead of venturing into the wilds of Walking Street.

You’re right about a study having been undertaken some years ago into the idea of reversing the traffic flows on Beach and Second Roads.

We feel the end result would simply be to move the logjam from Beach to Second Road, but then that might not be so bad as at least Beach Road would no longer look like a parking station.

As for the tour buses, once more we tend to agree. When a baht bus suddenly pulls up and blocks a lane, usually he or she is only stopping to let a passenger off or on, and the delay is limited to 10 or 20 seconds.

When these tour buses pull up, you might as well consider the lane as closed for further traffic. Presumably, the tour bus companies pay a lot of money to be able to do just as they please and completely stuff up the traffic. The bottom line with anything is: follow the money trail.

Who stands to make a few baht out of allowing this to go on. I don’t think you need to be Einstein to come to a conclusion that remains within the ballpark.

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22

Fun Town’s most vibrant

Pattaya One 07

08 Pattaya One

Fun Town’s most vibrant

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22

Fun Town’s most vibrant

Pattaya One 09

10 Pattaya One

Fun Town’s most vibrant

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22

THE The newly opened Bistro Oscar, located on the first soi of Jomtien Complex (the one farthest from the beach) in the Poseidon Hotel, is well worth a visit. You can sit on the attractive terrace or in the elegantly appointed dining room. On a recent Saturday night, there was a good crowd; yet, Auke, the proprietor, and his staff, managed to give my friend and I great service and lots of attention. The emphasis here is on fusion cooking; and they attempt to combine various cuisines in each dish. Appetizers are in the 100-200 baht range. I tried Oscar’s Carpaccio, which was outstanding.

It consisted of thinly sliced beef, slivers of Dutch cheese and honey mustard tapenade. Other starters included a seafood salad, which looked delectable, and Vietnamese spring rolls, which were garnished with mango-tomato salsa, pickles and prawn crackers.

For my main course, I selected the Stuffed Dover Sole (350 baht).

It was accompanied by gravy which was bursting with crab, mussels and squid. The gravy was almost

Pattaya One 11

Fun Town’s most vibrant

FRUGAL GOURMAND

Stuffed Dover Sole at Bistro Oscar like a seafood soup. The dish also came with vegetables and mashed potatoes. This unusual offering was delicious and satisfying. Main courses range to 450 baht for the American Rib-Eye Beef. Other interesting choices included Arab Wraps filled with Fresh Tuna and Oriental Shish Kebab. There’s also an extensive Thai menu, which got a ‘thumbs up’ from my Thai dinner partner.

There is a variety of succulent desserts to top off your meal and satisfy your sweet tooth (generally

in the 100-200 baht range). French Crepes for two, prepared tableside, go for 350 baht. A delicious cup of hot coffee washed it all down. Auke informed me that in the very near future, he’ll be serving his own special house coffee, which will be made from 100% Arabica beans.

Bistro Oscar serves a daily brunch buffet from 9 am until 2 pm. Dinner is served, every day, from 6pm to 11 pm. This was an elegant meal in an elegant setting and well worth the price. You can check their website at www.bistro-oscar.com.

(Phone:085 435 5355) For something a little bit different, visit The Sketch Book Art Café Restaurant, located on Thappraya Road, at the entrance to the Avalon Resort and View Talay 5; just on the Jomtien side of Thepprasit Road. The establishment is set on a beautiful, landscaped garden; or, you can have your coffee, cake and food inside. The place was reminiscent of establishments you might find in Cape Cod, Massachusetts or the Hamptons on Long Island, NY. There are all kinds of art (water colors and prints) on display and for sale; as well as, art supplies, stationery and furniture. The Sketch Book is the perfect place to laze away an hour or so on a hot afternoon, while enjoying one of their hot or iced coffees, cappuccinos or espressos, along with some pastry. They also serve a wide variety of meals, including sandwiches, salads and Thai food. I tried the chicken with cashew nuts, which at 100 baht, was well worth the price. They’re open daily from 8:30 am to 9 pm.

If you have any favorite restaurants you’d like included; or like your restaurant reviewed, email: FrugalGourmand@Pattayaone.net

Pandora’s Box

These days anything free is a good thing for pulling customers into your beer bar, and in this one, the Pandora beer bar on Soi 7, free calls to UK land lines seemed like an excellent idea to us.

We just hope the owner tapes the calls and lets us see the tran-

scripts, but until then we can only speculate: “Hi love, it’s great here in, um, Singapore. I really miss you and the kids”.

OR “Have the police stopped looking for me yet?”

The Naked Chef

Our photographer recently saw this sign outside a bar on Central Road.

Always eager to expand his gastronomic experiences, he promptly went in and ordered underpants on toast with a side-plate of socks.

Needless to say the chef was not amused, and pointed out that toad in the hole on the menu did not refer to the threadbare state of his boxer shorts. And besides, as he then pointed out to our re-

porter, the sign clearly indicates ‘any Thai food’ and makes no reference to Western cuisine. He then explained that a bowl of noodles can, in the wrong hands, prove to be a messy experience. So he recommends customers remove their shirts or t-shirts, which are then put through the tumble washer and the spin dryer, while they plough through their noodles. For some reason, this unusual offer has failed to attract added custom.

12 Pattaya One

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22

Fun Town’s most vibrant

Kris & Noi’s

Doomed, We’re All Doomed

Private

Do you have a question about customs or culture, or perhaps just a general comment on life in Thailand? Email Kris & Noi at: knprivateposts@gmail.com Grotty Totty?

This was my first visit to Pattaya for a few years and it was awful; the quality of Thai women, and the foreign tourists and residents, has gone downhill badly. The expats are usually badly dressed and moronic, and the girls look low quality. Walking Street still has a few lookers amongst all the poor stuff, but they demand ridiculous fees, and Beach Road looks like the last chance saloon for the oldies, the fatties and the uglies. They know they couldn’t pull any customers in Bangkok, so they come to Pattaya because they know

that Pattaya expats are happy to settle for anything as long as it’s cheap. I was on a holiday package so I had to stick with the arrangement, but I never fancied one girl out of the dross I saw on view.

Dreyfus At first read, your letter seemed a tad arrogant; a further look added the opinion that you are talking a load of old cobblers. The percentage of slobs and yobs amongst the expat contingent has increased, and you will always find punters who complain that 500 short time is excessive; but we also have those

The urban myth that Pattaya beach is dirty (Part 2) This is part 2 of Teakdoor’s excellent thread, called “The urban myth that Pattaya beach is dirty “, started by a poster called socal, who argued: The beach is not dirty, it is safe to swim in, and every rumor you hear out there is bullshit.

Bangyai might have coined a new marketing slogan for the delights of Pattaya City, by turning a negative into a positive: Still the best place for a dirty weekend.

And Apmann threw down the gauntlet to Socal: One of the treatment centres is at the top of Walking Street where the smell is appalling as shit seeps from the plant and the drains. If you want to take me up on a bet about leaking sewage, meet me next time you’re in Pattaya and I will give you 5,000 Baht cash, if you suck up some of the bubbling, oozing fetid shit (or maybe, in your rose-tinted book, just rain water) from a grid very near the top of Walking Street.

A poster called Loy Toy quickly emerged as the eminence grise of Pattaya sewage. With his Bangkok and Pattaya sewage disposal official contacts, and his own ahem, hands-on experience, he added an enormous amount of factual horror to the thread.

But before that, we had a lot of other Pattaya beach horror stories to endure. socal commented that: generally, Pattaya beach is a lot cleaner than people think. dirtydog replied: My toilet is a lot cleaner than people think, damn sure I wouldn’t put my

who willingly pay the regular fees, some rich cash-splashers and holidaying big spenders. Friendly females can be found in many more areas than just the two you mentioned.

They also come in all shapes and sizes, and that’s why Pattaya’s such a great place for totty-tourists— there’s a girl to suit just about any taste; well, except yours. And who are you to decide that they are not pretty enough; remember that one man’s Angelina Jolie is another man’s slapper. You didn’t like the expats, didn’t fancy any girls; perhaps staying at home and flying a kite would be more cost-effective and rewarding.

I don’t understand why the Thais keep the baht so strong against the world’s major currencies. In the past couple of years Thailand’s had all sorts of political unrest and violence, but still it stays high! Don’t they realise that tourists don’t come because Thailand is too expensive and other countries in the region are cheaper? And what about we expats who live here—unless the exchange rates improve, what is the outlook for us?

K. Beresford We haven’t a clue about the ins and outs of world markets, and obviously neither have you. But Thailand wouldn’t want to weaken the baht just to aid the tourist industry and expats. It’s a little more complicated than that; they want what’s best for the country. You should be asking why the major western currencies are in deep schtuck whereas Asian currencies are strong. As exchange rates are not likely to improve soon, your future would appear to be gloomy—about as black as Newgate’s knocker.

ABOVe BAWd IN PATTAYA

By JOHN THOMAS our Internet Forum Snoop

All comments or Web Board tipoffs gratefully received at jt@pattayaone.net face in there let alone my hands. sabaii sabaii said that there was plenty of wildlife on the beach: I’ve seen loads of stray dogs shitting there. thep den then posted an unpleasant video of a disturbingly large amount of rats scavenging on the beach at night.

He also posted a photo of the groundwater drain bursting foul-looking black water directly onto Pattaya beach, not out to sea as happens in Jomtien, with a man holding a handkerchief to his nose, leaving us in no doubt about the stench.

And other horrors await on Pattaya beach: Loy Toy said: I have banned my kids from walking on the beach because of hypodermic needles being washed ashore.

But it isn’t only the beach that is being polluted.

The sea is also getting a “sea-ing” to.

Loy Toy – said local fishermen were worried because their business had been destroyed by pollution that has killed off a lot of the sea-life. sir Wilson said he used to regularly sail in Pattaya, and the water is filthy, with turds, dead animals, sewage, plastic you name it.

To make matters worse, Butterfly cheekily suggested the only reason you would want to swim in Pattaya is for taking a quick dump for lack of alternative.

Captain Nemo wondered: how many thimblefuls of water from a freshly-used toilet (that someone else shat in) would it take for someone to pour into your bathwater before you

refused to get in?

He also pointed out that industrial ships cleared out their toilet waste tanks and even viler ballast tanks on the approach into Laem Chabang and Rayong ports, and cruise liners contributed to the problem poo – sorry, too: up to 8,000 passengers per ship, and at least one grunty a day, where do think it all goes?

Loy Toy believed septic tank pumping contractors in the city often empty their waste illegally, given the costs of having it treated at sewage treatment plants. He believed this also found its way to the sea.

He thought that the City would need billions of dollars to build a new plant or upgrade a plant big enough to handle the amount of waste the city produces.

Loy Toy said a chief sewage official from Bangkok, was absolutely shocked when I showed him pictures of the number of residential sewerage pipes being directed straight into the storm water drains along Soi Siam Country Club Road whilst that Road was being constructed.

He had a mobile laboratory which showed massive amounts of human waste and other industrial chemicals in the water flowing across my property.

He also said: There are official people here that are very concerned and sorry about the polluted waterways of Pattaya but the whole situation is so far out of hand they have no solution.

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22

Fun Town’s most vibrant

Pattaya One 13

14 Pattaya One

A Fool in

Paradise A Perspective on Safety

Headline: “Child porn link investigated in revenge killing.”

“The latest victim of the tourist strip’s crime wave may have been executed as revenge for sex crimes.

Police are believed to be investigating whether the victim was involved in crimes including child pornography. They have not ruled out bikie gang or organised crime links. The man was shot three times and left to bleed to death on the side of the road. His body was found by a passing security guard on patrol. It is the area’s third fatal shooting in less than two months.

“The killings and a spate of other violent gun crimes have reinforced fears the strip is being over-run by armed thugs and crime gangs. An intruder bled to death after being shot by a resident last week, while a police officer was slain during a hotel robbery in May. A quick fall from grace: It opened to great fanfare and instant success back in February 2001, but now, just over a decade later, it has slipped down the rusty chrome pole to be ranked near the bottom of a very long pile. I am talking of the dollhouse go-go (Walking Street), which I visited recently and found extremely disappointing. A den without customers is always going to appear a little drab and uninspiring, but it doesn’t mean a good time can’t be had. In the case of The Dollhouse, despite the relatively friendly importuning of the few dancing damsels, it had all the ambience of a tarted-up mortuary. I well recall the days when, for a period of time, there was a certain arrogance about the way the joint was run: no happy hour and thirst-quenchers were priced on the high side. Naturally, this sends a sub-conscious message to expats and regulars that your custom is not really wanted or required. It can take time, but when the slide begins, the collective memory of those spurned expats and regulars kicks in, and the result is what we appear to be seeing right now: little custom and poor quality dancers.

For some reason so many bar owners refuse to learn the lessons of the demise of Pattayaland Soi 2; or perhaps they reason, “this is Walking Street, it can’t happen here.”

Holding the line: While the Cavern go-go (Walking Street)

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22

Fun Town’s most vibrant

“Senior police insist the tourist resort remains safe, but residents have voiced fear at the rising violence and said serious crime was a weekly occurrence and no one is safe. A local criminal lawyer said the resort had become ‘crime central’.”

“It has become a sunny place for shady people,” he said. “The place is awash with drugs and more and more people are packing guns.”

“A former mayor, whose family has lived in the area for almost 70 years, said he was disgusted at the crime hot-spot his city had become.”

“One Police Officer said the latest shooting death in the tourist strip further cemented its reputation as the nation’s crime capital.”

Now, before you start packing your bags and dusting off your passport, let me give you some further information. The above is an edited

extract from an article which appeared in The Courier-Mail newspaper (Brisbane, Australia) on 21 July, and the ‘tourist strip’ they are referring to is Queensland’s famous Gold Coast.

Every now and then, before we start complaining or foaming at the mouth, it is always best to take a moment to calm down and put things in perspective. We live in Pattaya which, according to many newspaper reports, has become ‘crime central’, but is it any better or worse than other cities in the world? If I was retired and living on the Gold Coast would I need to take less security precautions than I do here?

I was amused by some reader’s comments on the above article: “Is it just me or has the Gold Coast recently deteriorated in to a cheap cesspool of bikies, tattooed body builders and cheap plastic women … no wait it’s always been like that.”

Sound familiar? And then there was this one: “Would I holiday on the Gold Coast? In 1992, I went there for my Honeymoon. My car was stolen within 3 hours of getting there, from a so called secure car park.

Never been back, never will.”

But the best for last:

“I am from Brisbane but live in Bangkok and there is less crime here than the Gold Coast or Brisbane.”

There are lessons in this for all of us. We shouldn’t make judgements until we are sure we have all the facts, and then we need to take a moment to put things into perspective. Are we safe from crime in Pattaya? Of course not. But are we safer anywhere else? The recent tragic events in Norway show there are bad people and mentally deranged people everywhere and it is impossible to say with certainty that one country, city or community is safer than another.

Life is full of risks and sometimes no amount of precautions or safety measures can give us 100% protection from harm, but that doesn’t mean we have to become so paranoid that we are afraid of our own shadow. Fear of the unknown and things which may or may not happen is what keeps us prisoner and prevents us from enjoying amazing experiences.

I wrote this article because a guy who has never been to Thailand before was considering coming to Pattaya and sent me an e-mail asking if Pattaya was safe. My reply was basically the above.

He has decided to take a chance.

N ghtmarch By duncan Stearn

was undergoing yet more renovations, much of its crew of wallet emptiers was moved down the road into Peppermint go-go, thereby giving that chrome pole palace a real stacked with totty feel. I counted at least 40 or more 50-kilo bundles of joy ranging from the well-stacked in the chest department to the slim-liners with tiny bumps, from a couple with more tramp stamps than an able seaman to one or two aeroplane blondes (dyed hair, but still with the black box) and, a little surprisingly, one example of the nuts and butts brigade. The den was doing good business, not in the same way it was some three or more years ago, but enough to suggest it is far from becoming a white elephant. the Asian invasion: The longestablished Happy go-go (Walking Street) is definitely a shadow of its former self. The sister den to peppermint, it still manages to attract a strong clientele, although many of the bums on seats now look as though they’ve been bussed in from

email: duncan@pattayaone.net

South Korea, or other north Asian countries. Plenty of wallet emptiers, quite a few prepared to really dance on stage (always a feature of Happy go-go in the past), but perhaps not quite the ‘stunners’ they used to have. It was very noticeable that once the 20 or so Koreans, or whatever they were, answered the dog whistle and left to go to the next destination on their itinerary (maybe a tour of the waste disposal outlet at the top end of Walking Street, or an inspection of endangered wildlife in the fish tanks in a couple of local nosheries), the den was maybe only a third full. It was still happy hour (which goes until 9:30pm, with most thirst quenchers at just 59 baht, similar to Peppermint and Beach Club, in Soi 15), and I was left thinking that just a few years ago they would have had sign on the door telling prospective customers to come back later as the joint was packed to the gunwales.

Still worth a visit though. oh my Goodness: Soi 6 remains the one place in all of Fun Town

which encapsulates almost the entire nightlife spectrum in stretch of a couple of hundred metres, if that.

From quite reasonable nosheries such as the well-appointed Queen Victoria inn, to a British style pub, the Lord Nelson, to hairdressing salons and massage parlours, open-air beer boozers (such as Jack Tar), to more risque darkened-door dine and dash establishments where it’s all gobble and go, to places where there are more cocks in frocks than you’d ever see at a Tiffany Show, to a couple of joints masquerading as go-go bars.

The clientele for the Soi 6 boozers ranges across the spectrum from the usual salad dodgers who are likely to crush any girl under 50 kilos beneath their prostrate bodies, to business owners who, during daylight hours from Monday to Friday present a respectable façade of sobriety and nose-to-thegrindstone diligence, but at night and on the weekends transform into Peter the Perve.

One of the go-go bars in Soi 6

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22 is omG. Formerly known as Wanthana dance, it was renamed in April this year, probably because OMG is easier to say. It offers a Singha draft amber in a decent-sized glass for 55 baht and on a recent foray into the joint there were about 12 wallet emptiers of varying ages and sizes and levels of attractiveness. Because this is Soi 6, there was at least one dancer who began life as Arthur rather than Martha. This was a bar where there was nothing really wrong but nothing really right, in the sense that unless you took a fancy to a particular damsel I can’t imagine you’d be too bothered about coming back in a hurry.

All black and a residual smell: One place that last put up the ‘house full’ sign at about the time Richard Nixon was claiming “I am not a crook” is Champion go-go (Walking Street). It has improved, but then again it couldn’t really have got much worse without being classified as a freak show. There’s now a large mirror at the back of the den, with fairy lights to highlight its existence. Draft amber fluid is just 40 baht, and cold, during happy hour. There were about 20-25 dancing damsels of varying shapes, sizes and ages, although the general line-up was better than usual and they were decked out in black faux-leather g-strings.

Rocket to the second rock: Out of the way places where there is not much else around can struggle to attract business, but once the word gets out on the chat forums and the like, it’s amazing how well they can actually do. One of the more nicelyappointed Sierra Tango joints in Fun Town is the Venus Lounge (Third Road, heading north from Central Pattaya Road). Its biggest problem has always been attracting and keeping enough of the handson snaky kind of staff who will draw repeat business. Due to this never-ending problem, management closed the bar a little while ago, but it re-opened at the end of June. Nonetheless, even though it is low season, the bar has struggled to attract wallet emptiers. Open from 2:00pm until midnight you

Fun Town’s most vibrant would think these are the sorts of hours which would suit a lot of damsels, but maybe not. The bar management does have a loyal clientele, so in time it may eventually have enough staff to make it worth visiting.

Here and There: I noticed the relatively new moon Club coyote dance bar (Walking Street) had the renovators in a couple of weeks ago. Perhaps they’re re-arranging the deckchairs on the Titanic because I can’t see why anybody would bother patronizing the place at this stage.

Just nearby, the site of the old Paris then Atlantis go-go (Soi Diamond) is just a nicely-appointed, open beer boozer named mum.

Not sure if has anything more to attract customers than its enclosed predecessors.

By the time this hits the streets, the former mirage go-go (Soi Diamond) should have finally reopened. I don’t know whether the name will be retained, but I walked past recently and saw the builders were well advanced at remodeling the joint. I wonder if this is yet another case of hope springing eternal in what has been a difficult location to attract regular custom?

Soi X-Zyte, which will soon have to be colloquially renamed because the nightclub is closed forever, has its own mini-vibrancy. The long-running Bowling Green doesn’t do much at night but has its regulars during the day (one of the Bridge clubs plays there three times a week); the popular offshore beer boozer has now expanded into offering a laundry service (‘come here and lose your shirt’) and the st George and dragon boozer has been sold and remodeled. It must be the only bar in Pattaya with a large marblesque statue of a crouching St George on its terrace. Apparently the place has been taken over by a couple of British soldiers currently chasing rabid towelheads around the wilds of Afghanistan.

Piece of Pith: There I was, leafing through my latest subscription copy of Proctology Today, when I started thinking ‘what a bunch of arseholes’.

s a t i l o L www.lolitapattaya.com

Pattaya

A Gentlemen’s Lounge

• Coyote Dancing Nightly Sat-Thurs • Extensive Music & Video Library • Live Music Friday Nights • Complimentary Pool & Wi-Fi

Ask the staff about our VIP Card!

Soi LK Metro, Pattaya. Tel: 038 720 689 Open 10am-2am

Pattaya One 15

16 Pattaya One

Fun Town’s most vibrant

16 - 31 August 2011 Issue 22

A stratospheric price for a dramatic vehicle This year’s most dramatic sports car, Lamborghini’s Aventador LP700-4 has arrived in Thailand, launched in an extravagant ceremony in the fourth floor ballroom of the intercontinental Hotel in Bangkok in front of a guest list that included city celebrities and VIPs. The stage was set by popular Thai VJ and host “PK” who introduced Mr. Wittawat Chinnabarramee, Managing Director of Niche Cars, official importer for Thailand of the Italian supercar brand; Niche Cars also holds the rights to Lotus. In the foyer two of the brand’s historical masterpieces – the Diablo and Countach – built momentum. Then in the darkness of the expansive ballroom, with dozens of strobe lights flashing crazily, the Aventador LP700-4 rose imperiously from below the makeshift stage to be driven down a short ramp towards the guests massed around a revolving turntable.

The high performance workings of this extreme machine, finished in an eye-catching bright orange, were detailed on the stage by Thailand’s undisputed drift king, ‘Gigi’

Sak Nana. He was joined by Mr. Mana Trongkamolthum, President of the Lamborghini Thailand Club.

Also on hand to explain the new supercar was Lamborghini factory engineer Sergio Scotese; he sees the levels of ‘innovation’ as being the key to the project.

The Aventador LP700-4 in fact made its global debut at the Geneva Motor Show in March, replacing the decade-old Murciélago right at the top of the supercar tree. Although the styling is evolutionary, it draws much of its razor-sharp inspiration from the Murciélago’s stealth fighter-inspired Reventón spin-off, under the skin it is an allnew beast, with a brand-new 700 bhp 6.5 litre engine mated to a revolutionary new ISH (Independent Shift Rod) transmission, unique on a road car, which reduces shift time to just 50 milliseconds. That means it can sprint from 0-100 km/h in 2.9 seconds and reach a top speed of 350 km/h. CO2 emissions also fall by 20 percent, despite an eight percent hike in power.

The construction techniques also raise the bar as Lamborghini

has chosen the route of a no-compromise racing car-style carbonfibre monocoque fitted with an F1-type coilover suspension crafted out of lightweight aluminum. That all adds up to keep weight down to 1,575 kgs – improved performance through lower weight is the current mantra of the ‘Raging Bull’ factory.

In the pursuit of pushing the supercar envelope further than it has gone before, the Murciélago however remains out of the reach of all but a very few individuals. The first example to arrive in Thailand, the car launched at the InterConti-

nental, has already been sold, the keys ceremonially handed over its new owner, Bangkok businessman and Evo magazine owner Chettha Boyd Songthaveepol, during the launch.

With a list price starting at a staggering 34 million baht, the Aventador LP700-4 is only likely to arrive here in tiny numbers and is set to remain an ultra-rare sight on the Thai roads.

By Edd Ellison e: edd@interfuture-media.com ph: 083 8005800)