Pattaya One Newspaper Issue 18

One Pattaya

Fun Town’s most vibrant

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16 - 30 June 2011 Issue 18 www.pattayaone.net

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Pre-eleCTION vIOleNCe alMOST NON-eXISTeNT

PoliCE CoMMANdEr PrAiSES loCAl oFFiCErS By staff Writers

in the Pattaya and Jomtien areas have seized more than 200 firearms since they began operating on 10 May. To recognize the efforts of the individual police stations who worked at the checkpoints, Police Lieutenant-General Tanae, the region 2 Police Commissioner, visited the Na-Jomtien check-

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with the 3 July general election just a few weeks away, the efforts of local police stations to keep a lid on violence have been praised by a senior commander.

Police Lieutenant-General Tanae, the region 2 Police Commissioner, visited a checkpoint in the Na-Jomtien area late one evening to thank his officers for their sterling efforts.

A brace of five pre-election checkpoints on Sukhumvit road

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Deposit your firearms here. This was taken in Manila but could easily apply for the upcoming Thai election

N I W O N We are pleased to announce that since the 1 June issue (number 17) you can find your copy of Pattaya One in most 7:11 convenience stores in the Pattaya and Jomtien areas.

02 Pattaya One

Fun Town’s most vibrant

Police commander praises local officers From page one point in the early hours of a weekend morning.

As luck would have it, the moon and the stars were aligned just nicely in the firmament and yet another armed motorist had been stopped and his weapon seized.

This provided the Commissioner with a perfect photo opportunity so he could pat his officers on the back and claim the Pattaya checkpoints have become some of the most effective security points in the entire province.

Elections in Thailand are notorious for their violence and it was expected the run-up to this next poll would prove no different, especially given the polarization of the electorate since the September 2006 military coup which ousted premier Thaksin Shinawatra.

Fortunately, incidents around Pattaya and much of Chonburi have been kept to a minimum. The checkpoints, as mentioned, have allegedly seized over 200 weapons, although this number must

16 - 30 June 2011 Issue 18 any election violence by raiding homes and conducting searches for illegal weaponry.

Houses raided In one incident, a man was caught with imitation firearms and live bullets during a raid by the Region 2 Police Special Operations Unit.

Heavily armed police stormed a house in Naklua where the 23-year-old occupant was held face down on the floor and a search took place. He was on a list of suspects who had the potential to create problems and commit crimes in the run-up to the election. >>>

What a cache. Rifle. Shotgun. Pistol. Bullets...and a teapot be of some concern to police as the chances are the percentage found does not approach the potential number of firearms which have not been discovered.

As well as the checkpoints, police are using their knowledge of known criminals and taking information from the public about suspicious characters, to pre-empt

Send lawyers and money.

We already have the guns

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16 - 30 June 2011 Issue 18 The man was on bail pending court proceedings relating to firearms offences. Seven live bullets and two BB Guns were found, which was enough to place him under arrest and charge him with further firearms offences.

Later the same day another raid took place at an undisclosed location somewhere in the Banglamung area where three firearms were seized.

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Fun Town’s most vibrant

MAN WiTH SMALL ArSENAL ArrESTEd in another raid, a man in possession of an arsenal of weapons was arrested by Pattaya police.

A press conference took place at Pattaya Police Station one evening to announce the arrest of a

Colourful bullets. No matter the colours they kill exactly the same

Not exactly Checkpoint Charlie

guns for his friend and in no way intended to use them for criminal purposes. Further investigations into the registered owner of the weapons took place.

Although there was no suggestion the man intended to engage in illegal activities with a political motive, it meant that yet another potential trouble-maker was sidelined in the lead-up to the 3 July poll.

As campaigning heats up in the last couple of weeks prior to the election police and law enforcement officers are being cautioned to be ever more vigilant. Hopefully, the actions of the various police stations around Chonburi will mean that any serious trouble is averted and what problems there are will be limited in scope.

33-year-old man from Chantaburi province. A shotgun, two rifles and a pistol, along with more than 100 bullets, were seized. A search warrant had been issued by the Pattaya Provincial Court to search the man’s house in South Pattaya for the weapons he was alleged to have stored at the location.

Police Colonel Tirapon, the deputy Commander of Chonburi Provincial Police led the press conference, and was told by the suspect that he was repairing the

I think I have seen one of these before somewhere

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democrats appeal for balanced election coverage The Pattaya branch of the democrat Party are unhappy at unfair treatment by the local media, who, they claim are favouring one party over the other. in an ideal world, the local media would offer a balanced view of the election campaigning, however with some organizations owned and operated by individuals with clear political affiliations, this is unlikely to happen.

For this reason, local journalists were called to the Pattaya branch of the democrat Party, in Soi Nong

Yai, east of Pattaya, to discuss this issue with Khun Jackgrit, one of the parliamentary candidates for region 6 for the democrat Party, which covers Chonburi Province.

He was unhappy that one particular cable company in Pattaya was covering the campaigning for only one of the parties and allegedly refusing coverage for others.

Journalists left the meeting without saying much and we expect the current situation not to change.

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04 Pattaya One

Fun Town’s most vibrant

16 - 30 June 2011 Issue 18

Teenagers charged Mabrachan reservoir with defacing election looking full posters Two teenagers were arrested by police in Chonburi after they were caught defacing and setting fire to Pheu Thai Party election posters placed around the area.

The pair, one aged 19, the other 18, were paraded before the media at a press conference at Panat Nikhom police station. Representatives from each of the main political parties were also present and were questioned in relation to the men’s actions to see if their activities were sponsored by a rival political party.

The police believe the pair acted alone and they were later charged with criminal damage.

The unseasonal rains of 2011 appear to have helped refill the Mabrachan reservoir to the point where there should be no fears of water shortages for the foreseeable future. Given that Pattaya is just entering on the official wet season there should be enough of the precious liquid to keep the city going until Songkran next year.

We are not really political activists.

Whatever the hell they are

Foreigner steals safe from another foreigner; gets caught A Slovakian-born Australian national, named as 42-year-old Peter Junas, was arrested early one morning and accused of stealing a safe-box from a room occupied by a Swiss man at the Green Park Hotel in Naklua.

Mr Michael Tanner, aged 43, from Switzerland, had gone out for the night and returned in the early hours of the morning to find his safe-box had disappeared. Considering he hadn’t brought a girl back and the safe had been there when he left to go out, Mr Tanner figured

Not as safe as I thought

someone had come in and stolen the rather bulky item. He reported the theft to hotel staff and they checked security camera footage and determined a foreign man of eastern European appearance man had entered Mr Tanner’s room earlier that night with a suitcase.

The security footage showed the man leaving the room a little later with the suitcase which now appeared to contain a large and heavy object inside.

Police were called and soon arrested a likely suspect on Third Road, thanks to a group of police volunteers who spotted a foreigner on a motorbike which had its license plate details covered by stickers.

Identified as Mr Peter Junas, he was detained and a search of the bag uncovered the stolen room safe. The case also had items inside which could have been used to break into the hotel room and force open the safe-box.

At the police station, the box was opened by officers and found to contain the passport of Mr Tanner, who later attended the station. Mr Junas, whose visa was found to be expired, was arrested and charged with theft and immigration offences.

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Mabrachan looks full and healthy

Heavy rain causes flooding in Pattaya Heavy overnight rain in the early morning hours of Wednesday 8 June led to flash flooding in some parts of Pattaya. Over fifty residents in one central area contacted journalists to complain bitterly that the local government showed little or no concern with regard to drainage.

The rain, which lasted for almost three hours, had inundated many of their houses and people were unable to sleep. They tried in vain to remove the rising floodwaters from the houses and questioned why the local government seemed

unconcerned about providing proper and adequate drainage so they wouldn’t have to suffer like this every time it rained heavily or somebody split a bottle of water.

Not quite the Floating Market

Truck slams into motorbikes

A truck carrying transformers suffered brake failure just before it arrived at its destination and collided with seven parked motorbikes in central Pattaya.

The incident occurred one afternoon close to the Carrefour Shopping Center and outside the BB Business Company and Sophon Cable Studio building. All the bikes were found to belong to employees of both organizations.

Traffic police were called to the scene to inspect the damage and question the 50-year-old truck driver. He said he had come from Bangkok to deliver three large

transformers to the Provincial Electric Authority (PEA) office further down Central Pattaya Road when his truck suffered brake failure. He claimed he collided with the bikes so the truck would come to a halt, deciding this would be the safest option without causing anyone to be injured. The truck was fully insured and the seven motorbike owners will have their repair bills fully covered.

Police requested a full examination of the truck to ensure that brake failure was indeed the cause of the crash.

Talk about close parking

16 - 30 June 2011 Issue 18

Austrian dies in guest house Mr Sascha Nitsche, a 33-year-old Austrian national, was found dead in a guesthouse off Third Road and evidence of drug usage was found inside the room.

Police arrived and were directed to a room at the Sanae Apartments in Soi 23 off Third Road. On the bed was the body of the Austrian man. Next to the bed was a selection of drug taking paraphernalia commonly used to ingest class 1 drugs, including a spoon with a white residue on it. It appears Mr Nitsche had injected himself and used a leather belt around his arm to reduce blood flow.

Staff at the apartments said he had rented the room two months earlier and was due to check out

the day he was found. When he failed to appear at reception by the allotted checkout time, staff went to the room and discovered the body.

Police suspect Mr Nitsche took an overdose of drugs which led to his death but stress this is only speculation until they receive the results of a post mortem examination.

‘Girlfriend’ organises robbery from her South Korean paramour

A carefully planned car-jacking of a vehicle owned by a South Korean took place one day but resulted in the arrest of two suspects, including his so-called girlfriend, who is thought to have planned everything.

A press conference took place in front of Banglamung police station, where the Commissioner of Region 2 police announced the arrest of Khun Benjapan, aged 27, the South Korean’s girlfriend and a 19-yearold Thai male. Two other suspects, one aged 19 and a 13-year-old girl, were able to escape.

The Police Commissioner explained that Khun Benjapan had devised a plan to steal Mr Jun Hak Baer’s car. The 19-year-old Thai man was used to intercept the car in a remote area and, at gunpoint, Mr. Baer was forced out of his car which was then driven away by his girlfriend.

The 13-year-old female had earlier been picked up by Mr Baer but a little further along she claimed to be feeling sick and asked Mr. Baer to pull over. At this point a motorbike appeared, with two

One Pattaya

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Fun Town’s most vibrant

19-year-old males. They held Mr Baer up at gunpoint and then stole items from the vehicle, including a laptop, a set of golf clubs (standard equipment in any car owned by a South Korean or Japanese) and 4,000 Baht in cash. All of this was returned to Mr Baer after Banglamung Police were able to locate and arrest the two suspects in possession of the stolen car. The gun used in the theft was also recovered and both suspects have been charged over the incident and are currently being held on remand pending court proceedings.

Thanks for the laptop but it was the golf clubs I was really worried about

NOW in

Gamblers arrested in East Pattaya Ten males and nine females were arrested by Banglamung police in a raid of a house in a village in Soi Khao Talo on Tuesday night and charged with gambling.

Evidence, including three Hi-Lo boards and dice as well as 13 packs of cards, were impounded. Although the gamblers had tried to flee the scene when the raid took place, police managed to detain all those who had been at the house.

The cards did not fall as well as one would have liked

Like a mini casino The 48-year-old owner of the house claimed he had been operating his gambling den for some time and used to pay police officers so he wouldn’t have any trouble.

This had proved successful but on this occasion the police launched the raid after receiving complaints from local residents.

Nigerian drug dealer arrested in Pattaya sting Officers from Banglamung police station held a press conference to announce the arrest of two persons who were being charged with supply and possession of a significant quantity of a banned narcotic substance.

The case began when police arrested a 29-year-old Thai female at a hotel on Third Road one night after finding her with 3.8gms of crystal methamphetamine and drug-taking equipment. Naturally, she happily gave up the name of her supplier, who turned out to be a 33-year-old Nigerian national named as Mbaeri Chinyere, who was operating out of an address in Soi Nana in Bangkok.

Undercover officers contacted the Nigerian and he agreed to travel from Bangkok to a house in Soi Ngern Plueb Wan. After he arrived, he was arrested and 10.5gms of yah ice was found on his person.

The Class 1 narcotic was wrapped in a plastic bag and hidden on Mr Chinyere’s person in a place where the sun doesn’t usually shine.

After extracting the package

So you do not believe I am just a tourist (using surgical gloves), police interviewed Mr Chinyere who said he was just a traveler who decided to turn to drug dealing as a way of making ends meet. He claimed it was much better than trying to pretend he was the son/nephew/ bastard child of some deceased/deposed/diseased African dictator/ president/minister and he had access to 25 million US dollars locked in a vault and just needed a white foreign face with a bank account to get his hands on the money. That kind of scam took far too long to make money, even from the greediest and most gullible foreigners.

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16 - 30 June 2011 Issue 18

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Letters to the Editor If you would like to voice your opinion in print, please send us your thoughts and ideas by email to: editor@pattayaone.net Letters may be edited to improve clarity and spelling.

Koto’s little helpers Sir, The Pollution Solution Group had the honour on Sunday 29 May, to have two different sets of young girls at two different locations on Jomtien Beach offer their help and a cold drink, the first two are May and Mai and they live in Jomtien, the older two were on holiday from out of town.

We find that by setting examples it makes more people aware of the need for “all of us” to do our part and help in the removing of man made dangers that could harm or kill a child, sea life or contaminate our ocean.

They were all happy to get some free literature and will bring it to their schools.

They learned that each danger that they remove is one less chance of a baby or sea life ingesting becoming ill or even dying, also preventing our ocean from being contaminated.

They helped in the removing hundreds of

toxic cigarette butts, bottle caps, plastic, foam, bar-b-que sticks and camera batteries, many people watched and also became more aware of not leaving litter behind.

The Pollution Solution Group is making a difference one day and one beach at a time.

Yours, KOTO Keeper Of The Ocean As regular readers will be well aware, we almost always have a letter from Koto and his Pollution Solution Group. Pattaya One has no affiliation with Koto or his organisation, and there are those who have written in previously to offer alternative views to those expressed by Koto.

No one doubts the sincerity of their actions and if it helps make Pattaya-Jomtien a cleaner place for us all then that can’t be a bad thing.

Vote buying rampant in past polls With the general election slated for 3 July now just over a couple of weeks away, the question of poll fraud in terms of vote buying will not be far from many commentators minds.

It doesn’t matter which party is in power or which party wants to wrest that power, vote buying has been endemic in Thai, indeed, in Asian politics, for as long as parliamentary electoral systems have been in place.

In 2004, an organisation called Transparency International issued a report authored by Frederic Schaffer which covered corrupt practices in parliamentary elections in Taiwan, the Philippines, and Thailand.

As the report noted, ‘Vote buying in East Asia abounds from the quasi-democracy of Cambodia to the established democracy of Japan.’

The report claimed 30 percent of households surveyed during the 1996 election had been offered money. ‘The amount of money offered to voters varies greatly, depending on the competitiveness of the election and local levels of prosperity… In Thailand, the average offer per household in the 1996 general election was 678 baht…, though Bangkok residents were likely to be given twice as much as rural dwellers.’

‘The Nakhon Rathchasima Rajabhat Institute, which monitors poll fraud in Thailand, estimates that candidates gave a total of 20 billion baht…to voters in the 2001 legislative elections.’

One of the key reasons for the high level of vote buying, according to the report, was that the electoral system until recently in Thailand had made voting candidate-centred.

‘Whatever the influence of money and goods on the electoral choices of voters, vote buying has ramifications that extend beyond the ballot box. To give but one example, vote buying candidates are often financially backed by drug syndicates, gambling lords and strong-arm godfathers who are happy to provide funds in exchange for protection and influence. Vote buying thus fuels organised crime.’

One of the methods used to try and curb rampant vote buying was the introduction of a partylist system ‘to encourage voters to choose their members of parliament based on party platforms rather than personalised ties.’

Other reforms have included ‘barring constituency members of parliament from becoming ministers (thus denying them access to ministerial funds); a switch from multi-member to single member constituencies, which was intended

to dry up the pool of second and third surplus votes available for purchase; the introduction of compulsory voting to expand the electorate and thus make vote buying prohibitively expensive, and the creation of a new independent body to administer elections and disqualify candidates who break the law.’

As with any system designed to plug loopholes, the various parties found ways to circumvent the new rules. ‘In the post-reform elections of 2000 and 2001, in the judgement of one observer, “Vote buying by no means disappeared and candidates and parties exhibited impressive flexibility by adapting their vote buying to the new electoral environment.” To escape scrutiny and punishment, some vote brokers

approached only relatives and close friends. Others began using more intensively a strategy already present in the early 1990s, that of ‘indirect’ vote buying hiring people to work as canvassers in an effort to win their allegiance. Brokers also gave inflated crop prices to farmers, distributed donations at bogus funerals and gave ‘salaries’ to voters who joined their political parties.’

One estimate suggested ‘the cash flow generated in the 2001 general election was 25 percent higher than in the last pre-reform election in 1996.’

It will be interesting to see how much money is alleged to have changed hands in the run-up to the 2011 general election. Sadly, it’s likely to be just as bad as it’s always been.

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16 - 30 June 2011 Issue 18

By Khun Dee

How to avoid and maybe reverse type 2 diabetes The number of people with diabetes is on the rise in Thailand and around the world, largely attributable to modern diets, modern stress, and modern lifestyles. But it doesn’t take modern medicine to prevent type 2 diabetes and even reverse prediabetes.

Type 2 diabetes, what was once called ‘adult-onset diabetes’, has afflicted more than 300 million people worldwide, mostly those over 45 but also more and more teens and even young children.

And the number is growing at an alarming rate. So, too, are the unpleasant consequences caused by the complications of type 2 diabetes such as blindness, heart disease, stroke, kidney failure, nerve damage, circulation problems and limb amputations.

But the news is not all grim. Because a number of studies have shown that type 2 diabetes can be avoided and, if caught in the early stages, can be successfully treated.

One impediment to early treatment is that most of those who have diabetes or prediabetes have not been diagnosed; they do not know that they suffer from the disorder. It’s important that you have your blood tested periodically. If results show high sugar levels, follow up with a fasting blood glucose test or an oral glucose tolerance test. Again, early diagnosis can mean preventing or delaying the development of type 2 diabetes by up to 58 percent through changes in lifestyle and modest weight loss (as little as 5 to 7 percent of your current weight).

While diabetes has reached epidemic levels, most cases are preventable.

It requires only two things: strong commitment and persistence. If you are a candidate for diabetes based on common risk factors (see accompanying box), or if you have been diagnosed as prediabetic, you should be concerned and you should know that you have more control over your health than you may think. Your future need not include diabetes if you eat a healthy diet, keep your weight in check, and exercise regularly. It should also be stressed that if you smoke it is imperative that you quit. Smokers are at least 50 percent more likely than nonsmokers to develop diabetes.

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Living Healthy in Pattaya Diabetes - easier to prevent than to treat Make a few simple changes in your lifestyle now, particularly if you are overweight, have a family history of the disease, or are prediabetic and at increased risk. Acting now may help you avoid the serious health complications of diabetes down the road. It’s never too late to start living healthier.

Here are six tips to help you stay healthy and diabetes free:

1 - Get physical

There are many benefits to regular physical activity. Exercise can help you: •Lose weight •Lower your blood sugar •Boost your sensitivity to insulin— which helps keep your blood sugar within a normal range Research shows that both aerobic exercise and resistance training can help control diabetes, but the greatest benefit comes from a fitness program that includes both.

Begin with a brisk half-hour walk every day; that alone reduces your risk of developing type 2 diabetes by 30 percent. Adding more physical activity during the day reduces the risk even more.

2 - Focus on Fiber

It’s rough, it’s tough — and it may help you: •Reduce your risk of diabetes by improving your blood sugar control •Lower your risk of heart disease •Promote weight loss by helping you feel full Foods high in fiber include fruits, vegetables, beans, whole grains, nuts and seeds. A recent study found that spinach, almonds, and black beans are especially effective because they are rich in magnesium. Participants whose diets had the most magnesium were 36 percent less likely to develop type 2 diabetes compared with the people who got the least amount of this mineral. Shoot for 400 to 500 mg of magnesium a day.

3 - The whole truth

Although it’s not clear why, whole grains may reduce your risk of diabetes and help maintain proper blood-sugar levels. Try to make at least half your grains whole grains.

Many foods made from whole grains come ready to eat, including some breads, pasta and cereals.

tuna, raw nuts, seeds, whole grains and olive oil help to lower your risk of diabetes and heart disease.

Whereas trans fats do just the opposite by contributing to diabetes.

4 - Take it off

6 - Numbers game

5 - Fat chance

Information provided herein is for the general information of readers and to help in consultation with physicians. It does not constitute a doctor-patient relationship, it is not a substitute for professional medical advice, and it should not be used for diagnosing or treating medical conditions.

If you’re overweight, diabetes prevention may hinge on weight loss.

Being overweight increases your risk by seven times. Obesity makes you 20 to 40 times more likely to develop diabetes than someone at a healthy weight. If you’re overweight, losing just 7 to 10 percent of your current weight can cut your chance of developing diabetes in half. In one study, those who lost 5 to 10 percent of their initial body weight and exercised regularly reduced the risk of developing diabetes by almost 60 percent.

Learn about bad fat vs. good fat; don’t chance it. The fats you eat affect your diabetes risk one way or another. For example, fats found in omega 3 fish, such as salmon and

Watch such numbers as your blood pressure and cholesterol, as well as blood sugar. Diabetes, high cholesterol and high blood pressure all damage blood vessels. Collectively they increase your risk for heart attack, stroke and other deadly conditions. But if you exercise regularly, eat healthy and manage your weight, you can lower blood pressure and cholesterol naturally.

In plain words...

Type 2 diabetes

Your body’s primary source of fuel is sugar. To regulate the amount of sugar that passes into your blood cells, your body produces a hormone called insulin. With type 2 diabetes, however, one of two things occurs: either your body resists the effects of insulin, or it doesn’t produce enough insulin to maintain a normal glucose (sugar) level. Untreated, type 2 diabetes can be life-threatening.

There is no cure for type 2 diabetes.

Before people develop type 2 diabetes, they usually have prediabetes.

Prediabetes

Prediabetes is the diagnoses made when your blood-sugar level is higher than normal (above 100 mg/dL) but it has not yet increased enough to be classified as type 2 diabetes (more than 126

Risk factors You are at greater risk for diabetes and prediabetes if one or more of the following characteristics applies to you: • You’re overweight or obese.

This can keep your body from making and using insulin properly. Being overweight can also cause high blood pressure.

• You have a parent or sibling

mg/dL). Without intervention, prediabetes is likely to become type 2 diabetes in five to ten years.

If you are diagnosed with prediabetes, the long-term damage of diabetes—especially to your heart and circulatory system—may already be starting.

Progression from prediabetes to type 2 diabetes is not inevitable. With healthy lifestyle changes—such as eating healthy foods, including physical activity in your daily routine and maintaining a healthy weight—you may be able to bring your blood-sugar level back to normal.

Most people with prediabetes do not know that they have it.

Many of those who believe they are ‘borderline diabetic’ or have ‘a touch of diabetes’ think that they are safe. However, research has shown that some long-term damage has already done to the body. with diabetes. This more than doubles your risk of getting the disease.

• You have high blood pressure.

• Your HDL or ‘good’ cholesterol is below 35 mg/dL or your triglyceride level is above 250 mg/dL. • You exercise fewer than three times a week.

• You had gestational diabetes or gave birth to at least one baby who weighed more than 4.1 kilograms.

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Fun Town’s most vibrant

Kris & Noi’s

Private

Pork Pies

Do you have a question about customs or culture, or perhaps just a general comment on life in Thailand? Email Kris & Noi at: knprivateposts@gmail.com Mo-Sai Mayhem Although police sometimes stop motorcyclists without helmets, or perhaps for wrong-turning left, these checks are very few compared to the thousands of infringements that take place every day. Nobody is fined for carrying two or more passengers instead of the legal one (and usually without helmets); i even see some bikes fitted with an extra seat for a young child! it is common to see people riding one-handed, using the other hand to hold or balance shopping or stuff for selling. i must admit that i also see many expats, who should know better, riding hel-

metless and with extra passengers.

To this you can add riding against one-way traffic and on the pavement with impunity. The authorities could immediately stop all these dangerous acts simply by instructing the police to enforce the law— why don’t they?

Beverley Easier said than done, Beverley.

What you, and other expats, forget is that motorcycles are the main, and sometimes only, form of transportation for the majority of the population. Any government or city hall official brave—meaning crazy—enough to alienate the

Pattaya Grand Sale starts its third year The President of the Business and Tourism Association, Khun Wiwat, chaired a meeting at the Green Park Hotel on Wednesday afternoon to announce details of the third year of the grandiosely-named Pattaya Grand Sale.

Khun Wiwat said the program had been very successful in its first two years with members of the Association offering allegedly huge discounts of up to 70 percent during the so-called low season months which stretch from June

until September.

For further information on the discounts being offered by members please log on to www.trip2pattaya.com and click on the English icon. don’t bother with the ‘Tourist info’ part of the site because there’s nothing in it, and, as at the time of writing the best discount we could find was 20 percent. Then again, by the time July and August come around the discounts could be even bigger, hopefully.

Customers don’t tell lies? So Pattaya really is full of retired spies and special force killers! The girls tell sob stories because they want to earn as much as possible for their work, and they use whichever storyline suits a particular punter. The customer pays for time spent with the girl, he doesn’t need to know her personal details. The girls also know that there are some perverted prats who post names and photos of girls online without their permission. Be careful what you wish for; if you want the girls to be honest with you, maybe they will replace hansum, sexy man, with pastyfaced old git and other touchingly honest endearments.

WHere TO FIND PATTAYA ONE 154 7:11 convenience stores throughout Pattaya and Jomtien BEST supermarket, North Pattaya BiG C supermarkets, North and South Pattaya CArrEFoUr supermarket, Central Pattaya road FoodlANd supermarket, Central Pattaya road FoodMArT supermarket, Thappraya road, Jomtien ToPS supermarket, Central Pattaya road in front of KASiKorN BANK, Soi 3 Beach road, Jomtien TESCo-loTUS CoNVENiENCE STorE, Soi Khao Talo NorTH PATTAYA BUS STATioN, North Pattaya road PATTAYA FloATiNG MArKET, Sukhumvit road, Jomtien

Party candidates visit Floating Market Candidates from the locally-based Palangshon Party visited the Pattaya Floating Market and did the usual electioneering, although they did stop short of kissing any babies. This may have been because no babies were on hand. instead, the candidates and their canvassers, took to a couple of the row boats and started paddling about the waterways. once back on dry land they wandered through

voters by restricting their motorbike use would very soon be out of work. It may seem inexpensive to an expat, but the cost of using baht buses or motorcycle taxis to transport schoolchildren or to go about daily business could be crippling to many Thai families, so they load as many bottoms or as much baggage as possible on to the bike, and ignore, or fail to comprehend, the risk. As for riding on the pavement and suchlike; well, that is the Thai way and, as with cluttering up the pavement with stalls and ignoring pedestrian crossings, it certainly won’t change because expats complain.

it seems to me that bargirls cannot stop themselves from lying. i use one bar regularly and i hear girls telling customers different stories every night! They don’t just invent tales of woe about why they need to work in the bars, they even lie about where they come from or their age!

We are honest with them, they should be the same way with us. robbie

the various stalls to promote their policies, handing out the standard election literature. one of the candidates said one of their main policies was to turn Pattaya into the number one tourist destination among the Asean nations. The other four or five policies they outlined were pretty much drawn from the standard Electioneering 101 template.

ASiA BooKS/BooKAZiNE, (five locations: Carrefour, royal Garden Plaza, Jomtien, Big C North Pattaya and Central Festival Center) SE-Ed Bookshops (17 locations, including: Carrefour, Tukcom, and Tesco-Lotus) ASiA BooKS, Suvarnabhumi international airport (seven outlets)

FrEE oN-liNE AT:

www.pattayaone.net (as a free download in PdF format) To make sure you NEVEr MiSS a single issue, subscribe to Pattaya One online at the above website address. it’s FrEE: just supply your name and an email address and we will send you each new issue as it’s published.

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Pete’s Peregrinations

Next I was amazed when people automatically stopped for me on road crossings, as I fixed them with a wary stare, waiting for them to run me down.

I also relaxed my usual Pattaya precaution against the threat of bag

snatching from motorbike riders, and began carrying a small rucksack on my roadside shoulder.

I have been almost shocked by the relentless economic and business doom and gloom stories in the UK press and on TV, and to realize the anxieties of many people who are worried about their jobs here.

This is something that doesn’t really make an impact on me in Thailand, but it is very real back in the UK. There have been other, more pleasant surprises, such as noticing the time it got dark, at 10.30pm, and the fact it was light enough at 4.30am to read a newspaper.

What I miss most when I am away from Thailand for a few weeks is the food, the warm weather, and the simple “can-do” attitude of the expat and commercial life in Thailand - money permitting, of course.

Slightly shocked, and in total disgust I called him a dirty something something (seven and four letters), and pointed angrily at his expelled expectorate now lying in a slimy, bubble-filled green pool on the mall floor.

He of course couldn’t understand what my problem was, and he wasn’t in the slightest bit apologetic or embarrassed, and as I waved my finger in his face he walked off, at which point I was stuck with the choice of going after him, dragging him back and rubbing his nose in it, or just letting it go, hoping the guy had now got the message that it is NOT OK to spit inside shopping malls in Thailand, wherever he comes from, where presumably it IS acceptable to do so.

Oddly, a week after that, I witnessed a second incident, on the same road, inside Friendship supermarket.

I was walking down the stairs when I saw some trouble breaking out at the furthest checkout. A

European man, speaking English with a European accent seemed to slap a small, darker women in the face (I couldn’t tell if there was contact). He continued verbally abusing her and then spat in her face!

I wondered if this was a foreigner/Thai domestic, but if it was, the tardy security guards probably would have killed him.

As it was, they eventually threw him out, as he uttered threats to the shocked woman, who was Arab, it transpired.

Apparently it was because the man thought the woman had pushed in front of him at the checkout.

Whether she had or not, there are other ways of resolving such small disputes without slapping around a woman and spitting in her face.

By the time I got outside, the security guards were crowding him as he started up his motorbike and disappeared, still uttering threats as he departed, like the cowardly moron he was.

By Peter Lloyd

Back in the UK I have come back to the UK for three weeks on an annual visit for business, social and family reasons.

I realized I was home when I waited for my baggage at Heathrow Airport and noticed the shocking price of bottles of coke in a vending machine, which cost the equivalent of Thb 155. I also noticed the surly delivery of assistance and service from almost everyone who I dealt with at the airport (and beyond).

Liverpool City Centre In the next few days I found myself checking for traffic both ways as I carefully as I crossed the roads, worried that an errant motorcyclist driving on the wrong side of the road like they do in Pattaya was going to kill me.

Drugged up drivers As if the UK doesn’t have enough to worry about, it seems that drugged up drivers are increasingly a serious menace on the roads.

So much in fact that there are huge notices on the motorways in

Scotland warning druggies about driving (pictured), and there was recently a crackdown announced on drugged-up drivers, with a new breath test to be introduced which will identify them at the roadside.

South Pattaya Road-all spit, no sawdust

Spitting in Public Depending what it is I’m looking at, and what mood I’m in, I usually think Pattaya is either a wonderful melting pot of cultures, creeds, races and manners, or it is full of the lowest forms of life.

Unfortunately, before I came away, the latter thought was predominant.

Let me recount two instances.

A couple of weeks ago I was walk-

ing inside Tukcom. Coming towards me on the ground floor was a fairly well-dressed, middle-aged, sub-continental-looking gentleman. As he got quite close to me he retched up and spat on the floor of the shopping mall, right in front of me, and continued on his way.

Contact me at pattayaonepete@gmail.com

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Pattaya Focus on ......

Jomtien Beach Road Flooding (Caused by the New Thappraya Road “defects”)

By Street Stroller There has always been flooding in Pattaya and Jomtien, and there probably always will be. Every time it rains for a few hours some part of the city seems to become submerged, homes and businesses are damaged, and traffic chaos is the norm.

These days people recognize the problems caused by flooding and usually take measures to reduce the risk of it occurring. Unfortunately, as currently built, the new Thappraya Road has greatly increased the city’s flooding problems, as we graphically saw when we ventured out in a recent downpour.

This road building scheme is so badly thought-out and inadequately drainaged, that serious unintended flooding consequences are occurring, not only on the old and new Thappraya Roads but also on side sois and down to Jomtien Beach Road itself.

But first, consider the fate of a hapless raindrop falling miles away on Thappraya Road, say at the top of the hill at the Pratamnak Road junction.

Instead of falling quickly into a proper drainage system built on

More water to deal with the side of this steep road, our poor raindrop now joins a big, fast-flowing body of water which barrels down the sides of the new Thappraya Road, untroubled by any acceptable method of drainage.

As it reaches the Hanuman statue, it then either turns right towards the beach and ends up in the new, increased body of standing water between the beach and the Hanuman statue (as shown in our photo above), or, worse, it gushes into the new inland SEA which has been formed between the Hanuman statue and Soi 5 (the Immigration and post office soi in Jomtien).

After it hangs around there for a long while, hours in fact, if it is

Overworked Dongtan drainage

The mouth of the Soi 5 River

lucky, it then shoots the rapids which have been created at the top of Soi 5, by the gradient and rocky road surface, and joins the new river gushing down that soi, before exiting onto Jomtien Beach Road.

It is almost amusing to see the amount of water flowing down Soi 5 (and 4), including clumps of vegetation, such as one sees bobbing along in the Chaopraya River after heavy rainfall.

Exhausted by its journey so far, our exhausted raindrop then catches sight of the sea in the Gulf of Thailand, just metres away. It believes its journey is at an end.

Not likely.

Unfortunately, it is then swiftly

Stranded in Jomtien Beach Road Lake

diverted into yet other new waterways on Beach Road, which have both been created by the runoff through sois 4 and 5 from the Jomtien inland sea.

It can either take the quick exit to the Dongtan police box junction, by way of the fast-flowing channel on the landward side of Beach Road, or it can take the slow way, by hanging about in lakes, at the side of the road, causing traffic problems.

Finally, it enters the overworked but excellent drainage system near the Police Box at the Dongtan junction, where it is quickly and efficiently expelled into the sea, many hours after it fell on Thappraya Road, and long after it has helped cause chaos on the roads in the city.

The present Thappraya Road drainage is ineffective. The huge grids which have been installed at the Dongtan junction, which actually work very effectively after years of flooding problems, should have been installed along the new road, instead of the miserable excuses for grids which have actually been installed.

In the course of the next few years expect to see extensive remedial work being expensively carried on as people strive to fix these flooding problems, at great expense to the city, and yet more inconvenience to road users, when they should have been foreseen and dealt with (and paid for) at the construction stage of this long and painful construction process.

In the meantime, if you have to travel through Jomtien in heavy rain, buy an inflatable boat and keep it in your car.

Dongtan Lake Corner

:Just like the Chaopraya River - Soi 5 river vegetation

Contact us at pattayafocus@gmail.com

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THE

FrUGAl goUrmanD

GOOD ITALIAN FOOD THAT’S NOT EXPENSIVE italian cuisine is not only extremely popular here in Fun Town, but virtually all over the world; even in italy, i suppose. Pattaya has scores of italian restaurants ranging from inexpensive bistros to fancy, gourmet affairs. The range of quality is as wide as the number of offerings and price doesn’t always guarantee the most delicious or authentic fare. one example of an inexpensive italian café, offering what many consider Pattaya’s best italian food is Buondi danoong ristoran Tino; located on the corner of Thappraya road and Soi Jomtien Nivate, in south Pattaya. if you can say its complete name, you’ve already had a mouth full. (Some readers may recall when this place advertised 80 and, later, 90 baht spaghetti; those days are gone.)

The dining room is not fancy. it is open air and fan cooled with metal chairs and plastic table cloths; but it features an extensive menu with many tantalizing choices. You can start with an antipasti or salad, generally, for less than 100 baht.

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Buondi Italian Restaurant The salad with tuna and seafood salad are recommended. For a main course, i had the sogliola sole for 100 baht. The fish was tasty and quite enjoyable. on other occasions, i’ve had the pasta bolognaise, which i found quite satisfying.

About a dozen specials are displayed on the wall. The vitello tonnato features a sauce with tuna,

anchovies and capers and is very good. This is one of a few establishments that serve genuine veal.

Most mains and pasta dishes are under 150 baht. Buondi danoong ristoran Tino is open daily until 11 pm for lunch and dinner.

A while back i included Volterra, on Soi Yensabai Mansion, off Soi VC, in a compilation of my favorite

pizza establishments. They also serve delicious italian dishes in an air-conditioned dining room. owner and Chef, Michele Magni, personally prepares all of the dishes.

Many of the ingredients are imported from italy. There’s an ala carte menu offering a large variety of meat, fish, pasta dishes and pizzas.

Several set menus are offered, as well. i opted for the salad, wine and pasta dinner, which comes with a choice of ten sauces. i selected Spaghetti Bolognaise and was very pleased. Prepared in the authentic italian way, the sauce was mostly ground beef with a hint of tomato and various spices and seasonings.

My friend had a set dinner including garlicky bruchetta (sublime), lasagna and ice cream. The lasagna was tender and tasty. All of our dinners were in the neighborhood of 200 baht. For a great italian meal that won’t bust the budget, be sure to try Volterra italian restaurant. 504/17 Soi VC (17), South Pattaya.

These were just two examples of the wonderful variety of inexpensive italian restaurants that can be found in Pattaya.

if you have any favorite restaurants you’d like included; or would like your restaurant reviewed, email me at thefrugalgourmandpattayaone@gmail.com

Pattaya: one rainbow

By James Barnes despite the obvious relative wealth that Pattaya enjoys, there remains a great many underprivileged Thais who have fallen on extremely hard times and whose lives would be immeasurably more miserable without the benefit of charity. The number of local charities who receive the benevolence of the gay community is legion and this social service is even more astounding considering the current economic difficulties blighting businesses and individuals. This munificence is something about which Pattaya gays should award themselves a well-deserved pat on the back.

The cynical souls who cite that commercial philanthropy is nothing more than self promotion, can, and probably will, go to hell. it is no coincidence that the most successful

PaYBaCK

gay businesses and their customers bestow the largest largesse- a trend that undermines the disparaging arguments. How delightful that ‘noblesse oblige’ is alive and well in the 21st century, which is more renowned for its trivial obsessions and sceptical post modernism.

The Venue in Jomtien recently held a most successful fundraiser for The Pattaya Street Kids organisation- Google them and make a donation! The audience helped to raise a whopping 120,000 Baht.

The Venue owner, ray Cornell not only arranged and promoted the event but also made a very generous donation along with 10% of the profits from his bar sales. It will make a huge difference to the lives of many children and much of

the work he has done in bringing projects to fruition has not been publicised.

Since it started in 2001, Pattaya Gay Pride has raised more than 30 million THB for charity. The main beneficiary is Dr Phillipe Seur’s Heartt 2000 organisation. “PGP provides an average of 250k THB per month to Heartt,” says PGP supremo, Jim Lumsden, “to support the Pattaya community suffering from HiV/AidS and buying medication. People are so generous that despite the global recession over the last couple of years, raising funds is not the greatest problem. it is managing the money that is hard but there are people who do that for us.” PGP starts in March with a Mardi Gras party. There are

dinners, street parties, Mr & Miss Gay Pattaya pageants and even a football tournament for the boys.

PGP’s year climaxes on World Aids day, december 1st, every year. Jim Lumsden is anxious to ensure that those involved get proper credit: “We must mention Archie dunlop, dennis dewsnap, ron Weston, James and Lazlo. They are all huge contributors to Pride.”

Even the smaller enterprises do their bit. Among the many is the Happy Place Bar in Boyztown.

Their famed Bingo nights every month are packed with punters who are happy to be in that place, knowing that 20% of their card price is donated to worthy causes.

These good gay hearts know that charity can start in their home, away from home.

James Barnes is editor-in-chief of ouT in Thailand Magazine www.out-in-thailand.com

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Ugandan prostitutes arrested

I am not leaving my beer behind just to go to a police station in a change from the usual uzbekistani prostitutes, officers from the Child and Women Protection unit of Police region 2 organised an undercover operation which eventually netted seven females from uganda. All seven, aged between 22 and 42, were later charged with selling themselves in exchange for cash.

The operation was set up with an undercover operative using marked banknotes to lure three of the ladies of ample girth to a hotel near Walking Street around midnight. When the trio arrived at the hotel, they were immediately arrested and taken back to the Soi 9 police station where they admitted to earning most of their income on their backs. The trio said they were part

i read an excellent Thai Visa thread called “A Typical Conversation with my Wife”, which chronicled some hilarious linguistic mix-ups and misunderstandings with posters’ better halves. it was kicked off by liviniginexile who said Sometimes the language barrier between my wife and i can be so frustrating. An example of a conversation this morning: Her Indoors “I read cards today for June”

of a larger group of like-minded individuals from uganda, and four more of their number were probably sitting inside a beer bar complex on Walking Street looking for customers. The police made their way back to Walking Street and didn’t have much trouble finding the other four ugandan females.

They were arrested and carted off to join their compatriots back at the station. The group didn’t look too perturbed at being caught, possibly because they would only have to pay a fine and be back at ‘work’ the following afternoon.

There is no truth in the rumour the Thai government is about to rescind the visas of people who come from countries whose names begin with the letter ‘u’.

THaI

Lite

THe QUeST FOr a SNaPPY COMeBaCK By s. tsow

This is just like a night in Kampala

Ever find yourself in need of a snappy comeback? usually this happens when somebody cuts you down with a snarky remark. ideally, your response should have the effect of Winston Churchill’s legendary reply to a woman who told him, “Winston, you are drunk.”

“True, madame,” Churchill replied. “And you are ugly. But i shall be sober in the morning.”

Comparable in effectiveness was George Bernard Shaw’s response to the woman who informed him, “Mr. Shaw, your fly is open, and it’s sticking out.”

Shaw drew himself up to his full height and with dignified hauteur replied, “Madame, you flatter yourself. it’s HANGiNG out.”

Here in Thailand, the sons of certain prominent politicians sometimes throw their weight around in pubs. if challenged, they’re inclined to snarl, “do you know who i am?”

There’s a response to this, but it must be used with caution, depending on how many bodyguards are surrounding the princeling and how many weapons they’re packing.

The ideal answer is “No, but i know WHAT you are. it begins with an A, ends with a hole, and has two missing letters. Assuming that you can spell, would you care to guess what word i am thinking of?” unfortunately, depending on the circumstances, this reply is recommended only to those who have an irresistible death wish.

Such princelings have also been known to ask an alternate question: “do you know who my father is?”

in this case, the recommended response is “No, but i know what your mother is, and she has a bone waiting for you at home. Woof woof!”

This too is favored mainly by the suicidally inclined. i’ve been the victim of several good comebacks. i used to teach at a local university. once the English department was having a party, and i was asked to pose for a photo between two charming lady teachers.

Trying to be witty, i rhapsodized, “Ah, a thorn between two roses!”

The department chairlady promptly interjected, “Yes, and not a very sharp one, either.”

Here in Thailand, where crass consumerism among the Yuppie classes seems to have become the norm, i have often imagined myself at a party where high-flying jillionaires are twittering about their latest stock-market killing, the new villa they’ve bought in Jomtien, the latest addition to their fleet of BMWs, or their recent shopping spree in Paris. i call such people puddles, because that’s how deep they are. At the appropriate moment i would deliver a cutting putdown: “Were you born shallow, or did you have to take a course?”

That, of course, would be risky, because they might say, “do you know who i am?” followed by the sounds of the loading of guns.

S. Tsow can be flamed at s.tsow@ ymail.com, except when he’s trying to think of snappy comebacks that won’t get him killed.

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The

BEllwetherEnd Disappointing miss Daisy

By Mike Bell i am in the Garden of Eden but there is a snake in the grass, known in teaching circles, as Ascension Deficit Disorder. Golfers may refer to it as a Sch-wing and a miss. Athletes talk of ‘Taking the gold’ at the Lake Flaccid olympics. Bankers, i said bankers, may be bouncing the cheque of Love. in short i am alluding to that dreaded condition which affects men of a certain age, in a hot climate, with a new sexual partner, after a few drinks: Brewer’s droop. i am not ashamed to admit, on occasions, i have been a few parts shy of an erector set. My least favourite film is The Null Monte showing twice weekly at a cinema down Soi Six. My first thought

was, what a waste! i am not talking money matters here though it does, matter i mean. i am talking about the beautiful face with the enchanting smile hovering over you and yours; the perfect nubile body with its soft coffee-coloured skin. Where was i? A thousand baht is not to be sneezed at, and if at the end it all goes pear-shaped or rather, not banana shaped, well sometimes the journey is more exciting than the destination.

Fear not, however, help is at hand in the shape of the little purple pill or sachet. over the last four years, i’ve done an extensive survey on this type of medicament. The brand name varies but usually ends in AGrA; Viagra, Kamagra, Edegra or Niagra. My studies began when I confided in

A Typical Conversation with my Wife (Part 1) i read an excellent Thai Visa thread called “A Typical Conversation with my Wife”, which chronicled some hilarious linguistic mix-ups and misunderstandings with posters’ better halves. it was kicked off by liviniginexile who said Sometimes the language barrier between my wife and i can be so frustrating. An example of a conversation this morning: Her Indoors “I read cards today for June” Me, looking up from my morning paper “Oh that’s nice dear, what did they say?”

Her Indoors “for June say you going to travel” Me “well that’s not going to happen, no way I will be travelling anywhere next month” Her Indoors “No, it say soon” Me “next month is soon dear” Her Indoors “Not next month, for June say you will travel!”

Me “but next month is June dear” Her Indoors, looking up from her cards like I’m some kind of idiot “I not talk about next month, I talk about for June say you will travel” Me “wait a minute darling, you say for June I will travel right?

Her Indoors “yes” Me “well June is next month and no way am I travelling anywhere!”

Her Indoors “for June, for June. Not June!!!”

my son about my little problem. it’s not something a son wants to hear from his father. He’s already resigned himself to inheriting your fading eyesight and the same bald hair pattern. i tried a few euphemisms. ‘So there i was, all doled up with no where to go.’ No reaction.

‘The other night i found myself, 180 degrees short of perpendicular Heaven.’

Finally he understood i was performing with Flaccido domingo.

We went to a pharmacy where he ruined his reputation by asking for some chemical assistance, while i skulked outside. He came back with a sachet for me and a date with the pretty little pharmacist who saw him as a bit of a challenge, i think. Since then i have never looked back or down for that matter.

i have become emboldened enough to discuss the after-effects with my pharmacist and try new brand names. (in my case, the pharmacist is a helpful young fellow on Soi Buakhow.) We’ve got quite friendly, as i go in his shop twice a week. It was difficult explaining at first why I only wanted his products on a Monday and a Wednesday; why i couldn’t take a box home with me. Eventually he got the picture. He dubbed me ‘Less than Magic Johnson’ and i asked him how he knew so much about these products. He was quite open about it; his uncle tried every new brand and delivered his verdict.

His uncle’s 76!

YES!!!!

aBOVe BaWd IN PATTAYA

By JOHN THOMAS our Internet Forum Snoop

Me, trying my best to work out what the hell she is talking on about. “Ohh wait a minute, you mean FORTUNE. Sorry my dear, you know my English is not so good” Her Indoors, looking me up and down with contempt “Yes, I talk about for June and soon you will travel” Me, going back to my morning paper “yes dear” longstebe replied: I’ve just had a conversation with the wife thinking she has lost her driving licence. So I’m asking all the questions, “who do you need to tell?”, “where do you need to go?” “how much does it cost to replace?”. Then after a while I said she should really go and get it sorted out. Then she asks “sort what out”.

Sanook2me also had a great example: Me - do you have wireless/wifi internet in the condo as my laptop is not connecting Her - you have wireless Me -yes, I have wireless. It’s built into the laptop Her - you have wireless Me -yes it’s inside the laptop but i still cannot connect Her - you have wireless Me - FFS YES I have wireless but I cannot connect Her - you have wireless Me - ummh type wireless into your dictionary Her - virus!

loong also had comprehension problems: The other half - I will go shopping today Me - Oh yes, what for?

TOH - I have to get new school clothes for Dtom Me - Ok, how much do you think you will need?

TOH - Not sure, I have to get some books as well, but maybe not today.

Me - When does he go back to school?

TOH - Who? Mahtin had a problem understanding something his wife said as well: Me: “How is our son doing in Thai school?”

She: “OK. He wery in television.”

Sanook2mee then shared another example of spousal misunderstanding: Me - in one month I will be fit again after exercising a lot Her - you will be fit or fit Me – eh? fit or fit ---er I will be fit.

Her - fit or fit Me - okay what is fit or fit Her -plah(fish = fit) or fit ! haha you original English and you don’t know your own language.

Me - yes, dear I must learn to hear English better.

To be Continued……

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WEDNESDAY QUIZ LEAGUE FIXTURE LIST 22 June 2011 Cheers Offshore The Londoner Bowling Green Nervous Wreck The Bunker Rising Sun Palmers W. Tankie Queen Victoria Bye Shagwell Mans.

29 June 2011 Bowling Green Bye The Bunker The Londoner Cheers Nervous Wreck Offshore W. Tankie Rising Sun Queen Victoria Shagwell Mans.

Palmers

6 July 2011 The Londoner Cheers Nervous Wreck Offshore Palmers Bowling Green Queen Victoria Shagwell Mans.

W. Tankie Rising Sun Bye The Bunker

13 July 2011 Bowling Green Queen Victoria The Bunker Palmers Cheers Bye Nervous Wreck W. Tankie Offshore The Londoner Shagwell Mans.

Rising Sun

20 July 2011 The Londoner Nervous Wreck Palmers Cheers Queen Victoria The Bunker Rising Sun Bowling Green W. Tankie Shagwell Mans.

Bye Offshore

27 July 2011 Bowling Green Shagwell Mans.

The Bunker Rising Sun Cheers Queen Victoria The Londoner W. Tankie Nervous Wreck Bye Offshore Palmers

3 August 2011 Bowling Green W. Tankie Palmers Nervous Wreck Queen Victoria Offshore Rising Sun Cheers Shagwell Mans.

The Bunker Bye The Londoner

10 August The Bunker Nervous Wreck Offshore Palmers Shagwell Mans.

W. Tankie

2011 Bowling Green Queen Victoria Rising Sun The Londoner Cheers Bye

17 August 2011 Bowling Green Nervous Wreck The Bunker Offshore Cheers W. Tankie The Londoner Shagwell Mans.

Palmers Queen Victoria Rising Sun Bye

24 August 2011 Cheers Bowling Green Nervous Wreck Rising Sun Offshore Shagwell Mans.

Queen Victoria The Londoner W. Tankie The Bunker Bye Palmers

31 August 2011 The Bunker Cheers Offshore Bowling Green Queen Victoria Bye Rising Sun The Londoner Shagwell Mans.

Nervous Wreck W. Tankie Palmers

7 September 2011 Bowling Green The Londoner The Bunker Nervous Wreck Offshore Cheers Palmers Rising Sun Queen Victoria W. Tankie Shagwell Mans.

Bye

14 September 2011 The Londoner The Bunker Nervous Wreck Cheers Palmers Shagwell Mans.

Queen Victoria Rising Sun W. Tankie Offshore Bye Bowling Green

21 September 2011 Bowling Green Palmers The Bunker Bye Cheers The Londoner Offshore Nervous Wreck Rising Sun W. Tankie Shagwell Mans.

Queen Victoria

28 September 2011 The Londoner Offshore Palmers The Bunker Queen Victoria Bowling Green Rising Sun Shagwell Mans.

W. Tankie Nervous Wreck Bye Cheers

5 October 2011 Bowling Green Rising Sun The Bunker Queen Victoria Cheers Palmers Nervous Wreck The Londoner Offshore Bye Shagwell Mans.

W. Tankie

12 October 2011 Palmers Offshore Queen Victoria Cheers Rising Sun The Bunker Shagwell Mans.

Bowling Green W. Tankie The Londoner Bye Nervous Wreck

19 October 2011 The Bunker Shagwell Mans.

Cheers Rising Sun The Londoner Bye Nervous Wreck Palmers Offshore Queen Victoria W. Tankie Bowling Green

26 October 2011 Bowling Green The Bunker Cheers Shagwell Mans.

The Londoner Palmers Queen Victoria Nervous Wreck Rising Sun Offshore Bye W. Tankie

2 November 2011 Nervous Wreck Bowling Green Offshore The Bunker Queen Victoria Palmers Shagwell Mans.

The Londoner W. Tankie Cheers Bye Rising Sun

9 November 2011 Bowling Green Cheers The Bunker W. Tankie The Londoner Queen Victoria Palmers Bye Rising Sun Nervous Wreck Shagwell Mans.

Offshore

16 November 2011 Bowling Green Offshore Cheers The Bunker The Londoner Rising Sun Nervous Wreck Shagwell Mans.

Palmers W. Tankie Bye Queen Victoria

Any cancellations will be played at the end of the season If another team joins in they will replace the 'Bye'

One Pattaya

QUIZ

Just for fun and to test your memory and knowledge.

A good way to see whether Alzheimer’s might be a concern here in God’s waiting room by the sea.

History 1. In 1951 Sir Henry Gurney, a British High Commissioner, was assassinated by insurgents during which military and civilian conflict?

2. In what year did Constantinople fall to the Ottoman Turks led Mohammad II? 3. Virgil Grissom, Edward White and Roger Chaffee were killed in a launchpad fire at Cape Kennedy in 1967 for what numbered Apollo mission?

4. Who landed on Timor island after being cast adrift in 1789?

5. Name the Confederate cavalry commander who was killed in May 1864 and who had been General Robert E Lee’s principal ‘eyes and ears’?

6. In what year was Lord Louis Mountbatten assassinated by an IRA bomb?

sudoku answers

Fixture list printed: 11 June 2011

1. Malayan Emergency; 2. 1453; 3. Apollo 1; 4. Captain William Bligh; 5. Jeb Stuart; 6. 1979

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IT OCCURS TO ME

By Khun Pobaan

Here’s an interesting thing: Last night I discovered that a hole, large enough for someone to crawl through, had appeared in the dividing wall between our house and the one next door. The hole opened on to their sitting room (one that was strange to me, having never been invited to visit), in which I could see a leather armchair and the back of someone’s head. When I confronted our neighbour about the mysterious appearance of this aperture, he told me ‘the American did it’, at which point a blond boy appeared holding a nail file. The implication was that this youth – perhaps an exchange student from the US – had picked out the mortar in the common wall with his manicure set, and pulled out the bricks until he could see into our house, into our bedroom, actually.

What would you have done? Get angry? Lynch the kid? Call the police? I did none of these things.

Instead, I woke up. Gotcha! It was all a dream.

I don’t normally say things like ‘gotcha!’ because, although I have my faults, taking advantage of people’s gullibility and being smug about it isn’t one of them. And you aren’t really being that gullible; instead your belief in the story just goes to prove my thesis for today’s sermon: other people’s dreams are dead boring.

Help me out here. You were genuinely intrigued by my hole-inthe-wall predicament. How awful, you were thinking. You’re glad you don’t have an American kid living next door. Even if you don’t have any adjoining walls, he could perhaps get through your roof with a penknife. You were engaged with the possibilities until you discovered that the whole thing had been dreamt up – literally – by my somnolent subconscious. As soon as you knew it was a dream, you got all yawny yourself.

I’m the same. If a friend says to me, ‘I had an amazing dream last night,’ the area of my brain that pays attention to things said by friends goes immediately into lock-down, leaving only its very superficial functions with any current in their circuitry, enough to mouth the

All I have to do is dream words, ‘Really, what happened?’ and maintain a rictal grin designed not to offend the friend as they recount the ridiculous events of their nocturnal imaginings.

When dreams are described the next day, they come out so lame.

If you were to tell me you’d dreamt you were running naked down Walking Street pursued by a giant toad eating an egg-and-cress sandwich, I’d smile politely, but inside I’d be thinking, ‘A BLT would have been more interesting.’

Mrs Pobaan’s days are sometimes dominated by her dreams. If she has a nightmare, she’s as cross as two sticks when she gets up, spends a lot of time making merit and is generally out of sorts until evening.

A bad dream for her is one in which I have another lady. To call this a recurring theme would be an understatement.

The particular trouble with Mrs P’s dreams is that she considers them to be predictive. If I’m there, clearly identifiable and with a bar lady on my arm, and this girl’s

slimmer than my beloved, has bigger boobs and Western eyelids, then it shall surely come to pass that such a scene will roll out for real sometime soon. And this will cause big trouble.

The main thrust of my teerak’s dreams is occasionally communicated through symbolism – and she might count on the support of Freud and Jung in the interpretations she makes of these apparitions. For example, should she have a dream about a single shoe, this clearly indicates a disjointed pair of some kind – obviously it means that our relationship is in jeopardy and that I will soon be seen walking out with another lady, quite probably the rather tasty one described above.

Where she would part company with Freud and Jung is in her claim that her dreams represent events yet to occur. While they might concur with the idea that dream sequences relate to past occurrences through sometimes obscure representations, I don’t think they’d lay claim to the power of dreams to

predict the future. I thought that sort of thing went out with the ancient Egyptians but, living in Thailand, I now realise that was just me being silly.

Mrs Pobaan is unshakeable in her faith that dreams represent a clear agenda of upcoming happenings.

Just as your school timetable told you to expect double geography after break on Thursday, so her dreams set out the programme of our lives’ events. The difference, to me at least, is that, when I turned up at the geography room after break on Thursday, Mr Howard was always there in his corduroy jacket waiting to teach me about ox-bow lakes, while I have yet to run off with another lady.

This article is an extract from ‘If You Can’t Stand The Fun, Stay Out Of The Go-Go’, a new collection of perspectives on everyday life in Pattaya by William Peskett, alias Khun Pobaan. The book is available from Amazon.com or the Kindle Store.

22 Pattaya One

Fun Town’s most vibrant

A Fool in Paradise Gorgeous George My good friend George was back in town recently and it was great to catch up with him as always.

We met for a few cold ones and to catch up on what we’ve been doing.

He was on his way back from an assignment in Europe and had cunningly engineered to change his ticket to include a few days stopover in Thailand before heading to Sydney. Being a travel writer for great metropolitan newspapers, he flies around the globe on OPM (other People’s Money) and seems to have no difficulty adjusting travel plans so that Bangkok becomes the hub of his journeys and centre for his r&r.

Late in the evening we found ourselves a little worse for wear, thanks to the buckets of booze we had consumed. i believe the Politically Correct term is ‘tired and emotional’. Calling it a night, i asked where he was staying this time. His hotel was one of several he used in Pattaya and, luckily, was only a short distance away. We arranged to meet the following evening and headed off in opposite directions.

We met as planned, even though i had not fully recovered from the previous night. i asked George if he felt the same way and if he had had enough sleep. He replied in the negative to the second question, explaining he had not “slept alone”.

This was confusing because before we parted company last night he told me his usual companion was ‘otherwise engaged’ and that he was very tired and going to bed.

“Let me get this straight. i left you at close to midnight and all you had to do was walk about 200 metres to your hotel. it was not rocket science and you didn’t need a map or a compass. A chimpanzee could have done it but, somehow, you managed to get off the track and pick up a bird into the bargain?” (in case you feel i am being unfair and perhaps the Degree of Difficulty of his task should be raised from one to two, let me point out that his route was a straight line; no doglegs, no back alleys and no choices to make.)

George explained he was near the halfway point when he thought he recognized a friend of his sitting in a beer bar. He entered the bar only to find it was a case of mistaken identity. A girl approached

and asked if he’d like something to drink. She was beautiful, about 27-years-old and George just didn’t want to say no. He did have the sense to check his wallet before ordering and was disappointed to find only 40 baht in change. He apologised to the girl, saying he had no money and was therefore heading to his hotel.

She asked, “i go with you?”

George reiterated his ‘no money’ explanation, adding that he didn’t even have enough to pay her bar fine. “i not work in this bar,” she countered. “Just visit my friend. No bar fine. You not pay anything. I just want somewhere to sleep.”

She accompanied George to his room. They showered, got into bed and he said she was as enthusiastic as she was beautiful. Early the next morning, she showered again, got dressed, thanked him with a kiss on the cheek and left. in half a century, nothing like that has ever happened to me; any where, any time, any how. The toughest part was resisting the urge to leap up and strangle him on the spot. But that is George. if he fell flat on his face he’d find a $100 note on the pavement. He could dive in a sewer and come out smelling like roses. unfortunately, the identity of the beer bar remains a mystery. Even under threat of torture, George would not give it up. There are several candidates in the vicinity so i guess the next time he is in town i will just have to dress in my camouflage gear – if I can find it – and secretly follow him around.

16 - 30 June 2011 Issue 18

16 - 30 June 2011 Issue 18 Hit the jackpot, maybe: down on Soi Lengkee, the Aussie-run Ned Kelly beer boozer which is allied to the Golf Connection sporting emporium (which, as the name night somehow suggest, is involved in promoting the game of golf), has a jackpot prize, which stood at almost 23,000 baht the last time i looked, for anybody interested in paying 50 baht to have three attempts at a hole-inone. i imagine as the jackpot grows in monetary size so the numbers of people willing to cough up 50 baht in an attempt to win it also rise.

Beauty and the Beast: i was in Club oasis go-go (Soi Buakhow) late one night when i noticed a tall and very attractive dancing damsel come up to the bar after changing into her street clothes. Having lived here for more years than i care to remember, i can say she was one of the best looking dancers i’ve seen in recent times, anywhere. Legs to her armpits, slim and a typical Thai smile. obviously, she had been bar-fined by a punter. After collecting whatever it was she needed to obtain from the cashier, the lady sauntered over to her victim du jour and affectionately wrapped her arms around him.

While she was a vision splendid, her paramour arguably fit the stereotype of the man most carbuncle-encrusted feminists believe infest the bars of Fun Town: aged in his late sixties, overweight (although, to be fair, far from obese), and almost bald. That said, he looked a friendly type and the pair left almost straight away.

Among a number of observations, i thought how great that this attractive girl didn’t have her nose so far up her own backside that she was prepared to accept a customer whose physical charms were the opposite of her own. i wonder how many of the Walking Street wallet emptiers would have haughtily sniffed at this customer? outside on the street, as the pair were no doubt walking to the man’s hotel, i can imagine there were a lot of people thinking ‘who does that silly old bloke think he’s fooling?’ or ‘he’s deluding himself’. others, more sensible, would have thought, ‘good luck to him’.

Personally, i have no doubt, given that the general customer base of Club oasis is long-term expats, the punter was under no illusions. For his part, he had the opportunity to engage in mutual fabric tearing and bodily fluid exchange with a pretty lady; she was going to be suitably compensated in a monetary sense for her efforts. A win-win for both parties. reclaiming lost ground: The windmill Club go-go (Soi diamond) is well and truly back on the radar for many aficionados of the well-sucked and disappearing

Pattaya One 23

Fun Town’s most vibrant

N ghtmarch By duncan stearn

banana show set. After a period of time where the den lost its way and was a shadow of its former fun self, management at Windmill have managed to restore the joint to the point where there are upwards of 30-40 damsels cavorting about the main stage, the table tops and the Jacuzzi as well as performing the standard ‘laying on of hands’ for easily excitable customers. Music is quite good, and played at a sensible decibel level. A new mamasan and a lot of new faces makes Windmill Club worth a visit for those who aren’t shy, which is pretty much the entire expat population of Fun Town and their mates.

Find a seat, if you can: Just a couple of years ago there were suggestions the Champagne go-go (Soi LK Metro) was close to going under. Since then, its fortunes have been well and truly turned around and it is now one of the most popular dens in all Fun Town. in fact, come 10:00pm and after on most nights it can be hard to find a seat.

The reasons for its success are fairly straightforward: reasonablypriced drinks and a plethora of dancing damsels of all shapes, sizes, ages and styles, many of whom seem to find any excuse to disport themselves of excess garments. The place also seems to have found a way to employ a clutch of some of the most attractive hostesses and waitresses of any place in Pattaya.

Suicide is painless: in my last column i mentioned that Soi LK Metro now boasts five go-go bars, and of these, three are owned and operated by the same people. The newest is Submarine, which i reviewed last issue, while the other pair are The Office and M*A*S*H. The latter, of course, is supposedly a themed bar based on the old television series and movie of the same name. one might hope the Pattaya go-go version would have a brace of Thai versions of ‘Hotlips’ Hoolahan, but on my recent visit many of the dancing damsels were more akin to ‘Corporal Klinger’, though thankfully they were genuinely female and not blokes in a dress sporting a three-day growth.

The dancers certainly haven’t been restricted to K rations, more likely their diet has included a few too many Big Macs and large fries.

The hostesses are the more attractive group in M*A*S*H, but, with three dens to run it’s probably no surprise if one of them is going to

email: duncan@pattayaone.net

be weaker in terms of quality wallet emptiers than the others. Music is standard car alarm, and too loud, while draft amber is the discounted thirst quencher, at 60 baht a glass.

The final frontier: The third and final game of the 2011 State of origin rugby league series will take place on Wednesday 6 July with the kick-off at about 5:00pm Pattaya time. As always, the Boxing roo beer boozer and sports emporium (Third road, opposite Soi Lengkee) will be showing the game and, for those interested in a little ‘flutter’, you’ll be able to ‘get set’ with their resident keeper of the tote.

Note: made a mistake in the last edition: State of origin game two took place on Wednesday 15 June.

As an aside, the quite popular New York Pizza has relocated to the shophouse next door to the Boxing roo.

Even hotter and spicier: The Baby dolls go-go (Soi 15, off Walking Street) has begun a fortnightly promotion on a Wednesday night which they are calling ‘Hot and Spicy’. A free-food buffet begins at 10:30pm, a perfect time for those who have been out and

about ingesting alcoholic beverages and might be in need of lining their stomach with proper food before launching into round two of a heavy night of boozing and carousing. The cuisine is a mixture of spicy Thai, Tex-Mex, and indian with a bite. As an added promotion, draft amber fluid is available all night at a mere 45 baht a glass. on a recent visit, a crowd of young revellers were having a great time with the birthday-suited damsels around the Jacuzzi.

Among them were a couple of foreign females, one of whom decided she’d like to join the dancers on stage. Not to put too fine a point on it, the woman, who was no more than 30 years old, could have done with losing 20 kilos. Thankfully, she kept her clothes on. Management of Baby dolls are now happy in the knowledge their chrome poles are quite securely affixed into the stage, as this woman certainly tested their prehensile strength.

Piece of Pith: in Pattaya, men do not have to ‘get in touch with their feminine side’, unless it happens to be a quick grope with a Beach road katoey.

24 Pattaya One

16 - 30 June 2011 Issue 18

Fun Town’s most vibrant

Travel Thailand & beyond

Manila: gateway to scam central

By Duncan Stearn I blame it on the United States.

They took the Philippines from Spain after a war between the two in 1898, and held onto the islands until 1946 (apart from a brief interlude when they were kicked out by the Japanese during the Second World War). The result was English became the lingua franca of the locals, and more than a few of them use their fluency in it to engage in a redistribution of wealth, from your pocket to theirs.

This came from Wikipedia: ‘Manila is a city where one should exercise caution. A popular scam… is for someone to approach you and pretend they recognize you.

They will say they work at your hotel (such as room service or security) and that they know you from there. They then say it is their day off and since they just happened to bump into you they want to show you something nice that is nearby.

They may be very convincing even to experienced travellers. It is always a scam.’

It took less than 10 minutes after arriving at the hotel, checking in, and then wandering out to reconnoitre the area, before I was approached by my first scam artist.

I crossed Roxas Boulevard to the promenade lining Manila Bay, right next to the heavily-fortified United States embassy, when a smartlydressed, smiling man, aged anywhere between 30 and 50, engaged me in conversation. I knew from the start he was going to try and extract money from me, but I wanted to play the game to see where it would all lead. He claimed to work, “at your hotel” and said his name was Ricky. Then began the soft interrogation: “Where are you from?”, “How long are you staying?”, “Have you ever been to the Philippines before?”

After strolling along the promenade for a distance, where we spotted and remarked on the unusual sight of a well-groomed dog being walked wearing a pair of sneakers, Ricky started crossing across the road saying, “I take you to a student bar.” It was a euphemism for a dimly-lit, side-street boozer with hookers. The only thing the girls would have been studying

No loitering, littering, ambulant vendors or soliciting allowed.

Maybe a safe haven from the scam jockeys was the art of wallet emptying 101.

I declined to go in, so Ricky began heading to a drinking bar, where he was about to guide me up to a terrace, “with a nice breeze”, and a price to match no doubt. Once more I declined. On our way we had passed a Catholic school called Our Lady of Remedies. Given the location I thought this was one place where a lot of people would require a great variety of remedies, many of the ailments being groin-related conditions.

After telling Ricky I was going back to the hotel to shower and have something to eat, he asked, “I can bring a lady to your room.

About eight o’clock OK?” After rejecting this offer, Ricky realised he needed to close his scam and extract some cash from me.

“I have to go to Robinson’s [a large shopping mall nearby] to buy something for my daughter. Can you loan me some money? I will give it back to you tomorrow morning.” And pigs might fly.

“How much do you want?” I asked.

“500 pesos?” he replied.

I pulled out 180 pesos. “That’s all I have on me now.”

“We can go to an ATM. It’s just down the road,” Ricky countered.

“I don’t have an ATM on me,” I said, with a smile on my face. “I left all my money in the safe at the

hotel,” I lied. Ricky looked crestfallen.

I gave him 80 pesos. “I need 100 pesos for myself.” When I said I would go to Robinson’s before heading back to the hotel it just so happened Ricky found he needed to head off into a different street, so we parted.

I saw him late the next day, as he walked past my hotel. He had a packet of Viagra in his hand which he offered to sell me, without success, before again suggesting I follow him to a “student bar.” I told him I was heading back to the hotel. No mention was made of my 80-peso loan, of course. Naturally, no one named Ricky and matching his description worked at my hotel.

On my last day, while I was strolling around Robinson’s, a stocky Ferdinand Marcos-lookalike came up to me. Amazingly, he also worked at my hotel, as a security guard. “You don’t recognise me because I’m not in uniform,” he explained.

He claimed his wife worked in one of the department stores and he had six children. “Catholic,” he stated, in case I had some doubts on his religious persuasion.

We ambled about the floors but when I said I was going into the large bookstore he said, “It is my daughter’s birthday and I want to buy her a cake. Could you give me some money? Just 200 pesos, not much for you.”

Politely, but firmly, I answered in the negative, and he was soon a fast disappearing figure.

The great advantage Filipino scammers have over their Thai cousins is their English. As I wrote earlier, I blame the United States.

A dog with shoes, seen on the Manila Bay waterfront.

Published and Edited by Singhanart Rullapak for Napasingh 108 Co. Ltd., 353/62 M.9, Nongprue, Banglamung, Chonburi 20150. Printed by Pattaya Printing Solutions, Jomtien, Nongprue, Banglamung.